Speaker 1: Okay, welcome to the podcast. It's called Dear Chelsea, and
Speaker 1: we are here today to take advice from callers, from writers,
Speaker 1: in from anybody who needs it. I am performing at
Speaker 1: the Santa Barbara Bowl on August twenty one. Everybody, It's happening,
Speaker 1: and I'm going on tour tour, on tor tour, on
Speaker 1: tour tour. So I'm very excited because I'm getting ready
Speaker 1: to go shoot a movie in Vancouver in a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks, and I'm also performing in Canada, actually at
Speaker 1: edmund in Edmonton, Canada, at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival
Speaker 1: on August fifteen. I will be performing in Edmonton and
Speaker 1: then I go to Santa Barbara and in between then,
Speaker 1: I'm playing a principle with great shoes who hates children.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to be on set with children that
Speaker 1: I can openly yes, I can't wait till I have
Speaker 1: to be in a scene where I can just tell
Speaker 1: children exactly what I think of them, you know, But
Speaker 1: I can't say in real life obviously that would be
Speaker 1: really inappropriate and probably punishable. But I can say it
Speaker 1: as my character, and I plan on exercising that muscle
Speaker 1: to a great degree. I hope maybe I'll meet a
Speaker 1: lover on this film. That would be exciting. A child
Speaker 1: lover can't say that maybe I'll meet a lover on
Speaker 1: this film. You've done a few movies. You did This
Speaker 1: Means War with Reese. My personal favorite, Hop Hop Hop
Speaker 1: was great because James Marsden and I laughed so hard
Speaker 1: on the set of Hop. I that's an Easter movie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's really cute. James Marsden, Yeah, he's great. And he
Speaker 1: and I we had a day of filming where I
Speaker 1: think I pete in my pants from laughing so hard.
Speaker 1: And I don't know what we were laughing at, but
Speaker 1: we could not get it together. And every time we
Speaker 1: had to interact, it was a ship show. And we're
Speaker 1: bonded from that ever since that because we just knew
Speaker 1: it was like being at summer way camp, sleepaway camp,
Speaker 1: summer camp. I can line summer and sleep away and
Speaker 1: said summary, m Anyway, it was sleepaway camp. It was
Speaker 1: like you know when you come back from camp and
Speaker 1: nobody really understands the experience that you had except for
Speaker 1: you and the people that were there. It's kind of
Speaker 1: this ineffable understanding. And so I have that with him
Speaker 1: and yeah, this means war was Reese and I did
Speaker 1: that movie that was really fun too. They lowered me.
Speaker 1: I had they had a stunt woman for me because
Speaker 1: there was a big car scene where my car falls
Speaker 1: in this big pond of water that we filmed in
Speaker 1: Long Beach, and I told them I wanted to do
Speaker 1: my own stunts, but they didn't take me seriously and
Speaker 1: I didn't do my own stunts. And how does it
Speaker 1: work on these sets? Because you've said before that it's
Speaker 1: hard for you to say other people's lines that they
Speaker 1: are writing for you. So are you able to add
Speaker 1: lib Do you have some sort of like creative freedom
Speaker 1: when you're doing these Are they very stringent on you
Speaker 1: sang the lines as they're written. Well, I don't know
Speaker 1: about this movie I'm going into. I guess i'll find out.
Speaker 1: But you know, when you add a little button or
Speaker 1: you change a word around to the time, they don't
Speaker 1: really care unless it's like something that needs to stick to.
Speaker 1: If they're sticklers about it, I will, but I'm yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not very good at that. I like to improv
Speaker 1: and just kind of do it off the cuff. But
Speaker 1: if you run a scene a couple of times you
Speaker 1: kind of memorize it. So you did Will and Grace,
Speaker 1: and they were very specific. Will and Grace was a disaster.
Speaker 1: I yes, that is a very tightly run ship. And
Speaker 1: I was and I don't know what was wrong with
Speaker 1: me that week. I could not remember my lines. I
Speaker 1: was scared and nervous. I went in not caring about
Speaker 1: doing it really like kind of flip it, like oh,
Speaker 1: this will be fun. I didn't really think about it.
Speaker 1: And then I got in and I'm like, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: I'm working with a bunch of pros. I need to
Speaker 1: step it up. And then I was just too late.
Speaker 1: By the time we filmed it, it was great, but
Speaker 1: I I mean, I was yelled at. I was They
Speaker 1: were like, what learn your lines? I couldn't hit my jokes.
Speaker 1: It was bad. Luckily, on tape it did come together
Speaker 1: because Deb Messing and Sean Hayes and everyone was so
Speaker 1: nice to me and felt so sorry for me that
Speaker 1: they helped me memorize my lines. When that happens, does
Speaker 1: does it make you want to flex that muscle more?
Speaker 1: After you had that experience, some people would shut down
Speaker 1: and say I don't want to act anymore. That was
Speaker 1: very unpleasant. But for you, I feel like when that happens,
Speaker 1: your reaction is to be better. Well, oh I needed
Speaker 1: and now I need to get another acting role to
Speaker 1: prove to myself that I can do this well, not
Speaker 1: as I mean, I was just embarrassed, Like I walked
Speaker 1: in like the cool girl and left like the not
Speaker 1: cool girl. It was how it happens. You know, everyone
Speaker 1: is excited for me to be there, and then I
Speaker 1: just kind of fell apart of the seams. I must
Speaker 1: have been going through a very difficult time at that moment.
