1 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, 2 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: and speaker. 3 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:19,240 Speaker 2: And I'm Sarah Hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer, 4 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 2: and course creator. We are two working parents who love 5 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,120 Speaker 2: our careers and our families. 6 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about 7 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 1: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, 8 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 1: from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. 9 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 1: We want you to get the most out of life. 10 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,760 Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This 11 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,640 Speaker 1: episode is airing at the beginning of October of twenty 12 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: twenty four. It's going to be a bit of a 13 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,839 Speaker 1: Hodgepodge episode. We're going to do a quick rundown of 14 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: our new school year routines and what's working for us 15 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: and anything we're thinking of changing up. We're also going 16 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: to do a brief discussion of whining. Has been a 17 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:07,200 Speaker 1: hot topic for us for our Patreon community forums. It happens. 18 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,280 Speaker 1: I'm not saying my children ever whine, and I'm sure 19 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,959 Speaker 1: nobody listening to this has children who ever whine, but 20 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: theoretically it could happen, and if so, we want to 21 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: share some thoughts about it and ways to deal with 22 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,679 Speaker 1: it and hopefully come out of it with our own 23 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: mental health intact. And then finally, in the question, we're 24 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: going to do a slightly deeper dive into a question 25 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 1: about a childcare and early childhood education and how those 26 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: things fit together. But first of all, Sarah, you guys 27 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: are like six weeks into the new school year by 28 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 1: the time this is airing, right, you've been doing this 29 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: for a while. 30 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 2: Yes, we are. I know you said new school year 31 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 2: and I'm like newish at this point. I don't know 32 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,880 Speaker 2: what percentage we are the way through, but it's not 33 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 2: tiny anymore. But we have had some changes, and I 34 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: feel like the time of this episode is good because 35 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 2: it's taken us a little while to settle into some 36 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 2: of those changes. And I'm not sure I would be 37 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 2: as calm if we had done this episode just a 38 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 2: week or two in, because there were just some things 39 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,079 Speaker 2: I feel like we had to practice. But to summarize, 40 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 2: the biggest changes have been that we have two different schools, 41 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:16,359 Speaker 2: which mean an earlier time to leave the house to 42 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 2: drop off the kids. This is not something our nanny 43 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 2: generally does for us, because she stays late so we 44 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 2: are my husband and I the ones kind of in 45 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 2: charge of drop off, and so beginning that process more 46 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 2: like seven twenty five versus the seven forty five seven 47 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 2: fifty we were used to actually kind of made a difference. 48 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: So I'll talk about that. 49 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 2: We've also had a lot later activities and more late 50 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 2: night activities. I think there's a kid with something until 51 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 2: eight forty five basically every night at the week, except 52 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 2: for Monday, when it's the latest is seven. So I 53 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 2: mean that's really different from what we'd experienced when the 54 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 2: kids were younger. And then we've also, I think just 55 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 2: had to kind of relate it to that deal with 56 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 2: a bit of a later bedtime. So just going through 57 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:04,120 Speaker 2: each of those the earlier leaving has been okay in 58 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 2: that Actually, I would say the themes that there's been more 59 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,359 Speaker 2: dividing and conquering than there ever was before. My husband 60 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 2: and I realized that actually if we each did one 61 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 2: drop off instead of one person being like a bus 62 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 2: and doing both, then that means we could leave closer 63 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 2: to the more previous typical time of around seven forty five. 64 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 2: And so we've created a schedule where some days I 65 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,119 Speaker 2: take everyone, some days he takes everyone, and then most 66 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,680 Speaker 2: of the other days we actually split them up, and 67 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 2: this has provided enough variety that it's kind of nice 68 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,880 Speaker 2: because like then you get the one on one time 69 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 2: and some of the car rides with different groups of kids, 70 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 2: and then sometimes you're totally off, like I'm totally off 71 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 2: on Thursdays and he's totally off on Tuesdays, and I 72 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 2: just feel like we've gotten a nice balance there. So 73 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 2: it took some configuring and experimentation, but that's been good. 74 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 2: The late night activities has been very much helped by carpools, 75 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 2: which are kind of new to us. But I was 76 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 2: aggressive in seeking out carpool constituents for soccer in particular 77 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 2: because it does go quite late, and we were so 78 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 2: lucky to find two other families who live very close 79 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 2: by and conveniently. Soccer is three nights per week, so 80 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 2: we each now own a night, which means that's two 81 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 2: nights we don't own. Our nanny often helps with us, 82 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,479 Speaker 2: so I mean selfishly, I actually don't do a lot 83 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 2: of soccer driving at all during the week at all. 84 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 2: I'm happy to watch games, but super excited not to 85 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 2: really be involved in the driving for practices and it's 86 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 2: been great. And then finally, my fear was that with 87 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 2: kids getting finished with stuff at eight forty five, that 88 