WEBVTT - #165 Does going to school matter at all? 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:01.720 If you ever want to lead somebody in your life, 0:00:01.720 --> 0:00:03.960 you got to learn how to be led. And one 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:05.320 of the ways to how to learn how to be 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:08.119 led is in school. That's one of the earliest places 0:00:08.160 --> 0:00:10.880 we learn that. And ultimately on this podcast, I want 0:00:10.880 --> 0:00:13.160 to always tell you you got to lean into the 0:00:13.200 --> 0:00:15.920 hard things, not away from them, not run from them, 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:18.520 not say it's too hard. Because you didn't say it 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:20.200 in his email, but I would if I was with 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:21.439 you in the cab of the truck and we were 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:23.720 talking about this, I would say, be honest with me, Spencer. 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:29.080 You're saying it's too hard, You're too weak. You're telling 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.159 me you're too weak and this is too hard to 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:46.519 finish school. Hey, everybody, welcome back to the podcast, episode 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:49.640 one hundred and sixty five. Thank you for watching and listening. 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:53.040 Wherever you're coming from, wherever whatever platform brought you here, 0:00:53.080 --> 0:00:56.080 and wherever you're listening. I appreciate you so much. I 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:58.120 love doing this. That's why I've done so many because 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:00.600 I keep coming back because of you, guys, because your 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:03.120 questions are so great. That's what we do on this 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:08.080 podcast is I answer your questions. Email me Granger Smith 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:13.000 Podcast at gmail dot com and it could be about anything. 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:14.880 Just like me and you are sitting in the cab 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:16.560 of a truck driving down the road and we're like 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:20.320 having a conversation and you're like, hey, Granger, can I 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:23.960 ask you something? Something's been on my mind, something I'm 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:27.280 going through, and I'm like, hit me, and we talk 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:29.080 about it in long form. That's why I love the 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:33.680 podcast as opposed to a quick, quick clip on social media. 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:35.600 This is this is the full form. I'm gonna give 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:37.160 you everything that I could think about it. I don't 0:01:37.160 --> 0:01:39.600 have any notes in front of me. I haven't pre 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:43.240 planned answers to your questions. We're just going to go 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:46.480 through the inbox and see what you sent. So here 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:50.440 we go. Subject line in the first one says school 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:54.840 slash work. Hey Granger, this is Spencer. I'm fifteen. I 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:57.280 live in Florida. I love your music. Your song Country 0:01:57.280 --> 0:02:01.240 Things is probably my favorite. Thanks buddy. I just recently 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:03.880 got a job, and I don't really see the importance 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:07.080 of school because school doesn't pay me, and I feel 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:09.359 like I have a good general education and I don't 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:11.760 want to be a rocket scientist. I just want to 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:14.480 go grab a chunk of land and live off of it. 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:17.079 So why focus on school when I could have more 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:20.160 hours and make more money and actually start getting somewhere 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:25.160 in life. Thanks ye yee, Spencer, thank you for the email, buddy, 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:28.320 and the fact that you're fifteen and listening to this podcast. 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:31.960 I just appreciate that. I'm always surprised a little bit. 0:02:32.600 --> 0:02:35.840 I don't think I ever started this podcast directly towards 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:40.919 young teens, but as I started posting clips up on TikTok, 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:43.799 I started getting more of it, and I'm just I 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:47.560 think it's amazing, and I think it's a true privilege 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:50.320 for me to be able to speak into young teens, 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:53.600 mainly because I used to be one, and I used 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:56.520 to be a really dumb one, and so anything I 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:59.639 say that might sound out of tough love. I want 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:02.520 you to know, Oh, for instance, you Spencer, I want 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.720 you to know that I'm speaking to myself because I 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:08.720 once was you. And I want to point out the 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:12.160 first thing to anyone listening that that email I just 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:17.200 read had no punctuation in it. So that's kind of 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:21.360 a it's kind of an ironic point here. The entire 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:27.359 paragraph had no punctuation in it, which you know, may 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:30.000 lead me to say that maybe school is not a 0:03:30.040 --> 0:03:34.480 bad thing just for punctuations sake. But let's dive into 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:39.560 your question, Spencer, And you know what, this question is 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:43.400 just as much related to parents, So parents of young teens. 