Speaker 1: I don't remember what was going on, but something must
Speaker 1: have been because I was not myself. But anyway, no,
Speaker 1: I was done with that, and I just thought, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't do sitcoms. I can't like hit the marks
Speaker 1: like this, like I can't do it. And then I'm like,
Speaker 1: of course I'll do it a sitcom again, if it's
Speaker 1: the right thing, or if it's the right role, or
Speaker 1: if it's a guest star. You know, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to be honest sitcom sitcom. But if it's that, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just a different beast. But this is
Speaker 1: film acting, which is not live, Like you're not in
Speaker 1: front of an audience, so it's a lot different. You're
Speaker 1: in front of a film cruise, so there's a lot
Speaker 1: more intimacy. Well, this role makes sense for you. At
Speaker 1: one time, you were offered the role of Aunt Hilda
Speaker 1: or Aunt Zelda on the Netflix Sabrina the Teenage, which
Speaker 1: they wanted you to come in for that, and I
Speaker 1: remember reading the script thinking, how would she ever take
Speaker 1: this seriously because it was so far fat. Well, you know,
Speaker 1: it's magic. So anytime you read something like that, you're
Speaker 1: like that, you're gonna really have to stretch to make
Speaker 1: this believe. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to be
Speaker 1: in a movie just to be in a movie, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to just do that, but I am
Speaker 1: going to say yes to things that are fun. And
Speaker 1: you know, this idea of being on a movie set
Speaker 1: right now, I haven't been on one in a really
Speaker 1: long time, and it's not my main thing, so it's
Speaker 1: a nice it's nice to kind of be able to
Speaker 1: incorporate that with all the other stuff I do. It's
Speaker 1: nice to change it up. So I'm looking forward to it.
Speaker 1: And you know, obviously it's shoots in Vancouver, which I've
Speaker 1: said before, which is my favorite place. In the world
Speaker 1: is Canada, and I just can't wait to be reunited
Speaker 1: with all of my girlfriends there. It's going to be magical,
Speaker 1: and they're going to have to be on set with
Speaker 1: me as my hair, makeup artist, stylist. I don't know
Speaker 1: what other things I can punch them in for, but well,
Speaker 1: it's nicely you have these different creative outlets now, so
Speaker 1: you're gonna be acting. You're redoing a house, You're playing
Speaker 1: construction worker, interior designer, wearing multiple hats, wearing multiple hats.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm really a jack of all trades, you
Speaker 1: know what I used to call myself. It's kind of
Speaker 1: like David Hasselhoff. He was a lifeguard, he was a musician,
Speaker 1: and he was a night writer. He was a triple threat.
Speaker 1: I am a lifeguard. Also, I'm not a night writer.
Speaker 1: But I have a podcast and and I do stand
Speaker 1: up wait, and I am doing movies. So I'm a
Speaker 1: quadruple threat. Wait, and I write books. I'm a quintuple threat.
Speaker 1: What else do I do? I don't know, But I
Speaker 1: don't know the next term for six things? Do you?
Speaker 1: Let's just stop at five? Well, great, I do think
Speaker 1: it's a good idea. To stop there because we've got
Speaker 1: some keys your favorite. Excuse my swallowing, Yes, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: ready for a quickie. Okay, the first quickie is Dear Chelsea, OMG,
Speaker 1: fucking cats. I loved your discussion at the end of
Speaker 1: McDonald's Anyone, and had to validate Brandon on his cat issues.
Speaker 1: I'm spending to renovate my basement for the second time
Speaker 1: in four years because I have two cats and one
Speaker 1: will only pe on the base boards, not in the
Speaker 1: litter box. I feel like I've tried every suggestion out
Speaker 1: there for it to stop. I feel like I've given
Speaker 1: the cats an excellent life, and anyone else would have
Speaker 1: given up on this peing cat by now putting it
Speaker 1: down or sending it back to the shelter where it
Speaker 1: came from. I think I could bring myself to put
Speaker 1: the peing cat down, but my husband says absolutely not,
Speaker 1: and is willing to put us all out on the
Speaker 1: street for this cat. What should we do, Love, Kelly?
Speaker 1: I mean, I think cats are your department. Brandon. Well,
Speaker 1: if you've tried everything, it's hard to say what else
Speaker 1: you could do, because I don't know what all that
Speaker 1: has entailed. There are a lot of sprays that you
Speaker 1: can put on the area where a cat has been urinating.
Speaker 1: In our house, we use diffusers. We have one in
Speaker 1: every room. We have a multi cat and they are
Speaker 1: supposed to calm. They're supposed to help cats to stop
Speaker 1: sport multi cat. The diffuser is for multiple cats in
Speaker 1: a home because a lot of times that is why
Speaker 1: a cat is spraying to you know, obviously markets territory.
Speaker 1: So we have these diffusers through the house that let
Speaker 1: off the pheromone of like a mother cat, and so
Speaker 1: it's supposed to help keep them calm, help them stop scratching,
Speaker 1: stop spraying, And we have not had any issues. The
Speaker 1: only time that we've had a peeing issue is when
Speaker 1: we bring them back from being boarded. It is very unpleasant.
Speaker 1: What is spraying exactly that like like climaxing kind of
Speaker 1: They back their butts up against the wall and just
Speaker 1: spray all over the wall to let you know they
Speaker 1: are here and this is their spot. How did they
Speaker 1: get it on the wall? Though cats spray, I don't
Speaker 1: understand how it cats. It comes out vain well. I
Speaker 1: think the hole is right under the butt hole, yeah there,
Speaker 1: and their tail shakes and they just spray. Sometimes it's
Speaker 1: a lot of pace. Sometimes it's a little pe. But
Speaker 1: it's just they'll go around in a little spirits different areas.
Speaker 1: I feel like Bert does that. Bert sprays, Oh, but
Speaker 1: I think of it. Well, tell me I don't know
Speaker 1: my son, and I'll tell you that I do. So
Speaker 1: I don't know, Kelly. I don't have any good advice
Speaker 1: to you other than if you've not tried those diffusers.
Speaker 1: They have been great in our house. Something else, Kelly,
Speaker 1: is if you're cleaning your baseboards and using bleach, cats
Speaker 1: are attracted to the bleach, so I know that that
Speaker 1: can be a source for their spraying as well. So
Speaker 1: just maybe take a look at the cleaning products that
Speaker 1: you're using and if they have ammonia in them, cats
Speaker 1: are attracted to that and can mark in those places. Yeah. Sorry,
Speaker 1: this isn't like Yeah, I mean we have an in
Speaker 1: house cat specialist. It. I don't have any advice for
Speaker 1: you because I don't really know anything about cats and
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in learning. I hope your pe problems stop.
