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Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hey, everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to I Choose Me. We are going to

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Speaker 1: jump back into my conversation with Julie Ben's. We ended

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Speaker 1: up connecting on something that so many people face, whether

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Speaker 1: or not to have children and what happens if things

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Speaker 1: don't go as planned. I love sitting down with people

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Speaker 1: and finding the parallels in our lives. Because my husband Dave,

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Speaker 1: and I tried to have kids as well. It didn't work. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I did the IVF yep. Did you try IVF?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: And how long did you try it? Because I was like,

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Speaker 1: I didn't do it for very long because I couldn't

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Speaker 1: handle it.

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Speaker 3: We did a handful of rounds. I mean when we

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Speaker 3: got married, I was forty, So when I got divorced

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Speaker 3: at thirty four, I knew possibly I was walking away

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Speaker 3: from my fertility. But I had tried in my late

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Speaker 3: twenties to get pregnant with my ex husband and it

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Speaker 3: didn't happen then, so I kind of knew that. I

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Speaker 3: started accepting the fact that it might not happen for me.

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Speaker 3: And I remember, like my both my obg y N

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Speaker 3: and my therapist at the time they wanted me to

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Speaker 3: freeze eggs, and they also wanted me to freeze embryos.

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Speaker 3: And I went through that whole process, and I went

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Speaker 3: through the whole like donor sperm questionnaire, like hair color,

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Speaker 3: eye color, he wait, like all the all the questions.

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Speaker 3: And I told my therapist, I was like, you know,

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Speaker 3: I keep looking for the box that says with the

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Speaker 3: man who loves me, and there's no box to check

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Speaker 3: when it comes to a donor sperm, right, And so

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Speaker 3: I made the choice that I was going to see

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Speaker 3: what life would bring and not freeze embryos or freeze eggs.

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Speaker 3: And I thought, you know, because I was like, I

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Speaker 3: don't I don't want to do it on my own.

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Speaker 1: I'm not.

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Speaker 3: Just being a mom on my own. Just wasn't it

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Speaker 3: just wasn't something I wanted to do alone.

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Speaker 2: So I took that risk.

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Speaker 3: And then once we got married, we started trying, and

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Speaker 3: we did a handful of rounds and we made a

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Speaker 3: couple embryos, and then we did the genetic testing and

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Speaker 3: they all came back back and basically I remember the

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Speaker 3: doctor called and was like, you know, you probably all

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Speaker 3: always had old eggs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love this conversation.

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Speaker 2: Right, And I remember this so vividly.

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Speaker 3: I I was really I was crying, and I went

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Speaker 3: and I was living in West Hollywood at the time,

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Speaker 3: and I went and walked my dogs and I got

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Speaker 3: paparazzied walking my dogs, and I'm bowling, but I start

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Speaker 3: smiling because it's you know, I don't want the paparazzi

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Speaker 3: to catch me crying. And I'm like smiling and waving,

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Speaker 3: and then like, I remember that photo ran in some

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Speaker 3: tabloids saying, you know, you know Dexter star Julie Ben's

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Speaker 3: outwalking her dogs.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't she look great?

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Speaker 3: And I was like, he only knew what I was

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Speaker 3: going through in that moment. But you know, for me,

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Speaker 3: we explored other options. And then by that point, I mean,

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Speaker 3: I was forty four and I really did some soul

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Speaker 3: searching and was like, first of all, I always thought

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Speaker 3: I'd be the hot young mom.

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Speaker 2: In second, I don't want to be sixty with a teenager.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So you think if Rich my husband and I, if

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Speaker 3: we were in our thirties, we would have explored other options,

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Speaker 3: egg donor Saragi, adoption, all of that.

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Speaker 2: But I think I had.

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Speaker 3: To be really real about where I was in my

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Speaker 3: life and say, like, I mean, having a baby is great,

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Speaker 3: but they turn into teenagers eventually, and I don't know

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Speaker 3: if that's sixty that's for me. I don't know if

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Speaker 3: i'd be a good mom at sixty. I'm gonna be tired. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so how old is your husband?

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Speaker 2: He's a year younger, that year younger.

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Speaker 1: And you said he was never married before, so he

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Speaker 1: didn't have kids, no coming in Okay.

