Speaker 1: Every day that goes by, you're gonna feel a little
Speaker 1: bit more content without her, and you're gonnaeel a little
Speaker 1: bit more content with who you are. What if she
Speaker 1: did come back, and what if you continue to worship
Speaker 1: her and glorify her, and what if what if you
Speaker 1: lost her to a car accident? Then you're you're on
Speaker 1: suicide watch at that point, because she is your identity.
Speaker 1: What's up? Guys, Welcome to the podcast this episode one
Speaker 1: O two. This is gonna be a good one. Good
Speaker 1: buddy of mine. First time guest on here. Daniel Gonzalez,
Speaker 1: a Michigan boy, finally got Michigan represented on the podcast.
Speaker 1: A lot of people from Michigan listening to this podcast. Well, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: go State, Go Green, go White. That's that's all my
Speaker 1: Ganzala side there, but my mama's sides in Texas. I've
Speaker 1: been in Texas a long time, so I don't sound
Speaker 1: like I'm from Mission. I hear you. Well, yeah, Lansing, Michigan,
Speaker 1: that's right. Just get that cleared up. It's not a
Speaker 1: big blue here, No, it's not. It's not. And you know,
Speaker 1: if you do represent the Wolverines, I'm so sorry. I'm
Speaker 1: pray for you. We can't all be perfect. So on
Speaker 1: this podcast we Daniel, we answer questions, and you're a
Speaker 1: perfect guy for it. I feel very blessed that you're
Speaker 1: in my life because if I need some advice, if
Speaker 1: I need to talk through something in long form, you're
Speaker 1: one of the guys on a call. The way we
Speaker 1: set up this podcast, it's like we're sitting around a
Speaker 1: campfire or we're driving in a truck and it's me
Speaker 1: and you and one other person and they say, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: could I ask you something something that's been going on
Speaker 1: in my life. It could be about life. Could be
Speaker 1: about music. What you're a musician too. You're a pastor
Speaker 1: and a musician, so that works out great. Could be
Speaker 1: about a relationship or a job. It really could be
Speaker 1: about anything. You just email Granger Smith Podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot calm. Then I put these together and I'll just
Speaker 1: grab them in no particular order and no particular subject,
Speaker 1: and then we'll walk through it as if we're sitting
Speaker 1: in the cab of a truck on a road trip
Speaker 1: like me and you have been on the floor, just
Speaker 1: walking through it, and and hey, we're not always right,
Speaker 1: we don't. We don't have notes if you're watching on YouTube,
Speaker 1: we don't have notes in front of us. So we're
Speaker 1: just going to walk through it as if we're living
Speaker 1: it with you, and we're gonna give you the best,
Speaker 1: the best knowledge that we know of at the time.
Speaker 1: And uh, that's that's the beauty of this podcast. We
Speaker 1: definitely could be wrong. Love it, Love it. I want
Speaker 1: to dig in a little bit here, And like I said,
Speaker 1: this is no particular order, so I'm gonna start at
Speaker 1: the top if you're ready to If you're ready to
Speaker 1: dig into this, I'm all in. Let's go. This one says.
Speaker 1: The subject says, I need advice. Good. It says, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for this opportunity. I'm grateful for you
Speaker 1: and Amber, and I found out about you thanks to
Speaker 1: a friend who kept tagging me on Parker's TikTok videos.
Speaker 1: In fact, I just started following kid today because I
Speaker 1: watched one of your podcasts. Well, y'all talked about that
Speaker 1: good good, good, love it. It says, So in this situation,
Speaker 1: I'm currently living with my parents because that's how things
Speaker 1: go in Honduras. Shout out to Honduras, and we've been
Speaker 1: having a lot of problem They've been having a lot
Speaker 1: of problems with their marriage. My dad does not respect
Speaker 1: my mom. He raises his voice, always says she is
Speaker 1: against him on a problem they have in the ministry
Speaker 1: they work in, because my dad has said some bad
Speaker 1: stuff about his leaders. The thing is, the problem is
Speaker 1: affecting me way too much with my mom. Her hair
Speaker 1: is falling out, she doesn't have much energy anymore. She's
Speaker 1: always down to my sister and I try to cheer up,
Speaker 1: but that only helps for a while. My mom still
Speaker 1: loves my dad. I really question that my dad loves her.
Speaker 1: I've asked about them getting a divorce, but that's the
Speaker 1: last thing my mom wants to do. I've prayed earnestly
Speaker 1: so the Lord will give healing to their marriage. Uh
Speaker 1: and just give me wisdom on what to do. But
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm not doing enough, especially because of
Speaker 1: our economic situation is also affecting this whole problem. I
Speaker 1: don't have a job because here in Honduras it's really
Speaker 1: hard to get one if you're if you haven't graduated
Speaker 1: from college. Help. I want to do more. I want
Speaker 1: to help. I don't know what to do anymore. Am
Speaker 1: I stressing too much about it? What should I do.
Speaker 1: Thank you Granger, Ruth well, so shout out to Honduras
Speaker 1: listeners and and thank you, thank you Ruth for for
Speaker 1: trusting us with something so heavy on your heart. And
Speaker 1: I want to say I thank you. I think you
Speaker 1: emailed the right podcast we got. We got Pastor Daniel
Speaker 1: with us today. If I had anything like this going
Speaker 1: on in my life, I would I will call you,
Speaker 1: I will call you. So let's kind of let's break
Speaker 1: this down a little bit. Yeah, because there's a lot there.
Speaker 1: So Dad has been it's been tough lately. He's been
Speaker 1: tough on Mom. Mom still loves him. Divorce is not
Speaker 1: part of the conversation at all. Mom is faithful, Mom
Speaker 1: is holding holding true to this. It sounds like they're
Speaker 1: in ministry of some sort in Honduras. And and the
Speaker 1: daughter is wanting to wanting to help, you know, I
Speaker 1: feel that on her heart. She wants to. She wants
Speaker 1: to be able to help mom and dad. She wants
Speaker 1: to reconcile the marriage. And there's a financial stress to this.
Speaker 1: So where do we where do we start with Ruth.
Speaker 1: She's praying a lot about it, yeah, and and and
Speaker 1: she's seeking help, She's seeking counsel, you know, And I
Speaker 1: think that's important, an important part of of really what
Speaker 1: the Bible tells us student instructs us to do. But
Speaker 1: really in everyday life is we want to make sure
Speaker 1: that we're finding the right counsel, the right right people
Speaker 1: to speak into it. And obviously we don't know. You've
Speaker 1: given us a kind of a good framework, good picture.
Speaker 1: It sounds like if I remember she said he's in
Speaker 1: ministry as well, Yeah, presume maybe it's a church or
Speaker 1: some kind of a ministry related nonprofit or something of
Speaker 1: that nature, which is an even bigger deal, you know.
Speaker 1: And so you know, when it goes to situations like this,
Speaker 1: as it relates to the family and it relates to
Speaker 1: the position of the father and the role of the
Speaker 1: father in the family, there's a lot of weight that
Speaker 1: falls on dad. There's a lot of weight that falls there,
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of responsibility that falls there. And
Speaker 1: so I don't want people to shy away from that.
Speaker 1: Does the weight of a marriage all fall on a
Speaker 1: husband or the weight of a family all fall on
Speaker 1: a father. No, but certainly a tremendous amount of it does,
Speaker 1: because as we see even in statistics, whatever directions the
Speaker 1: father goes. If the father goes to church, then the
Speaker 1: likelihood increases incredible. Yeah, something crazy like that, you know.
Speaker 1: So I think what ends up happening is sometimes we
Speaker 1: get bogged down, especially if you're working in ministry, you
Speaker 1: can get so involved doing the work of the Lord,
Speaker 1: that you really kind of lose sight of your relationship
Speaker 1: with the Lord, and you're doing things for God instead
Speaker 1: of doing things with God. And that can sometimes sit
Speaker 1: you on a course to be in this place where
Speaker 1: men who I am now has changed not for the better,
Speaker 1: And so I think we have to start with that reality.
Speaker 1: My father, the father I knew, was a pastor and
Speaker 1: an evangelist and missionary. I was born fifteen years as
Speaker 1: late child, so I grew up with that dad. Before that.
