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Speaker 1: If you ever want to lead somebody in your life,

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Speaker 1: you got to learn how to be led. And one

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Speaker 1: of the ways to how to learn how to be

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Speaker 1: led is in school. That's one of the earliest places

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Speaker 1: we learn that. And ultimately on this podcast, I want

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Speaker 1: to always tell you you got to lean into the

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Speaker 1: hard things, not away from them, not run from them,

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Speaker 1: not say it's too hard. Because you didn't say it

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Speaker 1: in his email, but I would if I was with

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Speaker 1: you in the cab of the truck and we were

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Speaker 1: talking about this, I would say, be honest with me, Spencer.

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Speaker 1: You're saying it's too hard, You're too weak. You're telling

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Speaker 1: me you're too weak and this is too hard to

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Speaker 1: finish school. Hey, everybody, welcome back to the podcast, episode

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Speaker 1: one hundred and sixty five. Thank you for watching and listening.

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Speaker 1: Wherever you're coming from, wherever whatever platform brought you here,

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Speaker 1: and wherever you're listening. I appreciate you so much. I

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Speaker 1: love doing this. That's why I've done so many because

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Speaker 1: I keep coming back because of you, guys, because your

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Speaker 1: questions are so great. That's what we do on this

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Speaker 1: podcast is I answer your questions. Email me Granger Smith

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Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com and it could be about anything.

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Speaker 1: Just like me and you are sitting in the cab

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Speaker 1: of a truck driving down the road and we're like

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Speaker 1: having a conversation and you're like, hey, Granger, can I

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Speaker 1: ask you something? Something's been on my mind, something I'm

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Speaker 1: going through, and I'm like, hit me, and we talk

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Speaker 1: about it in long form. That's why I love the

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Speaker 1: podcast as opposed to a quick, quick clip on social media.

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Speaker 1: This is this is the full form. I'm gonna give

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Speaker 1: you everything that I could think about it. I don't

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Speaker 1: have any notes in front of me. I haven't pre

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Speaker 1: planned answers to your questions. We're just going to go

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Speaker 1: through the inbox and see what you sent. So here

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Speaker 1: we go. Subject line in the first one says school

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Speaker 1: slash work. Hey Granger, this is Spencer. I'm fifteen. I

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Speaker 1: live in Florida. I love your music. Your song Country

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Speaker 1: Things is probably my favorite. Thanks buddy. I just recently

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Speaker 1: got a job, and I don't really see the importance

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Speaker 1: of school because school doesn't pay me, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like I have a good general education and I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be a rocket scientist. I just want to

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Speaker 1: go grab a chunk of land and live off of it.

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Speaker 1: So why focus on school when I could have more

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Speaker 1: hours and make more money and actually start getting somewhere

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Speaker 1: in life. Thanks ye yee, Spencer, thank you for the email, buddy,

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Speaker 1: and the fact that you're fifteen and listening to this podcast.

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Speaker 1: I just appreciate that. I'm always surprised a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I ever started this podcast directly towards

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Speaker 1: young teens, but as I started posting clips up on TikTok,

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Speaker 1: I started getting more of it, and I'm just I

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Speaker 1: think it's amazing, and I think it's a true privilege

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Speaker 1: for me to be able to speak into young teens,

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Speaker 1: mainly because I used to be one, and I used

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Speaker 1: to be a really dumb one, and so anything I

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Speaker 1: say that might sound out of tough love. I want

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Speaker 1: you to know, Oh, for instance, you Spencer, I want

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Speaker 1: you to know that I'm speaking to myself because I

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Speaker 1: once was you. And I want to point out the

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Speaker 1: first thing to anyone listening that that email I just

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Speaker 1: read had no punctuation in it. So that's kind of

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Speaker 1: a it's kind of an ironic point here. The entire

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Speaker 1: paragraph had no punctuation in it, which you know, may

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Speaker 1: lead me to say that maybe school is not a

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Speaker 1: bad thing just for punctuations sake. But let's dive into

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Speaker 1: your question, Spencer, And you know what, this question is

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Speaker 1: just as much related to parents, So parents of young teens.

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Speaker 1: I think this question is great for you to hear too. Okay,

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Speaker 1: And here's what I want to say, Spencer. You have

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Speaker 1: no idea what you're talking about, and not that I do.

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Speaker 1: I just I've lived three times as long as you, essentially,

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Speaker 1: so I remember being fifteen and I remember thinking, what's

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Speaker 1: the point of school? Well, the first point that you're

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Speaker 1: missing is that school is not always about what you learn.

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Speaker 1: It's more so about how you learn. Learning how to

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Speaker 1: learn is a big piece of school. That's a big

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Speaker 1: it's a big component to school. It's learning how to learn.

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Speaker 1: Setting your eyes on a goal and setting forth to

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Speaker 1: meet that goal with all kinds of requirements, and then

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Speaker 1: fulfilling all the needs and meeting the goal and finishing

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Speaker 1: the race. That's a big deal with school. It's not

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Speaker 1: so much about actually specifically the facts and the skills

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Speaker 1: that you're learning. And I know that sounds crazier, like

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Speaker 1: that sounds counterproductive. Well, that's really a big deal because

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Speaker 1: those of us that had finished high school know that

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Speaker 1: when we got that diploma, we're like, man, that was

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Speaker 1: probably the biggest deal I've ever done in my life.

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Speaker 1: That's the biggest accomplishment so far that I've done in

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Speaker 1: my life. And I'm not saying that lightly. That's what

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Speaker 1: the high school diploma meant to me. I might not

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Speaker 1: have known it at the time, as I was going

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Speaker 1: through classes. A lot of it I just didn't like

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Speaker 1: a lot of it. I thought was pointless. A lot

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Speaker 1: of times I thought, I just want to sing music.

