WEBVTT - Maya Hawke 0:00:15.436 --> 0:00:33.076 Pushkin Pushkin. Learning to make it on your own without 0:00:33.076 --> 0:00:36.236 your parents can be tough for any kid, but especially 0:00:36.276 --> 0:00:40.076 if your mom and dad are superstars. Over the last 0:00:40.116 --> 0:00:42.876 three years, Maya Hawk has managed to escape the long 0:00:42.956 --> 0:00:47.476 shadow of her very famous parents with Irman and Ethan Hawk. 0:00:48.196 --> 0:00:51.076 She's made a name for herself, first as an actor 0:00:51.076 --> 0:00:54.396 in Stranger Things, Little Women in Tarantino's latest Once Upon 0:00:54.436 --> 0:00:57.716 a Time in Hollywood, and now Mayah Hawk is breaking 0:00:57.796 --> 0:01:02.276 new ground as a singer songwriter. Maya's debut album, Blush 0:01:02.556 --> 0:01:06.836 is an invitation into her vivid inner life and her songs. 0:01:06.876 --> 0:01:09.836 She's figuring out who she is out in the world alone. 0:01:10.676 --> 0:01:14.276 The songs are clever, poetic, and raw. They touch on 0:01:14.316 --> 0:01:17.276 the dynamic emotional life of a young woman navigating her 0:01:17.276 --> 0:01:21.836 way through love, lust and disappointment. I spoke with Maya 0:01:21.916 --> 0:01:24.836 recently from her family's home on Long Island. She speaks 0:01:24.836 --> 0:01:27.436 candidly about how she honors all the various versions of 0:01:27.436 --> 0:01:30.196 herself and why she slipped into what she calls her 0:01:30.196 --> 0:01:34.836 sultry Cinderella character. During early live performances. You'll also hear 0:01:34.916 --> 0:01:37.436 Maya talk about going to Graceland with her dad and 0:01:37.476 --> 0:01:44.636 a song she wrote about their rocky relationship. This is 0:01:44.716 --> 0:01:48.476 broken record liner notes for the digital age. I'm justin Richmondton. 0:01:53.316 --> 0:01:55.716 Just a quick note here. You can listen to all 0:01:55.756 --> 0:01:58.516 of the music mentioned in this episode on our playlist, 0:01:58.556 --> 0:02:00.636 which you can find a link to in the show 0:02:00.676 --> 0:02:04.396 notes for licensing reasons, each time a song is referenced 0:02:04.396 --> 0:02:09.636 in this episode, you'll hear this sound effect. All right, 0:02:10.236 --> 0:02:14.596 enjoyed the episode, Here's my conversation with Maya Hawk, But 0:02:14.716 --> 0:02:17.396 before we jump in, here's my and her producer, Jesse 0:02:17.516 --> 0:02:20.916 Harris on guitar performing the first single from Blush. It's 0:02:20.956 --> 0:02:25.556 called by Myself. I was thinking about talking to you yesterday, 0:02:25.556 --> 0:02:29.636 and I was thinking I first saw you first, even 0:02:29.676 --> 0:02:34.636 knew about you from seeing Quentin's movie last summer. Yeah, 0:02:34.676 --> 0:02:36.836 my wife watched The Stranger Things. I haven't really seen it, 0:02:36.876 --> 0:02:38.916 but she knew you from that. But I was thinking 0:02:38.916 --> 0:02:41.876 about how both of those things came out last summer. 0:02:42.076 --> 0:02:44.356 So last summer must have been a complete whirlwind, and 0:02:44.476 --> 0:02:47.996 what a difference like a year makes for me. The 0:02:48.156 --> 0:02:50.596 part that feels like a whirlwind is the making of 0:02:50.636 --> 0:02:53.716 the thing, Like the summer before, when I was filming 0:02:53.756 --> 0:02:57.436 Stranger Things and sneaking away to film Quentin's movie and 0:02:57.516 --> 0:03:00.636 like recording a bunch of music and like that summer 0:03:00.676 --> 0:03:02.876 felt like a whirlwind. And then last summer of twenty 0:03:02.956 --> 0:03:05.476 nineteen that was just a summer where things came out. 0:03:05.796 --> 0:03:07.396 Setting it for To the public part, it is sort 0:03:07.396 --> 0:03:09.636 of like, is that you know you want to hide 0:03:09.716 --> 0:03:12.796 under the covers a little bit? Got it? Got it? 0:03:13.036 --> 0:03:15.516 Obviously you're still young, but you've been acting for a 0:03:15.556 --> 0:03:17.876 few years. And