Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nick Yes, Nikki, Hello here, I
Speaker 1: am welcome to the show. It's Monday. It's Nicky Glazer Podcast.
Speaker 1: So happy to be that here um in our podcast
Speaker 1: studio in St. Louis, Missouri. You know what, people don't
Speaker 1: even know I'm in St. Louis. It's wild how many
Speaker 1: of my friends in LA in New York have no
Speaker 1: idea I live in St. Louis. They all think I'm
Speaker 1: in the other place, whether it's New York or l A.
Speaker 1: And let them think that. Why not. I can be
Speaker 1: there in a moment's notice. It's just a short Southwest
Speaker 1: flight away. God, I love Southwest. I could do without
Speaker 1: the flight attendants making jokes. Yesterday, our flight attendant was
Speaker 1: really taking some liberties before we took off. I guess
Speaker 1: they can't start the actual you know, nuts and bolts
Speaker 1: of like the like the script until you leave the gate,
Speaker 1: until you pull off the gate. I didn't know that
Speaker 1: because he was just rambling. And then as soon as
Speaker 1: we pulled off, he goes, okay, sorry, guys, I was stalling.
Speaker 1: But he said something about I had my air pods
Speaker 1: in which muffle everything. But I I overheard him going
Speaker 1: like because we're Americans and they are We're it's all
Speaker 1: America on this flight. And I was just like let
Speaker 1: it and then I took it out, and I think
Speaker 1: he realized he was I think he was making it
Speaker 1: like he was just rambling, and then he realized it
Speaker 1: sounded like trumpy. And then he goes, and maybe there's
Speaker 1: some visitors here. I'm like visitors, like or or what
Speaker 1: did he call them? I don't even know. I mean, no,
Speaker 1: what you are a visitor visitor to this country? Yes,
Speaker 1: I mean you moved here at what age? When I
Speaker 1: was seven? Seven? When did you get your citizen ship?
Speaker 1: I was a teenage I think it was maybe like
Speaker 1: sixteen or seventeen. Did you have to take the test
Speaker 1: and like go through all the and like memorize all
Speaker 1: the stuff that we as Americans don't know? Well, I
Speaker 1: I was in uh school, I think I was in
Speaker 1: junior high school or I was in high school, and um,
Speaker 1: I just remember kind of freaking out about it, like
Speaker 1: a test, but it wasn't anything too complicated. Gloves of
Speaker 1: Tango recently took it and he was quizzing us on stuff,
Speaker 1: and uh, he asked me what did he ask he
Speaker 1: asked what were the original thirteen colonies? And I embarrassingly
Speaker 1: everyone at the table. It was Anya. It was on
Speaker 1: one of the It was the first stop of our
Speaker 1: tour in San Antonio. We went out to dinner the
Speaker 1: night before. It was me, my assistant Jen h Slash,
Speaker 1: co tour manager, co tour manager, Matt Pond. Matt Pond
Speaker 1: p a is his uh musical name on your Marina.
Speaker 1: Andrew and Gleb Glub's quizing us, and I'm nailing most
Speaker 1: of the questions. They're easy, Uh like first president, who
Speaker 1: signed the um name some people who signed the Declaration
Speaker 1: of Independence? What is the Bill of Rights? Stuff like that.
Speaker 1: And then he said one of the original thirteen colonies.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, like, I don't I was like Jamestown. I
Speaker 1: said Rowanoke, and everyone goes Roanoke, Roanoke, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Sorry, I was thinking of like actual
Speaker 1: little towns, but the thirteen colonies were like states. I
Speaker 1: didn't know that, And you know what, fuck it, I
Speaker 1: know what I know and I and you know what.
Speaker 1: I want to do a segment on the show because
Speaker 1: Andrew and I find ourselves being so stupid so often
Speaker 1: and I am a know it all for sure, and
Speaker 1: I don't. I want to make it clear to everyone
Speaker 1: that although I think I'm very smart about in some areas,
Speaker 1: I very stupid about other stuff. I remember one time
Speaker 1: on You up On when we were doing the Serious Show,
Speaker 1: we kind of toyed with doing the segment and we
Speaker 1: just tossed out a general question that was what is physics?
Speaker 1: And boy was that hilarious to listen to us try
Speaker 1: to describe in generality what physics toords. So I think
Speaker 1: a fun segment would be, um, are you like? Like
Speaker 1: are you dumber than a fifth grader? But like how
Speaker 1: dumb are you? And then me and Andrew try to
Speaker 1: describe like concepts like what is geometry? Or um try
Speaker 1: your best to explain what a black hole is? Or
Speaker 1: string theory, these things that like I would, I would
Speaker 1: be like the you know how string theory is the
Speaker 1: name of the book I read too, learn how to
Speaker 1: do cats cradle with that weird string that you do?
Speaker 1: That I still know how to do Jacob's letter, That's
Speaker 1: the only one I can still do. Did you ever
Speaker 1: do those? No where with the little strings? Are you
Speaker 1: like this? This? And then you go this as a kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I never like, I never got it. It wasn't
Speaker 1: a thing that's stuck. What did you do as a
Speaker 1: child to pass the time? When we were waiting in
Speaker 1: cant or when we just went to to loom I
Speaker 1: forget where we flew into Cancount. Yeah, we're at the
Speaker 1: airport waiting. Um we saw two little girls doing this,
Speaker 1: yeah patty kick, but like doing doing the one that's
Speaker 1: like really like a lot of different movements. Andrew and
Speaker 1: I have a fun handshake. That's what we used to
Speaker 1: do with kids, before phones and tablets and drugs. We
Speaker 1: used to just make up little handshakes. And I mean,
Speaker 1: I know it's been said before, but what the hell
Speaker 1: did we do before phones? Last night, Andrew didn't have
Speaker 1: his phone with him. Did you see the video I posted?
Speaker 1: He or he had his phone, but it died on
Speaker 1: the plane. And this guy like it made I wanted
Speaker 1: to get off my phone because I felt so bad,
Speaker 1: Like it was like eating a sandwich and someone's in
Speaker 1: front of someone who start thing. He's just like, so
Speaker 1: what are your like, what are your apps doing? Like?
Speaker 1: What what's going on with ways? He just wanted to
Speaker 1: know anything. Now he didn't he was. He was just
Speaker 1: like looking at the road. I don't even know. I
Speaker 1: don't want to know what was going on in that
Speaker 1: brain of his. He was very He was chewing on
Speaker 1: a lot of skin last night or yesterday, which is
Speaker 1: his anxiety thing. And I know it doesn't help for
Speaker 1: me to go, what's going on? Dude? You're chewing on
Speaker 1: your hand a lot? Are you anxious? Like I was
Speaker 1: trying to like, but being around someone who's constantly gnawing,
Speaker 1: I just feel like, is it something I'm doing? And yeah,
Speaker 1: it could have been. Well, we'll get to the root
Speaker 1: of it. Now. What did you do as a child
Speaker 1: to pass the time? Like what we're If you were
Speaker 1: in a waiting room, I mean what kids aren't waiting rooms?
Speaker 1: But like you know, when you were a kid and
Speaker 1: didn't you know, let's not say, let's say you didn't
Speaker 1: watch work with no technology, what were you doing? Well,
Speaker 1: if I was in a waiting room, I used to
Speaker 1: have like the mad libs to do that for entertainment.
Speaker 1: Math lips were so fun and you learn, um, you
Speaker 1: know about grammar right exactly. They used to make me
Speaker 1: laugh so hard reading them back. You are so cute.
Speaker 1: I can only imagine a little Noah reading back. Now
Speaker 1: give me an adjective, and then it's just like green
Speaker 1: and you're like green slime. It works like you're just
Speaker 1: being so cute. Mad lives were so fun. We used
Speaker 1: to do those in car rides and for some reason
Speaker 1: they were like a treat, Like why couldn't we just
Speaker 1: have mad libs all the time? Do you ever think
Speaker 1: about the things you got as a treat as a kid,
Speaker 1: and you're like, that wasn't that like expensive my parents?
Speaker 1: It wasn't like disney Land. My parents could have just
Speaker 1: gotten us. Mad lips are like a buck for four
Speaker 1: of them for like you know those they came where
Speaker 1: the binding is at the top, kind of like a notebook.
Speaker 1: And then did you ever do word searches? You know?
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, like like that puzzle and you would have
Speaker 1: fun love those. I loved all the word games. Those
Speaker 1: are fun for children. When you see an adult doing
Speaker 1: a word search, you need to be a special needs
Speaker 1: adult or I need you to explain yourself if no
Speaker 1: adults should be doing word searches. Sometimes already for quah
Speaker 1: uh comedian post these things on Instagram. You know these
Speaker 1: dumb memes that are like the first two words you
Speaker 1: see are the words are the things that are most
Speaker 1: important to you, And like they'll be like six and
Speaker 1: then they'll be like horny and diamonds, money, family, and
Speaker 1: it's just like I always just see, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I see a myriad. No, I just see like I
Speaker 1: and you fall for those things where we always want
Speaker 1: to know things about ourselves. And like, that's what I've
Speaker 1: realized on these TikTok's, anything that tells you about yourself
Speaker 1: people love. This is the TikTok I keep saying, is
Speaker 1: the one that's like, will you do it with me? Noah, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the TikTok And this is the TikTok voice
Speaker 1: if you will. I mean it's not usually this is
Speaker 1: a man's voice that does it. You know how they
Speaker 1: pick an audience. I don't know. I don't need to
Speaker 1: explain TikTok to anyone, and if I do need to
Speaker 1: explain it, just don't listen to this podcast. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: Please do. But there's this voice that isn't all the
Speaker 1: TikTok's that's so annoying. This voice is not used for
Speaker 1: this particular TikTok. This TikTok is rampant on there, but
Speaker 1: it's usually a guy's voice being like, if you want
Speaker 1: to do your model face, but I'm working on doing
Speaker 1: the TikTok voice. So if you want to know what
Speaker 1: your model face is, uh, smile without moving your face,
Speaker 1: then raise your eyebrows. Now stop, then drop everything. Then
Speaker 1: drop your smile. Okay, no smile, it goes smile without
Speaker 1: doing anything, raise your eyebrows and then drop it all.
Speaker 1: Wait wait, drop no, drop drop the smile. We gotta
Speaker 1: find it. But it's so fun because you do it
Speaker 1: when you're watching it. There was another one the other
Speaker 1: day that was like, here's how to take the perfect selfie,
Speaker 1: and it was like, raise your eyebrows, squint your eyes,
Speaker 1: say the letter L but don't say it and it
Speaker 1: makes you do a face that is like a hot face.
Speaker 1: I don't know, do you want to see my hot
Speaker 1: I mean, this isn't good for our audio listeners, but
Speaker 1: we got some you know video up in this, bitch.
Speaker 1: This is my um. What's your like? Go to wait?
Speaker 1: I bet I could do your go to pose? No,
Speaker 1: because I've posed so many pictures with you. God, you
Speaker 1: looked so hot in that one in too loom. It
Speaker 1: like made me angry. I do like an up as
Speaker 1: much as like I used you know, like girls used
Speaker 1: to always take pictures from above, and the joke used
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, dad, could you get on a
Speaker 1: you know, a high dive and take a picture of
Speaker 1: me so that it's like hides double chins and it
Speaker 1: makes you look really but that's not I look better
Speaker 1: from below, like my angle I kind of look good
Speaker 1: with when I'm like, what's up? And I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I think it's because it makes my lip look a
Speaker 1: little bit fuller because I'm I'm a t l B,
Speaker 1: a thin lip bitch. Y'all know it. Um. I did
Speaker 1: recently get a lip flip though. I got a little
Speaker 1: injectables right here and it makes it go brup. It's
Speaker 1: pretty cool. I just got a Sephora hall. I want
Speaker 1: to go through really quick, maybe a little a smri
Speaker 1: and um. And you know, like, if there are guys
Speaker 1: listening to this, you're not interested. Maybe you have girls
Speaker 1: in your life and you need to get them a gift.
