Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 1: I'm Mela. Happy hump Day, Happy twenty twenty two. It's
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two. It's the first Oh no wait, it's
Speaker 1: the second hump Day of twenty twenty two. Last week
Speaker 1: we brought a meditation because we figured you needed to
Speaker 1: come in Zen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I love that meditation that we did
Speaker 2: with trap Yoga Bay. She's the shit. And it's just
Speaker 2: getting our confidence up because it is be confident, Janny
Speaker 2: Wary beaches. It's time to set the foundation of our
Speaker 2: confidence for twenty twenty two pretty much.
Speaker 1: I mean, can't go into the year not feeling confident.
Speaker 2: Literally, confidence influences everything, and that's why I think we
Speaker 2: wanted to start off January with this theme because confidence
Speaker 2: influences your parenting, it influences your sex life, It influences
Speaker 2: how it ive you are to other people, how you
Speaker 2: show up, how you maintain attraction, how you show up
Speaker 2: and work, how.
Speaker 1: You sell yourself and work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get hired. How you just feel overall, which
Speaker 2: is more happy in your body and in yourself. So
Speaker 2: I think it's really important and I'm happy that we're
Speaker 2: focusing on this this month. We just launched a challenge
Speaker 2: in January, so make sure you go check that out
Speaker 2: on on Instagram or also on Patreon. I actually posted
Speaker 2: a little mini episode on Patreon just talking to myself
Speaker 2: because you guys know I've talked about my journey and
Speaker 2: healing and how talking out loud has been revolutionary for me,
Speaker 2: especially when I'm talking shit to myself. And so I
Speaker 2: recorded a like pump up mini episode basically talking to
Speaker 2: myself that you should listen to. But I want to
Speaker 2: encourage you guys to also record.
Speaker 1: Your own, so talk to yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So this challenge is going to obviously the community
Speaker 2: is joining us, but we're going to be doing zoom
Speaker 2: calls on Patreon with our patrons twice this month, which
Speaker 2: I'm really excited about. I love connecting with everybody via
Speaker 2: zoom and seeing everyone's faces, even though some of you
Speaker 2: think just be turning your camera off.
Speaker 1: Hello, people, don't be doing the hair every day, okay.
Speaker 2: Bitch, I'd be up. We've been looking crusty on there.
Speaker 1: I was thinking that I was thinking about just like
Speaker 1: the amount of whatever the fuck we've showed up on
Speaker 1: the podcast. It's just range like some days it just
Speaker 1: doesn't happen, and that's fine too, confidence but getting confidence.
Speaker 2: But one of the things that I wanted to include
Speaker 2: on the challenge was the talking out loud to yourself
Speaker 2: when you're talking shit, but also doing something kind for
Speaker 2: a stranger or just saying something to a stranger, because
Speaker 2: I think that also is kind of like I think
Speaker 2: people struggle with that, and I think that that can
Speaker 2: help build confidence, Like just saying hey, how you doing,
Speaker 2: or like just offering your help to someone that like
Speaker 2: maybe wouldn't ever ask for your help kind of just
Speaker 2: helps you feel confident in like your abilities to support people,
Speaker 2: your ability to show up for people. And then hopefully
Speaker 2: we're also talking about building karma, like because you know,
Speaker 2: if you listen to our episode with k Cola, karma
Speaker 2: doesn't care. And I think it's really important that we
Speaker 2: build our karma for twenty twenty two because some of
Speaker 2: y'all hoses karmas is fucked up and you need a reset.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: You know the funny thing about like confidence is it's
Speaker 1: like it's really the term like fake it till you
Speaker 1: make it, Like how many overly confident people do you
Speaker 1: know that are mediocrely talented, and you're like, wow, you
Speaker 1: just tricked me in believing that this rap was good.
Speaker 1: It's just like it happens all the time. But it's
Speaker 1: like literally, if you believe it, everybody around you will
Speaker 1: also believe it. I mean obviously, like hone in on
Speaker 1: your craft for real, but confidence like is not an illusion,
Speaker 1: but it is like this invisible I don't know, Like
Speaker 1: what's the word I'm looking for, Like invisible, Well.
Speaker 2: It's intangible. You can't see it. You can just feel it, right,
Speaker 2: You can feel when someone is confident. You can feel
Speaker 2: that the room shift when someone who is at least
Speaker 2: portraying themselves to be confident walks into a room. And
Speaker 2: it's true, like I think, I think part of the
Speaker 2: I think like the tools and like the foundations of confidence,
Speaker 2: especially if you're very, very insecure or you don't feel
Speaker 2: confident at all, is kind of faking it till you
Speaker 2: make it, until you convince yourself and then one day
Speaker 2: you wake up and you're like, I am that bitch.
Speaker 1: And it doesn't like, as long as you believe it
Speaker 1: is really all that matters. Eventually everybody else around you
Speaker 1: will also believe it. I totally believe that.
Speaker 2: I mean, even me, like, I have felt really unconfident
Speaker 2: so many times in my life, but people always say
Speaker 2: how confident I am, And I'm like, bitch, I must be.
Speaker 2: I'm an actress, you are, I'm an extress, Okay, because
Speaker 2: a bitch was feeling very insecure many many times even
Speaker 2: now in my life and the but but I would say,
Speaker 2: I think because I portrayed as if I was confident,
Speaker 2: now I can show up and be like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: am actually confident in this. So I don't know. I'm
Speaker 2: just I'm really excited to get into this month and
Speaker 2: just really focusing with the tribe and this challenge and confidence.