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Speaker 3: He's an identical twin and he has two nephews. And

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Speaker 3: then he has another brother that has a niece and

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Speaker 3: a nephew and we're very close to them. And then

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Speaker 3: my best friend has four kids that were the godparents

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Speaker 3: of so we have a lot of children in our life, right,

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Speaker 3: So we decided to pivot then and just be like,

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Speaker 3: let's be let's be the best aunt and uncle and

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Speaker 3: let's do that.

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Speaker 1: I love that though. It's admirable that you sat down

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Speaker 1: and really waited out, because it sounds like like naturally

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Speaker 1: you wanted to be a mom. You're one of the

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Speaker 1: people that was like, yeah, sure, I'm going to have

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Speaker 1: a family, I'm gonna be a mom someday. And then

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Speaker 1: as your life rolls out, for one reason or another

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Speaker 1: it doesn't go as you thought it would. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: you know, just hearing you say that, you know that

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Speaker 1: paparazzi experience where you were going through something so painful. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then you had to fake like you were happy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: It was so surprising, was the photo. Like you could

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Speaker 3: see like tears coming down my face, but nobody ever

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Speaker 3: said anything.

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Speaker 2: I was like, you're a good actress, fake it till

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Speaker 2: you're feel it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, but a lot of women, you know, struggle

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Speaker 1: with the same thing, and that decision to change gears

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Speaker 1: can leave them feeling somehow empty, somehow unuseful, or some

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Speaker 1: way of like feeling bad about themselves.

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Speaker 3: It was I mean, I would say for the first

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Speaker 3: year after, it was really tough. And I didn't share

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Speaker 3: it publicly because I'm just not that like, I just

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Speaker 3: didn't feel comfortable sharing it publicly. And I remember we

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Speaker 3: would be at dinner with people like friends, like work,

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Speaker 3: colleagues of my husband's and their wives, and their wives

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Speaker 3: would be like, oh, you gonna have kids, and I'd

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Speaker 3: be like no, and they'd be like, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: you have you have to have children, like you have

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Speaker 3: to Oh my gosh, the best and they go into

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Speaker 3: this whole thing, and I started getting to this point

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Speaker 3: where I would just be like, I can't have children,

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Speaker 3: and my husband would be like, why.

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Speaker 2: Are you so mean about it?

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, because I don't want to have the conversation,

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Speaker 3: Like I don't want to have to have the conversation

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Speaker 3: with people that I don't know very well, and it's

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Speaker 3: the only way I know how to shut them up.

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Speaker 2: Really, it was just me like I can't have kids,

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Speaker 2: and they'd be.

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Speaker 1: Like, oh, yeah, next subject, let's talk about something else. Huh.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I know. For me, I had was blessed

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Speaker 1: with my three daughters in my first marriage or second marriage. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: now let's get technical. And then with Dave, I felt

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Speaker 1: like I really wanted to have a child for him

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Speaker 1: and I felt like he was such a great dad,

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Speaker 1: and we tried and tried, and then it didn't work,

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Speaker 1: and I had that period of time where I was like,

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Speaker 1: it's me, My eggs are old. Yeah. We went so

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Speaker 1: far as to have his sperm checked and he like

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Speaker 1: got the top of the highest rating you can get

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Speaker 1: and he was like oh yeah, and I was oh

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Speaker 1: my god, and I was like, Hi, I'm over here

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Speaker 1: with old eggs. Thinks that feels great. But that whole

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Speaker 1: period of time of just like letting that sink in

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Speaker 1: and finding your way around the shame or the disappointment

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Speaker 1: and the morning honestly, the grief.

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Speaker 3: It was the There was definitely a lot of grief

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Speaker 3: and a lot of mourning. And then I made a

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Speaker 3: very superficial deal with myself, very vain, superficial deal. Tell me,

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Speaker 3: I said, well, if I'm not going to have kids,

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Speaker 3: then I'm going to be the sixty year old with washboard.

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Speaker 1: Apps and Hi, I've seen your apps.