Speaker 1: Maybe we'll find something in here that you would be
Speaker 1: into getting. I got this last night. Um, I do
Speaker 1: not remember what I ordered late at night on Sephora,
Speaker 1: on my Sephora app. Um, I did this on stage
Speaker 1: this week and no uh. I went through a girl's
Speaker 1: purse and she had a Sephora coupon or AUM receipt.
Speaker 1: It was a long story, but Anya's guitar didn't work
Speaker 1: on stage for some reason. It was not working. I
Speaker 1: had to go out and save her, and so I go,
Speaker 1: let's just let's just talk and so no, um, sorry.
Speaker 1: Anya and I were talking about living together, and I
Speaker 1: was like, she used to do a really good impression
Speaker 1: of me when I would come home from my day,
Speaker 1: and she needed a someone's purse to do it, because
Speaker 1: the impression is her throwing her opening the door, throwing
Speaker 1: her purse on the ground and going it's just like
Speaker 1: going like that. So that's her great impression of me,
Speaker 1: because that's the way I am. But she took this
Speaker 1: girl's person and I go, I'm actually gonna take this
Speaker 1: purse while on so on his guitars fists and I go,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this backstage? Can I go through it
Speaker 1: and like make fun of stuff in here? And the
Speaker 1: girl was like sure, her name is Taylor Glazer. I
Speaker 1: open her wallet backstage while I just singing, and her
Speaker 1: name is Taylor Glazer. Her last name is Glazer, spelled
Speaker 1: the same way mine is. And I realized, Taylor Glazer
Speaker 1: is the name that I hope someday exists for Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift when we get married and she takes my name,
Speaker 1: because I feel like I'll be the masculine energy in
Speaker 1: that relationship. Okay, let's get through the Sephora hall. How
Speaker 1: much money do you think I spend at Seaphora? Noah,
Speaker 1: damn it. It It doesn't say, it doesn't say, but it's
Speaker 1: it's gotta be. I mean, I can look it up
Speaker 1: on my app. It's gotta be like three bucks. I
Speaker 1: think maybe four. It's so disgusting. What did you guess?
Speaker 1: I guess two hundred and thirty two dollars and sixty
Speaker 1: three cents. That's the number that came to my head.
Speaker 1: Two dollars and sixty three cents. I mean, I have
Speaker 1: to check if you're right, because that is so specific.
Speaker 1: It's like beautiful. Okay, um, order order order info. Sorry,
Speaker 1: this is not interesting. Oh god, it won't even give
Speaker 1: it to me. Fuck it. We'll find it later and
Speaker 1: we'll we'll we'll get to it for the final thought. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I got this thing called Glowish by Hydra. Who
Speaker 1: to Who to beauty me? Who to beauty me? This
Speaker 1: is light? Oh it's this is um a bronzer. I
Speaker 1: needed a new compact bronzer because I've been using like
Speaker 1: a big palette of bronzers and it's too big and
Speaker 1: sometimes I forget and I need to bring it backstage.
Speaker 1: So this is the light color Glowish. It's not very
Speaker 1: light at all. It's gonna look awesome. I'll put a
Speaker 1: little on because I didn't have any I also got
Speaker 1: either Beauty Topaz Mini Crystal palette. I'm guessing this is eyeshadow.
Speaker 1: Do you wear eyeshadow? No, not so much, but I
Speaker 1: always put it on when I wear my waterproof cat
Speaker 1: Bondie Island your what proof my water water my water
Speaker 1: proof your waterproof cat bondi eyeliner because that takes it
Speaker 1: off easier when it's not directly on my skin. Uh yes, okay, God,
Speaker 1: it's almost like you use it as a primer. Primers
Speaker 1: are what there is used so that it sticks and
Speaker 1: then it kind of comes off easier. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: a cute. Um. This is a great little palette. I
Speaker 1: don't like the big palettes of eyeshadow. They're always like
Speaker 1: four colors like you're a little like the kind of
Speaker 1: um marker sets I used to get as a kid
Speaker 1: too much. This is just eyeshadow. Do you use your finger?
Speaker 1: Do you have an actual one for I use a
Speaker 1: brush because I buy brushes all the time. I always
Speaker 1: buy synthetic like cheap brushes. Brush I you don't need
Speaker 1: to invest a lot in brushes. I always bry brush
Speaker 1: kits to keep them like clean and separate, but they
Speaker 1: always end up just mushy in my bag and I
Speaker 1: never clean them. I just buy new ones. It's it's
Speaker 1: not very green, um it. This what I do with
Speaker 1: my eyeshadow is like and this is honestly, this is
Speaker 1: not helpful to anyone who does into eyes. But what
Speaker 1: I found is like the creases on the side, I
Speaker 1: don't go all the way on the lid. I do
Speaker 1: a light lid, and then I do like black in
Speaker 1: the in the crease on the side on the very side.
Speaker 1: Then I did bye bye under I This is by
Speaker 1: I T Cosmetics, which does my favorite C C cream,
Speaker 1: which is the only foundation I use. And this is
Speaker 1: an under eye uh stuff. Oh and look at what that?
Speaker 1: Look look what I got. You remember when I revealed
Speaker 1: my favorite skincare product. Yeah do you? Maybe you don't. Well,
Speaker 1: if you don't, you gotta go back and find it
Speaker 1: because I'm only going to reveal it once because I
Speaker 1: didn't want anyone else to get it. I got five
Speaker 1: of them stocking up bitches. Um, it's by the ordinary.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what it is again, plant derived squalling.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. You can use it as lube, you can
Speaker 1: use it on your face, your body, whatever you want.
Speaker 1: Let's just get through this. Oh, this body wash is amazing.
Speaker 1: I got this from idea from the Cut. The Cut
Speaker 1: is this The Strategist? Sorry? New York magazine has a
Speaker 1: blog or a website called The Cut. I think it's
Speaker 1: no the Strategist. It's all about buying things. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like so stupid and consumerist, and I'm I hate
Speaker 1: that about it. But it also just tells you there's
Speaker 1: one thing where it's like ten things I couldn't live without,
Speaker 1: and celebrities do it. They actually I asked them to
Speaker 1: interview me for it, and I made a whole list
Speaker 1: and they never published it. But um, I got this idea,
Speaker 1: I think from Nina Dobrev's Ten Things you Can't Live Without.
Speaker 1: And it's called Nissair Nisssair, the body washed um and
Speaker 1: it's eucalyptus smell and it is amazing. It just smells.
Speaker 1: It's like twenty bucks but it's body washed and it's
Speaker 1: a Oh. I can already smell it. It's so good.
Speaker 1: I really recommend this, and it's boys like it, girls
Speaker 1: like it. It just smells really really good. It makes
Speaker 1: you feel rich. It's like from us, like it smokes
Speaker 1: like a hotel spot. I got a new eyebrow um
Speaker 1: uh pencil, which I'll lose another one of these six.
Speaker 1: I got a brow powder duo from Anastasia that I'll
Speaker 1: probably lose and never really use. Oh. I got a
Speaker 1: a soft pinch. I think this was on sale. Oh
Speaker 1: rare beauty lips hearted mm hmm. Yeah. This I could
Speaker 1: have gotten Wet and Wild at Walgreens for and it
Speaker 1: would be the same as this that I probably spent
Speaker 1: fourteen dollars on. And then I got a Mark Jacobs highliner.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what this is, oh eyeliner, I think, well,
Speaker 1: I usually use the cat VONDI thing too. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: this is gonna be good. It's a um a new eyelinder,
Speaker 1: Mark Jacobs, no big deal. And then a sephora simple
Speaker 1: um brow pen killing it. Um. Oh wait, no, that's
Speaker 1: my um all right, that's it, that's my sephora. Hall.
Speaker 1: Let's get Andrew in here. Oh, I have one minute left.
Speaker 1: What could I say in one minute? Um? When I
Speaker 1: was a kid, we used to play Mash to pass
Speaker 1: the time. I loved Mash. I loved um. God, what
Speaker 1: else did we do? Gymnastics? We would just like you
Speaker 1: jump rope. Um, yeah, but jump rope. We would do
Speaker 1: a lot of like bike riding. And but I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think of like if we were stuck in a
Speaker 1: place where he couldn't run around, Like what kind of
Speaker 1: things we would do? Oh, we would do the game
Speaker 1: where you close your eyes and you go up your
Speaker 1: arm with your finger on your friend's arm and you
Speaker 1: try to guess when it gets to the crease of
Speaker 1: the elbow and then they're wrong, and I don't know
Speaker 1: what you prove. Um. We would finger each other. No,
Speaker 1: we didn't do that, but some kids did. You know
Speaker 1: the experiment? Don't do that? Um or do. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't mean to tell you what to do.
Speaker 1: Um there. Uh, this weekend was so much fun. I
Speaker 1: really shout out to Taylor Glazer, by the way, who
Speaker 1: let me go through her purse and I found so
Speaker 1: many things. She let me go through her phone. She
Speaker 1: gave me her password for her phone, and I was
Speaker 1: going through that. I was texting with her family, trying
Speaker 1: to get dirt on her, to make fun of her.
Speaker 1: On stage. She loved Disney. Her her fiance was Therego
Speaker 1: are you gonna take your fiance's name? His last name
Speaker 1: was Matata? And then she loved Disney. And then later
Speaker 1: on I put it together. I go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: Hakuna Matata, you gotta take his name you love? And
Speaker 1: no one got it, and I go, that's pretty great.
Speaker 1: I got so heckled in um Napa by a drunk
Speaker 1: woman who loved me, which is always conflicting. We'll get
Speaker 1: into that and and so much more when I get
Speaker 1: Andrew in here right now. Andrew, Hey, Andrew, good morning, baby,
Speaker 1: No baby, come money, sugar boobs, sugar like that sugar boobs,
Speaker 1: because that doesn't that sounds baby? Is I mean for
Speaker 1: your dad? Yeah, don't no sugar. Sugar hits is what
Speaker 1: my dad calls me. But you can say sugar boobs, babies.
Speaker 1: I don't like baby. I want to save that for
Speaker 1: my lover. You hate sugar more than baby? Um? Do
Speaker 1: I hate sugar or babies more? I don't know. I've said,
Speaker 1: I've said that I will go the rest of my
Speaker 1: life without either of them. I don't want um what's
Speaker 1: it called? What's it called? When sugar is like like
Speaker 1: added sugar? I don't want added baby, process babies or um,
Speaker 1: you know, babies in a lab or your food. I
Speaker 1: might take a baby and a lamb, though, would you
Speaker 1: rather eat a baby? Okay, let's say you were a
Speaker 1: plane crashed and you were on a You're on a
Speaker 1: plane full of process, sugar, food and babies. What would
Speaker 1: you eat? And Andrew eat? Andrew? I would eat. I
Speaker 1: would look for people that had um hangnails that they
Speaker 1: need bitten off, and I would chew on those. They're
Speaker 1: just like you. Yesterday I showed you. I almost posted
Speaker 1: the footage of you gnawing on your hands. So Noah.