Speaker 2: And we have some friends that are, you know, joining us.
Speaker 2: I want to encourage you to nominate a friend and
Speaker 2: spread the message because you know, we need emotional support fronts.
Speaker 1: I totally need accountability. A partner part of it is
Speaker 1: being dry in January? Are you gonna be dry in January?
Speaker 1: My love, I'm gonna be My pussy's gonna be dry
Speaker 1: because I don't know if you saw my post, I
Speaker 1: launch a very specific one thing only I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: do no, I probably won't drink very much in January.
Speaker 1: Maybe a little bit at the retreat. I like to
Speaker 1: drink that is in my like, I.
Speaker 2: Do you get a drink in January? I mean, in fact,
Speaker 2: be at the retreat. But I just feel like I need.
Speaker 1: A little like reset. I'm not gonna have sex in
Speaker 1: January because sex just gets me clouded. And I don't
Speaker 1: need to go into this year clouded. And I think
Speaker 1: last year I went in strong and then I got clouded.
Speaker 1: So I just want to be sure that I can maintain.
Speaker 1: I think that's the thing. We start a new year
Speaker 1: and then you know, you have all these goals and
Speaker 1: like these things that you like are vowing you're gonna
Speaker 1: vow to not do and then you forget right. But
Speaker 1: like I want to the momentum throughout the year because
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know what happens in the spring,
Speaker 1: but like bitches get crazy and you start like getting
Speaker 1: horny and like in love and you don't mean it.
Speaker 1: But like this January, I need to go on very clear.
Speaker 1: I need to go dickless into January.
Speaker 2: I'm dickless January.
Speaker 1: Dockless January for Himila, because I don't have time for
Speaker 1: the fuck shit. And also I just have been really
Speaker 1: focused on, like honing in on my own energy. I
Speaker 1: have a really problem. I'm the part of the challenge
Speaker 1: where you give other people compliments and help people is
Speaker 1: not my problem. I'm like, hello, stranger, do you want
Speaker 1: to be my friend? Do you need to come to
Speaker 1: my house? Do you need to pee? You can come
Speaker 1: to my house.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe don't do that part of the challenge. That
Speaker 2: part is not for everyone. But I think for the
Speaker 2: people that are shy and like you know that maybe
Speaker 2: just don't know how to like just get put themselves
Speaker 2: out there. It's a good confidence booster. But if you
Speaker 2: suffer from something I like to call hoarding people and
Speaker 2: cannot let the people's go, maybe don't do that part
Speaker 2: of the challenge. I for me, I'm not going dickless
Speaker 2: in January.
Speaker 1: I me and Eric never Ridiculous on the same never
Speaker 1: dickless at the same time I did my dicktalks.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm in a good place because of
Speaker 2: that Dick talks. I'm pretty like, I don't know, like
Speaker 2: I'm very The dick is the dick. I am currently
Speaker 2: getting some great dick right now, and it could be
Speaker 2: clouding me. But I don't think so I think this
Speaker 2: person is actually a really good person, and I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'm good, Like I feel like my my pussy, like
Speaker 2: Wo'm giving the pussy two has been like pretty solid lately.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's more about who you're giving, Like
Speaker 1: I've had some really good dick.
Speaker 2: It's just know what I'm saying. But do I need
Speaker 2: good dick? Wan the clouds the person.
Speaker 1: It's not even that I've gotten some good dick recently
Speaker 1: that I'm not clouded at all, But I just don't
Speaker 1: feel like like then there's a part of me like
Speaker 1: is it necessary? Like it's great dick, it's no problem.
Speaker 1: I just I'm thirty three, it's a new year. Like
Speaker 1: do I need to be giving you my pussy? Probably not.
Speaker 1: I could wait forty five days reevaluate it, you know,
Speaker 1: Like it's not so much like that I give up
Speaker 1: pussy and then I get crazy and think we go
Speaker 1: together like that's never been my thing. In fact, you'll
Speaker 1: probably go crazy and keep calling me. But I just
Speaker 1: think that, like I don't know. I drink, I get distracted,
Speaker 1: I do shit, and then I'm like sleep the next day,
Speaker 1: I'm like is this necessary to do that?
Speaker 2: Are you sure you don't want to go dry in January?
Speaker 1: Maybe I need to do both. I think that's the problem.
Speaker 1: I need to. If I don't go try, then I
Speaker 1: fuck up the dick tok because after like one o'clock hits,
Speaker 1: I'm like, huh, who's can I call for some dick?
Speaker 1: Scrolling through my phone one thirty the next Have you
Speaker 1: ever woke up the next morning and you're like, why
Speaker 1: the fuck did I text these people?
Speaker 2: Drunk? That's why?
Speaker 1: And they're like, oh, I'm with sleep. I'm like, ignore that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't call me again. Sorry, Text you again in
Speaker 2: six months.
Speaker 1: Text you guys six months when I get drunk again. Maybe,
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Anyway, how was your holiday? Did you
Speaker 1: have a good Christmas?
Speaker 2: Everything was good.
Speaker 1: I was a close of your ear.
Speaker 2: The close of my year was wonderful. I spent it
Speaker 2: with you, like almost every day of your life, you know.
