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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Mela. Happy hump Day, Happy twenty twenty two. It's

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty two. It's the first Oh no wait, it's

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Speaker 1: the second hump Day of twenty twenty two. Last week

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Speaker 1: we brought a meditation because we figured you needed to

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Speaker 1: come in Zen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I love that meditation that we did

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Speaker 2: with trap Yoga Bay. She's the shit. And it's just

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Speaker 2: getting our confidence up because it is be confident, Janny

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Speaker 2: Wary beaches. It's time to set the foundation of our

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Speaker 2: confidence for twenty twenty two pretty much.

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Speaker 1: I mean, can't go into the year not feeling confident.

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Speaker 2: Literally, confidence influences everything, and that's why I think we

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Speaker 2: wanted to start off January with this theme because confidence

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Speaker 2: influences your parenting, it influences your sex life, It influences

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Speaker 2: how it ive you are to other people, how you

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Speaker 2: show up, how you maintain attraction, how you show up

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Speaker 2: and work, how.

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Speaker 1: You sell yourself and work.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I get hired. How you just feel overall, which

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Speaker 2: is more happy in your body and in yourself. So

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Speaker 2: I think it's really important and I'm happy that we're

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Speaker 2: focusing on this this month. We just launched a challenge

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Speaker 2: in January, so make sure you go check that out

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Speaker 2: on on Instagram or also on Patreon. I actually posted

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Speaker 2: a little mini episode on Patreon just talking to myself

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Speaker 2: because you guys know I've talked about my journey and

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Speaker 2: healing and how talking out loud has been revolutionary for me,

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Speaker 2: especially when I'm talking shit to myself. And so I

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Speaker 2: recorded a like pump up mini episode basically talking to

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Speaker 2: myself that you should listen to. But I want to

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Speaker 2: encourage you guys to also record.

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Speaker 1: Your own, so talk to yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So this challenge is going to obviously the community

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Speaker 2: is joining us, but we're going to be doing zoom

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Speaker 2: calls on Patreon with our patrons twice this month, which

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Speaker 2: I'm really excited about. I love connecting with everybody via

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Speaker 2: zoom and seeing everyone's faces, even though some of you

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Speaker 2: think just be turning your camera off.

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Speaker 1: Hello, people, don't be doing the hair every day, okay.

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Speaker 2: Bitch, I'd be up. We've been looking crusty on there.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking that I was thinking about just like

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Speaker 1: the amount of whatever the fuck we've showed up on

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Speaker 1: the podcast. It's just range like some days it just

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Speaker 1: doesn't happen, and that's fine too, confidence but getting confidence.

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Speaker 2: But one of the things that I wanted to include

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Speaker 2: on the challenge was the talking out loud to yourself

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Speaker 2: when you're talking shit, but also doing something kind for

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Speaker 2: a stranger or just saying something to a stranger, because

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Speaker 2: I think that also is kind of like I think

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Speaker 2: people struggle with that, and I think that that can

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Speaker 2: help build confidence, Like just saying hey, how you doing,

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Speaker 2: or like just offering your help to someone that like

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Speaker 2: maybe wouldn't ever ask for your help kind of just

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Speaker 2: helps you feel confident in like your abilities to support people,

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Speaker 2: your ability to show up for people. And then hopefully

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Speaker 2: we're also talking about building karma, like because you know,

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Speaker 2: if you listen to our episode with k Cola, karma

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Speaker 2: doesn't care. And I think it's really important that we

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Speaker 2: build our karma for twenty twenty two because some of

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Speaker 2: y'all hoses karmas is fucked up and you need a reset.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay.

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Speaker 1: You know the funny thing about like confidence is it's

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Speaker 1: like it's really the term like fake it till you

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Speaker 1: make it, Like how many overly confident people do you

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Speaker 1: know that are mediocrely talented, and you're like, wow, you

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Speaker 1: just tricked me in believing that this rap was good.

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Speaker 1: It's just like it happens all the time. But it's

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Speaker 1: like literally, if you believe it, everybody around you will

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Speaker 1: also believe it. I mean obviously, like hone in on

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Speaker 1: your craft for real, but confidence like is not an illusion,

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Speaker 1: but it is like this invisible I don't know, Like

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Speaker 1: what's the word I'm looking for, Like invisible, Well.

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Speaker 2: It's intangible. You can't see it. You can just feel it, right,

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Speaker 2: You can feel when someone is confident. You can feel

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Speaker 2: that the room shift when someone who is at least

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Speaker 2: portraying themselves to be confident walks into a room. And

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Speaker 2: it's true, like I think, I think part of the

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Speaker 2: I think like the tools and like the foundations of confidence,

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Speaker 2: especially if you're very, very insecure or you don't feel

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Speaker 2: confident at all, is kind of faking it till you

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Speaker 2: make it, until you convince yourself and then one day

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Speaker 2: you wake up and you're like, I am that bitch.

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Speaker 1: And it doesn't like, as long as you believe it

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Speaker 1: is really all that matters. Eventually everybody else around you

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Speaker 1: will also believe it. I totally believe that.

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Speaker 2: I mean, even me, like, I have felt really unconfident

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Speaker 2: so many times in my life, but people always say

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Speaker 2: how confident I am, And I'm like, bitch, I must be.

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Speaker 2: I'm an actress, you are, I'm an extress, Okay, because

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Speaker 2: a bitch was feeling very insecure many many times even

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Speaker 2: now in my life and the but but I would say,

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Speaker 2: I think because I portrayed as if I was confident,

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Speaker 2: now I can show up and be like, yeah, I

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Speaker 2: am actually confident in this. So I don't know. I'm

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Speaker 2: just I'm really excited to get into this month and

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Speaker 2: just really focusing with the tribe and this challenge and confidence.

