1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,360 Speaker 1: I'm your wife, not your mom. My wife always says 2 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:03,960 Speaker 1: this to me and I don't know how to respond. 3 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: How can I make her see my side? Well, let's 4 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:10,040 Speaker 1: find out. This comes from user ony Kem who says, hey, everyone, So, 5 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,879 Speaker 1: my wife thirty two female and I thirty four male, 6 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: have been together for about eighteen years the while long time, 7 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: but have been arguing recently about the responsibilities within our 8 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 1: marriage and we can't seem to agree. I work full 9 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,479 Speaker 1: time and my wife is a stay at home mother. 10 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,480 Speaker 1: We have two children, one is in school full time 11 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 1: and the other one goes to preschool two and a 12 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: half days a week. Recently, my wife has been sending 13 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,919 Speaker 1: me the stupid tiktoks that say your wife is your partner, 14 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:41,200 Speaker 1: not your mom. Gotta love those random tiktoks. 15 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 2: I guess we love when TikTok exposes the fragility of 16 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 2: your marriage. Gotta love it. 17 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: And essentially it boils down to men should help around 18 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 1: the house, help with the kids, and pick up after themselves. 19 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 1: And as a sentiment, I generally agree with what's Seerpi's 20 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: heads at. This usually comes with a side of you 21 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: don't value what I do to look after the kids. 22 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: And plan everything, et cetera, et cetera. Now, to be clear, 23 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: I am not against helping out around the house and 24 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,399 Speaker 1: helping the kids to get to bed, brush your teeth, 25 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: and cook meals. 26 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 2: I do help with the stuff. Every day. 27 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: I feel like all I do is work because the 28 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 1: second I finish work, I have kids to help with 29 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 1: because she has had them all day quote unquote. 30 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,960 Speaker 2: My position, he is helping out. 31 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:25,800 Speaker 1: He is helping out, and it seems that according to him, 32 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 1: according to him, she takes care of him during the day. 33 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 1: He goes to work, and then he comes home and 34 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: she's like, take the kids now, I've had them all day. 35 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,040 Speaker 2: My position is Opie says. 36 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: That she is right when she says kids are work, 37 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,240 Speaker 1: and I can appreciate that after a day of being 38 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: with them. 39 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,319 Speaker 2: All day, she's probably tired of the kids. 40 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 1: But I have also been at work all day too, 41 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: and it isn't fair to expect me to be a 42 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 1: sole parent as soon as I'm finished. Then there is 43 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: the issue of housework. Our house is always a mess, 44 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: which frustrates me. When she complains about having to do 45 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: all the unpaid labor of managing a household and looking 46 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: after the kids, do they split the finances. 47 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 2: That'd be crazy. 48 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 1: Wait, like in terms of op earns a living and 49 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 1: gives his wife no. 50 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,839 Speaker 2: I imagine they're they have like a shared banking. 51 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: I would imagine so because from my perspective, I go 52 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: to work in a messy house and I finish work 53 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 1: in a messy house. I work from home, go into 54 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,640 Speaker 1: my office for eight hours, only coming out for the 55 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: occasional coffee or snack, which means that ninety percent of 56 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: my mess is contained to a room only I go 57 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 1: in most days while I'm at work. 58 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,760 Speaker 2: She isn't even home. What's she doing? 59 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: That's the question. Is there a conspiracy theory? I see 60 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: you cheating, She's cheating, cheating, cheating, that is the conspiracy theory. 61 00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: I feel that I am holding up my end of 62 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,359 Speaker 1: the bargain by working full time and then helping out 63 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 1: with housework and the kids outside of that, But she 64 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 1: isn't holding up her end of it by looking after 65 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,080 Speaker 1: the house and kids while I'm at work. 66 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 2: I wonder if those are these roles made explicit. That 67 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 2: is a great question, because I feel like implicit roles 68 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 2: can quickly turn into like like secret grudges held against 69 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 2: each other. Exactly and make the implicit explicit. I think 70 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,200 Speaker 2: it makes things better. 71 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 1: And I think now the wife is letting the tiktoks 72 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: speak for her, and she's like, I do not agree 73 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: with the way that doesn't split up. I could understand 74 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 1: that she wouldn't get as much done around the house 75 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 1: on days when our youngest is home, but on days 76 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: where she is at preschool, she takes it as an 77 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,960 Speaker 1: opportunity to quote unquote have a break and go shopping 78 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 1: with her mom or go visit a friend. Whenever I 79 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 1: bring this up or question how much effort she is 80 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: putting in, I get you don't appreciate me, and I 81 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: am not your mother. I'm not saying that she should 82 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: be waiting on me hand and foot as my personal maid, 83 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 1: cook and sex doll. 84 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 2: Not that we ever have sex. Damn. 85 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: Oh. 86 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 2: Sensing problems, yeah, some Sensen, and problem is some sensen. 87 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 2: Some sensing that the problem are deeper than the tiktoks. 