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Speaker 1: My mother in law mistreated me despite all my help.

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Speaker 1: Now I refuse to talk to her in her own house.

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Speaker 1: Please reserve judgment until the end. This is a long one.

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Speaker 1: My apologies for context. My partner, Tristan thirty two male,

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Speaker 1: and I twenty eight female, have been together for six years.

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Speaker 1: We both don't want children, and we both don't want

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Speaker 1: to get married. Mother in law sixty two female is

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Speaker 1: just easier to say than my boyfriend's mom. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from Julie Pachuli one on the Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: suburn it So when we first met, he lived at

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Speaker 1: home with his mom, grandma, and two brothers. I lived

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Speaker 1: on my own in an apartment with a roommate. Well

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Speaker 1: after a few years, I decided to get my own

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Speaker 1: apartment and ask Tristan to move in with me. I

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Speaker 1: paid the one thousand dollars deposit and most of our

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Speaker 1: bills since I made significantly more than he did. We

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Speaker 1: lived in my apartment for two and a half years

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Speaker 1: when I was suddenly laid off. That is hard. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't find a full time job, so I went

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Speaker 1: back to work in retail at a part time job.

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Speaker 1: Oh with our combined income lowered and our rent going up,

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Speaker 1: we couldn't afford the apartment anymore and decide to ask

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Speaker 1: his mom if we could move in with her. His

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Speaker 1: grandmother sadly passed away from COVID, and his younger brother,

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Speaker 1: Alex twenty two mail moved out, so there were two

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Speaker 1: empty rooms in the house. When his grandma passed, his

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Speaker 1: mom was also in the hospital and was extremely sick.

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Speaker 1: I was the one who personally organized everything for them.

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Speaker 1: I called the hospital funeral homes, emailed funeral directors, got

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Speaker 1: all the signatures needed, made sure they'd wait for his

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Speaker 1: mom to recover, and that their final goodbye could be

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Speaker 1: exactly how she wanted to be. This was not an

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Speaker 1: easy task because of COVID, but I made it happen.

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Speaker 1: Tristan and his brothers were grieving, so it was really

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Speaker 1: just me and their uncle doing it all. I say

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Speaker 1: all of this because I cared a lot about Tristan's

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Speaker 1: family and I thought they felt the same way, so

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Speaker 1: she agreed to let us move in. Shortly after, Tristan

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Speaker 1: quit his job and began looking for a new one. I,

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Speaker 1: on my savings and part time income, shouldered all of

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Speaker 1: our bills, groceries and the rent to his mom. Tristan's

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Speaker 1: older brother, Jared thirty nine Mail, still lived in the house.

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Speaker 1: We also completely renovated the room, put in new floors,

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Speaker 1: painted the walls with fresh paint, cleaned out all the

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Speaker 1: trash that Alex had left behind, et cetera. Well, it

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Speaker 1: was immediately made clear I was not welcome here.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: Jared, the older brother would do some things that really

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Speaker 1: upset me. He'd steal some of my things, like my

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Speaker 1: toothpaste or my candles and put them in his room.

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Speaker 1: What weird. Yes, I would open his door and find

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Speaker 1: my stuff in his room, which maybe isn't cool of me,

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Speaker 1: but neither is stealing. So he would also throw away

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Speaker 1: our groceries, claiming they were bad or old, even though

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Speaker 1: I just bought them. He broke both my pressure cooker.

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Speaker 1: I would be furious and vacuum cleaner. I'm furious accident,

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Speaker 1: not grag and he would complain very loudly that we

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Speaker 1: didn't clean enough or pay enough rent, et cetera. He's

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Speaker 1: unfortunately a waste who isn't unpleasant and at times outwardly hostile.

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Speaker 1: I tried approaching him calmly a few times to which

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Speaker 1: he always seemed apologetic, but then would turn around and

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Speaker 1: do the same thing over again. The final straw came

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Speaker 1: when he took my laundry basket out of the laundry

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Speaker 1: room and threw it at our door. He was obviously

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Speaker 1: wasted and had borrowed Tristan's car earlier. Yikes, I lost

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Speaker 1: my cool. Yelled at him to keep his effing hands

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Speaker 1: to himself and to never throw my things again. He

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Speaker 1: lost it and called me an a hole multiple times

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Speaker 1: in front of both Tristan and his mom.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: There was a lot of back and forth yelling. I'm

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Speaker 1: not proud of the way I yelled at him, but

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Speaker 1: I had had enough. His reasoning for his behavior boiled

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Speaker 1: down to Tristan stopped hanging out with him. Ended upset him.

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Speaker 1: As he's a man, he can't deal.

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Speaker 3: With his emotions in a proper way and actually communicate,

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Speaker 3: he must show it through anger. Tristan told him he

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Speaker 3: wreaked a booze and could no longer drive his car

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Speaker 3: because it was obvious he was driving Westead. Jared was furious.

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Speaker 3: He's been ever since with no signs of stopping. I

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Speaker 3: talked a few times to mother in law about this.

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Speaker 3: She openly said she knows what kind of son she has,

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Speaker 3: but will never kick him out. He's her responsibility, so

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Speaker 3: we all just suffer in silence. A few months after

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Speaker 3: this incident, mother in law let Jared barr over car

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Speaker 3: and he drove it wasted into a stop sign.

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Speaker 1: Why is this man stile?

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Speaker 2: Why are people offering her cars to this?

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Speaker 1: That's insane. He got arrested for his third duy and

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Speaker 1: her car was Toad.

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Speaker 2: That is so bad. Bird, that is so bad. I

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Speaker 2: knew anything good behind the wheel.

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Speaker 4: You guys are the mother, She's like allowing this behavior behavior.

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Speaker 4: I knew someone who got one do I and that

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Speaker 4: was like, oh, so long of dealing with legal things? Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and ten thousand plus dollars. Oh yeah, you're going third

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Speaker 4: do why?

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Speaker 2: Like you're screwed.

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Speaker 1: It was going to cost her twelve hundred dollars to

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Speaker 1: get it back. I gave her one thousand dollars out

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Speaker 1: of the kindness of my heart and said she can

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Speaker 1: count that as early rent. Again. I'm coming to the

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Speaker 1: rescue like an end when I should be running away.

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Speaker 2: Oh blindbe says OHP said. Jared is thirty nine.

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Speaker 1: Jared is thirty nine. He's acting like a honestly, not

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Speaker 1: even a child, but act like this. Fast forward a

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Speaker 1: few months and Tristan now has a new job and

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Speaker 1: is helping me with the bills. But mother in law

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Speaker 1: started saying weird things that almost made it seem like

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Speaker 1: she was trying to start a fight with me. She

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Speaker 1: knows we don't want kids, but would comment that we'd

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Speaker 1: never have to worry about childcare, or that I could

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Speaker 1: just have the baby and leave it with her. She

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Speaker 1: also brought up weddings and said that the traditional color

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Speaker 1: for the mother to wear is cream or ivory.

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Speaker 4: She's gonna say it really quick, Christina Lowe says, I

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Speaker 4: want to thank them for the shout out to my kiddo.

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Speaker 4: We both hugged and cried hard. This year has been

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Speaker 4: awful to say.

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Speaker 2: The least, of course.

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Speaker 4: Oh I'm sorry in an awful year, Christina, But I'm

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Speaker 4: glad that we could bring some a hug and cry.

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Speaker 2: That's beautiful. Thank you for being here with us, Love you, guys.

