1 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,159 Speaker 1: That's what I was about. The actually next, what in 2 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:15,600 Speaker 1: your relationship with yourself? That's there. 3 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:22,279 Speaker 2: My relationship with myself was horrific. I hated my body 4 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:28,960 Speaker 2: in every single way possible. I actually suffer from body dysmorphia. 5 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,519 Speaker 2: I am never satisfied. I don't know what it is. 6 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 2: I am very slim, you know. I have what appears 7 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 2: to other people as a nice body. But in my 8 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 2: mind when I look in the mirror, I never used 9 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 2: to see it. I see it now, but I never 10 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:49,880 Speaker 2: used to see it before. And it was this constant 11 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 2: thought that I was less than a woman, less than 12 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 2: a woman, because what makes a woman was taken away 13 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 2: from me and I was sold that's that's what makes 14 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:04,919 Speaker 2: a woman. And it was really difficult even with sex. 15 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 2: My first sexual experience was through sexual violence rape whilst 16 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,960 Speaker 2: I was a virgin. You know, I was physically rammed 17 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:20,320 Speaker 2: through after physically being traumatized by the procedure, and that 18 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 2: caused even more damage. You caused me to rip, so 19 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 2: I was literally closed from top to bottom and I 20 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 2: had again really small holes at the vaginal opening hall 21 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 2: was a little bit bigger than the urination hall, which 22 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 2: was tiny. So yeah, it was it was. It was brutal, 23 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 2: and I remember my body going into shock and me 24 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 2: kind of I don't even know how to describe it. 25 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 2: It was as if everything was in like slow motion, 26 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 2: like I know that it's not humanly possible, but that's 27 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 2: what it felt like to me. It felt like I 28 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 2: was taken hits, but I just couldn't. It wouldn't register 29 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 2: as quick as it was happening. 30 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, and I was. 31 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 2: I was eighteen when it happened, with no sexual experience 32 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 2: at all apart from what I used to learn in 33 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 2: high school about sex, and never having a conversation with 34 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 2: my parents, never having a conversation with my siblings, hardly 35 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 2: ever with my friends. I used to be scared of 36 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 2: the topic, and most of my friends didn't even know 37 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 2: that I had FGF because it was my dirty little secret. 38 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:47,920 Speaker 2: I thought I was the most disgusting thing ever. And 39 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:53,080 Speaker 2: then we choose partners that are not worthy of us. 40 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 2: But because we have zero value, almost zero value on 41 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 2: ourselves for ourselves, that no one else values us. So 42 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 2: because you think the first people that have let you 43 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 2: down is your own family, everybody that comes after that, 44 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 2: it's only natural that you would expect the fucking say right, 45 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:20,519 Speaker 2: So you're being treated like shit no matter what you do. 46 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 2: You're always trying to like people please, You're trying to, 47 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 2: you know, make everybody happy, and you're trying to prove something, 48 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 2: and you're trying to seek everyone's approval, make everyone respect you. Yeah, 49 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 2: but whilst you're doing that, all you're showing them is hypothetic. 50 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 2: You're actually you're proving them right because they are doing 51 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 2: something harmful. You're constantly going back. It's like we're going 52 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,000 Speaker 2: back for more, and we don't realize it because that's 53 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 2: the way that we're programmed to just keep going back, 54 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 2: keep going back, trying try and try to fix something 55 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 2: that cannot be fixed. Right, you know, one person cannot 56 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 2: go against the whole entire fucking society to change its ways. 57 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,040 Speaker 2: That has never happened apart from the profits. And I 58 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 2: show Helene a profit, So it's a is a one 59 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 2: of the most fucked up practices that will the world 60 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 2: will find very very challenging HM and in all its forms, 61 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,160 Speaker 2: I believe FGM has to be the number one. But 62 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 2: it's ruining lives, it's ruining relationships, it's it's really heartbreaking. 