1
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,359
Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

2
00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:09,680
Speaker 2: Okay, so last week was interesting. A lot of stuff

3
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:14,560
Speaker 2: came out in the press. I feel like wide this

4
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,240
Speaker 2: one girl DM me. She's like, can y'all just stop

5
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,960
Speaker 2: talking about things that the press will grab because I'm

6
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,119
Speaker 2: so sick of defending y'all. And I was like, I'm

7
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,760
Speaker 2: so sorry, I know, but I'm just like, our podcast

8
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,080
Speaker 2: is about relationships and I just feel like it's important to,

9
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,560
Speaker 2: you know, talk about things that come up and ways

10
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,559
Speaker 2: that we handle it. And she was just she's like, no,

11
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,479
Speaker 2: I totally get it. She's like, it's just the people

12
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,760
Speaker 2: that I don't know us just kind of read a

13
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,280
Speaker 2: headline and when they hear like oh Mike cheated again,

14
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:47,480
Speaker 2: they don't actually click on it to read to read

15
00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,839
Speaker 2: the article the article. So it's you know, I had

16
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:50,880
Speaker 2: a few people reach out.

17
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,319
Speaker 3: Did you have any like friends reach out?

18
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,560
Speaker 2: I had an old sister in law reach out, and

19
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,400
Speaker 2: then I had I had two people just check in

20
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,840
Speaker 2: with me and say, is everything okay? I heard the

21
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,119
Speaker 2: news or I saw an article wanted to make sure

22
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,399
Speaker 2: it wasn't true, And I was like, oh, it's like,

23
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,880
Speaker 2: you know, people, are you know also will say, well,

24
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,240
Speaker 2: you know, we're just trying to get attention, or you know,

25
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,880
Speaker 2: they'll say like enough of them already, like this is

26
00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:19,960
Speaker 2: just all for money and all for show, and.

27
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:24,319
Speaker 3: Where's the money, show me the show me the money.

28
00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:25,160
Speaker 3: If it's all about the.

29
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,199
Speaker 2: Money, I think it's just one of those things where

30
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:30,960
Speaker 2: you know, we've and it's kind of the same thing

31
00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:33,199
Speaker 2: when people ask us about our book, like why why

32
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,800
Speaker 2: do we talk about all this stuff? And you know,

33
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,560
Speaker 2: it's we know that it's helping people. We know that

34
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,559
Speaker 2: there's certain things that we talk about that it helps people,

35
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:48,840
Speaker 2: and that group of people we are doing this for

36
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,160
Speaker 2: because the other people aren't going to get us. They're

37
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,680
Speaker 2: not going to like us, they haven't liked us, they'll

38
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,560
Speaker 2: never like us. And I'm kind of just I'm now

39
00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,840
Speaker 2: just okay with it. Yeah, And usually I feel like

40
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,720
Speaker 2: I would come to the defense or be like no, no, no,

41
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,200
Speaker 2: no no, but it's like whatever, they're gonna believe what

42
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,200
Speaker 2: they're going to believe. We know our truth, we know

43
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,440
Speaker 2: our story, and it's kind of it is what it is.

44
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,200
Speaker 2: But we are excited to get Shari. She's been on

45
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,280
Speaker 2: our show before. She's kind of like an all in

46
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:21,200
Speaker 2: one thing from life coach therapist. She's just motivator, motivator,

47
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,520
Speaker 2: So we're gonna get her on the show. I'm really

48
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,120
Speaker 2: excited to talk to her again because it's been a while.

49
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,720
Speaker 2: And yeah, I don't know. I mean, how do you

50
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:30,760
Speaker 2: feel about everything? Bebe?

51
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,959
Speaker 3: I mean, it's one of those things you kind of

52
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,800
Speaker 3: hit it all on the head. It's at this point

53
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:41,680
Speaker 3: I am getting better at not paying attention to any

54
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,960
Speaker 3: of that kind of noise. And it's just like, okay,

55
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,160
Speaker 3: because we just know the truth and I'm farther out

56
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:52,519
Speaker 3: of my shame. We're closer together with our connection and

57
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:59,000
Speaker 3: trust on things. So just people are clickbait man. People

58
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,520
Speaker 3: are gonna see things, and unfortunately people are drawn to

59
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:06,560
Speaker 3: negative news rather than positive. I feel like, so, I mean,

60
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,720
Speaker 3: it is what it is. People can think what they want,

61
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,519
Speaker 3: and even before stuff like this comes out, people still say,

62
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:12,799
Speaker 3: I give them five years.

63
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,840
Speaker 2: She's gonna yeah, pres Hilton goes, I see Chloe, I

64
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,359
Speaker 2: see like this is Chloe and interest in two years.

65
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:20,960
Speaker 2: I'm calling it.

66
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:22,120
Speaker 3: Oh geez.

67
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:27,360
Speaker 2: But I don't know, do you have any regrets because

68
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,320
Speaker 2: of the things that come out and that we do

69
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:34,639
Speaker 2: talk about about sharing so publicly about everything.

70
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,720
Speaker 3: I mean, yes and no, sure would be great just

71
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,480
Speaker 3: to live our private life, our personal life privately and

72
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:49,200
Speaker 3: not worry about all these people having opinions, whether positive

73
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:53,600
Speaker 3: or negative, and you know, people writing articles that aren't

74
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:58,560
Speaker 3: true or make creating headlines that just for attention or clickbait.

75
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:02,280
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, that gets old and it gets frustrating

76
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,440
Speaker 3: when it's about your personal life. But on the other hand,

77
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,800
Speaker 3: the people that we've connected with and the people that

78
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:13,160
Speaker 3: have reached out to us and the people close to us,

79
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:20,599
Speaker 3: the benefit that we see firsthand from what we've talked about,

80
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:26,599
Speaker 3: what we've shared completely outweighs the negative. You know, the

81
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,200
Speaker 3: fact that, like the guy that I had lunch with

82
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,640
Speaker 3: a week or so ago, and just for people being

83
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:37,720
Speaker 3: willing to open up to me man a man about things,

84
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,200
Speaker 3: I'm like, this is why we did it for me.

85
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:46,960
Speaker 3: I was like, this is more connectedness than I could

86
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,760
Speaker 3: ever think of from a someone who was a stranger.

87
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,839
Speaker 3: So again, the fact, I mean, you've seen the amount

88
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,640
Speaker 3: of people that have and men that have opened up

89
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,680
Speaker 3: to me or to us, or couples that have opened

90
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,920
Speaker 3: up to us around this stuff. So it's just that

91
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,760
Speaker 3: outweighs all the negative for me.

92
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:05,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good.

93
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:06,400
Speaker 3: Yeah.

94
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,600
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, we have Chari in the waiting room right now,

95
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:13,280
Speaker 2: so let's get her in and chat about all things

96
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:27,919
Speaker 2: twenty twenty in relationships. Hey, Schari, how are you?

97
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,039
Speaker 3: Oh?

98
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,479
Speaker 1: Wo hey, it's great to see you guys.

99
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,559
Speaker 2: Good to see all too. Okay, Sure, how has twenty

100
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,320
Speaker 2: twenty been for you?

101
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,040
Speaker 1: Oh? Boy? It has been like surfing.