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Speaker 2: And we have some friends that are, you know, joining us.

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Speaker 2: I want to encourage you to nominate a friend and

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Speaker 2: spread the message because you know, we need emotional support fronts.

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Speaker 1: I totally need accountability. A partner part of it is

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Speaker 1: being dry in January? Are you gonna be dry in January?

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Speaker 1: My love, I'm gonna be My pussy's gonna be dry

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Speaker 1: because I don't know if you saw my post, I

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Speaker 1: launch a very specific one thing only I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: do no, I probably won't drink very much in January.

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Speaker 1: Maybe a little bit at the retreat. I like to

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Speaker 1: drink that is in my like, I.

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Speaker 2: Do you get a drink in January? I mean, in fact,

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Speaker 2: be at the retreat. But I just feel like I need.

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Speaker 1: A little like reset. I'm not gonna have sex in

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Speaker 1: January because sex just gets me clouded. And I don't

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Speaker 1: need to go into this year clouded. And I think

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Speaker 1: last year I went in strong and then I got clouded.

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Speaker 1: So I just want to be sure that I can maintain.

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Speaker 1: I think that's the thing. We start a new year

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Speaker 1: and then you know, you have all these goals and

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Speaker 1: like these things that you like are vowing you're gonna

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Speaker 1: vow to not do and then you forget right. But

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Speaker 1: like I want to the momentum throughout the year because

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't know what happens in the spring,

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Speaker 1: but like bitches get crazy and you start like getting

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Speaker 1: horny and like in love and you don't mean it.

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Speaker 1: But like this January, I need to go on very clear.

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Speaker 1: I need to go dickless into January.

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Speaker 2: I'm dickless January.

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Speaker 1: Dockless January for Himila, because I don't have time for

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Speaker 1: the fuck shit. And also I just have been really

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Speaker 1: focused on, like honing in on my own energy. I

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Speaker 1: have a really problem. I'm the part of the challenge

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Speaker 1: where you give other people compliments and help people is

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Speaker 1: not my problem. I'm like, hello, stranger, do you want

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Speaker 1: to be my friend? Do you need to come to

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Speaker 1: my house? Do you need to pee? You can come

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Speaker 1: to my house.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe don't do that part of the challenge. That

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Speaker 2: part is not for everyone. But I think for the

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Speaker 2: people that are shy and like you know that maybe

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Speaker 2: just don't know how to like just get put themselves

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Speaker 2: out there. It's a good confidence booster. But if you

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Speaker 2: suffer from something I like to call hoarding people and

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Speaker 2: cannot let the people's go, maybe don't do that part

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Speaker 2: of the challenge. I for me, I'm not going dickless

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Speaker 2: in January.

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Speaker 1: I me and Eric never Ridiculous on the same never

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Speaker 1: dickless at the same time I did my dicktalks.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm in a good place because of

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Speaker 2: that Dick talks. I'm pretty like, I don't know, like

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Speaker 2: I'm very The dick is the dick. I am currently

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Speaker 2: getting some great dick right now, and it could be

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Speaker 2: clouding me. But I don't think so I think this

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Speaker 2: person is actually a really good person, and I'm not.

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Speaker 2: I'm good, Like I feel like my my pussy, like

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Speaker 2: Wo'm giving the pussy two has been like pretty solid lately.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's more about who you're giving, Like

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Speaker 1: I've had some really good dick.

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Speaker 2: It's just know what I'm saying. But do I need

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Speaker 2: good dick? Wan the clouds the person.

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Speaker 1: It's not even that I've gotten some good dick recently

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Speaker 1: that I'm not clouded at all, But I just don't

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Speaker 1: feel like like then there's a part of me like

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Speaker 1: is it necessary? Like it's great dick, it's no problem.

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Speaker 1: I just I'm thirty three, it's a new year. Like

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Speaker 1: do I need to be giving you my pussy? Probably not.

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Speaker 1: I could wait forty five days reevaluate it, you know,

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Speaker 1: Like it's not so much like that I give up

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Speaker 1: pussy and then I get crazy and think we go

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Speaker 1: together like that's never been my thing. In fact, you'll

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Speaker 1: probably go crazy and keep calling me. But I just

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Speaker 1: think that, like I don't know. I drink, I get distracted,

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Speaker 1: I do shit, and then I'm like sleep the next day,

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Speaker 1: I'm like is this necessary to do that?

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Speaker 2: Are you sure you don't want to go dry in January?

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Speaker 1: Maybe I need to do both. I think that's the problem.

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Speaker 1: I need to. If I don't go try, then I

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Speaker 1: fuck up the dick tok because after like one o'clock hits,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, huh, who's can I call for some dick?

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Speaker 1: Scrolling through my phone one thirty the next Have you

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Speaker 1: ever woke up the next morning and you're like, why

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Speaker 1: the fuck did I text these people?

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Speaker 2: Drunk? That's why?

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Speaker 1: And they're like, oh, I'm with sleep. I'm like, ignore that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, don't call me again. Sorry, Text you again in

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Speaker 2: six months.

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Speaker 1: Text you guys six months when I get drunk again. Maybe,

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Anyway, how was your holiday? Did you

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Speaker 1: have a good Christmas?

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Speaker 2: Everything was good.

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Speaker 1: I was a close of your ear.

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Speaker 2: The close of my year was wonderful. I spent it

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Speaker 2: with you, like almost every day of your life, you know.

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Speaker 2: I think me and Mila were trying to figure out

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Speaker 2: what we're gonna do for New Year's blah blah blah

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Speaker 2: blah blah, and ultimately we just came to my house

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Speaker 2: ordered Ocean Prime because we were like, we're gonna go

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Speaker 2: in bougie, We're gonna order it to go for the

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Speaker 2: most fanciest restaurant we can find, and then we did.