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:48.120 I think this question is great for you to hear too. Okay, 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:54.480 And here's what I want to say, Spencer. You have 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:59.880 no idea what you're talking about, and not that I do. 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:04.120 I just I've lived three times as long as you, essentially, 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:08.000 so I remember being fifteen and I remember thinking, what's 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:12.440 the point of school? Well, the first point that you're 0:04:12.440 --> 0:04:16.559 missing is that school is not always about what you learn. 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:22.680 It's more so about how you learn. Learning how to 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:27.239 learn is a big piece of school. That's a big 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:30.520 it's a big component to school. It's learning how to learn. 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:35.360 Setting your eyes on a goal and setting forth to 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:39.760 meet that goal with all kinds of requirements, and then 0:04:40.600 --> 0:04:45.279 fulfilling all the needs and meeting the goal and finishing 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:50.440 the race. That's a big deal with school. It's not 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:54.400 so much about actually specifically the facts and the skills 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:57.599 that you're learning. And I know that sounds crazier, like 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:01.479 that sounds counterproductive. Well, that's really a big deal because 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:04.080 those of us that had finished high school know that 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:07.800 when we got that diploma, we're like, man, that was 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:10.279 probably the biggest deal I've ever done in my life. 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.400 That's the biggest accomplishment so far that I've done in 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:16.520 my life. And I'm not saying that lightly. That's what 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:19.359 the high school diploma meant to me. I might not 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:21.440 have known it at the time, as I was going 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:24.039 through classes. A lot of it I just didn't like 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.080 a lot of it. I thought was pointless. A lot 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:28.640 of times I thought, I just want to sing music. 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:30.599 What am I doing school for? You want to play music? 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:34.279 This is crazy? What in this class in my learning? 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:37.000 For my life? Nothing? That's what I kept saying to myself. 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:40.800 But I didn't realize what I was doing. I didn't 0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:43.120 realize that I set off to accomplish a goal and 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:46.360 I had to meet all these intricate requirements over the 0:05:46.360 --> 0:05:49.080 course of years. And when I finished it, I thought, 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.480 I did it. I did one of the most meaningful 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:54.880 things I've ever done. I finished it at high school diploma. 0:05:56.480 --> 0:05:59.680 There's that. That's where I'll start with. The Other thing 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:03.400 I'll say is that you have no idea down the road, 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:05.600 how many years down the road. You have no idea 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:07.720 where you're gonna be and what you're gonna be doing. 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:10.760 You say, right now, I'm just interested. I don't want 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:14.040 to be a rocket scientist. I get it. But you say, 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:16.680 I just I'm just interested in living off the land. 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:20.440 And well, that's what you said. I just want to 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:23.080 grab a chunk of land and live off of it. Man, 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:26.400 I get it, So do I, bro so do I. 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:30.360 When I was fifteen, that's a huge goal. And then 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:32.760 things change. You get things like a wife, and you 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:35.760 get things like kids, and you get things like responsibility, 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:38.920 and you get things like you know, leases and mortgages 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:42.760 and payments and things that you gotta do. Then that's 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:47.200 a beautiful thing. That's life. Those are beautiful things. And 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:50.400 part of that argument, I would say, hey, stay young, 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.480 stay uncommitted for a while, and just enjoy it why 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:55.840 you can, because guess what it's coming. You're gonna fall 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:58.160 in love, you're gonna meet somebody. We'll probably answer a 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:02.000 question on this podcast very soon about just this. But 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:04.919 when that happens, and you got a wife, you got kids, 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:07.719 and you've got responsibilities, and you got the job that 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:11.600 you enjoy, and then one day your supervisor or your 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:16.280 boss is going to promote you, and then they realize, oh, 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:20.120 you don't have a high school diploma, that we got 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:23.960 to promote the other guy that does. Sorry, Spencer, I 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:26.480 didn't realize you never finished high school. But that's kind 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:31.840 of that's the requirement to become a supervisor in this company. 