Speaker 1: Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Welcome my loves to this special two part
Speaker 1: episode of Holy Human. We are back again with the
Speaker 1: second half of my truly compelling conversation with the dynamic
Speaker 1: force of energy that is Mel Robbins. In addition to
Speaker 1: being a prolific motivational speaker, Mel is a former lawyer
Speaker 1: who has made helping others her life's work. She is
Speaker 1: a mega best selling author whose books include The International Phenomenon,
Speaker 1: The Five Second Rule, and The High Five Habit Take
Speaker 1: Control of your Life with one Simple Habit. It's Mel's
Speaker 1: latest book and one I got a ton of life
Speaker 1: changing information from and I had a ton of fun
Speaker 1: getting to know this awesomely authentic woman. Here, my friends,
Speaker 1: is part two of My Talk with Mel Robbins. Yea, okay.
Speaker 1: When we wrapped up our first episode, we were talking
Speaker 1: about the importance of understanding exactly why you and the
Speaker 1: people that you care about need to know that they
Speaker 1: are supported in love. I'll give you an example. So, um,
Speaker 1: we live in this old farmhouse outside of Boston. Uh,
Speaker 1: and you know we're also building a place in southern
Speaker 1: Vermont right now, and amazing by the way so and I, um,
Speaker 1: we are garage is kind of yeah. You pull into
Speaker 1: the house, you can park up top or you go
Speaker 1: down and the garage is like on the lower level,
Speaker 1: basement level. And whenever Amazon shows up, cardboard boxes arrive
Speaker 1: and so I open them up and I stack everything
Speaker 1: on the kitchen counter and then I stack, like a
Speaker 1: Jenga puzzle, a tower of cardboard boxes next to the
Speaker 1: stairs going down to the basement. And Chris had a
Speaker 1: number of times Chris is my husband, had had asked
Speaker 1: on numerous occasions, could you not tower that stuff there?
Speaker 1: And it sounds like yeah, I'd be like, but I
Speaker 1: don't want to, Like, you know, I know how you
Speaker 1: are about this. You want them slit, you want them
Speaker 1: like folded down flat. It's a pain in the ass.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have to do that. Then go downstairs.
Speaker 1: I want to batch everything. I could do my emails
Speaker 1: and do it all at once. I'll take it down.
Speaker 1: And he's like, but you have a d D and
Speaker 1: you make a tower and then you leave and then
Speaker 1: you blow your nose in the klinis and you put
Speaker 1: it on the counter and you mean to throw it
Speaker 1: in the trash and then you walk away from it
Speaker 1: and then you open up a cupboard and he's like,
Speaker 1: and so we would have this conversation forever, probably a year,
Speaker 1: and finally Chris put it in words around feeling versus
Speaker 1: knowing that I'm loved. He said, whenever I see a
Speaker 1: cardboard box at the top of those stairs, it makes
Speaker 1: me feel like you think I'm your maide m, And
Speaker 1: I'm like, but that's not what I mean. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't mean that. He's like, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: want to have to go through the exercise in my
Speaker 1: mind to tell myself that Mel's not being disrespectful. She
Speaker 1: does love you, she doesn't mean to be rude, she
Speaker 1: doesn't mean to I want you to take care of
Speaker 1: this because I've asked, because it will make me feel
Speaker 1: like you actually care about love me. And when he
Speaker 1: put it in those terms, because for me, it's like
Speaker 1: inconvenience it is. It's not an existential crisis, it's not
Speaker 1: about love. But when I understood it on that level,
Speaker 1: everything was like, Oh, I get it now, I get
Speaker 1: it now, that's beautiful. I love that you mentioned your
Speaker 1: a d H D at, which I would love to
Speaker 1: touch on because you have been. You've been really open
Speaker 1: about taking medication for your d h D, and which
Speaker 1: I I find really beautiful and brave. And I because
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people in the self help,
Speaker 1: like you know, spiritual space, I think the the ideas
Speaker 1: that we we should be we shouldn't have to take medication.
