WEBVTT - I Choose…From Big Bang To Breaking Down Science and Faith with Mayim Bialik

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast, as we all know,

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<v Speaker 1>is about the choices we make and where they lead us.

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<v Speaker 1>This is a good day. My guest today has a

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<v Speaker 1>long list of accolades to her name and is truly

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<v Speaker 1>someone that has blazed her own non traditional trail in Hollywood.

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<v Speaker 1>She's an actor, a director, a writer, and impressively a

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<v Speaker 1>PhD holder, I mean, come on. Known for her roles

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<v Speaker 1>in the nineties eighteen show Blossom and her long run

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<v Speaker 1>on The Big Bang Theory that she received four Emmy

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<v Speaker 1>nominations for, she is the host of her podcast, Myam

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<v Speaker 1>Bioli's Breakdown. Please welcome Myam bolic to the I Choose

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<v Speaker 1>Me podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi.

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, so good to see you.

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<v Speaker 2>Good to see you.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for coming on the show.

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<v Speaker 2>Thanks for having me.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, racking my brain?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes?

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<v Speaker 1>Where did we work together?

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<v Speaker 2>Is this right? Hold on?

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<v Speaker 1>Let me just as if this might be completely wrong,

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<v Speaker 1>so embarrassing. Did you walk the high wire?

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<v Speaker 2>No?

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<v Speaker 1>In Circus of the Stars.

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<v Speaker 2>I can already say no. I did the double I

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<v Speaker 2>did the double cradle in Circus of the Stars. The

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<v Speaker 2>double Cradle is like a trapeze, but there's no trapeze

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<v Speaker 2>bar two people. Okay, I did that. It was like

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<v Speaker 2>the year that, like like Mario Lopez.

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<v Speaker 1>Was, see I was on that year you did.

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<v Speaker 2>I think regular trapeze.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I knew you did something that was nerve wracking,

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<v Speaker 1>and now I know.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I was. I don't even know. Gosh, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't even know if I was on Blossom yet. I

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<v Speaker 2>think that was after Beaches. And then we were at

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<v Speaker 2>a benefit together for an organization that is near and

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<v Speaker 2>dear to your heart. So I remember that, and then

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<v Speaker 2>I think we would like see each other randomly at

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<v Speaker 2>certain things. But there's that sort of like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we're both young people on television.

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<v Speaker 1>No right, sure, yeah, we go way back. But wait,

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<v Speaker 1>how about does this ring a bell? Cupcake wars?

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<v Speaker 2>I did it? Were you there? We're the worst?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, this is the problem.

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<v Speaker 2>My brain did not want to summon that.

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<v Speaker 1>Come on, I got voted out first, so you can

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<v Speaker 1>go ahead and summon it.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe that's why I put it out of my I

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<v Speaker 2>put it out of my mind. It was too painful,

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<v Speaker 2>the thought of you being sent away.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh man, I think I think maybe Melby was on

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<v Speaker 1>our episode too.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, how long time ago? And I feel like she

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<v Speaker 2>was in like a fancy coat.

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<v Speaker 1>That's just all the time for mel So this.

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<v Speaker 2>Was a very long time ago.

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<v Speaker 1>I am racking our brain. Good job though, Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I have a feeling.

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<v Speaker 2>You may have had help from researcher be Attle.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, I just let me fill you in on

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<v Speaker 1>a little data about yourself in case you've forgotten that too. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>you grew up in front of the camera. You started

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<v Speaker 1>acting when you were like eleven, right, and by the

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<v Speaker 1>time you were a teenager you had your own prime

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<v Speaker 1>time sell Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, wow, I was fourteen when Blossom started.

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<v Speaker 1>That's young. We both know, you know, it can be

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<v Speaker 1>so hard to navigate figuring out who we are at

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<v Speaker 1>your age. Add you know entertainment industry into that, yep,

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<v Speaker 1>with somebody always telling us where to go, what to do,

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<v Speaker 1>like everything.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, look, I mean I think yes, And I remember,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, still feeling a lot like a kid when

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<v Speaker 2>I was on Blossom, meaning for those first years. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>the pressures then were different than they are now. First

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<v Speaker 2>of all, meaning as much as all of what you

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<v Speaker 2>said is true, we also weren't expected to sort of

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<v Speaker 2>look like adults at fifteen. We weren't expected to have

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<v Speaker 2>like the manicures, the filler. We didn't have publicists, we

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<v Speaker 2>didn't have social media. We weren't you know. It was

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<v Speaker 2>a different kind of presentation. And also I will say that,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I mean I watched you like that was

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<v Speaker 2>my favorite show when I was on Blossom was your show.

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<v Speaker 2>And so I also remember, like, gosh, that's a show

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<v Speaker 2>with a whole different kind of pressure for the performers

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<v Speaker 2>because it was a show about like beautiful people. It

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<v Speaker 2>was like a soap opera level in terms of like

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<v Speaker 2>intensity and relationships, whereas like I was on a four camera,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, family kind of show. So it was a

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<v Speaker 2>different kind of pressure. But I looked up to you

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<v Speaker 2>and Shannon and Tori, like these are like the grown

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<v Speaker 2>up girls, you know. I was like still like I

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<v Speaker 2>still felt like a kid in a lot of ways.

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't doing you know, kind of a high school drama.

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<v Speaker 2>It was very different.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, that makes perfect sense. Yeah, it was different.

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<v Speaker 1>But what age do you feel like you really came

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<v Speaker 1>into your own like.

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<v Speaker 2>Skin still waiting, still waiting for me.

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<v Speaker 1>It was like my late thirties, I started to like

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<v Speaker 1>really get a crass I'm.

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<v Speaker 2>Trying to think. I mean, I'm I'm forty nine now

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<v Speaker 2>and still in some ways feel fourteen. You know, still

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<v Speaker 2>would like to eat chocolate first thing in the morning,

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<v Speaker 2>like if there's no grown ups around, I still want

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<v Speaker 2>to live like that. You know. I had my first

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<v Speaker 2>child at twenty nine, and then I had my second

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<v Speaker 2>at you know, thirty two, thirty three somewhere in there,

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<v Speaker 2>so you know, my thirties felt like a different kind

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<v Speaker 2>of kind of stressful. You know, it felt like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>this is everything you're told is going to make life amazing,

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<v Speaker 2>Like be a mom, Like it's gonna be amazing, Like

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<v Speaker 2>get married and you'll be married forever, and then your

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<v Speaker 2>kids will be like so much fun. And meanwhile, like

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<v Speaker 2>they're much more cognitive, far earlier than I expected, like

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of effort.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, yea, they are their own people. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know how that.

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<v Speaker 2>Happen, correct, And like the sense of humor, but a

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<v Speaker 2>sense of agency that was kind of surprising. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I really feel like, like if you

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<v Speaker 2>had to ask me, I don't know that. I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like I've sort of become comfortable and I'm I'm an

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<v Speaker 2>early to menopause member of the party, you.

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<v Speaker 1>Know, like, that's that's you.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, well, I guess. But I also was then

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<v Speaker 2>raised on this next level myth that we're told in

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<v Speaker 2>our thirties and forties, like you're gonna have the best

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<v Speaker 2>sex of your life in your forties and you're going

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<v Speaker 2>to finally feel like you're wise. And I'm like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>I just still feel kind of strange. And it's a

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<v Speaker 2>different kind of hormonal because now they're like, oh, guess

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<v Speaker 2>what menopause is forever and sometimes you'll get a period

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<v Speaker 2>after not having one. It's just weird.

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<v Speaker 1>So all the hits, the hits keep on coming, hits.

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<v Speaker 2>Age coming, the hits keep coming.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's true. It's true. We talk a lot about

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<v Speaker 1>this on the podcast, that life is so interesting, how

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<v Speaker 1>like simple decisions or even what we may feel like

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<v Speaker 1>are meaningless choices, how they can lead us to spectacular

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<v Speaker 1>things that end up changing our lives. Do you believe

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<v Speaker 1>in fate or destiny or do you think things just

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<v Speaker 1>sort of happen by chance?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh gosh, you know, I don't you know. I think

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<v Speaker 2>of those things like the way you like study them

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<v Speaker 2>in school. Right, like, oh, there was a group of

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<v Speaker 2>people who believe that God had ordained everything and that

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<v Speaker 2>nothing you did matter. So I'm definitely not in that camp.

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<v Speaker 2>And I also am not in the other camp. But

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<v Speaker 2>like everything just happened and blah blah blah. I do

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<v Speaker 2>think that there's you know, some sort of I guess

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<v Speaker 2>path or intention that every life has. But I also

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<v Speaker 2>do believe in free will, you know, I believe in

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<v Speaker 2>all of the choices that we make are still ours

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<v Speaker 2>to make. And I think that the mystical, spiritual part

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<v Speaker 2>of me believes that whatever happens is what was supposed

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<v Speaker 2>to happen, even if it's sad, painful, you know, devastating, astonishing.

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<v Speaker 2>And to me, what that means is, how do I

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<v Speaker 2>receive that with some sort of grace and dignity and not,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, kind of lose whatever center I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 2>hold on to every time something doesn't go my way.

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<v Speaker 1>That makes sense, I've always been sort of faithless.

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<v Speaker 2>Way, how's that working for you?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, it wasn't working for me at all. I Mean

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<v Speaker 1>there were times in my life where I'm like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>an agnostic. I don't know, you know, I just don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm a visual like I need to see things

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<v Speaker 1>to believe them and learn them. And so for me,

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<v Speaker 1>it was a very like I couldn't come the terms

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<v Speaker 1>with just blindly having faith in something. I mean, how

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<v Speaker 1>do you feel about that?

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<v Speaker 2>You know? I was raised in you know, I was

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<v Speaker 2>raised in a particular tradition that taught me that if

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<v Speaker 2>something is divine, it's so enormous that you can't even

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<v Speaker 2>understand it. And I'm grateful for that because I was

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<v Speaker 2>sort of spoon fed this notion of faith that goes

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<v Speaker 2>hand in hand with an inability to comprehend it. And

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<v Speaker 2>so that goes along with like the rules that I

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<v Speaker 2>want to use to observe it, they don't apply. And

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<v Speaker 2>that's not just a cheap way out, I promise. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not just like God is. God is, and if you

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<v Speaker 2>don't feel it, like sucks for you. But as a scientist,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I studied science. It's what I live for,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, decades of my life. And once once you're

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<v Speaker 2>trained as a scientist, that's sort of how my framework is.

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<v Speaker 2>You know. My kids say I'm cheating when I say

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<v Speaker 2>that I'm a person of faith because I don't have

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<v Speaker 2>like the old man in the sky. I don't have that,

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<v Speaker 2>like just trust in God and pray to God for

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<v Speaker 2>the best parking spot. That's not the kind of relationship

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<v Speaker 2>I have with something divine. But if you believe that

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<v Speaker 2>the sun will come up tomorrow, then you and I

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<v Speaker 2>have the exact same faith. Like that's it. It's that simple.