63 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,719 Speaker 2: But one other thing I want to add, is this 64 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 2: idea that women who have had FGM are sexually dysfunctional 65 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 2: is the most fucked up thing I've ever heard in 66 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 2: my life, because, first of all, that is not true. 67 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 2: We are all not sexually two hundred over two hundred 68 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 2: million women you're labeling dysfunctional. That fucked up in so 69 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 2: many in so many ways. Because yes, for some women, 70 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 2: they the type of FGM they've had has have somehow 71 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 2: affected their ability to enjoy sex, to enjoy sex. However, 72 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 2: there is I believe most of us who have been 73 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 2: so traumatized psychologically that we have been convinced by not 74 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,800 Speaker 2: only society, but we have also convinced ourselves that we 75 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 2: cannot feel anything. And I'm a big believer in what 76 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:53,039 Speaker 2: you think is what you will feel. So if you 77 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 2: think that you cannot feel anything and you will not 78 00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 2: feel pleasure, you will not fucking feel pleasure. You will 79 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,120 Speaker 2: not see pleasure, you will not hear pleasure. You were 80 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 2: not well, pleasure will not come to you. And in 81 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 2: the time where I was negative and I was to 82 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 2: be honest, it's not even my fault I was traumatized, 83 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 2: it was that, Yeah, it's really not my fault. But 84 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 2: I noticed that I wasn't enjoying sex. It was really uncomfortable. 85 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 3: Has been pleasurable for you? 86 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,240 Speaker 2: It never used to be. But then I started thinking, 87 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 2: hold up, what would I like like? Like? Let me 88 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 2: actually think about what I like like? What positions are like? 89 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 2: Or what type of like? Where are my. 90 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 3: Like justality? 91 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:49,600 Speaker 4: Right? Yeah? 92 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,840 Speaker 2: Where are my pressure like? Where like? What do I like? 93 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 4: What? 94 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 2: What turns me on? 95 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: What? 96 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 2: I started asking myself these questions because what I never did, 97 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:04,000 Speaker 2: no one has ever done. Not my first so called husband, 98 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 2: which I referred to as my rapist, He never asked 99 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,239 Speaker 2: me what I like. My second husband, which I made. 100 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:15,080 Speaker 2: I chose to marry him out of my own free 101 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 2: will after I got my non existent divorce from my rapist. 102 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 2: And I remember when I got married to my second husband. 103 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 2: I felt so uncomfortable. Some days I couldn't even tell him. 104 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 2: So I had to fake that fucking shit. And I 105 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 2: didn't even know how to fake shit because I had 106 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 2: to experience. Right, women, it is so easy to fake shit, 107 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 2: But they didn't know you was faking it, did not 108 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 2: know nothing. They did not know. For all, he was 109 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 2: living his best, absolute best life. I thought he was 110 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 2: doing he was doing the absolute God bless him, and 111 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,400 Speaker 2: it worked for him. It just didn't for me. But 112 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 2: because I didn't know what I wanted, I never really 113 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:12,840 Speaker 2: thought about sexistist, enjoyable fun experience. But then when I 114 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 2: realized he was having so much fucking fun, I thought, 115 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 2: I want somebody you know, you're you know, being on 116 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 2: top of me and you enjoying it and I'm not. 117 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 2: Just did not make sense to me, And I thought, listen, 118 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 2: I've been called the whole my whole life. I've been 119 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,520 Speaker 2: called a slot my whole life. I've been accused of 120 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 2: things I've never done in my life, like my name 121 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,559 Speaker 2: has been dragged through the death since I was a child. 122 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,680 Speaker 2: So I thought to myself, now that I'm in a marriage, 123 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:41,319 Speaker 2: let me actually explore the shit, let me find out 124 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,960 Speaker 2: what I like, let me see if it's even fucking possible. 