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Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the

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Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,

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Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,

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Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,

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Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,

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Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and

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Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.

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Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June, So go

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Speaker 1: get your tickets now. If you want to come see

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Speaker 1: me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

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Speaker 2: Okay, dookey, Hi, Chelsea, how are you well? I am fresh.

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Speaker 2: You know what I've done since we last spoke.

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Speaker 1: I went to Antarctica, then I went to Vegas, and

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Speaker 1: now I'm in New York.

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Speaker 2: I am a globetrotter. You're all over the place. I mean,

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Speaker 2: like more so than normal. I'm all over the shop.

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Speaker 2: How was Antarctica? It was ridonculous.

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Speaker 1: It was absolute mayhem. I have never been on a

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Speaker 1: trip that was so ridiculous.

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Speaker 2: And it was like a conference.

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Speaker 1: On psychedelics, so half the people were like researching psychedelics

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Speaker 1: and the other half of the people were doing psychedelics.

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Speaker 2: Let me guess which category you fell into. Yeah, well

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Speaker 2: I was somewhere in the middle.

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Speaker 3: I had a blast.

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Speaker 1: I met so many fun people. I had an incredible time.

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Speaker 1: Antarctica was majestic and gorgeous, and I just.

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Speaker 2: Was blown away. It really was one of the best

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Speaker 2: trips of my life. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Now

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Speaker 2: did you see penguins?

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Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, we were close up to the penguins. We

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Speaker 1: went kayaking next to whale humpback whales. They breached in

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Speaker 1: front of us. There was a polar prunge. But I

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Speaker 1: was a little bit sick that day because I had

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Speaker 1: a tricky night the night before we crossed Drake's Passage.

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Speaker 2: How was it all going through Drake's Passage?

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Speaker 1: Crossing Drake's Passage was crazy? I brought my friend Christine.

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Speaker 1: I made some really cute friends.

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Speaker 2: I had a blast.

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Speaker 1: We had every element of an incredible It was like

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Speaker 1: adult camp.

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Speaker 2: We would just run from one floor to the next

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Speaker 2: floor and then go knock on each other's cabins. There

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Speaker 2: was a lot of a lot of shenanigans, like a

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Speaker 2: very cold summer camp.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I loved it. Excellent. Oh and also I'll be on

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Speaker 2: the Today Show. I'm co hosting the Today Show tomorrow

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Speaker 2: with Jenna Bush, So anybody fantastic can watch us. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I co host with her for an hour tomorrow.

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Speaker 4: Well, we were a really exciting week this week because

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Speaker 4: we actually have two episodes coming out. Today and tomorrow

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Speaker 4: will have new episodes coming out. So our guest today,

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Speaker 4: if you want to tell everybody about that is very exciting.

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Speaker 2: Well, we have two from the same movie. Elizabeth Olsen

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Speaker 2: is today and tomorrow is Davine Joy Roundolph.

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Speaker 1: We're releasing two episodes this week to promote their movie,

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Speaker 1: which is called is Arnity. Okay, we're sitting here with Elizabeth. ALSOID,

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited to talk to you. I watched Love

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Speaker 1: and Death. I don't know how many times I thought

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Speaker 1: your performance you and Lily Ravee together. That was Lily

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Speaker 1: rave yea your performance in that, because they did that

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Speaker 1: show before with some other kiddy. Yeah, I think Jessica Biale, right,

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Speaker 1: your performance in that was earth shattering. You were so

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Speaker 1: fucking good. I couldn't stop watching your performance. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not some big ardent acting fan or something. I don't

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Speaker 1: even like. I just thought you were so every nuance

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Speaker 1: and the subtleties of like the way that you I

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Speaker 1: was like, I just couldn't wait to see you in

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Speaker 1: more stuffs.

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Speaker 2: So it's so nice for you. Whenever I see your

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Speaker 2: name and something, I know it's going to be good.

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Speaker 5: That is so nice of you. I loved getting to

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Speaker 5: do that so much. I had so much the time

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Speaker 5: of my life playing that part. So it's really nice

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Speaker 5: when other people. I think you can tell if someone's

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Speaker 5: having fun with something. Baby, but she was just a

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Speaker 5: great character, and I felt like I could do no

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Speaker 5: wrong in her shoes and I and I just love

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Speaker 5: humor and drama, Like I just think there always needs

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Speaker 5: to be humor no matter how dramatic something is. And

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Speaker 5: I had so much fun with her, So it's good.

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Speaker 2: That's based on a true story. A woman who murdered

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Speaker 2: her husband.

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Speaker 1: For those of you haven't seen Love and Death, you

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Speaker 1: need to see it.

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Speaker 2: It's on HBO Max. Oh thank you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I forgot about that part. But it's based on

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Speaker 1: a true story. But it is the unraveling. It is

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Speaker 1: just the unraveling of a woman. And I mean, how

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Speaker 1: do you even like?

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Speaker 3: What? Did you?

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Speaker 2: Are you a serious I mean you're a serious actress. Obviously,

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Speaker 2: you remember you memorized your lines and go to work. Yes,

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Speaker 2: yes I do out of preparation. But would you consider

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Speaker 2: yourself a serious actress? Do you like? Are you very

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Speaker 2: serious when you are working? Yeah?

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Speaker 5: I'm very serious, but I'm very playful. I feel like

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Speaker 5: every year I've doubled down how much I love doing

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Speaker 5: my job. And I come from so many different types

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Speaker 5: of training that I went to and so many different

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Speaker 5: types of conservatories. And the fun part to me is

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Speaker 5: the preparation and the discoveries.

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Speaker 2: That you have during that time.

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Speaker 5: But I don't take myself seriously, but I do take

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Speaker 5: everyone else showing up to work. I have to show

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Speaker 5: up also prepared, and that's a form of respect to

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Speaker 5: everyone else who's showing up to work, in my opinion,

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Speaker 5: and so I like setting a standard of you know,

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Speaker 5: hopefully people aren't like learning their lines on the day,

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Speaker 5: but you get to set a standard sometimes right that

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Speaker 5: way without like verbalizing it. And I think that's just

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Speaker 5: a form of respect for like everyone who shows up

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Speaker 5: to work.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's nice.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So I guess I take myself seriously a little bit.

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Speaker 5: But I also don't take the job of being like

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Speaker 5: an actor very serious, right, like the other elements that

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Speaker 5: come with it, like what like like speaking as myself,

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Speaker 5: Like I don't want to be a spokesperson for anyone

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Speaker 5: or anything. No, I don't know how to do that.

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Speaker 5: I don't know how to do it well. I yet

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Speaker 5: nervous doing podcasts because they're long. Yeah, and I get

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Speaker 5: anxious that I'm going to say something that will then

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Speaker 5: I think is like great in the moment, and then

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Speaker 5: afterwards you're like, why why does everyone care that.

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Speaker 2: I think people should go to the movie theaters like

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Speaker 2: I should, like I would. Why was I don't I

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Speaker 2: read that quote? Why was that? What was the issue

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Speaker 2: with that?

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Speaker 5: I don't know. It's just like how I conduct my

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Speaker 5: own business. It is like that I want to be

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Speaker 5: in movies that.

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Speaker 2: Are in theater. I'm not telling.

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Speaker 5: Anyone they have to go to the theater or I

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Speaker 5: think about.

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Speaker 1: A problem with that in the first place, Like you

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Speaker 1: said go and go the people should go to the theater.

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Speaker 5: I didn't even say that. I said I only want

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Speaker 5: to do movies that are in theaters.

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Speaker 2: That are not just for streaming.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but extreamers are very important, are great, but they

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Speaker 5: then release it in another way, like that's an important

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Speaker 5: part of it because we don't have video I mean,

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Speaker 5: I go to video stories, but like most people don't,

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Speaker 5: so I'm not.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: It's just I always feel like I'm gonna say something

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Speaker 5: that I just I'm not even aware is going to

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Speaker 5: offend people.

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Speaker 2: But also who gives a shit? I know I wish

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Speaker 2: I but I feel like that's how you've lived.

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Speaker 1: But that's but I think that just goes to show

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Speaker 1: you how silly it is.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean. You didn't say anything wrong.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with saying you wanted to be in

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Speaker 1: movies that are in theaters.

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Speaker 2: What's wrong with that? That's what an actor wants.

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Speaker 1: But that's good practice to remind yourself that when there

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Speaker 1: is backlash, it's usually it's so nothing.

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Speaker 2: It means nothing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, so you should be less worried about

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Speaker 1: what you're not saying anything wrong in the first place,

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Speaker 1: you know, I get it.

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Speaker 2: I mean you're pretty You're a private person.

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Speaker 1: You're pretty private, right, you don't have like a big

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Speaker 1: public profile in terms of your personal life or at all. No, No,

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Speaker 1: and I want to respect that for you during this interview.

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Speaker 1: Also because you're in a you don't have to talk

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Speaker 1: about anything you don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 2: But I love this conversation because.

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Speaker 1: So many people call in and we are women, so

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Speaker 1: this is how women deal with stuff. But it's like

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Speaker 1: we all have to say this over and over to ourselves.

