1 00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:24,555 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. We 2 00:00:24,675 --> 00:00:31,635 Speaker 1: must financially destroy Jeff Bezos. We and that includes the 3 00:00:31,635 --> 00:00:36,275 Speaker 1: Democratic Party, must bankrupt Jeff Bezos. I don't mean to 4 00:00:36,315 --> 00:00:39,955 Speaker 1: bring him any physical or personal harm. I just want 5 00:00:39,955 --> 00:00:42,675 Speaker 1: his two hundred and forty billion dollars to go away. 6 00:00:43,155 --> 00:00:46,755 Speaker 1: I want him to be living in a one bedroom 7 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:51,235 Speaker 1: apartment somewhere in a non fashionable part of a non 8 00:00:51,435 --> 00:00:56,395 Speaker 1: fashionable town, hopefully in a different country. Jeff Bezos is 9 00:00:56,675 --> 00:01:00,115 Speaker 1: one of the true villains of this era, one of 10 00:01:00,395 --> 00:01:04,995 Speaker 1: the evildoers of the twenty first century, because at the 11 00:01:05,035 --> 00:01:08,155 Speaker 1: initial stages of what we have seen in the destruction 12 00:01:08,275 --> 00:01:11,395 Speaker 1: of this country by Donald Trump since twenty fifteen, in 13 00:01:11,475 --> 00:01:15,715 Speaker 1: the initial stages, Jeff Bezos was on the right side 14 00:01:15,995 --> 00:01:19,155 Speaker 1: when they went to Jeff Bezos and said, we know 15 00:01:19,275 --> 00:01:25,275 Speaker 1: you're having an affair with this sportscaster Lauren Sanchez. We 16 00:01:25,395 --> 00:01:27,195 Speaker 1: know you're having an affair with her. We're going to 17 00:01:27,235 --> 00:01:30,515 Speaker 1: expose it. Unless you take this Washington Post that you 18 00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:34,355 Speaker 1: just bought and turn it in the direction of Donald Trump. 19 00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:37,635 Speaker 1: We are going to expose this, and your wife is 20 00:01:37,675 --> 00:01:41,355 Speaker 1: going to divorce you. And instead of doing that, Jeff 21 00:01:41,355 --> 00:01:44,755 Speaker 1: Bezos initially and for a period of about six years, 22 00:01:45,035 --> 00:01:49,235 Speaker 1: maintained this position. He said, screw you guys. If I'm 23 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,395 Speaker 1: going to give up half of my money to anybody, 24 00:01:51,435 --> 00:01:54,435 Speaker 1: it's going to be to my wife. She certainly earned it. 25 00:01:54,475 --> 00:01:56,835 Speaker 1: No matter how you judge what I did. There's no 26 00:01:56,955 --> 00:01:58,995 Speaker 1: reason why I should be giving you the money or 27 00:01:58,995 --> 00:02:01,315 Speaker 1: trying to keep it for myself when I certainly can 28 00:02:01,395 --> 00:02:03,635 Speaker 1: handle it having the two hundred billion dollars that I do. 29 00:02:03,955 --> 00:02:07,875 Speaker 1: So he told them to shove the trumpest blackmail up 30 00:02:07,915 --> 00:02:12,235 Speaker 1: their asses, and it basically put the Trump blackmail machine 31 00:02:12,395 --> 00:02:16,715 Speaker 1: out of business for time. Something has happened in the 32 00:02:16,795 --> 00:02:18,835 Speaker 1: last year and a half, and now we have reached 33 00:02:18,835 --> 00:02:22,355 Speaker 1: the climax where, in essence, yesterday Jeff Bezos took the 34 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:26,515 Speaker 1: Washington Post, not a vital to the continuation of the 35 00:02:26,595 --> 00:02:32,515 Speaker 1: Nation publication but an important aspect of our media firmament, 36 00:02:33,555 --> 00:02:36,875 Speaker 1: took it and essentially took it offline and said, we're 37 00:02:36,875 --> 00:02:39,475 Speaker 1: going to continue to publish anyway, but you're probably not 38 00:02:39,555 --> 00:02:42,395 Speaker 1: going to see anything on here except aislop and an 39 00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:47,755 Speaker 1: occasional feature about Milania Trump. This is, after all, Jeff 40 00:02:47,795 --> 00:02:51,555 Speaker 1: Bezos who shut down the Washington Post's Foreign desk in 41 00:02:51,675 --> 00:02:55,195 Speaker 1: essence yesterday, certainly it's Middle East desk, it's Ukraine desk, 42 00:02:55,395 --> 00:02:58,195 Speaker 1: the entirety of its sports department. The damage to the 43 00:02:58,675 --> 00:03:02,715 Speaker 1: Foreign Correspondence was such that the Foreign editor asked to 44 00:03:02,755 --> 00:03:05,675 Speaker 1: be fired along with his staff. He jumped onto the 45 00:03:05,675 --> 00:03:08,835 Speaker 1: funeral pyre with them. That's how bad it was. The 46 00:03:08,915 --> 00:03:12,315 Speaker 1: Washington Post, for all intents and purposes, no longer exists 47 00:03:12,355 --> 00:03:16,635 Speaker 1: because Jeff Bezos decided to save. Who knows how much 48 00:03:16,675 --> 00:03:19,395 Speaker 1: he saved yesterday, how much the estimates will be, but 49 00:03:19,475 --> 00:03:21,875 Speaker 1: it's probably not going to be more than the seventy 50 00:03:21,915 --> 00:03:25,795 Speaker 1: five million dollars he let them shove up his ass 51 00:03:26,235 --> 00:03:32,155 Speaker 1: for the Milania movie, the Amazon biopic, or as it's 52 00:03:32,155 --> 00:03:35,795 Speaker 1: also been referred to, the horror film about Milania Trump, 53 00:03:37,155 --> 00:03:43,315 Speaker 1: Lauren Sanchez's sister in plastics, somebody else who looks like 54 00:03:43,475 --> 00:03:47,275 Speaker 1: they were obtained by a mail order on discount day 55 00:03:47,355 --> 00:03:52,835 Speaker 1: at anastasia dot Com. Seventy five million dollars all told, 56 00:03:52,835 --> 00:03:56,355 Speaker 1: between the production, the fee they paid Milania for standing 57 00:03:56,475 --> 00:04:00,035 Speaker 1: still so she wouldn't look blurry and saying something that 58 00:04:00,155 --> 00:04:02,955 Speaker 1: may or may not have been words. Certainly may or 59 00:04:02,955 --> 00:04:05,635 Speaker 1: may not have been English, they made a movie out 60 00:04:05,675 --> 00:04:08,235 Speaker 1: of it, and now they're pretending she's a movie star 61 00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:11,075 Speaker 1: because Trump wants his wife to be a movie star, 62 00:04:11,195 --> 00:04:14,795 Speaker 1: or perhaps it is in his contract with her, she 63 00:04:14,915 --> 00:04:19,035 Speaker 1: has to be a movie star. So the Washington Post, 64 00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:23,715 Speaker 1: which originally was Jeff Bezos saying no, I am not 65 00:04:23,755 --> 00:04:26,235 Speaker 1: going to fold. We will be the leading critic of 66 00:04:26,515 --> 00:04:29,795 Speaker 1: Donald Trump's presidency. We will fight back. We will find 67 00:04:29,835 --> 00:04:32,075 Speaker 1: this market, we will take it, and we will vault 68 00:04:32,075 --> 00:04:35,235 Speaker 1: the Washington Post, damaged as it has been for the 69 00:04:35,235 --> 00:04:38,875 Speaker 1: preceding ten or twenty years of pretty mediocre management, and 70 00:04:38,915 --> 00:04:41,235 Speaker 1: we will take the Washington Post and we will vault 71 00:04:41,275 --> 00:04:43,795 Speaker 1: it back into competition with the New York Times and 72 00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:46,515 Speaker 1: the Wall Street Journal and the other national news organizations. 73 00:04:46,795 --> 00:04:51,675 Speaker 1: And it all worked. The resistance turned out to be profitable. 74 00:04:51,835 --> 00:04:54,235 Speaker 1: The Washington Post was back on its feet, and if 75 00:04:54,275 --> 00:04:58,595 Speaker 1: not printing money, it certainly was printing enough money. And 76 00:04:58,635 --> 00:05:02,475 Speaker 1: then last year, when it came time to make the 77 00:05:02,515 --> 00:05:06,155 Speaker 1: obvious endorsement, are you going to endorse Donald Trump for 78 00:05:06,195 --> 00:05:09,595 Speaker 1: President of the United States or a human being? When 79 00:05:09,595 --> 00:05:12,955 Speaker 1: they wrote the one favoring the human being, whoever it was, 80 00:05:13,235 --> 00:05:16,915 Speaker 1: doesn't matter in retrospect, it was not Donald Trump. That's right, 81 00:05:16,995 --> 00:05:19,075 Speaker 1: That's the way you should have voted last year, folks. 82 00:05:20,155 --> 00:05:23,355 Speaker 1: When it came time to do that, Jeff Bezos had 83 00:05:23,555 --> 00:05:29,435 Speaker 1: that editorial endorsing Kamala Harris killed. And that was the 84 00:05:29,435 --> 00:05:32,275 Speaker 1: beginning of the end and the end result. If it 85 00:05:32,275 --> 00:05:36,635 Speaker 1: were not financially ordained in advanced that day, it certainly 86 00:05:36,715 --> 00:05:38,955 Speaker 1: was hastened. And we are at the point that we 87 00:05:39,035 --> 00:05:44,715 Speaker 1: reached yesterday. Washington Post is essentially out of business. This 88 00:05:44,835 --> 00:05:47,635 Speaker 1: is not the most important story. I will explain to 89 00:05:47,635 --> 00:05:50,075 Speaker 1: you why I am ranting about the Washington Post in 90 00:05:50,115 --> 00:05:53,755 Speaker 1: a few minutes. But I'm not finished ranting yet. Any 91 00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:58,995 Speaker 1: problems with the Washington Post oh directly to Jeff Bezos's cowardice. 