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Speaker 1: What am I doing school for? You want to play music?

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Speaker 1: This is crazy? What in this class in my learning?

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Speaker 1: For my life? Nothing? That's what I kept saying to myself.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't realize what I was doing. I didn't

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Speaker 1: realize that I set off to accomplish a goal and

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Speaker 1: I had to meet all these intricate requirements over the

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Speaker 1: course of years. And when I finished it, I thought,

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Speaker 1: I did it. I did one of the most meaningful

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Speaker 1: things I've ever done. I finished it at high school diploma.

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Speaker 1: There's that. That's where I'll start with. The Other thing

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Speaker 1: I'll say is that you have no idea down the road,

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Speaker 1: how many years down the road. You have no idea

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Speaker 1: where you're gonna be and what you're gonna be doing.

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Speaker 1: You say, right now, I'm just interested. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be a rocket scientist. I get it. But you say,

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Speaker 1: I just I'm just interested in living off the land.

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Speaker 1: And well, that's what you said. I just want to

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Speaker 1: grab a chunk of land and live off of it. Man,

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Speaker 1: I get it, So do I, bro so do I.

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Speaker 1: When I was fifteen, that's a huge goal. And then

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Speaker 1: things change. You get things like a wife, and you

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Speaker 1: get things like kids, and you get things like responsibility,

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Speaker 1: and you get things like you know, leases and mortgages

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Speaker 1: and payments and things that you gotta do. Then that's

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Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. That's life. Those are beautiful things. And

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Speaker 1: part of that argument, I would say, hey, stay young,

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Speaker 1: stay uncommitted for a while, and just enjoy it why

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Speaker 1: you can, because guess what it's coming. You're gonna fall

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Speaker 1: in love, you're gonna meet somebody. We'll probably answer a

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Speaker 1: question on this podcast very soon about just this. But

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Speaker 1: when that happens, and you got a wife, you got kids,

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Speaker 1: and you've got responsibilities, and you got the job that

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Speaker 1: you enjoy, and then one day your supervisor or your

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Speaker 1: boss is going to promote you, and then they realize, oh,

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Speaker 1: you don't have a high school diploma, that we got

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Speaker 1: to promote the other guy that does. Sorry, Spencer, I

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Speaker 1: didn't realize you never finished high school. But that's kind

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Speaker 1: of that's the requirement to become a supervisor in this company.

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Speaker 1: I know that sounds foreign to you right now. I

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Speaker 1: know you're not even thinking about being part of a company,

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Speaker 1: but more than likely you will. And this is the

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Speaker 1: time to do it, because that's not the time to

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Speaker 1: do it. The time to not do it is when

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Speaker 1: you're thirty five years old and you go, man, I'm

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Speaker 1: up for the supervisor position. But now I got to

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Speaker 1: go get my ged because I was an idiot when

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Speaker 1: I was fifteen and I didn't finish finish the race.

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Speaker 1: School is not always about what you learn. It's about

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Speaker 1: how you learn. It's about learning how to learn. Here's

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Speaker 1: my final point. You are using this lifestyle of living

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Speaker 1: off the land and being wild and free and school

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Speaker 1: is worthless. You're using that argument as a cop out

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Speaker 1: because school is boring. Then you don't want to do

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Speaker 1: it and it's kind of hard, and you got to

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Speaker 1: get up early and you got to read, and you

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Speaker 1: got to follow under the authority of the rules of

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Speaker 1: the school. That's all things that a fifteen year old

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Speaker 1: kid doesn't really want to do. I mean, let's be honest,

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Speaker 1: when I was fifteen, I didn't even want to brush

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Speaker 1: my teeth, much less get out of bed, much less

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Speaker 1: comb my hair, much left put on shoes. I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to run around in the dirt all day and

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Speaker 1: hunt deer, wild hair and unbrushed teeth. That's part of

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Speaker 1: being a man. If you ever want to lead somebody

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Speaker 1: in your life, you got to learn how to be led.

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Speaker 1: And one of the ways to how to learn how

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Speaker 1: to be lead is in school. That's one of the

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Speaker 1: earliest places we learned that. And you also learn how

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Speaker 1: to be around females and other guy friends, and you

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Speaker 1: learn different kinds of skills. These are all things that

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Speaker 1: you are using as a cop out because it's hard,

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Speaker 1: and ultimately, on this podcast, I want to always tell

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Speaker 1: you you got to lean into the hard things, not

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Speaker 1: away from them, not run from them, not say it's

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Speaker 1: too hard. Because you didn't say it in his email,

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Speaker 1: but I would if I was with you in the

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Speaker 1: cap of the truck and we were talking about this,

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Speaker 1: I would say, be honest with the Spencer. You're saying

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Speaker 1: it's too hard, you're too weak. You're telling me you're

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Speaker 1: too weak and this is too hard to finish school.

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Speaker 1: So you're like, I'm just want to be a you know,

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Speaker 1: on the land. It's a cop out. It's a cop out.

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Speaker 1: I know it's tough love. And I would say this

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Speaker 1: to you to your face, and I would say it

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Speaker 1: in confidence, knowing that I could say that to myself

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Speaker 1: at your age, and I probably would have needed to

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Speaker 1: hear it. Finish school. You will not regret it. Fifty

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Speaker 1: years from now. You will not look back and say

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Speaker 1: I wish I hadn't taken that advice from that podcast

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Speaker 1: and finished school. It meant nothing. You will not say that,

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Speaker 1: but you would regret if you don't trust me. I

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Speaker 1: probably spent way too long on that. Let me move

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Speaker 1: on to the next question. Subdecline says any advice on this,

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Speaker 1: Dear Granger Smith, I prefer to stay anonymous. Last year,

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Speaker 1: my fiance and I were expecting a baby. Unfortunately, both

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Speaker 1: her and the baby didn't make it. I haven't been

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Speaker 1: the same since. No matter what I do, I can't

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Speaker 1: stop myself from thinking about them and what my life

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Speaker 1: would have been. I know it's not easy. Is there

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Speaker 1: any advice you have for me on perhaps starting to

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Speaker 1: live my life again? Is there a way that I

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Speaker 1: can get past this? Thank you? Yeah, Anonymous, Thanks for

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Speaker 1: the email, Thanks for opening up, thanks for being vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't I can't

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Speaker 1: imagine losing a love of my life and a baby

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Speaker 1: in the same day, in the same moment. Don't say this.