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Speaker 2: Who gives a shit?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, until it breaks through and it is inside of us.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you know, yeah, because it doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I think that's why I've always been drawn to everything

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Speaker 5: you do is because it is because it really feels

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Speaker 5: like you don't give a shit, and you're also very

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Speaker 5: intelligent and very thing and you're also like you go

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Speaker 5: to the ends of things, like you have an interest

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Speaker 5: in something that small, and then you go to the

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Speaker 5: very ends of it and then you get to.

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Speaker 2: Let let us watch you explore it.

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Speaker 5: And I find that to be so satisfying as someone

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Speaker 5: who is a fearful person and like kind of scared

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Speaker 5: of everything.

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Speaker 1: Generally speaking, I am I'm one of six children, and

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Speaker 1: I know you're one of six children.

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Speaker 2: What number are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm four four, I'm number six out of six and

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Speaker 1: same parents, same parents.

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Speaker 2: I know your parents.

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Speaker 1: You have parents, six kids from just the first four

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Speaker 1: oh okay, okay, then different mother for the for the

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Speaker 1: second two okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And so do.

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Speaker 1: You think being number four out of six? So you're

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Speaker 1: a middle child but kind of a baby also a baby,

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Speaker 1: So a middle child and a baby.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I really feel like the baby.

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Speaker 5: You feel like the baby because I have like ten

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Speaker 5: years okay, and yeah, of being because usually the babies

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Speaker 5: are rebellious, and yeah, that's fearful. Yeah, well I didn't

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Speaker 5: get that. Gee, I definitely I watched. I watched, I observed,

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Speaker 5: I decided what I wanted to do, what I didn't

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Speaker 5: want to do. I was very clever with my parents

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Speaker 5: about how they set precedence before me, and I held

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Speaker 5: them to those precedents. As an example, write your boyfriend's

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Speaker 5: house in high school?

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Speaker 2: How old were you when you were allowed to do that.

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Speaker 5: They well I wasn't, and I was. I was like, well,

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Speaker 5: I'm either going to lie to you and tell you

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Speaker 5: that I'm not, or you're gonna know where I am

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Speaker 5: and I'm going to tell you that I'm doing that,

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Speaker 5: and you're framing it's it's how I spoke to them

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Speaker 5: about underach drinking as well, Well, that's good. It's like

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Speaker 5: there's vodka in my room because when I go to parties,

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Speaker 5: I want to bring my own.

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Speaker 2: That's nice. I'm smart.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I didn't want to drink other things, and I yeah,

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Speaker 5: it first starts off as a fight, but then I

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Speaker 5: think I'm being really rational.

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Speaker 1: Well you are being rational, that's I mean, if you

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Speaker 1: frame it that way, as a child to the parent,

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Speaker 1: what is a parent? It's so responsibility forward, right, So

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Speaker 1: you were rebellious though I was very rebellious. I'm still

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Speaker 1: very rebellious.

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Speaker 2: I have a problem with anyone telling me what to do, right.

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Speaker 1: I don't like that, which is why I wouldn't be

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Speaker 1: great on a movie set. Because of all the things

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Speaker 1: that you mentioned about being prepared. I fly by the

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Speaker 1: seat of my pants. So if someone tells me to

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Speaker 1: memorize something, I'm like, you mean like, I'll spit it

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Speaker 1: back out in my own verbiage is what I think,

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Speaker 1: And they're like, no, no.

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Speaker 2: These are the in the script.

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Speaker 5: And I'm like the most people pleaser of a person.

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Speaker 1: When you go to acting school, because that's serious, you

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Speaker 1: know that could produce serious actors.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, sure when.

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Speaker 1: You go to like what are what is something that

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Speaker 1: you've learned or what are the things that you learn

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Speaker 1: in acting?

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Speaker 2: Because you know so many people go to.

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Speaker 1: School and then they're in a profession that they went

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Speaker 1: to school for and they're like, I didn't need to

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Speaker 1: be sure, Like I didn't even need to get that training.

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Speaker 1: So what are some of the tools that you have

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Speaker 1: acquired from acting class that you could share with us

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Speaker 1: that you still use.

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Speaker 2: Today so much?

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Speaker 5: Actually, tell me, I'm interested voice work where you place

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Speaker 5: where you place your voice depending on the character, depending

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Speaker 5: on the character's disposition, depending on like for Candy for instance,

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Speaker 5: and Love and Death, she it comes up in a

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Speaker 5: time where she's a very performative woman, So I use

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Speaker 5: like way more vocalizing of different registers and my voice

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Speaker 5: that were more feminine than what I naturally rest in.

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Speaker 5: And there's also like more of a sing song quality

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Speaker 5: because it's more pleasing as a woman in that time.

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Speaker 5: So those are the kinds of things that you would

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Speaker 5: start with. Then dialects you play around with script analysis

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Speaker 5: so that you're not repetitive in an arc like those

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Speaker 5: kinds of things.

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Speaker 2: I guess, wow.

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Speaker 1: And so do you use a coach each time you

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Speaker 1: go on to a different project or you just do

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Speaker 1: this work on your own.

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Speaker 2: It's a bit of both.

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Speaker 5: There's a dialect coach named Sarah Shepherd who I've been

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Speaker 5: working with for fifteen years, and she's also a great

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Speaker 5: script analysis partner, and so she and I sometimes have

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Speaker 5: discoveries together. It's amazing how much if you think about

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Speaker 5: you were just kind of joking about getting more in

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Speaker 5: touch with what did you say, not the natural world,

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Speaker 5: but you were talking about just getting in touch with

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Speaker 5: like the spirit the universe.

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Speaker 2: Align yourself with the universe. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So I feel that way about when you're trying to

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Speaker 5: figure out how the character you're about to play, where

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Speaker 5: they hold their breath, how they breathe, how deep are

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Speaker 5: those breaths, where do they like hold their body tension.

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Speaker 5: I feel like there's so many realizations that you have

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Speaker 5: about people just in that kind of discovery that like

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Speaker 5: make you feel aligned with like their universe in some

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Speaker 5: like spiritual way. And I feel so much more comfortable

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Speaker 5: kind of exploring as these other people interacting in the world,

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Speaker 5: almost more so than myself at times.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about your movie Eternity.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to tell us how to because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to ruin anything by describing it myself.

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Speaker 2: Sure, try anything, I'll try something, Okay, you try.

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Speaker 5: Eternity is about an eighty nine year old woman who

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Speaker 5: dies and ends up in the afterlife. Eighty nine was

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Speaker 5: kind of a number I just chose. I don't actually

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Speaker 5: remember how old she is. But she dies, ends up

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Speaker 5: in the afterlife, and her husband, who died two weeks

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Speaker 5: before her, who's her husband for sixty five years, is

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Speaker 5: there waiting for her, along with her first husband who

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Speaker 5: died in the Korean War, and she has to choose

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Speaker 5: which husband she would like to spend eternity with. And

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Speaker 5: it's a struggle, and it's a very big struggle, because

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Speaker 5: do you choose the easy comfort that you know of

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Speaker 5: sixty five years or do you choose the path that

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Speaker 5: you never got to take, or do you choose something

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Speaker 5: that's neither. And the thing that I loved is imagining

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Speaker 5: this woman who I think when by the time you're

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Speaker 5: about ninety, I'm sure, like there aren't too many really

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Speaker 5: big decisions you have to make, Like you've kind of

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Speaker 5: made a lot of big decisions in the first half

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Speaker 5: of your life and not the second half of your life,

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Speaker 5: And how shocking it would be to have to and

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Speaker 5: how overwhelming it would be to have to make such

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Speaker 5: a big decision that's not menial tasks about like errands

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Speaker 5: and taxes or something, and yeah, yeah, this is like

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Speaker 5: the biggest, Like it would kill her all over again.

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Speaker 2: Does it makes you think?

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Speaker 1: It's a very thought provoking movie because it really makes

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Speaker 1: you consider what you yourself would do in.

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Speaker 2: That kind of situation.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Do First of all, do you believe in the afterlife?

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Speaker 1: Do you believe that there is one?

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Speaker 2: Don't?

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Speaker 5: I I'm always wanting to hear about other people's experiences

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Speaker 5: with spirits, with aliens, with afterlife, with religions, I because

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Speaker 5: I find them to be so comforting and I would

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Speaker 5: love to be comforted myself. But I am not comforted.

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Speaker 5: I don't there's nothing that feels exactly like that I

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Speaker 5: can connect to. I guess, but I'm really happy for

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Speaker 5: other people having these thoughts and dreams, and.

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Speaker 2: I'm happy that other people are delusions. It's I think

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Speaker 2: there's an afterlife. It's really nice and cozy to think about.

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Speaker 2: I love exactly.

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Speaker 1: It's a comfort to talk about it when people talk

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Speaker 1: about it, because obviously we're never going to fucking know

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Speaker 1: until we die, and we'll probably won't find out then either.

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Speaker 2: No, but.

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Speaker 1: It is comforting to think that something does happen after

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Speaker 1: But where I lose it is like I believe an energy,

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Speaker 1: and I believe.

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Speaker 2: That energy doesn't die.

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Speaker 1: Right, So if you've met someone there in your heart forever,

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Speaker 1: whether they're here they're not, I believe in that.

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Speaker 2: That's science, right.

