1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: Flying down with Jane Traylor and Michael Coughlin and I've 2 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: heard radio podcast. Hey guys, we're back home in Nashville. 3 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: Has it feel to be back? Um? When we walked in, 4 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: it felt like we had been gone. It didn't feel 5 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,239 Speaker 1: like home. It was a very strange feeling. It felt 6 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: like a long time. It felt like that's when I 7 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: felt like a long time. But I miss I missed Vancouver. 8 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,159 Speaker 1: I miss our like I missed our friends there. I 9 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: don't know, I just I miss it. But I am 10 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 1: happy to be back though. Um. And we're in a 11 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 1: new studio spot. Yeah. It was the former kids playing room, 12 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: which became my you know, my dad getaway gaming room 13 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: because the kids outgrew. I mean, this room is it's 14 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: it's I mean it's yeah. We're on paper when we 15 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 1: were building this house and we're like, Okay, this will 16 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: be a nice size room, and like it's a closet, 17 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: a closet. Very grateful, We're very grateful, not being snooty, 18 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 1: just you know, but with a kid's player room, this 19 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: isn't what we kind of imagine. So I was like, 20 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 1: we gotta so we mixed our media room. So our 21 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: media room is now the play room. In this room, 22 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:15,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, what are we going to do with it? 23 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: And Dad's like, well, I could get a love sack. 24 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, if you're gonna put 25 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 1: the kids in the media room, which is the room 26 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 1: that I used to use, I was like, I at 27 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: least need to get you know, love sack and another 28 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 1: TV in this room. She's like a cart fine, and 29 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 1: then after a while now she's like, Okay, there's no 30 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 1: productivity going on in this room, so we have to 31 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 1: do something productive. So what if we do to our 32 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: podcast up here? And I was all for it, ah, 33 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,399 Speaker 1: but I was just worried because Jase's room is right 34 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: across the hall and we do usually do so you 35 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: would give every excuse to not have this move into 36 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 1: his man cave, but we just don't have any other 37 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: space to put it. And I just I hate that 38 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: we have to, you know, put it up take it 39 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: down in our bedroom again. This all is very like 40 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: Champagne problem. But at the same time, every time I 41 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: walk past this room, I get this weird like annoyance 42 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: good it's going on in there. It's like there's a 43 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: you know, and there's this big, oversized ridiculous love sack 44 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 1: in the middle of the room, and I'm just like, like like, 45 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 1: this has to change. So yeah, so now this is 46 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 1: the podcast room and sometimes I get to buy but 47 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 1: it's all good. No, it's actually good because I'm the 48 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,239 Speaker 1: one that sets everything up and takes everything down. So 49 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 1: it's gonna be nice just to leave this stuff up. 50 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: Unless now, if she starts coming by the rooms, like 51 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 1: those chords and stuff everywhere, why don't you just clean 52 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 1: up the podcast stuff and then when we come back 53 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 1: in here to work you No, no no, no, no, no, no, 54 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say that. I'm not going to say that. 55 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,079 Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's good. Having said that, 56 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 1: we need to discuss the love sack that ain't going anywhere. 57 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 1: Then the table needs to come down. Fine, where are 58 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 1: we gonna put the table? Doesn't matter. Not go tell 59 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 1: our listeners before we move on about other stuff, just 60 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: a little bit about your moving your experience that we're 61 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: going to talk about my breast augmentation that's about to 62 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: happen here. Surely I'm talking about that too. I was like, 63 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: I showed you because I didn't tell you that. I 64 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: was like announcing it on socials no, you didn't. I 65 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,920 Speaker 1: found out from a third party. But the funniest thing 66 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: was is one of my girlfriends thought that I had 67 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 1: like a nip slip because I was like holding my 68 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 1: my boob but like, you know, I was showing that 69 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 1: like obviously I have saggy mom boobs. Um. But I 70 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: will say I'm excited, but I'm nervous, and because especially 71 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: everyone's commenting about the b I I stuff, which is 72 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 1: the breast implant illness, and I'm like, you know, I've 73 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 1: done so much research around it, but when I look 74 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 1: at the symptoms, I'm like, it's like depression, Okay, anxiety. 75 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 1: So I'm like, I think I had b I I 76 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: without even breast implants in me. All that for you. 77 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 1: But it is good to know about it, and you know, 78 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 1: it's good to um. You know, it's good to be informed. 79 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: And I also think people have been nice about it. 80 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 1: But also I just don't want I think what I think. 81 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: It's okay. I think some things just might not work 82 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 1: for some people. And if I end up getting a 83 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,840 Speaker 1: bi I and I start feeling more depression or more 84 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: of this, then I'm gonna be like, Okay, I'm gonna 85 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: get them out, which but I really think, I mean, 86 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,880 Speaker 1: there's so many women that are fine, so I just 87 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: have to focus on the positive. Are you ready to 88 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: take care of me? H? Yeah? I told Catherine because 89 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: we're Katherine, We're talking about it, and I was like, well, 90 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to not gasp when I 91 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: show you my boobs. I'll never forget. I showed her 92 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: my boobs after because look, my ariolas just never have 93 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: gone backed down from like after having kids. And she's like, 94 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 1: I was like, is this normal? And she goes and 95 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 1: I was like, well, that's not the reaction I wanted. 96 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: She's like, it's a salami. Just tell everybody out there. 97 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: I mean, who cares. I'm like whatever. It's kind of 98 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: like and I go back to when I was doing 99 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 1: the movie. This kind of goes back to the movie. 100 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:23,479 Speaker 1: I'm like changing in the car, you know, changing in 101 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: the because I had it was eight I think it 102 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,479 Speaker 1: was sixty, Yes, sixty costume changes in the movie, and 103 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:35,560 Speaker 1: most costume changes in the movie is like it's sixty 104 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: and like going back and forth. Well, I didn't have 105 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: time cameras, Like, I didn't have time to go back 106 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,280 Speaker 1: to my trailer and change like I was just like, 107 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: is there an empty hallway? But by then in the movie, 108 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, things are flying off and it 109 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,159 Speaker 1: was I think it was my driver. She was just 110 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 1: like it's nice to I'm like, look, we all have boobs, 111 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: we all got you know, stuff, and it's like, I 112 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: don't we don't need to sexualize it. And I think 113 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 1: that's when all the like, that's when I started kind 114 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 1: of like having those conversations because I'm like, but we 115 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: don't need to sexualize it. Is I have boobs, you've 116 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,800 Speaker 1: got boobs, you've got a penis. I gotta like, we 117 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: don't need to Yeah. Yeah, I mean you're fighting against 118 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 1: years and years and years of uh advertising and marketing 119 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,479 Speaker 1: towards sexualizing the human body. I know. I'm just sick 120 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:33,600 Speaker 1: of it. No, I I get it, I get it. 121 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 1: I mean unfortunately sex Cells does it anymore though, because 122 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: I feel like it's they go they're going so overboard 123 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,000 Speaker 1: because it's like every single show, I'm like, where's the 124 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 1: seventh Heaven? Give me like wholesome seventh Heaven, Like where 125 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 1: they don't like have you know, just every scene I mean, 126 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: and don't get me wrong, like Britain was like my 127 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,560 Speaker 1: soft porn. Like I loved it, but at the same time, 128 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, like does it have to be every show? 129 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 1: Which I was like thrilled that Queen's gam but didn't 130 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: have like a throw down, do you know what I'm saying, Like, 131 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: I just feel like it's so over the top. It 132 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,080 Speaker 1: is it is. And we talked about this a while back. 133 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: I worry even I just like fast forward some things. 134 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: I'm just like why it's not necessary in some parts. 