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Speaker 1: I told her neither she nor my own mother would

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Speaker 1: be allowed to wear white if Tristan and I were

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Speaker 1: getting married, which again, we don't even want to. Then

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Speaker 1: she made a really unkind comment about people with mental

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Speaker 1: health problems having something seriously wrong with them. She knows

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Speaker 1: I struggled with depression and OCD, so that's to hear.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even try to finish that conversation. I just

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Speaker 1: said okay, stood up, and walked away. After that, mother

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Speaker 1: in law stopped talking to me completely. I would say

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Speaker 1: hello or good morning to her before work, but she

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Speaker 1: would just keep watching TV or reading her book and

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Speaker 1: pretend like I wasn't there. When Tristan would greet her,

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Speaker 1: she'd immediately look up and start chatting with him, even

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Speaker 1: when I was standing right next to him. I was

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Speaker 1: confused and honestly a little hurt, but I was also

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Speaker 1: so exhausted from all the drama that I didn't even

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Speaker 1: bother bringing it up to her. Instead, after a few

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Speaker 1: weeks of this, I just stopped trying to talk to her.

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Speaker 1: Mother in law asked Tristan one night why I was

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Speaker 1: mad at her, to which he flipped it and said,

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Speaker 1: you're the one ignoring her. She went one hundred percent,

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Speaker 1: try to gaslight am. I don't do that. I've never

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Speaker 1: done that to her. He reminded mother in law that

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Speaker 1: twice he was standing right next to me and noticed

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Speaker 1: it himself. Well, I must not have heard her yet.

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Speaker 1: To this day, she still won't say hello to me.

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Speaker 2: Huh.

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Speaker 1: She'll look at me and immediately look away. My birthday

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Speaker 1: was a few weeks ago and she was still being

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Speaker 1: this way towards being She invited her friend over so

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Speaker 1: they could watch horror movies together. They both didn't say

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Speaker 1: a word to me, despite me walking in with balloons

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Speaker 1: and gifts in my hands. No hello, no happy birthday.

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Speaker 2: Nothing on her birthday, her birthday, that's messed up.

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Speaker 1: That brought me meat to tears on my own birthday.

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Speaker 1: It's so awkward and uncomfortable now that I just want

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Speaker 1: to run away. Tristan in all of this is pretty

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Speaker 1: much trying to stay neutral and not pick sides.

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Speaker 2: Interest is not helpful. He did stand he.

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Speaker 1: Did stand up, but like, also, it's just like it's

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Speaker 1: not helpful. I know that they're living with her, which

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Speaker 1: does complicate it, but you gotta stand up for your partner.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't want to get into a fight with his

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Speaker 1: mom over the way they've treated me, but he also

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to upset me by being overly nice to work,

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Speaker 1: so he just stays quiet. Most of the time. But

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not going to stay quiet about

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Speaker 1: joining us live every weekedd three pm PST on YouTube, Facebook, TikTok,

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Speaker 1: and Twitch.

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Speaker 2: You don't let him know. I got to let you

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Speaker 2: know the freaking nice fit. Stop yelling at me. Sorry,

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Speaker 2: she's letting you know. I've been known.

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Speaker 1: Oh but there is a little bit left to this story.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I've given so much to this family

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Speaker 1: and I'm now finding out it was a mistake. I

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Speaker 1: thought his mom was genuinely a sweet person, but now

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Speaker 1: I don't think I could ever see her the same

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Speaker 1: way again.

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Speaker 2: They started off having a good relationship.

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Speaker 1: Right, She did all of that stuff while she was

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Speaker 1: in the hospital. Yeah, I know I should probably try

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Speaker 1: to be the bigger person and ask her what's going on,

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Speaker 1: but she might ignore you and ask how I was

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Speaker 1: offending her. But the childish part of me wants to

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Speaker 1: just leave and never talk to her again. I'm currently

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Speaker 1: looking for a place. I don't want to be here

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Speaker 1: any longer than I need to, but with the housing

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Speaker 1: crisis being the way it is, that's easier said than done.

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Speaker 1: So am I the ale And that is the end

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Speaker 1: of that story. I don't think so, I think that

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Speaker 1: you've tried to be kind and respectful, and it seems

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Speaker 1: like she's fully ignoring you.

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Speaker 4: AQ says the worms, weare them them, wear them, the worms,

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Speaker 4: waar them.

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Speaker 1: Any final thoughts.

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Speaker 4: From what we know, it seems like the mother one

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Speaker 4: hundred percent is being the amateure one. She's like blatantly

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Speaker 4: playing childish games and ignoring someone she's upset with, not

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Speaker 4: talking to ope, making her feel uncomfortable in her living situation. Yes,

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Speaker 4: and yes, and I think is all of our responsibility

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Speaker 4: to stand up for ourselves, empower ourselves to be able

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Speaker 4: to like make our feelings known.

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Speaker 1: Well, this is kind of Op's question. Then, of she asked,

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Speaker 1: should I talk to her?

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Speaker 2: Should conversation so?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, if you're going to continue to live with.

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Speaker 4: Her, Yeah, And I think it's just good practice, Like

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Speaker 4: if someone is treating you badly, I think we should

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Speaker 4: all empower ourselves enough to be able to like make

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Speaker 4: a stand for ourselves and not doing it in a confronting,

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Speaker 4: attacking or blaming way, but to learn the skillfulness to

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Speaker 4: be able to say like, hey, like when you do this,

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Speaker 4: it causes this these emotions in me, And I would

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Speaker 4: really appreciate it if you acted in a way that

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Speaker 4: wasn't harming me.

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Speaker 1: I do think that being able to say that would

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Speaker 1: be dependent on you having a place to go, though,

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Speaker 1: because she does have the power to kick you out unfortunately.

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Speaker 1: Because like, while that conversation may be necessary, you do

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Speaker 1: need like a sec you know, an alternative option.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but I think if you were to do it correctly,

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Speaker 4: I don't think he would put you in danger.

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Speaker 2: But we don't know. We don't know because we don't

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Speaker 2: know how you react. We don't know how to react.

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Speaker 1: It's hard, but that is This is the end of

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Speaker 1: that story. I snapped at my pregnant wife because she

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Speaker 1: won't let me near our.

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Speaker 2: Baby is baby.

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Speaker 1: I've been with my wife for four years. My five

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Speaker 1: year old Leslie is from my first long term relationship

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Speaker 1: during college. We split shortly after her birth as my

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Speaker 1: then partner admitted to being unfaithful and not being ready

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Speaker 1: to start a family. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: Afraid Strawberry on the Best of Redditor Updates Suburden. So

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Speaker 1: my daughter loves my wife. They are inseparable. My ex

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Speaker 1: doesn't have much to do with my daughter or myself

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Speaker 1: except to cause the occasional drama. She did not want

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Speaker 1: any custody or visitation time. So my wife is her

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Speaker 1: mother for all intents and purposes. My wife is almost

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Speaker 1: eight months pregnant. She has shut me out of the

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Speaker 1: entire pregnancy, but refuses to admit anything is wrong. I

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Speaker 1: feel completely ignored and hurt. When we first learned she

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Speaker 1: was pregnant, she told me while I was making breakfast.

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Speaker 1: Of course I was elated. However, since it was an

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Speaker 1: unplanned pregnancy, I asked how she was feeling. At first,

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Speaker 1: she began smiling and crying about how excited she is.

