WEBVTT - High School Jana & College Mike 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:05.040 Flying down with Jane Traylor and Michael Coughlin and I've 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:10.520 heard radio podcast. Hey guys, we're back home in Nashville. 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:15.680 Has it feel to be back? Um? When we walked in, 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:18.680 it felt like we had been gone. It didn't feel 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:22.239 like home. It was a very strange feeling. It felt 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:24.400 like a long time. It felt like that's when I 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:27.800 felt like a long time. But I miss I missed Vancouver. 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:31.159 I miss our like I missed our friends there. I 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:33.360 don't know, I just I miss it. But I am 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:37.320 happy to be back though. Um. And we're in a 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:42.120 new studio spot. Yeah. It was the former kids playing room, 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:47.040 which became my you know, my dad getaway gaming room 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:49.920 because the kids outgrew. I mean, this room is it's 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:54.280 it's I mean it's yeah. We're on paper when we 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:56.880 were building this house and we're like, Okay, this will 0:00:56.920 --> 0:00:59.680 be a nice size room, and like it's a closet, 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:04.160 a closet. Very grateful, We're very grateful, not being snooty, 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:06.720 just you know, but with a kid's player room, this 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:08.280 isn't what we kind of imagine. So I was like, 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.720 we gotta so we mixed our media room. So our 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:14.600 media room is now the play room. In this room, 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:15.760 I'm like, what are we going to do with it? 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:17.800 And Dad's like, well, I could get a love sack. 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:19.600 And I was like, all right, if you're gonna put 0:01:19.600 --> 0:01:21.160 the kids in the media room, which is the room 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:24.360 that I used to use, I was like, I at 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:26.240 least need to get you know, love sack and another 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:28.480 TV in this room. She's like a cart fine, and 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.840 then after a while now she's like, Okay, there's no 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:33.560 productivity going on in this room, so we have to 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:35.520 do something productive. So what if we do to our 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:39.000 podcast up here? And I was all for it, ah, 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:41.399 but I was just worried because Jase's room is right 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:43.280 across the hall and we do usually do so you 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:48.080 would give every excuse to not have this move into 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:51.720 his man cave, but we just don't have any other 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:53.880 space to put it. And I just I hate that 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:56.920 we have to, you know, put it up take it 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:59.280 down in our bedroom again. This all is very like 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:01.800 Champagne problem. But at the same time, every time I 0:02:01.880 --> 0:02:05.080 walk past this room, I get this weird like annoyance 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:07.520 good it's going on in there. It's like there's a 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:12.040 you know, and there's this big, oversized ridiculous love sack 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:13.400 in the middle of the room, and I'm just like, like like, 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:18.560 this has to change. So yeah, so now this is 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:23.360 the podcast room and sometimes I get to buy but 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.240 it's all good. No, it's actually good because I'm the 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:27.239 one that sets everything up and takes everything down. So 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:29.120 it's gonna be nice just to leave this stuff up. 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:33.280 Unless now, if she starts coming by the rooms, like 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:36.280 those chords and stuff everywhere, why don't you just clean 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:38.520 up the podcast stuff and then when we come back 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:40.960 in here to work you No, no no, no, no, no, no, 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:43.320 I'm not gonna say that. I'm not going to say that. 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:46.079 I think it's I think it's good. Having said that, 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:49.800 we need to discuss the love sack that ain't going anywhere. 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:52.880 Then the table needs to come down. Fine, where are 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:58.280 we gonna put the table? Doesn't matter. Not go tell 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:00.359 our listeners before we move on about other stuff, just 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:02.840 a little bit about your moving your experience that we're 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:05.280 going to talk about my breast augmentation that's about to 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:09.240 happen here. Surely I'm talking about that too. I was like, 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:13.160 I showed you because I didn't tell you that. I 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:15.560 was like announcing it on socials no, you didn't. I 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:18.920 found out from a third party. But the funniest thing 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:20.480 was is one of my girlfriends thought that I had 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:25.200 like a nip slip because I was like holding my 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:28.520 my boob but like, you know, I was showing that 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:32.600 like obviously I have saggy mom boobs. Um. But I 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:38.120 will say I'm excited, but I'm nervous, and because especially 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:40.440 everyone's commenting about the b I I stuff, which is 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:44.440 the breast implant illness, and I'm like, you know, I've 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:47.520 done so much research around it, but when I look 0:03:47.520 --> 0:03:51.880 at the symptoms, I'm like, it's like depression, Okay, anxiety. 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:53.800 So I'm like, I think I had b I I 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:57.720 without even breast implants in me. All that for you. 0:03:57.840 --> 0:04:00.680 But it is good to know about it, and you know, 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:05.120 it's good to um. You know, it's good to be informed. 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:09.240 And I also think people have been nice about it. 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:13.880 But also I just don't want I think what I think. 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:16.320 It's okay. I think some things just might not work 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:18.840 for some people. And if I end up getting a 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.840 bi I and I start feeling more depression or more 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:23.320 of this, then I'm gonna be like, Okay, I'm gonna 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:25.960 get them out, which but I really think, I mean, 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:29.880 there's so many women that are fine, so I just 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:32.520 have to focus on the positive. Are you ready to 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:39.080 take care of me? H? Yeah? I told Catherine because 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:42.640 we're Katherine, We're talking about it, and I was like, well, 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:44.520 I can't wait for you to not gasp when I 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:48.520 show you my boobs. I'll never forget. I showed her 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:53.960 my boobs after because look, my ariolas just never have 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.960 gone backed down from like after having kids. And she's like, 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:00.839 I was like, is this normal? And she goes and 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:04.480 I was like, well, that's not the reaction I wanted. 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:09.240 She's like, it's a salami. Just tell everybody out there. 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:14.960 I mean, who cares. I'm like whatever. It's kind of 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:17.000 like and I go back to when I was doing 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:18.599 the movie. This kind of goes back to the movie. 