Speaker 1: I take medication for depression and anxiety, and I've been
Speaker 1: very open too. I just you see medication as a tool,
Speaker 1: and I would love for you to speak on that
Speaker 1: because I found that such a I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that is a tool. Because ultimately, like for instance, I
Speaker 1: take medication at night to sleep, and and I ultimately
Speaker 1: would like to not take medication to sleep. But in
Speaker 1: the interim, because um, I think I would personally, I
Speaker 1: would like to. I think I've spent a lot of
Speaker 1: my life on something, whether because I've had crisis, I've
Speaker 1: spent you know, a lot of my life injecting my
Speaker 1: body with the biologic which I still do. I um,
Speaker 1: I've just spent a lot of time with medicine, and
Speaker 1: for me, I would love to not have to if
Speaker 1: but right now, my nervous system, with all I've been
Speaker 1: through in my life, my nervous system wakes me up
Speaker 1: four hours in and if I want to sleep, I
Speaker 1: have to take something. And I'm not ashamed of it
Speaker 1: at all. Now maybe down the road I won't have to,
Speaker 1: but it's not like I'm beating myself up for it.
Speaker 1: And that's what I say. I think you are really Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you're beating yourself up for taking medication. Why
Speaker 1: even having the someday I need I I I'm not
Speaker 1: going to take this mm hmm brings judgment into the
Speaker 1: moment that you are. That there's a there's a piece
Speaker 1: of you that's broken and needs it right and when
Speaker 1: you're fixed and whole, you won't need it. And I
Speaker 1: believe that's true. I mean I can see that. I
Speaker 1: believe that if you were to take that off the
Speaker 1: horizon m and just say I fucking love my medication,
Speaker 1: because I can say period that I do. I agree, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I love it. Are you kidding? There's a medication
Speaker 1: that allows me to sleep? This is this is incredible.
Speaker 1: Sleep is one of the most important habits in the world.
Speaker 1: Most people don't know that that that that people that
Speaker 1: are geniuses and wildly successful in what they do, whether
Speaker 1: it's athletics or it's like business or art or whatever.
Speaker 1: They not only practice ten thousand hours or more to
Speaker 1: become an expert, they get on average two hours more
Speaker 1: sleep a night than the average person. Really, sleep is
Speaker 1: one of the most Yes, sleep is one of the
Speaker 1: most important things for your mental health, for your physical health,
Speaker 1: for your metabolism, for your nervous system. A disrupted sleep
Speaker 1: can lead to anxiety, lack of focus, depression. And so
Speaker 1: you getting sleep right helps you feel like yourself. And
Speaker 1: so if you take that horizon off, it brings acceptance
Speaker 1: for exactly where you are and exactly where you're not,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't hold out someday I'll get to this point,
Speaker 1: and that means I'll be better. No, you're You're absolutely
Speaker 1: amazing where you are right now. And so for me,
Speaker 1: I took Zoloft for two and a half decades two
Speaker 1: and a half decades, and it saved my life. I
Speaker 1: had severe generalized anxiety. By the time I was in
Speaker 1: law school, I had severe postpartum depression. The only time
Speaker 1: I didn't take Zoloft in almost twenty five years was
Speaker 1: when I was pregnant with our first daughter, who's no.
Speaker 1: Twenty three, and when she was born, I had the
Speaker 1: kind of postpartum depression that was so scary. I couldn't
Speaker 1: be left alone with her, so they turned me into
Speaker 1: a zombie with at a van let. This put me
Speaker 1: back on Zoloft, and once Zoloft was back in my system,
Speaker 1: two weeks later, I was stable again. Like it. Literally
Speaker 1: two of my kids have taken Zoloft to climb out
Speaker 1: of holes they've been in with anxiety. It has been
Speaker 1: a life saving tool. And when I started to understand
Speaker 1: anxiety truly about eight years ago, as the five second
Speaker 1: Rules started to spread around the world and I went
Speaker 1: to work attacking the thinking that was triggering a lot
Speaker 1: of anxiety. I got to a point where I felt
Speaker 1: like myself and safe enough to come off the medication.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't because I I felt like there was
Speaker 1: anything wrong with it. It's because I felt like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's not additive anymore, because the thing that the medication
Speaker 1: used to do, I'm realizing I'm doing just with new
Speaker 1: habits and skills. And so I went off of it.
Speaker 1: And what was interesting is that that was interesting because
Speaker 1: you know, I was off of zolof I'm actively managing
Speaker 1: my mind, which is a lot of work and We're
Speaker 1: going through the process with our son of having him
Speaker 1: evaluated because the school's life there's something up and we
Speaker 1: think it's a behavioral thing. And I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: think it's behavioral. I think there's something else going on.