I tend to think I guess people 0:03:17.916 --> 0:03:20.876 tend to think of actors as being just very free 0:03:20.916 --> 0:03:22.956 with themselves, you know, and it's hard to imagine that 0:03:23.236 --> 0:03:26.196 you aren't impervious to things like just feeling like, oh man, 0:03:26.236 --> 0:03:28.596 this thing's coming out finally, and how's it going to 0:03:28.676 --> 0:03:31.156 be perceived? And I mean, first of all, a lot 0:03:31.156 --> 0:03:32.636 of the actors that I know are some of the 0:03:32.716 --> 0:03:34.916 least free with themselves people I've ever met. I think 0:03:34.956 --> 0:03:37.196 there are a lot of misconceptions about that. But I 0:03:37.236 --> 0:03:40.596 also think there's a difference between being free with yourself 0:03:40.676 --> 0:03:43.076 in the space that you're in where you can look 0:03:43.076 --> 0:03:45.316 at every person in the room in the eye and 0:03:45.516 --> 0:03:48.876 exist in your whole self in that moment when you're 0:03:49.156 --> 0:03:52.036 recording the piece of work or on the stage and 0:03:52.036 --> 0:03:53.996 you can look at the audience, or even at a 0:03:54.036 --> 0:03:56.276 dinner party and you can look at everyone in the room. 0:03:56.316 --> 0:03:59.036 There's a difference between that level of being an extrovert 0:03:59.316 --> 0:04:01.556 and the level of being willing to take that extra 0:04:01.636 --> 0:04:05.356 version and share it with millions of people or hundreds 0:04:05.356 --> 0:04:08.476 of people. That's another level of bravery that I think 0:04:08.476 --> 0:04:11.276 you almost have to be psychopathic not to be afraid of. 0:04:11.876 --> 0:04:13.796 That's fair. I hadn't considered that, and I guess it's 0:04:13.796 --> 0:04:16.356 almost a difference between doing things like this in person 0:04:16.396 --> 0:04:18.516 and doing things like this over zoom. There's a bit 0:04:18.516 --> 0:04:21.116 of control you lose between, you know, Like I guess 0:04:21.156 --> 0:04:24.316 if you're doing something a stage production, even though there's 0:04:24.316 --> 0:04:26.316 an audience out there and you don't know exactly who 0:04:26.316 --> 0:04:27.676 they are, there's a bit of you feeling like you're 0:04:27.676 --> 0:04:30.196 in control of what's happening to them, and the reactions 0:04:30.236 --> 0:04:32.716 and things just go to air somewhere. You're like, You're like, 0:04:32.756 --> 0:04:36.716 I don't know, okay, yeah, right, the energy is different, 0:04:36.796 --> 0:04:39.276 you like, you know, and like also I probably present 0:04:39.356 --> 0:04:41.676 myself differently if we've done it in person, Like I 0:04:41.796 --> 0:04:43.596 just jumped out of the pool and throw on a 0:04:43.596 --> 0:04:45.276 feature and sat down to talk to you, you know, 0:04:45.316 --> 0:04:47.596 which is different than you know, if I'd come into 0:04:47.636 --> 0:04:49.596 your office, I would have like picked out the right 0:04:49.596 --> 0:04:53.916 pair of genes, you know, and like my hair probably right. Well, 0:04:53.956 --> 0:04:55.476 I like we're gett into a more real version. The 0:04:55.596 --> 0:04:58.596 more the more authentic, They're all equally real, you know. 0:04:58.636 --> 0:05:00.836 I mean, I think that the idea of authenticity is 0:05:00.836 --> 0:05:04.996 a very complicated idea, Like what is your authentic self? Is? It? 0:05:05.036 --> 0:05:07.436 Is it when you prepare to meet people or when 0:05:07.476 --> 0:05:10.636 you're unprepared, like when you're with your best friend or 0:05:10.636 --> 0:05:14.076 with a complete stranger. Sometimes we're more ourselves with strangers 0:05:14.076 --> 0:05:16.676 than we are with our family. And what does that 0:05:16.716 --> 0:05:19.036 even mean? To be yourself? It really just means how 0:05:19.116 --> 0:05:23.236 yourself are you being in that moment, right, Like any 0:05:23.276 --> 0:05:26.076 self that you are will change from moment to moment. 