Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast, as we all know,
Speaker 1: is about the choices we make and where they lead us.
Speaker 1: This is a good day. My guest today has a
Speaker 1: long list of accolades to her name and is truly
Speaker 1: someone that has blazed her own non traditional trail in Hollywood.
Speaker 1: She's an actor, a director, a writer, and impressively a
Speaker 1: PhD holder, I mean, come on. Known for her roles
Speaker 1: in the nineties eighteen show Blossom and her long run
Speaker 1: on The Big Bang Theory that she received four Emmy
Speaker 1: nominations for, she is the host of her podcast, Myam
Speaker 1: Bioli's Breakdown. Please welcome Myam bolic to the I Choose
Speaker 1: Me podcast.
Speaker 2: Hi.
Speaker 1: Hi, so good to see you.
Speaker 2: Good to see you.
Speaker 1: Thanks for coming on the show.
Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: Okay, racking my brain?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Where did we work together?
Speaker 2: Is this right? Hold on?
Speaker 1: Let me just as if this might be completely wrong,
Speaker 1: so embarrassing. Did you walk the high wire?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: In Circus of the Stars.
Speaker 2: I can already say no. I did the double I
Speaker 2: did the double cradle in Circus of the Stars. The
Speaker 2: double Cradle is like a trapeze, but there's no trapeze
Speaker 2: bar two people. Okay, I did that. It was like
Speaker 2: the year that, like like Mario Lopez.
Speaker 1: Was, see I was on that year you did.
Speaker 2: I think regular trapeze.
Speaker 1: Yes, I knew you did something that was nerve wracking,
Speaker 1: and now I know.
Speaker 2: I mean I was. I don't even know. Gosh, I
Speaker 2: don't even know if I was on Blossom yet. I
Speaker 2: think that was after Beaches. And then we were at
Speaker 2: a benefit together for an organization that is near and
Speaker 2: dear to your heart. So I remember that, and then
Speaker 2: I think we would like see each other randomly at
Speaker 2: certain things. But there's that sort of like you know,
Speaker 2: we're both young people on television.
Speaker 1: No right, sure, yeah, we go way back. But wait,
Speaker 1: how about does this ring a bell? Cupcake wars?
Speaker 2: I did it? Were you there? We're the worst?
Speaker 1: Yes, this is the problem.
Speaker 2: My brain did not want to summon that.
Speaker 1: Come on, I got voted out first, so you can
Speaker 1: go ahead and summon it.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's why I put it out of my I
Speaker 2: put it out of my mind. It was too painful,
Speaker 2: the thought of you being sent away.
Speaker 1: Oh man, I think I think maybe Melby was on
Speaker 1: our episode too.
Speaker 2: Oh, how long time ago? And I feel like she
Speaker 2: was in like a fancy coat.
Speaker 1: That's just all the time for mel So this.
Speaker 2: Was a very long time ago.
Speaker 1: I am racking our brain. Good job though, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I have a feeling.
Speaker 2: You may have had help from researcher be Attle.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, I just let me fill you in on
Speaker 1: a little data about yourself in case you've forgotten that too. Okay,
Speaker 1: you grew up in front of the camera. You started
Speaker 1: acting when you were like eleven, right, and by the
Speaker 1: time you were a teenager you had your own prime
Speaker 1: time sell Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, I was fourteen when Blossom started.
Speaker 1: That's young. We both know, you know, it can be
Speaker 1: so hard to navigate figuring out who we are at
Speaker 1: your age. Add you know entertainment industry into that, yep,
Speaker 1: with somebody always telling us where to go, what to do,
Speaker 1: like everything.
Speaker 2: I mean, look, I mean I think yes, And I remember,
Speaker 2: you know, still feeling a lot like a kid when
Speaker 2: I was on Blossom, meaning for those first years. You know,
Speaker 2: the pressures then were different than they are now. First
Speaker 2: of all, meaning as much as all of what you
Speaker 2: said is true, we also weren't expected to sort of
Speaker 2: look like adults at fifteen. We weren't expected to have
Speaker 2: like the manicures, the filler. We didn't have publicists, we
Speaker 2: didn't have social media. We weren't you know. It was
Speaker 2: a different kind of presentation. And also I will say that,
Speaker 2: you know, I mean I watched you like that was
Speaker 2: my favorite show when I was on Blossom was your show.
Speaker 2: And so I also remember, like, gosh, that's a show
Speaker 2: with a whole different kind of pressure for the performers
Speaker 2: because it was a show about like beautiful people. It
Speaker 2: was like a soap opera level in terms of like
Speaker 2: intensity and relationships, whereas like I was on a four camera,
Speaker 2: you know, family kind of show. So it was a
Speaker 2: different kind of pressure. But I looked up to you
Speaker 2: and Shannon and Tori, like these are like the grown
Speaker 2: up girls, you know. I was like still like I
Speaker 2: still felt like a kid in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2: I wasn't doing you know, kind of a high school drama.
Speaker 2: It was very different.
Speaker 1: I mean, that makes perfect sense. Yeah, it was different.
Speaker 1: But what age do you feel like you really came
Speaker 1: into your own like.
Speaker 2: Skin still waiting, still waiting for me.
Speaker 1: It was like my late thirties, I started to like
Speaker 1: really get a crass I'm.
Speaker 2: Trying to think. I mean, I'm I'm forty nine now
Speaker 2: and still in some ways feel fourteen. You know, still
Speaker 2: would like to eat chocolate first thing in the morning,
Speaker 2: like if there's no grown ups around, I still want
Speaker 2: to live like that. You know. I had my first
Speaker 2: child at twenty nine, and then I had my second
Speaker 2: at you know, thirty two, thirty three somewhere in there,
Speaker 2: so you know, my thirties felt like a different kind
Speaker 2: of kind of stressful. You know, it felt like, Okay,
Speaker 2: this is everything you're told is going to make life amazing,
Speaker 2: Like be a mom, Like it's gonna be amazing, Like
Speaker 2: get married and you'll be married forever, and then your
Speaker 2: kids will be like so much fun. And meanwhile, like
Speaker 2: they're much more cognitive, far earlier than I expected, like
Speaker 2: a lot of effort.
Speaker 1: You know, yea, they are their own people. I don't
Speaker 1: know how that.
Speaker 2: Happen, correct, And like the sense of humor, but a
Speaker 2: sense of agency that was kind of surprising. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't know. I really feel like, like if you
Speaker 2: had to ask me, I don't know that. I feel
Speaker 2: like I've sort of become comfortable and I'm I'm an
Speaker 2: early to menopause member of the party, you.
Speaker 1: Know, like, that's that's you.
