WEBVTT - Slow Growth Is Better Than No Growth 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:14.000 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:18.920 I'm Mela. Happy hump Day, Happy twenty twenty two. It's 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:22.040 twenty twenty two. It's the first Oh no wait, it's 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:24.639 the second hump Day of twenty twenty two. Last week 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:27.840 we brought a meditation because we figured you needed to 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:28.400 come in Zen. 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:31.320 Yeah, you know, I love that meditation that we did 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:34.000 with trap Yoga Bay. She's the shit. And it's just 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:37.280 getting our confidence up because it is be confident, Janny 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:41.120 Wary beaches. It's time to set the foundation of our 0:00:41.159 --> 0:00:44.159 confidence for twenty twenty two pretty much. 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:47.760 I mean, can't go into the year not feeling confident. 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:51.879 Literally, confidence influences everything, and that's why I think we 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:55.080 wanted to start off January with this theme because confidence 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:59.440 influences your parenting, it influences your sex life, It influences 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:01.680 how it ive you are to other people, how you 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:05.200 show up, how you maintain attraction, how you show up 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:06.039 and work, how. 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:07.280 You sell yourself and work. 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:10.680 Yeah, I get hired. How you just feel overall, which 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:13.200 is more happy in your body and in yourself. So 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:15.800 I think it's really important and I'm happy that we're 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:18.600 focusing on this this month. We just launched a challenge 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:21.040 in January, so make sure you go check that out 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:25.200 on on Instagram or also on Patreon. I actually posted 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:29.640 a little mini episode on Patreon just talking to myself 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:32.679 because you guys know I've talked about my journey and 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:35.880 healing and how talking out loud has been revolutionary for me, 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:39.000 especially when I'm talking shit to myself. And so I 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:43.120 recorded a like pump up mini episode basically talking to 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:45.000 myself that you should listen to. But I want to 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:46.760 encourage you guys to also record. 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:48.480 Your own, so talk to yourself. 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.920 Yeah, So this challenge is going to obviously the community 0:01:51.960 --> 0:01:53.520 is joining us, but we're going to be doing zoom 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:56.720 calls on Patreon with our patrons twice this month, which 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:59.560 I'm really excited about. I love connecting with everybody via 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:01.840 zoom and seeing everyone's faces, even though some of you 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:03.720 think just be turning your camera off. 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.000 Hello, people, don't be doing the hair every day, okay. 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:09.200 Bitch, I'd be up. We've been looking crusty on there. 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:11.400 I was thinking that I was thinking about just like 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:14.240 the amount of whatever the fuck we've showed up on 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:16.679 the podcast. It's just range like some days it just 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:21.120 doesn't happen, and that's fine too, confidence but getting confidence. 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:23.399 But one of the things that I wanted to include 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:27.320 on the challenge was the talking out loud to yourself 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:30.799 when you're talking shit, but also doing something kind for 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:33.600 a stranger or just saying something to a stranger, because 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:36.079 I think that also is kind of like I think 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:38.840 people struggle with that, and I think that that can 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:42.119 help build confidence, Like just saying hey, how you doing, 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:45.080 or like just offering your help to someone that like 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:48.120 maybe wouldn't ever ask for your help kind of just 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:51.480 helps you feel confident in like your abilities to support people, 0:02:51.600 --> 0:02:54.200 your ability to show up for people. And then hopefully 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:57.160 we're also talking about building karma, like because you know, 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:59.239 if you listen to our episode with k Cola, karma 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.520 doesn't care. And I think it's really important that we 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:04.320 build our karma for twenty twenty two because some of 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:08.000 y'all hoses karmas is fucked up and you need a reset. 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:08.080 You know. 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:09.600 Okay, okay. 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:13.280 You know the funny thing about like confidence is it's 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:15.440 like it's really the term like fake it till you 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:18.840 make it, Like how many overly confident people do you 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:22.080 know that are mediocrely talented, and you're like, wow, you 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:24.760 just tricked me in believing that this rap was good. 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.799 It's just like it happens all the time. But it's 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:30.400 like literally, if you believe it, everybody around you will 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:32.680 also believe it. I mean obviously, like hone in on 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:37.040 your craft for real, but confidence like is not an illusion, 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:41.040 but it is like this invisible I don't know, Like 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.840 what's the word I'm looking for, Like invisible, Well. 