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Speaker 1: Welcome back to about our Happy hours, Golden Hour. Thanks

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Speaker 1: for joining us today. We are so excited to be

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Speaker 1: back for another episode of Golden Hour. How are you

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Speaker 1: doing today, Susan, I am great.

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Speaker 2: I am trying to rush the clock. You know how

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Speaker 2: I pack right. I'm traveling next week. I have something

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Speaker 2: very exciting coming up, and I just have to try

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Speaker 2: everything on when I pack, like it's a crazy time.

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Speaker 2: And now snowstorm's supposed to come tomorrow and they're changing

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Speaker 2: it hour by hour.

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Speaker 1: So have you noticed. So we're both doing some traveling.

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Speaker 1: The holidays are upon us. We've got a lot to

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Speaker 1: do aside from all the other things that we do

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Speaker 1: in our life, you know, the presence, the shopping, the

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Speaker 1: all that stuff that in your case, the house cleaning.

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, you do that every day anyway.

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Speaker 2: Cooking you keep forgetting.

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Speaker 1: Baking, not cooking, baking for minute. But I just find

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Speaker 1: I find every year, I like you're gonna die. All

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Speaker 1: my gifts except for one granddaughter. My one granddaughter are

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Speaker 1: wrapped under the tree. I'm done, except for my.

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Speaker 2: Wife under the tree. They're wrapped, but they're in the attic.

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Speaker 1: Well I don't.

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Speaker 2: I'm over and visit I don't want them to see

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Speaker 2: them right.

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Speaker 1: Well, you know I live alone and no one's coming

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Speaker 1: to visit me, so they just park themselves under the tree.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know are you feeling? I mean, look,

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Speaker 1: Christmas is less than a week away. Are you ready?

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Speaker 2: I believe so? Are you believe so? Because I am wrapped.

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Speaker 2: I've been rapped since the first because I had to

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Speaker 2: travel this month and I'm gone for eleven days or no,

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Speaker 2: the fourth to the fifteenth, that's not eleven. But I

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Speaker 2: had to prepare so early. But what stresses me out

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Speaker 2: I still have to bake cookies. I'm going to a

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Speaker 2: cookie exchange tomorrow, so tonight, before we've done this.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be baking cook Okay, wait, I have

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Speaker 1: to tell you what my daughter's doing this year. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure she saw it on Pinterest because she lives there.

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Speaker 1: On I think it's actually tomorrow we're doing it. It's

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Speaker 1: a Hooky Cookie Day. The kids cookie cookie hooky cookie,

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Speaker 1: which is.

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Speaker 2: I like it? And I take off of work.

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Speaker 1: Take off of work, everyone stays home. The kids already

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Speaker 1: out of school for Christmas. So we're gonna all get

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Speaker 1: together and we're gonna bake cookies and I think that

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Speaker 1: is so fun because we're gonna eat them on Christmas

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Speaker 1: DA anyway, So when I get together and you know,

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Speaker 1: make them as a family, I think that is so

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Speaker 1: And she's gonna invite some friends and stuff too. They're

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Speaker 1: coming as well.

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Speaker 2: I do it with my sisters every single year, and

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Speaker 2: that's coming up. However, usually I have my sister Day

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Speaker 2: and my nieces all calm, my daughter in law. It's

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Speaker 2: a great day and we start with Mimosa's. But they

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Speaker 2: pick my house, the fun house, if you will. But

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Speaker 2: they have the bigger ovens. I have a wall oven

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Speaker 2: and my oven is not that big. Well, you got

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Speaker 2: to see the mess, the flower.

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Speaker 1: The sucles, the darling. No, it's a complete sentence. Hey,

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Speaker 1: we're going to do it in your house this year.

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Speaker 1: Yeah see, so stop stop because you know it's tradition.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't imagine having to pack all the ingredients and

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Speaker 2: bring them over there.

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Speaker 1: Let them get the ingredients.

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Speaker 2: All right now, So today we're going to get into

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Speaker 2: the holidays. Let's cover some things. Let's dive in. Our

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Speaker 2: first topic is how do you deal with grief during

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Speaker 2: the holidays and how does grief manifest for you, Kathy,

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Speaker 2: during the holiday season.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well you just burst my holiday bubble hand.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: That's all right for me, you know, a week out,

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Speaker 1: I'm doing okay. The month of December. Really, from Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: on it's tough for me. Why because as I decorated

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Speaker 1: the Christmas tree, taking out those ornaments, I remember the

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Speaker 1: stories that go with the ornaments when we bought them.

