Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to hashtag Storytime, the podcast filled with
Speaker 1: everyday stories from everyday people, brought to you by I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio and Curativity. I'm your host, Will pure As
Speaker 1: the Driven Snow McFadden. Guys, we have got another listener
Speaker 1: episode in two weeks, and I wanted to give your
Speaker 1: heads up because I want your stories. Okay, and for
Speaker 1: those of you listening right now thinking I don't have
Speaker 1: any good stories, my life is a monotonous exercise of
Speaker 1: unrelatable circumstance. I'm basically a walking COMBA patient. First of all,
Speaker 1: shut up, Okay, You're better than that. You're a goddamn
Speaker 1: fable baby. You're an elite member of a very intimate
Speaker 1: storytelling community who will welcome anyone except Seth Rogan. Have
Speaker 1: some hashtag self respect, God damnit. Secondly, and I am
Speaker 1: a firm believer of this. Everyone has at least one
Speaker 1: great story to tell. You just gotta know where to
Speaker 1: look in your own life, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And one of my favorite prompts, or one of my
Speaker 1: favorite places to look when when mining for story gold
Speaker 1: is first's first's make for great stories. First job. Okay,
Speaker 1: my first job was I was ice cream scooper at
Speaker 1: Hogandas in the Pacific Palisades, which explains my crippling addiction
Speaker 1: to Dulsa de Lece. I was a terrible employee. I
Speaker 1: got us a be health rating because the health inspector
Speaker 1: walked in while I was eating ice cream out of
Speaker 1: a milkshake tin. Busted. I mean, what else? What other? First?
Speaker 1: First car? Okay, my first car was a Chevy Nova,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was gonna be the you know,
Speaker 1: like a total chick magnet, but actually it was just
Speaker 1: a lot of middle aged men approaching me at gas
Speaker 1: stations asking like what you got under the hood, But
Speaker 1: that was not my intention. First time, you know, first
Speaker 1: time smoking weed. I wonder what that's like. I bet
Speaker 1: that's cool. Or first love, you know, first kiss, first
Speaker 1: time making love. I'm not going to share that story
Speaker 1: because my mom listens to every episode of this and
Speaker 1: I'd rather her not have that information. Hi, Mom, I
Speaker 1: know you have my mail. I'll come pick it up soon. Anyway,
Speaker 1: for the last episode of the season, which is in
Speaker 1: two weeks, I would love to hear your first stories,
Speaker 1: and all you gotta do is call the Storytime hotline
Speaker 1: at three two, three four one eighteen seventy three and
Speaker 1: leave us a story on the voicemail There just a
Speaker 1: heads up, there's a three minute time limit, so if
Speaker 1: you get caught off, just call back and you know,
Speaker 1: pick up wherever you left off. Or if you're a
Speaker 1: shy little guy, you can record your story on your
Speaker 1: memos app on your little cell phone and email it
Speaker 1: to us at story time at collab dot Inc. However
Speaker 1: you want to tell your tale, you know, whatever makes
Speaker 1: you feel most comfortable. Tell us about the first time
Speaker 1: you saw a ghost, or the first time you had sex,
Speaker 1: or the first time you had sex with a ghost.
Speaker 1: I want to hear about it, and I want to
Speaker 1: show are it on the internet. Okay, cool. Now all
Speaker 1: of that brings us to our very special guest, Lauren Vogelbaum,
Speaker 1: who is telling a first story of her own. You
Speaker 1: may know Lauren as the host of the podcast Saver
Speaker 1: or brain Stuff, or if you're more into murder, you
Speaker 1: probably know her from American Shadows or the Second oil Age.