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:33.920 I know that sounds foreign to you right now. I 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:35.960 know you're not even thinking about being part of a company, 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:39.920 but more than likely you will. And this is the 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:41.800 time to do it, because that's not the time to 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:43.440 do it. The time to not do it is when 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:45.600 you're thirty five years old and you go, man, I'm 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:47.680 up for the supervisor position. But now I got to 0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:50.240 go get my ged because I was an idiot when 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:54.920 I was fifteen and I didn't finish finish the race. 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:59.080 School is not always about what you learn. It's about 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:04.000 how you learn. It's about learning how to learn. Here's 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:10.239 my final point. You are using this lifestyle of living 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:13.640 off the land and being wild and free and school 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:17.720 is worthless. You're using that argument as a cop out 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:21.880 because school is boring. Then you don't want to do 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.520 it and it's kind of hard, and you got to 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:27.240 get up early and you got to read, and you 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:29.600 got to follow under the authority of the rules of 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:32.360 the school. That's all things that a fifteen year old 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:35.000 kid doesn't really want to do. I mean, let's be honest, 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:36.600 when I was fifteen, I didn't even want to brush 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:39.240 my teeth, much less get out of bed, much less 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:44.000 comb my hair, much left put on shoes. I just 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:45.439 wanted to run around in the dirt all day and 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:50.880 hunt deer, wild hair and unbrushed teeth. That's part of 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:54.520 being a man. If you ever want to lead somebody 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:56.240 in your life, you got to learn how to be led. 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:58.319 And one of the ways to how to learn how 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:00.520 to be lead is in school. That's one of the 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:03.640 earliest places we learned that. And you also learn how 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:07.040 to be around females and other guy friends, and you 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:10.400 learn different kinds of skills. These are all things that 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:14.080 you are using as a cop out because it's hard, 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:16.719 and ultimately, on this podcast, I want to always tell 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:19.320 you you got to lean into the hard things, not 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:21.959 away from them, not run from them, not say it's 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:24.440 too hard. Because you didn't say it in his email, 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:25.840 but I would if I was with you in the 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:27.280 cap of the truck and we were talking about this, 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:30.360 I would say, be honest with the Spencer. You're saying 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:34.719 it's too hard, you're too weak. You're telling me you're 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:38.360 too weak and this is too hard to finish school. 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:41.160 So you're like, I'm just want to be a you know, 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:45.080 on the land. It's a cop out. It's a cop out. 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:49.200 I know it's tough love. And I would say this 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:50.920 to you to your face, and I would say it 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.719 in confidence, knowing that I could say that to myself 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:56.360 at your age, and I probably would have needed to 0:09:56.360 --> 0:10:03.280 hear it. Finish school. You will not regret it. Fifty 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:05.480 years from now. You will not look back and say 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:08.319 I wish I hadn't taken that advice from that podcast 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:11.920 and finished school. It meant nothing. You will not say that, 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:20.199 but you would regret if you don't trust me. I 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.280 probably spent way too long on that. Let me move 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:26.439 on to the next question. Subdecline says any advice on this, 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:29.839 Dear Granger Smith, I prefer to stay anonymous. Last year, 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:33.319 my fiance and I were expecting a baby. Unfortunately, both 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:37.280 her and the baby didn't make it. I haven't been 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:39.960 the same since. No matter what I do, I can't 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:42.760 stop myself from thinking about them and what my life 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.000 would have been. I know it's not easy. Is there 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:49.280 any advice you have for me on perhaps starting to 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:52.280 live my life again? Is there a way that I 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:57.120 can get past this? Thank you? Yeah, Anonymous, Thanks for 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:59.400 the email, Thanks for opening up, thanks for being vulnerable. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.760 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't I can't 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:08.600 imagine losing a love of my life and a baby 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:13.560 in the same day, in the same moment. Don't say this. 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:19.400 I would say this, and the course of human history, 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:25.440 your story is very common. You want to know how. 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:30.240 I know because I've visited cemeteries. Have you ever visited 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.480 a cemetery? I think it's important in life to occasionally 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:38.800 visit a cemetery. I get such good perspective going to 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:42.640 a cemetery and just walking walking, And that might sound morbid, 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:45.200 that might sound weird, but I don't do it out 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:50.240 of some kind of strange sentimental, weird vibe. I genuinely 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:53.240 do it just to go and think a little bit. 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.719 It relaxes me, honestly, and I could go through if 0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:58.760 say I'm in a new town and I'm on tour 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:03.319 and playing music, and I go to grab some groceries 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.800 for the bus. And if I see a cemetery and 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:07.920 I have time, sometimes I'll take a stroll through it 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:09.880 and just read some of the names and look at 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:13.600 some of the dates, think about all the people, and 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:16.880 I think about how many funerals were there, and how 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:21.480 many people stood around those graves and cried and mourned, 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:26.559 and then within just a few decades, they too were 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:29.440 right there in the ground with their loved ones that 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:33.760 they once mourned for. It's a crazy thought until one 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:37.480 hundred years go by and the entire families there and 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:41.480 they're all together. They're earthly bodies in the grave. It's 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:46.000 a strange thought, but it's healing in a way. And 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:49.439 to get to your point, so many times you see 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:53.280 a mother and a baby buried next to each other, 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:58.120 because that used to be very common, meaning that there's 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:01.360 a lot of dads out there like you, billions of them, 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:05.640 I'm sure, over the course of history that lost their 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:10.760 wife and their child in childbirth. And what do they do. 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:18.520 Always they moved forward. They continued to move forward because 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:22.040 that's the only direction they can go. There is no reverse, 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:25.560 there is no neutral. They move forward. They go on 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:27.839 with their lives. They don't have to move on, they 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:30.839 don't have to forget, they don't have to put it 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:34.320 out of their head. But they use that and they 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:38.040 store it up for gratefulness and they keep moving forward. 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:45.120 You said, is there any way that I could learn 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.240 to live my life again? You said, no matter what 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.640 I do, I cannot stop my stuff from thinking of them. Well, 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.920 first of all, here's this. First of all, you said 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:58.760 last year, so you're just a year in. That's the 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:02.080 first thing is it takes time to heal. Time is 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:04.400 going to be your friend. As time goes by, as 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.840 months go by, as years go by, you'll start to 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:10.880 slowly heal through this. And that's inevitable. You're going to heal. 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.040 And when ten years goes by, you're gonna look back 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:17.560 and it's not gonna be easy to look at it, 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:21.400 but it's it's got to be better. It's got to 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:23.360 be better, way better than you are right now a 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:26.680 year in. It's really tough for you are. The second 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:31.280 point I want to make is you say, no matter 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:33.840 what I do, I cannot stop myself from thinking of 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:37.240 them and what my life would have been. That's a mistake. 