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Speaker 2: Our our friend ordered the food and did not order enough.

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Speaker 2: I think she ordered like half meals for each of us.

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Speaker 1: Had we had miscommunication because I was like, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: make greens and black eyed peas. I told our friend Ashley,

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Speaker 1: that's what black people do in New Year's that's our tradition.

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Speaker 1: She was like, okay, Mexican people eat to my lights.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'm gonna make and I literally cleaned

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Speaker 1: my house to jazz music and made like the traditional

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Speaker 1: black mom fucking New Year's Eve dinner. And I was like, wow,

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Speaker 1: I am an older woman. This is the epitome of

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Speaker 1: me being in my thirties.

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Speaker 2: And then you didn't bring the food.

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Speaker 1: And then I didn't bring the food because I thought

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Speaker 1: that she was ordering and I thought this is my,

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Speaker 1: like my leftover food, So whatever, there was a miscommunication.

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Speaker 1: We're supposed to have fancy food and black people food,

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Speaker 1: and we only got fancy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. It was good though, And then we ate forty cookies.

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Speaker 2: The toll House forty mini cookies are the fucking devil.

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Speaker 2: We ate all of them.

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Speaker 1: We ate all eighty.

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Speaker 2: No, there was the forty pack. We ate the whole

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Speaker 2: forty pack. Okay, I mean an argument I guess I

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Speaker 2: would say is that it's still the same pack as

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Speaker 2: a twelve pack. They're just mini mini, so really we

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Speaker 2: ate like twelve cookies. That's what I taught myself. We

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Speaker 2: did the vision boards. We made we made some vision boards,

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Speaker 2: and then like around like eleven fifty six, we're like,

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Speaker 2: oh shit, it's New Year's and then I was like,

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Speaker 2: oh shit, I was like, what do we do.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I was a timer.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I don't have cable.

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Speaker 1: I was like, push rewine, but I don't know that

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Speaker 1: we've already dropped.

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Speaker 2: Were trying to find a video to stream on YouTube

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Speaker 2: of the ball that had already dropped. I was like,

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Speaker 2: this is so fucking slame.

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Speaker 1: It's so weird. There's no concept of real time.

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Speaker 2: It was so weird. I was like, so this has

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Speaker 2: already happened, and we're just gonna play it on YouTube.

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Speaker 2: So we did that.

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Speaker 1: No, we we did. No, we just counted down from

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Speaker 1: Ashley's phone.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, thankfully she picked up.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how she got the timing right, but

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Speaker 1: she We counted down, just the three of us.

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Speaker 2: And then we watched Pete Davidson and Miley Cyrus's performance,

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Speaker 2: which I'm.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Miami.

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Speaker 2: I'm still perplexed.

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Speaker 1: It's very confusing.

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Speaker 2: Actually, I think it was a parody. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I hope.

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Speaker 1: And that was it. Then we went to sleep.

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Speaker 2: It's about it one thirty and I woke up not hungover.

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Speaker 2: It was wonderful.

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Speaker 1: Oh and then the next day we're like, let's go skiing,

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Speaker 1: let's go to the spa. And then we just like

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Speaker 1: gave up and we went our separate ways. And then

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Speaker 1: as like, maybe we should do something alone, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I was like fine, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: maybe she's right. So they me, Me and Erica booked

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Speaker 1: a massage at two separate spas at.

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Speaker 2: The same brand spa, different.

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Speaker 1: Locations, and I was like, okay, this is nice. I

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Speaker 1: should I should step into my I have a hard

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Speaker 1: time being alone. I'm working on it. It's THO therapy.

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Speaker 1: But I'm like, okay, this is right. I could do

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Speaker 1: whatever I want, like, let me just figure it out.

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Speaker 1: So first I texted the massage there, but she I

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Speaker 1: can kind of eight. I'm like, that's too late. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: let me just go. So I went to the massage

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Speaker 1: place and then I had like thirty minutes to spare.

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Speaker 1: And you know, a bitch loves appetizers, so I said,

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Speaker 1: let me go get an appetizer. I'm gonna be hungry

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Speaker 1: if I'm in the spot too long. So I like

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Speaker 1: smoked a joint, got some appetizers at the bar a loan,

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Speaker 1: had a drink. Then I went to the spot and

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Speaker 1: then I like got a massage and I stayed up

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Speaker 1: in that motherfucking spot for hours. Okay, I was in

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Speaker 1: the steam room like, hope nobody comes in here. No body.

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Speaker 1: Womers came in for like five minutes, and I was

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Speaker 1: like then she left, was like perfect. I literally stayed

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Speaker 1: in the steam room for hours, got in the jacuzzi,

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Speaker 1: did my hair, did my makeup. I was really feeling mature.

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Speaker 1: And then I was on my way home and I

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Speaker 1: was like, you're still hungry. I'm like, yes, I think

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Speaker 1: you need sushi, even though you have black eyed peas

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Speaker 1: and greens and yams and rice at home. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: go out to eat. So I stopped at like this

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Speaker 1: new sushi restaurant on the way home, sat at the

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Speaker 1: bar by myself. I was like, you know, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm so much him ordering food and then I see

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Speaker 1: a nigga I know, come in.

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Speaker 2: Oh no.

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Speaker 1: I was like, God, why you gotta fuck with me?

295
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,320
Speaker 2: I'm hard, be mature. Shit.

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Speaker 1: It was my friend's brother, I know for like twenty years.

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Speaker 1: I was like DeShawn, He's like, oh, calls all his

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Speaker 1: niggas in the back of me at the bar. So

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Speaker 1: now I'm hot because they are loud and drunk and

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Speaker 1: talking shit. I'm like, why did I You could have

301
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Speaker 1: just not said she just not said shit, but they

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Speaker 1: would eventually saw me Like the bar is only so big,

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Speaker 1: it's like one black girl at the bar, No, there's three.