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:48.040 It's intangible. You can't see it. You can just feel it, right, 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:50.560 You can feel when someone is confident. You can feel 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:53.080 that the room shift when someone who is at least 0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:56.240 portraying themselves to be confident walks into a room. And 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:58.760 it's true, like I think, I think part of the 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:01.800 I think like the tools and like the foundations of confidence, 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:05.000 especially if you're very, very insecure or you don't feel 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.960 confident at all, is kind of faking it till you 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:10.240 make it, until you convince yourself and then one day 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:13.080 you wake up and you're like, I am that bitch. 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:14.440 And it doesn't like, as long as you believe it 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:16.680 is really all that matters. Eventually everybody else around you 0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:19.040 will also believe it. I totally believe that. 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:21.760 I mean, even me, like, I have felt really unconfident 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:24.640 so many times in my life, but people always say 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.600 how confident I am, And I'm like, bitch, I must be. 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:31.760 I'm an actress, you are, I'm an extress, Okay, because 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:35.719 a bitch was feeling very insecure many many times even 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:39.640 now in my life and the but but I would say, 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:42.760 I think because I portrayed as if I was confident, 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:44.160 now I can show up and be like, yeah, I 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:47.599 am actually confident in this. So I don't know. I'm 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:50.680 just I'm really excited to get into this month and 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:54.680 just really focusing with the tribe and this challenge and confidence. 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:57.760 And we have some friends that are, you know, joining us. 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.400 I want to encourage you to nominate a friend and 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:03.560 spread the message because you know, we need emotional support fronts. 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:07.560 I totally need accountability. A partner part of it is 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:09.800 being dry in January? Are you gonna be dry in January? 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:12.440 My love, I'm gonna be My pussy's gonna be dry 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:16.080 because I don't know if you saw my post, I 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:20.440 launch a very specific one thing only I'm not gonna 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:23.680 do no, I probably won't drink very much in January. 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:26.000 Maybe a little bit at the retreat. I like to 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:27.719 drink that is in my like, I. 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:29.599 Do you get a drink in January? I mean, in fact, 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:31.680 be at the retreat. But I just feel like I need. 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:35.039 A little like reset. I'm not gonna have sex in 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:40.680 January because sex just gets me clouded. And I don't 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:43.240 need to go into this year clouded. And I think 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:46.279 last year I went in strong and then I got clouded. 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:48.799 So I just want to be sure that I can maintain. 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:50.719 I think that's the thing. We start a new year 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:53.320 and then you know, you have all these goals and 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:56.720 like these things that you like are vowing you're gonna 0:05:56.800 --> 0:05:59.000 vow to not do and then you forget right. But 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:03.120 like I want to the momentum throughout the year because 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:04.719 you know, I don't know what happens in the spring, 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:07.960 but like bitches get crazy and you start like getting 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.560 horny and like in love and you don't mean it. 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:14.000 But like this January, I need to go on very clear. 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:17.240 I need to go dickless into January. 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:18.440 I'm dickless January. 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:21.960 Dockless January for Himila, because I don't have time for 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:24.400 the fuck shit. And also I just have been really 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.719 focused on, like honing in on my own energy. I 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:30.160 have a really problem. I'm the part of the challenge 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:33.120 where you give other people compliments and help people is 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:35.719 not my problem. I'm like, hello, stranger, do you want 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:36.919 to be my friend? Do you need to come to 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:38.880 my house? Do you need to pee? You can come 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:39.440 to my house. 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:42.320 Yeah, maybe don't do that part of the challenge. That 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:44.080 part is not for everyone. But I think for the 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:47.479 people that are shy and like you know that maybe 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:50.599 just don't know how to like just get put themselves 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:53.200 out there. It's a good confidence booster. But if you 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:58.200 suffer from something I like to call hoarding people and 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:02.600 cannot let the people's go, maybe don't do that part 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:05.279 of the challenge. I for me, I'm not going dickless 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:06.440 in January. 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.760 I me and Eric never Ridiculous on the same never 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.240 dickless at the same time I did my dicktalks. 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.000 I feel like I'm in a good place because of 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.760 that Dick talks. I'm pretty like, I don't know, like 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:18.920 I'm very The dick is the dick. I am currently 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:22.200 getting some great dick right now, and it could be 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:23.680 clouding me. But I don't think so I think this 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:26.600 person is actually a really good person, and I'm not. 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:29.920 I'm good, Like I feel like my my pussy, like 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:34.679 Wo'm giving the pussy two has been like pretty solid lately. 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:36.640 Yeah, I think it's more about who you're giving, Like 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:38.120 I've had some really good dick. 