Speaker 1: We were actually just talking about this, me and Granger
Speaker 1: not too long ago. My dad was a heroin attic
Speaker 1: and a drug pusher. He was a very hurtful human being,
Speaker 1: and he was that way with my mom. And yet
Speaker 1: my mom, who sought the Lord, who followed the Lord,
Speaker 1: continued to stay in that relationship and she just felt like,
Speaker 1: I'm seeking God. I'm going to go passionately after God
Speaker 1: and I'm going to believe that my testimony is going
Speaker 1: to have an effect on Robert, who is my father. Well,
Speaker 1: it eventually did. In fact, my dad thought that she
Speaker 1: was seeing a guy at church because she would go
Speaker 1: to church and come home so full of joy that
Speaker 1: he decided, Hey, I'm going to go over there and
Speaker 1: find out who it is that you're seeing, and when
Speaker 1: I do, I'm gonna do some terrible things to him,
Speaker 1: you know, breathe out. So she thought he thought she
Speaker 1: was cheating. That's exactly right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was
Speaker 1: some guy there that was making her happy, and she's
Speaker 1: coming over and so he begins to there was right,
Speaker 1: that was Jesus, And so she goes He ends up
Speaker 1: going to church, doesn't find the guy, goes back again,
Speaker 1: goes back again, and about the fourth or fifth time,
Speaker 1: God just collides with him and he's listening to the
Speaker 1: message and he's realizing the terrible state that he is in.
Speaker 1: He goes up to the front of the church and
Speaker 1: he just begins to lay just face down on the
Speaker 1: ground and just is weeping and sobbing, and he was
Speaker 1: having a God moment where he was just really begging
Speaker 1: forgiveness from God and so in that he became radically saved,
Speaker 1: kicked the drugs, kicked all of that, like he was
Speaker 1: a different person. However, despite that, there was still withdrawal
Speaker 1: that he had to go through. There was still a
Speaker 1: repair that had to happen in the family. And I
Speaker 1: love how God constitutes and utilizes these words with ree.
Speaker 1: He resurrects, you know, we repent. He restores things, like
Speaker 1: he takes what is and he transforms it. And so
Speaker 1: I believe that that happens through a lot of different ways.
Speaker 1: One is there has to be a reality of God.
Speaker 1: And the best way for your father to see that
Speaker 1: where he might have lost sight of that, is for
Speaker 1: you to be that testimony in his life, to be
Speaker 1: an encouragement as well to your mom and just say, hey,
Speaker 1: there is a love that's greater than all all this.
Speaker 1: Our God can do exceedingly abundantly above all that we
Speaker 1: could ever ask. Imagine. I'm going to probably quote a
Speaker 1: lot of scripture references in this podcast, and then you've
Speaker 1: got to confront it. And I think that's the challenging
Speaker 1: part is because there is a way to confront and love.
Speaker 1: But I would say that your father not only does
Speaker 1: he need to be prayed for. Not only do you
Speaker 1: want to be a good example of Christ to him,
Speaker 1: but as a daughter, you can confront your father and
Speaker 1: you can sit down and say there's a big issue.
Speaker 1: And for a man who's working in ministry, you're held
Speaker 1: to a high standard, like the Bible actually tells us
Speaker 1: that your home is supposed to be in order for
Speaker 1: you to be engaging in this. So we utilize that
Speaker 1: as a way to be able to have a conversation
Speaker 1: to say, I want you to see what you're doing
Speaker 1: to our family. All of that's okay, all right, now,
Speaker 1: we don't know what the result of that is going
Speaker 1: to be. At the end of the day. Not everything
Speaker 1: that we do that is right seems to turn out
Speaker 1: the way that we would like for it to. But
Speaker 1: at least at the very end of the day, we
Speaker 1: can say, I know I did right by God, I
Speaker 1: know I did right by my family, and we had
Speaker 1: a conversation about it, and hopefully that can help kind
Speaker 1: of maybe shake him up, maybe get a realignment going.
Speaker 1: And then you've got to walk through journey of restoring
Speaker 1: rebuilding trust. Going through that journey with the family. I
Speaker 1: think it is so important, But my heart goes out
Speaker 1: to you, because I know that has to be so
Speaker 1: difficult dealing with what you're dealing with, to see your
Speaker 1: family in that kind of a situation. But I also
Speaker 1: know that God is faithful, so good, that's so good.
Speaker 1: And I think, Ruth, I think we believe. I believe
Speaker 1: you do too. We believe that God is this restore,
Speaker 1: this redeemer, this author of life. And it's easy to
Speaker 1: make that number two and to make number one. What's
Speaker 1: your Okay, I get it? But what could I do now?
Speaker 1: What do I need to do to restore the situation?
Speaker 1: And I would encourage you to flip flop that, not
Speaker 1: saying that you are already, but flip flop where you
Speaker 1: believe and you trust that God is building this story
Speaker 1: and you might not even see it in your father's lifetime.
Speaker 1: You might not see the restoration that you want, the
Speaker 1: storybook restoration, the Cinderella story. You might not see that unfold.
Speaker 1: But regardless, God is working in you and he's working
Speaker 1: with this story in some way. And for probably Daniel,
Speaker 1: for your siblings, they might not have seen what you
Speaker 1: saw with your dad, the restoration, and we led completely
Speaker 1: different pasts, completely different lives now God has reconciled all
Speaker 1: that He's redeemed, all that everybody saved, everybody serving the Lord.
Speaker 1: But we went different directions. And in fact, when I
Speaker 1: would hear stories about my father in that context, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're out of your mind, like this doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1: But that also shows the power of how God can
Speaker 1: change somebody. And so I think that's important for us
Speaker 1: to hold on to, is that we put God first,
Speaker 1: and we do right by God, we do right by
Speaker 1: his word and how He calls us to respond to
Speaker 1: those particular situations. And the reality is, Ruth, your father
Speaker 1: should be doing it, but that's not what's happening in
Speaker 1: this context, and that's unfortunate. You know, both of us,
Speaker 1: as fathers, our hearts would just be broken if our kids,
Speaker 1: if there was some kind of a gap or a
Speaker 1: severing of our relationship with our kids, and so we
Speaker 1: would do whatever it takes. And I do believe that
Speaker 1: sometimes we just get distracted by the wrong things, and
Speaker 1: so it takes bravery on your part, and I know
Speaker 1: you probably have even done it to a certain degree,
Speaker 1: but in this case, being able to say, hey, we
Speaker 1: need to sit down, we need to talk about this
Speaker 1: because there's a riff that's happening. We know that it
Speaker 1: isn't right. We know that we all want to honor God.
Speaker 1: So let's just have that conversation and let's see where
Speaker 1: it goes. That could start something incredibly healing for it.
Speaker 1: That's so good. And maybe that comes in the form
Speaker 1: ofquestions to death too, Like Dad, do you feel like
Speaker 1: you're honoring mom the way that you the way that
Speaker 1: you should be? And ask him the questions and let him.
Speaker 1: He might be defensive at first, but let him walk
Speaker 1: through you. More than likely, yeah, but let him walk
Speaker 1: through those answers to you, knowing that he's not going
Speaker 1: to be able to prove himself right and he knows.
Speaker 1: And then I also wanted to say, Ruth that your
Speaker 1: last little paragraph help me. I want to do more.
Speaker 1: I want to help. I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: You're you're kind of reflecting, if you read through the songs,
Speaker 1: you're reflecting a very psalmist mentality, and that's a good thing.
Speaker 1: That's a good thing. But you don't have to ask
Speaker 1: me that on you know the question here of this podcast.
Speaker 1: This is your prayer. God help me. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. I feel lost. What should I do?
Speaker 1: Just bring make that just part of your of your
Speaker 1: daily prayer, and remember that God that that restoration is
Speaker 1: is in his hands. The power of the Gospel will
Speaker 1: affect your dad in some way. Like I said, you
Speaker 1: might not see it, but it might be reflecting you.
Speaker 1: You could be Daniel sitting here for the next generation
Speaker 1: repeating this kind of story of what you saw and
Speaker 1: what you learned. But I think you're in a good place, Ruth.
Speaker 1: I think you're asking the right questions. I think your
Speaker 1: heart's in the right place. And I think what's really
Speaker 1: important about this is that your mom is staying faithful.
Speaker 1: She's not using divorce as an option right, and she
Speaker 1: will be rewarded for that. I'd really believe it, absolutely.
Speaker 1: And I'm dan. I'm sorry for hitting you with the
Speaker 1: first question. Oh my goodness, I should have been more.
Speaker 1: I should have been better about that. Let me get
Speaker 1: you something about this subject, says learning to play guitar.
Speaker 1: This has got to be easier. Oh goodness, says Hey Granger.
Speaker 1: I recently purchased a guitar and I love it. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to teach myself by watching YouTube videos. Is that
Speaker 1: the wrong way to learn. I'm considering guitar lessons. I
Speaker 1: just want your opinion. Have you ever considered using or
Speaker 1: teaching instructional videos on guitar? Thank you for what you do.