125 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 2: So I started, you know, fantasizing in my head, for example, 126 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:56,679 Speaker 2: like pumping myself up for the moment. I started changing 127 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 2: my view of sex and thinking more positively about it, 128 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:04,719 Speaker 2: like really looking forward to the perspective having an enjoyable 129 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 2: sexual experience. And then boom, I started feeling not only feeling, 130 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 2: but I'm able to like, like thoroughly enjoy it. And 131 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 2: then I started to think. Then there's doubts creep in, 132 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 2: and you think to yourself, all shit, but can I 133 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:28,079 Speaker 2: actually like is this all I'm supposed to feel? Is this? It? 134 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: Is this enough? And then you go back and forth, 135 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 2: you think I might like if I was normal, would 136 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 2: I have felt more? Like I always wanted to know? 137 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 2: Was there more? Is there? More? Is there? Sometimes I 138 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 2: do think here and there, like is there more? But 139 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,120 Speaker 2: I tried to do less of that now right and 140 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,679 Speaker 2: live in the moment and enjoy what I do have. 141 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 2: But what I do know is like, for example, spirting. 142 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 2: I don't remember the percentage, but not a lot of 143 00:09:58,440 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 2: women can do that. 144 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: Tell let me find like you're trying to squirre over there, girl, 145 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: I didn't know that I could do that, but I did. 146 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 2: It happened. When I tell you, I have never been 147 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 2: more shocked in my entire life. 148 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 3: This is PhD after dark right now. 149 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 2: This is turned. It has turned. 150 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, so when you realized that she was able to square, 151 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 3: I think I squared it before. I think I spied it. Yeah, 152 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:27,560 Speaker 3: many times I. 153 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,320 Speaker 2: Was so embarrassed when it happened, though I was like, 154 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 2: what the fuck? But when it happened, I was I 155 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 2: was like, I was so happy because I was able 156 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 2: to achieve it. But then I was also very embarrassed 157 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 2: because I thought, fuck that, I just pissed myself. But 158 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 2: I didn't give fun. Let's just put it that way. 159 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 2: I really did give fun. I wanted to prove a point, 160 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 2: and I proved the points to what are you? So 161 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 2: that moment onwards, I was no longer secure about sex. 162 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 2: I was no longer insecure because if you're having fun, 163 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 2: I bet I have fun. Even if I'm thinking about 164 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 2: someone else, I will enjoy myself. I don't care. 165 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 3: I will up what I'm about. 166 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? But a lot of 167 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 2: women have been programmed not to think about sex, not 168 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,559 Speaker 2: to think about enjoying, and not to think about the sensations, 169 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 2: not to think about what they like. And it's like, 170 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 2: no fuck that think about. 171 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 3: It, enjoy it. 172 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:28,080 Speaker 2: There's nowhere in the Houran, the Bible, the Torah that 173 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 2: says women cannot enjoy sexual pleasure. Otherwise God would not 174 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 2: have sent me down on this planet with a clitorists 175 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 2: if he did not want one on me. 176 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 4: Right. 177 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,119 Speaker 1: Speaking of guy, how has f GM affected your relationship 178 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,320 Speaker 1: with him. 179 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 2: F GM did not affect my relationship with God, but 180 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 2: my fourth marriage and married to rape almost did. And 181 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 2: I think the combined trauma almost did. Because I was 182 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 2: constantly hearing that us because of religion, because of religion, 183 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 2: because of religion, and I felt like Islam was being 184 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 2: taken and literally mocked by its own followers because you're 185 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 2: taking something that is so hard arm that it's so 186 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:18,560 Speaker 2: against Islamic practices, and you're saying, yeah, I'm gonna cause 187 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 2: this harm, but it's okay by because religion said I 188 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 2: could do it. No, you're going to hell. I'm sorry, Like, 189 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 2: I don't know what you thought you were, but you 190 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 2: didn't know. So I was constantly being told that married 191 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 2: or rape was okay and being as brutal as it was, 192 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 2: and knowing that I had FGM, which was not accept 193 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:44,839 Speaker 2: acceptable in Islam, to be raped on top of that, 194 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,920 