102
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,599
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially with your you know, your background, because your life, coach, therapist,

103
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,560
Speaker 2: kind of all in one everything. So has it just

104
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:46,440
Speaker 2: been exploding?

105
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:50,480
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, I think I think we. I have been

106
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,360
Speaker 1: saying to the people who do the work that I do,

107
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,960
Speaker 1: like we were made for these times. We clearly have

108
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:59,719
Speaker 1: been preparing for this moment because it's been a rocky

109
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,960
Speaker 1: ride for me, and I've got a lot of tools,

110
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:06,599
Speaker 1: you know, So I feel like I am hopeful that

111
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,880
Speaker 1: these waves are making us do the inner work.

112
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:16,120
Speaker 2: Everybody, when you say that, you know you've obviously, because

113
00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:19,080
Speaker 2: we've all experienced twenty twenty and had our own challenges

114
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,839
Speaker 2: along the way. For someone who is supposed to be

115
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:29,680
Speaker 2: so uplifting and encouraging and helpful when you face your

116
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,919
Speaker 2: own kind of inner demons, because I know sometimes with

117
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,520
Speaker 2: Mike and I when we aren't communicating good, but I'm like,

118
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,000
Speaker 2: but we wrote about it and we say to do this,

119
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,800
Speaker 2: but we're not doing it. And but then with you too,

120
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:43,039
Speaker 2: where it's like, if you feel depressed and you don't

121
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,320
Speaker 2: know how to lift yourself up, do you kind of

122
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,360
Speaker 2: get more harder on yourself?

123
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,960
Speaker 1: Oh? For sure there are times. Well I would say

124
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,920
Speaker 1: more when I was a little younger, because I think

125
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,000
Speaker 1: I've been around the block now long enough to know

126
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:59,040
Speaker 1: that we have to be working our own wisdom, our

127
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,920
Speaker 1: own tools always. And I'm really clear about that with people.

128
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,160
Speaker 1: I may be, you know, a couple steps ahead sometimes

129
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,400
Speaker 1: than somebody else, or have been through, you know, a

130
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:14,240
Speaker 1: particular challenge and use the tools more. But anybody who

131
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,960
Speaker 1: says that they've got it all dialed, you know, who

132
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,640
Speaker 1: don't use their own walk, their own talk, you know

133
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,880
Speaker 1: that I'd be a little bit cautious about, you know

134
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,160
Speaker 1: for sure. And so I think what I know I

135
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,680
Speaker 1: need is perspective. I need. I need my people. You

136
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,720
Speaker 1: can have all the tools in the world, but it's

137
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:37,200
Speaker 1: sometimes very hard to do it alone. And so this

138
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,920
Speaker 1: this time has had me just really nurture relationships and

139
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:46,320
Speaker 1: spend more time you know, on the lovely screen, right

140
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,680
Speaker 1: Unfortunately with the people that root me, who you know,

141
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:54,360
Speaker 1: reflect back to me my own humanity and make it easier,

142
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,640
Speaker 1: because yeah, I think we all go a little bit

143
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,760
Speaker 1: crazy for sort of in our own heads trying to

144
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,160
Speaker 1: be perfect at all this.

145
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,080
Speaker 3: I think that's a great point for you know, I

146
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,600
Speaker 3: make up. I know I'm this way is try to

147
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,120
Speaker 3: do so many things on my own right when it's

148
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,760
Speaker 3: like we don't have to, you know, and so many

149
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,920
Speaker 3: people want to just struggle, like no one's gotten to

150
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,240
Speaker 3: where they've gotten without help, you know, and whether it's

151
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,800
Speaker 3: directly or indirectly, So especially in these times, I think

152
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,680
Speaker 3: that's a great point for our listeners to kind of

153
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,440
Speaker 3: hold on to and sure it. You know, you're also

154
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,800
Speaker 3: titled as a let me see if I can say

155
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:38,240
Speaker 3: it correctly possibilitarian. Yeah yeah, but she said, can you

156
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,880
Speaker 3: can you give myself and our listeners kind of a

157
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,839
Speaker 3: synopsis of what that that you know, what that title means.

158
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,079
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I'm technically called like the founder of

159
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,200
Speaker 1: the Luminaries or a board certified coach, all those you know,

160
00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:57,240
Speaker 1: titles that feel more traditional, But I think the possibilitarian

161
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,560
Speaker 1: title came in at a certain point where I just said,

162
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,280
Speaker 1: look at the bottom of the bottom line the end

163
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,080
Speaker 1: of the day. I am here to do what I

164
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,839
Speaker 1: do because I believe that anything is possible. I will

165
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,040
Speaker 1: stop at nothing to get you what you want and

166
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:15,440
Speaker 1: to answer the big questions that I think people get

167
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,560
Speaker 1: stuck with in life, like who am I and what

168
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,920
Speaker 1: am I here to do? The big questions? And I

169
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:25,560
Speaker 1: think ultimately we are infinitely free and powerful beyond our understanding,

170
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,640
Speaker 1: and we're not told that by our culture, by our

171
00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:33,120
Speaker 1: parents unless we're really lucky. And my job is to

172
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,360
Speaker 1: come in and hold up like a big mirror and

173
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:40,280
Speaker 1: just be like, look, you are the universe. You are everything,

174
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:44,520
Speaker 1: and you are capable of everything. It's just maybe that

175
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,320
Speaker 1: you don't believe that or you don't exactly know how

176
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,160
Speaker 1: to go about it. And that's where I come in.

177
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:56,160
Speaker 1: I think I have just a weird way of getting

178
00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,439
Speaker 1: just creative enough to overcome any obstacle.

179
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:04,560
Speaker 3: You know on that topic is there, you know, because

180
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,440
Speaker 3: I understand just from talking to people, friends, family, whatever,

181
00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:10,319
Speaker 3: you know. I feel like everyone at some point in

182
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,280
Speaker 3: their life has a crossroads where it's like should I

183
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,079
Speaker 3: stay in the career, the job that I'm in, or

184
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,520
Speaker 3: should I take this unknown leap into something completely different

185
00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,040
Speaker 3: or new that you know someone has an opportunity in.

186
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,480
Speaker 3: Is there ever a time that you've worked with somebody

187
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,040
Speaker 3: that you're like, no, don't take that chance.

188
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:34,600
Speaker 1: Hmm wow, No, probably not what I and I never

189
00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,760
Speaker 1: even look at crossroads like that as binary, like there's

190
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,200
Speaker 1: a black or a white, a right or wrong. There's

191
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:44,160
Speaker 1: always a multitude for sure of ways. Right. So let's say,

192
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,400
Speaker 1: the only thing that I can think about in a

193
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,880
Speaker 1: particular scenario like that where I would advise somebody to

194
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:54,200
Speaker 1: wait a minute, would be if taking the leap caused

195
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:59,120
Speaker 1: enormous amounts of stress financially, you know, if it would

196
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,920
Speaker 1: put if it would cause harm anxiety in a way

197
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,840
Speaker 1: that was unbearable, then I would say, let's stay with

198
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,480
Speaker 1: enough certainty at the current job or in the current

199
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,960
Speaker 1: relationship to continue to figure out what the next move is,

200
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,120
Speaker 1: to plot out, you know, and be in kind of

201
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,360
Speaker 1: a hybrid scenario where we use the certainty and the

202
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:25,320
Speaker 1: safety of the current situation to strategize what next and

203
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,320
Speaker 1: not make it immediately. Because that that's true for some people.