Speaker 1: This is coming from Max in North Carolina. That's an
Speaker 1: interesting thing because when I learned guitar, there wasn't YouTube.
Speaker 1: But I personally think if I was learning today, that
Speaker 1: would be a really good tool. Oh. Absolutely, it's free. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's amazing what you can learn. You literally have the
Speaker 1: best teachers in the world all sharing their stuff for free.
Speaker 1: Back in the day when I was learning, nobody would
Speaker 1: share anything with you, right like you would. I remember
Speaker 1: I started off on piano. We would go to churches
Speaker 1: and I would try to look and see what the
Speaker 1: guy was doing and he would cover. So why they
Speaker 1: do that, I don't because they didn't want me to
Speaker 1: steal there. I'm like, hey, at the church down the street.
Speaker 1: But whatever, that's how it has man, Max. I would
Speaker 1: I would say yes. I would say yes to your question.
Speaker 1: On YouTube, they're going to personal guitar lessons. I think
Speaker 1: that's a good thing. But I would I would run
Speaker 1: with this YouTube thing for about a year and just
Speaker 1: get some of the basics, get some basic chord progressions,
Speaker 1: learn your you know the so all the you know
Speaker 1: five or six seven chords that will get you through
Speaker 1: your favorite songs. Learn your sales, learn your scales. YouTube
Speaker 1: will will be great for all of that. Take You
Speaker 1: might want to take your guitar to a local music
Speaker 1: music shop and just ask the guys if they could
Speaker 1: set it up for you. Make sure the action is
Speaker 1: good on it, meaning you don't want to you don't
Speaker 1: want to run your your hands and your fingers ragged
Speaker 1: on a cheap guitar. Not saying that yours is cheap,
Speaker 1: not saying that, just saying you might want to take
Speaker 1: it just to go, hey, can you take a look
Speaker 1: at this and they could get it set up where
Speaker 1: it's just easier on your hands, which means you could
Speaker 1: practice longer. But I'm happy for you, man, this is
Speaker 1: gonna be It's gonna be a fun adventure. It might
Speaker 1: just completely change your life too. Shout out to North
Speaker 1: Carolina man, thank you, thank you for the question. I
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna kick this over to you, Daniel. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna read some of these these subject lines here. We
Speaker 1: got time for probably one more good question. We'll take
Speaker 1: a break. Okay, we have a question for your podcast.
Speaker 1: That's a generic we have I just got married and
Speaker 1: I need help. I have quitting corporate job getting into music.
Speaker 1: We have one that just says church with one that
Speaker 1: says becoming a father. I have a feeling lost in
Speaker 1: a fog. Please help me, my girlfriend broke up with me,
Speaker 1: and grief. Does any of those any of those stand
Speaker 1: out right at the well, why don't we hit Let's
Speaker 1: hit the father? One carry on that that says, hey Granger.
Speaker 1: My name is Kurt from Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota. Don't you
Speaker 1: know I'm a huge fan of your podcast and advice
Speaker 1: that you've given to so many. I'm becoming a father
Speaker 1: this December. We've been on a long journey through infertility
Speaker 1: for the last four years and it took a huge
Speaker 1: toll in our relationship. We were actively repairing this relationship
Speaker 1: and have leaned heavily on our faith in God and
Speaker 1: each other. Do you have any advice for us and
Speaker 1: for me becoming a new father and how to be
Speaker 1: the best leader in our household when this baby boy arrives?
Speaker 1: Thank you, Kurt? Wow? Well, first, yes, congratulations on that.
Speaker 1: This is awesome. Yeah, this is going to be an
Speaker 1: incredible ride and one of the most fulfilling times of
Speaker 1: your life. But here's the thing is, oftentimes it doesn't
Speaker 1: start that way. So when us as guys, sometimes we're
Speaker 1: not wired as well emotionally as you know our wives are,
Speaker 1: and as moms are. You know, they've known that baby
Speaker 1: for nine months before we have ever gotten to meet
Speaker 1: that baby, and so their dynamic is a little different.
Speaker 1: As a father, I think you have to set first
Speaker 1: in your heart how you're going to raise this child.
Speaker 1: You know, am I going to raise this child? You know,
Speaker 1: as a follower of Christ, which I'm sure you are.
Speaker 1: You'll talked about your faith in God. You want to
Speaker 1: make sure you're instilling biblical principles. You want to make
Speaker 1: sure that you're taking time to spend with your baby.
Speaker 1: The thing about men is that we develop relationships based
Speaker 1: on reciprocation, right, So that's like guys, are are you
Speaker 1: know that we develop friendships based on reciprocation relationships, and
Speaker 1: that with our child, Well, it's hard sometimes with an infant, yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're taking a lot more than they given right now, right,
Speaker 1: And so I think what we have to do is
Speaker 1: we have to make sure and understand that, Hey, what
Speaker 1: I have right here in front of me is an investment.
Speaker 1: It's not just a child's not just my child, not
Speaker 1: just my baby. But what I'm doing here is when
Speaker 1: i'm talking to them, and when i'm singing to them,
Speaker 1: when I'm spending time, I'm planting seeds inside of them
Speaker 1: that are going to be watered over the course of
Speaker 1: my life with my words, with my actions, and with time,
Speaker 1: and then years later, I'm gonna see those things sprout.
Speaker 1: Hang I'm gonna pause you right there. I'm not even
Speaker 1: gonna say anything. I just want that to sink in
Speaker 1: for a second. That's good. If you guys are listening,
Speaker 1: just just stop that, just for a second. If you're
Speaker 1: a brand new dad, that is so good. You're planning
Speaker 1: seeds even when you're not getting that reciprocation back. That's
Speaker 1: important because when you plan a seed in the garden,
Speaker 1: you don't get reciprocation back. You go out and water
Speaker 1: it all the time, all the time, all the time,
Speaker 1: and maybe even get frustrated. We've just started gardening a
Speaker 1: couple of years ago, so we're learning this. But one
Speaker 1: day you go out there and there's a sprout and man,
Speaker 1: let me tell you, we partied over that little sprout.
Speaker 1: Still took a long time before it turned into fruit
Speaker 1: or vegetation whatever, but that little sprout. And there's times
Speaker 1: when you're kids you see that little sprout, that thing
Speaker 1: that you've invested in them. Now response they reciprocate and
Speaker 1: man changes everything, and so you want to take that
Speaker 1: time to do that. And then I would also say
Speaker 1: as far as your relationship with your wife, I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people who have struggled with infertility and
Speaker 1: been in that journey. Close close friends of mine who
Speaker 1: I'm thankful have been able to have children. And but
Speaker 1: there's a lot of pain. There's a lot of hurt
Speaker 1: that kind of just comes out of us sometimes, and
Speaker 1: a husband and wife, especially if you're a younger family,
Speaker 1: you don't always know how to navigate that pain initially,
Speaker 1: and that's difficult. I think you have to have a
Speaker 1: lot of grace for each other and then understanding that ay,
Speaker 1: you're hurting, and you're hurting in a different way than
Speaker 1: I am, even though we're both despairing over these challenges,
Speaker 1: or maybe we're angry and we're taking that out on
Speaker 1: each other, taking it out on God or the world,
Speaker 1: or whatever the case may be. I have to understand
Speaker 1: that what you're going through as a mom is different
Speaker 1: than what I'm going through as a father, all right,
Speaker 1: So we don't want to outdo one another. We want
Speaker 1: to make sure that we come to this place of completion.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about it, because if I can understand your
Speaker 1: perspective and you can understand my perspective, then we can
Speaker 1: start that journey of healing between each other. You got
Speaker 1: to have grace for one another, You got to have love.
Speaker 1: In fact, I would say that the way to really
Speaker 1: be able to heal that is to be extravagant in
Speaker 1: your affection towards one another. We don't call it faking it.
Speaker 1: We call it faithing it. And so could do it
Speaker 1: until it becomes real in that context, and I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that your love for each other isn't real. But
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is sometimes you've got to motivate yourself
Speaker 1: to do more, to invest more in that relationship. And
Speaker 1: then over time, because here's something that we need to
Speaker 1: realize too. It's not simply that over the course of
Speaker 1: our lives and over our how long have you been
Speaker 1: married now, eleven years. Okay, so Celeste and I will
Speaker 1: be eighteen years this fall. Over that course of the
Speaker 1: eighteen years, our love for each other hasn't just grown,
Speaker 1: it's grown up. It's matured over the course of time.