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Speaker 1: I hear Christmas music, certain songs that you know, my

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Speaker 1: husband loved. We play those. But I think, I know

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Speaker 1: it's tough for my kids. This year, I found myself

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Speaker 1: crying at sort of odd times. And so I'll see

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Speaker 1: if I can get through this. My husband's grandmother, so

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Speaker 1: it would be my son's great grandmother, I believe, built

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Speaker 1: made a Nativity set and built the crash the whole

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Speaker 1: bit ceramics, you know, painted them, and it's been handed

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Speaker 1: down and this year and see, if my husband were here,

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Speaker 1: we'd have it out. But this year I gave the

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Speaker 1: Nativity set. So it's my son's great grandma. I gave

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Speaker 1: it to him and he sent me a picture of

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Speaker 1: he and his daughter. So that's the next generation. Put

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Speaker 1: the Nativity set out, and you know that's that's really

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Speaker 1: it's it's sad and and and happy at the same time.

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Speaker 1: I think the way I deal with grief at the

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Speaker 1: holidays is is allow myself to be sad. You know

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Speaker 1: when I am.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to say, allow yourself that moment or a

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Speaker 2: few moments. But grief also a lot of times this

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Speaker 2: time of the year, people.

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Speaker 1: Pass you saved. You've said that people pass Susan three

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Speaker 1: hundred and sixty five days a year. I don't know

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Speaker 1: why you say that, more so looking up Kathy, I

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Speaker 1: believe you. I've just never heard that it.

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Speaker 2: Is effect during the holiday season. Don't ask me why

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Speaker 2: God works in mysterious ways. I don't know, but it

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Speaker 2: is a fact, and it strikes people. We say it

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Speaker 2: the worst times because they're busy, but I think it

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Speaker 2: actually is shocking when something happens suddenly and it's not

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Speaker 2: a sickness that you've watched somebody go. But you've got

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Speaker 2: to get back because the holidays are here. You can't

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Speaker 2: just sit and just say forget the holiday this year.

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Speaker 1: That's done. Time I did you?

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Speaker 2: You did?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Well, you still want to give thanks for you being here?

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Speaker 1: No? No, now now I'm better, But oh don't kid yourself.

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Speaker 1: The first few years after my husband died, it was brutal.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't get through the holiday fast enough. I literally

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Speaker 1: and I allowed myself to think, No, I didn't I

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Speaker 1: did that first year. Honestly, I don't even remember, but

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Speaker 1: I know I didn't sell.

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Speaker 2: I didn't have Christmas. So you didn't do dinner with

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Speaker 2: your children or anything.

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Speaker 1: Well, I know my one, my daughter went to her

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Speaker 1: boyfriend's home. I think my two, I don't remember. I

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Speaker 1: know that my daughter wasn't here. It's such a blank.

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Speaker 1: But you know, we're talking about grief when losing losing

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Speaker 1: a partner, but there's other kinds of grief. I think

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Speaker 1: that manifest during the holidays, and you know, people who

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Speaker 1: have been through loss of a child, people who have

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Speaker 1: had a divorce, you know, there are a lot. There's

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Speaker 1: a lot of grief to go around. So I don't know, it.

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Speaker 2: Could be anybody's sad during at a certain time, but

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Speaker 2: how you deal with it is important.

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Speaker 1: Well, how do you deal with free? How do you

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Speaker 1: deal with it your sadness? I mean, I know you're

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Speaker 1: not sad about your divorce because you guys are good friends,

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Speaker 1: But have you ever had that my.

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Speaker 2: Mom and dad aren't here more, and my brothers, both

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Speaker 2: of my brothers, I miss them and I talk about

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Speaker 2: it like they were, you know, still part of our family.

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Speaker 2: They are. As a matter of fact. Dicky was here

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Speaker 2: for Thanksgiving, and when we do the grace, I make

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Speaker 2: everybody say something they're grateful for. And normally we mentioned

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Speaker 2: all the names, and Dicky goes. So we mentioned I said,

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Speaker 2: they're getting.

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Speaker 1: Long live, don't have that much time.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna get cold. But that's who's in my mind,

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Speaker 2: the people that aren't there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if I'm being honest, the holidays are not the

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Speaker 1: same to me because I don't have that special person

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Speaker 1: to share them with. However, I have young grandchildren and see,

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Speaker 1: although Christmas is not if you're a Christian, it's not

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Speaker 1: about the gift giving. Uh, that's not the meaning of

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Speaker 1: the season. But to see the magic through a child's eyes.

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Speaker 1: I will say last month, you know, I was in

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Speaker 1: New York for Thanksgiving and we went out the day

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Speaker 1: after Thanksgiving with God, with my son in law's whole family.

