WEBVTT - Sextuple Threat 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:05.120 Okay, welcome to the podcast. It's called Dear Chelsea, and 0:00:05.280 --> 0:00:09.560 we are here today to take advice from callers, from writers, 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:15.360 in from anybody who needs it. I am performing at 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:19.599 the Santa Barbara Bowl on August twenty one. Everybody, It's happening, 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:24.200 and I'm going on tour tour, on tor tour, on 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:28.240 tour tour. So I'm very excited because I'm getting ready 0:00:28.240 --> 0:00:30.880 to go shoot a movie in Vancouver in a couple 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:33.479 of weeks, and I'm also performing in Canada, actually at 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:39.560 edmund in Edmonton, Canada, at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:44.400 on August fifteen. I will be performing in Edmonton and 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:46.919 then I go to Santa Barbara and in between then, 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:51.239 I'm playing a principle with great shoes who hates children. 0:00:51.600 --> 0:00:53.559 I can't wait to be on set with children that 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:57.440 I can openly yes, I can't wait till I have 0:00:57.480 --> 0:00:58.920 to be in a scene where I can just tell 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:01.040 children exactly what I think of them, you know, But 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:03.880 I can't say in real life obviously that would be 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:09.400 really inappropriate and probably punishable. But I can say it 0:01:09.520 --> 0:01:12.800 as my character, and I plan on exercising that muscle 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:14.720 to a great degree. I hope maybe I'll meet a 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:17.399 lover on this film. That would be exciting. A child 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:20.840 lover can't say that maybe I'll meet a lover on 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:24.200 this film. You've done a few movies. You did This 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:29.800 Means War with Reese. My personal favorite, Hop Hop Hop 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:34.600 was great because James Marsden and I laughed so hard 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:38.440 on the set of Hop. I that's an Easter movie. Yeah, 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:41.120 he's really cute. James Marsden, Yeah, he's great. And he 0:01:41.240 --> 0:01:43.480 and I we had a day of filming where I 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:46.600 think I pete in my pants from laughing so hard. 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.160 And I don't know what we were laughing at, but 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:51.200 we could not get it together. And every time we 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.000 had to interact, it was a ship show. And we're 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.280 bonded from that ever since that because we just knew 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:58.560 it was like being at summer way camp, sleepaway camp, 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:01.680 summer camp. I can line summer and sleep away and 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:06.040 said summary, m Anyway, it was sleepaway camp. It was 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:07.560 like you know when you come back from camp and 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:10.800 nobody really understands the experience that you had except for 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:13.600 you and the people that were there. It's kind of 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:16.799 this ineffable understanding. And so I have that with him 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:19.680 and yeah, this means war was Reese and I did 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:22.639 that movie that was really fun too. They lowered me. 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.080 I had they had a stunt woman for me because 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:27.760 there was a big car scene where my car falls 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:29.920 in this big pond of water that we filmed in 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:32.320 Long Beach, and I told them I wanted to do 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:35.880 my own stunts, but they didn't take me seriously and 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:38.040 I didn't do my own stunts. And how does it 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:40.480 work on these sets? Because you've said before that it's 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:43.600 hard for you to say other people's lines that they 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:45.840 are writing for you. So are you able to add 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:49.679 lib Do you have some sort of like creative freedom 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:52.720 when you're doing these Are they very stringent on you 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.160 sang the lines as they're written. Well, I don't know 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:57.160 about this movie I'm going into. I guess i'll find out. 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:58.760 But you know, when you add a little button or 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:00.799 you change a word around to the time, they don't 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:03.360 really care unless it's like something that needs to stick to. 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:05.880 If they're sticklers about it, I will, but I'm yeah, 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:07.800 I'm not very good at that. I like to improv 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:09.960 and just kind of do it off the cuff. But 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:11.720 if you run a scene a couple of times you 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:14.440 kind of memorize it. So you did Will and Grace, 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:17.200 and they were very specific. Will and Grace was a disaster. 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.400 I yes, that is a very tightly run ship. And 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:23.920 I was and I don't know what was wrong with 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:26.480 me that week. I could not remember my lines. I 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:29.800 was scared and nervous. I went in not caring about 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:32.359 doing it really like kind of flip it, like oh, 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:34.120 this will be fun. I didn't really think about it. 