Speaker 1: Motherfucking mini episode. Mini episode, motherfucking mini episode.
Speaker 2: Shauna Paul, Shine up, Paul. There it is there it is.
Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of Ma
Speaker 2: Mama Told.
Speaker 3: Me, the podcast where we dived deep into the pockets
Speaker 3: of black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 2: And we finally worked to prove the theories that you
Speaker 2: the listener have at home. It's a motherfucking mini episode.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Were you a Sean Paul guy.
Speaker 2: I thought Jean Paul had it for a minute.
Speaker 3: I really liked him for a little bit there.
Speaker 2: I it was cool too, because he didn't really talk much.
Speaker 2: He just kind of like made hips and minded his business.
Speaker 2: And it was like, how can you root against this dude?
Speaker 3: We have no idea what he's about.
Speaker 2: Nah, you don't know his principles, You don't know what
Speaker 2: he what he believes in. You just know Sean Paul
Speaker 2: makes good music. It has thick ladies dancing to you.
Speaker 3: Ye. All I know is he likes that dou ty rock.
Speaker 2: He talks so little. I didn't even know if he
Speaker 2: really had an.
Speaker 3: Accent, you know what I mean. He could be a
Speaker 3: Puerto Rican for all that those islands are near each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Sean Paul could have sounded like fucking Colon Powell,
Speaker 2: and I had I would have had no.
Speaker 3: Idea he could have. He could be Daddy Yankees cousin.
Speaker 3: I don't know about that. And that's how I like it.
Speaker 2: That's how that's how we like it. I'm like Stin Herman,
Speaker 2: I'm David Bory and this is this is a motherfucking
Speaker 2: mini episode. We get emails from you guys every week.
Speaker 2: We cherish them deeply, and we love to talk some
Speaker 2: ship about the emails you send, both legitimate and illegitimate.
Speaker 2: Shit to be said about all of your messages, and
Speaker 2: we have we have a message today. Yeah, I would say.
Speaker 3: I wanted to piggyback. We do love and cherish your emails,
Speaker 3: but sometimes we hate them. Sometimes you say everything wrong
Speaker 3: and it makes us angry. And I think that's where
Speaker 3: we're coming from today.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think we got a message from
Speaker 2: a person named Sean. Sean sent us the email that
Speaker 2: was already from the subject line. You go, wait a minute,
Speaker 2: but the subject line says a white Man's perspective on
Speaker 2: Black men in Dresses.
Speaker 3: Which is a paper I never asked to read.
Speaker 2: I'll be quite abudy, nig dog. Nobody wanted this. This
Speaker 2: wasn't We weren't sitting around being like, what did the
Speaker 2: white men think about the black men in the dresses?
Speaker 3: We do?
Speaker 1: We do?
Speaker 2: So what the conspiracy is about?
Speaker 3: And you brought this on your head? Because what did
Speaker 3: you think the response to this email? What's going to be?
Speaker 2: Did you think we were gonna feel warm cuddlies inside
Speaker 2: of being like, finally the white man is ready to
Speaker 2: speak to us about the thing that we already have
Speaker 2: been talking about.
Speaker 3: But you're a fan, and our fans are massacres, So
Speaker 3: we'll read your stupid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll read this, dumb ship. If that's what you want.
Speaker 3: All right, you got it? All right, do you want me?
Speaker 3: We can I'm gonna I'm gonna read it all the
Speaker 3: way through and then we can go back in dissection.
Speaker 2: I think I think we'll pause naturally. I think, well
Speaker 2: we'll both read the uh the moments where it makes
Speaker 2: sense to maybe take this in and reflect for a second.
Speaker 3: All right, perfect, perfect, all right, it starts out, good
Speaker 3: day gentlemen. I hope you were well.
Speaker 2: Gross.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't love it. I was a little white
Speaker 3: boy growing up in World, Oklahoma in the nineties. I
Speaker 3: don't like any of that. I thought a black man
Speaker 3: in a dress was hilarious, and it was because black
Speaker 3: men were big and scary. Fuck and seeing them, specifically
Speaker 3: Eddie Murphy of.