Speaker 2: You know, well, I guess. But I also was then
Speaker 2: raised on this next level myth that we're told in
Speaker 2: our thirties and forties, like you're gonna have the best
Speaker 2: sex of your life in your forties and you're going
Speaker 2: to finally feel like you're wise. And I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: I just still feel kind of strange. And it's a
Speaker 2: different kind of hormonal because now they're like, oh, guess
Speaker 2: what menopause is forever and sometimes you'll get a period
Speaker 2: after not having one. It's just weird.
Speaker 1: So all the hits, the hits keep on coming, hits.
Speaker 2: Age coming, the hits keep coming.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. It's true. We talk a lot about
Speaker 1: this on the podcast, that life is so interesting, how
Speaker 1: like simple decisions or even what we may feel like
Speaker 1: are meaningless choices, how they can lead us to spectacular
Speaker 1: things that end up changing our lives. Do you believe
Speaker 1: in fate or destiny or do you think things just
Speaker 1: sort of happen by chance?
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, you know, I don't you know. I think
Speaker 2: of those things like the way you like study them
Speaker 2: in school. Right, like, oh, there was a group of
Speaker 2: people who believe that God had ordained everything and that
Speaker 2: nothing you did matter. So I'm definitely not in that camp.
Speaker 2: And I also am not in the other camp. But
Speaker 2: like everything just happened and blah blah blah. I do
Speaker 2: think that there's you know, some sort of I guess
Speaker 2: path or intention that every life has. But I also
Speaker 2: do believe in free will, you know, I believe in
Speaker 2: all of the choices that we make are still ours
Speaker 2: to make. And I think that the mystical, spiritual part
Speaker 2: of me believes that whatever happens is what was supposed
Speaker 2: to happen, even if it's sad, painful, you know, devastating, astonishing.
Speaker 2: And to me, what that means is, how do I
Speaker 2: receive that with some sort of grace and dignity and not,
Speaker 2: you know, kind of lose whatever center I'm trying to
Speaker 2: hold on to every time something doesn't go my way.
Speaker 1: That makes sense, I've always been sort of faithless.
Speaker 2: Way, how's that working for you?
Speaker 1: Well, it wasn't working for me at all. I Mean
Speaker 1: there were times in my life where I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: an agnostic. I don't know, you know, I just don't know,
Speaker 1: and I'm a visual like I need to see things
Speaker 1: to believe them and learn them. And so for me,
Speaker 1: it was a very like I couldn't come the terms
Speaker 1: with just blindly having faith in something. I mean, how
Speaker 1: do you feel about that?
Speaker 2: You know? I was raised in you know, I was
Speaker 2: raised in a particular tradition that taught me that if
Speaker 2: something is divine, it's so enormous that you can't even
Speaker 2: understand it. And I'm grateful for that because I was
Speaker 2: sort of spoon fed this notion of faith that goes
Speaker 2: hand in hand with an inability to comprehend it. And
Speaker 2: so that goes along with like the rules that I
Speaker 2: want to use to observe it, they don't apply. And
Speaker 2: that's not just a cheap way out, I promise. I'm
Speaker 2: not just like God is. God is, and if you
Speaker 2: don't feel it, like sucks for you. But as a scientist,
Speaker 2: you know, I studied science. It's what I live for,
Speaker 2: you know, decades of my life. And once once you're
Speaker 2: trained as a scientist, that's sort of how my framework is.
Speaker 2: You know. My kids say I'm cheating when I say
Speaker 2: that I'm a person of faith because I don't have
Speaker 2: like the old man in the sky. I don't have that,
Speaker 2: like just trust in God and pray to God for
Speaker 2: the best parking spot. That's not the kind of relationship
Speaker 2: I have with something divine. But if you believe that
Speaker 2: the sun will come up tomorrow, then you and I
Speaker 2: have the exact same faith. Like that's it. It's that simple.
Speaker 2: For me. I don't have to understand gravity for it
Speaker 2: to keep me on the planet. I don't have to
Speaker 2: believe that. You know, if I hold a ball from
Speaker 2: the top of a building and I drop it, I
Speaker 2: know like that ball's going to fall. Now, are there
Speaker 2: places in the universe and the galaxy where that's not true.
Speaker 2: I'm certain of that, and I believe that we'll either
Speaker 2: grasp those equations or we won't. But for me, my
Speaker 2: faith that the sun will come up tomorrow is that's
Speaker 2: divine to me. That's you know, the I can't look
Speaker 2: at that and not feel completely floored, completely floored by
Speaker 2: the impossibility of how things work and I don't control them.
Speaker 2: And you know that's also the thing is like, you know,
Speaker 2: having for me, having belief is saying I don't have
Speaker 2: to fix everything. I'm not that powerful, you know, even
Speaker 2: over people places and things that I'd like to believe
Speaker 2: that I'm powerful over. I'm really not that powerful.
Speaker 1: No, none of us are. We like to think we are.
Speaker 1: I mean some of us.
Speaker 2: Do, yeah, for sure, while people make a career of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Your podcast, my biolex Breakdown, really good title appropriate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: breaking down all the time. It's about it's all about
Speaker 1: mental health, which I love. Yeah, it's It's fascinating to
Speaker 1: me and it always has been. And I always thought
Speaker 1: if I wasn't an actress, I would have definitely gone
Speaker 1: that route in college. I recently had Oliver Hudson on
Speaker 1: the podcast, and we've talked about the fact that all
Speaker 1: of my life I've been told I'm too emotional or
Speaker 1: been called out for being emotional, and it's always been
Speaker 1: such a negative thing for me. Like I've always it
Speaker 1: didn't ever feel good. And it wasn't until you know,
Speaker 1: my like thirties that I found my voice and I
Speaker 1: started correcting people and saying, you know what, I'm not emotional,
Speaker 1: I'm emotion full. Ooh you got a problem with that,
Speaker 1: then you can go on. But for me, I just
Speaker 1: was like I got to take that because I believe
Speaker 1: that it's a it's a superpower of mine.
Speaker 2: Well, I think, yeah, it's definitely something that comes up
Speaker 2: a lot on our podcast. This sort of like again,
Speaker 2: I think, you know, I have a nineteen and a
Speaker 2: sixteen year old and they've been raised in a completely
Speaker 2: different culture where they don't have the same fears of
Speaker 2: being let's say, too sensitive. I mean, of course it's
Speaker 2: a awareness they have, but you know, when I was
Speaker 2: sort of growing up, there was kind of like one
Speaker 2: way to be There was one way to learn things.
Speaker 2: If you couldn't learn it that way, you must be dumb.