Speaker 1: And Lauren sat down and told me a little story
Speaker 1: that involved Jacqueline Hyde and eleven inch ween and some
Speaker 1: very loud noises. And I'm going to give a content
Speaker 1: warning on this one because not because it's um, it's
Speaker 1: any kind of horrifying story. Nothing bad happens. I want
Speaker 1: you to feel like you're in a safe place. However,
Speaker 1: if you're like a family member or I don't know,
Speaker 1: a coworker, um like you guys, you might you might
Speaker 1: want to you might want to turn away now because
Speaker 1: I'm in fact going to talk about how I lost
Speaker 1: my virginity, which is such a strange phrase. Isn't it
Speaker 1: like I didn't lose anything. I gained an amazing experience
Speaker 1: with my partner right and insinuates that you got to
Speaker 1: find it again. Yeah, I mean, I know where I
Speaker 1: left it. It's not it's not particularly lost. Um So,
Speaker 1: I was a little bit of a late bloomer in
Speaker 1: terms of dating. Um, I didn't start dating until I
Speaker 1: was nineteen years old. I had never kissed anyone. I
Speaker 1: was completely new to all of this because I was
Speaker 1: very repressed as a child. And uh so it kind
Speaker 1: of took me a minute to get into it. And
Speaker 1: I I was part of, um the crew for the
Speaker 1: very worst, uh college age community production of Jackal and
Speaker 1: Hide the musical that has ever existed. That I mean,
Speaker 1: that gets me going right there? Like I'm I'm sorry
Speaker 1: if my parents are listening, but like I'm aroused at
Speaker 1: this point. I am a huge musical theater nerd. I
Speaker 1: love makes a musical theater. I've directed many musical theater
Speaker 1: productions and as many any of any of the listeners
Speaker 1: story Time. No, a huge fan of the musical Cats Cats. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's a choice. Um, I still have never witnessed that show.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like it's a good idea. I mean
Speaker 1: it's sort of the movie, especially as a fever dream. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I'll keep that in mind for the next time that
Speaker 1: I am looking for one of those. Yeah. Um, but
Speaker 1: so jaeckel and hide the musical if you're unfamiliar with it.
Speaker 1: Um was I believe originated by David hasselhoff um in
Speaker 1: the Broadway production, and it's a it's it's a full orchestration,
Speaker 1: all mess. It is so over the top and you know,
Speaker 1: all singing, all dancing, and so we had for our production,
Speaker 1: um uh, a two two piece orchestra. It was, um,
Speaker 1: this nice old lady on a piano um and the
Speaker 1: guy who would be my first boyfriend on a bass guitar.
Speaker 1: That was it. That's it. That's it. I don't think
Speaker 1: you can call it an orchestra. He's called it a
Speaker 1: two piece orchestra. I think that's just an old lady
Speaker 1: on piano and a guy on the base. There's the
Speaker 1: only things he's called two piece or a bikini. But
Speaker 1: I don't think you could say two piece orchestra. There's
Speaker 1: no word for that. Right, We've got a concerto a
Speaker 1: very small band. I'm not I'm not even sure if
Speaker 1: that counts as a band yet, Like I mean, even
Speaker 1: Green Day has three performers. But okay, so so we're
Speaker 1: out there doing what we can with less than Green
Speaker 1: Day for sure. And Um, the the the titular Jacqueline Hide,
Speaker 1: the man in the titular titular role of Jacqueline Hyde
Speaker 1: is Um is slightly older than the rest of us.
Speaker 1: He's maybe about ten years older the rest of us,
Speaker 1: or maybe like I don't like, like like right around nineteen um.
Speaker 1: And he's a cam performer with an eleven inch penis
Speaker 1: and I and I know this because he he loved
Speaker 1: talking about it. And be Um he was an ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend of this fellow who was playing the bass guitar,
Speaker 1: who I would go on to date Um, this fellow,
Speaker 1: his name is Robert He. Uh, he's we're still friends.
Speaker 1: He's he's very sweet but um, but he in fact,
Speaker 1: had never dated a woman before we dated. Um, he
Speaker 1: had sex with a couple of ladies, but he had
Speaker 1: only dated men. And um, and this was fine. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, like like no no problems there whatsoever, except
Speaker 1: with his mother. His mother a wonderful woman. UM. Like
Speaker 1: yea high to me. And this is a radio so
Speaker 1: you can't see how tall I am or where I'm
Speaker 1: holding my hand. She's about six ft seven, is what
Speaker 1: I'm Yeah, she's chewy sized and um, but very very
Speaker 1: sweet lady. UM, very nice. The first time that I
Speaker 1: met her, Um, he was introducing me to her. We
Speaker 1: had been dating for maybe like a month or so
Speaker 1: and uh, and we went to a steakhouse and we're
Speaker 1: ordering and you know, trying to have a nice dinner
Speaker 1: and getting to know each other and um. Robert Robert
Speaker 1: um had visited Europe a few times and had gotten
Speaker 1: used to eating his fries with mayonnaise and uh, which
Speaker 1: is a lovely thing to do if that's what you're into. Um,
Speaker 1: this doesn't have anything to do with my virginity and
Speaker 1: that that part's coming later and uh. And so he
Speaker 1: asks the waitress if you could please have some mayo
Speaker 1: for his French fries when he orders, and his mother
Speaker 1: turns to me and she says, you know how Bob
Speaker 1: likes the white creamy stuff. Hello, check please? Mother. I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, Like later I was like, did that
Speaker 1: go all right? Like is that how she normally behaves?