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:40.320 It's just know what I'm saying. But do I need 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:43.320 good dick? Wan the clouds the person. 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:46.360 It's not even that I've gotten some good dick recently 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:49.440 that I'm not clouded at all, But I just don't 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:51.400 feel like like then there's a part of me like 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:55.240 is it necessary? Like it's great dick, it's no problem. 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:58.800 I just I'm thirty three, it's a new year. Like 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:01.160 do I need to be giving you my pussy? Probably not. 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:05.240 I could wait forty five days reevaluate it, you know, 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:07.400 Like it's not so much like that I give up 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:09.520 pussy and then I get crazy and think we go 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:12.160 together like that's never been my thing. In fact, you'll 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:14.960 probably go crazy and keep calling me. But I just 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:18.440 think that, like I don't know. I drink, I get distracted, 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:20.480 I do shit, and then I'm like sleep the next day, 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:22.200 I'm like is this necessary to do that? 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:24.160 Are you sure you don't want to go dry in January? 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:26.240 Maybe I need to do both. I think that's the problem. 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:28.160 I need to. If I don't go try, then I 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:31.400 fuck up the dick tok because after like one o'clock hits, 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:33.040 I'm like, huh, who's can I call for some dick? 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.000 Scrolling through my phone one thirty the next Have you 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:38.680 ever woke up the next morning and you're like, why 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:40.240 the fuck did I text these people? 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:42.320 Drunk? That's why? 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:44.640 And they're like, oh, I'm with sleep. I'm like, ignore that. 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:47.240 Yeah, don't call me again. Sorry, Text you again in 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:47.840 six months. 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:50.880 Text you guys six months when I get drunk again. Maybe, 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:56.560 Oh my goodness. Anyway, how was your holiday? Did you 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:58.040 have a good Christmas? 0:08:58.360 --> 0:08:59.079 Everything was good. 0:08:59.080 --> 0:09:00.000 I was a close of your ear. 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:02.200 The close of my year was wonderful. I spent it 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:06.920 with you, like almost every day of your life, you know. 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:08.800 I think me and Mila were trying to figure out 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:10.800 what we're gonna do for New Year's blah blah blah 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:14.160 blah blah, and ultimately we just came to my house 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:17.920 ordered Ocean Prime because we were like, we're gonna go 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:20.160 in bougie, We're gonna order it to go for the 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:23.680 most fanciest restaurant we can find, and then we did. 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:26.120 Our our friend ordered the food and did not order enough. 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:28.679 I think she ordered like half meals for each of us. 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:30.880 Had we had miscommunication because I was like, I'm gonna 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:33.280 make greens and black eyed peas. I told our friend Ashley, 0:09:33.440 --> 0:09:35.880 that's what black people do in New Year's that's our tradition. 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.160 She was like, okay, Mexican people eat to my lights. 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.080 I'm like, well, I'm gonna make and I literally cleaned 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:45.920 my house to jazz music and made like the traditional 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:49.920 black mom fucking New Year's Eve dinner. And I was like, wow, 0:09:50.080 --> 0:09:53.160 I am an older woman. This is the epitome of 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:54.520 me being in my thirties. 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:55.840 And then you didn't bring the food. 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:57.199 And then I didn't bring the food because I thought 0:09:57.200 --> 0:09:58.760 that she was ordering and I thought this is my, 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:02.559 like my leftover food, So whatever, there was a miscommunication. 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:05.040 We're supposed to have fancy food and black people food, 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:06.240 and we only got fancy. 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:08.600 Yeah. It was good though, And then we ate forty cookies. 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:11.840 The toll House forty mini cookies are the fucking devil. 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:12.920 We ate all of them. 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:14.000 We ate all eighty. 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:16.839 No, there was the forty pack. We ate the whole 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.000 forty pack. Okay, I mean an argument I guess I 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:22.560 would say is that it's still the same pack as 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:25.360 a twelve pack. They're just mini mini, so really we 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:28.720 ate like twelve cookies. That's what I taught myself. We 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:31.080 did the vision boards. We made we made some vision boards, 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:35.360 and then like around like eleven fifty six, we're like, 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:37.520 oh shit, it's New Year's and then I was like, 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:38.800 oh shit, I was like, what do we do. 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:40.000 I'm like, I was a timer. 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:40.960 I was like, I don't have cable. 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:44.280 I was like, push rewine, but I don't know that 0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:45.680 we've already dropped. 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:49.599 Were trying to find a video to stream on YouTube 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:51.800 of the ball that had already dropped. I was like, 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.000 this is so fucking slame. 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.080 It's so weird. There's no concept of real time. 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:58.000 It was so weird. I was like, so this has 0:10:58.040 --> 0:10:59.880 already happened, and we're just gonna play it on YouTube. 0:10:59.880 --> 0:11:00.480 So we did that. 