88 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 2: I think it is deeper than It's not the tiktoks. 89 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 2: It's not this one thing. There's systemic things follow for 90 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 2: more of this juice. 91 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: Because I'm the man and bringing home the bacon, I 92 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 1: really hope I don't come across that way in the post, 93 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: as that is really not what I am saying. But 94 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 1: I am killing myself trying to do everything, yet am 95 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: being told I am the problem for treating her like 96 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,279 Speaker 1: my mother because I'm expecting her to do her parts, which, 97 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: but question, what exactly is she meaning when I am 98 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 1: not your mom? 99 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,279 Speaker 2: Oh, like I think like cleaning up after you and 100 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 2: stuff cleaning. If it sounds like she's not having to 101 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 2: clean up after him, that would be a different thing. 102 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: Yes, I think cleaning her She's saying, cleaning up after 103 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,719 Speaker 1: him is cleaning up all the shared spaces that they 104 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,480 Speaker 1: all live, and like, I don't want to clean all 105 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: of this stuff. 106 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 2: I am not your mom. 107 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 1: Yes that makes sense, But I'm killing myself trying to 108 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,359 Speaker 1: do everything yet and being told I'm the problem for 109 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 1: treating her like my mother because I'm expecting her to 110 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: do her parts. 111 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 2: What can I do to help her? See my side? 112 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 1: And there is an update, But to answer the question 113 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: what can he do? 114 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,720 Speaker 2: I think we have an issue of not knowing what 115 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,160 Speaker 2: the roles are. Yes, I think the roles are implicit. 116 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 2: It's maybe like just defaulted to what the stereotypical gender 117 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 2: roles are yes, And so I think the you have 118 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 2: to have a sit down talk and say like, hey, 119 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 2: like what am I bringing to the table, what are 120 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 2: you bringing the table? How can we make sure our 121 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 2: home feels like our home and feels the best based 122 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,240 Speaker 2: on like what we both can do. 123 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: Like, for instance, there is two and a half days 124 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,280 Speaker 1: where the youngest is at school. 125 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:40,240 Speaker 2: Could she take like one of those days? What do 126 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,600 Speaker 2: you figure that? I'm just not sure you're could she take? 127 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 1: She could take like one of those days, you know, 128 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 1: to go visit friends and whatever else. Maybe the other 129 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,600 Speaker 1: days could help chip in with some other stuff, Like 130 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 1: I feel like there is some sort of middle ground 131 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 1: here where they can come together. Then maybe op can 132 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: on some days take the kids after work, but then 133 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 1: other days. 134 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,159 Speaker 2: Not take the kids. That sounds like he is taking 135 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,039 Speaker 2: the kids after work all as of right now. 136 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 1: Yes, but there seems to be a middle ground that 137 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: is completely unventured. 138 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 2: It feels like the main thing that he has upset 139 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 2: with is the state of the house in terms of 140 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,920 Speaker 2: its cleanliness. Yeah, that's the main thing, but but also 141 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 2: the kids after work too. Is he mad about that? 142 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 2: He said, I need to get the sense that he 143 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 2: was upset about that. He said, uh, maybe he's resentful 144 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,920 Speaker 2: about that. I think it's just that he's It felt 145 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 2: like he was saying like, hey, like, don't you guys worry, 146 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 2: I'm also helping take care of the kids, like I'm 147 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 2: not just being a neglectful father. It felt like he 148 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 2: was saying that more from a defensive point than an 149 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 2: offensive point. 150 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: My interpretation was, he's like, I love the kids, but 151 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: sometimes i'm tired after work too, the same way that 152 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 1: like she's like I'm tired after a day of watching him, 153 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: and he's like, I'm tired after a day of work 154 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 1: right at times, But yeah. 155 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 2: I think I think yeah. 156 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 1: My interpretation was he does enjoy the kids and everything, 157 00:06:55,560 --> 00:07:00,599 Speaker 1: but like, hey, maybe it's not totally bare to we 158 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 1: both do work. Yeah, they both have their respective works 159 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 1: and then he has to do sometimes and. 160 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 2: Ultimately you just have to agree on what you're like 161 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 2: you both are going to do. That's a thing. It 162 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 2: is completely okay, first stay at home mom to not clean. Yes, 163 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 2: if that is what has agreed upon you actly have 164 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 2: like someone to help clean the house, then that is okay. 165 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 2: What's not okay is not communicating what those rules are. 166 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: Let's get off of TikTok and sit down at the table. 167 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: Sit down at the table and communicate. 168 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:27,240 Speaker 2: Talk it out. 169 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know what I'm about to talk. Communication 170 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 1: is through TikTok and memes. My my creators get me 171 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,239 Speaker 1: so well though. 