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Speaker 3: And that's when I really I started working out a

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Speaker 3: lot because I was like, all right, I can't have kids,

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Speaker 3: then I'm going to have a killer body. And sometimes

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Speaker 3: you just have to make whatever that superficial deal is

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Speaker 3: with yourself, and god, it just sounds I mean, it

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Speaker 3: sounds terrible.

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Speaker 1: But it helped me. It doesn't sound terrible.

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Speaker 3: It helped me focus on something else and it helped.

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Speaker 3: And it also helped that my best friend had four

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Speaker 3: kids and that's a lot of kids.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you were like, maybe this is such a

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Speaker 1: this is a good thing.

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Speaker 2: Outa Yeah, like I can help you.

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Speaker 1: Out, Yeah, and you have this freedom and this like

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Speaker 1: sort of care free ability with your husband. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's some things. Once I settled into the fact, I

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Speaker 1: was like, we're going to just have so much fun

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Speaker 1: together and it's not gonna because it does. The kids

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Speaker 1: bring stress in and there's so much responsibility and it's

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Speaker 1: just so layered when you have a family and you're young,

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Speaker 1: you're raising them.

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Speaker 3: I also don't know how anyone survived the pandemic with

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Speaker 3: kids at home.

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Speaker 2: I really don't.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it was tough just the two of us

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Speaker 3: that I couldn't even imagine having children and navigating it.

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Speaker 2: So, you know, I was a little relief.

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Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, luckily mine we're a little older. But

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Speaker 1: I did sit and think, ooh, how is this screwing

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Speaker 1: them up socially and you know with their development? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was doing a number on everybody. So I love

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Speaker 1: that your relationship is thriving, Thank you, and everybody would

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Speaker 1: want to know the secret to that success. And it

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Speaker 1: sounds like it's kind of you guys allowing each other

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Speaker 1: to be independent. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think it's just we allow each other to be

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Speaker 3: who we are, right, you know what I mean, and

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Speaker 3: we support each other through it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love each other.

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Speaker 3: And we I mean, we did do therapy early on

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Speaker 3: to help with our communication, and I had to learn

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Speaker 3: that there's a tone in my voice that if I

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Speaker 3: hit it, he can't hear me right, and it's more

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Speaker 3: destructive than helpful. So now when I get upset, I

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Speaker 3: write it down and I hand it to him, but

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Speaker 3: I write it in funny ways, like sometimes I'll do

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Speaker 3: tiny little post it notes, like one word on each

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Speaker 3: little thing and put it up all in the wall,

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Speaker 3: and then they make him read it out loud, or

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Speaker 3: I'll send him an email, or you know, I'll do

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Speaker 3: something and then he has to read it out loud

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Speaker 3: to me.

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Speaker 1: Just to let you know that he's really understanding when

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Speaker 1: you're hearing me. So that is an interesting hack. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: for those of us that struggle with communications, confrontation, and marriages,

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Speaker 1: that's a great idea.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it works really well. I might try it, especially

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Speaker 3: the post it notes. That always makes him laugh when

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Speaker 3: he sees like a bunch of posts and.

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Speaker 1: He's like, oh, you.

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Speaker 2: Need something better than the text message.

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Speaker 1: You know what. They don't like those, they don't like

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Speaker 1: those text messages. I want to talk a little bit

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Speaker 1: about your work, because I was a huge fan. As

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Speaker 1: I mentioned of Dexter, your character Rita, thank you, you

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Speaker 1: were so good. Thank you and you did more makeup

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Speaker 1: right or you were very.

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Speaker 3: Season one no makeup at all? Right, it was amazing.

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Speaker 3: I remember it was freeing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, look at this beautiful natural woman.

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Speaker 3: It was no hair, no makeup, and it was like,

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Speaker 3: for the first time I got to experience what it

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Speaker 3: was like to be a guy on set.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like my call time was rehearsal.

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Speaker 1: Oh no more two hours earlier.

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Speaker 2: It was amazing. Yeah, I loved it.

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Speaker 3: Season one, Rita was my favorite and the I just

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Speaker 3: loved her so much. And of course then she had

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Speaker 3: to grow and change, and then they had to have

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Speaker 3: hair and makeup calls and.