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Speaker 1: I would say this, and the course of human history,

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Speaker 1: your story is very common. You want to know how.

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Speaker 1: I know because I've visited cemeteries. Have you ever visited

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Speaker 1: a cemetery? I think it's important in life to occasionally

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Speaker 1: visit a cemetery. I get such good perspective going to

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Speaker 1: a cemetery and just walking walking, And that might sound morbid,

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Speaker 1: that might sound weird, but I don't do it out

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Speaker 1: of some kind of strange sentimental, weird vibe. I genuinely

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Speaker 1: do it just to go and think a little bit.

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Speaker 1: It relaxes me, honestly, and I could go through if

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Speaker 1: say I'm in a new town and I'm on tour

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Speaker 1: and playing music, and I go to grab some groceries

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Speaker 1: for the bus. And if I see a cemetery and

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Speaker 1: I have time, sometimes I'll take a stroll through it

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Speaker 1: and just read some of the names and look at

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Speaker 1: some of the dates, think about all the people, and

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Speaker 1: I think about how many funerals were there, and how

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Speaker 1: many people stood around those graves and cried and mourned,

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Speaker 1: and then within just a few decades, they too were

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Speaker 1: right there in the ground with their loved ones that

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Speaker 1: they once mourned for. It's a crazy thought until one

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Speaker 1: hundred years go by and the entire families there and

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Speaker 1: they're all together. They're earthly bodies in the grave. It's

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Speaker 1: a strange thought, but it's healing in a way. And

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Speaker 1: to get to your point, so many times you see

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Speaker 1: a mother and a baby buried next to each other,

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Speaker 1: because that used to be very common, meaning that there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of dads out there like you, billions of them,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure, over the course of history that lost their

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Speaker 1: wife and their child in childbirth. And what do they do.

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Speaker 1: Always they moved forward. They continued to move forward because

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Speaker 1: that's the only direction they can go. There is no reverse,

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Speaker 1: there is no neutral. They move forward. They go on

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Speaker 1: with their lives. They don't have to move on, they

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Speaker 1: don't have to forget, they don't have to put it

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Speaker 1: out of their head. But they use that and they

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Speaker 1: store it up for gratefulness and they keep moving forward.

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Speaker 1: You said, is there any way that I could learn

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Speaker 1: to live my life again? You said, no matter what

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Speaker 1: I do, I cannot stop my stuff from thinking of them. Well,

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Speaker 1: first of all, here's this. First of all, you said

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Speaker 1: last year, so you're just a year in. That's the

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Speaker 1: first thing is it takes time to heal. Time is

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Speaker 1: going to be your friend. As time goes by, as

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Speaker 1: months go by, as years go by, you'll start to

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Speaker 1: slowly heal through this. And that's inevitable. You're going to heal.

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Speaker 1: And when ten years goes by, you're gonna look back

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Speaker 1: and it's not gonna be easy to look at it,

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Speaker 1: but it's it's got to be better. It's got to

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Speaker 1: be better, way better than you are right now a

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Speaker 1: year in. It's really tough for you are. The second

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Speaker 1: point I want to make is you say, no matter

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Speaker 1: what I do, I cannot stop myself from thinking of

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Speaker 1: them and what my life would have been. That's a mistake.

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Speaker 1: I'm not blaming you for it. I understand that sentiment,

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Speaker 1: but I'm telling you don't do that, because why do

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Speaker 1: I say? Why do I say? Don't think about what

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Speaker 1: your life would have been, because that's impossible because it

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Speaker 1: didn't happen. There is no what your life would have been.

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Speaker 1: It is only what your life is because that's what happened.

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Speaker 1: And this is where you are. If you live a

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Speaker 1: life thinking about what would have been, you're only living

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Speaker 1: half a life. What you're supposed to be and what

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to be is embracing who you are right

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Speaker 1: now today in relation to all the circumstances that your

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Speaker 1: story has brought you today. So you are who you

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Speaker 1: are because of the stories that have shaped you, and

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Speaker 1: this is who God made you to be. With these stories,

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Speaker 1: with the adversity, with the highs and the lows, That's

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Speaker 1: what makes you who you are. That's what makes you tick.

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Speaker 1: That's what makes you ironically anonymous. Right, I would say

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Speaker 1: your name, but that wouldn't make sense because you asked

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Speaker 1: to be anonymous. You are who you are because of

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Speaker 1: your stories and everything that made you, so there is

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Speaker 1: no life that would have been with them. Instead, there

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Speaker 1: is a life that you learned from them that you

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Speaker 1: will now take to your nome relationship as you move forward,

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Speaker 1: and don't worry about rushing that it's gonna happen when

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Speaker 1: it happens. Don't even think about it right now. You

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Speaker 1: could just grieve. It's okay. The date's gonna come up

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Speaker 1: when it's the day that they died, and that's gonna

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Speaker 1: be a tough anniversary. And you're gonna think about on Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 1: You're going to think about it on Christmas. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: think about it on a major holidays. You're gonna be

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Speaker 1: more sentimental to it. But that's okay. Whatever you feel