Speaker 2: The biggest, the biggest and scariest of all the black men.
Speaker 3: If Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy was one of the scary ones,
Speaker 3: don't go to Detroit. What the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 3: Eddie Murphy was the big scary black man that you want.
Speaker 3: You can't watch basketball.
Speaker 2: Eddie Murphy is a cool five nine and can't take
Speaker 2: his shirt off. What are you talking about?
Speaker 3: Tiny nipples? All right? But yeah, I thought I thought
Speaker 3: black men were big and scary and seeing them, specifically
Speaker 3: Eddie Murphy emasculated by dressing up as a woman. Dot
Speaker 3: dot dot just the juxtaposition, you know, dot dot dot.
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 2: God damn it, Sean, this you motherfucker. God damn it, Sean.
Speaker 2: What are you trying to do?
Speaker 3: Man? Why did you send this to me?
Speaker 2: This feels like a private journal that you're This wasn't
Speaker 2: for us, man.
Speaker 3: You couldn't have possibly thought we would like reading any
Speaker 3: of this.
Speaker 2: No, this is crazy, Sean, your bugget butt all right.
Speaker 3: There was only one black kid in my elementary school
Speaker 3: I could tell, and seeing a black person in public
Speaker 3: was a rare occurrence. The only black people I knew
Speaker 3: of were huge, giant athletes. And damn it.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing. It's not even so much that that
Speaker 2: I'm unaware of what you're attempting to articulate, Sean. You
Speaker 2: you grew up in a place where you weren't around
Speaker 2: black people, and therefore you had a skewed perspective of
Speaker 2: what black people were could be all of the things.
Speaker 2: It's the it's the fucking adjectives you're using that make
Speaker 2: this feel pointed in a way that it's huge giant,
Speaker 2: monstrous athletes like god, damn man, Relax, we know how
Speaker 2: big athletes are. Nobody's confused, Yeah, how big Lebron is.
Speaker 3: Also, I don't like, I don't love you typing this
Speaker 3: out like this is an interesting point, Like you're typing
Speaker 3: this like hey, I give a fuck, and be like
Speaker 3: I didn't know that your basic ass was scared of
Speaker 3: black people. You think this is not what I would
Speaker 3: have thought you felt about this. Had you just feeling
Speaker 3: you could have stopped it, and I was a little
Speaker 3: white kid growing up in real rural Oklahoma. I could
Speaker 3: have wrote the rest of this.
Speaker 2: Fuck yeah, and so the conspiracy made sense to me.
Speaker 2: End of email. Yes, this is exactly what I needed
Speaker 2: to affirm myself and my community is seeing black people
Speaker 2: made less than by dresses.
Speaker 3: And then it's also like you're telling this to black people.
Speaker 3: You think we didn't know that.
Speaker 2: This is how you Yeah, no, you are. You are
Speaker 2: strictly affirming the fear and not at all illuminating a
Speaker 2: new thought. But maybe maybe the end of the email,
Speaker 2: Sean will take us there. Maybe we're being unfair in
Speaker 2: our judgment. Please continue, all right, The.
Speaker 3: Only black people I knew of were huge shine athletes
Speaker 3: renowned for their masculinity dot dot dot and Michael Jackson
Speaker 3: who wanted to molest little white boys.
Speaker 2: All right, fair enough, I can't argue about that. It
Speaker 2: feels odd that you added it, but it's not untrue.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and OJ Simpson, who wanted to kill our women.
Speaker 2: And we thank him every day for that.
Speaker 3: Sean, this is really where the starts to sing. My
Speaker 3: parents weren't racists or anything. They are very good people.
Speaker 2: The fact that you can see even if he's saying, Yo,
Speaker 2: I am not this anymore. I am a future self
Speaker 2: who does not feel these things. These are old thoughts
Speaker 2: that I'm cycling through. The fact that you can see
Speaker 2: that for yourself as an older version of yourself and
Speaker 2: not think that your parents had anything to do with
Speaker 2: the making of a child who would see all of
Speaker 2: these people as monstrous giants who needed to be emasculated
Speaker 2: is fucking crazy.