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<v Speaker 2>For me. I don't have to understand gravity for it

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<v Speaker 2>to keep me on the planet. I don't have to

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<v Speaker 2>believe that. You know, if I hold a ball from

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<v Speaker 2>the top of a building and I drop it, I

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<v Speaker 2>know like that ball's going to fall. Now, are there

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<v Speaker 2>places in the universe and the galaxy where that's not true.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm certain of that, and I believe that we'll either

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<v Speaker 2>grasp those equations or we won't. But for me, my

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<v Speaker 2>faith that the sun will come up tomorrow is that's

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<v Speaker 2>divine to me. That's you know, the I can't look

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<v Speaker 2>at that and not feel completely floored, completely floored by

0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:11.319
<v Speaker 2>the impossibility of how things work and I don't control them.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know that's also the thing is like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>having for me, having belief is saying I don't have

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<v Speaker 2>to fix everything. I'm not that powerful, you know, even

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<v Speaker 2>over people places and things that I'd like to believe

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<v Speaker 2>that I'm powerful over. I'm really not that powerful.

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<v Speaker 1>No, none of us are. We like to think we are.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean some of us.

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<v Speaker 2>Do, yeah, for sure, while people make a career of it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Your podcast, my biolex Breakdown, really good title appropriate. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>breaking down all the time. It's about it's all about

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<v Speaker 1>mental health, which I love. Yeah, it's It's fascinating to

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<v Speaker 1>me and it always has been. And I always thought

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<v Speaker 1>if I wasn't an actress, I would have definitely gone

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<v Speaker 1>that route in college. I recently had Oliver Hudson on

0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.320
<v Speaker 1>the podcast, and we've talked about the fact that all

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<v Speaker 1>of my life I've been told I'm too emotional or

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<v Speaker 1>been called out for being emotional, and it's always been

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<v Speaker 1>such a negative thing for me. Like I've always it

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<v Speaker 1>didn't ever feel good. And it wasn't until you know,

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<v Speaker 1>my like thirties that I found my voice and I

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<v Speaker 1>started correcting people and saying, you know what, I'm not emotional,

0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:31.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm emotion full. Ooh you got a problem with that,

0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:35.320
<v Speaker 1>then you can go on. But for me, I just

0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:37.240
<v Speaker 1>was like I got to take that because I believe

0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:39.040
<v Speaker 1>that it's a it's a superpower of mine.

0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:44.080
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think, yeah, it's definitely something that comes up

0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:48.360
<v Speaker 2>a lot on our podcast. This sort of like again,

0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:51.000
<v Speaker 2>I think, you know, I have a nineteen and a

0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:54.000
<v Speaker 2>sixteen year old and they've been raised in a completely

0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:56.880
<v Speaker 2>different culture where they don't have the same fears of

0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:59.720
<v Speaker 2>being let's say, too sensitive. I mean, of course it's

0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:03.320
<v Speaker 2>a awareness they have, but you know, when I was

0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:05.480
<v Speaker 2>sort of growing up, there was kind of like one

0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:07.360
<v Speaker 2>way to be There was one way to learn things.

0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:09.200
<v Speaker 2>If you couldn't learn it that way, you must be dumb.

0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.000
<v Speaker 2>And there was one way to react to things. And

0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:14.880
<v Speaker 2>if you didn't react that way, you were hyper sensitive. Right,

0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:19.520
<v Speaker 2>And now we have this like much broader understanding of oh,

0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:22.360
<v Speaker 2>there's all different kinds of people, and if you like

0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:25.959
<v Speaker 2>rewind the tape of the human experience five thousand years,

0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:29.240
<v Speaker 2>ten thousand years, one hundred thousand years, there were all

0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.160
<v Speaker 2>different kinds of people even back then, who served all

0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:37.120
<v Speaker 2>sorts of different purposes. So you may have been a seer, right,

0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.240
<v Speaker 2>you may have been a shaman, you may have been

0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:42.559
<v Speaker 2>someone who in other cultures could perceive things that other

0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:47.000
<v Speaker 2>people couldn't. The difference is we think that Western modern

0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:50.160
<v Speaker 2>culture is superior to all culture that has ever existed.

0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:53.120
<v Speaker 2>And in many ways, there's so many incredible things. And look,

0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:55.000
<v Speaker 2>we make computers and I can talk to you on

0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:57.760
<v Speaker 2>this like box, right, But when it comes down to

0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:01.000
<v Speaker 2>sort of what the human experience is, we're about interacting

0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:04.559
<v Speaker 2>with other humans, cooperating with other humans, in some cases

0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:08.560
<v Speaker 2>struggling with other humans. But what are the skills needed

0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:12.800
<v Speaker 2>for that for like a dynamic human interaction. It's lost

0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:17.920
<v Speaker 2>when we're emphasizing money, property, you know, same like those

0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:18.760
<v Speaker 2>things get lost.

0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:23.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, where would you say on the spectrum of emotions

0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:27.360
<v Speaker 1>you fall like? Are you like are you emotionful? Are

0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:28.280
<v Speaker 1>you non emotional?

0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:36.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm very emotionful. I'm I mean I I always cried,

0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:38.280
<v Speaker 2>like when I would see homeless people on the street.

0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:40.560
<v Speaker 2>This was like a thing, like just like a place

0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:45.720
<v Speaker 2>in me. Couldn't stand that even as a kid. And

0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.000
<v Speaker 2>you know a lot of women also when you have

0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:51.800
<v Speaker 2>a hormonal shift, they'll be like, oh, I cry at everything.

0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.200
<v Speaker 2>It's not that for me. It's that I really feel

0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:59.320
<v Speaker 2>deeply kind of tapped in all the time. You know,

0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:03.080
<v Speaker 2>I've been accused by more than one ex boyfriend knowing

0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.200
<v Speaker 2>what they were feeling before they knew.

0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:08.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, because you probably did.

0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:10.200
<v Speaker 2>But it's like a part of it is it's like

0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:12.560
<v Speaker 2>that emotional you know, I have a very fine tuner

0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:17.040
<v Speaker 2>that I use, you know, for other people's emotions as well,

0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:23.280
<v Speaker 2>and I do I feel very deeply. I love passionately,

0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:27.240
<v Speaker 2>I fight passionately. So yeah, there's a lot of that

0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:30.920
<v Speaker 2>in there. And I think I do have a rational

0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:32.760
<v Speaker 2>part of me. I have a science part of me.

0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:35.760
<v Speaker 2>I have a very binary kind of part of me,

0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:39.400
<v Speaker 2>which you know, I sort of need to temper, you know,

0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:41.800
<v Speaker 2>you have to kind of temper both. Right, we're given

0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:43.520
<v Speaker 2>two sides of the brain or even.

0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:45.600
<v Speaker 1>We need to find a happy medium.

0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:46.360
<v Speaker 2>That's right.

0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:49.560
<v Speaker 1>Wait, go back to the boyfriend's accusing you knowing how

0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:53.240
<v Speaker 1>they felt before you felt it. I'm interested. Okay, So

0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.600
<v Speaker 1>was that said in like a negative connotation?

0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:57.720
<v Speaker 2>Like yeah, I was like get out of my head,

0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.880
<v Speaker 2>and I'd like, you don't know something that And I

0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:04.320
<v Speaker 2>wasn't trying to like start something, but just sometimes it

0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:07.200
<v Speaker 2>would feel very clear to me like, oh, this is

0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:10.480
<v Speaker 2>triggering a thing about like his mother, and I can

0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:13.400
<v Speaker 2>feel that he thinks that, you know, I'm reenacting and

0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm probably thinking too much in other people's heads. But yeah,

0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:18.600
<v Speaker 2>it would often lead to like, I don't know if

0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:20.240
<v Speaker 2>that's what I've to stop, you.

0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:22.960
<v Speaker 1>Know, yeah, I can see how that would get a

0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:28.320
<v Speaker 1>little weird. And I'm sure I've done it because yeah.

0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:30.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I also don't think it makes me like intuitive,

0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, like I don't. I sometimes have intuitive I've

0:16:32.760 --> 0:16:36.040
<v Speaker 2>had very few sort of like distinctive intuitive moments. I

0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:38.680
<v Speaker 2>don't think about being intuitive. But maybe there's something about

0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:42.320
<v Speaker 2>perceiving other people's emotions that that maybe some of us

0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.440
<v Speaker 2>are more fine tuned to. Like I can tell by

0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:47.760
<v Speaker 2>your eyebrow, you know, Like if I'm talking to someone,

0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:50.560
<v Speaker 2>I can tell by that left eyebrow that you are

0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:52.840
<v Speaker 2>pretending you're okay with what I've said, but I'm gonna

0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:54.440
<v Speaker 2>hear about it in four days.

0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:57.560
<v Speaker 1>What about projecting your feelings onto others?

0:16:58.000 --> 0:16:59.280
<v Speaker 2>It's my favorite game.

0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:04.760
<v Speaker 1>You love that so fun, you know, I.

0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:10.400
<v Speaker 2>Think that's interesting. I've been in therapy all my life,

0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:12.840
<v Speaker 2>pretty much, I've been in therapy since I'm a teenager,

0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:17.040
<v Speaker 2>and so this one, I think I'm aware when other

0:17:17.080 --> 0:17:22.240
<v Speaker 2>people do that to me, and I've been accused of projecting,

0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:25.399
<v Speaker 2>but then I'm almost always told that, no, just kidding,

0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:25.880
<v Speaker 2>you were right?

0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:33.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, see, I mean you are intuitive that I'm just

0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:37.600
<v Speaker 1>gonna call it what it is, Okay, not projecting, how

0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:41.600
<v Speaker 1>about absorbing or taking on other people's feelings like an impath.

0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:46.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so this is something I didn't learn about until

0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:51.919
<v Speaker 2>much later in life. My younger son, who's now sixteen,

0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:54.920
<v Speaker 2>I don't think he'll be listening to this, but I try,

0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:57.720
<v Speaker 2>and you know, be respectful of his existence and his privacy.

0:17:58.240 --> 0:18:04.040
<v Speaker 2>But he often feel what other people were feeling. And

0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:08.600
<v Speaker 2>when he was quite little, the story I like to

0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:11.200
<v Speaker 2>tell I worked with Leslie Jordan and I was working

0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:12.960
<v Speaker 2>with him when he passed away. He was on his

0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:15.720
<v Speaker 2>way to work that day, and there was a memorial

0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:17.840
<v Speaker 2>that was held, and my kids were, you know, in

0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:21.040
<v Speaker 2>their earlier teens. And when I said to my younger son,

0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:23.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, was that sad? Did it feels sad? He

0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:27.560
<v Speaker 2>said no, but I felt everyone else is sad. And

0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:30.679
<v Speaker 2>I don't even know that he understood what he was saying.