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.000 No, we we did. No, we just counted down from 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:03.800 Ashley's phone. 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:05.840 Oh yeah, thankfully she picked up. 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:07.720 I don't know how she got the timing right, but 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:09.760 she We counted down, just the three of us. 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:12.880 And then we watched Pete Davidson and Miley Cyrus's performance, 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:13.679 which I'm. 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:14.640 Welcome to Miami. 0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:15.960 I'm still perplexed. 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:17.319 It's very confusing. 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:19.840 Actually, I think it was a parody. I don't know. 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:20.360 I hope. 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:22.240 And that was it. Then we went to sleep. 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:24.959 It's about it one thirty and I woke up not hungover. 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:25.920 It was wonderful. 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:28.679 Oh and then the next day we're like, let's go skiing, 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:30.480 let's go to the spa. And then we just like 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:32.679 gave up and we went our separate ways. And then 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:34.960 as like, maybe we should do something alone, and I 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.160 was like, I was like fine, and I was like, 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.439 maybe she's right. So they me, Me and Erica booked 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:42.480 a massage at two separate spas at. 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:44.560 The same brand spa, different. 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:46.719 Locations, and I was like, okay, this is nice. I 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:48.400 should I should step into my I have a hard 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.400 time being alone. I'm working on it. It's THO therapy. 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:53.400 But I'm like, okay, this is right. I could do 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.320 whatever I want, like, let me just figure it out. 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:57.640 So first I texted the massage there, but she I 0:11:57.679 --> 0:11:59.200 can kind of eight. I'm like, that's too late. I'm like, 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.679 let me just go. So I went to the massage 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:03.800 place and then I had like thirty minutes to spare. 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:06.400 And you know, a bitch loves appetizers, so I said, 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:08.520 let me go get an appetizer. I'm gonna be hungry 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:10.240 if I'm in the spot too long. So I like 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.760 smoked a joint, got some appetizers at the bar a loan, 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:15.520 had a drink. Then I went to the spot and 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:17.960 then I like got a massage and I stayed up 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.400 in that motherfucking spot for hours. Okay, I was in 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.480 the steam room like, hope nobody comes in here. No body. 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:25.240 Womers came in for like five minutes, and I was 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:28.000 like then she left, was like perfect. I literally stayed 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:30.880 in the steam room for hours, got in the jacuzzi, 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:34.760 did my hair, did my makeup. I was really feeling mature. 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:36.960 And then I was on my way home and I 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.520 was like, you're still hungry. I'm like, yes, I think 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:41.640 you need sushi, even though you have black eyed peas 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.760 and greens and yams and rice at home. I'm like, 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:47.120 go out to eat. So I stopped at like this 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:49.920 new sushi restaurant on the way home, sat at the 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:52.440 bar by myself. I was like, you know, like, oh, 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:55.520 I'm so much him ordering food and then I see 0:12:56.000 --> 0:12:57.320 a nigga I know, come in. 0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:57.920 Oh no. 0:12:58.120 --> 0:12:59.880 I was like, God, why you gotta fuck with me? 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:01.320 I'm hard, be mature. Shit. 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:03.719 It was my friend's brother, I know for like twenty years. 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:07.840 I was like DeShawn, He's like, oh, calls all his 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:10.120 niggas in the back of me at the bar. So 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:12.679 now I'm hot because they are loud and drunk and 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:14.679 talking shit. I'm like, why did I You could have 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:16.720 just not said she just not said shit, but they 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:18.839 would eventually saw me Like the bar is only so big, 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.080 it's like one black girl at the bar, No, there's three. 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:23.240 Me is one of them. So now these niggas are 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:25.960 behind me talking shit, talking loud, trying to holler at bitches. 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:27.480 There's a bitch over in the corner. I'm like, I'm 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:30.600 pretty sure she's working to me, like anyone drinking champagne 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:34.640 alone at a bar is working like a working woman. 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:35.200 Oh work. 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:39.880 Oh. So then they've blown up my spot and then 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:41.480 they're like, we're going to a party. Do you want 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.559 to come? And I was like no, and they're like, 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:46.160 come on, just come and then I was like, god, 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:49.520 it's only nine. I'm like, okay, So bitch goes to 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:50.680 a party with these niggas. 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:53.679 I squeeze in the back of a Porsche like this way. 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:58.199 With my purse, my spoppers of course, the bag lady. 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:00.560 I'm like, why am I here? And then I go 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:02.959 to a party. I actually run into someone who's like, 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:04.840 are you from Good Moms. I'm like, yes, I'm so 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:07.000 happy you're here. I don't have any friends. I'm at 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.400 these niggas. Then I was like, okay, bitch, just time 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:11.280 to go home. They's like, come with me to Delilahs. 