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Speaker 1: I picked her up, gave her a million kisses and

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Speaker 1: told her I was so excited to have a baby too,

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Speaker 1: and what a wonderful mother she would be. All good?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 1: She went all out to announce to everyone else balloons

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Speaker 1: and boxes, T shirts and best big sister mugs. I

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Speaker 1: assume the casual announcement with me is because she wanted

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Speaker 1: my feelings on growing on our family before celebrating. However,

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Speaker 1: when her sister asked about how I liked my box,

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Speaker 1: my wife quickly said he didn't get one. This is

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Speaker 1: in his first rodeo. It was like pulling teeth to

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Speaker 1: get her to let me go to the ultrasund appointments.

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Speaker 1: She didn't want me to miss work, didn't want to

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Speaker 1: interrupt Elle's routine, Leslie's routine. Excuse after excuse. When it

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Speaker 1: came to listening to the heartbeat, my wife instantly started

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Speaker 1: crying happy tears. The tech was telling her how strong

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Speaker 1: the heartbeat was, how precious our little one was, etc.

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Speaker 1: I was feeling a bit emotional and cleared my throat

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Speaker 1: to prevent crying. The tech said, Ah, isn't that sound beautiful.

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Speaker 1: My wife immediately said, this isn't his first child, It's

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Speaker 1: not that special for him. Why is she gatekeeping? I

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Speaker 1: immediately said, this is one of the most important moments

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Speaker 1: of my life. Oh, I can't think of anything more special.

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Speaker 1: The atmosphere was clearly awkward. After another thing that bothered me,

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Speaker 1: I heard Leslie and my wife's mom laughing in the

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Speaker 1: living area. I was in the kitchen making dinner when

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Speaker 1: I walked in and asked what the fuss was about.

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Speaker 1: Leslie was touching my wife's stomach and was laughing with

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Speaker 1: excitement that the baby was moving and it would be

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Speaker 1: so cute. My wife let my daughter and mother in

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Speaker 1: law feel the baby move before me. I was hurt,

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Speaker 1: but simply said how happy I was. Later that night,

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Speaker 1: my wife was poking her belly and laughing. I asked

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Speaker 1: her to feel as well, and she said, you felt

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Speaker 1: Leslie move as a baby. What can be better than that?

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Speaker 1: She was the cutest baby ever. She has felt pretty

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00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,839
Speaker 1: poorly throughout her pregnancy, but refuses to let me help her.

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Speaker 1: If I bring her a snack and drink, she offers

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Speaker 1: it to our daughter. If I try and rub her

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Speaker 1: feet or legs, she asks me to play with our

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Speaker 1: daughter so she doesn't feel like she's being replaced or ignored.

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Speaker 1: I simply do not ignore my daughter. We have bonding time.

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Speaker 1: I'm an active parent, but I want to love my wife.

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Speaker 1: She can hardly eat, but when I asked her what

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Speaker 1: I can prepare for her, it's whatever Leslie wants. We

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Speaker 1: went to the zoo with Leslie and my wife started

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Speaker 1: feeling bad. She had cramps and was considering going to

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Speaker 1: the hospital, severe nausea and dizziness. I carry her to

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Speaker 1: a bench nearby and she began to cry, saying she

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Speaker 1: can't even stand up. I told her, let me call

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Speaker 1: an ambulance or I'll carry you to the car and

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Speaker 1: drive you. She said she didn't want to ruin Leslie's trip,

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Speaker 1: and we didn't even make it to the aviary, Leslie's

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Speaker 1: favorite part. I said, I wasn't leaving when she asked

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Speaker 1: me to continue to go through the zoo with Leslie.

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Speaker 1: We sat for a while until her dad showed up.

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Speaker 1: She didn't even tell me he was coming, and he

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Speaker 1: took her to the doctor. I was shocked and followed

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Speaker 1: them with Leslie. When we arrived, Leslie was upset about

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Speaker 1: missing the aviary and pouting. At that point, the health

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Speaker 1: of my wife an unborn child were my concern. I

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Speaker 1: really didn't care Leslie was upset. My wife was. I

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Speaker 1: rate that I made Leslie missus. Another example, we were

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Speaker 1: watching Leslie play in a local kids' sport. I asked her,

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Speaker 1: do you think our kid will be athletic, artistic, enjoy

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Speaker 1: science or math? She said, this is Leslie's moment. We

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Speaker 1: shouldn't make it about someone who isn't even here. Leslie

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Speaker 1: was on the field, we were sitting in the stands.

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Speaker 1: We had both waved to her, held up our sign

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Speaker 1: for everything. I just wanted to talk about our baby.

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00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,800
Speaker 1: When her bump was really showing. She would always showed

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Speaker 1: off to anyone who wanted to look her family, friends, siblings, etc.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to see my bump? I'm huge, so excited,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe it's only x more weeks. They all

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Speaker 1: touch her bump, talk to her, et cetera. Her parents

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00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,040
Speaker 1: come and read or tell back in the day stories.

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00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,080
Speaker 1: They go to the beach. A thousand bump pictures posted

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Speaker 1: on her friend's social media accounts. So ready to be

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Speaker 1: an honorary auntie, Her sister said, wife puts the bee

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Speaker 1: in bump and beautiful. If we go out together. She

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Speaker 1: wears the loosest clothes so I don't see it. I'll

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Speaker 1: even see her pull her shirt down when she sees

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Speaker 1: me come into the room. She sat on me the

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Speaker 1: other day after being playful in bed her the bump

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00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,480
Speaker 1: was right in my face. I ran my hands up

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Speaker 1: and said, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

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Speaker 1: You already are a great mom to Leslie. I can't

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00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,240
Speaker 1: wait to see you as our family grows. This was

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Speaker 1: one of the first times I was really able to

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00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,600
Speaker 1: feel her bump, so I rested my hand there and said,

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00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,120
Speaker 1: I love you so much already I'm so excited to

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00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,400
Speaker 1: meet you. I hope you have your mom's eyes. She

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00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,440
Speaker 1: moved off of me and said, I know ex partner

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00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,920
Speaker 1: had a bigger bump than me. I bet it was

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00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,040
Speaker 1: fun seeing Leslie move all the time. You don't have

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00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,240
Speaker 1: to act like you care. I know you've done this before.

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00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,840
Speaker 1: What She just seems incredibly jealous. I said, I don't

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00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,400
Speaker 1: think about it that way. Leslie is special, but this

348
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,880
Speaker 1: is a completely new and different special because it was

349
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,640
Speaker 1: with her and our baby was someone completely new and special.

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00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,680
Speaker 1: Literally took the words out of my mouth. She began

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00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,800
Speaker 1: to leave the room and I could see her shoulders

352
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,600
Speaker 1: shake from crying. I am one hundred percent positive she

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Speaker 1: is not cheating, nor has she ever. I just cannot

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00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,880
Speaker 1: wrap my head around why she doesn't want me to

355
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Speaker 1: be happy about this. The rest of the time is

356
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,080
Speaker 1: completely normal as long as I don't mention the baby.

