WEBVTT - Stories That Will Swipe Your V Card (With Lauren Vogelbaum!) 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:24.760 Hello, and welcome to hashtag Storytime, the podcast filled with 0:00:24.800 --> 0:00:27.000 everyday stories from everyday people, brought to you by I 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:30.200 Heart Radio and Curativity. I'm your host, Will pure As 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:34.240 the Driven Snow McFadden. Guys, we have got another listener 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.040 episode in two weeks, and I wanted to give your 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:41.440 heads up because I want your stories. Okay, and for 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:43.920 those of you listening right now thinking I don't have 0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:47.080 any good stories, my life is a monotonous exercise of 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:51.080 unrelatable circumstance. I'm basically a walking COMBA patient. First of all, 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:54.440 shut up, Okay, You're better than that. You're a goddamn 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:57.360 fable baby. You're an elite member of a very intimate 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:01.400 storytelling community who will welcome anyone except Seth Rogan. Have 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:06.760 some hashtag self respect, God damnit. Secondly, and I am 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:10.800 a firm believer of this. Everyone has at least one 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.560 great story to tell. You just gotta know where to 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:15.440 look in your own life, you know what I mean. 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:17.840 And one of my favorite prompts, or one of my 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:20.639 favorite places to look when when mining for story gold 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:28.120 is first's first's make for great stories. First job. Okay, 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:30.840 my first job was I was ice cream scooper at 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:34.240 Hogandas in the Pacific Palisades, which explains my crippling addiction 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:36.880 to Dulsa de Lece. I was a terrible employee. I 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:39.120 got us a be health rating because the health inspector 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:41.440 walked in while I was eating ice cream out of 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:45.280 a milkshake tin. Busted. I mean, what else? What other? First? 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:48.720 First car? Okay, my first car was a Chevy Nova, 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:50.360 and I thought it was gonna be the you know, 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:53.360 like a total chick magnet, but actually it was just 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:55.480 a lot of middle aged men approaching me at gas 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:58.040 stations asking like what you got under the hood, But 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:02.160 that was not my intention. First time, you know, first 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:05.240 time smoking weed. I wonder what that's like. I bet 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:09.160 that's cool. Or first love, you know, first kiss, first 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:11.800 time making love. I'm not going to share that story 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:14.200 because my mom listens to every episode of this and 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:18.120 I'd rather her not have that information. Hi, Mom, I 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:21.000 know you have my mail. I'll come pick it up soon. Anyway, 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:22.760 for the last episode of the season, which is in 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.519 two weeks, I would love to hear your first stories, 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:27.880 and all you gotta do is call the Storytime hotline 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:32.280 at three two, three four one eighteen seventy three and 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.519 leave us a story on the voicemail There just a 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.960 heads up, there's a three minute time limit, so if 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:38.600 you get caught off, just call back and you know, 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:40.600 pick up wherever you left off. Or if you're a 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:43.480 shy little guy, you can record your story on your 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.960 memos app on your little cell phone and email it 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:49.000 to us at story time at collab dot Inc. However 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.359 you want to tell your tale, you know, whatever makes 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:54.200 you feel most comfortable. Tell us about the first time 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:57.119 you saw a ghost, or the first time you had sex, 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:58.440 or the first time you had sex with a ghost. 0:02:58.440 --> 0:02:59.760 I want to hear about it, and I want to 0:02:59.800 --> 0:03:03.200 show are it on the internet. Okay, cool. Now all 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:06.800 of that brings us to our very special guest, Lauren Vogelbaum, 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.880 who is telling a first story of her own. You 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:11.880 may know Lauren as the host of the podcast Saver 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:14.640 or brain Stuff, or if you're more into murder, you 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:18.280 probably know her from American Shadows or the Second oil Age. 