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:13.680 And then I went to Delilah's and another drink, and 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:16.960 then after that it went the majority went down the drain. 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:19.320 Yeah, that was not my night. I just went to 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:23.160 massage and went to bed. You are the sex of 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:23.720 the podcast. 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:28.160 Fine, this is why I can't be like left unaccompanied. 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:31.720 If I do'm not have no supervision, then anything could happen. 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:33.200 And then I don't tell you. I go to a 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:35.320 week later because I'm like, oh, she's gonna judged me. 0:14:35.880 --> 0:14:38.920 A're right, Well, I know, well that's cool. Shit. You 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:41.080 know what, Sometimes you gotta go in with a bang, 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:42.720 come out with a bang. I mean that's why I 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.440 started this challenge late in January, because I figured niggas needed. 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:46.720 A second I was thinking, now, I was like, good thing. 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:47.720 She waited to the third. 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:51.480 Yeah. I was like, everyone's still drunk or still contemplating 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:53.560 if they want to not be drunk. In January, so 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:57.720 and me included, I literally had a whole bottle of 0:14:57.720 --> 0:15:00.400 wine in my house, and I was like, this should 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:01.400 just be hard liquor. 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:04.880 I feel like every mom needs wine and maybe not tequila. 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:09.200 But this is the balance. This is this is the 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:11.720 life that I live in my head trying to balance 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:12.920 but just can't work it out. 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.280 Everyone's balance looks different, you know what I mean. Like, 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.560 my balance is not your balance, Yours are not mine. 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.600 It's it's all different. So we're all different people. 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:25.800 Anyway, we pulled a card today. 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:30.680 We did. Actually I sold a card and I'm terrified. Guys. 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:34.960 It's the Devil card, which I don't know what this means, 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:36.400 but we shall find out. 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:38.800 Let me see is that like the devil and then 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:39.840 like two women at his. 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:43.480 Feet with yeah, two women with chains around their neck. Wait, no, 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:45.400 it's a guy and a woman with a chain. Around 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.480 their neck and they're chained together. 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:50.480 Oh wait, okay, I guess it's ready to listen to this. 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:54.400 The devil card represents your shadow or darker side. This 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:57.840 is for me and the negative forces that can strain 0:15:57.920 --> 0:15:59.680 you and hold you back from being the best version 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:04.040 of your You may be at the effect of negative habits, dependencies, behaviors, 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:07.600 sought patterns, relationships, and addictions. You have found yourself trapped 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:09.960 between the short term pleasure you receive in the longer 0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:13.760 term term pain you experience. Just as the lover's card 0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:17.480 speaks duality and choice, so does the devil. However, with 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:20.640 the devil, you are choosing the path of instant gratification, 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:22.680 even if it is at the expense of your long 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:26.360 term wellbeing, like being hungover. In effect, you will have 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.200 sold your soul to the devil. Wow, this is really 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:33.080 The devil card often appears when you have been tricked 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:35.720 into thinking you have no control over your shadow self 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:38.320 or these negative forces, and that you can never break 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:41.200 free from their hold, and you believe you need it 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:43.000 and you must have it, even if it means going 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.400 against what you know to be right to obtain it. 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.240 Deep down though you know it's to your determent, and 0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:52.360 you're only doing yourself and often others at disservice when 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.720 you cave into these lower needs and desires. To break 0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:58.360 free of these negative patterns, you need to acknowledge the 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:00.800 hold they have over you and impact that they have 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:04.080 having over your life. For example, the first step of 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:08.920 alcoholics anonymous, what the fuck is an admission? We admitted 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:13.719 we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Okay, 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:17.200 When the devil shows up in the Tari reading, see 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:20.480 it as an opportunity to bring these negative influences into 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:23.639 your conscious awareness so you can then take action to 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:27.080 free yourself from their holds. Kind of like a January challenge. 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:28.680 This literally, yeah, it's perfect. 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.239 Shine your light on the negative patterns that you have 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:33.480 been standing in your way for so long, and over 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:35.840 time you will loosen the grip that they have on you. 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:38.760 Given that the devil is a major arcana card, it 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:40.920 is unlikely that you will be free from your addictions 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:44.359 and dependencies overnight. It may be a reoccurring pattern for you, 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:46.520 and it will take a tremendous amount of willpower and 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.520 strength to free yourself from their influence. But know this. 0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:51.639 It is possible, and it is up to you to 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:54.160