Speaker 1: The next quickie says dear Chelsea, I need some advice
Speaker 1: regarding my nightmare of a sister in law. She is
Speaker 1: straight up a total bitch and goes out of her
Speaker 1: way to make it known that she doesn't like me.
Speaker 1: I have a one year old son, and when she
Speaker 1: holds him in plays with him, it makes me feel uneasy.
Speaker 1: My baby daddy and I are getting married, and I
Speaker 1: have serious anxiety about being forced to include her in
Speaker 1: my bridal party. I come from a Catholic, traditional Mexican
Speaker 1: American family and feel like everyone will think I'm a
Speaker 1: trader and petty person if she isn't part of the
Speaker 1: bridal party. Do I have to include her? Christina, No,
Speaker 1: she doesn't get invited to be a part of your
Speaker 1: bridal party because of her behavior and because she's made
Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable and not welcome. So that's very simple
Speaker 1: and straightforward. And you can say that kindly or you
Speaker 1: can say it like, hey, you've been mean to me.
Speaker 1: I don't want you in my bridal party. Sorry, that's it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure there's two sides to this story,
Speaker 1: but since you're writing in you know I I would
Speaker 1: say that in a nice way, but I also think
Speaker 1: you have all license to say that in a like
Speaker 1: forceful way. There's no reason to scream or yell about it,
Speaker 1: but you can be like, I'm sorry, this is just
Speaker 1: unacceptable for me, Like you don't make me feel good.
Speaker 1: This is my wedding day. It's the most important day
Speaker 1: of my life, and I want it to be pleasant.
Speaker 1: So there's yeah, no, don't stand for that, and don't
Speaker 1: put yourself in a situation where you're not going to
Speaker 1: feel loved and happy and celebrated on your wedding day. Period. Okay,
Speaker 1: And the next one says, Dear Chelsea, my x is
Speaker 1: nineteen and I'm twenty one, and I recently realized that
Speaker 1: I actually like his brother Moore, who is twenty six.
Speaker 1: What should I do? Should I follow my heart's desire?
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think you stay away from
Speaker 1: brothers and sisters people unless it's the love of your
Speaker 1: life that that they had that storyline in Malibu Rising,
Speaker 1: this book I just read, and I don't appreciate that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have sex with anyone my sisters
Speaker 1: have had sex with, and I certainly don't want to
Speaker 1: have sex with two brothers. So I just don't think
Speaker 1: that's good. You know, It's like, are you in love
Speaker 1: with him or do you just have a crush on him?
Speaker 1: If you have a crush on him, you'll get another
Speaker 1: crush on somebody else sooner than you think, Okay, we're
Speaker 1: going to take a break right now. Well, uh, I
Speaker 1: don't know what's going to happen, but you're gonna hear
Speaker 1: an ad break. I've read this book that talked about
Speaker 1: being like open and shut. You know, when you're open
Speaker 1: to a person, when you're open to them, when you're
Speaker 1: open to a new idea, or when you're like being
Speaker 1: adventurous and you're being open. When you say no to
Speaker 1: new things, you're shutting down. And then that's a whole
Speaker 1: other kind of space that you don't want to be in.
Speaker 1: So you had a good result with this where you
Speaker 1: felt like you were pushing someone pushing, pushing because you
Speaker 1: were just exhausted, and you're like, as soon as I
Speaker 1: let them in, the amount of energy I was putting
Speaker 1: into it was totally different. Yes, right, right, that's true.
Speaker 1: I had a friend who wanted to hang out a lot,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, not that into it,
Speaker 1: and but she was an old friend and so I did.
Speaker 1: But I was resisting it, resisting, and I didn't want
Speaker 1: to deal. I didn't want to deal. And then I did,
Speaker 1: and it was so easy, and it was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, two hours of my time was for her.
Speaker 1: She needed and wanted, and I just had to like
Speaker 1: give in and do that. You're putting so much energy
Speaker 1: into saying no to things that sometimes it's easier to
Speaker 1: say yes to them. Unless it's a sexual account. You
Speaker 1: can never be pressured to say yes to that. Okay,
Speaker 1: does everybody hear me means no, my body my choice?
Speaker 1: Oh I learned a cute dance about my body my choice.
Speaker 1: Uh no, don't touch me there. This is my no
Speaker 1: no square. No, don't touch me there. This is my
Speaker 1: no no square. So say that if someone comes up
Speaker 1: to you at the bus stop, that's gonna be great
Speaker 1: content of you for TikTok, I think, Oh, okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good idea. Thanks thinking, all right, So, dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: looking for advice on how to safeguard my emotions. I
Speaker 1: just had a fight with my partner because I've been
Speaker 1: feeling sad about numerous life events and it's all sort
Speaker 1: of come crashing down today. The sadness lingered, and overall
Speaker 1: he was there, but not in the way I need
Speaker 1: him to be. I came to realize tonight it's because
Speaker 1: he doesn't want my sadness to affect his good energy.
Speaker 1: He impulsively bought a three night streaming concert ticket to
Speaker 1: one of his favorite artists. Are you okay? Yeah? Sorry,
Speaker 1: I've had to seizure concert take it to one of
Speaker 1: his favorite artists while this discussion was happening. But where
Speaker 1: does this leave us? When one of us is sad
Speaker 1: and can't seem to pull themselves up, and the other
Speaker 1: is doing their best to stay happy and doesn't want
Speaker 1: to risk your feeling of sadness? How can you be
Speaker 1: there for someone and not let them quote unquote harsh
Speaker 1: your mellow? I hope this makes sense. What's her name,
Speaker 1: Caitlin Brandon? Would you like to take the lead on
Speaker 1: this or shall I? I think you should start with
Speaker 1: this one. Okay, Well, first of all, what's her name again? Caitlin? Caitlin?