Speaker 2: And there was one way to react to things. And
Speaker 2: if you didn't react that way, you were hyper sensitive. Right,
Speaker 2: And now we have this like much broader understanding of oh,
Speaker 2: there's all different kinds of people, and if you like
Speaker 2: rewind the tape of the human experience five thousand years,
Speaker 2: ten thousand years, one hundred thousand years, there were all
Speaker 2: different kinds of people even back then, who served all
Speaker 2: sorts of different purposes. So you may have been a seer, right,
Speaker 2: you may have been a shaman, you may have been
Speaker 2: someone who in other cultures could perceive things that other
Speaker 2: people couldn't. The difference is we think that Western modern
Speaker 2: culture is superior to all culture that has ever existed.
Speaker 2: And in many ways, there's so many incredible things. And look,
Speaker 2: we make computers and I can talk to you on
Speaker 2: this like box, right, But when it comes down to
Speaker 2: sort of what the human experience is, we're about interacting
Speaker 2: with other humans, cooperating with other humans, in some cases
Speaker 2: struggling with other humans. But what are the skills needed
Speaker 2: for that for like a dynamic human interaction. It's lost
Speaker 2: when we're emphasizing money, property, you know, same like those
Speaker 2: things get lost.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where would you say on the spectrum of emotions
Speaker 1: you fall like? Are you like are you emotionful? Are
Speaker 1: you non emotional?
Speaker 2: I'm very emotionful. I'm I mean I I always cried,
Speaker 2: like when I would see homeless people on the street.
Speaker 2: This was like a thing, like just like a place
Speaker 2: in me. Couldn't stand that even as a kid. And
Speaker 2: you know a lot of women also when you have
Speaker 2: a hormonal shift, they'll be like, oh, I cry at everything.
Speaker 2: It's not that for me. It's that I really feel
Speaker 2: deeply kind of tapped in all the time. You know,
Speaker 2: I've been accused by more than one ex boyfriend knowing
Speaker 2: what they were feeling before they knew.
Speaker 1: Well, because you probably did.
Speaker 2: But it's like a part of it is it's like
Speaker 2: that emotional you know, I have a very fine tuner
Speaker 2: that I use, you know, for other people's emotions as well,
Speaker 2: and I do I feel very deeply. I love passionately,
Speaker 2: I fight passionately. So yeah, there's a lot of that
Speaker 2: in there. And I think I do have a rational
Speaker 2: part of me. I have a science part of me.
Speaker 2: I have a very binary kind of part of me,
Speaker 2: which you know, I sort of need to temper, you know,
Speaker 2: you have to kind of temper both. Right, we're given
Speaker 2: two sides of the brain or even.
Speaker 1: We need to find a happy medium.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: Wait, go back to the boyfriend's accusing you knowing how
Speaker 1: they felt before you felt it. I'm interested. Okay, So
Speaker 1: was that said in like a negative connotation?
Speaker 2: Like yeah, I was like get out of my head,
Speaker 2: and I'd like, you don't know something that And I
Speaker 2: wasn't trying to like start something, but just sometimes it
Speaker 2: would feel very clear to me like, oh, this is
Speaker 2: triggering a thing about like his mother, and I can
Speaker 2: feel that he thinks that, you know, I'm reenacting and
Speaker 2: I'm probably thinking too much in other people's heads. But yeah,
Speaker 2: it would often lead to like, I don't know if
Speaker 2: that's what I've to stop, you.
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, I can see how that would get a
Speaker 1: little weird. And I'm sure I've done it because yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I also don't think it makes me like intuitive,
Speaker 2: you know, like I don't. I sometimes have intuitive I've
Speaker 2: had very few sort of like distinctive intuitive moments. I
Speaker 2: don't think about being intuitive. But maybe there's something about
Speaker 2: perceiving other people's emotions that that maybe some of us
Speaker 2: are more fine tuned to. Like I can tell by
Speaker 2: your eyebrow, you know, Like if I'm talking to someone,
Speaker 2: I can tell by that left eyebrow that you are
Speaker 2: pretending you're okay with what I've said, but I'm gonna
Speaker 2: hear about it in four days.
Speaker 1: What about projecting your feelings onto others?
Speaker 2: It's my favorite game.
Speaker 1: You love that so fun, you know, I.
Speaker 2: Think that's interesting. I've been in therapy all my life,
Speaker 2: pretty much, I've been in therapy since I'm a teenager,
Speaker 2: and so this one, I think I'm aware when other
Speaker 2: people do that to me, and I've been accused of projecting,
Speaker 2: but then I'm almost always told that, no, just kidding,
Speaker 2: you were right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, see, I mean you are intuitive that I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna call it what it is, Okay, not projecting, how
Speaker 1: about absorbing or taking on other people's feelings like an impath.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so this is something I didn't learn about until
Speaker 2: much later in life. My younger son, who's now sixteen,
Speaker 2: I don't think he'll be listening to this, but I try,
Speaker 2: and you know, be respectful of his existence and his privacy.
Speaker 2: But he often feel what other people were feeling. And
Speaker 2: when he was quite little, the story I like to
Speaker 2: tell I worked with Leslie Jordan and I was working
Speaker 2: with him when he passed away. He was on his
Speaker 2: way to work that day, and there was a memorial
Speaker 2: that was held, and my kids were, you know, in
Speaker 2: their earlier teens. And when I said to my younger son,
Speaker 2: you know, was that sad? Did it feels sad? He
Speaker 2: said no, but I felt everyone else is sad. And
Speaker 2: I don't even know that he understood what he was saying.
Speaker 2: I definitely can pick up on other people's positive or
Speaker 2: negative emotions, and you know, it often happens for children
Speaker 2: who grow up in homes with fighting or contentiousness. That
Speaker 2: we learn very well how to regulate, you know, like
Speaker 2: which emotional side do I need to be on? So
Speaker 2: I think that's actually probably where it came from. But
Speaker 2: I'd like to think that it can be also some
Speaker 2: sort of superpower into you know, being empathic. I I'm
Speaker 2: an introvert, and I wonder if the reason is because
Speaker 2: I am picking up on other people's energy and it
Speaker 2: feels too much. And then I have, you know, people
Speaker 2: in my life like Jonathan who I do the podcast with,
Speaker 2: and Jonathan is very clear that like he feels that
Speaker 2: other people's feelings can get on him and bring him down.
Speaker 2: That's a whole Yeah, Like it feels it feels like
Speaker 2: a wait, like it feels like that I don't. I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not in touch with that. If that's happening for me,
Speaker 2: that's a lot. Yeah, Apparently people walk around like this,
Speaker 2: and they're those people who are like, I'm sensitive to
Speaker 2: EMFs and I'm like really, But then it seems like
Speaker 2: maybe they are. There are people who have a lot
Speaker 2: of sensitivity to other people's emotions. And you know, who
Speaker 2: am I to say that? Like we're all energetic bodies,
Speaker 2: that's science, right, Who am I? To say that some
Speaker 2: people are not more fine tuned. If you've interacted with
Speaker 2: anyone on the spectrum who has a different way of interacting,
Speaker 2: they often consents things that other people don't. So I
Speaker 2: don't know why that would only be saved, you know,
Speaker 2: for that portion of the population. We're a whole spectrum
Speaker 2: of everything in sensitivity.