Speaker 2: and then to be told actually, it's okay, it was 195 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 2: the will of God. I'm like, what the fuck are 196 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,440 Speaker 2: you talking about? So I started doubting my religion and 197 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 2: I thought, actually, this cannot be possible. I don't want 198 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:59,559 Speaker 2: to be part of religion that accepts this, but it 199 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 2: focus more on my rape. I'm not gonna lie because 200 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 2: I thought, like, what the fuck like right only with 201 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 2: me and God and that man was in that room. 202 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 2: And to think for people to say, especially my own 203 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,839 Speaker 2: family members to say, the people who were supposed to 204 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,199 Speaker 2: be teaching me and correcting me and educating me as 205 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 2: saying these fucked up things about their own religion. It 206 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 2: really took me by surprise. So I did some research, 207 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,080 Speaker 2: and I remember I came across this video or YouTube 208 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:34,199 Speaker 2: that needs to be banned. A funck is up asa and. 209 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 4: He basically he basically. 210 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,319 Speaker 2: In the oh he fucked up? He now he started 211 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 2: narrating parts of the Qoran and translating it in a 212 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 2: way that suited him. But it's basically saying, yeah, women 213 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 2: are a field of just a field, and God said, 214 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 2: we can do whatever the fuck we want with the field, 215 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:17,280 Speaker 2: so dangerous rape is okay. So when I heard that, 216 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 2: I thought, okay, I definitely cannot be part of this. 217 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 2: But then something inside of me was telling me, why 218 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 2: are you believing what people are saying? Are you? Do 219 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 2: you not have eyes? Do you not have ears? Go 220 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 2: and search for yourself, Go and actually search the scriptures 221 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:40,120 Speaker 2: people who are set for something that makes sense to you, right, 222 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 2: you know. So I went and I the first thing 223 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 2: I searched for was to see if there were any 224 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 2: rights of women in Islam. And it turns out that 225 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 2: there are so many rights for women in Islam. It's 226 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 2: the most fascinating thing I have ever seen, most beautiful, 227 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 2: but the most fascinating thing I've ever seen in my life. 228 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 2: And I have never seen a part of Islam as 229 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:10,240 Speaker 2: a woman, and it's for me, and I have never 230 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 2: seen it. Wow. And it shows the responsibility that you 231 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 2: have upon your brother, your father, your husband, the male 232 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,880 Speaker 2: members of your family, which I was poor. According to Islam, 233 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 2: I was brought onto this earth to worship and be 234 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 2: a vessel if possible, if God wills it, to birth 235 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 2: a child and live in peace. That is the only 236 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 2: reason why I was put on this fucking planet as 237 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 2: a female. Okay, none of this bullshit was ever made 238 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 2: for me. I was never known to be taken care 239 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 2: of any financial I have zero financial responsibility, zero, none, 240 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 2: apart from to myself. That's it, right, right, Even kids 241 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 2: that day, I'm supposed to pop them out. You're supposed 242 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 2: to provide what to feed them, what to clothe them, 243 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 2: what to you're supposed to go teach them. Another is 244 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 2: my problem, you know, is the discipline, the love, the 245 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 2: warmth of a mother, the warmth of a wife. You know, 246 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 2: that's the energy that I bring. And I can only 247 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 2: do that when I have a mind. 248 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 3: When you have peace for mine. Right. 249 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,400 Speaker 2: So even God told you if your wife is peaceful, 250 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 2: your home is gonna be peaceful. If your wife at peaceful, 251 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 2: then your house is probably not. 252 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 3: Listen, That's why I say happy wife, happy life. 253 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,560 Speaker 2: You said it in every language. But the people don't 254 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 2: be listening. They're not listening. So when I looked at that, 255 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 2: I was like shit, like I am actually the ships 256 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 2: and it's like I was like, listen, if the man 257 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:49,600 Speaker 2: is not coming with this energy, whether you're a dad, 258 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,720 Speaker 2: a brother, a husband, I don't care who you are. 259 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:58,200 Speaker 2: If you want to be in my circle and you know, 260 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,080 Speaker 2: close to me and you don't come with that energy, 261 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 2: I would rather be without you because at that point, 262 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:11,200 Speaker 2: you're the same as me, absolutely and nigga no yeah exactly, 263 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 2: like no, no, no no, because the reason why I 264 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,639 Speaker 2: say as me is like you're the same as a woman. 