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:35.520 And then I got in and I'm like, wait, wait, 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:37.040 I'm working with a bunch of pros. I need to 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:39.080 step it up. And then I was just too late. 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:41.640 By the time we filmed it, it was great, but 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:45.200 I I mean, I was yelled at. I was They 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:48.920 were like, what learn your lines? I couldn't hit my jokes. 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:51.680 It was bad. Luckily, on tape it did come together 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:55.760 because Deb Messing and Sean Hayes and everyone was so 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.560 nice to me and felt so sorry for me that 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:03.080 they helped me memorize my lines. When that happens, does 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:05.160 does it make you want to flex that muscle more? 0:04:05.680 --> 0:04:07.560 After you had that experience, some people would shut down 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:09.400 and say I don't want to act anymore. That was 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:13.320 very unpleasant. But for you, I feel like when that happens, 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:17.839 your reaction is to be better. Well, oh I needed 0:04:17.839 --> 0:04:19.599 and now I need to get another acting role to 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:22.240 prove to myself that I can do this well, not 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:24.640 as I mean, I was just embarrassed, Like I walked 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:26.560 in like the cool girl and left like the not 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:28.800 cool girl. It was how it happens. You know, everyone 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:30.240 is excited for me to be there, and then I 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:32.000 just kind of fell apart of the seams. I must 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.840 have been going through a very difficult time at that moment. 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:36.760 I don't remember what was going on, but something must 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:39.240 have been because I was not myself. But anyway, no, 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:41.000 I was done with that, and I just thought, oh, 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:43.400 I can't do sitcoms. I can't like hit the marks 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:45.440 like this, like I can't do it. And then I'm like, 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.640 of course I'll do it a sitcom again, if it's 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:49.440 the right thing, or if it's the right role, or 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:50.760 if it's a guest star. You know, I'm not going 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:54.479 to be honest sitcom sitcom. But if it's that, yeah, 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:56.880 I mean, it's just a different beast. But this is 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:59.120 film acting, which is not live, Like you're not in 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:01.320 front of an audience, so it's a lot different. You're 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:02.960 in front of a film cruise, so there's a lot 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:06.680 more intimacy. Well, this role makes sense for you. At 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:09.960 one time, you were offered the role of Aunt Hilda 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.640 or Aunt Zelda on the Netflix Sabrina the Teenage, which 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:15.800 they wanted you to come in for that, and I 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:19.840 remember reading the script thinking, how would she ever take 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:23.320 this seriously because it was so far fat. Well, you know, 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:25.520 it's magic. So anytime you read something like that, you're 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:29.120 like that, you're gonna really have to stretch to make 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:31.359 this believe. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to be 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:33.320 in a movie just to be in a movie, Like, 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:35.720 I'm not going to just do that, but I am 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:37.760 going to say yes to things that are fun. And 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:40.320 you know, this idea of being on a movie set 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:42.400 right now, I haven't been on one in a really 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:45.600 long time, and it's not my main thing, so it's 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:47.560 a nice it's nice to kind of be able to 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:50.440 incorporate that with all the other stuff I do. It's 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:52.599 nice to change it up. So I'm looking forward to it. 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:54.800 And you know, obviously it's shoots in Vancouver, which I've 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:57.320 said before, which is my favorite place. In the world 0:05:57.400 --> 0:06:00.560 is Canada, and I just can't wait to be reunited 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:03.080 with all of my girlfriends there. It's going to be magical, 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:05.120 and they're going to have to be on set with 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:07.680 me as my hair, makeup artist, stylist. I don't know 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:10.800 what other things I can punch them in for, but well, 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:12.640 it's nicely you have these different creative outlets now, so 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:15.200 you're gonna be acting. You're redoing a house, You're playing 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:20.760 construction worker, interior designer, wearing multiple hats, wearing multiple hats. 