Speaker 1: And Bob was like, you know, she just I think
Speaker 1: you really threw her a curve ball, because you know,
Speaker 1: I was talking to her about it and she was
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, it's it's great. I'm glad if you
Speaker 1: feel you know, if you feel good about this person,
Speaker 1: it's wonderful. But Bob, boys don't get pregnant, and I'm concerned.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, well it's I'm not going
Speaker 1: to either, I promise. UM working very hard on it
Speaker 1: at any rate. This was before we had even bound
Speaker 1: like I mean like it was so completely like like
Speaker 1: we were taking it so slow because I was so
Speaker 1: freaked out about just everything and so new at it,
Speaker 1: which is and he was an incredibly dear person about that.
Speaker 1: UM and so wait just to circle back, Okay, so
Speaker 1: we have the lead in jack Old. It was a
Speaker 1: nine year old with an eleven inch dong and and
Speaker 1: he but he was also dating Robert previous. He previously
Speaker 1: dated the exes and then this, So this was sort
Speaker 1: of a showman's that developed between you and Robert, right right, yeah,
Speaker 1: because Um, I was props um And I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: you know what they say about pro and the bass
Speaker 1: guitar of the two piece orchestra, I don't. I'm so
Speaker 1: excited to find out they're They're definitely gonna bone it.
Speaker 1: Match made in heaven. So this experience, UM, does not
Speaker 1: drive us, does not drive us apart, It drives us together.
Speaker 1: Um and uh. And we go on to to date
Speaker 1: for a good couple of years, and sometime during that time, UM,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm living at this point, um in off campus
Speaker 1: student housing that used to be on campus student housing,
Speaker 1: which by by which I mostly mean it's all concrete block. Um.
Speaker 1: You can hear everything that goes on in the entire building,
Speaker 1: paper thin concrete walls. Yes, just sound travels quite well
Speaker 1: through them. And uh, and it's one of those things
Speaker 1: where it's got the it's got the it's got the
Speaker 1: split uh split floor plan. So you've got just like
Speaker 1: just like one big long room and then like a
Speaker 1: like a a middle section that's got closets and a kitchen,
Speaker 1: and the bathroom is off the kitchen for reasons I
Speaker 1: still don't understand. And then a second big long room
Speaker 1: for your roommate, and uh and things were we're progressing
Speaker 1: relationship wise, just just in a lovely way. Uh and
Speaker 1: and physically just in a lovely way. Emotionally and physically.
Speaker 1: It was it was, uh, I opening for both of us.
Speaker 1: And we finally decide, you know, like, okay, okay, it's time. Uh,
Speaker 1: let's find the virginity. Let's let's find it and pin
Speaker 1: it down right there. And so we're kind of doing
Speaker 1: the thing, and I am experiencing a a number of
Speaker 1: sensations that I've never experienced before, and I am exuberant
Speaker 1: about them. Um sure, yeah, yeah yeah, and um and
Speaker 1: I was being vocally exuberant about them. And uh, we
Speaker 1: we had we had waited until my my roommate, who
Speaker 1: had been there earlier that day. We had waited until
Speaker 1: we heard the front door open and closed, which meant
Speaker 1: to us that probably she had left. You know, we
Speaker 1: were trying, we were trying to be polite. We knew
Speaker 1: that my exuberance was a possibility, So I think we're alone,
Speaker 1: exactly exactly and so uh so we had heard the
Speaker 1: door open and closed, we started getting busy, and then
Speaker 1: we hear the door open and close again, and we're like,
Speaker 1: did she forget something? Has she has? She? Has she
Speaker 1: come back to get something that she ished? Or maybe
Speaker 1: was her boyfriend over? And the first did what is?
Speaker 1: But at that point we're in the middle of it,
Speaker 1: and politeness is not really the top concern. Um, I'd
Speaker 1: say six or seven on the list, And so we
Speaker 1: figure whatever she she probably probably her boyfriend was over
Speaker 1: and he left, and now she's left, and so let's
Speaker 1: just keep going. So we do, and then we hear
Speaker 1: the door open and close again. And at this point
Speaker 1: we're not We're just not sure, like art are there
Speaker 1: are there ghosts that are working with us while we're
Speaker 1: sucking like what like? What is? What exactly is happening here?