0:05:26.156 --> 0:05:29.556 I think for me, at least, it does. Absolutely. When 0:05:29.596 --> 0:05:32.556 I was listening to your album, it feels like the 0:05:32.596 --> 0:05:37.316 idea of identity comes up a bit totally. Yeah, I 0:05:37.436 --> 0:05:40.796 think that's true. You think that in those years when 0:05:40.836 --> 0:05:43.436 you leave the school system and you leave the family 0:05:43.476 --> 0:05:47.596 system and you enter your independent system, whether you're twenty 0:05:47.636 --> 0:05:51.236 six leaving grad school, or eighteen leaving high school, or 0:05:51.276 --> 0:05:54.636 like I was nineteen leaving a first year of drama school, 0:05:54.996 --> 0:05:56.516 and then you kind of hit the streets on your 0:05:56.556 --> 0:05:59.876 own and you're living by yourself, and I think it's 0:05:59.876 --> 0:06:04.076 a massive developmental moment for a person because you start 0:06:04.156 --> 0:06:07.556 to realize who are you on your own? You know, 0:06:07.756 --> 0:06:10.356 like it's the first one where you're really, for me, 0:06:10.396 --> 0:06:13.196 at least, faced with the mirror reflection of like, Okay, 0:06:13.236 --> 0:06:16.436 who have I become? And so? And this album was 0:06:16.476 --> 0:06:21.076 written in those first three years that I was working 0:06:21.356 --> 0:06:25.116 for the first time in the real business world and 0:06:25.596 --> 0:06:28.316 living by myself for the first time, and having adult 0:06:28.356 --> 0:06:32.316 relationships for the first time. And I think that, you know, 0:06:32.356 --> 0:06:35.276 maybe in a narcissistic way, maybe not, all of those 0:06:35.316 --> 0:06:39.596 experiences gave me moments to check in and look at 0:06:39.716 --> 0:06:42.676 myself and say, Okay, wow, this is how I handled 0:06:43.196 --> 0:06:46.876 X situation, This is how I handled why? Like interesting 0:06:46.916 --> 0:06:49.756 that I have become this person? What person do I 0:06:49.796 --> 0:06:51.596 want to be? How do I want to handle these differently? 0:06:51.596 --> 0:06:53.196 How do I like? Do I like myself? Do I 0:06:53.196 --> 0:06:56.276 like the way I handled that or not? And so 0:06:56.556 --> 0:07:00.596 this album for me tracks a lot of those experiences, 0:07:01.436 --> 0:07:05.036 So you're really taking account of you, of yourself, who 0:07:05.076 --> 0:07:07.676 you are, I think. So yeah, I mean, I guess 0:07:07.716 --> 0:07:10.436 I'm one of those kids who've been in therapy since 0:07:10.476 --> 0:07:14.316 they were well over something, you know, So I generally 0:07:14.716 --> 0:07:17.996 I'm self reflective to the point of it being a fault. 0:07:18.396 --> 0:07:19.596 Like I think that people say to me all the 0:07:19.596 --> 0:07:21.356 time where they go, well, I guess that sounds like 0:07:21.356 --> 0:07:23.876 a complicated problem, but like it's amazing that you're so 0:07:23.876 --> 0:07:26.676 self aware about it. And my response is I was like, yeah, 0:07:26.716 --> 0:07:29.676 I'm self aware. I know, I'm self aware. That doesn't 0:07:29.676 --> 0:07:32.396 mean I can change anything. Like just because I know 0:07:32.556 --> 0:07:34.716 why I'm doing the crazy thing that I'm doing, doesn't 0:07:34.716 --> 0:07:37.316 mean I'm gonna stop. Like I'm still gonna keep doing 0:07:37.316 --> 0:07:39.676 that crazy thing. Like I'm not in control. I just 0:07:39.876 --> 0:07:42.756 know what's out of control. That said, it's good to 0:07:42.836 --> 0:07:45.876 know it's good. It is not as good as you 0:07:45.876 --> 0:07:47.516 would think it is. It doesn't get you as far 0:07:47.916 --> 0:07:50.156 as even would want it to to. So you wrote this 0:07:50.476 --> 0:07:53.916 three three years ago. You started, So we started three 0:07:53.996 --> 0:07:56.596 years ago. I just turned nineteen about it, and then 0:07:56.676 --> 0:08:00.436 I kind of wasn't planning on making a whole record. 