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:22.719 I mean, I'm really a jack of all trades, you 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:24.680 know what I used to call myself. It's kind of 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:29.279 like David Hasselhoff. He was a lifeguard, he was a musician, 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:34.119 and he was a night writer. He was a triple threat. 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:38.760 I am a lifeguard. Also, I'm not a night writer. 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:42.479 But I have a podcast and and I do stand 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:45.440 up wait, and I am doing movies. So I'm a 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:49.240 quadruple threat. Wait, and I write books. I'm a quintuple threat. 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:51.599 What else do I do? I don't know, But I 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:53.800 don't know the next term for six things? Do you? 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:58.240 Let's just stop at five? Well, great, I do think 0:06:58.240 --> 0:06:59.680 it's a good idea. To stop there because we've got 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:03.560 some keys your favorite. Excuse my swallowing, Yes, Okay, I'm 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:07.640 ready for a quickie. Okay, the first quickie is Dear Chelsea, OMG, 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.400 fucking cats. I loved your discussion at the end of 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:14.440 McDonald's Anyone, and had to validate Brandon on his cat issues. 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:18.880 I'm spending to renovate my basement for the second time 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:21.720 in four years because I have two cats and one 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.040 will only pe on the base boards, not in the 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:26.800 litter box. I feel like I've tried every suggestion out 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:29.280 there for it to stop. I feel like I've given 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:31.680 the cats an excellent life, and anyone else would have 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.680 given up on this peing cat by now putting it 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:36.680 down or sending it back to the shelter where it 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:39.680 came from. I think I could bring myself to put 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:42.080 the peing cat down, but my husband says absolutely not, 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:44.200 and is willing to put us all out on the 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:47.800 street for this cat. What should we do, Love, Kelly? 0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:50.480 I mean, I think cats are your department. Brandon. Well, 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:54.880 if you've tried everything, it's hard to say what else 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:56.320 you could do, because I don't know what all that 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:59.560 has entailed. There are a lot of sprays that you 0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:02.280 can put on the area where a cat has been urinating. 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:05.760 In our house, we use diffusers. We have one in 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:10.520 every room. We have a multi cat and they are 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.040 supposed to calm. They're supposed to help cats to stop 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:16.600 sport multi cat. The diffuser is for multiple cats in 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:19.280 a home because a lot of times that is why 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:23.240 a cat is spraying to you know, obviously markets territory. 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:26.200 So we have these diffusers through the house that let 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:29.560 off the pheromone of like a mother cat, and so 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:32.319 it's supposed to help keep them calm, help them stop scratching, 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:35.040 stop spraying, And we have not had any issues. The 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:37.839 only time that we've had a peeing issue is when 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:42.680 we bring them back from being boarded. It is very unpleasant. 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:48.880 What is spraying exactly that like like climaxing kind of 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:51.120 They back their butts up against the wall and just 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:54.559 spray all over the wall to let you know they 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:58.040 are here and this is their spot. How did they 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:00.600 get it on the wall? Though cats spray, I don't 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:04.800 understand how it cats. It comes out vain well. I 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:08.800 think the hole is right under the butt hole, yeah there, 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.280 and their tail shakes and they just spray. Sometimes it's 0:09:11.280 --> 0:09:12.880 a lot of pace. Sometimes it's a little pe. But 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.600 it's just they'll go around in a little spirits different areas. 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:21.800 I feel like Bert does that. Bert sprays, Oh, but 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:23.760 I think of it. Well, tell me I don't know 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:26.839 my son, and I'll tell you that I do. So 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:29.720 I don't know, Kelly. I don't have any good advice 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.000 to you other than if you've not tried those diffusers. 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:36.240 They have been great in our house. Something else, Kelly, 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:40.240 is if you're cleaning your baseboards and using bleach, cats 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:43.680 are attracted to the bleach, so I know that that 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:47.760 can be a source for their spraying as well. So 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:50.560 just maybe take a look at the cleaning products that 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.520 you're using and if they have ammonia in them, cats 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:56.600 are attracted to that and can mark in those places. Yeah. Sorry, 0:09:56.640 --> 0:09:58.560 this isn't like Yeah, I mean we have an in 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.360 house cat specialist. It. I don't have any advice for 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:03.319 you because I don't really know anything about cats and 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:07.319 I'm not interested in learning. I hope your pe problems stop. 