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:23.479 I'm like changing in the car, you know, changing in 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.640 the because I had it was eight I think it 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:29.479 was sixty, Yes, sixty costume changes in the movie, and 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:35.560 most costume changes in the movie is like it's sixty 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:37.960 and like going back and forth. Well, I didn't have 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:40.360 time cameras, Like, I didn't have time to go back 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:43.280 to my trailer and change like I was just like, 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:46.240 is there an empty hallway? But by then in the movie, 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:52.640 I'm like, you know, things are flying off and it 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:54.159 was I think it was my driver. She was just 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:57.440 like it's nice to I'm like, look, we all have boobs, 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:00.520 we all got you know, stuff, and it's like, I 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.000 don't we don't need to sexualize it. And I think 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.440 that's when all the like, that's when I started kind 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:07.839 of like having those conversations because I'm like, but we 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:10.240 don't need to sexualize it. Is I have boobs, you've 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:12.800 got boobs, you've got a penis. I gotta like, we 0:06:12.839 --> 0:06:19.400 don't need to Yeah. Yeah, I mean you're fighting against 0:06:20.279 --> 0:06:26.880 years and years and years of uh advertising and marketing 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:29.479 towards sexualizing the human body. I know. I'm just sick 0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:33.600 of it. No, I I get it, I get it. 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:38.720 I mean unfortunately sex Cells does it anymore though, because 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:41.080 I feel like it's they go they're going so overboard 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:46.000 because it's like every single show, I'm like, where's the 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:52.800 seventh Heaven? Give me like wholesome seventh Heaven, Like where 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:56.600 they don't like have you know, just every scene I mean, 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:58.800 and don't get me wrong, like Britain was like my 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:01.560 soft porn. Like I loved it, but at the same time, 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:04.680 I'm like, okay, like does it have to be every show? 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:07.640 Which I was like thrilled that Queen's gam but didn't 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:11.840 have like a throw down, do you know what I'm saying, Like, 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:14.440 I just feel like it's so over the top. It 0:07:15.040 --> 0:07:17.080 is it is. And we talked about this a while back. 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:19.520 I worry even I just like fast forward some things. 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:22.880 I'm just like why it's not necessary in some parts. 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.040 And my fear is that, like with the success of 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:27.720 Bridge Retain, there's gonna be other shows that try to 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:34.400 come out and be that intense. Yeah, but the movie 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:38.640 was good. I had a lot of fun. Um, I'm 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:41.040 kind of scared for people to see it because I 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:43.800 don't even know how it's going to turn out. I 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:48.480 had a total panic attack the day of and I 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:51.760 ended up reaching out to Chantel my winter Hill Coastar, 0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:54.480 and she kind of talked me off the cliff. Where 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:59.000 were we having a panic attack about? Um? I was like, 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:02.000 I can't do it. M I mean, I know. Joke 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:05.040 was like I was crying in my trailer day one, 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:08.640 like full on crying and just like having a massive 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:10.840 panic attack. I'm like, what am I thinking? I can't 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:13.440 play this part. I've never like I'm just the Christmas girl, 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:17.600 I'm just the like fluffy. Hey, we're having a Winner 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:22.840 festival in my hometown. So it was. And then the 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:24.760 first scene sucked. So I don't even want to watch 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:26.560 that scene. I hope I hope it gets cut, to 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:29.120 be honest with you, because I was just so nervous. 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:34.760 But you know what, I'm excited for the final product 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.840 because I think it's going to instill the confidence in 0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:39.520 you that a lot of us are around you that 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:42.160 support you. See. We see, we know you're able to 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:45.680 do that. We know you're talented enough. Two, you know, 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:50.480 really act and be a different character, you know, and 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:53.360 find parts of that character in yourself and utilize that 0:08:53.480 --> 0:08:56.760 to your ability. And I think I think two is 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:58.920 good for you just to kind of to stretch your 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.560 wings a little bit and not get stuck in that 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:05.000 same routine of the Christmas festival and here's this and 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:06.959 here's this's just great. I love Christmas. I'm not knocking 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:09.440 that at all, And I'm great that's what you've done recently? 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:13.520 Yea more of um because you've never you haven't done 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:17.120 anything like this since I've been with you, you know, 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:20.040 so I'm excited for it. I'm excited for you. I 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:23.040 think you're gonna impress yourself with how good it turns out. 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:30.439 Um Eastern are you? Yes? It has. Ever since I 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:32.320 saw you in that prison jump suit, I was like, 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:36.280 what is going on? Is this Orange is the new Black? 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:38.680 What is happening? I can't wait to see this movie. Yeah, 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:41.800 I get arrested, I get shoved into it like it's 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:44.120 it's it's it's crazy. It's based on a true story. 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:46.520 I'm not allowed to say anything really about it yet, 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:50.200 but it really was fun and I I just hope 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:54.240 it turns out good. But if not, there's always twelve 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:57.199 days of Christmas. It will It's gonna be great. It's 0:09:57.200 --> 0:09:59.240 gonna be a lot of fun. And how are you, babe? Like, 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:01.559 we're back them now? You had the kids for such 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:05.120 a long time. Yeah, yeah, I'm good now to have 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:07.440 you around and to be able to bounce things off 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:09.800 of you and stuff. But you know, we talked about it. 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.320 It's sometimes you know, when we used to have help 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:14.960 a lot, and we'd have the kids friendly like an 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:16.480 hour or two that day because we had a lot 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.840 of work stuff or whatever going on. It was almost 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:21.720 like it was harder when we only had them a limited, 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:24.200 limited amount of time. But then when we had them 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:27.760 all the time, like during most of quarantine, you're not 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.560 as quick to get aggravated and it just becomes part 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:32.480 of your routine. And so that was it for me. 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:35.680 It's just like your parents, right you just step up 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:37.280 and that's what you do. It's like, this is my 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:38.920 role right now, this is what needs to be done, 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:42.120 this is my responsibility, and you just fall into it. 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:45.720 Do we talk about the blow up fights that we had. 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:50.280 I don't know, Man, those are over and done with. 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:57.440 I'd rather leave them there. It's funny. I I was 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:01.880 doing questions on my Instagram and someone was like, well, 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:04.240 there's a few that were like you looked really sad 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:07.679 a few times, like in Canada, and I didn't answer 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:09.920 those ones, and then another one I when I did 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:15.800 answer there, they said, um, not to be nosy, but 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:19.559 I did notice that you slept alone a lot in Canada, 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.400 like at night, because I would do like a good 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:27.480 night posts and it's like, obviously you're not there. So 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:32.280 I answered that question. I was like, well, truthfully, first 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:35.560 and foremost I would I worked later the normal, and 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:37.440 so then I would have to get up or I 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:39.240 would want to sleep in, and like, I'm not the 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:43.520 person that can like if I hear anything in alarm 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:47.440 or I'm up. And so I was in another room. 