Speaker 1: That's so true talking about science outside of being an
Speaker 1: accomplished actor, director, writer, podcast hosts. Mom, you've got a
Speaker 1: little thing called a PhD in neuroscience, which when I
Speaker 1: learned that, I was like, what, so I want to
Speaker 1: come to you for some science backed info here, Okay, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: get ready. Let's say someone's going through like a breakup
Speaker 1: or like you know, a divorce, and they're going through that,
Speaker 1: you know, emotional trauma that is associated with that. We've
Speaker 1: all been there. People can feel as if their nervous
Speaker 1: systems are just like out of control, like they can't
Speaker 1: get control of their nervous systems. Why is that?
Speaker 2: So? You know, we are wired for survival is sort
Speaker 2: of the simplest explanation. We're wired for survival and the
Speaker 2: nervous system not just in humans, I mean in mammals,
Speaker 2: in particular, you're going to see, you know, similar things.
Speaker 2: But you know, in most animals that you can think of,
Speaker 2: there is a response that is you know, we call
Speaker 2: it redundant, meaning the brain and the nervous system they
Speaker 2: don't have a different reaction for this is a minor
Speaker 2: love affair that didn't work out, or this is a
Speaker 2: thirty year marriage, or this is I just watched you know,
Speaker 2: my baby get eaten by a hyena. Right, the nervous
Speaker 2: system kind of conserved, you know, conserves a set of reactions,
Speaker 2: and so heartbreak, you know, in particular, it's going to
Speaker 2: feel like loss and grief, and our nervous system is
Speaker 2: going to go through the same dance that it does
Speaker 2: for other kinds of loss and grief. It's the cognitive
Speaker 2: part of us. It's the left hemisphere part of us
Speaker 2: that allows us to say, everything happens for a reason,
Speaker 2: God's in charge. It wasn't a healthy relationship anyway, right.
Speaker 2: But the fact is the other, like the right side
Speaker 2: of the brain, that feeling part, has to feel those
Speaker 2: feelings and that's all regulated by a nervous system that
Speaker 2: is primed, you know, to help us experience those emotions.
Speaker 2: You know, when when my father died. My dad died
Speaker 2: ten years ago. You know, many people instantly said, are
Speaker 2: you going to go on medication? And that is the
Speaker 2: way the Western world often treats, for example, grief, right, right,
Speaker 2: let's not experience it. And it is not for me
Speaker 2: to say you shouldn't go on medication if someone dies, like,
Speaker 2: that's not what I'm here to say. But what I'm
Speaker 2: here to say is for me, my understanding was grief
Speaker 2: is a process that my body and my nervous system
Speaker 2: are going to go through so that I can move
Speaker 2: to the other side of this event. Right. And when
Speaker 2: people talk about their nervous systems not kind of regulating,
Speaker 2: that's also evidence of what we know is true, which
Speaker 2: is that grief it compounds. Trauma compounds, loss compounds, so
Speaker 2: one loss will trigger the emotional memory sometimes the literal
Speaker 2: memory of other losses. Right. So you know, if I
Speaker 2: still feel grief, let's say about my divorce, which was
Speaker 2: twelve thirteen years ago, chances are it's tapping into some
Speaker 2: other loss, right. So all of this kind of compounds,
Speaker 2: and it's just sort of the way that we're wired. Now.
Speaker 2: Other animals besides humans, have ways that they shake it off.
Speaker 2: Shaking is one of them, which is why a lot
Speaker 2: of people for vegus nerve vegas like nerve toning, Like
Speaker 2: I'll say, you have to like shake it. Animals do
Speaker 2: have an ability to regulate in ways that humans, you know,
Speaker 2: kind of have adapted out of. And you know, again,
Speaker 2: we also have this sort of cognitive part that allows
Speaker 2: us to sort of be actively processing our traumas as
Speaker 2: they're happening in a way that's different, you know, from
Speaker 2: other animals.
Speaker 1: Do you have any tips on how to regulate your
Speaker 1: nervous system? I'm asking for a friend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I've been exploring the vagel toning, which
Speaker 2: is you know, it's coming up on my Instagram now.
Speaker 2: I think that's how much it hears me talking about it.
Speaker 1: If you think about it, it'll come up on your
Speaker 1: feed right exactly.
Speaker 2: So, the vagus nerve is a cranial nerve. It's the
Speaker 2: tenth cranial nerve, and it regulates many aspects of your physiology.
Speaker 2: Because I think it's also important when you talk about
Speaker 2: like your nervous system feeling disregulated, we're not just talking
Speaker 2: about like I'm upset, right, We're talking about a physiological
Speaker 2: set of things that happen. Yes, like shaky are constriction correct,
Speaker 2: so the vagus nerve. The ways that you know we
Speaker 2: can kind of calm down are with you know, even
Speaker 2: learning diaframatic breathing. Most people breathe from their shoulders like right,
Speaker 2: but learning to breathe so that basically your chest and
Speaker 2: shoulders do not move at all. Breathing into your belly
Speaker 2: as if you're filling up your lower belly with a
Speaker 2: baby or a basketball. That kind of breathing stimulates the
Speaker 2: vegus nerve for trying to literally calm you down. A
Speaker 2: lot of people also will do busying activities when they're
Speaker 2: not feeling well because they think that it will distract
Speaker 2: them from what's happening. Sometimes you need to lean in
Speaker 2: to your nervous system being dysregulated. It often means you
Speaker 2: need to cry or you need to move your body.
Speaker 2: That's why there are yoga practices for thousands of years
Speaker 2: that have put you in uncomfortable situations where you have
Speaker 2: to sit so that you can literally have release. To me,
Speaker 2: when the nervous system is shaking like that, it's because
Speaker 2: you're trying to hold it all together, and sometimes we
Speaker 2: need to fall apart so that we can be put
Speaker 2: back together.
Speaker 1: I love that. That's so true. You have to feel
Speaker 1: your feelings, you have to sit in them correct.
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of people feel like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's new age, you know, mumbo jumbo, that's you know,
Speaker 2: just lip service. But when we say feel your feelings,
Speaker 2: it means when you're happy, are you present when you're happy?
Speaker 2: Do you have an idea of what that feels like
Speaker 2: to feel joy? When you see the person you love
Speaker 2: across the room and you get that elevator drop feeling
Speaker 2: in your body? Those are positive chemicals, right. And when
Speaker 2: you're sad, can you do more than just say like
Speaker 2: I'm sad or that really sucks? Can you and say
Speaker 2: what does it feel like in my body? What does
Speaker 2: it remind me of? Where is it in my body?