Speaker 1: Sure enough, the kids like super dyslexic, dysgraphic executive function, saying,
Speaker 1: he's like a whole cast role of stuff. And as
Speaker 1: I'm sitting there with his pediatrician, who I've known for
Speaker 1: a decade, Land You're gonna love the story. I turned
Speaker 1: to my this pediatrician, I say, hey, Mark, do you
Speaker 1: think I might be a d h D. I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm like sitting with him as he's doing these tests.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, yes, yes, I'm like taking it behind him.
Speaker 1: I'm like getting all the same answers. He turns to
Speaker 1: me and he goes, are you asking me if you're
Speaker 1: a d h D? And I said yes. He said,
Speaker 1: Mel Robbins, you are the most a d h D
Speaker 1: adult I have ever met in my entire life. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? He's like, do you realize years
Speaker 1: go by and you miss wellness exams? I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: my kids are healthy. Why do they need to come.
Speaker 1: He's like, you know, you say you're gonna call me back,
Speaker 1: you don't. You say you're gonna send it into form,
Speaker 1: you don't. And yet here you are, this crazy successful person.
Speaker 1: Of course you're a d h D. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: why didn't you tell me? He's like, I'm not your doctor.
Speaker 1: And so I went to, uh, my doctor, I said,
Speaker 1: I think I am. They're like, you definitely are, but
Speaker 1: let's go through the testing protocol I did. They're like
Speaker 1: off the charts and your dyslexic and all of which
Speaker 1: I never knew. Now I know why law school was
Speaker 1: so awful, trying to process that much real writing, which
Speaker 1: my brain just maken't work that way. So here's the
Speaker 1: thing I want to share with you, because every time
Speaker 1: I share this, particularly with another woman, in particularly when
Speaker 1: women are listening, you will get flooded with messages about this. Okay,
Speaker 1: there is a generation of women spanning from the age
Speaker 1: of thirty to who were diagnosed with anxiety in their
Speaker 1: teens and their twenties when really the underlying issue was
Speaker 1: a d h D MHM. When they made a d
Speaker 1: h D a formal diagnosis in the late seventies, they
Speaker 1: only study boys. When a boy is struggling with a
Speaker 1: d h D, they present with hyperactivity, an inability to focus.
Speaker 1: They interrupt people, they're very physical. Typically when a girl
Speaker 1: has a d h D, she daydreams, she's hard on herself,
Speaker 1: she withdraws a little bit. And what happens when you
Speaker 1: have a d h D, which is an issue of
Speaker 1: not being able to direct your attention. You see a
Speaker 1: lot of us that have a d h D. I
Speaker 1: can hyper focus if I'm super interested. My my son
Speaker 1: can play video games for nine hours. If he's not interested,
Speaker 1: it's really hard for him to direct his focus at something.
Speaker 1: Same thing for me, and so it never made sense
Speaker 1: to me because I wasn't jittery, I wasn't jumping around.
Speaker 1: And so at the age of forty five, I finally
Speaker 1: got the proper diagnosis, which was a d h D.
Speaker 1: And if you have a d h D and you
Speaker 1: sit in a classroom, you can't do what's being asked
Speaker 1: of you, and you can't direct your focus, and then
Speaker 1: you start to worry, I'm not going to get this done,
Speaker 1: and why can't I focus on what? You develop anxiety,
Speaker 1: but a secondary and because that's the physical thing that
Speaker 1: you can see in girls. That's what girls get diagnosed with.
Speaker 1: And so they call us the Lost generation. And every
Speaker 1: time I talk about it, women come out of the
Speaker 1: woodwork and are like, oh my god, I struggle with
Speaker 1: anxiety forever. I think this might be me. They go
Speaker 1: to their doctor and like, holy sh it, I have
Speaker 1: a d h D. And I started taking UM like
Speaker 1: a short acting add a roll. In the beginning, I
Speaker 1: didn't like how it makes you kind of like intense,
Speaker 1: and now I just take I think it's called concert.
Speaker 1: I think it is, and I just take a dose
Speaker 1: that lasts all. It's amazing, and all that it is
Speaker 1: is it's like, I don't my works so fast, I
Speaker 1: drain all the fuel in the gas tank. That's what
Speaker 1: you choose. I have no gasoline left to go anywhere.