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:20.880 And Lauren sat down and told me a little story 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:23.960 that involved Jacqueline Hyde and eleven inch ween and some 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:29.440 very loud noises. And I'm going to give a content 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:32.840 warning on this one because not because it's um, it's 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:36.800 any kind of horrifying story. Nothing bad happens. I want 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:39.080 you to feel like you're in a safe place. However, 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:42.040 if you're like a family member or I don't know, 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.720 a coworker, um like you guys, you might you might 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:46.920 want to you might want to turn away now because 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:50.880 I'm in fact going to talk about how I lost 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:53.680 my virginity, which is such a strange phrase. Isn't it 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:58.760 like I didn't lose anything. I gained an amazing experience 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:01.080 with my partner right and insinuates that you got to 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:04.720 find it again. Yeah, I mean, I know where I 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:09.160 left it. It's not it's not particularly lost. Um So, 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:10.800 I was a little bit of a late bloomer in 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:14.000 terms of dating. Um, I didn't start dating until I 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:17.560 was nineteen years old. I had never kissed anyone. I 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:20.520 was completely new to all of this because I was 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:23.880 very repressed as a child. And uh so it kind 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:26.200 of took me a minute to get into it. And 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:30.839 I I was part of, um the crew for the 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:37.800 very worst, uh college age community production of Jackal and 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:41.840 Hide the musical that has ever existed. That I mean, 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:45.760 that gets me going right there? Like I'm I'm sorry 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:48.200 if my parents are listening, but like I'm aroused at 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:52.719 this point. I am a huge musical theater nerd. I 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:56.160 love makes a musical theater. I've directed many musical theater 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:59.880 productions and as many any of any of the listeners 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:05.120 story Time. No, a huge fan of the musical Cats Cats. Okay, 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:08.720 that's a choice. Um, I still have never witnessed that show. 0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:11.400 I don't feel like it's a good idea. I mean 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:15.720 it's sort of the movie, especially as a fever dream. Okay, well, 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:17.359 I'll keep that in mind for the next time that 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:21.159 I am looking for one of those. Yeah. Um, but 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:24.440 so jaeckel and hide the musical if you're unfamiliar with it. 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:30.880 Um was I believe originated by David hasselhoff um in 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:35.920 the Broadway production, and it's a it's it's a full orchestration, 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:39.520 all mess. It is so over the top and you know, 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:43.280 all singing, all dancing, and so we had for our production, 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:48.599 um uh, a two two piece orchestra. It was, um, 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:52.680 this nice old lady on a piano um and the 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.839 guy who would be my first boyfriend on a bass guitar. 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:59.320 That was it. That's it. That's it. I don't think 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.320 you can call it an orchestra. He's called it a 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:07.200 two piece orchestra. I think that's just an old lady 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:10.120 on piano and a guy on the base. There's the 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:14.000 only things he's called two piece or a bikini. But 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:16.720 I don't think you could say two piece orchestra. There's 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:21.599 no word for that. Right, We've got a concerto a 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:25.200 very small band. I'm not I'm not even sure if 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:27.440 that counts as a band yet, Like I mean, even 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:32.039 Green Day has three performers. But okay, so so we're 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:34.039 out there doing what we can with less than Green 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:40.839 Day for sure. And Um, the the the titular Jacqueline Hide, 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:44.760 the man in the titular titular role of Jacqueline Hyde 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:47.800 is Um is slightly older than the rest of us. 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:49.320 He's maybe about ten years older the rest of us, 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:52.119 or maybe like I don't like, like like right around nineteen um. 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:56.920 And he's a cam performer with an eleven inch penis 0:06:56.920 --> 0:06:59.640 and I and I know this because he he loved 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:03.280 talking about it. And be Um he was an ex 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:07.800 boyfriend of this fellow who was playing the bass guitar, 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.680 who I would go on to date Um, this fellow, 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.520 his name is Robert He. Uh, he's we're still friends. 