0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:37.600
<v Speaker 2>I definitely can pick up on other people's positive or

0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:43.000
<v Speaker 2>negative emotions, and you know, it often happens for children

0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:49.239
<v Speaker 2>who grow up in homes with fighting or contentiousness. That

0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:53.359
<v Speaker 2>we learn very well how to regulate, you know, like

0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:55.560
<v Speaker 2>which emotional side do I need to be on? So

0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:58.320
<v Speaker 2>I think that's actually probably where it came from. But

0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:00.560
<v Speaker 2>I'd like to think that it can be also some

0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:06.720
<v Speaker 2>sort of superpower into you know, being empathic. I I'm

0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:09.679
<v Speaker 2>an introvert, and I wonder if the reason is because

0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:13.199
<v Speaker 2>I am picking up on other people's energy and it

0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:17.080
<v Speaker 2>feels too much. And then I have, you know, people

0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:19.560
<v Speaker 2>in my life like Jonathan who I do the podcast with,

0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:23.720
<v Speaker 2>and Jonathan is very clear that like he feels that

0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:27.440
<v Speaker 2>other people's feelings can get on him and bring him down.

0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:30.399
<v Speaker 2>That's a whole Yeah, Like it feels it feels like

0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:33.680
<v Speaker 2>a wait, like it feels like that I don't. I don't.

0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:35.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm not in touch with that. If that's happening for me,

0:19:36.560 --> 0:19:40.119
<v Speaker 2>that's a lot. Yeah, Apparently people walk around like this,

0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:42.879
<v Speaker 2>and they're those people who are like, I'm sensitive to

0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:45.720
<v Speaker 2>EMFs and I'm like really, But then it seems like

0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:49.280
<v Speaker 2>maybe they are. There are people who have a lot

0:19:49.280 --> 0:19:53.040
<v Speaker 2>of sensitivity to other people's emotions. And you know, who

0:19:53.080 --> 0:19:55.840
<v Speaker 2>am I to say that? Like we're all energetic bodies,

0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:58.720
<v Speaker 2>that's science, right, Who am I? To say that some

0:19:58.760 --> 0:20:02.520
<v Speaker 2>people are not more fine tuned. If you've interacted with

0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:05.840
<v Speaker 2>anyone on the spectrum who has a different way of interacting,

0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:10.560
<v Speaker 2>they often consents things that other people don't. So I

0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:12.680
<v Speaker 2>don't know why that would only be saved, you know,

0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:16.080
<v Speaker 2>for that portion of the population. We're a whole spectrum

0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:18.960
<v Speaker 2>of everything in sensitivity.

0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:29.439
<v Speaker 1>That's so true talking about science outside of being an

0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:34.920
<v Speaker 1>accomplished actor, director, writer, podcast hosts. Mom, you've got a

0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:38.520
<v Speaker 1>little thing called a PhD in neuroscience, which when I

0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:42.840
<v Speaker 1>learned that, I was like, what, so I want to

0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:47.440
<v Speaker 1>come to you for some science backed info here, Okay, okay, yeah,

0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:50.920
<v Speaker 1>get ready. Let's say someone's going through like a breakup

0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:55.160
<v Speaker 1>or like you know, a divorce, and they're going through that,

0:20:55.200 --> 0:20:58.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, emotional trauma that is associated with that. We've

0:20:58.400 --> 0:21:02.240
<v Speaker 1>all been there. People can feel as if their nervous

0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:05.720
<v Speaker 1>systems are just like out of control, like they can't

0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:10.840
<v Speaker 1>get control of their nervous systems. Why is that?

0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:17.520
<v Speaker 2>So? You know, we are wired for survival is sort

0:21:17.520 --> 0:21:22.600
<v Speaker 2>of the simplest explanation. We're wired for survival and the

0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:27.359
<v Speaker 2>nervous system not just in humans, I mean in mammals,

0:21:27.440 --> 0:21:29.800
<v Speaker 2>in particular, you're going to see, you know, similar things.

0:21:29.880 --> 0:21:34.239
<v Speaker 2>But you know, in most animals that you can think of,

0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:39.120
<v Speaker 2>there is a response that is you know, we call

0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:43.640
<v Speaker 2>it redundant, meaning the brain and the nervous system they

0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:46.800
<v Speaker 2>don't have a different reaction for this is a minor

0:21:46.880 --> 0:21:49.600
<v Speaker 2>love affair that didn't work out, or this is a

0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:54.440
<v Speaker 2>thirty year marriage, or this is I just watched you know,

0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:58.320
<v Speaker 2>my baby get eaten by a hyena. Right, the nervous

0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:02.680
<v Speaker 2>system kind of conserved, you know, conserves a set of reactions,

0:22:03.320 --> 0:22:07.760
<v Speaker 2>and so heartbreak, you know, in particular, it's going to

0:22:07.800 --> 0:22:10.960
<v Speaker 2>feel like loss and grief, and our nervous system is

0:22:11.000 --> 0:22:13.240
<v Speaker 2>going to go through the same dance that it does

0:22:13.359 --> 0:22:16.840
<v Speaker 2>for other kinds of loss and grief. It's the cognitive

0:22:16.880 --> 0:22:20.160
<v Speaker 2>part of us. It's the left hemisphere part of us

0:22:20.240 --> 0:22:23.679
<v Speaker 2>that allows us to say, everything happens for a reason,

0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:29.440
<v Speaker 2>God's in charge. It wasn't a healthy relationship anyway, right.

0:22:29.760 --> 0:22:32.920
<v Speaker 2>But the fact is the other, like the right side

0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:35.200
<v Speaker 2>of the brain, that feeling part, has to feel those

0:22:35.240 --> 0:22:38.480
<v Speaker 2>feelings and that's all regulated by a nervous system that

0:22:38.560 --> 0:22:44.680
<v Speaker 2>is primed, you know, to help us experience those emotions.

0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:48.360
<v Speaker 2>You know, when when my father died. My dad died

0:22:48.400 --> 0:22:51.320
<v Speaker 2>ten years ago. You know, many people instantly said, are

0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:55.399
<v Speaker 2>you going to go on medication? And that is the

0:22:55.440 --> 0:22:59.800
<v Speaker 2>way the Western world often treats, for example, grief, right, right,

0:23:00.840 --> 0:23:03.960
<v Speaker 2>let's not experience it. And it is not for me

0:23:04.040 --> 0:23:06.399
<v Speaker 2>to say you shouldn't go on medication if someone dies, like,

0:23:06.480 --> 0:23:08.440
<v Speaker 2>that's not what I'm here to say. But what I'm

0:23:08.440 --> 0:23:12.240
<v Speaker 2>here to say is for me, my understanding was grief

0:23:12.320 --> 0:23:17.040
<v Speaker 2>is a process that my body and my nervous system

0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:19.520
<v Speaker 2>are going to go through so that I can move

0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:23.560
<v Speaker 2>to the other side of this event. Right. And when

0:23:23.560 --> 0:23:26.920
<v Speaker 2>people talk about their nervous systems not kind of regulating,

0:23:28.240 --> 0:23:32.440
<v Speaker 2>that's also evidence of what we know is true, which

0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:37.879
<v Speaker 2>is that grief it compounds. Trauma compounds, loss compounds, so

0:23:38.760 --> 0:23:43.879
<v Speaker 2>one loss will trigger the emotional memory sometimes the literal

0:23:43.920 --> 0:23:47.840
<v Speaker 2>memory of other losses. Right. So you know, if I

0:23:47.880 --> 0:23:50.439
<v Speaker 2>still feel grief, let's say about my divorce, which was

0:23:50.960 --> 0:23:54.280
<v Speaker 2>twelve thirteen years ago, chances are it's tapping into some

0:23:54.480 --> 0:23:57.280
<v Speaker 2>other loss, right. So all of this kind of compounds,

0:23:57.280 --> 0:24:00.440
<v Speaker 2>and it's just sort of the way that we're wired. Now.

0:24:00.520 --> 0:24:04.000
<v Speaker 2>Other animals besides humans, have ways that they shake it off.

0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:06.200
<v Speaker 2>Shaking is one of them, which is why a lot

0:24:06.240 --> 0:24:09.119
<v Speaker 2>of people for vegus nerve vegas like nerve toning, Like

0:24:09.119 --> 0:24:10.879
<v Speaker 2>I'll say, you have to like shake it. Animals do

0:24:10.960 --> 0:24:14.560
<v Speaker 2>have an ability to regulate in ways that humans, you know,

0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:19.880
<v Speaker 2>kind of have adapted out of. And you know, again,

0:24:19.920 --> 0:24:22.800
<v Speaker 2>we also have this sort of cognitive part that allows

0:24:22.840 --> 0:24:25.840
<v Speaker 2>us to sort of be actively processing our traumas as

0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:27.880
<v Speaker 2>they're happening in a way that's different, you know, from

0:24:27.920 --> 0:24:28.640
<v Speaker 2>other animals.

0:24:29.680 --> 0:24:33.040
<v Speaker 1>Do you have any tips on how to regulate your

0:24:33.080 --> 0:24:35.119
<v Speaker 1>nervous system? I'm asking for a friend.

0:24:36.280 --> 0:24:42.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, I've been exploring the vagel toning, which

0:24:42.960 --> 0:24:45.000
<v Speaker 2>is you know, it's coming up on my Instagram now.

0:24:45.040 --> 0:24:47.080
<v Speaker 2>I think that's how much it hears me talking about it.

0:24:47.160 --> 0:24:48.879
<v Speaker 1>If you think about it, it'll come up on your

0:24:48.880 --> 0:24:50.240
<v Speaker 1>feed right exactly.

0:24:50.520 --> 0:24:53.680
<v Speaker 2>So, the vagus nerve is a cranial nerve. It's the

0:24:54.000 --> 0:24:59.960
<v Speaker 2>tenth cranial nerve, and it regulates many aspects of your physiology.

0:25:00.640 --> 0:25:03.200
<v Speaker 2>Because I think it's also important when you talk about

0:25:03.200 --> 0:25:06.720
<v Speaker 2>like your nervous system feeling disregulated, we're not just talking

0:25:06.760 --> 0:25:09.880
<v Speaker 2>about like I'm upset, right, We're talking about a physiological

0:25:10.640 --> 0:25:15.600
<v Speaker 2>set of things that happen. Yes, like shaky are constriction correct,

0:25:15.880 --> 0:25:19.560
<v Speaker 2>so the vagus nerve. The ways that you know we

0:25:19.600 --> 0:25:22.720
<v Speaker 2>can kind of calm down are with you know, even

0:25:22.800 --> 0:25:27.840
<v Speaker 2>learning diaframatic breathing. Most people breathe from their shoulders like right,

0:25:28.359 --> 0:25:30.960
<v Speaker 2>but learning to breathe so that basically your chest and

0:25:30.960 --> 0:25:34.080
<v Speaker 2>shoulders do not move at all. Breathing into your belly

0:25:34.200 --> 0:25:37.560
<v Speaker 2>as if you're filling up your lower belly with a

0:25:37.560 --> 0:25:41.119
<v Speaker 2>baby or a basketball. That kind of breathing stimulates the

0:25:41.200 --> 0:25:45.080
<v Speaker 2>vegus nerve for trying to literally calm you down. A

0:25:45.080 --> 0:25:50.040
<v Speaker 2>lot of people also will do busying activities when they're

0:25:50.080 --> 0:25:52.520
<v Speaker 2>not feeling well because they think that it will distract

0:25:52.560 --> 0:25:56.160
<v Speaker 2>them from what's happening. Sometimes you need to lean in

0:25:56.160 --> 0:25:59.800
<v Speaker 2>to your nervous system being dysregulated. It often means you

0:25:59.840 --> 0:26:03.600
<v Speaker 2>need to cry or you need to move your body.