304
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Speaker 1: Me is one of them. So now these niggas are

305
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Speaker 1: behind me talking shit, talking loud, trying to holler at bitches.

306
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Speaker 1: There's a bitch over in the corner. I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 1: pretty sure she's working to me, like anyone drinking champagne

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Speaker 1: alone at a bar is working like a working woman.

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Speaker 2: Oh work.

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Speaker 1: Oh. So then they've blown up my spot and then

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Speaker 1: they're like, we're going to a party. Do you want

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Speaker 1: to come? And I was like no, and they're like,

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Speaker 1: come on, just come and then I was like, god,

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Speaker 1: it's only nine. I'm like, okay, So bitch goes to

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Speaker 1: a party with these niggas.

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Speaker 2: I squeeze in the back of a Porsche like this way.

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Speaker 1: With my purse, my spoppers of course, the bag lady.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why am I here? And then I go

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Speaker 1: to a party. I actually run into someone who's like,

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Speaker 1: are you from Good Moms. I'm like, yes, I'm so

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Speaker 1: happy you're here. I don't have any friends. I'm at

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Speaker 1: these niggas. Then I was like, okay, bitch, just time

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Speaker 1: to go home. They's like, come with me to Delilahs.

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Speaker 1: And then I went to Delilah's and another drink, and

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Speaker 1: then after that it went the majority went down the drain.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that was not my night. I just went to

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Speaker 2: massage and went to bed. You are the sex of

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Speaker 2: the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Fine, this is why I can't be like left unaccompanied.

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Speaker 1: If I do'm not have no supervision, then anything could happen.

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Speaker 1: And then I don't tell you. I go to a

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Speaker 1: week later because I'm like, oh, she's gonna judged me.

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00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,920
Speaker 2: A're right, Well, I know, well that's cool. Shit. You

334
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,080
Speaker 2: know what, Sometimes you gotta go in with a bang,

335
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,720
Speaker 2: come out with a bang. I mean that's why I

336
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,440
Speaker 2: started this challenge late in January, because I figured niggas needed.

337
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,720
Speaker 1: A second I was thinking, now, I was like, good thing.

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Speaker 1: She waited to the third.

339
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like, everyone's still drunk or still contemplating

340
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,560
Speaker 2: if they want to not be drunk. In January, so

341
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,720
Speaker 2: and me included, I literally had a whole bottle of

342
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Speaker 2: wine in my house, and I was like, this should

343
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,400
Speaker 2: just be hard liquor.

344
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Speaker 1: I feel like every mom needs wine and maybe not tequila.

345
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:09,200
Speaker 1: But this is the balance. This is this is the

346
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,720
Speaker 1: life that I live in my head trying to balance

347
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,920
Speaker 1: but just can't work it out.

348
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,280
Speaker 2: Everyone's balance looks different, you know what I mean. Like,

349
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Speaker 2: my balance is not your balance, Yours are not mine.

350
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Speaker 2: It's it's all different. So we're all different people.

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00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,800
Speaker 1: Anyway, we pulled a card today.

352
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:30,680
Speaker 2: We did. Actually I sold a card and I'm terrified. Guys.

353
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,960
Speaker 2: It's the Devil card, which I don't know what this means,

354
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,400
Speaker 2: but we shall find out.

355
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,800
Speaker 1: Let me see is that like the devil and then

356
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Speaker 1: like two women at his.

357
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,480
Speaker 2: Feet with yeah, two women with chains around their neck. Wait, no,

358
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,400
Speaker 2: it's a guy and a woman with a chain. Around

359
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,480
Speaker 2: their neck and they're chained together.

360
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,480
Speaker 1: Oh wait, okay, I guess it's ready to listen to this.

361
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,400
Speaker 1: The devil card represents your shadow or darker side. This

362
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,840
Speaker 1: is for me and the negative forces that can strain

363
00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 1: you and hold you back from being the best version

364
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:04,040
Speaker 1: of your You may be at the effect of negative habits, dependencies, behaviors,

365
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,600
Speaker 1: sought patterns, relationships, and addictions. You have found yourself trapped

366
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,960
Speaker 1: between the short term pleasure you receive in the longer

367
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,760
Speaker 1: term term pain you experience. Just as the lover's card

368
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:17,480
Speaker 1: speaks duality and choice, so does the devil. However, with

369
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,640
Speaker 1: the devil, you are choosing the path of instant gratification,

370
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,680
Speaker 1: even if it is at the expense of your long

371
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,360
Speaker 1: term wellbeing, like being hungover. In effect, you will have

372
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,200
Speaker 1: sold your soul to the devil. Wow, this is really

373
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,080
Speaker 1: The devil card often appears when you have been tricked

374
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Speaker 1: into thinking you have no control over your shadow self

375
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,320
Speaker 1: or these negative forces, and that you can never break

376
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,200
Speaker 1: free from their hold, and you believe you need it

377
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,000
Speaker 1: and you must have it, even if it means going

378
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,400
Speaker 1: against what you know to be right to obtain it.

379
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,240
Speaker 1: Deep down though you know it's to your determent, and

380
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:52,360
Speaker 1: you're only doing yourself and often others at disservice when

381
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,720
Speaker 1: you cave into these lower needs and desires. To break

382
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,360
Speaker 1: free of these negative patterns, you need to acknowledge the

383
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,800
Speaker 1: hold they have over you and impact that they have

384
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 1: having over your life. For example, the first step of

385
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:08,920
Speaker 1: alcoholics anonymous, what the fuck is an admission? We admitted

386
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:13,719
Speaker 1: we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Okay,

387
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,200
Speaker 1: When the devil shows up in the Tari reading, see

388
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,480
Speaker 1: it as an opportunity to bring these negative influences into

389
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,639
Speaker 1: your conscious awareness so you can then take action to

390
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,080
Speaker 1: free yourself from their holds. Kind of like a January challenge.