Speaker 2: I think me and Mila were trying to figure out
Speaker 2: what we're gonna do for New Year's blah blah blah
Speaker 2: blah blah, and ultimately we just came to my house
Speaker 2: ordered Ocean Prime because we were like, we're gonna go
Speaker 2: in bougie, We're gonna order it to go for the
Speaker 2: most fanciest restaurant we can find, and then we did.
Speaker 2: Our our friend ordered the food and did not order enough.
Speaker 2: I think she ordered like half meals for each of us.
Speaker 1: Had we had miscommunication because I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make greens and black eyed peas. I told our friend Ashley,
Speaker 1: that's what black people do in New Year's that's our tradition.
Speaker 1: She was like, okay, Mexican people eat to my lights.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'm gonna make and I literally cleaned
Speaker 1: my house to jazz music and made like the traditional
Speaker 1: black mom fucking New Year's Eve dinner. And I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: I am an older woman. This is the epitome of
Speaker 1: me being in my thirties.
Speaker 2: And then you didn't bring the food.
Speaker 1: And then I didn't bring the food because I thought
Speaker 1: that she was ordering and I thought this is my,
Speaker 1: like my leftover food, So whatever, there was a miscommunication.
Speaker 1: We're supposed to have fancy food and black people food,
Speaker 1: and we only got fancy.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It was good though, And then we ate forty cookies.
Speaker 2: The toll House forty mini cookies are the fucking devil.
Speaker 2: We ate all of them.
Speaker 1: We ate all eighty.
Speaker 2: No, there was the forty pack. We ate the whole
Speaker 2: forty pack. Okay, I mean an argument I guess I
Speaker 2: would say is that it's still the same pack as
Speaker 2: a twelve pack. They're just mini mini, so really we
Speaker 2: ate like twelve cookies. That's what I taught myself. We
Speaker 2: did the vision boards. We made we made some vision boards,
Speaker 2: and then like around like eleven fifty six, we're like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, it's New Year's and then I was like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, I was like, what do we do.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I was a timer.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't have cable.
Speaker 1: I was like, push rewine, but I don't know that
Speaker 1: we've already dropped.
Speaker 2: Were trying to find a video to stream on YouTube
Speaker 2: of the ball that had already dropped. I was like,
Speaker 2: this is so fucking slame.
Speaker 1: It's so weird. There's no concept of real time.
Speaker 2: It was so weird. I was like, so this has
Speaker 2: already happened, and we're just gonna play it on YouTube.
Speaker 2: So we did that.
Speaker 1: No, we we did. No, we just counted down from
Speaker 1: Ashley's phone.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, thankfully she picked up.
Speaker 1: I don't know how she got the timing right, but
Speaker 1: she We counted down, just the three of us.
Speaker 2: And then we watched Pete Davidson and Miley Cyrus's performance,
Speaker 2: which I'm.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Miami.
Speaker 2: I'm still perplexed.
Speaker 1: It's very confusing.
Speaker 2: Actually, I think it was a parody. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I hope.
Speaker 1: And that was it. Then we went to sleep.
Speaker 2: It's about it one thirty and I woke up not hungover.
Speaker 2: It was wonderful.
Speaker 1: Oh and then the next day we're like, let's go skiing,
Speaker 1: let's go to the spa. And then we just like
Speaker 1: gave up and we went our separate ways. And then
Speaker 1: as like, maybe we should do something alone, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I was like fine, and I was like,
Speaker 1: maybe she's right. So they me, Me and Erica booked
Speaker 1: a massage at two separate spas at.
Speaker 2: The same brand spa, different.
Speaker 1: Locations, and I was like, okay, this is nice. I
Speaker 1: should I should step into my I have a hard
Speaker 1: time being alone. I'm working on it. It's THO therapy.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, okay, this is right. I could do
Speaker 1: whatever I want, like, let me just figure it out.
Speaker 1: So first I texted the massage there, but she I
Speaker 1: can kind of eight. I'm like, that's too late. I'm like,
Speaker 1: let me just go. So I went to the massage
Speaker 1: place and then I had like thirty minutes to spare.
Speaker 1: And you know, a bitch loves appetizers, so I said,
Speaker 1: let me go get an appetizer. I'm gonna be hungry
Speaker 1: if I'm in the spot too long. So I like
Speaker 1: smoked a joint, got some appetizers at the bar a loan,
Speaker 1: had a drink. Then I went to the spot and
Speaker 1: then I like got a massage and I stayed up
Speaker 1: in that motherfucking spot for hours. Okay, I was in
Speaker 1: the steam room like, hope nobody comes in here. No body.
Speaker 1: Womers came in for like five minutes, and I was
Speaker 1: like then she left, was like perfect. I literally stayed
Speaker 1: in the steam room for hours, got in the jacuzzi,
Speaker 1: did my hair, did my makeup. I was really feeling mature.
Speaker 1: And then I was on my way home and I
Speaker 1: was like, you're still hungry. I'm like, yes, I think
Speaker 1: you need sushi, even though you have black eyed peas
Speaker 1: and greens and yams and rice at home. I'm like,
Speaker 1: go out to eat. So I stopped at like this
Speaker 1: new sushi restaurant on the way home, sat at the
Speaker 1: bar by myself. I was like, you know, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so much him ordering food and then I see
Speaker 1: a nigga I know, come in.