Speaker 1: This is gonna be a problem because you know how
Speaker 1: bad I am with names. Ever since I accused of
Speaker 1: my friend of not remembering names, and I haven't been
Speaker 1: able to remember anyone's Caitlin. No one is responsible for
Speaker 1: your emotions but you. So that's the first thing. You
Speaker 1: cannot expect your partner to keep you emotionally afloat. I
Speaker 1: understand you want him to comfort you and to be
Speaker 1: there for you in a way, but like that is
Speaker 1: an inside job, that's your job. So as a partner,
Speaker 1: you can only be there so much for your partner
Speaker 1: as well, Like he should be buying tickets to the concert.
Speaker 1: You guys should be do in your own things to
Speaker 1: make yourselves happy and then worry about how you're going
Speaker 1: to come together and make each other happy. But you
Speaker 1: cannot expect somebody else to put you in a good mood. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't allow someone to provide you your happiness. And
Speaker 1: I've been in a long term relationship, so I understand
Speaker 1: this dynamic. And I think as long as your partner
Speaker 1: is acknowledging how you feel, like, hey, I get that
Speaker 1: you're sad, I understand the reasonings behind it, that is
Speaker 1: really all you can expect of them. Because you're not
Speaker 1: living the same life. You're going through things separately, Like
Speaker 1: he's internalizing this pandemic differently than you are. And as
Speaker 1: long as he's doing that and not making you feel
Speaker 1: like you're not being heard or seen in your emotions,
Speaker 1: you can't rely on him for much. More in that, like,
Speaker 1: you have to be able to pick yourself up from
Speaker 1: whatever point you're in. And there's also nothing more unattractive
Speaker 1: than managing another person's emotions. Right, this came up with
Speaker 1: us even though I was wrong. I thought you were
Speaker 1: sulking about something that I said, which was not true
Speaker 1: because it's about the house and it has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with you. But anyway, I didn't like something in
Speaker 1: the house and I told Brandon, and Brandon didn't respond,
Speaker 1: and I thought he doesn't he's taking it personally, and
Speaker 1: he wasn't. But it goes back to the point of
Speaker 1: managing other people's emotions is so fucking exhausting. Having to
Speaker 1: walk on eggshells around somebody because they're going through a
Speaker 1: hard time or not saying the right thing, knowing that
Speaker 1: you disappointed them and then trying to redirect your attention
Speaker 1: in the right way to make them feel heard or
Speaker 1: seen can be an exhausting endeavor. So it's like, be
Speaker 1: careful about that too, and have realistic expectations of your
Speaker 1: partner as well, because if you are both going through things,
Speaker 1: which from your letter you understand that he is, like
Speaker 1: he probably needed this outlet to just watch his music,
Speaker 1: whatever the funk it is, zone out for a little bit.
Speaker 1: You as a partner should also want to give him
Speaker 1: that time and let him have his three days whatever
Speaker 1: it is. You know, there are other people in your
Speaker 1: life that you also can leverage, like a girlfriend, a
Speaker 1: family member, someone else to confide in or talk to
Speaker 1: or just get out of the house with. Like you,
Speaker 1: no one person can provide you everything you need, So
Speaker 1: assuming that your partner is going to be there for
Speaker 1: all of your emotional roller coaster. Yeah, and also assuming
Speaker 1: that your partner should be doing what you would do
Speaker 1: is irrelevant because you're not the same person. Your whole
Speaker 1: set of experiences, your childhoods are different. Everything leads to
Speaker 1: a different human beings. So you're two separate individuals. So
Speaker 1: how on earth can you expect him to behave in
Speaker 1: the way that you would behave? Like, it's just that
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense when you really break it down. Well, okay,
Speaker 1: and so for this specific example, for me reading this,
Speaker 1: I would have tried to use that concert to pull
Speaker 1: myself out of it, like, be excited for him that
Speaker 1: he got that watch it with him. You know, there
Speaker 1: are other ways to retrain your brain. Yeah, when you're
Speaker 1: emotionally yea, it's emotionally distressed to say, oh, let me
Speaker 1: embrace this moment or embrace his decision making, flip the
Speaker 1: switch on it. Because yeah, I agree with that. There's
Speaker 1: more positive ways to look at everything. And I think
Speaker 1: that we you and I have both had that in
Speaker 1: different ways with work or personal where people have had
Speaker 1: to say, like, look at the positive things that are happening,
Speaker 1: don't focus on the one thing that you wish you
Speaker 1: could change. Yes, yes, that happens a lot where I'll
Speaker 1: be like bitching to my manager about something. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, and she'll be like, wait, why are you
Speaker 1: focusing on that? You're focusing on the thing that you
Speaker 1: don't want to do instead of all the things that
Speaker 1: you do want to do or the one thing that
Speaker 1: you didn't get with all these things other things that
Speaker 1: you do have. So that's always a good reminder for
Speaker 1: me because I can get on that like little victimy
Speaker 1: pity party sometimes. I mean I used to do that
Speaker 1: a lot growing up, and obviously I'm trying to shake
Speaker 1: that habit, but yeah, I can get negative and it's
Speaker 1: like no, no, no, you can't. Getting negative is just
Speaker 1: reads more and more negativity. Yeah, you acknowledge it, you
Speaker 1: accept it, and you move on and then maybe give
Speaker 1: your boyfriend or husband a blow job I don't know,
Speaker 1: and it in on a high note for him, right, Sorry? Yeah,
Speaker 1: well let us know how that works out for you,
Speaker 1: all right? So I think we hit that one out
Speaker 1: of the park. Tie five on that. So this next
Speaker 1: one is just writing from Nikki. She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: your recent special evolution fucking slade me such vulnerability and truth.
Speaker 1: Here's my question. I like drugs, I like alcohol. I'm
Speaker 1: not dependent on either. I'm a mom, a corporate citizen,
Speaker 1: and an anxious, depressed mess trying to hold life together
Speaker 1: while battling for custody and dealing with the day by day.
Speaker 1: Forty is around the bend, and I want to make
Speaker 1: changes and actual growth. How do I do this without
Speaker 1: the bullshit and what we'd edibles, etcetera? Do I take?