Speaker 1: When I was boarding my flight, so no Andrew and
Speaker 1: I had a little time before a flight. We ate
Speaker 1: lunched together at a table and I just noticed he
Speaker 1: was like really going hard on his hands, and I
Speaker 1: didn't want to say anything because I was like, I
Speaker 1: want to stress you up more. But sometimes I just
Speaker 1: want to go, hey, what's going on? Like why? Because
Speaker 1: there's there's a reason why when I like, I had
Speaker 1: to put a band aid on my leg today because
Speaker 1: I was picking it because I was nervous about my day.
Speaker 1: I have a meeting leader on with my um lit
Speaker 1: agent and I haven't made a decision about my book,
Speaker 1: and that's why I'm doing that. I know it and
Speaker 1: my date later, there's a lot going on. Why why
Speaker 1: was that yesterday? By the way, not in a sexual way.
Speaker 1: It just very cool. I don't know if you can
Speaker 1: open it up like that. Oh I got him at
Speaker 1: Sacks on sale. They're like, why is that? Why would
Speaker 1: I buy these for that much more? I don't think
Speaker 1: they were under Bucks. I think they were like fifty
Speaker 1: but they saw me coming on these, but they're on. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Marylynn rice Cup got me into having fun pants when
Speaker 1: she was on our show. She stood up and they
Speaker 1: were so fun. I go, I need more of those
Speaker 1: in my life. Well, those are fun. They're not pants,
Speaker 1: are they Wait? What were we talking about? Right? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean biter. I've been a nail by yesterday you
Speaker 1: were really going hard on them, So what was going on?
Speaker 1: I think I was just still hunger. I don't know
Speaker 1: if my sam My chicken salad sandwich did the trick.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm just still wanting something in my mouth. Also,
Speaker 1: when I tend to drink more caffeine and I'm flying
Speaker 1: anxieties up even though I don't feel that. You always
Speaker 1: tell me to get you a cold brew, and I
Speaker 1: always get you an iced coffee because cold brew is
Speaker 1: so much more caffeine. And I don't think you know that.
Speaker 1: I think you just think it's another word for ice coffee.
Speaker 1: And I was right, No, not completely. I knew cold brew.
Speaker 1: I didn't know how much stronger it was. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to I mean, I'm trying to help you
Speaker 1: out a little bit here and there. You love changing
Speaker 1: my order. You get my order and then you go, well,
Speaker 1: this is actually what Because the thing is Andrew doesn't
Speaker 1: even yesterday at the because Andrew will just happen, let
Speaker 1: me get a let me get He doesn't know what
Speaker 1: he wants. He doesn't Andrew so often, but it's true.
Speaker 1: Yesterday we were we were at the airport. Don't go,
Speaker 1: don't do it. I did it. There's food in there
Speaker 1: actually from either the pizza last night. No midnight ships
Speaker 1: by the way, I just had a pizza late at
Speaker 1: night at so yeah, I had a morning ship. But anyways, Yeah, yesterday,
Speaker 1: we get to the airport a little bit early, and
Speaker 1: I get through sooner than him because I'm t s
Speaker 1: a Prix and he's regular, he's one of the polabs.
Speaker 1: And I get through, and I am well, I I
Speaker 1: like it's a shore. It's not a long terminal like
Speaker 1: we're talking a quarter mile back and forth right like
Speaker 1: not even back and forth like the whole thing. And
Speaker 1: I like to go about every food option, especially when
Speaker 1: I have time before I select what I want because
Speaker 1: I want to have the best possible want. Now, if
Speaker 1: we're talking there's like four terminals, I'm not where I
Speaker 1: have a short amount of time. I'm not gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna just choose something. I always mitigate, you know, But
Speaker 1: Andrew will always he will just pick what's right in
Speaker 1: front of him, as opposed to walking one gate down
Speaker 1: that might have his favorite thing he's ever eaten. He'd
Speaker 1: rather eat a shitty sandwich that will just do the trick. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're an Andrew or Nikki, if
Speaker 1: you're a llama or a hedgehog, but hedgehogs just take
Speaker 1: whatever's in front of them, and lamas like to select, No,
Speaker 1: what are you in this scenario when ms are in
Speaker 1: an airport, they're always very discerning in this scenario on
Speaker 1: the Llama. Now, okay, and this goes for everything with you, Andrew, Like,
Speaker 1: if you would go to a store and the first
Speaker 1: rack of clothing you would see, you would instead of
Speaker 1: going throughout the whole store. Now, granted, you're saving time,
Speaker 1: but I almost don't think you're saving time because the
Speaker 1: sandwich that you eat is gonna make you. You You could
Speaker 1: find something that goes through your system better, and then
Speaker 1: you would spend less time on the toilet because you
Speaker 1: looked a little harder. Because I looked harder and went
Speaker 1: to one place that I go Pizzas Coffee is not
Speaker 1: gonna have salads because all these salads are like you
Speaker 1: look at a salad and you go, well, this is
Speaker 1: more um nutritious and like better for you than this
Speaker 1: vegan rap. They had a vegan rap yesterday at this place,
Speaker 1: and I was like, that's what I'm gonna get. Then
Speaker 1: I go, let me just check these salads over here.
Speaker 1: Every salad was like seven and eighty calories for half
Speaker 1: of it. And I'm like, this is for like a
Speaker 1: vegetarian salad that looks it's called like healthy salad. I'm like,
Speaker 1: and then it's like there was thirty nine grams of
Speaker 1: sugar in one of these salads. And I literally go,
Speaker 1: what the fuck? And this guy next to me like
Speaker 1: looked at me, and I go, I go third. I
Speaker 1: didn't even say it, but I'm like, thirty nine grams
Speaker 1: of sugar in this salad that has ed a Mommy,
Speaker 1: it looks like it's just lying to you about being healthy.
Speaker 1: But those cranberries and then the dressing. I know it
Speaker 1: sounds like I'm obsessed with food, but that's You've gotta
Speaker 1: read labels, not because of calories, but you just don't
Speaker 1: think salads are gonna And I know this is everyone goes, oh,
Speaker 1: salads are we We already know, Nikki that salads can
Speaker 1: be jernky. I'm not talking about salads with fried chicken
Speaker 1: on them. That's why people go, oh, fried chicken and
Speaker 1: cheese on salads, that's really a salad. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: salads that look healthy by all aspects of it. So
Speaker 1: then I went a little bit further and I found
Speaker 1: the most delicious thing I've ever had in an airport,
Speaker 1: quinoa with all these roasted vegetables in this vinagrette that
Speaker 1: was light and not too sugary, and it was divine.
Speaker 1: And I would have just settled for that dumb salad
Speaker 1: and not use the dressing because of the sugar, and
Speaker 1: not eating the cran beers, and it would have been bland.
Speaker 1: And I didn't do that because I wanted I just
Speaker 1: went a little bit. You didn't even ask me if
Speaker 1: I liked my food. I like my food. I had
Speaker 1: a chicken salad sandwich with a little too much lettuce
Speaker 1: on there, so I got rid of a lettuce. It
Speaker 1: was on a croissant, just French, and I had Nacho Dorito's,
Speaker 1: which I didn't I know, I rarely eat chips, but
Speaker 1: I felt like putting some chips on top of the sandwich.
Speaker 1: I chipped it up. It was a little crunchy, a
Speaker 1: little soft burrito. Delicious. Yeah, and a diet coke. Popped
Speaker 1: it off of the diet coke. It's not my best meal,
Speaker 1: it's not my healthiest meal. Talking about the meal we're
Speaker 1: talking about, um just going doing a little bit more
Speaker 1: to make it that much better. And and and you
Speaker 1: like the other day you posted a backstage picture of
Speaker 1: you wearing the onesie that I got. So Noah, let
Speaker 1: me explain those outfits that you may have seen on tour.
Speaker 1: So I I love to really I'm trying to go
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift like, you know, reputation tour lover. Like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to dress like a pop star on stage because
Speaker 1: why not. You know, these are big theaters, it's a
Speaker 1: big event. I can and I want to just respect
Speaker 1: the audience to be like I dressed up for you.
Speaker 1: I'm really like giving it my all and it makes
Speaker 1: me feel important and pretty and fun. And so I
Speaker 1: was on Rent the Runway because I've been buying outfits.
Speaker 1: They're like four dollars for a dress and then I
Speaker 1: don't wear it again and I can give it to
Speaker 1: my mom to sell on eBay and she can like sorry,
Speaker 1: I just she can tell people like Nikki Glazer war this,
Speaker 1: but people are gonna be like who or I don't
Speaker 1: even they don't even care. It's not gonna reasell for
Speaker 1: anywhere close to four hundred. Or I can do Rent
Speaker 1: the Runway, which I used to love to do. I
Speaker 1: used to do their monthly fee with it like a
Speaker 1: hundreds of the bucks and you get four outfits and
Speaker 1: you can rotate them as much as you want. And
Speaker 1: I had a lot of fun with that for a
Speaker 1: while until I realized Rent the Wrong Way like their
Speaker 1: their buyers were just buying some really ugly stuff. But
Speaker 1: I recently went on there because they go, oh well,
Speaker 1: I never looked at their like fun like stage where
Speaker 1: like night out dresses. I was always buying like you know,
Speaker 1: daywere and they have so much fun stuff. The thing
Speaker 1: about Rent the Wrong Way is, and let me just
Speaker 1: tell you you guys should all do this. You and
Speaker 1: your friends can wear the same exact thing if you
Speaker 1: buy a Rent the Runway thing and you rent it
Speaker 1: for four or eight days. I had to return it today.
Speaker 1: Actually I was looking and they give you so they
Speaker 1: let you pick out a size that you think is
Speaker 1: your size, and then they let you get one exercise
Speaker 1: for free just in case that one doesn't fit. Because
Speaker 1: you know, you can't try it on there, And so
Speaker 1: I realized, I generally know what size I'm gonna be.
Speaker 1: Why don't I buy an extra size that would either
Speaker 1: fit Anya or Andrew so that we can match when
Speaker 1: we do the dance at the end. And so, yeah,
Speaker 1: run the one is a little suspicious when I'm getting
Speaker 1: a size what my size, and then a size fourteen also,
Speaker 1: which is like kind of the spectrum you might eat
Speaker 1: that bigger salad, you know. Yeah, maybe I could just
Speaker 1: tell them if they asked, Well, I don't lie, but
Speaker 1: I could tell them I could. I could just be
Speaker 1: doing a role where I'm pregnant and uh in the
Speaker 1: in the play that I'm wearing this for um and
Speaker 1: so I yeah, you were wearing this insane jumper that
Speaker 1: made you kind of look like Harry Styles. You loved
Speaker 1: the pants, which were like kind of a flared pink pant.
Speaker 1: He loved them. Gave me a big moose knuckle though,
Speaker 1: and a and a sidecock which look terrible. But anyways,
Speaker 1: go ahead, what do you mean it didn't look terrible.
Speaker 1: You're a little proud of your penis. It just looks
Speaker 1: like because the pants were so high, it looked like
Speaker 1: my my dick hanged farther than it normally it on
Speaker 1: a normal Parapan illusion. I like that. Yeah, I felt
Speaker 1: like David Cockerfield. We know what happened to the Statue
Speaker 1: of Liberty. Everybody made that thing disappear. Illusion run the runway.