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Speaker 1: We cut the tree down. It was snowing, it was right,

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Speaker 1: We had hot chocolate, it was right out of a

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Speaker 1: Norman Rockwell painting. And I will say I loved it,

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Speaker 1: and I plastered a smile on my face. But but honestly, Susan,

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Speaker 1: I kept thinking, I was so sorry my husband wasn't

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Speaker 1: there to see his granddaughter who was so excited by

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Speaker 1: the snow and the Christmas tree and the Santa Claus

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Speaker 1: that was there, you know. So it's tough.

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Speaker 2: You're right, You're right when you say it's about looking

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Speaker 2: at the little ones and them getting so excited. I know,

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Speaker 2: we I don't know when we're going to do this,

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Speaker 2: dis goosh, we drive around and look at the Christmas

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Speaker 2: lights and you know, you have snacks and chocolate. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but it's it's it's all.

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Speaker 1: It's it's about the traditions. And I think I think

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Speaker 1: you know my advice to anyone who is feeling grief

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Speaker 1: and sadness during the holidays, it's a very normal feeling

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Speaker 1: and allow yourself to feel it and just you know,

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Speaker 1: the new year brings a new year, and it's just

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Speaker 1: about that simple. Okay, we got to talk family. That's

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Speaker 1: where I was going. Family drama, because there is family drama.

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Speaker 1: If your family doesn't have drama in the holidays, you

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Speaker 1: don't have a family. That's what I'm saying. What advice

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Speaker 1: do you give? I mean, I will tell you. I

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Speaker 1: have to tell you a quick story, because that's these

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Speaker 1: are the things that make our podcast. One year we

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Speaker 1: were had invited some friends. I can't believe I did this. Actually,

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Speaker 1: in retrospect, I can't even believe I'm admitting to it.

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Speaker 1: But two of my three kids, they were like teenagers.

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Speaker 1: They had meltdowns. I mean, doors were slamming, it was ugly,

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Speaker 1: and friends were coming for dinner and the table was

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Speaker 1: set and I can't even tell you. I called them

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Speaker 1: and said you can't come, never realizing they had no

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Speaker 1: food for like, I didn't think of that. You no,

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Speaker 1: you don't understand. It was drama with a capital d

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Speaker 1: R A M A and.

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Speaker 2: I was between each other, the kids or it was.

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Speaker 1: It was a family, colossal dramising and I just I

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Speaker 1: started crying and I said, I can't do it. I

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Speaker 1: went upstairs, put on my pajamas, got in bed. I

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Speaker 1: mean it was canceled it the day, oh about two

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Speaker 1: hours before they were coming. Oh, I know. And I

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Speaker 1: didn't think that's how bad it was, Susan, because you

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Speaker 1: know me, I would never do that I baked, we

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Speaker 1: had all the food ready. I don't even think we could.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know it was.

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Speaker 2: It was the one to know what caused the drama.

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Speaker 1: My kids, something happened. I'm very good at blocking things.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember, but I think I think the best

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Speaker 1: thing what do you do? Like? Does your family always that.

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Speaker 2: Says, what advice do you have for anyone that wants

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Speaker 2: to distance themselves?

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Speaker 1: Do it well?

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Speaker 2: Distance themselves from the drum.

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Speaker 1: That means if you're don't go, don't go, don't go.

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Speaker 2: If there's bullshit going on, stay away from it. I

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Speaker 2: don't want it to ruin my time. But if it

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Speaker 2: is in your immediate family, like your child, you can't

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Speaker 2: help it. You've got to be involved. Well, try to

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Speaker 2: settle it. But any words we have is not cooked.

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Speaker 2: They got to get through it. Whatever the drama.

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Speaker 1: Is, well, we didn't. We didn't.

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Speaker 2: It was just canceled.

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Speaker 1: We just canceled dinner and follow la la la Merry Christmas.

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Speaker 1: I know, I really felt badly about that. I think

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Speaker 1: that I think that what I do now, well I

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Speaker 1: don't have to any more because my kids are adults

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Speaker 1: and we haven't.

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Speaker 2: But I melt down you have it at your own

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Speaker 2: damn house.

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Speaker 1: Well, what I would do the advice I would give,

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Speaker 1: not that anyone's asking. Tell you your your you know,

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Speaker 1: cousin Joe and Uncle Herbert, who's ever rolling in, Say

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Speaker 1: this is what we're doing, Like tell them ahead of

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Speaker 1: time what the expectations are. For example, don't be surprised

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Speaker 1: Uncle Joe when you come. I know that you know

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Speaker 1: a roast turkey is your tradition. But this year we're

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Speaker 1: doing steaks on the grail. Like, tell them ahead of

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Speaker 1: time so that there's no and try to warn people

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Speaker 1: if you will, set them up to set your holidays

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Speaker 1: up for success, set expectations early, which I didn't do.