Speaker 3: Well, this is where this is where the plots was.
Speaker 3: David even met my mom at his show once. Oh nice,
Speaker 3: But here's the thing.
Speaker 2: Also, she's like, get over here, nigger, take a picture.
Speaker 3: So this whole justification, I don't think he did get
Speaker 3: this from his parents. I think this is like, I
Speaker 3: don't think this is a thing that was indoctrinated as
Speaker 3: much as he looked around and got this, you know,
Speaker 3: does that make sense?
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just like uh, he took in he
Speaker 2: this is nurture, not nature. Yeah, but his own nurture.
Speaker 2: This is yeah, like some shit that he did for himself.
Speaker 3: I don't get the feeling that like his parents were like, hey,
Speaker 3: look at this movie. The Nutty Professor is so funny
Speaker 3: when black people wear dresses, you know, what I'm saying, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: just growing up in the nineties with basic cables showing
Speaker 3: me movies from the eighties, I got the black impression.
Speaker 3: Black people were tough, rough and strong. Do you watch
Speaker 3: like the Cosby Show? Yeah, you know, Silverspoons, THEO had
Speaker 3: on that weird shirt. That's about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, rough and tumble as he got in.
Speaker 3: A different world, family matter, there's none of that stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, le Erkle was rough and strong to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this feels like you kind of only consumed a
Speaker 3: certain type of media.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but all right.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, So growing up in the nineties with basic
Speaker 3: cable showing me movies from the eighties, I got the
Speaker 3: impression Black people were tough, rough and strong. So seeing
Speaker 3: The Nutty Professor where black man was a fat idiot
Speaker 3: and sometimes a woman fucking hilarious. Wait a minute. First
Speaker 3: of all, he was college.
Speaker 4: He literally created a serum for transforming his body in
Speaker 4: an instant. He wasn't dumb, he was the brilliant, the
Speaker 4: most brilliant man on the planet, his sports.
Speaker 3: Guy in the whole movie. He wasn't like walking around
Speaker 3: with doodoo states sweat up. He was literally just fat.
Speaker 5: He's like, oh I confuse my mayonnaise and my toothpaste again,
Speaker 5: was like, no. The entire premise of the movie is
Speaker 5: that he's actually a beautiful spirit, like a brilliant mind,
Speaker 5: who is just being overlooked because of his obesity and
Speaker 5: then miscalculates and makes himself fucking skinny.
Speaker 2: It's not that he's dumb.
Speaker 3: Sherman wasn't even the comedic relief in that movie. Buddy
Speaker 3: Love was and everybody else. I mean, I guess thee
Speaker 3: other fat people, but nobody was stupid in that.
Speaker 2: They were They were ignorant, I would say, but but
Speaker 2: certainly not. They literally some of the most insightful moments
Speaker 2: come from the father who, uh, yeah, he has chicken
Speaker 2: nuggets spilling out of his mouth when he says it,
Speaker 2: but they that doesn't take the inside away. He's not
Speaker 2: an idiot. Man.
Speaker 3: It's all so funny because he's like, not only was
Speaker 3: the not only was the big Gary black man a
Speaker 3: fat idiot, also sometimes a woman.
Speaker 2: Fuck man, God damn it. And then on Sean please man,
Speaker 2: and then he.
Speaker 3: Goes on to say dot dot dot fucking hilarious. Hilarious
Speaker 3: spelled wrong.
Speaker 6: That's because he was laughing so much. He couldn't even
Speaker 6: find the keys. He was like, goddamn, I keep thinking
Speaker 6: about it. That's hilarious. You think about that fat idiot,
Speaker 6: the old fat idiot. I love it, oh man, Okay.
Speaker 3: Ps In ninety nine moved to Dallas. There were plenty
Speaker 3: of black people here and everything is fine. Well I
Speaker 3: think that's sometimes. Yeah, I don't. I don't know that.
Speaker 2: You get to decide that, Sean, And he has one
Speaker 2: more note.