135 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 1: And my fear is that, like with the success of 136 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: Bridge Retain, there's gonna be other shows that try to 137 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: come out and be that intense. Yeah, but the movie 138 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: was good. I had a lot of fun. Um, I'm 139 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: kind of scared for people to see it because I 140 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 1: don't even know how it's going to turn out. I 141 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 1: had a total panic attack the day of and I 142 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: ended up reaching out to Chantel my winter Hill Coastar, 143 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: and she kind of talked me off the cliff. Where 144 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 1: were we having a panic attack about? Um? I was like, 145 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: I can't do it. M I mean, I know. Joke 146 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: was like I was crying in my trailer day one, 147 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 1: like full on crying and just like having a massive 148 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: panic attack. I'm like, what am I thinking? I can't 149 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 1: play this part. I've never like I'm just the Christmas girl, 150 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: I'm just the like fluffy. Hey, we're having a Winner 151 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 1: festival in my hometown. So it was. And then the 152 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: first scene sucked. So I don't even want to watch 153 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: that scene. I hope I hope it gets cut, to 154 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,120 Speaker 1: be honest with you, because I was just so nervous. 155 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: But you know what, I'm excited for the final product 156 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,840 Speaker 1: because I think it's going to instill the confidence in 157 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,520 Speaker 1: you that a lot of us are around you that 158 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 1: support you. See. We see, we know you're able to 159 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 1: do that. We know you're talented enough. Two, you know, 160 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: really act and be a different character, you know, and 161 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: find parts of that character in yourself and utilize that 162 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 1: to your ability. And I think I think two is 163 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,920 Speaker 1: good for you just to kind of to stretch your 164 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 1: wings a little bit and not get stuck in that 165 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: same routine of the Christmas festival and here's this and 166 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,959 Speaker 1: here's this's just great. I love Christmas. I'm not knocking 167 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 1: that at all, And I'm great that's what you've done recently? 168 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: Yea more of um because you've never you haven't done 169 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,120 Speaker 1: anything like this since I've been with you, you know, 170 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: so I'm excited for it. I'm excited for you. I 171 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: think you're gonna impress yourself with how good it turns out. 172 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:30,439 Speaker 1: Um Eastern are you? Yes? It has. Ever since I 173 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: saw you in that prison jump suit, I was like, 174 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 1: what is going on? Is this Orange is the new Black? 175 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,680 Speaker 1: What is happening? I can't wait to see this movie. Yeah, 176 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 1: I get arrested, I get shoved into it like it's 177 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 1: it's it's it's crazy. It's based on a true story. 178 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to say anything really about it yet, 179 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 1: but it really was fun and I I just hope 180 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: it turns out good. But if not, there's always twelve 181 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,199 Speaker 1: days of Christmas. It will It's gonna be great. It's 182 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: gonna be a lot of fun. And how are you, babe? Like, 183 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:01,559 Speaker 1: we're back them now? You had the kids for such 184 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: a long time. Yeah, yeah, I'm good now to have 185 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 1: you around and to be able to bounce things off 186 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: of you and stuff. But you know, we talked about it. 187 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: It's sometimes you know, when we used to have help 188 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,960 Speaker 1: a lot, and we'd have the kids friendly like an 189 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: hour or two that day because we had a lot 190 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: of work stuff or whatever going on. It was almost 191 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: like it was harder when we only had them a limited, 192 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 1: limited amount of time. But then when we had them 193 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 1: all the time, like during most of quarantine, you're not 194 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 1: as quick to get aggravated and it just becomes part 195 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: of your routine. And so that was it for me. 196 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,680 Speaker 1: It's just like your parents, right you just step up 197 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 1: and that's what you do. It's like, this is my 198 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 1: role right now, this is what needs to be done, 199 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: this is my responsibility, and you just fall into it. 200 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,720 Speaker 1: Do we talk about the blow up fights that we had. 201 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 1: I don't know, Man, those are over and done with. 202 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: I'd rather leave them there. It's funny. I I was 203 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: doing questions on my Instagram and someone was like, well, 204 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: there's a few that were like you looked really sad 205 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,679 Speaker 1: a few times, like in Canada, and I didn't answer 206 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: those ones, and then another one I when I did 207 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 1: answer there, they said, um, not to be nosy, but 208 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,559 Speaker 1: I did notice that you slept alone a lot in Canada, 209 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: like at night, because I would do like a good 210 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 1: night posts and it's like, obviously you're not there. So 211 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: I answered that question. I was like, well, truthfully, first 212 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,560 Speaker 1: and foremost I would I worked later the normal, and 213 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 1: so then I would have to get up or I 214 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 1: would want to sleep in, and like, I'm not the 215 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:43,520 Speaker 1: person that can like if I hear anything in alarm 216 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:47,440 Speaker 1: or I'm up. And so I was in another room. 217 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: Out of the kindness of my heart, I said, But 218 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 1: then the other times we're fighting and Mama gets the master. Yeah, 219 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 1: I don't know if I've are successfully kicked you out 220 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 1: of the room. I think one time you tried, and 221 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 1: I was like what You're like, no, you get I've tried. 222 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 1: You've definitely tried, but I don't stop. So then you're 223 00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:18,680 Speaker 1: just like getting screw it. I'm going to bed. I'm tired. 224 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 1: They were bad though they were bad blow ups. Why 225 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,320 Speaker 1: do you think we had the blow ups? I mean, 226 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 1: I think there's no matter what, no matter what, like 227 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 1: going into a situation like that and you're accepting your roles. 228 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: I think you know, just like you know with there 229 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 1: when there's someone in the relationship that stays home with 230 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,720 Speaker 1: the kids all day, right, and where it's the wife 231 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 1: of the husband come home, whoever is going to work 232 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: comes home, it's like they're tired from work. Well, the 233 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 1: other the other ones tired from being with the kids, 234 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: and it's that kind of push and pull of who's 235 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 1: more tired. Well, I've been with the kids all day, 236 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: so you said, up what, I've been working all day. 237 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 1: So I think there's some of that light resentment of 238 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 1: you're freaking exhausted, like you're working all day. You know, 239 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:13,000 Speaker 1: you're like maybe needed more things from me, And then 240 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 1: I'm with the kids and it's hard just to like 241 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,199 Speaker 1: pop by and see you from time to time because 242 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,439 Speaker 1: it's with both kids and bringing them, packing stuff and 243 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: and so it's just I think there was some of 244 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 1: that and the fact that we weren't able to see 245 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: each other and connect. So it was my text message 246 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 1: to you accurate. Then we're like you wanted to be 247 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:35,679 Speaker 1: in the supportive role, but at the same time you 248 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,840 Speaker 1: had a resentment of being in that role. No, it 249 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:43,520 Speaker 1: was more about like resentment I felt, I felt like 250 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:48,439 Speaker 1: lack of respect of like what I was doing where 251 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 1: even though I did say many times like thanks for 252 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: holding it down, yeah, because I think at times, you know, 253 00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 1: when like when you had breaks and I'll bring the 254 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 1: kids Out's great because you got to have time with them, 255 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 1: But when it was when like you're going to work 256 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,560 Speaker 1: and you'd have to do hair and makeup and you 257 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 1: when the kids to come for a little bit. It's like, all, yeah, 258 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 1: Jolie is cool for a minute, like she's fine sitting 259 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 1: in like the makeup chair and getting her hair and 260 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: makeup done or something too. But Jason and I are 261 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: sitting in the trailer and at ten by ten trailer 262 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:25,160 Speaker 1: for an hour like that's not you know, that's not 263 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 1: fun for him or I And yeah, you get to 264 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 1: kind of have some time, but not really so it's 265 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,800 Speaker 1: for me. It was like, if you want some time, 266 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 1: let's let's do it on your break, which I think 267 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: pretty much every break that you had that would that 268 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 