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Speaker 1: You understand, but but now if I could go back

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Speaker 1: and do it, that would be what I would do.

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Speaker 1: This is what we're doing this year. I don't want

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Speaker 1: any complaints. I don't want any criticism. You know, we

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Speaker 1: might have a family meeting about it, Like, no, Mom,

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Speaker 1: we really want to have Okay, we'll do a turkey breast,

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Speaker 1: but we're not. You know what I'm saying, Like, do that.

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Speaker 2: You're going to have this, it's what you want to do.

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Speaker 2: So I have a good question, kat Okay, do you

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Speaker 2: ever think it's too early to give a gift in

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Speaker 2: a relationship? Like how long should you be with somebody

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Speaker 2: to do a gifted giving? Say, for instance, if you're

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Speaker 2: dating just a couple of months, do you not give

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Speaker 2: a gift?

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Speaker 1: Let me start by saying, I do expect a gift

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Speaker 1: from you, and we're not in a relationship. You got

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Speaker 1: one week, get it together? Better be in my mailbox.

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Speaker 1: I you know, I think again, that is a personal decision.

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Speaker 1: If I were dating a man for two months at Christmas,

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Speaker 1: in other words, if I'd started dating a guy in October,

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Speaker 1: here we are, I would expect some kind of gift

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Speaker 1: of Christmas. I would. However, I don't think there's any

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Speaker 1: hard and fast rules. I really don't. What do you think,

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Speaker 1: would you? You?

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Speaker 2: Of course, I'm I'm a giver. I like surprising people

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Speaker 2: with it. And it doesn't have to be something of value, right,

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Speaker 2: but something that I'd just like to give, something to

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Speaker 2: put a smile on somebody's face. And it could be

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Speaker 2: seventeen dollars, right, you know, it could be five dollars.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't matter.

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Speaker 1: I will tell you when people come to my home

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Speaker 1: with Christmas, they get a little gift. I love doing

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Speaker 1: that nice.

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Speaker 2: I don't do that. There's too many Well, well, I

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Speaker 2: exchange with everybody that comes, so yeah, they're getting.

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Speaker 1: Well there's other ways. Arend that too. You can do

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Speaker 1: a whatever they call it, a blue Santa, white Santa.

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Speaker 2: You know we're going to do draw so you don't

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Speaker 2: have to buy for our family's got really big.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think listen, you know, people, if you

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Speaker 1: want to know my tips for gift giving, it's if

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Speaker 1: you come from a large family, do what's it called.

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Speaker 2: I can't think of the name, but I guess it's

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Speaker 2: a white elephant draw names.

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Speaker 1: I always buy for the young children. But in our family,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I was one of seven kids, so once

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Speaker 1: we got to be adults and had kids ourselves, we

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Speaker 1: stopped all that and just gave for the kids. I

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Speaker 1: think that, you know, there's I love the idea of

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Speaker 1: of something that means something to the person. If it's

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Speaker 1: a craft, if it's a gift certificate for a facial,

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Speaker 1: if it's a uh for you know, you can do

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Speaker 1: things that aren't expensive. It's expensive to live in this world. Now,

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Speaker 1: give your kids a coupon for a night of babysitting.

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Speaker 1: You know, there's all kinds of things like that give you.

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Speaker 1: Your kids could give their parents. I'll mow the yard

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Speaker 1: for you, I'll rake the leaves.

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Speaker 2: That never happens. The promises can be broken. Gifts, you know,

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Speaker 2: I think they should just offer.

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Speaker 1: Well, I'm just saying gifts are expensive.

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Speaker 2: But I'm talking about relationships. Like if you're dating somebody,

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Speaker 2: doesn't it depend on how often you've seen it. If

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Speaker 2: it's a once a week at dinner or something, and

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Speaker 2: you're not getting together through the holidays. On Christmas, you're

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Speaker 2: going to be with your family, he's going to be

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Speaker 2: with his, so you're not really going to see each other.

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Speaker 1: You're asking if I were in a relationship, Yes, I

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Speaker 1: would be buying a gift. That guy I dated for

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Speaker 1: a while a few years ago, we were dating over

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Speaker 1: Christmas and.

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Speaker 2: I always buy a gift. Did you ever not receive

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Speaker 2: one in return? And how did that.