204
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,320
Speaker 1: You know they can't give out like the golden handcuffs

205
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,480
Speaker 1: at the great check, the paycheck whatever to go for

206
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,920
Speaker 1: the dream job. But no, I mean that life is short.

207
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,640
Speaker 1: I will always help people live the dream.

208
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,920
Speaker 2: What if it's one of those things though, where you

209
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,440
Speaker 2: know they want to be a singer but their tone deaf,

210
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,800
Speaker 2: you know where it's like.

211
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,439
Speaker 3: That's where you ain't got it, sister.

212
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:58,439
Speaker 2: Sorry, like you do you kind of go well, maybe

213
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,800
Speaker 2: you should, you know, it's like, how do you when

214
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,720
Speaker 2: it's like, because there are there has to be those

215
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,320
Speaker 2: because I'm like, I have to think that we're going

216
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:09,080
Speaker 2: to be those parents that not discourage. But if we're like, hey, honey,

217
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:12,080
Speaker 2: like you're tone deaf, let's try to get maybe lessons,

218
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,240
Speaker 2: but you know, do you want to try soccer or

219
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,079
Speaker 2: you know, like how do you do that when you're

220
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,760
Speaker 2: just like, ah, that's tough because I don't know how

221
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,679
Speaker 2: many people that can get over being tone deaf. I

222
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:23,079
Speaker 2: don't know.

223
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,839
Speaker 1: But see that's where maybe the possibilitarian and me kicks

224
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,640
Speaker 1: in because I'm like, all right, well, we just need

225
00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:30,120
Speaker 1: to go to the top, you know, we need to

226
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:34,000
Speaker 1: find the person who will absolutely crack you open and

227
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,760
Speaker 1: you'll have that experience. Now what if that I mean,

228
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,640
Speaker 1: I don't know, if the person didn't like make it,

229
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,040
Speaker 1: you know at the full time gate go professional, because

230
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,480
Speaker 1: we know that career is a hard one. They should

231
00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:47,280
Speaker 1: still sing all the goddamn time. I would be like,

232
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,640
Speaker 1: you need to go karaoke, you need to have a band,

233
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,240
Speaker 1: you need to have friends over. Really you need to

234
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:55,839
Speaker 1: do all that because clearly, I believe if we have desires,

235
00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,000
Speaker 1: even if they're not matched with talent, the desires are

236
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,120
Speaker 1: and us for a reason, they're they're pointing us in

237
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,840
Speaker 1: the direction of the life we're supposed to have. So

238
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:10,840
Speaker 1: I would say, you know, follow that joy in whatever way.

239
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,560
Speaker 1: But yeah, there is refinement. So if they were help

240
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,080
Speaker 1: on being a professional, then we would scale up.

241
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,800
Speaker 3: So is there in your experience have you worked with

242
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,280
Speaker 3: someone that maybe it's not as black and white like that,

243
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,199
Speaker 3: like either you can sing, you can't, but maybe someone

244
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,719
Speaker 3: wants to get go into a certain direction in the

245
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,959
Speaker 3: does any realistic part of you come out and be like, hmm,

246
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,440
Speaker 3: just knowing what you know about them, it might not

247
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,040
Speaker 3: be the best and you steer them maybe in a

248
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,720
Speaker 3: similar but different direction. I don't know, you know, how

249
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:41,160
Speaker 3: you get.

250
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,000
Speaker 1: There's the whole discovery process that I go through where

251
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:47,720
Speaker 1: I dig deep into someone's soul, you know, really through

252
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,520
Speaker 1: a process of asking great questions and opening up this

253
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:55,200
Speaker 1: kind of liminal space to just remember what you already know.

254
00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,240
Speaker 2: Can we try that right now? Can you do that

255
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:57,640
Speaker 2: with Mike?

256
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't. We can start it. I mean it

257
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,920
Speaker 1: takes some time, you know, let's.

258
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:08,920
Speaker 2: Dig deep in that soul, baby, but I feel like

259
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,160
Speaker 2: he needs we need to dig deep in this one.

260
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,319
Speaker 2: Let's just try. Can we try?

261
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,240
Speaker 1: Are you at a career crossroads? Is that what we're

262
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:16,720
Speaker 1: looking at?

263
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:19,120
Speaker 3: Why?

264
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:20,880
Speaker 2: I don't know? You tell me.

265
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,640
Speaker 3: I think Janna just wants to keep me busy.

266
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,720
Speaker 2: Do you do you say sometimes that you don't. You

267
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:36,560
Speaker 2: might question your my what you're go get them? So

268
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,640
Speaker 2: maybe it's not because maybe that means you're not passionate

269
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:38,960
Speaker 2: in it.

270
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:45,960
Speaker 3: I think. Okay, So for me, I came from a

271
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,360
Speaker 3: career that was everything was scheduled for me. I was

272
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,440
Speaker 3: regimented every I mean every hour, every minute, every day.

273
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,040
Speaker 3: And then when I transitioned out, I mean that was

274
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,000
Speaker 3: my entire life with athletics and you know, in college

275
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,760
Speaker 3: and professionally and then getting out of that. You know,

276
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,720
Speaker 3: there was a challenge trying to find that. I think

277
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,880
Speaker 3: now it's still I mean, Jane and I do a

278
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,920
Speaker 3: lot of things together. Obviously we do this, We had

279
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,040
Speaker 3: the book. You know, there's other projects we want to

280
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:20,640
Speaker 3: work on, both together and individually, but there's don't I

281
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,520
Speaker 3: don't know if I have that thing right now that

282
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,760
Speaker 3: I wake up every morning that motivates me to work on,

283
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,080
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I'm not waking up like Jana.

284
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,000
Speaker 3: She's a creator. It's unbelievable she I think it's like

285
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,960
Speaker 3: every other day she throws an id at me and

286
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,640
Speaker 3: she's like, would this begun on Shark Tank? And then

287
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,000
Speaker 3: just lets it out, you know what I mean, Like yeah,

288
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,280
Speaker 3: and I feel bad because I'm the realist and I

289
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,480
Speaker 3: just have to like shut it down. I'll negate it

290
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,680
Speaker 3: with something well that already exists or this would happen

291
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:50,560
Speaker 3: or whatever. She's the dreamer and I love her for it.

292
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,000
Speaker 3: And you know, I feel bad sometimes because I don't

293
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,560
Speaker 3: have that imagination or that creativeness as much as she does.

294
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,720
Speaker 2: And I'll say too, because there are things that I

295
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:05,640
Speaker 2: want to do with him. I don't get that and

296
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,040
Speaker 2: like that energy from him. So in my mind, I'm like,

297
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,080
Speaker 2: all right, he clearly doesn't want to do this because

298
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,400
Speaker 2: he's not following up with it. I've said it ten times,

299
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,400
Speaker 2: and I mean, so I have that. Okay, Well I'm

300
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,960
Speaker 2: gonna then veer a different way and go a different

301
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 2: way because I don't think he's passionate about that. And

302
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,440
Speaker 2: that's fine, but I just wish he would tell me

303
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,440
Speaker 2: kind of. I guess it's like the drive is like

304
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,560
Speaker 2: you're missing, which makes me I make up that you

305
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,920
Speaker 2: might not be passionate about it, and so it's like

306
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,360
Speaker 2: where where do we Where do we ignite the drive?