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Speaker 1: at the time is okay. Just keep moving forward, just

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Speaker 1: like all those graves, Just like all those fathers before us,

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Speaker 1: before you, they made it. Humans have overcome unbelievable tragedy,

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Speaker 1: and you will too. Next question, subject CLIENTE says meeting

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Speaker 1: a new girl, Fay Grange. I'm twenty four years old

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Speaker 1: from a small town in central Illinois. I'd like to

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Speaker 1: stay anonymous. There's this girl I've been talking to on FaceTime,

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Speaker 1: Snapchat and on the phone. I've never met her because

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Speaker 1: she's living in CALIFORNI that I already have strong feelings

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Speaker 1: for her and want to meet her, but my siblings

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Speaker 1: and some friends say I shouldn't go out there to

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Speaker 1: meet her. I'm just wondering if you had any advice,

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Speaker 1: hoping to hear from you. Keep the good work coming

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Speaker 1: on the podcast. Thanks Anonymous. It's funny. It's sometimes it

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Speaker 1: occurs to me when people ask to be anonymous, when

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Speaker 1: your story is so specific. I'm wondering, Like, you're twenty

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Speaker 1: four years old from Central Illinois and you're talking to

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Speaker 1: a girl in California on Snapchat. Whoever's listening that wants

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Speaker 1: to know who you are, They know who you are.

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Speaker 1: Just kind of throwing that out there, But I appreciate

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Speaker 1: your trusting me with something like this. And here's what

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Speaker 1: I'll say. You're you're talking to her, you've never met her.

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Speaker 1: What's it gonna hurt? What's it gonna hurt to go

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Speaker 1: out to California for the weekend and visit this girl?

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Speaker 1: Because then you'll know. Then you don't have to worry

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Speaker 1: about it anymore. You're gonna know or you're not. Now

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Speaker 1: I want to say a couple of things about that. First,

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Speaker 1: do not go alone. You're gonna go with a friend,

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Speaker 1: maybe you're being catfished in a weird way. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: be hard this catfish on the FaceTime. But it's possible

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Speaker 1: go with a friend, and that's just good. That would

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Speaker 1: be a man of integrity would travel with a friend

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Speaker 1: anyway to see a girl, and you would not get

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Speaker 1: a hotel and you will not stay with her alone,

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Speaker 1: et cetera, et cetera. Let's assume that that's the way

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Speaker 1: this goes down. It's gonna be a nice dinner and

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Speaker 1: movie and tell her to bring a friend and your

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Speaker 1: friend has someone, and you know, it's like a double date,

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Speaker 1: double blind date. Essentially. The second thing is going into this.

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Speaker 1: You apparently know her well and you've talked to her.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna have a good conversation with her, a very

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Speaker 1: open conversation. It's like, Hey, I want to come busy you.

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Speaker 1: I want to jump on a I'm gonna I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: roll over to Chicago. I'm gonna roll over the Midway.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get a Southwest Airlines flight over to Burbank

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Speaker 1: or wherever you are. And that's not a very expensive flight.

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Speaker 1: I fly out of Chicago all the time, and maybe

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Speaker 1: maybe you can get one from under one hundred bucks. Right,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna but I'm gonna go out here. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: fly under to see you. But before I do that,

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Speaker 1: I need to know something, Okay, And then then it

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00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,720
Speaker 1: gets really serious, right like pin gonna drop. It gets

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Speaker 1: so quiet, and she's like yeah, and you're like, I

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Speaker 1: really like you. And if I fly out there and

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Speaker 1: I find out that it's legit and we have something,

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Speaker 1: where do we go from there? Like would you be

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Speaker 1: open to moving to Illinois or do you need me

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Speaker 1: to move to California? I'm just saying, And she's gonna

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, you know, she's gonna get embarrassed, and

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Speaker 1: you go, no, I'm serious. I know this sounds crazy,

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Speaker 1: but I'm a planner. She could respect that. Like I'm

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Speaker 1: a planner. I don't just do things and just hope

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Speaker 1: for the best. Just throw it up in the air

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Speaker 1: and see what sticks. I want to know, like, say,

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Speaker 1: five years down the road, are we living together in

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Speaker 1: California married with two kids? Are we living here in

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Speaker 1: Illinois married with three kids? Like? Where do you see

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Speaker 1: this going? And if she says something like well, first

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Speaker 1: of all, I'll never move in Illinois. Ever, I hate

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Speaker 1: that state. I would never leave California. You got to

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Speaker 1: admit that's kind of a red flag. So it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: mental note, she hates my state? Or what if she

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Speaker 1: says something like this, You know what, I think you're

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Speaker 1: a great guy, and I just want to be with

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Speaker 1: somebody that I love, that I think could be a

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Speaker 1: great father to my children and a great husband. And

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Speaker 1: if that's the case, I'll move wherever. It's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I like that. That's a check in the positive box,

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Speaker 1: just saying those are some conversations that you got to

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Speaker 1: whenever you're dealing with long distance relationship on the phone

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Speaker 1: only you have to hit them with some hard questions

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Speaker 1: that you would not normally say on a first, second, third,

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Speaker 1: but you got to because you don't want to waste

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Speaker 1: money on a flight and get out there and actually

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Speaker 1: like her, find out three months later she hates Illinois,

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Speaker 1: she hates your family, she doesn't ever want to get

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Speaker 1: a job, she's lazy, whatever. It was all just infatuation

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Speaker 1: and you fail for it. Okay, you don't want to

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Speaker 1: find that out after you've invested these plane tickets and

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Speaker 1: these dinners and a lot of time, right, does that

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00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 1: make sense? So lay out some ground rules, ask the

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Speaker 1: hard questions early, take a friend, and then I say,

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Speaker 1: what's it hurt just to go out to California for