92 00:05:59,595 --> 00:06:02,915 Speaker 1: I don't know that there was any blackmail attempt. I 93 00:06:02,955 --> 00:06:05,755 Speaker 1: don't know past some point when you have a lot 94 00:06:05,755 --> 00:06:07,755 Speaker 1: of money, when you have more money than you could 95 00:06:07,795 --> 00:06:12,035 Speaker 1: possibly need, whether or not you get to this total 96 00:06:12,395 --> 00:06:17,875 Speaker 1: moral blankness inside you in which nothing matters except having 97 00:06:17,915 --> 00:06:21,755 Speaker 1: more money. I don't know of having somebody like Lauren Sanchez, 98 00:06:21,795 --> 00:06:24,235 Speaker 1: and I thankfully only knew her a little while. I 99 00:06:24,275 --> 00:06:26,795 Speaker 1: knew enough about her to know what she is and 100 00:06:26,835 --> 00:06:29,435 Speaker 1: what kind of demands she made, and the things that 101 00:06:29,475 --> 00:06:33,315 Speaker 1: she used to do to cameramen and to athletes, demanding 102 00:06:33,395 --> 00:06:40,715 Speaker 1: demanding unbelievable goals, unbelievable desires. Maybe that's part of it, 103 00:06:40,795 --> 00:06:42,995 Speaker 1: and maybe she has nothing to do with it. Maybe 104 00:06:42,995 --> 00:06:46,115 Speaker 1: I am throwing her under the bus for no reason. 105 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:49,555 Speaker 1: Maybe she said to him, don't do this, Jeff. If so, 106 00:06:49,675 --> 00:06:52,675 Speaker 1: I apologize in advance. I don't think that's the case, 107 00:06:53,915 --> 00:06:57,155 Speaker 1: and I'm straying from the main point here. The Wall 108 00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:59,915 Speaker 1: Street Journal and The New York Times are burgeoning, and 109 00:06:59,955 --> 00:07:03,115 Speaker 1: the New York Times, by the way, when it decided 110 00:07:03,275 --> 00:07:05,235 Speaker 1: that it was going to have to be out there 111 00:07:05,235 --> 00:07:08,595 Speaker 1: by itself, it backed off. I think we have discussed 112 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,155 Speaker 1: this many many times. The New York Times is a 113 00:07:11,835 --> 00:07:14,675 Speaker 1: shade of itself in terms of its criticism of Trump 114 00:07:14,915 --> 00:07:18,075 Speaker 1: from ten years ago. It has decided to move into a, 115 00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:20,755 Speaker 1: if not the right hand lane, it certainly has moved 116 00:07:20,755 --> 00:07:23,275 Speaker 1: into the middle lane. And we can have her say 117 00:07:23,475 --> 00:07:26,595 Speaker 1: Wall Street Journal is some sort of anti Trump publication, 118 00:07:28,395 --> 00:07:30,835 Speaker 1: but they are making money hand over fist. And the 119 00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:32,955 Speaker 1: Post had a formula that was on its way to 120 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:36,235 Speaker 1: doing exactly that, and Jeff Bezos threw it away because 121 00:07:36,275 --> 00:07:38,955 Speaker 1: The Washington Post was a vanity project for him, and 122 00:07:38,995 --> 00:07:41,995 Speaker 1: he got a little annoyed by it. This reminds me 123 00:07:42,035 --> 00:07:44,395 Speaker 1: of the man who was the chairman of GE who 124 00:07:44,475 --> 00:07:47,395 Speaker 1: decided one day to take MSNBC off the air because 125 00:07:47,435 --> 00:07:50,155 Speaker 1: the paltry two hundred million a year we were profiting 126 00:07:50,155 --> 00:07:53,515 Speaker 1: for him just wasn't worth the trouble of taking a 127 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:57,875 Speaker 1: phone call from his mother, the Bill O'Reilly fan, who 128 00:07:58,075 --> 00:08:00,315 Speaker 1: used to yell at him for things that Bill O'Reilly 129 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:04,235 Speaker 1: said that he, the chairman of GE, had done, and 130 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,675 Speaker 1: this was not worth it. He did not like being 131 00:08:06,715 --> 00:08:09,035 Speaker 1: bothered by Fox, and so he was going to take 132 00:08:09,115 --> 00:08:12,995 Speaker 1: MSNBC and just close it, pay us all off, fire it, 133 00:08:13,595 --> 00:08:16,715 Speaker 1: fire everybody there, sell the equipment, turn it into a 134 00:08:16,755 --> 00:08:20,395 Speaker 1: cartoon channel. God knows what this is what Jeff Bezos 135 00:08:20,395 --> 00:08:23,875 Speaker 1: has just done. I suspect, ultimately if you carved Jeff 136 00:08:23,915 --> 00:08:27,675 Speaker 1: Bezos open and found out what really has driven this 137 00:08:28,115 --> 00:08:33,075 Speaker 1: and the courtship of Milania and Donald effing Trump, seventy 138 00:08:33,075 --> 00:08:37,275 Speaker 1: five million dollars for a movie that is about what 139 00:08:37,675 --> 00:08:40,875 Speaker 1: ninety minutes long and it's eighty nine minutes too long. 140 00:08:43,675 --> 00:08:48,835 Speaker 1: Whatever caused that and whatever led to that is a 141 00:08:49,035 --> 00:08:52,755 Speaker 1: description of our society right now, the point at which 142 00:08:52,795 --> 00:08:55,835 Speaker 1: you say it is too much trouble for me to 143 00:08:55,955 --> 00:08:58,275 Speaker 1: fight for what is right. So I'm just going to 144 00:08:58,355 --> 00:09:01,115 Speaker 1: go with those people who are corrupt, who are enemies 145 00:09:01,155 --> 00:09:04,315 Speaker 1: of freedom, who are enemies of American society, who are 146 00:09:04,395 --> 00:09:09,395 Speaker 1: unwre raveling everything that Jeff Bezos's parents fought for, everything 147 00:09:09,395 --> 00:09:13,155 Speaker 1: that my parents fought for, and yours and my grandfather's 148 00:09:13,995 --> 00:09:16,955 Speaker 1: out there on picket lines when the response to the 149 00:09:16,955 --> 00:09:19,115 Speaker 1: picket lines was for the cops to come over and 150 00:09:19,155 --> 00:09:21,995 Speaker 1: maybe shoot you while you were on the picket line. 151 00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:25,995 Speaker 1: This is the world that Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk 152 00:09:26,035 --> 00:09:30,075 Speaker 1: and Donald Trump want. We've already seen people being shot 153 00:09:30,115 --> 00:09:35,715 Speaker 1: in the street for being human beings. We've already seen 154 00:09:36,195 --> 00:09:40,155 Speaker 1: someone a sixty seven year old man write for mercy 155 00:09:40,795 --> 00:09:44,475 Speaker 1: to the possible expulsion of someone by ice, and have 156 00:09:45,435 --> 00:09:48,675 Speaker 1: authorities show up at his door to ask him about 157 00:09:48,715 --> 00:09:51,315 Speaker 1: his email, to get his side of the story, to 158 00:09:52,075 --> 00:09:55,555 Speaker 1: intimidate this man because he took had the nerve to 159 00:09:55,675 --> 00:09:59,115 Speaker 1: write to suggest that maybe this man deserved to stay 160 00:09:59,115 --> 00:10:01,635 Speaker 1: here no matter what the laws said or what the 161 00:10:01,675 --> 00:10:06,155 Speaker 1: new laws said. We are re enacting everything from Germany 162 00:10:06,195 --> 00:10:09,035 Speaker 1: in the nineteen thirties. I'm not sure. Sometimes I think 163 00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:12,155 Speaker 1: we're already at about nineteen thirty eight. Sometimes it seems 164 00:10:12,155 --> 00:10:14,675 Speaker 1: more like we're at about nineteen thirty four. But we're 165 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,715 Speaker 1: somewhere in there. And we all know how this ends. 166 00:10:17,715 --> 00:10:19,875 Speaker 1: And all those who said this is where we were 167 00:10:19,875 --> 00:10:23,515 Speaker 1: going to go, we're right. We welcome the rest of 168 00:10:23,515 --> 00:10:25,675 Speaker 1: you who are understanding this now, and we say this. 169 00:10:25,955 --> 00:10:30,395 Speaker 1: I say this with absolutely no snark involved. It's tough 170 00:10:30,435 --> 00:10:33,315 Speaker 1: to recognize that this is what the plan was all along, 171 00:10:33,715 --> 00:10:35,515 Speaker 1: or this is how it had has evolved. But it 172 00:10:35,555 --> 00:10:38,395 Speaker 1: is important, it is imperative. It is your life that 173 00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:41,275 Speaker 1: you understand that has happened. What does this have to 174 00:10:41,315 --> 00:10:44,715 Speaker 1: do with the Washington Post. This country cannot be allowed 175 00:10:44,755 --> 00:10:47,875 Speaker 1: to go back to where Jeff Bezos and Musk and 176 00:10:47,955 --> 00:10:51,435 Speaker 1: Trump are taking it. Make America eighteen eighty five again. 177 00:10:51,715 --> 00:10:57,555 Speaker 1: Shoot protesters on the street. Do this, memo Oz Jazz, Oh, 178 00:10:57,675 --> 00:11:00,155 Speaker 1: let's get you out there in the workforce earlier. Maybe 179 00:11:00,155 --> 00:11:03,275 Speaker 1: people should be working at seventeen and working till sixty six. 180 00:11:03,315 --> 00:11:06,115 Speaker 1: Imagine how much more money that will pump into the economy. 