307
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,200
Speaker 2: Like how can we find something that does ignite you

308
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,360
Speaker 2: that you do get excited about instead of just like

309
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,240
Speaker 2: we have to go in the office and write, you know,

310
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:47,400
Speaker 2: or do something.

311
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:48,880
Speaker 3: Oh the book?

312
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, I know you were, but again it

313
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,920
Speaker 2: took flight to the fire and that stresses me out.

314
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,160
Speaker 2: So dealing with I'm like, this is our schedule. Let's

315
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,800
Speaker 2: do it, like this week we do this, and this

316
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,760
Speaker 2: week we edit and this new work, this chapter and

317
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,080
Speaker 2: it was like two months left, and I'm like, what

318
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,520
Speaker 2: do you do? Like we gotta go man like and

319
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,639
Speaker 2: then he's like and He's like, now I'll work and

320
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,400
Speaker 2: I'm like, huh.

321
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, why did you say, Mike, you worked better on

322
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,840
Speaker 1: what under pressure? Under pressure? Well? Yeah, this is what

323
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,679
Speaker 1: I want to go back to, is when when you

324
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,000
Speaker 1: were highly scheduled did you love that?

325
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,840
Speaker 3: Yeah? Because I knew what my day looked like. There

326
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,960
Speaker 3: wasn't any plan. It was just he got me out

327
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:33,200
Speaker 3: of my own way of justifying rationalizing. Nah, I do

328
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,240
Speaker 3: it later. Oh, I'll do it you know tomorrow. Oh

329
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 3: it's not that important and it's my job and I'll

330
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,200
Speaker 3: get fined if I didn't go. So you know that

331
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,840
Speaker 3: that helped motivate me as well.

332
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, yeah, So there are a couple of

333
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,800
Speaker 1: things coming up for me that you know, when I

334
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,919
Speaker 1: when I talk about ultimate career strategy with people like

335
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,800
Speaker 1: what would have you be? I think where you are

336
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,680
Speaker 1: Jenna like lit up passionate about something like fully on fire.

337
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:04,160
Speaker 1: Being in your creator is you have to know what

338
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,200
Speaker 1: your essence is, like the essence of you, the gift

339
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 1: of you, like the thing that is just uniquely you,

340
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:13,479
Speaker 1: and go where you'll be used for that. So I

341
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,360
Speaker 1: don't know that you've found that yet. You know that

342
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,399
Speaker 1: you could and or even when Janna brings you an

343
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,640
Speaker 1: idea and says, let's get really excited about this, and

344
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,600
Speaker 1: you are, but the role that you're supposed to play

345
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,800
Speaker 1: is still not clear, like what you actually have to do?

346
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,440
Speaker 1: Do you know? And there could be I mean, as

347
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,199
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur, I know there's a lot of things that

348
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,960
Speaker 1: I have to do that I don't particularly love, that

349
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,960
Speaker 1: aren't my essence, that just come with the territory. So

350
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 1: that needs to be sorted out. And you may just

351
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 1: get on board with an idea and still put up

352
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,159
Speaker 1: with some of that dragging your feet a little bit

353
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:51,399
Speaker 1: because it's just not it's not your ultimate joy. But

354
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,119
Speaker 1: I think I think it'd be interesting to see, like

355
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 1: what is the thing that's uniquely you that you want

356
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 1: to go for, Whether or not that might be a

357
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 1: shared project with you, Jane, I don't know, because right

358
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:07,280
Speaker 1: now it just doesn't feel like anything's totally calling you.

359
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,959
Speaker 1: And that's nothing to feel bad about. We lose our mojo,

360
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,919
Speaker 1: our motivation all the time when when we're not on

361
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,480
Speaker 1: a clear path, when we're not aligned with what we're

362
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 1: here for.

363
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 2: No, and I've always told him too, like I've always

364
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 2: been the like I would love to do this with you,

365
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,000
Speaker 2: but if you don't want to do this, like because

366
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 2: I know he really wanted to go in law enforcement

367
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,600
Speaker 2: and we've talked about it a few times on the show,

368
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 2: and you know he wanted to. But it's that kind

369
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,560
Speaker 2: of that thing where it's like he was like, nah,

370
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,399
Speaker 2: like this is easier, or you know, like I know

371
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,200
Speaker 2: you've got a real estate license, but you haven't really

372
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,120
Speaker 2: worked on it. So it's just it's one of those

373
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,199
Speaker 2: things where I'm like, and that's okay. If that's not

374
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 2: your passion, then let's then then don't do it. But

375
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,400
Speaker 2: you put these things out there and then you don't,

376
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,680
Speaker 2: you don't go through it. And so but I want

377
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 2: to be your supporter, Like I want to be like, Okay,

378
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 2: what am I going to support you on? Is it

379
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 2: the real estate? Is it our projects? Is it you know,

380
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 2: is it's law enforcement? Like what is it that like

381
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 2: will ignite you and excite you to want to get

382
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:06,719
Speaker 2: out there and do it?

383
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:15,359
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think what's coming up for me is because

384
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:19,119
Speaker 3: of my background of just being so scheduled and it

385
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:24,440
Speaker 3: was non negotiable, right, Like it wasn't like the time

386
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 3: may change, it was that's the time you're doing something period.

387
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I can schedule you. You know, that's my dream.

388
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 2: My dream is to schedule anytime we ever lose a bet.

389
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 2: I'm like my dream and what I would do it's

390
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 2: not a it's not an hour massage or whatever. Or

391
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,359
Speaker 2: I would love to schedule his week like it would

392
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 2: just give me and you know what would be. It'd

393
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,160
Speaker 2: be like he gets to work out from this time

394
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 2: to this time, he gets, you know whatever, go plays

395
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,640
Speaker 2: golf on Tuesdays and then we do a pro It's

396
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,640
Speaker 2: like I would it would give me so much joy.

397
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 2: And I'm like, and I feel like he would be

398
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 2: happier because I know you love schedules.

399
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, again, what comes up?

400
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 1: I agree?

401
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 3: I agree, I concur What comes up for me is

402
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 3: because of things that we do do there there is

403
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,480
Speaker 3: a changing of schedules at times. Sometimes you'll have things

404
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 3: that change. Sometimes you'll have to do this at this

405
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 3: time instead and this time and this time, so hey,

406
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 3: actually this got moved, So can you wash the kids now?

407
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 3: So I can do this? And for me, it gives

408
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 3: me so much anxiety, even though it's a normal question,

409
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 3: but it just does because I come from that background.

410
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 3: Just schedule schedule, schedule. If I schedule something and it

411
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:42,400
Speaker 3: has to change, yeah, it like and then I take

412
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:46,399
Speaker 3: it personal, like my doesn't matter. Yeah, you know what

413
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 3: I mean.

414
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 2: And we just had that argument yesterday.

415
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,919
Speaker 3: I don't even remember this morning, let alone yesterday.