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00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,200
Speaker 1: She's affectionate, initiates intimacy, brag about what a good husband

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Speaker 1: I am and how great I've made this pregnancy. We

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00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:07,600
Speaker 1: plan for our future, have date nights, everything else. Unfortunately,

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00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,840
Speaker 1: we had a fight where I snapped. I had a

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00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,040
Speaker 1: break between clients at work, so I went to a

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00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,240
Speaker 1: local baby store and got a lot of things off

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00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,520
Speaker 1: of her list and pinterest sport I came home and

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00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 1: surprised her with flowers, a prenatal message certificate, and her

365
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,440
Speaker 1: favorite food as well as the baby item. She seemed

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00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,280
Speaker 1: very grateful, but when I came home the items were

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00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,800
Speaker 1: no longer there. She said she returned it to buy

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Speaker 1: Leslie's stuff as she was going to feel left out.

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Speaker 4: There's so many things to return getting your wife like

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00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,800
Speaker 4: all these thoughtful gifts, and then I returned all of it.

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Speaker 1: I lost it. I cried for the first time in

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00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,320
Speaker 1: our marriage and yelled at having a child with her

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00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,960
Speaker 1: was the worst mistake I've ever made. That at least

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00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,680
Speaker 1: my deadbeat X gave me the chance to know my

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Speaker 1: unborn child.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, okay, jeez.

377
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,280
Speaker 1: That I didn't care about the baby because she wouldn't

378
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,640
Speaker 1: even let me bond with it, I do care have

379
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,880
Speaker 1: since she told me that I hope she was as

380
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,360
Speaker 1: miserable as she made me and that she'd better be

381
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,640
Speaker 1: prepared for a custody to speak, she's as stay at

382
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,320
Speaker 1: home mom for Leslie. She simply said, I know you

383
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,679
Speaker 1: don't care about the baby, but I'll die before you

384
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,199
Speaker 1: take my baby from me? What I have begged her

385
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,440
Speaker 1: to let me interact with her slash our baby. I

386
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,920
Speaker 1: asked her if her therapist had any insight onto why

387
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,840
Speaker 1: she's being like this. She said no, that she isn't

388
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,159
Speaker 1: doing anything. I told her what I said above, and

389
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,960
Speaker 1: she said I had this experiences already, so it shouldn't matter.

390
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 1: I asked her if the baby was mine. I know

391
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 1: it is, I was just being mean. She threw her

392
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,600
Speaker 1: phone at me and said, yes, go through it. I'll

393
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,200
Speaker 1: do a paternity test whatever you need. I just called

394
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 1: her parents and asked them to go to her house

395
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,640
Speaker 1: as we're having a disagreement, and went to a hotel.

396
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,439
Speaker 1: I do not want to stress her or our unborn child.

397
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,200
Speaker 1: I really want to repair this, but I truly don't

398
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,479
Speaker 1: know how. I'm staying at an Airbnb for now until

399
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,040
Speaker 1: we can figure this out. But I truly don't know

400
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,199
Speaker 1: what to do. I miss her like crazy, and I

401
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,760
Speaker 1: can't even begin to understand why she wants to behave

402
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,560
Speaker 1: this way. I have apologized for what I said, but

403
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,840
Speaker 1: I can't take back what I said. And I worry

404
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 1: about when our baby is born, if she will even

405
00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:02,159
Speaker 1: want to be a family with me, or let me

406
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,439
Speaker 1: have anything to do with our baby. I spoke with

407
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,359
Speaker 1: a mutual friend who says she is very distraught and

408
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,879
Speaker 1: says she can't be a single mom. Loves me, but

409
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 1: her actions prove the opposite time and time again, even

410
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,960
Speaker 1: when I beg for change. And there are some comments

411
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,360
Speaker 1: and an update, but I have so many thoughts shsh

412
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,640
Speaker 1: based off of her actions. It does seem like maybe

413
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,160
Speaker 1: these were the underlying thoughts that she was having and

414
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,400
Speaker 1: he just kind of voiced them out loud. Yeah for her,

415
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,120
Speaker 1: And this is again like she is causing these problems. However,

416
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 1: I still think if we had communicated after that first

417
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,639
Speaker 1: kind of initial reactions of not letting him come to

418
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,240
Speaker 1: the appointments, trying to push him away from anything baby related,

419
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,560
Speaker 1: if he had just said, hey, what is going on,

420
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,000
Speaker 1: why are you acting this way, Let's have a conversation,

421
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,040
Speaker 1: I don't think there would have been this big of

422
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 1: a blow up.

423
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 4: And if he voiced it in the beginning, yeah, then

424
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 4: it went into have to get to this point.

425
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,879
Speaker 1: There are some comments individual Fox like says you two

426
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 1: need couples therapy immediately. You should have started it after

427
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 1: her first or second comment you've known for months things

428
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 1: weren't right. Also call her OBI and explain what's going on.

429
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 1: Ask them to make a record of her shift in behavior,

430
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,639
Speaker 1: and stress that she's never done anything like this before

431
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 1: getting pregnant. Opie says, I should have. I stupidly attributed

432
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,879
Speaker 1: it to hormones and other issues that come with pregnancy.

433
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,119
Speaker 1: She was sick for most of her pregnancy, and for

434
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 1: a lot of it actually lost weight and was constantly

435
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:26,160
Speaker 1: hungry but couldn't eat and became very body conscious. She's

436
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,399
Speaker 1: doing much better now and is a healthy weight, and

437
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,040
Speaker 1: I genuinely thought it would get better. It's much easier

438
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,640
Speaker 1: to see in hindsight that the first few comments were

439
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 1: deeper than that. Red's Rock says, don't be hard on yourself.

440
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,440
Speaker 1: You couldn't have known it would escalate to this, But

441
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 1: do take action now so that you can both fix this.

442
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 1: You absolutely can. Your love for each other is so

443
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 1: plain to read. I'm certain you can get this back

444
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,080
Speaker 1: on track and start enjoying this together. I really don't

445
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,120
Speaker 1: know why she could be shutting you out, other than

446
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,000
Speaker 1: protecting herself by telling herself it's not special to you,

447
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,920
Speaker 1: because that's what she fears. But it sounds like clinical

448
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,639
Speaker 1: anxiety because she has no reason to fear that until

449
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 1: the argument, You've done everything you could to reassure her.

450
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 1: I so hope this works out for you all, and

451
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,360
Speaker 1: Opie says, I love her dearly. It hurts to see

452
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,280
Speaker 1: the comments and messages about her or I being horrible.

453
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,199
Speaker 1: We are both making mistakes. My comments more of a

454
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 1: mistake than anything she has ever done. But I do

455
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 1: love her and I don't want to think she has

456
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,920
Speaker 1: a master plot to keep my baby away. This change

457
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,440
Speaker 1: was like night and day for me. She always talked

458
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,639
Speaker 1: about the future and how great of a sister L

459
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 1: will be. By the way, you guys can be great

460
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 1: viewers by joining us live every weekday at three PMPST

461
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 1: on YouTube, just to have our brothers.

462
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,360
Speaker 2: You could be our sibling if you ta our both.

463
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,960
Speaker 1: But there's an update twenty eight days later. It's been

464
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 1: about a month since I posted. This is a bit

465
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 1: long because so many kind redditors reached out and gave

466
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 1: me advice and shared their experiences and asked for an update.

467
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 1: After I posted and stewed for a little while and

468
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 1: had a couple of drinks, I called my father in law.