0:08:01.276 --> 0:08:04.356 I just sort of had gone to my friend Jesse, 0:08:04.516 --> 0:08:06.596 who is who I wrote this album with, and asked 0:08:06.636 --> 0:08:08.676 him for some advice on a song i'd written on 0:08:08.716 --> 0:08:12.276 my first job in that i'd done in Ireland, and 0:08:12.356 --> 0:08:13.876 he gave me some advice and I was like, hey, 0:08:13.876 --> 0:08:15.436 look like, if you ever want to write a song together, 0:08:15.476 --> 0:08:17.996 I would love to just let me know. And because 0:08:17.996 --> 0:08:19.356 he co writes with a lot of people and there's 0:08:19.356 --> 0:08:20.796 a lot of stuff, and he was like, great, cool, 0:08:21.076 --> 0:08:22.476 how do you want to do it? I was like, 0:08:22.516 --> 0:08:24.996 maybe I just I'll send you a poem, and so 0:08:25.036 --> 0:08:27.116 I send him a poem that I'd written and he 0:08:27.236 --> 0:08:29.116 put it to music and that ended up being to 0:08:29.196 --> 0:08:31.036 Love a Boy, which was the first single that we 0:08:31.156 --> 0:08:34.796 ever made together. And then we just kind of kept 0:08:34.836 --> 0:08:37.476 doing that without really, at least on my end, without 0:08:37.476 --> 0:08:39.556 there ever being a plan to make an album or 0:08:39.556 --> 0:08:42.756 really even to play a show, or like, I just 0:08:42.876 --> 0:08:47.116 was enjoying having a place to put my poems. So 0:08:47.156 --> 0:08:49.756 then we just sort of kept kept plugging along and 0:08:49.836 --> 0:08:53.636 collecting songs and eventually had enough to play a show, 0:08:53.716 --> 0:08:56.036 and we played a show, and then we put out 0:08:56.036 --> 0:08:58.036 those singles, and then we got some attention from a 0:08:58.076 --> 0:09:00.076 label who wanted to ask us we had enough for 0:09:00.116 --> 0:09:01.916 an album, and we were like, yes, we do. Here 0:09:01.956 --> 0:09:04.476 they are, and that's sort of how we ended up here. Now, 0:09:04.796 --> 0:09:06.636 what was your first show? My first show is at 0:09:06.716 --> 0:09:09.356 Rockwood Music Hall. I think I did like a twelve 0:09:09.476 --> 0:09:12.556 song set with the band that I still play with. 0:09:13.036 --> 0:09:17.596 How was that experience terrifying? I've only done probably twelve 0:09:17.596 --> 0:09:21.116 shows in my whole livelong life. It started out being 0:09:21.156 --> 0:09:24.796 really fun because I had so much adrenaline about performing 0:09:25.476 --> 0:09:27.876 and so much nerves that I was kind of almost 0:09:27.916 --> 0:09:30.316 totally unaware of what was happening around me. Like I 0:09:30.356 --> 0:09:32.276 just would kind of stumble on stage and be like, Okay, 0:09:32.276 --> 0:09:34.356 I'm gonna sing these songs now, and then by the 0:09:34.396 --> 0:09:36.556 time it was over, like I blinked and it was over. 0:09:37.316 --> 0:09:38.916 But then the more I did, the more I was 0:09:38.956 --> 0:09:43.796 able to actually relax on stage and become aware of 0:09:43.836 --> 0:09:46.676 the mistakes that I was making, the places I wasn't 0:09:47.156 --> 0:09:49.956 being myself. I'll return to using that phrase that we talked, like, 0:09:49.996 --> 0:09:51.916 the place that I wasn't being the version of me 0:09:51.996 --> 0:09:55.436 that I wanted to be. I often have a character 0:09:55.516 --> 0:09:57.596 that I can fall into. I've had it ever since 0:09:57.636 --> 0:10:00.436 I was in like ninth grade, which I call like 0:10:00.636 --> 0:10:04.236 sultry Disney princess, Like I've become like a slightly like 0:10:04.836 --> 0:10:09.756 drunk kind of like sexualized Cinderella or something, and it's 0:10:09.756 --> 0:10:12.036 like kind of bubbly and like, oh, like I'm gonna 0:10:12.036 --> 0:10:14.556 say something really inappropriate, but in a really sweet way 0:10:14.596 --> 0:10:17.596 so you don't even notice. And I hate her, like 0:10:17.676 --> 0:10:20.596 she's just my worst enemy. I hate her so much. 0:10:21.716 --> 0:10:24.436 And I was doing that character a lot on stage, 0:10:24.476 --> 0:10:26.436 and so the more shows I