265 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,679 Speaker 3: Know what I'm saying, yeah, I got you. I got you. 266 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,040 Speaker 2: Because a man is supposed to be a hundred, but 267 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 2: he's not a hundred because he's any better, right, or 268 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 2: any wiser. You're a hundred because if you're fucking one 269 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,679 Speaker 2: hundred and one responsibilities, right, I'm a fifty because I 270 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 2: have fifty percent of those responsibilities, and even those fifty percent, 271 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 2: most of it is to worship God. That's it, you know, 272 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,880 Speaker 2: to love and adore you, to you like the king 273 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 2: that you are. Obviously I married you, you would get that treatment, right, 274 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 2: you know. But if you ain't doing your part, you're 275 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,119 Speaker 2: you're you're a woman just like me. Sit down, be 276 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:50,680 Speaker 2: a fifty. 277 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,879 Speaker 3: No, let's share, and let's fig this shit out together. 278 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:56,480 Speaker 2: Let's get this shot out together. Then we can do 279 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,359 Speaker 2: fifty to fifty. But apart from that, I've learned my 280 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 2: worth can tell you that much. And I couldn't have 281 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 2: done that if I didn't look into my religion and 282 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,320 Speaker 2: learn for myself. 283 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: Ultimately, we have two more questions, y'all, because it is 284 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,959 Speaker 1: pushing two o'clock where she's it in the morning. 285 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 3: How was your pregnancy because I know you have a daughter. 286 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:30,119 Speaker 2: My pregnancy was tough, mentally physically my pregnancy. To be 287 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 2: honest with you, I have I feel so fucking blessed 288 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 2: because I only had a three hour labor. 289 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:38,879 Speaker 3: Oh nice. 290 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:44,480 Speaker 2: I threw up once throughout my whole pregnancy, and that's 291 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 2: how I found out I was pregnant because I don't 292 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,879 Speaker 2: throw up right, so I knew something was off. But 293 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:55,200 Speaker 2: apart from that, I hated the smell of meat being cooked. 294 00:18:55,760 --> 00:19:01,120 Speaker 2: I hated spicy things, the smell of spicy stuff like chilie, 295 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 2: like anything like that. And funny enough, my daughter doesn't 296 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 2: eat meat and she doesn't eat spicy food, so that 297 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 2: she was telling me no, no, But I had a 298 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 2: really easy pregnancy. But I remember when I found out 299 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:21,960 Speaker 2: that I was pregnant. In my mind, I kept repeating 300 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 2: in my head because my mom passed away, so I 301 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:28,879 Speaker 2: kept repeating in my head what my mom said to me. 302 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 2: And she said, because I was the most troubled child, 303 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:38,560 Speaker 2: most bad behaved one, I was told you know that 304 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,280 Speaker 2: she had the worst. Her labor with me was my 305 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 2: father worst, along with my older brother. And she used 306 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 2: to say to me, because I'm the girl, I wish 307 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 2: that you have the same labor experience I did with you. 308 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:57,160 Speaker 2: So that you could see like what I went through 309 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,240 Speaker 2: or what I went through, you know. And I don't 310 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,480 Speaker 2: think she meant it in a horrible way. I think 311 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,439 Speaker 2: she meant like, I had a really bad pregnancy. But 312 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 2: I don't think you appreciate like me as a parent. 313 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 2: I think I think we've heard that from almost every 314 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 2: single black parent right in this fucking world. But we're 315 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 2: constantly reminded. So that was in the back of my mind, 316 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 2: and I was like, shit, mother, this woman she actually 317 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 2: cursed me, like she cursed me. I say, this woman 318 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:32,440 Speaker 2: by I love my mother. And I remember we used 319 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,199 Speaker 2: to constantly think about it, and I used to cry, 320 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 2: and I used to think, fuck, like it's actually gonna 321 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 2: come true, because like she's dead, you know. Now superstition 322 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,160 Speaker 2: when someone says something and the people are like, yeah, 323 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,440 Speaker 2: if your mom said that this is gonna happen, this 324 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,960 Speaker 2: is not gonna fucking happen. Okay, your mother is not 325 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 2: gonna wish the worse on you unless she's a fucking narcissist. 