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,840 Speaker 2: we'd be going to bed at like ten thirty because 89 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 2: there'd be this protracted wine down. But we've kind of 90 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 2: gotten it, like, Okay, if Josh is picking up from gymnastics, 91 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 2: I'm heating up her dinner like while he's driving, so 92 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,039 Speaker 2: that the second she gets home, I'm placing it in 93 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 2: front of her. She knows to just go ahead and 94 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 2: shower and we will just go to bed. And we've 95 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 2: gotten to the point where I think there was one 96 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,360 Speaker 2: night that we did the driving like our nanny had 97 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 2: gone and we were all in bed by nine thirty 98 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 2: despite an eight forty five pickup, my husband and my 99 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 2: so included. So yeah, I feel like that took some practice, 100 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 2: but it is working better than I thought. I've talked 101 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: a lot, but yeah, I thought I would have to 102 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 2: alter my morning running routine more than I have, but 103 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 2: it's actually been okay. 104 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, the days are long, but you've crammed it 105 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: all in so for now. I like that the transition 106 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,840 Speaker 1: is so fast from like eight forty five pickup to 107 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:27,160 Speaker 1: nine thirty bed That is very impressive. Yeah, I don't 108 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: know that I would wind down quite that fast, but 109 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 1: I guess I don't wake up quite as early in 110 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 1: the morning, although I did this morning. For unknown reasons, 111 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: I've been popping up randomly some mornings at like five am, 112 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 1: which is a whole different can of worms. But I 113 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,280 Speaker 1: do have productive mornings on those days when I am 114 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: up at five am. So yeah, we've shifted some things 115 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: to as longtime listeners know, our school district decided to 116 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: adopt new start times this year in response to plenty 117 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: of research finding that adolescence just don't do well in 118 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: early mornings, and so you can have better at ten 119 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: and then it's better behavior, better graduation rates, all this 120 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: stuff if you start high school later. So our high 121 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,359 Speaker 1: school now starts at eight thirty versus seven thirty, and 122 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 1: so that's been a pretty major change because we have 123 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,719 Speaker 1: two children in high school. To accommodate that. Of course, 124 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 1: the middle school moved fifteen minutes earlier, which is causes 125 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: issues because middle schoolers are adolescents as well, so that's 126 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: not a huge win. But the bigger issue is that 127 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 1: in order to have the same number of buses running, 128 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: because we didn't magically get more buses or bus drivers. 129 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:36,919 Speaker 1: In the course of this timing change, the middle school 130 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,440 Speaker 1: bus has actually come quite early in order to get 131 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: the kids dropped off by about seven forty five seven 132 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: fifty so they can then start the high school run. 133 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: And so Ruth's time was pretty early. She has taken 134 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 1: the bus once and it's the same driver in the 135 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: morning in the afternoon, so she can give him a 136 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: heads up if she will be taking it in the morning, 137 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 1: so he knows to look for her and stop. Mornings 138 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: we've been driving her, and with driving, we usually don't 139 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: have to leave till seven thirty seven thirty five, and 140 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: so she can wake up at seven, which means nobody 141 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,400 Speaker 1: really needs to be up before seven am in the morning, 142 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: which is great. Like I said, I'm off and up 143 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: before then, but that gives me a little quiet time 144 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: in the morning. I've been working, I've been running whatever else. 145 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: So she gets up, the high school boys get up 146 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: around seven thirty. They drive together most mornings, and then 147 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: the little boys start school at nine and nine ten, respectively, 148 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 1: although the nine to ten gets dropped off before the 149 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: nine because the nine ten is the elementary school and 150 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: they push back on tartis in a way that the 151 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: preschool does not, so it's it is a clear ranking 152 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: of the hierarchy of who it matters if you are late, 153 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 1: So we definitely drop the elementary school kit off first. 154 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:57,240 Speaker 1: With all this, I did not want my work mornings 155 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: to start at nine thirty, which is what they would 156 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,960 Speaker 1: need to start at if I were responsible every morning 157 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: for getting the little kids to the elementary school in preschool. 158 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 1: So we actually have our nanny coming even earlier now, 159 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: so she comes three mornings a week at seven thirty. 160 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 1: I basically say hello, say goodbye to Ruth, say goodbye 161 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: to the boys who can get themselves out the door, 162 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 1: the big boys, and then I go to my office 163 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: and I am to be working by seven forty. And 164 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: it's great, Like I love all I can accomplish. When 165 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 1: I have started at seven p forty, I wind up 166 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 1: doing the little kid getting ready two of the mornings 167 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,560 Speaker 1: a week. One morning I tend not to be the 168 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: one driving, and then one morning I am driving, So 169 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 1: I still, you know, I get the mix of all 170 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,600 Speaker 1: of it. But three mornings a week, I'm starting early, 171 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:49,440 Speaker 1: unless something goes wrong like it did this morning when 172 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,360 Speaker 1: the high school buses were running late, and Jasper has 173 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 1: a free period every fourth day his first hour, so 174 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: he doesn't get up to drive Sam. So Sam was 175 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 1: taking the bus, and then the buses were late, so 176 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: our nanny wind up driving Sam, and so I was 177 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: getting the little kids ready this morning. But when things 178 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 1: are going as they should, I. 179 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 2: Kind of impressed that you don't have to go to 180 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 2: your free period, like you could just roll in later, 181 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 2: that senior privilege. 