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Speaker 1: And we have a Psycha coming on the show in

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Speaker 1: a few weeks, so I would just read her book,

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Speaker 1: and she talks about all these people who have, you know,

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Speaker 1: near life or past death experiences, or people who talk

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Speaker 1: to you from sure from like if I asked my

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Speaker 1: mom to show me an orange out of place, my

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Speaker 1: mom's dead. If I ask her to show me an

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Speaker 1: orange out of place, I'll see it within twenty four hours,

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Speaker 1: an oversized orange that's not in a grocery store, right, like,

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Speaker 1: so I get that every time, but you could.

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Speaker 2: It's when people start.

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Speaker 1: Talking about reincarnation that I they lose me because I'm

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Speaker 1: like that that involves magic, that involves that.

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Speaker 2: Then we're putting a little potion. You dying and then.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and then you're gonna come back as this dog

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Speaker 1: or this other person. Like when people talk about past lives.

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Speaker 5: Did you ever see Glazer's film Birth with Nicole Kidman

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Speaker 5: where her dead husband comes back as this little boy.

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Speaker 2: I remember it because of her hand cut in it. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: she had a pixie. What's it? What's it called birth

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Speaker 2: of birth? Right now? Is it called birth? That's called birth?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: How did I miss that?

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Speaker 5: It's from I don't know, Yeah, two thousand or night. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: two thousand's early two thousands.

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Speaker 2: Maybe, And so her husband's reincarnated and then the little.

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Speaker 5: Boy and it's very I mean it's she falls in

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Speaker 5: for this little boy. Nicole Kidman a grown woman, Yeah,

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Speaker 5: debating whether or no that's not the first time for her.

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Speaker 5: She's always with little boys. Now remember last year that

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Speaker 5: was two years ago.

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Speaker 2: It's like a seven year old.

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Speaker 1: In one of those books and many many lives, many masters,

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Speaker 1: is that the book have you ever read that book? Okay,

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Speaker 1: Many Lives, Many Masters opens with this story about correct

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Speaker 1: me if I'm saying the wrong book I think I'm saying.

385
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Speaker 1: Oh is a story about it opens with a story

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Speaker 1: about this boy who speaks a foreign language that his

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Speaker 1: parents have never spoken to him. He's like three or

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Speaker 1: four years old, and he talks about having a wife

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Speaker 1: and children in another country and I think it's Italy

390
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Speaker 1: or Spain. He speaks fluent in Italian or Spanish, whichever

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Speaker 1: the country is. And he talks about his wife, and

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Speaker 1: he talks about the village he lives in. And finally

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Speaker 1: the parents, after a certain amount of time, go and

394
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Speaker 1: research it and they find this woman who has two

395
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Speaker 1: small children and lost her husband. And he's like, I'm

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Speaker 1: her husband. So like do you hear stuff like that?

397
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Speaker 1: And you're like, oh, yeah, that is inexplicable. It is inexplicable,

398
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Speaker 1: but also involves a lot of fairy dustin magic, like

399
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Speaker 1: the magic part and the reincarnation.

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Speaker 2: I just find that to be Do you believe in that?

401
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,240
Speaker 2: I like the idea, I know you don't.

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Speaker 1: I mean I also like the idea of her going

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Speaker 1: to heaven and you know, and there's elevators and people

404
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,520
Speaker 1: are working, you know what I mean in this movie like.

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Speaker 5: But it's also our movies that kind of nihilistic in

406
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Speaker 5: the sense that it's like just like cell cell sell

407
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:23,119
Speaker 5: after it's just like a capitalist afterlife that has like

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Speaker 5: belief in nothing.

409
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Speaker 1: It's and there are different versions of heaven, right, yeah,

410
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,480
Speaker 1: describe you can say that partly.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a Yeah, there's a lot of different eternities

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Speaker 5: that you can choose, and some of them are like

413
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,680
Speaker 5: the workout world, or there's the there's the attorney where

414
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 5: you can be infantilized for the rest of your life

415
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Speaker 5: and pretend to be a baby and have a mommy,

416
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Speaker 5: And there's that kind of world. There is queer World,

417
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:54,840
Speaker 5: there's World, then World. There was a studio Studio fifty four.

418
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Speaker 5: Is that what it was called World where people could

419
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,479
Speaker 5: just do cocaine and not die. Smoke smokes smoke and

420
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Speaker 5: you'll never die again.

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Speaker 2: I got it.

422
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that sounds like they would have a casino also,

423
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 1: you can get along well there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, do you love casinos? I hate casino? Okay, No,

425
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Speaker 2: I have a residency in Vegas.

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Speaker 1: I perform once a month because that's about as much

427
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Speaker 1: as I like to work and not excluding present company

428
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Speaker 1: excluded obviously, but I I don't like the vibe.

429
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Speaker 2: It makes me uneasy. I had to say, I spent

430
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Speaker 2: the day in.

431
00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,600
Speaker 1: Vegas this last time I was there because we went

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Speaker 1: to see a Lotus the next night. Yeah, and spending

433
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,800
Speaker 1: the day in Vegas makes me uneasy.

434
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Speaker 5: Yeah.

435
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,640
Speaker 1: I don't like to be there when the lights are

436
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,880
Speaker 1: like when it's light out.

437
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Speaker 5: I've only been one. I don't remember sleeping. How have

438
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,920
Speaker 5: you avoided Vegas this your entire life? I mean one's

439
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 5: asked me to do like a one woman show there.

440
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,479
Speaker 5: But don't you have to do like press ever in Vegas?

441
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 5: Like what about you've never done cinema con or anything

442
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:51,600
Speaker 5: or a bout?

443
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 2: No? No, luckily no.

444
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,960
Speaker 5: I have very few married friends really, and if they're married,

445
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:56,800
Speaker 5: I met them married.

446
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,320
Speaker 2: Yeah. What about astrology? What do you think? What are

447
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,439
Speaker 2: your thoughts on a ology?

448
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 5: So a few of them, So I think a lot

449
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 5: of them sound all of the signs sound like I

450
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 5: could have a piece of myself align with each of them.

451
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,959
Speaker 5: Yet someone Patty who is with me today, who does makeup.

452
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 5: She had a friend of hers who reads charts from Iceland.

453
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 5: Just I sent her all the information where you're born,

454
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,360
Speaker 5: what time of day, your birthday.

455
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,240
Speaker 2: I think that's kind of all you need for richart.

456
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 5: And she had said something to me that brought me

457
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 5: to tears. It was so spooky, and she had made

458
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:41,680
Speaker 5: this like thirteen minute voice message. And I journal every

459
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 5: morning for the most part, and I've been doing that

460
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 5: for a few years, and it's kind of where I

461
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 5: have my own realizations about where I am in my

462
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 5: psyche and my mental health. And I was having this

463
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,399
Speaker 5: realization a week before listening to this, where I realized,

464
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,160
Speaker 5: I just need to travel more. I am so fulfilled

465
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,960
Speaker 5: by traveling, and being in one place has never made

466
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,880
Speaker 5: me comfortable. I always want to be on the go.

467
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 5: And I had that realization, and then she took like

468
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 5: two minutes to tell me how important travel is for

469
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 5: my birth sign.

470
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 2: Just days later, when is your birthday? February sixteenth? Okay,

471
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:22,719
Speaker 2: I'm February twenty fifth. Oh interesting, you're pissy, but you're curious. Curious.

472
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, So that moved me, Like, so I do

473
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 5: believe there's something to it.

474
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: I think there's definitely something about that when you were born,

475
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 1: what was going on with the planets when you were

476
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: born like that kind of Estereian astrology is when they

477
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 1: I think it's probably what you did, because I've done

478
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 1: something similar to that.

479
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,879
Speaker 2: I think that's pretty like.

480
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,199
Speaker 1: I don't like it when it's a predictor of the future,

481
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 1: like I find I don't want to be nonsense. I

482
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 1: also don't want to know, and yeah, of course, but

483
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: what you're yeah right, I don't want to know either,

484
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 1: really because then I'm going to make decisions that are

485
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 1: affected by you just saying that sentence to me, and.

486
00:21:58,520 --> 00:21:59,440
Speaker 2: I can't inher it now.

487
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 4: It's like a friend of mine, she I think went

488
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,440
Speaker 4: to the same mysterious astrologer.

489
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 2: That you use. J. Yes, but she Jade the woman

490
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 2: in the valley. It's a guy Ja.

491
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 4: But she was told by him at some point in

492
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:15,160
Speaker 4: your life, you're gonna break both of your ankles. So

493
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 4: she like, there's two ways you can go with this

494
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 4: right the same time, we don't know. So her reaction was, well,

495
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 4: I can't do anything. I can't roller blade or rollerskate,

496
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 4: can do anything dangerous. I just have to be careful,

497
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,479
Speaker 4: so I don't. But he said you're going to so

498
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,880
Speaker 4: in my mind that means go ahead and do whatever

499
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 4: you want, it's gonna happen one way or.

500
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 2: The other and get it over with.

501
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 4: And well, she hasn't done it yet, she hasn't broken

502
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 4: her ankle, so she's just a fraid really to tell somebody.

503
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 2: It's like, why don't want you just leave that part out?

504
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 2: Who wants to knock about that?

505
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 5: Also, like, now she's gonna not do so many things

506
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,159
Speaker 5: that could create joy in her.

507
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 1: So wait, talk to me about journaling. How did you

508
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 1: get into the practice of journaling.

509
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 2: I don't remember where it started. I think I like writing. Yeah,

510
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:01,119
Speaker 2: you handwrite in your journal?