172 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 2: My love language is dming my hubby tiktoks. Yes, don't 173 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 2: hate on my love language. But I am going to 174 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 2: give you the language of that side update, which is 175 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 2: read it. It is language that is true. So updates 176 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 2: number one. So a lot of people are saying that 177 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 2: we need to sit down smart people and trying to 178 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 2: look at things as a team. And I am totally 179 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 2: on board for this approach and will let you know 180 00:07:59,080 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 2: how it goes. 181 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: Also, a few people dislike my framing of helping as 182 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,680 Speaker 1: it's my responsibility. Also, I agree I use the term 183 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 1: helping as that's the word that she uses when she 184 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 1: says I need to do more to help around the house. 185 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 1: Another lot of you either can't read or refusing to 186 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 1: believe that I actually parent my own children. I wake 187 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: them up in the morning, make them breakfast every day, 188 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,679 Speaker 1: I get them dressed every day, take them to school 189 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: two or three days a week. I know their teachers, 190 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: all of their friends and their friends' parents' names. I 191 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: know all their doctors, their allergies none thankfully, well, I 192 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 1: guess you know all none of their allergies. Great job, 193 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 1: but still I digress. I bathe them, I get their 194 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,080 Speaker 1: pjs on and read them the same goddamn bed story 195 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 1: every night for weeks, because they don't want any of 196 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: the books we have. They want George the Giant. I 197 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 1: draw with them, play games with them, know their favorite 198 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: Disney businesses and favorite suprios. As for the household, I 199 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: do the laundry and load the dishwasher. I cook my 200 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 1: own lunches and tidy up after myself. I iron, I 201 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: fold and put away the laundry, and pick up the 202 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 1: toys and tidy their playroom. I hover at the weekend 203 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,439 Speaker 1: and take them to their kid parties. I also do 204 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: all the chores that my wife won't do because I'm 205 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 1: the man, like taking out the bins, cleaning the car, 206 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 1: mowing the grass, and fixing anything that breaks. 207 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 2: What is she doing? 208 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: It is not as explicit and laid out as that. 209 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,559 Speaker 1: We can say that much for sure. She is watching 210 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: the kids throughout the day. I think it is unclear 211 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: how much, if maybe at all, of the. 212 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:33,839 Speaker 2: Housework, cleaning and stuff. 213 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,080 Speaker 1: I just get the sense that there is still some 214 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 1: housework left to be done at the end of the day, 215 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: and she's like, I want to take off now that 216 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 1: I've been watching the kids and like managing the house 217 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 1: all day. I think it just seems to be rules. 218 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 1: I just need we need to split stuff up. 219 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 2: I feel like she feels like she's doing too much, 220 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,679 Speaker 2: and it feels like, ohp, it feels like he's doing 221 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:55,959 Speaker 2: too much. 222 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,319 Speaker 1: We need to come together and see, like maybe there's 223 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 1: one thing that the day like loves doing that she 224 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 1: hates doing. 225 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 2: Yeah. Talk yeah, talk talk to each other there, yes. 226 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 1: And so that was update number one was Opie basically 227 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 1: saying I do stuff. I do stuff, and now we 228 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,319 Speaker 1: are doing this updates which might have big, juicy details 229 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: we will find out. So I arranged for the in 230 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: laws to have the kids Friday night, me and the 231 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,359 Speaker 1: wife sat down and had a talk, a long communication, 232 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 1: let's go this is good, Probably one of the deepest 233 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:33,480 Speaker 1: and hardest talks we've ever had in our eighteen years. 234 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: WHOA do we think this is divorce enough? 235 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 2: I don't. I don't think so, but I feel like 236 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 2: the sex stuff is going to come up. That's true. 237 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,880 Speaker 1: Good point, because he threw a very salty You feel 238 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: the salty sex mentioned in there. 239 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like we know we have sex. 240 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: I told her my side that I felt overwhelmed and underappreciated, 241 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 1: that I felt I was doing more than my fair 242 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 1: share and that she wasn't. I told her that I 243 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: could understand that while I may be doing plenty around 244 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 1: the house and parenting, that I was guilty of letting 245 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 1: her take the majority of the mental load, but that 246 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,959 Speaker 1: still doesn't excuse her behavior. I felt I was firm 247 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,960 Speaker 1: but fair, and to her credit, instead of fighting back, 248 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,080 Speaker 1: she listened. We discussed her feelings and she admits to 249 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: not prioritizing housework and trying to make the most of 250 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 1: her free time, and agreed that we will sit down 251 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: and come up with a schedule for cleaning that we 252 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,400 Speaker 1: are both accountable for it. 253 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 2: That's great. 254 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: This is what happens when you get together and make 255 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: a plan and communicate and communicate what works well for. 256 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 2: Both and figuring that out. It's beautiful. 