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Speaker 1: a weekend and see what's up. Worst case scenario, you

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Speaker 1: travel and eat some good almonds or something. You know what,

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Speaker 1: Let's take a break, be right back. Podcast is brought

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426
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427
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Speaker 1: I travel on a lot of airplanes, I need extra

428
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Speaker 1: battery life. I need something to get me through that

429
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430
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431
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432
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433
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434
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435
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Speaker 1: How cool is that? You know? We put out an

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Speaker 1: album last month called moon Rise, and I listen on

437
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Speaker 1: my Raycons and it represents exactly what I hear in

438
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439
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447
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452
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453
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: to the podcast, All right, back to the podcast, Back

454
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 1: to the questions. I'm gonna jump into this one. It says, hey,

455
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: mister Smith. I'm Mike D. I'm from Countryside, the countryside

456
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 1: of southern New Jersey. I'm twenty one years old. I've

457
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,439
Speaker 1: been welding going on for three years now, and I

458
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 1: struggle at times with being patient and trusting God to

459
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 1: get me where he wants me. I'm curious on how

460
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 1: you trusted His process when you first started your music

461
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: career when times seemed slow or rough. Thank you for

462
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: your time and thank you for your music. Yee, Mike D.

463
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 1: Appreciate the email. Mike, thanks for the question. It's a

464
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 1: good question, and I want to I want to really

465
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 1: nudge you on this. I want to dig in. In fact,

466
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,360
Speaker 1: I don't even know what I'm gonna say, but if

467
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 1: me and you were right in the truck, I would

468
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 1: ask you a couple questions. I would say, why do

469
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 1: you think God is pushing you through this welding career?

470
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 1: Why do you think why do you think I would

471
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 1: think God was pushing me through a music career. That's

472
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: something I would ask if we're in the cap of

473
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 1: the truck. There's no right or wrong answer, but I

474
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,199
Speaker 1: say that because you say I'm curious on how you

475
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 1: trusted His process when you first started your music career

476
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 1: when things seemed slow or rough. So how this is

477
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 1: what I would say now. I don't know what I

478
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: thought back then because I wasn't necessarily a believer and

479
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: I wasn't a new creation, But I would say now

480
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: that God takes us through slow or rough times purposely.

481
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 1: That's what the Bible says. He's sovereign, he ordains everything.

482
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 1: So I would say He willed the slow in rough

483
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: times for me as opposed to it sounds like what

484
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 1: you're saying in the email is that or maybe you

485
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: understand that, but it sounds like you're saying God didn't

486
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: want you to be in the slow rough times and

487
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: he's kind of waiting for you to come out of it.

488
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: So I would say God needs us to go through

489
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 1: rough times, and it's up to us to realize who

490
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: he is through his revealed word in the Bible. We

491
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 1: find out who he is in the Bible. And you

492
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 1: say you struggle at times of being patient and trusting

493
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 1: God to get you where he wants you to be.

494
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: I could tell you exactly where he wants you to be,

495
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:26,640
Speaker 1: and that's with your nose in the Bible, because that's

496
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 1: where he speaks. That's his ever living word where he

497
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: still speaks today. And so you get your nose in

498
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: that Bible and you go, all right, God, cup of coffee,

499
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: I'm up early before the sun of starting early here

500
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: in Matthew one, chapter one, verse one. All right, God,

501
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna read, reveal to me your precious word. Reveal

502
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: to me right now what I need to see for

503
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 1: my purpose, fulfill for me, your purpose in me, Your

504
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: will be done, not mine. And you start there. I mean,

505
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: that's a really good place to start. That's a really

506
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: good prayer and a really good place to start, right

507
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: before the sun comes up to kick off each day.

508
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: And you do that every single day, and do that

509
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 1: for a year, and I would be very surprised after

510
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: a year you do that every single morning. I'd be

511
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 1: very surprised if you walked away and said, I still

512
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 1: have no idea what his will is for my life.

513
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 1: I give you a spoiler alert, and he's going to

514
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 1: tell you in there that his will for your life

515
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 1: is to take the Gospel to all nations and make disciples.

516
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: That's his will. That's what he needs from you. That

517
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with welding. Welding is just a vehicle.

518
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 1: It's just it's a tent making business for you. It's

519
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 1: either funding you know what you need to be doing,

520
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 1: or it's introducing me to people that you work with,

521
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: or it's it's bringing new clients to you, or it's

522
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: getting you in front of new people that you're but

523
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 1: all of it is to make disciples of all nations.

524
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: That's his will for you. That's just a hint, but

525
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,959
Speaker 1: I would ask you to dive into it, get your

526
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 1: nose in there. That's what you need to be doing.

527
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 1: Next question, another young teen. I love this email, says

528
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: Hey Grage. I'm thirteen years old. I'm a boy from

529
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: a rural part of Michigan, and I have for the

530
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,719
Speaker 1: last year went through the loss of my grandpa, who

531
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 1: was the father and dad to me because my parents

532
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 1: are divorced, so me and him did everything together, hunted, fished.

533
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 1: My question for you is how do you find happiness

534
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: when I know everything is not okay? Question comes from

535
00:30:55,440 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 1: Iden and your thirteen year old language. Iden, you asked

536
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 1: a very profound question and I love it and it

537
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 1: shows a depth in you. Iden that's amazing, way ahead

538
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 1: of me at thirteen. Because here's what you said, how

539
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 1: do you find happiness when you know everything is not okay? Right? Like,

540
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 1: that's the question, that's the question of life. How do

541
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 1: you find happiness when things are not okay? So think

542
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 1: about that. Let's unpack that. If we were in the

543
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 1: cab of a truck, we would drive down the road

544
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: and we'd say, let's unpack that. Tell me that again,

545
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 1: how do you find happiness when you know everything is

546
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: not okay? And I would say, well, maybe happiness is

547
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 1: not what you're seeking. Maybe happiness is not attainable if

548
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 1: everything is not okay. Hey, true, then maybe there's another

549
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: word for what you're longing for, what you're yearning for,

550
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 1: And I would say, it's joy. So let's replace happiness

551
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 1: with joy, because happiness happens to us. Happiness comes and goes.

