WEBVTT - White Nonsense Makes No Sense!: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

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<v Speaker 1>Motherfucking mini episode. Mini episode, motherfucking mini episode.

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<v Speaker 2>Shauna Paul, Shine up, Paul. There it is there it is.

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<v Speaker 2>Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of Ma

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<v Speaker 2>Mama Told.

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<v Speaker 3>Me, the podcast where we dived deep into the pockets

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<v Speaker 3>of black conspiracy theories.

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<v Speaker 2>And we finally worked to prove the theories that you

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<v Speaker 2>the listener have at home. It's a motherfucking mini episode.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Were you a Sean Paul guy.

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<v Speaker 2>I thought Jean Paul had it for a minute.

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<v Speaker 3>I really liked him for a little bit there.

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<v Speaker 2>I it was cool too, because he didn't really talk much.

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<v Speaker 2>He just kind of like made hips and minded his business.

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<v Speaker 2>And it was like, how can you root against this dude?

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<v Speaker 3>We have no idea what he's about.

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<v Speaker 2>Nah, you don't know his principles, You don't know what

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<v Speaker 2>he what he believes in. You just know Sean Paul

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<v Speaker 2>makes good music. It has thick ladies dancing to you.

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<v Speaker 3>Ye. All I know is he likes that dou ty rock.

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<v Speaker 2>He talks so little. I didn't even know if he

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<v Speaker 2>really had an.

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<v Speaker 3>Accent, you know what I mean. He could be a

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<v Speaker 3>Puerto Rican for all that those islands are near each other.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Sean Paul could have sounded like fucking Colon Powell,

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<v Speaker 2>and I had I would have had no.

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<v Speaker 3>Idea he could have. He could be Daddy Yankees cousin.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know about that. And that's how I like it.

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<v Speaker 2>That's how that's how we like it. I'm like Stin Herman,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm David Bory and this is this is a motherfucking

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<v Speaker 2>mini episode. We get emails from you guys every week.

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<v Speaker 2>We cherish them deeply, and we love to talk some

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<v Speaker 2>ship about the emails you send, both legitimate and illegitimate.

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<v Speaker 2>Shit to be said about all of your messages, and

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<v Speaker 2>we have we have a message today. Yeah, I would say.

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<v Speaker 3>I wanted to piggyback. We do love and cherish your emails,

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<v Speaker 3>but sometimes we hate them. Sometimes you say everything wrong

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<v Speaker 3>and it makes us angry. And I think that's where

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<v Speaker 3>we're coming from today.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think I think we got a message from

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<v Speaker 2>a person named Sean. Sean sent us the email that

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<v Speaker 2>was already from the subject line. You go, wait a minute,

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<v Speaker 2>but the subject line says a white Man's perspective on

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<v Speaker 2>Black men in Dresses.

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<v Speaker 3>Which is a paper I never asked to read.

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<v Speaker 2>I'll be quite abudy, nig dog. Nobody wanted this. This

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't We weren't sitting around being like, what did the

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<v Speaker 2>white men think about the black men in the dresses?

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<v Speaker 3>We do?

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<v Speaker 1>We do?

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<v Speaker 2>So what the conspiracy is about?

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<v Speaker 3>And you brought this on your head? Because what did

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<v Speaker 3>you think the response to this email? What's going to be?

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<v Speaker 2>Did you think we were gonna feel warm cuddlies inside

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<v Speaker 2>of being like, finally the white man is ready to

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<v Speaker 2>speak to us about the thing that we already have

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<v Speaker 2>been talking about.

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<v Speaker 3>But you're a fan, and our fans are massacres, So

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<v Speaker 3>we'll read your stupid.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we'll read this, dumb ship. If that's what you want.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, you got it? All right, do you want me?

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<v Speaker 3>We can I'm gonna I'm gonna read it all the

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<v Speaker 3>way through and then we can go back in dissection.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I think we'll pause naturally. I think, well

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<v Speaker 2>we'll both read the uh the moments where it makes

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<v Speaker 2>sense to maybe take this in and reflect for a second.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, perfect, perfect, all right, it starts out, good

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<v Speaker 3>day gentlemen. I hope you were well.

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<v Speaker 2>Gross.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't love it. I was a little white

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<v Speaker 3>boy growing up in World, Oklahoma in the nineties. I

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<v Speaker 3>don't like any of that. I thought a black man

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<v Speaker 3>in a dress was hilarious, and it was because black

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<v Speaker 3>men were big and scary. Fuck and seeing them, specifically

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<v Speaker 3>Eddie Murphy of.

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<v Speaker 2>The biggest, the biggest and scariest of all the black men.

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<v Speaker 3>If Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy was one of the scary ones,

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<v Speaker 3>don't go to Detroit. What the fuck are you talking about?