257 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: She told me some issues that I wasn't aware of 258 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,360 Speaker 1: that her mother had been dealing with since retiring and 259 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: the passing of her father, wife's granddad, loneliness and depression 260 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: issues relating to my sister in law. She's a mess 261 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: and a constant headache, which is why she had been 262 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 1: going to see her so much. Other feelings she had 263 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: been having about feeling lost in kids, not having anything 264 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 1: for herself, and some depression related to weight gain. Since 265 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,839 Speaker 1: having our like a child, she has put on forty 266 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 1: to fifty pounds and no longer feels attractive. I told 267 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 1: her that I still think which is maybe the sex stuff, 268 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: maybe the HAA observant observant, I told her that I 269 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:16,079 Speaker 1: still think she's beautiful, but she doesn't. Hence our dB, 270 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:21,839 Speaker 1: which is dB. Our dead bedrooms the same bedroom it is. 271 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: Hence our dead bedroom, which means they're not doing this 272 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 1: starty stinky. 273 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 2: They're not the win this spiceless sleep. Ooh, spicey sleep. 274 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 2: That's right. 275 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 1: There were hurt feelings and tears from both of us, 276 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 1: So we are going to take some steps. Number one, 277 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 1: we have both agreed to switch out mornings and evenings smart. 278 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 1: I like that I get the kids up, breakfast, teeth, dressed, 279 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 1: and take them to school. She does dinner, bath, bed, 280 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 1: et cetera, and the next day we swap. This gives 281 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 1: us both some mornings and evenings free to do what 282 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 1: we want. 283 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 2: That's awesome. 284 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: Two we are both joining the gym. I too, have 285 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: put on some weight and lost some muscle since our 286 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 1: second kid. Hopefully this helps her with her body confidence. 287 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,319 Speaker 1: Three we're also arranging with the laws to have babysitters 288 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,079 Speaker 1: once a week for us to start going on regular 289 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: dates again. Another another win idea for a contacts. The 290 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 1: in laws are our only support. I'm an orphan who 291 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 1: has faced abused raised with my grandmother who has now passed. 292 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: Number four, we found a cleaning schedule where you do 293 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,960 Speaker 1: certain shores throughout the house every day, but pick one 294 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 1: room to deep clean every day. Too, one room deep 295 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:28,839 Speaker 1: cleaned every day. They are they're spicking spain over here. 296 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:32,440 Speaker 1: Apparently with me doing laundry, dishwasher, et cetera, things take 297 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 1: less time her doing the deep cleans in general, tidying 298 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 1: and number five and final, most importantly, she is looking 299 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 1: at getting a part time job so she can start 300 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 1: helping financially, give her some income that isn't from me, 301 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: and give her something to focus on outside of being 302 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 1: a mom. 303 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 2: All of these are great, and I feel like that 304 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 2: last one it could be that she was feeling like 305 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 2: she wanted some of her independence and identity back. Shake 306 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 2: it up, have like a kind of goal to work on. 307 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:05,760 Speaker 2: Outside of that, I under excellent solution and like a 308 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 2: world class approach to some hard issues. Let's say, oh no, 309 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:14,840 Speaker 2: we are not done. No, it's just so cut me 310 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:15,599 Speaker 2: say that. 311 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: Well, as all of my wages went into the joint account, 312 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: I felt like I never had any money as I 313 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 1: didn't want to spend and there would not be enough 314 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 1: to pay for the mortgage, et cetera, et cetera. So 315 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 1: I never spent money and resented that she did. So 316 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: OPI was bringing home all the money and he's like, 317 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to, you know, go outside our bills. 318 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 1: And of course the wife is a mom, got all 319 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 1: these spendishers. He was resenting her. 320 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 2: Not good. 321 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 1: They talked it out, making sure that there is enough 322 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: to cover direct debits, then dividing the remaining stuff into 323 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 1: accounts for savings personal for each of us to have 324 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 1: our own money that we can spend how we want, 325 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 1: guilt free. Love that number six, I'm going to pick 326 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 1: up a hobby that gets me out of the house 327 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 1: and commute to the office once a week, another smart idea. 328 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,680 Speaker 1: One the thing we discussed was that I was always 329 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 1: at home. I didn't do anything other than work and 330 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 1: be at home, so we didn't have a lot to 331 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 1: talk about because I didn't go anywhere. 332 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 2: That makes sense. 333 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 1: It also meant that she never got any alone time 334 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,600 Speaker 1: at home away from me or the kids, and she 335 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: felt like a nuisance being at home while I was 336 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,960 Speaker 1: at work. Well, we took this weekend to spend a 337 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 1: little time together as a family. We took the kids 338 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: to the park, went to a nature reserve for a picnic, 339 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 1: and had bike rides. 340 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 2: Adorable. This is so cute. This is so cute. This 341 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 2: is like the I was worried with more of the 342 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 2: story being there, that it was going to go terribly. 