Speaker 1: So then um, Andrew takes a picture back stage of
Speaker 1: the I'm on stage. I go, Andrew, he's when I
Speaker 1: So I go out in an outfit to to on
Speaker 1: you finishes her song. I come out with her and
Speaker 1: then one outfit. The audience goes, oh, this is what
Speaker 1: she's wearing. Okay, we thought we'd expect more. And I go, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: just wait, I'm going to do an outfit change. Next
Speaker 1: time you see me, I will look different. So then
Speaker 1: I go back. Andrew does ten minutes. I have ten
Speaker 1: minutes to change into the jumper. I changed into the jumper.
Speaker 1: I go out on stage, Andrew h comes off stage.
Speaker 1: Then by the end of the two hours that I
Speaker 1: did on Saturday night, two hours of stand up new
Speaker 1: stand up, and I was scared that I didn't have
Speaker 1: twenty new minutes. So thank you Monterey for staying or
Speaker 1: Nappa for staying out late that night, Andrew, while I'm
Speaker 1: on stage in those two hours, he takes a picture
Speaker 1: of himself backstage in the outfit. Maybe this wasn't yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I put it on again in Nappa Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you took a picture backstage, and then I saw
Speaker 1: it when I came off stage, and I go, Andrew,
Speaker 1: just wait to post something. Can't you just wait until
Speaker 1: I can take a picture that isn't. His picture is blurry,
Speaker 1: it's foggy because he didn't wipe his lens. It's not
Speaker 1: even a it's a selfie in the mirror. He could
Speaker 1: have framed it, so he doesn't understand that I'm not.
Speaker 1: I don't think what do you. I understand that it
Speaker 1: could look cleaner and better. I like when it looks rugged,
Speaker 1: and I'm already in this pink outfit, so it's like
Speaker 1: I don't want it to like look perfect. I think
Speaker 1: it's funnier. I'm leaning towards funny. The picture is already funny.
Speaker 1: I I would have to say that I don't think
Speaker 1: you understand. And I've told you this before, and maybe
Speaker 1: I'm so out of line here lighting in a picture,
Speaker 1: and like the way it looks esthetically is so in
Speaker 1: the color and the brightness and the just the pleasingness
Speaker 1: of the picture means something. I know it could be
Speaker 1: better when I'm started in Instagram live yesterday in our
Speaker 1: cab on the way home. We started one on nicki
Speaker 1: glazer Pod. Thank you to everyone who watched. We started
Speaker 1: one in the cab. Andrew goes, we're live and it
Speaker 1: was dark. There was no lights in the cab. I
Speaker 1: think you're you lean towards the side of anal about things.
Speaker 1: You and I leaned towards more. No, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I lean we're on opposite sides of the spectrum. Some
Speaker 1: would say you're over analytical, like over look at my room.
Speaker 1: I am not that anal when it comes to clean
Speaker 1: stuff and oh no, but if it was on video,
Speaker 1: we go, hey, let's go video your your room and
Speaker 1: put it on your main Instagram. That ship's going to
Speaker 1: be clean as fuck. No, no, it won't be clean.
Speaker 1: What it will be as well lit, because I do
Speaker 1: know that on Instagram when I'm scrolling, I tend to
Speaker 1: like photos that are bright. When you put your phone
Speaker 1: in gray scale and make it boring looking, that's a
Speaker 1: way for people to stay off their phones more because
Speaker 1: everything looks boring brightness and lighting and a photo having
Speaker 1: good contrast. And if you send it to me, I
Speaker 1: can put it in snap Seat, which is my photo
Speaker 1: editor app that I paid five I can give me
Speaker 1: thirty seconds and I can make a photo. And I
Speaker 1: bet you anything it will get at least you do
Speaker 1: the snap Sea thing. Obviously they've already seen the photo
Speaker 1: on my Instagram. I'm gonna do a side by side
Speaker 1: in my stories and do a poll on which one
Speaker 1: do you like. I wouldn't have I wouldn't have allowed
Speaker 1: you to give me that photo because it was so grainy,
Speaker 1: and I would have just asked you to stand in
Speaker 1: some good lighting and I would have taken a photo
Speaker 1: and then two seconds later you would have had a
Speaker 1: photo that would have killed My thing is is that
Speaker 1: I feel like my uh lack of awareness and stuff
Speaker 1: a noise like annoyed as you. Yeah, it really does.
Speaker 1: And whenever you're o c D like, I'm so flattered
Speaker 1: when everyone thinks I'm o c D because it makes
Speaker 1: me feel like I'm clean, but I'm not. But your
Speaker 1: your attentiveness to detail and needing something to be perfect
Speaker 1: when you want it to be perfect, doesn't really annoy
Speaker 1: me them, like things get to you that I do
Speaker 1: more than I feel like the other way around. I know,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't need to be a two way straight
Speaker 1: you know, No, you don't drive on those I understand
Speaker 1: that it's annoying. How annoyed I get at you. I
Speaker 1: just want you. I just know that you could get
Speaker 1: like likes means something to you and like it would
Speaker 1: help your brand, Like I'm just trying to help you
Speaker 1: get your followers and have more aesthetically pleasing stuff. And
Speaker 1: I get that you just put stuff up and it's
Speaker 1: like rugged, and there's a part of you that there's
Speaker 1: a part of that about you that is so beautiful,
Speaker 1: and I wish I could embrace, like the way that
Speaker 1: you write some of your jokes. It's like the way
Speaker 1: it comes out, the way you say it right away,
Speaker 1: it's like so brilliant and you never even need to
Speaker 1: touch it again and it just works. And then and
Speaker 1: there's also something about how you can be happy with
Speaker 1: whatever sandwiches they have backstage you don't need. But for me,
Speaker 1: you know, when I ask you, like, like, uh, you
Speaker 1: know when we got off stage on in Napa or
Speaker 1: in Monterey, when I got off stage. Uh An yet
Speaker 1: said before, like, are we going to do dinner? And
Speaker 1: I go, guys, I already put on my writer everything
Speaker 1: I want to like satisfy me for food for tonight.
Speaker 1: I kind of just like eat all my snacks for
Speaker 1: dinner and I like that. And I made it clear
Speaker 1: to you, guys. I sent each of you an email
Speaker 1: from my assistant saying what would you like on the writer,
Speaker 1: so that whenever you're hungry backstage, you have exactly what
Speaker 1: you would want, and none of you put anything on it.
Speaker 1: It's free food. I put a couple of things. I
Speaker 1: put cashews and dates. I should put some chicken salad
Speaker 1: and some But Andrew is a person that when you
Speaker 1: the other night, you know I went to the grocery,
Speaker 1: I was going to Whole Foods Foods, I finished my
Speaker 1: run and I took a scooter to Whole Foods because
Speaker 1: it was too far away. After my run, you scooted
Speaker 1: from our apartment to No No No. I went on
Speaker 1: a run and then my run went didn't end exactly
Speaker 1: where I wanted it to at four miles. I was
Speaker 1: stopped at four miles and so then I scooted the
Speaker 1: rest of the way on my little line was so fun,
Speaker 1: I wrote Andrew, and I go, hey, I'm at Whole Foods.
Speaker 1: Do you want anything? And I always know what he wants,
Speaker 1: A zv we we always want more zvia and so
Speaker 1: that's a foregone conclusion. Um. And he wrote back, no,
Speaker 1: I'm good, And then I had already grabbed him four pizza,
Speaker 1: three pizzas, No, two pizzas, one for myself, which he
Speaker 1: ate the one that was for me. But that's okay.
Speaker 1: I didn't tell you I got you too. How am
Speaker 1: I supposed to know that? Because it was vegan? And
Speaker 1: then I got you two cauliflower ones for you've been
Speaker 1: Oh I thought, I thought I brought It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: But this is why I don't ask, because I don't care.
Speaker 1: Does hurt your feelings? It doesn't hurt my feelings. But
Speaker 1: you break when you break things down. You're so attentive
Speaker 1: to these kind of things that I'd rather have you
Speaker 1: not get me anything, and then it just be separate
Speaker 1: and we have a boundary there. Rather than you go, well,
Speaker 1: I got you this pizza and then this pizza was
Speaker 1: for me, he goes, no, I'm good, and I go,
Speaker 1: I got you pizzas. I'm already in line, it's fine,
Speaker 1: and he goes, thanks, and that was it. So that
Speaker 1: I got home and guess who immediately puts a pizza
Speaker 1: in the oven because he has nothing else to eat.
Speaker 1: I knew he had no food at home. That's I
Speaker 1: knew that already because I live here. What would you
Speaker 1: have done? What I've eaten without you? I can eat
Speaker 1: without you? But listen, I go, no, I go, what
Speaker 1: would you have done if I didn't get you that
Speaker 1: pizza that's now in the oven? And he goes, I
Speaker 1: would have gone to Whole Foods and I go, but
Speaker 1: I was there and I asked if you wanted something,
Speaker 1: and I would have bought it for you. And why
Speaker 1: wouldn't you just tell me? Because I because, like I said,
Speaker 1: I don't I'm not being like I need to do
Speaker 1: it myself whatever, but I just feel like when we
Speaker 1: start buying things for each other, it just it can affect.
Speaker 1: Like today I add a Zevia and you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: can you wait on to Zevia? Then that makes me go, well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to share anymore because now there's counting.
Speaker 1: Now there's not counting. I just don't have a lot left.
Speaker 1: But there was no, there was a fool fool for me.
Speaker 1: That's not all I need two cases, I know. But
Speaker 1: so like before I left, right and I don't. This
Speaker 1: is why, like I bought a whole thing of ZeVA.
Speaker 1: When I got back there was no Zevia left. I
Speaker 1: don't give a ship because you've gotten a ton of
Speaker 1: ship and I I try to get just as much
Speaker 1: ship and think about it as well. But so then
Speaker 1: when you go, hey, don't have anymore Zevia, when it's
Speaker 1: one of the say don't, I said, hey, would it
Speaker 1: be okay if you ate drank the spin drifts that
Speaker 1: we got? Said a ton of spin drifts that you like?
Speaker 1: And I go, can you have spin drifts until you
Speaker 1: get us more Zevia? That's all I said. I know,
Speaker 1: But then that but why does that make you feel
Speaker 1: so sad? I didn't say it's what the funk? I
Speaker 1: wasn't throwing things at you. I think, Um, you're scared
Speaker 1: of just being confronted about anything. Yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: just don't understand what the what's so bad about me
Speaker 1: saying hey, these z is that? I but you're not
Speaker 1: scared to confront no? Because why so? I think that's
Speaker 1: where we have a disconnect because I think like times
Speaker 1: when like like yesterday, like we're in a car and
Speaker 1: you wanted to put something on on the radio that
Speaker 1: wasn't for me at all, and he didn't ask me
Speaker 1: at all, and I know that we're all You said,
Speaker 1: can you take this off the radio? And I said, okay,
Speaker 1: I know, I know, but I almost just had it
Speaker 1: on the whole time. Well, that would have been you
Speaker 1: not having boundaries. And that's not my fault. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying it's your fault. I'm I'm saying it's partly my
Speaker 1: fault too. Like I was honestly putting it on because
Speaker 1: I thought it was going to be better than you
Speaker 1: being in silence with me listening with my headphones, which
Speaker 1: was I think for me it would have been better
Speaker 1: with low music with that in your ears. I couldn't
Speaker 1: have music on because I needed to hear it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well I ended up playing lay Miss on my left here.