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Speaker 1: Oh man, well that subject matter was dense, tough, heavy, yeah,

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Speaker 1: really scary and just like your character alone had her

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Speaker 1: all her own stuff. Yes, but then she's married to

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Speaker 1: a serial killer, which she never knew, she never knew,

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Speaker 1: so that did you ever? You know, we are all

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Speaker 1: part of the characters we play, I think as actress

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Speaker 1: as it comes from somewhere inside of us. And did

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Speaker 1: you ever take her home? Did you ever have trouble

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Speaker 1: leaving work and keeping work at work? That was kind

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Speaker 1: of energy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So when I was playing Rita, I you know, during

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Speaker 3: the months we would film, I was definitely more emotional

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Speaker 3: in life, Like I would be crying over like a

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Speaker 3: coffee commercial or something like that.

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Speaker 2: Things would hit me more deeply than normal. But I think.

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Speaker 3: So season one, I was still married to my ex

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Speaker 3: husband and that's when I was making the decision to

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Speaker 3: get divorced. And so I think in a weird way,

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Speaker 3: Rita helped me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what way do you think?

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Speaker 3: First of all, having a bit of job security stability. Second,

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Speaker 3: I think she was so damaged and beaten down that

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Speaker 3: and you know, my ex husband was not abusive at all,

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Speaker 3: like that is not But I really could relate to her.

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Speaker 3: Feeling that that apology after every sentence they like I'm

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, you know that I don't know. That really

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Speaker 3: resonated with me, and I was like, I don't, I don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to be that, you know. So I

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Speaker 3: think in some ways she gave me the strength to

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Speaker 3: really look at my life and be like I have

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Speaker 3: you know, I need to move I need to get out,

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Speaker 3: I need to move on.

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Speaker 1: I can see how she would motivate that because what

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Speaker 1: she endured, you know. The character was so strong, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but so weak at the same time, so vulnerable and

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Speaker 1: or like a raw nerve. So it makes perfect sense

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Speaker 1: how you would go home feeling like you could cry

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Speaker 1: at any commercial. It makes such sense. But that's a

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Speaker 1: really must have been a really interesting time in your life.

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Speaker 3: It was, and I really loved playing her, like I

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Speaker 3: really and I loved working with Michael. Just being on

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Speaker 3: the show was It was amazing because coming off of

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Speaker 3: the WB for Buffy and Angel, which even though we

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Speaker 3: were doing incredible work over there, most of Hollywood wasn't

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Speaker 3: really looking at it or recognizing right it was considered

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Speaker 3: a teen show. So I felt like Rita was my

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Speaker 3: time to finally be a woman, yeah, and be a grown.

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Speaker 1: Up and work on good material, yeah, like really good writing.

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Speaker 3: And I thought it was so funny because I remember

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Speaker 3: during season one, everybody was I was getting applauded for

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Speaker 3: going on camera with no makeup on, and I was like,

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Speaker 3: I mean, I run around my house like this, like.

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Speaker 2: It isn't this a very old deal.

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Speaker 1: I'm not a completely wipe.

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Speaker 2: I was like, it's not that big of a deal.

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Speaker 3: I mean, but people like everyone's like it's so amazing,

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Speaker 3: And I was like, so amazing because I don't have

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Speaker 3: to go in two hours earlier.

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Speaker 1: I know, they killed Rita very upsetting. What season was

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Speaker 1: it four? Season four and four and you said that

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Speaker 1: you wished you had advocated for her more, Yes, what

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Speaker 1: would you have said?

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Speaker 3: So my opinion is season one and two I had

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Speaker 3: very strong story arcs, and then one of our writers

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Speaker 3: left and he was the one who really captured the

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Speaker 3: voice of Dexter and Rita. And then in season three

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Speaker 3: and especially in season four, I mean, I just the

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Speaker 3: storyline was just not there. But that's the nature of

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Speaker 3: episodic television. Like some years you have a great storyline

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Speaker 3: and then some years you have to take a backseat

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Speaker 3: while other actors get.

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Speaker 2: Their great storyline.

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Speaker 3: And I just wish I had advocated more for her.

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Speaker 3: I wish I had stood up more and you know,

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Speaker 3: challenge them to come up with more creative things to

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Speaker 3: do with her rather than just accept, well, this is

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Speaker 3: the nature of the beast. And I had a great

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Speaker 3: season one. In season two, there were other actors on

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Speaker 3: the show who didn't like their season one in season

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Speaker 3: two who all of a sudden now were being elevated

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Speaker 3: during season three, so.