182 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, well, if it's first or last of 183 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,680 Speaker 1: the day, obviously, you know, if it's like the third period, 184 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: you're not allowed to just like leave for an hour 185 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 1: in the middle of the day. I guess the rule is, 186 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: but if it's the first or the last, then you 187 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: can leave or come late as needed. 188 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 2: Cool. 189 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 1: So yeah, that's the mornings. The other big shift. We 190 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: shifted the evenings too. I decided in Room No Devices 191 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,079 Speaker 1: time is eight thirty. It is no longer nine, even 192 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: though people don't have to get up as early. I 193 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: just it was always running late when we started at nine. 194 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: People need that time for reading, for homework, for all 195 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 1: sorts of things. If we're bathing the little boys, like, 196 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 1: they wouldn't want to go up before nine, because like 197 00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: they could have had their devices till nine and you know, 198 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: so it's like by starting at eight thirty at least 199 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 1: that can happen before endlessly late amounts of time. 200 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 2: And you have an exception for homework correct. 201 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,959 Speaker 1: Oh for device, well, they can keep their school laptops. Yeah, 202 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,959 Speaker 1: so if they're doing homework, that's fine. And I gotta 203 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:21,800 Speaker 1: say I am not militant with the seventeen year old, 204 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: partly because he's kind of responsible for his own stuff, 205 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: but it makes me gives it to me usually. 206 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 2: But I mean, he's going to be on his own 207 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 2: next year, so having some kind of like gradation actually 208 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 2: makes sense versus it being like mom is like entirely 209 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 2: in charge of you and then free for all. So 210 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 2: I think, yeah, it's probably more strategic than you think. 211 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,199 Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and I mean they use it as their 212 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,680 Speaker 1: homework time, right and a lot of their stuff is 213 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,839 Speaker 1: on their laptops now, so you know they need to 214 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 1: be on schoology so that that tends to be when 215 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: those happened. That was another reason to move it earlier, 216 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: as I wanted to make sure I could protect enough 217 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: times for the older boys when they sort of knew 218 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: this was the time that they needed to be focusing 219 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:09,680 Speaker 1: on work. So yeah, it's what's happening now? Love it all? Right, Well, 220 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 1: let's take a quick ad break and then we'll be 221 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:27,959 Speaker 1: back talking about whining. Well, we are back. We opened 222 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: with a discussion of new school year routines, what times 223 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 1: things are happening, how we have shifted things around. So fortunately, 224 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: there actually hasn't been that much whining about our new routines. 225 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 1: I worried there might be a little bit about the 226 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 1: earlier in your room time, but there hasn't been that much, 227 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 1: which has been good. I'm glad to hear it. But 228 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 1: you know, whining in general does happen, and we've had 229 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,959 Speaker 1: some discussions with listeners and you know, peopeople who talk 230 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 1: about how it can kind of ruin something that would 231 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 1: otherwise be reasonably fun and generally why people whine. And 232 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,200 Speaker 1: adults do this too, by the way, I mean, there's 233 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: definitely the sort of complaining tone that adults go into. 234 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: It's when you are unhappy about something but don't feel 235 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: you have the power to change it on your own, 236 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 1: so you tend to whine, which is more of a 237 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: submissive voice to the person that you believe could change it, 238 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,600 Speaker 1: so it is understandable. It is a very rational way 239 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 1: of reacting to a situation. It is, of course, also 240 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 1: incredibly annoying. Is also annoying if it is something the 241 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: person has agreed to, let's say, but in the moment 242 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 1: feels like they do not wish to do it and 243 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: you are haranguing them to get out the door. I'm 244 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 1: sure this never happens in your family, Sarah, Never. 245 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 2: No. I feel like everyone in my family has a 246 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 2: different style of whining, including myself. And you know, I 247 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 2: was just thinking, whinning is kind of like a little 248 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 2: bit passive aggressive sometimes, especially if you know the situation 249 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,720 Speaker 2: is not going to change. But it's like, well, but 250 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 2: I can make it annoying for everyone so they can 251 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 2: hear all about it and it will feel like a 252 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 2: little bit good maybe, and yet accomplish nothing. 253 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 1: So whining is rough. 254 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 2: And yet there's like little kid whining. There's like the 255 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,959 Speaker 2: tired whining. There's just like the incessant I'm not listening 256 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,680 Speaker 2: to your no kind of a whining. 257 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 1: I mean, I. 258 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,839 Speaker 2: Feel like we're all whining professionals around here, and I 259 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 2: have to say I definitely whine sometimes when I make 260 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 2: a concerted effort not to whine. I'm usually pleasantly surprised 261 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:45,439 Speaker 2: that the lack of whining tends to improve things. 