Speaker 1: But I will say I looked at your phone when
Speaker 1: we were when we were flying and you were sleeping
Speaker 1: next to me, and it's it was lame as like
Speaker 1: I dreamed most time going by. It's just so funny
Speaker 1: that Andrew is like wearing all this golf attire, like
Speaker 1: just such a dude, and it's just lame miss on
Speaker 1: its pond like constantly. Why don't we have singly miss
Speaker 1: on our lives. There is a castle cloud. I like
Speaker 1: to go there in my sleep. We need to get
Speaker 1: too news. Please pull up the news first. Here first,
Speaker 1: Oh so good. We California did it up? Boy, what
Speaker 1: did northern California where the girls are warm now they're
Speaker 1: a little bit colder, didn't didn't bring enough of a jacket. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was surprising. I was ready for the code. Yeah.
Speaker 1: He was wearing a sweatshirt when we had to go
Speaker 1: get Starbucks on Friday morning, and I go, what what
Speaker 1: are you doing? What are you dressed for the winter?
Speaker 1: And we went out and I learned my lesson Andrew
Speaker 1: was correct. Your nipples were freaking poking. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I didn't wear braw this weekend, like at all. I'm
Speaker 1: going brah. Yeah, I noticed that. All right, Well, now
Speaker 1: you're gonna go s go back to calling me baby.
Speaker 1: Don't call me sugar boobs, don't call me baby. Look
Speaker 1: at this, let's get to the news. A couple on
Speaker 1: a bike ride near Lake in France called the cops
Speaker 1: after they thought they saw a corpse taped up in
Speaker 1: a black bin bag floating. When cops arrived, they discovered
Speaker 1: it was someone's inflatable sex doll. I look like a
Speaker 1: sex all right now when I go, you kind of
Speaker 1: have a sex doll. Look, you're like a Stepford wife
Speaker 1: sometimes like very like you could be like one of
Speaker 1: those robot girls from Austin Powers like take me, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you really nailed it. When we were watching
Speaker 1: f Boy Island and Sarah at one point looked like
Speaker 1: the she was so shocked by something. She looked like
Speaker 1: one of the um the fembots malfunctioning and awesome powers
Speaker 1: when they go like these boots are made and they're
Speaker 1: like wait where and then they start function. It was
Speaker 1: it was such a good observation sex doll. I mean
Speaker 1: this must happen all the time, that sex dolls are
Speaker 1: mistaken for corpses, because I mean they're the size of humans.
Speaker 1: Would you ever fun a sex doll? Yeah? All right,
Speaker 1: get me one. Would you fuck a corpse? Uh? Do
Speaker 1: I know the corpse? Um? Or is it just like
Speaker 1: you used to follow her on Instagram until she died. Okay,
Speaker 1: but do I go to her? Do I funeral home?
Speaker 1: Do I show up at the funeral? Like? How listen?
Speaker 1: I don't even want to talk about so gross And
Speaker 1: now you wouldn't because you're scared of bugs and it'd
Speaker 1: be mushy, but maybe you like it. Yeah, you know
Speaker 1: it would be wet, maggoty all right, Well yeah, um,
Speaker 1: let me just say sex dolls. Um. I think I
Speaker 1: think they are great tools for men that don't have
Speaker 1: an option to have sex with something else. I think
Speaker 1: they are great ways to experiment with bringing a third
Speaker 1: party into the bedroom. If you and your partner are
Speaker 1: talking about like, oh, I'd like to maybe have another
Speaker 1: girl in here and like just see what that looks like.
Speaker 1: I think that's a great way to like incorporate it.
Speaker 1: I think that, Um, what if the guy was like
Speaker 1: brought in a full body sex doll while you guys
Speaker 1: were fucking, and was like, why don't you lay on
Speaker 1: top of the sex doll? Well, I a sex doll
Speaker 1: underneath you, or vice versa, Like would you get to
Speaker 1: sandwich it? No? No, because you just said it looked
Speaker 1: like a sex doll, So I'd kind of be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, he just likes me so much once more.
Speaker 1: But I don't get jealous. I know, right, Wait, so
Speaker 1: what do you think though? I want to know the
Speaker 1: story behind the guy who got rid of this body
Speaker 1: in a canal, Like he was done sucking it and
Speaker 1: he just threw it off a bridge. I also think
Speaker 1: a sex doll not only is good for men who
Speaker 1: have desires that they can't be met with real women.
Speaker 1: If you have a murderous, homicidal kind of tendency where
Speaker 1: you want to dump a body into a bog or
Speaker 1: a swamp, this might be a way to do that. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't let me get growth here. I don't mean
Speaker 1: to get disgusting here. I'm sorry to shift into this,
Speaker 1: but this does remind me of ways that they seem
Speaker 1: to that have been offered to treat pedophiles, where okay,
Speaker 1: you get a sex doll so that you act out
Speaker 1: on that. Whether or not that is something that would
Speaker 1: even work, I don't know, but like I do feel
Speaker 1: like for people who might want to murder women and
Speaker 1: dump their body and like love podcasts murder podcast and
Speaker 1: like want to live that out, maybe this is a
Speaker 1: way to do that that based on my porn consumption
Speaker 1: and the things that I do artificially to to supplement
Speaker 1: the things that I really want to do. You eventually
Speaker 1: tire of those things, and you gain enough practice in
Speaker 1: those things that you do it for real. So I
Speaker 1: actually would recommend that to people with homicidal tendency. Yeah,
Speaker 1: eventually dumping the body off a bridge. The liberator online.
Speaker 1: I talked about this the other day, right now, the Liberator,
Speaker 1: the little ramp. Yeah, I just bought one. But this
Speaker 1: one has a hole in it so that you can
Speaker 1: put um a magic wand and so you can um
Speaker 1: deliberator for the listener. It's a it's a bridge. What
Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, it's awesome. And I bought a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff online today for my sex dungeon I'm building out. Umm, like,
Speaker 1: look at this Liberator. I just want to show it
Speaker 1: to you. I'll show I'll tell you the model I
Speaker 1: bought you guys. Um, I bought the Axis magic wand
Speaker 1: toy mount D sixty bucks. Not too bad. Um gonna
Speaker 1: it's gonna it's in black, because don't ever get something
Speaker 1: that can show fluids all black, brown, red, red, dark
Speaker 1: velvety red. Don't get white. Don't kid yourself. I also
Speaker 1: went to love Honey, which, by the way, I tried
Speaker 1: to use my own promo code that I did on
Speaker 1: the show. It didn't work. I had to look up
Speaker 1: a promo code love Honey. We no longer have them
Speaker 1: as a sponsor, apparently because I not only did love
Speaker 1: Honey dot com slash Niki Glazer and it goes this
Speaker 1: is an error. Um, but I got a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff from there. I want to tell you what I got.
Speaker 1: Doda goes through the hole and you sit on or
Speaker 1: not the dilda the vibrator, so it's a ramp and
Speaker 1: then there's a hole in the ramp and then there's
Speaker 1: a magic in it. So when you lay on it,
Speaker 1: the vibrating ball of the thing is just just right
Speaker 1: outside of the ramp. You know what I'm saying, because
Speaker 1: usually I put it down and it's like this big thing.
Speaker 1: It's like, what are you using this while you're having
Speaker 1: sex with someone else? So you lay on top of it, yeah,
Speaker 1: and the thing is there. So there's the ramp and
Speaker 1: then he's banging you from behind, Yes from me, and
Speaker 1: then you have this because I don't even like it
Speaker 1: from ND unless I get a little something on the front.
Speaker 1: So I also got um, like your mom shopping a
Speaker 1: thrift store. I don't even like you from behind the
Speaker 1: rest of stuff I got. Let's get to the next
Speaker 1: new story. I mean, I did get the sports sheets.
Speaker 1: This thing. I cannot wait to use the sports sheets,
Speaker 1: spreader bar with cuffs, this thing. Let me see sports sheets.
Speaker 1: So it's a bar, and it has a cuff here,
Speaker 1: a cuff here, and those are for your ankles, right,
Speaker 1: and then it has a cuff here, cuff here, and
Speaker 1: that's for your that's for your hands. And I can
Speaker 1: do this, I can do behind my head and then
Speaker 1: you put it behind your head like this and then
Speaker 1: you're I don't even know if I've been able to
Speaker 1: use it, but it was. And then I got some
Speaker 1: other I got a sex toy cleaner, because you're not
Speaker 1: supposed to just use regular. So yeah, they're supposed to
Speaker 1: use that only on ducks that have been an oil spill,
Speaker 1: that have been using sex chice. I would say, what
Speaker 1: you're doing in there is well, there's there's been some
Speaker 1: oil spells in there for sure. Alright. Only fans is
Speaker 1: banning sexually explicit content from his platform. Putting the income
Speaker 1: of the sex workers helped popularize the site and jeopardy.
Speaker 1: The company says that the changes are in order to
Speaker 1: comply with the requests of their banking partners and payoff providers.