1: lined up with the kids schedule, I brought him. But 269 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 1: it's like some of those other times, I'm like, man, 270 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,120 Speaker 1: if she's not realized it is hard to just come 271 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: by and sit here while she gets to steal a 272 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 1: few minutes here and there with the kids. Where I 273 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 1: like start having this thought and like that's selfish? Ever, 274 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: like is she being so like I know, I know 275 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 1: how you are, Like, I know you want to see 276 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 1: the kids so bad. It's not really from a selfish 277 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: stamp point, but you know it's doing all doing all 278 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 1: that and having the kids and taking it back and 279 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 1: forth and having their schedule is tough too. So I 280 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 1: think at times like it's like I was expected to 281 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: just come whenever you wanted me, come whenever you needed me, 282 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: and then okay, I'm done. I'm done with you guys. 283 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: I gotta go work, go home, you know. So I 284 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: think that's what it was. It wasn't about resentment about 285 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 1: being in that role. I am. I embraced that role 286 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: going into this, I think it was, and you did. 287 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: You did verbally affirmed me several times, and I tried 288 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: to do the same to you, because I know. I mean, 289 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,400 Speaker 1: that's one thing, right, Like people even if they listen 290 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 1: to this and complain about how hard it was or whatever, 291 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 1: it's like people do not realize unless they stay spend 292 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: a whole day on set, what actors like, what you 293 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: guys have to go through, how long the days are, 294 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: how exhausting it is, how much you have to learn, 295 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: how many moving parts there are. You could do things 296 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 1: perfect five times, but every time there's someone else messing up, 297 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 1: the cameraman's messing up, this is out of place or whatever. 298 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 1: So there's a lot that you have to deal with 299 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: and you're exhausted, and so you know, I tried to 300 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 1: do my best to support you and be there. And 301 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 1: then when you weren't feeling supported or appreciated in things 302 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: like you know, that was hard too, because I always 303 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: trying to make a point to be supportive. Mm hmm, yeah, 304 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: I see, there's gears working. I'm just listening. Yeah, I mean, 305 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 1: it makes it makes sense. It's just there's always the 306 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: other side, you know, which I think is hard in 307 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 1: these kind of situations for sure, which is exactly what 308 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,960 Speaker 1: I was saying. Why I compared it to just the 309 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: daily husband and wife whoever is again working or not. 310 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: Each person has those feelings of just you want the 311 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,800 Speaker 1: other persons to your way, but it's just not not 312 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,919 Speaker 1: really the case because you both are in different shoes, 313 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:09,040 Speaker 1: you're both in different situations, so you can't fully respect 314 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 1: the other person's exhaustion or or whatever. So I think 315 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 1: that's that was the thing. It was like we had 316 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:21,399 Speaker 1: that underline. There was again, your schedule was all whacked 317 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,800 Speaker 1: out of place, so we didn't have the connection at 318 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 1: the time that we really wanted. By the time the 319 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:30,760 Speaker 1: weekend came, you know, we didn't always get along and 320 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 1: we just try to make it about family time and 321 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:38,200 Speaker 1: so you know that was just tough. Can I ask 322 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:43,439 Speaker 1: you if you've thought about like where the when you 323 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 1: get to that point the like the mean words come from, 324 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,919 Speaker 1: Well that has something to do that that fight was 325 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 1: about something else what it was still mean none the 326 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: other stuff too. Though. I'm just curious because I mean, 327 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 1: I know where like mine, like when I get upset, 328 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 1: I mean or I get like um, because it's you know, 329 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 1: I don't feel like that respect either, you know mm 330 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:25,040 Speaker 1: hmm um, but like I don't want to hurt you. 331 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,359 Speaker 1: So I'm just like curious, like if anything has come 332 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 1: up for you recently that like you've realized like oh, 333 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: like why you go there? Because I think some people 334 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 1: want to understand why someone says things they don't mean it, 335 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 1: but when they say it, it hurts the person and 336 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,960 Speaker 1: for like me not to hold the people to hold 337 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,200 Speaker 1: onto it. Do you see what I'm trying to say? Yeah, 338 00:18:52,359 --> 00:19:01,359 Speaker 1: it's my you know, it's my ultimate like it's my 339 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:09,200 Speaker 1: last defense to be happy, respected or heard. I'll talk 340 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,199 Speaker 1: about the mean words no saying is it to be 341 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 1: because you want to be heard? Like what is it 342 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,160 Speaker 1: like that you're like wanting when someone's mean to their 343 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,239 Speaker 1: partner with words like, what is it really like? What 344 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,440 Speaker 1: are they really asking for? Is it to be heard? 345 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 1: Because I want to understand too, so that the person, 346 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:30,000 Speaker 1: me and other people don't take it personal. Yeah, I 347 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: mean it's it's being heard and being respected. It's when 348 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: when I'm trying I try to use my words because 349 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: I never just immediately go there. It's always as we 350 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: start to argue, as we start to have conflict, well, 351 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,760 Speaker 1: and we always want to we when we fight, we 352 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,760 Speaker 1: we both want to be heard, and so we're just 353 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,399 Speaker 1: saying it louder and more and we escalate. Like in 354 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 1: our therapist watches us, he literally is like I'm watching 355 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 1: it happen. It's like no, but hear me, but hear me, 356 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:04,639 Speaker 1: and then it just keeps going. Yeah, it's just and 357 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,160 Speaker 1: when it gets to that place and I just I'm 358 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: not being hurt, I'm not being respected, and even when 359 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,720 Speaker 1: I try to say it from a good place, it's 360 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:17,720 Speaker 1: just being devalued. I'm just like, yeah, it's just like 361 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: you know, hitting the red button just I don't know 362 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,120 Speaker 1: what else to do, and it's unhealthy and I'm trying 363 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 1: to kick all that and it's been a long time 364 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,640 Speaker 1: since I've used mean words and gotten mean like that, 365 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 1: and it sucks, you know, I feel bad, feel bad 366 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:41,119 Speaker 1: that I did. Um, what's something that? Like, you know, 367 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 1: because we've all we've all said mean words like what's 368 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:47,240 Speaker 1: something that like maybe your therapists told you or like that? 369 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: You see, like what you can do to not say 370 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: mean words because I know for me, like for me 371 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 1: not to be aggressive, like I have to physically walk away. 372 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 1: I'm not saying this. I'm not hoping you. I'm not 373 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 1: trying to like like I'm saying, we both have so 374 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 1: much to work on, you know. I'm just like trying 375 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 1: to understand that more because I take I think, like 376 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 1: what's from the big bomb fight that we kind of 377 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:23,679 Speaker 1: had in Vancouver. The words are what have have stayed 378 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,920 Speaker 1: with me and you don't mean those, but those are 379 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,360 Speaker 1: the worst things that stay with someone. So it's like 380 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 1: I don't want to you know what I'm saying. Do 381 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,680 Speaker 1: you know what I'm trying to say, Like I don't 382 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,920 Speaker 1: want people to have to keep those in their brains 383 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: because that's not the truth. So it's like, Okay, if 384 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,320 Speaker 1: you can spin it and try to understand your partner. 385 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 1: But there's no understanding of justifying like mean words being said, right, 386 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 1: and you and I are different. You said some mean 387 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 1: words and mean things to me and I I don't 388 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,880 Speaker 1: hold onto those like you do. But we're different people 389 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 1: and that's okay. Mm hmm. You said mean things? Really 390 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,119 Speaker 1: had that look like I didn't? I like, yeah, you do, 391 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 1: you did. I said mean things, but you cut deep 392 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: like you take my mean where. It's like I'm like 393 00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 1: you're in a hole and you're like Europe like where. 394 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:23,040 Speaker 1: It's like you take it like I'm like high school. 395 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:29,080 Speaker 1: I mean, you're like X rayed mean. Now, neither are right. 396 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:34,159 Speaker 1: That's the thing. Neither are right, zero percent. Neither are right. 