did, the more I 0:10:26.476 --> 0:10:30.036 realized how I could grow and get better. And only 0:10:30.076 --> 0:10:32.516 my last show I ever played before COVID happened, which 0:10:32.516 --> 0:10:35.396 was at Joe's Pub, was a show where I was like, Okay, cool, 0:10:35.476 --> 0:10:39.356 I can stand behind that performance, like I feel good 0:10:39.356 --> 0:10:42.436 about how I did that night. When did music become 0:10:42.716 --> 0:10:45.476 part of your life in a real way? Music was 0:10:45.516 --> 0:10:48.036 always a part of my life, primarily through my father, 0:10:48.316 --> 0:10:50.716 who was just like a big music fan, a big 0:10:50.836 --> 0:10:53.956 kind of old fashioned country music fan, like not pop country, 0:10:53.996 --> 0:10:56.356 but like the good old stuff, Johnny Cash and that 0:10:56.436 --> 0:10:59.076 kind of thing, and he that was sort of always 0:10:59.076 --> 0:11:01.116 on in our living room. And Willie Nelson and Neil 0:11:01.236 --> 0:11:03.956 Young and Bob Dylan and those sort of like great 0:11:04.036 --> 0:11:06.476 old folk guys Leonard Cohen. Um, that was kind of 0:11:06.516 --> 0:11:08.996 like the language of what was playing in the house. 0:11:09.276 --> 0:11:11.276 UM when I was a kid, and I really fell 0:11:11.316 --> 0:11:13.956 in love with that primarily still like through the poetry. 0:11:14.156 --> 0:11:16.356 Like what moved me the most about it was the 0:11:16.796 --> 0:11:19.316 was the language. Lines would get stuck in my head 0:11:19.316 --> 0:11:21.316 and I would focus on them, and even as a kid, 0:11:21.396 --> 0:11:25.316 like write poems based on those lines. Wow, any particular 0:11:25.356 --> 0:11:29.556 lines that you remembered. And still I loved this song, um, 0:11:30.036 --> 0:11:33.276 the song The Redheaded Stranger from from Blue Rock, Montana 0:11:33.316 --> 0:11:35.996 wrote into Town one day, Um, and he talks about 0:11:36.716 --> 0:11:40.196 in that song there's um he's wild in his sorrow. 0:11:40.596 --> 0:11:42.876 Um is one of the lines in the chorus, don't 0:11:42.916 --> 0:11:47.236 cross him, don't boss him, He's wildest sorrow. And I 0:11:47.276 --> 0:11:49.036 wrote a poem when I was a kid called wild 0:11:49.076 --> 0:11:51.436 in my Sorrow. No one writes like Willie, No one 0:11:51.476 --> 0:11:54.156 writes So that's just yeah, yeah, get goosebumps here in 0:11:54.156 --> 0:11:58.156 a line. Yeah, even over zoom. It's like and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, 0:11:58.156 --> 0:12:01.876 it's incredible. He's amazing and so and then my dad 0:12:01.916 --> 0:12:05.476 also like is kind of a novice guitar player, as 0:12:05.476 --> 0:12:08.476 am I UM and UM. We just kind of had 0:12:08.516 --> 0:12:10.636 like jams sessions in the living room and we would 0:12:11.156 --> 0:12:13.316 memorize songs together and sing them. We used to sing 0:12:13.396 --> 0:12:16.556 Hungry Heart and this song called Blue Wing, and like 0:12:16.836 --> 0:12:19.716 we just kind of had this sort of hoot nanny 0:12:19.916 --> 0:12:23.236 like like you know, would you're surprise there wasn't a 0:12:23.236 --> 0:12:27.036 harmonica in the mix, kind of guitar circle the two 0:12:27.076 --> 0:12:28.956 of us in the living room when I was a kid, 0:12:29.316 --> 0:12:32.236 So that was a big part of my upbringing. And then, 0:12:32.636 --> 0:12:35.396 you know, my parents are divorced, and when, especially when 0:12:35.436 --> 0:12:37.156 I was younger, when I'd have to spend a lot 0:12:37.196 --> 0:12:38.836 of time away from my dad he'd go away to 0:12:38.876 --> 0:12:41.956 work or something, he would give me these playlists. He 0:12:41.996 --> 0:12:44.676 made me this playlist that ended up being actually featured 0:12:44.676 --> 0:12:47.476 in a movie, to my great chagrin, which was like 0:12:47.476 --> 0:12:50.676 a Beatles Black album playlist where he took songs from 0:12:50.716 --> 0:12:53.876 every Beatle from after they had broken up