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:16.240 He's he's very sweet but um, but he in fact, 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:19.280 had never dated a woman before we dated. Um, he 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:21.120 had sex with a couple of ladies, but he had 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:25.040 only dated men. And um, and this was fine. I mean, 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:28.600 you know, like like no no problems there whatsoever, except 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:33.640 with his mother. His mother a wonderful woman. UM. Like 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:35.520 yea high to me. And this is a radio so 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:38.160 you can't see how tall I am or where I'm 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:40.480 holding my hand. She's about six ft seven, is what 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:45.480 I'm Yeah, she's chewy sized and um, but very very 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:49.320 sweet lady. UM, very nice. The first time that I 0:07:49.400 --> 0:07:52.440 met her, Um, he was introducing me to her. We 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:54.640 had been dating for maybe like a month or so 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:58.320 and uh, and we went to a steakhouse and we're 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:00.880 ordering and you know, trying to have a nice dinner 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:05.680 and getting to know each other and um. Robert Robert 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:09.040 um had visited Europe a few times and had gotten 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:12.600 used to eating his fries with mayonnaise and uh, which 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:16.040 is a lovely thing to do if that's what you're into. Um, 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:18.280 this doesn't have anything to do with my virginity and 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.080 that that part's coming later and uh. And so he 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:23.520 asks the waitress if you could please have some mayo 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:26.560 for his French fries when he orders, and his mother 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:30.080 turns to me and she says, you know how Bob 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:39.600 likes the white creamy stuff. Hello, check please? Mother. I 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:43.200 was like, okay, Like later I was like, did that 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:47.559 go all right? Like is that how she normally behaves? 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:50.360 And Bob was like, you know, she just I think 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:53.400 you really threw her a curve ball, because you know, 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:55.880 I was talking to her about it and she was 0:08:55.960 --> 0:09:00.240 just like, yeah, it's it's great. I'm glad if you 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:03.839 feel you know, if you feel good about this person, 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:07.640 it's wonderful. But Bob, boys don't get pregnant, and I'm concerned. 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:09.840 And I was like, oh, well it's I'm not going 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:13.000 to either, I promise. UM working very hard on it 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:15.640 at any rate. This was before we had even bound 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.080 like I mean like it was so completely like like 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:20.240 we were taking it so slow because I was so 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:22.920 freaked out about just everything and so new at it, 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:26.280 which is and he was an incredibly dear person about that. 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:30.120 UM and so wait just to circle back, Okay, so 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:34.680 we have the lead in jack Old. It was a 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:39.280 nine year old with an eleven inch dong and and 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:44.719 he but he was also dating Robert previous. He previously 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:48.760 dated the exes and then this, So this was sort 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:52.840 of a showman's that developed between you and Robert, right right, yeah, 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:57.880 because Um, I was props um And I mean, you know, 0:09:58.160 --> 0:10:02.240 you know what they say about pro and the bass 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:05.040 guitar of the two piece orchestra, I don't. I'm so 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:10.400 excited to find out they're They're definitely gonna bone it. 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:17.040 Match made in heaven. So this experience, UM, does not 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:19.880 drive us, does not drive us apart, It drives us together. 0:10:20.400 --> 0:10:23.520 Um and uh. And we go on to to date 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:26.920 for a good couple of years, and sometime during that time, UM, 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:32.360 I'm I'm living at this point, um in off campus 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:35.560 student housing that used to be on campus student housing, 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:40.319 which by by which I mostly mean it's all concrete block. Um. 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:43.680 You can hear everything that goes on in the entire building, 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:50.360 paper thin concrete walls. Yes, just sound travels quite well 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:53.160 through them. And uh, and it's one of those things 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:54.719 where it's got the it's got the it's got the 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:58.679 split uh split floor plan. So you've got just like 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.400 just like one big long room and then like a 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:05.200 like a a middle section that's got closets and a kitchen, 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:07.120 and the bathroom is off the kitchen for reasons I 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:10.000 still don't understand. And then a second big long room 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:16.000 for your roommate, and uh and things were we're progressing 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:19.720 relationship wise, just just in a lovely way. Uh and 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:22.840 and physically just in a lovely way. Emotionally and physically. 