397 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 1: And that's the thing. Like you know, name calling those 398 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 1: things are bad, but it's like you know what you do. No, 399 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: it's just me trying to force the upper hand or 400 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 1: force respect, which is just a bad way to do it. 401 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,000 Speaker 1: I mean, it's you know, I try to do things 402 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 1: like say I'm not in a good place to talk, 403 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 1: but you don't really hear that. You know I tried that. 404 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,960 Speaker 1: If you times so, I you know, I probably should 405 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 1: have just gotten up and walked away because in the 406 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 1: big blow up at the beginning, I feel was like, 407 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,800 Speaker 1: I'm out in place to talk. You kept going. I said, 408 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,920 Speaker 1: I'm out a place to talk. I said it louder 409 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,919 Speaker 1: and louder, and you kept going. You kept going, but 410 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 1: you said the thing before and then I went down. 411 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, no, no, no, you do 412 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:25,159 Speaker 1: not get to come like like that's you didn't say 413 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 1: any want to talk about At that point, I was like, 414 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,639 Speaker 1: you can. I don't care. We're going because I was 415 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:37,320 Speaker 1: offline then after that comment. Welcome to the train wreck, guys. 416 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 1: Let's wind down with Jana and Mike. We can't wait 417 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:44,400 Speaker 1: to be back with another new guest. I think next week, though, 418 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:48,159 Speaker 1: we have a guest coming on about what was The 419 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 1: book is called How Not to Fight? Everyone Fights, Everyone 420 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 1: fights or but I think, look, the moral of the 421 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 1: story is they're going to be nights where Mike is 422 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,800 Speaker 1: maybe not in bed. We might have blow ups. Everybody fights, 423 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: everybody fights. I think it's just you don't want blow 424 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 1: ups all the freaking time. You don't want them weekly, 425 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:17,120 Speaker 1: you don't want them monthly, you know, but we might 426 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,120 Speaker 1: have a big I mean that was that's that's been 427 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,480 Speaker 1: it's been a you know, and I think there was 428 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: a lot of factors that went into it. But we 429 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,200 Speaker 1: have to now from that, like go to our therapists 430 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 1: and dissect things and dissect things and process them because 431 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,359 Speaker 1: there's underlying things that you know, we're feeling and we 432 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 1: need to discuss it and not hold on to it, 433 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,879 Speaker 1: because if you're holding onto any underlying stuff, it's just 434 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: gonna have You're going to have another blow up because 435 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: you're just shoving things down for the next big blow 436 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:56,360 Speaker 1: up and that's not healthy. So if you're holding onto things, no, 437 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,800 Speaker 1: it's tough, right because like maybe I had things coming 438 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,800 Speaker 1: up during the time up there, but it's like I'm 439 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 1: not going to have enough on your plate. I'm not 440 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,520 Speaker 1: going to bring that to you right now. And then 441 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 1: it's like you say something kind of attacking me, and 442 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 1: then that's like opens that cam. Yeah, you know, I've 443 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,439 Speaker 1: been holding onto myn so I don't bother you or 444 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,720 Speaker 1: stress you out. You know, wait till we get back 445 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 1: home and have a couple of session and here you 446 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,359 Speaker 1: are saying to me and I just want to blow up, 447 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 1: you know, So I mean again, that's and that's all 448 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: I was saying at the end, like I'm so excited 449 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,679 Speaker 1: to get home because I just I just want to 450 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,159 Speaker 1: get back to not that like, yeah, a routine of 451 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: just having time together, having fun together, being connected, you know, 452 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,400 Speaker 1: going to sleeping in the same bed, and you know, well, 453 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,640 Speaker 1: and I think because a lot of those nights were 454 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,199 Speaker 1: just because I needed to sleep in because I was 455 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,720 Speaker 1: But that's disconnecting us, not even being in the same bed. 456 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: And like like this morning we went you went back 457 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 1: to being like I appreciate you, and I'm like, oh, 458 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,639 Speaker 1: in my heart, I was like I forgot what that 459 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,880 Speaker 1: felt like to like say those words to each other 460 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,160 Speaker 1: because it's such a nice way to start the day. 461 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: And we didn't. We weren't able to start the day 462 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 1: like that. It's almost like we just were starting the 463 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,720 Speaker 1: day just frustrated, annoyed and tired and just because we're 464 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,640 Speaker 1: just on different schedules. Yeah, it was just it was hard. 465 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,680 Speaker 1: Some moral of the story, try not to hold things in, 466 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,440 Speaker 1: communicate from a good place and don't be high school 467 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:34,359 Speaker 1: Janna or college and Mike. All right, let's take your 468 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:38,479 Speaker 1: break and we'll get the zen. Mamas. Oh, it's all 469 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 1: a good fight. Let's do it all right, So let's 470 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,480 Speaker 1: welcome our guests. We have Teresa Palmer and Sarah Olsen, 471 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 1: who are the Zen Mamas. They're both too successful, very 472 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:02,480 Speaker 1: successful actresses and moms with multiple children. So you know, 473 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,639 Speaker 1: we're just talking to you a little bit. And Teresa, 474 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 1: you have five kids, including the one of your belly. 475 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,560 Speaker 1: And Sarah, how many do you have? Um, I have 476 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,840 Speaker 1: three kids. I just had um a daughter back in September. 477 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:20,240 Speaker 1: She's six months old now. And that was your rainbow baby, right, Yes, 478 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: that was my rainbow baby. That's just like the best. Right, 479 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,680 Speaker 1: it's like you forget. It's not that you don't forge 480 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,080 Speaker 1: it's not that you forget the pain, but just like 481 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 1: it it makes sense in a in a weird way. Yeah, 482 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:42,359 Speaker 1: for sure. I mean it's definitely. I think for me personally, 483 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 1: it made for a little bit more of an anxious 484 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:50,239 Speaker 1: pregnancy and um, you know after having a loss and 485 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 1: then I mean I was very excited, but I was 486 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 1: also experiencing this pregnancy during the pandemic, so um, that 487 00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 1: anxiety of the pandemic on top of also I previously 488 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 1: had a loss and then um, but you know, once 489 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,639 Speaker 1: I had her, it was just like it couldn't have 490 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 1: been a better mix of happy hormones, because I was 491 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, I was blown away. For sure. 492 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 1: It's one of those things where I just found out 493 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,040 Speaker 1: one of my girlfriends is pregnant and this is going 494 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 1: to be her rainbow baby. And I'm like, look, just 495 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,360 Speaker 1: so you know, it is normal to wipe every time 496 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:22,760 Speaker 1: you go to the bathroom and think it's going to 497 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 1: be blood. Like, it's just until you're thirty eight, thirty 498 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 1: ninemies pregnant, you will you will do that and that's normal, 499 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,439 Speaker 1: and it's I could tell you a million things, but 500 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,399 Speaker 1: it's you're not going to stop thinking that it's the worst. 501 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,000 Speaker 1: And I mean, you uys did it today. I was like, 502 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 1: let me just check. Oh my god, that quess is 503 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: fine and I'm weeks pregnant. It just doesn't go away, 504 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 1: does it. But I think again, like once you you know, 505 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: you have the baby and you can feel that zen um. 506 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 1: But how do you guys, how do you guys find 507 00:28:55,560 --> 00:29:00,560 Speaker 1: your zen um? Oh well, it's fun. We have a 508 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 1: probably a different definition of the terms zen then what 509 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,760 Speaker 1: a lot of people do. I think that word can 510 00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:12,560 Speaker 1: be synonymous with, you know, the perfect family. Everyone so 511 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 1: well balanced children wear linen and frolic through fields of daisies. 512 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 1: You know, it's definitely not that gives such a false 513 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 1: sense of reality. UM. And I think we probably have 514 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 1: Instagram to blame for that. But our version of zen 515 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:34,200 Speaker 1: is just really embracing the chaos and the unexpected moments, 516 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,120 Speaker 1: the peaks and valleys of parenting and just trying to 517 00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 1: find those moments of calm in amongst it all, liberating 518 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,120 Speaker 1: ourselves from the perfect picture of how our parenting should look. 519 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:51,280 Speaker 1: So that's really what we we call it zen Ish Finish. 520 00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 1: So you guys first started like the whole zen Mama thing, 521 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 1: It all started as a blog correct and website. Yes, yeah, Teresa, 522 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 1: had I been doing yours in life she started that website. 