Speaker 2: Does it need to move? Do I need to stretch?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Do I need to take a walk? Do I need
Speaker 2: to stop interacting with my kids for five minutes? Right?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's so important to ask your body what it needs
Speaker 1: and to listen correct. It's really hard to do though
Speaker 1: for some.
Speaker 2: People it's very hard to do, and it's free. No
Speaker 2: one's trying to sell you a pill. You don't have
Speaker 2: to deal with side effects. Right. It is completely free
Speaker 2: to learn to breathe. It's something that is every human's birthright.
Speaker 2: It's not just for rich ladies in Los Angeles, right, Yes,
Speaker 2: deep breathing, deep breathing, learning to breathe, learning what it
Speaker 2: means to localize feelings in your body. Some school systems
Speaker 2: are starting to teach this to kids. This is not
Speaker 2: going to make it's not going to make weak children,
Speaker 2: I promise, it's going to make strong children who can
Speaker 2: know what's happening in their body so that they can
Speaker 2: also hopefully deal with challenges with more resilience.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's so important. Why they didn't never teach me
Speaker 1: that in school or even as a young adult, those
Speaker 1: conversations were never being had. Right as a mom, I
Speaker 1: feel so fortunate to have so much more information than
Speaker 1: my mom did or my teachers did, as far as
Speaker 1: like mental health and how to take care of yourself. Sure,
Speaker 1: those kinds of levels, because that's a lot more important
Speaker 1: to me than algebra or you know, all the things
Speaker 1: that I didn't do grade and in school.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a fan of algebraic for different reasons. But
Speaker 2: you're right, this was the part, you know, this was
Speaker 2: the part we didn't have this vocabulary, And of course
Speaker 2: we were told like, you know, it's silly that boys
Speaker 2: can't cry, But we didn't have a whole language around
Speaker 2: why we've created a culture where vulnerability is denigrated, you know,
Speaker 2: like we didn't have those words, Like we knew it
Speaker 2: was weird to be sexualized as young girls, but we
Speaker 2: didn't have the vocabulary to be like, you can't treat
Speaker 2: me like that, and I'm uncomfortable with this conversation. I'd
Speaker 2: like you to leave my dressing room. No one told
Speaker 2: us those things.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, can you imagine where we would be
Speaker 1: if we had those words to use then, I mean, we.
Speaker 2: Would have been fired because nobody was ready for that.
Speaker 1: But now seeing my daughters have those systems in place
Speaker 1: and the ability and even though people still don't want
Speaker 1: to hear it, yeah, sometimes it's so important that we
Speaker 1: know we can't we have that at any moment in
Speaker 1: our too.
Speaker 2: Next, one of the things that I love about interacting with,
Speaker 2: in particular young women in our industry is they have
Speaker 2: such a sense of strength, They're so they feel so
Speaker 2: entitled to be respected, And I love it because you
Speaker 2: can't imagine that, Like I knew that I wanted that.
Speaker 2: Never in a million years did I think that I'd
Speaker 2: see a twenty year old woman say to a forty
Speaker 2: five year old man, I don't like the way you're
Speaker 2: speaking to me. I'm going to ask you to stop
Speaker 2: or I'm gonna have to leave this conversation. Like wow,
Speaker 2: that's right.
Speaker 1: That would have been like, oh God, everybody's gonna think
Speaker 1: I'm such a bitch. I can't say that, right, And yeah,
Speaker 1: and anybody around me, specifically my co star Shannon, was
Speaker 1: very outspoken and she had those tools at a young age,
Speaker 1: and I always admired that so much about her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but she was ahead of her time though.
Speaker 1: Yes, And I learned from her at an early age
Speaker 1: that I could do that too, So she was always
Speaker 1: like my hero in that respect.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: And I hope to be able to serve as that
Speaker 1: for my daughters now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 1: You talked about this before. You and I are both
Speaker 1: in a club that nobody wants to be a part of.
Speaker 1: We both lost our fathers. Ugh. Grief is such an
Speaker 1: ongoing process and it changes and it all over time,
Speaker 1: but it never leaves us. No and I think you
Speaker 1: talked about before, when you experience new grief, it just
Speaker 1: seems to tap right back into that same dark deep well, yeah,
Speaker 1: the first time we experienced grief. Yeah, significant grief.
Speaker 2: I mean, look, I see a lot of alternative healers who,
Speaker 2: you know, believe that our grief goes way back, and
Speaker 2: the grief that we're aware of is just building on
Speaker 2: all the grief that we're not consciously aware of. Right,
Speaker 2: And this can get like very you know. So I
Speaker 2: see a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner, and you know, they
Speaker 2: call the umbilical hoard like the first trauma. They call
Speaker 2: it the first wound. Yes, because you are it's when
Speaker 2: you're taken right from everything that's like safe, it's well,
Speaker 2: I mean, look, it has to happen.
Speaker 1: I get it, I guess.
Speaker 2: But the notion of like you know, we do, we
Speaker 2: hold a lot of stress and anxiety in that region. Right.
Speaker 2: If you have a nervous stomach, right, that's your proof
Speaker 2: that the mind and body are connected. If you're the
Speaker 2: person who's like, oh, I need to go to the
Speaker 2: bathroom before this date this interview, that's your gut. It's
Speaker 2: your gut telling you something right, And the notion is
Speaker 2: not to make us feel like we'reth these you know,
Speaker 2: delicate like oh, I'm just a bottle of trauma, but
Speaker 2: the notion of acknowledging like my body holds memory, my
Speaker 2: body's keeping the score of kind of everything that has happened.
Speaker 2: So when we have a parent die, right, or when
Speaker 2: we have any significant loss like that, yeah, it's tapping
Speaker 2: into a chemistry that's already kind of crimed for that.
Speaker 2: And I remember that, and I did a lot of writing.
Speaker 2: I was writing for for Keller, and then I have
Speaker 2: Feller dot com and then I have my own website,
Speaker 2: and I did a lot of writing in the first
Speaker 2: year of grief. Even joy made me feel grief, and
Speaker 2: I thought, well, what are these wires that are crossing?
Speaker 2: Good things are happening, And it's like grief won't even
Speaker 2: let me at it, you know. It's it's a very
Speaker 2: very humbling experience to walk through literally through grief that way.
Speaker 2: But I think the biggest thing that shocked me was
Speaker 2: before my dad died. I always thought that a parent
Speaker 2: dying was a thing. It was an event, like my
Speaker 2: dad died on this day, and exactly what you said,
Speaker 2: it's a process and you get through it. You move
Speaker 2: through that, and it continues to change, but it is
Speaker 2: always there. It's always there. You are now a person
Speaker 2: who's living without your parent. You're functioning in a world
Speaker 2: and they're not on this physical plane with you anymore.