Speaker 1: It turns out, um, we find out later the first
Speaker 1: door was her boyfriend coming over, Her second door was
Speaker 1: the boyfriend realizing what was happening and leaving very promptly,
Speaker 1: and the third was her finally deciding that she could
Speaker 1: not take this anymore and and running into the night.
Speaker 1: Um and and it wasn't until it wasn't until later
Speaker 1: that I realized I had also left the sliding glass
Speaker 1: door open. So my um my exuberance was the was
Speaker 1: the talk of the building for a little while, which
Speaker 1: I didn't actually realize until we were having a land
Speaker 1: party a few weeks later. Because this was the the
Speaker 1: the era at which if you wanted to play any
Speaker 1: video game with any other human person, you had to
Speaker 1: physically local area network your consoles or computers together. I
Speaker 1: I remember I was. I was a big fan of
Speaker 1: the old Halo land parties. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. So
Speaker 1: we were playing Halo um and uh. And it was
Speaker 1: at my neighbor's house, neighbor's apartment, and a bunch of
Speaker 1: people from the building had come on down and UM,
Speaker 1: I'm explaining that I live right next door, and he goes, oh,
Speaker 1: you're the girl in two A and I'm like yeah,
Speaker 1: And he realizes that he's just said something that's potentially
Speaker 1: awkward and maybe offensive, and he just this is the
Speaker 1: first time I've met this dude. And he just looks
Speaker 1: at me and he goes, you know, you've got a
Speaker 1: great set of pipes. You're like, did you see me
Speaker 1: in jekylin Hyde. That's weird because I was on props.
Speaker 1: So I don't know how you know about now. And
Speaker 1: that's the day that I knew I had to become
Speaker 1: a podcasting you know. I was thinking about the sliding
Speaker 1: door thing, and do you remember in ace Ventura he's
Speaker 1: sliding the tower back and forth and doing that. You know,
Speaker 1: I think had it been closed, it wouldn't have made
Speaker 1: a difference one way or another. Again, sound traveled in
Speaker 1: that building. Um it concrete block, y'all? So okay, So
Speaker 1: the roommate was in, never left. Boyfriend came in and
Speaker 1: they listened together for how long were it was in
Speaker 1: tween these two door open and clothes? So you know,
Speaker 1: time goes away during these situations. I'm not sure, um,
Speaker 1: but it seemed like quite a long time. I think
Speaker 1: that they were really like trying to do homework. It was.
Speaker 1: It was a stressful part of the semester. I you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not goodness. I tried not to interrupt people. I
Speaker 1: don't I so polite. This is but this this is
Speaker 1: your virginity. I feel like you you you know, it's
Speaker 1: your moment, you know, like you shouldn't have to you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have to tamper anything down like you should
Speaker 1: be like, you know, they should have really given you
Speaker 1: the freedom and the space to do what do you
Speaker 1: need to do in that moment? Yeah? Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: speaking of musical theater, right, it's like Avenue Qi says
Speaker 1: you can be as loud as you goddamn want when
Speaker 1: you're making love. So I thought you're gonna say everyone's
Speaker 1: a little bit racist, and I was like, oh, how
Speaker 1: that that applies? But well, so the second off of
Speaker 1: my virginity story, no, no, oh goodness, no, I said
Speaker 1: it was a nice one. The internet. Wow, look at
Speaker 1: us musical theater nerds just knowing too money songs from
Speaker 1: Avenue Que. That's this is not my surprised face. So
Speaker 1: what would you say if you had to sum up
Speaker 1: what the kind of the moral of the story is
Speaker 1: or the uh you know, what did you what did
Speaker 1: you learn from that experience? Um? From that particular experience, UM,
Speaker 1: I learned to text people if you're concerned about making
Speaker 1: a lot of sex noises with them in the house.