181 00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:10,635 Speaker 1: Memet Oz, a quack doctor is telling us about how 182 00:11:10,675 --> 00:11:15,075 Speaker 1: people should work longer, because it will benefit memet Oz, 183 00:11:15,195 --> 00:11:20,515 Speaker 1: because when conservatives and people in this fraudulent dictatorial government 184 00:11:21,075 --> 00:11:25,075 Speaker 1: discuss the subject of money, when they say the economy, 185 00:11:25,315 --> 00:11:35,515 Speaker 1: they mean their extra house. Democrats thus need to commit 186 00:11:36,355 --> 00:11:41,915 Speaker 1: today to the financial destruction of Jeff Bezos. It will 187 00:11:41,955 --> 00:11:44,955 Speaker 1: be easier to make an example of him because he's 188 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:48,515 Speaker 1: not tight with Trump. Trump doesn't like him. Trump has 189 00:11:48,555 --> 00:11:53,395 Speaker 1: accepted him. Trump doesn't like him. We need to position 190 00:11:53,715 --> 00:11:56,235 Speaker 1: Jeff Bezos in such a way that he has no 191 00:11:56,355 --> 00:12:02,395 Speaker 1: corner to go and hide in. This country cannot be 192 00:12:02,515 --> 00:12:08,275 Speaker 1: run by Jeff Bezos Elon Musk after Donald Trump is gone. 193 00:12:09,115 --> 00:12:12,435 Speaker 1: It cannot be. There are more of us than there 194 00:12:12,475 --> 00:12:16,595 Speaker 1: are of them. They have the money, they have the superstructure. 195 00:12:16,875 --> 00:12:21,395 Speaker 1: But there is one thing that will continue to be true. 196 00:12:21,435 --> 00:12:24,555 Speaker 1: They're all actually pretty damn stupid at these things, and 197 00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:26,955 Speaker 1: when things don't go to plan, they don't know what 198 00:12:27,075 --> 00:12:30,035 Speaker 1: to do. Jeff Bezos could have managed to keep the 199 00:12:30,155 --> 00:12:33,315 Speaker 1: Washington Post roughly what it has been, or roughly what 200 00:12:33,435 --> 00:12:37,155 Speaker 1: it had been from say twenty sixteen to twenty twenty two. 201 00:12:37,195 --> 00:12:39,675 Speaker 1: He could have kept it that way and still gone 202 00:12:40,035 --> 00:12:48,235 Speaker 1: and rubbed Donald Trump's proverbial metaphorical penis with a Millennia 203 00:12:48,315 --> 00:12:51,715 Speaker 1: movie for seventy five million dollars and not even broken 204 00:12:51,875 --> 00:12:54,075 Speaker 1: any of the bills in his wallet by doing so. 205 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,715 Speaker 1: He could have done them both, but he's just not 206 00:12:57,075 --> 00:13:00,195 Speaker 1: smart enough to have seen the big picture, which is 207 00:13:00,235 --> 00:13:03,115 Speaker 1: that you are going to piss off a lot of 208 00:13:03,155 --> 00:13:06,795 Speaker 1: people who are going to have the last remaining weapon 209 00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:10,875 Speaker 1: they have available to them, which is to not work 210 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:16,435 Speaker 1: for you, voting. I hope we still have voting. I 211 00:13:16,475 --> 00:13:18,915 Speaker 1: don't think they're going to be able to completely shut 212 00:13:18,955 --> 00:13:21,475 Speaker 1: down the elections, but I do know that they can 213 00:13:23,915 --> 00:13:31,835 Speaker 1: be leveled by a simple general strike. Will we ever 214 00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:34,795 Speaker 1: get to that point in this country? Will we get 215 00:13:34,795 --> 00:13:39,715 Speaker 1: to a tax strike? Will any of that ever occur? 216 00:13:40,955 --> 00:13:43,835 Speaker 1: I don't know. I do know that Jeff Bezos is 217 00:13:43,875 --> 00:13:47,875 Speaker 1: close to making it happen right now, because this has 218 00:13:47,875 --> 00:13:51,155 Speaker 1: happened in industry after industry that are far less full 219 00:13:51,195 --> 00:13:54,155 Speaker 1: of people who know how to write and express themselves 220 00:13:55,035 --> 00:14:02,235 Speaker 1: than the newspaper industry and the Washington Post. But every 221 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:06,795 Speaker 1: Democratic would be presidential candidate, and every Democratic would be senator, 222 00:14:06,795 --> 00:14:09,715 Speaker 1: and every Democratic would be representative, and every would be 223 00:14:09,795 --> 00:14:17,075 Speaker 1: Democratic governor. Needs to commit to using the anti monopolistic 224 00:14:17,115 --> 00:14:22,915 Speaker 1: practices that are in the laws still to take Amazon apart, 225 00:14:23,675 --> 00:14:32,035 Speaker 1: to take Amazon's ugly, gigantic, unwieldy monopoly, to take it apart, 226 00:14:32,435 --> 00:14:35,635 Speaker 1: to take the Amazon streaming operations apart, to take the 227 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:41,275 Speaker 1: Amazon movie houses apart, to keep Blue Origin on the ground. 228 00:14:42,235 --> 00:14:46,395 Speaker 1: I would say he would have to also every Democratic candidate, 229 00:14:46,435 --> 00:14:48,675 Speaker 1: that is our generic Democrat, would have to commit to 230 00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:52,795 Speaker 1: ending Jeff Bezos's ownership of the Washington Post. But happily, 231 00:14:53,635 --> 00:14:56,835 Speaker 1: for our purposes here, Bezos has already destroyed the Washington 232 00:14:56,835 --> 00:14:59,395 Speaker 1: Post to himself. No Democrat has to be involved in 233 00:14:59,435 --> 00:15:02,475 Speaker 1: the destruction of this newspaper, which will now die a 234 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:06,035 Speaker 1: slow and very unpleasant death by the banks of the 235 00:15:06,075 --> 00:15:11,675 Speaker 1: Potomac in the next few years. If you planned to 236 00:15:11,835 --> 00:15:15,715 Speaker 1: make the financial collapse of the Washington Post inevitable, you 237 00:15:15,755 --> 00:15:18,035 Speaker 1: could not have done it better than Jeff Bezos did. 238 00:15:18,355 --> 00:15:21,275 Speaker 1: He brought in this man will Lewis, who was tied 239 00:15:21,315 --> 00:15:24,875 Speaker 1: to the British phone hacking, and once again, this fascination 240 00:15:25,075 --> 00:15:29,275 Speaker 1: of American media to have British failures come in and 241 00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:34,955 Speaker 1: run their organizations is inexplicable. CNN did it. It was 242 00:15:34,995 --> 00:15:38,675 Speaker 1: done at NBC. Everyone who has come to this country 243 00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:42,795 Speaker 1: to run one of these operations, except an occasional editor 244 00:15:42,835 --> 00:15:45,715 Speaker 1: of the Wall Street Journal, has been an utter disaster 245 00:15:45,795 --> 00:15:50,235 Speaker 1: who has hurt their companies and then ran back with 246 00:15:50,275 --> 00:15:55,395 Speaker 1: their tail between their legs to UK. Will Lewis then 247 00:15:55,835 --> 00:15:59,435 Speaker 1: brought in Matt Murray off Murdoch, and of course at 248 00:15:59,475 --> 00:16:03,075 Speaker 1: the mass firing yesterday, Matt Murray was there and will 249 00:16:03,155 --> 00:16:06,195 Speaker 1: Lewis was not, and Jeff Bezos was not. Because Jeff 250 00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:09,395 Speaker 1: Bezos is a cowardly piece of shit. But we knew 251 00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:12,555 Speaker 1: that when he killed the Kamala Harris editorial. We knew 252 00:16:12,595 --> 00:16:16,915 Speaker 1: that when he folded to blackmail, even though there may 253 00:16:16,915 --> 00:16:21,315 Speaker 1: not have been any blackmail, the fourth richest person in 254 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,995 Speaker 1: the world two hundred and forty billion dollars, proving once 255 00:16:25,035 --> 00:16:28,195 Speaker 1: again that you can buy all the money in the 256 00:16:28,235 --> 00:16:31,315 Speaker 1: world and all the plastic women in the world, and 257 00:16:31,395 --> 00:16:34,875 Speaker 1: you can still be a reeking piece of shit like 258 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:41,515 Speaker 1: Jeff Bezos. I don't have any particular argument on behalf 259 00:16:41,515 --> 00:16:43,755 Speaker 1: of the Washington Post. Over the years, I think I've 260 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:47,555 Speaker 1: had more trivial problems with people from the Washington Post 261 00:16:47,595 --> 00:16:50,355 Speaker 1: than with any other newspaper except the Los Angeles Times. 262 00:16:50,475 --> 00:16:52,275 Speaker 1: And we don't even need to get into what happened 263 00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:55,595 Speaker 1: to the Los Angeles Times and that idiot who bought 264 00:16:55,595 --> 00:16:57,715 Speaker 1: that thing and is driving it into the ground. We 265 00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,515 Speaker 1: don't even have to talk about that. But the LA 266 00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:02,955 Speaker 1: Times was in desperate trouble when I got to Los 267 00:17:02,995 --> 00:17:05,875 Speaker 1: Angeles in nineteen eighty five. What's happened to the La 268 00:17:05,955 --> 00:17:09,435 Speaker 1: Times has almost nothing to do with the year surrounding it. 269 00:17:09,435 --> 00:17:13,235 Speaker 1: It hasn't been a firm success since about nineteen ten. 270 00:17:14,155 --> 00:17:16,355 Speaker 1: So skipping the Los Angeles Times for the moment and 271 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:21,115 Speaker 1: sticking with the Washington Post, it is just imperative that 272 00:17:21,195 --> 00:17:25,675 Speaker 1: there be balancing against something like the New York Times. 