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:50.040 Out of the kindness of my heart, I said, But 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:59.240 then the other times we're fighting and Mama gets the master. Yeah, 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.360 I don't know if I've are successfully kicked you out 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:03.520 of the room. I think one time you tried, and 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:10.400 I was like what You're like, no, you get I've tried. 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:14.520 You've definitely tried, but I don't stop. So then you're 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:18.680 just like getting screw it. I'm going to bed. I'm tired. 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:22.120 They were bad though they were bad blow ups. Why 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.320 do you think we had the blow ups? I mean, 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:32.600 I think there's no matter what, no matter what, like 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.040 going into a situation like that and you're accepting your roles. 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:40.880 I think you know, just like you know with there 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:42.920 when there's someone in the relationship that stays home with 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:46.720 the kids all day, right, and where it's the wife 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:48.840 of the husband come home, whoever is going to work 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:51.920 comes home, it's like they're tired from work. Well, the 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:53.800 other the other ones tired from being with the kids, 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:56.360 and it's that kind of push and pull of who's 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:57.960 more tired. Well, I've been with the kids all day, 0:12:58.000 --> 0:12:59.520 so you said, up what, I've been working all day. 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:04.240 So I think there's some of that light resentment of 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:08.520 you're freaking exhausted, like you're working all day. You know, 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:13.000 you're like maybe needed more things from me, And then 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:16.080 I'm with the kids and it's hard just to like 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:18.199 pop by and see you from time to time because 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:21.439 it's with both kids and bringing them, packing stuff and 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:23.160 and so it's just I think there was some of 0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:25.200 that and the fact that we weren't able to see 0:13:25.200 --> 0:13:28.360 each other and connect. So it was my text message 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:32.520 to you accurate. Then we're like you wanted to be 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:35.679 in the supportive role, but at the same time you 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.840 had a resentment of being in that role. No, it 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:43.520 was more about like resentment I felt, I felt like 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:48.439 lack of respect of like what I was doing where 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.440 even though I did say many times like thanks for 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:56.880 holding it down, yeah, because I think at times, you know, 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:01.000 when like when you had breaks and I'll bring the 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:04.360 kids Out's great because you got to have time with them, 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:06.160 But when it was when like you're going to work 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:07.560 and you'd have to do hair and makeup and you 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:10.480 when the kids to come for a little bit. It's like, all, yeah, 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:13.280 Jolie is cool for a minute, like she's fine sitting 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:14.680 in like the makeup chair and getting her hair and 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:17.840 makeup done or something too. But Jason and I are 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:20.160 sitting in the trailer and at ten by ten trailer 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:25.160 for an hour like that's not you know, that's not 0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:28.560 fun for him or I And yeah, you get to 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:31.640 kind of have some time, but not really so it's 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:33.800 for me. It was like, if you want some time, 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:35.520 let's let's do it on your break, which I think 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.440 pretty much every break that you had that would that 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:40.280 lined up with the kids schedule, I brought him. But 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:41.920 it's like some of those other times, I'm like, man, 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:45.120 if she's not realized it is hard to just come 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.760 by and sit here while she gets to steal a 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:51.120 few minutes here and there with the kids. Where I 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:53.480 like start having this thought and like that's selfish? Ever, 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:55.280 like is she being so like I know, I know 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:56.800 how you are, Like, I know you want to see 0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:59.640 the kids so bad. It's not really from a selfish 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:05.480 stamp point, but you know it's doing all doing all 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:07.560 that and having the kids and taking it back and 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:10.400 forth and having their schedule is tough too. So I 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.920 think at times like it's like I was expected to 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:16.560 just come whenever you wanted me, come whenever you needed me, 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:18.640 and then okay, I'm done. I'm done with you guys. 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:22.680 I gotta go work, go home, you know. So I 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.040 think that's what it was. It wasn't about resentment about 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:27.520 being in that role. I am. I embraced that role 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:30.480 going into this, I think it was, and you did. 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:35.000 You did verbally affirmed me several times, and I tried 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:37.480 to do the same to you, because I know. I mean, 0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:40.400 that's one thing, right, Like people even if they listen 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:43.560 to this and complain about how hard it was or whatever, 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:47.600 it's like people do not realize unless they stay spend 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:51.080 a whole day on set, what actors like, what you 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.800 guys have to go through, how long the days are, 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:55.920 how exhausting it is, how much you have to learn, 0:15:56.600 --> 0:15:58.800 how many moving parts there are. You could do things 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:03.600 perfect five times, but every time there's someone else messing up, 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:06.120 the cameraman's messing up, this is out of place or whatever. 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:08.760 So there's a lot that you have to deal with 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:13.040 and you're exhausted, and so you know, I tried to 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.600 do my best to support you and be there. And 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:18.480 then when you weren't feeling supported or appreciated in things 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:22.520 like you know, that was hard too, because I always 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:29.840 trying to make a point to be supportive. Mm hmm, yeah, 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:35.560 I see, there's gears working. I'm just listening. Yeah, I mean, 0:16:35.560 --> 0:16:39.840 it makes it makes sense. It's just there's always the 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:46.080 other side, you know, which I think is hard in 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:49.760 these kind of situations for sure, which is exactly what 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:51.960 I was saying. Why I compared it to just the 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:54.920 daily husband and wife whoever is again working or not. 