Speaker 1: I finally just got approved from my medical marijuana card
Speaker 1: in New Jersey. I want to be creative, energetic and
Speaker 1: freethinking who I was before all the bullshit and rage
Speaker 1: set in. Send me your advice. Well, this is good
Speaker 1: news because she's not even forty yet and so she
Speaker 1: I'm forty six. I just turned forty six this year
Speaker 1: and I didn't even get my ship together until I
Speaker 1: was forty, So you're right on track. I mean, what
Speaker 1: state does she live in? New Jersey? Yes? Okay. As
Speaker 1: far as edibles go, like she didn't she say she's
Speaker 1: going through a custody battle. Yes, okay, So obviously you
Speaker 1: want to be alert for that during the day, right,
Speaker 1: you want to be like on your game, So if
Speaker 1: you're dealing with something like that, I would use edibles
Speaker 1: at night for if you want to hang out with
Speaker 1: your girlfriends and you just want to laugh your ass
Speaker 1: off often be silly, or for sleep if you have
Speaker 1: any trouble sleeping. And as far as creativity, yeah, you
Speaker 1: want to use them when you have time set aside
Speaker 1: to be creative, like if I'm going to write a
Speaker 1: chapter in a book, or if I'm going to write
Speaker 1: some stand up material, like I'll set aside two hours
Speaker 1: and I will take the weed that I think is
Speaker 1: going to help me get there. As far as the
Speaker 1: actual brands and types, it's different state to state, so
Speaker 1: I can't recommend any brands, but I can tell you
Speaker 1: about strains and like, you know, a lot of the
Speaker 1: labeling that they now have on all of this cannabis
Speaker 1: will tell you the kind of mood that you can
Speaker 1: expect to get from it. It's it's not a guaranteer
Speaker 1: of that, but you know it'll say creative or you know,
Speaker 1: easy breezy or chill vibe, which you know obviously isn't
Speaker 1: going to be something that's going to keep you up.
Speaker 1: Sativa is also something that is supposed to give you
Speaker 1: more of a kick than indica. It's indica is supposed
Speaker 1: to put you to sleep. I feel like those two
Speaker 1: terms to describe weed are kind of over even though
Speaker 1: they're still labeled like that. I think there are so
Speaker 1: many more nuanced ways to describe it because there's so
Speaker 1: much more than taking the edge off or giving you energy.
Speaker 1: But you just have to do your research about what's
Speaker 1: available in your state and also really just start with
Speaker 1: micro dosing. I don't know if you want to smoke
Speaker 1: weed or not, but if you are smoking it, I
Speaker 1: would just smoke a little bit just to see how
Speaker 1: it affects you. And you know, sometimes when we like
Speaker 1: a new thing, I always make the mistake of overdoing
Speaker 1: it and doing it all the time, and like with weed,
Speaker 1: it's very easy to get in the habit of just
Speaker 1: like because you once you see the effect, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll take another edible in three hours, and then I'll
Speaker 1: take another one of three. It's really about minding and
Speaker 1: being mindful of how your body is reacting to the medicine, right,
Speaker 1: and cannabis is medicine. It grows out of the earth,
Speaker 1: it's like from mother Nature. So it is medicine, and
Speaker 1: so you should think about it that way. And when
Speaker 1: it has a nice effect in you, like when you're
Speaker 1: trying out strains, make sure you just make a note
Speaker 1: or take a picture with your phone of all the
Speaker 1: ones that you have a good time with and a
Speaker 1: good experience with. But don't overdose yourself. Just start very minimally,
Speaker 1: start with two and a half milligrams or five milligrams.
Speaker 1: Do not go beyond that until you understand what you
Speaker 1: like and how you like it. Would you add anything
Speaker 1: onto that? Brandon, I mean, the only thing from her
Speaker 1: write and was I would kick the alcohol. I mean,
Speaker 1: at this point, like, what is it really doing for you?
Speaker 1: It's a down or it makes you blow. I would say,
Speaker 1: if you're looking for a major switch, that is that
Speaker 1: is good. I would also say you don't have to
Speaker 1: think about it as like eliminating alcohol from your existence,
Speaker 1: because I'm sure you think that takes the edge off.
Speaker 1: I know for me personally, pot does a much better
Speaker 1: job of taking the edge off than alcohol. But alcohol
Speaker 1: still has a very special place in my life. So
Speaker 1: even if you just minimize your alcohol and take for
Speaker 1: the week and just try using cannabis instead of the alcohol,
Speaker 1: and that transition alone will put you really in touch
Speaker 1: with the way your body is feeling. Plus, when you're
Speaker 1: trying cannabis, you don't want to be under the influence
Speaker 1: of other things because you're not going to be able
Speaker 1: to identify what the cannabis is doing. Well unless she
Speaker 1: said that, she is an anxious, depressed mess, and so
Speaker 1: for you telling her like the two point five micro
Speaker 1: dos of a mint or or of some sort of edible,
Speaker 1: like sometimes you don't even know that it's working. You think, oh,
Speaker 1: I need to take another, but it is. That's the
Speaker 1: other thing. You have to give it two hours. And
Speaker 1: sometimes people like I don't feel anything, I don't feel anything,
Speaker 1: and then they take more. And that's a mistake until
Speaker 1: you have experience with it. You don't want to augment
Speaker 1: any anxiety or any reaction, like you know by thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: this isn't affecting me, I'm going to have to take
Speaker 1: more that That's not a good solution. That's for a
Speaker 1: very advanced users like myself, who can take a hundred
Speaker 1: milligram edible and go to lunch. I can take a
Speaker 1: lot of things and go to lunch. But I'm a
Speaker 1: very rare case and i have a very strong constitution,
Speaker 1: and I've also had a ton of training, So I
Speaker 1: would definitely air on the side of experimenting. You are
Speaker 1: a beginner in the world of cannabis and you are experimenting,
Speaker 1: and nothing that I just told you about five milligrams
Speaker 1: is not going to make you go over the edge.
Speaker 1: Like these are micro dos for a reason, So there's
Speaker 1: a whole new world of cannabis now. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: would lay off the sauce for a while if you can,
Speaker 1: or like limit to drinking one night a week. Also
Speaker 1: be excited entering forty. These are like where things can
Speaker 1: really already divorced, and most people have to go through
Speaker 1: their divorce when they're in their forties, So check that box.