416
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 2: Well it was about that where it was like your

417
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,360
Speaker 2: time and you felt taken advantage of and correct, correct

418
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 2: and so And in my mind, I'm like, what how,

419
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.

420
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 3: Yeah. And Jan is so good at at you know,

421
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 3: when it comes to work stuff, she's so good at

422
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 3: being more flexible or like her schedule of her day.

423
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 3: It's just I have such a hard time. So my

424
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 3: fear is that if I say, hey, you know, I

425
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,879
Speaker 3: want to work out from nine to ten, then from

426
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 3: ten thirty to twelve thirty on a studying my real

427
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 3: estate stuff, and then from this time this time. But

428
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 3: it's like it's not realistic because we don't have full

429
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 3: time help with the kids. They go to school twice

430
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,479
Speaker 3: a week. We have a babysitter once a week. But

431
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 3: we're around the kids all the time. We have stuff

432
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 3: to do, we have you know, podcast stuff. Isn't like

433
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 3: every Tuesday at this time we do it. That's ever changing.

434
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 3: You know stuff that she has to to post or

435
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 3: do whatever is Hey, I got to do this real quick.

436
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 3: Can you handle the kids? Yes? Of course, and.

437
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 2: So but if I just sense your anxiety just you

438
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 2: talking about her now, no, I know that's I can

439
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 2: feel like You're like.

440
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 3: But if that became a constant thing, if I started

441
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 3: schedule stuff, my fears if I schedule stuff, why do

442
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 3: he text that I know my fears if I schedule things, Man,

443
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 3: this is like real coming up that.

444
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 2: I haven't really Oh, I feel it.

445
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so sorry my fears that if I schedule

446
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 3: things and I'm constantly asked, hey, I need a few

447
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 3: minutes to do this, can you do it? Then I again,

448
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 3: I take it personal. I'm like, Okay, your post or

449
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 3: whatever you have to do right now is more important

450
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 3: than me sitting down to even if it was me

451
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 3: sitting down to eat lunch and now was the time

452
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:31,159
Speaker 3: that I scheduled to eat lunch, that would drive me nuts.

453
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:31,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

454
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 2: Oh man, I feel it, baby, Mike.

455
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 1: I wanted to completely validate what you're going through. My

456
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: son is sixteen years old, and if I ask him

457
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: to wash my car out of nowhere, he loses his

458
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: mind because He's like, I already had a plan for

459
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 1: the day. You didn't tell me. This is a masculine

460
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 1: energy thing that Jenna and I when we're in our

461
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: masculine when we are, and what that equates to is

462
00:23:56,640 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: producing a result. When I am headstone trying to produce

463
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 1: a result and somebody comes and interrupts me, it's crazy

464
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 1: because now I can't produce the result. It's like you've

465
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: thwarded me on my road to winning. It'd be like

466
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 1: you and you know your sports, and somebody comes and

467
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,159
Speaker 1: you know, like takes you out of your schedule, and

468
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: you're like, this is no negotiable. I'm trying to win

469
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,400
Speaker 1: the game. Like that is what we're doing when we're

470
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 1: in that sort of laser focus, and it's getting really

471
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 1: crushed being at home with kids and all of us

472
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,959
Speaker 1: all up in each other's business. You know, like if

473
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 1: you went to an office and you could just power through,

474
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: you'd be so happy. Because it also meets the need

475
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,960
Speaker 1: for certainty and control to be able to be in

476
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,479
Speaker 1: charge of something in your life. So this is kind

477
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 1: of a core issue that you've kind of just been like, Eh,

478
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,440
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm I don't think I'm going to

479
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,720
Speaker 1: put any stake in the ground because that's going to

480
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 1: be that's going to cause so much pain. You don't

481
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 1: have what you need in order to get passionate about

482
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,199
Speaker 1: something because you know you don't have what it what

483
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 1: you need in order to win.

484
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 2: And I feel like it goes back to for you

485
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 2: to within the beginning where it was like it's all

486
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 2: about you in your schedule and what instead of really

487
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 2: vocalizing what you need and being you know, having the flexibility.

488
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 2: But unfortunately take you take it on so personal that

489
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 2: just because I say, hey, can you I gotta post

490
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 2: this or and redo it or whatever. You know, you

491
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 2: automatically go to your stuff. Isn't important and that's not true,

492
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 2: but that's how that's what you feel, and that sucks.

493
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that that's what you hold.

494
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 1: Well. If we go super like DNA with this, you

495
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 1: and I, Janna, if we identify more feminine. This is

496
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 1: not a gender thing. But if you're in that flow

497
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,400
Speaker 1: state and you're a creator and you're just going multitasking

498
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 1: doing one thing to the next, that says to me

499
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: that you are working that DNA that we had when

500
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 1: we were like cave women go out into the field

501
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: and we go with all of our friends and we'd

502
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,879
Speaker 1: make sure the tiger didn't meet the kids. And I

503
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: got all the blueberries that wouldn't kill the tribe, and

504
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 1: like we're doing fifty million things. We're like, hey, girl,

505
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 1: grab the coat. He's about to get hit by the tiger.

506
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: It's like, you just can do that. You know, when

507
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: somebody is in that I gotta hunt the deer. Kill

508
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,399
Speaker 1: the deer that's not going on, And don't ask me

509
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,200
Speaker 1: to do something while I got it in my line

510
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,119
Speaker 1: of sight, because then I will miss him and we

511
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 1: will not eat for a month. You know. It's that

512
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: kind of dynamic that's happening right now. And you're like, girlfriend,

513
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 1: can you help me with the kids?

514
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 2: And he's like yeah. And we're getting into an argument

515
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 2: when I ask him a question when he makes a

516
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,679
Speaker 2: peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I'm like, what do

517
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 2: you mean you can't talk to me and make a

518
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 2: sandwich like it's miny points.

519
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 1: Liver dye needs to eat now, don't interrupt me. Put

520
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,199
Speaker 1: my sandwich in my face, then I'll talk to you.

521
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 1: It's a thing. It's a real I've studied this for

522
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: years and one of a great the great resource on

523
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 1: this is Alison Armstrong. She does work with understanding our differences.

524
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: That is game changing.

525
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,679
Speaker 2: So what do we do about that so that he

526
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 2: doesn't have and doesn't have to hold this anxiety? Because

527
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 2: that I mean when he talks about like, I could

528
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 2: feel the chat. I feel the heaviness and the how

529
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 2: you talk and your breathing, and you know it's.

530
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for you, Janna, that you can be

531
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 1: that compassionate empathet. I can feel him, because that's the start.

532
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,199
Speaker 1: That's it right there. If you didn't understand and you

533
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 1: were shaming him for this and making him feel less

534
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: than that's what a lot of us do. You know,

535
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 1: We're like, what's wrong with you? You can only think

536
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 1: of one thing at a time.

537
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 2: I appreciate that, but can I ask for something with that?