511
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:01,360
Speaker 5: Yeah?

512
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 2: Is that how you do it? Yeah? You think that's

513
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 2: more impactful than writing, like typing it in.

514
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,640
Speaker 5: I think there's something that happens when you slow down

515
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,159
Speaker 5: your brain to write out a word slower than you

516
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 5: could type it that I think helps you have new thoughts,

517
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,400
Speaker 5: Like you're not ahead of it, you have to be slower.

518
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 5: And so it helps me like slow down how fast

519
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 5: my brain is moving. And sometimes it doesn't work and

520
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 5: it's completely scattered thoughts. But I started doing it.

521
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 2: I don't know.

522
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 5: I just started doing it every morning three years ago,

523
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,919
Speaker 5: along with jumping naked into my pool and do that

524
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 5: every morning.

525
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 2: I yeah, I do. Oh my god, I love this.

526
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 5: It's just yeah, I don't hate it. Sometimes it's not

527
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 5: that hole. But I love swimming naked so much. And

528
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 5: I know you love taking pictures of yourself.

529
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 2: Yes, I love to be naked. I mean I like underwear.

530
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 2: I'm bra on. Yeah, I don't like to be full.

531
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 1: I mean I don't have a problem with nudity, but

532
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 1: I yeah, I just want to be in my.

533
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 2: Broad enderwearl all the time. I want to be naked

534
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 2: in water all the time. What naked a wonder is

535
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 2: a nice feeling.

536
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,520
Speaker 5: Absolutely yeah, and smooving through it. I don't want to

537
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 5: just like sit in a cold plunch.

538
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 2: I want to move through. So do you swim every

539
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 2: morning or you just jump in just for like three

540
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 2: to five minutes. I just slowly swim.

541
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: So which order do these things happen? And do you

542
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: journal first or you get in the pool?

543
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 2: I get in the pool first.

544
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 5: What's the very first thing that happens when you wake up?

545
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 5: Did you brush your teeth first? I brush my teeth.

546
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 5: I make coffee while it's being made. I jump in

547
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:29,679
Speaker 5: the pool. I do like a eighty year old calesthetics afterwards,

548
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 5: I don't warm up my body and mobilize and stretching

549
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 5: a blood flow, and then I journal with coffee.

550
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 2: Wow.

551
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 5: And I do a version of this even when I'm working.

552
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 2: That's amazing.

553
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 5: But it usually involves a baptob that I don't swim in,

554
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 5: but sometimes I'll still do the water part.

555
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, And how long will you journal for each morning?

556
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 2: It depends.

557
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 5: I try and get myself ten minutes minimum.

558
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 2: And what do you think that's brought to your life

559
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 2: that you didn't have before?

560
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 5: Enough like self reflection that I think it's been helpful

561
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,959
Speaker 5: problem solving, It's been helpful making plans, It's been like

562
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 5: for what I want or what I think I need.

563
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 5: It's been helpful creating a like trying to understand something

564
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 5: that had happened or something that's happened to someone else

565
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 5: and why they respond in certain ways.

566
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 2: So I think it helps.

567
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 5: It's it's to me a version of meditation and therapy

568
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 5: without while like trusting your own instincts in some way.

569
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 5: But I'm so therapy as a person.

570
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 2: You seem very together.

571
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 5: I spent so much time in talk therapy, and I

572
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 5: started doing a new therapy that I've become obsessed with

573
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 5: what is this called somatic therapy?

574
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 6: Oh?

575
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, therapist.

576
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 5: And I'm really it's I'm brand new. It's like truly

577
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 5: only a month of a new thing. Yeah, so how

578
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 5: does it work? Can you talk about it?

579
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 6: Sure?

580
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 5: I mean I'm not going to do it well, like

581
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 5: I'm not, I just because it's so new to me.

582
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 5: So maybe you can help me.

583
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 2: But I was surprised to theist, No, you do it.

584
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean there are certain you know, exercises, you

585
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,239
Speaker 4: can do, mindfulness that, yeah, these sorts of things. But

586
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,119
Speaker 4: at the same time, it kind of just feels like

587
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 4: regular therapy. But when I started it, I found I

588
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,880
Speaker 4: had a real purge for like every time I talked

589
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 4: to my therapist. It was like like purging, weeping, like

590
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 4: every single time for like six months.

591
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 1: Because somatic means your body, right, your somaticas.

592
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so what's happening right now at least what

593
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 5: I'm experiencing is they listen to whatever you want to

594
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 5: speak about that day, maybe for like fifteen twenty minutes

595
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,920
Speaker 5: until something and you is changing that you're having a

596
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 5: physical response to, and then they want to talk about

597
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 5: that physical response and basically give you tools and exercises

598
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 5: that help your physical response that is connected to your brain,

599
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 5: so that you can at least help yourself have similar

600
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 5: Like if there's something in a relationship that comes up

601
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 5: and that makes you feel a certain way, whether it's

602
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,719
Speaker 5: like rage or overwhelmed, you talk about it and then

603
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 5: you work on an exercise that helps try and rewire

604
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 5: your your brain's response that gives you the message to

605
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 5: your body. Yeah, like sooth system. Oh, it's very activated.

606
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 5: So it's not just talking like you're doing. You're doing,

607
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 5: you're interacting right with tools.

608
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you know what EMDR is? That's the tool?

609
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,160
Speaker 2: Oh okay, because it sounds like em DR a little

610
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 2: bit where I haven't done that yet.

611
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 1: You change your reaction to something. It's like what you're saying,

612
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 1: and like if you have a traumatic memory, you go

613
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 1: back to that memory while you're holding these kind of instruments.

614
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 2: I don't really like vibration.

615
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't done a frame the way that you

616
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,959
Speaker 1: react to that response. So that's in the neighborhood of

617
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, that. Yeah, you seem

618
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 1: very together and grounded. You seem very together.

619
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 2: Well I'm okay, I'm doing just fine.

620
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: Would people would all the people that are closest to

621
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 1: you in your life describe you as together.

622
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, they would.

623
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 5: I I think the thing that I'm trying really to

624
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 5: explore now and work is like a why ildness because

625
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,159
Speaker 5: I think I need that, especially as I get older.

626
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 5: I think you become like more I do, at least

627
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 5: become almost like more responsible, and I kind of want

628
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 5: to have fewer responsibilities and.

629
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 2: Be a little bit wilder.

630
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 3: Wow.

631
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,879
Speaker 5: And I can do that in in a way with work. Yeah,

632
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 5: and like find an edge that I that I want

633
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 5: in my life.

634
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 2: I want to see you do that on screen. Yeah,

635
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 2: I like it. I would love that.

636
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you are like that as an actress,

637
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,880
Speaker 1: you kind of you could see that you're not you're

638
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: you're acting like you know what I mean.

639
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 2: And I mean that in the best way. I like

640
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 2: watching people act.

641
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:36,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, So it's fun to me to get to like

642
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 5: act instead of just be a version of my just

643
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 5: like a version of myself and like be cool or something,

644
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:42,959
Speaker 5: because I don't know how to be cool. But some

645
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 5: people are really good at it, you know, and are

646
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 5: really charming just being themselves. And I much rather like

647
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 5: invent something else.

648
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 1: That's a sign of an actor. We're going to take

649
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 1: a break and we'll be right back with Elizabeth Olsen.

650
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Olson, and we're back.

651
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 2: Do you go by, Lizzie?

652
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 3: I do?

653
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, Lizzie Lissen Okay, okay, Catherine. What do we

654
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 1: have in store for us today? Well, we're gonna start

655
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 1: with Dustin.

656
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 4: His subject line is gunkle with mean girl nieces Wait, gunkle, gunkle,

657
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 4: gay uncle gunkle. So he says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a

658
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,560
Speaker 4: longtime fan and I was actually born on your tenth birthday.

659
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 4: Did you wish for more gaze?

660
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 2: He says. Probably.

661
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 4: On your show with Sasha Mammtt, you mentioned that there

662
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 4: is nothing worse than girls who become bullies.

663
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 2: My nibblings.

664
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 4: My brother's kids are being raised to want for nothing,

665
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 4: whereas we came from a frugal Jewish household. Not only

666
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 4: does this make it impossible for me to spoil them myself,

667
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 4: but the eldest literally dressed as a mean girl for Halloween.

668
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 4: She's only eleven, but she's already a stunning natural blonde.

669
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 4: So it's clear as vodka that she's going to be

670
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 4: that popular girl and gonna be trouble.

671
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 2: I love these kids with all my heart.

672
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 4: And simply want them to be the beautiful human beings

673
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 4: I know they can be as the childless by choice. Uncle,

674
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 4: Do I keep my mouth shut or try to push

675
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 4: this more? I don't get that much quality time with

676
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 4: my family, so I try to be easygoing and conflict

677
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 4: avoidant when I'm around them because I'm a middle child.

678
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 4: I know you're equally obsessed with your nieces and nephews.

679
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 4: What should I do best? Dustin m about him?

680
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: Here? Hid Hi? How are you? This is our special guest,

681
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 2: Elizabeth Olson is here today. Hey Elizabeth, Hi, Hi, Hi

682
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 2: are you? Are you?

683
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 5: You have nieces and nephews? I do, they're very very little,

684
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,959
Speaker 5: though they're very little. Yeah, but I also I don't know.