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:26.080 It was it was, uh, I opening for both of us. 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:33.000 And we finally decide, you know, like, okay, okay, it's time. Uh, 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:37.160 let's find the virginity. Let's let's find it and pin 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:47.000 it down right there. And so we're kind of doing 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:51.880 the thing, and I am experiencing a a number of 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:55.520 sensations that I've never experienced before, and I am exuberant 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:59.600 about them. Um sure, yeah, yeah yeah, and um and 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:07.280 I was being vocally exuberant about them. And uh, we 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:11.560 we had we had waited until my my roommate, who 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:14.000 had been there earlier that day. We had waited until 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:18.680 we heard the front door open and closed, which meant 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:22.640 to us that probably she had left. You know, we 0:12:22.640 --> 0:12:24.400 were trying, we were trying to be polite. We knew 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:29.760 that my exuberance was a possibility, So I think we're alone, 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:34.880 exactly exactly and so uh so we had heard the 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:38.200 door open and closed, we started getting busy, and then 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:42.440 we hear the door open and close again, and we're like, 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.599 did she forget something? Has she has? She? Has she 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:51.080 come back to get something that she ished? Or maybe 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:56.240 was her boyfriend over? And the first did what is? 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:58.600 But at that point we're in the middle of it, 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:05.640 and politeness is not really the top concern. Um, I'd 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:10.920 say six or seven on the list, And so we 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:16.520 figure whatever she she probably probably her boyfriend was over 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:19.080 and he left, and now she's left, and so let's 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:22.720 just keep going. So we do, and then we hear 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:25.720 the door open and close again. And at this point 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:29.400 we're not We're just not sure, like art are there 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:31.240 are there ghosts that are working with us while we're 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:35.360 sucking like what like? What is? What exactly is happening here? 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:39.400 It turns out, um, we find out later the first 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:44.080 door was her boyfriend coming over, Her second door was 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:48.800 the boyfriend realizing what was happening and leaving very promptly, 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:52.080 and the third was her finally deciding that she could 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:55.000 not take this anymore and and running into the night. 0:13:55.679 --> 0:14:01.440 Um and and it wasn't until it wasn't until later 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:03.760 that I realized I had also left the sliding glass 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:09.720 door open. So my um my exuberance was the was 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:12.839 the talk of the building for a little while, which 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:16.640 I didn't actually realize until we were having a land 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:20.280 party a few weeks later. Because this was the the 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:24.000 the era at which if you wanted to play any 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:26.160 video game with any other human person, you had to 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:31.440 physically local area network your consoles or computers together. I 0:14:31.440 --> 0:14:33.360 I remember I was. I was a big fan of 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:36.840 the old Halo land parties. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. So 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:40.560 we were playing Halo um and uh. And it was 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:45.240 at my neighbor's house, neighbor's apartment, and a bunch of 0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:48.080 people from the building had come on down and UM, 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:52.960 I'm explaining that I live right next door, and he goes, oh, 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:59.400 you're the girl in two A and I'm like yeah, 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:03.040 And he realizes that he's just said something that's potentially 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:07.800 awkward and maybe offensive, and he just this is the 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:09.480 first time I've met this dude. And he just looks 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:14.120 at me and he goes, you know, you've got a 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:17.520 great set of pipes. You're like, did you see me 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:20.680 in jekylin Hyde. That's weird because I was on props. 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:22.280 So I don't know how you know about now. And 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:23.760 that's the day that I knew I had to become 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:28.400 a podcasting you know. I was thinking about the sliding 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:33.040 door thing, and do you remember in ace Ventura he's 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:40.880 sliding the tower back and forth and doing that. You know, 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:42.800 I think had it been closed, it wouldn't have made 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.800 a difference one way or another. Again, sound traveled in 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:52.160 that building. Um it concrete block, y'all? So okay, So 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:55.360 the roommate was in, never left. Boyfriend came in and 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:59.760 they listened together for how long were it was in 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:03.200 tween these two door open and clothes? So you know, 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:08.520 time goes away during these situations. I'm not sure, um, 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:10.920 but it seemed like quite a long time. I think 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.440 that they were really like trying to do homework. It was. 