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:10.240 The next quickie says dear Chelsea, I need some advice 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:13.240 regarding my nightmare of a sister in law. She is 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.240 straight up a total bitch and goes out of her 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:16.920 way to make it known that she doesn't like me. 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:18.600 I have a one year old son, and when she 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:21.400 holds him in plays with him, it makes me feel uneasy. 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:23.520 My baby daddy and I are getting married, and I 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:26.520 have serious anxiety about being forced to include her in 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:29.560 my bridal party. I come from a Catholic, traditional Mexican 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:32.240 American family and feel like everyone will think I'm a 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:34.640 trader and petty person if she isn't part of the 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:38.480 bridal party. Do I have to include her? Christina, No, 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:40.200 she doesn't get invited to be a part of your 0:10:40.200 --> 0:10:42.760 bridal party because of her behavior and because she's made 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:45.920 you feel uncomfortable and not welcome. So that's very simple 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:49.880 and straightforward. And you can say that kindly or you 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.600 can say it like, hey, you've been mean to me. 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.720 I don't want you in my bridal party. Sorry, that's it. 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:58.200 I mean, I'm sure there's two sides to this story, 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:00.280 but since you're writing in you know I I would 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:02.320 say that in a nice way, but I also think 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.760 you have all license to say that in a like 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:07.560 forceful way. There's no reason to scream or yell about it, 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:09.720 but you can be like, I'm sorry, this is just 0:11:09.840 --> 0:11:12.800 unacceptable for me, Like you don't make me feel good. 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:14.679 This is my wedding day. It's the most important day 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:17.120 of my life, and I want it to be pleasant. 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.400 So there's yeah, no, don't stand for that, and don't 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:22.199 put yourself in a situation where you're not going to 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:27.199 feel loved and happy and celebrated on your wedding day. Period. Okay, 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:30.400 And the next one says, Dear Chelsea, my x is 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.360 nineteen and I'm twenty one, and I recently realized that 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:36.080 I actually like his brother Moore, who is twenty six. 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:39.240 What should I do? Should I follow my heart's desire? 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:42.880 I don't think so. I think you stay away from 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:46.120 brothers and sisters people unless it's the love of your 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:48.839 life that that they had that storyline in Malibu Rising, 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:54.080 this book I just read, and I don't appreciate that. 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:56.320 I don't want to have sex with anyone my sisters 0:11:56.320 --> 0:11:58.160 have had sex with, and I certainly don't want to 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:00.880 have sex with two brothers. So I just don't think 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:03.480 that's good. You know, It's like, are you in love 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:04.840 with him or do you just have a crush on him? 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:06.200 If you have a crush on him, you'll get another 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:08.720 crush on somebody else sooner than you think, Okay, we're 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:10.800 going to take a break right now. Well, uh, I 0:12:10.880 --> 0:12:12.480 don't know what's going to happen, but you're gonna hear 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:17.040 an ad break. I've read this book that talked about 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:19.400 being like open and shut. You know, when you're open 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:21.839 to a person, when you're open to them, when you're 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:24.080 open to a new idea, or when you're like being 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.200 adventurous and you're being open. When you say no to 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.040 new things, you're shutting down. And then that's a whole 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:31.840 other kind of space that you don't want to be in. 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:34.160 So you had a good result with this where you 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:37.360 felt like you were pushing someone pushing, pushing because you 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:38.920 were just exhausted, and you're like, as soon as I 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:41.560 let them in, the amount of energy I was putting 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:43.960 into it was totally different. Yes, right, right, that's true. 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:45.520 I had a friend who wanted to hang out a lot, 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.480 and I was like, you know, not that into it, 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:50.880 and but she was an old friend and so I did. 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:53.559 But I was resisting it, resisting, and I didn't want 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:55.040 to deal. I didn't want to deal. And then I did, 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:57.000 and it was so easy, and it was just like, 0:12:57.440 --> 0:12:59.559 you know, two hours of my time was for her. 