0:26:04.920 --> 0:26:08.040
<v Speaker 2>That's why there are yoga practices for thousands of years

0:26:08.119 --> 0:26:11.040
<v Speaker 2>that have put you in uncomfortable situations where you have

0:26:11.160 --> 0:26:15.680
<v Speaker 2>to sit so that you can literally have release. To me,

0:26:15.880 --> 0:26:18.200
<v Speaker 2>when the nervous system is shaking like that, it's because

0:26:18.200 --> 0:26:20.919
<v Speaker 2>you're trying to hold it all together, and sometimes we

0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:22.840
<v Speaker 2>need to fall apart so that we can be put

0:26:22.880 --> 0:26:23.439
<v Speaker 2>back together.

0:26:24.440 --> 0:26:28.040
<v Speaker 1>I love that. That's so true. You have to feel

0:26:28.040 --> 0:26:31.920
<v Speaker 1>your feelings, you have to sit in them correct.

0:26:32.000 --> 0:26:33.680
<v Speaker 2>And I think a lot of people feel like, oh,

0:26:33.720 --> 0:26:36.840
<v Speaker 2>that's new age, you know, mumbo jumbo, that's you know,

0:26:37.080 --> 0:26:40.320
<v Speaker 2>just lip service. But when we say feel your feelings,

0:26:40.440 --> 0:26:44.040
<v Speaker 2>it means when you're happy, are you present when you're happy?

0:26:44.119 --> 0:26:45.919
<v Speaker 2>Do you have an idea of what that feels like

0:26:46.040 --> 0:26:47.960
<v Speaker 2>to feel joy? When you see the person you love

0:26:48.000 --> 0:26:50.560
<v Speaker 2>across the room and you get that elevator drop feeling

0:26:50.600 --> 0:26:54.240
<v Speaker 2>in your body? Those are positive chemicals, right. And when

0:26:54.280 --> 0:26:57.439
<v Speaker 2>you're sad, can you do more than just say like

0:26:57.520 --> 0:27:00.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm sad or that really sucks? Can you and say

0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:03.080
<v Speaker 2>what does it feel like in my body? What does

0:27:03.119 --> 0:27:05.560
<v Speaker 2>it remind me of? Where is it in my body?

0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:08.320
<v Speaker 2>Does it need to move? Do I need to stretch?

0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:08.520
<v Speaker 1>Like?

0:27:08.560 --> 0:27:10.080
<v Speaker 2>Do I need to take a walk? Do I need

0:27:10.119 --> 0:27:13.000
<v Speaker 2>to stop interacting with my kids for five minutes? Right?

0:27:13.359 --> 0:27:14.159
<v Speaker 1>Oh? Yeah?

0:27:14.400 --> 0:27:14.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:27:14.880 --> 0:27:17.040
<v Speaker 1>It's so important to ask your body what it needs

0:27:17.119 --> 0:27:19.960
<v Speaker 1>and to listen correct. It's really hard to do though

0:27:20.000 --> 0:27:20.520
<v Speaker 1>for some.

0:27:20.400 --> 0:27:24.679
<v Speaker 2>People it's very hard to do, and it's free. No

0:27:24.720 --> 0:27:27.199
<v Speaker 2>one's trying to sell you a pill. You don't have

0:27:27.240 --> 0:27:30.840
<v Speaker 2>to deal with side effects. Right. It is completely free

0:27:30.880 --> 0:27:34.840
<v Speaker 2>to learn to breathe. It's something that is every human's birthright.

0:27:34.960 --> 0:27:38.240
<v Speaker 2>It's not just for rich ladies in Los Angeles, right, Yes,

0:27:38.320 --> 0:27:42.119
<v Speaker 2>deep breathing, deep breathing, learning to breathe, learning what it

0:27:42.160 --> 0:27:45.640
<v Speaker 2>means to localize feelings in your body. Some school systems

0:27:45.640 --> 0:27:48.080
<v Speaker 2>are starting to teach this to kids. This is not

0:27:48.119 --> 0:27:50.560
<v Speaker 2>going to make it's not going to make weak children,

0:27:50.680 --> 0:27:53.800
<v Speaker 2>I promise, it's going to make strong children who can

0:27:54.000 --> 0:27:57.240
<v Speaker 2>know what's happening in their body so that they can

0:27:57.280 --> 0:28:00.800
<v Speaker 2>also hopefully deal with challenges with more resilience.

0:28:01.240 --> 0:28:04.240
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, it's so important. Why they didn't never teach me

0:28:04.320 --> 0:28:07.680
<v Speaker 1>that in school or even as a young adult, those

0:28:07.680 --> 0:28:11.119
<v Speaker 1>conversations were never being had. Right as a mom, I

0:28:11.160 --> 0:28:15.640
<v Speaker 1>feel so fortunate to have so much more information than

0:28:15.680 --> 0:28:18.560
<v Speaker 1>my mom did or my teachers did, as far as

0:28:18.600 --> 0:28:22.520
<v Speaker 1>like mental health and how to take care of yourself. Sure,

0:28:23.000 --> 0:28:26.560
<v Speaker 1>those kinds of levels, because that's a lot more important

0:28:26.560 --> 0:28:31.280
<v Speaker 1>to me than algebra or you know, all the things

0:28:31.280 --> 0:28:33.040
<v Speaker 1>that I didn't do grade and in school.

0:28:33.480 --> 0:28:35.800
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm a fan of algebraic for different reasons. But

0:28:35.840 --> 0:28:38.440
<v Speaker 2>you're right, this was the part, you know, this was

0:28:38.480 --> 0:28:41.400
<v Speaker 2>the part we didn't have this vocabulary, And of course

0:28:41.440 --> 0:28:44.840
<v Speaker 2>we were told like, you know, it's silly that boys

0:28:44.880 --> 0:28:47.280
<v Speaker 2>can't cry, But we didn't have a whole language around

0:28:47.320 --> 0:28:52.000
<v Speaker 2>why we've created a culture where vulnerability is denigrated, you know,

0:28:52.040 --> 0:28:54.719
<v Speaker 2>like we didn't have those words, Like we knew it

0:28:54.800 --> 0:28:58.080
<v Speaker 2>was weird to be sexualized as young girls, but we

0:28:58.120 --> 0:29:00.800
<v Speaker 2>didn't have the vocabulary to be like, you can't treat

0:29:00.840 --> 0:29:04.400
<v Speaker 2>me like that, and I'm uncomfortable with this conversation. I'd

0:29:04.440 --> 0:29:07.160
<v Speaker 2>like you to leave my dressing room. No one told

0:29:07.200 --> 0:29:08.280
<v Speaker 2>us those things.

0:29:08.600 --> 0:29:11.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, can you imagine where we would be

0:29:11.800 --> 0:29:15.800
<v Speaker 1>if we had those words to use then, I mean, we.

0:29:15.880 --> 0:29:18.160
<v Speaker 2>Would have been fired because nobody was ready for that.

0:29:19.080 --> 0:29:23.720
<v Speaker 1>But now seeing my daughters have those systems in place

0:29:24.160 --> 0:29:28.160
<v Speaker 1>and the ability and even though people still don't want

0:29:28.200 --> 0:29:32.080
<v Speaker 1>to hear it, yeah, sometimes it's so important that we

0:29:32.120 --> 0:29:35.239
<v Speaker 1>know we can't we have that at any moment in

0:29:35.280 --> 0:29:35.560
<v Speaker 1>our too.

0:29:35.840 --> 0:29:39.000
<v Speaker 2>Next, one of the things that I love about interacting with,

0:29:39.040 --> 0:29:43.320
<v Speaker 2>in particular young women in our industry is they have

0:29:43.400 --> 0:29:46.240
<v Speaker 2>such a sense of strength, They're so they feel so

0:29:46.480 --> 0:29:49.880
<v Speaker 2>entitled to be respected, And I love it because you

0:29:49.960 --> 0:29:52.800
<v Speaker 2>can't imagine that, Like I knew that I wanted that.

0:29:53.720 --> 0:29:56.200
<v Speaker 2>Never in a million years did I think that I'd

0:29:56.200 --> 0:29:59.040
<v Speaker 2>see a twenty year old woman say to a forty

0:29:59.040 --> 0:30:01.160
<v Speaker 2>five year old man, I don't like the way you're

0:30:01.160 --> 0:30:03.400
<v Speaker 2>speaking to me. I'm going to ask you to stop

0:30:03.600 --> 0:30:06.480
<v Speaker 2>or I'm gonna have to leave this conversation. Like wow,

0:30:06.520 --> 0:30:07.240
<v Speaker 2>that's right.

0:30:07.600 --> 0:30:09.680
<v Speaker 1>That would have been like, oh God, everybody's gonna think

0:30:09.680 --> 0:30:13.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm such a bitch. I can't say that, right, And yeah,

0:30:13.520 --> 0:30:17.480
<v Speaker 1>and anybody around me, specifically my co star Shannon, was

0:30:17.720 --> 0:30:21.280
<v Speaker 1>very outspoken and she had those tools at a young age,

0:30:21.600 --> 0:30:24.120
<v Speaker 1>and I always admired that so much about her.

0:30:24.600 --> 0:30:26.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but she was ahead of her time though.

0:30:26.600 --> 0:30:29.320
<v Speaker 1>Yes, And I learned from her at an early age

0:30:29.680 --> 0:30:32.160
<v Speaker 1>that I could do that too, So she was always

0:30:32.200 --> 0:30:33.800
<v Speaker 1>like my hero in that respect.

0:30:34.520 --> 0:30:34.800
<v Speaker 2>Yep.

0:30:34.960 --> 0:30:37.160
<v Speaker 1>And I hope to be able to serve as that

0:30:37.320 --> 0:30:38.400
<v Speaker 1>for my daughters now.

0:30:38.960 --> 0:30:40.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, for sure, for sure.

0:30:47.200 --> 0:30:49.160
<v Speaker 1>You talked about this before. You and I are both

0:30:49.280 --> 0:30:51.400
<v Speaker 1>in a club that nobody wants to be a part of.