Speaker 1: And so all that the medication does for me is
Speaker 1: it slows down the engine so that I can serve
Speaker 1: the fuel so I can focus longer. That's all that
Speaker 1: it does for me, and it's life changing. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you for pointing out, because there there definitely is
Speaker 1: some some judgment there, I do believe, but for me UM, definitely,
Speaker 1: thanks for calling me out on But it's it's so
Speaker 1: interesting how you think, like the judgment doesn't you can
Speaker 1: almost like smooth it over, or it can be so
Speaker 1: insidious because it's you know, it shows you on the
Speaker 1: levels that in which we judge ourselves. And I just
Speaker 1: when you talked about medication, I was like, bravo, because
Speaker 1: I think that that's a conversation that needs to be
Speaker 1: had and it needs to be normalized. And I'm all
Speaker 1: for to each their own, take care of yourself, know yourself,
Speaker 1: whatever works for you, and so yeah, I'm just I
Speaker 1: was excited to see you have that conversation. Well, there
Speaker 1: is so much stigma, and you know, I think that
Speaker 1: it's very pc to be like mental health awareness until
Speaker 1: you have a mental health issue, right, And it's really
Speaker 1: easy to go, oh, yeah, be compassionate with somebody with depression,
Speaker 1: until you're married to somebody who has it. And you know,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, change your parenting because your kids are anxious,
Speaker 1: until you have a kid who's anxious, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, all the tools that are out there
Speaker 1: that are fine for everybody else, but if you have
Speaker 1: to take medication or it's offered to one of your kids, now,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, that tool that makes me weak
Speaker 1: and broken and fuck that. And I saw this first
Speaker 1: stand with my husband, No, seriously, land like this was
Speaker 1: really eye opening. So my husband, um, we've been married
Speaker 1: twenty five years. He was in the restaurant business. Um
Speaker 1: when we were kind of ten years into our marriage,
Speaker 1: and like of restaurants, it did not go according to plan.
Speaker 1: In fact, it left us eight hundred thousand dollars in
Speaker 1: debt and we nearly lost our house. And when Chris
Speaker 1: left the restaurant business in two thousand eleven, he was
Speaker 1: our two thousand fourteen, he was a shell of a
Speaker 1: human being. He was an alcoholic. He was buried in
Speaker 1: shame because he had lost so much of our money.
Speaker 1: He felt like a complete failure, the world's worst father,
Speaker 1: the world's worst. At all of this, I went into
Speaker 1: hyper drive mode because I there was no way we're
Speaker 1: gonna lose our house. And so I started working three jobs.
Speaker 1: I did whatever it took. That's where the five second
Speaker 1: ball came in to push me through all of the
Speaker 1: anger and resentment and fear and embarrassment and all of it.
Speaker 1: And so fast forward two years, it's two thousand sixteen,
Speaker 1: and we still have lanes on our house just five
Speaker 1: years ago. Everybody, and we are um making the ends
Speaker 1: meet though, and I got a full time job and
Speaker 1: we've got health care. Chris has been sober for two years.
Speaker 1: He is not working. He has become a yoga instructor.
Speaker 1: He has started a men's retreat because it's something he
Speaker 1: needed to take men, you know, out in the woods
Speaker 1: to process and talk and bond about emotions and feelings
Speaker 1: and trauma. And meanwhile, I'm thinking, this is great. Look
Speaker 1: at this. We've turned our lives around. Like Chris has
Speaker 1: found his calling. I am out there like making a difference.
Speaker 1: I love my life. I love the money I'm making.
Speaker 1: Five more years past land, he has now got weightless
Speaker 1: for his retreats. He's also a certified Buddhist meditation instructor.
Speaker 1: So we're talking about a man who loves what he's doing.
Speaker 1: He is in the wellness industry. We have no financial
Speaker 1: problems whatsoever because I am killing it in business and
Speaker 1: I'm putting of everything I bring home in savings. So
Speaker 1: we are taken care of business. Our marriage is solid,
Speaker 1: like we've worked on it. So like I'm standing next
Speaker 1: to this guy in the bathroom sink, every morning, and
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, thank god that restaurant failed. Thank god you
Speaker 1: had a breakdown that led to all of this. You are,
Speaker 1: you found your calling. I wouldn't be where I am
Speaker 1: if we hadn't had had that rock bottom moment together.