391
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,680
Speaker 2: This literally, yeah, it's perfect.

392
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,239
Speaker 1: Shine your light on the negative patterns that you have

393
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,480
Speaker 1: been standing in your way for so long, and over

394
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 1: time you will loosen the grip that they have on you.

395
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,760
Speaker 1: Given that the devil is a major arcana card, it

396
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,920
Speaker 1: is unlikely that you will be free from your addictions

397
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:44,359
Speaker 1: and dependencies overnight. It may be a reoccurring pattern for you,

398
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 1: and it will take a tremendous amount of willpower and

399
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,520
Speaker 1: strength to free yourself from their influence. But know this.

400
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,639
Speaker 1: It is possible, and it is up to you to

401
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,160
Speaker 1: make it happen. So there is I do have hope

402
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,120
Speaker 1: to stop drinking in the late hours of the night.

403
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,560
Speaker 2: Apparently the devil will set you free.

404
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:03,520
Speaker 1: Baby, how long time? Oh? The devil can also represent

405
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,400
Speaker 1: sexuality in your wild side. You may be exploring bondage

406
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,800
Speaker 1: fetishes in your deepest, darkest.

407
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,920
Speaker 2: Fantast is yours, babe, this is your card.

408
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 1: Okay huh. If you can do this within a safe,

409
00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 1: sacred space, it can be very enriching experience. However, it

410
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,200
Speaker 1: has the potential to turn into something that may be

411
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 1: unsafe or detrimental to your well being in the long term.

412
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,760
Speaker 1: So again, set clear boundaries, choose your partners wisely, and

413
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,560
Speaker 1: have your safe words ready to go.

414
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:34,879
Speaker 2: Bitch, dick tacks, dick tacks, bing bong whatever is not

415
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 2: what the kids are doing. I don't know.

416
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,920
Speaker 1: They don't do that ever again.

417
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,240
Speaker 2: Please don't ever do that again, big mong big dogs. Stop.

418
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:42,639
Speaker 1: I don't like that.

419
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,439
Speaker 2: I have no idea what the bing bong is.

420
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:46,920
Speaker 1: I've heard it. I don't know what it means.

421
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,080
Speaker 2: I don't know either, I just heard that the bing mo

422
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,919
Speaker 2: people say, keep day saying it aggressively, really loud. Stop.

423
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 1: Well that was rather intentional for January. Maybe for me,

424
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 1: I need to manage my dark side so that I

425
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 1: don't drink and then they come out like wild thangsky.

426
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 1: I could do that. Thanks God, you're.

427
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,639
Speaker 2: Already doing it. You're in therapy, you're working on your

428
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,439
Speaker 2: shit every week. So for some reason, Tristan and Chloe

429
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,480
Speaker 2: popped in my head and I was like, side note,

430
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 2: did you hear about Tristan and Chloe?

431
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 1: Everybody did? And is everybody surprised? Does anybody care? I mean,

432
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 1: baby daddy's been hoan since Hoan.

433
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,600
Speaker 2: You lose them? How you get them? Right? Yeah?

434
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 1: And then she's steal them from someone?

435
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, made mom she was pregnant. No, baby Mama was pregnant.

436
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 1: Honestly, Chloe is my favorite because she's the fellow cancer

437
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,640
Speaker 1: and she's the funniest. But also I have no sympathy.

438
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't, but I get it. Chloe we

439
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,159
Speaker 1: be Karen, we be Karen, we'd be Karen be like, oh,

440
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 1: you don't like her anymore? You love me? Okay, It's true,

441
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,840
Speaker 1: You're not gonna You're not gonna do this to me, right,

442
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,320
Speaker 1: I know, you're not because I'm the momb and then

443
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,000
Speaker 1: it happens to you.

444
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,159
Speaker 2: Fuck fuck you.

445
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,920
Speaker 1: So you know, we've been on this healthy kick. I've

446
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,719
Speaker 1: been detoxing and really trying to get my health together.

447
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,560
Speaker 1: Same girl, Same And I'm generally like against doing meal

448
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,920
Speaker 1: preps because let's be honest, they're generally nasty and I

449
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 1: don't want to reheat nasty food. But recently I have

450
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Speaker 1: been trying HelloFresh. I love HelloFresh right. It just like

451
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452
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453
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454
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455
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456
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457
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458
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459
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460
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461
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462
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463
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464
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466
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467
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468
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Speaker 1: Going into a sex shop can be so overwhelming. I've

469
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470
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Speaker 2: I know you think you got the best shit. You

471
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472
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473
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474
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476
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477
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480
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481
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484
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Speaker 1: Being a sexually empowered woman can be so complex, especially

485
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:11,440
Speaker 1: when it comes to dating.

486
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 2: Amen. Sometimes I just want to get straight to the

487
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 2: point so that people know what I'm into and then

488
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 2: we can get to the love and the dating and

489
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 2: all that stuff. Right.

490
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 1: I totally agree, And you know what, that's why I'm

491
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Speaker 1: so grateful for Field. It's a dating app that's completely

492
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Speaker 1: for the open minded and kinky community.

493
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494
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Speaker 2: I just really get value sex positivity and encourage you

495
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Speaker 2: to share your desires and interest directly on your profile

496
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Speaker 2: so that you know what you're getting into and you

497
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Speaker 2: know what you want and people know.

498
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499
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500
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502
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503
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504
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Speaker 2: free today at Field dot co slash good Moms. You're welcome.