Speaker 3: Love Sean. Pss, don't wear the dress. We will be
Speaker 3: laughing at you, not with you. Well, that's one thing
Speaker 3: I can agree with in this email, Sean.
Speaker 2: We knew that the second you wrote this email, we
Speaker 2: had no doubt. And and thank you for only affirming
Speaker 2: what we already believed about you and quote unquote your kind.
Speaker 3: It honestly feels like you didn't listen to any of
Speaker 3: the nuance of the episode at all.
Speaker 2: No, my boy, My boy ran with what he ran with,
Speaker 2: and I respect that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I hope now, I hope that, like I
Speaker 3: hope that you wrote this email before you listen to
Speaker 3: the episode, because that is one pet peeve you ever
Speaker 3: have it where you talk to white people and you're like, oh,
Speaker 3: you just don't listen to anything I've ever said. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know what he was like, Oh you just you
Speaker 3: just you take the funny parts out and you don't
Speaker 3: listen to anything else that God said this whole because
Speaker 3: that was like, yeah, we.
Speaker 2: Know, yeah, no, none of this was was a revelation
Speaker 2: for us, Sean. But but we do now feel differently
Speaker 2: about you specifically. I think, yeah, I think I think
Speaker 2: we were We've never told our white fans not to
Speaker 2: write us or felt the need to separate you all
Speaker 2: from us. But but there's one that we we don't
Speaker 2: need any more emails from. There's at least one out
Speaker 2: there that that maybe could keep the rest of his
Speaker 2: emails in the future.
Speaker 3: It was crazy. I just want you to know it's
Speaker 3: because you're scary. Oh man. Yeah, I don't really have
Speaker 3: much else to say about that.
Speaker 2: Well, I think we did it. I think I think, Sean,
Speaker 2: thank you for for all that you do.
Speaker 3: I'm not thank you for that.
Speaker 2: And more importantly, if you where can they find you?
Speaker 2: Tell the people where they can find you.
Speaker 3: Well, anybody but Sean can go to bring David to
Speaker 3: play dot com and come to one of my live shows.
Speaker 3: Because I worry that you are also a guy who
Speaker 3: loves CrowdWork clips sean. Yeah, but anybody else, but anybody else. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm on the Aluminum Foil Tour. Come out, buy some
Speaker 3: T shirts, buy some merch. I will be after this
Speaker 3: comes out. Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Morgantown, West Virginia, Columbus, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Springfield, Missouri. St. Louis, Missouri,
Speaker 3: New York City, Worcestern, Massachusetts, Kansas City, Missouri, suit Falls,
Speaker 3: South Dakota, and Minneapolis, Minnesota. Come on out. Bring David
Speaker 3: to plate dot com for those dates and ticulates cool
Speaker 3: guy jokes eighty seven on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Follow David, go see him, bring him a plate, do
Speaker 2: all that shit, and if you want to follow me,
Speaker 2: you can see me or you know, follow me at Langston, Kerman.
Speaker 2: I would love to acquire you as one of my minions.
Speaker 2: And as always you can you can see me live
Speaker 2: ten thirteen through the fourteenth, I'll be in at the
Speaker 2: House of Comedy in New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada, as
Speaker 2: it were. I'll be ten twenty and ten twenty one
Speaker 2: at Dead Crow Comedy Room in Wilmington, North Carolina. Then
Speaker 2: I'll be in Vermont Comedy Club on November tenth and eleventh,
Speaker 2: and then November seventeenth and eighteenth, I'll be at Hyenas
Speaker 2: Comedy Club in Dallas. I'd love to hang out with
Speaker 2: y'all there, and more importantly, if you want to send
Speaker 2: us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you
Speaker 2: want to prove that you are, in fact one of
Speaker 2: the worst ones like Sean, send it all to Mymama
Speaker 2: pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear
Speaker 2: from you, and that covers that by bitch.
Speaker 1: Motherfucking Mini ever SEW Mini episode, motherfucking Mini ever Sew,
Speaker 1: motherfucking Mini ever Sew Mini episode, well, the fucking Mini
Speaker 1: ever sw