552
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: It's fleeting, it happens. You could walk outside and it's

553
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 1: a sunny day and the sun hits your shoulders and

554
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,959
Speaker 1: the warm breeze hit your face, and you go, I'm happy.

555
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: And then five minutes later, a rainstorm comes and blows

556
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 1: your hat off your head and you step in a

557
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 1: puddle and you go not happy anymore. It's gone. So

558
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 1: let's replace the word happiness with joy, because joy is

559
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: something far more eternal, far more deep within you. So

560
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna reask your question, how do you find joy

561
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: when you know everything is not okay? Now we're digging deep.

562
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 1: Now we're having a good conversation in the truck, and

563
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 1: I would say, first of all, congratulations on knowing that

564
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 1: everything's not okay. Like that's the first battle I would say.

565
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: I would say, recognizing that everything is not okay, there's

566
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: something a lot of people can't do. A lot of

567
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: people think it's just something's wrong, but they can't place

568
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 1: exactly what in their life is falling apart. It's like

569
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 1: everything and that's a problem. That's where depression starts setting

570
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: in when you go, my life seems okay, everything seems

571
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 1: to be put together, but I'm just not right okay.

572
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 1: But you're not saying that id and you're saying you

573
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: see the brokenness because you lost directly related to the

574
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,479
Speaker 1: loss of your grandpa, who was a father figure to you,

575
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: because your parents are divorced. So there's the problem. He's

576
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 1: gone and things are not okay, and it's okay, it's

577
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 1: okay to not be okay. You know why, because you

578
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 1: lost your grandpa, and you loved your grandpa and he

579
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 1: was a dad to you and it taught you everything.

580
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 1: Then he was a great man and he loved you,

581
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:13,959
Speaker 1: and you're grieving him, and it's okay to not be okay.

582
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 1: Let's establish that right now. And here's another thing. Let's

583
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 1: use that word happy. It's okay to not be happy

584
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:30,280
Speaker 1: when things are not okay. That's normal. Don't let anybody

585
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: tell you snap out of it. You should be happy

586
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: right now, you know, Wipe that frown off your face.

587
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,280
Speaker 1: Don't let anybody tell you that, because whatever you're feeling

588
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:46,919
Speaker 1: is right when it comes to grief. So you gotta

589
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: let some time go by. And as time goes by,

590
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 1: you'll start realizing realizing some more things. And this is

591
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 1: a lot for a thirteen year old, Iden, This is

592
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,719
Speaker 1: a lot. But I love that you're asking these right questions.

593
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 1: Here's let me wrap this up. You can have joy

594
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,760
Speaker 1: and not be okay. You could have joy and grieve.

595
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: You could have joy and mourn all at the same time.

596
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:14,320
Speaker 1: And that comes from realizing that you are a child

597
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 1: of God, that you have a heavenly father who has

598
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 1: chosen you, who loves you, who cares for you, who

599
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: is watching you, who has planned for you, who knows

600
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: exactly what happened to your grandfather and has a plan

601
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:38,560
Speaker 1: that he will enact on you, and he will fulfill

602
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 1: his purpose in you. Knowing that you're not worthy of that,

603
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: knowing that you don't deserve that. Now that just overflows

604
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: with joy, going you know what, I lost the one

605
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 1: thing on this earth that I love, my grandpa. But

606
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 1: I have something greater than that, heavenly father that I'll

607
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 1: never lose, that will reunite me with my grandpa. But

608
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 1: I will see again, and I will learn not to

609
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 1: ask why instead of what? What do you need me

610
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: to learn from this? Now, this, this kind of thinking

611
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 1: takes a long time to unpack. But the end road

612
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 1: of this, what you'll discover as you as you go

613
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:30,319
Speaker 1: down this path is you will have joy. And it's

614
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 1: okay to have joy and not be okay. And that's

615
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: how you move forward. You don't get stuck. You don't

616
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 1: want to get stuck in your grief, stuck in the mud,

617
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:44,239
Speaker 1: or you just can't get out. That is the road

618
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: to depression. Let's hit another one here. Subject line says

619
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: searching for young Christians to grow with hey Grander. My

620
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 1: name is Katie. I'm twenty three. We have moved to

621
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: Chicago a year ago from Pennsylvania. This past year have

622
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,319
Speaker 1: been shown the beauty and struggle of being in the

623
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 1: early twenties. I'm searching for a Bible study or a

624
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 1: worship group of young Christians in my area are virtually

625
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 1: or virtually who are relying on their faith to guide

626
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: them through this time of uncertainty and remarkable change. Do

627
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 1: you yourself have any advice on navigating the identity crisis

628
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 1: that comes in your early twenties and figuring out God's

629
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 1: plan for you from relationships and friendships to family and work. Katie,

630
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 1: all right, cool, Thanks for the question, Katie. What identity

631
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:42,239
Speaker 1: crisis are you talking about? As a Christian? You're going

632
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: to find your identity through your Creator, not in a

633
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 1: way that you define it or that anyone else defines it.

634
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 1: Let's clear that up from the beginning, and second of all,

635
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 1: figuring out God's plan. You know I've gone through this

636
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 1: on this podcast. You don't have to figure out God's

637
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 1: plan for you. Did you know that that's not a

638
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 1: burden you have to carry. You don't have to figure

639
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,439
Speaker 1: out what God wants to do with you, Like, what's

640
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: the mystery God? What mysterious plan does God have for me?