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:59.320 Each person has those feelings of just you want the 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.800 other persons to your way, but it's just not not 0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:04.919 really the case because you both are in different shoes, 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:09.040 you're both in different situations, so you can't fully respect 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:14.800 the other person's exhaustion or or whatever. So I think 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:17.080 that's that was the thing. It was like we had 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:21.399 that underline. There was again, your schedule was all whacked 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:23.800 out of place, so we didn't have the connection at 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:26.240 the time that we really wanted. By the time the 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:30.760 weekend came, you know, we didn't always get along and 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:33.000 we just try to make it about family time and 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:38.200 so you know that was just tough. Can I ask 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:43.439 you if you've thought about like where the when you 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:54.320 get to that point the like the mean words come from, 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:56.919 Well that has something to do that that fight was 0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:02.800 about something else what it was still mean none the 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:05.520 other stuff too. Though. I'm just curious because I mean, 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:08.119 I know where like mine, like when I get upset, 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:16.480 I mean or I get like um, because it's you know, 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.840 I don't feel like that respect either, you know mm 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:25.040 hmm um, but like I don't want to hurt you. 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:28.359 So I'm just like curious, like if anything has come 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:31.840 up for you recently that like you've realized like oh, 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:34.800 like why you go there? Because I think some people 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:39.520 want to understand why someone says things they don't mean it, 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:44.920 but when they say it, it hurts the person and 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:47.960 for like me not to hold the people to hold 0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:52.200 onto it. Do you see what I'm trying to say? Yeah, 0:18:52.359 --> 0:19:01.359 it's my you know, it's my ultimate like it's my 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:09.200 last defense to be happy, respected or heard. I'll talk 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:11.199 about the mean words no saying is it to be 0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:13.639 because you want to be heard? Like what is it 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:17.160 like that you're like wanting when someone's mean to their 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:20.239 partner with words like, what is it really like? What 0:19:20.240 --> 0:19:22.440 are they really asking for? Is it to be heard? 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:25.639 Because I want to understand too, so that the person, 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:30.000 me and other people don't take it personal. Yeah, I 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:33.480 mean it's it's being heard and being respected. It's when 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:37.000 when I'm trying I try to use my words because 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:39.800 I never just immediately go there. It's always as we 0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:42.560 start to argue, as we start to have conflict, well, 0:19:42.600 --> 0:19:45.760 and we always want to we when we fight, we 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:47.760 we both want to be heard, and so we're just 0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:51.399 saying it louder and more and we escalate. Like in 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:55.000 our therapist watches us, he literally is like I'm watching 0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:59.080 it happen. It's like no, but hear me, but hear me, 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:04.639 and then it just keeps going. Yeah, it's just and 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:06.160 when it gets to that place and I just I'm 0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:11.080 not being hurt, I'm not being respected, and even when 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:12.720 I try to say it from a good place, it's 0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:17.720 just being devalued. I'm just like, yeah, it's just like 0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:22.639 you know, hitting the red button just I don't know 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:25.120 what else to do, and it's unhealthy and I'm trying 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:26.520 to kick all that and it's been a long time 0:20:26.560 --> 0:20:29.640 since I've used mean words and gotten mean like that, 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:35.000 and it sucks, you know, I feel bad, feel bad 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:41.119 that I did. Um, what's something that? Like, you know, 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:43.720 because we've all we've all said mean words like what's 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:47.240 something that like maybe your therapists told you or like that? 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:52.000 You see, like what you can do to not say 0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:56.840 mean words because I know for me, like for me 0:20:56.880 --> 0:20:59.840 not to be aggressive, like I have to physically walk away. 0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:04.720 I'm not saying this. I'm not hoping you. I'm not 0:21:04.760 --> 0:21:07.800 trying to like like I'm saying, we both have so 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:10.520 much to work on, you know. I'm just like trying 0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:13.800 to understand that more because I take I think, like 0:21:14.160 --> 0:21:17.000 what's from the big bomb fight that we kind of 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:23.679 had in Vancouver. The words are what have have stayed 0:21:23.720 --> 0:21:26.920 with me and you don't mean those, but those are 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:30.360 the worst things that stay with someone. So it's like 0:21:30.720 --> 0:21:32.000 I don't want to you know what I'm saying. Do 0:21:32.000 --> 0:21:34.680 you know what I'm trying to say, Like I don't 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:38.920 want people to have to keep those in their brains 0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:41.760 because that's not the truth. So it's like, Okay, if 0:21:41.760 --> 0:21:44.320 you can spin it and try to understand your partner. 0:21:46.119 --> 0:21:50.560 But there's no understanding of justifying like mean words being said, right, 0:21:50.600 --> 0:21:52.560 and you and I are different. You said some mean 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:55.760 words and mean things to me and I I don't 0:21:55.800 --> 0:21:57.880 hold onto those like you do. But we're different people 0:21:57.920 --> 0:22:07.040 and that's okay. Mm hmm. You said mean things? Really 0:22:07.160 --> 0:22:09.119 had that look like I didn't? I like, yeah, you do, 0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:13.280 you did. I said mean things, but you cut deep 0:22:13.520 --> 0:22:15.280 like you take my mean where. It's like I'm like 0:22:15.359 --> 0:22:19.080 you're in a hole and you're like Europe like where. 0:22:19.119 --> 0:22:23.040 It's like you take it like I'm like high school. 0:22:23.040 --> 0:22:29.080 I mean, you're like X rayed mean. Now, neither are right. 0:22:29.960 --> 0:22:34.159 That's the thing. Neither are right, zero percent. Neither are right. 0:22:34.880 --> 0:22:37.920 And that's the thing. Like you know, name calling those 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:45.240 things are bad, but it's like you know what you do. No, 0:22:45.400 --> 0:22:50.960 it's just me trying to force the upper hand or 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:53.040 force respect, which is just a bad way to do it. 0:22:53.080 --> 0:22:55.000 I mean, it's you know, I try to do things 0:22:55.040 --> 0:22:56.879 like say I'm not in a good place to talk, 0:22:56.920 --> 0:22:59.720 but you don't really hear that. You know I tried that. 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:01.960 If you times so, I you know, I probably should 0:23:01.960 --> 0:23:04.240 have just gotten up and walked away because in the 0:23:04.280 --> 0:23:05.760 big blow up at the beginning, I feel was like, 0:23:05.800 --> 0:23:08.800 I'm out in place to talk. You kept going. I said, 0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:10.920 I'm out a place to talk. I said it louder 0:23:10.920 --> 0:23:12.919 and louder, and you kept going. You kept going, but 0:23:13.000 --> 0:23:17.080 you said the thing before and then I went down. 0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:20.280 I was like, oh no, no, no, no, you do 0:23:20.359 --> 0:23:25.159 not get to come like like that's you didn't say 0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:27.720 any want to talk about At that point, I was like, 0:23:27.880 --> 0:23:30.639 you can. I don't care. We're going because I was 0:23:30.680 --> 0:23:37.320 offline then after that comment. Welcome to the train wreck, guys. 0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:39.800 Let's wind down with Jana and Mike. We can't wait 0:23:39.840 --> 0:23:44.400 to be back with another new guest. I think next week, though, 0:23:44.440 --> 0:23:48.159 we have a guest coming on about what was The 0:23:48.480 --> 0:23:51.280 book is called How Not to Fight? Everyone Fights, Everyone 0:23:51.320 --> 0:23:54.720 fights or but I think, look, the moral of the 0:23:54.760 --> 0:23:59.000 story is they're going to be nights where Mike is 0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:04.800 maybe not in bed. We might have blow ups. Everybody fights, 0:24:04.840 --> 0:24:09.600 everybody fights. I think it's just you don't want blow 0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:12.800 ups all the freaking time. You don't want them weekly, 0:24:12.920 --> 0:24:17.120 you don't want them monthly, you know, but we might 0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:19.120 have a big I mean that was that's that's been 0:24:19.160 --> 0:24:22.480 it's been a you know, and I think there was 0:24:22.480 --> 0:24:24.359 a