Speaker 1: Thank you, NICKI for writing in Thank you, Niki. So
Speaker 1: our next emission comes from John. He's fifty eight. We
Speaker 1: don't know where he's from, but he says, Hi, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: trying this out for the sake of sound advice. I'm
Speaker 1: a fifty eight year old married man to a beautiful
Speaker 1: sixty two year old female. We've been married for almost
Speaker 1: ten years. We are both fit and used to be
Speaker 1: sexually active and still try to be intimate, but my
Speaker 1: wife is going through some changes and we haven't been
Speaker 1: able to have intercourse because her vagina, for the lack
Speaker 1: of a better term, has shrunk. She consulted her doctor
Speaker 1: and he gave her a cream to apply to try
Speaker 1: and loosen things up, but it doesn't seem to work
Speaker 1: from her perspective, and of course it is not my priority.
Speaker 1: I love sex, but she feels broke if we can't
Speaker 1: have sex. She's tried to force herself on me, and
Speaker 1: it hurts to see her in pain, so I end
Speaker 1: up pushing her back. I've discussed options with her, and
Speaker 1: she says she'd be willing to try and go to
Speaker 1: a toy store to find something to help our sex
Speaker 1: life in lieu of intercourse. It seems to go nowhere,
Speaker 1: and I'm trying to figure out if we just need
Speaker 1: to be celibate for now. Yeah, obviously you need to
Speaker 1: be celibate for now. I mean, why are you torturing
Speaker 1: each other? He's like, I don't care about sex. I
Speaker 1: don't care about sex, but it's always talking about I know.
Speaker 1: But just leave her alone and go smoke some weed.
Speaker 1: She's in pain to have sex and her vagina is shrinking,
Speaker 1: but she's trying to engage, So then he should finger
Speaker 1: blast her. Well, there you go. I mean we don't
Speaker 1: compromise that. Yeah, if sex is painful, then try a
Speaker 1: finger blast. You can start with one finger and if
Speaker 1: things go well at another. I love when we can
Speaker 1: wrap these up very neatly. So John, there you have it.
Speaker 1: Just finger blast your wife, quick and easy. Thanks for
Speaker 1: writing in poor John for eight year old John. He
Speaker 1: wanted a sex with Sue very specific way to alleviate
Speaker 1: this pain, and you gave him finger blast your wife.
Speaker 1: It was perfect. They need some of the relaxation techniques
Speaker 1: are weed Mom from earlier is using They really do
Speaker 1: all our last submission comes from I like the voice
Speaker 1: you use when you talk about submission. You know, all right,
Speaker 1: this is the It's like the love boat. Rob Reiner
Speaker 1: was in a movie where he played a radio host.
Speaker 1: In his voice, I wish I could emulate. It was
Speaker 1: just so soothing. He's got that jew uncle funcular voice.
Speaker 1: I am Jewish, low and behold. Once we found out
Speaker 1: my mom's adopted, and we found her birth mother, and
Speaker 1: I'm Jewish. How convenient for you. I'm Jewish on the
Speaker 1: right side. It has me the mom's side, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: it does. I'm not Jewish on the right side, so
Speaker 1: I'm not even a real Jew even though I'm a Jew. Wow,
Speaker 1: you better better now, all right. Our last submission comes
Speaker 1: from Shannon B. Fifty out of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She says,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, here, I am suddenly fifty years old, married
Speaker 1: with one teenage girl. I worked two days a week
Speaker 1: as a law firm receptionist, and I'm bored. I don't
Speaker 1: want to look for just any job yet. I want
Speaker 1: to do something cool and make a ton of cash.
Speaker 1: I'm a big Instagram fan and I see all these
Speaker 1: influencers raking in the dough. I'm shy in reserved, so
Speaker 1: I'm a little scared to put myself out there on
Speaker 1: a social media platform like that, but I'm willing to
Speaker 1: do it for the right project. I just want to
Speaker 1: make money fast, none of this working ten years ship
Speaker 1: to make the first big buck. I can do just
Speaker 1: about anything, and I'm willing to do just about anything. Basically,
Speaker 1: I'm a fifty year old approaching menopause who is finding
Speaker 1: herself stuck in life. What do you suggest? Oh? Fuck, Brandon,
Speaker 1: what do we suggest this? I mean, Shannon, are you there?
Speaker 1: I'm here, Hi, Shannon, Hi, Hi, Hi guys. All right, Shannon,
Speaker 1: what's going on? We just if you should whore yourself
Speaker 1: out on social media to make a quick buck, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean why not? Everyone else is right, but it's
Speaker 1: so hard if you're shy, and but I feel like
Speaker 1: if everybody else can do it, I can do it.
Speaker 1: I just don't know how to do it. Shannon, It's
Speaker 1: never too late. Look at all these moms on TikTok
Speaker 1: making a living getting brand endorsements just for being themselves.
Speaker 1: Just lean into the shyness. You're not that shy because
Speaker 1: you called us like that's not a shy thing to do.
Speaker 1: That's cool, But I'm scared and very nervous and shaking.
Speaker 1: Oh well, who cares about that. You'll be fine in
Speaker 1: a while, But yeah, lead into the social media of it.
Speaker 1: Why not in cash in so you don't have to
Speaker 1: work in an office job. I mean, did you say
Speaker 1: you working? Are you a paralegal? Is that I work
Speaker 1: in a law firm. I work at the front desk.
Speaker 1: Firms are depressing. I know that for sure. It's it's
Speaker 1: a lot, and I do their billing, so it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like boring on top of boring, how waring can
Speaker 1: you fucking get? My sister was a lawyer, and my
Speaker 1: sister was a health attorney and she worked at this
Speaker 1: like small firm in Morristown, New Jersey, and she was like,
Speaker 1: this is soul crushing and I was like, well, so
Speaker 1: is your marriage. But you're still in that. And so
Speaker 1: she left her marriage and her law firm and now
Speaker 1: she works in health law in a different way. But
Speaker 1: she made a big change in her life, not when
Speaker 1: she was fifty, right before she was fifty, and she's
Speaker 1: real happy about it. It's not the same as social media,
Speaker 1: but like, I think your attitude towards social media it
Speaker 1: should just be like yeah, whatever, I mean, that's what
Speaker 1: everyone's doing. Do it. But also I'm in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Speaker 1: Like there's no like I have like two followers. I
Speaker 1: mean there's like, no, there's no buts the That's the
Speaker 1: great thing about social media is it doesn't really matter
Speaker 1: where you are anymore. Everyone is connected, everyone is accessible online.