505
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,719
Speaker 2: That's just sad. I would just and that's what like,

506
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 2: even like those women you would think are the most

507
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 2: confident women in like all of the land. They have

508
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,680
Speaker 2: all the money, they have, all the access they get,

509
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,880
Speaker 2: all the niggas they get, all the plastics, they get,

510
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 2: all the big booties and all the things that they

511
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 2: that all these bitches want now. And yeah, I feel

512
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 2: like the men they chose. The men that they choose

513
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:36,119
Speaker 2: kind of obviously says a lot about themselves and the

514
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:40,360
Speaker 2: confidence levels because he's been doing his thing. I mean,

515
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,160
Speaker 2: this is like the third time someone said a bitch

516
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 2: was had his.

517
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 1: Baby, just like a second, here's like the second baby.

518
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 1: You know what, This is an interesting conversation because especially

519
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: for being confidence January, I feel like we have this

520
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 1: concept of ourselves right, Like I like Erica and I both,

521
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 1: I would say, are pretty confident women, and we present

522
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,640
Speaker 1: pretty confident and like I can walk into room and

523
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 1: like not have any makeup on him. I'll be perfectly fine,

524
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna be like tripping about. It mostly

525
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 1: depends on what kind of event it is. It's very

526
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,920
Speaker 1: fancy and I forgot I'm gonna be that. But it's

527
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 1: still interesting. You even in your perspective of self, you

528
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 1: may feel like you have a certain level of confidence

529
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 1: and self esteem, and then the people and the relationships

530
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: that you keep will always reveal the truth the cracks,

531
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 1: And like over Christmas break, I didn't want to talk

532
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: about this nigga because who cares? But inevitably the nigga

533
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 1: is talking shit. I could just see that. You know

534
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 1: what I told Erica, I was like this it provided

535
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: me a glimpse of the life I used to live,

536
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: and like the relationship that we had, I had to

537
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: like reflect on myself after those interactions, like damn, who

538
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,679
Speaker 1: the fuck was I like five years ago that I

539
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 1: was like living with this, living in this space. And

540
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 1: then I was like how much has that seeped into

541
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,199
Speaker 1: my brain? Like I am aware of it now, can

542
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: literally be like okay and I'm out catch you next

543
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: year or not? Probably not, But like it made me

544
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,679
Speaker 1: question myself, like how much do I love myself? Do

545
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,679
Speaker 1: I love myself? Am I confident? Because this is some

546
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,199
Speaker 1: like crazy, like this is this type of interaction with

547
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 1: this person is just so low level, like I just

548
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 1: you know, you watch movies, You're like, oh, that bitch

549
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,360
Speaker 1: is stupid. Why was she ever being in that situation?

550
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I'm that bitch. But like

551
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 1: just you know, sometimes it takes like different levels of

552
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 1: checking in with yourself and your confidence and your self

553
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 1: esteem to really like hone in on what that means.

554
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: There's levels to this shit, and like just because you

555
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 1: feel surface like you love yourself or like surface like

556
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: you're confident, sometimes it requires that you like examine the

557
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: company that you keep. Because there's been a lot of

558
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: times in my life, even in this last year, been

559
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 1: in relationships with men that like haven't respected me. And

560
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 1: I wouldn't ever think of myself as the type of

561
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,439
Speaker 1: woman who would allow that, but like every time I

562
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 1: look up, I'm dating a nigga who's talking shit to me,

563
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 1: And it's like there's some inner work that needs to

564
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: be done, you know, and like I can admit that,

565
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 1: and I can explore that, and thank god I have

566
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 1: a therapist now because everything I'm like, hm, they've talk

567
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 1: shit to me in my childhood.

568
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 2: But even like just hearing you talk about that and

569
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 2: as your friend, knowing the journey that you've been on

570
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 2: from then to now, like it's you've exuded so much confidence,

571
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 2: like even in the way that you handled that interaction recently,

572
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 2: like and not giving an energy and like really just

573
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 2: knowing like, okay, niggah, oh is that what you think? Uh? Oh,

574
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 2: the podcast is a joke. Okay, nigga, what are you doing?

575
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 2: But like it's just I think it's so beautiful as

576
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 2: your friend to be able to see that because I

577
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 2: have seen like that element of your confidence grow because

578
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 2: there was a time where like you didn't feel confident,

579
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 2: you didn't feel confident that you could could leave, could

580
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 2: really detach yourself, you know, and could really walk away

581
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 2: from that. And so I think that that's like you

582
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 2: doubting yourself and saying, what kind of woman would you know?

583
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 2: You're not that woman. You're not that woman, you know

584
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 2: what I mean? And even and you had to be

585
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 2: that woman to be this woman.

586
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 1: So and you know, it's also a testament like we

587
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 1: judge ourselves so harshly because I was like even judging myself.

588
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 1: We're doing the holiday fucking hangout, like bitch, you know

589
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 1: good and god damn we only nothing good gonna come

590
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,919
Speaker 1: with this, But at least it's still progress. Like of

591
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: course I'll I might tap in and try oh nope,

592
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: let me hop back out real quick, you know, and

593
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 1: you do. I was like, oh no, but like uh,

594
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 1: the process, and I thank you friend for like saying

595
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 1: you have come a long way, you have grown, you

596
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 1: are not the same person because it's just like I could.

597
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 1: It's easier for me to see it now that I'm

598
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,719
Speaker 1: out of it. But even even after breaking up, like

599
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 1: I've said this, I'm not very much. I'm not proud,

600
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 1: but like this has been the first time, like I'm

601
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: a year and a half baby daddy, dick free, I'm

602
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: an addict count me. It was kind of me because

603
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 1: every year I'm like perfect, I'm not going down that

604
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 1: road ever again, you know, because I do struggle. One

605
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 1: of my struggles, and the devil card was trying to

606
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: tell on me, like is like my lower self, Like

607
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 1: I can like just be horny and just do some

608
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 1: functionhit because I want to fuck literally like can he

609
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 1: give had mm No, doesn't really look like that never

610
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: mind or I no, no, those lips look workable.