Speaker 1: I think that's that's number one there. Um, but I
Speaker 1: guess I guess from the overall experience, Like I I
Speaker 1: learned that, um that as first boyfriends go, uh, someone
Speaker 1: someone who's had a lot of gay mail sex is
Speaker 1: actually a very good partner, very considerate, very gentle, understands
Speaker 1: what it's like to be penetrated, and so you know,
Speaker 1: therefore wants to give you a good experience. Um. Not
Speaker 1: not that anyone probably doesn't, but you know, just just
Speaker 1: it has a particular mindset about it, you know, way
Speaker 1: to go, Robert, Well done, Robert. Yes, I'm glad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm glad we stayed with his real name. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: me too. That makes that, I mean, that makes total sense.
Speaker 1: Though my dad's name is Robert h Yeah. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: actually my dad's mother's name is Gloria, which is Robert's
Speaker 1: mother's name. So the whole thing was a little bit
Speaker 1: I was like, what what is this web you've woven?
Speaker 1: Roberts and Glorious they're everywhere. Well, um, I mean, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for for sharing that, sharing that story.
Speaker 1: You're welcome. Um, I apologize and you're welcome. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's a story that a lot of people
Speaker 1: can relate to. I know when I was in the
Speaker 1: dorms in college, there were a lot of noises happening.
Speaker 1: I lived in it. And once again, sorry parents or
Speaker 1: any relatives who are listening, I lived in a triple
Speaker 1: in college, So there was three guys living in a tiny,
Speaker 1: you know, two square foot room, and things were just
Speaker 1: happening all the time, and like we're the mere feet
Speaker 1: away from each other's heads. Like the level of of
Speaker 1: just not giving a ship that was happening in that
Speaker 1: room was like so far beyond my comfort level. Now.
Speaker 1: I don't know how, I don't know how I've regressed,
Speaker 1: but I think it was just out of like pure necessity. Right,
Speaker 1: you can't at a certain point because if you if
Speaker 1: you cared, that's all you would ever do. You you
Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to get anything else done because you'd
Speaker 1: just be sitting there going like there are so many
Speaker 1: feet in this room. I think maybe that's part of
Speaker 1: the moral of the story too, is like we just
Speaker 1: need to not care about the sounds that we make
Speaker 1: when having sex, Like everyone just needs to just deal
Speaker 1: with it. Put your head if you if you're offended
Speaker 1: by it, put some headphones on, pop on a podcast,
Speaker 1: listen to American shadows. I don't know, you know, but
Speaker 1: don't make me quiet down. I am. I am having
Speaker 1: a good time, right, and and every and everyone deserves
Speaker 1: to have good time, right. We just need to be
Speaker 1: more selfish in our during our sex times. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure if that's advice that I'm comfortable giving out to people.
Speaker 1: I mean selfish in terms of like doing what I
Speaker 1: need to do to enjoy and have I guess, yeah,
Speaker 1: that is a terrible way to put it. Um. I
Speaker 1: guess it's maybe caring less what people outside of the room. Yeah,
Speaker 1: caring caring less what other people think. I think is
Speaker 1: great advice. Yes, most kind? Is it? Still? Though, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm having second thoughts about everything that I
Speaker 1: just said. No, I think it is, uh yeah, just
Speaker 1: not not giving a ship. No, that's also not you
Speaker 1: gotta give a ship sometimes, but you do well, it's
Speaker 1: it's not it's not given a fuck, not given a
Speaker 1: funk when you're Okay, there we go. That's that's the quote. Look,
Speaker 1: when you're sucking, you don't give a don't give a
Speaker 1: funk when you're Yeah, as long as everything is consensual
Speaker 1: and yes and every both parties are being air communicating
Speaker 1: and everything's then don't give give give like twenty two
Speaker 1: to thirty fus before yeah, and during the but then
Speaker 1: yeah and after right, but but not that one like
Speaker 1: that one particular fun don't give that one right, right.
Speaker 1: It's very complicated sex. I think that's what we've realized. Yes,
Speaker 1: this is the conclusion that we have painstakingly come to.
Speaker 1: Sex isn't simple. It's not simple. It's um yeah, it's
Speaker 1: incredibly complex and uh, but that's why we talk about
Speaker 1: it on podcasts so we can navigate these treacherous waters. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know, I uh, nineteen year old Lauren did the work,
Speaker 1: so you don't have to exactly exactly. Yeah, eighteen year
Speaker 1: old Will was doing all sorts of work too. That
Speaker 1: was a humble brag. I guess I don't know. All right,
Speaker 1: I think that's all the time we have. All Right,
Speaker 1: Welcome back, Fable Babies. We've got another first story from
Speaker 1: our Live Story Okay event in New York, and this
Speaker 1: one is from hashtag Storytime producer Jason Shapiro. He hopped
Speaker 1: on the mic and he told us a story about
Speaker 1: his first night in college and being a bit of
Speaker 1: a sweetie and Jason may or may not have credits,
Speaker 1: but he chooses not to share any personal information with me.