Speaker 1: That is not how my husband felt. My husband would
Speaker 1: look in the mirror as of twelve months ago, Land
Speaker 1: and he didn't see it that way. He saw a
Speaker 1: man who had failed. He had failed his family, he
Speaker 1: had failed in his career, he had failed to provide,
Speaker 1: He had made major mistakes that he regretted. He literally
Speaker 1: saw somebody he hated. I did not know this, and
Speaker 1: I stood next to the guy right and we kind
Speaker 1: of like, you know, as the High five habits happening.
Speaker 1: I'm I said, Chris, you know you seem really does
Speaker 1: you should try this thing. He decided that is the
Speaker 1: stupidest thing, like you've gone. So he said it was stupid.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, would you just try for five days
Speaker 1: for me? I'm sure you think it's yeah, like fuck
Speaker 1: you you know, like this is part of the program, buddy,
Speaker 1: And so he does. And he shared with me after
Speaker 1: that all of what he was feeling, the shame, the failure,
Speaker 1: the judgment, and he said, the reason why I thought
Speaker 1: high fiving myself was stupid was because you only high
Speaker 1: five somebody you believe in. M Oh, my God. That
Speaker 1: breaks my heart. And when we return from this break,
Speaker 1: you will find out what helped Mel's husband break out
Speaker 1: of his depressive rent Welcome Back Love's. Mel was just
Speaker 1: so vulnerably sharing her husband's struggle with depression. So we
Speaker 1: start to unpack it. I'm like, I want you to
Speaker 1: talk to somebody. He gets into therapy, he gets diagnosed
Speaker 1: with dystinia, which is a form of long term depression,
Speaker 1: something his father had. I know for a fact, if
Speaker 1: my husband weren't meditating every day, if he weren't doing yoga,
Speaker 1: exercising cardio every day, if he didn't have an incredible
Speaker 1: relationship with me and the kids, if he didn't have
Speaker 1: a calling, we probably would have lost him to the
Speaker 1: disease of hopelessness and depression. That's how bad it was.
Speaker 1: And when the doctor said, I'm a psychotherapy piss so
Speaker 1: I don't prescribe medication, but I actually think it would
Speaker 1: be a useful tool for you because you're in such
Speaker 1: a dark hole mentally. My husband resisted it for three
Speaker 1: months now. This is a guy whose entire life is
Speaker 1: about wellness and mindfulness and mental health. Why did he
Speaker 1: resist it? Because he believed the bullshit that is out
Speaker 1: there in society, the bullshit that makes you think that
Speaker 1: there's something wrong with you if a pill helps you
Speaker 1: sleep better, based on all the trauma you've survived in
Speaker 1: the nervous system disregulation, he believed that the pill meant
Speaker 1: he was weak, that he was broken, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: are you kidding? It's the fucking opposite. If you're willing
Speaker 1: to stare at yourself in the mirror despite all the
Speaker 1: ship that you've done, and you're willing to forgive yourself
Speaker 1: and do the work to get healthy and happy again
Speaker 1: because you deserve it, that's an act of strength. Weakness
Speaker 1: is hiding and running and beating the ship out of
Speaker 1: yourself and drinking yourself into the ground. Strength is forgiveness, love,
Speaker 1: and doing whatever it takes to get yourself out of
Speaker 1: the hole that you're in and into a place where
Speaker 1: you finally feel like yourself again. I love that. Thank
Speaker 1: you for sharing that story because I know, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: glad we had that conversation, and that definitely did open
Speaker 1: up some some stuff from me. I want to just
Speaker 1: ask you one quick question about something that you just
Speaker 1: experienced recently, which is the whim Hoff ice bath, because
Speaker 1: I just did the same a couple of months ago. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I'm terrified of cold water, like terrified. And my
Speaker 1: husband and I did it in our backyard together, and uh,
Speaker 1: I know what container did you do as far as
Speaker 1: like the tub? What did you get into? I was
Speaker 1: it just in basically a tub. The lady that took
Speaker 1: us through it, she brought this big tub to the
Speaker 1: back and we filled it up with water and ice,
Speaker 1: and she made you, like, which I love, put your
Speaker 1: own ice in, so it's like you're walking the plank,
Speaker 1: is what I felt like. But my husband did it
Speaker 1: before I did, and I um to hear him, to
Speaker 1: hear him go through his own process of of terror. Um,
Speaker 1: there was such a primal thing within me that I
Speaker 1: was like, I want to save him. I want to
Speaker 1: save him, and I was crying. And then when it
Speaker 1: goes to, you know, be my turn, it was I
Speaker 1: think the probably the worst thing he could have done
Speaker 1: was go before me. Because of that, I was now
Speaker 1: I was in like a whole different headspace. So I
Speaker 1: just start bawling, and I I'm like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: do this. I know I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: at least get in. So I got in and I
Speaker 1: had I mean, there is a moment of like I'm dying,
Speaker 1: I'm going to die, and then thank God, the woman
Speaker 1: who was there with us was um. She was walking
Speaker 1: me through it, like I almost jumped out a couple
Speaker 1: of times, but about a minute in she was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: she got me to kind of calm down. Um, and
Speaker 1: I when I got out, I mean, I felt like
Speaker 1: I had just I felt like I just opened up
Speaker 1: a new world for myself because it made me realize
Speaker 1: like how uncomfortable I can be and not die. And
Speaker 1: so I started to look at all these other areas
Speaker 1: of my life, was like, Okay, where am I not
Speaker 1: making myself uncomfortable? Where can I get a little more uncomfortable?