0:30:52.120 --> 0:30:57.560
<v Speaker 1>We both lost our fathers. Ugh. Grief is such an

0:30:57.560 --> 0:31:00.920
<v Speaker 1>ongoing process and it changes and it all over time,

0:31:01.520 --> 0:31:04.640
<v Speaker 1>but it never leaves us. No and I think you

0:31:04.720 --> 0:31:09.800
<v Speaker 1>talked about before, when you experience new grief, it just

0:31:10.000 --> 0:31:15.440
<v Speaker 1>seems to tap right back into that same dark deep well, yeah,

0:31:15.480 --> 0:31:19.680
<v Speaker 1>the first time we experienced grief. Yeah, significant grief.

0:31:20.440 --> 0:31:23.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean, look, I see a lot of alternative healers who,

0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:27.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, believe that our grief goes way back, and

0:31:28.080 --> 0:31:30.800
<v Speaker 2>the grief that we're aware of is just building on

0:31:30.840 --> 0:31:33.440
<v Speaker 2>all the grief that we're not consciously aware of. Right,

0:31:33.720 --> 0:31:37.880
<v Speaker 2>And this can get like very you know. So I

0:31:37.920 --> 0:31:41.680
<v Speaker 2>see a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner, and you know, they

0:31:41.720 --> 0:31:45.240
<v Speaker 2>call the umbilical hoard like the first trauma. They call

0:31:45.240 --> 0:31:48.920
<v Speaker 2>it the first wound. Yes, because you are it's when

0:31:48.920 --> 0:31:52.200
<v Speaker 2>you're taken right from everything that's like safe, it's well,

0:31:52.240 --> 0:31:53.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean, look, it has to happen.

0:31:53.440 --> 0:31:54.880
<v Speaker 1>I get it, I guess.

0:31:54.640 --> 0:31:58.320
<v Speaker 2>But the notion of like you know, we do, we

0:31:58.400 --> 0:32:01.520
<v Speaker 2>hold a lot of stress and anxiety in that region. Right.

0:32:02.560 --> 0:32:04.720
<v Speaker 2>If you have a nervous stomach, right, that's your proof

0:32:04.720 --> 0:32:06.400
<v Speaker 2>that the mind and body are connected. If you're the

0:32:06.400 --> 0:32:08.280
<v Speaker 2>person who's like, oh, I need to go to the

0:32:08.320 --> 0:32:12.200
<v Speaker 2>bathroom before this date this interview, that's your gut. It's

0:32:12.240 --> 0:32:14.720
<v Speaker 2>your gut telling you something right, And the notion is

0:32:14.760 --> 0:32:17.200
<v Speaker 2>not to make us feel like we'reth these you know,

0:32:17.360 --> 0:32:20.560
<v Speaker 2>delicate like oh, I'm just a bottle of trauma, but

0:32:20.600 --> 0:32:24.400
<v Speaker 2>the notion of acknowledging like my body holds memory, my

0:32:24.480 --> 0:32:27.680
<v Speaker 2>body's keeping the score of kind of everything that has happened.

0:32:28.120 --> 0:32:31.240
<v Speaker 2>So when we have a parent die, right, or when

0:32:31.240 --> 0:32:35.200
<v Speaker 2>we have any significant loss like that, yeah, it's tapping

0:32:35.200 --> 0:32:38.200
<v Speaker 2>into a chemistry that's already kind of crimed for that.

0:32:38.800 --> 0:32:41.160
<v Speaker 2>And I remember that, and I did a lot of writing.

0:32:41.480 --> 0:32:43.840
<v Speaker 2>I was writing for for Keller, and then I have

0:32:44.160 --> 0:32:46.040
<v Speaker 2>Feller dot com and then I have my own website,

0:32:46.080 --> 0:32:48.000
<v Speaker 2>and I did a lot of writing in the first

0:32:48.080 --> 0:32:52.959
<v Speaker 2>year of grief. Even joy made me feel grief, and

0:32:53.000 --> 0:32:55.480
<v Speaker 2>I thought, well, what are these wires that are crossing?

0:32:55.920 --> 0:32:59.200
<v Speaker 2>Good things are happening, And it's like grief won't even

0:32:59.760 --> 0:33:03.200
<v Speaker 2>let me at it, you know. It's it's a very

0:33:03.280 --> 0:33:09.800
<v Speaker 2>very humbling experience to walk through literally through grief that way.

0:33:10.240 --> 0:33:12.920
<v Speaker 2>But I think the biggest thing that shocked me was

0:33:13.600 --> 0:33:16.240
<v Speaker 2>before my dad died. I always thought that a parent

0:33:16.320 --> 0:33:18.960
<v Speaker 2>dying was a thing. It was an event, like my

0:33:19.240 --> 0:33:22.680
<v Speaker 2>dad died on this day, and exactly what you said,

0:33:22.800 --> 0:33:26.600
<v Speaker 2>it's a process and you get through it. You move

0:33:26.840 --> 0:33:30.040
<v Speaker 2>through that, and it continues to change, but it is

0:33:30.280 --> 0:33:34.760
<v Speaker 2>always there. It's always there. You are now a person

0:33:34.800 --> 0:33:39.600
<v Speaker 2>who's living without your parent. You're functioning in a world

0:33:39.960 --> 0:33:43.440
<v Speaker 2>and they're not on this physical plane with you anymore.

0:33:43.880 --> 0:33:46.440
<v Speaker 2>My dad died ten years ago, I still be like, oh,

0:33:46.520 --> 0:33:48.320
<v Speaker 2>I go see if he's watching the next game, Like,

0:33:48.400 --> 0:33:50.040
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, he's not going to believe this trade

0:33:50.040 --> 0:33:53.680
<v Speaker 2>Like that's my brain kind of still goes there. And

0:33:53.720 --> 0:33:55.640
<v Speaker 2>the idea is not that I'm sitting in that same

0:33:55.720 --> 0:33:59.160
<v Speaker 2>kind of grief one hundred percent. I'm not. But there

0:33:59.200 --> 0:34:02.280
<v Speaker 2>are still things that happened that will tap into all

0:34:02.320 --> 0:34:04.920
<v Speaker 2>of it. And that's the brain just doing what it does.

0:34:06.640 --> 0:34:10.839
<v Speaker 1>I think, especially when we love someone so deeply and completely.

0:34:11.360 --> 0:34:15.680
<v Speaker 1>You know, I was very close with my dad. I

0:34:15.760 --> 0:34:17.719
<v Speaker 1>just I'm not I can't really get into it right now,

0:34:17.719 --> 0:34:21.640
<v Speaker 1>but I just had a member of my family pass away. Sorry,

0:34:22.120 --> 0:34:27.080
<v Speaker 1>and it's it goes right back to that same feeling.

0:34:27.280 --> 0:34:29.600
<v Speaker 1>And it's like this was a dog that I'm referring to,

0:34:29.800 --> 0:34:33.800
<v Speaker 1>and the connection that I have with that dog feels

0:34:33.840 --> 0:34:38.400
<v Speaker 1>like the same kind of grief in my body as

0:34:38.440 --> 0:34:41.000
<v Speaker 1>when my dad passed away. And yeah, I don't know

0:34:41.040 --> 0:34:46.920
<v Speaker 1>that people really believe that understand that, but it's true

0:34:46.920 --> 0:34:47.160
<v Speaker 1>for me.

0:34:48.040 --> 0:34:51.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's true for me. And I think that's also

0:34:51.080 --> 0:34:55.200
<v Speaker 2>something that's important is like that gets to be your experience, right,

0:34:55.320 --> 0:34:58.560
<v Speaker 2>other people don't get to write. And that's the other

0:34:58.600 --> 0:35:01.239
<v Speaker 2>thing that I've sort of learned from doing my podcast.

0:35:01.400 --> 0:35:04.600
<v Speaker 2>You never know. You never know what people are going through.

0:35:04.920 --> 0:35:07.719
<v Speaker 2>You never know if their dog dying was because they

0:35:07.760 --> 0:35:11.440
<v Speaker 2>had unresolved issues, right or god forbid, they had a

0:35:11.480 --> 0:35:14.600
<v Speaker 2>contentious relationship with someone that they lost, and it's bringing

0:35:14.680 --> 0:35:17.359
<v Speaker 2>up all those things. I don't know, you know. And

0:35:17.400 --> 0:35:19.480
<v Speaker 2>that's why, like I really do, I try to come

0:35:19.480 --> 0:35:23.480
<v Speaker 2>from a place of like compassion and holding space for

0:35:23.520 --> 0:35:26.920
<v Speaker 2>whatever anybody else is dealing with, you know, seeing that

0:35:26.920 --> 0:35:29.160
<v Speaker 2>T shirt, Like you never know what someone else is

0:35:29.200 --> 0:35:32.120
<v Speaker 2>going through. What if we all operated like that? You know?

0:35:33.160 --> 0:35:35.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I do that a lot. I drive around or

0:35:35.480 --> 0:35:38.880
<v Speaker 1>I'll look out the airplane window or whatever and see

0:35:39.239 --> 0:35:42.440
<v Speaker 1>all the people and all the houses and think, like

0:35:43.239 --> 0:35:47.279
<v Speaker 1>what is going on in there? Like I want to

0:35:47.320 --> 0:35:48.520
<v Speaker 1>know what they're going through.

0:35:48.960 --> 0:35:50.920
<v Speaker 2>I think everybody's got a story.

0:35:50.640 --> 0:35:54.239
<v Speaker 1>Pretty much, it's all going to connect and relate back

0:35:54.320 --> 0:35:56.040
<v Speaker 1>to the same thing, and we're all feeling it in

0:35:56.160 --> 0:35:58.920
<v Speaker 1>just different situations, different ways.

0:35:59.280 --> 0:35:59.520
<v Speaker 2>Yep.

0:36:06.280 --> 0:36:11.120
<v Speaker 1>Let me ask you about this. We are viewing and

0:36:11.200 --> 0:36:14.080
<v Speaker 1>absorbing information in such a different way than we have

0:36:14.400 --> 0:36:16.839
<v Speaker 1>ever before. It's coming at us so fast and so

0:36:16.880 --> 0:36:21.239
<v Speaker 1>hard and so short, such short lengths. What impact do

0:36:21.320 --> 0:36:23.640
<v Speaker 1>you think that is having on our nervous system and

0:36:23.719 --> 0:36:24.840
<v Speaker 1>on our mental health.

0:36:25.640 --> 0:36:27.239
<v Speaker 2>I can speak to this as a scientist, and I

0:36:27.280 --> 0:36:28.439
<v Speaker 2>can speak to you too.

0:36:28.760 --> 0:36:31.560
<v Speaker 1>This is it's so hot when you talk like a scientist.