0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:40.520 I'm not blaming you for it. I understand that sentiment, 0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:45.320 but I'm telling you don't do that, because why do 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:47.240 I say? Why do I say? Don't think about what 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:51.400 your life would have been, because that's impossible because it 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:55.240 didn't happen. There is no what your life would have been. 0:14:56.560 --> 0:15:01.080 It is only what your life is because that's what happened. 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:03.600 And this is where you are. If you live a 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.960 life thinking about what would have been, you're only living 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:10.120 half a life. What you're supposed to be and what 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.240 you're supposed to be is embracing who you are right 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:16.360 now today in relation to all the circumstances that your 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:21.040 story has brought you today. So you are who you 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:26.040 are because of the stories that have shaped you, and 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.320 this is who God made you to be. With these stories, 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:32.960 with the adversity, with the highs and the lows, That's 0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:35.600 what makes you who you are. That's what makes you tick. 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:42.120 That's what makes you ironically anonymous. Right, I would say 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:44.320 your name, but that wouldn't make sense because you asked 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:47.120 to be anonymous. You are who you are because of 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:52.000 your stories and everything that made you, so there is 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:55.480 no life that would have been with them. Instead, there 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:58.840 is a life that you learned from them that you 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:02.200 will now take to your nome relationship as you move forward, 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:04.800 and don't worry about rushing that it's gonna happen when 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.640 it happens. Don't even think about it right now. You 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:10.760 could just grieve. It's okay. The date's gonna come up 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:13.400 when it's the day that they died, and that's gonna 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:16.080 be a tough anniversary. And you're gonna think about on Thanksgiving. 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:17.880 You're going to think about it on Christmas. You're gonna 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:20.080 think about it on a major holidays. You're gonna be 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.240 more sentimental to it. But that's okay. Whatever you feel 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:28.880 at the time is okay. Just keep moving forward, just 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:32.720 like all those graves, Just like all those fathers before us, 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:39.280 before you, they made it. Humans have overcome unbelievable tragedy, 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:46.800 and you will too. Next question, subject CLIENTE says meeting 0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:49.080 a new girl, Fay Grange. I'm twenty four years old 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:51.600 from a small town in central Illinois. I'd like to 0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:55.480 stay anonymous. There's this girl I've been talking to on FaceTime, 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:59.000 Snapchat and on the phone. I've never met her because 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:02.640 she's living in CALIFORNI that I already have strong feelings 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.760 for her and want to meet her, but my siblings 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.199 and some friends say I shouldn't go out there to 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:10.360 meet her. I'm just wondering if you had any advice, 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:13.120 hoping to hear from you. Keep the good work coming 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:19.320 on the podcast. Thanks Anonymous. It's funny. It's sometimes it 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:21.200 occurs to me when people ask to be anonymous, when 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:25.760 your story is so specific. I'm wondering, Like, you're twenty 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:28.320 four years old from Central Illinois and you're talking to 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:32.600 a girl in California on Snapchat. Whoever's listening that wants 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:34.560 to know who you are, They know who you are. 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.600 Just kind of throwing that out there, But I appreciate 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:41.840 your trusting me with something like this. And here's what 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:47.320 I'll say. You're you're talking to her, you've never met her. 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:51.760 What's it gonna hurt? What's it gonna hurt to go 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:55.240 out to California for the weekend and visit this girl? 