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<v Speaker 3>Eddie Murphy was the big scary black man that you want.

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<v Speaker 3>You can't watch basketball.

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<v Speaker 2>Eddie Murphy is a cool five nine and can't take

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<v Speaker 2>his shirt off. What are you talking about?

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<v Speaker 3>Tiny nipples? All right? But yeah, I thought I thought

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<v Speaker 3>black men were big and scary and seeing them, specifically

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<v Speaker 3>Eddie Murphy emasculated by dressing up as a woman. Dot

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<v Speaker 3>dot dot just the juxtaposition, you know, dot dot dot.

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<v Speaker 3>It was.

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<v Speaker 2>God damn it, Sean, this you motherfucker. God damn it, Sean.

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<v Speaker 2>What are you trying to do?

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<v Speaker 3>Man? Why did you send this to me?

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<v Speaker 2>This feels like a private journal that you're This wasn't

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<v Speaker 2>for us, man.

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<v Speaker 3>You couldn't have possibly thought we would like reading any

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<v Speaker 3>of this.

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<v Speaker 2>No, this is crazy, Sean, your bugget butt all right.

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<v Speaker 3>There was only one black kid in my elementary school

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<v Speaker 3>I could tell, and seeing a black person in public

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<v Speaker 3>was a rare occurrence. The only black people I knew

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<v Speaker 3>of were huge, giant athletes. And damn it.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's the thing. It's not even so much that that

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<v Speaker 2>I'm unaware of what you're attempting to articulate, Sean. You

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<v Speaker 2>you grew up in a place where you weren't around

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<v Speaker 2>black people, and therefore you had a skewed perspective of

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<v Speaker 2>what black people were could be all of the things.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the it's the fucking adjectives you're using that make

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<v Speaker 2>this feel pointed in a way that it's huge giant,

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<v Speaker 2>monstrous athletes like god, damn man, Relax, we know how

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<v Speaker 2>big athletes are. Nobody's confused, Yeah, how big Lebron is.

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<v Speaker 3>Also, I don't like, I don't love you typing this

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<v Speaker 3>out like this is an interesting point, Like you're typing

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<v Speaker 3>this like hey, I give a fuck, and be like

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't know that your basic ass was scared of

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<v Speaker 3>black people. You think this is not what I would

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<v Speaker 3>have thought you felt about this. Had you just feeling

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<v Speaker 3>you could have stopped it, and I was a little

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<v Speaker 3>white kid growing up in real rural Oklahoma. I could

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<v Speaker 3>have wrote the rest of this.

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<v Speaker 2>Fuck yeah, and so the conspiracy made sense to me.

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<v Speaker 2>End of email. Yes, this is exactly what I needed

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<v Speaker 2>to affirm myself and my community is seeing black people

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<v Speaker 2>made less than by dresses.

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<v Speaker 3>And then it's also like you're telling this to black people.

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<v Speaker 3>You think we didn't know that.

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<v Speaker 2>This is how you Yeah, no, you are. You are

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<v Speaker 2>strictly affirming the fear and not at all illuminating a

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<v Speaker 2>new thought. But maybe maybe the end of the email,

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<v Speaker 2>Sean will take us there. Maybe we're being unfair in

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<v Speaker 2>our judgment. Please continue, all right, The.

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<v Speaker 3>Only black people I knew of were huge shine athletes

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<v Speaker 3>renowned for their masculinity dot dot dot and Michael Jackson

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<v Speaker 3>who wanted to molest little white boys.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, fair enough, I can't argue about that. It

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<v Speaker 2>feels odd that you added it, but it's not untrue.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and OJ Simpson, who wanted to kill our women.

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<v Speaker 2>And we thank him every day for that.

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<v Speaker 3>Sean, this is really where the starts to sing. My

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<v Speaker 3>parents weren't racists or anything. They are very good people.

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<v Speaker 2>The fact that you can see even if he's saying, Yo,

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<v Speaker 2>I am not this anymore. I am a future self

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<v Speaker 2>who does not feel these things. These are old thoughts

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<v Speaker 2>that I'm cycling through. The fact that you can see

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<v Speaker 2>that for yourself as an older version of yourself and

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<v Speaker 2>not think that your parents had anything to do with

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<v Speaker 2>the making of a child who would see all of

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<v Speaker 2>these people as monstrous giants who needed to be emasculated

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<v Speaker 2>is fucking crazy.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, this is where this is where the plots was.

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<v Speaker 3>David even met my mom at his show once. Oh nice,

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<v Speaker 3>But here's the thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Also, she's like, get over here, nigger, take a picture.