0:36:32.360 --> 0:36:34.719
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate that, no, but it's also just I can

0:36:34.760 --> 0:36:37.719
<v Speaker 2>speak to it as a human and I don't mean

0:36:37.760 --> 0:36:42.000
<v Speaker 2>to sound like this lady, but yeah, we're not primed

0:36:42.400 --> 0:36:46.719
<v Speaker 2>for short bits of information that are trying to communicate

0:36:46.760 --> 0:36:49.640
<v Speaker 2>things that are incredibly complicated. And that's one of the

0:36:49.640 --> 0:36:56.160
<v Speaker 2>reasons I do not get news from social media. It's

0:36:56.360 --> 0:36:58.520
<v Speaker 2>one of the reasons I don't have debates with people

0:36:58.640 --> 0:37:04.520
<v Speaker 2>about deep philosophical issues. Our brains are not wired to

0:37:04.760 --> 0:37:09.240
<v Speaker 2>understand nuance in a ten second clip. We are meant

0:37:09.280 --> 0:37:15.080
<v Speaker 2>for compassion, for exchange of information. You know a lot

0:37:15.080 --> 0:37:16.759
<v Speaker 2>of people like to point out, like, oh, our brains

0:37:16.800 --> 0:37:19.719
<v Speaker 2>are adapting, they're changing they're really not changing. We are

0:37:19.760 --> 0:37:22.120
<v Speaker 2>the same brains that we were ten thousand years ago,

0:37:22.160 --> 0:37:24.799
<v Speaker 2>one hundred thousand, Like, it's the same brain as if

0:37:24.800 --> 0:37:28.200
<v Speaker 2>we're in a state of nature, hunting and gathering. Everything

0:37:28.239 --> 0:37:31.000
<v Speaker 2>has happened very very quickly, but the brain does not

0:37:31.120 --> 0:37:33.080
<v Speaker 2>change in one generation, I promise.

0:37:33.360 --> 0:37:37.200
<v Speaker 1>So my wires aren't fried from all the no.

0:37:37.920 --> 0:37:40.840
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we're living in a constant state of overstimulation.

0:37:41.239 --> 0:37:47.400
<v Speaker 2>We're living in a state of neurochemical overstimulation, tactile overstimulation,

0:37:47.600 --> 0:37:52.600
<v Speaker 2>visual overstimulation. All those things are true. But we can

0:37:52.640 --> 0:37:56.239
<v Speaker 2>still return. And that's what vagel toning exercises are for.

0:37:56.400 --> 0:37:59.640
<v Speaker 2>That's what nature is for. That's what having a spiritual

0:37:59.719 --> 0:38:03.600
<v Speaker 2>pus is for. It's reminding you of that quiet place

0:38:03.800 --> 0:38:07.440
<v Speaker 2>that has always existed in the human brain. In the

0:38:07.440 --> 0:38:12.680
<v Speaker 2>mammalian brain, we are primed for interaction with other creatures.

0:38:13.000 --> 0:38:15.839
<v Speaker 2>We're not supposed to be attached to something that we're

0:38:15.840 --> 0:38:18.759
<v Speaker 2>staring down out all day. So when people say, like, oh,

0:38:18.800 --> 0:38:20.600
<v Speaker 2>the only way I can go out to dinner with

0:38:20.640 --> 0:38:23.640
<v Speaker 2>a child is to put them in front of a tablet. A,

0:38:23.840 --> 0:38:25.879
<v Speaker 2>that's not true, and now B.

0:38:26.640 --> 0:38:27.279
<v Speaker 1>We do that.

0:38:27.360 --> 0:38:30.799
<v Speaker 2>You make correct correct, so and I feel that way

0:38:30.800 --> 0:38:32.839
<v Speaker 2>about kind of a lot of these things, like how

0:38:32.880 --> 0:38:35.360
<v Speaker 2>am I going to make rules about this with my kids?

0:38:35.440 --> 0:38:39.839
<v Speaker 2>Because you know, that's a huge challenge. Jonathan Hype talks

0:38:39.840 --> 0:38:42.360
<v Speaker 2>about this in Anxious Generation. He talks about the changes

0:38:42.360 --> 0:38:44.719
<v Speaker 2>in the brain and our culture and ways that we

0:38:44.760 --> 0:38:48.800
<v Speaker 2>can kind of turn it around, but you know, to

0:38:48.960 --> 0:38:53.480
<v Speaker 2>speak to some of the science of it. The rise

0:38:53.520 --> 0:38:58.480
<v Speaker 2>in autoimmune diagnoses, the rise in people struggling with attention,

0:38:59.239 --> 0:39:04.200
<v Speaker 2>the rise in a need for a categorization of what

0:39:04.480 --> 0:39:08.520
<v Speaker 2>many can see, shifts in when they change their screen time.

0:39:09.719 --> 0:39:11.960
<v Speaker 2>Dare I say, when they make even small changes to

0:39:12.000 --> 0:39:15.680
<v Speaker 2>their diet. You know a lot of the things that

0:39:15.680 --> 0:39:17.839
<v Speaker 2>that we have been told are good for us are

0:39:17.840 --> 0:39:21.480
<v Speaker 2>in many cases not good for us. And you should

0:39:21.480 --> 0:39:23.640
<v Speaker 2>be very skeptical. You know of companies that give you

0:39:23.680 --> 0:39:26.640
<v Speaker 2>toys with your food, right, it's trying to get you

0:39:26.760 --> 0:39:28.520
<v Speaker 2>to buy more of something.

0:39:28.920 --> 0:39:31.160
<v Speaker 1>That's the best. When the ceial number, when we.

0:39:31.120 --> 0:39:33.799
<v Speaker 2>Get write cereal the little that's right, We've got the

0:39:33.840 --> 0:39:36.799
<v Speaker 2>little ties. But you know, we we do. We we

0:39:36.880 --> 0:39:39.320
<v Speaker 2>live in a country that is in you know. Johann

0:39:39.360 --> 0:39:42.160
<v Speaker 2>Harry talks about this his book on Ozembic talks about

0:39:42.160 --> 0:39:46.440
<v Speaker 2>this and tremendous, beautiful detail in a compassionate and loving way.

0:39:46.840 --> 0:39:49.080
<v Speaker 2>You know, we've been taught to eat a certain way

0:39:49.120 --> 0:39:51.719
<v Speaker 2>and to behave a certain way that clearly is not

0:39:51.880 --> 0:39:58.960
<v Speaker 2>agreeing with our cardiovascular health, our mental health. There's many indications,

0:39:59.000 --> 0:40:00.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, when people are like, but I turned out okay.

0:40:01.440 --> 0:40:04.040
<v Speaker 2>Look at the health of our country, not just the

0:40:04.040 --> 0:40:06.840
<v Speaker 2>physical health, look at the mental health of our country.

0:40:07.560 --> 0:40:10.399
<v Speaker 2>Look at what we're living in. Did we really turn

0:40:10.440 --> 0:40:11.080
<v Speaker 2>out okay?

0:40:13.400 --> 0:40:15.040
<v Speaker 1>Are we supposed to be able to answer that question?

0:40:16.200 --> 0:40:18.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you know, and I also, I'm not a

0:40:18.560 --> 0:40:20.600
<v Speaker 2>doomsday person. I believe there's a lot of good. I

0:40:20.640 --> 0:40:23.600
<v Speaker 2>think there's a lot of I am a very hopeful person.

0:40:24.400 --> 0:40:24.880
<v Speaker 1>That's great.

0:40:24.920 --> 0:40:28.440
<v Speaker 2>But when it comes to certain things like again, the

0:40:28.440 --> 0:40:31.040
<v Speaker 2>way the brain and nervous system we're taught to adapt,

0:40:31.080 --> 0:40:35.319
<v Speaker 2>the way the body is taught to process food and information, Yeah,

0:40:35.360 --> 0:40:39.759
<v Speaker 2>we're not really living in concordance with that or in

0:40:39.800 --> 0:40:45.160
<v Speaker 2>many cases overstimulating it and being allowing ourselves kind of

0:40:45.160 --> 0:40:47.440
<v Speaker 2>to be lied to about what's good for us. Right, Like,

0:40:47.480 --> 0:40:49.359
<v Speaker 2>I know it feels good in my body, I do.

0:40:49.440 --> 0:40:53.960
<v Speaker 1>I promise you're a vegan, I am it happened to

0:40:54.000 --> 0:40:59.799
<v Speaker 1>be as well. Nay, it's it's something people don't really understand.

0:41:00.560 --> 0:41:05.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and so there's a hot topic. Yeah. I mean, look,

0:41:05.920 --> 0:41:07.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure I don't know how long you've been vegan.

0:41:08.000 --> 0:41:11.240
<v Speaker 2>But when I started being a vegetarian when I was nineteen,

0:41:11.320 --> 0:41:14.400
<v Speaker 2>and I transitioned to veganism about ten years later. You know,

0:41:14.440 --> 0:41:18.600
<v Speaker 2>even being a vegetarian, my own parents were like, you're what, No,

0:41:19.200 --> 0:41:21.520
<v Speaker 2>we eat everything on our plate. What like, we didn't

0:41:21.520 --> 0:41:25.200
<v Speaker 2>survive Eastern Europe for you to not eat certain things

0:41:25.239 --> 0:41:28.040
<v Speaker 2>on your plate. The fact that the conversation is so

0:41:28.120 --> 0:41:30.360
<v Speaker 2>much broader, so much bigger, The fact that you know,

0:41:30.440 --> 0:41:32.880
<v Speaker 2>vegetarians are vegan, don't have to just eat pasta in

0:41:32.920 --> 0:41:35.759
<v Speaker 2>French fries and iceberg lettuce, which was pretty much when

0:41:35.760 --> 0:41:40.160
<v Speaker 2>many of us ate. That's incredible. And also I left

0:41:40.160 --> 0:41:42.840
<v Speaker 2>home you know when I when I went to college,

0:41:43.040 --> 0:41:46.400
<v Speaker 2>was when I became a vegetarian. It just it really

0:41:46.440 --> 0:41:48.600
<v Speaker 2>wasn't an option. My parents were not mean people. My

0:41:48.680 --> 0:41:51.479
<v Speaker 2>parents were you know, my mom was a very healthy eater,

0:41:51.560 --> 0:41:54.360
<v Speaker 2>Like we weren't allowed sugar, cereal, and like snack before

0:41:54.360 --> 0:41:56.960
<v Speaker 2>dinner was like a rock herrot, Like take a carrot

0:41:57.000 --> 0:41:59.840
<v Speaker 2>from the fridge, like we weren't you know, didn't eat fast,

0:42:00.239 --> 0:42:02.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, but still there was a standard American diet

0:42:02.920 --> 0:42:05.000
<v Speaker 2>that you know, many of us were sort of taught

0:42:05.000 --> 0:42:08.000
<v Speaker 2>to live by. And so yeah, it was when I

0:42:08.040 --> 0:42:10.120
<v Speaker 2>was nineteen and I moved out and I started going

0:42:10.160 --> 0:42:12.799
<v Speaker 2>to college. It was after Blossom ended that I became

0:42:12.800 --> 0:42:15.480
<v Speaker 2>a vegetarian. But there's so many more choices, so much

0:42:15.480 --> 0:42:19.160
<v Speaker 2>information now, and also, as you know, an entire industry

0:42:19.239 --> 0:42:22.400
<v Speaker 2>built around making vegans eat things that in many cases

0:42:22.400 --> 0:42:24.839
<v Speaker 2>are not very healthy and you might as well kind

0:42:24.880 --> 0:42:26.319
<v Speaker 2>of eat the package. And I used to sort of

0:42:26.320 --> 0:42:28.080
<v Speaker 2>turn my nose up at people, you know who would

0:42:28.120 --> 0:42:31.120
<v Speaker 2>say that. But now we see, like now we're kind

0:42:31.120 --> 0:42:33.279
<v Speaker 2>of getting it, Like, oh, like I don't allow palm

0:42:33.280 --> 0:42:35.799
<v Speaker 2>oil in my house anymore. In products, you know, a

0:42:35.800 --> 0:42:38.400
<v Speaker 2>lot of those like fun soy products, they're filled with

0:42:38.480 --> 0:42:40.200
<v Speaker 2>things that I just can know, I just don't want

0:42:40.239 --> 0:42:42.319
<v Speaker 2>to do it anymore. And my kids kind of like

0:42:42.320 --> 0:42:44.160
<v Speaker 2>stomp their foot at me, and like we want the

0:42:44.160 --> 0:42:45.120
<v Speaker 2>fun cream cheese.