Speaker 1: So your guess is as good as mine. Enjoy. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell a story about the first night of college. UM.
Speaker 1: So let's go back like thirty years before that. Um.
Speaker 1: Having parents that met before high school and her high
Speaker 1: school sweethearts can really fuck someone up. Like people talk
Speaker 1: about how divorce can fuck you up, having parents that
Speaker 1: knew each other as children can really fuck you up.
Speaker 1: Because as a child then I was like, oh, that
Speaker 1: is what you do. You're your five and then you
Speaker 1: meet your partner and and then you just go through
Speaker 1: life with them. So like, from like five years old on,
Speaker 1: I was just like, is that my wife? Is that?
Speaker 1: My wife? Is that my wife? Is that? My wife?
Speaker 1: And that was like the most important thing in the
Speaker 1: world to me, is like do women like me? And
Speaker 1: will she be my wife? And so before the first
Speaker 1: uh night of college, let's just say I was like
Speaker 1: I was a sweet boy. I would call myself like
Speaker 1: I imagine, like imagine me like two ft shorter, with
Speaker 1: like a C cup and like a really sweet boy
Speaker 1: who everyone is like, that's the sweetest boy in the world.
Speaker 1: And so like girls were really interested in me from
Speaker 1: like fourth middle of fourth the fifth grade, and then
Speaker 1: not again until like the middle of twelfth grade. It
Speaker 1: was like a really cool sweet spot in fifth grade
Speaker 1: where I had a girlfriend and I thought she would
Speaker 1: be my wife. And then it was just you know,
Speaker 1: the dry spell of the century when you know, I'm
Speaker 1: the little sweet boy who is like pining after girls
Speaker 1: in seventh grade, being like are we going to be
Speaker 1: together forever? And they're like, please just let me hang
Speaker 1: out with this other person. Um. So twelfth grade, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm in choir as like sweet boys, do you like
Speaker 1: you joined choir and no one notices you and like
Speaker 1: also like it's it sounds like I'm feeling bad for myself,
Speaker 1: like not at all, not at all, Like not that
Speaker 1: kind of story. Um, but like you know, I started
Speaker 1: to get noticed like twelve middle of twelfth grade and
Speaker 1: choir someone was like, oh, did you just say a joke?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I said a joke or whatever,
Speaker 1: and they were like where have you been? Who who
Speaker 1: are you? And I was like I've been here the
Speaker 1: whole time. Um. And so I asked that girl the
Speaker 1: prom and thought that she wanted to marry me, but
Speaker 1: like also was like way too afraid to like even
Speaker 1: hold her hand at the proms. So that takes you
Speaker 1: up until like graduating high school. Like we are like
Speaker 1: the sweetest boy who is like so afraid of anything,
Speaker 1: but also just thinks that they missed the mark on
Speaker 1: meeting their wife. Um. And so I go to camp uh,
Speaker 1: meet a wonderful young lady and start dating her, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is it. This is it, this is
Speaker 1: like how I start my life. Um, but I need
Speaker 1: to take a little detour to go to like the
Speaker 1: biggest party school in the country. So I'm at University
Speaker 1: of Wisconsin Madison. Um, it's my first night of college.
Speaker 1: And my roommates and sweet mates are like such cool dudes.
Speaker 1: It sounded like they partied in high school. They may
Speaker 1: be like when on dates, they experienced things outside of
Speaker 1: just like going to a movie theater and seeing three movies.
Speaker 1: And so I'm just like, we have found the place.
Speaker 1: I'm like one of the cool guys. They're like, are
Speaker 1: we taking shots tonight? I'm like yeah, I always take
Speaker 1: shots and do this all day, and um, we start
Speaker 1: exchanging stories about high school. I'm just like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: we would like party over here, and like we would
Speaker 1: usually party in the Wendy's parking lot and like that
Speaker 1: was like our spot. And they were like, oh, I
Speaker 1: grew up in Calabasas and like went to a party
Speaker 1: at UM, you know, the drummer of Incubus's house, and
Speaker 1: I'm like cool, me too, and so we're ripping shots.