262 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's we all do it, But yeah, it doesn't 263 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:55,200 Speaker 1: necessarily strike the person who is in charge in the 264 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 1: situation or who has the veto power or whatever that 265 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 1: they might wish to amate the whining. So I guess 266 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 1: it would just must be a reflex sort of thing 267 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: to do, because yeah, kids do it sort of automatically. 268 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,560 Speaker 1: It's not like they learned to whine. 269 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 2: Well, especially maybe if it works a little bit. 270 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: Works intermittently, it's like the hamster hitting Yeah. Yeah, So 271 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's important to acknowledge that some 272 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: whining is inevitable, and that doesn't necessarily mean that anything 273 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 1: has to change. You can sort of decide that, okay, 274 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 1: into a little life, into life, a little whining must 275 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 1: inevitably fall, and with that as the mindset, that can 276 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:47,960 Speaker 1: help to kind of stay grounded about the whole thing. Like, 277 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you should never do anything ever. Again, 278 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: that said, very few things are fun for the whole 279 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,120 Speaker 1: family for the whole time. So you can be out 280 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,520 Speaker 1: at an amusement park, which presumably you were doing for 281 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: your own edification, like you are there for your children. 282 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: Except at some point in this amazing day of going 283 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,880 Speaker 1: to this amusement park, they're gonna be hot, they're gonna 284 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 1: be tired, they're gonna be waiting in line for a 285 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,800 Speaker 1: ride that their sister wanted to go on but was 286 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: not in their top three. And that's when the whinning happens. 287 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 1: And so you can just get so mad that people 288 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 1: are whining about this expensive, time consuming trip to the 289 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: amusement park that you would not have been doing on 290 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: your own, or you can sort of say, well, there 291 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,880 Speaker 1: will be whining today, but it's still going to overall 292 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 1: be a good day. We are aiming for a few 293 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 1: enjoyable moments. 294 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, like not catastrophizing it because it's not Instagram reel 295 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 2: every second. 296 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, nobody's life is Instagram reel every second, including people 297 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 1: who post much of their lives on Instagram. They edit 298 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 1: out the parts that are not Instagram were they? So Yeah, 299 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 1: if you're just with any te any activity any day, 300 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,200 Speaker 1: really you're aiming for a few enjoyable moments. And if 301 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 1: you keep that as your goal, then you can let 302 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,560 Speaker 1: it roll off your back a little bit more than 303 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 1: you might. That said, obviously, if you can involve people 304 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: in decisions, that might be helpful, so asking kids what 305 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: they would like to do. Obviously, there's not going to 306 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: be universal consensus and people can't get everything they want, 307 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: but when you give people some degree of choice, it 308 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: can be helpful. I also generally let children who are 309 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 1: old enough to stay home by themselves opt out of 310 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 1: things if it is not an important family value, as in, yes, 311 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,480 Speaker 1: if we've decided to go visit relatives, you need to 312 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,040 Speaker 1: do that, or yes, if we've decided to go to church, 313 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 1: let's say you're going to need to do that, but 314 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 1: you don't have to go apple picking like that has 315 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,400 Speaker 1: I think it might be fun, but in general you 316 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: don't have to do it, not universally. We had some 317 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:05,960 Speaker 1: major whining before a rafting trip because my older two 318 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 1: boys had opted out. Desper did not want to go. 319 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: Sam had a cross country meet so he had a reason. 320 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:20,359 Speaker 1: So then Jasper volunteered to go pick him up. You know, okay, clever, yeah, clever. 321 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:21,880 Speaker 1: But then that meant I could go on the trip, 322 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 1: which is fine. I was happy to go, but then 323 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 1: you know, we're on a raft we need four people 324 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:28,640 Speaker 1: to row, and I couldn't have Henry row. Ruth didn't 325 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 1: want to go, so she was sort of unhappy about it, 326 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: but I couldn't not let her go because then we're 327 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: gonna have to pick somebody up off the street to 328 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:38,120 Speaker 1: row for us. 329 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 2: Henry is pretty strong. I don't know. 330 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, our four year olds row in the boat through rapids. 331 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,159 Speaker 1: That would have been a maybe maybe he could have 332 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 1: I don't know. He kind of held his he wanted 333 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 1: or but he kind of held it the side where 334 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 1: it kept hitting Michael's or helpful. 335 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,720 Speaker 2: I feel like the corollary of like leaving an older 336 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 2: kid home is also bringing a friend for them, because 337 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 2: I have it's like kind of magical that like two 338 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 2: twelve year olds actually wine half as much as one 339 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 2: twelve year old. I don't know that math is like backwards, 340 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 2: but yeah, I've seen it in action. 341 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,439 Speaker 1: If I'd thought about that, I have no time that 342 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,160 Speaker 1: would have been because then we would have had even 343 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 1: an extra war ar you know, if I had somebody 344 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,400 Speaker 1: else who could have rowed that stupid boat through the rapids. 