Speaker 1: These motherfucker's use these women to build their platform. I mean,
Speaker 1: why don't we start one? Not bad? You do like
Speaker 1: to say only instead of only and that's hilarious. However,
Speaker 1: go ahead, what do these people expect to how do
Speaker 1: they how do these bankers expected to make money on
Speaker 1: this platform that no one's gonna What are they going
Speaker 1: to do in this thing? I mean, yeah, they wanted
Speaker 1: to be like a Patreon, like just regular stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just regular Patreon. I mean that's what they think. Long term.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like I guess Craigslist, when Craigslist had
Speaker 1: sex workers on all the times, is still doing okay
Speaker 1: without it, right, it was a big part for a
Speaker 1: little while, but thinking long term down the road. But
Speaker 1: you know, you read you had a really cool tweet
Speaker 1: that you shared with me. What was it that some
Speaker 1: girl from only Fans Roads. She goes, well, I guess
Speaker 1: I'll go back to fucking your husband's for money and
Speaker 1: and tagged a woman that like your conservative husbands, you're
Speaker 1: Christian conservative husbands I'll go back to being an escort
Speaker 1: and having them pay me to have sex with them
Speaker 1: behind your back, you dumb broad. I just think you
Speaker 1: need there needs to be a site. Look, this is
Speaker 1: the thing actually safe because it's like children can't get
Speaker 1: into it without you know, paying money. You know, like
Speaker 1: it's not here's the hotness of only fans. It's like
Speaker 1: I say, like it's like getting naked out of Walmart
Speaker 1: because only fans. How how it's built and stuff seems
Speaker 1: like like a normal site. Like it's like when you
Speaker 1: see tits on Twitter, porn going on the sound tube,
Speaker 1: So we need to build red tube. Just sometimes there's
Speaker 1: like a jazzing dick next to the thumbnails that you're
Speaker 1: looking at and you're like, what's going on? This is
Speaker 1: a who I am? I'm this nice person. You're trying
Speaker 1: to sell me something else over Okay, So I get
Speaker 1: what you're saying. It's a site that does not make
Speaker 1: you feel inherently dirty or shameful going to it. What
Speaker 1: do you cause? You know? Sorry, I had a question
Speaker 1: about this article. I was curious about your input. What
Speaker 1: do you think about credit card companies though dictating what
Speaker 1: you're consuming? I mean, it's and it's just like these
Speaker 1: it's the the Christian, it's the it's I'm guessing it's
Speaker 1: like the wives of the men who run the company's
Speaker 1: because these men are disgusting, I'm sure, and they like
Speaker 1: sex and they consume porn, and if they don't, they're
Speaker 1: doing horrible things instead of that because these powerful men
Speaker 1: that run I just think that. I mean, I was
Speaker 1: at the baseball game other and going off about how
Speaker 1: the world is run by billionaire pedophiles. But and I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to watch the game and eat my peanuts,
Speaker 1: I know, and the guy who like you don't like nachos,
Speaker 1: like Dad Andrew, I'm like, I'm just trying to watch
Speaker 1: the game. Friend who got his tickets was like, these
Speaker 1: are like my mom's friend seats, and uh, we probably
Speaker 1: shouldn't be talking. You shouldn't be mouthing off about that.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, I just think it's so hypocritical
Speaker 1: because the men and the people who run these banks
Speaker 1: are all they're all running banks because they like power,
Speaker 1: because they want to have sex with a lot of things,
Speaker 1: because they're pervs. Everyone likes sex. The world is run
Speaker 1: by it. Everyone consumes porn. Stop acting like you don't
Speaker 1: stop acting like you're a good Christian and it's just Christian.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just they're probably getting they're probably getting
Speaker 1: actual escorts for like two thousand of pop. They have
Speaker 1: that kind of money, but for you know, the average
Speaker 1: Joe that can only spend a month to see and
Speaker 1: their wife is going to leave them and less they
Speaker 1: put their foot down about this only fan thing and
Speaker 1: their wife not that their wife is like, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna sun you anymore because that's long gone. The wife says,
Speaker 1: I'm going to take all of your money when I
Speaker 1: divorce you unless you shut down only fans because our
Speaker 1: son has an only fans account, I realized, and it's
Speaker 1: it's it goes down to something like that's small, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And then they're they're they're
Speaker 1: they're sorry, go ahead, and yeah. I read a couple
Speaker 1: of tweets that made me think, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I was going along up until a certain point of
Speaker 1: what you said. But it made me think like maybe
Speaker 1: all these like rich guys who are heading these banks
Speaker 1: and stuff, maybe they don't like how much money women
Speaker 1: are making on these sites monthly and how rich women
Speaker 1: are getting and it's just kind of like to put
Speaker 1: them back in their place. That's that's what I took
Speaker 1: from it. I mean, it is funny when some when
Speaker 1: someone's like, she's not even working for this, she's just
Speaker 1: showing her body. It's like you're just hitting a button
Speaker 1: to trade of stock that you knew about because you're
Speaker 1: all connected in the illuminati, like off and I bet
Speaker 1: one of them you're so right now. I bet it
Speaker 1: was all precipitated either by an angry wife who was like,
Speaker 1: I'll leave you if unless you do this, or it
Speaker 1: was a guy one of those bankers God and only
Speaker 1: fans requested a woman put like a tennis ball sucking
Speaker 1: you know, package upper but vagina, and she was like no,
Speaker 1: and he was like, what about if I give you
Speaker 1: this most money? And she's like no, and he's just like, well,
Speaker 1: then I'm shutting it all down because something he wanted
Speaker 1: her to do. She it's something about either they can't
Speaker 1: have those women, they're angry, they're making money, and listen,
Speaker 1: I follow a lot of men on not a lot
Speaker 1: of men. I think two different men on there that
Speaker 1: do things to women like they this guy like ties
Speaker 1: women up and gives them a bunch of orgasms. I
Speaker 1: follow him on there. I don't know what else he's
Speaker 1: gonna do. I just, like so many, I just loved
Speaker 1: only Fans because it felt like I was giving directly
Speaker 1: to the person making it felt like very Etsy porn
Speaker 1: and I of the cross stitches I was buying from
Speaker 1: Luna Star. Um. Yeah, I just I'm I'm I'm really
Speaker 1: saddened by it. I haven't read a ton about it though,
Speaker 1: are are are people on there just freaking out? Is
Speaker 1: there is someone else going to join the game. I mean,
Speaker 1: someone else has got to create a platform where we
Speaker 1: can all just go over there. I mean, it would
Speaker 1: make sense and just make it exclusively for that, and
Speaker 1: then you know, then if you want to sell tupperware
Speaker 1: over there, you're going to really stick out, you know what.
Speaker 1: I know selling were on eat my ass only fans,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? I just don't know what
Speaker 1: There's no financial gain to be to be had by
Speaker 1: making porn, uh, you know, limiting explicit content on there,
Speaker 1: And that's what I think all men, So I think
Speaker 1: you're right knowing if it's not about money, because this
Speaker 1: is not about money, they're gonna lose money on this
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong, besties, But like, why would
Speaker 1: they be doing this? It's because the long run. I
Speaker 1: think it's because of the long run. I think I
Speaker 1: think there is I think there's like probably there's plenty
Speaker 1: of people. I mean, we have to break down the numbers,
Speaker 1: but I bet you there's plenty of people making a
Speaker 1: lot of money for them that aren't showing their tits
Speaker 1: and pussy. I bet. I mean, I think money is involved,
Speaker 1: but I think it's like someone someone's wife is going
Speaker 1: to take billions from them if they get divorced. And
Speaker 1: that is why. I mean, it's so interesting that these
Speaker 1: when we have four men who like control all the
Speaker 1: wealth in the world, their personal lives can dictate so
Speaker 1: many huge things because of like they might have a
Speaker 1: bad morning or something. They might you know, their balls
Speaker 1: are full. So now Elon must smoked weed on Rogan's podcast.
Speaker 1: It changed a whole stock just because he's like, I
Speaker 1: want to get for two minutes. Oh god, alright, the company.
Speaker 1: Uh sorry sorry sorry, sorry, sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
Speaker 1: sorry here here here, no have all the swells. Oh
Speaker 1: you didn't say that, Holy sh it. I hope you're
Speaker 1: having a great time out there. And having all this. Well,
Speaker 1: if we're having a ton of swells over here, I'll
Speaker 1: forget to say it that because we're having so much swells. Okay, sorry, Um,
Speaker 1: A forty six year old liquor ceo plummeted ledge head
Speaker 1: here by the phone ship. Really yeah, forty six year
Speaker 1: old liquor ceo plummeted thirty to fifty ft to his
Speaker 1: death attempting a backflip a show. I thought it might
Speaker 1: be Phil Handley and I was like, oh no, that
Speaker 1: guy can't backflip. He's only deadhead I know. Oh no,
Speaker 1: this guy is really a deadhead now, so casey Joe better.
Speaker 1: This guy tried to flip. I'm sure he was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you got this badass flip. It's so funny that we've
Speaker 1: talked about that flip so much recently, not on the
Speaker 1: pot especially just but in our own life. You were
Speaker 1: talking about I want to be able to do a backflip.
Speaker 1: I can't believe people can do them. And I go,
Speaker 1: what is this obsession with backflips? And you said that
Speaker 1: a lot of guys will use them to like get chicks. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so I mean now that peacock's extinct, so he felt
Speaker 1: did the show stop or people like that? So it
Speaker 1: was during intermission, but I'm pretty sure the show kept
Speaker 1: going on because he didn't die right there, you know,
Speaker 1: they took him away in the ambles. Was at the
Speaker 1: beginning of one of their songs. It was like twenty
Speaker 1: three minutes and they had to finish out. Oh god,
Speaker 1: miss hammered. He owns a liquor company. Oh his nickname
Speaker 1: is the Rooster, which I thought was interesting. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I saw that. Um yeah, I mean look he uh,
Speaker 1: I'm sure he was like he's like that guy like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do the worm, I'm gonna do a backflip.
Speaker 1: Do you think that guy? Uh? Do you think that's
Speaker 1: how he probably wanted to go as supposed to, like
Speaker 1: dying of a heart attack and on the toilet. You
Speaker 1: know that is true. I mean, I guess that's a
Speaker 1: very nice way to look at Would you like to
Speaker 1: die doing a backflip? If you actually what? Did he
Speaker 1: complete it and then just kind of stumble. I guess
Speaker 1: he kept doing flips because he felt d does a
Speaker 1: flip on balcony. I mean, I don't know if he
Speaker 1: had his own boss. Well rest in peace, ledgehead. We
Speaker 1: love you and deadhead ledgehead. Um, we'll be right back
Speaker 1: with why do I care? Andrew? Why do I care?
Speaker 1: We'll find out why do I care? Google founder? Well,
Speaker 1: he's kind of a founder. He was the third guy
Speaker 1: on the thing. But whatever admits he created a revenge
Speaker 1: site against a strange wife under her name in a
Speaker 1: moment of frustration. Scant Hassan and his ex wife have
Speaker 1: been embroiled in the nasty divorce battle that has raged
Speaker 1: seven years and involved millions of dollars. So what was
Speaker 1: the what was the site called? Um? It was her
Speaker 1: first and last name, Yeah it was. It was her
Speaker 1: name is Alison how un Yeah? Sorry, So he created
Speaker 1: a revenge site, but it was all public knowledge. He
Speaker 1: just consolidated it to make it easy to see all
Speaker 1: the things that Like, she had a couple of lawsuits
Speaker 1: against her, one saying that she was going to kill
Speaker 1: the guy she was dating who was also her boss,
Speaker 1: and then kill herself. Yeah. So but you know, did
Speaker 1: he do this anonymously not thinking to get caught. What
Speaker 1: an idiot? And so then she hired so get this,
Speaker 1: she's like works at robotics. This is like a battle
Speaker 1: of these nerds. She figured out how he started because
Speaker 1: in the Google drive it was his uh first the
Speaker 1: middle name or something or like the middle name. So
Speaker 1: she figured she was she figured out his password, and
Speaker 1: she just figured out who created it, and so then
Speaker 1: she was able to tie it back to him. I mean,
Speaker 1: of course it's going to be her ex husband who
Speaker 1: hates her. Yeah. I mean this guy's apparently like a
Speaker 1: real like nerdy guy that doesn't really get social cues
Speaker 1: and he can't talk. He's kind of autistic, like brilliant
Speaker 1: numbers guy. Yeah, and uh yeah he doesn't. They have
Speaker 1: one point eight billion dollars revenge porn and revenge like
Speaker 1: stuff like this. I mean women do it too, It's
Speaker 1: not just a purely male issue. But um, well he
Speaker 1: was mad because she accused him of infidelity in front
Speaker 1: of the kids and that he hasn't cheated. So what's worse, Um,
Speaker 1: being a child witnessing your mom accused your dad of
Speaker 1: something he didn't do that it involves sex which is inappropriate,
Speaker 1: or your dad making a website saying that your mom
Speaker 1: is crazy and hired people like Well, what's worse? The
Speaker 1: reaction or the initial Uh? Did use squarespace like dragon
Speaker 1: drop tools? Did you get twenty percent off using promo code.
Speaker 1: I mean, this guy wrote, this guy wrote the code
Speaker 1: for Google. Like, this guy is brilliant. Yeah, and you know,
Speaker 1: brilliant people do dumb stuff that's scorned. And that's what
Speaker 1: I That's why it's so fascinating to me how men
Speaker 1: can be so manipulated by their balls, because this is
Speaker 1: all essentially a woman who used to make his like
Speaker 1: he he got this woman in his life who this
Speaker 1: woman seems to probably have been toxic herself and have
Speaker 1: issues to initially because okay, but he's originally tried to
Speaker 1: do it because his balls were full at one point
Speaker 1: when he met her, and he wanted to come right.
Speaker 1: So then he gets in this and she wanted safety
Speaker 1: and she saw a smart guy that probably made her
Speaker 1: feel good. And then they get together and it's toxic
Speaker 1: and then they break apart and then I mean, so
Speaker 1: many things are fueled by men just being like horny
Speaker 1: and confused and like smart men, brilliant men that like
Speaker 1: builds our phones, and but then they can get so
Speaker 1: derailed by anger, precipitated by I think horny. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: new vagina that there's a whole new there's a whole
Speaker 1: new buffet for them when they start having a billion
Speaker 1: dollars and you're in the news, Hey, this guy's worth
Speaker 1: a billion dollars. They could do whatever the hell they want.