lot of factors that went into it. But we 0:24:24.440 --> 0:24:27.200 have to now from that, like go to our therapists 0:24:27.200 --> 0:24:33.720 and dissect things and dissect things and process them because 0:24:34.640 --> 0:24:39.359 there's underlying things that you know, we're feeling and we 0:24:39.400 --> 0:24:41.240 need to discuss it and not hold on to it, 0:24:41.240 --> 0:24:44.879 because if you're holding onto any underlying stuff, it's just 0:24:44.880 --> 0:24:46.840 gonna have You're going to have another blow up because 0:24:46.880 --> 0:24:49.560 you're just shoving things down for the next big blow 0:24:49.640 --> 0:24:56.360 up and that's not healthy. So if you're holding onto things, no, 0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:58.800 it's tough, right because like maybe I had things coming 0:24:58.880 --> 0:25:00.800 up during the time up there, but it's like I'm 0:25:00.840 --> 0:25:02.960 not going to have enough on your plate. I'm not 0:25:02.960 --> 0:25:04.520 going to bring that to you right now. And then 0:25:04.560 --> 0:25:07.840 it's like you say something kind of attacking me, and 0:25:07.880 --> 0:25:12.080 then that's like opens that cam. Yeah, you know, I've 0:25:12.119 --> 0:25:14.439 been holding onto myn so I don't bother you or 0:25:14.760 --> 0:25:17.720 stress you out. You know, wait till we get back 0:25:17.760 --> 0:25:19.720 home and have a couple of session and here you 0:25:19.720 --> 0:25:22.359 are saying to me and I just want to blow up, 0:25:23.080 --> 0:25:27.040 you know, So I mean again, that's and that's all 0:25:27.080 --> 0:25:28.520 I was saying at the end, like I'm so excited 0:25:28.560 --> 0:25:31.679 to get home because I just I just want to 0:25:31.680 --> 0:25:35.159 get back to not that like, yeah, a routine of 0:25:35.280 --> 0:25:39.800 just having time together, having fun together, being connected, you know, 0:25:39.920 --> 0:25:43.400 going to sleeping in the same bed, and you know, well, 0:25:43.440 --> 0:25:45.640 and I think because a lot of those nights were 0:25:45.760 --> 0:25:49.199 just because I needed to sleep in because I was 0:25:50.280 --> 0:25:52.720 But that's disconnecting us, not even being in the same bed. 0:25:53.640 --> 0:25:56.280 And like like this morning we went you went back 0:25:56.320 --> 0:25:58.240 to being like I appreciate you, and I'm like, oh, 0:25:58.600 --> 0:26:00.639 in my heart, I was like I forgot what that 0:26:00.720 --> 0:26:02.880 felt like to like say those words to each other 0:26:02.960 --> 0:26:05.160 because it's such a nice way to start the day. 0:26:05.480 --> 0:26:07.160 And we didn't. We weren't able to start the day 0:26:07.200 --> 0:26:09.600 like that. It's almost like we just were starting the 0:26:09.680 --> 0:26:13.720 day just frustrated, annoyed and tired and just because we're 0:26:13.760 --> 0:26:17.640 just on different schedules. Yeah, it was just it was hard. 0:26:17.800 --> 0:26:21.680 Some moral of the story, try not to hold things in, 0:26:23.040 --> 0:26:26.440 communicate from a good place and don't be high school 0:26:26.520 --> 0:26:34.359 Janna or college and Mike. All right, let's take your 0:26:34.359 --> 0:26:38.479 break and we'll get the zen. Mamas. Oh, it's all 0:26:38.480 --> 0:26:51.480 a good fight. Let's do it all right, So let's 0:26:51.480 --> 0:26:54.480 welcome our guests. We have Teresa Palmer and Sarah Olsen, 0:26:54.520 --> 0:26:57.840 who are the Zen Mamas. They're both too successful, very 0:26:57.840 --> 0:27:02.480 successful actresses and moms with multiple children. So you know, 0:27:02.520 --> 0:27:05.639 we're just talking to you a little bit. And Teresa, 0:27:05.760 --> 0:27:08.280 you have five kids, including the one of your belly. 0:27:08.480 --> 0:27:11.560 And Sarah, how many do you have? Um, I have 0:27:11.640 --> 0:27:15.840 three kids. I just had um a daughter back in September. 0:27:16.160 --> 0:27:20.240 She's six months old now. And that was your rainbow baby, right, Yes, 0:27:20.680 --> 0:27:26.320 that was my rainbow baby. That's just like the best. Right, 0:27:26.600 --> 0:27:28.680 it's like you forget. It's not that you don't forge 0:27:29.040 --> 0:27:31.080 it's not that you forget the pain, but just like 0:27:31.240 --> 0:27:36.280 it it makes sense in a in a weird way. Yeah, 0:27:36.400 --> 0:27:42.359 for sure. I mean it's definitely. I think for me personally, 0:27:42.359 --> 0:27:44.800 it made for a little bit more of an anxious 0:27:44.840 --> 0:27:50.239 pregnancy and um, you know after having a loss and 0:27:50.280 --> 0:27:52.280 then I mean I was very excited, but I was 0:27:52.320 --> 0:27:56.960 also experiencing this pregnancy during the pandemic, so um, that 0:27:57.040 --> 0:28:00.480 anxiety of the pandemic on top of also I previously 0:28:00.520 --> 0:28:04.520 had a loss and then um, but you know, once 0:28:04.800 --> 0:28:07.639 I had her, it was just like it couldn't have 0:28:07.680 --> 0:28:11.119 been a better mix of happy hormones, because I was 0:28:11.200 --> 0:28:13.480 just like, oh my god, I was blown away. For sure. 0:28:13.480 --> 0:28:15.280 It's one of those things where I just found out 0:28:15.280 --> 0:28:17.040 one of my girlfriends is pregnant and this is going 0:28:17.080 --> 0:28:19.159 to be her rainbow baby. And I'm like, look, just 0:28:19.200 --> 0:28:21.360 so you know, it is normal to wipe every time 0:28:21.359 --> 0:28:22.760 you go to the bathroom and think it's going to 0:28:22.840 --> 0:28:27.240 be blood. Like, it's just until you're thirty eight, thirty 0:28:27.280 --> 0:28:30.320 ninemies pregnant, you will you will do that and that's normal, 0:28:30.480 --> 0:28:33.439 and it's I could tell you a million things, but 0:28:33.520 --> 0:28:36.399 it's you're not going to stop thinking that it's the worst. 0:28:36.440 --> 0:28:39.000 And I mean, you uys did it today. I was like, 0:28:39.400 --> 0:28:41.040 let me just check. Oh my god, that quess is 0:28:41.120 --> 0:28:45.120 fine and I'm weeks pregnant. It just doesn't go away, 0:28:45.240 --> 0:28:49.440 does it. But I think again, like once you you know, 0:28:49.600 --> 0:28:53.760 you have the baby and you can feel that zen um. 0:28:53.800 --> 0:28:55.520 But how do you guys, how do you guys find 0:28:55.560 --> 0:29:00.560 your zen um? Oh well, it's fun. We have a 0:29:00.960 --> 0:29:05.240 probably a different definition of the terms zen then what 0:29:05.360 --> 0:29:07.760 a lot of people do. I think that word can 0:29:07.800 --> 0:29:12.560 be synonymous with, you know, the perfect family. Everyone so 0:29:12.840 --> 0:29:17.600 well balanced children wear linen and frolic through fields of daisies. 0:29:18.240 --> 0:29:21.840 You know, it's definitely not that gives such a false 0:29:21.840 --> 0:29:24.840 sense of reality. UM. And I think we probably have 0:29:25.080 --> 0:29:29.240 Instagram to blame for that. But our version of zen 0:29:29.640 --> 0:29:34.200 is just really embracing the chaos and the unexpected moments, 0:29:34.200 --> 0:29:37.120 the peaks and valleys of parenting and just trying to 0:29:37.160 --> 0:29:40.840 find those moments of calm in amongst it all, liberating 0:29:40.880 --> 0:29:45.120 ourselves from the perfect picture of how our parenting should look. 0:29:45.640 --> 0:29:51.280 So that's really what we we call it zen Ish Finish. 0:29:51.680 --> 0:29:54.640 So you guys first started like the whole zen Mama thing, 0:29:54.760 --> 0:29:59.800 It all started as a blog correct and website. Yes, yeah, Teresa, 0:30:00.040 --> 0:30:05.320 had I been doing yours in life she started that website. 0:30:05.320 --> 0:30:08.840 When did you start that, Teresa? That would have been 0:30:09.280 --> 0:30:15.640 like two thousand and ten with Phoebe Tounkin we did that. 0:30:15.640 --> 0:30:19.480 That was like a wellness website, um, exercise and eating 0:30:19.480 --> 0:30:22.640 healthy and you know, trying to find balance. And then 0:30:22.680 --> 0:30:27.040 of course when we became parents. UM. I think for me, 0:30:27.280 --> 0:30:31.360 it's sort of just organically shifted into oh, now how 0:30:31.360 --> 0:30:34.720 do I do all those things and bear mother? Um? 0:30:34.760 --> 0:30:36.840 And that's where Sarah came in because she was really 0:30:36.880 --> 0:30:39.280 interested in doing it a blog as well, and we 0:30:39.400 --> 0:30:42.240 just sort of put these ideas together and then our 0:30:42.280 --> 0:30:47.560 community was born. That's fantastic. So in the community, what 0:30:47.800 --> 0:30:49.960 can we first of all, where can you know, other 0:30:50.080 --> 0:30:52.760 mama's find the community? And then also like what is 0:30:53.400 --> 0:30:56.200 you know, what's one thing that is it? Is it? 0:30:56.480 --> 0:31:00.400 You know, just parenting? Is it? Also relational stuff? What 0:31:00.400 --> 0:31:03.840 what else can like they find in the community. Sure, 0:31:04.040 --> 0:31:07.560 so it's um yours and mama dot com and then 0:31:07.600 --> 0:31:10.760 we have Instagram, Facebook as well as at yours and 0:31:10.920 --> 0:31:15.240 Mama and UM. You know, when Teresa and I started 0:31:15.560 --> 0:31:19.280 this space, we were looking for, you know, what's our 0:31:19.680 --> 0:31:23.120 who's in our community that we can talk to and 0:31:23.160 --> 0:31:26.720 reach out to because, um, my family doesn't live here 0:31:26.920 --> 0:31:30.360 in Los Angeles where I live in. Teresa like, she travels, 0:31:30.400 --> 0:31:33.840 not stop for work. So you know you're right now 0:31:33.880 --> 0:31:36.400 you're talking to her. She's in Estonia shooting a movie. 0:31:36.440 --> 0:31:38.080 She was just here in l A like a few 0:31:38.400 --> 0:31:40.160 weeks ago, and then a few weeks before that she 0:31:40.280 --> 0:31:42.800 was in Wales and in Australia. So you know, it's 0:31:42.840 --> 0:31:46.160 so hard when you're not planted somewhere and you have 0:31:46.920 --> 0:31:49.840 your community of people around you, and so when we 0:31:49.880 --> 0:31:51.720 first became mothers, we were kind of the first of 0:31:51.720 --> 0:31:55.560 our friends to do that, and UM we really longed 0:31:55.720 --> 0:31:59.960 for community setting, you know, other women to share ideas 0:32:00.000 --> 0:32:03.080 and stories. And so when you come to Yours and Mama, 0:32:03.160 --> 0:32:07.560 you can read articles about everything from UM someone who's 0:32:07.720 --> 0:32:10.640 wanting to be a mother and going on that, you know, 0:32:10.720 --> 0:32:16.200 fertility journey to UM breastfeeding multiple kids at the same time, 0:32:16.360 --> 0:32:18.920 you know tan and breastfeeding. You can read articles about 0:32:18.960 --> 0:32:21.720 pregnancy loss, and that's you know, kind of where our 0:32:21.760 --> 0:32:25.160 book came into play is that we took all of 0:32:25.200 --> 0:32:30.000 that information and kind of developed UM into a book 0:32:30.080 --> 0:32:32.440 where you can you know, it's from the moment you 0:32:32.560 --> 0:32:35.160 first have that idea all I want, I think I 0:32:35.200 --> 0:32:38.000 want to be a parent to all the way through, 0:32:38.080 --> 0:32:39.800 like what does that look like? What kind of parent 0:32:39.880 --> 0:32:41.840 do I want to be? So every step of the 0:32:41.920 --> 0:32:45.480 journey along the way for for both of you, for 0:32:45.520 --> 0:32:49.040 being traveling working mothers, you know, what kind of advice 0:32:49.040 --> 0:32:52.040 do you have or in your experience have you gone 0:32:52.080 --> 0:32:54.600 through for other women out there and other families out 0:32:54.600 --> 0:32:56.840 there dealing with a career that does take you all 0:32:56.880 --> 0:32:59.320 over because you know, we just got back from Vancouver 0:32:59.360 --> 0:33:01.600 with Jana being up there filming for six weeks, and 0:33:01.640 --> 0:33:04.200 it's you know, taking both the kids. And I come 0:33:04.240 --> 0:33:06.760 from more of a conservative mindset of all right, one, 0:33:07.040 --> 0:33:08.600 once the kids are in school, you're not missing a 0:33:08.720 --> 0:33:10.920 day and you can't be traveling. And Mama bear here 0:33:11.000 --> 0:33:14.320 is like, like, I mean my babies with me, So like, 0:33:14.400 --> 0:33:18.360 how have you guys personally managed that whole thing? We 0:33:18.520 --> 0:33:23.960 have a rule that the family sticks together. Yeah, I 0:33:24.040 --> 0:33:27.520 see a little happy dance over there, but it's important. 