685
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 5: I I'm really scared of conflict of conflict myself as well.

686
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 5: But I also don't know how to give other people

687
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 5: advice on parenting if they're not your kids or like, like,

688
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 5: you can only just I don't know. So that's kind

689
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 5: of that's kind of the first thing that I was

690
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 5: thinking about.

691
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty tricky even though you are at uncle, like,

692
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 1: you know, you can only really talk to your is

693
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: it your sister or your brother.

694
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 2: It's my brother, I mean, can.

695
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: You can't you have an honest conversation with him about

696
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 1: because like bullies have been bullied. Someone bullied her right like,

697
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: and it's an important conversation to have with young girls.

698
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 6: And she literally went as a mean girl for Halloween

699
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 6: because I feel like she emulates and like idolizes that.

700
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 1: Uh huh, well, I think okay, first of all, I mean,

701
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: would you feel comfortable having a conversation with your brother

702
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: about it? So you should do that first. Just be like,

703
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 1: we can't have her grow up to be a mean girl.

704
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 1: So as a team, this is a team effort, you

705
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: know what I mean. You join forces and you're like, okay, listen,

706
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 1: let's do this together. Because I don't want you know,

707
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 1: she dressed up as a mean girl. That's a little

708
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: bit of a red flag blah blah blah, Like we

709
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: don't want her to look at that as a guide

710
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 1: for anything. And then the other thing that you can

711
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: do is demonstrate how cool it is to be a

712
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 1: nice girl. Like you can be blowing those you know

713
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: what I mean, You can be talking about women who

714
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 1: are supportive of other women, and you can instill that

715
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: in your time with her without being preachy about it,

716
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, just by talking about other

717
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 1: women and women helping each other, and like, you know,

718
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 1: nobody wants to be excluded, nobody wants to be left out,

719
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 1: like all of those themes are. I mean, that's what

720
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: uncles are for, you know, That's what an aunt and

721
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: uncle role is.

722
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 2: It's not like it's someone else's kid. You are related

723
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 2: to her.

724
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: They're not necessarily going to say you know, I mean,

725
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: it is a little preemptive what you're talking about, But

726
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: I understand what you mean, and I think you just

727
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 1: have more conversations around it. You know how important is

728
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: to be a nice person to other people, to care

729
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 1: about other people and putting yourselves in those situations, because

730
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 1: sometimes when you are growing up and you are young,

731
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 1: you are just like you're looking to the future, as

732
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: like you're not even understanding the experience you're in. You're

733
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: looking forward so much to what is going to be

734
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: right and actually taking the time as a kid to

735
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 1: think about other people and how it makes, how things

736
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: make people feel, and when her feelings get hurt, to

737
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,719
Speaker 1: also take those moments, you know what I mean. As

738
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: a teaching moment to explain to her, you know, to

739
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: remind her, because nobody wants to feel excluded or left

740
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: out or bullied like that.

741
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 2: So I don't know if any of that's helpful.

742
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 1: I feel like you should just start having the conversations

743
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: around it.

744
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 6: I think, so, well, now I'm going to have to

745
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 6: because they're going to hear about this podcast.

746
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 2: So yeah.

747
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 4: I also think like you're the cool uncle, so they're

748
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 4: naturally going to gravitate towards you. Want to know what

749
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 4: your opinions are on things. And what I like to

750
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 4: do in these sorts of situations is like have one

751
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 4: on one conversations with the kids and like what's going on,

752
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 4: Like what's happening in the friend group, Like what's the

753
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 4: goss right now, and like act like you're very interested

754
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 4: in it because it is kind of interesting and it's

755
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 4: all sort of high school or you know, junior high

756
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 4: at that age. But when they start telling you about

757
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 4: specific situations, that's where you can kind of get into

758
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 4: the nitty gritty. Like I had a niece who was saying, like, oh,

759
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 4: this one girl in the friend group said something means

760
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:42,719
Speaker 4: we're all ganging up on her on Snapchat and I

761
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 4: was like, well, you know, we had a conversation about it,

762
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 4: and I think she made some different choices because we

763
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 4: talked about it. But it wasn't in the sort of

764
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 4: schooling way. It was like, oh, tell me what's going on,

765
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 4: Like what's the goss girl?

766
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 5: I think it's really helpful with what you said that

767
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 5: I'm still learning with people in my own life. Is

768
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 5: better grown adults, like trying not to just focus on

769
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 5: what maybe you shouldn't be doing, but highlighting the examples,

770
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 5: like you're saying of the role like this, this is

771
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,760
Speaker 5: an example of something positive and showcasing that as opposed

772
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 5: to what not to do.

773
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 1: Yes, and sometimes people need to learn like the framework matters.

774
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: Always applauding the people that are doing the way you

775
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,719
Speaker 1: want her to behave, like whether it's Taylor Swift and

776
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 1: all the wonderful things she does, I mean with her money,

777
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 1: or whether it's an actual person that you see doing

778
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 1: something nice for another person and pointing it.

779
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 6: Out like he was obsessed with Taylor Swift and is

780
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 6: listening after her.

781
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 2: So I think that's a great model. And also like

782
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,439
Speaker 2: it's also a warning shot.

783
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 1: It's like be careful who you're you know, who you're

784
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:44,399
Speaker 1: not nice to because you never know when you're gonna

785
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: run into that person again in your life, and you're

786
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,879
Speaker 1: never gonna know if they're going to have an opportunity

787
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:50,879
Speaker 1: to help you once or you might need something from

788
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 1: that person. Like some people's brains work better like with

789
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: almost like a threat.

790
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 2: To you know what I mean?

791
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: Because what's that saying in a Hollywood like being nice

792
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 1: to the people on your way up because you're going

793
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: to need them on your way down something like that, right, Like,

794
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 1: it's true, you you be careful. You never know how

795
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:10,799
Speaker 1: people are going to come in and out of your

796
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,720
Speaker 1: life or when you're gonna need a favor from someone.

797
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: So there's also that tactic if it depending on what

798
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 1: her personality is like.

799
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 2: So those are a couple of ideas.

800
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 6: Anyway, we're still learning what the personality is. But she's

801
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 6: definitely super precocious and outgoing.

802
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 2: Good for you for having your eye on it.

803
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: Precocious and outgoing is all fine, It's all fine, you know,

804
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: Like that's good and those things that can end up

805
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 1: as strong, strong assets and will, but definitely be active

806
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 1: about it.

807
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, all right, will you follow up with us

808
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 4: if you have a little conversation and get some podcasts

809
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 4: about what's happening with the eleven year olds.

810
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 6: I will I'll let you all know how they respond

811
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 6: to this.

812
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 2: Thanks Dusted, Thanks dust I was Were you bullied ever

813
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 2: growing up at school?

814
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 3: No?

815
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 5: My husband hates me talking about my elementary school experience

816
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 5: because I had just the loveliest high school elementary school.

817
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 2: Nice.

818
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, there were definitely like we for the

819
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 5: most part, all got along. And there are probably a

820
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 5: few people who don't feel that way, but out of

821
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 5: fifty people and then one hundred and twenty people that graduate,

822
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 5: we all cared a lot about having a cumulative high GPA,

823
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 5: and we cared about supporting the basketball team and the

824
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 5: basketball support of the arts, and it was a very

825
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 5: yeah liked. We would go to rehearsal and then we'd

826
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 5: go to the basketball game, the basketball players would go

827
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 5: watch all of our beallet performances or whatever it was.

828
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 5: There's community again, yeah and so and so I just

829
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 5: had a really positive experience.

830
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 1: That's amazing, And so let's talk about why that is

831
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 1: important community right now in this time that we're living

832
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 1: in with regards to America, I don't know if that's

833
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: what you were talking about politics.

834
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 2: I feel this way about the political situation.

835
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 5: For me, it's about actually the things that we have

836
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 5: in common that aren't politics, right, like a bunch of

837
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 5: people going to their local feater to watch a bunch

838
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 5: of kids perform, and like a Halloween show or Christmas show,

839
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 5: like my friends and Snowma. I live there part time.

840
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 5: It's like my way of having a life that feels

841
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 5: like it's part of a community. It's very it's very

842
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 5: community oriented. Being a second homeowner there was very hard

843
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,720
Speaker 5: to kind of slip in and be and ingratiate yourselves

844
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 5: with the community. So we started off like bartering and trading,

845
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 5: like genuinely, we're like we have grapes. Who wants them?

846
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 5: We don't want them, We don't want to do anything

847
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 5: with them. Who can, Like, we will trade with you.

848
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,879
Speaker 5: You guys have it and then be our friend. And

849
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 5: our friends have like a movie night once a month

850
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 5: that they carried at the Square Theater that's a private theater,

851
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 5: and those kinds of things I just think are really

852
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 5: important for people to get together and have something else

853
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 5: in common, whether it's but I also feel the same

854
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 5: way about sports. I'm a big Dodgers fan. I can't

855
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 5: say I'm a big baseball fan, but I think I

856
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 5: am because of how much I love the Dodgers.

857
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 2: Congratulations and winning the World Series. Thanks. I love those

858
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 2: boys so much.

859
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 5: And some of them are men, but a lot of

860
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 5: them are boys, and I'm so happy for them.

861
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 2: It was very surprised.