Speaker 1: And some of these people that have the biggest followings
Speaker 1: are in bum fuck nowhere, like I'm from plat South
Speaker 1: Dakota population someone there could do it. You just keep posting.
Speaker 1: What you got to figure out what your stick is? Like,
Speaker 1: what is your stick? Are you? Like? What's your thing?
Speaker 1: Are you going to be a TikTok mom? Are you
Speaker 1: a dance? Can you dance? Okay? Well, then maybe you
Speaker 1: can make fun of them. You can be like, listen,
Speaker 1: this is how unlike this I am. You know, maybe
Speaker 1: that's your that's your vibe. It's a hard one. And
Speaker 1: if it's not social media, what is it? You know?
Speaker 1: Only fans only fans only. I could probably answer that,
Speaker 1: but I thought you guys could shed some Really. I
Speaker 1: wish I had better advice for you, but I would
Speaker 1: just say, like taking a leap of faith in general,
Speaker 1: even though that's really lacks besifitsit, taking a leap in general.
Speaker 1: I think it's a good practice to have as an
Speaker 1: adult woman, especially when you're fifty. You need to kind
Speaker 1: of reboot, right, like to be like, yeah, well, and Chelsea,
Speaker 1: you've taken multiple risks in your career. You're not fifty yet.
Speaker 1: I'm not fifty, but you've taken risks in your career
Speaker 1: and they've always worked out or benefited. You've either learned
Speaker 1: something or grown from it. So it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: Just take the leap, try it out. If it doesn't work,
Speaker 1: it doesn't work, but you're not out. And don't limit
Speaker 1: yourself to social media because that was just like an
Speaker 1: idea put out there for no reason, Like, don't limit
Speaker 1: yourself to that. There are other ways to make money quickly,
Speaker 1: like with the Internet and like buying and selling things trading.
Speaker 1: People get into that rather easily. It seems like there
Speaker 1: are a lot of different Like you know, bitcoin, Go
Speaker 1: get some bitcoin, like that's going to pay off. Become
Speaker 1: a day trader my bitcoin. I got bitcoin about four
Speaker 1: years ago and bitcoin me neither. I'll never understand what
Speaker 1: the bitcoin is, but I know that I'm making money. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're looking at me. I can't tell you what it is.
Speaker 1: Either you were going to check my coin base. I
Speaker 1: have the information, Shannon. Let us know what you figure out,
Speaker 1: Let us know what you try, what works, what doesn't.
Speaker 1: Please give us a post. Okay, yeah, just do something though, Okay,
Speaker 1: make a change, all right, Thank you, Thank you Shannon, Bye, Shannon, Bye,
Speaker 1: guys bye. Anyone who wants to make a later in
Speaker 1: life change, well people have. This is what we're dealing with.
Speaker 1: We're realizing people don't have balls. They need more balls.
Speaker 1: They need that nudge. They need people to say, hey, hey,
Speaker 1: fuck go jump because people will retreat. Well, that's why
Speaker 1: they need you, because most people are not courageous. Right,
Speaker 1: People need to be re operate from that place. But
Speaker 1: I think people in general would benefit from being a
Speaker 1: little bit more courageous, not arrogant, courageous, right right right.
Speaker 1: You know what her question about confidence and arrogance makes
Speaker 1: me think of an update we just got from a
Speaker 1: RAM And if you remember a rom she is the
Speaker 1: woman suffering from body dys morphia and an eating disorder,
Speaker 1: and she wasn't sure whether or not to tell her
Speaker 1: friends and family about her recovery. So we're gonna take
Speaker 1: a quick ache and when we come back we will
Speaker 1: give you a ROMs update, so again for anyone listening.
Speaker 1: We spoke to a rom during our McDonald's Anyone episode
Speaker 1: which had marked the nutritionists on, and she sent over
Speaker 1: a little updates. So I just wanted to oh, this
Speaker 1: is exciting. Oh my god. It's so exciting when people
Speaker 1: we have like such good patients because they come and
Speaker 1: then they return to give us an update. I love
Speaker 1: progress reports. Well, Aram says, Hello Brandon and Chelsea. I'd
Speaker 1: say that overall I'm doing well, and although recovery from
Speaker 1: anorexia has its ups and downs, I'm improving every day.
Speaker 1: I took Chelsea's advice and some of Brandon's with a caveat.
Speaker 1: Brandon and I talked about how it could be a
Speaker 1: good idea to open up to more of my loved
Speaker 1: ones about my eating disorder and body dysmorphia in order
Speaker 1: to get more support. I found this to be difficult
Speaker 1: because many of the people in my life unwillingly have
Speaker 1: fat phobic pro diet culture beliefs. I mean, just the
Speaker 1: other day, my grandma bitched at my grandpa, called him
Speaker 1: a glutton for eating half of a watermelon, which is
Speaker 1: sucking insane because watermelons are water. So I decided to
Speaker 1: take Brandon's advice, but with a lateral step. I picked
Speaker 1: a few of my most level headed, thoughtful, and honest
Speaker 1: loved ones and asked them their opinions on things like
Speaker 1: body image, confidence, and the roll of food in their life.