Speaker 1: Now we can say things a lot more bluntly to
Speaker 1: each other not be hurt by each other because we've
Speaker 1: grown up, we've matured. But when we're young, we don't
Speaker 1: have that maturity yet. So everything I say that might
Speaker 1: just be me trying to be real or authentic, might
Speaker 1: hurt the other person because they're still growing up in
Speaker 1: that maturity and that love. And so understand that give
Speaker 1: it time, give it grace, be extravagant in your affection
Speaker 1: towards one another, loving each other, spending time together. And
Speaker 1: I believe that over the course of time, and especially
Speaker 1: when that child also comes into the world. Man, there's
Speaker 1: some things that are gonna heal there. Love it man.
Speaker 1: I love garden analogies, yes, life, And I think that
Speaker 1: God has created the human life where it has these
Speaker 1: perfect seasons. For instance, the nine month pregnancy gets you
Speaker 1: perfectly seasoned ready for an infant. But then when you're
Speaker 1: in the infant stage, you have another challenge and another
Speaker 1: season which lasts six or seven months, which gets them
Speaker 1: to the first they're sitting up and they're eating solid food. Okay,
Speaker 1: now you can deal with this, and you deal with
Speaker 1: that just long enough before they start walking about a year.
Speaker 1: And then when they're walking and you've finally got a chance,
Speaker 1: the child proved the house over the previous months, and
Speaker 1: then you have a chance before they go into pre
Speaker 1: k and so it's just it's perfectly lined up. So
Speaker 1: if you're worried about being a dad, just remember that
Speaker 1: doesn't happen overnight. You don't just wake up and you
Speaker 1: got a thirteen year old. You know, you have a
Speaker 1: perfect grace period and learning because you're going to learn
Speaker 1: with them. The goal is just to be a little
Speaker 1: bit ahead of them, right, that's right now. One thing
Speaker 1: I want to talk about, kurt Is is your relationship.
Speaker 1: You said it through the infertility, it took a huge toll,
Speaker 1: you said, huge toll on a relationship, and we're actively
Speaker 1: repairing this. So I want you to and it's good
Speaker 1: you said you're leaning heavily on faith in each other.
Speaker 1: But I want to also encourage you to think about this,
Speaker 1: think about that because of the infertility. A baby is
Speaker 1: such a blessing. It's such an incredible thing anyway, but
Speaker 1: then coming out of four years of infertility, it's even
Speaker 1: more of a prize for you too. So I want you,
Speaker 1: I want to encourage you to not make that this
Speaker 1: child your goal or your biggest prize. Make her that, yes,
Speaker 1: and tell her that and that while she's pregnant, this
Speaker 1: is a good time to tell her. Just say, babe,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy and we're so grateful, and we praise
Speaker 1: God for this child. But I want to let you
Speaker 1: know that even if we didn't have this child, I'm
Speaker 1: happy with you. I love you, and you are what
Speaker 1: I need on this earth right now. And just just
Speaker 1: start planning those seats to her and honoring her and
Speaker 1: giving her so much of this grace and glory that
Speaker 1: because you don't want to. You don't want the baby
Speaker 1: to become the thing, because then that that relationship problem
Speaker 1: could get bigger and bigger as you start dealing with
Speaker 1: adolescence with this kid. Man. That is so good and
Speaker 1: so right on, because you, as a husband and wife,
Speaker 1: you're the family. You didn't start your family when you
Speaker 1: started having kids. Y'all are the family and I wonder
Speaker 1: grangeer too, and maybe what she is dealing with on
Speaker 1: her side of the pain. Maybe there's questions sometimes with infertility,
Speaker 1: whether it's on the on the guy's or the guy's
Speaker 1: fault or not fault, but side of the argument that
Speaker 1: they think it's their fault, and so there's the pain
Speaker 1: that's associated with that. It's like, why can't we just
Speaker 1: have children like every everyone else? And so I imagine
Speaker 1: out of that that hurt too, And then you're lumping
Speaker 1: on you know, whether it's accusations or just hurt for
Speaker 1: words or maybe not. Maybe they're just flippant words and
Speaker 1: you didn't realize they heard, and now you're having to rebuild, Like, like,
Speaker 1: my heart goes out to that because I can't imagine that.
Speaker 1: But but man, to what you're saying when you're now
Speaker 1: lavishing on though, it's like, hey, look, our family isn't
Speaker 1: about this child, because reality is one day they're gonna
Speaker 1: grow up, they're gonna move out there, and then it's
Speaker 1: us again. It is, so it's got to be about us,
Speaker 1: you know, it's got to be about you know, our
Speaker 1: foundation isn't God, but God's blessing this and so man,
Speaker 1: you talk about that gual being head over heels over
Speaker 1: you to let her know how she's first placed there
Speaker 1: in your life, and that's that's amazing. Yell. Let's take
Speaker 1: a break. We'll be right back, all right. Thanks for
Speaker 1: watching the Granger Smith podcast. Guys. If you want to
Speaker 1: find me on tour, it's super easy. Go to Grangersmith
Speaker 1: dot com. Right there on the homepage, scroll down just
Speaker 1: a touch and there's all the tour dates. Now you're
Speaker 1: going to look at those tour dates. You could do
Speaker 1: two things right there off the homepage buy tickets tab
Speaker 1: or VIP tab. The vip allows you to actually meet me.
Speaker 1: It gives you VIP tickets and a meet and greet
Speaker 1: where you can come before the show. We could hang out,
Speaker 1: take pictures, sign anything that you want, and you could
Speaker 1: also find that on the homepage under meat Granger. So
Speaker 1: you can do it through the tour site, the tour page,
Speaker 1: or on the Meet Granger tab. We make it super easy.
Speaker 1: If you can't go to any of these tour dates.
Speaker 1: Another thing you could do is you could find me
Speaker 1: on cameo dot com. You can go to the website
Speaker 1: or right off the app, the Cameo app. That's c
Speaker 1: am EO look up Granger Smith. In that way, I
Speaker 1: could easily get you a video message to whoever you want.
Speaker 1: For whatever you want, could be birthday, congratulations on a
Speaker 1: wedding or a graduation, a pick me up, or a
Speaker 1: shout out of any kind. I will send you a
Speaker 1: video recording of me giving you a personalized message to
Speaker 1: however you want, for whoever you want. I also want
Speaker 1: to thank you guys for supporting Yegi Apparel Fall launch,
Speaker 1: which we launched last Friday, just a few days ago.
Speaker 1: I'm hoping by the time that you see this, by
Speaker 1: the time you listen to this podcast, there's still some
Speaker 1: items that you want. This is most proud I've ever
Speaker 1: been about an apparel launch from yee I'll say it
Speaker 1: that way. We have jackets and coats and flannels, beanies
Speaker 1: for the first time ever to get you ready for
Speaker 1: wherever you are in the world for your winter apparel.
Speaker 1: Thank you for trusting us with this brand, Thank you
Speaker 1: for trusting yege Apparel, and thank you for trusting us
Speaker 1: with country music. And of course thanks for listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast. So, Daniel, what is your title at Celebration
Speaker 1: in Georgetown. Celebration Church Georgetown, Texas. You were a pastor there, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm an executive pastor. We have a team called the
Speaker 1: Directional Leadership Team. We're responsible for making decisions about the
Speaker 1: direction of the church where we're going next. And so
Speaker 1: my area really where I I don't want to say oversee,
Speaker 1: but it's kind of my stewardship. Let's put it in
Speaker 1: that way. Is our language, is our looks, It's what
Speaker 1: you experience in and from the church. And we're venturing
Speaker 1: now into some new arenas where we're in developing a
Speaker 1: podcast you know, which will be you know, dealing with
Speaker 1: theological questions things in relation to the church. Have guessed
Speaker 1: things of that nature as well. But we're also creating
Speaker 1: more music and things to kind of get outside of
Speaker 1: the four walls to be able to minister in a
Speaker 1: timeless way, which I think you do so great in
Speaker 1: your music in this like, people are going to be
Speaker 1: listening to these things for years down the line, yeah,
Speaker 1: and they'll have that impact. And so we're really for
Speaker 1: us as a church. Even though we are a church
Speaker 1: of notable size in this area of central Texas, we
Speaker 1: still have yet to really venture out into that area.
Speaker 1: And I believe that it's it's our time to do that.
Speaker 1: So I've been stewarded with that responsibility as well as Yeah,
Speaker 1: just you know the message what we say, you know,
Speaker 1: we want to make sure it's right. We want to
Speaker 1: make sure it's theologically sound, and that it is bringing
Speaker 1: challenges where there need to be challenges, and it's bringing
Speaker 1: encouragement where they d s be encouragement. I've seen you
Speaker 1: with a headset on work in production any given sunday.