Speaker 2: Oh no.
Speaker 1: I was like, God, why you gotta fuck with me?
Speaker 2: I'm hard, be mature. Shit.
Speaker 1: It was my friend's brother, I know for like twenty years.
Speaker 1: I was like DeShawn, He's like, oh, calls all his
Speaker 1: niggas in the back of me at the bar. So
Speaker 1: now I'm hot because they are loud and drunk and
Speaker 1: talking shit. I'm like, why did I You could have
Speaker 1: just not said she just not said shit, but they
Speaker 1: would eventually saw me Like the bar is only so big,
Speaker 1: it's like one black girl at the bar, No, there's three.
Speaker 1: Me is one of them. So now these niggas are
Speaker 1: behind me talking shit, talking loud, trying to holler at bitches.
Speaker 1: There's a bitch over in the corner. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure she's working to me, like anyone drinking champagne
Speaker 1: alone at a bar is working like a working woman.
Speaker 2: Oh work.
Speaker 1: Oh. So then they've blown up my spot and then
Speaker 1: they're like, we're going to a party. Do you want
Speaker 1: to come? And I was like no, and they're like,
Speaker 1: come on, just come and then I was like, god,
Speaker 1: it's only nine. I'm like, okay, So bitch goes to
Speaker 1: a party with these niggas.
Speaker 2: I squeeze in the back of a Porsche like this way.
Speaker 1: With my purse, my spoppers of course, the bag lady.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why am I here? And then I go
Speaker 1: to a party. I actually run into someone who's like,
Speaker 1: are you from Good Moms. I'm like, yes, I'm so
Speaker 1: happy you're here. I don't have any friends. I'm at
Speaker 1: these niggas. Then I was like, okay, bitch, just time
Speaker 1: to go home. They's like, come with me to Delilahs.
Speaker 1: And then I went to Delilah's and another drink, and
Speaker 1: then after that it went the majority went down the drain.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was not my night. I just went to
Speaker 2: massage and went to bed. You are the sex of
Speaker 2: the podcast.
Speaker 1: Fine, this is why I can't be like left unaccompanied.
Speaker 1: If I do'm not have no supervision, then anything could happen.
Speaker 1: And then I don't tell you. I go to a
Speaker 1: week later because I'm like, oh, she's gonna judged me.
Speaker 2: A're right, Well, I know, well that's cool. Shit. You
Speaker 2: know what, Sometimes you gotta go in with a bang,
Speaker 2: come out with a bang. I mean that's why I
Speaker 2: started this challenge late in January, because I figured niggas needed.
Speaker 1: A second I was thinking, now, I was like, good thing.
Speaker 1: She waited to the third.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like, everyone's still drunk or still contemplating
Speaker 2: if they want to not be drunk. In January, so
Speaker 2: and me included, I literally had a whole bottle of
Speaker 2: wine in my house, and I was like, this should
Speaker 2: just be hard liquor.
Speaker 1: I feel like every mom needs wine and maybe not tequila.
Speaker 1: But this is the balance. This is this is the
Speaker 1: life that I live in my head trying to balance
Speaker 1: but just can't work it out.
Speaker 2: Everyone's balance looks different, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 2: my balance is not your balance, Yours are not mine.
Speaker 2: It's it's all different. So we're all different people.
Speaker 1: Anyway, we pulled a card today.
Speaker 2: We did. Actually I sold a card and I'm terrified. Guys.
Speaker 2: It's the Devil card, which I don't know what this means,
Speaker 2: but we shall find out.
Speaker 1: Let me see is that like the devil and then
Speaker 1: like two women at his.
Speaker 2: Feet with yeah, two women with chains around their neck. Wait, no,
Speaker 2: it's a guy and a woman with a chain. Around
Speaker 2: their neck and they're chained together.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, okay, I guess it's ready to listen to this.
Speaker 1: The devil card represents your shadow or darker side. This
Speaker 1: is for me and the negative forces that can strain
Speaker 1: you and hold you back from being the best version
Speaker 1: of your You may be at the effect of negative habits, dependencies, behaviors,
Speaker 1: sought patterns, relationships, and addictions. You have found yourself trapped
Speaker 1: between the short term pleasure you receive in the longer
Speaker 1: term term pain you experience. Just as the lover's card
Speaker 1: speaks duality and choice, so does the devil. However, with
Speaker 1: the devil, you are choosing the path of instant gratification,
Speaker 1: even if it is at the expense of your long
Speaker 1: term wellbeing, like being hungover. In effect, you will have
Speaker 1: sold your soul to the devil. Wow, this is really
Speaker 1: The devil card often appears when you have been tricked
Speaker 1: into thinking you have no control over your shadow self
Speaker 1: or these negative forces, and that you can never break
Speaker 1: free from their hold, and you believe you need it
Speaker 1: and you must have it, even if it means going
Speaker 1: against what you know to be right to obtain it.
Speaker 1: Deep down though you know it's to your determent, and
Speaker 1: you're only doing yourself and often others at disservice when
Speaker 1: you cave into these lower needs and desires. To break
Speaker 1: free of these negative patterns, you need to acknowledge the
Speaker 1: hold they have over you and impact that they have
Speaker 1: having over your life. For example, the first step of
Speaker 1: alcoholics anonymous, what the fuck is an admission? We admitted
Speaker 1: we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Okay,
Speaker 1: When the devil shows up in the Tari reading, see
Speaker 1: it as an opportunity to bring these negative influences into
Speaker 1: your conscious awareness so you can then take action to
Speaker 1: free yourself from their holds. Kind of like a January challenge.