273 00:17:25,995 --> 00:17:31,555 Speaker 1: Somebody to keep them running, Somebody to be the alternative, 274 00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:36,555 Speaker 1: somebody to compete on a granular level, reporter to reporter, 275 00:17:37,035 --> 00:17:41,715 Speaker 1: to make sure that there's someone challenging the Times guy 276 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:46,515 Speaker 1: on this story. And if this story is about Ukraine, 277 00:17:46,715 --> 00:17:49,195 Speaker 1: or if this story is about the Middle East, or 278 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:53,875 Speaker 1: if this story is about sports, it's all yours. Times. 279 00:17:54,275 --> 00:17:58,835 Speaker 1: The Post just quit the playing field, and so do 280 00:17:58,955 --> 00:18:02,395 Speaker 1: not ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for 281 00:18:02,555 --> 00:18:06,715 Speaker 1: thee The Washington Post was part of mankind and now 282 00:18:07,755 --> 00:18:12,795 Speaker 1: it's the Washington Post and Penny Saber News. Former publisher 283 00:18:12,835 --> 00:18:18,395 Speaker 1: Marty Barron released a long statement, some of which is 284 00:18:18,435 --> 00:18:22,995 Speaker 1: worth repeating. He wrote, the post challenges, however, were made 285 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,915 Speaker 1: infinitely worse by ill conceived decisions that came from the 286 00:18:26,035 --> 00:18:28,875 Speaker 1: very top, from a gutlass order to kill a presidential 287 00:18:28,955 --> 00:18:32,195 Speaker 1: endorsement eleven days before the twenty twenty four election, to 288 00:18:32,275 --> 00:18:35,275 Speaker 1: a remake of the editorial page that now stands out 289 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:41,475 Speaker 1: only for its moral infirmity. Loyal readers, livid as they 290 00:18:41,515 --> 00:18:44,595 Speaker 1: saw owner Jeff Bezos betraying the values he was supposed 291 00:18:44,635 --> 00:18:47,315 Speaker 1: to uphold, fled the Post. In truth, they were driven 292 00:18:47,355 --> 00:18:50,395 Speaker 1: away by the hundreds of thousands. I don't know that 293 00:18:50,435 --> 00:18:54,755 Speaker 1: mister Baron realizes how correct he is. There was not 294 00:18:54,875 --> 00:18:58,515 Speaker 1: an ill conceived decision to kill the presidential endorsement eleven 295 00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:01,355 Speaker 1: days before the election in twenty twenty four. It was 296 00:19:01,395 --> 00:19:05,235 Speaker 1: a plan, and it was a plan conceived perhaps in 297 00:19:05,275 --> 00:19:09,595 Speaker 1: Bezos's office, and perhaps in Trump's who knows, and ultimately 298 00:19:09,995 --> 00:19:15,155 Speaker 1: who cares. This was not a boat accident. This was 299 00:19:15,475 --> 00:19:19,555 Speaker 1: the murder of the Washington Post, mister Barron continued. The 300 00:19:19,595 --> 00:19:21,835 Speaker 1: owner in a note to readers, wrote that he aimed 301 00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:25,635 Speaker 1: to boost trust in the Post. The effect was something else. Entirely, 302 00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:29,995 Speaker 1: subscribers lost trust in his stewardship, and notwithstanding the newsroom 303 00:19:30,075 --> 00:19:34,795 Speaker 1: stellar journalism the Post overall. Similarly, many leading journalists at 304 00:19:34,835 --> 00:19:37,435 Speaker 1: The Post lost confidence in Bezos and jump to other 305 00:19:37,475 --> 00:19:41,755 Speaker 1: news organizations. They also, in effect were driven away. Again. 306 00:19:42,395 --> 00:19:45,195 Speaker 1: I will note that I believe mister Barron is being 307 00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:48,715 Speaker 1: kind and is perhaps not trusting his instincts here and 308 00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:52,235 Speaker 1: relying too much on literal reporting. It was nothing to 309 00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:55,515 Speaker 1: do with. In effect, they were driven away. There is 310 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,795 Speaker 1: one way to make sure that you have to fire 311 00:19:57,835 --> 00:20:01,475 Speaker 1: everybody at a newspaper or any news organization to make 312 00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:04,075 Speaker 1: sure that it cannot make money, and that is to 313 00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:07,595 Speaker 1: cripple from making money, to hamspring it, to pull the 314 00:20:07,635 --> 00:20:10,115 Speaker 1: money out of it, to take the popular products and 315 00:20:10,155 --> 00:20:13,395 Speaker 1: make them unavailable, to make them scarce, to make them 316 00:20:14,035 --> 00:20:16,315 Speaker 1: worse than they were last week. And that is all 317 00:20:16,395 --> 00:20:19,555 Speaker 1: what Jeff Bezos did and what we as consumers need 318 00:20:19,555 --> 00:20:22,715 Speaker 1: to assume he will do if Donald Trump tells him to, 319 00:20:23,035 --> 00:20:25,915 Speaker 1: or he even thinks Donald Trump wants him to. At 320 00:20:26,075 --> 00:20:31,435 Speaker 1: Amazon Prime, at Amazon TV, at Amazon Plus at Amazon 321 00:20:31,675 --> 00:20:36,155 Speaker 1: Tartar Control at Amazon, Amazon, to hell with all of them. 322 00:20:36,515 --> 00:20:43,195 Speaker 1: May your building melt in the hot sun. They also, 323 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,835 Speaker 1: in effect, to continue from mister Baron, were driven away. 324 00:20:45,955 --> 00:20:49,155 Speaker 1: Bezos's sickening efforts to curry favor with President Trump have 325 00:20:49,275 --> 00:20:52,755 Speaker 1: left an especially ugly stain of their own. I happen 326 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:55,915 Speaker 1: to like that imagery at the moment. It's about time, 327 00:20:56,035 --> 00:20:59,275 Speaker 1: isn't it. He hasn't sharded in several days. This is 328 00:20:59,315 --> 00:21:03,835 Speaker 1: a case study in near instant self inflicted brand destruction. 329 00:21:04,755 --> 00:21:08,315 Speaker 1: Many superior journalists will remain at the post, delivering important work. 330 00:21:08,595 --> 00:21:11,115 Speaker 1: I expect they will continue to hold power to account 331 00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:14,515 Speaker 1: as they have done spectacularly well for decades. They deserve 332 00:21:14,555 --> 00:21:17,915 Speaker 1: the support of all who believe in quality journalism. They 333 00:21:17,955 --> 00:21:20,795 Speaker 1: deserve it, and I'm afraid, Marty Baron, they will probably 334 00:21:20,835 --> 00:21:23,515 Speaker 1: not receive it for the simple reason that nobody's going 335 00:21:23,555 --> 00:21:27,155 Speaker 1: to read one quarter of a newspaper. It is sad, 336 00:21:27,435 --> 00:21:29,875 Speaker 1: but it is true. What we have seen is the 337 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:35,075 Speaker 1: murder a part of the American free press. Flawed, biased, 338 00:21:35,155 --> 00:21:42,115 Speaker 1: sometimes stupid, lazy, on occasion, intrusive cold. All of these 339 00:21:42,155 --> 00:21:44,235 Speaker 1: things are true. All of these things have been true 340 00:21:44,235 --> 00:21:46,195 Speaker 1: at every place I've ever worked, and I have worked 341 00:21:46,235 --> 00:21:49,275 Speaker 1: at almost every place not the Washington Post, but I 342 00:21:49,355 --> 00:21:51,755 Speaker 1: knew enough people who did. I saw enough days in 343 00:21:51,835 --> 00:21:55,475 Speaker 1: the Washington Post newsroom to know that it's like everywhere else. 344 00:21:55,555 --> 00:21:58,475 Speaker 1: It has its flaws, but it also has the magnificence 345 00:21:58,515 --> 00:22:02,515 Speaker 1: of having some power in this country without being beholdened 346 00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:06,235 Speaker 1: to being elected or being behold into people with money 347 00:22:06,235 --> 00:22:10,475 Speaker 1: who can buy it and destroy it, which is what 348 00:22:10,595 --> 00:22:14,595 Speaker 1: Jeff Bezos did. And so it is very simple. It 349 00:22:14,635 --> 00:22:18,675 Speaker 1: is time to destroy Jeff Bezos financially. I want every 350 00:22:18,715 --> 00:22:23,275 Speaker 1: Democratic would be presidential candidate today make a statement saying 351 00:22:23,515 --> 00:22:25,835 Speaker 1: that one of their first acts will be in twenty 352 00:22:25,875 --> 00:22:29,795 Speaker 1: twenty nine, upon receiving the oath of office, is to 353 00:22:29,875 --> 00:22:33,755 Speaker 1: go and use the anti monopolistic laws of this country 354 00:22:34,395 --> 00:22:38,395 Speaker 1: to flatten Jeff Bezos. And I will not make the 355 00:22:38,475 --> 00:22:43,315 Speaker 1: Lauren Sanchez joke. This is far more important than it 356 00:22:43,355 --> 00:22:46,915 Speaker 1: will seem practically in the ensuing few days, in few 357 00:22:46,955 --> 00:22:52,155 Speaker 1: weeks and few months. But every time a newspaper unnecessarily dies, 358 00:22:52,635 --> 00:22:59,275 Speaker 1: unnecessarily steps off the playing field, unnecessarily goes from democracy 359 00:22:59,435 --> 00:23:01,915 Speaker 1: dying in darkness. And that's what we're here to prevent, 360 00:23:02,315 --> 00:23:05,115 Speaker 1: to helping turn the lights out to make sure deocracy 361 00:23:05,275 --> 00:23:10,035 Speaker 1: dies faster. Every time that happens, it diminishes us. And 362 00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:13,795 Speaker 1: so it is absolutely necessary for the Democratic Party to 363 00:23:13,915 --> 00:23:17,395 Speaker 1: take as one of its goals the destruction of the oligarchs. 