Speaker 1: I've seen you with a headset on during production. I've
Speaker 1: seen you playing keyboard. I've seen you playing guitar leading worship,
Speaker 1: or I've seen you preaching, yeah, or I've seen you
Speaker 1: on the front road just worshiping, whatever it takes. Whatever.
Speaker 1: You're like the man that if anybody needs anything, you
Speaker 1: come and then you could handle everything. Well, I'll tell
Speaker 1: you what it's been when you've grown up in ministry.
Speaker 1: My dad was a pastor. Like like I said earlier,
Speaker 1: he had a church. You learned how to do everything, man,
Speaker 1: So you just kind of jump in where you need to.
Speaker 1: Some particularly and then some things I do just because
Speaker 1: I love to do. I love to play, I love
Speaker 1: the lead worship. I love to do that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: And so when you know it's asked upon me, hey
Speaker 1: can you do this, I'm like, Hey, I'm all in, yeah,
Speaker 1: go and so yeah, we have a blast. On a
Speaker 1: side note, for those of you that have seen the
Speaker 1: sermon that I posted on this channel, Faster, Daniel wrote
Speaker 1: that with me, So we wrote that together. I would
Speaker 1: say that I pulled it out of you. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say that we wrote it together. That's your message, man,
Speaker 1: But I tell you what, it was awesome to be
Speaker 1: able to do that and to see you preach it
Speaker 1: and to just see now the response that's happened. You're
Speaker 1: getting more opportunities to share that message. People need to
Speaker 1: hear that message of hope, love it. Man. Well, it's
Speaker 1: an honor to have you on this podcast. And now
Speaker 1: I'm going to have you pick another one. Okay, So
Speaker 1: do you remember any of those ones? I said, Oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: there was one church. What do we do to the church? Church?
Speaker 1: It just says church, that's all it says, Dear Granger.
Speaker 1: I need help. I want to attend the church I
Speaker 1: attended as a child. The problem is that church is
Speaker 1: about one hundred miles from where we live. I want
Speaker 1: to attend in person because I do want to be
Speaker 1: able to take communion. It's very important to me to
Speaker 1: do that. I feel that baptism, confirmation, and sacraments and
Speaker 1: standing in church saying your wedding vows are all very important.
Speaker 1: I'm ready to commit to going there once a month
Speaker 1: because of the distance and the fact that I live
Speaker 1: on a limited income. The church is very important to me.
Speaker 1: I attended the first twelve years of my life, and
Speaker 1: I didn't set foot in that church until I was
Speaker 1: an adult, and I cried the whole service. When I did,
Speaker 1: I felt like I finally was home again. Help me, please,
Speaker 1: I hope to hear from you. You always give out
Speaker 1: great advice, and may God bless you and your family.
Speaker 1: This has come from Linda, and I don't see where
Speaker 1: she's from. Linda, thank you, thank you for emailing. I
Speaker 1: kind of have some mixed thoughts on this one. I
Speaker 1: do too. I almost have like a couple of options. Yeah,
Speaker 1: please share it. Yeah, it almost kind of depends, like
Speaker 1: maybe she's in a small town and there's nothing there.
Speaker 1: But I always want to encourage people to be local
Speaker 1: and to be able to You can't really have one
Speaker 1: foot in one door and one foot out and really
Speaker 1: get involved that way. And it's it's almost like you
Speaker 1: are going to the childhood church for a some kind
Speaker 1: of nostalgic reason that it's it's you're reliving the first
Speaker 1: twelve years. I mean, that's a great time, the first
Speaker 1: twelve years of your life that I want to encourage
Speaker 1: you to to really discern whether that's a nostalgia that's
Speaker 1: drawing you back to your childhood or if it's really
Speaker 1: the word of God that you're hearing better than you've
Speaker 1: ever heard anywhere else. It's going to be tough to
Speaker 1: discern those things. It is. What do you think about this?
Speaker 1: What if someone told you this, Let me put it
Speaker 1: this way. What if someone in Georgetown moved one hundred
Speaker 1: miles away and they said, I really love celebration and
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with not being able to come back. In fact,
Speaker 1: I want to come once a month. Well, I think
Speaker 1: there are a couple of things. I think you nailed
Speaker 1: it in that you've got to discern to care, where
Speaker 1: does God want you? Where has God place you? The
Speaker 1: reality is that does happen sometimes, and sometimes it's out
Speaker 1: of people's control, at least in that particular moment in
Speaker 1: their life. Maybe it's a job thing or whatever the
Speaker 1: case may be, and they can't be there regularly, but
Speaker 1: their heart is there and they want to be there. Well, hey,
Speaker 1: look as far as I'm concerned, and that's your church,
Speaker 1: and you make it work as often as you can.
Speaker 1: Would I prefer for you to have a local impact. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: If you're in a situation where it's like, well, I
Speaker 1: work here, my church is one hundred miles away, which
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is your particular situation, but
Speaker 1: but my heart is really there, then I would started
Speaker 1: looking for some jobs there and I would say, hey,
Speaker 1: if this is really where God's called me to be,
Speaker 1: then let me move and get closer to the church.
Speaker 1: Here's the deal. We have had moved. We hear all
Speaker 1: the time people saying I stumbled upon your church online.
Speaker 1: I felt so connected. We moved our whole family here
Speaker 1: to the Austin area so we could attend Celebration church
Speaker 1: because they felt like there was a calling that God
Speaker 1: was giving them through the church to come and be
Speaker 1: a part of it. So that happens. That's a great point. So, Linda,
Speaker 1: there's obviously a reason you're not doing that. Surely you've
Speaker 1: wrestled with this, and surely there's a reason. But if
Speaker 1: there's not a good enough reason there it is you know,
Speaker 1: like that seems like that solves a lot of problems.
Speaker 1: But driving once a month, I don't know if that
Speaker 1: does it for me. I'm not sure if investing in
Speaker 1: the local church around you, the one that's within twenty miles,
Speaker 1: is not better and that and you could maybe you
Speaker 1: encourage that church. Maybe you become a light in that
Speaker 1: local church that reflects what you miss from the one
Speaker 1: hundred miles church. And maybe they need you there. Maybe
Speaker 1: they need someone like Linda in their local church to
Speaker 1: help bring some of those ideas and some of the
Speaker 1: feelings that you felt, bring that in to their church.
Speaker 1: Maybe they need you there. So I also want you
Speaker 1: to consider that maybe this is part of this stirring
Speaker 1: in you, is that this is God saying, Hey, we
Speaker 1: want to revive this town where you are right now.
Speaker 1: I want to bring a revival to where you are.
Speaker 1: And I've given you the knowledge of this church that
Speaker 1: you love, and I want you to take that knowledge
Speaker 1: and spread it here locally. And you saying that also
Speaker 1: has made me kind of trigger the thought in my
Speaker 1: mind is you need community. And so you know we're
Speaker 1: talking in the context of service. Sometimes we only talking
Speaker 1: in relationship to a service like nine thirty or whatever
Speaker 1: your service time is, or your particular church. But the
Speaker 1: church is so much more than a service. It's a
Speaker 1: community exactly, It's a body. And so when you're dealing
Speaker 1: with challenges. When I think about what we deal we've
Speaker 1: had a massive ice storm earlier this year, Thank God
Speaker 1: for the community that we had of people to be
Speaker 1: able to help each other and do well. If you're
Speaker 1: not plugged in, you don't have those relationships that maybe
Speaker 1: you need to navigate a difficult time. And it's hard
Speaker 1: to do that just being completely sincere. It's hard to
Speaker 1: do that one hundred miles away. So that's an important part. Yeah,
Speaker 1: small groups, yep, yep. The breakfast is that they're going
Speaker 1: to host the Easter services. It's gonna be hard. You're
Speaker 1: gonna have family over for Christmas and you're gonna want
Speaker 1: to go to church, and it's one hundred miles and
Speaker 1: that that mileage might discourage you from going at all.
Speaker 1: You might just say I'm just not gonna I'm just
Speaker 1: not gonna go at all. So I think I think
Speaker 1: we're kind of leaning. Yeah, yeah, we want to be
Speaker 1: we want to be local, we want to have we
Speaker 1: want to have an impact where we are. I get it.
Speaker 1: You know, we're not here to tell you this is right,
Speaker 1: this is wrong. But we've seen the benefit. We've witnessed
Speaker 1: the benefit of our lives of being local and allowing
Speaker 1: the local church to minister to us and for us
Speaker 1: to minister to it and the people that are there.