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<v Speaker 3>So this whole justification, I don't think he did get

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<v Speaker 3>this from his parents. I think this is like, I

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<v Speaker 3>don't think this is a thing that was indoctrinated as

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<v Speaker 3>much as he looked around and got this, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>does that make sense?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is just like uh, he took in he

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<v Speaker 2>this is nurture, not nature. Yeah, but his own nurture.

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<v Speaker 2>This is yeah, like some shit that he did for himself.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't get the feeling that like his parents were like, hey,

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<v Speaker 3>look at this movie. The Nutty Professor is so funny

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<v Speaker 3>when black people wear dresses, you know, what I'm saying, right, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>just growing up in the nineties with basic cables showing

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<v Speaker 3>me movies from the eighties, I got the black impression.

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<v Speaker 3>Black people were tough, rough and strong. Do you watch

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<v Speaker 3>like the Cosby Show? Yeah, you know, Silverspoons, THEO had

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<v Speaker 3>on that weird shirt. That's about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, rough and tumble as he got in.

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<v Speaker 3>A different world, family matter, there's none of that stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, le Erkle was rough and strong to you.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, this feels like you kind of only consumed a

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<v Speaker 3>certain type of media.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but all right.

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<v Speaker 3>Uh yeah, So growing up in the nineties with basic

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<v Speaker 3>cable showing me movies from the eighties, I got the

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<v Speaker 3>impression Black people were tough, rough and strong. So seeing

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<v Speaker 3>The Nutty Professor where black man was a fat idiot

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<v Speaker 3>and sometimes a woman fucking hilarious. Wait a minute. First

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<v Speaker 3>of all, he was college.

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<v Speaker 4>He literally created a serum for transforming his body in

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<v Speaker 4>an instant. He wasn't dumb, he was the brilliant, the

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<v Speaker 4>most brilliant man on the planet, his sports.

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<v Speaker 3>Guy in the whole movie. He wasn't like walking around

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<v Speaker 3>with doodoo states sweat up. He was literally just fat.

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<v Speaker 5>He's like, oh I confuse my mayonnaise and my toothpaste again,

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<v Speaker 5>was like, no. The entire premise of the movie is

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<v Speaker 5>that he's actually a beautiful spirit, like a brilliant mind,

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<v Speaker 5>who is just being overlooked because of his obesity and

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<v Speaker 5>then miscalculates and makes himself fucking skinny.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not that he's dumb.

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<v Speaker 3>Sherman wasn't even the comedic relief in that movie. Buddy

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<v Speaker 3>Love was and everybody else. I mean, I guess thee

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<v Speaker 3>other fat people, but nobody was stupid in that.

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<v Speaker 2>They were They were ignorant, I would say, but but

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<v Speaker 2>certainly not. They literally some of the most insightful moments

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<v Speaker 2>come from the father who, uh, yeah, he has chicken

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<v Speaker 2>nuggets spilling out of his mouth when he says it,

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<v Speaker 2>but they that doesn't take the inside away. He's not

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<v Speaker 2>an idiot. Man.

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<v Speaker 3>It's all so funny because he's like, not only was

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<v Speaker 3>the not only was the big Gary black man a

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<v Speaker 3>fat idiot, also sometimes a woman.

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<v Speaker 2>Fuck man, God damn it. And then on Sean please man,

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<v Speaker 2>and then he.

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<v Speaker 3>Goes on to say dot dot dot fucking hilarious. Hilarious

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<v Speaker 3>spelled wrong.

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<v Speaker 6>That's because he was laughing so much. He couldn't even

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<v Speaker 6>find the keys. He was like, goddamn, I keep thinking

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<v Speaker 6>about it. That's hilarious. You think about that fat idiot,

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<v Speaker 6>the old fat idiot. I love it, oh man, Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>Ps In ninety nine moved to Dallas. There were plenty

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<v Speaker 3>of black people here and everything is fine. Well I

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<v Speaker 3>think that's sometimes. Yeah, I don't. I don't know that.

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<v Speaker 2>You get to decide that, Sean, And he has one

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<v Speaker 2>more note.

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<v Speaker 3>Love Sean. Pss, don't wear the dress. We will be

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<v Speaker 3>laughing at you, not with you. Well, that's one thing

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<v Speaker 3>I can agree with in this email, Sean.

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<v Speaker 2>We knew that the second you wrote this email, we

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<v Speaker 2>had no doubt. And and thank you for only affirming

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<v Speaker 2>what we already believed about you and quote unquote your kind.

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<v Speaker 3>It honestly feels like you didn't listen to any of

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<v Speaker 3>the nuance of the episode at all.