538
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 2: Because it's an argument that comes up in our relationship

539
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 2: where he'll say I'm fake supportive, and so he'll if

540
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: he wants to do something, but then something comes up

541
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 2: and there's an issue around it, He's like, you're being

542
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 2: fake supportive, and it's like, but something might just change

543
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 2: and maybe a feeling or or a schedule or something

544
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,239
Speaker 2: and I and when he takes it personal like that,

545
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 2: how can I still support but also have my own

546
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 2: experience and says along with it or changes in schedule

547
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 2: or without being like because it's hurtful when he says that,

548
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 2: because I'm like, I always want to support and make him,

549
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 2: you know, and just I want to encourage him to

550
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,200
Speaker 2: do what he wants to do and be happy.

551
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And I think just knowing that, just hold

552
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 1: on to that, Mike, that the intention is always there

553
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 1: to be a really good supporter. And this is just

554
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: a micro shift. This is what's working with so many

555
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,360
Speaker 1: couples I know that I've been working with this year

556
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 1: of trying to redraw the lines and the rules being

557
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: at home together. I think there needs to be an

558
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 1: agreed upon block of time that he gets that you

559
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 1: also get by the way that you both get this

560
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: block of uninterrupted time that is honored at all costs

561
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 1: unless somebody is bleeding, you know what I mean. Yeah,

562
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 1: where he knows he can count on this time and

563
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 1: that in that moment I call it, he goes into

564
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 1: this mode of being accountable for something. He's to produce something,

565
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 1: even if it's his own just zoning out, you know,

566
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: and not doing anything sacred time for him to produce

567
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: a result. You then, de facto become the supporter. He's

568
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: a protector, provider of this result, and you become a

569
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: supporter enhancer, which means your job is to make his

570
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 1: experience successful and delightful, you know. And you'd never take

571
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 1: on this role de facto. It has to be agreed

572
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: upon that you want to do this, otherwise you become

573
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: reluctant supporter. And I don't think that's fake support for you.

574
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,719
Speaker 1: I'm not getting your reluctant. You just life is happening

575
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: and changing and that makes it difficult to support him well,

576
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 1: so you throughout each day it changes. What would supporting

577
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: you today look like, Kenney, how can I support you exactly?

578
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 1: You know? And what do we do if something comes up?

579
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 1: There should be no interruptions. I think that's really how

580
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: it has to work. And you know that you equally

581
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: have the same thing, Like I have a particular client

582
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 1: right now now. You can hear that kids are blood

583
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 1: curdling screaming in the background while she's trying to do

584
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 1: like strategic work with me, and it's because her husband

585
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 1: cannot corral the kids. He just he doesn't have control

586
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: over them, Like this is not negotiable that you have

587
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 1: to leave what you're doing and try to corral them

588
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: just because he can't do it, so they had to

589
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: bring an extra help or you know, they're they're just

590
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 1: there needs to be very very firm boundaries around each

591
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: other's time. And then when you have feelings about changes

592
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: or ways that things are you know, going, that need

593
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: to be discussed, it's outside of that block of time,

594
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 1: you know, maybe in a lovely place with a beverage

595
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: where you get to say, Okay, let's refine how this

596
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 1: is working. Here's how I'm feeling. This is what's coming

597
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 1: up for me and Mike. You listen to learn. You

598
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: just get curious about what she's saying that she's not

599
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 1: she's not coming at this like she's trying to take

600
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: away anything from me or not supporting you that wholeheartedly.

601
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: She's trying to learn how to be a better supporter.

602
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,239
Speaker 1: And she's telling you what's going on for her. And

603
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: then there's a deal to be made. Okay, what do

604
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 1: you need, babe? What do you need? You go back

605
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: and forth to try to find a new, greater arrangement,

606
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 1: not a compromise where there's a loser. I'm not about

607
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 1: this where somebody has to like suck it up. It's

608
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: let's come, let's get creative enough to come up with

609
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: a new way of doing things that really makes us

610
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: both feel like winning. You know, I think you're very close.

611
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: It's just it's just those two moves, fully honoring his

612
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: time and then Mike you fully honoring hers, and then

613
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 1: a little more discussion.

614
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 2: I think I where my I might have a hard

615
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 2: time with this and where I can understand where he

616
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 2: comes in the fakes of when he will say that

617
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 2: I'm fake supportive when let's say his time he uses

618
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 2: is to go play video games or is to watch

619
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 2: TV or something. And where I feel anxiety that comes

620
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 2: up is what if I'm working that day and you know,

621
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 2: maybe the hour that I went to go do is

622
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 2: run but you know, maybe he didn't work the rest

623
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 2: of the day or something. So then I start to

624
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 2: get and I don't know what if Sometimes I might

625
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 2: feel it's a maybe jealousy, but also it's like I

626
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 2: might be like, well, why didn't he use his hour

627
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 2: to work? You know, because that's that's his hour. So

628
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,000
Speaker 2: then that's where I can feel myself being fake supportive

629
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 2: where even if it was video games, I need to

630
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 2: support that, but I have sometimes I have a hard

631
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 2: time with that if I don't feel his passion to like,

632
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 2: go get it. But that's why I want him to

633
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 2: find a passion, go get it, you know. So that's

634
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 2: where it's so maybe then I wouldn't selfishly struggle as

635
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: much to know that, you know, he's putting in the

636
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 2: effort to work as well. I guess does that make sense?

637
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,479
Speaker 1: Like I yeah, yeah, I want to ask you, Jenna, though,

638
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 1: what would it give you if he was passionate about something,

639
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 1: if you felt like he was on a mission.

640
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 2: It would inspire me to, you know, work harder too.

641
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 2: I thrive off of you know, if he was like

642
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 2: if it was something together, let's just say we have

643
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 2: a few things that I'd love for us to do together,

644
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 2: and he's like, all right, let's do it. Like I'm like, okay,

645
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna make sure we have a sitter and so

646
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 2: then I'll get excited about it. If it's something that

647
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 2: he wants to do by himself, that's great. Like I

648
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 2: want him to be able to, you know, find something

649
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,880
Speaker 2: that he loves to do, you know, work wise, that

650
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 2: he is excited and passionate about that he can grow

651
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 2: and build, because then it makes me want to continue

652
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 2: to grow and build my stuff, and I feel like

653
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 2: it's nice to have the other partner, how do I

654
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 2: say it, where it inspires me to to get excited

655
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 2: about something as well.

656
00:33:56,040 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, have you ever considered that maybe that person

657
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 1: who would inspire you and get you fired up as

658
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: a partner of somebody in your business world that would

659
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: do stuff with you that's not Mike.

660
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, and that's you know, I've I've had

661
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 2: those conversations. I've been talking to a few girlfriends about

662
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 2: doing kind of like a mom round table show. And

663
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 2: the only reason is because you know, I want to

664
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 2: if our stuff, you know I of course, you know,

665
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 2: we're we're praying we get a book too, So that's

666
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 2: something that we can do together. And you know, obviously

667
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 2: this podcast and there's a few other things I would

668
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,439
Speaker 2: love to do together. But again, if it's not inspiring him,

669
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 2: then however he wants to spend his time work wise,

670
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,200
Speaker 2: like I want to encourage him to do it.

671
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, a couple of things. There's a lot said there.

672
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 3: First is you know, with stuff together. Like I said,

673
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 3: Jan is the idea genius should come up with something

674
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 3: and be like, hey, I want to do let's do

675
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 3: we should try working on this. I'm like okay, and

676
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 3: then that's it. And then I feel like she'll come

677
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 3: back around to me and be like, well, why didn't

678
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 3: you bring it up again? Why didn't you schedule it.