Speaker 1: It's just such a blessing. Yeah. Remember when you're tithing
Speaker 1: to your church as well, that's going a lot of
Speaker 1: times to the local community, and you're not going to
Speaker 1: see that. You're not gonna see the fruits of that
Speaker 1: tithing as much if it's if it's farther away. So
Speaker 1: I think the bottom line is quit your job and
Speaker 1: go get tone, go down. I want to move. I'm
Speaker 1: just kidding, Linda, You've got some stuff to wrestle with.
Speaker 1: But that's some great advice from Daniel here. All right,
Speaker 1: you want to go to this quitting corporate job. It
Speaker 1: sounds like it's sure. We've been preaching the gospel for
Speaker 1: a little bit here and we'll go to something. It says, hey,
Speaker 1: g and your my name is Jack. I'm from Western
Speaker 1: New York, small town, a small town outside of Rochester.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty five years old. I love music, and since
Speaker 1: the twenty twenty pandemic, I started learning how to play
Speaker 1: the guitar. I've been playing for over a year now,
Speaker 1: and I've written a few songs on my own. And
Speaker 1: my dad really wants me to stay in sales and
Speaker 1: climb the corporate ladder. But my gut is telling me
Speaker 1: that I'm meant for something more in this life, and
Speaker 1: that music is a part of that. I would love
Speaker 1: to hear about your journey and any advice you would
Speaker 1: like to give a guy like me. Starting out, thank
Speaker 1: you for reading my email, best wishes to your family, Jack,
Speaker 1: and then he has Proverbs twenty seven to quoted here,
Speaker 1: let another praise you, and not your own mouth, a
Speaker 1: stranger and not your own lips. What's up, Jack, and
Speaker 1: shout out to New York. Yeah, Rochester, twenty five years old,
Speaker 1: We have another new beyond guitar. This is a little
Speaker 1: bit similar to that last question for me, Yeah, a
Speaker 1: little bit similar. I'm interested to see where you're gonna
Speaker 1: go with Yeah. Well, the first, first of all, Jack,
Speaker 1: we honor our mother and father, dad wants you to
Speaker 1: stay in sales, and and and I think your dad
Speaker 1: has a really good instinct for that, And so I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: The last thing I'll do is just throw out that
Speaker 1: throw out that dad doesn't know what he's talking about.
Speaker 1: I would, I would honor honor your father in that
Speaker 1: in that decision. Not that you have to do that,
Speaker 1: but I want you to just really simmer on that
Speaker 1: a little bit. The music business is tough' it's rough,
Speaker 1: and and what you what you kind of have to
Speaker 1: realize is why are you pursuing music? Is it to
Speaker 1: pay the bills? Or is it because it's it's making
Speaker 1: you happy, it's making it's giving you a creative outlet.
Speaker 1: Because if that's the case, you could do that and
Speaker 1: do any other job at the same time. So I
Speaker 1: would never discourage anyone from following a passion. But you
Speaker 1: are new at this and your gut is that scares me.
Speaker 1: Anytime someone says, my gut's telling me to do this,
Speaker 1: you need some more evidence. Yeah, that's right. It's not
Speaker 1: the best. Your gut's not the best decision maker of
Speaker 1: the dut So pump the brakes when you if you're
Speaker 1: going to pursue music as a full time career. You're
Speaker 1: gonna know more than your gut. You're gonna know that
Speaker 1: this is leading you this direction. You have a little
Speaker 1: local venue where you live, and it's sold out every
Speaker 1: time you play it, and people love it and they
Speaker 1: want to hear more music. And you you're not just
Speaker 1: writing a few songs. You're writing albums and you're putting
Speaker 1: them out. And the little place that you're playing at,
Speaker 1: the Lions Club or whatever you're playing, they can't fit
Speaker 1: anybody else in there. And then you're gonna go, maybe
Speaker 1: there's something to this, like maybe this is bigger than Rochester,
Speaker 1: New York. Maybe this is maybe I should venture out.
Speaker 1: And then you put a band together, and so then
Speaker 1: you go over to Albany and Syracuse and you play
Speaker 1: a few shows there, and then you go over to
Speaker 1: Buffalo and you get some pretty good feedback. So you're
Speaker 1: still not quitting your job. You're still in the sales
Speaker 1: job that your dad wants you to be in. Until
Speaker 1: you go, man, we're doing so well in this upstate
Speaker 1: New York circuit that the only way I could continue
Speaker 1: this is by quitting my job. But that's not a
Speaker 1: gut no. That's some hard evidence. And the bottom line is,
Speaker 1: but you could love music and you don't have to
Speaker 1: make a living with it. And sometimes I use this
Speaker 1: analogy with with young artists that are like, man, I
Speaker 1: want to do this. I want to do this, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, do you like you like cake? Like vanilla cake?
Speaker 1: And I love cake. I'm like, okay, well, let me
Speaker 1: put if music was cake, this is what it'd be like.
Speaker 1: It'd be like, here's some cake. Is this good? This
Speaker 1: is like wedding cake? Oh it? Take another bite? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You sure you like it? I really like it. Here,
Speaker 1: take the slice? You still like it? I love the slice. Okay,
Speaker 1: Now I eat the whole cake. And you can never
Speaker 1: eat anything else but this cake. You're not going to
Speaker 1: have steak or potatoes, but this cake. You still love
Speaker 1: it because that's what it's like. That's what it's like
Speaker 1: to go head first and to quit your corporate job
Speaker 1: and you do anything you're doing. All you're doing is music.
Speaker 1: That's what it's like. You only get one flavor, and
Speaker 1: so you got to realize, hey, maybe I just like
Speaker 1: to eat steak, potatoes and have that body cake because
Speaker 1: you can still do that. Thank you Jack. I appreciate
Speaker 1: your brother and I hope to see you really soon.
Speaker 1: We're going to be in New York next week, so
Speaker 1: maybe maybe we'll see you around. So, Daniel, question for
Speaker 1: the podcast. I just got married and I need help.
Speaker 1: My girlfriend broke up with me. Feeling lost in a
Speaker 1: fog and grief. Any of those. We've got time for
Speaker 1: a couple more at least, Well, let's do the My
Speaker 1: girlfriend broke up with Okay, okay, Hey Grangeer, I'm twenty
Speaker 1: two years old. I'm from Alabama. Shout out to Alabama
Speaker 1: and pastor Christian. Yeah rolling no tithes over where he is? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not sure if what's he's saying, if
Speaker 1: he's eagle or tied here. But I'm twenty two years
Speaker 1: old from Alabama. I've recently started listening to your podcast,
Speaker 1: and I've been a long time listening to her music.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you use God to help your
Speaker 1: fans and your followers. I was a year and a
Speaker 1: half into relationship with a girl. I wanted to marry her,
Speaker 1: and she broke up with me. I thought things were
Speaker 1: going great. I was good to her and treated her well.
Speaker 1: I thought that she would never leave now one or back.
Speaker 1: I have done a lot of things to change myself.
Speaker 1: She is extremely ambitious and working four jobs this summer
Speaker 1: and applied to graduate school. I love and care about
Speaker 1: her so much. She has been she has been so
Speaker 1: good to me. But now I'm very hurt because she
Speaker 1: dated a guy before me, and I think she wants
Speaker 1: him back. When she when she broke up with me,
Speaker 1: she said she just needed time and space. I miss
Speaker 1: her so much. I pray for her safety and healing
Speaker 1: every day. I'm also in my Bible every day trying
Speaker 1: to prove myself. How do I get her back? How
Speaker 1: do I show her I'm a better man so that
Speaker 1: she will give me a second chance? Thank you, Slate. Wow, Slate, Well,
Speaker 1: let me just let me tell you that a woman
Speaker 1: that is working that hard probably doesn't even have time
Speaker 1: to be dating and be in a relationship to start.
Speaker 1: She sounds very ambitious, like she's going after it. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing, Here's the thing. I want you understand, Slate,
Speaker 1: because I think it's so important for us to realize
Speaker 1: that the only person we want to make the center
Speaker 1: of our world is Jesus. We want to make sure
Speaker 1: that some especially, they're not our wives, they're not our like.
Speaker 1: We can't make them the center of our world because
Speaker 1: there are greater things in store for you. I know
Speaker 1: it's difficult, and I know when you've invested time in
Speaker 1: a relationship, especially at your age, we go all in. Man,
Speaker 1: our emotions are in, like we're all in, and then
Speaker 1: it doesn't pan out the way that we want, and
Speaker 1: there's no other alternative but to want to get the
Speaker 1: person back. I think those things are natural. All right,
Speaker 1: that's the heart's response. But the reality is is we
Speaker 1: don't make decisions with our heart. We make decisions with
Speaker 1: our head. Our heart and its emotions inform probably our
Speaker 1: states like there's something up, there's something going on. That's cool.