641
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 1: I hope that one day I'll just figure it out. Now,

642
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 1: how awesome is it to know that you don't have

643
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: to carry that burden and figure that out on your own. Now,

644
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 1: what you can do, what you need to do, what

645
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 1: you should do, what you're designed to do, is pull

646
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 1: out your Bible. It's our instruction manual. This is an

647
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 1: ancient book, but it's trustworthy and it goes back thousands

648
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 1: of years with over forty different authors written over the

649
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: course of over fifteen hundred years, written by eyewitnesses in

650
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:49,280
Speaker 1: the presence of other white eyewitnesses fulfilling ancient prophecies claim

651
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: to be divine in nature. Now, we could trust this

652
00:38:54,160 --> 00:39:00,919
Speaker 1: book historically and factually and archaeologically, archaeologically what's that word.

653
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's way too big a word for me.

654
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 1: But you could trust this book in all those kind

655
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 1: of ways. But that's kind of beside the point here.

656
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 1: You could trust that book spiritually by opening it up

657
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 1: and reading it right, so you discover through reading that

658
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 1: book that God's plan for you is written there. Sometimes

659
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 1: we read a book most of the time we read

660
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,320
Speaker 1: books and we try to figure out what they're saying.

661
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 1: We read the Bible when we figure out it already

662
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 1: knows us, It already understands us, and it's a crazy

663
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 1: thing that you could only find in those pages. Like

664
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 1: I said earlier to that guy, get your nose in

665
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:49,439
Speaker 1: the book. So let's be more practical here. Besides that,

666
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: you say, do you have any advice on navigating this

667
00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 1: remarkable change in your early twenties, you moved from Chicago

668
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 1: from Pennsylvania. Okay, so I got a guy from the

669
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 1: Chicago area that's in love with a girl from California.

670
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 1: I could introduce you to He's twenty four. I'm just kidding.

671
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: He's anonymous though, so we don't know how to find him,

672
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: but maybe you could email in and we could hook

673
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 1: you guys up. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, kind of not kidding.

674
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: But what if in this podcast we became matchmakers and

675
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 1: people emailed in that we're trying to find somebody, and

676
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 1: they actually found each other because they both emailed the podcast.

677
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:36,640
Speaker 1: That would be interesting. You said, you're searching for a

678
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 1: Bible study or worship group of young Christians in your

679
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 1: area who are relying on their faith to guide them

680
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: through this time of Oh, I know what you're talking about.

681
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 1: You're talking about uncertainty as far as like viruses and stuff,

682
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:57,800
Speaker 1: aren't you? Maybe you are listen. What about a local

683
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,320
Speaker 1: church that's like the place to go to find Bible

684
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 1: studies and young Christians? Is a local church and if

685
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 1: you go there and there's not any, you go to

686
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: another one. Chicago is full of them. I know many

687
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 1: in Chicago. There's probably a thousand. There's probably a thousand

688
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,920
Speaker 1: in Chicago. No, there's not a thousand good ones. But

689
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 1: I think that'd be a great adventure on Sundays to

690
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: do a little research before you go. Check out the

691
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: about me on their website, on the church website, read

692
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 1: about them a little bit, and go seek it out.

693
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 1: That would be a great adventure and a great way

694
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: to meet young people. And I don't think you can

695
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 1: go wrong. You'll end up landing in the right spot.

696
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 1: Saturate that ideal with prayer. Let's grab another one doing

697
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,800
Speaker 1: the random scroll here on Granger smith POD's at podcast

698
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com, and this one came up subject

699
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: line break up confusion. Hey Granger, longtime fan. I saw

700
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:11,320
Speaker 1: a concert in Oregon last year. It was really amazing.

701
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:15,719
Speaker 1: Recently broke up. Recently broken up with But where I

702
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,280
Speaker 1: have trouble is the way that it happened. Okay, I'm listening,

703
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 1: and then we got a list of bullet points here

704
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 1: that you put it says. One month ago everything was amazing.

705
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 1: One month ago, boyfriend got second job to pay off

706
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 1: truck and buy house for himself. Us started working sixty

707
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: to seventy five hours a week, drinking, exhausting himself and

708
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:39,320
Speaker 1: using alcohol to cope. He shuts down often, so I

709
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 1: tried to be there for him and support him and

710
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 1: no luck. Randomly breaks up with me that same week

711
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 1: when we had been working on some issues, like there

712
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 1: was nothing wrong, But then his excuse was he needed

713
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 1: to find himself be happy again live in his early twenties.

714
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:58,919
Speaker 1: He told me the door is still open. He needs

715
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,840
Speaker 1: a break For a few months. He didn't say break

716
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: up untill I told him to clarify this. Do I

717
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 1: take your past advice from episode one sixty one or

718
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 1: is that a different case by case. I'm racking my

719
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 1: brain because I thought this was the one together two

720
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 1: years eight months. Only started acting like this after that

721
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: new job. Thank you, Granger, Love and blessings to your family,

722
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 1: Happy holidays. Did you say your name? You didn't. You

723
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 1: didn't say your name, but that's okay. Thanks for your

724
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 1: sweet words, and thanks for the for the question I

725
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 1: want to say, I don't don't. I don't necessarily remember

726
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 1: what I said in episode one sixty one. I don't

727
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 1: necessarily remember what I said in the first break of

728
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: this podcast, episode one sixty five, because my brain is

729
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: all over the place. But I don't think it's going

730
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 1: to be different. So let me shoot from the hip.

731
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,399
Speaker 1: He broke up with you because he says he needs

732
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:08,320
Speaker 1: to find himself and be happy again. The poor guy.