Speaker 2: This literally, yeah, it's perfect.
Speaker 1: Shine your light on the negative patterns that you have
Speaker 1: been standing in your way for so long, and over
Speaker 1: time you will loosen the grip that they have on you.
Speaker 1: Given that the devil is a major arcana card, it
Speaker 1: is unlikely that you will be free from your addictions
Speaker 1: and dependencies overnight. It may be a reoccurring pattern for you,
Speaker 1: and it will take a tremendous amount of willpower and
Speaker 1: strength to free yourself from their influence. But know this.
Speaker 1: It is possible, and it is up to you to
Speaker 1: make it happen. So there is I do have hope
Speaker 1: to stop drinking in the late hours of the night.
Speaker 2: Apparently the devil will set you free.
Speaker 1: Baby, how long time? Oh? The devil can also represent
Speaker 1: sexuality in your wild side. You may be exploring bondage
Speaker 1: fetishes in your deepest, darkest.
Speaker 2: Fantast is yours, babe, this is your card.
Speaker 1: Okay huh. If you can do this within a safe,
Speaker 1: sacred space, it can be very enriching experience. However, it
Speaker 1: has the potential to turn into something that may be
Speaker 1: unsafe or detrimental to your well being in the long term.
Speaker 1: So again, set clear boundaries, choose your partners wisely, and
Speaker 1: have your safe words ready to go.
Speaker 2: Bitch, dick tacks, dick tacks, bing bong whatever is not
Speaker 2: what the kids are doing. I don't know.
Speaker 1: They don't do that ever again.
Speaker 2: Please don't ever do that again, big mong big dogs. Stop.
Speaker 1: I don't like that.
Speaker 2: I have no idea what the bing bong is.
Speaker 1: I've heard it. I don't know what it means.
Speaker 2: I don't know either, I just heard that the bing mo
Speaker 2: people say, keep day saying it aggressively, really loud. Stop.
Speaker 1: Well that was rather intentional for January. Maybe for me,
Speaker 1: I need to manage my dark side so that I
Speaker 1: don't drink and then they come out like wild thangsky.
Speaker 1: I could do that. Thanks God, you're.
Speaker 2: Already doing it. You're in therapy, you're working on your
Speaker 2: shit every week. So for some reason, Tristan and Chloe
Speaker 2: popped in my head and I was like, side note,
Speaker 2: did you hear about Tristan and Chloe?
Speaker 1: Everybody did? And is everybody surprised? Does anybody care? I mean,
Speaker 1: baby daddy's been hoan since Hoan.
Speaker 2: You lose them? How you get them? Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And then she's steal them from someone?
Speaker 2: Yeah, made mom she was pregnant. No, baby Mama was pregnant.
Speaker 1: Honestly, Chloe is my favorite because she's the fellow cancer
Speaker 1: and she's the funniest. But also I have no sympathy.
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't, but I get it. Chloe we
Speaker 1: be Karen, we be Karen, we'd be Karen be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you don't like her anymore? You love me? Okay, It's true,
Speaker 1: You're not gonna You're not gonna do this to me, right,
Speaker 1: I know, you're not because I'm the momb and then
Speaker 1: it happens to you.
Speaker 2: Fuck fuck you.
Speaker 1: So you know, we've been on this healthy kick. I've
Speaker 1: been detoxing and really trying to get my health together.
Speaker 1: Same girl, Same And I'm generally like against doing meal
Speaker 1: preps because let's be honest, they're generally nasty and I
Speaker 1: don't want to reheat nasty food. But recently I have
Speaker 1: been trying HelloFresh. I love HelloFresh right. It just like
Speaker 1: totally minimizes the time I'm in the kitchen so I
Speaker 1: can actually enjoy my meal and spend it with my kid.
Speaker 1: And all the recipes are delicious and unique and quick
Speaker 1: and easy.
Speaker 2: They're super easy, they're preportioned, and like you said, who
Speaker 2: wants to spend all day in the kitchen when you
Speaker 2: can just have your meals delivered straight to your door,
Speaker 2: ready to go and their bomb and you.
Speaker 1: Don't have to think about going to the supermarket, parking,
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Speaker 2: That's just sad. I would just and that's what like,
Speaker 2: even like those women you would think are the most
Speaker 2: confident women in like all of the land. They have
Speaker 2: all the money, they have, all the access they get,
Speaker 2: all the niggas they get, all the plastics, they get,
Speaker 2: all the big booties and all the things that they
Speaker 2: that all these bitches want now. And yeah, I feel
Speaker 2: like the men they chose. The men that they choose
Speaker 2: kind of obviously says a lot about themselves and the
Speaker 2: confidence levels because he's been doing his thing. I mean,
Speaker 2: this is like the third time someone said a bitch
Speaker 2: was had his.
Speaker 1: Baby, just like a second, here's like the second baby.