364 00:23:17,715 --> 00:23:21,355 Speaker 1: Say their names, Elon, Musk, we are coming for your money. 365 00:23:21,635 --> 00:23:25,155 Speaker 1: We want you to be selling ice cream outside. Let's 366 00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:27,875 Speaker 1: see what company has done fairly well in terms of 367 00:23:27,915 --> 00:23:31,795 Speaker 1: its behavior. Actually Disney has for the most part. Disney 368 00:23:31,835 --> 00:23:37,595 Speaker 1: has after some initial bad calls. You, Musk, you get 369 00:23:37,635 --> 00:23:41,675 Speaker 1: to work the less lucrative shift in a ice cream 370 00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:48,395 Speaker 1: stand outside of Disneyland. Bezos, you get to clean up 371 00:23:48,435 --> 00:23:56,995 Speaker 1: after the elephants. And I said I would explain why 372 00:23:57,035 --> 00:23:59,435 Speaker 1: I was doing this commentary this way and why this 373 00:23:59,635 --> 00:24:02,875 Speaker 1: was my subject for today. I was originally intending to 374 00:24:02,915 --> 00:24:06,195 Speaker 1: postpone this episode because I am under the weather. I 375 00:24:06,235 --> 00:24:07,755 Speaker 1: don't know if you hear it in my voice, but 376 00:24:07,835 --> 00:24:10,195 Speaker 1: this is probably about all I'm going to have here. 377 00:24:10,915 --> 00:24:16,675 Speaker 1: So this edition of Countdowny is almost finished. I will 378 00:24:17,315 --> 00:24:21,755 Speaker 1: not promise what happens after the break. It'll be a 379 00:24:21,755 --> 00:24:23,275 Speaker 1: surprise to both of us. 380 00:24:38,875 --> 00:24:40,915 Speaker 2: There's been an awful lot of singing on the slopes 381 00:24:40,915 --> 00:24:43,115 Speaker 2: of White Faced Mountain during these Olympics, and most of 382 00:24:43,155 --> 00:24:43,515 Speaker 2: it has. 383 00:24:43,435 --> 00:24:44,715 Speaker 1: Been done by the Austrians. 384 00:24:44,955 --> 00:24:47,835 Speaker 2: This ditty is Barana Marie Moser Prol or Sunday can 385 00:24:47,875 --> 00:24:50,515 Speaker 2: put in an Austrian sweep of the Olympic downhills. The 386 00:24:50,635 --> 00:24:53,195 Speaker 2: downhill is the skiing event as far as the Austrians 387 00:24:53,195 --> 00:24:55,795 Speaker 2: are concerned, and they were so confident of success that 388 00:24:55,875 --> 00:24:58,155 Speaker 2: the Olympic team had reserved an area house for a 389 00:24:58,275 --> 00:25:01,955 Speaker 2: celebration center. Leonored Stock and I'm Marie Moser Prol did 390 00:25:01,995 --> 00:25:04,995 Speaker 2: not disappoint, and for now the singing will continue both 391 00:25:04,995 --> 00:25:06,275 Speaker 2: here and in Austria. 392 00:25:06,395 --> 00:25:17,755 Speaker 1: Keith Oberman, Lake Classic, friend of mine just gave me 393 00:25:17,795 --> 00:25:21,035 Speaker 1: a piece of merch from her workplace, and I had 394 00:25:21,075 --> 00:25:25,875 Speaker 1: a multi dimensional flashback as a result, Old Weather clothing, 395 00:25:26,315 --> 00:25:29,475 Speaker 1: her company logo over the breast, and I was back 396 00:25:29,515 --> 00:25:33,195 Speaker 1: on forty second Street in Manhattan in late January, in 397 00:25:33,235 --> 00:25:38,515 Speaker 1: the year of Our Lord, nineteen eighty, just before my 398 00:25:38,635 --> 00:25:42,355 Speaker 1: twenty first birthday, weeks away from my second out of 399 00:25:42,435 --> 00:25:46,595 Speaker 1: town trip as a professional sportscaster to Lake Placid, New 400 00:25:46,715 --> 00:25:50,795 Speaker 1: York for the Winter Olympics, and my employers had just 401 00:25:50,875 --> 00:25:55,435 Speaker 1: handed me what they called a Subarctic parka, only it 402 00:25:55,475 --> 00:25:58,875 Speaker 1: was immediately clear to me that when the thing got wet, 403 00:25:58,915 --> 00:26:03,715 Speaker 1: it would probably melt. What is this, I asked the 404 00:26:03,795 --> 00:26:08,235 Speaker 1: United President and Audio Office manager, Kathy Turner. I crinkled 405 00:26:08,235 --> 00:26:16,195 Speaker 1: the parka. It sounded like this, I said, sounds like 406 00:26:17,515 --> 00:26:23,355 Speaker 1: sounds like rolled up newspaper. Kathy Turner said, somebody told 407 00:26:23,355 --> 00:26:25,995 Speaker 1: me it's rolled up newspaper. I wouldn't wear it on 408 00:26:26,035 --> 00:26:31,155 Speaker 1: the beach. Kathy Turner was from Alaska. I still lived 409 00:26:31,195 --> 00:26:33,515 Speaker 1: with my folks. I took the thing home, really wanting 410 00:26:33,755 --> 00:26:36,595 Speaker 1: to find an excuse to wear the parka that had 411 00:26:36,635 --> 00:26:40,195 Speaker 1: a genuinely impressive cool logo over the chest that read 412 00:26:40,195 --> 00:26:44,995 Speaker 1: the news company UPI My father looked at the parka, 413 00:26:45,515 --> 00:26:50,435 Speaker 1: he felt it, he crinkled it, and he laughed. We'll 414 00:26:50,475 --> 00:26:52,395 Speaker 1: go to the outdoor outfitter. We got a real one 415 00:26:52,715 --> 00:26:56,475 Speaker 1: off Saturday. I'll take you there Saturday. Thank god. We went. 416 00:26:57,195 --> 00:27:00,075 Speaker 1: The number of people who actually trusted our employers and 417 00:27:00,195 --> 00:27:03,955 Speaker 1: wore the thing in Lake Placid, where the wind chills 418 00:27:03,995 --> 00:27:06,875 Speaker 1: bottomed out at minus fifty during the nineteen eighty Olympics. 419 00:27:06,955 --> 00:27:09,875 Speaker 1: That number was very small, but all of them wound 420 00:27:09,955 --> 00:27:12,715 Speaker 1: up in the same van headed for a ski shop 421 00:27:13,035 --> 00:27:18,835 Speaker 1: to buy very overpriced real parkas, and we did cut 422 00:27:18,875 --> 00:27:21,115 Speaker 1: open one of the UPI coats, and we were wrong. 423 00:27:21,115 --> 00:27:24,315 Speaker 1: It was not filled with crumpled up newspaper. It was 424 00:27:24,355 --> 00:27:29,115 Speaker 1: filled with crumpled up construction paper like you would get 425 00:27:29,155 --> 00:27:35,075 Speaker 1: in school art class. Anyway, that flashback triggered a whole 426 00:27:35,155 --> 00:27:38,235 Speaker 1: series of them, and the biggest flashback of them all. 427 00:27:38,315 --> 00:27:40,555 Speaker 1: I got to cover hockey and that was great. I 428 00:27:40,595 --> 00:27:43,115 Speaker 1: got to cover figure skating and that was great. I 429 00:27:43,155 --> 00:27:45,715 Speaker 1: got to cover luge and that was great, But I 430 00:27:45,875 --> 00:27:51,875 Speaker 1: had to cover skiing, and covering the skiing was the 431 00:27:51,915 --> 00:27:56,635 Speaker 1: primary flashback. The alarm goes off. It is pitch black 432 00:27:56,675 --> 00:28:00,595 Speaker 1: in my room at the Swiss Acres Motel. It is 433 00:28:00,795 --> 00:28:08,235 Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, and I am still drunk. Keith knew he 434 00:28:08,275 --> 00:28:12,195 Speaker 1: was in trouble, but I was also twenty one years old, 435 00:28:12,235 --> 00:28:14,235 Speaker 1: and in fact, my twenty first birthday had only been 436 00:28:14,275 --> 00:28:19,915 Speaker 1: eighteen days earlier. So somehow I survived, showered, dressed, packed, 437 00:28:19,955 --> 00:28:22,955 Speaker 1: and I mean I packed two cassette tape recorders, four 438 00:28:23,035 --> 00:28:26,275 Speaker 1: sets of batteries, an audio processing machine that weighed like 439 00:28:26,315 --> 00:28:29,835 Speaker 1: fourteen pounds. The nine volt batteries it took. I think 440 00:28:29,915 --> 00:28:33,155 Speaker 1: it was a dozen of them. A telephone, a backup telephone, 441 00:28:33,275 --> 00:28:37,875 Speaker 1: twelve assorted patch cords, two loose leaf notebooks, about eight pens, 442 00:28:37,915 --> 00:28:41,835 Speaker 1: two microphones, two extra pair of socks. Then I got dressed, 443 00:28:42,035 --> 00:28:46,675 Speaker 1: two full sets of thermal underwear, shirts, sweaters, snow pants, 444 00:28:46,875 --> 00:28:51,355 Speaker 1: snow shoes. Because it was eleven degrees below zero that morning. 