345 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,080 Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, that would have been a smart thing 346 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 1: to do. But you got to choose your battles. I 347 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:32,440 Speaker 1: am certainly not above bribery, you know, like, Okay, we're 348 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 1: doing this, and I know we'll be getting home close 349 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 1: to time, let's say on Sunday night, when you would 350 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 1: have to put your screens way, so maybe you get 351 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: them for an extra thirty minutes, or we do a 352 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 1: wah wah stop on the way home. Definitely, we stop 353 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 1: at Starbucks after church every week, which is not a 354 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 1: great broad because my kids seem to get Starbucks a lot, 355 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: but there was a period of time in my life 356 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 1: where we were not even allowed to go to any 357 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: commercial establishment on Sunday. So this seems like a big 358 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 1: give on my part. Not in my family, my family 359 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:09,880 Speaker 1: of origin. But yeah, it's yeah, you know, you bribe 360 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:10,400 Speaker 1: where you can. 361 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,879 Speaker 2: I will say I frequent Starbucks a lot, and I 362 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,120 Speaker 2: don't really get tired of that as a bribe to myself, 363 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,719 Speaker 2: so I can see why it would still work with 364 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 2: your children. 365 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: Do you have any bribes of this variety? I don't 366 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,720 Speaker 1: know what the Florida equivalent of we have rita is 367 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 1: up here, so that's somewhere where wah wah. 368 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,840 Speaker 2: I mean we yeah, ice cream always work, dairy queen, etc. 369 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 2: But I have to say like for hiking, just having 370 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 2: really good snacks, like snacks outside of what we would 371 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,159 Speaker 2: normally have, like yes, this is a time for that 372 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,000 Speaker 2: bag of candy, or like whatever your dreams are made 373 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 2: of that you're gonna stop and eat after a mile 374 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,159 Speaker 2: or whatever it is. 375 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, No, I think the snack thing is 376 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,400 Speaker 1: important for long plane rides too. See people dole out 377 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 1: a new snack every ninety minutes on a plane. If 378 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 1: it's exciting enough, that can get you through quite a while, 379 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:03,879 Speaker 1: although again inevitably whining. I believe the phrase from a 380 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:08,440 Speaker 1: kJ deal Antonia, who has been on this podcast before. 381 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 1: She wrote a book called How to Be a Happier Parent. 382 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,119 Speaker 1: I'm probably quoting this wrong because I didn't look it 383 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,159 Speaker 1: up before I did these notes, but was that you 384 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 1: don't have to go down there, so that if your 385 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 1: kids are in a negative emotional state, you don't actually 386 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,840 Speaker 1: have to match them. You are allowed to enjoy yourself 387 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 1: even if the people around you do not seem to 388 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:38,360 Speaker 1: be actively enjoying themselves and are letting you know about that. 389 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: That your emotional state is within your purview and you 390 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: do not have to give that over to someone else. 391 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,960 Speaker 2: So interestingly, I had a very similar free well you 392 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,360 Speaker 2: reminded me of it. But Erica Ladd from Girl next 393 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:56,040 Speaker 2: Door podcast once said, my energy is my own. That 394 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,560 Speaker 2: was where like tagline for like the phase of parenting 395 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,280 Speaker 2: she was in, and that was exactly it, like not 396 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,359 Speaker 2: to get wrapped up in her kids' stuff. And I 397 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,239 Speaker 2: just love that. So, yeah, you don't have to go 398 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 2: down there. And my energy is my own. 399 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. And then one thing 400 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: I do to talk myself into stuff sometimes that I'm 401 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:18,680 Speaker 1: not terribly excited about doing in the moment, I thought 402 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: might have been cool in the past when I thought 403 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,720 Speaker 1: about it, and then in the moment it's like, oh 404 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 1: am I going to do this. It's like if you 405 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,439 Speaker 1: thought it would be enjoyable, or people generally do this 406 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,679 Speaker 1: thing because it's fun. Pretty soon you're going to be 407 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 1: on the other side of it, and if it's something 408 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,640 Speaker 1: that is generally fun, you probably will be happy that 409 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 1: you did it. So you know, in this particular rafting trip, 410 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,080 Speaker 1: we did tell the kids in the morning, like, Okay, 411 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,439 Speaker 1: we're going to be on the other side of this 412 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 1: in a couple hours, Like eventually it's going to be 413 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,640 Speaker 1: Saturday night and we will have been on the rafting trip, 414 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: or we will have not. But most of the time 415 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,640 Speaker 1: people go on the rafting trip because it's fun, right, 416 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,640 Speaker 1: Like that's why people raft down rivers. It's not because 417 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,640 Speaker 1: they're trying to get from point A to point B, 418 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: which there are much quicker ways to get from point 419 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,360 Speaker 1: A to point B in Jones that people think it's 420 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,120 Speaker 1: a fun activity, and it was. It was a lot 421 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,520 Speaker 1: of fun, even though it rained on us, even though 422 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,440 Speaker 1: it was kind of chilly, it was like sixty five 423 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,000 Speaker 1: degrees and rainy, and yet we still had a good time. 424 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,359 Speaker 1: And I could, you know, say that at the end 425 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:19,919 Speaker 1: of lie like I'm not saying we have to do 426 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 1: this again tomorrow, but we did enjoy ourselves and like 427 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,159 Speaker 1: we were like proud of our family for rowing that 428 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: four miles down the river and getting off the river 429 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 1: at the right spot even with the rapids and all that. 430 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: So you know, I'm not saying you have to say 431 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,280 Speaker 1: I told you so afterwards or anything like that, but 432 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: you might narrate that things are generally fun, are like, oh, look, 433 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 1: we're enjoying ourselves that Oh yeah, we weren't sure we 434 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 1: wanted to do this, but oh look how good it was, 435 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,879 Speaker 1: or yes, this might not be your favorite ride in 436 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,720 Speaker 1: the universe, but in three minutes it will be over, 437 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 1: because all rides are over within three minutes, and then 438 00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:55,199 Speaker 1: you can go about your life. Love it, love it all. Right, Well, 439 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 1: we're going to take one more quick ad break and 440 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 1: then we will be back with a little bit of 441 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 1: a longer Q and a thinking about childcare and early 442 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: education options and how these fit together. Well, we are back. 443 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 1: We have been talking our new school year routines, about 444 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,639 Speaker 1: the mornings and the evenings. We did a bit of 445 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 1: a deep dive into whining, and now we have a question, Sarah, 446 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,199 Speaker 1: did you want to read this or you want me to? 447 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,320 Speaker 2: Or sure? I feel like you're gonna get on your soapbox. 448 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:38,879 Speaker 2: So okay, okay, I know a lot of times we 449 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,120 Speaker 2: abridge our stuff, but I'll read most of this because 450 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:42,200 Speaker 2: I think it's a great. 451 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 1: I bridged it slightly in the version. 452 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,879 Speaker 2: I will it's already so concise and clear. 453 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 1: All right, Okay, you can read my notes, Sarah. 454 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,399 Speaker 2: I'm curious you're experience sending your kids to preschool for 455 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 2: the first time. Thoughts on sending them at three verses, 456 00:23:56,320 --> 00:24:00,040 Speaker 2: four half days, full days, or both. My daughter I 457 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 2: just turned three, and my husband and I aren't sure 458 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 2: if we should consider preschool sooner rather than later or not. 459 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 2: She loves her current daycare and they seem to have 460 00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 2: a good preschool program, but with her going to the 461 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 2: local public school for kindergarten, are there pros of going 462 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 2: to the public school preschool program at three or four? 463 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 2: How do we make this decision? Are there things we 464 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,159 Speaker 2: should consider? From your experience, there seem to be so 465 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 2: many options, but not a lot of information about why 466 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 2: we would choose one over another. Also curious if there 467 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 2: were some things you did to prepare them when they 468 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 2: do start preschool that ease the transition, as her daycare 469 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 2: is all she knows. 470 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, So when I read this question, it set me 471 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,359 Speaker 1: off on a little tangent, which is a little bit 472 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,359 Speaker 1: of a soapbox here, because sometimes people think there is 473 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:50,800 Speaker 1: a difference between daycare and preschool, And so the thing is, 474 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:57,120 Speaker 1: a high quality daycare center is preschool right like they 475 00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:02,320 Speaker 1: do early childhood education activities, only you get the extra 476 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,800 Speaker 1: wrap around care too. So I can assure you that 477 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,200 Speaker 1: when I sent Jasper to daycare for the first four 478 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,640 Speaker 1: years of his life, by the time they were about 479 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 1: eighteen months, they were doing early childhood education curricula. They 480 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:18,880 Speaker 1: were working on holding a pencil. Eventually, by the time 481 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,960 Speaker 1: they were about three or so, they were learning you know, 482 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,440 Speaker 1: letters and numbers and colors and days of the week 483 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 1: and months of the year or whatever else you're supposed 484 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 1: to be doing. They were practicing making letters. By the 485 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 1: time they could hold a pencil, they were doing early 486 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,359 Speaker 1: math curriculum. They were working on early literacy. Once they 487 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,240 Speaker 1: were you know, three and four years old, so it 488 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,800 Speaker 1: was preschool. The only difference was you could drop them 489 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,959 Speaker 1: off at eight and pick them up after five, right like, 490 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,199 Speaker 1: which a lot of preschools do not offer that that 491 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 1: are only preschools. So high quality daycare is preschool with 492 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,440 Speaker 1: wrap around care. Now, the reason this matters is because 493 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,480 Speaker 1: I feel like in our cultural conversation daycare is often 494 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 1: seen as bad. So, like, literally, there was this viral 495 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 1: tweet a few months ago. I don't know, I was 496 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:11,639 Speaker 1: off Twitter for a while and then I got back on, 497 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 1: and then I was sad that I got on because 498 00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:17,399 Speaker 1: I see's still like this. But some young childless dude 499 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:21,040 Speaker 1: had seen like a daycare near his house, and I 500 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: guess some kid on the playground looks playground looks sad, 501 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:30,240 Speaker 1: and so he thought he tweeted out daycare should be banned, okay, 502 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 1: and some people were like liking this or whatever. I mean, 503 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:39,200 Speaker 1: it's just so stupid, right, So it's like daycare is bad, 504 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:43,120 Speaker 1: where's preschool? Like preschool is good? Like maybe a kid 505 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,159 Speaker 1: cries on the playground there, but well, it's pre school learning. 506 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,159 Speaker 1: It's learning, Like if they fall on the preschool playground, 507 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,239 Speaker 1: it's fine. I don't know, so I struggled to get 508 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,440 Speaker 1: my head around this, because again, remember, high quality, center 509 00:26:55,480 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 1: based daycare is preschool with wrap around care. But as 510 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,960 Speaker 1: far as I can tell, the issue is that working 511 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,679 Speaker 1: moms use something that is called daycare, and working moms 512 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:11,000 Speaker 1: are bad, and airgo daycare is bad, but stay at 513 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 1: home moms use preschool, and stay at home moms are good, 514 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,959 Speaker 1: and therefore preschool is good. And this is literally the 515 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,159 Speaker 1: depth of the reasoning in this conversation. 