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Speaker 1: Take you for from a guy? No, because I've told

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Speaker 1: you other than my husband, who always gave me the

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Speaker 1: most thoughtful, lovely gifts, he was an incredible gift giver

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Speaker 1: and I love that. That's something I missed when we

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Speaker 1: would talk about, uh, what we're going to get the kids,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, you know all those little things that I

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Speaker 1: that that I don't get to do anymore with him

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Speaker 1: even talking about it. See, this makes me sad. This

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Speaker 1: is it just no, it's okay, I think, but I

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Speaker 1: think if you're in a relationship, I think it's Here's

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Speaker 1: what I wouldn't do. Here's what I wouldn't do if

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Speaker 1: I were in a relationship. Let's say, like you said,

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Speaker 1: a two month relationship, I'd have the conversation first with

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Speaker 1: my partner my day. Are we gonna exchange gifts?

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Speaker 2: How do you approach that conversation?

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Speaker 1: Oh, I would me. I would say, Joe, I would

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Speaker 1: like to exchange guests. I would like to get to

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Speaker 1: a gift this year. Are you you know I'm going

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Speaker 1: to Or I might even say I'm going to get

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Speaker 1: to a gift this here, just so you know, you

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Speaker 1: don't have to get me one. But I'm a gift

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Speaker 1: giver and I enjoy making people smile with gifts, and

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Speaker 1: I do. I usually give more gifts than I receive

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Speaker 1: at holidays. And if he said no, I have no

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Speaker 1: intentions of getting you a gift, I would still give

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Speaker 1: the gift, and I'd be on the data side. The

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Speaker 1: next day.

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Speaker 2: I don't think anybody would saying I wish they would

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Speaker 2: bring it up.

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Speaker 1: You wish the guy would bring it up.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, say do you want to do exchange? Because I

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Speaker 2: know a lot of married people that don't exchange at all.

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Speaker 1: Okay, you know you're begging the question. Here are you

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Speaker 1: and Frederic exchanging gifts?

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Speaker 2: This? I don't know. I know I'm going to buy something.

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Speaker 2: If you're going to have the conversation, maybe you should

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Speaker 2: put a limit, an amount. I don't go over such

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Speaker 2: and such.

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Speaker 1: Okay for all your other friends, Susan limited to twenty

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Speaker 1: bucks for me? Sky's that? Okay? All right? Have you

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Speaker 1: ever so my father was Jewish, and you know I

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Speaker 1: have my Christmas trap. I have my menora, which I'm

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Speaker 1: having trouble with the candles. Thank god it's only one

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Speaker 1: at a time. Did you, with your husband or boyfriend

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Speaker 1: or anybody, have you merged traditions during the holidays?

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Speaker 2: So I had friends that were Jewish, and I try

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Speaker 2: to acknowledge theirs and do their thing, but not in

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Speaker 2: my house. Everybody that has come here has all been Christian,

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Speaker 2: same or not the same tradition.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we, like I said, I grew up in

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Speaker 1: a almost completely Jewish neighborhood, and so I would go

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Speaker 1: to my friend's house and and on Honukkah, and you know,

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Speaker 1: they most of my friends did not have Christmas trees.

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Speaker 1: They a few of them did. They call them Honkkah bushes,

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Speaker 1: which I loved. But my dad, my my mother was

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Speaker 1: Christian and my father was Jewish, so he loved Nobody

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Speaker 1: celebrated Christmas more or loved Christmas more than my dad.

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Speaker 1: But again not the not the true meaning that Christians

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Speaker 1: have signed the tree the presence.

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Speaker 2: Well, isn't Honkah? Do you get a gift? I think

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Speaker 2: seven days?

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Speaker 1: Well, people do it differently. It's it's festival the lights.

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Speaker 1: It goes on for seven days. Usually people will get

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Speaker 1: the biggest gift the first night. Some people get the

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Speaker 1: first night and then they get little gifts the rest

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Speaker 1: of the time.

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Speaker 2: But it's not like us that you have forty five

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Speaker 2: presents under the trees for all the kids.

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Speaker 1: We didn't do it that way. But you know I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't have the book of Jewish Holidays open on

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Speaker 1: my lap here how they celebrate, but usually it's the

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Speaker 1: big gift is the first night and then.

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Speaker 2: Just little gifts synagogue.