Speaker 1: But the reality is is you only make reactions with
Speaker 1: your heart. You make decisions with your head. So you
Speaker 1: have to be willing to say I'm going to make
Speaker 1: a decision with my head that my heart does not
Speaker 1: necessarily agree with, and be willing to understand that you,
Speaker 1: with God in your life, are already complete. You don't
Speaker 1: need anybody else. You're already complete, and he's working on you.
Speaker 1: He's making you better. Okay, you're not becoming better to
Speaker 1: get some girl back. That isn't the goal there. You're
Speaker 1: becoming better because you are being conformed into the image
Speaker 1: of Christ. You are becoming more like God. You're becoming
Speaker 1: a better person because the world needs the best slate
Speaker 1: that you have to offer. So there are great things
Speaker 1: in store for your life. There's greater things in store
Speaker 1: for your life than just one particular relationship. Okay, I
Speaker 1: believe that the more that you're trying to pursue God,
Speaker 1: there's going to be someone who's gonna come in your path.
Speaker 1: That men, that chemistry is going to be You're gonna know,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have that feeling of like, all right, I
Speaker 1: get it, this is what I've been waiting for. But
Speaker 1: you don't want to hit pause on your life because
Speaker 1: there's a part of you that's grieving a relationship that
Speaker 1: is ended. You know, you want to make sure that
Speaker 1: you're still pursuing God, You're still learning, you're still equipping yourself,
Speaker 1: you're still working hard build something. Here's the thing too,
Speaker 1: Jesus never called a disciple who wasn't working. They were
Speaker 1: all in and doing something, all right, and and he
Speaker 1: calls him into great things. He wasn't looking for the
Speaker 1: guy that was, you know, still living in his mom's
Speaker 1: basement and she done got a job, didn't got it.
Speaker 1: He was looking He wasn't looking for the most educated guys,
Speaker 1: but he was looking for some hardworking people. So what
Speaker 1: do I mean by that? Is that hard work, perseverance,
Speaker 1: building on yourself, learning, developing, utilizing wisdom that gets you
Speaker 1: noticed by more than just Jesus. Right. Yeah, but but
Speaker 1: but I think that as long as you're engaging that,
Speaker 1: as long as you make sure you're prioritizing the right
Speaker 1: relationship in your life, then that person that is going
Speaker 1: to be your spouse that you're going to start that
Speaker 1: family with it was going to see that, They're going
Speaker 1: to notice that, they're going to perk up, and then man,
Speaker 1: you start that relationship is going to be awesome. This
Speaker 1: is probably one of the most that was amazing, Daniel,
Speaker 1: That was amazing. I can't beat anything that you just said.
Speaker 1: This is one of the most common kinds of questions
Speaker 1: that I get to this podcast. My girlfriend broke up
Speaker 1: with me or my boyfriend broke up with me, and
Speaker 1: how do I get her back? Because I want her back?
Speaker 1: And she told you she needed time and space give
Speaker 1: her time and space. Yep, you say you're reading your
Speaker 1: Bible every day. I believe that if you continue that,
Speaker 1: you're going to see the truth that Daniel just spoke of.
Speaker 1: You're going to see words like being content, being content
Speaker 1: with where you are and who you are today, and
Speaker 1: you became I say this with all all kindness. I
Speaker 1: started to sound like a broken record here. I want
Speaker 1: her back, I need her? What do I do? Help me?
Speaker 1: I want her back? And that just screams to me
Speaker 1: that you you have to work on yourself. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: not There's something, there's something missing it. Once again, I
Speaker 1: say that in the nicest way because I've been there.
Speaker 1: I know Daniel's been there. We've all been there. And
Speaker 1: when you're twenty two, it might seem like the walls
Speaker 1: are just caving in, but time is going to heal you.
Speaker 1: Time going by. Every day that goes by, you're gonna
Speaker 1: feel a little bit more content without her, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna feel little bit more content with who you are
Speaker 1: because she was, she was becoming and maybe already was
Speaker 1: your identity. That's a dangerous thing, slate for her to
Speaker 1: become your identity, because what if she did come back
Speaker 1: and what if you continue to worship her and glorify her,
Speaker 1: and what if what if you lost her to a
Speaker 1: car accident? Then you're you're on suicide watch at that point,
Speaker 1: because she is your identity and you have to you
Speaker 1: have to be able to honor her with the space
Speaker 1: that she needed. And there's no tricks that I could
Speaker 1: tell you, or that Daniel could tell you. There's no
Speaker 1: books to read on how to win her back. She's
Speaker 1: got everything Daniel said. If you rewind that, you becoming
Speaker 1: the man that the world needs you to be will
Speaker 1: attract maybe not even her. I'm kind of secretly hoping
Speaker 1: not here, it's going to attract someone even better. And
Speaker 1: you might hear that, go, no one's better than her.
Speaker 1: But I promise you, man, at twenty two, I promise you,
Speaker 1: there is. And you got a lot of time, and
Speaker 1: you got a lot of life and a lot of
Speaker 1: things to figure out. And it's an exciting time to
Speaker 1: be twenty two. It's an exciting time. It's also but
Speaker 1: you know what, it's also hard to hear that you
Speaker 1: probably have heard already. People tell you that, man, you're
Speaker 1: only twenty two. Da da da, I get it. It's
Speaker 1: hard to hear that, But if you're willing to understand
Speaker 1: that your twenties really truly are for learning. All right,
Speaker 1: I know you might start your career in your twenties.
Speaker 1: I know you're doing college and all of that kind,
Speaker 1: but really your twenties are for learning. You're you're going
Speaker 1: to now start really figuring yourself out in your thirties,
Speaker 1: and then when you hit your forties, you're really going
Speaker 1: to be kind of in the thing that you feel
Speaker 1: like you're called, like you're going to start navigating into
Speaker 1: that space. Understand that this time, man, is for your
Speaker 1: own development. Like, really, you know what you can learn,
Speaker 1: you know, biblical principles, being the church, all of that,
Speaker 1: as well as being educated, getting mentors in your life
Speaker 1: who can help fill some of that space that you
Speaker 1: have there. Man, that's going to pay huge dividends for you.
Speaker 1: And I'll be honest, You're going to go down the
Speaker 1: line a couple of years of doing that, and let's
Speaker 1: say she does come back around, She's probably going to
Speaker 1: be a lot less attractive to you at that point, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because of the person you've become while just pursuing your
Speaker 1: own development, being a better person. Just like we said
Speaker 1: on that very first question. Flip the script because you're
Speaker 1: saying I want her. I want her. Number two. I
Speaker 1: read the Bible. I'm trying to improve myself, but I
Speaker 1: really want her. Just flip that. Flip it. Make the
Speaker 1: Bible and your development towards that the number one thing,
Speaker 1: and make the relationship or the next relationship down the line,
Speaker 1: and watch how that's going to transform your life. I'm
Speaker 1: excited for you, Slate, and thank you for emailing buddy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's let's knock out one more. We got time for
Speaker 1: one more. Let's do it. Which what do you think
Speaker 1: is the best we got? We have the generic question
Speaker 1: for your podcast, which is always you never know the
Speaker 1: grab bag we have. I just got married, feeling lost
Speaker 1: in a fog. We also have grief. Let's have grief.
Speaker 1: Why don't we deal with Why don't we You probably
Speaker 1: talk about grief a lot. Yeah, it does come up
Speaker 1: a lot, does come up a bit. But I'm dealing
Speaker 1: with the a little bit of grief today. You know,
Speaker 1: we've just lost someone that is close to us, literally
Speaker 1: had a heart attack. Let's go there this morning. You
Speaker 1: want to go to this fresh on my mind? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: it says, Hey, grade your My name is Gloria from
Speaker 1: Washington State. I'm a huge fan and I met you
Speaker 1: to meet and greet in Seattle. Thank you, Gloria. My
Speaker 1: question is this, my husband passed away in September twenty twenty,
Speaker 1: and then four months later January twenty twenty, when my
Speaker 1: brother passed away. How do you deal with that much
Speaker 1: grief in such a short period of time. Wow. Well,
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of things that play into
Speaker 1: dealing with grief because grief is so impactful in a
Speaker 1: multiple in multiple areas of our lives. I think some
Speaker 1: of the things that I would say initially is one,
Speaker 1: you have to allow yourself to grief, because grieving is
Speaker 1: a process that I have found is unique for each individual.
Speaker 1: I lost my father at twenty two years of age,
Speaker 1: and my grieving I didn't cry. I didn't for a
Speaker 1: whole year. I just, I don't want to say I
Speaker 1: was numb. I wasn't numb to life. I wasn't numb
Speaker 1: to but I just felt like the way that I
Speaker 1: saw people grieve their loved ones, I didn't experience that.