469
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 1: He and my wife are very close and I respect

470
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 1: his opinion. He has been married for a very long

471
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 1: time and seems to have a happy marriage and has

472
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 1: good relationships all around with his family. I didn't specify

473
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,880
Speaker 1: what issues we were having, but he was over at

474
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,360
Speaker 1: my house while I was staying in an arabianb so

475
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,360
Speaker 1: it was no secret we were having problems. He has

476
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,800
Speaker 1: more of a traditional marriage, and at some point asked

477
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 1: what I had to lose by putting pressure on her

478
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 1: to talk. I said I feared I would push her

479
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 1: away more, and he pretty much told me that I

480
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: was living in a separate house than my pregnant wife

481
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 1: freaking out about a potential divorce. What did I have

482
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:28,159
Speaker 1: to lose? He advised me to be a man and

483
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 1: come back to my house and lay it on the line.

484
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: I told him i'd be coming over the next day.

485
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 1: They asked if they could take Leslie to buy some

486
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 1: sparklers for the upcoming holiday and spend the night at

487
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,199
Speaker 1: their house. I agreed, and when I went to my

488
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 1: house the next day, I came in with flowers and

489
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 1: stuff to make dinner. My wife asked what I was

490
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,800
Speaker 1: doing there, to which I replied, I lived there.

491
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,000
Speaker 2: He's like his house.

492
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 1: How did you get in here? Yeah, and would like

493
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 1: to sit down and talk. I gave a long apology

494
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,120
Speaker 1: for my actions and words. When I finished, I said

495
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 1: it was her turn to tell me what was going on.

496
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:08,119
Speaker 1: She tried to claim nothing, that everything was okay girl.

497
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 1: After a while, I said my heart is broken and

498
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 1: that we have been through some tough things together, fought

499
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,119
Speaker 1: for each other, and now you sit here and lie

500
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 1: to my face. We both sat there and she cried

501
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 1: for about thirty minutes until eventually she said she felt

502
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,120
Speaker 1: like our relationship would end if she.

503
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 2: Was honest, it's coming, it's coming, It's going.

504
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 1: I said, I would hear her out, no matter what

505
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 1: the truth. She admitted it was hard that this would

506
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 1: be her first kid and not mine. She didn't think

507
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,120
Speaker 1: it would bother her, and it didn't until she was pregnant,

508
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,119
Speaker 1: and that she laid in bed at night thinking if

509
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,919
Speaker 1: my ex would have wanted to raise Leslie, would we

510
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 1: still be a family together and she wouldn't matter. She

511
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 1: expressed that seeing me emotional about our baby, or wanting

512
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 1: to touch her bump or treat her and made her

513
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 1: think of me and my ex and now I had

514
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 1: already did all of the things she was excited to

515
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 1: do with me. Near the beginning of her pregnancy, she

516
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 1: had told a close friend that she couldn't wait to

517
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,120
Speaker 1: have a baby with her soulmate, and her friend replied

518
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,640
Speaker 1: that she didn't think soulmates had other children or baby mamas,

519
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,240
Speaker 1: that it was two people meant only for each other.

520
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 1: She was very upset and asked if I thought we

521
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,719
Speaker 1: were soulmates like she did. She described herself and our

522
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: unborn child as my sloppy second family, that no one

523
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,879
Speaker 1: grew up dreaming of having kids by multiple different people,

524
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 1: that she was just the substitute when the family I

525
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 1: wanted didn't work out. She also shared she had found

526
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 1: some old images of my ex on social media and

527
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: could not stop comparing her pregnant body. She feared the

528
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,919
Speaker 1: baby wouldn't be an equal to Leslie in my eyes.

529
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 1: It worried her when I would ask what she thought

530
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 1: the baby would be like that. What if the baby

531
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: was disabled or didn't like to do the things we

532
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,680
Speaker 1: enjoyed as a family, or the baby and Leslie didn't

533
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 1: like each other. She said. At one point she found

534
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,879
Speaker 1: herself wishing I had never had Leslie, so she wouldn't

535
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,159
Speaker 1: have to worries much, and that is when she knew

536
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: she had to really put in the extra effort to

537
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 1: maintain a relationship with Leslie. She feared that between work

538
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: and Leslie, I wouldn't have time and wouldn't bond with

539
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 1: the baby like in the articles she read online where

540
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 1: fathers didn't bond with their children until they were able

541
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:06,880
Speaker 1: to do things with the family. When I did try

542
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 1: and bond with the baby, she worried the baby wouldn't

543
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 1: live up to Leslie. I have never been shy about

544
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 1: saying how much being a father means to me and

545
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 1: how raising Leslie has been the highlight of my life,

546
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 1: along with marrying my wife and now having our child together.

547
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,399
Speaker 1: She said it was initially what made her confident in

548
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: marrying me and excited to have a big family with me,

549
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: but now constantly wondered if her pregnancy and this baby

550
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 1: would be a highlight or a burden for me because

551
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,439
Speaker 1: the stress is the same, but the newness wasn't And

552
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: then what if a newborn and then toddler wouldn't be

553
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 1: as interesting to me as Leslie, who was capable of

554
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: doing activities. She showed me a million articles of different men,

555
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 1: explaining they didn't bond with their children until four plus

556
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: years old. She also showed me the videos where people

557
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 1: say things they did with their first kid and then

558
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: get more relaxed as they have more children. She said

559
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: it freaked her out because it was clear people stopped

560
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 1: carrying the more children they had. She said that there

561
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 1: were times she felt she was ruining our family and

562
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: coming between me and Leslie. For example, at the zoo,

563
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 1: she said she cried on the way to the hospital.

564
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: She was afraid Leslie would hate her and resent the

565
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 1: baby for cutting our zoo time short, and that I

566
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,719
Speaker 1: would be upset that I was spending my time off

567
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 1: work at the hospital instead of doing the activities we

568
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 1: planned with Leslie. While I work, Leslie and my wife

569
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: spend a lot of time out of the house, library,

570
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 1: local parks, et cetera. One of their favorite activities is

571
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,920
Speaker 1: biking together, and we bike together on weekends as well.

572
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,680
Speaker 1: We have lots of local trails, but due to her pregnancy,

573
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 1: she has not been able to We've been doing more

574
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 1: indoor activities. My wife said that when I'm at work,

575
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: Leslie kept saying she hated her because she didn't get

576
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 1: to go on her new bike. Is often anymore, I said,

577
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: I would discuss it with her because that's unacceptable, but

578
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 1: also she's like five. As a person who's babysat a

579
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: lot of young kids, sometimes they just tell you that

580
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: they hate you and then like two seconds later they're like,

581
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: I love you. My wife asked me not to since

582
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,239
Speaker 1: there would be so many changes for Elle soon, and

583
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 1: it hurt her because she missed biking together as well.

584
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 1: A couple of months ago, my wife asked me and

585
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 1: Leslie if we wanted to read stories together. Leslie chose

586
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,439
Speaker 1: the first story I read, and my wife chose the second,

587
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 1: her favorite childhood story for me to read to the

588
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 1: baby and Leslie since it helps promote brain activity and

589
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,440
Speaker 1: helps with bonding. After that, I read another book of

590
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: Leslie's choosings, and while I was at work the next day,

591
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: Leslie ripped the pages out of the book my wife chose.