Speaker 1: You know what, This is an interesting conversation because especially
Speaker 1: for being confidence January, I feel like we have this
Speaker 1: concept of ourselves right, Like I like Erica and I both,
Speaker 1: I would say, are pretty confident women, and we present
Speaker 1: pretty confident and like I can walk into room and
Speaker 1: like not have any makeup on him. I'll be perfectly fine,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna be like tripping about. It mostly
Speaker 1: depends on what kind of event it is. It's very
Speaker 1: fancy and I forgot I'm gonna be that. But it's
Speaker 1: still interesting. You even in your perspective of self, you
Speaker 1: may feel like you have a certain level of confidence
Speaker 1: and self esteem, and then the people and the relationships
Speaker 1: that you keep will always reveal the truth the cracks,
Speaker 1: And like over Christmas break, I didn't want to talk
Speaker 1: about this nigga because who cares? But inevitably the nigga
Speaker 1: is talking shit. I could just see that. You know
Speaker 1: what I told Erica, I was like this it provided
Speaker 1: me a glimpse of the life I used to live,
Speaker 1: and like the relationship that we had, I had to
Speaker 1: like reflect on myself after those interactions, like damn, who
Speaker 1: the fuck was I like five years ago that I
Speaker 1: was like living with this, living in this space. And
Speaker 1: then I was like how much has that seeped into
Speaker 1: my brain? Like I am aware of it now, can
Speaker 1: literally be like okay and I'm out catch you next
Speaker 1: year or not? Probably not, But like it made me
Speaker 1: question myself, like how much do I love myself? Do
Speaker 1: I love myself? Am I confident? Because this is some
Speaker 1: like crazy, like this is this type of interaction with
Speaker 1: this person is just so low level, like I just
Speaker 1: you know, you watch movies, You're like, oh, that bitch
Speaker 1: is stupid. Why was she ever being in that situation?
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I'm that bitch. But like
Speaker 1: just you know, sometimes it takes like different levels of
Speaker 1: checking in with yourself and your confidence and your self
Speaker 1: esteem to really like hone in on what that means.
Speaker 1: There's levels to this shit, and like just because you
Speaker 1: feel surface like you love yourself or like surface like
Speaker 1: you're confident, sometimes it requires that you like examine the
Speaker 1: company that you keep. Because there's been a lot of
Speaker 1: times in my life, even in this last year, been
Speaker 1: in relationships with men that like haven't respected me. And
Speaker 1: I wouldn't ever think of myself as the type of
Speaker 1: woman who would allow that, but like every time I
Speaker 1: look up, I'm dating a nigga who's talking shit to me,
Speaker 1: And it's like there's some inner work that needs to
Speaker 1: be done, you know, and like I can admit that,
Speaker 1: and I can explore that, and thank god I have
Speaker 1: a therapist now because everything I'm like, hm, they've talk
Speaker 1: shit to me in my childhood.
Speaker 2: But even like just hearing you talk about that and
Speaker 2: as your friend, knowing the journey that you've been on
Speaker 2: from then to now, like it's you've exuded so much confidence,
Speaker 2: like even in the way that you handled that interaction recently,
Speaker 2: like and not giving an energy and like really just
Speaker 2: knowing like, okay, niggah, oh is that what you think? Uh? Oh,
Speaker 2: the podcast is a joke. Okay, nigga, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: But like it's just I think it's so beautiful as
Speaker 2: your friend to be able to see that because I
Speaker 2: have seen like that element of your confidence grow because
Speaker 2: there was a time where like you didn't feel confident,
Speaker 2: you didn't feel confident that you could could leave, could
Speaker 2: really detach yourself, you know, and could really walk away
Speaker 2: from that. And so I think that that's like you
Speaker 2: doubting yourself and saying, what kind of woman would you know?
Speaker 2: You're not that woman. You're not that woman, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? And even and you had to be
Speaker 2: that woman to be this woman.
Speaker 1: So and you know, it's also a testament like we
Speaker 1: judge ourselves so harshly because I was like even judging myself.
Speaker 1: We're doing the holiday fucking hangout, like bitch, you know
Speaker 1: good and god damn we only nothing good gonna come
Speaker 1: with this, But at least it's still progress. Like of
Speaker 1: course I'll I might tap in and try oh nope,
Speaker 1: let me hop back out real quick, you know, and
Speaker 1: you do. I was like, oh no, but like uh,
Speaker 1: the process, and I thank you friend for like saying
Speaker 1: you have come a long way, you have grown, you
Speaker 1: are not the same person because it's just like I could.
Speaker 1: It's easier for me to see it now that I'm
Speaker 1: out of it. But even even after breaking up, like
Speaker 1: I've said this, I'm not very much. I'm not proud,
Speaker 1: but like this has been the first time, like I'm
Speaker 1: a year and a half baby daddy, dick free, I'm
Speaker 1: an addict count me. It was kind of me because
Speaker 1: every year I'm like perfect, I'm not going down that
Speaker 1: road ever again, you know, because I do struggle. One
Speaker 1: of my struggles, and the devil card was trying to
Speaker 1: tell on me, like is like my lower self, Like
Speaker 1: I can like just be horny and just do some
Speaker 1: functionhit because I want to fuck literally like can he
Speaker 1: give had mm No, doesn't really look like that never
Speaker 1: mind or I no, no, those lips look workable.
Speaker 2: But it was like not workable?
Speaker 1: What's wrong with you?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Like I have been I have. I admit that I've
Speaker 1: been a slave to my flesh sometimes and there may
Speaker 1: be things like reasons for that, but working out of
Speaker 1: that for a lot like is slow, a slow process
Speaker 1: for me, and you know, like sometimes it doesn't feel
Speaker 1: fast enough and I feel like, damn, bitch, you thirty three,
Speaker 1: you still don't fect shit, you know.