445 00:28:52,475 --> 00:28:54,915 Speaker 1: I got something quick to eat at the commissary, and 446 00:28:54,995 --> 00:28:57,875 Speaker 1: I made it out somehow to the line for the 447 00:28:57,915 --> 00:29:01,355 Speaker 1: bus from the Lake Placid Olympics Center to the Lake 448 00:29:01,435 --> 00:29:05,515 Speaker 1: Placid Transportation Center to Lake Placid's own White Face Mountain, 449 00:29:05,835 --> 00:29:09,955 Speaker 1: then onto the snow track the open penned mountain tractor 450 00:29:09,995 --> 00:29:12,555 Speaker 1: that went up the side of Whiteface Mountain and took 451 00:29:12,595 --> 00:29:15,635 Speaker 1: me to the finish line of the nineteen eighty Olympic 452 00:29:15,755 --> 00:29:21,555 Speaker 1: Men's downhill ski final still drunk. That is how a 453 00:29:21,635 --> 00:29:25,475 Speaker 1: reporter covered the Olympics nearly forty three years ago. You drank, 454 00:29:26,115 --> 00:29:29,715 Speaker 1: you woke up, you went, You stood near the finish line, 455 00:29:29,715 --> 00:29:32,875 Speaker 1: and when the skiers completed their runs, you hiked or 456 00:29:33,035 --> 00:29:35,795 Speaker 1: wobbled over to them, and you took out your microphone 457 00:29:35,875 --> 00:29:38,955 Speaker 1: or your pen, and you interviewed them, like two minutes 458 00:29:38,995 --> 00:29:41,915 Speaker 1: after they had finished hurtling towards you down the hill, 459 00:29:43,115 --> 00:29:45,435 Speaker 1: you could see almost nothing of the race from there. 460 00:29:45,875 --> 00:29:49,275 Speaker 1: There were no TV monitors. Basically your only clue was 461 00:29:49,315 --> 00:29:51,395 Speaker 1: the sound of the crowd that would give you about 462 00:29:51,435 --> 00:29:54,355 Speaker 1: thirty seconds worth of warning that the skier was coming 463 00:29:54,395 --> 00:29:57,115 Speaker 1: over the near horizon and you should be prepared to 464 00:29:57,275 --> 00:30:02,435 Speaker 1: flee just in case he or she wiped out. Also, 465 00:30:03,355 --> 00:30:06,235 Speaker 1: you were on top of a mountain at the dead 466 00:30:06,395 --> 00:30:09,035 Speaker 1: point of winter, and whereas it might have been a 467 00:30:09,195 --> 00:30:12,435 Speaker 1: balmy eleven degrees below zero in the comfort of the 468 00:30:12,475 --> 00:30:16,315 Speaker 1: Swiss Acres motel with the wind chill, at the base 469 00:30:16,355 --> 00:30:19,875 Speaker 1: of the mountain, it was forty eight below zero and 470 00:30:19,915 --> 00:30:22,795 Speaker 1: there had already been four inches of new snow since 471 00:30:22,875 --> 00:30:27,275 Speaker 1: the sun came up, which is where the still drunk 472 00:30:27,315 --> 00:30:31,035 Speaker 1: part came in Handy my boss is at my first job, 473 00:30:31,115 --> 00:30:34,475 Speaker 1: the thousand station radio network called United pres International Audio, 474 00:30:34,835 --> 00:30:37,355 Speaker 1: had decided the night before to teach me how to 475 00:30:37,595 --> 00:30:42,115 Speaker 1: drink while on assignment. My bosses were the bureau manager 476 00:30:42,115 --> 00:30:44,395 Speaker 1: for that part of you PI, the late Stan Sabik, 477 00:30:44,435 --> 00:30:47,555 Speaker 1: who had hired me, and Sam Rosen, the sports director 478 00:30:47,595 --> 00:30:50,835 Speaker 1: of the network, who not only somehow survived being my 479 00:30:50,915 --> 00:30:54,835 Speaker 1: first boss, but today just forty three years later, is 480 00:30:54,875 --> 00:30:57,755 Speaker 1: still working as the television voice of the New York 481 00:30:57,835 --> 00:31:00,875 Speaker 1: Rangers hockey team and is in the Hockey Hall of Fame. 482 00:31:01,075 --> 00:31:03,795 Speaker 1: So I guess my reputation is a tough employee is 483 00:31:03,835 --> 00:31:09,235 Speaker 1: wildly over or at least Sam thinks. So Sam and 484 00:31:09,275 --> 00:31:12,035 Speaker 1: Stan kept me drinking at the motel until two am, 485 00:31:12,155 --> 00:31:13,835 Speaker 1: knowing full well that I had to get on the 486 00:31:14,035 --> 00:31:16,955 Speaker 1: six am bus to go cover the men's downhill, because 487 00:31:16,955 --> 00:31:19,035 Speaker 1: it was the two of them who had assigned me 488 00:31:19,115 --> 00:31:23,635 Speaker 1: to go cover the men's downhill, and bluntly, I was 489 00:31:23,675 --> 00:31:27,235 Speaker 1: surprisingly pleased with myself that freezing morning because I had 490 00:31:27,275 --> 00:31:30,435 Speaker 1: indeed learned how to drink while on assignment. I had 491 00:31:30,515 --> 00:31:34,795 Speaker 1: somehow found the phone jack for the UPI phone buried 492 00:31:34,875 --> 00:31:37,835 Speaker 1: under all the new snow, which of course was buried 493 00:31:37,915 --> 00:31:41,035 Speaker 1: under all the old snow, attached the phone to it, 494 00:31:41,115 --> 00:31:44,195 Speaker 1: gotten a dial tone, called the office, checked the alligator 495 00:31:44,195 --> 00:31:46,715 Speaker 1: clips with which I would feed the tape, and all 496 00:31:46,875 --> 00:31:52,435 Speaker 1: was well until I went to put a cassette tape 497 00:31:52,475 --> 00:32:01,155 Speaker 1: into the cassette recorder. I didn't have one fat lot 498 00:32:01,155 --> 00:32:03,755 Speaker 1: of good two cassette tape machines. Gonna do you without 499 00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:07,915 Speaker 1: a cassette does I'm sticking one of them. I looked 500 00:32:07,955 --> 00:32:12,635 Speaker 1: forlornly around the base of Whiteface Mountain, twelve hundred feet 501 00:32:12,635 --> 00:32:15,195 Speaker 1: above sea level. As we were. There was a surprisingly 502 00:32:15,275 --> 00:32:18,475 Speaker 1: nice chalet and a decent restaurant, but there were no 503 00:32:18,635 --> 00:32:22,835 Speaker 1: radio shacks or other electronics stores. There was, however, one 504 00:32:22,995 --> 00:32:28,555 Speaker 1: other radio guy, Jack Briggs, from the Associated Press Radio Network, 505 00:32:28,595 --> 00:32:32,755 Speaker 1: the nominal arch rival to our own UPI Audio. I 506 00:32:32,795 --> 00:32:35,235 Speaker 1: knew Jack a little. He was a nice guy. I 507 00:32:35,315 --> 00:32:38,315 Speaker 1: went and explained my plight, making sure to blame my 508 00:32:38,395 --> 00:32:43,075 Speaker 1: bosses for my predicament. Oh man, he said, his breath 509 00:32:43,115 --> 00:32:47,915 Speaker 1: turning into first steam and then ice cubes. I'm so sorry, 510 00:32:48,595 --> 00:32:52,475 Speaker 1: but I can't give you a cassette. I'm sorry you 511 00:32:52,475 --> 00:32:59,395 Speaker 1: were UPI, and I'm ap Oh how I laughed. That 512 00:32:59,475 --> 00:33:01,555 Speaker 1: was a great line to say to a rookie reporter, 513 00:33:01,715 --> 00:33:05,555 Speaker 1: still drunk thanks to the initiation rituals of his own bosses, 514 00:33:06,235 --> 00:33:09,755 Speaker 1: the possessor of one great buzz but zero audio cassettes, 515 00:33:11,195 --> 00:33:14,195 Speaker 1: Jack Briggs could tell I thought he was kidding. That's 516 00:33:14,235 --> 00:33:17,555 Speaker 1: when he said, I'm not kidding. Look if my boss, 517 00:33:17,555 --> 00:33:21,475 Speaker 1: Shelby Whitfield ever found out, he'd fire me. I suddenly 518 00:33:21,595 --> 00:33:26,715 Speaker 1: wasn't drunk anymore, not at all. My boss will will 519 00:33:27,115 --> 00:33:30,955 Speaker 1: fire me. Briggs was adamant. I can't run the risk 520 00:33:30,995 --> 00:33:35,835 Speaker 1: of shellby finding out. I have to confess. I shouted, 521 00:33:36,635 --> 00:33:38,435 Speaker 1: how the hell is he gonna find out? 522 00:33:38,555 --> 00:33:38,835 Speaker 2: Jack? 523 00:33:40,715 --> 00:33:43,475 Speaker 1: I think subconsciously I was hoping to create an avalanche, 524 00:33:43,475 --> 00:33:45,115 Speaker 1: which would have been a better solution than the one 525 00:33:45,155 --> 00:33:47,955 Speaker 1: I was faced with. I said to him, there's you 526 00:33:48,675 --> 00:33:51,395 Speaker 1: and there's me, and we're on top of a goddamn 527 00:33:51,435 --> 00:33:54,715 Speaker 1: mountain and Shelby Whitfield, your boss is in Washington, DC, 528 00:33:55,395 --> 00:33:58,995 Speaker 1: and he's a drunk, and he's probably more drunk than 529 00:33:59,035 --> 00:34:02,075 Speaker 1: I am, and he'd probably thank you for helping me 530 00:34:02,115 --> 00:34:06,675 Speaker 1: to drink more, would not Budge. I told him I 531 00:34:06,715 --> 00:34:08,675 Speaker 1: would pay him. I told him I would give him 532 00:34:08,755 --> 00:34:11,515 Speaker 1: the cassette back after I fed my boss the interviews 533 00:34:11,555 --> 00:34:13,675 Speaker 1: over the phone, so there'd be no evidence and he 534 00:34:13,675 --> 00:34:18,035 Speaker 1: wouldn't even have to do any interviews. No good, I'm sorry, 535 00:34:18,355 --> 00:34:19,875 Speaker 1: and I know you're going to tell this story about 536 00:34:19,915 --> 00:34:22,555 Speaker 1: me for a while. As he walked away from me, 537 00:34:22,715 --> 00:34:28,875 Speaker 1: I shouted after him. Forever. Turned out there was no 538 00:34:29,035 --> 00:34:32,395 Speaker 1: radio shack and no camaraderie, but there was a West 539 00:34:32,435 --> 00:34:35,875 Speaker 1: Coast newspaper reporter atop the mountain who heard some of 540 00:34:35,915 --> 00:34:39,355 