343 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 2: But no, we're not done. No, I don't know. 344 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just saying we're not done. That's all 345 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 1: I am saying. Okay, I took the kids rock climbing 346 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: followed by ice cream. It was really nice and we 347 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,960 Speaker 1: both feel like a weight has been lifted. It's obviously 348 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: not going to change overnight, and we both need to 349 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: work at it. But we both have a plan and 350 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 1: both seem to want to put in the effort. To 351 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: everyone who gave me good advice recommended therapy, we can't 352 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: afford it until she starts working, but we are looking 353 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 1: for when she does. And commiserated with your own stories, 354 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 1: or just to say a kind word, thank you so much. 355 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 1: There were comments that made me cry and so much 356 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: insight that I hadn't considered. Thank you to those who 357 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: clearly didn't read my post but instead assumed I was 358 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: entitled and entirely to blame because I use the word help, 359 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 1: or that I probably didn't know my own children's birthdays 360 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 1: and algies. I feel sorry for you and hope that 361 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:36,400 Speaker 1: you get the help you so sorely needed. And that 362 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 1: is the end of the story and. 363 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 2: Ending a great ending world class. This is how every 364 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 2: problem and a relationship should be solved. 365 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: Yes, they came together, They figured out a detailed plan, 366 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,560 Speaker 1: really hurt each other, what are the once needs pain points, 367 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 1: and crafted an awesome plan and executed. 368 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,000 Speaker 2: And I also love how they like with the dead 369 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 2: bedroom stuff like there was like a little like a 370 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 2: little bit. It seems like they've just been so swamped 371 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 2: dealing with the kids that they haven't made time to 372 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 2: actually be with each other and also take care of themselves. Yes, 373 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 2: like sometimes when you have kids, you forget that you 374 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 2: are your own person and you also you're in a relationship. 375 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,879 Speaker 2: And so I think what they was really cool is 376 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:22,400 Speaker 2: he under ventured to understand like why is their intimacy stuff? 377 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,119 Speaker 2: And it was because she wasn't feeling like great in 378 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 2: her own body, and then also gave a potential solution 379 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,199 Speaker 2: that he supported her and was like, oh, I've been 380 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 2: getting way too like let's both go to the gym. 381 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 2: It was like this, really, I feel like a really 382 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,720 Speaker 2: healthy way to approach it. Yes, I have no notes, 383 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,960 Speaker 2: no notes, O, he crushed it. No notes? But do 384 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,200 Speaker 2: you have any notes? Per answers your notes in the comments? 385 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,239 Speaker 1: But Sam, yes, John, I have some notes in the 386 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,159 Speaker 1: form of a story to read to me. 387 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,400 Speaker 2: I do I twenty five female kissed my twenty four 388 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:57,440 Speaker 2: female friend's boyfriend twenty five male. How can I prevent 389 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 2: it from being weird between us? That seems pretty hard? Yeah, 390 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,679 Speaker 2: I mean, if you kiss your friend's boyfriend, you're in 391 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,120 Speaker 2: a world hurt YEP. I met my friend Kelly six 392 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,359 Speaker 2: years ago. Kelly is a super sweet girl. She started 393 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 2: dating Matt four years ago. Matt, who was in the 394 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 2: military full time, switch to part time. Honestly, I'm not 395 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 2: sure how it works, but he's now part time in 396 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 2: the military while also having a full time job, probably 397 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 2: in the reserves or something, which led him to move 398 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 2: to a different state. They've been long distance for the 399 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 2: past year. Coincidentally, I got a job close to the 400 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 2: same city as him. My friend asked him if I 401 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:33,200 Speaker 2: could stay at his place until my lease officially starts. 402 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 2: It'd be for two weeks from the third to the twelfth. 403 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 2: Kelly ask OPI if Kelly's boyfriend could stay with her, 404 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 2: and you could do a lot in two weeks. A 405 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 2: lot in two weeks. You can get very close so 406 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:51,120 Speaker 2: much as Riley's that a girlfriend. 407 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 1: Love. 408 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 2: During those few days, I started to realize that we're 409 00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 2: having an amazing conversation. Oh we engaged in playful enter 410 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 2: and on Sunday I opened up to him about one 411 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 2: of my insecurities. He provided me with reassurance and support. 412 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 2: Out of nowhere, really, I kissed him. Oh, okay, I'm sorry, 413 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,439 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Out of nowhere, I kissed him. No, that 414 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,280 Speaker 2: was from somewhere. I was from somewhere that was from 415 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 2: within your loins, maybe your heart too. But he pushed 416 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 2: me away, get out of here, which the right right 417 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,879 Speaker 2: thing to do, Yes, the right right thing to do? 418 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 2: Which okay, which only turned me on more. Yeah. Yeah, 419 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,960 Speaker 2: and I went for an hour. Now where we got. 420 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 2: I apologized profusely, and he said it's okay, acknowledging that 421 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 2: he might have given me the wrong idea. He made 422 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 2: it clear that he loves Kelly and would never cheat 423 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 2: on her. Really quick, really quick, pause, pause pause, Should 424 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 2: he tell her? Should he tell his girlfriend? Should he 425 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,360 Speaker 2: tell his girlfriend? 426 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yes, yeah? And plus it's okay. They've been together 427 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 3: for four years. 