523 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 1: When did you start that, Teresa? That would have been 524 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 1: like two thousand and ten with Phoebe Tounkin we did that. 525 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: That was like a wellness website, um, exercise and eating 526 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 1: healthy and you know, trying to find balance. And then 527 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:27,040 Speaker 1: of course when we became parents. UM. I think for me, 528 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:31,360 Speaker 1: it's sort of just organically shifted into oh, now how 529 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,720 Speaker 1: do I do all those things and bear mother? Um? 530 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 1: And that's where Sarah came in because she was really 531 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,280 Speaker 1: interested in doing it a blog as well, and we 532 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,240 Speaker 1: just sort of put these ideas together and then our 533 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 1: community was born. That's fantastic. So in the community, what 534 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:49,960 Speaker 1: can we first of all, where can you know, other 535 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,760 Speaker 1: mama's find the community? And then also like what is 536 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,200 Speaker 1: you know, what's one thing that is it? Is it? 537 00:30:56,480 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: You know, just parenting? Is it? Also relational stuff? What 538 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,840 Speaker 1: what else can like they find in the community. Sure, 539 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,560 Speaker 1: so it's um yours and mama dot com and then 540 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 1: we have Instagram, Facebook as well as at yours and 541 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:15,240 Speaker 1: Mama and UM. You know, when Teresa and I started 542 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:19,280 Speaker 1: this space, we were looking for, you know, what's our 543 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:23,120 Speaker 1: who's in our community that we can talk to and 544 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,720 Speaker 1: reach out to because, um, my family doesn't live here 545 00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:30,360 Speaker 1: in Los Angeles where I live in. Teresa like, she travels, 546 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,840 Speaker 1: not stop for work. So you know you're right now 547 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 1: you're talking to her. She's in Estonia shooting a movie. 548 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: She was just here in l A like a few 549 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 1: weeks ago, and then a few weeks before that she 550 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,800 Speaker 1: was in Wales and in Australia. So you know, it's 551 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,160 Speaker 1: so hard when you're not planted somewhere and you have 552 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,840 Speaker 1: your community of people around you, and so when we 553 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,720 Speaker 1: first became mothers, we were kind of the first of 554 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:55,560 Speaker 1: our friends to do that, and UM we really longed 555 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 1: for community setting, you know, other women to share ideas 556 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,080 Speaker 1: and stories. And so when you come to Yours and Mama, 557 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:07,560 Speaker 1: you can read articles about everything from UM someone who's 558 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,640 Speaker 1: wanting to be a mother and going on that, you know, 559 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:16,200 Speaker 1: fertility journey to UM breastfeeding multiple kids at the same time, 560 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: you know tan and breastfeeding. You can read articles about 561 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,720 Speaker 1: pregnancy loss, and that's you know, kind of where our 562 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:25,160 Speaker 1: book came into play is that we took all of 563 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: that information and kind of developed UM into a book 564 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: where you can you know, it's from the moment you 565 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,160 Speaker 1: first have that idea all I want, I think I 566 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,000 Speaker 1: want to be a parent to all the way through, 567 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 1: like what does that look like? What kind of parent 568 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: do I want to be? So every step of the 569 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 1: journey along the way for for both of you, for 570 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: being traveling working mothers, you know, what kind of advice 571 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:52,040 Speaker 1: do you have or in your experience have you gone 572 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,600 Speaker 1: through for other women out there and other families out 573 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,840 Speaker 1: there dealing with a career that does take you all 574 00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,320 Speaker 1: over because you know, we just got back from Vancouver 575 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,600 Speaker 1: with Jana being up there filming for six weeks, and 576 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,200 Speaker 1: it's you know, taking both the kids. And I come 577 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: from more of a conservative mindset of all right, one, 578 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,600 Speaker 1: once the kids are in school, you're not missing a 579 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,920 Speaker 1: day and you can't be traveling. And Mama bear here 580 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 1: is like, like, I mean my babies with me, So like, 581 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 1: how have you guys personally managed that whole thing? We 582 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:23,960 Speaker 1: have a rule that the family sticks together. Yeah, I 583 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,520 Speaker 1: see a little happy dance over there, but it's important. 584 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: It's so important for the whole crew. Yeah. And I 585 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 1: actually I came to that decision. Um when my son 586 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:43,360 Speaker 1: was was little. I was working with an actress and 587 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,240 Speaker 1: she said, you know, one of my regrets is that 588 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:51,680 Speaker 1: I left my child, you know, with her father when 589 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 1: I would go off and film for these long stretches 590 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 1: of time. And her daughter had now grown up, and 591 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,640 Speaker 1: she said, Mom, why didn't you just bring me with you? 592 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: Bring me with you, let me adventure and have this 593 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:06,640 Speaker 1: global experience and keep us as a family unit. And 594 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:10,920 Speaker 1: she Um, that was one of the really most important 595 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,759 Speaker 1: pieces of advice I got. This is before my son 596 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:17,279 Speaker 1: was in school and she said, bring those babies with 597 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:20,640 Speaker 1: you and bring them everywhere and keep that family unit together, 598 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:24,960 Speaker 1: and school figure itself out. You will learn from the world. 599 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,440 Speaker 1: You will learn from those experiences. You can home school, 600 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,040 Speaker 1: You can do so many amazing creative things with the 601 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,640 Speaker 1: kids in terms of learning and just just being in 602 00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:38,120 Speaker 1: different surroundings. Is um. You know, they're absorbing so much. 603 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,000 Speaker 1: And I find that we're going to stone here right now. 604 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,920 Speaker 1: And you know, today, as a part of his lesson, 605 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,080 Speaker 1: I was like, all right, let's go outside and you know, 606 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: throw snowballs and we can talk about temperature and how 607 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,560 Speaker 1: other cultures live and this is how you know, these 608 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:56,440 Speaker 1: families who live in such a wintry environment, this is 609 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: how they have fun and look for these toboggans and 610 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:03,000 Speaker 1: so you can you find yourself learning on the guard. Um. 611 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,160 Speaker 1: So that's our family rule. We just stick together. My 612 00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,040 Speaker 1: husband travels with us, My mom tries to travel with 613 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,880 Speaker 1: us as well as much as she can, and we 614 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,959 Speaker 1: just make it work. We try, and you know, he'll 615 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:16,279 Speaker 1: work for a period of time, then I'll work for 616 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,160 Speaker 1: a period of time. So so far, so good, but 617 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,520 Speaker 1: things might change, and then we will have that conversation 618 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:28,440 Speaker 1: when those things start to seem like they're shifting. I 619 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,799 Speaker 1: was gonna say that I tried it the other way. 620 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,160 Speaker 1: We've always stacked together as a family. But my husband's 621 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 1: been on a show here in Los Angeles for like 622 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 1: twelve years. UM, this show called inn C I s 623 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:42,879 Speaker 1: l A and UM. They work you know, eleven months 624 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:47,920 Speaker 1: out of the year uh here, and so I have had, 625 00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,960 Speaker 1: you know, to go and and travel outside of l 626 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,719 Speaker 1: A to work, um quite a few times. Then when 627 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,319 Speaker 1: we had our son, UM, I went to shoot a 628 00:35:56,360 --> 00:36:00,800 Speaker 1: movie outside of l A. And it was really hard. 629 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,239 Speaker 1: It was really hard for Eric. UM. I felt bad 630 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,880 Speaker 1: for him because I was taking our son somewhere else 631 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,719 Speaker 1: and you know, he would come and visit, but then 632 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:11,279 Speaker 1: he would have to go back and he wouldn't see 633 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,760 Speaker 1: him for a couple of weeks. And he's such a 634 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,800 Speaker 1: present dad, you know, and he just I think, gets 635 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,799 Speaker 1: so excited every day to see the kids when he 636 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:22,879 Speaker 1: comes home. So you know, that was really tough on him. 637 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,880 Speaker 1: And then this last time when I went to shoot, 638 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,799 Speaker 1: I went to shoot in Toronto, UM, and it was 639 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 1: it was in two and nineteen and I was like, Okay, 640 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,200 Speaker 1: I've never done this before, but I'm gonna like try 641 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,560 Speaker 1: to make a deal where I go and I can 642 00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:40,760 Speaker 1: only be there for like three days at a time, 643 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,759 Speaker 1: and then I'll fly back. I'll fly back every single week. Right, 644 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:50,360 Speaker 1: it was a nightmare. I mean, shooting the show was amazing, 645 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,880 Speaker 1: but at the same time, it came with this massive 646 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,600 Speaker 1: um heartache of like I'm away from my kids. I'm 647 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,920 Speaker 1: completely exhausted because I'm getting on a flight. The moment 