592
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 1: She said she was going to tell me, but her friend,

593
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 1: same friend who says we aren't soulmates. So mad at

594
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,920
Speaker 1: that friend, get that friend out of there, said I

595
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: would think she was making it up, and then it

596
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 1: seemed to her she was trying to come between me

597
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: and Leslie. I asked her why she didn't tell me

598
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 1: any of this, and she explained that she didn't feel

599
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 1: comfortable telling me because her thoughts didn't even make sense

600
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 1: to her. She wanted ME to spend time with Leslie

601
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 1: so she didn't feel left out or jealous, and when

602
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 1: I did, she felt upset I wasn't spending more time

603
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: with her. She loves Leslie but wishes we had our

604
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: first kid together if she wants me around, but also

605
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: feels upset and guilty when I give her slash our

606
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 1: onborn baby attention. She said she feared that I would

607
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: think she was trying to come between me and Leslie

608
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,199
Speaker 1: when she wasn't. By the time I realized something was

609
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 1: truly wrong and started to ask but wrong if she

610
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: needed therapy, et cetera. She said she realized she was

611
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: acting poorly, but didn't want to admit to herself that

612
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,160
Speaker 1: she missed out on a lot with me and doubled

613
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 1: down as it was hard to face that she made

614
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 1: her fears reality by pushing me away and not letting

615
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,919
Speaker 1: me care, and that she couldn't start over that her

616
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: first pregnancy was a somewhat bad experience because of her

617
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: own actions.

618
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 2: And then she doubled down.

619
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 1: At this point, I realized how terrible I had been.

620
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: I apologized for making her feel like she couldn't come

621
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 1: to me about anything. She said. When she researched her feelings,

622
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: she found a bunch of forums where people were calling

623
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: the poster evil for their feelings about their stepchild, and

624
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 1: feared I would feel the same.

625
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 2: I mean, we.

626
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 1: Have awful thoughts all the time. We have these awful

627
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 1: thoughts that will, you know, leak into our brain and

628
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,199
Speaker 1: it's just about what we act on.

629
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 4: I can't even admit these to myself, let alone my partner,

630
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 4: who I fear that these fears are real and actualized for.

631
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: She said, if I had told her I felt about

632
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: Leslie the way she felt about Leslie, that it would

633
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 1: make her angry and upset, so she couldn't see how

634
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be We both for a long time, I

635
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: tried to reassure her. I told her how much I

636
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,399
Speaker 1: loved her, how excited I was that she was the

637
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 1: family of my choosing and my soulmate, that the universe

638
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: knew that Leslie and I needed her, which is why

639
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: circumstances allowed us to be a family. She apologized for

640
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: the way she treated me and said that she wanted

641
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 1: to make it right. She said she had wanted to

642
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: apologize when I was beginning to have my meltdown, but

643
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 1: was surprised when I yelled and realized she might have

644
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: messed up beyond prepare to get that reaction from me.

645
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 1: We continued to cry for a long time, and she

646
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: asked if I wanted to feel the baby.

647
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,120
Speaker 2: We're coming back, guy, coming back.

648
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: Of course, I said yes to wanting to feel the baby,

649
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 1: and we cried even more. It turned out to be

650
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: a great evening. I made us dinner and we laughed

651
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 1: about how I was so stressed. I went to read

652
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: it for advice. She wanted to read the post and

653
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: cried again when she did. I reassured her we could

654
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 1: move past this, and she said she felt less horrible

655
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 1: as she read some of the comments from women and

656
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: her shoes. It was a bit awkward the first week

657
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: after so many months of tension. I knew things were

658
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: turning when she woke me up by whispering, baby wants

659
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: blueberry pancakes that Saturday. I don't think I've ever prepared

660
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: pancakes so bad. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

661
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 1: We ended up going to a pool party baby Bump

662
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 1: a few days later, and she let me choose her swimsuit. Okay,

663
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 1: a big deal for someone who only wore baggy clothes

664
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 1: around me. We took family pictures and the universe is

665
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: clearly on my side because on the way home she

666
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 1: asked me to feel her belly and our baby was hiccupping,

667
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,960
Speaker 1: something I have never felt before, and it was a

668
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 1: first we could share together. She has even let me

669
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 1: help her when she's sick without making an excuse about Leslie.

670
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 1: I've learned that when she comes and puts her back

671
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 1: to me and lifts her arm, that is my cue

672
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 1: to lift her belly up. I now spend a lot

673
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: of time rubbing and talking to her belly and rubbing

674
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: her feet, legs, back, shoulders, hips. Ah. She is sore

675
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 1: everywhere at this point. The first five hundred times it

676
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 1: made me cry. It has been such a relief to

677
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: be involved. I never thought being tasked with acquiring the

678
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: most random food items at two am would be a

679
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: great time for me, but it is. It still sucks

680
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: that I missed out on a lot. I think it

681
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 1: sucks for her too. She gets emotional and says a

682
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 1: weight has been lifted off of her and things are

683
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 1: so much easier, and she's upset that she didn't talk

684
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 1: to me sooner. I have been working to fix some

685
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: of my wife's guilt. I realized there was a lot

686
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 1: of simple fixes. For example, I was able to go

687
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:25,719
Speaker 1: to my local bike shop and get a pole behind trailer.

688
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: Now I pull her in that and she can use

689
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: a small fan in ice packs and Leslie can ride

690
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: her bike. I have taken off work so I can

691
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: spend more time with them. Both. We are all in therapy,

692
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: and thankfully, Leslie's therapist has continued to say she is

693
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: securely attached to.

694
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 2: Both of us, huge, very huge, enjoys the.

695
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 1: Time we spent together, is coping very well. Some of

696
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 1: her behavior was due to another situation which we have resolved,

697
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 1: and she is excited to be a big sister. My

698
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 1: wife was terrified that maybe she could sense her attitude shift,

699
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: but her therapist says that she only had one complain

700
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: about my wife, that she forgot her candy one time

701
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: and then it took thirty two whole minutes for the

702
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: store to deliver it. My wife is in therapy, working

703
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 1: to overcome the negative feeling she has. That is pretty

704
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 1: much where we are now.

705
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 2: Happy. Great. I'm so happy.

706
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: We're getting very close to baby time and working hard

707
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: to finish preparing. My wife still needs reassurance. There are

708
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 1: a lot of time she brings up my ex and

709
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 1: I've found bringing up our first helps. For example, she

710
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: will ask about certain things and how it was for me.

711
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: I'll say I don't want to talk about that and

712
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: steer the conversation to us. Do you remember our first house,

713
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: first vacation, first kiss, date? Remember that time? Blah blah?

714
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: It made me fall more in love with you.

715
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 2: That's sweet that he's like orating.

716
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: Do you remember when you and Leslie made me blah?

717
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: That is still one of my prize possessions. It upsets

718
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: me that my wife suffered for so long. I believe

719
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 1: saying it out loud took a lot of power away

720
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 1: from her feelings. I think most people know how badly

721
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 1: it feels when you have thoughts that don't feel like

722
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: your own, when you're going through a mentally taxing time.

723
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: I really should have stood up for a relationship and

724
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: her mental health way sooner. I accepted her brushing me

725
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: off for far too long, when I should have realized

726
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 1: she needed help. I appreciate everyone who reached out or

727
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 1: offered advice. I posted this in detail with my wife's permission.

728
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: She hopes that it helps someone out there struggling with

729
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:23,200
Speaker 1: the same feelings she felt. And there are some comments

730
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: procrastinating great update, Op, I remember your post. Speaking as

731
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: a therapist, You're very right about one thing in particular,

732
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 1: saying it out loud took a lot of power away

733
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 1: from her feelings. When people feel alone with things, the

734
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 1: insecurities mount and multiply. A lot of people really underestimate

735
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: the power of being curious, empathetic and interested in our

736
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: loved one's emotional experiences. In POV comment, communication is so

737
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 1: key too. A stereotypically says, I wonder how is your

738
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 1: wife moving forward regarding her friend?