679
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 3: I'm like, this wasn't my idea. I was like, you

680
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 3: got it. I'm simple. You got to tell me, hey,

681
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 3: on Tuesday from ten o'clock to two o'clock, we're going

682
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 3: to work on this. And then once I realize what

683
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 3: we're doing and we're getting going, then I can do

684
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,399
Speaker 3: that too, and I feel like a part of it.

685
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 3: But in the early stage of something, when it wasn't

686
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 3: my idea, I feel like I'm a passenger until I

687
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 3: grasp the concept and understand better. Because she's just more

688
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 3: knowledgeable about some of the things that she wants to

689
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 3: do because it's in her wheelhouse. I'm good once I

690
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:45,719
Speaker 3: get going. And then also she works differently. She could

691
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:51,720
Speaker 3: have ninety seconds, she can't sit down. She will find

692
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 3: something to do, she'll fold two shirts, she'll do something

693
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 3: and she sees me and I have a lot we

694
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 3: joke because on the weekends is when I'm most productive.

695
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 3: And I grew up where like weekends is like yard work,

696
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 3: house stuff, Let's go, let's go, let's get after it.

697
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 3: So weekends I'm more productive than I am during the week,

698
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 3: and that's the only time she actually just wants to

699
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 3: sit and chill. And then during the week I have

700
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 3: an easier time just kind of hanging out and she

701
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,840
Speaker 3: can't sit for ninety seconds at all, And so it

702
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 3: probably likes to her point where maybe come across his

703
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 3: fake supportive is because she's working her ass off and

704
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 3: she sees me, who doesn't have as much day to

705
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 3: day work responsibility hanging out or going to play golf

706
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 3: or whatever, and she probably is probably jealous, even though

707
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 3: even if I did work the same amount, it's not

708
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 3: like she would stop. She would continue to work harder.

709
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:52,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's role clarification though, that I feel like is

710
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 1: so important in this because if you bring an idea

711
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: Janet to Mike and you're like, let's do this, you're

712
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 1: kind of de fact of the leader on it. You're

713
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 1: the one who had the idea, and you ultimately then

714
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 1: get stuck in this supporter role. How can I help

715
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 1: you bring this to life, babe, unless you guys sort

716
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 1: it out and get really clear about who's in charge

717
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:14,240
Speaker 1: of what in order to produce this result together.

718
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 2: You know. I think my problem is is that I

719
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 2: sit back and I wait to see if there's passion

720
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 2: behind there, because I have said a few things that

721
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 2: I need his help on and I haven't seen you

722
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 2: look into it or study different websites about it, So

723
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 2: I kind of go back. It's kind of the same

724
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 2: thing where our therapist said, hey, why don't you guys

725
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 2: get a book you guys can read together? And you know,

726
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 2: because I've really been wanting to like read a book together,

727
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 2: and so I default almost to wait to till he

728
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 2: brings it up, because in my mind, I'm like, well,

729
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 2: if he doesn't bring it up, then that means he

730
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 2: doesn't want to do it, and he doesn't you know,

731
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 2: he's not passionate about it.

732
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, do I have to be as equally gung ho?

733
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 3: Like I'm still willing to do it, But does it

734
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,879
Speaker 3: have like why do I have to match your.

735
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 2: I mean, it's I don't want to do it if

736
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,359
Speaker 2: you're not excited, like I need the energy. I feed

737
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,879
Speaker 2: off of people's energy. I feed off of you know, Oh, yes,

738
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:19,799
Speaker 2: let's do it, Like okay, this day, we're you doing this?

739
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 2: And hey, guy, I looked up a few websites that

740
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,800
Speaker 2: are similar to what we want to do or something,

741
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 2: you know, and it's like I need Like that's just me.

742
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 2: I guess I'm how do I how do I go

743
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 2: alongside something when maybe the energy isn't there because I

744
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 2: make up that. I'm like, he doesn't want to do it.

745
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 3: But it's okay, let me see this real quick before

746
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 3: Shari goes on that is I mean, is that fair

747
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 3: to expect the same energy like something you're passionate I'm

748
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 3: passionate about. I wouldn't expect the same passion from you.

749
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 3: But sometimes we just do things for each other because

750
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 3: we know it's important to one another. Like we can't

751
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 3: always expect our partner to be just as enthusiastic or

752
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 3: willing to do something and if they not not do

753
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 3: it at all, because we do make sacrifices. We do

754
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 3: do things because the other it's important to the other person.

755
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 1: My take on this, Jenne, So you're coming at it

756
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 1: with fire and you want fire to play with. It's

757
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 1: the inspiration, the passion, that's what that element of excitement

758
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 1: is what you feed off of. And I think if

759
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: Mike doesn't have the same fire, we could look at

760
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 1: another way that he might come in to support you

761
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:36,800
Speaker 1: that we haven't discussed yet. So imagine this when we're

762
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 1: in that creative mode where're like dancing in the fire.

763
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: That's that's how we are. And I think that's ultimately

764
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,359
Speaker 1: what's happening with women right now is we are in

765
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: our power out there creating, doing so much great stuff

766
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 1: in the world, and all the men that I'm working

767
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 1: with are kind of like, what do I do with

768
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,880
Speaker 1: all of this? So you guys are not alone and

769
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 1: having this conversation I need to say that, they're like,

770
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 1: what do I do with her? She's on fire? And

771
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,839
Speaker 1: and you know, we want them to be with us

772
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: because we crave connection and we love them and so

773
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 1: we want to do it together. But there's another way

774
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 1: that I'm seeing men show up ultimately that would have

775
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 1: us get even more fired up and more powerful, not

776
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: meeting us in the same energy, but actually being like

777
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 1: the ground of our being, providing this grounded presence like earth,

778
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 1: you know, fire and earth, like he just could lay

779
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 1: there and watch you and be there for you and

780
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 1: cheer you on and give you this safety that you

781
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,800
Speaker 1: need to go out there and do all the things.

782
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,319
Speaker 1: That's another way of being in partnership that I could see,

783
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:46,320
Speaker 1: Like you can tell Mike's got this really grounded energy,

784
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: like a stillness that ultimately is the masculine. It's this stillness,

785
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:55,239
Speaker 1: this consciousness, this awareness you know, that we want to

786
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 1: be witnessed by. We want them to watch us, see

787
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 1: us go like, oh my god, man, you and all

788
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 1: your creative you know. And that could be one way

789
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: that I think we could just take the pressure off

790
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 1: being fire for a while and say what would it

791
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: give you if he showed up in that way? But

792
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 1: I'm guessing like you're not experiencing that from him, because

793
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: when he's in the stillness, he's focused on his sandwich

794
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 1: or he's focused on his game, right, and he's not

795
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 1: showing up to be a sounding boarder, to be a

796
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 1: witness to everything that you're doing, or to like fan

797
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:37,959
Speaker 1: your fire and make you more fired up. I think

798
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,000
Speaker 1: that's what you're asking for. It's like fire me up

799
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 1: even more, get in here with me, you know.

800
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 3: Look, at me.