611
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 2: But it was like not workable?

612
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 1: What's wrong with you?

613
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 2: You know?

614
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: Like I have been I have. I admit that I've

615
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,959
Speaker 1: been a slave to my flesh sometimes and there may

616
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,439
Speaker 1: be things like reasons for that, but working out of

617
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: that for a lot like is slow, a slow process

618
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 1: for me, and you know, like sometimes it doesn't feel

619
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:36,360
Speaker 1: fast enough and I feel like, damn, bitch, you thirty three,

620
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 1: you still don't fect shit, you know.

621
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 2: But like, also, thirty three so young. It is in

622
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 2: the scheme of life, like we put so much emphasis

623
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 2: on age, and it's been coming up a lot in

624
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 2: my life. Like I've been just like people, everyone in

625
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 2: my life is talking about their age. People are acknowledging

626
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 2: people's ages, and I've been thinking and like, my grandparents

627
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: are getting old, like so many people around me. I'm

628
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 2: just noticing time and age so much. My daughter's getting older,

629
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 2: like all those things. But they're like, I don't know.

630
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 2: It's just like when I look back on this moment,

631
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 2: this very moment right now, sitting here talking to you,

632
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 2: and I'm seventy years old, eighty years old, fifty years old,

633
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 2: I'm going to look back and say, baby, baby, like,

634
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 2: enjoy the moment, Enjoy it, Enjoy every part of it.

635
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,520
Speaker 2: You're so young. Look your legs work. Look you got

636
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 2: up off the floor when you were in Indian style.

637
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 2: I can't do that no more. Appreciate every moment.

638
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: Appreciate that gang bang.

639
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, appreciate the gang bang. It's part of the journey

640
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 2: out of the gang bang into healthier gang bangs. Maybe

641
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 2: that was a healthy one. Shit, who knows, Maybe you're

642
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 2: on your way to healthier gang bangs.

643
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: Healthy.

644
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 2: But I think that I think that people put a

645
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 2: lot of like emphasis on age and where you're supposed

646
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 2: to be at, you know, Like I knew for sure

647
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 2: when I was fifteen. By the time I was this age,

648
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 2: I was going to be filthy, rich and like own

649
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 2: on my way to retirement. Three children for sure, married

650
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 2: for sure, Like I don't know about kids, definitely not kids.

651
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:03,479
Speaker 2: That was never on my That was never my my

652
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 2: dream future. It was like husband and do whatever the

653
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 2: fuck I want, you know. And now here I am

654
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 2: a kid, no husband, but I'm doing whatever the fuck

655
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 2: I want. So it manifested in whatever way it was

656
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: supposed to. And we all know, like manifestations always show

657
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 2: up differently. They never are very rarely exactly how it is.

658
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 2: And if they are, then that's that's part of a

659
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 2: manifestation too. But I think a lot of times we

660
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 2: look over a lot of our manifestations. I know I

661
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 2: have because I didn't realize that they had shown up.

662
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 2: They just had shown up in a different way. So yeah,

663
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 2: I'm high.

664
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 1: No, me too, that was my high rant.

665
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 2: What is this I'm smoking?

666
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 1: Circle Sativa sata.

667
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 2: But what is the name of this I am smoking?

668
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 2: I don't know. Oh Lemon Durban, Lemon, Lemon Durbin. But yes,

669
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 2: I'm proud of you, friend, Thank you.

670
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: I appreciate that, friend, and I'm proud of you.

671
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.

672
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 1: And yeah, this is January, bitch, is you're ready to

673
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 1: check in like every month because we're going deep, we're reflecting,

674
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 1: we're getting confident, we're getting better.

675
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 2: You know.

676
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 1: The truth is like the only way to really be

677
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 1: confident is to go deep. Like we're all flawed, and

678
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: the confidence comes from accepting the flaws. Like nobody can

679
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 1: tell me about myself because I know all the shit.

680
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 1: I know the shit I do. I know, I'm super sensitive,

681
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 1: Like I know I know the things. But when you

682
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: are okay with the things and all that you encompass

683
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: and like not trying to make it good or bad,

684
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: that's where the confidence, the confidence comes. Like, yeah, the

685
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: guy who was talking with the guy, he's talking shit

686
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 1: to me, and I was just like, none of this

687
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: is even true at all. I was like this, I

688
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 1: feels so sad for you. That's what I said. I said,

689
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: I feel bad for you that this makes you feel good,

690
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 1: and make like trying to hurt me makes you feel good.

691
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 1: Why does this make you feel good? I was like,

692
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 1: being a therapist, Okay, but this is not positive talk.

693
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: But like, there's a time I would have reached over

694
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 1: and smacked you in the fucking mouth.

695
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 2: It sounds like he needs Maybe we should message him

696
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 2: the challenge.

697
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 1: Well, you know what I and then I hit him

698
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 1: with I love you and I hope you heal. I

699
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: was like, this is funny. Look at me using my

700
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 1: lines from the shower and shape a man. It's true,

701
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: It's true.

702
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 2: I think that like even the even the worst people

703
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 2: like I feel like if you send them love like

704
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 2: you don't have to love them, you don't have to

705
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 2: like them, you don't have to fuck with that.

706
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: I struggle with that. I struggle with loving people from

707
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 1: a distance. I love you, and I feel for you,

708
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 1: and I know you've been through I see things in people.

709
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, that's a beautiful journey. Wow, that's beautiful

710
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 1: that you started there and now you're here.