Speaker 2: But like, also, thirty three so young. It is in
Speaker 2: the scheme of life, like we put so much emphasis
Speaker 2: on age, and it's been coming up a lot in
Speaker 2: my life. Like I've been just like people, everyone in
Speaker 2: my life is talking about their age. People are acknowledging
Speaker 2: people's ages, and I've been thinking and like, my grandparents
Speaker 2: are getting old, like so many people around me. I'm
Speaker 2: just noticing time and age so much. My daughter's getting older,
Speaker 2: like all those things. But they're like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's just like when I look back on this moment,
Speaker 2: this very moment right now, sitting here talking to you,
Speaker 2: and I'm seventy years old, eighty years old, fifty years old,
Speaker 2: I'm going to look back and say, baby, baby, like,
Speaker 2: enjoy the moment, Enjoy it, Enjoy every part of it.
Speaker 2: You're so young. Look your legs work. Look you got
Speaker 2: up off the floor when you were in Indian style.
Speaker 2: I can't do that no more. Appreciate every moment.
Speaker 1: Appreciate that gang bang.
Speaker 2: Yeah, appreciate the gang bang. It's part of the journey
Speaker 2: out of the gang bang into healthier gang bangs. Maybe
Speaker 2: that was a healthy one. Shit, who knows, Maybe you're
Speaker 2: on your way to healthier gang bangs.
Speaker 1: Healthy.
Speaker 2: But I think that I think that people put a
Speaker 2: lot of like emphasis on age and where you're supposed
Speaker 2: to be at, you know, Like I knew for sure
Speaker 2: when I was fifteen. By the time I was this age,
Speaker 2: I was going to be filthy, rich and like own
Speaker 2: on my way to retirement. Three children for sure, married
Speaker 2: for sure, Like I don't know about kids, definitely not kids.
Speaker 2: That was never on my That was never my my
Speaker 2: dream future. It was like husband and do whatever the
Speaker 2: fuck I want, you know. And now here I am
Speaker 2: a kid, no husband, but I'm doing whatever the fuck
Speaker 2: I want. So it manifested in whatever way it was
Speaker 2: supposed to. And we all know, like manifestations always show
Speaker 2: up differently. They never are very rarely exactly how it is.
Speaker 2: And if they are, then that's that's part of a
Speaker 2: manifestation too. But I think a lot of times we
Speaker 2: look over a lot of our manifestations. I know I
Speaker 2: have because I didn't realize that they had shown up.
Speaker 2: They just had shown up in a different way. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm high.
Speaker 1: No, me too, that was my high rant.
Speaker 2: What is this I'm smoking?
Speaker 1: Circle Sativa sata.
Speaker 2: But what is the name of this I am smoking?
Speaker 2: I don't know. Oh Lemon Durban, Lemon, Lemon Durbin. But yes,
Speaker 2: I'm proud of you, friend, Thank you.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that, friend, and I'm proud of you.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: And yeah, this is January, bitch, is you're ready to
Speaker 1: check in like every month because we're going deep, we're reflecting,
Speaker 1: we're getting confident, we're getting better.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: The truth is like the only way to really be
Speaker 1: confident is to go deep. Like we're all flawed, and
Speaker 1: the confidence comes from accepting the flaws. Like nobody can
Speaker 1: tell me about myself because I know all the shit.
Speaker 1: I know the shit I do. I know, I'm super sensitive,
Speaker 1: Like I know I know the things. But when you
Speaker 1: are okay with the things and all that you encompass
Speaker 1: and like not trying to make it good or bad,
Speaker 1: that's where the confidence, the confidence comes. Like, yeah, the
Speaker 1: guy who was talking with the guy, he's talking shit
Speaker 1: to me, and I was just like, none of this
Speaker 1: is even true at all. I was like this, I
Speaker 1: feels so sad for you. That's what I said. I said,
Speaker 1: I feel bad for you that this makes you feel good,
Speaker 1: and make like trying to hurt me makes you feel good.
Speaker 1: Why does this make you feel good? I was like,
Speaker 1: being a therapist, Okay, but this is not positive talk.
Speaker 1: But like, there's a time I would have reached over
Speaker 1: and smacked you in the fucking mouth.
Speaker 2: It sounds like he needs Maybe we should message him
Speaker 2: the challenge.
Speaker 1: Well, you know what I and then I hit him
Speaker 1: with I love you and I hope you heal. I
Speaker 1: was like, this is funny. Look at me using my
Speaker 1: lines from the shower and shape a man. It's true,
Speaker 1: It's true.
Speaker 2: I think that like even the even the worst people
Speaker 2: like I feel like if you send them love like
Speaker 2: you don't have to love them, you don't have to
Speaker 2: like them, you don't have to fuck with that.
Speaker 1: I struggle with that. I struggle with loving people from
Speaker 1: a distance. I love you, and I feel for you,
Speaker 1: and I know you've been through I see things in people.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, that's a beautiful journey. Wow, that's beautiful
Speaker 1: that you started there and now you're here.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 1: Like I see things in people that like radiate light
Speaker 1: and I attract to that, but like I'm learning that
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean I need to attach to that. Like
Speaker 1: the flow of the energy moving and leaving is what
Speaker 1: I really need to work on. And I probably have
Speaker 1: abandonment issues that I need to like release because I
Speaker 1: have a problem with being like I love you and
Speaker 1: that's cool, get the fuck away from.