Speaker 2: My dad died ten years ago, I still be like, oh,
Speaker 2: I go see if he's watching the next game, Like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, he's not going to believe this trade
Speaker 2: Like that's my brain kind of still goes there. And
Speaker 2: the idea is not that I'm sitting in that same
Speaker 2: kind of grief one hundred percent. I'm not. But there
Speaker 2: are still things that happened that will tap into all
Speaker 2: of it. And that's the brain just doing what it does.
Speaker 1: I think, especially when we love someone so deeply and completely.
Speaker 1: You know, I was very close with my dad. I
Speaker 1: just I'm not I can't really get into it right now,
Speaker 1: but I just had a member of my family pass away. Sorry,
Speaker 1: and it's it goes right back to that same feeling.
Speaker 1: And it's like this was a dog that I'm referring to,
Speaker 1: and the connection that I have with that dog feels
Speaker 1: like the same kind of grief in my body as
Speaker 1: when my dad passed away. And yeah, I don't know
Speaker 1: that people really believe that understand that, but it's true
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's true for me. And I think that's also
Speaker 2: something that's important is like that gets to be your experience, right,
Speaker 2: other people don't get to write. And that's the other
Speaker 2: thing that I've sort of learned from doing my podcast.
Speaker 2: You never know. You never know what people are going through.
Speaker 2: You never know if their dog dying was because they
Speaker 2: had unresolved issues, right or god forbid, they had a
Speaker 2: contentious relationship with someone that they lost, and it's bringing
Speaker 2: up all those things. I don't know, you know. And
Speaker 2: that's why, like I really do, I try to come
Speaker 2: from a place of like compassion and holding space for
Speaker 2: whatever anybody else is dealing with, you know, seeing that
Speaker 2: T shirt, Like you never know what someone else is
Speaker 2: going through. What if we all operated like that? You know?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do that a lot. I drive around or
Speaker 1: I'll look out the airplane window or whatever and see
Speaker 1: all the people and all the houses and think, like
Speaker 1: what is going on in there? Like I want to
Speaker 1: know what they're going through.
Speaker 2: I think everybody's got a story.
Speaker 1: Pretty much, it's all going to connect and relate back
Speaker 1: to the same thing, and we're all feeling it in
Speaker 1: just different situations, different ways.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you about this. We are viewing and
Speaker 1: absorbing information in such a different way than we have
Speaker 1: ever before. It's coming at us so fast and so
Speaker 1: hard and so short, such short lengths. What impact do
Speaker 1: you think that is having on our nervous system and
Speaker 1: on our mental health.
Speaker 2: I can speak to this as a scientist, and I
Speaker 2: can speak to you too.
Speaker 1: This is it's so hot when you talk like a scientist.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that, no, but it's also just I can
Speaker 2: speak to it as a human and I don't mean
Speaker 2: to sound like this lady, but yeah, we're not primed
Speaker 2: for short bits of information that are trying to communicate
Speaker 2: things that are incredibly complicated. And that's one of the
Speaker 2: reasons I do not get news from social media. It's
Speaker 2: one of the reasons I don't have debates with people
Speaker 2: about deep philosophical issues. Our brains are not wired to
Speaker 2: understand nuance in a ten second clip. We are meant
Speaker 2: for compassion, for exchange of information. You know a lot
Speaker 2: of people like to point out, like, oh, our brains
Speaker 2: are adapting, they're changing they're really not changing. We are
Speaker 2: the same brains that we were ten thousand years ago,
Speaker 2: one hundred thousand, Like, it's the same brain as if
Speaker 2: we're in a state of nature, hunting and gathering. Everything
Speaker 2: has happened very very quickly, but the brain does not
Speaker 2: change in one generation, I promise.
Speaker 1: So my wires aren't fried from all the no.
Speaker 2: I mean, we're living in a constant state of overstimulation.
Speaker 2: We're living in a state of neurochemical overstimulation, tactile overstimulation,
Speaker 2: visual overstimulation. All those things are true. But we can
Speaker 2: still return. And that's what vagel toning exercises are for.
Speaker 2: That's what nature is for. That's what having a spiritual
Speaker 2: pus is for. It's reminding you of that quiet place
Speaker 2: that has always existed in the human brain. In the
Speaker 2: mammalian brain, we are primed for interaction with other creatures.
Speaker 2: We're not supposed to be attached to something that we're
Speaker 2: staring down out all day. So when people say, like, oh,
Speaker 2: the only way I can go out to dinner with
Speaker 2: a child is to put them in front of a tablet. A,
Speaker 2: that's not true, and now B.
Speaker 1: We do that.
Speaker 2: You make correct correct, so and I feel that way
Speaker 2: about kind of a lot of these things, like how
Speaker 2: am I going to make rules about this with my kids?
Speaker 2: Because you know, that's a huge challenge. Jonathan Hype talks
Speaker 2: about this in Anxious Generation. He talks about the changes
Speaker 2: in the brain and our culture and ways that we
Speaker 2: can kind of turn it around, but you know, to
Speaker 2: speak to some of the science of it. The rise
Speaker 2: in autoimmune diagnoses, the rise in people struggling with attention,
Speaker 2: the rise in a need for a categorization of what
Speaker 2: many can see, shifts in when they change their screen time.
Speaker 2: Dare I say, when they make even small changes to
Speaker 2: their diet. You know a lot of the things that
Speaker 2: that we have been told are good for us are
Speaker 2: in many cases not good for us. And you should
Speaker 2: be very skeptical. You know of companies that give you
Speaker 2: toys with your food, right, it's trying to get you
Speaker 2: to buy more of something.
Speaker 1: That's the best. When the ceial number, when we.
Speaker 2: Get write cereal the little that's right, We've got the
Speaker 2: little ties. But you know, we we do. We we
Speaker 2: live in a country that is in you know. Johann
Speaker 2: Harry talks about this his book on Ozembic talks about
Speaker 2: this and tremendous, beautiful detail in a compassionate and loving way.
Speaker 2: You know, we've been taught to eat a certain way
Speaker 2: and to behave a certain way that clearly is not
Speaker 2: agreeing with our cardiovascular health, our mental health. There's many indications,
Speaker 2: you know, when people are like, but I turned out okay.
Speaker 2: Look at the health of our country, not just the
Speaker 2: physical health, look at the mental health of our country.
Speaker 2: Look at what we're living in. Did we really turn
Speaker 2: out okay?
Speaker 1: Are we supposed to be able to answer that question?
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, and I also, I'm not a
Speaker 2: doomsday person. I believe there's a lot of good. I
Speaker 2: think there's a lot of I am a very hopeful person.
Speaker 1: That's great.