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:16.400 It was a stressful part of the semester. I you know, 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:21.160 I'm not goodness. I tried not to interrupt people. I 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:26.040 don't I so polite. This is but this this is 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:29.000 your virginity. I feel like you you you know, it's 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:33.200 your moment, you know, like you shouldn't have to you know, yeah, 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:35.960 you shouldn't have to tamper anything down like you should 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:39.760 be like, you know, they should have really given you 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:43.200 the freedom and the space to do what do you 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:45.960 need to do in that moment? Yeah? Yeah, you know, 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:49.080 speaking of musical theater, right, it's like Avenue Qi says 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:51.400 you can be as loud as you goddamn want when 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:54.600 you're making love. So I thought you're gonna say everyone's 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.400 a little bit racist, and I was like, oh, how 0:16:56.480 --> 0:17:00.200 that that applies? But well, so the second off of 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:03.640 my virginity story, no, no, oh goodness, no, I said 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:10.600 it was a nice one. The internet. Wow, look at 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:15.920 us musical theater nerds just knowing too money songs from 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:21.280 Avenue Que. That's this is not my surprised face. So 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:24.639 what would you say if you had to sum up 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:27.239 what the kind of the moral of the story is 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:29.960 or the uh you know, what did you what did 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:38.800 you learn from that experience? Um? From that particular experience, UM, 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:44.679 I learned to text people if you're concerned about making 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.600 a lot of sex noises with them in the house. 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:52.359 I think that's that's number one there. Um, but I 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:55.520 guess I guess from the overall experience, Like I I 0:17:55.680 --> 0:18:01.479 learned that, um that as first boyfriends go, uh, someone 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:04.960 someone who's had a lot of gay mail sex is 0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:10.560 actually a very good partner, very considerate, very gentle, understands 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:13.080 what it's like to be penetrated, and so you know, 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:17.320 therefore wants to give you a good experience. Um. Not 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:19.879 not that anyone probably doesn't, but you know, just just 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:22.320 it has a particular mindset about it, you know, way 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:30.160 to go, Robert, Well done, Robert. Yes, I'm glad. Yeah, 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:33.520 I'm glad we stayed with his real name. Yeah. Yeah, 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:35.960 me too. That makes that, I mean, that makes total sense. 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:43.760 Though my dad's name is Robert h Yeah. Yeah. And 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:47.879 actually my dad's mother's name is Gloria, which is Robert's 0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:50.760 mother's name. So the whole thing was a little bit 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.560 I was like, what what is this web you've woven? 0:18:55.359 --> 0:19:05.200 Roberts and Glorious they're everywhere. Well, um, I mean, thank 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:08.520 you so much for for sharing that, sharing that story. 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:15.040 You're welcome. Um, I apologize and you're welcome. I mean, 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:18.240 I think it's a story that a lot of people 0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:22.000 can relate to. I know when I was in the 0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:25.000 dorms in college, there were a lot of noises happening. 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.840 I lived in it. And once again, sorry parents or 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:31.399 any relatives who are listening, I lived in a triple 0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:35.600 in college, So there was three guys living in a tiny, 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:40.560 you know, two square foot room, and things were just 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:43.720 happening all the time, and like we're the mere feet 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:48.280 away from each other's heads. Like the level of of 0:19:48.359 --> 0:19:50.840 just not giving a ship that was happening in that 0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:54.120 room was like so far beyond my comfort level. Now. 0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:56.600 I don't know how, I don't know how I've regressed, 0:19:56.640 --> 0:20:00.359 but I think it was just out of like pure necessity. Right, 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:02.840 you can't at a certain point because if you if 0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:05.920 you cared, that's all you would ever do. You you 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:08.040 wouldn't be able