and kind 0:12:53.876 --> 0:12:57.716 of reconstructed a final Beatles album by combining them. And 0:12:57.996 --> 0:13:01.236 he made me a playlist all of Dylan covers and 0:13:01.636 --> 0:13:03.556 he'd like he would sort of mix it up, and 0:13:03.556 --> 0:13:04.996 he made me all these great playlists to try to 0:13:05.036 --> 0:13:08.556 teach me about music and Elvis playlist. So we went 0:13:08.596 --> 0:13:10.956 on a road trip together to follow the life of 0:13:10.956 --> 0:13:13.636 Elvis from like the first church that he was born 0:13:13.676 --> 0:13:16.276 and where he got his first guitar. When was this, 0:13:16.556 --> 0:13:18.836 I guess I was thirteen and you were into it 0:13:18.876 --> 0:13:21.276 at thirteen, Like this wasn't like like you're forced along 0:13:21.916 --> 0:13:23.996 anytime I got to spend with my dad. I was 0:13:24.036 --> 0:13:27.436 into at thirteen. He mean, he's my hero. Um, A 0:13:27.436 --> 0:13:29.916 few have a daughter. It's all all good, all goodness 0:13:29.916 --> 0:13:34.196 coming up. She'll love you heart. And so we went 0:13:34.196 --> 0:13:35.956 on this. Yeah, we went to where Elvis bought his 0:13:36.036 --> 0:13:37.796 first guitar, and we went to the church that he 0:13:37.836 --> 0:13:40.916 was born, and we went to Memphis and Sun Studios 0:13:40.916 --> 0:13:44.676 in Nashville and then finally to Graceland. UM, so that 0:13:44.996 --> 0:13:46.756 kind of I don't know, It's just always a part 0:13:46.756 --> 0:13:49.676 of my life. I really considered myself, you know, a 0:13:49.676 --> 0:13:51.836 fan more than anything else. And I still do. Like 0:13:51.876 --> 0:13:54.476 I I'm not a great musician. I love to sing. 0:13:54.556 --> 0:13:57.116 I sang my whole life. I was always inquired at 0:13:57.156 --> 0:13:59.396 school and I love I love to sing, but I 0:13:59.476 --> 0:14:02.156 don't I don't really know how to play an instrument 0:14:02.196 --> 0:14:04.876 in any way that would impress anyone except like maybe 0:14:04.876 --> 0:14:07.236 like a boy at a party one night or something 0:14:07.556 --> 0:14:10.676 like I can vaguely that's useful. That's useful. Oh, trust me, 0:14:10.716 --> 0:14:14.316 I milk it. But I milk those twelve chords. I 0:14:14.396 --> 0:14:18.156 know to to heaven and back. But I love music 0:14:18.556 --> 0:14:21.756 and I love writing poetry. And so the collaboration with 0:14:21.876 --> 0:14:24.156 Jesse and getting to sort of like have access to 0:14:24.236 --> 0:14:27.236 his brain and his amazing melodic thinking and that incredibly 0:14:27.236 --> 0:14:29.956 sophisticated way in which he constructs melody, I feel like 0:14:29.956 --> 0:14:32.276 we come together in a way that I really like 0:14:32.476 --> 0:14:35.836 because it adds some roughness to his um sort of 0:14:35.956 --> 0:14:39.236 like elegance, and he adds some elegance to my roughness. 0:14:39.956 --> 0:14:42.676 We'll be right back with my Hawk. After a quick break, 0:14:47.116 --> 0:14:50.756 we're back. Here's Maya Hawk and Jesse Harris performing her 0:14:50.796 --> 0:14:56.996 song Generous Heart. Oftentimes you'll hear a song, a Neil 0:14:57.036 --> 0:14:59.996 Young song, and it will sound like deeply personal, and 0:15:00.036 --> 0:15:03.036 you'll find out, well, it was really about a character. 0:15:03.276 --> 0:15:06.116 You know, he wasn't writing about himself. He was thinking 0:15:06.116 --> 0:15:09.396 of someone else. I wasn't sure how much so that 0:15:09.516 --> 0:15:11.356 was going on, But it seems like you're kind of 0:15:11.916 --> 0:15:17.316 revealing yourself in this pretty public way with these songs. Yeah, Like, yes, 0:15:17.356 --> 0:15:21.196 it is revealing. They are all the songs. When I 0:15:21.196 --> 0:15:24.556 wrote them, at least felt extraordinarily personal. They now feel 0:15:24.596 --> 0:15:27.356 more like characters to me, because the mood that I 0:15:27.396 --> 0:15:29.716 was in when I wrote them doesn't feel like