428 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 2: Yeah yt, I didn't say this, but I momentarily lost control, 429 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 2: as if a ghost possessed me for five seconds. Since then, 430 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 2: he has been avoiding me, probably smart, Yeah, mainly staying 431 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:06,400 Speaker 2: in his room after work right there. Living together before Sunday, 432 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 2: we used to hang out and do things together. He 433 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,160 Speaker 2: would show me the city and recommend good place to eat. 434 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,560 Speaker 2: But now it's like nothing. Well, obviously you kissed him 435 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:13,360 Speaker 2: and he has a girlfriend. 436 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 3: Yeah. 437 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 2: I don't think he's told Kelly yet, but I'm wondering 438 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,360 Speaker 2: how I can prevent things from being awkward between us. 439 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 2: I don't think he will tell Kelly, which he should. Yes, 440 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 2: I think TLDR has become awkward between my friend's boyfriend 441 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 2: after I kissed him so really quick. Everyone should the 442 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 2: boyfriend tell Kelly? Okay? Yes, what do you got? Riley? Yes? 443 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 2: Argue with me. 444 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 3: The only thing though, is that Op will then be 445 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,119 Speaker 3: homeless because they will try to evict her from there. 446 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 3: And I understand everything, but I don't know Op's background, 447 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,439 Speaker 3: Like did she say like she didn't grow up super 448 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,440 Speaker 3: hot or was that the last story? 449 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:50,800 Speaker 2: Okay? 450 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: Well, also, this is only for like two weeks, right, Oh? 451 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,440 Speaker 2: I can handle being homeless for a week. 452 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, they need to tell him, I 453 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 3: think he. 454 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 2: I think the boyfriend should immediately tell Yeah, immediately immediately. 455 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,360 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, that's my only Devil's advocate I have there. 456 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,479 Speaker 3: He should tell Yeah, all right? Should Ope tell her 457 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,960 Speaker 3: friend immediately? I think you? 458 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:21,240 Speaker 1: Maybe I would say first, I would be assuming and 459 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 1: thinking that the boyfriend tells it. 460 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,479 Speaker 2: But if the boyfriend never does, do you tell? You 461 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:26,960 Speaker 2: go to the. 462 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,800 Speaker 1: Boyfriend and he say like, hey, I noticed that you 463 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 1: haven't told her yet, And I feel like it again. Yeah, 464 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,440 Speaker 1: and I feel like you freaking love me. Yeah, I 465 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: don't know. That's a tricky one. 466 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, but we got some relevant comments. He's not going 467 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,360 Speaker 2: to interact with you more because he's probably scared schitless 468 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 2: that you'll tell his girlfriend and that she'll assume it's 469 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,879 Speaker 2: more than it actually was. You really put him in 470 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,119 Speaker 2: a shitty spot. Op Should I talk to him and 471 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:55,359 Speaker 2: reassure him I won't say anything. No, Actually, the person 472 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,959 Speaker 2: responds no, because that doesn't mean anything. The best thing 473 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,440 Speaker 2: you could do is confess to his girlfriend. But even then, 474 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,440 Speaker 2: at this point, if he didn't tell her, then she's 475 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 2: going to be in a tornado of emotions. Opie responds, yeah, 476 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,919 Speaker 2: and I don't want to hurt Kelly. I've already done 477 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 2: enough damage. Telling her would only make it worse. And 478 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,119 Speaker 2: then the compenter says, I think some distance from both 479 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 2: of them for a long time would benefit everyone, and 480 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 2: then OPI says, I agree, thankfully. I'm moving into my 481 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,680 Speaker 2: own place on the twelfth. One more thing, I think 482 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 2: he's actually doing the right thing. He had an opportunity 483 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,880 Speaker 2: and chose to respect his girlfriend, and now he's trying 484 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,240 Speaker 2: to keep contact with you at a minimum so not 485 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 2: to risk escalating. Again. Sounds like a good guy. He 486 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 2: sounds like a good guy. Yes, I feel like you 487 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 2: should also tell a girlfriend. Agreed, But it could also 488 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:38,200 Speaker 2: just go poorly for everyone, Opie. I agree. The only 489 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,160 Speaker 2: thing I wish he did differently is to communicate where 490 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 2: he stands and whether he will tell Kelly. I have 491 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 2: no idea if he's going to inform her or not. 492 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:44,720 Speaker 2: I hope he does. 493 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,439 Speaker 3: If he doesn't tell her, then Matt has feelings for 494 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:53,840 Speaker 3: OPI and that's the Andrews because I saw the city 495 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,439 Speaker 3: she showed him, the city I think was their emotional. 496 00:22:57,359 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 2: No, he was just trying to be good friends with 497 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 2: his girlfriends. 498 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there is a world where he doesn't 499 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: tell her because he's like, I don't want to ruin 500 00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: their friendship. It could be a whole thing in misconstrued. Again, 501 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,359 Speaker 1: I definitely think he should tell her, but I could 502 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,680 Speaker 1: see his I could see a world where he has 503 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: logic of not wanting to tell her while also not 504 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: having feelings are wanting to get with Opie. 505 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 3: It's just a possibility that he may have feelings for 506 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 3: her if he doesn't tell his girlfriend. 507 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:29,960 Speaker 2: Ah, it's possible potentially we have an update. I haven't 508 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 2: talked to my friend's boyfriend Matt in about a month now. 509 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 2: We both live in the same city, but he ignores 510 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,160 Speaker 2: all my text Good on him. I have given him space, 511 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 2: but it's just weird to live in the same city 512 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,439 Speaker 2: and not say anything. Stop trying to go after this 513 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:44,200 Speaker 2: girl boyfriend. And then a conventer says, it isn't weird 514 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 2: to live in the same city and not say anything. 