648 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 1: I say my last line, I'm racing to the airport, 649 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,560 Speaker 1: flying home. Got to be with my kids for a 650 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,839 Speaker 1: couple of days, and then I'm racing back again. And 651 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,319 Speaker 1: every single week for almost four months, I flew back 652 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:19,640 Speaker 1: and forth to Toronto and it was great, airline miles 653 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:26,279 Speaker 1: amazing like so many but it was a nightmare and um, 654 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,280 Speaker 1: and I think something that this last year has taught 655 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,759 Speaker 1: us where we've sort of had to park it, and 656 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,640 Speaker 1: you know, our industry was shut down for a while, 657 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,920 Speaker 1: was you know, what is it that I really want? 658 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: Do I do I want to go out of town 659 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,960 Speaker 1: and shoot a show or a movie, or do I 660 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,359 Speaker 1: just want to like try to work here and then 661 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,640 Speaker 1: you know, when Eric's off, if we can shoot something 662 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,480 Speaker 1: out of town, great, But what's most important, and I 663 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,640 Speaker 1: agree with all of you, which is like keeping our 664 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,680 Speaker 1: family unit together that has been you know, the silver 665 00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,719 Speaker 1: lining is being able to be this little unit during 666 00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:04,479 Speaker 1: this time. Yeah, I mean, I obviously agree with you girls, 667 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:10,879 Speaker 1: because I just think because yeah, I just we're not 668 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:16,000 Speaker 1: good when we're apart and the kids aren't either, you know, 669 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,920 Speaker 1: like it's and I'm not when I'm not with my 670 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,880 Speaker 1: kids for three days, like I'm a psycho and I 671 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,200 Speaker 1: I'm not good at work and I'm not like I'm 672 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,279 Speaker 1: not fun to be around on set. Like even when 673 00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 1: I didn't see the kids for like the one day 674 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:29,680 Speaker 1: you guys couldn't come see me on set and I 675 00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:31,120 Speaker 1: didn't see them all day, I was just like I'm 676 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 1: a terrible mom of crying in my trailer like what 677 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:34,640 Speaker 1: am I? Why am I doing this? Like why am 678 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,520 Speaker 1: I acting? Like why am I away from my kids? 679 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,839 Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, it's just it's that that 680 00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,440 Speaker 1: mom guilt that guys, And I'm not not trying to 681 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,080 Speaker 1: be mean, but like you can be like, no, we're 682 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,960 Speaker 1: staying here and they're going to you know, you know, 683 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,640 Speaker 1: public school. They can only miss eight days, So I'm 684 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:52,800 Speaker 1: like that means that then mom can't work and and 685 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,880 Speaker 1: I can't not not be with my kids. Like I know, 686 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,719 Speaker 1: Dad's they I mean, he's Michael. My husband is a 687 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:02,640 Speaker 1: very hands on dad, so hands on just like y'all's husbands. 688 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,600 Speaker 1: But it's like it's still but we still need them 689 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:09,040 Speaker 1: to with us. I think that, Yeah, I think that's where, 690 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 1: at least for me personally, I don't know if I 691 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,680 Speaker 1: can speak for all husbands. I try not to take 692 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,440 Speaker 1: it personally because I kind of do where I'm like, 693 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,719 Speaker 1: the kids are with the second best person that could 694 00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,680 Speaker 1: possibly be with their with their father. Like it's not 695 00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,239 Speaker 1: like you're leaving them and there with a nanny or babysitter. 696 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,920 Speaker 1: They're worth dad. So I was like, I get that 697 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,880 Speaker 1: you want to see them, but it's gonna be okay. 698 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:33,719 Speaker 1: I promise, like they're with daddy and it's and I 699 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,359 Speaker 1: say again, a part of me takes it personally when 700 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,160 Speaker 1: really I just have to let that go and realize, no, 701 00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:40,840 Speaker 1: this is just a mom being a mom and she 702 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,160 Speaker 1: needs her babies no matter who who who. Yeah, it's 703 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 1: really not about you. It's not about the trust either. 704 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,560 Speaker 1: It's like there's no one I would trust my kids 705 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,560 Speaker 1: with more than my husband, Like he's amazing and I 706 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,120 Speaker 1: love that. It's just that for you know, it's more 707 00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:59,840 Speaker 1: about me and how I operate and you know function. 708 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:04,520 Speaker 1: It's like I didn't function with I had that Mark 709 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,280 Speaker 1: like too about a week and a half ago because 710 00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:11,360 Speaker 1: he's not with us in Estonia. He's back in l A. 711 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,440 Speaker 1: And he was like, how about this time we try 712 00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:19,280 Speaker 1: something where I take the boys and you have poets. 713 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,480 Speaker 1: And I was like, absolutely not and he was like, 714 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,839 Speaker 1: but but I'm there, dad, and have so much fun 715 00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,080 Speaker 1: with me. And I was like, I actually won't be 716 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,360 Speaker 1: able to function. I won't be at He's like, you 717 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,440 Speaker 1: had the space to do your work. I was like, 718 00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,040 Speaker 1: I won't be doing my work. I will quit my job. 719 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:40,479 Speaker 1: I will say I can't handle this. I'm coming back home. 720 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:45,720 Speaker 1: And so I was like, I win. I'm taking the children. Supportive, 721 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:56,680 Speaker 1: I know. And I was like, all right, whatever you need. Hey, 722 00:40:56,719 --> 00:41:00,399 Speaker 1: this is Becca Tilly and Tanya Rada Rad that's me. Yeah, 723 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,359 Speaker 1: And we have a podcast called scrubbing In. Yeah, we do. 724 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:08,360 Speaker 1: We are two best friends and we love Gray's anatomy, 725 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:12,120 Speaker 1: hence the name scrubbing In exactly. And this week we 726 00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:16,239 Speaker 1: have one of Grey's Anatomy's very own Anthony Hill, who 727 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:20,000 Speaker 1: plays Winston, on the podcast to chat about what's been 728 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 1: going on. If you follow Grey's Antomy, you know that. 729 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,560 Speaker 1: I mean, there's just a lot to talk about. There 730 00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,560 Speaker 1: are sudden deaths, people are coming back this season. There's 731 00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,760 Speaker 1: a whole lot going on. It is a huge season 732 00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,919 Speaker 1: for Grey's Anatomy. So I highly suggest you tune in. 733 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:35,719 Speaker 1: And you're not just gonna get Gray's Anatomy. I mean 734 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,920 Speaker 1: we have girl talk. It's just girl talk. It's like 735 00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,399 Speaker 1: you're talking with your best friends on the couch. Yeah, 736 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,440 Speaker 1: except not with your best friends. You're talking with us, 737 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:47,240 Speaker 1: your virtual best friends, virtual bfs. That's right. So listen 738 00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:49,319 Speaker 1: to Scrubbing In on the I Heart Radio app on 739 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:55,319 Speaker 1: Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Do your 740 00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,600 Speaker 1: husband's ever have to force you to do something? Because 741 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:00,279 Speaker 1: when I was in Vancouver, the director and through the 742 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,360 Speaker 1: cast mates or like let's all go to dinner, and 743 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that's on my day off, and like 744 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,920 Speaker 1: I really need to put the kids down, and you know, 745 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,400 Speaker 1: Michael's like go to dinner. But I was like I 746 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,080 Speaker 1: was like getting highs, like being like but I really 747 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,080 Speaker 1: should like put them down, right, babe, Like I need 748 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:16,560 Speaker 1: to come home. So You've had to put them down 749 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,399 Speaker 1: every night this week. I'm like, yeah, and I'll put 750 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,600 Speaker 1: them down again and guess what, They've woken up every 751 00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,000 Speaker 1: morning and I can manage to put them down again. 752 00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,160 Speaker 1: And I know you can, but I think it's just 753 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,880 Speaker 1: like he has to literally force me to do something 754 00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:32,760 Speaker 1: for myself. Yes, exact clue the same, and I feel guilty. 