711
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 2: Oh.

712
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 1: Like I see things in people that like radiate light

713
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: and I attract to that, but like I'm learning that

714
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean I need to attach to that. Like

715
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: the flow of the energy moving and leaving is what

716
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: I really need to work on. And I probably have

717
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: abandonment issues that I need to like release because I

718
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: have a problem with being like I love you and

719
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 1: that's cool, get the fuck away from.

720
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 2: Me, right, It's hard. I mean I don't struggle with that.

721
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 2: I struggle more with I don't want to say the

722
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 2: other because I think I'm a lover. I think it's

723
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 2: like the like opening up completely, Like there's only like

724
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 2: I would say, like maybe like three men in my

725
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 2: life that I've really really just been totally like open

726
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: to completely, And that's scary for me. That shit is

727
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 2: terrifying for me because like I I'm scared to be

728
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 2: hurt by a man in that way because it's for

729
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 2: sure daddy issues. Like the pain that I experienced as

730
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 2: a child with my dad was like the heartbreak of

731
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 2: a lover or a man, Like now that I look

732
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 2: back on what that felt like, it was like it

733
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 2: was like that for me. And so I'm like if

734
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 2: I just but I feel like I've been working towards

735
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 2: like being more open in that space and feeling more confident,

736
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 2: I guess, and opening up in that way. But I

737
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 2: don't personally, I don't want to be open that open

738
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,839
Speaker 2: to everybody either, you know what I mean. Like, I'm

739
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 2: actually like, I like this version of myself. I like

740
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 2: that quality about me. I think it for me personally,

741
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 2: like eliminates a lot of function in my life, eliminates

742
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 2: a lot of time wasted conversations. I don't really fucking

743
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 2: feel like having, so I don't know, it's like it's like,

744
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 2: but I know that there's a level of openness that

745
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 2: like I am still working on doing because I'm still

746
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,359
Speaker 2: in the process of forgiving my father.

747
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've only I could like put a spoonful of

748
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 1: you and a spoonful of me. I know, Can we

749
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,359
Speaker 1: just like just give me a cup, give me a cut.

750
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: I want to kept texting me some boundaries. Give me someone,

751
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck you get the fuck away from me.

752
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 2: More love, more love, love.

753
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 1: But that is the beauty of having friendship and being

754
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,879
Speaker 1: able to channel your friends and pull from your friends.

755
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,240
Speaker 1: And like, I'm gonna be really Erica right now.

756
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 2: What mea do we didn't have matching bracelets that said

757
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:10,840
Speaker 2: you say you do and I put what would you

758
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 2: Meala do? What would you do? Well, well, yeah, it's perfect.

759
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: Do we need to tell those work shop?

760
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 2: Oh my god, do we need what would you Mela do?

761
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,240
Speaker 1: We're gonna like, who the fuck is that? You know? Mila?

762
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 2: She does?

763
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,399
Speaker 1: Crazy shit. I'm gonna make me one bracelet for each

764
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: I'm I know.

765
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, this is we need both of them. It's

766
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 2: a heavy dose of both. Anyway.

767
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: Well, I'm happy to be beginning another year with my

768
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: friend that keeps me accountable. And you know, slow progress

769
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 1: is better than no progress, baby, And you're true, we're

770
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,919
Speaker 1: only thirty, however, care who cares? How many days young?

771
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 1: And it's only one more day until we're not here,

772
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 1: So live up, baby, live it up.

773
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:59,720
Speaker 2: And oh my god, girl, we're almost going to Costa Rica.

774
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 2: Can't wait?

775
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,959
Speaker 1: Please God, you couldn't come close enough. I'm ready, I.

776
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 2: Know, I'm so hype for this trip and just hype

777
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 2: to just like a leave America, be like go to

778
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 2: another country with all these women. I still can't believe it.

779
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,840
Speaker 2: I can't believe that these women like we're like, yeah,

780
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 2: we'll come sure, yeah, sure, make sure we treat Yeah, yeah,

781
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 2: we'll be there.

782
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, what, Okay, it's like the ultimate I don't know,

783
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 1: like some of our work, Like this is the most

784
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: intimate time I get to spend with, like basically people

785
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: that we don't get to spend time with regularly from

786
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,360
Speaker 1: all over the world, and I think that's gonna be

787
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 1: so special.

788
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:44,759
Speaker 2: I'm so excited too. Anyway, Well, thank you guys for

789
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 2: joining us today.

790
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,399
Speaker 1: We appreciate you. We appreciate if you would leave us

791
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 1: a review and a rate five stars. Spotify and now

792
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:58,320
Speaker 1: offers ratings and reviews. Rate us review us. Join our Patreon.

793
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 1: We have some cool shit over there. Are doing more

794
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:04,359
Speaker 1: stuff over there. It's patreon dot com, backslash Good Mom's

795
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: Bad Choices.

796
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 2: Oh, if you're if you're watching this episode on YouTube,

797
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 2: then you'll see I have our new merch on. We

798
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 2: made a beautiful furry bucket hat because we are stylish.

799
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: We are so stylish. It is so retro. And guess what,

800
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 1: we even got the kids one.

801
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 2: Yep, the kids got one. We use nineties babies even

802
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:24,960
Speaker 2: if we was born in the eighties, have to say,

803
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,800
Speaker 2: I mean, we were low key still babies then nineteen

804
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 2: ninety like my mama was still like, oh look at

805
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 2: that baby. I was still a baby.

806
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 1: True. This is a very nineties merch drop and you'll

807
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: love it, So check it out and support single.

808
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 2: Moms, suppoint, support Black single moms. Okay, we love you.

809
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:52,320
Speaker 1: Ella solo recorder La. Then let's just say us runs

810
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 1: the INSC