516 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 2: I think you're I was reflecting on this. I think 517 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,520 Speaker 2: you're very right, And interestingly, I feel like there's been 518 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:34,800 Speaker 2: a shift in all demographics in calling daycare preschool, even 519 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,320 Speaker 2: if it's absolutely a classic daycare, like we even have 520 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:40,280 Speaker 2: these daycares in the area that are awesome because they're 521 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,760 Speaker 2: for like medically complex kids and they're subsidized, but they 522 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,200 Speaker 2: also offer like medical services. And I'll hear parents calling 523 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,240 Speaker 2: it preschool. I'm like, great, okay, it makes them feel better. 524 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,760 Speaker 2: But then if you actually think about, like, well, why 525 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,600 Speaker 2: does that make them feel better? It's exactly what you said, 526 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,400 Speaker 2: because daycare is bad because it's for the parents. They're 527 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,119 Speaker 2: caring for the kid while you get to do your 528 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,679 Speaker 2: own stuff, versus preschool for the child, it's only for 529 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,119 Speaker 2: their Enrichmond, who cares what mom is doing? And this 530 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,920 Speaker 2: is like what we've talked about so many times, which 531 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:10,359 Speaker 2: is like we can't too, and maybe it can be 532 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,160 Speaker 2: for both of us. Maybe there could be a best 533 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 2: of both worlds in here where my kid is actually 534 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:18,119 Speaker 2: getting engaged and taught and learning, and I'm getting to 535 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 2: go to work, build my business, do whatever I want. 536 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:25,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and especially I mean just as you know, yeah, 537 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:28,959 Speaker 1: because like and I would even I mean, we do 538 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,000 Speaker 1: what we need to do during the days. And you know, 539 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: if some people obviously work as a financial necessity, So 540 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 1: I feel really bad that people are making somebody who 541 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,720 Speaker 1: really truly does need to go to work for full time, 542 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: Like feel bad about that that they're using childcare which 543 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 1: is preschool, like whereas you know if it was a preschool, 544 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: it'd be different. But anyway, so off the soapbox. Now 545 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 1: to our listener, if your kid is happy at daycare, 546 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 1: there is zero reason to switch, Okay, like zero. You 547 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,440 Speaker 1: are not missing something by not sending her to something 548 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: that is specifically labeled as a preschool. She is getting 549 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: all of that at her daycare, which you've pointed out 550 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,080 Speaker 1: has a preschool program, so there is nothing different that 551 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,160 Speaker 1: they are going to do, Like you're gonna learn the 552 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: same months of the year. They don't learn different ones 553 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:24,640 Speaker 1: at preschool, Like you're gonna learn the same numbers, You're 554 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 1: gonna certain the same fine motor grip so you can 555 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 1: hold a pencil, Like this is all the same stuff 556 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 1: that they are going to learn. So you do not 557 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 1: have to switch, because again daycare is preschool with wrap 558 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 1: around care. Now, in this listener scenario, the reasons that 559 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: she could switch partly if it is a public preschool option, 560 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 1: it might be free, Like I presume it is free 561 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 1: as a public school option, so she would have to 562 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:50,480 Speaker 1: run the numbers on that. 563 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 2: Eh, yes, and no, like we have in Florida, there's 564 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 2: a lot of public PreK programs that are actually not free. 565 00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:01,000 Speaker 2: They're oh okay, they're not as expensive, maybe private, but 566 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:04,080 Speaker 2: I don't know. They're sort of incorporated into the public school. 567 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 2: But they're extra cost. Yeah they are extra cost. Yeah, 568 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 2: well so then obviously that changes it too. 569 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,520 Speaker 1: Like then again, there's not really a whole lot of 570 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:13,320 Speaker 1: reason to pull her out to send her to that, 571 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:17,720 Speaker 1: because the problem is you would have to then recreate 572 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 1: the wrap around care that you are currently getting if 573 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,440 Speaker 1: you put her in a preschool program. Now, maybe the 574 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: numbers would work, Like if it is a free program, 575 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 1: maybe it would be significantly cheaper to hire somebody, But again, 576 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,280 Speaker 1: it's hard to get somebody to work a part time job, 577 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,120 Speaker 1: like a part time nanny who wants to come in 578 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 1: the morning and then come again in the afternoon. Like 579 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,080 Speaker 1: it doesn't there's not that many people who would want 580 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 1: to do that. So probably you and your partner would 581 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: be covering one of those, right, Like you would either 582 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 1: bring your child to preschool at nine o'clock and need 583 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,520 Speaker 1: to flex your work hours to start after that, or 584 00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,640 Speaker 1: else one of you would need to end by three 585 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 1: o'clock or whatever the time is for daycare, if you 586 00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,640 Speaker 1: had help in the morning in order to get the 587 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,760 Speaker 1: same wrap around care. Now again, possibly if it is 588 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:12,160 Speaker 1: a public preschool option that maybe you have enlightened legislators 589 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,600 Speaker 1: in your area who have created wrap around care for 590 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 1: the preschool, in which case great, then maybe you could 591 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 1: approximate the hours you're getting in the daycare. And if 592 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:25,480 Speaker 1: you wanted to switch in order to have that same 593 