Speaker 1: I feel like people gave me much more honest and
Speaker 1: thoughtful answers than they would otherwise had they known about
Speaker 1: my eating disorder and body dysmorphia upfront. I think had
Speaker 1: I told them about what I was struggling without right,
Speaker 1: they would have felt more compelled to filter their opinions
Speaker 1: and tiptoe around me in an effort to not trigger
Speaker 1: and offend me. And as far as Chelsea's advice goes,
Speaker 1: and Chelsea, do you want to remind me? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember. Just to remind everyone, she asked us if
Speaker 1: she should tell her closest friends. She wanted to tell
Speaker 1: her closest friends. I think she was ready to do that,
Speaker 1: and then you said it. So she was the one
Speaker 1: who brought that question. It wasn't like your advice. You
Speaker 1: just said confirmed it, you know. So she was like so,
Speaker 1: But also I think I told her that this is
Speaker 1: her situation. She has no one to rely on really
Speaker 1: in this instance for this problem but herself, like, you
Speaker 1: can gather your support around you, but it is your
Speaker 1: decision to change your life. It is your decision to
Speaker 1: make a move. So I think that's pretty much what
Speaker 1: I told her. Well, so she says, as far as
Speaker 1: Chelsea's advice goes, I was able to use it and
Speaker 1: build on it. For the most part, I can't really
Speaker 1: rely on anyone else when it comes to this disorder,
Speaker 1: and at its root, it's a problem that I have
Speaker 1: with myself. Chelsea said that this is not going to
Speaker 1: be the narrative of my life, and she's right. So
Speaker 1: I have to take the toxic narrative that is currently
Speaker 1: occupying my thoughts and change it into one that is healthy.
Speaker 1: My focus the last few weeks and months has been
Speaker 1: on diving into why I have so much self hate,
Speaker 1: what cognitive and behavioral habits I have formed around the
Speaker 1: self hate, and how my psychologist and I are working
Speaker 1: on undoing them. For example, in the past, I would
Speaker 1: pedestalize and glorify certain types of bodies while degrading my own.
Speaker 1: What I started doing instead is actively viewing all body
Speaker 1: types as neutral and equal. To one another that woman
Speaker 1: is not superior for having a flat stomach, or you
Speaker 1: are not inferior for having bigger thighs, or that person
Speaker 1: is not inferior superior for having X, Y or Z.
Speaker 1: And doing this, I've begun to view my own body
Speaker 1: and other bodies with a little bit more indifference as
Speaker 1: opposed to an immediate, toxic opinion or judgment. I love
Speaker 1: what she said. That's so important. Inferior superior. We always
Speaker 1: do that. You know, whenever you're judging somebody, you're thinking
Speaker 1: that you're better or smarter, or prettier or whatever. If
Speaker 1: you're judging somebody that didn't do something the way that
Speaker 1: you would have done it, you're like, well, I know better.
Speaker 1: So there's superiority in that. Anytime we're judging others, we
Speaker 1: are acting superior or inferior. So she spelled it out,
Speaker 1: and she is on her way to a brighter day.
Speaker 1: I think, well, she wraps up saying so, given this
Speaker 1: advice and working on a racing self hate, A follow
Speaker 1: up question I have is regarding confidence in general. What
Speaker 1: makes a person confident in themselves? How do you form it,
Speaker 1: how is it maintained? When does confidence turn into air
Speaker 1: against Thanks so much, guys. Arom Arrogance is when you
Speaker 1: think you know better or you think you are better.
Speaker 1: It's a lot to do with it has a lot
Speaker 1: to do with superiority. So arrogance and superiority are linked
Speaker 1: in my mind. And to instill confidence in yourself, it
Speaker 1: is a conversation that you have to have with yourself,
Speaker 1: either through meditation or positive affirmations. There's no reason to
Speaker 1: not be confident. You know, you have to be confident
Speaker 1: in the abilities that you have and in the ways
Speaker 1: that you are able to change your life. And making
Speaker 1: this change is going to work towards instilling more and
Speaker 1: more confidence in you. You've already begun the path to
Speaker 1: get more confident, because once you realize that you are
Speaker 1: powerful enough in your own life to make changes, then
Speaker 1: the confidence comes because you're like, oh, wow, I just
Speaker 1: did that. I just changed my life. Wow. And so
Speaker 1: arrogance is just when you're an asshole about being confident.
Speaker 1: You don't have to do that. Eloquently put well, eloquent
Speaker 1: is my middle name, or lae ease or joy actually
Speaker 1: joys my middle name. But you know, I don't want
Speaker 1: to tell everybody about that. People just expect too much. Brandon,
Speaker 1: what are our takeaways from today? I feel like painful
Speaker 1: sex is no boy. No, that's no good. Nobody wants
Speaker 1: to be in pain during sex. It's supposed to be
Speaker 1: the complete opposite unless you're into pain, you know, and
Speaker 1: some people are. I kind of like it a little
Speaker 1: bit rough sometimes, you know, if I'm with somebody that
Speaker 1: I really like, like, I like it if they man
Speaker 1: handled me a little bit. I know that's out of style,
Speaker 1: but I do like a little bit of Like I
Speaker 1: like to be dominated in sex. I don't like to
Speaker 1: be the dominator. It's no fun. Well, it's good to
Speaker 1: know what you like. Yeah, it is good. It's good.
Speaker 1: I'm so there's so many straight men listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm sure. So that's great. And on that note, I
Speaker 1: guess I'll just look for d m s in my Instagram.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to scroll through them, and it's very unsettling.
Speaker 1: But a lot of guys talk about want to put
Speaker 1: it their cocks in my asshole and that they want
Speaker 1: to fuck me and come on my face. So I mean,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of opportunities out there, and that's why
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to wrap things up because I gotta
Speaker 1: get back out there, guys. Oh yeah, yes, slide into
Speaker 1: my d MS. Also, I am on tour. My tickets
Speaker 1: are officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows.
Speaker 1: We're going to be announcing dates as we go. You
Speaker 1: can buy tickets a ticket Master for my shows. I'll
Speaker 1: be playing my next big show. I'm at the Santa
Speaker 1: Barbara Bowl August one, so you can come see me there.
Speaker 1: And then I have all the other cities that I
Speaker 1: have already released and tickets are available and I can't
Speaker 1: fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and a horny, So make
Speaker 1: sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nows
Speaker 1: and then keep them to yourself. Please, if you want
Speaker 1: any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really, anything,
Speaker 1: you can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.