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Speaker 2: It was like, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: So I was like, but maybe I should have challenged

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Speaker 3: the writers more and said, hey, guys, this is kind

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Speaker 3: of silly, like can I do something like can we

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Speaker 3: come up with something a little more interesting?

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Speaker 1: So did you not feel like it was your place

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Speaker 1: to do that or did you not feel comfortable?

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to be difficult.

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Speaker 1: You didn't want to be difficult.

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Speaker 3: Meanwhile, I watched other actors during season one and season

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Speaker 3: two do the same thing, like speak up, advocate for

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Speaker 3: their characters, and they weren't deemed difficult, but I just was.

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Speaker 3: I just didn't want to be difficult.

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Speaker 1: Where do you think that comes from?

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Speaker 3: Oh? I mean obviously being the youngest child in the family,

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Speaker 3: I think, and just being the good girl.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I've learned since then that there's a way of

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Speaker 3: doing it. I mean I watched when I worked on

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Speaker 3: Desperate Housewives. After I was doing a scene with Marsha

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Speaker 3: Cross and I was a huge fan of the show,

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Speaker 3: so I knew the characters inside and out, and we

334
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,359
Speaker 3: were rehearsing this scene and Marsha's like, this doesn't make

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Speaker 3: any sense, and I was just I mean, I was

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00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,399
Speaker 3: just recurring on the show, so I was just sitting

337
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,919
Speaker 3: there and she was talking to the director and she's like,

338
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Speaker 3: this doesn't make any sense for my character, and she

339
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 3: was going through the reasons why, and then she turned

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Speaker 3: to me and she's like, what do you think? And

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Speaker 3: I'm like, you are one hundred percent correct. It makes

342
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,480
Speaker 3: the scene makes no sense for your character. And I

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00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 3: went through it because I'd been such a huge fan,

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00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:15,199
Speaker 3: and I watched them. They went off and then they

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Speaker 3: shut down set for like an hour and they rewrote

346
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Speaker 3: it and they called us down to the writer's room

347
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,239
Speaker 3: and they read it to us and it was so

348
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Speaker 3: much better, and it just made it made her storyline

349
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Speaker 3: so much fuller and richer. And I watched how she

350
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Speaker 3: did that. It wasn't she didn't raise her voice. It

351
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 3: didn't come from a place of anger or frustration. She

352
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Speaker 3: just really was like, this just doesn't make sense. And

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Speaker 3: they heard her and they changed the script. It was incredible,

354
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Speaker 3: and I was like, Oh, that's how you do because

355
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Speaker 3: I always thought speaking up.

356
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Speaker 2: Would be confrontational.

357
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Speaker 1: So yeah, I've seen it all different ways in my career,

358
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Speaker 1: but you're absolutely right. It's just better when you are

359
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 1: calm and you know what you're talking about, you know,

360
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Speaker 1: and it makes sense. It makes sense, and it's a collaboration.

361
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: It's not like you suck.

362
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

363
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 1: I mean I've shown up in all different ways since

364
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 1: I told the writers off a few times in my past.

365
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Speaker 1: But now it's just so much easier to work together,

366
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Speaker 1: right and hopefully you have that team right.

367
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Speaker 3: And I wish I had had that experience before Dexter. Yeah,

368
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,719
Speaker 3: you know, because I'm Buffy and Angel. The writing was

369
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 3: incredible and we just said the words right like there

370
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 3: wasn't especially my character was amazing, Like I never I

371
00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 3: never had a moment that felt false as the carecharacter,

372
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 3: so you didn't have to say yeah, so I didn't

373
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Speaker 3: really know how.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that's and so moving forward in your career, have

375
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 1: you sort of been able to utilize that in your

376
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 1: current work, your recent work? Yeah.

377
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 3: I mean when I was on Defiance, I remember season one,

378
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,440
Speaker 3: my character was the hero of the piece, she was

379
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 3: the mayor, she was the hero she was, and I

380
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 3: really wanted them to you know, I really kept asking

381
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 3: like what's her achilles heel? Like what is it? What's

382
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 3: her deep dark secret? And they're like, but you're the hero.