Speaker 1: It was Gray Goose, Like we were not we were
Speaker 1: not skimping on the good vodka. First night of college
Speaker 1: cut to me passed out at a Cuteoba, probably like
Speaker 1: eleven thirty at night, and my friends were like, this
Speaker 1: dude is hilarious and I'm like yeah, like what was
Speaker 1: I saying? And then you know, we keep drinking. We're
Speaker 1: like the dudes walking around UM looking for a frat party.
Speaker 1: And next thing I know, I wake up and it's
Speaker 1: like eight am. And uh. You know those like shorts
Speaker 1: that everyone wore, or like a lot of people wore.
Speaker 1: I guess in the early two thousands, they were called
Speaker 1: I think they were called Sophie's. They were like colored shorts,
Speaker 1: so like there were some colored shorts and socks on
Speaker 1: the floor and there was a note that said thanks
Speaker 1: for a great night and instantly my heart dropped. I
Speaker 1: had a I had a long distance girlfriend who went
Speaker 1: to Kansas, who like, what is what is happening? What
Speaker 1: don't I remember? And then like there's a shred of
Speaker 1: me who that's like, oh my god, am I like
Speaker 1: one of these like cool people that stuff like this
Speaker 1: happens to. And I just start like freaking out and
Speaker 1: my friends are like, oh yeah, yeah. It was like
Speaker 1: you know, Liz down the hall, and and I'm you know,
Speaker 1: calling up like friends and I'm just like what do
Speaker 1: I do here? What's happening? Like I thought this would
Speaker 1: feel cool? And my friends are just like, dude, you
Speaker 1: had a crazy night like it happens. And I'm like
Speaker 1: in tears, almost about to call my long distance girlfriend
Speaker 1: at the time. And finally it's like five pm. I
Speaker 1: had been stressing all day and like I go to
Speaker 1: caller and they're like, dude, we pranked you. You passed
Speaker 1: out and some girl down the hall gave us her
Speaker 1: shorts and she wrote the note. Instantly, I just start crying,
Speaker 1: tears streaming down my face, and they're just like they're like, dude,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, Like we didn't mean to prank you.
Speaker 1: We didn't know you were like gonna freak out like this,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, these are happy tears, like
Speaker 1: I'm one of the cool guys that gets pranked. So
Speaker 1: that was college. Well, that'll do it. Thanks so much
Speaker 1: for listening to hashtag story time. I'd love to give
Speaker 1: another huge thank you to Lauren Vogelbaum. As always, you
Speaker 1: can find links to all the awesome stuff she has
Speaker 1: going on in the description. We talked a lot about
Speaker 1: sex in this episode, and I just want to say,
Speaker 1: from a personal standpoint, I'm devastated by the news coming
Speaker 1: out of the Supreme Court. And if you're like me
Speaker 1: and you're feeling helpless and not sure what to do
Speaker 1: and want to take action, We're gonna include some links
Speaker 1: of some on the ground organizations that desperately need support
Speaker 1: and donations, so please look for those in the episode description.
Speaker 1: If you are enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review.
Speaker 1: It helps us out a lot and I literally read
Speaker 1: every single one of them, and if I like your review,
Speaker 1: I just may review it on Review Reviews. On an
Speaker 1: upcoming episode, make sure you hit that subscribe button so
Speaker 1: you don't miss next week's episode featuring Jim Jacobsen, here's
Speaker 1: a sneaky, little peaky And then I started thinking about
Speaker 1: the significance of seven. And throughout Maui's life, seven seemed
Speaker 1: so important. She would do take out, as I called it,
Speaker 1: which she would go to her her fruit bowl, and
Speaker 1: as Maltese do, they would put a bunch of kibble
Speaker 1: in their mouth and then kind of walk a few
Speaker 1: steps away and drop it on the floor. And it
Speaker 1: was always seven kibbles. That's exactly how I eat, by
Speaker 1: the way. You know, it's a common thing, and you
Speaker 1: should do it with Captain Crunch or any type of
Speaker 1: thing like that. You just reach in and put it
Speaker 1: on the floor. Hashtag Storytime is produced by I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio and Curativity Productions. Hosted by Will McFadden. Sound designed
Speaker 1: by Tony Maddox, written by Will McFadden and Jason Shapiro,
Speaker 1: Produced by Jason Shapiro, Danielle Le Mora and Jordan Elijah Michael.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Scott Simon's. Artwork by John Kuzakaya h