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:58.000 Because then you'll know. Then you don't have to worry 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:02.360 about it anymore. You're gonna know or you're not. Now 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:04.960 I want to say a couple of things about that. First, 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:08.359 do not go alone. You're gonna go with a friend, 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:11.639 maybe you're being catfished in a weird way. I don't know, 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.920 be hard this catfish on the FaceTime. But it's possible 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.480 go with a friend, and that's just good. That would 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:21.600 be a man of integrity would travel with a friend 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:24.280 anyway to see a girl, and you would not get 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:26.480 a hotel and you will not stay with her alone, 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:29.440 et cetera, et cetera. Let's assume that that's the way 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:33.679 this goes down. It's gonna be a nice dinner and 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.320 movie and tell her to bring a friend and your 0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:38.720 friend has someone, and you know, it's like a double date, 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:44.520 double blind date. Essentially. The second thing is going into this. 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:48.000 You apparently know her well and you've talked to her. 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:51.000 You're gonna have a good conversation with her, a very 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:53.960 open conversation. It's like, Hey, I want to come busy you. 0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:56.399 I want to jump on a I'm gonna I'm gonna 0:18:56.480 --> 0:18:59.200 roll over to Chicago. I'm gonna roll over the Midway. 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:03.400 I'm gonna get a Southwest Airlines flight over to Burbank 0:19:03.480 --> 0:19:06.840 or wherever you are. And that's not a very expensive flight. 0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:09.840 I fly out of Chicago all the time, and maybe 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:12.240 maybe you can get one from under one hundred bucks. Right, 0:19:12.280 --> 0:19:14.040 I'm gonna but I'm gonna go out here. I'm gonna 0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:17.200 fly under to see you. But before I do that, 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:21.159 I need to know something, Okay, And then then it 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.720 gets really serious, right like pin gonna drop. It gets 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:28.199 so quiet, and she's like yeah, and you're like, I 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:31.720 really like you. And if I fly out there and 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:34.280 I find out that it's legit and we have something, 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:39.199 where do we go from there? Like would you be 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:43.040 open to moving to Illinois or do you need me 0:19:43.080 --> 0:19:45.440 to move to California? I'm just saying, And she's gonna 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:47.159 be like, oh, you know, she's gonna get embarrassed, and 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:49.800 you go, no, I'm serious. I know this sounds crazy, 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:54.120 but I'm a planner. She could respect that. Like I'm 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:57.040 a planner. I don't just do things and just hope 0:19:57.080 --> 0:19:58.600 for the best. Just throw it up in the air 0:19:58.640 --> 0:20:02.240 and see what sticks. I want to know, like, say, 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:04.399 five years down the road, are we living together in 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:08.320 California married with two kids? Are we living here in 0:20:08.359 --> 0:20:11.440 Illinois married with three kids? Like? Where do you see 0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:14.560 this going? And if she says something like well, first 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:17.800 of all, I'll never move in Illinois. Ever, I hate 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:21.280 that state. I would never leave California. You got to 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:24.280 admit that's kind of a red flag. So it's like, okay, 0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:28.680 mental note, she hates my state? Or what if she 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:31.840 says something like this, You know what, I think you're 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:35.160 a great guy, and I just want to be with 0:20:35.240 --> 0:20:37.199 somebody that I love, that I think could be a 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:39.800 great father to my children and a great husband. And 0:20:39.840 --> 0:20:43.440 if that's the case, I'll move wherever. It's like, Okay, 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:47.520 I like that. That's a check in the positive box, 0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:51.280 just saying those are some conversations that you got to 0:20:51.480 --> 0:20:54.639 whenever you're dealing with long distance relationship on the phone 0:20:54.640 --> 0:20:57.560 only you have to hit them with some hard questions 0:20:57.600 --> 0:21:00.960 that you would not normally say on a first, second, third, 0:21:01.440 --> 0:21:03.840 but you got to because you don't want to waste 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:06.480 money on a flight and get out there and actually 0:21:06.840 --> 0:21:10.480 like her, find out three months later she hates Illinois, 0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:13.719 she hates your family, she doesn't ever want to get 0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:18.160 a job, she's lazy, whatever. It was all just infatuation 0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:20.879 and you fail for it. Okay, you don't want to 0:21:20.920 --> 0:21:24.040 find that out after you've invested these plane tickets and 0:21:24.119 --> 0:21:27.439 these dinners and a lot of time, right, does that 0:21:27.480 --> 0:21:31.040 make sense? So lay out some ground rules, ask the 0:21:31.080 --> 0:21:34.160 hard questions early, take a friend, and then I say, 0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:36.399 what's it hurt just to go out to California for 0:21:36.440 --> 0:21:40.399 a weekend and see what's up. Worst case scenario, you 0:21:40.680 --> 0:21:46.760 travel and eat some good almonds or something. You know what, 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:54.640 Let's take a break, be right back. Podcast is brought 0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:57.240 to you guys today by Omaha Steaks. You ever wonder 0:21:57.280 --> 0:22:00.120 what to get that person for Christmas that has every 0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:02.080 thing and you don't know what to get them that 0:22:02.119 --> 0:22:06.000 they'll truly use, Well, how about Omaha Steaks. 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