Speaker 1: So weird, so dangerous. I mean, I've been really horny
Speaker 1: before and done kind of dumbing his wife over his
Speaker 1: balls being full. Yeah. I mean, it's just so funny
Speaker 1: when I see like, really guys like this that are
Speaker 1: like brilliant geniuses, and they'll be You'll hear about them
Speaker 1: on private planes with you know, twenty year old escorts
Speaker 1: and it's like they'll be acting like that, they'll be
Speaker 1: having conversations like talking to these girls. I'm like, you're
Speaker 1: so transparent, like you have nothing in common with this girl.
Speaker 1: Stop acting like you're interested in her life. Like I
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe, I mean, I I honestly would year
Speaker 1: old Bill Gates. It's like one of smart person loves
Speaker 1: reality TV and they allows their brain to shut off.
Speaker 1: Maybe they're just tired of talking to a robotics woman
Speaker 1: who's like, you know, breaking down their chicken salad sandwich.
Speaker 1: Let's get to top one bottom one, top one bottom one.
Speaker 1: Today our category is childhood toys. Childhood toys I don't
Speaker 1: know what made me think of this one, but I
Speaker 1: just wanted to. You're probably buying adulthood toys, like for
Speaker 1: adulthood toys on the internet or when you're a kid.
Speaker 1: Picking one of kid is so much easier because these
Speaker 1: you're just like reading reviews and it's you uh, you
Speaker 1: know a review is fake on a sex site when
Speaker 1: it goes this big Daddy. Really like when they described
Speaker 1: the toy as like this thumper really gave me a
Speaker 1: run for my money, and you're just like, no one
Speaker 1: talks like this is what written by someone who has
Speaker 1: bade So okay, Andrew, can you kick us off today? Yeah?
Speaker 1: The bottom one toys is gonna be probably pretty controversial,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if it's technically a toy. But Monopoly,
Speaker 1: oh not a fan. I boy, that's a great one
Speaker 1: because I don't like Monopoly either. Really, no, no, no, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy. No I hate I hate Monopoly. No,
Speaker 1: what do you hate Monopoly? I actually loved blame Monopoly. Really,
Speaker 1: I don't think I ever had the patience for it.
Speaker 1: I just liked all the counterfeit money and holding it,
Speaker 1: I mean, like a little iron. I did like the thumbnail.
Speaker 1: That it's not thumbnail. It's a like a thumb attacks
Speaker 1: a thumb protector. Simbol Yes, yes, thank you? What thimble for? Andrew?
Speaker 1: What is the fimble used for? To simbolize things? Seriously though,
Speaker 1: what was the fimble used for? I think it's too
Speaker 1: for something with when you're knitting. Yeah, but what would
Speaker 1: it be used for? You put the pin in it
Speaker 1: maybe or something. No, no, you put on your fingers
Speaker 1: so you don't get pinned. Yes, there you go, boom,
Speaker 1: got it. It's gonna be hard to hold the pend
Speaker 1: to why you're doing that? But yeah, Monopoly, My friends
Speaker 1: would love to play and you're like, go four hotels
Speaker 1: and I'm like, dude, why are we waiting? We could
Speaker 1: go fucking play outside, you know, yeah, you go fart
Speaker 1: on each other. I don't know. Yeah, there's too many pieces,
Speaker 1: there's too many arguments. There's it's money, it's properly real estate.
Speaker 1: There's that little man with the mustache, you go to jail.
Speaker 1: It's too much. You could probably break down like McDonald's
Speaker 1: monopoly if a twelve year I did too, Like just
Speaker 1: I love ripping off a sticker. Yeah, twelve year old
Speaker 1: loving Monopoly is really good and probably doing pretty good
Speaker 1: in life in regards to business. I'm sure. I'm sure
Speaker 1: he did. Might I have plenty of rich friends that
Speaker 1: love Monopoly that are that are doing way better with
Speaker 1: finances now. But yeah, so what are your bottom one? Noah,
Speaker 1: what was your bottom toy? This is very embarrassing. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's considered a toy, but this is
Speaker 1: the first thing that came to my head. I never
Speaker 1: told anyone about this. So when I was really young,
Speaker 1: I was still in Israel, so I was definitely, like
Speaker 1: like five or six, I got a gift um from
Speaker 1: my grandparents. I think I don't remember who gave it
Speaker 1: to me, but it was edible crayons, so I used
Speaker 1: so it was and I guess they must have taken
Speaker 1: it off of the market, because sure, I'm a hundred
Speaker 1: percent I remember it having a flavor, and then any
Speaker 1: other crayons that I would receive, I would bite to
Speaker 1: see if they would taste anything as a result of that,
Speaker 1: So that is my bottom. It's like edible cigarettes. You
Speaker 1: were chewing on newports. It's so embarrassing to admit, but
Speaker 1: I just thought, like, whoa, because crayons seem edible on
Speaker 1: their own without being called edible. For me, they were
Speaker 1: at least that is insane that something someone would make
Speaker 1: edible crayons? It was the last do you know? In St. Louis.
Speaker 1: When I first moved to St. Louis as a child,
Speaker 1: I was six and I've moved from Cincinnati. Um our
Speaker 1: neighbors would call crayons. Do you guys want to go
Speaker 1: draw with some crowns? Crowns? And me and my sister
Speaker 1: were like, Jamie and lindsay, always want want to draw
Speaker 1: with crowns? What are crowned? We didn't. We were so confused. Wait,
Speaker 1: what was the weirdest thing you would eat when you
Speaker 1: were like in preschool and stuff? Did you ever like I? Oh? No,
Speaker 1: I was not someone who did anything adventurous or risky
Speaker 1: when I was a child. I was very safe. My
Speaker 1: first word was dangerous and I would point out things
Speaker 1: that were dangerous. Those crayons. You know what I remember eating?
Speaker 1: Remember the thing ants on a log where you put
Speaker 1: raisins on peanut butter. Yes, I put actual ants on
Speaker 1: the peanut butter and I ate it to be like cool,
Speaker 1: like pre school. I remember putting ants on the actual salary. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm up toys because I wanted to be reminded of stuff.
Speaker 1: And I gotta say my least favorite toy and this
Speaker 1: is just a general one. Ken dolls. I didn't see.
Speaker 1: I wasn't interested in Ken dolls. I love barbies. I
Speaker 1: loved their clothing. Um, I wasn't one that wanted like
Speaker 1: my barbies to date. I didn't. I didn't want a
Speaker 1: guy to funk up with my barbies and I had.
Speaker 1: I thought it was just and it was just forcing
Speaker 1: me to. I really felt like I think that I
Speaker 1: intuitively did not like how they were making girls do
Speaker 1: things that uh, you know, perpetuated marriage, like all these things, marriage, babies.
Speaker 1: I didn't like having baby dolls. I didn't. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I was just like Ken because Ken cost money. It
Speaker 1: would be a part of my barbie budget would be
Speaker 1: spent on a Ken doll. I didn't have many clothes
Speaker 1: for him to change into. He would just kind of
Speaker 1: there was nothing interesting about. That's a good point. Um,
Speaker 1: we had self driving cars way before Tesla even introduced them.
Speaker 1: Because I wasn't one of my bar on that front seat.
Speaker 1: She does not drive, she doesn't have a license. Um. No,
Speaker 1: I just uh, I would use like a stuffed animal
Speaker 1: to drive like, I just did it once. I just
Speaker 1: didn't see the point of Ken's and I thought that
Speaker 1: they were only there so that we could have mock
Speaker 1: weddings and things like that. And I just didn't I
Speaker 1: didn't like them. And I just really I already knew
Speaker 1: that part of my toy budget was being affected by
Speaker 1: the Kendall and I just I didn't need him. And
Speaker 1: whenever I play with my friends and like they would
Speaker 1: get married or we would play like. I always wanted
Speaker 1: to play school. I never wanted to play marriage or house.
Speaker 1: A lot of kids like to play house. I wanted
Speaker 1: to play school. And I liked being a teacher. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to be a mom or a wife ever. Man,
Speaker 1: I really did. Um. And let's get to uh top toy.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess my top toy would probably be
Speaker 1: a NERF guns. Yeah. I loved the nerf gun. You know,
Speaker 1: we also we would we'd use the nerve guns to uh.
Speaker 1: You remember American Gladiators, So we would set up stations
Speaker 1: in our front yard. Like at the end of American Gladiators,
Speaker 1: they got a rundeed station you got to throw somebody
Speaker 1: at the target while the gladiator shooting stuff at you.
Speaker 1: So we would set it up with like different nerve guns,
Speaker 1: nerve arrows, tennis fun. Me and my older brother would
Speaker 1: do it and it was so fun and we would
Speaker 1: just set and god, we're we into American gladiators. Man,
Speaker 1: it was badass. Anyways. Yeah, just any kind of like gun.
Speaker 1: You were such a little boy. I love the gun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what about you? What's the top toy for you? Wait?
Speaker 1: Super soccer? Were you into that? I have a crazy
Speaker 1: Super Soccer story that I won't tell right now, but
Speaker 1: I just noted that I do too. Happened in Vegas.
Speaker 1: You heard it though, after I masturbated. Okay, No, My
Speaker 1: top one is a specific Barbie doll that I had.
Speaker 1: Which one? Do you have a picture? I don't have
Speaker 1: a picture of her. I do have like a small anecdote.
Speaker 1: Um My, my favorite grandmother gifted her to me. And
Speaker 1: this Barbie she was just so much prettier than the
Speaker 1: rest of them, like her, like the shape of her
Speaker 1: eyes was a little bit different. She was just so beautiful.
Speaker 1: And she had this like pink dress with stars on it,
Speaker 1: like this ball gown, and the funny thing is it's
Speaker 1: so funny that you picked this topic because I remember
Speaker 1: the first day that I met you in person, you
Speaker 1: reminded me of that doll. Like you're like the shape
Speaker 1: of your eyes, the blue in them, and it just
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know, it was like a sign
Speaker 1: because you're wearing a pink hat. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: look more like a skipper today, But that was I
Speaker 1: just want to say, like, I never had an opportunity
Speaker 1: to tell you this, but you just reminded me of
Speaker 1: this very special doll that I had growing up. That
Speaker 1: happens to be a thank you so nice. I thought
Speaker 1: about my gun when I met you, too, not nerve,
Speaker 1: not nerve. The lower half of my ken reminded me
Speaker 1: of you when I met you. I wish I had that.
Speaker 1: Can I ask a good question about these Barbie dolls? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I love That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Speaker 1: You said, some really nice ship. Don't you think Barbie dolls?
Speaker 1: And I know this is going to sound pedophily or whatever,
Speaker 1: don't you think they should come with nipples and a vagina?
Speaker 1: Because it's showing girls that it's okay to have your
Speaker 1: body parts. I think it early. Aren't it's being like, hey,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't even talk about these body parts. Is it
Speaker 1: too much? I'm not talking about like a fool on.
Speaker 1: I think it's just like they're scared that boys and
Speaker 1: men are going to do weird stuff with it. It's
Speaker 1: not about protecting girls so much. It's like I think
Speaker 1: boys would start jerking off with their sisters barbies and like,
Speaker 1: b sexual you know you don't want to sexualize a Barbie.
Speaker 1: Let's uh, we just gotta keep kids away from any sexualization.