515 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,840 Speaker 2: It's only weird if you make it weirder. You just 516 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 2: want an excuse to talk to him. Stop texting him, 517 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 2: it's inappropriate, Opie responds. Even my friend said she doesn't 518 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 2: know why he's been avoiding me. She doesn't know about 519 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 2: the incident. But I've apologized and he said water under 520 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,400 Speaker 2: the bridge. Another commenter says, best advice read your last post. 521 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,560 Speaker 2: Not sure why you think he'd interact with you after that. 522 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 2: Opie says, I didn't mean for that post to still 523 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 2: be up, but we resolved it. I apologize to him 524 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,120 Speaker 2: and he said water under the bridge. Then another commenter said, 525 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 2: trying to hide what you did so you would get 526 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 2: more sympathy this time. You're an awful friend. Leave them alone. 527 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 2: Opie says, no, it's just we resolved it. And then finally, 528 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,080 Speaker 2: another commenter said, just because people accept your apology doesn't 529 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,199 Speaker 2: mean they will have that same relationship or impression of 530 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 2: you before the situation happened, and Opie says, even with 531 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 2: that being the case, we don't need to hang out. 532 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,560 Speaker 2: But the last text I sent them is, Hey, sorry 533 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,240 Speaker 2: to bother you. Do you know any good lounges around 534 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:41,400 Speaker 2: the emoji? The ojjiittle smiley emoji. It's a blush of emoji. 535 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 2: What's the harm on giving me suggestions? Bro? Stop going 536 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 2: after your friend's boyfriend. 537 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 1: Go to this little thing called Google, go to therapy. 538 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,880 Speaker 1: Bropist about loues. 539 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,800 Speaker 2: So whacked she's aggressively hitting on her friend's boyfriend and 540 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,840 Speaker 2: kissed him like she might be a blissful, unaware idiot. 541 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: That she's like, I'm just asking about lounges. I don't 542 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,840 Speaker 1: think so, No, I don't. No, she kissed him, she 543 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,400 Speaker 1: kissed him, she did no, No, she knows she likes him, 544 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,920 Speaker 1: But is there a world where she's like, oh, I'm 545 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 1: just asking about lounges, Like her subconscious is flirting with him, 546 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,040 Speaker 1: but she's like, oh no, it's okay, not realizing that 547 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: she's an idiot and still. 548 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,000 Speaker 2: Well, she's obviously not in control of anything she does 549 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 2: because she's just like something took over my body. I 550 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:34,160 Speaker 2: would no, nope, a whole, shake that head a whole. 551 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 2: A hey ho, hey ho. Yeah. But if you love us, 552 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,920 Speaker 2: make sure to subscribe. We love you and say it all. 553 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,120 Speaker 2: This is an episode from Deep within the Archives. Time 554 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,639 Speaker 2: for okop Relam. 555 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,959 Speaker 1: Is my friend the a whole for reporting a cheating 556 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,680 Speaker 1: group board member to the school board. 557 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:04,440 Speaker 2: Oh well, I mean, hey, tators never prosper, but snitches 558 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,600 Speaker 2: get stitches. Oh that is true. 559 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 1: But you know what our great community gets when they 560 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,199 Speaker 1: post in our subreddit, Sam, what do they get? They 561 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 1: get their story right on the show. Hey, that's writing. 562 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,760 Speaker 2: Your story, so please submit it to our slash okop 563 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 2: show on Reddit. We collect them like every session, and 564 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 2: we read a bunch that we really like, and we're 565 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,200 Speaker 2: trying to get people more involved in the community. So 566 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 2: these are all hand picked. 567 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:30,000 Speaker 1: From there, absolutely, And this one comes from illustrious Pool 568 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 1: three eight five zero excited. 569 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 2: So let's get into this pool. Yeah. Hey, guys, I 570 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 2: saw your video about the group project thing on TikTok. 571 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,200 Speaker 1: Hell, yeah you did. Let's go baby, and I wanted 572 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,920 Speaker 1: to share my story. Back in college, I was really 573 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,920 Speaker 1: having a hard time mentally, so I had attempted suicide 574 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:47,440 Speaker 1: more than once. 575 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 2: Very sorry to hear that'll be. 576 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,240 Speaker 1: I was going through a lot. I was in my 577 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 1: final year and failed the previous year, so I was 578 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 1: focused on finishing school and getting out of there. Before 579 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,680 Speaker 1: I continue, I must mention I was studying architecture. So 580 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 1: finally your project comes around and they put us in 581 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 1: groups of five to do a research paper on any 582 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 1: topic of our choice. We decided on one. I can't 583 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,200 Speaker 1: remember what we split responsibilities. I was in charge of 584 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,639 Speaker 1: the deep dive and source materials for the project. I 585 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,960 Speaker 1: attended meetings with this bitch who is our group leader. 586 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 1: Yeah she did, bitch, bitch come on it. Constantly helped 587 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 1: in editing the paper and took it seriously. Unknown to me, 588 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: this girl would go behind our backs and lie to 589 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 1: the lecture saying that we weren't contributing and that she 590 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:36,800 Speaker 1: did all the work. 591 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 2: Yo wowle. 