0:42:45.200 --> 0:42:48.840
<v Speaker 1>You know, Oh, that's so hard to give up. Like

0:42:49.000 --> 0:42:53.480
<v Speaker 1>the delicacies of veganism, the cream cheeses and the chicken

0:42:53.880 --> 0:42:55.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, chicken.

0:42:56.040 --> 0:42:59.120
<v Speaker 2>Right, there's alternatives. There's a lot of fun like the

0:42:59.200 --> 0:43:02.920
<v Speaker 2>dairy alternative. I think have really they've really turned a corner.

0:43:03.120 --> 0:43:05.920
<v Speaker 2>You know, people are culturing, but it's very expensive and

0:43:05.960 --> 0:43:07.839
<v Speaker 2>I you know, feel badly that it has to be.

0:43:08.640 --> 0:43:11.680
<v Speaker 2>But you know, there's there's definitely been improvements there. But yeah,

0:43:11.880 --> 0:43:15.719
<v Speaker 2>mostly God bless all the process meets. Like if it's

0:43:15.800 --> 0:43:19.759
<v Speaker 2>highly processed, whether it's vegan, vegetarian or not, don't eat

0:43:19.840 --> 0:43:22.640
<v Speaker 2>highly processed things if you can avoid it on any

0:43:22.680 --> 0:43:26.240
<v Speaker 2>given day. Like its point, it needs to be short

0:43:27.080 --> 0:43:29.680
<v Speaker 2>correct rule of thumb, just like as big as your thumb.

0:43:29.760 --> 0:43:32.960
<v Speaker 1>That's a good idea. Okay, wait, this is a big question.

0:43:33.320 --> 0:43:35.359
<v Speaker 1>Do you believe in afterlife or what do you think

0:43:35.440 --> 0:43:37.560
<v Speaker 1>happens when we die?

0:43:39.080 --> 0:43:41.279
<v Speaker 2>This is a big question. You know, we've done a

0:43:41.320 --> 0:43:45.839
<v Speaker 2>couple episodes on our podcast where people have reported things

0:43:45.840 --> 0:43:49.520
<v Speaker 2>that I can't explain or understand. Near death experiences in

0:43:49.520 --> 0:43:53.360
<v Speaker 2>particular are very you know, very well documented in the

0:43:53.400 --> 0:43:57.200
<v Speaker 2>scientific literature, you know, kind of example. You know, for

0:43:57.320 --> 0:44:03.719
<v Speaker 2>me my you know, religious tradition, I'm Jewish, and you

0:44:03.800 --> 0:44:05.839
<v Speaker 2>know we're taught that there's a lot of rules about

0:44:05.840 --> 0:44:09.760
<v Speaker 2>how to live with a much less of an emphasis

0:44:09.800 --> 0:44:13.920
<v Speaker 2>on what happens when you die, and that means a

0:44:13.960 --> 0:44:16.480
<v Speaker 2>lot of rules, a lot of restrictions, a lot of regulation,

0:44:16.719 --> 0:44:18.520
<v Speaker 2>rules about what to eat and how to dress and

0:44:18.560 --> 0:44:21.319
<v Speaker 2>how to talk, and you know that can be overwhelming.

0:44:21.480 --> 0:44:25.560
<v Speaker 2>But for me, you know, I'd like to believe that

0:44:26.200 --> 0:44:29.400
<v Speaker 2>there is a place where there is no suffering, you know,

0:44:29.440 --> 0:44:32.440
<v Speaker 2>where there's no emotional suffering and there's no physical suffering.

0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:37.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't really have a concept of heaven and hell

0:44:37.160 --> 0:44:40.840
<v Speaker 2>per se. I think it's sort of an extension of

0:44:41.360 --> 0:44:45.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, consciousness that sort of exists. And again, it's

0:44:45.920 --> 0:44:49.120
<v Speaker 2>not something you can grasp because it's part of, you know,

0:44:49.160 --> 0:44:52.040
<v Speaker 2>something divine. So I don't spend a lot of time

0:44:52.080 --> 0:44:56.600
<v Speaker 2>sort of worrying about it. But you know, I really

0:44:56.719 --> 0:44:59.680
<v Speaker 2>I love stories when people say like, oh, like your

0:44:59.719 --> 0:45:02.000
<v Speaker 2>love are all around you, and when I love to

0:45:02.040 --> 0:45:04.600
<v Speaker 2>watch mediums work because like, I don't know what's going

0:45:04.640 --> 0:45:08.080
<v Speaker 2>on there, but yeah, I'd love to believe that. I

0:45:08.239 --> 0:45:11.680
<v Speaker 2>just I think that there's a oneness, you know, there's

0:45:11.680 --> 0:45:15.200
<v Speaker 2>a oneness that we will get to experience that sort

0:45:15.200 --> 0:45:18.279
<v Speaker 2>of I guess where I frame my concept of an afterlife,

0:45:18.280 --> 0:45:23.760
<v Speaker 2>that there's some sense of oneness unity that leaves behind

0:45:24.000 --> 0:45:27.600
<v Speaker 2>all of the fights of this world, which in many

0:45:27.640 --> 0:45:31.000
<v Speaker 2>cases I hope one day will feel petty. You know,

0:45:31.400 --> 0:45:34.799
<v Speaker 2>which religion is right? You know, are men better than women?

0:45:34.840 --> 0:45:37.600
<v Speaker 2>Are women? But like all these kind of things, you know,

0:45:37.719 --> 0:45:39.880
<v Speaker 2>like cats versus dogs, it's like, I don't know.

0:45:42.840 --> 0:45:46.279
<v Speaker 1>It taps back into that feeling of the faith thing

0:45:46.320 --> 0:45:49.120
<v Speaker 1>for me, And if I can't see it, how do

0:45:49.200 --> 0:45:51.960
<v Speaker 1>I know it? Yeah, And then at some point in

0:45:52.000 --> 0:45:55.920
<v Speaker 1>my life, I just had to decide to have faith

0:45:55.960 --> 0:45:59.680
<v Speaker 1>in it, you know, like you said that there is

0:45:59.719 --> 0:46:07.360
<v Speaker 1>a And I really do feel the presence of angels, spirits,

0:46:07.520 --> 0:46:11.280
<v Speaker 1>and I want to call them energies, and I pray

0:46:11.360 --> 0:46:14.160
<v Speaker 1>to them and I talk to them, and I send them,

0:46:14.480 --> 0:46:17.080
<v Speaker 1>I send them places, I send them to protect people

0:46:17.120 --> 0:46:21.160
<v Speaker 1>I love. Like I feel so supported, whereas before I

0:46:21.200 --> 0:46:24.799
<v Speaker 1>never did. And I feel like I'm not quite there

0:46:24.920 --> 0:46:30.400
<v Speaker 1>yet with having that feeling of like peace with what

0:46:30.520 --> 0:46:33.880
<v Speaker 1>happens when people die, Yeah, because I just don't know.

0:46:35.440 --> 0:46:39.720
<v Speaker 1>But I'm just going to go with the feelings because

0:46:39.960 --> 0:46:40.960
<v Speaker 1>I have nothing else.

0:46:40.800 --> 0:46:43.200
<v Speaker 2>To Yeah, And I think a lot of people I've

0:46:43.239 --> 0:46:48.680
<v Speaker 2>heard say, like, my life is better when I believe, yeah,

0:46:49.239 --> 0:46:52.920
<v Speaker 2>meaning you get to lean into spirits, guides, angels, You

0:46:52.960 --> 0:46:56.520
<v Speaker 2>get to lean into a lot of possibility and feeling

0:46:56.680 --> 0:47:01.200
<v Speaker 2>protected even when you're scared. And if you choose not

0:47:01.360 --> 0:47:03.440
<v Speaker 2>to believe, which is fine, it may just be you

0:47:03.480 --> 0:47:08.480
<v Speaker 2>know what, some people works for them. But yeah, am

0:47:08.520 --> 0:47:10.600
<v Speaker 2>I living a life of sort of like faith or

0:47:10.640 --> 0:47:13.400
<v Speaker 2>of fear? And for me, without faith, I go right

0:47:13.440 --> 0:47:14.000
<v Speaker 2>into fear.

0:47:15.480 --> 0:47:20.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, me too, And that's not a fun place to be. No,

0:47:23.160 --> 0:47:26.680
<v Speaker 1>it's a big it's a big topic. Yeah, it's exciting.

0:47:26.880 --> 0:47:29.800
<v Speaker 1>You're turning fifty? When is this happening?

0:47:30.280 --> 0:47:30.800
<v Speaker 2>December?

0:47:31.800 --> 0:47:32.280
<v Speaker 1>December?

0:47:32.280 --> 0:47:38.000
<v Speaker 2>What I'm twelve? Twelve? Oh that's so easy to remember.

0:47:38.480 --> 0:47:42.440
<v Speaker 1>Wow, how are you feeling about this this next chapter?

0:47:42.600 --> 0:47:42.680
<v Speaker 2>Like?

0:47:42.760 --> 0:47:45.680
<v Speaker 1>What do you want this next chapter to be filled

0:47:45.719 --> 0:47:48.440
<v Speaker 1>with for you? Or do you not know?

0:47:49.080 --> 0:47:55.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I mean I think I don't love aging.

0:47:56.360 --> 0:47:59.799
<v Speaker 2>I really don't. I'm not a fan. Yeah, not a fan.

0:48:00.080 --> 0:48:02.799
<v Speaker 2>And some people do it gracefully and like, I don't

0:48:02.800 --> 0:48:06.360
<v Speaker 2>know what that's like. But every time my prescription changes,

0:48:06.920 --> 0:48:09.279
<v Speaker 2>every time, I'm like, I really think I can't hear

0:48:09.400 --> 0:48:10.040
<v Speaker 2>like I used to?