Speaker 1: And it's literally shifted like so many places in my
Speaker 1: life now where I'm like, Okay, I'm willing to walk
Speaker 1: into that discomfort because I know now my capacity for
Speaker 1: discomfort is much higher. And so I was just wondering
Speaker 1: how if you had what your experience was with that,
Speaker 1: like what did What were your takeaways? Did you enjoy it?
Speaker 1: Would you do it again? Well, I have one question
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you my experience. Okay, how is your
Speaker 1: sleep that night? Amazing? I have an or or ring
Speaker 1: and I my heart rate variability was like off the charts.
Speaker 1: So I've actually been continuing to do I don't always
Speaker 1: put my whole body in UM, depending on what part
Speaker 1: of my cycle. I mean, I'll sometimes just put my
Speaker 1: like up to my knees and our pools like fifty
Speaker 1: degrees now at even in l A and UM, I've
Speaker 1: been continuing to do it a couple of times a
Speaker 1: week UM, just because I I love the way I
Speaker 1: love I love the power that I feel after I
Speaker 1: do it, because I feel like I've overcome something and
Speaker 1: I'm and I continue to take myself back there like
Speaker 1: I'm walking myself back there to do it every time,
Speaker 1: and I have to. I have to overcome something and
Speaker 1: it's I don't know, it's really really shifted something massive
Speaker 1: for me. I don't don't. I don't doubt it because
Speaker 1: I had a very similar experience and UM. We did
Speaker 1: a workshop kind of near our place in Vermont, and
Speaker 1: I went first. There were We did it with a
Speaker 1: group of like fourteen people, and as soon as they
Speaker 1: walked us out to the deck and there's like chickens
Speaker 1: walking around, and there was like kind of some jankee
Speaker 1: freezer with tons of ice, and it like it's like
Speaker 1: a chest feezer you'd seen somebody's garage. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm going in, Like I didn't. I knew that I
Speaker 1: would get myself totally worked up watching everybody else, and
Speaker 1: so I just went in and um, the same thing
Speaker 1: terror going in. There are kind of moments where I
Speaker 1: was standing there and it was a super cold day
Speaker 1: and I'm in my bathing suit and the wind is
Speaker 1: blowing like crazy, and the chickens are running around, and
Speaker 1: so I just go five four through two one, and
Speaker 1: they coached you through going in. So I went down
Speaker 1: to my shoulders and my first instinct was I said, Okay,
Speaker 1: I got this, And then in me imediately, as I'm
Speaker 1: sitting there in a chest freezer full of ice water
Speaker 1: at thirty four degrees temperature, I had a full body
Speaker 1: five alarm fire response. And the only other time that
Speaker 1: I consciously remember feeling like that was one or two
Speaker 1: moments in child labor where I felt I can't handle this,
Speaker 1: and I can't handle this. The pain was too much,
Speaker 1: and I my mind started to spin. I gotta get out,
Speaker 1: I gotta get out. And what's what was fascinating to
Speaker 1: me was how quickly I went from I think I
Speaker 1: can do this to holy funck, I'm out of here.