0:33:27.680 --> 0:33:31.800 It's so important for the whole crew. Yeah. And I 0:33:31.880 --> 0:33:37.320 actually I came to that decision. Um when my son 0:33:37.560 --> 0:33:43.360 was was little. I was working with an actress and 0:33:43.480 --> 0:33:46.240 she said, you know, one of my regrets is that 0:33:46.360 --> 0:33:51.680 I left my child, you know, with her father when 0:33:51.720 --> 0:33:54.280 I would go off and film for these long stretches 0:33:54.320 --> 0:33:57.360 of time. And her daughter had now grown up, and 0:33:57.360 --> 0:33:59.640 she said, Mom, why didn't you just bring me with you? 0:34:00.040 --> 0:34:02.440 Bring me with you, let me adventure and have this 0:34:02.720 --> 0:34:06.640 global experience and keep us as a family unit. And 0:34:06.760 --> 0:34:10.920 she Um, that was one of the really most important 0:34:10.960 --> 0:34:13.759 pieces of advice I got. This is before my son 0:34:13.920 --> 0:34:17.279 was in school and she said, bring those babies with 0:34:17.360 --> 0:34:20.640 you and bring them everywhere and keep that family unit together, 0:34:21.120 --> 0:34:24.960 and school figure itself out. You will learn from the world. 0:34:25.040 --> 0:34:28.440 You will learn from those experiences. You can home school, 0:34:28.520 --> 0:34:31.040 You can do so many amazing creative things with the 0:34:31.160 --> 0:34:33.640 kids in terms of learning and just just being in 0:34:33.640 --> 0:34:38.120 different surroundings. Is um. You know, they're absorbing so much. 0:34:38.160 --> 0:34:41.000 And I find that we're going to stone here right now. 0:34:41.040 --> 0:34:43.920 And you know, today, as a part of his lesson, 0:34:44.040 --> 0:34:46.080 I was like, all right, let's go outside and you know, 0:34:46.160 --> 0:34:49.080 throw snowballs and we can talk about temperature and how 0:34:49.160 --> 0:34:52.560 other cultures live and this is how you know, these 0:34:52.640 --> 0:34:56.440 families who live in such a wintry environment, this is 0:34:56.440 --> 0:34:59.080 how they have fun and look for these toboggans and 0:34:59.200 --> 0:35:03.000 so you can you find yourself learning on the guard. Um. 0:35:03.160 --> 0:35:06.160 So that's our family rule. We just stick together. My 0:35:06.239 --> 0:35:09.040 husband travels with us, My mom tries to travel with 0:35:09.120 --> 0:35:11.880 us as well as much as she can, and we 0:35:12.000 --> 0:35:13.959 just make it work. We try, and you know, he'll 0:35:13.960 --> 0:35:16.279 work for a period of time, then I'll work for 0:35:16.360 --> 0:35:19.160 a period of time. So so far, so good, but 0:35:19.880 --> 0:35:23.520 things might change, and then we will have that conversation 0:35:23.760 --> 0:35:28.440 when those things start to seem like they're shifting. I 0:35:29.640 --> 0:35:31.799 was gonna say that I tried it the other way. 0:35:32.000 --> 0:35:34.160 We've always stacked together as a family. But my husband's 0:35:34.160 --> 0:35:36.759 been on a show here in Los Angeles for like 0:35:36.800 --> 0:35:39.920 twelve years. UM, this show called inn C I s 0:35:40.040 --> 0:35:42.879 l A and UM. They work you know, eleven months 0:35:42.920 --> 0:35:47.920 out of the year uh here, and so I have had, 0:35:48.200 --> 0:35:50.960 you know, to go and and travel outside of l 0:35:51.000 --> 0:35:53.719 A to work, um quite a few times. Then when 0:35:53.760 --> 0:35:56.319 we had our son, UM, I went to shoot a 0:35:56.360 --> 0:36:00.800 movie outside of l A. And it was really hard. 0:36:00.960 --> 0:36:04.239 It was really hard for Eric. UM. I felt bad 0:36:04.320 --> 0:36:07.880 for him because I was taking our son somewhere else 0:36:08.000 --> 0:36:09.719 and you know, he would come and visit, but then 0:36:09.719 --> 0:36:11.279 he would have to go back and he wouldn't see 0:36:11.320 --> 0:36:13.760 him for a couple of weeks. And he's such a 0:36:13.800 --> 0:36:17.800 present dad, you know, and he just I think, gets 0:36:17.840 --> 0:36:19.799 so excited every day to see the kids when he 0:36:19.840 --> 0:36:22.879 comes home. So you know, that was really tough on him. 0:36:22.920 --> 0:36:25.880 And then this last time when I went to shoot, 0:36:26.000 --> 0:36:29.799 I went to shoot in Toronto, UM, and it was 0:36:29.920 --> 0:36:33.000 it was in two and nineteen and I was like, Okay, 0:36:33.000 --> 0:36:35.200 I've never done this before, but I'm gonna like try 0:36:35.200 --> 0:36:37.560 to make a deal where I go and I can 0:36:37.600 --> 0:36:40.760 only be there for like three days at a time, 0:36:40.840 --> 0:36:43.759 and then I'll fly back. I'll fly back every single week. Right, 0:36:44.520 --> 0:36:50.360 it was a nightmare. I mean, shooting the show was amazing, 0:36:50.560 --> 0:36:53.880 but at the same time, it came with this massive 0:36:54.920 --> 0:36:58.600 um heartache of like I'm away from my kids. I'm 0:36:58.640 --> 0:37:01.920 completely exhausted because I'm getting on a flight. The moment 0:37:02.000 --> 0:37:04.640 I say my last line, I'm racing to the airport, 0:37:05.520 --> 0:37:07.560 flying home. Got to be with my kids for a 0:37:07.640 --> 0:37:10.839 couple of days, and then I'm racing back again. And 0:37:10.960 --> 0:37:14.319 every single week for almost four months, I flew back 0:37:14.320 --> 0:37:19.640 and forth to Toronto and it was great, airline miles 0:37:19.680 --> 0:37:26.279 amazing like so many but it was a nightmare and um, 0:37:26.320 --> 0:37:29.280 and I think something that this last year has taught 0:37:29.360 --> 0:37:31.759 us where we've sort of had to park it, and 0:37:32.160 --> 0:37:34.640 you know, our industry was shut down for a while, 0:37:35.200 --> 0:37:38.920 was you know, what is it that I really want? 0:37:39.200 --> 0:37:41.560 Do I do I want to go out of town 0:37:41.640 --> 0:37:43.960 and shoot a show or a movie, or do I 0:37:44.040 --> 0:37:46.359 just want to like try to work here and then 0:37:46.880 --> 0:37:49.640 you know, when Eric's off, if we can shoot something 0:37:49.640 --> 0:37:52.480 out of town, great, But what's most important, and I 0:37:52.520 --> 0:37:54.640 agree with all of you, which is like keeping our 0:37:54.680 --> 0:37:57.680 family unit together that has been you know, the silver 0:37:57.760 --> 0:38:00.719 lining is being able to be this little unit during 0:38:00.719 --> 0:38:04.479 this time. Yeah, I mean, I obviously agree with you girls, 0:38:04.600 --> 0:38:10.879 because I just think because yeah, I just we're not 0:38:10.960 --> 0:38:16.000 good when we're apart and the kids aren't either, you know, 0:38:16.080 --> 0:38:17.920 like it's and I'm not when I'm not with my 0:38:18.000 --> 0:38:20.880 kids for three days, like I'm a psycho and I 0:38:20.880 --> 0:38:24.200 I'm not good at work and I'm not like I'm 0:38:24.200 --> 0:38:26.279 not fun to be around on set. Like even when 0:38:26.320 --> 0:38:28.200 I didn't see the kids for like the one day 0:38:28.200 --> 0:38:29.680 you guys couldn't come see me on set and I 0:38:29.680 --> 0:38:31.120 didn't see them all day, I was just like I'm 0:38:31.160 --> 0:38:33.040 a terrible mom of crying in my trailer like what 0:38:33.120 --> 0:38:34.640 am I? Why am I doing this? Like why am 0:38:34.640 --> 0:38:36.520 I acting? Like why am I away from my kids? 0:38:37.120 --> 0:38:39.839 And it's like, you know, it's just it's that that 0:38:39.880 --> 0:38:42.440 mom guilt that guys, And I'm not not trying to 0:38:42.480 --> 0:38:44.080 be mean, but like you can be like, no, we're 0:38:44.160 --> 0:38:46.960 staying here and they're going to you know, you know, 0:38:47.280 --> 0:38:49.640 public school. They can only miss eight days, So I'm 0:38:49.640 --> 0:38:52.800 like that means that then mom can't work and and 0:38:53.280 --> 0:38:55.880 I can't not not be with my kids. Like I know, 0:38:56.000 --> 0:38:58.719 Dad's they I mean, he's Michael. My husband is a 0:38:58.840 --> 0:39:02.640 very hands on dad, so hands on just like y'all's husbands. 0:39:02.760 --> 0:39:05.600 But it's like it's still but we still need them 0:39:05.640 --> 0:39:09.040 to with us. I think that, Yeah, I think that's where, 0:39:09.160 --> 0:39:11.040 at least for me personally, I don't know if I 0:39:11.040 --> 0:39:13.680 can speak for all husbands. I try not to take 0:39:13.680 --> 0:39:16.440 it personally because I kind of do where I'm like, 0:39:17.000 --> 0:39:19.719 the kids are with the second best person that could 0:39:19.719 --> 0:39:22.680 possibly be with their with their father. Like it's not 0:39:22.719 --> 0:39:25.239 like you're leaving them and there with a nanny or babysitter. 0:39:25.320 --> 0:39:27.920 They're worth dad. So I was like, I get that 0:39:27.960 --> 0:39:30.880 you want to see them, but it's gonna be okay. 0:39:30.920 --> 0:39:33.719 I promise, like they're with daddy and it's and I 0:39:33.760 --> 0:39:37.359 say again, a part of me takes it personally when 0:39:37.400 --> 0:39:39.160 really I just have to let that go and realize, no, 0:39:39.320 --> 0:39:40.840 this is just a mom being a mom and she 0:39:40.880 --> 0:39:43.160 needs her babies no matter who who who. Yeah, it's 0:39:43.200 --> 0:39:45.520 really not about you. It's not about the trust either. 0:39:45.640 --> 0:39:48.560 It's like there's no one I would trust my kids 0:39:48.600 --> 0:39:51.560 with more than my husband, Like he's amazing and I 0:39:51.600 --> 0:39:55.120 love that. It's just that for you know, it's more 0:39:55.160 --> 0:39:59.840 about me and how I operate and you know function. 0:40:00.000 --> 0:40:04.520 It's like I didn't function with I had that Mark 0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:08.280 like too about a week and a half ago because 0:40:08.320 --> 0:40:11.360 he's not with us in Estonia. He's back in l A. 0:40:12.000 --> 0:40:14.440 And he was like, how about this time we try 0:40:14.520 --> 0:40:19.280 something where I take the boys and you have poets. 