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Speaker 1: The first night Honkkah is not a religious holiday. It's

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Speaker 1: it's festival the lights. It's a it's it's not It's

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Speaker 1: not like Russia, Chana, young People, or any of the

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Speaker 1: serious high Jewish holidays. It's a fun Jewish holidays. So

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Speaker 1: it's not It's very different from Christmas, which is one

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Speaker 1: of the obviously one of the Christian's highest holidays. And

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Speaker 1: where did how did we get onto this religious track

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Speaker 1: we got to?

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Speaker 2: Okay, well, we're mixing traditions. Like I don't know, most

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Speaker 2: of my friends all have the same and everybody I've

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Speaker 2: ever dated, I think, celebrated Christmas. So I didn't ever

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Speaker 2: merge the traditions. It's our tradition. Okay, here's a good one.

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Speaker 2: The seven fishes, Like the Italians really celebrate Christmas Eve

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Speaker 2: with the seven fishes. And I used to do it.

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Speaker 2: My grandmother did, My mom skipped. It was always my nana.

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Speaker 2: And then I started to do it and the kids

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Speaker 2: didn't like the fish. They didn't And you know I

401
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 2: was in too and inviting people, friends and neighbors and all. No,

402
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Speaker 2: what was appreciating it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I've heard it's a lot of work. Yeah, I

404
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Speaker 1: will tell.

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Speaker 2: You I believed in it. It was something about good

406
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Speaker 2: luck for the year. So Lottie, my girlfriend, and Ray

407
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Speaker 2: do it every year.

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Speaker 1: Well, good tell him. Tell Lottie I need some of

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Speaker 1: her luck, please. I will say. The simple traditions that

410
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Speaker 1: we have merged. My husband loved certain kinds of pies,

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Speaker 1: he liked certain kind of dressing. I grew up with

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Speaker 1: a different dressing. And the turkey, and so those kinds

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Speaker 1: of things. What we did. We initially made both of them.

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Speaker 1: Over time we sort of got away from having to

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Speaker 1: have his or mine. We would one year do his,

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Speaker 1: one year do mine. That's how we sort of merged it.

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Speaker 1: And then our kids. As the kids came along, they

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Speaker 1: really they really were like, Mom, we really want your

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Speaker 1: eggnog bread, don't really care about your cranberry nut bread

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Speaker 1: kind of thing. So that's not making that. Yeah, time

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Speaker 1: we don't like it's talking, so that you know, that's

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Speaker 1: how that's that's how our traditions changed. But I got

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Speaker 1: what is your favorite dish on Christmas food? What is

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Speaker 1: your favorite food dish? To make turkey? Pardon me not

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Speaker 1: to not to make to eat.

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Speaker 2: I like everything, but I don't like turkey. So I

427
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Speaker 2: struggle on Thanksgiving and I make a twenty five pound

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Speaker 2: beautiful bird and then I thank god I don't have

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Speaker 2: to eat it again until next year.

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Speaker 1: And so what's your favorite dish? What's at the ham?

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Speaker 2: I like them, I love ham, but my scuttle soup.

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Speaker 2: And then we have the Ravioli's. But this year I'm

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Speaker 2: breaking it up and I'm not telling anybody. They will

434
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 2: have a heart attack.

435
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 1: The tradition.

436
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 2: We're doing stuff shells this year.

437
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 1: I like pop over for those.

438
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I have the meat to go in the gravy.

439
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 2: That it's spaghetti sauces. You guys told it, but it's

440
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 2: gravy in my house. And I'll have a pork and

441
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 2: sausage and meat balls, and then we have the Your meal.

442
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 1: Is signed different. Your meal is so different from ours.

443
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 2: It's a traditional Italian Christmas. You have soup, your escuirrol soup.

444
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: But your husband was not Italian.

445
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,199
Speaker 2: That's what we did cheese. So the man I have

446
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 2: to do a side of homemade spaghetti. He'd have his

447
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 2: own spaghetti.

448
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 1: Unbelievable, think the same. That's so funny. Our tradition was

449
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:40,639
Speaker 1: doing the same. Like I no Christmas and Thanksgiving the

450
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: menu was almost exactly the same. But as you know,

451
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 1: I love to bake, and so every year I made

452
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 1: home my homemade pecan pie, homemade pumpkin ice cream pipe.

453
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 2: That's all the fun, good stuff that desserts. But what

454
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 2: was the main meal.

455
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, always turkey, And I think one year

456
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 1: my husband a couple of years towards the end, he

457
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 1: did a crown roast. A crown wrote what to call

458
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 1: the crown row, you know, being crown roast, and I

459
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,159
Speaker 1: mean because he loved to cook, and we did that

460
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 1: a few times. I honestly think traditions are meant to

461
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,919
Speaker 1: be broken, and I know that sounds crazy. I like

462
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 1: bringing in some new surprises every year.