592 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 1: All the while, we had no idea why the lecturer 593 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: slash supervisor didn't want to see any any of us. 594 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,840 Speaker 2: I found it very sus it is sas very so 595 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 2: sas so. 596 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 1: Myself and the other group members decided to drop in 597 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 1: on the lecture unannounced, behind this girl's back. 598 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,080 Speaker 2: Then we found out the truth. 599 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,600 Speaker 1: She had been lying that we did nothing, even cry 600 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,879 Speaker 1: to the lecture about how she was so stressed out. 601 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 2: Quota, switch your degree from architecture to theater, because you 602 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 2: got a future. If you can, You're you're gonna win 603 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,960 Speaker 2: an Oscar with that, shiiteah. The lecturer then went ahead 604 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 2: to ask for proof that we'd been helping. Thankfully, I 605 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,399 Speaker 2: had a catalog of all the work I'd done and 606 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 2: all the research backed up on my computer. I showed 607 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,639 Speaker 2: it to her the lecture and she was shocked, to 608 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,960 Speaker 2: say the least. She called for our group leader and 609 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,880 Speaker 2: was pissed as fuck. Yeah. 610 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:31,160 Speaker 1: At this time, it was too late to join another group, 611 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 1: and the lecture had previously told the board that we 612 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 1: didn't contribute, resulting in an automatic fail. No, wow, that's 613 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,320 Speaker 1: how does that make sense? Yeah, we had to plead 614 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:47,240 Speaker 1: and beg so so stupid they did sometimes that of 615 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:51,719 Speaker 1: the freaking school system is so dumb. So the lecture 616 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,040 Speaker 1: told each one of us to pick a new topic. 617 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:58,680 Speaker 1: And write a project in two freaking weeks. Geez, this 618 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 1: is a project that spanned the entire term slash semester. 619 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 1: I was mad as fucked because this girl wasn't punished. 620 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: She was a straight A student, and a lot of 621 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 1: people didn't like her. 622 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,720 Speaker 2: I just like she sucks. She does. She sounds like 623 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:15,480 Speaker 2: as op said, uh boo, bitch. I just didn't know 624 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,680 Speaker 2: why until now. 625 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,520 Speaker 1: When we left the lecture's office, I accosted her in 626 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 1: front of the whole class and cursed her the fuck out, 627 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 1: baby was tell her, you tell her, you tell her. 628 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,200 Speaker 1: The whole class was surprised to see me yell because 629 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,440 Speaker 1: I'm always the quiet one. She started crying and I 630 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,000 Speaker 1: cursed her out some more and it walked out. 631 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 2: Big dog. 632 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,280 Speaker 1: Let her know if I had two weeks to complete 633 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,400 Speaker 1: a project that was about sixty percent of my final 634 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 1: year in school, damn. Over the next two weeks, my 635 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 1: diet is sugar and coffee. Maybe not the best diet, 636 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 1: but that's okay. Gotta do what you gotta do. I 637 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 1: barely slept, but finished the project in time. Presentation day, 638 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,320 Speaker 1: my supervisor and some external lectures were. 639 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 2: Scrutinizing my job. 640 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 1: It's called the jurney, divided into two parts, the written 641 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,320 Speaker 1: research and the drawing. Anyways, I did so well, but 642 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,400 Speaker 1: the external judges couldn't help. But notice I was swaying, 643 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 1: had red eyes bags under my eyelids, So they asked 644 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: what happened. 645 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:17,600 Speaker 2: I explained the whole thing. 646 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,640 Speaker 1: Soon after, I passed out and woke up in the 647 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 1: hospital days later. 648 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:26,959 Speaker 2: Wow, my god, he is dedicated to this, this freaking 649 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 2: academic career. I hate schools. Yeah, they do this, dumb school. 650 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 1: Turns out I was incredibly stressed, severely dehydrated, and had 651 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:38,360 Speaker 1: high blood pressure. My goodness, poropee. All of these were 652 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,240 Speaker 1: obviously not helping with my already existing health issues. The 653 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 1: entire time I was in the hospital, the school board 654 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 1: called the girl in for punishment. Evil monster face emoji 655 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:53,320 Speaker 1: I like that Yeah, and karma, sweet sweet karma. 656 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:54,000 Speaker 2: Hit baby. 657 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,000 Speaker 1: They failed the girl, practically killing her straight a record 658 00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,760 Speaker 1: she had to repeat. 659 00:30:59,400 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 2: The whole year. 660 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 1: More people came out and spoke about how she used 661 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 1: people like this to get her perfect record. Oh, they're 662 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:09,360 Speaker 1: like me toing her for like school. Wow, this is crazy. 663 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 1: Her whole legacy is crumbling. As for me, they marked 664 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 1: me up. This practically increased my CGPA up a whole class. 665 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 1: I saw her a few years ago and she tried 666 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: to apologize. Turns out she never really gained any knowledge 667 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,480 Speaker 1: from school, and she's currently struggling to relearn all of 668 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:27,760 Speaker 1: the things she stole. 669 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, what are those as useful for if you can't 670 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 2: get a job. You know, she needs a job. He 671 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,320 Speaker 2: needs a job, He needs a job. There you go, Hey, Op, 672 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 2: it seems like you served some justice. Yeah, you know, 673 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 2: we need Sam, We need some more stories from the 674 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 2: Okay gang babies. Yeah, I do. Go over to our 675 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,479 Speaker 2: subreddit rs slash okop Show and some of your stories 676 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 2: make it happen.