Speaker 1: this conversation. I guess I yelled a little loudly at 541 00:34:39,395 --> 00:34:42,595 Speaker 1: mister Briggs. Some guy standing next to a Saint Bernard 542 00:34:42,675 --> 00:34:44,995 Speaker 1: told me to quiet down and mentioned something else about 543 00:34:44,995 --> 00:34:48,395 Speaker 1: the avalanches. Or maybe I dreamed that part. I don't know. Anyway, 544 00:34:48,435 --> 00:34:51,555 Speaker 1: the West Coast newspaper guy said he had a micro 545 00:34:51,635 --> 00:34:53,795 Speaker 1: cassette machine and he would loan it to me and 546 00:34:53,835 --> 00:34:55,275 Speaker 1: I could give it back to him at the media 547 00:34:55,315 --> 00:34:57,155 Speaker 1: center that day or the next one. But I had 548 00:34:57,155 --> 00:34:58,795 Speaker 1: to do him a favor because there was this really 549 00:34:58,835 --> 00:35:01,635 Speaker 1: cute reporter in our UPI bureau and he really wanted 550 00:35:01,635 --> 00:35:03,155 Speaker 1: to be introduced to her. And I said, I can 551 00:35:03,195 --> 00:35:05,875 Speaker 1: promise you nothing but a handshake, and he understood, and 552 00:35:05,915 --> 00:35:09,515 Speaker 1: that's how I did not get fired. But of course, 553 00:35:09,515 --> 00:35:12,875 Speaker 1: a story like this has punchlines, and this one has 554 00:35:12,955 --> 00:35:16,195 Speaker 1: two of them. The first is two years and a 555 00:35:16,235 --> 00:35:19,635 Speaker 1: couple of months later, Shelby Whitfield asked me to lunch. 556 00:35:20,315 --> 00:35:22,675 Speaker 1: He had left the Associated Press to run the sports 557 00:35:22,715 --> 00:35:25,715 Speaker 1: department at the ABC Radio network, back when that was 558 00:35:25,755 --> 00:35:29,035 Speaker 1: not only a thing but a big thing. We went 559 00:35:29,075 --> 00:35:32,275 Speaker 1: to a terrific new York City Chinese restaurant near ABC 560 00:35:32,555 --> 00:35:36,235 Speaker 1: called shun Lee, and Shelby Whitfield interviewed me for a 561 00:35:36,355 --> 00:35:38,755 Speaker 1: job when that kind of job paid eighty thousand a 562 00:35:38,835 --> 00:35:41,115 Speaker 1: year in my very nice studio apartment and a very 563 00:35:41,155 --> 00:35:43,595 Speaker 1: nice part of town costs less than five hundred dollars 564 00:35:43,675 --> 00:35:47,715 Speaker 1: a month later, in an interesting twist, I found out 565 00:35:47,755 --> 00:35:51,595 Speaker 1: that jobs didn't exist. I was mentioning the interview in 566 00:35:51,635 --> 00:35:54,555 Speaker 1: a press box somewhere I think Madison Square Garden, and 567 00:35:54,595 --> 00:35:58,435 Speaker 1: there was another kid reporter named Howie Rose, and how 568 00:35:58,475 --> 00:36:00,275 Speaker 1: he is still working, he does the New York Mets 569 00:36:00,315 --> 00:36:03,835 Speaker 1: games on the radio, and how he said, wait, they 570 00:36:03,875 --> 00:36:07,075 Speaker 1: interviewed me for the job last year, Just an excuse 571 00:36:07,075 --> 00:36:09,555 Speaker 1: for that damn Whitfield to go drink his lunch on 572 00:36:09,635 --> 00:36:14,715 Speaker 1: ABC's tab. Anyway, before we started the interview for the 573 00:36:14,795 --> 00:36:17,395 Speaker 1: job I did not know did not exist at ABC. 574 00:36:17,475 --> 00:36:19,995 Speaker 1: I told Shelby Whitfield the White Face Mountain, can I 575 00:36:20,035 --> 00:36:24,275 Speaker 1: borrow a cassette Jack Briggs story? And Shelby's exact reply was, 576 00:36:24,915 --> 00:36:26,995 Speaker 1: I don't know. Was I going to find out? There 577 00:36:27,035 --> 00:36:28,315 Speaker 1: was you and there was him, and you were on 578 00:36:28,315 --> 00:36:30,555 Speaker 1: top of a goddamn mountain, and I was in Washington. 579 00:36:31,435 --> 00:36:35,955 Speaker 1: Only he didn't say goddamn that Briggs. He added, always 580 00:36:35,955 --> 00:36:37,915 Speaker 1: trying to suck up to me. I got to tell 581 00:36:37,955 --> 00:36:40,155 Speaker 1: you something I actually once promised I wouldn't tell you 582 00:36:40,155 --> 00:36:42,355 Speaker 1: if we ever met. This. When the Olympics were over 583 00:36:42,435 --> 00:36:45,395 Speaker 1: and came back to the office, he told me what happened. 584 00:36:45,395 --> 00:36:46,915 Speaker 1: He expected me to be happy or give him a 585 00:36:46,955 --> 00:36:49,195 Speaker 1: bonus or something. And I called him a little snitch. 586 00:36:50,195 --> 00:36:53,475 Speaker 1: Only Shelby didn't say snitch, just a word that rhymed 587 00:36:53,475 --> 00:36:57,395 Speaker 1: with it. The other punch line is from nineteen ninety two, 588 00:36:57,955 --> 00:37:01,955 Speaker 1: and remember this happened at the nineteen eighty Olympics. I 589 00:37:02,075 --> 00:37:04,275 Speaker 1: go to work at ESPN and come in a little 590 00:37:04,315 --> 00:37:06,875 Speaker 1: early to launch their radio network, a story I've told 591 00:37:06,875 --> 00:37:10,035 Speaker 1: here before. And there I find a friend of mine 592 00:37:10,035 --> 00:37:12,075 Speaker 1: since my radio days who I had not seen in 593 00:37:12,115 --> 00:37:14,435 Speaker 1: a year or so, and he says, hey, last month, 594 00:37:14,475 --> 00:37:16,475 Speaker 1: I was at an NBA game in Washington. I ran 595 00:37:16,555 --> 00:37:19,075 Speaker 1: in at Jack Briggs. He heard you were going to ESPN. 596 00:37:19,115 --> 00:37:20,675 Speaker 1: He asked me if you were still telling that story 597 00:37:20,675 --> 00:37:23,435 Speaker 1: about the time you got stuck on Whiteface Mountain without 598 00:37:23,435 --> 00:37:25,475 Speaker 1: a cassette. And he was the only other reporter there, 599 00:37:25,635 --> 00:37:27,275 Speaker 1: and he wouldn't give you a spare, and I told 600 00:37:27,355 --> 00:37:30,515 Speaker 1: him you were and I smiled, and I replied, I 601 00:37:30,595 --> 00:37:45,555 Speaker 1: hope you remembered to use the word forever. James Derber 602 00:37:45,595 --> 00:37:48,435 Speaker 1: had many full time jobs. He was a street reporter 603 00:37:48,515 --> 00:37:51,795 Speaker 1: for the Columbus Dispatch and later the New York Post, 604 00:37:52,515 --> 00:37:54,755 Speaker 1: and he was an editor of The New Yorker long 605 00:37:54,795 --> 00:37:58,035 Speaker 1: before he was a writer or cartoonist there, and people 606 00:37:58,115 --> 00:38:02,395 Speaker 1: kept trying to make him into a radio star, leading 607 00:38:02,435 --> 00:38:06,675 Speaker 1: to a short story which is, understand one of my favorites. 608 00:38:07,435 --> 00:38:10,475 Speaker 1: A lot of it speaks of broadcasting in another world 609 00:38:10,515 --> 00:38:13,435 Speaker 1: and of course another century, but it is amazing how 610 00:38:13,515 --> 00:38:16,875 Speaker 1: much of what you will hear now is still true today. 611 00:38:17,315 --> 00:38:19,995 Speaker 1: From the May fifth, nineteen thirty four edition of The 612 00:38:20,035 --> 00:38:26,355 Speaker 1: New Yorker, How to Relax while Broadcasting by James Thurber. 613 00:38:28,155 --> 00:38:31,315 Speaker 1: The evening I went up to the studios for my 614 00:38:31,395 --> 00:38:34,155 Speaker 1: first radio broadcast. I got off by mistake, at the 615 00:38:34,235 --> 00:38:37,715 Speaker 1: sixteenth floor instead of the seventeenth. I decided not to 616 00:38:37,755 --> 00:38:40,035 Speaker 1: wait for the elevator, but just run up the stairs 617 00:38:40,115 --> 00:38:44,795 Speaker 1: to the seventeenth floor, because elevators in broadcasting buildings are 618 00:38:44,795 --> 00:38:50,435 Speaker 1: always crowded with small Italian musicians carrying cellos. And furthermore, 619 00:38:50,435 --> 00:38:52,755 Speaker 1: when the up sign above the elevators in these buildings 620 00:38:52,835 --> 00:38:54,875 Speaker 1: lights the operator of the car that stops where he 621 00:38:54,955 --> 00:38:59,195 Speaker 1: usually says down, and before you can think, you find 622 00:38:59,235 --> 00:39:01,995 Speaker 1: yourself on the first floor again, without any way of 623 00:39:01,995 --> 00:39:05,275 Speaker 1: getting back up, because you surrendered your pass to the 624 00:39:05,315 --> 00:39:07,515 Speaker 1: man at the desk in the lobby the first time 625 00:39:07,515 --> 00:39:10,635 Speaker 1: you went up. I walked to a door on the 626 00:39:10,675 --> 00:39:13,955 Speaker 1: sixteenth floor, marked stairs, and stepped out into a cold, 627 00:39:14,155 --> 00:39:17,995 Speaker 1: dark staircase shaft and walked up one flight. I found 628 00:39:17,995 --> 00:39:21,915 Speaker 1: that the door on that floor wouldn't open. It was 629 00:39:21,955 --> 00:39:23,835 Speaker 1: after seven o'clock in the evening and the door had 630 00:39:23,835 --> 00:39:28,035 Speaker 1: been officially locked. I hurried back down to the sixteenth 631 00:39:28,075 --> 00:39:31,115 Speaker 1: floor and discovered that the door there had locked behind 632 00:39:31,155 --> 00:39:34,275 Speaker 1: me too. I began to beat on it and kick 633 00:39:34,315 --> 00:39:38,035 Speaker 1: it from far off. A faint voice came to me, 634 00:39:38,115 --> 00:39:44,075 Speaker 1: finally saying, cut that out. The only thing to do 635 00:39:44,195 --> 00:39:47,235 Speaker 1: was walk down fifteen flights to the main floor, which 636 00:39:47,275 --> 00:39:50,475 Speaker 1: I did, But the door out into the lobby was 637 00:39:50,515 --> 00:39:56,395 Speaker 1: also locked, and nobody answered my screams and poundings. Screaming 638 00:39:56,435 --> 00:40:00,635 Speaker 1: and pounding is not radio, as the broadcasting people say. 639 00:40:01,915 --> 00:40:04,635 Speaker 1: I went down into the basement which was dark and gloomy, 640 00:40:04,755 --> 00:40:07,315 Speaker 1: and hunted for the elevator shaft. I found it, but 641 00:40:07,355 --> 00:40:09,875 Speaker 1: there was no bell to push, so I sat on 642 00:40:09,915 --> 00:40:13,635 Speaker 1: an old chair until the car came down. The operator 643 00:40:13,715 --> 00:40:17,115 Speaker 1: was surprised to see me and asked me for my pass. 644 00:40:17,795 --> 00:40:21,035 Speaker 1: I told him I didn't have a pass. He thought awhile, 645 00:40:21,075 --> 00:40:23,515 Speaker 1: and then asked if mister Hayman knew I was down there. 