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.440 She needed and wanted, and I just had to like 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:05.560 give in and do that. You're putting so much energy 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:08.320 into saying no to things that sometimes it's easier to 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:11.520 say yes to them. Unless it's a sexual account. You 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:13.560 can never be pressured to say yes to that. Okay, 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:17.280 does everybody hear me means no, my body my choice? 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.280 Oh I learned a cute dance about my body my choice. 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:23.680 Uh no, don't touch me there. This is my no 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:27.080 no square. No, don't touch me there. This is my 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:29.400 no no square. So say that if someone comes up 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:30.960 to you at the bus stop, that's gonna be great 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.840 content of you for TikTok, I think, Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:37.280 that's a good idea. Thanks thinking, all right, So, dear Chelsea, 0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:40.520 looking for advice on how to safeguard my emotions. I 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.240 just had a fight with my partner because I've been 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:44.640 feeling sad about numerous life events and it's all sort 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:48.160 of come crashing down today. The sadness lingered, and overall 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:49.559 he was there, but not in the way I need 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:51.960 him to be. I came to realize tonight it's because 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.560 he doesn't want my sadness to affect his good energy. 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.680 He impulsively bought a three night streaming concert ticket to 0:13:57.679 --> 0:14:02.400 one of his favorite artists. Are you okay? Yeah? Sorry, 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:04.280 I've had to seizure concert take it to one of 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:07.160 his favorite artists while this discussion was happening. But where 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:08.840 does this leave us? When one of us is sad 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:10.760 and can't seem to pull themselves up, and the other 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:13.040 is doing their best to stay happy and doesn't want 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:15.880 to risk your feeling of sadness? How can you be 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:18.360 there for someone and not let them quote unquote harsh 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:21.480 your mellow? I hope this makes sense. What's her name, 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:24.720 Caitlin Brandon? Would you like to take the lead on 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:26.320 this or shall I? I think you should start with 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.640 this one. Okay, Well, first of all, what's her name again? Caitlin? Caitlin? 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:30.960 This is gonna be a problem because you know how 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:32.760 bad I am with names. Ever since I accused of 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:34.720 my friend of not remembering names, and I haven't been 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:38.440 able to remember anyone's Caitlin. No one is responsible for 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:41.240 your emotions but you. So that's the first thing. You 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:45.280 cannot expect your partner to keep you emotionally afloat. I 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:47.560 understand you want him to comfort you and to be 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:49.320 there for you in a way, but like that is 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.840 an inside job, that's your job. So as a partner, 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:55.720 you can only be there so much for your partner 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:58.800 as well, Like he should be buying tickets to the concert. 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:01.000 You guys should be do in your own things to 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:04.520 make yourselves happy and then worry about how you're going 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.320 to come together and make each other happy. But you 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:11.520 cannot expect somebody else to put you in a good mood. Yeah, 0:15:11.520 --> 0:15:14.560 you can't allow someone to provide you your happiness. And 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:17.440 I've been in a long term relationship, so I understand 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:20.360 this dynamic. And I think as long as your partner 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:23.040 is acknowledging how you feel, like, hey, I get that 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:26.320 you're sad, I understand the reasonings behind it, that is 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:28.520 really all you can expect of them. Because you're not 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:31.080 living the same life. You're going through things separately, Like 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:35.200 he's internalizing this pandemic differently than you are. And as 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:37.400 long as he's doing that and not making you feel 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.320 like you're not being heard or seen in your emotions, 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:42.640 you can't rely on him for much. More in that, like, 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:44.240 you have to be able to pick yourself up from 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:48.600 whatever point you're in. And there's also nothing more unattractive 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:52.360 than managing another person's emotions. Right, this came up with 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:54.280 us even though I was wrong. I thought you were 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:56.960 sulking about something that I said, which was not