0:40:19.840 --> 0:40:22.480 And I was like, absolutely not and he was like, 0:40:23.520 --> 0:40:26.839 but but I'm there, dad, and have so much fun 0:40:26.960 --> 0:40:29.080 with me. And I was like, I actually won't be 0:40:29.120 --> 0:40:31.360 able to function. I won't be at He's like, you 0:40:31.520 --> 0:40:33.440 had the space to do your work. I was like, 0:40:33.680 --> 0:40:37.040 I won't be doing my work. I will quit my job. 0:40:37.400 --> 0:40:40.479 I will say I can't handle this. I'm coming back home. 0:40:41.160 --> 0:40:45.720 And so I was like, I win. I'm taking the children. Supportive, 0:40:46.280 --> 0:40:56.680 I know. And I was like, all right, whatever you need. Hey, 0:40:56.719 --> 0:41:00.399 this is Becca Tilly and Tanya Rada Rad that's me. Yeah, 0:41:00.480 --> 0:41:03.359 And we have a podcast called scrubbing In. Yeah, we do. 0:41:03.600 --> 0:41:08.360 We are two best friends and we love Gray's anatomy, 0:41:08.560 --> 0:41:12.120 hence the name scrubbing In exactly. And this week we 0:41:12.280 --> 0:41:16.239 have one of Grey's Anatomy's very own Anthony Hill, who 0:41:16.239 --> 0:41:20.000 plays Winston, on the podcast to chat about what's been 0:41:20.000 --> 0:41:21.960 going on. If you follow Grey's Antomy, you know that. 0:41:22.160 --> 0:41:24.560 I mean, there's just a lot to talk about. There 0:41:24.560 --> 0:41:27.560 are sudden deaths, people are coming back this season. There's 0:41:27.600 --> 0:41:30.760 a whole lot going on. It is a huge season 0:41:30.800 --> 0:41:33.919 for Grey's Anatomy. So I highly suggest you tune in. 0:41:34.000 --> 0:41:35.719 And you're not just gonna get Gray's Anatomy. I mean 0:41:35.760 --> 0:41:37.920 we have girl talk. It's just girl talk. It's like 0:41:37.960 --> 0:41:40.399 you're talking with your best friends on the couch. Yeah, 0:41:40.480 --> 0:41:42.440 except not with your best friends. You're talking with us, 0:41:42.920 --> 0:41:47.240 your virtual best friends, virtual bfs. That's right. So listen 0:41:47.239 --> 0:41:49.319 to Scrubbing In on the I Heart Radio app on 0:41:49.400 --> 0:41:55.319 Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Do your 0:41:55.360 --> 0:41:57.600 husband's ever have to force you to do something? Because 0:41:57.760 --> 0:42:00.279 when I was in Vancouver, the director and through the 0:42:00.280 --> 0:42:02.360 cast mates or like let's all go to dinner, and 0:42:02.400 --> 0:42:04.960 I'm like, oh, that's on my day off, and like 0:42:05.000 --> 0:42:07.920 I really need to put the kids down, and you know, 0:42:07.960 --> 0:42:10.400 Michael's like go to dinner. But I was like I 0:42:10.480 --> 0:42:13.080 was like getting highs, like being like but I really 0:42:13.120 --> 0:42:15.080 should like put them down, right, babe, Like I need 0:42:15.120 --> 0:42:16.560 to come home. So You've had to put them down 0:42:16.560 --> 0:42:18.399 every night this week. I'm like, yeah, and I'll put 0:42:18.440 --> 0:42:20.600 them down again and guess what, They've woken up every 0:42:20.600 --> 0:42:23.000 morning and I can manage to put them down again. 0:42:23.640 --> 0:42:25.160 And I know you can, but I think it's just 0:42:25.200 --> 0:42:27.880 like he has to literally force me to do something 0:42:27.920 --> 0:42:32.760 for myself. Yes, exact clue the same, and I feel guilty. 0:42:32.840 --> 0:42:37.160 I'm like, oh, I haven't done bedtime with them at 0:42:37.200 --> 0:42:39.799 all this week, and that's my one time to go 0:42:39.960 --> 0:42:43.080 home and do bedtime. And I'm such a home body 0:42:43.120 --> 0:42:46.480 as well. So I'm just saying my husband's like get 0:42:46.560 --> 0:42:48.600 out there, like go do the cast, you know, go 0:42:48.920 --> 0:42:52.360 meet the people you're working with, interact with them. Like what, 0:42:52.800 --> 0:42:55.840 you still have an identity, you are still a woman 0:42:55.920 --> 0:43:00.520 behind the mother in your guys as. What was the 0:43:00.560 --> 0:43:02.960 hardest thing for you to write that you still have 0:43:03.080 --> 0:43:09.399 a hard time with personally. Hmm that's a good question. Yes, 0:43:10.880 --> 0:43:13.440 I know. I really like that, and I'm like, what, 0:43:14.200 --> 0:43:18.160 you know, It's funny because I feel like through out 0:43:18.239 --> 0:43:23.120 the writing process, um, you learned so much. You know, 0:43:23.200 --> 0:43:27.360 there's so much that you're researching, and you're going inward 0:43:27.480 --> 0:43:29.839 as well to figure out like how do I feel 0:43:29.880 --> 0:43:33.680 about this and what does this mean to me? And um, 0:43:33.760 --> 0:43:36.320 and I think you worked through a lot, you know Thereason, 0:43:36.400 --> 0:43:40.560 I wrote this book, um, over the course of like 0:43:40.600 --> 0:43:45.560 we did the Australian edition. First Theresa was, um, you 0:43:45.760 --> 0:43:49.480 just had the baby. Yeah, you were pregnant. I was pregnant, 0:43:49.800 --> 0:43:54.799 then had the baby, yeah, the exactly. And she was 0:43:54.880 --> 0:43:57.680 like writing in the back of a RV going across 0:43:57.680 --> 0:44:01.520 country trip with her family. And then when we were 0:44:01.520 --> 0:44:04.080 doing the U s edition, I was super pregnant in 0:44:04.120 --> 0:44:07.400 the pandemic and um, I'm writing from an air stream 0:44:07.440 --> 0:44:11.120 sitting outside of a barn in Idaho, and um, you know, 0:44:11.200 --> 0:44:15.959 it's just funny because you're like you're having these experiences, um, 0:44:16.000 --> 0:44:18.719 staying up late at night, the children are sleeping, you know, 0:44:18.840 --> 0:44:21.920 you're typing away and and you're like, yeah, this is 0:44:22.000 --> 0:44:24.240 kind of it. This is a big part of the book, 0:44:24.280 --> 0:44:28.320 which is just like finding those moments, um, of peace 0:44:28.480 --> 0:44:30.840 in all of it. And what is it when you 0:44:30.880 --> 0:44:34.120 make time for yourself, when you connect with your partner, 0:44:34.160 --> 0:44:35.840 when you connect with your kids, you know. And so 0:44:35.880 --> 0:44:40.440 I think through our process, um, you you, we kind 0:44:40.480 --> 0:44:42.840 of like learned a lot, and it was very important 0:44:42.880 --> 0:44:45.400 for us to write a chapter all on its own 0:44:45.480 --> 0:44:51.120 about pregnancy loss, which I think is probably the most 0:44:51.120 --> 0:44:55.640 impactful chapter for us, the two of us during that experience, 0:44:55.760 --> 0:44:58.919 because Teresa can speak to this, but she started writing 0:44:58.960 --> 0:45:02.440 it in her voice because she had experienced pregnancy loss 0:45:02.640 --> 0:45:06.280 at the time, and that was certainly to answer your question, 0:45:07.160 --> 0:45:12.000 that was a lot of reopening of old wounds. So 0:45:12.560 --> 0:45:15.879 just kind of taking myself back there and being back 0:45:15.920 --> 0:45:20.000 in that ultrasound room and hearing that news and sort 0:45:20.000 --> 0:45:25.480 of the like immediate crashing down of the dream of 0:45:25.520 --> 0:45:27.760 who this little person would be. I mean, you already 0:45:27.800 --> 0:45:31.040 create what they look like, a star sign and what 0:45:31.160 --> 0:45:33.520 the age gap is going to be between your children, 0:45:33.600 --> 0:45:36.440 and sort of created this little person in your mind, 0:45:36.760 --> 0:45:39.120 and then that sort of and just gets ripped away 0:45:39.120 --> 0:45:41.399 from you. So I would say for me, the most 0:45:41.480 --> 0:45:47.320 challenging part was the reopening of old wounds. And then 0:45:47.400 --> 0:45:52.120 something quite profound happened to us, which was that I 0:45:52.160 --> 0:45:55.520 had written We did chapter by chapter so Sarah would 0:45:55.520 --> 0:45:59.880 tackle She tackled the pregnancy chapter and I tackled pregnancy loss. 0:46:00.000 --> 0:46:03.080 Then we've sort of switched chapters and at our own 0:46:03.200 --> 0:46:07.880 voice to the other person's chapter, and you know, I 0:46:07.960 --> 0:46:11.879 sent her through the chapter and as she was sort 0:46:11.880 --> 0:46:16.520 of reading through it, Sarah experienced her own pregnancy lost 0:46:17.280 --> 0:46:20.839 and it was so it was such a moment that 0:46:20.920 --> 0:46:24.560 just takes your breath away, because the very reason we 0:46:24.640 --> 0:46:28.680 wrote this chapter was these moments that were happening in 0:46:28.719 --> 0:46:33.080 real time to Sarah, and she was able to read 0:46:33.120 --> 0:46:37.080 through the words and feel comforted and held and we 0:46:37.120 --> 0:46:39.719 just knew, oh, this is this is the reason why 0:46:39.800 --> 0:46:46.600 we wrote this. H Wow. Well, I mean there's a 0:46:46.640 --> 0:46:48.319 million girls out there that are going to be so 0:46:48.400 --> 0:46:50.840 thankful for this book. So I'm excited to get this 0:46:50.920 --> 0:46:53.280 episode out and get this you know, share this book 0:46:53.360 --> 0:46:57.200 because yeah, I mean there's it's one of my most 0:46:57.239 --> 0:47:00.719 asked questions. But minus our relationships, you know, how do 0:47:00.760 --> 0:47:03.840 you how do you deal with miscarriage? You know, because 0:47:03.880 --> 0:47:06.399 it's it's not easy and it feels so isolating. So 0:47:06.600 --> 0:47:08.920 you know, I appreciate you girls putting your words on 0:47:09.040 --> 0:47:12.080 paper and so that all these women and you know 0:47:12.120 --> 0:47:15.480 men too, can maybe read to understand and because you 0:47:15.560 --> 0:47:18.279 guys go through your own battle as well. Yeah, I 0:47:18.320 --> 0:47:22.520 think for us I mean, it's any knowledge that y'all 0:47:22.560 --> 0:47:26.440 get helps us because we just want to understand you, right, 0:47:26.480 --> 0:47:29.080 Like we're trying to be supportive. We're trying to you know, 0:47:29.200 --> 0:47:32.239 kind of manage everything and while also having our own 0:47:32.280 --> 0:47:36.400 and you know, separate, independent feelings. But it's hard to 0:47:36.440 --> 0:47:38.719 be there for somebody when you don't know what's going on. 0:47:39.360 --> 0:47:41.600 And so any kind of literature, any kind of you know, 0:47:41.600 --> 0:47:44.319 people opening up about it. If it helps you, it 0:47:44.320 --> 0:47:46.799 helps us because then you guys will start talking about it, 0:47:46.840 --> 0:47:49.280 we'll understand more. We can be a better support system, 0:47:49.320 --> 0:47:53.560 because that's like an ultimate helpless feeling, right like, how 0:47:53.560 --> 0:47:55.279 do we make that better? And as your husbands, we 0:47:55.360 --> 0:47:57.920 just want to protect and make it better immediately, but 0:47:57.960 --> 0:48:02.080 there's no way to do that. Absolutely. I do remember 0:48:02.120 --> 0:48:04.600 my husband there being that moment, you know, I was 0:48:04.680 --> 0:48:09.480 reading through that chapter of the book and I called Teresa. 0:48:09.680 --> 0:48:12.840 I'm like fully crying and I'm telling her everything, and 0:48:12.840 --> 0:48:16.640 I was like, you know this, these reading these words 0:48:16.719 --> 0:48:19.759 is helping me so much because truly connecting with other 0:48:19.840 --> 0:48:23.400 women and hearing their stories, UM was the thing that 0:48:23.520 --> 0:48:26.799 I think made me feel the most held through that process. 