Speaker 1: So I thought something was wrong with me. And then
Speaker 1: one day after we had Serena she's a baby. I
Speaker 1: remember in our apartment she did something. I can't remember
Speaker 1: what she did, but it was something that just tickled
Speaker 1: me so much, and I went to grab the phone
Speaker 1: to call my dad to tell him, yeah, and I
Speaker 1: realized I can't do that anymore. And man, you talk
Speaker 1: about the floodgates. You know, this may have been a
Speaker 1: year and a half to two years later, and I
Speaker 1: just lost it and I grieve for about two weeks.
Speaker 1: But it was different for everybody. But I had to
Speaker 1: be okay with that. I had to come to that
Speaker 1: place of saying, hey, look, this is how I'm grieving now.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I don't have answers to those questions, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I just know that I need to allow myself
Speaker 1: to go through this process so that I can be
Speaker 1: in a place now to be able to heal. The
Speaker 1: worst thing you can do, and I'm not accusing you
Speaker 1: of doing this, I don't even think that you are
Speaker 1: doing this, but is to try to not go through
Speaker 1: that process of grief. You have to allow yourself to
Speaker 1: grieve that in whatever way is you know is natural
Speaker 1: and it's comforting in that particular moment. You don't want
Speaker 1: to run to bad things. You don't want to run
Speaker 1: to things that are going to be destructive for your life.
Speaker 1: But it's okay. It just makes sense for you to
Speaker 1: be sad. It makes sense for you to be hurting. Now.
Speaker 1: I can already tell you that you're on the right
Speaker 1: track because you've reached out to ask for help. All right.
Speaker 1: When someone's in a bad place with grief, they don't
Speaker 1: want anybody's help. So you're already going into that direction
Speaker 1: of that healing process in this regard. So I just
Speaker 1: want to encourage you to keep going down that road.
Speaker 1: You know, obviously, you know you have answered grief questions
Speaker 1: a lot. You've dealt with grief. You know, we were
Speaker 1: talking about our dads, you know, dying and stuff in
Speaker 1: similar fashions. I mean, what would you say to that,
Speaker 1: to how a person navigates that. Yeah, I think you
Speaker 1: said it right. You gave a good example of how
Speaker 1: the seven steps of grief or whatever is not. There
Speaker 1: is no order, there's no steps, and there is no
Speaker 1: number two and number three. Everyone is different. And Daniel
Speaker 1: just said he grieved a year and a half after
Speaker 1: his dad died, and some people go right into it
Speaker 1: the second it happens and they're just instantly grieving. So
Speaker 1: it was something something that I saw amberdo and she
Speaker 1: went right into grief share class with other people that
Speaker 1: really helped her. I wasn't interested in doing that, but
Speaker 1: I will. I will mention this because it helped her
Speaker 1: tremendously to get with a group of other people and
Speaker 1: what happens to glory you go do. There's going to
Speaker 1: be a local I'm assuming you're close to Seattle. There's
Speaker 1: definitely a big grief Share grief Shared community in Seattle,
Speaker 1: and you could go and join Christian based grief Share
Speaker 1: and you're going to sit in a group, in a
Speaker 1: loving environment with other women that are encouraging you that
Speaker 1: some of them have lost husbands or brothers or kids
Speaker 1: or parents, and everyone will have a story and you'll
Speaker 1: start seeing these overlapping stories with yours and you'll go,
Speaker 1: that's me. In fact, I didn't even realize that was me,
Speaker 1: but that's me. And then you hug and you cry,
Speaker 1: and then you exchange cell phone numbers and then you
Speaker 1: go to dinner. And it's when we can do it
Speaker 1: as a community to get other It's just so it
Speaker 1: lifts you up, and that's why the pandemic was so
Speaker 1: hard when we separated. Yes, because we are community based people.
Speaker 1: We need we need to be in the room, not
Speaker 1: not on a FaceTime call with someone grieving. You need
Speaker 1: to be in a room sharing a meal with some
Speaker 1: other women that could just hold you and say, Gloria,
Speaker 1: this your story happened to me thirty two years ago.
Speaker 1: And I hope it comes. Yes, and you'll just you'll
Speaker 1: find lifetime friends through this that you share this and
Speaker 1: a fraternity that you never wanted to join. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: thank God for that. Here's here's the thing that I
Speaker 1: would share with you again. You know I'm pastor, so
Speaker 1: it's always going to come back to faith for me.
Speaker 1: Is that your grief, your pain, your questions, your anger,
Speaker 1: maybe even towards God. God's big enough to handle all
Speaker 1: of that. God's big enough to take your questions. God's
Speaker 1: big enough to help you navigate your grief. The Bible
Speaker 1: says that Jesus was a man of sorrows, that he
Speaker 1: was well acquainted with grief, like he experienced it. He
Speaker 1: knew what it was like to be forsaken on the cross.
Speaker 1: He knew what it was like to be rejected by
Speaker 1: his own people. He knew what it was like to
Speaker 1: be denied by his own disciples, and he is well acquainted.
Speaker 1: He can handle the raw and the intense and even
Speaker 1: the explicit frustration and grief and pain. So I would
Speaker 1: encourage you to take it to God. And as you do,
Speaker 1: what you're going to see is you're going to see
Speaker 1: that healing begin to happen. I would encourage you, as
Speaker 1: a believer to continue to pray, continue to go to church,
Speaker 1: even when it's difficult, it feels hard, continue to worship God.
Speaker 1: Put on worship music. Just put on you know, and
Speaker 1: do that. Because I will also say that when we
Speaker 1: worship God in grief and in despair, it's really special
Speaker 1: to God. And why is that Because that's only that
Speaker 1: worship we can only give God on this side of eternity.
Speaker 1: One day we'll be in heaven, we'll never be able
Speaker 1: to give God that kind of worship again, but we
Speaker 1: can give it here. And as we do that, and
Speaker 1: as we trust Him, what He begins to do is
Speaker 1: he begins to heal our heart. He begins to heal
Speaker 1: our pain. The Bible says that we overcome by the
Speaker 1: blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
Speaker 1: The more you begin to share your story with other people,
Speaker 1: you're going to heal on the inside because God is faithful.
Speaker 1: Love it. I love this podcast in the sense that
Speaker 1: we're talking to Gloria. But I know there's a lot
Speaker 1: of people listening that go, that's me. The people that
Speaker 1: didn't email, that's me. That's me. Right now, insert my
Speaker 1: story here, Gloria. I want to say that. Lastly, I
Speaker 1: want to say this too, Beware of guilt. Guilt is
Speaker 1: a thief and a liar. And I'm not talking even
Speaker 1: in the sense of the death itself of your your husband,
Speaker 1: but in the sense that you might smile or laugh
Speaker 1: and instantly feel guilty that you just smiled and laughed
Speaker 1: and your husband's dead. How could you dare smile or
Speaker 1: enjoy this meal, or go to a concert and laugh
Speaker 1: at a song. How dare you do that when your
Speaker 1: husband's dead. That is a liar, and that is a
Speaker 1: thief of your joy. Don't let it enter your mind.
Speaker 1: Don't fall into the temptation of thinking that you can't
Speaker 1: be whatever your emotion is now, whether that's smiling, happy,
Speaker 1: or crying or mourning, whatever it is is okay, wherever
Speaker 1: you are and whatever you feel. If you feel like laughing,
Speaker 1: that's okay. Just live in that, just be in that.
Speaker 1: And I hope you email back and we could get
Speaker 1: an update. Yeah, this has been fun. Hey, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Thank you for having me, and thank y'all
Speaker 1: so much for the questions. And uh really, I just
Speaker 1: feel like, man, I've just stepped into the living room
Speaker 1: of so many people and so that's just that's just incredible.
Speaker 1: Thank y'all for your transparency, your vulnerability, and for inviting
Speaker 1: me in to this space. Just the thrill of my life. Man,
Speaker 1: an honor to be here, to be a part of this.
Speaker 1: I hope that you come back. I hope we can
Speaker 1: continue this. They might not. They might not. They might
Speaker 1: not not allow you to come to back. They might
Speaker 1: be like, we gotta have Daniel, man, you gotta have
Speaker 1: I would love to get him back on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I think I think that we're going to start seeing that, man,
Speaker 1: because you're you're really you're good at this. Hey, bro,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, and I just thank you for
Speaker 1: your friendship and uh man, just the blessing you are
Speaker 1: in my life. Thank you, my brother. We'll see you
Speaker 1: guys soon. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast.
Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that
Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Ye