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 1: social group of kids who would be going to that 594 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,320 Speaker 1: elementary school over the next few years, then that might 595 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,080 Speaker 1: make sense. But you need to make sure that you're 596 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,920 Speaker 1: getting the hours that you need to to work, and 597 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,840 Speaker 1: a preschool might not automatically do that. They'd get you 598 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 1: somewhat of the way there, but they wouldn't get you 599 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 1: all of the way there, and so if you don't 600 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 1: have a whole lot of flexibility, you would need to 601 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:45,720 Speaker 1: figure that out. 602 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,480 Speaker 2: No, that makes sense. Yeah, I wonder if part of 603 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,240 Speaker 2: it was the social peace. And then she did ask 604 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,600 Speaker 2: about tips for adjusting to the new environment, and I mean, 605 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,120 Speaker 2: it's probably if they're used to going to daycare, my 606 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,719 Speaker 2: guess is that they're gonna be able to adjust. Okay, Obviously, 607 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,000 Speaker 2: any new situation is going to be tough for any 608 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,280 Speaker 2: new kid, but probably easier for a kid who's already 609 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,120 Speaker 2: been in daycare versus someone who's been home. 610 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,960 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, for what it's worth. I mean, we've had 611 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:11,960 Speaker 1: a full time nanny the whole time, So we wound 612 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: up doing preschool starting at about age three for the 613 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,240 Speaker 1: other kids, you know, after we left New York, and 614 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 1: we're no longer using a daycare option. Henry, for instance, 615 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 1: went three days from nine to twelve his first year 616 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,760 Speaker 1: of preschool, then the next year he went five days 617 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:35,800 Speaker 1: nine to twelve, and now he is doing five days 618 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,960 Speaker 1: nine to three as he is four point seventy five. 619 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,760 Speaker 1: He'll be turning five in a few months, so you know, 620 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,400 Speaker 1: that's sort of the ramp up that we did with it. 621 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:51,560 Speaker 1: But obviously three hours, five mornings a week is not 622 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,080 Speaker 1: going to cover your work hours, so you'd need other 623 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 1: care beyond that if you're going to use that option. 624 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:02,440 Speaker 1: All right, love the week. Well, so mine is opening 625 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: the window. I have one window in my office that 626 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: has this roll screen thing. It's kind of cool, like 627 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,720 Speaker 1: you open the window and the screen automatically appears, but 628 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,160 Speaker 1: you don't see the screen. When you're just looking out 629 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,320 Speaker 1: the window, it's like in the well of the sill, 630 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:19,880 Speaker 1: so you push it up and then there's a screen. 631 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,080 Speaker 1: And so it's nice because I can open it. At 632 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,960 Speaker 1: this time of year September October, usually during the day 633 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,640 Speaker 1: the weather is quite nice. Autumn breeze here, the trees here, 634 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 1: the birds makes me feel like I'm bringing the outside in. 635 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 1: So that's a benefit. And I don't do it obviously 636 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: in July because it's too hot, and I don't do 637 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 1: it in January because it's too cold. But there are 638 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 1: some months of the year where it makes sense to 639 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,320 Speaker 1: do so I need to remind myself to do it well. 640 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,480 Speaker 2: I will also go weather related, although we are not 641 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 2: opening our windows just yet. 642 00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:51,600 Speaker 1: Maybe ever. No, I'm just kidding. 643 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 2: Just noticing tiny incremental improvements in the weather is making 644 00:33:56,760 --> 00:34:00,000 Speaker 2: me happy right now. Maybe in the month of October, 645 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,920 Speaker 2: which is just beginning today as this airs, maybe we'll 646 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,200 Speaker 2: get our first morning under seventy. Probably not, honestly, I 647 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,400 Speaker 2: think that's more of a November thing. But even if 648 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,880 Speaker 2: we start to approach the low seventies on a regular 649 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,719 Speaker 2: basis at six am, I will be thrilled. So going 650 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:15,480 Speaker 2: in the right direction. 651 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,200 Speaker 1: Yay, yay, heading into the good time of year in Florida, 652 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,080 Speaker 1: the time that everybody else then wants to go to Florida. 653 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,959 Speaker 1: So there's a reason people are heading there every winter. 654 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,280 Speaker 1: All right, Well, this has been best of both worlds. 655 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,160 Speaker 1: It's been a mix of an episode. We discussed our 656 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 1: new morning and evening routines with the school year. We 657 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:39,880 Speaker 1: talked about whining. We went into the difference or more importantly, 658 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,600 Speaker 1: the lack thereof, between daycare and preschool except in terms 659 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,520 Speaker 1: of total hours offered. Which daycare attends to have the 660 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:50,120 Speaker 1: advantage on that one. But anyway, a lot of different topics. 661 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,200 Speaker 1: As always, we love to hear from you guys. If 662 00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,680 Speaker 1: you have ideas for future episodes, things you'd like to 663 00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,880 Speaker 1: us to talk about, questions you might have, let us know. 664 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 1: You can always reach me at lo Ura at Laura 665 00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:03,560 Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. We will be back next week with 666 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,760 Speaker 1: more on making work and life fit together. 667 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,560 Speaker 2: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 668 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:15,000 Speaker 2: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 669 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:15,719 Speaker 2: and you. 670 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:19,920 Speaker 1: Can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This 671 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,239 Speaker 1: has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join 672 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 1: us next time for more on making work and life 673 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:26,880 Speaker 1: work together.