Speaker 1: And I started lama's breathing. I'm like and then they
Speaker 1: get made to just slow down own, and I about
Speaker 1: a minute in felt the shift from panic to oh, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be okay. The entire time it was freezing,
Speaker 1: It never got warm, it never got comfortable. I just
Speaker 1: slowed the panic and the the just firestorm in my
Speaker 1: body through the breathing um. And then when I got out,
Speaker 1: you do the kind of moving around to kind of
Speaker 1: keep your thing going. Um. I was exhilarated, and I
Speaker 1: was warm, and I write, yeah high. I stayed outside
Speaker 1: for a number of you know, for ten minutes, and
Speaker 1: cheered on everybody else in my wet bathing suit, and
Speaker 1: then I slept like a freaking baby. And then for
Speaker 1: the holidays, I bought my husband a big plastic ice
Speaker 1: barrel and he went in yesterday for the first time,
Speaker 1: took a hammer and chipped all the ice off that
Speaker 1: it naturally formed up in Vermont where it was ten
Speaker 1: degrees and he went in it for I think it's
Speaker 1: forty five seconds and he's making I have done cold showers,
Speaker 1: but now that we have not cold showers, like I'm showering,
Speaker 1: I've done the chicken version where I shower a nice
Speaker 1: warm water and then I finished with the cold and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that's too much. But I plan on
Speaker 1: making it part of my weekly routine because there is
Speaker 1: something about I love the vision of you marching yourself
Speaker 1: back to that pool that's fifty degrees and knowing I'm
Speaker 1: going in and I'm going to breathe through it and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna set a timer and I'm doing this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing that, because I am. I love
Speaker 1: that we're talking about how painful it is, and we
Speaker 1: highly recommend everyone doing I why do you recommend that
Speaker 1: people do well? Because I because, like I said, I
Speaker 1: think it's the expansiveness of and the knowing that I
Speaker 1: can and I mean we say that I can do
Speaker 1: hard things, like I can be uncomfortable, and that discomfort.
Speaker 1: I mean, we all know we grow in discomfort, and
Speaker 1: so it's recognizing for me that I could have this
Speaker 1: larger capacity to hold my whole experience, including the discomfort.
Speaker 1: I don't have to run away from it. And it's
Speaker 1: funny that you mentioned child labor, because I as soon
Speaker 1: as I got out of the TUBO go, that's the
Speaker 1: closest I'm ever going to get to the pain of labor.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I thought, I go, this must be it,
Speaker 1: it must be how it feels. Um. So yeah, though
Speaker 1: I I when I saw you post that, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see what her experience was. Well,
Speaker 1: you know the other The reason why I think it's
Speaker 1: an interesting thing for anyone to try, if you feel
Speaker 1: drawn to try it, is that you see to quote
Speaker 1: floating around all over the place, that you can't control
Speaker 1: what's going on around you, but you can choose how
Speaker 1: you respond totally. And when you put yourself in thirty
Speaker 1: four degrees of water and say I'm going to sit
Speaker 1: there for ninety seconds, you can't control the temperature of
Speaker 1: the water, and you cannot control the automatic response of
Speaker 1: your nervous system in your brain. What the experience taught
Speaker 1: me is that you can change your response through the
Speaker 1: breathing and the actions that you take. And so you're
Speaker 1: learning this skill of being able to calm, soothe, and
Speaker 1: take control of your nervous system in a situation that
Speaker 1: is wildly triggering. Yeah. Absolutely, all right. We're gonna pause
Speaker 1: here for a breath before coming right back with more
Speaker 1: Mel Robbins. Hi, friends, we are back with more Mel Robbins.
Speaker 1: I could talk to you forever. I so love talking
Speaker 1: to you. Thank you so much for coming on and
Speaker 1: you're talking to you. I have UM. I always ask
Speaker 1: my guest about music because I love music. Obviously it's
Speaker 1: my life, and I'm always interested to see what songs
Speaker 1: people choose. So I have this thing called the Holy Five,
Speaker 1: and I hope people have warned you, but I would
Speaker 1: love to know. Oh good, good good, Okay, So five songs.
Speaker 1: It could be something these songs that have that you've
Speaker 1: loved your whole life. It could be something you're loving now.
Speaker 1: Just what are your tough I had a hard time
Speaker 1: limiting it to five. Oh cool, A very hard time. Yeah. Um.