733
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 1: The poor guy just wants to be happy. Can't you

734
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 1: blame him? He just wants to live in his early twenties,

735
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: find himself and be happy. Man, that just sounds like

736
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: a bad poem waiting to happen. Here's a deal. I

737
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 1: know that this sounds crazy because you guys dated for

738
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 1: two years and eight months and it seems like it's

739
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 1: coming out of nowhere. But what I'm willing to predict is,

740
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: although it seems like it came out of the blue,

741
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 1: he has been acting and hiding this for several months now,

742
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: and he has finally gotten tired of acting like he's

743
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 1: into this relationship. And that's what happens when someone's like

744
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: deeply in love for a long time and then all

745
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: of a sudden, boom, they're out, like they no longer

746
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 1: want to be in it. That just means that there

747
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 1: was a transition period, pretty good transition period time when

748
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: he was just acting. He realized his love was starting

749
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,919
Speaker 1: to fade, and so he started kicking in the acting gear.

750
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:19,359
Speaker 1: And as it faded more, and he started acting more,

751
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 1: and he faded more until he got unbearable where he

752
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 1: couldn't act anymore, and he said, you know what, I

753
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 1: can't I can't do it. And then he's probably sat

754
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 1: there for a couple of weeks and he said, I

755
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 1: gotta tell her. I gotta tell her. I gotta tell her.

756
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 1: I gotta tell her. I can't fake this anymore. I

757
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,920
Speaker 1: can't act like this anymore. I gotta tell her. And finally,

758
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: one night he just said, I gotta tell you something.

759
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 1: I gotta break up with you. I want to go

760
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 1: on a break and I need to find myself and

761
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 1: I need to be live in my early twenties and

762
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 1: I need to do what else? What else? Oh, I

763
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 1: need to be happy again. He's like going down the

764
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 1: little checklist. Listen, I don't mean to I don't mean

765
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 1: to sound harsh on you, and I want to respect

766
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 1: your feelings. But at the same time, I want to

767
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 1: give you tough life because I want to. I want

768
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 1: to shoot you straight so that you could recover quicker

769
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,840
Speaker 1: and you could heal better and faster. Because if I

770
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 1: just if I give it to you soft, you're just

771
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 1: gonna hang on to him. But maybe it has to

772
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 1: do with this new job. Maybe it has to do

773
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 1: with him drinking and exhausting himself and using alcohol to cope.

774
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 1: Maybe he was actually getting the job to pay off

775
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:27,920
Speaker 1: a truck and buy a house for you, or maybe

776
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: not any of that. Maybe that's just that all was

777
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 1: a facade and he's been fading, and he as as

778
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 1: he started fading, he decided to get a job that

779
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 1: kicked in more hours, thinking maybe that would save it.

780
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 1: And when that didn't save it, maybe he started drinking

781
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 1: because he still was losing love, and then when alcohol

782
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:50,879
Speaker 1: didn't work, he'd drank more. Like that's very possible that

783
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:56,880
Speaker 1: that's what happened. But the bottom line is he's out,

784
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 1: and you're going through all the facts in your head.

785
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 1: You're replaying on all this, like what did I do wrong?

786
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 1: What could I blame? Like your brain wants to blame

787
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 1: something it wants to identify, like boom, that was the

788
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:12,080
Speaker 1: moment that he took the job. The job is what

789
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: killed our relationship, Okay, And like you could deal with that,

790
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 1: you go, there's the moment, but it's harder to deal

791
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 1: with he just fell out of love. There's nothing you did,

792
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: and there was no catalyst, and it wasn't the job.

793
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:31,800
Speaker 1: In fact, it was all a facade and he was acting. Listen.

794
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: I might be wrong about all of this, but I'm

795
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 1: I got a pretty good hunch because I've lived it.

796
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 1: I've got a pretty good hunch that that's where his

797
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 1: head is. But it doesn't really matter because he's out,

798
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,800
Speaker 1: and you need to trust his words when he says

799
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 1: I need to get out. Do you want to be

800
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: with a guy that says I just need to live

801
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,440
Speaker 1: in my early twenties and be happy again. I just

802
00:47:57,480 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 1: need to find myself. You want to be with a

803
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:03,399
Speaker 1: guy that has lost himself? No, you don't know. You don't,

804
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: I don't even know what that means. I don't know

805
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:10,320
Speaker 1: what that means. But there's a better guy for you.

806
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 1: There's a guy that will not lose himself. There's a

807
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 1: guy that will not drink himself silly because he's just

808
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:21,319
Speaker 1: trying to hide his emotions about you. There's a guy

809
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 1: that won't work seventy five hours a week because he

810
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 1: just would rather be home with you. There's a guy

811
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:29,759
Speaker 1: that wants to spend his early twenties with you. There's

812
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 1: a guy that's when he's with you, he's happy. I'm

813
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: just saying, there's that guy out there, and you're gonna

814
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: find him. And it's not this dude. Don't look at

815
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 1: the two and two years and eight months, don't look

816
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 1: at his wasted time. It's not wasted time. You learned

817
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: a lot. You learned what to look for in the

818
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:51,040
Speaker 1: next guy. You learn for what warning science to see,

819
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 1: You learn what red flags are. You learn that it

820
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,840
Speaker 1: might not be as easy as you think to find

821
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: the spouse that you want to been the rest of

822
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 1: your life with. And that's okay. It's the search and

823
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:09,800
Speaker 1: you'll find them. That's all we got. Love you, guys,

824
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 1: See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the

825
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:15,439
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could

826
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 1: help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If

827
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,840
Speaker 1: you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little

828
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 1: like button and notification spell so that you never miss

829
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,760
Speaker 1: anytime I upload a video. If you have a question

830
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,240
Speaker 1: for me that you would like me to answer, email

831
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, yig