801
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, we want to be seen and heard and like

802
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: adored for what we're doing, you know, And I've went

803
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 1: and I've experienced this in workshop with men, So I'll

804
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,879
Speaker 1: go do these crazy intimacy workshops like Sacred Intimacy where

805
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 1: you know, we'll do this experiment of having a man

806
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:04,560
Speaker 1: like literally laid down and be like so focused on

807
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: us as women that we would just like you know,

808
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 1: blow up and all the energy. You know, like we

809
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: could talk about this on a whole nother shote, but

810
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 1: that showed me the potential for us in partnership now,

811
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 1: for us to be unleashed by full presence in a man.

812
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean like he needs to sit there

813
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,320
Speaker 1: and watch you at your work all day. It's doses

814
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 1: of full presence and appreciation for you that then you

815
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:37,359
Speaker 1: could take to maybe other fired up people sure, and

816
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 1: do your work with.

817
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,319
Speaker 2: I think it's interesting like when we say like we

818
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 2: just want to be seen, and maybe it's just twenty twenty,

819
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 2: but I feel like, I mean, obviously there's so many

820
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 2: relationships that are falling right now, and you know, divorces,

821
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 2: but it's almost like we're passing each other, you know,

822
00:42:55,600 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 2: where it's like it's it's kind of this. I mean,

823
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 2: I know, I crave to be seen even you know,

824
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,319
Speaker 2: when I put makeup on and like for the first

825
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 2: time in three months or something, and you know, he'll

826
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:08,840
Speaker 2: walk right past me and have looked at me, but

827
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 2: like not said anything. And it's just like that, You're

828
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 2: just you're gutted, you know, because you're just like, I

829
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 2: have eyeliner on. What is this?

830
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 3: But that's the thing to me. You look just as

831
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 3: beautiful without makeup.

832
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 2: And so but it's just interesting, like the fire and

833
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 2: the ground and the like what we like, what we

834
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 2: need and what you know, what you need versus what

835
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 2: I need, And you know, it's just it's an interesting

836
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,399
Speaker 2: it's an interesting conversation just because we do have very

837
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 2: different needs. I think women just want to be seen

838
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 2: and heard and appreciated and men just want to be

839
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 2: respected and I know respect. That Love and Respect book

840
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 2: you read was huge, and it's just feeding those fire

841
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 2: and ground and I don't know, it's interesting.

842
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 1: All the elements. Yeah, this is like in the ire

843
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,560
Speaker 1: Veda and the yoga. You know, these great scientists of

844
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: conscience has laid this all out for us a million

845
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,480
Speaker 1: years ago, and I think there's a lot to be

846
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,919
Speaker 1: gained from from seeing it as just that that you

847
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 1: two are forever changing throughout the day too, which is

848
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 1: hard for a man who just wants to like be still,

849
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 1: you know, or be in control, because there's fluidity and

850
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 1: we dance ultimately. There are times when I've had this

851
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 1: conversation with like my soul brother who I do this

852
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 1: work with, Dan Doty of every Man, and I would say,

853
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: women just want to be seen and heard and appreciated,

854
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 1: and he's like us too, And it was always us too,

855
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 1: like because we don't get we don't get stuck, and

856
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 1: if we do, that's when relationship troubles happen. Playing the

857
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,840
Speaker 1: same role all the time, you know, there's going to

858
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 1: be something I know, Mike, that'll crack for you that

859
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 1: you're going to be super fired up about and you're

860
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 1: going to need her appreciation and you're gonna want her

861
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 1: to see you and all of that, you know, and

862
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 1: what you're creating. But yeah, it's it's a dance, man.

863
00:44:57,719 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 1: And I have had so many people say to me like, oh,

864
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,120
Speaker 1: just figured her out. We just got this new way

865
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,359
Speaker 1: of being and now it's different again. It doesn't work

866
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 1: any but I just tell me what to do. That

867
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 1: always works, and it's it's just not relationship.

868
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 3: No, it's not changing.

869
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 2: I know. Well, sure, thank you for coming on.

870
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,840
Speaker 3: And just I feel I feel like I have to

871
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 3: pay you for that, so just invoice. iHeartRadio.

872
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,879
Speaker 1: So I'll just say this one last thing. The more

873
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 1: you want to give, the more you need. And Janna

874
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 1: and the last little bit here you talking about the

875
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: needs is really what it all comes down to is

876
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: constantly just being kind enough to ask each other, moment

877
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,400
Speaker 1: by moment, what do you need right now? Babe? What

878
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 1: do you need for this block of time? What do

879
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 1: you need? If things feel like they're changing a bunch

880
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:46,840
Speaker 1: like and and for him to say like, yeah, I

881
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 1: love you without makeup. I love you with makeup. But

882
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: the what do you need? I need you to adorm

883
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 1: it no matter what, I need you to stop every

884
00:45:53,200 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 1: time I enter the room and go, wow, we want

885
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 1: all about that.

886
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 2: Where can our listeners find you and hire you?

887
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 1: Oh Man on insta at the Luminaries and shreiheely dot

888
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,880
Speaker 1: com on the website which will actually soon be relaunching

889
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 1: us just the Luminaries dot com.

890
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 2: Amazing, Well, thank you so much for coming on. We

891
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 2: so appreciate it, and we'll talk to you again soon

892
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 2: once we get that fire first.

893
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 1: To keep it. Let I love talking with you guys.

894
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: Have a great time. Bye.

895
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:44,360
Speaker 2: Do you want to go make a fire?

896
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:47,080
Speaker 3: I mean now I feel like I could go in

897
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 3: the office and just create. It's a Saturday afternoon. I'm like,

898
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:53,800
Speaker 3: I just want to flip this table in front of me.

899
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 3: Let's do this.

900
00:46:54,920 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 2: What is a weekend? So yeah, Oh my goodness.

901
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 3: Man, I feel a little I feel like a little

902
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 3: cleansed though. Yeah, because that was some like real anxiety

903
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 3: coming up for me. M like stuff that you know.

904
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 3: It's that's the benefit of just therapy in general. Right,

905
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,400
Speaker 3: you come, you just start having these conversations and you

906
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: just come to the realization of something without even knowing.

907
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 3: I'm like like, that's why, like, that's why I'm scared

908
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 3: to schedule things, you know. And that's the thing. It's like,

909
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 3: no one's fault's not your Fault's not my fault. It's

910
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 3: just the anxiety I have around it because of how

911
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 3: I'm programmed. Because I want you you know, every things

912
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,200
Speaker 3: are gonna change. Hey, I know you're doing this, but

913
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 3: can you give me five minutes, you know what I mean,

914
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 3: Like a lot of it's how we phrase it or

915
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:50,880
Speaker 3: how we ask each other. But I don't know, I

916
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:52,400
Speaker 3: gotta go think about this stuff.

917
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 2: Well, I think what I took away from sureI is

918
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 2: that tone deaf or not. You can, you can sing,

919
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:05,759
Speaker 2: and you can anything is possible, And I think that's

920
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:08,279
Speaker 2: you know, you just gotta you gotta put in the work.

921
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 2: You gotta put in the energy, and you got to

922
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 2: put in the focus in the drive to get that fire. So,

923
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 2: oh my god, I love you guys. A protective week

924
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 2: at that