463
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 2: Well you still have your traditional stuff. Tradition to me

464
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 2: is everybody being here on that day and everybody having

465
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 2: the soup and the pasta, the Italian part, and that

466
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 2: whether it's a ham or a turkey, that's tradition. That's

467
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 2: how we do it.

468
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 1: Okay, So how you do it? I'm going to ask you,

469
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,640
Speaker 1: and I want to say, you know me, I'm always

470
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 1: joking around here, but I want a serious answer for

471
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: this one. Susan, if if Frederic, if he lived you know, wherever,

472
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 1: I mean doable, not in Saint Martin, if he lived

473
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 1: close enough, and he said, I want you to come

474
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 1: to Christmas at my house with my two kids, with

475
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: my two children this year, and and and and we're

476
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: I'm making it up now, you know, I live on

477
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: the island. Whatever we're gonna have, you know, shrimp barbecue,

478
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 1: I don't know. Would you do that? Would you?

479
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 2: I would never leave my children on Christmas. I would

480
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 2: do it on Thanksgiving or Easter or New Year's but

481
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 2: I won't leave on Christmas.

482
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:27,640
Speaker 1: You'll you would not. Oh, interesting, it's a big day here.

483
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 1: It's a big Oh are you kidding me? It's a

484
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 1: big day here. It's oh it was well, not me.

485
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,160
Speaker 2: I'll leave the day after you.

486
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 1: So I would. I would celebrate if I found the

487
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: person who loved me and I loved I would absolutely

488
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: if he said it means a lot to me to celebrate.

489
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 1: I'm assuming he has kids. I'm making this up, obviously, Yeah.

490
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,400
Speaker 2: But we're we're golden.

491
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: His kids are what I'm talking about. I'm talking about.

492
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 2: Would you ever travel for Christmas and not be with

493
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,360
Speaker 2: your children, with your significant other or with somebody you're

494
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 2: in love with. Would you just take a vacation and

495
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 2: just not be there on Christmas?

496
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 1: You mean leave without a reason to leave? Just I

497
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 1: think I'll go to Egypt your vacation. No, no, no.

498
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 1: But but if I were dating someone seriously, not just

499
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: a casual date. But if I were dating someone seriously,

500
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 1: and he said, Kathy, I would love for you to

501
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 1: come to my home. I'm making it up. Don't have

502
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 1: the guy. But maybe maybe I'm manifesting it in Naples

503
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: because my children are coming this year, and I.

504
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 2: Would love you maybe in every other year.

505
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would do that. I would do that. But

506
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 1: but where I was going with that is, would you

507
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 1: be willing to give up? Then you're not having the

508
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: s girl, the soup you're not.

509
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, whatever they're serving I'm eating, So you'd be

510
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:41,880
Speaker 2: okay with that?

511
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: Yeah?

512
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 2: And I come home and do mine. I think a

513
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 2: lot of people do one or the other like every

514
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,439
Speaker 2: other year. Like this year, we'll do your place for

515
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 2: Thanksgiving mine for Christmas. In the following year, we'll switch

516
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 2: it up like that.

517
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,360
Speaker 1: I just do Is there I'm being honest? Is there

518
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,199
Speaker 1: something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just in La La

519
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: land if I met the guy that I was that

520
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 1: I just couldn't wait to wake up next to. And

521
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: he felt the same way. Sometimes I think I'm like

522
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: living in a dream world.

523
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 2: But I and you call me a hope bless romance.

524
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: No, I'm hopeful romantic. You're hopeless. There's a difference. I would.

525
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 1: And you know, I have all my my stuff decorated,

526
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: and I'm my kids. You know, I've already started the baking.

527
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: I've got a few more things left to cook, a

528
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 1: couple of pies that you know I can't do till.

529
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 1: You know, just before I would, I would so do it.

530
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 2: And and well, how would you tell your children that

531
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 2: I'm going Well.

532
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: You got to remember, I said if it were a

533
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,960
Speaker 1: serious relationship. So so theoretically I've known this guy more

534
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 1: than two months, you know, I would say. You know,

535
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 1: I don't know why I always used the name Joe,

536
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 1: but you know, uh, Joe has asked me to come

537
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: to his home on the you know, on the ocean

538
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: in Hawaii. Let's think big hair. And so I'm gonna

539
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: go to Hawaii for Christmas, and kids, let's pick a

540
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 1: day and we'll celebrate Christmas before I go or after

541
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: I got After I come back and we're going to

542
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 1: FaceTime on Christmas. My kids would be fine with it. Yeah,

543
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 1: they were well because because here's the thing, you're all

544
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 1: your kids like you're the hub. Everyone comes to your house.