Speaker 1: I realized, and like that is just a way. And
Speaker 1: I know maybe there's arguments against having these like kind
Speaker 1: of just unnippled. But I never as a child was
Speaker 1: like I want no nipples. I want to have nothing
Speaker 1: down there. Like I I kind of understood that. You know,
Speaker 1: I always make an argument when when parents go, oh,
Speaker 1: you can't, don't do that around, don't vape around Arlow
Speaker 1: or whatever, and I'm like, but Arlow. When I was
Speaker 1: Arlow's age four, I understood there were adult things and
Speaker 1: there were kid things, and then I wasn't to do
Speaker 1: those things till I was an adult. Like kids can
Speaker 1: make the distinction. I think we can. We can do
Speaker 1: that for kids. Well, that's kind of what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: but I guess you're you're making a It's like if
Speaker 1: you made a kid vape for Arlow because I spoke
Speaker 1: kids cigarettes, those candy cigarettes and I ended up eating
Speaker 1: cigarettes later on in in my life back a day, Um,
Speaker 1: Alan Carr got me off eating cigarettes. What was your
Speaker 1: top toy, Nikki, my top toy? Um, I just really
Speaker 1: want to say, amend my bottom toy. My my worst
Speaker 1: bottom toy, same thing as the Kendall It was my
Speaker 1: gray him off. For Christmas, one yo probably gave me
Speaker 1: a Kevin from Home Alone talking dog where you pull
Speaker 1: the string again talking doll. It was like a Kevin
Speaker 1: from Home Alone. He had a plastic head his soft
Speaker 1: body and you pull the string and it goes or
Speaker 1: like you know, say the things like you're gonna pay
Speaker 1: for this scumbag or I don't know what he said,
Speaker 1: and um, everyone in my family was like Nicky's boyfriend,
Speaker 1: Like they made this narrative that I had a crush
Speaker 1: on him, and I hated it so much because I
Speaker 1: was like, boys are discussing I don't even like him
Speaker 1: like that, And I just remember hating the doll because
Speaker 1: it made everyone say I had a crush and it
Speaker 1: was so gross to me. My favorite toy was a
Speaker 1: thing called a yak back, and you would record something
Speaker 1: in it and then it would play what you just
Speaker 1: recorded backwards. And so my family had so much goddamn
Speaker 1: fun with this, and I learned how to say my
Speaker 1: name backwards or as leg he can, whereas leg he can.
Speaker 1: I swear to god, it's nicky glaze backwards. No, I'm
Speaker 1: sure it is. Wait, so that's like literally just yeah,
Speaker 1: it's called a yak back, and I think they still exist.
Speaker 1: They're so fun. Let's see if we can actually find
Speaker 1: a yak back, like I bet they have like an
Speaker 1: internet thing where you can put it in and and
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, yak backs look like this. Oh it's
Speaker 1: back word word word draw. No, no, no, it's not
Speaker 1: what you it's not the way it's said. It's the
Speaker 1: way like, it's not the way you would spell it backwards,
Speaker 1: it's what it would say. So here's the yak back commercial.
Speaker 1: Let's play it. Not it's a brother antagonizing his sister
Speaker 1: and he's just holding it's not it's not he's expressing.
Speaker 1: It's something a drink. Yes, he just keeps if I'm
Speaker 1: playing it backwards. I swear to god he's They're just
Speaker 1: showing that it can record what you say and play.
Speaker 1: That's how like on advanced technology was back then that
Speaker 1: if you could record something right away and say it back,
Speaker 1: it was like amazing. But or as Lagan is, NICKI
Speaker 1: glazer backwards and parents talk to their dyslexic kids, Um,
Speaker 1: because it's backwards. I think that's a misconception about slexia.
Speaker 1: Final thought, the shows this weekend in Monterey and Nappa
Speaker 1: were incredible. A lot of besties at these shows, more
Speaker 1: than have been at any of the other shows. Thank
Speaker 1: you all so much for coming out. Um. We have
Speaker 1: a guest book that a lot of people have signed
Speaker 1: that you can sign. We have a step and Repeat,
Speaker 1: which is a big you know, a curtain thing that
Speaker 1: has uh my image on it that you can stand
Speaker 1: with and take a picture. And then I have a
Speaker 1: merch booth and uh and then during the show we
Speaker 1: have on you special guests. I mean, it's so much.
Speaker 1: And then a dance at the end. I mean it's
Speaker 1: been it's been incredible, even when there's technical issues and
Speaker 1: I have to grab this girl's purse and uh, and
Speaker 1: and go through it. I mean that was the wildest thing,
Speaker 1: going through this girl's purse and going through her Google searches?
Speaker 1: Can I go? You would not go through each other's
Speaker 1: Google search? Really quick? Can I? We? I want to
Speaker 1: bear if something is um incriminating in a way that
Speaker 1: I know you won't be comfortable with, I won't do it.
Speaker 1: But I think it could be funny. I really don't
Speaker 1: know what mine would be. I don't know what's in here.
Speaker 1: Let's just go through our own and share something funny.
Speaker 1: So I won't go through years, you'll go through we'll
Speaker 1: go through each other. Okay, how do you go to
Speaker 1: the you know search engine and then you go up
Speaker 1: to the uh, you go to the bottom the little Yeah? Um,
Speaker 1: I have a lot of me searching for different tableature.
Speaker 1: So we could play songs on our Instagram live, which
Speaker 1: we did go live last night and I played a
Speaker 1: bunch of songs. Thank you to all the besties that
Speaker 1: watched that. It was so fun. You played a song too, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I played the John Prine That's the way the world
Speaker 1: goes around me. You have annoyed it. How good your
Speaker 1: strumming was? It bothered me because I played all the
Speaker 1: time and you don't play at all, and you were
Speaker 1: just good. I mean, don't you get bothered when people
Speaker 1: are kind of thing? Okay, if I suddenly was, I
Speaker 1: would love it for you. I'm sorry, I really would.
Speaker 1: I would love for it because then it's someone I
Speaker 1: could play with. No. I mean, I wasn't like, well,
Speaker 1: you never play guitar with me, even though I would
Speaker 1: love for you too. So it didn't make me feel
Speaker 1: that way because I already know that you won't play
Speaker 1: with me, just like I won't play with you. Um.
Speaker 1: I looked up Let's see, Oh my god, I want
Speaker 1: to read about Oh. I was looking up side effects
Speaker 1: of my medications. Um, I was looking up how to
Speaker 1: fix an Apple eleven iPhone that suddenly quits on you?
Speaker 1: What effects did you read or did anything come out
Speaker 1: come up with? Yeah? I mean like, there's there's a lot,
Speaker 1: uh that I would like. The thing is, I don't
Speaker 1: like to disclose what medications I'm on because then people think, oh,
Speaker 1: I should get on that, and then it doesn't work
Speaker 1: for everyone, and I don't, you know, and I don't
Speaker 1: want people to make assumptions about me. I definitely, UM,
Speaker 1: what I've looked up so many different sex toys. Uh,
Speaker 1: mine are just different wedges, Like I'm looking for golf clubs,
Speaker 1: like you're you're looking for sex toys. Like that's essentially
Speaker 1: what our searches is. It's literally like yesterday he was
Speaker 1: showing me the four phases of a golf swing, and
Speaker 1: I was like, which phase is me walking out of
Speaker 1: the room Because you seem to think that I'm entertained
Speaker 1: by this. I almost started to record it and go
Speaker 1: and wanted to send it to Brenda and say I
Speaker 1: need I need you please. Do you do that to
Speaker 1: Brunna and show or the four phases of a golf swing?
Speaker 1: Or is that just for me? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: mean interesting than something that you maybe don't think you'd
Speaker 1: be interested. No, I mean I was. I was like
Speaker 1: I was, I was interested in you being passionate about
Speaker 1: showing me this thing that I had shown no interest in.
Speaker 1: Like all of a sudden, you just started going and
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, let him go. I know,
Speaker 1: I know when I'm showing you something on guitar and
Speaker 1: you're just like um, But I don't know if you
Speaker 1: knew if I was kind of like who cares. All
Speaker 1: my thing is is just comparing different golf clubs. That's
Speaker 1: literally and then porn've been watching recently. You just you
Speaker 1: just pull up whatever right, you go to most viewed
Speaker 1: and I get it done and then I go to bed,
Speaker 1: and that's pretty much it. It's not like there's no masturbation.
Speaker 1: Um higher or lower now that she's gone, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it's definitely higher. Well, I told her I was
Speaker 1: saving my stock for for about two weeks and she's like, no,
Speaker 1: you need to. You need to get rid of some
Speaker 1: of it be a moldy batch in my mouth, Like
Speaker 1: that's going to give me some kind of bacterial infection
Speaker 1: if you don't. I was so funny because I was
Speaker 1: telling her like kind of romantically, and she's like, you
Speaker 1: need to get rid of it. Save my stock. God,
Speaker 1: I did you get saved my stock from me? Can
Speaker 1: I be honest? It was from this comedian named Casey
Speaker 1: James Lango wrote a bit about saving his come for
Speaker 1: his girlfriend. So that's initially where I where I heard it.
Speaker 1: But I mean a lot of guys have thought about
Speaker 1: like not jerking off to be more attractive, but the
Speaker 1: actual saying save my stock. I don't know where it sounds.
Speaker 1: It's a nice saying, though, because I think I read
Speaker 1: something to you the other day and that was about
Speaker 1: that but saving my stock. Know where I was texting
Speaker 1: with someone and I was like, save it. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean look, whatever it is, it got to me
Speaker 1: because your boy was saving it and your girl Brenna
Speaker 1: did not want me to save it. She's like, get
Speaker 1: rid of some of it. And then now, yeah, I
Speaker 1: would just if I was seeing a guy, I would
Speaker 1: say three days before, but I honestly I would love
Speaker 1: two weaker. I would love I would love three year
Speaker 1: because that guy is going to be I mean if
Speaker 1: three year, I mean, this is the Cupid's boyson Narrow dude.
Speaker 1: The book I'm reading a third of im. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: actually finish it. This book says you don't you come
Speaker 1: like you know quarterly okay, but this is I guess
Speaker 1: this is where the rub is no pun intending, uh
Speaker 1: where is he coming? Because if if you're taking in
Speaker 1: your mouth, you don't want to three you don't want
Speaker 1: a three year. If if it's just on top of you,
Speaker 1: you could do a three year if it's inside of you,
Speaker 1: and depending on what you're doing with your pill or
Speaker 1: I U D or whatever. No, it's in your hair
Speaker 1: and then it's like a conditioning serum because it is dousing,
Speaker 1: and you leave it in for three minutes and then
Speaker 1: you wash it out. I'm saying, I think the level
Speaker 1: of how long is where you're gonna put it, where
Speaker 1: it's gonna be placed. What do you mean? I don't
Speaker 1: think that. I honestly don't think that. If you don't come,
Speaker 1: that you're you're come just starts to get moldy. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of it. It builds up back there like
Speaker 1: a damn and it breaks out like a flood in Tennessee.
Speaker 1: Like I'm telling you, so if it was in your
Speaker 1: mouth like a girl might like, it might go in
Speaker 1: your you might inhale it in your lungs. It's a
Speaker 1: big that sex doll died. All right, guys, we gotta go.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to the show today
Speaker 1: or watching it. I don't know how you consume it.
Speaker 1: U bestie's out there. You're the best. We love you.
Speaker 1: We'll see you on Instagram live, follow us on Nicki
Speaker 1: Glazer pot on Instagram, and don't be care and U