Speaker 1: I have a daughter who is a singer songwriter and
Speaker 1: studying it at Thornton and um. Music is a huge
Speaker 1: part of our family's life and so I immediately realized
Speaker 1: I went into people pleasing mode, like Okay, what one's
Speaker 1: gonna make me look good? And what's the biggest range
Speaker 1: of music? And I'm like, what the funk are you doing?
Speaker 1: And so these are songs and there's more than five,
Speaker 1: but I'll just read them to you. These are songs
Speaker 1: that I just play on repeat and love. So number one, Sir,
Speaker 1: Duke Stevie Wonder music is a world with then net
Speaker 1: So did the language Duff. That is the that's what
Speaker 1: we call the floor clearer, meaning everybody clears from their
Speaker 1: tables and starts dancing. Um, we are a big daft
Speaker 1: punk family. Get lucky in particular song one more time. Um,
Speaker 1: I recently saw that you did it do wet with
Speaker 1: one of my favorite artists, who John Mayer. Oh, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: you know. Our family's favorite is in the Blood. But
Speaker 1: there is a song that he has not put on
Speaker 1: an album, and the outro is my all time favorite
Speaker 1: little lyric thing, and that is in your Atmosphere. I
Speaker 1: don't know that one it's not on an album is
Speaker 1: only the only recording is the I think two thousand
Speaker 1: eight live recording. The outro and the lyrics on the
Speaker 1: outro are absolutely amazing. Wherever I go, whatever I do,
Speaker 1: I wonder where I am in relation to you, wherever
Speaker 1: you go, wherever you are. I watched that pretty life
Speaker 1: play out in pictures from Afar, and it goes on
Speaker 1: and on and literally it just summons every heartbreak I love.
Speaker 1: My number one listened to song of this year was
Speaker 1: What a Time by Julia michaels like you wanted it forever,
Speaker 1: but it's on. It's on. I don't know that one, neither,
Speaker 1: Oh my God, or maybe I do. Maybe I just
Speaker 1: don't know the title Say Goodbye Dave Matthews, which a
Speaker 1: lot of people think is the song number forty one
Speaker 1: because on the album Crash it goes straight from forty
Speaker 1: one into a flute solo. So we Are, and it
Speaker 1: blends right in to say Goodbye, which is sort of
Speaker 1: one of those songs that if I have tons of
Speaker 1: beer or bourbon and me I just quarrel for hours,
Speaker 1: I'd love Dave Matthews. And speaking of flute, good as hell.
Speaker 1: I love a little Lizzo do my head, Yes, I
Speaker 1: love Lizzo so fun. Yeah, I love you have a
Speaker 1: lot of joy in your music. I like that there's
Speaker 1: a lot of there's a lot of dancing and joy there.
Speaker 1: That's very cool. Yes, when we were building this new
Speaker 1: house in Vermont, we needed to like literally go no, no, seriously,
Speaker 1: this island has to support ten people like we are
Speaker 1: a kitchen island, hop on the stage, karaoke, dance party. Come,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's way to get everybody judicition. I
Speaker 1: want to come to your house for party. This sounds
Speaker 1: like a blast. Absolutely, I can. I can provide music.
Speaker 1: I can totally do that. You would love that, And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna find you when I'm in l A next Yes, please,
Speaker 1: I would love I would love to continue this conversation.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here with me. All right. I
Speaker 1: think she actually got seven songs. But that wraps up
Speaker 1: this very special season premiere two part episode with the
Speaker 1: charismatic and powerful Mel Robbins again. Her new book is
Speaker 1: called The High five Habit. Take control of your life
Speaker 1: with one simple habit, and I know you find it
Speaker 1: just as transformative as I have. So enjoy and please
Speaker 1: remember to leave your thoughts wherever you listen because I
Speaker 1: truly love reading your feedback. And also feel free to
Speaker 1: share this episode with someone in your life who might
Speaker 1: be helped by listening. On the next Holy Human, I'll
Speaker 1: be joined by author and anxiety coach Nancy Jane Smith.
Speaker 1: I stumbled upon her book The Happier Approach and found
Speaker 1: it very enlightening. I adore this woman. She's so sweet
Speaker 1: and so wise, and I know that you'll love her too.
Speaker 1: So until then, everyone take care of each other. Bye.
Speaker 1: Holy Human with Me Leanne Rhymes is a production of
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. You'll find Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes
Speaker 1: on the I Heart app Apple podcast or wherever you
Speaker 1: get the podcast that matter most to you.