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<v Speaker 2>No, my boy, My boy ran with what he ran with,

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<v Speaker 2>and I respect that.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Like I hope now, I hope that, like I

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<v Speaker 3>hope that you wrote this email before you listen to

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<v Speaker 3>the episode, because that is one pet peeve you ever

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<v Speaker 3>have it where you talk to white people and you're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>you just don't listen to anything I've ever said. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>you know what he was like, Oh you just you

0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:54.959
<v Speaker 3>just you take the funny parts out and you don't

0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:58.880
<v Speaker 3>listen to anything else that God said this whole because

0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:00.640
<v Speaker 3>that was like, yeah, we.

0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:04.280
<v Speaker 2>Know, yeah, no, none of this was was a revelation

0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:08.040
<v Speaker 2>for us, Sean. But but we do now feel differently

0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:13.480
<v Speaker 2>about you specifically. I think, yeah, I think I think

0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:18.320
<v Speaker 2>we were We've never told our white fans not to

0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:21.480
<v Speaker 2>write us or felt the need to separate you all

0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:25.960
<v Speaker 2>from us. But but there's one that we we don't

0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:32.040
<v Speaker 2>need any more emails from. There's at least one out

0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:34.200
<v Speaker 2>there that that maybe could keep the rest of his

0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:35.360
<v Speaker 2>emails in the future.

0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:40.760
<v Speaker 3>It was crazy. I just want you to know it's

0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:50.400
<v Speaker 3>because you're scary. Oh man. Yeah, I don't really have

0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:51.800
<v Speaker 3>much else to say about that.

0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.760
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think we did it. I think I think, Sean,

0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:59.120
<v Speaker 2>thank you for for all that you do.

0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:00.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm not thank you for that.

0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:09.040
<v Speaker 2>And more importantly, if you where can they find you?

0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:10.760
<v Speaker 2>Tell the people where they can find you.

0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:13.360
<v Speaker 3>Well, anybody but Sean can go to bring David to

0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.960
<v Speaker 3>play dot com and come to one of my live shows.

0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.200
<v Speaker 3>Because I worry that you are also a guy who

0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:27.680
<v Speaker 3>loves CrowdWork clips sean. Yeah, but anybody else, but anybody else. Yeah,

0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:30.720
<v Speaker 3>I'm on the Aluminum Foil Tour. Come out, buy some

0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:34.240
<v Speaker 3>T shirts, buy some merch. I will be after this

0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:45.840
<v Speaker 3>comes out. Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Morgantown, West Virginia, Columbus, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Springfield, Missouri. St. Louis, Missouri,

0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:51.160
<v Speaker 3>New York City, Worcestern, Massachusetts, Kansas City, Missouri, suit Falls,

0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:55.480
<v Speaker 3>South Dakota, and Minneapolis, Minnesota. Come on out. Bring David

0:15:55.480 --> 0:15:58.400
<v Speaker 3>to plate dot com for those dates and ticulates cool

0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.360
<v Speaker 3>guy jokes eighty seven on Instagram.

0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:03.120
<v Speaker 2>Follow David, go see him, bring him a plate, do

0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:04.880
<v Speaker 2>all that shit, and if you want to follow me,

0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:08.520
<v Speaker 2>you can see me or you know, follow me at Langston, Kerman.

0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:13.640
<v Speaker 2>I would love to acquire you as one of my minions.

0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:16.480
<v Speaker 2>And as always you can you can see me live

0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:21.120
<v Speaker 2>ten thirteen through the fourteenth, I'll be in at the

0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:26.760
<v Speaker 2>House of Comedy in New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada, as

0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:30.240
<v Speaker 2>it were. I'll be ten twenty and ten twenty one

0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:34.560
<v Speaker 2>at Dead Crow Comedy Room in Wilmington, North Carolina. Then

0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:38.520
<v Speaker 2>I'll be in Vermont Comedy Club on November tenth and eleventh,

0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:41.600
<v Speaker 2>and then November seventeenth and eighteenth, I'll be at Hyenas

0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.560
<v Speaker 2>Comedy Club in Dallas. I'd love to hang out with

0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:47.160
<v Speaker 2>y'all there, and more importantly, if you want to send

0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.160
<v Speaker 2>us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you

0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:53.160
<v Speaker 2>want to prove that you are, in fact one of

0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:58.160
<v Speaker 2>the worst ones like Sean, send it all to Mymama

0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:00.400
<v Speaker 2>pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear

0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:04.400
<v Speaker 2>from you, and that covers that by bitch.

0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:14.840
<v Speaker 1>Motherfucking Mini ever SEW Mini episode, motherfucking Mini ever Sew,

0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:24.960
<v Speaker 1>motherfucking Mini ever Sew Mini episode, well, the fucking Mini

0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:25.480
<v Speaker 1>ever sw