739
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 2: But I want it out important.

740
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: Seems she didn't even consider having the insecurities before she

741
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: had a snake in her ear. OHP says we have

742
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: disinvited this friend from our home. Good love that it's

743
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 1: hard to cut her out as she's part of my

744
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: wife's larger friend group. My wife was unsure as this

745
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 1: friend has went through some hard things lately. However, recently,

746
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 1: my wife hosted a girl's night and her friends were

747
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 1: arriving as I was leaving. I told her she looked

748
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 1: beautiful and wished them a good time. When I arrived back,

749
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: my wife told me this friend said in front of

750
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: the whole group that I may be saying kind things

751
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: to her now, but after some changes after birth. I

752
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 1: won't describe here, I will be after her. My wife

753
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: said that was an unkind and untrue thing to say,

754
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 1: and she said it was a joke. I made it

755
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: very clear to my wife that I did not want

756
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: her around as we are in an emotionally vulnerable time

757
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: and this person clearly does not wish us well. And

758
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 1: she agreed, and that is the end of that story.

759
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 2: Happy yeah, happy ending.

760
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 4: My best friend never appreciated what I did for her wedding,

761
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 4: so I exposed her cheating.

762
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: That's how you do it.

763
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 4: I apologize in Evans for the length of this, but

764
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 4: there's a lot of backstory to include here. My best friend,

765
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 4: Maria and I have been friends for over thirteen years,

766
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 4: both twenty five year old females. When she got engaged,

767
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 4: I flew in from my state to be a part

768
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,840
Speaker 4: of the surprise. She told me she didn't want to

769
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 4: plan anything, so I told her I'd do as much

770
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 4: as I could. In the first week, I made a

771
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 4: wedding website, an email, save the dates, and began planning

772
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 4: the bachelorette party. By the way, this comes from you, Armadillo.

773
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 4: I see eight one zero nine on the r okay

774
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 4: story time subreddit. So these are all the things she

775
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 4: asked me to do. Once I finished it, she decided

776
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 4: it she no longer wanted a website, didn't want to

777
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 4: do save the dates, and decided to change locations for

778
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:40,319
Speaker 4: the bachelorette party. I understood and undid everything because it's

779
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 4: her wedding and I'll do whatever she wants.

780
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 2: I tell her. I feel like I'm not really being.

781
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 4: Helpful, so I'd wait till she told me what she

782
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 4: wanted help with and then go from there. A month later,

783
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 4: she was supposed to come visit me. At this point,

784
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,800
Speaker 4: I visited her three times since moving. This would be

785
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:56,799
Speaker 4: the first time she came to see me. I was

786
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 4: so happy. Paid for a bunch of events for us

787
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 4: to do, and one week prior she canceled because she

788
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 4: didn't have the money. I was devastated, but understood until

789
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 4: she went on a different vacation for ten days.

790
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: That's why she didn't have the money, because she spent on.

791
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 4: That vacation because I actually went on a vacation with

792
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 4: a different friend.

793
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't hang out with you.

794
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: She's like, I was thinking about coming and visiting you,

795
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,240
Speaker 1: but then my friend said that we were going to Fiji,

796
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 1: and I was like.

797
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 2: Wow, Fiji. Yeah, I'm on a Fiji. You're you and

798
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 2: Fiji Spiji.

799
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 4: I didn't feel like the priority, and I told her

800
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 4: I hurt my feelings. She apologized, and I thought we

801
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 4: moved on okay, until two months later I got engaged,

802
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 4: and rather than congratulating me, she tells me she doesn't

803
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:40,359
Speaker 4: want me to plan anything during her time. She also

804
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 4: said it was crazy considering I only knew him for

805
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 4: a year. So when I pointed out that was the

806
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 4: same case in her relationship, she claimed that they had been.

807
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:50,800
Speaker 2: Together for two years.

808
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 4: I couldn't understand how she had the audacity to throw

809
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,360
Speaker 4: that in my face, considering she had been cheating on

810
00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 4: him for the entire first year, including oh my god,

811
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 4: she cheated on him, including when he was in his

812
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 4: death back.

813
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: So why are your friends with this person?

814
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 4: He had a heart attack and was in the hospital

815
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 4: for three weeks and she slept with her ex during

816
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 4: that time. I didn't say any of this to her,

817
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,360
Speaker 4: but I was blown away. Fast forward three months and

818
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 4: Maria tells me I have put her on the back

819
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 4: burner and haven't helped with anything. Although Maria literally was like,

820
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 4: don't help me with anything?

821
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: Yeah said, hey, all of these things are I don't

822
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 1: like him?

823
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,839
Speaker 4: No, And she literally said when OPI told her that

824
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 4: they got that OPI got engaged.

825
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, don't help me with my wedding anymore?

826
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:37,720
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

827
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 4: And now she's upset at her for not helping her

828
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,879
Speaker 4: flip flopper. When I asked her to give me examples

829
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 4: what I haven't helped with, she couldn't give me any

830
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 4: at all. She's like, you haven't helped me with anything.

831
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 4: She was like what, She's like, I hate you, so

832
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 4: mind you. I planned the bridle shower in laws. We're

833
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,600
Speaker 4: putting it together because I'm out of state. But I

834
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 4: did all I could, and I also hosted the bachelorette party.

835
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 4: It was hard on me financially, but I I wanted

836
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 4: to do everything I could for her. After she calmed down,

837
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 4: she said, it's not that you haven't helped, it's that

838
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 4: I haven't.

839
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 2: Allowed you to.

840
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 4: Okay, I pushed you away because I knew you were

841
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 4: upset with me for not visiting you.

842
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 2: Again, I'm blown away. I was being punished for being

843
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 2: hurt by her. At least she owned up to it.

844
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:17,919
Speaker 1: Yeah.

845
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 4: I called Marita express that I felt hurt that she

846
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 4: didn't thank me for all the effort I put into

847
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 4: not only be at her bachelorette, but to host it,

848
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 4: and she said she didn't think she needed to thank

849
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,400
Speaker 4: me because she doesn't like when people do things for

850
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 4: her and I should know that. So again I stuffed

851
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 4: my feelings down. So I flew in two days ago.

852
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:35,720
Speaker 2: For the wedding.

853
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,240
Speaker 4: That morning, Maria made a post thanking her in laws

854
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 4: for her bidle shower, and then it thanked me. I

855
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 4: was hurt, but kept my mouth shut. Why why are

856
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:48,919
Speaker 4: you keeping your mouth shut? Let that mouth yeap. Our

857
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 4: other best friend, Cayln picks me up, and I'm so

858
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 4: nervous because things have been tense. Caylen asked me how

859
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 4: I felt due to the post because she thought it

860
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 4: was mean, and I admitted I was hurt. Well, I'll

861
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 4: do what I need to for her this weekend, but

862
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 4: then I'm done.

863
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 2: Okay. It's not like she's just like taking a beating.

864
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 1: And she's like, I just don't want to be friends

865
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 1: with this person yore, which I think should have been

866
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have not been friends with her like a

867
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: while ago. I honestly don't think there's any like the

868
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 1: only communication that should have happened was stop cheating or

869
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 1: else and then if that wasn't you know, if she

870
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: didn't stop cheating, then you stop being friends with her.