0:48:27.320 --> 0:48:29.839 And UM but I remember there being a moment when 0:48:29.840 --> 0:48:33.320 I like, I looked at my husband, who had been like, okay, 0:48:33.360 --> 0:48:35.759 if you know, if this, if that happens, everything will 0:48:35.800 --> 0:48:38.200 be okay. We'll just try again. And you know, he 0:48:38.280 --> 0:48:40.640 has that thing that men have, which is the like, 0:48:41.080 --> 0:48:43.520 all right, how do we soldier through? And let let's 0:48:43.520 --> 0:48:47.360 fix it? And you know, guys are such doers. And 0:48:47.560 --> 0:48:53.040 so in that moment I saw him start off that way. 0:48:53.360 --> 0:48:56.080 And then I think the next morning he woke up 0:48:56.120 --> 0:48:58.200 and I could tell like it really hit him and 0:48:58.239 --> 0:49:01.480 he even said, you know this I had I didn't 0:49:01.560 --> 0:49:04.600 know that this would be so hard for me. And 0:49:04.640 --> 0:49:07.719 he was like this is um, I'm really sad, and 0:49:07.719 --> 0:49:10.440 I was like, me too, I'm really sad too, and 0:49:10.600 --> 0:49:14.600 these you know, this chapter that Tracy wrote is really helpful. 0:49:14.640 --> 0:49:17.000 And so I went back and actually added a little 0:49:17.000 --> 0:49:20.640 thing to the end of that chapter that said, um, 0:49:20.680 --> 0:49:22.440 you know, while we were in the editing process, I 0:49:22.480 --> 0:49:27.680 experienced pregnancy loss. And this was something that became very 0:49:27.719 --> 0:49:30.120 important for us to put on into the world because 0:49:30.680 --> 0:49:33.600 it helped me. Let me, I want to ask all 0:49:33.640 --> 0:49:36.680 three of you this because even us going through miscarriages 0:49:36.680 --> 0:49:41.840 ourselves never really asked like what is it about a 0:49:41.920 --> 0:49:46.680 miscarriage feels so like, why does it feel so secretive, 0:49:46.719 --> 0:49:52.200 so isolated, isolating as an experience, like for women, I'll 0:49:52.239 --> 0:49:55.680 let you girls go first. Well, I just think there's 0:49:55.680 --> 0:49:59.719 been this really long held stigma surrounding loss. And we 0:50:00.320 --> 0:50:05.840 actually in our book sort of break down the terminology miscarriage, 0:50:06.320 --> 0:50:10.440 and even just that word implies that it's the fault 0:50:10.480 --> 0:50:15.080 of the mother because she's miss carried her baby, And 0:50:15.480 --> 0:50:18.960 the majority of miscarriages or pregnancy losses as we prefer 0:50:19.000 --> 0:50:23.880 to use that term, um, happened because of nothing the 0:50:23.960 --> 0:50:26.880 mother has done at all. In fact, it's your body 0:50:26.960 --> 0:50:31.239 recognizing for the most part that your baby isn't compatible 0:50:31.320 --> 0:50:35.919 with life UM. And I just think there was such 0:50:36.080 --> 0:50:39.560 shame there has been for such a long time surrounding 0:50:39.600 --> 0:50:43.160 the fact that these little babies were being lost, and 0:50:43.239 --> 0:50:46.120 no one was talking about it because of that stigma, 0:50:46.200 --> 0:50:51.000 because of that feeling surrounding it. But now and noticing 0:50:51.040 --> 0:50:55.439 that that narrative is changing, and we're seeing people even saying, 0:50:55.480 --> 0:50:58.160 as Sarah recently, even some of like Chrissy Teagan who 0:50:58.200 --> 0:51:01.680 has such a large platform, and coming out and saying 0:51:02.160 --> 0:51:05.040 this happened to me, and this happened in This was 0:51:05.080 --> 0:51:08.759 a second trimester loss. This is a really devastating thing 0:51:08.840 --> 0:51:11.799 that that she was going through, and she was so 0:51:11.920 --> 0:51:15.120 brave and open and vulnerable to share that. But it 0:51:15.280 --> 0:51:18.480 helps you feel less alone. And so I'm really glad 0:51:18.680 --> 0:51:22.319 to see that the story is it's shifting and now 0:51:22.360 --> 0:51:25.880 there's a community of people out there willing to embrace 0:51:26.000 --> 0:51:30.200 you and say, talk about that baby. How did it 0:51:30.239 --> 0:51:33.920 feel to be pregnant with that baby? Um? And I 0:51:33.960 --> 0:51:36.640 love that. I'm so glad it's headed in that direction. 0:51:37.280 --> 0:51:40.319 I do think that people, um, I had a really 0:51:40.400 --> 0:51:42.960 hard time knowing how to respond when you tell them 0:51:43.000 --> 0:51:46.400 that you had a pregnancy loss. And I think that 0:51:46.800 --> 0:51:50.319 part of the reason why it's probably been a sort 0:51:50.360 --> 0:51:53.839 of thing that's been kept secret is that you are 0:51:53.960 --> 0:51:58.160 looking to not have that uncomfortable moment of being like, oh, 0:51:58.440 --> 0:52:02.720 I actually, yeah, I'm not pregnant anymore. I've lost the baby, 0:52:02.760 --> 0:52:05.560 and then it's like silent and the person's like, oh 0:52:05.600 --> 0:52:07.440 my gosh, this is sorry, but like they don't know 0:52:07.480 --> 0:52:11.800 how to communicate with you because they also don't necessarily 0:52:11.840 --> 0:52:14.640 maybe they haven't experienced it, so they don't necessarily see 0:52:14.640 --> 0:52:17.280 it as a grief like losing someone who was already 0:52:17.280 --> 0:52:20.200 earthside right, like that was already here with us. So 0:52:21.520 --> 0:52:24.200 but actually it is like there's so many we grieve 0:52:24.239 --> 0:52:26.719 in so many different ways, and I do see it 0:52:26.960 --> 0:52:30.160 as um pure grief. And I you know, told Terrace 0:52:30.239 --> 0:52:33.880 of this, but I had lost my dad when I 0:52:33.920 --> 0:52:38.200 was pregnant with my daughter Esme, and Um, I think 0:52:38.560 --> 0:52:42.680 that going through that process of grief and understanding what 0:52:42.760 --> 0:52:45.879 that looked like and just being such a big thing 0:52:46.160 --> 0:52:50.719 at in my life by losing my dad that when 0:52:50.719 --> 0:52:54.759 I had my pregnancy loss, like I really felt, I 0:52:54.880 --> 0:52:57.279 was like, oh this is this is grief again, and 0:52:57.320 --> 0:52:59.319 I need to pay attention to it and I need 0:52:59.320 --> 0:53:01.600 to treat it that way. I don't want to put 0:53:01.640 --> 0:53:04.480 it aside. I don't want to hide it, like I 0:53:04.520 --> 0:53:06.680 need to talk about it. And then I also need 0:53:06.719 --> 0:53:10.080 to take care of myself because I understand that this 0:53:10.160 --> 0:53:11.640 is a that my body is going to go through 0:53:11.719 --> 0:53:13.839 all the stages and you it's not like you can 0:53:13.920 --> 0:53:15.960 stop it, but if you allow it to happen, you 0:53:16.000 --> 0:53:18.560 can really get through and try to you know, help 0:53:18.600 --> 0:53:23.879 yourself heal um. And so you know, I think just 0:53:24.160 --> 0:53:28.680 grieving before actually helped me to understand that that's what 0:53:28.760 --> 0:53:31.120 this process was going to be, and how you can 0:53:31.160 --> 0:53:34.080 be a friend in that it's just to listen and 0:53:34.120 --> 0:53:36.839 be there. Sent my friends sent me flowers, and I 0:53:36.880 --> 0:53:39.640 was like I was kind of embarrassed at first because 0:53:39.680 --> 0:53:42.920 I was like, oh, and is that And and then 0:53:42.960 --> 0:53:44.560 I was like why am I embarrassed about that? Like 0:53:44.600 --> 0:53:47.200 it's so beautiful that they thought of me and sent 0:53:47.280 --> 0:53:50.239 me flowers, and there's nothing to be ashamed of, you know. 0:53:50.400 --> 0:53:53.560 And and my other girlfriend like brought Chucklin and wine 0:53:53.600 --> 0:53:57.160 over and we sat and cried and laughed and you know. 0:53:57.760 --> 0:53:59.520 And so I think that there's a way that you 0:53:59.520 --> 0:54:02.480 can really show up for your friends just by being present, 0:54:02.680 --> 0:54:05.240 just sending a love note, you know, just in any way. 0:54:05.280 --> 0:54:07.920 But um, part of it I think is because of 0:54:08.080 --> 0:54:12.239 you're afraid of what someone's reaction might be. How don't 0:54:12.280 --> 0:54:16.319 you have anything to add to that? I mean yeah, 0:54:16.320 --> 0:54:19.280 I mean for me, it was like when the miscarriages happened, 0:54:19.320 --> 0:54:22.600 it was like I have one job to do, and 0:54:22.640 --> 0:54:26.080 that's to bring a baby into this world, and like 0:54:26.600 --> 0:54:30.319 I'm broken because I can't do that, and like it's 0:54:30.680 --> 0:54:34.560 somehow my fault. And that's why I like when we 0:54:34.560 --> 0:54:37.400 were discussing having a third baby, and I said, I 0:54:37.400 --> 0:54:39.399 I don't want to carry again. Is because I don't 0:54:39.400 --> 0:54:42.439 want to be the reason that my baby doesn't come 0:54:42.480 --> 0:54:45.160 to term. You know, I want to give it it's 0:54:45.160 --> 0:54:48.080 the best shot, because I think that like I'm broken somehow, 0:54:48.239 --> 0:54:50.799 like there's and it's just the women just carry that 0:54:51.160 --> 0:54:54.000 that shame, even though, like you said, Teresa, it has 0:54:54.080 --> 0:54:56.479 everything to do with but I'm like, but but maybe 0:54:56.520 --> 0:54:58.719 it is me because I needed more progesterone, right, like 0:54:58.960 --> 0:55:01.120 or my lining is and good or whatever it is. 0:55:01.160 --> 0:55:03.160 It's like, but I just I don't want to be 0:55:03.200 --> 0:55:06.440 the reason that like I just don't feel like I'm 0:55:06.640 --> 0:55:08.960 I'm woman enough, or like I just feel like a 0:55:09.000 --> 0:55:14.080 broken woman. Yeah. And that's like the common thread that 0:55:14.160 --> 0:55:16.960 connects us, I think, and then it sees us through 0:55:17.040 --> 0:55:22.600 motherhood too. I mean, that same self critical voice follows 0:55:22.719 --> 0:55:26.080 us through the whole journey. UM, And we really try 0:55:26.120 --> 0:55:29.279 to address that in our book. Is just liberating ourselves 0:55:29.360 --> 0:55:34.040 from that, um, the judgment and and and the shame 0:55:34.239 --> 0:55:38.640 and the guilt that comes with this entire beautiful, colorful 0:55:38.760 --> 0:55:42.440 journey of parent home. So with all that said, everyone 0:55:42.480 --> 0:55:44.440 needs to get this Zen Mama Guide to Finding your 0:55:44.520 --> 0:55:48.440 Rhythm in Pregnancy, birth and beyond. Ladies, cannot thank you 0:55:48.560 --> 0:55:51.400 enough for such an awesome conversation. Let's all keep that 0:55:51.480 --> 0:55:55.040 family unit together. And I just appreciate. I feel more 0:55:55.160 --> 0:56:02.960 zen now, So thank you, invalidated, Sure, thank you, ladies, 0:56:03.200 --> 0:56:09.920 appreciate guys, thank you. Um. I love those girls because 0:56:09.960 --> 0:56:14.000 their mamas is like the perfect title for them. Yeah, 0:56:14.239 --> 0:56:18.120 Like they just seemed just so seen. It feels I 0:56:18.160 --> 0:56:21.680 feel seen, yeah, and just like just a presence about them, 0:56:21.680 --> 0:56:25.120 even via a computer screen. It's just so calming and 0:56:25.600 --> 0:56:30.440 confident and open. Um. So no, that's really cool that 0:56:30.480 --> 0:56:32.960 they came out with all this stuff and and again 0:56:33.040 --> 0:56:39.440 giving women another resource, very useful resource too, you know, 0:56:39.960 --> 0:56:44.200 take you along the most empowering adventure that you could 0:56:44.200 --> 0:56:48.800 possibly go on. You know. Um, well, this is a 0:56:48.840 --> 0:56:52.839 fun episode and I'm excited because next week we have 0:56:53.360 --> 0:56:56.960 um two authors coming on. And since you know we 0:56:57.000 --> 0:56:59.440 talked about fighting earlier in the episode, their book title 0:56:59.560 --> 0:57:07.320 is everyone fights, Everybody fights, so why not do it better? Exactly? Um, 0:57:07.520 --> 0:57:10.520 keep fighting the good fight, guys, and we'll see you 0:57:10.520 --> 0:57:10.919 next week.