the 0:15:29.716 --> 0:15:31.556 mood I'm in now. You know, if it was about 0:15:32.076 --> 0:15:34.036 it was about a very powerful feeling or whatever that 0:15:34.036 --> 0:15:35.396 I was having, then it's not a feeling that is 0:15:35.436 --> 0:15:37.236 present in me. So in a lot of ways, when 0:15:37.236 --> 0:15:38.876 I go to sing those songs again, it does feel 0:15:38.876 --> 0:15:40.556 like a character I have to get back into the 0:15:40.596 --> 0:15:43.316 Like for example, when I wrote Menace, I was feeling 0:15:43.316 --> 0:15:47.356 tremendous shame over being an extrovert. I was feeling very 0:15:47.396 --> 0:15:51.316 embarrassed about basically being a flirt. Like I was feeling 0:15:51.316 --> 0:15:53.476 like I was in a relationship and like we were 0:15:53.516 --> 0:15:55.156 just getting these constant fights about the way that I 0:15:55.196 --> 0:15:57.756 would behave when I was out at a party or whatever, 0:15:57.796 --> 0:15:59.556 and I really would make an effort to like make 0:15:59.596 --> 0:16:02.076 everyone at the party feel good, and like I touch 0:16:02.116 --> 0:16:05.196 people's shoulders a lot, and like I shared a lot 0:16:05.236 --> 0:16:07.476 of myself with a lot of people, and I just 0:16:07.556 --> 0:16:10.636 mean socially right, and we get we get into a 0:16:10.676 --> 0:16:13.076 lot of fights about it because what he really wanted 0:16:13.116 --> 0:16:15.756 from me in those scenarios was to like be on 0:16:15.836 --> 0:16:18.076 his arm, and I was feeling really guilty about that. 0:16:18.116 --> 0:16:20.716 I was like, fuck, like I'm a bad person, Like 0:16:20.756 --> 0:16:23.956 I'm not being a good girlfriend. I'm I'm being a menace. Um. 0:16:24.436 --> 0:16:27.556 And then you know that relationship ended and I now 0:16:27.596 --> 0:16:29.516 sing that song and I'm like, what the frick was 0:16:29.556 --> 0:16:32.516 I thinking? Like like I was being fine, like like 0:16:32.716 --> 0:16:35.756 like like I don't need to spend all my energy 0:16:35.796 --> 0:16:37.956 devoting to like coddling and eat, Like I can be 0:16:38.076 --> 0:16:40.916 a social person and that's okay. How do you feel 0:16:40.916 --> 0:16:42.316 when you sing it? Then? I mean beyond that, you 0:16:42.316 --> 0:16:44.236 don't connect to the person, but in somewhere in your 0:16:44.236 --> 0:16:46.036 head you know that you were that person. Does it? 0:16:46.156 --> 0:16:47.996 Do you now feel almost ashamed to have been the 0:16:48.036 --> 0:16:51.676 person who was embarrassed to be just an open person? Yeah? 0:16:51.716 --> 0:16:53.636 I mean I usually, like before I sing that song 0:16:53.636 --> 0:16:55.596 in public, I usually tell some version of the story 0:16:55.596 --> 0:16:58.196 that I just told you, which then makes me kind 0:16:58.196 --> 0:17:00.996 of feel better about it. And I sort of sing 0:17:01.076 --> 0:17:02.996 it from the from the point of view of a 0:17:03.036 --> 0:17:06.836 person who's like kind of lying about not wanting to 0:17:06.836 --> 0:17:08.916 be a menace anymore, and like I focus more on 0:17:08.956 --> 0:17:11.476 the lyrics of the verses, do you mind singing a 0:17:11.556 --> 0:17:15.596 verse from it? Let's see first. The first lyrics of 0:17:15.636 --> 0:17:19.556 the verse are, turn my gaze away, relieve the impressions 0:17:19.596 --> 0:17:23.156 that I've made, like rain in my creeping hand. I 0:17:23.236 --> 0:17:26.956 want to behave. It's a small concession all my regressions 0:17:26.996 --> 0:17:31.116 I don't understand, but it's painful old news and pales 0:17:31.156 --> 0:17:35.876 in comparison to choosing you. So it's so like there's 0:17:35.876 --> 0:17:40.316 a certain kind of accurate statement of fact in the verses. 