862
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 5: I just think when you you just don't know what

863
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 5: people's political points of views are, when everyone has this

864
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 5: other thing in common, yes, that brings them together.

865
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 1: Meaning are you referencing the Dodgers. Yeah, I see what

866
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: you're saying. Yes, Yeah, I think it's really important too,

867
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 1: because we're so right now.

868
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,960
Speaker 2: It's it's really hard to not label people. You know,

869
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 2: you want to label people.

870
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 5: Well, so people are choosing to label themselves a lot

871
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 5: of the time, yes, right, right. We have like a

872
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 5: lot of identifiers now, uh huh, and they just become

873
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:28,280
Speaker 5: more specific.

874
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it is important for us to remember that.

875
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,400
Speaker 1: Like, I really need to find ways, I know, personally,

876
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: I need to find ways to be more open minded

877
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 1: about about not being so preoccupied with the political landscape

878
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: and more focused on the individual person.

879
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have work to do on that.

880
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: Like, I love what you're saying about it's funny when

881
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 1: you say about community, Like that's how I felt when

882
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: I was in Spain, Like there's a community there. I'm

883
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:54,360
Speaker 1: not even really part of it, but there is a

884
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,879
Speaker 1: community there. It's the same guy at the coffee store

885
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 1: every morning, it's the same guy at the bike shop.

886
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: And it's like, and so when I was reading something

887
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,319
Speaker 1: you were talking about before you came in, and I

888
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, we need a community reminder, we need

889
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: like a community update, you know.

890
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 5: And we can't do it from our phones. Yeah, Like

891
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:15,400
Speaker 5: that's creating siloed experiences, not actual interaction.

892
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 2: Right, Right.

893
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:19,800
Speaker 1: You need to be in person with people doing something

894
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 1: that is absent of politics.

895
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 2: So getting back on a more human level.

896
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 5: And I think people just have more rituals in other

897
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:31,280
Speaker 5: countries than we do around that, especially in.

898
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 2: Person in rituals.

899
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, we were talking a little while back about the

900
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 4: third space. How we used to have, you know, the

901
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 4: local bar you'd go to or the moose lodge or

902
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 4: what church, and people would meet in these communal spaces

903
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,879
Speaker 4: that we're not work and we're not home, and we.

904
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,280
Speaker 2: Just don't really have that anymore.

905
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 4: And suddenly it's like online is the third space, but

906
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 4: it's not actually like it can't actually be our third space.

907
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 4: But it's the place where a lot of people are

908
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 4: spending most of their social time.

909
00:39:56,160 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and it's not effective, it's not healing, unhealthy.

910
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 3: Well.

911
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,760
Speaker 2: Our next caller is Amy Dear Chelsea.

912
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,399
Speaker 4: I'm a forty one year old single mom of two

913
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 4: running my own business, juggling kids, pets, a mortgage, and

914
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 4: about a thousand responsibilities.

915
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 2: I've been divorced for over a.

916
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 4: Decade, tried just about everything in the dating world, apps,

917
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 4: speed dating, matchmakers, even if you ill advised trips back

918
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 4: to ex's, and I've been truly single for the past

919
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 4: two years, partly because the apps are stupid and exhausting,

920
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 4: partly because my kids are in every sport known to humankind,

921
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 4: and partly because I lost faith in men, especially with

922
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:32,280
Speaker 4: the current political climate.

923
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 2: Here's the thing. I want connection.

924
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 4: I want a partner, someone to share the joy and

925
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,399
Speaker 4: the way of this full, messy, beautiful life with someone

926
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 4: who makes me feel cared for, loved and special. But

927
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:45,240
Speaker 4: dating feels daunting. My small town is a red pocket

928
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 4: in a blue state, the kind of place where you

929
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 4: find guys holding a fish in their profile picks, and

930
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 4: you only get five matches if you want someone educated

931
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 4: as a Japanese woman with a unique name and a

932
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,719
Speaker 4: career that requires some privacy. Putting myself fully out there

933
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 4: online feels complicated and uncomfortable. So how do I start fresh?

934
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 4: Do I travel to meet people? Am I overlooking ways

935
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 4: to connect and meet people? Or should I just lean

936
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,759
Speaker 4: into the single life and adopt more dogs. I do

937
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 4: want to be surrounded by animals when I retire, so

938
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:13,879
Speaker 4: maybe start now.

939
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 2: Amy. Hi, Hi, hi cutie. This is our special guest,

940
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:20,240
Speaker 2: Elizabeth Olson's here today.

941
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 5: Hi.

942
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 3: Nice to meet you, me too.

943
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 2: Well, it sounds where do you live.

944
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 7: I live in southern Oregon, just across the kind of

945
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 7: the border of California.

946
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, listen, the world we live in. You

947
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: do kind of have to put yourself out in ways

948
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: that are not normal, you know what I mean? Put

949
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,280
Speaker 1: yourself out there if you are interested in meeting someone.

950
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: First of all, I would say, like, I understand your

951
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: disappointment and men. Most women are disappointed in men these days.

952
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 1: It's not unusual. You're not alone Like I can't. I

953
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 1: can't even believe men, you know what I mean? I

954
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: am just so I'm an advocate for like remaining true

955
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 1: to myself first and foremost. If someone were to come

956
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 1: along and blow my socks off, absolutely I'm down, but

957
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, actively looking for it. But I

958
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,239
Speaker 1: think if you really are, then you should own it,

959
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: and you should put yourself on the apps and you

960
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,359
Speaker 1: should go outside of your comfort zone and the out

961
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 1: of your community and just find any ways that you can,

962
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:16,880
Speaker 1: like hiking groups, biking groups, tennis groups, whatever those, you know,

963
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 1: whatever you're into, just engage yourself and like set a

964
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:24,240
Speaker 1: period of time to actually activate yourself to go Okay,

965
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 1: for the next six months, I'm going to focus on

966
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 1: finding somebody that I can connect with, you know, like

967
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 1: really put all your energy towards it, your free energy,

968
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 1: because it sounds like you have a lot going on,

969
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 1: but your free energy towards it, you know, and travel

970
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 1: get out of there.

971
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 2: How are you far from Portland?

972
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 3: No, it's about like four foo and a half hour drive.

973
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, go there for a weekend and sign up for

974
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: things that are going to be like intersex, you know

975
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 1: what I mean, where there's like like my friend she

976
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: just got divorced, and she went on all the apps

977
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 1: and she loved it.

978
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 2: She's like, oh my god, this is so exciting. This

979
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 2: is so exciting.

980
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 1: And then she just joined a bunch and she lives

981
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,759
Speaker 1: in Portland actually, and she joined a hiking group and

982
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 1: the next two weeks later she was like dating this guy.

983
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:04,280
Speaker 2: She's like, oh yeah, we're dating.

984
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 1: So like things like that where you are forced to

985
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 1: meet and engage new people because you'll probably meet some

986
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: really cool friends too, you know. So I would just

987
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 1: say to you know, I don't have anything any problem

988
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 1: with the apps. I just feel like I can be

989
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,279
Speaker 1: daunting for a single person to be on apps. It's

990
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 1: kind of depressing, you know. I know what you mean

991
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 1: about men holding fish, Like I don't know. I don't

992
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 1: know who told men to do that, Like why are

993
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:29,320
Speaker 1: they holding a fish in their profile?

994
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 2: How many women want to go fishing? Not a lot

995
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:38,800
Speaker 2: of them in the bathroom. Would you love to go fishing?

996
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 2: Taking prefences? Oh my god, Oh my god? She do

997
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 2: you she's already married, so we can't set her up

998
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 2: with a fishermen.

999
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 7: Yes, well, and I with my kids already, so you know,

1000
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:53,840
Speaker 7: I do think for my kids.

1001
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 3: But do I really want to do that when I'm.

1002
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 1: Not really No, but I do think, like I think

1003
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 1: it's important when you want something in your life to

1004
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 1: say it, write it down, like you want to change

1005
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 1: the energy around it, you know, like the subject matter

1006
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 1: you want to meet someone, write down exactly what you

1007
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:16,400
Speaker 1: want in them, not physical necessarily, but what are you

1008
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:17,520
Speaker 1: looking for in a partner?

1009
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: What are you looking for in connection?

1010
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: And really reminding yourself spending time with those thoughts a

1011
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 1: little bit every morning when you wake up, whether it's

1012
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 1: journaling or just writing some affirmations, or devote some area

1013
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 1: of your life to putting energy towards meeting somebody, and

1014
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 1: see what happens in about six months, because I mean,

1015
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:38,960
Speaker 1: this is the first step you called in to see

1016
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 1: about this, And like, I think things change and your

1017
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 1: energy changes up when you start to take active steps

1018
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 1: towards something you know exactly.

1019
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 7: Yes, yeah, And I like the you said put a

1020
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 7: timeframe on it, because it is daunting to be just

1021
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 7: out there no full the foreseeable future. But if I

1022
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 7: say six months, I'm going to prioritize this. That feels

1023
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 7: more doable and not like a hopeless amount of time. Right,

1024
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 7: Because when you don't meet somebody, or when you go

1025
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,240
Speaker 7: on horrible dates, It's like, what am I doing?

1026
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 3: I could have stayed home with my dog.

1027
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 2: Totally.

1028
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 1: Yes, I mean I've just been learning to enjoy my

1029
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 1: company more and more and more as I get older.