871
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,360
Speaker 2: It's such a major red flag.

872
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 4: It's huge ongoing cheating on someone on your partner, and

873
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 4: also when they're on their deathbed.

874
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, huge red flag. I don't want to be friends

875
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: with that person friends with that person either, I'd be like, ooh, yikes,

876
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 1: it's awful.

877
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 4: So a week before I asked Maria if I was

878
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 4: still standing next to her at the wedding, and she said,

879
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 4: of course you are. During the drive from the airport,

880
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 4: Caitlyn tells me that Maria asked her to tell me

881
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 4: once she picked me up that I wouldn't be next

882
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,160
Speaker 4: to her anymore. Oh, she's not even gonna say it

883
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 4: to Opie's face.

884
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,319
Speaker 1: What okay? Like in order of a holes, obviously the

885
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: friend is the hole here, like the biggest one. But

886
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: oh Pee, why.

887
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 2: Are we like putting up with that? Yeah? Hopefully she

888
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 2: doesn't after that, don't.

889
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 4: It felt like a slap in the face, and I

890
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 4: couldn't understand because I hadn't done anything wrong.

891
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 2: I kept getting hurt and didn't even want to be

892
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 2: there anymore.

893
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,760
Speaker 4: I honestly wanted to end the friendship mus months prior,

894
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 4: but she had assured me we'd work through it and

895
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,319
Speaker 4: she wanted me there, so it's purely doing it for her.

896
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 2: Cried my eyes out.

897
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 4: The whole drive, but prayed for God to help me

898
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 4: get through it. I put on a brave face and

899
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 4: did what was needed. Poor o Pee, Like it would

900
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 4: have been totally valid to be like, I'm out. Yeah,

901
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 4: just I'm not going to be engaged in this friendship

902
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 4: or this wedding anymore.

903
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 1: I think op is just kind of, I don't know,

904
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 1: putting up with way too much, Like she's giving this

905
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 1: friend way too much.

906
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 2: Slack, and it's just getting hurt and hurt hurt because

907
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 2: of it.

908
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 4: It was entirely too much alcohovolved and everyone was absolutely trashed.

909
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 4: I fell asleep on the floor and they tried to

910
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 4: wake me up, and I said I can't move. I

911
00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:00,120
Speaker 4: would literally puke. You gotta leave me here. Rather and

912
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 4: leaving me, they start screaming at me. Maria got in

913
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 4: my face on the floor and was screaming at me

914
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 4: to get up. I don't know how I did it,

915
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 4: but I got up, seething with anger. I pushed Maria

916
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 4: out of my face and went crazy. I told them

917
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 4: I was leaving, but you never have to leave because

918
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 4: you could join us live on YouTube every weekday at

919
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 4: three PMPST. Just tap our profile tab it. So there's

920
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 4: another relevant update. But let's discuss it's just getting worse

921
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 4: and worse and worse here.

922
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, Honestly, someone earlier was talking about like OP

923
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: just kind of being involved in this, like her involvement

924
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,839
Speaker 1: in allowing the affair to happen and just complicit in it.

925
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: And yeah, that's kind of where I'm on it. Like

926
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,440
Speaker 1: I'm kind of on the everyone sucks here train right

927
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: now because obviously this friend sucks and I feel bad

928
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 1: for OP for how they're being treated. But it's like

929
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 1: when your friend shows you who they are. Believe them.

930
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: Like when they show you that they don't care about

931
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 1: the person that they should, you know, prioritize above almost everyone.

932
00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 1: Like they're a partner, They're not going to prioritize you.

933
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 4: Yeah. If they're capable of totally being out of integrity

934
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 4: and being cruel to their partner, you know, one of

935
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 4: the closest people to them that they're married to for

936
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 4: they're going to marry, that they're going to marry, who's

937
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 4: to say that they won't do that to a friend.

938
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

939
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 4: I called Maria out for cheating while her fiance was

940
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 4: on his deathbed.

941
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:17,959
Speaker 2: Only the bride'smaids were there.

942
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 4: I called her a coward and said she should own

943
00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 4: up to her mistake before marrying him, and that she

944
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 4: should have told me herself that I was essentially demoted.

945
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 2: How dare she set me up and treat me so terribly?

946
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 4: And I ended up with saying, I hope she has

947
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 4: a nice wedding, but I'm done being abused in this

948
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 4: one side of friendship. Instead of letting me wait for

949
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 4: my ride, that kicked me out and I walked for

950
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 4: twenty minutes and thirty degree weather.

951
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 2: That's cold. That's Chile both both ways.

952
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:50,440
Speaker 4: Friends are cold, like that weather's cold before my friend

953
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 4: could get me. So am I the a hole for

954
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 4: not holding it together and making it through the wedding?

955
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 1: You are the ale for other reasons, but not back.

956
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 4: Okay, So you judged your friend rightfully for cheating on

957
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:03,720
Speaker 4: her partner.

958
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, and while he's on his deathbed rightfully.

959
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 4: So however, you kept it inside, and you kept in

960
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 4: a lot of hurt from your friend inside and we're

961
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 4: just like barreling through it and then it like all

962
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 4: came out at once when you were angry. And so

963
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,919
Speaker 4: I don't think it was fair to just like keep

964
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 4: getting AMMO, keep getting AMMO and then like in a

965
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 4: drunken state, yeah, just like machine gun everyone. Yeah, And

966
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 4: I don't think it's right to just like just out

967
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 4: your friend in that moment.

968
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 2: But again, friend, like obviously throughout the whole.

969
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 4: Story was being you know, ridiculous and was like kept

970
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 4: messing over ope and like put her in this situation.

971
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

972
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 4: Summary, So she was on the floor, she was like drunk.

973
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:48,360
Speaker 4: They were like get up, get up, and she was

974
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 4: like no, I'm gonna throw up. And then they were

975
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,879
Speaker 4: like screaming at her like, get up, soldier, and then

976
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 4: she like got up and was like, you cheated on

977
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 4: your your partner, everyone knows. And also you suck for

978
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 4: demoting me and your wedding. I'm out, and then left

979
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 4: and walked in thirty degree weather.

980
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 1: Yeah. See yeah again I'm on the page of why

981
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 1: is this both suck? Like why is this coming out now?

982
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,320
Speaker 1: Why does it only matter when you're you know, and

983
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:16,479
Speaker 1: like if she hadn't been pushing to push, but she'd

984
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:17,760
Speaker 1: just get that to herself.

985
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, and also feel fair to like, now when you're hurt,

986
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 4: you're gonna lay out that, ammo.

987
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, when it.

988
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 4: If you're upset about it and needed to express it, it

989
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 4: should have already been expressed exactly exactly like I'm hurt now,

990
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 4: I'm gonna throw a dagger at you.

991
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 1: No, I completely ran so like it didn't even reach

992
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 1: the relevant party.

993
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just both bad. Yeah.

994
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 4: It wasn't like, oh, I'm putting down a moral line.

995
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:41,719
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do this thing because it's the right thing

996
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:43,279
Speaker 4: to do. It was just like, I'm going to out

997
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 4: you in front of everyone, Yeah, not even your partner,

998
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,879
Speaker 4: which is just you know, it's just trying to hurt

999
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:48,279
Speaker 4: her back.

1000
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 1: But that's that's the end of that story.