0:17:40.836 --> 0:17:42.396 In the chorus is I don't want to be a 0:17:42.396 --> 0:17:45.436 menace anymore. And that's what I feel detached from right 0:17:45.476 --> 0:17:46.956 like now I feel like, no, I do want to 0:17:46.956 --> 0:17:49.996 be a menace. Actually I'm fine with that. But in 0:17:50.036 --> 0:17:53.556 the verses, those are more sort of statements of fact 0:17:53.596 --> 0:17:56.476 and feeling and things that happened and so that I 0:17:56.476 --> 0:17:59.196 can kind of more attach to as a memory, versus 0:17:59.236 --> 0:18:01.596 this claim of how I want to change is what 0:18:01.676 --> 0:18:04.196 feels more alien to me. It almost makes a song 0:18:04.276 --> 0:18:08.316 cooler in no way, because it's now the course is ironic, Yes, yes, 0:18:08.476 --> 0:18:10.036 exactly that's so I feel when I sing it now, 0:18:10.076 --> 0:18:13.236 I'm like, this is an ironic chorus. But okay, I 0:18:13.356 --> 0:18:15.196 like that a lot, because you know, you do sound 0:18:15.356 --> 0:18:17.516 very sincere when you sing. It's like there's a certain 0:18:17.556 --> 0:18:19.396 feeling I get listening to music that I get when 0:18:19.436 --> 0:18:22.396 I listened to like a group, particularly like like The 0:18:22.476 --> 0:18:24.516 Mamas and the Papa's Right. Oh yeah, I love that 0:18:24.716 --> 0:18:28.556 when you listen to that music, there's they're really sincere. 0:18:28.836 --> 0:18:31.396 They really pour themselves into the music, you know, And 0:18:32.276 --> 0:18:34.436 listening to your album felt a lot like that same 0:18:34.476 --> 0:18:37.476 experience for me. There are jokes all over the album, 0:18:38.076 --> 0:18:42.276 but from like at least as a listener. I love 0:18:42.316 --> 0:18:45.036 it when I'm listening to a song and I hear 0:18:45.076 --> 0:18:47.916 the joke, but I feel like I'm the only one 0:18:47.956 --> 0:18:51.036 who gets it, like if the maybe I take this 0:18:51.076 --> 0:18:54.436 from acting a little bit, like when some actors will 0:18:54.476 --> 0:18:56.796 wink at you while they're acting and they're like, this 0:18:56.916 --> 0:19:00.036 is acting. You know, They're like they're like that was 0:19:00.076 --> 0:19:03.156 a joke, this is acting, and they're like, I'm actually 0:19:03.476 --> 0:19:06.956 a movie star, and you know, like there's a kind 0:19:06.956 --> 0:19:09.396 of like a kind of like wink about it. Yeah, 0:19:09.676 --> 0:19:11.876 And so I like it to hide the jokes and 0:19:12.036 --> 0:19:15.756 hide the irony in total sincerity, so that if there 0:19:15.836 --> 0:19:18.116 is that one person who listens to it twenty times, 0:19:18.116 --> 0:19:20.316 they're like, oh my god, she doesn't mean that line, 0:19:20.396 --> 0:19:23.196 or like that line is actually a slam of that person, 0:19:23.276 --> 0:19:24.876 Like she's singing it like it's a compliment, but it's 0:19:24.916 --> 0:19:28.076 actually as total disc like cool. Do you either a 0:19:28.116 --> 0:19:30.596 couple of jokes or winks you can? You can let 0:19:30.636 --> 0:19:32.436 us in on it. There are let me see if 0:19:32.476 --> 0:19:36.356 I can think of them. They're all over um the 0:19:36.436 --> 0:19:40.316 last song Mirth. The middle verse of Mirth is, um, 0:19:40.756 --> 0:19:43.516 I've got a problem I think he could fix. He 0:19:43.556 --> 0:19:46.996 seems to undo all my usual tricks, But the marks 0:19:46.996 --> 0:19:49.156 on his belly and the lines on his face shadow 0:19:49.196 --> 0:19:51.956 his softness and romantic grace. That whole song is sort 0:19:51.956 --> 0:19:55.756 of secretly about there's two songs on the record that 0:19:57.516 --> 0:20:00.476 this is an adult podcast. Yes, yes, okay, so the 0:20:00.676 --> 0:20:02.436 two songs on the record that are kind of secretly 0:20:02.436 --> 0:20:08.036 about not being able to orgasm and um, and I 0:20:08.076 --> 0:20:10.156 never would have guessed that it's the first and last 0:20:10.156 --> 0:20:16.716 song m like the last lines of Generous Heart, I 0:20:16.756 --> 0:20:18.676 know it's my fault. I need to lie dead to 0:20:18.676 --> 0:20:21.916 find a cascade towards something but dread. And that's secretly 0:20:21.916 --> 0:20:23.836