383
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 3: There's no deep dark secret. You're the hero. So I

384
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 3: remember being on set during the pilot and the prop

385
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 3: guy we're in my character's office and he brings me

386
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 3: a coffee mug and I look at him and I'm like,

387
00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,959
Speaker 3: how about every time I in here, no matter what

388
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 3: time of day it is, it's a glass of scotch.

389
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 2: Don't bring me coffee, Bring me scotch.

390
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:14,679
Speaker 3: And I created an alcohol problem for wasn't written and

391
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 3: in season two they leaned into it, but it was

392
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,400
Speaker 3: me going, I want to give her something. I want

393
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,640
Speaker 3: to give her, Like what does she do at night? Yeah,

394
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 3: when the world is falling apart and it's all on

395
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,440
Speaker 3: her shoulders to make the decisions.

396
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, because being a hero is hard.

397
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 2: It's hard. So she drank.

398
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,479
Speaker 1: That's genius though. You made your own storyline. Yeah, with

399
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:44,719
Speaker 1: one simple prop change. Yeah, I love that. I just

400
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 1: want to ask you about maybe some advice for women

401
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 1: our age, you know, who are are dealing with the

402
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 1: same things that we're dealing with and the life changes

403
00:23:55,560 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 1: and all the things. Yeah, what is what is the

404
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 1: piece of advice that you could pass down, pass on

405
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 1: some sort of you know, I believe in you message

406
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 1: that you're so good at giving.

407
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 3: Well, I believe in you. I think there's a couple things. First,

408
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 3: protect your bone density.

409
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 2: First and foremost.

410
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: By jumping.

411
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 3: You can do it by jumping, you can do it

412
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 3: by walking with a weighted vest. Ye. Do everything you

413
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 3: can to protect your bone density, because that's the most

414
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:35,199
Speaker 3: important thing as we get older, especially as women. And

415
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 3: then I think it's so important to have your alone time,

416
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 3: like the world can get really big and crazy, and

417
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 3: to have that quiet time for yourself and whether it's

418
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 3: meditation or journaling or working out or yeah, or going

419
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 3: for a walk or being out nature, just making sure

420
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 3: you you have those moments to breathe and recenter yourself.

421
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 3: You know.

422
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't really realize it's how important that is

423
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 1: until you do it. Yeah, and then you feel this

424
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 1: sense of like, why haven't I done this sooner?

425
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 2: Yeah?

426
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 3: And there's all types of like breath work apps. There's

427
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,160
Speaker 3: I like to do box breathing, me too, really into

428
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 3: the box breathing.

429
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: What's your count? Wow?

430
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 2: You know I'm good at four.

431
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 3: I try to do seven and then I feel like

432
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 3: I'm gonna die.

433
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: So do you do four?

434
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 3: In hold for four and then out for four, out

435
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 3: for four and hold for four and then in for four.

436
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: Yeah.

437
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 3: I try to push it to seven, but that holding

438
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 3: it for seven is like, wait, there's.

439
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 1: Something so magical about If you know what box breathing is,

440
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: you're gonna enjoy this. If you don't, you're what are

441
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 1: you talking about? But I breathe in for four, hold

442
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 1: for four, and then breathe out for eight, and there's

443
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 1: something so magical in that last four count of that

444
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: eight out breath.

445
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 2: I'm going to try that.

446
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:03,199
Speaker 1: You go into another space and time. I'm gonna try that,

447
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 1: and it feels scary at first, but it's like it's

448
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: like a drug almost.

449
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

450
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 1: So all here for the box breathing.

451
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:10,439
Speaker 2: Yeah.

452
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 3: I just think it's so important that you you check

453
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 3: in with yourself yep.

454
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 1: And that's great advice.

455
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 3: And if that means you're gonna cry, then cry let

456
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 3: it out, let it out, let it out.

457
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 2: I'm big on that. Feel your feelings, feel your feelings.

458
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 1: Yep. That's such great advice, great advice.

459
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 2: Thank you.

460
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 1: I love getting to know you. Thank you.

461
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,719
Speaker 2: I'll make you dinner, okay,