0:48:10.239 --> 0:48:14.120
<v Speaker 1>Oh why am I can't rend here? When you let

0:48:14.320 --> 0:48:17.960
<v Speaker 1>hold on? When you go into like a restaurant. Yeah,

0:48:18.000 --> 0:48:20.960
<v Speaker 1>and there's noise, people talking, talking, talking all around, and

0:48:20.960 --> 0:48:22.840
<v Speaker 1>then there's someone right in front of you.

0:48:22.920 --> 0:48:26.120
<v Speaker 2>Yep, I cannot hear the person right now. So that's

0:48:26.160 --> 0:48:28.400
<v Speaker 2>your brain not being able to filter the way it

0:48:28.440 --> 0:48:30.719
<v Speaker 2>did when it was young. When our brains are young,

0:48:30.760 --> 0:48:33.239
<v Speaker 2>they're filtering all sorts of things, and like, I can

0:48:33.280 --> 0:48:35.319
<v Speaker 2>hang on to this, and I can listen to that.

0:48:35.440 --> 0:48:39.040
<v Speaker 2>People with add experience and inability to filter. That has

0:48:39.080 --> 0:48:41.719
<v Speaker 2>nothing to do with age, right, But for those of

0:48:41.800 --> 0:48:44.239
<v Speaker 2>us at a certain age, that's exactly what it is.

0:48:44.320 --> 0:48:47.640
<v Speaker 2>Your brain is like everything is so important all the time.

0:48:48.560 --> 0:48:51.120
<v Speaker 1>Wait, so it's not my hearing, well.

0:48:51.280 --> 0:48:53.840
<v Speaker 2>You're hearing is your brain? I mean it's all connected

0:48:53.840 --> 0:48:58.520
<v Speaker 2>in there. Sorry yeah, gosh. So yeah. Every time that happens,

0:48:58.520 --> 0:49:01.279
<v Speaker 2>it feels like there's a level of like why what?

0:49:01.600 --> 0:49:04.840
<v Speaker 2>And I'm told that that's creating more strife, you know,

0:49:04.880 --> 0:49:07.160
<v Speaker 2>than it needs to, and I should be an acceptance.

0:49:07.400 --> 0:49:09.960
<v Speaker 2>We had Justine Bateman on our podcast, and you know,

0:49:10.120 --> 0:49:12.759
<v Speaker 2>I love her. She literally, I mean she's amazing, but

0:49:12.840 --> 0:49:15.480
<v Speaker 2>she literally like wants me to embrace every wrinkle and

0:49:15.520 --> 0:49:17.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I don't think I want to. I haven't

0:49:17.760 --> 0:49:20.200
<v Speaker 2>had work done. Just being honest, I don't want to

0:49:20.280 --> 0:49:22.600
<v Speaker 2>embrace the rink. I don't like it, Like what is

0:49:22.640 --> 0:49:26.160
<v Speaker 2>my neck? What's happening? You know, I'm like examining every

0:49:26.239 --> 0:49:30.160
<v Speaker 2>single part. So what I'm you know, I'm hoping that

0:49:30.200 --> 0:49:34.400
<v Speaker 2>maybe there'll be some like magic moment of like you're fine,

0:49:34.840 --> 0:49:37.839
<v Speaker 2>like you're okay. This is why I don't know if

0:49:37.880 --> 0:49:40.680
<v Speaker 2>it's going to happen, but I might be hopeful.

0:49:40.400 --> 0:49:43.960
<v Speaker 1>It's going to happen. That is what the fifties. It's magic,

0:49:44.160 --> 0:49:46.960
<v Speaker 1>like there's and but but at the same time, you

0:49:47.040 --> 0:49:49.560
<v Speaker 1>still do look at that creepy skin on your lower

0:49:49.640 --> 0:49:52.439
<v Speaker 1>legs and be like, yeah, why is my skin so dry? Yep,

0:49:53.160 --> 0:49:54.720
<v Speaker 1>those all all those things can happen.

0:49:54.920 --> 0:49:57.040
<v Speaker 2>My enter size are convinced they need to be on

0:49:57.080 --> 0:50:00.560
<v Speaker 2>the floor, like no matter, no matter if I lose weight,

0:50:00.680 --> 0:50:03.480
<v Speaker 2>like if I'm thinner, Like the thighs don't care. It's

0:50:03.480 --> 0:50:05.560
<v Speaker 2>like not about a number on the scale for the thighs.

0:50:05.560 --> 0:50:07.480
<v Speaker 2>They're just like we live. We want to be on

0:50:07.520 --> 0:50:10.160
<v Speaker 2>the ground, and we're going to keep showing you that

0:50:10.200 --> 0:50:11.640
<v Speaker 2>we want to be. And I'm like, I'm gonna live

0:50:11.680 --> 0:50:14.400
<v Speaker 2>in tights forever. I'm just gonna wear tights forever.

0:50:14.560 --> 0:50:21.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm wearing tights right now under my pants. It's so true, though,

0:50:21.160 --> 0:50:25.840
<v Speaker 1>we're supposed to embrace it and age gracefully and yeah,

0:50:25.880 --> 0:50:30.560
<v Speaker 1>but it's it takes time to get there, yeah, fifty two,

0:50:31.040 --> 0:50:35.960
<v Speaker 1>but it does gradually. You do gradually reach the point

0:50:35.960 --> 0:50:39.120
<v Speaker 1>where you're like, this is me, this is it, this

0:50:39.239 --> 0:50:42.880
<v Speaker 1>is I'm I'm not going to be something that I'm

0:50:43.040 --> 0:50:44.880
<v Speaker 1>thinking I'm supposed to be or people are thinking I'm

0:50:44.880 --> 0:50:45.400
<v Speaker 1>supposed to be.

0:50:45.400 --> 0:50:47.240
<v Speaker 2>And I just live in my bathroom all the time.

0:50:47.400 --> 0:50:51.319
<v Speaker 1>Oh, the bathroom's the best I think we are. We

0:50:51.360 --> 0:50:54.839
<v Speaker 1>are we are connected, soul connected. We have a lot

0:50:54.880 --> 0:50:59.480
<v Speaker 1>of the same likes and dislikes. Oh, I just love

0:50:59.520 --> 0:51:02.600
<v Speaker 1>our chat. I really have enjoyed spending time with you

0:51:02.640 --> 0:51:05.759
<v Speaker 1>and getting better, not just on Cupcake Wars.

0:51:07.760 --> 0:51:10.399
<v Speaker 2>We needed an update to our connections. So this is it.

0:51:10.600 --> 0:51:11.720
<v Speaker 1>I'll remember this one.

0:51:12.200 --> 0:51:13.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I hope I will too.

0:51:15.239 --> 0:51:17.960
<v Speaker 1>Wait before I let you go, Mayan Beelic, what was

0:51:18.880 --> 0:51:20.240
<v Speaker 1>your last I Choose me moment?

0:51:20.920 --> 0:51:25.880
<v Speaker 2>Wow? What was my last I choose me moment? You know?

0:51:26.000 --> 0:51:30.279
<v Speaker 2>I was supposed to go to a screening Friday night

0:51:30.920 --> 0:51:37.160
<v Speaker 2>to support a friend of mine, and I really wasn't

0:51:37.160 --> 0:51:40.960
<v Speaker 2>feeling well. I was listening to my body, and it

0:51:41.000 --> 0:51:45.040
<v Speaker 2>was so hard because everything in me was like, go,

0:51:45.640 --> 0:51:49.239
<v Speaker 2>you'll be fine, it's okay, blah blah blah, like all

0:51:49.280 --> 0:51:51.239
<v Speaker 2>the things like what will they think of me? What

0:51:51.280 --> 0:51:54.320
<v Speaker 2>will I this? And I built it up so much

0:51:54.360 --> 0:51:57.520
<v Speaker 2>and I finally said to this friend, I was honest.

0:51:58.160 --> 0:52:03.360
<v Speaker 2>I said I'm not feeling well and I'm very sorry.

0:52:03.880 --> 0:52:06.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to be able to come. And his

0:52:06.200 --> 0:52:08.719
<v Speaker 2>response was like, I know how much you love and

0:52:08.760 --> 0:52:12.560
<v Speaker 2>support me. It's totally fine. What I'm most excited about

0:52:12.600 --> 0:52:15.600
<v Speaker 2>is that you're taking care of yourself. Oh, and it

0:52:15.640 --> 0:52:17.520
<v Speaker 2>doesn't always work like that. A lot of times you'll

0:52:17.520 --> 0:52:19.520
<v Speaker 2>stand up for yourself and people will be like you

0:52:19.600 --> 0:52:21.759
<v Speaker 2>let me down? Why not this? But it was like

0:52:21.800 --> 0:52:24.960
<v Speaker 2>a great It was a message from the universe giving

0:52:24.960 --> 0:52:29.080
<v Speaker 2>me permission to literally listen to my body. And it

0:52:29.160 --> 0:52:31.839
<v Speaker 2>was like, there's just yeah. And it didn't just make

0:52:31.880 --> 0:52:33.560
<v Speaker 2>me feel better that I didn't have to like go

0:52:33.640 --> 0:52:35.759
<v Speaker 2>out late at night to this thing. It was that

0:52:35.840 --> 0:52:41.000
<v Speaker 2>I got that elevator lift feeling for myself, like oh,

0:52:41.040 --> 0:52:43.960
<v Speaker 2>you're allowed to advocate for yourself and if you don't

0:52:44.040 --> 0:52:47.399
<v Speaker 2>feel good, it's okay. That was a really big one.

0:52:47.640 --> 0:52:50.000
<v Speaker 2>You know. I watched Family Feud and went to bed.

0:52:50.239 --> 0:52:53.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh, good night. That's a good night. And that's the

0:52:54.000 --> 0:52:57.640
<v Speaker 1>whole point of this podcast. And what I talk about

0:52:57.760 --> 0:53:01.160
<v Speaker 1>is that letting people know that it is okay to

0:53:01.280 --> 0:53:06.120
<v Speaker 1>choose themselves. And you choose yourself, and you also realized

0:53:06.120 --> 0:53:10.120
<v Speaker 1>in that moment, oh, choosing myself feels really good. Yeah,

0:53:10.160 --> 0:53:12.200
<v Speaker 1>and it's not selfish.

0:53:12.000 --> 0:53:15.759
<v Speaker 2>No, it's the opposite of people pleasing feels really good.

0:53:16.120 --> 0:53:19.279
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it feels really good. Well, you feel really good,

0:53:19.280 --> 0:53:20.960
<v Speaker 1>and I just love you, so thank you.

0:53:21.320 --> 0:53:24.040
<v Speaker 2>Well, thank you. I really appreciate that. Thank you. This

0:53:24.120 --> 0:53:24.600
<v Speaker 2>is awesome.