to get anything else done because you'd 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:11.080 just be sitting there going like there are so many 0:20:11.200 --> 0:20:14.720 feet in this room. I think maybe that's part of 0:20:14.720 --> 0:20:16.239 the moral of the story too, is like we just 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:20.360 need to not care about the sounds that we make 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:24.520 when having sex, Like everyone just needs to just deal 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:27.160 with it. Put your head if you if you're offended 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:29.679 by it, put some headphones on, pop on a podcast, 0:20:29.960 --> 0:20:33.640 listen to American shadows. I don't know, you know, but 0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:37.840 don't make me quiet down. I am. I am having 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:42.040 a good time, right, and and every and everyone deserves 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:44.000 to have good time, right. We just need to be 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:49.840 more selfish in our during our sex times. I'm not 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:54.080 sure if that's advice that I'm comfortable giving out to people. 0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:58.280 I mean selfish in terms of like doing what I 0:20:58.320 --> 0:21:02.720 need to do to enjoy and have I guess, yeah, 0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:05.800 that is a terrible way to put it. Um. I 0:21:05.800 --> 0:21:10.840 guess it's maybe caring less what people outside of the room. Yeah, 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:14.200 caring caring less what other people think. I think is 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:18.600 great advice. Yes, most kind? Is it? Still? Though, I 0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:20.719 don't know. I'm having second thoughts about everything that I 0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:26.000 just said. No, I think it is, uh yeah, just 0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:30.240 not not giving a ship. No, that's also not you 0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:33.200 gotta give a ship sometimes, but you do well, it's 0:21:33.240 --> 0:21:35.960 it's not it's not given a fuck, not given a 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:41.160 funk when you're Okay, there we go. That's that's the quote. Look, 0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:44.280 when you're sucking, you don't give a don't give a 0:21:44.280 --> 0:21:48.480 funk when you're Yeah, as long as everything is consensual 0:21:48.960 --> 0:21:52.960 and yes and every both parties are being air communicating 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:57.200 and everything's then don't give give give like twenty two 0:21:57.240 --> 0:22:02.760 to thirty fus before yeah, and during the but then 0:22:02.960 --> 0:22:06.720 yeah and after right, but but not that one like 0:22:06.800 --> 0:22:09.160 that one particular fun don't give that one right, right. 0:22:09.359 --> 0:22:13.680 It's very complicated sex. I think that's what we've realized. Yes, 0:22:14.840 --> 0:22:18.080 this is the conclusion that we have painstakingly come to. 0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:23.480 Sex isn't simple. It's not simple. It's um yeah, it's 0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:27.200 incredibly complex and uh, but that's why we talk about 0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:31.240 it on podcasts so we can navigate these treacherous waters. Yes, 0:22:31.800 --> 0:22:36.360 you know, I uh, nineteen year old Lauren did the work, 0:22:36.400 --> 0:22:40.000 so you don't have to exactly exactly. Yeah, eighteen year 0:22:40.000 --> 0:22:45.040 old Will was doing all sorts of work too. That 0:22:45.160 --> 0:22:47.639 was a humble brag. I guess I don't know. All right, 0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:53.720 I think that's all the time we have. All Right, 0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:08.080 Welcome back, Fable Babies. We've got another first story from 0:23:08.080 --> 0:23:10.560 our Live Story Okay event in New York, and this 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:14.080 one is from hashtag Storytime producer Jason Shapiro. He hopped 0:23:14.080 --> 0:23:16.000 on the mic and he told us a story about 0:23:16.080 --> 0:23:18.199 his first night in college and being a bit of 0:23:18.200 --> 0:23:21.560 a sweetie and Jason may or may not have credits, 0:23:21.560 --> 0:23:23.800 but he chooses not to share any personal information with me. 0:23:23.880 --> 0:23:28.720 So your guess is as good as mine. Enjoy. Um, 0:23:28.760 --> 0:23:35.160 I'm gonna tell a story about the first night of college. UM. 0:23:35.240 --> 0:23:39.960 So let's go back like thirty years before that. Um. 0:23:40.000 --> 0:23:43.760 Having parents that met before high school and her high 0:23:43.760 --> 0:23:47.120 school sweethearts can really fuck someone up. Like people talk 0:23:47.160 --> 0:23:50.120 about how divorce can fuck you up, having parents that 0:23:50.280 --> 0:23:53.040 knew each other as children can really fuck you up. 0:23:53.119 --> 0:23:56.400 Because as a child then I was like, oh, that 0:23:56.520 --> 0:23:59.600 is what you do. You're your five and then you 0:23:59.680 --> 0:24:05.040 meet your partner and and then you just go through 0:24:05.359 --> 0:24:08.520 life with them. So like, from like five years old on, 0:24:08.640 --> 0:24:11.040 I was just like, is that my wife? Is that? 0:24:11.119 --> 0:24:14.479 My wife? Is that my wife? Is that? My wife? 0:24:14.640 --> 0:24:19.280 And that was like the most important thing in the 0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:23.440 world to me, is like do women like me? And 0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:27.919 will she be my wife? And so before the first 0:24:28.200 --> 0:24:31.840 uh night of college, let's just say I was like 0:24:32.560 --> 0:24:35.000 I was a sweet boy. I would call myself like 0:24:35.200 --> 0:24:41.080 I imagine, like imagine me like two ft shorter, with 0:24:41.160 --> 0:24:46.000 like a C cup and like a really sweet boy 0:24:46.080 --> 0:24:49.760 who everyone is like, that's the sweetest boy in the world. 0:24:50.040 --> 0:24:55.600 And so like girls were really interested in me from 0:24:55.640 --> 0:25:00.360 like fourth middle of fourth the fifth grade, and then 0:25:00.359 --> 0:25:05.320 not again until like the middle of twelfth grade. It 0:25:05.400 --> 0:25:07.960 was like a really cool sweet spot in fifth grade 0:25:08.000 --> 0:25:10.560 where I had a girlfriend and I thought she would 0:25:10.560 --> 0:25:13.280 be my wife. And then it was just you know, 0:25:13.359 --> 0:25:15.880 the dry spell of the century when you know, I'm 0:25:15.920 --> 0:25:20.520