Speaker 2: But when it comes to certain things like again, the
Speaker 2: way the brain and nervous system we're taught to adapt,
Speaker 2: the way the body is taught to process food and information, Yeah,
Speaker 2: we're not really living in concordance with that or in
Speaker 2: many cases overstimulating it and being allowing ourselves kind of
Speaker 2: to be lied to about what's good for us. Right, Like,
Speaker 2: I know it feels good in my body, I do.
Speaker 1: I promise you're a vegan, I am it happened to
Speaker 1: be as well. Nay, it's it's something people don't really understand.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so there's a hot topic. Yeah. I mean, look,
Speaker 2: I'm sure I don't know how long you've been vegan.
Speaker 2: But when I started being a vegetarian when I was nineteen,
Speaker 2: and I transitioned to veganism about ten years later. You know,
Speaker 2: even being a vegetarian, my own parents were like, you're what, No,
Speaker 2: we eat everything on our plate. What like, we didn't
Speaker 2: survive Eastern Europe for you to not eat certain things
Speaker 2: on your plate. The fact that the conversation is so
Speaker 2: much broader, so much bigger, The fact that you know,
Speaker 2: vegetarians are vegan, don't have to just eat pasta in
Speaker 2: French fries and iceberg lettuce, which was pretty much when
Speaker 2: many of us ate. That's incredible. And also I left
Speaker 2: home you know when I when I went to college,
Speaker 2: was when I became a vegetarian. It just it really
Speaker 2: wasn't an option. My parents were not mean people. My
Speaker 2: parents were you know, my mom was a very healthy eater,
Speaker 2: Like we weren't allowed sugar, cereal, and like snack before
Speaker 2: dinner was like a rock herrot, Like take a carrot
Speaker 2: from the fridge, like we weren't you know, didn't eat fast,
Speaker 2: you know, but still there was a standard American diet
Speaker 2: that you know, many of us were sort of taught
Speaker 2: to live by. And so yeah, it was when I
Speaker 2: was nineteen and I moved out and I started going
Speaker 2: to college. It was after Blossom ended that I became
Speaker 2: a vegetarian. But there's so many more choices, so much
Speaker 2: information now, and also, as you know, an entire industry
Speaker 2: built around making vegans eat things that in many cases
Speaker 2: are not very healthy and you might as well kind
Speaker 2: of eat the package. And I used to sort of
Speaker 2: turn my nose up at people, you know who would
Speaker 2: say that. But now we see, like now we're kind
Speaker 2: of getting it, Like, oh, like I don't allow palm
Speaker 2: oil in my house anymore. In products, you know, a
Speaker 2: lot of those like fun soy products, they're filled with
Speaker 2: things that I just can know, I just don't want
Speaker 2: to do it anymore. And my kids kind of like
Speaker 2: stomp their foot at me, and like we want the
Speaker 2: fun cream cheese.
Speaker 1: You know, Oh, that's so hard to give up. Like
Speaker 1: the delicacies of veganism, the cream cheeses and the chicken
Speaker 1: you know, chicken.
Speaker 2: Right, there's alternatives. There's a lot of fun like the
Speaker 2: dairy alternative. I think have really they've really turned a corner.
Speaker 2: You know, people are culturing, but it's very expensive and
Speaker 2: I you know, feel badly that it has to be.
Speaker 2: But you know, there's there's definitely been improvements there. But yeah,
Speaker 2: mostly God bless all the process meets. Like if it's
Speaker 2: highly processed, whether it's vegan, vegetarian or not, don't eat
Speaker 2: highly processed things if you can avoid it on any
Speaker 2: given day. Like its point, it needs to be short
Speaker 2: correct rule of thumb, just like as big as your thumb.
Speaker 1: That's a good idea. Okay, wait, this is a big question.
Speaker 1: Do you believe in afterlife or what do you think
Speaker 1: happens when we die?
Speaker 2: This is a big question. You know, we've done a
Speaker 2: couple episodes on our podcast where people have reported things
Speaker 2: that I can't explain or understand. Near death experiences in
Speaker 2: particular are very you know, very well documented in the
Speaker 2: scientific literature, you know, kind of example. You know, for
Speaker 2: me my you know, religious tradition, I'm Jewish, and you
Speaker 2: know we're taught that there's a lot of rules about
Speaker 2: how to live with a much less of an emphasis
Speaker 2: on what happens when you die, and that means a
Speaker 2: lot of rules, a lot of restrictions, a lot of regulation,
Speaker 2: rules about what to eat and how to dress and
Speaker 2: how to talk, and you know that can be overwhelming.
Speaker 2: But for me, you know, I'd like to believe that
Speaker 2: there is a place where there is no suffering, you know,
Speaker 2: where there's no emotional suffering and there's no physical suffering.
Speaker 2: I don't really have a concept of heaven and hell
Speaker 2: per se. I think it's sort of an extension of
Speaker 2: you know, consciousness that sort of exists. And again, it's
Speaker 2: not something you can grasp because it's part of, you know,
Speaker 2: something divine. So I don't spend a lot of time
Speaker 2: sort of worrying about it. But you know, I really
Speaker 2: I love stories when people say like, oh, like your
Speaker 2: love are all around you, and when I love to
Speaker 2: watch mediums work because like, I don't know what's going
Speaker 2: on there, but yeah, I'd love to believe that. I
Speaker 2: just I think that there's a oneness, you know, there's
Speaker 2: a oneness that we will get to experience that sort
Speaker 2: of I guess where I frame my concept of an afterlife,
Speaker 2: that there's some sense of oneness unity that leaves behind
Speaker 2: all of the fights of this world, which in many
Speaker 2: cases I hope one day will feel petty. You know,
Speaker 2: which religion is right? You know, are men better than women?
Speaker 2: Are women? But like all these kind of things, you know,
Speaker 2: like cats versus dogs, it's like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It taps back into that feeling of the faith thing
Speaker 1: for me, And if I can't see it, how do
Speaker 1: I know it? Yeah, And then at some point in
Speaker 1: my life, I just had to decide to have faith
Speaker 1: in it, you know, like you said that there is
Speaker 1: a And I really do feel the presence of angels, spirits,
Speaker 1: and I want to call them energies, and I pray
Speaker 1: to them and I talk to them, and I send them,
Speaker 1: I send them places, I send them to protect people
Speaker 1: I love. Like I feel so supported, whereas before I
Speaker 1: never did. And I feel like I'm not quite there
Speaker 1: yet with having that feeling of like peace with what
Speaker 1: happens when people die, Yeah, because I just don't know.
Speaker 1: But I'm just going to go with the feelings because
Speaker 1: I have nothing else.