755 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:37,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I haven't done bedtime with them at 756 00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,799 Speaker 1: all this week, and that's my one time to go 757 00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:43,080 Speaker 1: home and do bedtime. And I'm such a home body 758 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,480 Speaker 1: as well. So I'm just saying my husband's like get 759 00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:48,600 Speaker 1: out there, like go do the cast, you know, go 760 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,360 Speaker 1: meet the people you're working with, interact with them. Like what, 761 00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:55,840 Speaker 1: you still have an identity, you are still a woman 762 00:42:55,920 --> 00:43:00,520 Speaker 1: behind the mother in your guys as. What was the 763 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,960 Speaker 1: hardest thing for you to write that you still have 764 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:09,399 Speaker 1: a hard time with personally. Hmm that's a good question. Yes, 765 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,440 Speaker 1: I know. I really like that, and I'm like, what, 766 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:18,160 Speaker 1: you know, It's funny because I feel like through out 767 00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:23,120 Speaker 1: the writing process, um, you learned so much. You know, 768 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:27,360 Speaker 1: there's so much that you're researching, and you're going inward 769 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,839 Speaker 1: as well to figure out like how do I feel 770 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:33,680 Speaker 1: about this and what does this mean to me? And um, 771 00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,320 Speaker 1: and I think you worked through a lot, you know Thereason, 772 00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:40,560 Speaker 1: I wrote this book, um, over the course of like 773 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:45,560 Speaker 1: we did the Australian edition. First Theresa was, um, you 774 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:49,480 Speaker 1: just had the baby. Yeah, you were pregnant. I was pregnant, 775 00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:54,799 Speaker 1: then had the baby, yeah, the exactly. And she was 776 00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:57,680 Speaker 1: like writing in the back of a RV going across 777 00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:01,520 Speaker 1: country trip with her family. And then when we were 778 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,080 Speaker 1: doing the U s edition, I was super pregnant in 779 00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:07,400 Speaker 1: the pandemic and um, I'm writing from an air stream 780 00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:11,120 Speaker 1: sitting outside of a barn in Idaho, and um, you know, 781 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:15,959 Speaker 1: it's just funny because you're like you're having these experiences, um, 782 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,719 Speaker 1: staying up late at night, the children are sleeping, you know, 783 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,920 Speaker 1: you're typing away and and you're like, yeah, this is 784 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,240 Speaker 1: kind of it. This is a big part of the book, 785 00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:28,320 Speaker 1: which is just like finding those moments, um, of peace 786 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:30,840 Speaker 1: in all of it. And what is it when you 787 00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:34,120 Speaker 1: make time for yourself, when you connect with your partner, 788 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:35,840 Speaker 1: when you connect with your kids, you know. And so 789 00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:40,440 Speaker 1: I think through our process, um, you you, we kind 790 00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,840 Speaker 1: of like learned a lot, and it was very important 791 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,400 Speaker 1: for us to write a chapter all on its own 792 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:51,120 Speaker 1: about pregnancy loss, which I think is probably the most 793 00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:55,640 Speaker 1: impactful chapter for us, the two of us during that experience, 794 00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,919 Speaker 1: because Teresa can speak to this, but she started writing 795 00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:02,440 Speaker 1: it in her voice because she had experienced pregnancy loss 796 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:06,280 Speaker 1: at the time, and that was certainly to answer your question, 797 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:12,000 Speaker 1: that was a lot of reopening of old wounds. So 798 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,879 Speaker 1: just kind of taking myself back there and being back 799 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:20,000 Speaker 1: in that ultrasound room and hearing that news and sort 800 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:25,480 Speaker 1: of the like immediate crashing down of the dream of 801 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,760 Speaker 1: who this little person would be. I mean, you already 802 00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:31,040 Speaker 1: create what they look like, a star sign and what 803 00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:33,520 Speaker 1: the age gap is going to be between your children, 804 00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,440 Speaker 1: and sort of created this little person in your mind, 805 00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,120 Speaker 1: and then that sort of and just gets ripped away 806 00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,399 Speaker 1: from you. So I would say for me, the most 807 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:47,320 Speaker 1: challenging part was the reopening of old wounds. And then 808 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:52,120 Speaker 1: something quite profound happened to us, which was that I 809 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:55,520 Speaker 1: had written We did chapter by chapter so Sarah would 810 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:59,880 Speaker 1: tackle She tackled the pregnancy chapter and I tackled pregnancy loss. 811 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:03,080 Speaker 1: Then we've sort of switched chapters and at our own 812 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:07,880 Speaker 1: voice to the other person's chapter, and you know, I 813 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:11,879 Speaker 1: sent her through the chapter and as she was sort 814 00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:16,520 Speaker 1: of reading through it, Sarah experienced her own pregnancy lost 815 00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:20,839 Speaker 1: and it was so it was such a moment that 816 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,560 Speaker 1: just takes your breath away, because the very reason we 817 00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:28,680 Speaker 1: wrote this chapter was these moments that were happening in 818 00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:33,080 Speaker 1: real time to Sarah, and she was able to read 819 00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:37,080 Speaker 1: through the words and feel comforted and held and we 820 00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:39,719 Speaker 1: just knew, oh, this is this is the reason why 821 00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:46,600 Speaker 1: we wrote this. H Wow. Well, I mean there's a 822 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,319 Speaker 1: million girls out there that are going to be so 823 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,840 Speaker 1: thankful for this book. So I'm excited to get this 824 00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:53,280 Speaker 1: episode out and get this you know, share this book 825 00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:57,200 Speaker 1: because yeah, I mean there's it's one of my most 826 00:46:57,239 --> 00:47:00,719 Speaker 1: asked questions. But minus our relationships, you know, how do 827 00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,840 Speaker 1: you how do you deal with miscarriage? You know, because 828 00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:06,399 Speaker 1: it's it's not easy and it feels so isolating. So 829 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,920 Speaker 1: you know, I appreciate you girls putting your words on 830 00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:12,080 Speaker 1: paper and so that all these women and you know 831 00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:15,480 Speaker 1: men too, can maybe read to understand and because you 832 00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:18,279 Speaker 1: guys go through your own battle as well. Yeah, I 833 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:22,520 Speaker 1: think for us I mean, it's any knowledge that y'all 834 00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:26,440 Speaker 1: get helps us because we just want to understand you, right, 835 00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:29,080 Speaker 1: Like we're trying to be supportive. We're trying to you know, 836 00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:32,239 Speaker 1: kind of manage everything and while also having our own 837 00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:36,400 Speaker 1: and you know, separate, independent feelings. But it's hard to 838 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:38,719 Speaker 1: be there for somebody when you don't know what's going on. 839 00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,600 Speaker 1: And so any kind of literature, any kind of you know, 840 00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,319 Speaker 1: people opening up about it. If it helps you, it 841 00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,799 Speaker 1: helps us because then you guys will start talking about it, 842 00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:49,280 Speaker 1: we'll understand more. We can be a better support system, 843 00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:53,560 Speaker 1: because that's like an ultimate helpless feeling, right like, how 844 00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:55,279 Speaker 1: do we make that better? And as your husbands, we 845 00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:57,920 Speaker 1: just want to protect and make it better immediately, but 846 00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:02,080 Speaker 1: there's no way to do that. Absolutely. I do remember 847 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,600 Speaker 1: my husband there being that moment, you know, I was 848 00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:09,480 Speaker 1: reading through that chapter of the book and I called Teresa. 849 00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,840 Speaker 1: I'm like fully crying and I'm telling her everything, and 850 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:16,640 Speaker 1: I was like, you know this, these reading these words 851 00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,759 Speaker 1: is helping me so much because truly connecting with other 852 00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:23,400 Speaker 1: women and hearing their stories, UM was the thing that 853 00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,799 Speaker 1: I think made me feel the most held through that process. 854 00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,839 Speaker 1: And UM but I remember there being a moment when 855 00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:33,320 Speaker 1: I like, I looked at my husband, who had been like, okay, 856 00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:35,759 Speaker 1: if you know, if this, if that happens, everything will 857 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:38,200 Speaker 1: be okay. We'll just try again. And you know, he 858 00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,640 Speaker 1: has that thing that men have, which is the like, 859 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,520 Speaker 1: all right, how do we soldier through? And let let's 860 00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:47,360 Speaker 1: fix it? And you know, guys are such doers. And 861 00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:53,040 Speaker 1: so in that moment I saw him start off that way. 862 00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:56,080 Speaker 1: And then I think the next morning he woke up 863 00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:58,200 Speaker 1: and I could tell like it really hit him and 864 00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:01,480 Speaker 1: he even said, you know this I had I didn't 865 00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,600 Speaker 1: know that this would be so hard for me. And 866 00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:07,719 Speaker 1: he was like this is um, I'm really sad, and 867 00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:10,440 Speaker 1: I was like, me too, I'm really sad too, and 868 00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:14,600 Speaker 1: these you know, this chapter that Tracy wrote is really helpful. 