1030
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 1: I really have a good time with myself. And I'm

1031
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 1: sure you feel the same way. So it's great that

1032
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: you have that. You know that that's an option too,

1033
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 1: because if you put some if in six months you

1034
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 1: have not met anyone worthwhile, then you can really just

1035
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: start focused on being by yourself, you know what I mean.

1036
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 1: You can be like, Okay, I made an effort and

1037
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 1: that and I did, I tried, and then see what happens,

1038
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:43,879
Speaker 1: you know, and.

1039
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:45,760
Speaker 3: Get another dog. If I don't meet.

1040
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 2: Anybody, I think that's your reward. That's the answer really

1041
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 2: for everything, is just to get another dog.

1042
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:51,360
Speaker 6: You know.

1043
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,280
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, but I'm glad you have a good attitude

1044
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,280
Speaker 1: about it, and then you have a good attitude in general,

1045
00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 1: like you know, that's fun.

1046
00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 3: Thank you?

1047
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally all right. Well thanks for calling in Amy, thank.

1048
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,399
Speaker 3: You, thank you for having me.

1049
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 2: Bye bye bye.

1050
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 5: Guys are so good at this. Oh god, I love

1051
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:14,439
Speaker 5: watching you do this live. Wow really yeah, oh my god,

1052
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:14,880
Speaker 5: thank you.

1053
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so quickly and so easily.

1054
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 1: Well, most people don't you think about this? This is

1055
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 1: how I think about this podcast. And I say it

1056
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: all the time. Sorry if you're listening to me and

1057
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,920
Speaker 1: repeating myself as usual. But I think really all you

1058
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: ever need when you have a situation is you need

1059
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 1: someone who has nothing at stake in your life to

1060
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 1: give you their opinion, like objectively. Yeah, and that's what

1061
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 1: this is, you know, you just need someone else's opinion.

1062
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1063
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 5: They don't need to know any other details. They don't

1064
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 5: even know about your past. They just need to know

1065
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 5: about what is this situation specific? Right, what's the context

1066
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 5: of the situation. But I would never think about joining

1067
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,720
Speaker 5: groups like a biking group or a hiking group, whatever

1068
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 5: it is. I just think that's such great advice for

1069
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 5: people to go and meet people in person instead of

1070
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:00,920
Speaker 5: it feeling like so like this thing that that's so

1071
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:02,320
Speaker 5: removed from them on their phone.

1072
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:02,840
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1073
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 2: I heard this thing the other day. With the apps.

1074
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 2: It's like, of course, the apps are a business.

1075
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:11,239
Speaker 4: They're meant to keep you on the apps, not necessarily

1076
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,840
Speaker 4: to help you find the person. And I read recently

1077
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 4: they're they basically like siphon off the good peoples they're

1078
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,360
Speaker 4: showing you kind of the crappy the crappy ones, so

1079
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:22,760
Speaker 4: you stay on it for longer.

1080
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,319
Speaker 5: Well, and I had a friend that told me that

1081
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 5: you can pay to be put in front of people.

1082
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:30,319
Speaker 2: But then you're like, is she desert because she's paying

1083
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:31,239
Speaker 2: to be put in front of people?

1084
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 5: Yes? She was explaining this to me, like about how

1085
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 5: it's such a business basically, and how fucked it is.

1086
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 2: Yes. Aren't you happy you don't have to deal with this? Yeah?

1087
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,360
Speaker 5: I I don't. I don't know if I would be.

1088
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 5: I don't know how to do now. I do enjoy

1089
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 5: being on other friends apps, but I do. Sure, I

1090
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 5: find it kind of entertaining, but that's because I'm so

1091
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 5: removed from it.

1092
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 1: I like to go through my sisters, you know, and

1093
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 1: just respond to her from her to other people, I love.

1094
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 2: You or I love that.

1095
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:00,959
Speaker 1: It's so I'm so much more invested when it's someone

1096
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:02,360
Speaker 1: else rather than myself.

1097
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 2: Sure, are we going to take a break and come

1098
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:04,879
Speaker 2: back in? Yeah?

1099
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, we'll take another breakup. We'd be right back

1100
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: to wrap up with a Lizzie olcind We're back with Lizzielsin.

1101
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: Do we have one last question?

1102
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:16,840
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1103
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 4: So I think this is a quick answer, even though

1104
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 4: it's a little bit of a longer email. So Stella,

1105
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:25,000
Speaker 4: her subject line is one foot in, one foot out,

1106
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,399
Speaker 4: and I'm paying double rent. Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty seven

1107
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 4: years old and in my first year of practice as

1108
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 4: a lawyer. I met my boyfriend in law school. From

1109
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,920
Speaker 4: the moment we started seeing one another, he was very casual.

1110
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 4: He made it clear to me that he was not

1111
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,320
Speaker 4: looking for a girlfriend, did not see himself having kids,

1112
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 4: and was very very career oriented. At the time, I

1113
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,919
Speaker 4: was okay with taking things slow and being casual since

1114
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 4: we were both in law school. This made sense, and

1115
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 4: I was also not desperate to get into a relationship,

1116
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 4: had not given kids much thought, and was focusing on

1117
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 4: my career. After six or seven months of casual dating,

1118
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 4: he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, and we've

1119
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,279
Speaker 4: been going strong ever since. Now we've been together for

1120
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 4: three years, and I'm starting to wonder whether casual for

1121
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 4: him is a permanent state of mind rather than something

1122
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 4: temporary while he was going through law school and figuring

1123
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 4: out life.

1124
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:09,319
Speaker 3: What I thought was a.

1125
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 4: Slow, intentional foundation for a deeper relationship is starting to

1126
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 4: feel more like a bad omen one where I'm getting

1127
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 4: strung along until I finally reached my limit and walk away.

1128
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 4: Everyone around us is moving in together, getting engaged, having kids. Meanwhile,

1129
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:25,399
Speaker 4: we hardly ever talk about the future. When I bring

1130
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 4: it up, he brushes it off by saying every relationship

1131
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 4: is different. When both of our leases were ending last year,

1132
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 4: I suggested moving in together. At the time, I was

1133
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 4: living alone and he was with a roommate. He told

1134
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 4: me he wanted at least one year of being on

1135
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 4: his own before he could be comfortable settling down. I

1136
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 4: respected his wishes, although it was a bit frustrating to

1137
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 4: realize we're spending most nights together anyway, it feels like

1138
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 4: we live together, just with twice the rent.

1139
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 2: Since this is annoying, I know.

1140
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 4: Since then, there has not been a follow up from him,

1141
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 4: no renewed conversation about eventually moving in.

1142
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:57,280
Speaker 2: I'm trying to give him grace.

1143
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 4: I'm trying to be patient, but with every passing month

1144
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 4: and still I will know real conversations about where we're headed.

1145
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:04,719
Speaker 4: I keep asking myself what he's doing, and more importantly,

1146
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:06,120
Speaker 4: what the hell I am doing here?

1147
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 2: What are you doing?

1148
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,719
Speaker 4: My best friend's older sister was in a relationship with

1149
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:11,439
Speaker 4: a man from the time she was twenty two years

1150
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,840
Speaker 4: old when they broke up just shy of her thirtieth birthday.

1151
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:15,839
Speaker 4: She told me, never waste your twenties on a man

1152
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:17,879
Speaker 4: who does not see a future with you. It does

1153
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 4: not take anyone a decade to decide whether they want

1154
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 4: to be with you. Considering I've been with my partner

1155
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 4: for the greater part of my twenties, I cannot help

1156
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 4: but wonder if I'm failing to take her advice and

1157
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,720
Speaker 4: I am doomed to make the same mistake.

1158
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 2: So, Chelsea, what do you think? Am I ignoring the

1159
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 2: writing on the wall? Am I just being impatient? Yes?

1160
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 5: Stella, I if you can't have that conversation, I don't.

1161
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 5: I don't think it's worth your time if he isn't

1162
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 5: there to show up just to have the conversation about it.

1163
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, agreed, it's over. It's three years.

1164
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 1: Like, if you love someone, there should be no problem

1165
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 1: talking around anything.

1166
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 2: You should be able to talk.

1167
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:56,320
Speaker 1: Around marriage or you know about marriage, a round marriage,

1168
00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: around moving in.

1169
00:50:57,520 --> 00:50:58,320
Speaker 2: All of those.

1170
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:00,480
Speaker 1: Things are shouldn't be You shouldn't be scared to bring

1171
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 1: something up and you shouldn't be campaigning to be someone's choice. No,

1172
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 1: it's your roommate or it's like you're trying to figure

1173
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 1: out what he's like. You decide how you're treated by

1174
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 1: people in this world, and you're devaluing yourself by being

1175
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 1: remaining in this relationship when you're not getting what you want.

1176
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 1: If these are all the things that you want, that

1177
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,239
Speaker 1: you've stated that you want a partner that you're going

1178
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:24,880
Speaker 1: to live with, and you want a family, and you

1179
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 1: want and you're like, I don't like the compare game.

1180
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: I don't care that your friends are getting married. Who

1181
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 1: gives a shit what your friends are doing. You have

1182
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 1: to figure out what you want and then get that,

1183
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 1: but also don't lower your level of respect for yourself.