true 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:58.840 because it's about the house and it has nothing to 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:00.600 do with you. But anyway, I didn't like something in 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:02.600 the house and I told Brandon, and Brandon didn't respond, 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:05.800 and I thought he doesn't he's taking it personally, and 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:07.960 he wasn't. But it goes back to the point of 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:11.640 managing other people's emotions is so fucking exhausting. Having to 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:13.840 walk on eggshells around somebody because they're going through a 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.000 hard time or not saying the right thing, knowing that 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:19.160 you disappointed them and then trying to redirect your attention 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:21.000 in the right way to make them feel heard or 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:23.840 seen can be an exhausting endeavor. So it's like, be 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:27.760 careful about that too, and have realistic expectations of your 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:30.040 partner as well, because if you are both going through things, 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.600 which from your letter you understand that he is, like 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.960 he probably needed this outlet to just watch his music, 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:38.560 whatever the funk it is, zone out for a little bit. 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:40.960 You as a partner should also want to give him 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:44.120 that time and let him have his three days whatever 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:45.960 it is. You know, there are other people in your 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:49.240 life that you also can leverage, like a girlfriend, a 0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:52.480 family member, someone else to confide in or talk to 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:54.480 or just get out of the house with. Like you, 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:56.800 no one person can provide you everything you need, So 0:16:57.080 --> 0:16:59.320 assuming that your partner is going to be there for 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:03.120 all of your emotional roller coaster. Yeah, and also assuming 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.240 that your partner should be doing what you would do 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:08.960 is irrelevant because you're not the same person. Your whole 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:12.840 set of experiences, your childhoods are different. Everything leads to 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:15.840 a different human beings. So you're two separate individuals. So 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:18.080 how on earth can you expect him to behave in 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:20.439 the way that you would behave? Like, it's just that 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:22.720 doesn't make sense when you really break it down. Well, okay, 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:26.320 and so for this specific example, for me reading this, 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:28.760 I would have tried to use that concert to pull 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:31.160 myself out of it, like, be excited for him that 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:33.520 he got that watch it with him. You know, there 0:17:33.560 --> 0:17:37.439 are other ways to retrain your brain. Yeah, when you're 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:40.119 emotionally yea, it's emotionally distressed to say, oh, let me 0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:43.639 embrace this moment or embrace his decision making, flip the 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:47.000 switch on it. Because yeah, I agree with that. There's 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:49.320 more positive ways to look at everything. And I think 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:50.800 that we you and I have both had that in 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:54.119 different ways with work or personal where people have had 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.240 to say, like, look at the positive things that are happening, 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:59.480 don't focus on the one thing that you wish you 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:02.360 could change. Yes, yes, that happens a lot where I'll 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.840 be like bitching to my manager about something. I'm like, well, 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:07.280 you know, and she'll be like, wait, why are you 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.040 focusing on that? You're focusing on the thing that you 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:10.639 don't want to do instead of all the things that 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:12.840 you do want to do or the one thing that 0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:14.960 you didn't get with all these things other things that 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:18.000 you do have. So that's always a good reminder for 0:18:18.080 --> 0:18:20.400 me because I can get on that like little victimy 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:23.119 pity party sometimes. I mean I used to do that 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:25.680 a lot growing up, and obviously I'm trying to shake 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:28.280 that habit, but yeah, I can get negative and it's 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:30.760 like no, no, no, you can't. Getting negative is just 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:33.960 reads more and more negativity. Yeah, you acknowledge it, you 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:35.919 accept it, and you move on and then maybe give 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:37.639 your boyfriend or husband a blow job I don't know, 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:44.280 and it in on a high note for him, right, Sorry? Yeah, 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:46.800 well let us know how that works out for you, 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:49.399 all right? So I think we hit that one out 0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:51.680 of the park. Tie five on that. So this next 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:54.560