869 00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,000 Speaker 1: And so I went back and actually added a little 870 00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:20,640 Speaker 1: thing to the end of that chapter that said, um, 871 00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:22,440 Speaker 1: you know, while we were in the editing process, I 872 00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:27,680 Speaker 1: experienced pregnancy loss. And this was something that became very 873 00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,120 Speaker 1: important for us to put on into the world because 874 00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,600 Speaker 1: it helped me. Let me, I want to ask all 875 00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,680 Speaker 1: three of you this because even us going through miscarriages 876 00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:41,840 Speaker 1: ourselves never really asked like what is it about a 877 00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:46,680 Speaker 1: miscarriage feels so like, why does it feel so secretive, 878 00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:52,200 Speaker 1: so isolated, isolating as an experience, like for women, I'll 879 00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:55,680 Speaker 1: let you girls go first. Well, I just think there's 880 00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:59,719 Speaker 1: been this really long held stigma surrounding loss. And we 881 00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:05,840 Speaker 1: actually in our book sort of break down the terminology miscarriage, 882 00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:10,440 Speaker 1: and even just that word implies that it's the fault 883 00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:15,080 Speaker 1: of the mother because she's miss carried her baby, And 884 00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:18,960 Speaker 1: the majority of miscarriages or pregnancy losses as we prefer 885 00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:23,880 Speaker 1: to use that term, um, happened because of nothing the 886 00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,880 Speaker 1: mother has done at all. In fact, it's your body 887 00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:31,239 Speaker 1: recognizing for the most part that your baby isn't compatible 888 00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:35,919 Speaker 1: with life UM. And I just think there was such 889 00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:39,560 Speaker 1: shame there has been for such a long time surrounding 890 00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:43,160 Speaker 1: the fact that these little babies were being lost, and 891 00:50:43,239 --> 00:50:46,120 Speaker 1: no one was talking about it because of that stigma, 892 00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:51,000 Speaker 1: because of that feeling surrounding it. But now and noticing 893 00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:55,439 Speaker 1: that that narrative is changing, and we're seeing people even saying, 894 00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,160 Speaker 1: as Sarah recently, even some of like Chrissy Teagan who 895 00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,680 Speaker 1: has such a large platform, and coming out and saying 896 00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:05,040 Speaker 1: this happened to me, and this happened in This was 897 00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:08,759 Speaker 1: a second trimester loss. This is a really devastating thing 898 00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,799 Speaker 1: that that she was going through, and she was so 899 00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:15,120 Speaker 1: brave and open and vulnerable to share that. But it 900 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:18,480 Speaker 1: helps you feel less alone. And so I'm really glad 901 00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:22,319 Speaker 1: to see that the story is it's shifting and now 902 00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,880 Speaker 1: there's a community of people out there willing to embrace 903 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:30,200 Speaker 1: you and say, talk about that baby. How did it 904 00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:33,920 Speaker 1: feel to be pregnant with that baby? Um? And I 905 00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,640 Speaker 1: love that. I'm so glad it's headed in that direction. 906 00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:40,319 Speaker 1: I do think that people, um, I had a really 907 00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:42,960 Speaker 1: hard time knowing how to respond when you tell them 908 00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:46,400 Speaker 1: that you had a pregnancy loss. And I think that 909 00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:50,319 Speaker 1: part of the reason why it's probably been a sort 910 00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:53,839 Speaker 1: of thing that's been kept secret is that you are 911 00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:58,160 Speaker 1: looking to not have that uncomfortable moment of being like, oh, 912 00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:02,720 Speaker 1: I actually, yeah, I'm not pregnant anymore. I've lost the baby, 913 00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:05,560 Speaker 1: and then it's like silent and the person's like, oh 914 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,440 Speaker 1: my gosh, this is sorry, but like they don't know 915 00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:11,800 Speaker 1: how to communicate with you because they also don't necessarily 916 00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,640 Speaker 1: maybe they haven't experienced it, so they don't necessarily see 917 00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:17,280 Speaker 1: it as a grief like losing someone who was already 918 00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:20,200 Speaker 1: earthside right, like that was already here with us. So 919 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,200 Speaker 1: but actually it is like there's so many we grieve 920 00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:26,719 Speaker 1: in so many different ways, and I do see it 921 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,160 Speaker 1: as um pure grief. And I you know, told Terrace 922 00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:33,880 Speaker 1: of this, but I had lost my dad when I 923 00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:38,200 Speaker 1: was pregnant with my daughter Esme, and Um, I think 924 00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:42,680 Speaker 1: that going through that process of grief and understanding what 925 00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,879 Speaker 1: that looked like and just being such a big thing 926 00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:50,719 Speaker 1: at in my life by losing my dad that when 927 00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:54,759 Speaker 1: I had my pregnancy loss, like I really felt, I 928 00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,279 Speaker 1: was like, oh this is this is grief again, and 929 00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,319 Speaker 1: I need to pay attention to it and I need 930 00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:01,600 Speaker 1: to treat it that way. I don't want to put 931 00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,480 Speaker 1: it aside. I don't want to hide it, like I 932 00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:06,680 Speaker 1: need to talk about it. And then I also need 933 00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:10,080 Speaker 1: to take care of myself because I understand that this 934 00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:11,640 Speaker 1: is a that my body is going to go through 935 00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:13,839 Speaker 1: all the stages and you it's not like you can 936 00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,960 Speaker 1: stop it, but if you allow it to happen, you 937 00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,560 Speaker 1: can really get through and try to you know, help 938 00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:23,879 Speaker 1: yourself heal um. And so you know, I think just 939 00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:28,680 Speaker 1: grieving before actually helped me to understand that that's what 940 00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,120 Speaker 1: this process was going to be, and how you can 941 00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:34,080 Speaker 1: be a friend in that it's just to listen and 942 00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:36,839 Speaker 1: be there. Sent my friends sent me flowers, and I 943 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,640 Speaker 1: was like I was kind of embarrassed at first because 944 00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:42,920 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, and is that And and then 945 00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:44,560 Speaker 1: I was like why am I embarrassed about that? Like 946 00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:47,200 Speaker 1: it's so beautiful that they thought of me and sent 947 00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,239 Speaker 1: me flowers, and there's nothing to be ashamed of, you know. 948 00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:53,560 Speaker 1: And and my other girlfriend like brought Chucklin and wine 949 00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:57,160 Speaker 1: over and we sat and cried and laughed and you know. 950 00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,520 Speaker 1: And so I think that there's a way that you 951 00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:02,480 Speaker 1: can really show up for your friends just by being present, 952 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:05,240 Speaker 1: just sending a love note, you know, just in any way. 953 00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:07,920 Speaker 1: But um, part of it I think is because of 954 00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:12,239 Speaker 1: you're afraid of what someone's reaction might be. How don't 955 00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:16,319 Speaker 1: you have anything to add to that? I mean yeah, 956 00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,280 Speaker 1: I mean for me, it was like when the miscarriages happened, 957 00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:22,600 Speaker 1: it was like I have one job to do, and 958 00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:26,080 Speaker 1: that's to bring a baby into this world, and like 959 00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:30,319 Speaker 1: I'm broken because I can't do that, and like it's 960 00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:34,560 Speaker 1: somehow my fault. And that's why I like when we 961 00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:37,400 Speaker 1: were discussing having a third baby, and I said, I 962 00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:39,399 Speaker 1: I don't want to carry again. Is because I don't 963 00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:42,439 Speaker 1: want to be the reason that my baby doesn't come 964 00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:45,160 Speaker 1: to term. You know, I want to give it it's 965 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,080 Speaker 1: the best shot, because I think that like I'm broken somehow, 966 00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:50,799 Speaker 1: like there's and it's just the women just carry that 967 00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:54,000 Speaker 1: that shame, even though, like you said, Teresa, it has 968 00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,479 Speaker 1: everything to do with but I'm like, but but maybe 969 00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:58,719 Speaker 1: it is me because I needed more progesterone, right, like 970 00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:01,120 Speaker 1: or my lining is and good or whatever it is. 971 00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:03,160 Speaker 1: It's like, but I just I don't want to be 972 00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:06,440 Speaker 1: the reason that like I just don't feel like I'm 973 00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:08,960 Speaker 1: I'm woman enough, or like I just feel like a 974 00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:14,080 Speaker 1: broken woman. Yeah. And that's like the common thread that 975 00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,960 Speaker 1: connects us, I think, and then it sees us through 976 00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:22,600 Speaker 1: motherhood too. I mean, that same self critical voice follows 977 00:55:22,719 --> 00:55:26,080 Speaker 1: us through the whole journey. UM, And we really try 978 00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,279 Speaker 1: to address that in our book. Is just liberating ourselves 979 00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:34,040 Speaker 1: from that, um, the judgment and and and the shame 980 00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:38,640 Speaker 1: and the guilt that comes with this entire beautiful, colorful 981 00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:42,440 Speaker 1: journey of parent home. So with all that said, everyone 982 00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:44,440 Speaker 1: needs to get this Zen Mama Guide to Finding your 983 00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:48,440 Speaker 1: Rhythm in Pregnancy, birth and beyond. Ladies, cannot thank you 984 00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:51,400 Speaker 1: enough for such an awesome conversation. Let's all keep that 985 00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:55,040 Speaker 1: family unit together. And I just appreciate. I feel more 986 00:55:55,160 --> 00:56:02,960 Speaker 1: zen now, So thank you, invalidated, Sure, thank you, ladies, 987 00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:09,920 Speaker 1: appreciate guys, thank you. Um. I love those girls because 988 00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:14,000 Speaker 1: their mamas is like the perfect title for them. Yeah, 989 00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:18,120 Speaker 1: Like they just seemed just so seen. It feels I 990 00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,680 Speaker 1: feel seen, yeah, and just like just a presence about them, 991 00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:25,120 Speaker 1: even via a computer screen. It's just so calming and 992 00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:30,440 Speaker 1: confident and open. Um. So no, that's really cool that 993 00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:32,960 Speaker 1: they came out with all this stuff and and again 994 00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:39,440 Speaker 1: giving women another resource, very useful resource too, you know, 995 00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:44,200 Speaker 1: take you along the most empowering adventure that you could 996 00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:48,800 Speaker 1: possibly go on. You know. Um, well, this is a 997 00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:52,839 Speaker 1: fun episode and I'm excited because next week we have 998 00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:56,960 Speaker 1: um two authors coming on. And since you know we 999 00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:59,440 Speaker 1: talked about fighting earlier in the episode, their book title 1000 00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:07,320 Speaker 1: is everyone fights, Everybody fights, so why not do it better? Exactly? Um, 1001 00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:10,520 Speaker 1: keep fighting the good fight, guys, and we'll see you 1002 00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:10,919 Speaker 1: next week.