646 00:40:23,675 --> 00:40:26,915 Speaker 1: I said I didn't think so. He was pretty much 647 00:40:26,995 --> 00:40:28,955 Speaker 1: alarmed by that, but he took me up to the 648 00:40:28,955 --> 00:40:32,115 Speaker 1: seventeenth floor after warning me never to come down to 649 00:40:32,155 --> 00:40:37,315 Speaker 1: the basement again without a pass. There was nobody on 650 00:40:37,475 --> 00:40:41,475 Speaker 1: the seventeenth floor who understood my case, although the people 651 00:40:41,515 --> 00:40:44,235 Speaker 1: I talked to were patient and courteous. They said the 652 00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:47,355 Speaker 1: seventeenth floor was entirely given over to the business department 653 00:40:47,355 --> 00:40:50,915 Speaker 1: and had no studios or microphones. What I probably wanted 654 00:40:51,035 --> 00:40:54,875 Speaker 1: was the twenty seventh floor. Up there, I found some 655 00:40:54,915 --> 00:40:57,035 Speaker 1: people I had met before, but they were pretty busy 656 00:40:57,275 --> 00:41:00,675 Speaker 1: and seemed to think it was the wrong night. I 657 00:41:00,755 --> 00:41:02,955 Speaker 1: sat down in a chair, and presently a man came 658 00:41:03,035 --> 00:41:04,875 Speaker 1: up to me and asked me if I was was 659 00:41:05,355 --> 00:41:11,955 Speaker 1: mister Tartherer. I said, I wasn't sure, and he said 660 00:41:11,955 --> 00:41:14,955 Speaker 1: to follow him. I was shown into an office where 661 00:41:14,995 --> 00:41:17,035 Speaker 1: there were some officials I knew and some friends of mine. 662 00:41:17,075 --> 00:41:19,675 Speaker 1: One of the officials was denying a story somebody had 663 00:41:19,715 --> 00:41:22,995 Speaker 1: been telling about a man who fell dead in front 664 00:41:23,035 --> 00:41:27,635 Speaker 1: of the microphone. It seems he had merely had a stroke. 665 00:41:30,035 --> 00:41:32,755 Speaker 1: In a little while, I was led in a solemn 666 00:41:32,835 --> 00:41:37,155 Speaker 1: march to a small and lonely studio, heavily draped and silent. 667 00:41:38,155 --> 00:41:40,475 Speaker 1: I took out a cigarette, but saw a sign saying 668 00:41:40,515 --> 00:41:44,115 Speaker 1: no smoking, so I put the cigarette away again. Some 669 00:41:44,315 --> 00:41:46,995 Speaker 1: men in the glass in control room began to look 670 00:41:46,995 --> 00:41:49,435 Speaker 1: at me. I could see their lips move, but I 671 00:41:49,435 --> 00:41:53,155 Speaker 1: couldn't hear anything. A man tiptoed into the room where 672 00:41:53,235 --> 00:41:55,795 Speaker 1: I was and shook hands with me, and tiptoed out again. 673 00:41:56,635 --> 00:42:02,275 Speaker 1: He never came back. I walked over to a regular microphone, 674 00:42:02,315 --> 00:42:04,635 Speaker 1: such as I had talked over once or twice before 675 00:42:04,995 --> 00:42:07,115 Speaker 1: and had got used to. But somebody led me away 676 00:42:07,115 --> 00:42:09,715 Speaker 1: from that said I was to talk over a table 677 00:42:09,795 --> 00:42:14,315 Speaker 1: microphone because it would help me to relax. This turned 678 00:42:14,315 --> 00:42:16,755 Speaker 1: out to be a table about the size of a 679 00:42:16,795 --> 00:42:19,995 Speaker 1: card table with a microphone set innocently in its center. 680 00:42:20,315 --> 00:42:24,795 Speaker 1: Face up, more or less like an ashtray. It studied. 681 00:42:24,835 --> 00:42:28,155 Speaker 1: Simplicity caused me to tighten up slightly, and I mentioned 682 00:42:28,155 --> 00:42:32,555 Speaker 1: this to a man. Be it your ease, he said. 683 00:42:34,315 --> 00:42:37,755 Speaker 1: I stood over the table, grasped its edges firmly, and 684 00:42:37,875 --> 00:42:41,715 Speaker 1: leaned down toward the microphone. Someone grasped me No, no, 685 00:42:41,955 --> 00:42:44,195 Speaker 1: he said, you just sit down at the table, as 686 00:42:44,235 --> 00:42:45,915 Speaker 1: if you were sitting in a chair at any table 687 00:42:45,955 --> 00:42:51,035 Speaker 1: and talk. I sat down, trying to remember how I 688 00:42:51,155 --> 00:42:54,235 Speaker 1: sit in a chair at a table, especially a card table, 689 00:42:54,275 --> 00:42:58,795 Speaker 1: at which nobody else is sitting. Relax, said someone with 690 00:42:58,875 --> 00:43:01,715 Speaker 1: a note of command. I slumped back in the chair 691 00:43:01,755 --> 00:43:05,195 Speaker 1: and placed on the table the papers I was to use, 692 00:43:05,235 --> 00:43:09,035 Speaker 1: and began fussing with them. Sh somebody hissed, don't rustle them. 693 00:43:09,355 --> 00:43:12,555 Speaker 1: This is a very highly sensitized mic which picks up 694 00:43:12,595 --> 00:43:18,275 Speaker 1: every slightest sound. It would sound like a waterfall if 695 00:43:18,315 --> 00:43:21,755 Speaker 1: you rustled them. I began to drum my fingers on 696 00:43:21,835 --> 00:43:24,595 Speaker 1: the tabletop, but a courteous official put his hand on 697 00:43:24,675 --> 00:43:29,835 Speaker 1: mine and stop. That tapping would sound like cavalry crossing 698 00:43:29,915 --> 00:43:35,995 Speaker 1: a bridge to your listeners, he explained, Just take it easy. 699 00:43:37,155 --> 00:43:39,835 Speaker 1: I leaned back in my chair and adjusted my tie, 700 00:43:39,995 --> 00:43:42,195 Speaker 1: doubtless giving the effect of someone trying to take a 701 00:43:42,275 --> 00:43:46,955 Speaker 1: leather belt away from a bulldog. In a moment, an 702 00:43:46,955 --> 00:43:49,195 Speaker 1: announcer came in and said we were all ready to 703 00:43:49,235 --> 00:43:53,715 Speaker 1: go okay. I said, standing up, let's get out. He 704 00:43:53,835 --> 00:43:56,835 Speaker 1: smiled with calm assurance and said no. He meant that 705 00:43:56,875 --> 00:44:00,835 Speaker 1: we were about to start the program. Everybody but him 706 00:44:00,955 --> 00:44:03,435 Speaker 1: tiptoed out of the room. I sat down at the 707 00:44:03,435 --> 00:44:06,515 Speaker 1: table again. I could see watching me from the control room. 708 00:44:06,755 --> 00:44:09,115 Speaker 1: Somebody in there raised his hand sharply and let it 709 00:44:09,195 --> 00:44:11,795 Speaker 1: drop sharply. I expected to hear the faint hiss of 710 00:44:11,915 --> 00:44:15,435 Speaker 1: lethal gas escaping into the chamber, but instead the announcer 711 00:44:15,475 --> 00:44:18,675 Speaker 1: started to talk. I creaked nervously in the chair at this, 712 00:44:18,715 --> 00:44:21,915 Speaker 1: and the listeners heard, along with his calm announcement, the 713 00:44:21,995 --> 00:44:26,395 Speaker 1: sound of a buckboard falling over a cliff. Finally, he 714 00:44:26,435 --> 00:44:29,275 Speaker 1: pointed a finger at me. I sat bolt up and 715 00:44:29,435 --> 00:44:35,875 Speaker 1: began to talk to the ashtray. When it was all over, 716 00:44:36,595 --> 00:44:40,635 Speaker 1: everybody tiptoed whisperingly into the room and congratulated me on 717 00:44:40,795 --> 00:44:45,035 Speaker 1: being only five seconds too slow, Not bad for a beginner. 718 00:44:45,755 --> 00:44:50,795 Speaker 1: The record is one five hundredth of a second. I 719 00:44:50,955 --> 00:44:52,675 Speaker 1: got up and started it out of the room, but 720 00:44:52,715 --> 00:44:54,795 Speaker 1: a man followed me and took me by the arm. 721 00:44:55,355 --> 00:44:59,315 Speaker 1: Where are you going, he asked. Let's all go out 722 00:44:59,355 --> 00:45:02,235 Speaker 1: and get a drink. I said, but you haven't got time, 723 00:45:02,355 --> 00:45:08,435 Speaker 1: he said. All this has just been the rehearsal. I 724 00:45:08,555 --> 00:45:11,475 Speaker 1: must have tightened up horribly at that, for he said soothingly, 725 00:45:12,515 --> 00:45:15,395 Speaker 1: take it easy. You got plenty of time to relax 726 00:45:15,435 --> 00:45:19,395 Speaker 1: in he looked at his wristwatch. You got four minutes. 727 00:45:21,355 --> 00:45:34,955 Speaker 1: How to relax while broadcasting by James Thurber. Countdown with 728 00:45:35,115 --> 00:45:39,395 Speaker 1: Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts 729 00:45:39,435 --> 00:45:44,155 Speaker 1: from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 730 00:45:44,235 --> 00:45:45,515 Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.