Speaker 2: Me, right, It's hard. I mean I don't struggle with that.
Speaker 2: I struggle more with I don't want to say the
Speaker 2: other because I think I'm a lover. I think it's
Speaker 2: like the like opening up completely, Like there's only like
Speaker 2: I would say, like maybe like three men in my
Speaker 2: life that I've really really just been totally like open
Speaker 2: to completely, And that's scary for me. That shit is
Speaker 2: terrifying for me because like I I'm scared to be
Speaker 2: hurt by a man in that way because it's for
Speaker 2: sure daddy issues. Like the pain that I experienced as
Speaker 2: a child with my dad was like the heartbreak of
Speaker 2: a lover or a man, Like now that I look
Speaker 2: back on what that felt like, it was like it
Speaker 2: was like that for me. And so I'm like if
Speaker 2: I just but I feel like I've been working towards
Speaker 2: like being more open in that space and feeling more confident,
Speaker 2: I guess, and opening up in that way. But I
Speaker 2: don't personally, I don't want to be open that open
Speaker 2: to everybody either, you know what I mean. Like, I'm
Speaker 2: actually like, I like this version of myself. I like
Speaker 2: that quality about me. I think it for me personally,
Speaker 2: like eliminates a lot of function in my life, eliminates
Speaker 2: a lot of time wasted conversations. I don't really fucking
Speaker 2: feel like having, so I don't know, it's like it's like,
Speaker 2: but I know that there's a level of openness that
Speaker 2: like I am still working on doing because I'm still
Speaker 2: in the process of forgiving my father.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've only I could like put a spoonful of
Speaker 1: you and a spoonful of me. I know, Can we
Speaker 1: just like just give me a cup, give me a cut.
Speaker 1: I want to kept texting me some boundaries. Give me someone,
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck you get the fuck away from me.
Speaker 2: More love, more love, love.
Speaker 1: But that is the beauty of having friendship and being
Speaker 1: able to channel your friends and pull from your friends.
Speaker 1: And like, I'm gonna be really Erica right now.
Speaker 2: What mea do we didn't have matching bracelets that said
Speaker 2: you say you do and I put what would you
Speaker 2: Meala do? What would you do? Well, well, yeah, it's perfect.
Speaker 1: Do we need to tell those work shop?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, do we need what would you Mela do?
Speaker 1: We're gonna like, who the fuck is that? You know? Mila?
Speaker 2: She does?
Speaker 1: Crazy shit. I'm gonna make me one bracelet for each
Speaker 1: I'm I know.
Speaker 2: I'm like, this is we need both of them. It's
Speaker 2: a heavy dose of both. Anyway.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm happy to be beginning another year with my
Speaker 1: friend that keeps me accountable. And you know, slow progress
Speaker 1: is better than no progress, baby, And you're true, we're
Speaker 1: only thirty, however, care who cares? How many days young?
Speaker 1: And it's only one more day until we're not here,
Speaker 1: So live up, baby, live it up.
Speaker 2: And oh my god, girl, we're almost going to Costa Rica.
Speaker 2: Can't wait?
Speaker 1: Please God, you couldn't come close enough. I'm ready, I.
Speaker 2: Know, I'm so hype for this trip and just hype
Speaker 2: to just like a leave America, be like go to
Speaker 2: another country with all these women. I still can't believe it.
Speaker 2: I can't believe that these women like we're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we'll come sure, yeah, sure, make sure we treat Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: we'll be there.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what, Okay, it's like the ultimate I don't know,
Speaker 1: like some of our work, Like this is the most
Speaker 1: intimate time I get to spend with, like basically people
Speaker 1: that we don't get to spend time with regularly from
Speaker 1: all over the world, and I think that's gonna be
Speaker 1: so special.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited too. Anyway, Well, thank you guys for
Speaker 2: joining us today.
Speaker 1: We appreciate you. We appreciate if you would leave us
Speaker 1: a review and a rate five stars. Spotify and now
Speaker 1: offers ratings and reviews. Rate us review us. Join our Patreon.
Speaker 1: We have some cool shit over there. Are doing more
Speaker 1: stuff over there. It's patreon dot com, backslash Good Mom's
Speaker 1: Bad Choices.
Speaker 2: Oh, if you're if you're watching this episode on YouTube,
Speaker 2: then you'll see I have our new merch on. We
Speaker 2: made a beautiful furry bucket hat because we are stylish.
Speaker 1: We are so stylish. It is so retro. And guess what,
Speaker 1: we even got the kids one.
Speaker 2: Yep, the kids got one. We use nineties babies even
Speaker 2: if we was born in the eighties, have to say,
Speaker 2: I mean, we were low key still babies then nineteen
Speaker 2: ninety like my mama was still like, oh look at
Speaker 2: that baby. I was still a baby.
Speaker 1: True. This is a very nineties merch drop and you'll
Speaker 1: love it, So check it out and support single.
Speaker 2: Moms, suppoint, support Black single moms. Okay, we love you.
Speaker 1: Ella solo recorder La. Then let's just say us runs
Speaker 1: the INSC