1184
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 1: Those are the things you want and you're not getting them,

1185
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:41,439
Speaker 1: you must walk out the door and go find somebody

1186
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 1: who's gonna give them to you, because somebody will happily

1187
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 1: be there for that.

1188
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1189
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 5: I also think that when you're in these relationships, the

1190
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 5: thing that you keep going back for is the crumb

1191
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:52,919
Speaker 5: that you really what you want is just the full

1192
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 5: fucking meal, and all they're doing is giving you a

1193
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 5: crumb to keep you along for a certain amount of

1194
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:58,480
Speaker 5: time later until they realize need to give you another

1195
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 5: crumb to keep you along. And it just sounds like

1196
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 5: you get stuck in that cycle that you can't really

1197
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 5: see the bigger picture. Yeah, and then you're just addicted to.

1198
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, you kind of.

1199
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:10,880
Speaker 1: It's even the way she framed, like he said I

1200
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 1: was his girlfriend, he started calling me his girlfriend.

1201
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 2: It's like that's also your decision. You.

1202
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 1: Why does he have to decide when your girlfriend or boyfriend?

1203
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 1: You're my boyfriend?

1204
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 3: You know.

1205
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:22,239
Speaker 1: Like the whole framing of this letter makes me think

1206
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: that you what's her name, uh, Stella, Stella, You need

1207
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: to like actually spend some time alone and build up

1208
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:32,120
Speaker 1: your self worth, like because I want you to like

1209
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: respect yourself in a way that you aren't going to

1210
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:35,800
Speaker 1: tolerate this behavior from anybody.

1211
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, any man, you don't need that at all period.

1212
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,320
Speaker 4: You want somebody who's obsessed with you, who's like excited

1213
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:42,799
Speaker 4: to be with that account.

1214
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:45,719
Speaker 2: Healthy, healthy, obsessed.

1215
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,239
Speaker 1: Do you have a if you don't want to talk

1216
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 1: about this, you don't have to do you have a

1217
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:52,240
Speaker 1: cute engagement story about how you got how you got engaged?

1218
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:53,440
Speaker 2: Was it romantic?

1219
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 5: Yeah? I think it I mean, it was romantic in

1220
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:59,320
Speaker 5: the sense that one of the reasons I loved Eternity

1221
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 5: reading that script is because I really think of my

1222
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 5: husband as a Larry who will die in his nineties

1223
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 5: choking on pretzels. Like my husband is incredibly neurotic, very

1224
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 5: uncomfortable all the time, always has something wrong with anything,

1225
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 5: like his cocsis, his like his pinky like and he

1226
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 5: actually has things wrong with him, but they're always like

1227
00:53:19,719 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 5: this like one percent odd thing and they have real diagnoses.

1228
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:25,720
Speaker 5: But so he then like tells himself all the stories.

1229
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:28,160
Speaker 5: And so when we got engaged, we went to this

1230
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 5: place in northern California and in Verness, and he was

1231
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 5: acting just and he.

1232
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:35,360
Speaker 2: Was just so annoyed. There wasn't like a cheeseboard.

1233
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 5: He asked for a cheeseboard and we got there and

1234
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:38,880
Speaker 5: I was like, you've never cared this much about a

1235
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:44,160
Speaker 5: cheeseboard before, and he was freaking out. This place had

1236
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,520
Speaker 5: a had a wood burning fireplace. It was massive, and

1237
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 5: he couldn't start a fire, and he was like, what

1238
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 5: kind of man doesn't know how to start a fire?

1239
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 5: Like he was just so mean to himself trying to

1240
00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:57,759
Speaker 5: figure out how to get this fire going.

1241
00:53:57,800 --> 00:53:59,439
Speaker 2: It was like, it's embarrassing if I had asked someone

1242
00:53:59,520 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 2: to get a.

1243
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:02,800
Speaker 5: Fire and then and then it was like thirty minutes

1244
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,400
Speaker 5: later he proposed when we were outside, but like he

1245
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 5: needed there to be a cheeseboard going in order for

1246
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:11,720
Speaker 5: it to feel romantic or something.

1247
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:13,480
Speaker 2: But the way and then.

1248
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 5: Also he like tried to go down on his knee,

1249
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,880
Speaker 5: but we were on as I hate me saying this,

1250
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 5: it's fine because he's charming, but we're on this wood dock,

1251
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 5: so we like goes down on his knee and he's like,

1252
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 5: oh sorry.

1253
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 2: This really hurts.

1254
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:29,320
Speaker 5: So it's just and it was just the two of us,

1255
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:31,719
Speaker 5: like there's not a single photo, Like it was just

1256
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:34,239
Speaker 5: so lovely. I loved it so much just because it

1257
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:35,359
Speaker 5: was him and all of his.

1258
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,319
Speaker 2: Like did you know you were going to marry him? Yeah?

1259
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 5: We talked about it, Like I think it's crazy to

1260
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 5: not know if you're about to get engaged.

1261
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 2: No, I mean how soon.

1262
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:47,399
Speaker 5: It is?

1263
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 2: You know?

1264
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 1: Like what yeah, whatexpected so unexpected that I had to leave.

1265
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 2: But how long after you started dating him? Did you know?

1266
00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:00,720
Speaker 2: Did you know for sure you we were going to marry?

1267
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 2: Like was it quick?

1268
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:02,359
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1269
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 2: We moved.

1270
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I didn't know i'd even want to get

1271
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 5: married or have kids or anything like that.

1272
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 2: But after a year of being together.

1273
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 5: I was actually renovating a house when first started dating,

1274
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 5: and I sort of realized six months in that we'll

1275
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 5: probably move into this house together and wanted him to

1276
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:19,479
Speaker 5: be a part of making choices. So it didn't feel

1277
00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 5: like my space and it felt like our space. And

1278
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,840
Speaker 5: I think after living with each other very for a

1279
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 5: very short period of time, it was. I mean, he's

1280
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:34,880
Speaker 5: truly the most comfortable person to be around and the

1281
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 5: greatest support in my life. And he's so sweet and

1282
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:43,879
Speaker 5: funny and clever and smart. It's very funny, and yeah,

1283
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:45,560
Speaker 5: his goal every day is to make me laugh, which

1284
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:47,560
Speaker 5: is also annoying when I'm mad at him, but he

1285
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 5: does it very quickly and early in the morning, and

1286
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:51,440
Speaker 5: it's really annoying often.

1287
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 2: Well, that's really sweet.

1288
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's great. So I knew pretty early and we

1289
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:56,919
Speaker 5: talked about it.

1290
00:55:57,080 --> 00:55:59,040
Speaker 1: Well, this is a nice way to end the podcast

1291
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:03,360
Speaker 1: talking about a nice, healthy relationship and a nice straight

1292
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 1: man in the world.

1293
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 3: He is.

1294
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:06,880
Speaker 2: He's a really good person that's.

1295
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 1: Good for our listeners to hear about and I'm glad,

1296
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:10,799
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing that with us. That's sweet, and

1297
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,680
Speaker 1: I'm happy that you have such a good man.

1298
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:17,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's a sensitive kind, very like communications everything.

1299
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:20,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's very nice to hear.

1300
00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:22,759
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about Miles Teller and in the

1301
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 1: movie and Callum callum accent was good. He did a

1302
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:31,800
Speaker 1: great American accent. I was attracted to him.

1303
00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:33,320
Speaker 2: In that movie. I was rooting.

1304
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 1: I was rooting for Colla. I was like, this guy's hot.

1305
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever seen him in anything.

1306
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:41,720
Speaker 1: I know who he is, but I was like, yeah, okay,

1307
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:42,319
Speaker 1: Nicole Kid.

1308
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:43,640
Speaker 2: I mean, it's funny.

1309
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:45,520
Speaker 1: It's nice to have two men in a movie and

1310
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:46,800
Speaker 1: you'd be the center of attention.

1311
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:47,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1312
00:56:47,080 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 5: Like, I mean, they really wanted to get John Early

1313
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:51,000
Speaker 5: to make them like he wanted. They wanted to make

1314
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:54,160
Speaker 5: John Early laugh for the whole time. So really didn't

1315
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:56,200
Speaker 5: feel like they wanted my attention unless we were doing

1316
00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:57,360
Speaker 5: the scene.

1317
00:56:57,920 --> 00:56:58,360
Speaker 2: I see.

1318
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:02,000
Speaker 5: They truly were just trying to entertain genreally the whole time.

1319
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:04,520
Speaker 2: Got it. Yeah, John, I was really enjoying it.

1320
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 1: Well, he's in the movie too, everybody. It's called Eternity.

1321
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 1: It's out in theaters. Now go to the theater and

1322
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 1: see a movie.

1323
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:17,800
Speaker 2: Go to the movie. Thank you, Elizabeth Elson having me.

1324
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 2: Oh it was such a pleasure. Yea, so great having you.

1325
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the

1326
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour.

1327
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:28,760
Speaker 2: I will be touring.

1328
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:31,959
Speaker 1: From February through June. So go get your tickets now.

1329
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 1: If you want good seats and you want to come

1330
00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:36,560
Speaker 1: see me perform, I will be on the High and

1331
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:37,400
Speaker 1: Mighty Tour.

1332
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

1333
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 4: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

1334
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 4: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

1335
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:50,080
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

1336
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:53,800
Speaker 4: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure

1337
00:57:53,840 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 4: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.