545
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: Everyone used to come to my house when my husband

546
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 1: was alive. We did the party of the Christmas china,

547
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: the crystal, the silver, the whole nine yards. We did

548
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: all the cooking. Occasionally my daughter, I think, would bring

549
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: a side, but they were younger. Right now, now you

550
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: go there last year. I honestly my memory is bad

551
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: since my husband died. I struggle to remember each year.

552
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: But like this year, we're going to my daughter's and

553
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 1: she's got the china. She's oh, she loves Christmas. She's

554
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: she got that for me. She loves the decorated, so

555
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: she's got the menu all made out. I know what

556
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 1: I'm bringing, My son knows what he's bringing, and I

557
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 1: kind of it's like passing the baton, which is you?

558
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 2: And I waiting for one of one of my children

559
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 2: to do this and it's not happening. But my daughter

560
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 2: in law, my Christopher's wife, I was surprised when she said,

561
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 2: you're coming Thanksgiving, right because it's just a norm right now.

562
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 2: And she goes, Mom, no, they just had a new kitchen,

563
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 2: put in, new bathrooms, they redid their whole house. She goes,

564
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 2: I'm doing my first Thanksgiving and she goes, I didn't

565
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 2: think you would come, And I said I would come.

566
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 2: I said, I won't do Christmas. She goes, well, we'll

567
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 2: be at your house all day Christmas. And I understand,

568
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 2: but I would come. I've been doing it my whole time.

569
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 1: I know. But you know what, Susan, my advice that

570
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 1: you're not asking for is start thinking about passing the

571
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 1: baton so that your children can start building those memories

572
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: with their children. That that's it.

573
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 2: I'm going to go next year. So I had to

574
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 2: tell other people that come to my house for every holiday,

575
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 2: my sisters and their people, and I said to them,

576
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 2: you know, I was kind of torn when she said that,

577
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 2: And my sister said, don't be that's your family. Ye

578
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 2: go next year, we'll go out. Nobody cooks.

579
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: I swear, I swear the the stork to you.

580
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 2: Do you know what I think about? Though, that's the

581
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 2: time that all my nieces and their significant others, and

582
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 2: my sisters and my brother in laws are all in

583
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 2: one house. That's what I look forward.

584
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 1: Okay before we end this, when we're going to wrap

585
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: it up here in a second. But I just thought

586
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: of one of the biggest It just occurred to me. Truly,

587
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: you this is where you live, where you grew up,

588
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: your your I mean a few miles from where you

589
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: grew up, all your kids lived there. What's up for

590
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 1: your daughter, your your sisters lived there. I grew up

591
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: outside of Boston, Massachusetts. I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts.

592
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: I got married when I turned twenty, and except for

593
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: a few years when I went home with the kids

594
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:13,239
Speaker 1: and my husband for Christmas in Boston, I have not

595
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: My Christmas was my family, that is, my husband, my

596
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 1: three children. No. I just realized that's a big difference.

597
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: And then my in laws may God rest their weary

598
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 1: souls would come. They would rotate among their three children,

599
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: and so every third year they would come and spend

600
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: Christmas with us.

601
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 2: But they wouldn't stop in the morning or anything like

602
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 2: if you weren't going to the parents' house, we go

603
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 2: for like a question.

604
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 1: No, No, the parents didn't live here. That's what I'm saying.

605
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: The parents, That's what I'm saying, we lived in Houston,

606
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 1: we lived in Austin, we lived in Georgia, we lived

607
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: in different places, so we made Christmas our tradition. I

608
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 1: don't know where that so I get it. It's a

609
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 1: little more difficult for you, and I'm sure for lots

610
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: of families it's more difficult.

611
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,239
Speaker 2: It is, But you know what, we could talk all

612
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 2: today about this. It's coming very firm soon, so we

613
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 2: really got to get going and that will do it

614
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 2: for today's episode of Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks

615
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 2: everybody for listening.

616
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for everyone for joining us today. We

617
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 1: hope that you are almost ready for your holiday. Whenever

618
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: holiday you're celebrating, get ready because you don't have much

619
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 1: time left anyway. Be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour

620
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 1: as we do have new episodes coming out every week that.

621
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 2: You want and we want to hear how the holiday went.

622
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 2: Make sure to submit your questions to us, and you

623
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 2: remember how to do it bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour,

624
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 2: or hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.

625
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 1: Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio

626
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 1: app or wherever you listen to podcasts.

627
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 2: Have a great week, happy holiday,