Speaker 2: To Yeah, And I think a lot of people I've
Speaker 2: heard say, like, my life is better when I believe, yeah,
Speaker 2: meaning you get to lean into spirits, guides, angels, You
Speaker 2: get to lean into a lot of possibility and feeling
Speaker 2: protected even when you're scared. And if you choose not
Speaker 2: to believe, which is fine, it may just be you
Speaker 2: know what, some people works for them. But yeah, am
Speaker 2: I living a life of sort of like faith or
Speaker 2: of fear? And for me, without faith, I go right
Speaker 2: into fear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, me too, And that's not a fun place to be. No,
Speaker 1: it's a big it's a big topic. Yeah, it's exciting.
Speaker 1: You're turning fifty? When is this happening?
Speaker 2: December?
Speaker 1: December?
Speaker 2: What I'm twelve? Twelve? Oh that's so easy to remember.
Speaker 1: Wow, how are you feeling about this this next chapter?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: What do you want this next chapter to be filled
Speaker 1: with for you? Or do you not know?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean I think I don't love aging.
Speaker 2: I really don't. I'm not a fan. Yeah, not a fan.
Speaker 2: And some people do it gracefully and like, I don't
Speaker 2: know what that's like. But every time my prescription changes,
Speaker 2: every time, I'm like, I really think I can't hear
Speaker 2: like I used to?
Speaker 1: Oh why am I can't rend here? When you let
Speaker 1: hold on? When you go into like a restaurant. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and there's noise, people talking, talking, talking all around, and
Speaker 1: then there's someone right in front of you.
Speaker 2: Yep, I cannot hear the person right now. So that's
Speaker 2: your brain not being able to filter the way it
Speaker 2: did when it was young. When our brains are young,
Speaker 2: they're filtering all sorts of things, and like, I can
Speaker 2: hang on to this, and I can listen to that.
Speaker 2: People with add experience and inability to filter. That has
Speaker 2: nothing to do with age, right, But for those of
Speaker 2: us at a certain age, that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 2: Your brain is like everything is so important all the time.
Speaker 1: Wait, so it's not my hearing, well.
Speaker 2: You're hearing is your brain? I mean it's all connected
Speaker 2: in there. Sorry yeah, gosh. So yeah. Every time that happens,
Speaker 2: it feels like there's a level of like why what?
Speaker 2: And I'm told that that's creating more strife, you know,
Speaker 2: than it needs to, and I should be an acceptance.
Speaker 2: We had Justine Bateman on our podcast, and you know,
Speaker 2: I love her. She literally, I mean she's amazing, but
Speaker 2: she literally like wants me to embrace every wrinkle and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't think I want to. I haven't
Speaker 2: had work done. Just being honest, I don't want to
Speaker 2: embrace the rink. I don't like it, Like what is
Speaker 2: my neck? What's happening? You know, I'm like examining every
Speaker 2: single part. So what I'm you know, I'm hoping that
Speaker 2: maybe there'll be some like magic moment of like you're fine,
Speaker 2: like you're okay. This is why I don't know if
Speaker 2: it's going to happen, but I might be hopeful.
Speaker 1: It's going to happen. That is what the fifties. It's magic,
Speaker 1: like there's and but but at the same time, you
Speaker 1: still do look at that creepy skin on your lower
Speaker 1: legs and be like, yeah, why is my skin so dry? Yep,
Speaker 1: those all all those things can happen.
Speaker 2: My enter size are convinced they need to be on
Speaker 2: the floor, like no matter, no matter if I lose weight,
Speaker 2: like if I'm thinner, Like the thighs don't care. It's
Speaker 2: like not about a number on the scale for the thighs.
Speaker 2: They're just like we live. We want to be on
Speaker 2: the ground, and we're going to keep showing you that
Speaker 2: we want to be. And I'm like, I'm gonna live
Speaker 2: in tights forever. I'm just gonna wear tights forever.
Speaker 1: I'm wearing tights right now under my pants. It's so true, though,
Speaker 1: we're supposed to embrace it and age gracefully and yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's it takes time to get there, yeah, fifty two,
Speaker 1: but it does gradually. You do gradually reach the point
Speaker 1: where you're like, this is me, this is it, this
Speaker 1: is I'm I'm not going to be something that I'm
Speaker 1: thinking I'm supposed to be or people are thinking I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to be.
Speaker 2: And I just live in my bathroom all the time.
Speaker 1: Oh, the bathroom's the best I think we are. We
Speaker 1: are we are connected, soul connected. We have a lot
Speaker 1: of the same likes and dislikes. Oh, I just love
Speaker 1: our chat. I really have enjoyed spending time with you
Speaker 1: and getting better, not just on Cupcake Wars.
Speaker 2: We needed an update to our connections. So this is it.
Speaker 1: I'll remember this one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope I will too.
Speaker 1: Wait before I let you go, Mayan Beelic, what was
Speaker 1: your last I Choose me moment?
Speaker 2: Wow? What was my last I choose me moment? You know?
Speaker 2: I was supposed to go to a screening Friday night
Speaker 2: to support a friend of mine, and I really wasn't
Speaker 2: feeling well. I was listening to my body, and it
Speaker 2: was so hard because everything in me was like, go,
Speaker 2: you'll be fine, it's okay, blah blah blah, like all
Speaker 2: the things like what will they think of me? What
Speaker 2: will I this? And I built it up so much
Speaker 2: and I finally said to this friend, I was honest.
Speaker 2: I said I'm not feeling well and I'm very sorry.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to be able to come. And his
Speaker 2: response was like, I know how much you love and
Speaker 2: support me. It's totally fine. What I'm most excited about
Speaker 2: is that you're taking care of yourself. Oh, and it
Speaker 2: doesn't always work like that. A lot of times you'll
Speaker 2: stand up for yourself and people will be like you
Speaker 2: let me down? Why not this? But it was like
Speaker 2: a great It was a message from the universe giving
Speaker 2: me permission to literally listen to my body. And it
Speaker 2: was like, there's just yeah. And it didn't just make
Speaker 2: me feel better that I didn't have to like go
Speaker 2: out late at night to this thing. It was that
Speaker 2: I got that elevator lift feeling for myself, like oh,
Speaker 2: you're allowed to advocate for yourself and if you don't
Speaker 2: feel good, it's okay. That was a really big one.
Speaker 2: You know. I watched Family Feud and went to bed.
Speaker 1: Oh, good night. That's a good night. And that's the
Speaker 1: whole point of this podcast. And what I talk about
Speaker 1: is that letting people know that it is okay to
Speaker 1: choose themselves. And you choose yourself, and you also realized
Speaker 1: in that moment, oh, choosing myself feels really good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's not selfish.
Speaker 2: No, it's the opposite of people pleasing feels really good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels really good. Well, you feel really good,
Speaker 1: and I just love you, so thank you.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you. I really appreciate that. Thank you. This
Speaker 2: is awesome.