326 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 2: Even why ain't gonna accept that for you? But I 327 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 2: remember in my early pregnancy, I actually physically tried to 328 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 2: take my child out of me. I know, that sounds 329 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:13,000 Speaker 2: fucked up, but I was so mentally fucked like when 330 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,520 Speaker 2: I tell you, I was so paranoid that I would 331 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 2: either die on that table because of my FGM, I 332 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 2: would have some sort of complication that would cause something. 333 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 2: And I don't think I was mentally prepared for any 334 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,200 Speaker 2: of that. And I thought my mother in law and 335 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 2: my in laws were horrible, and my marriage wasn't great. 336 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,600 Speaker 2: So I just it was just everything was too much. 337 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 2: So I used to like when people say, oh, don't 338 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,159 Speaker 2: bend down, I used to bend down. Don't run up 339 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,159 Speaker 2: the stairs. I used to run the fuck up the stairs, 340 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 2: run down the stairs. Don't pick this up. I used 341 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,600 Speaker 2: to pick it up just so that I can try 342 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 2: provoke a miscarriage. My daughter said, no, not today. 343 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,840 Speaker 3: Right, because you're gonna have this baby. 344 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, she's stuck. She's stuck, she said. I going nowhere. 345 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 2: But like I said, I had a really easy pregnancy, 346 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,640 Speaker 2: and when it came to my nine months by then, 347 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 2: I was fed up. I was really depressed. Even though 348 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 2: I had it easy pregnancy, I was just fed up. 349 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:17,119 Speaker 2: I hated pregnancy. I had the easiest pregnancy, and I 350 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 2: hated my easy pregnancy. I hate having something inside of 351 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,080 Speaker 2: me that I can't see. I hate the fact that 352 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,680 Speaker 2: it moves inside of me like a fucking snake, right, 353 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 2: the fact that it kicks. I have someone pushing down 354 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,440 Speaker 2: on my bladder every every day. I can't enjoy the 355 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:41,359 Speaker 2: same foods anymore. I just really could not take it mentally. 356 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 2: I just it was heavy. It was just heavy. 357 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 3: And you know a lot of women feel like this too. 358 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,200 Speaker 2: I felt like shit. And I felt even more shitty 359 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 2: because I felt like that about my own pregnancy, because 360 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 2: I thought, oh, my god, like you hate your. 361 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 3: Child because people glamorize everything. 362 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 2: Don't don't do it. Don't do it. Okay, we could do. 363 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 2: You could do without it. Believe you fucking me. You know, 364 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 2: if you enjoy your sleep, if you enjoy your money, 365 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:12,679 Speaker 2: enjoy that shit. Single. But no, I have children. They're amazing. 366 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,760 Speaker 2: It's to their own, let me tell you that. But 367 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 2: my daughters a blessing, Like how block other people's blessings. 368 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,400 Speaker 2: But I remember when I hit nine months, this woman 369 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,200 Speaker 2: came to see me and she checked, she examined me, 370 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,120 Speaker 2: and she goes, oh, and I think we're just gonna 371 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,120 Speaker 2: add one more week. I looked at her and I said, listen, 372 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 2: unless you want the baby and myself to die, you 373 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 2: better find a way to take this child out of me. 374 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:44,640 Speaker 2: I don't care how you do it. I don't care 375 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,359 Speaker 2: where you do it. I need this child out of me. 376 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 2: This week, it was a Sunday, and I think she 377 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,959 Speaker 2: actually took me serious, and she should have took me serious, 378 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:57,600 Speaker 2: because like I was going, my mind was going suicidal, 379 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,080 Speaker 2: like I did not give a fuck anymore, Like it 380 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:05,240 Speaker 2: was really bad, and I was like my marriage was 381 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 2: going horrible as well. So it was just it was 382 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 2: too much. And then she gave me two options. One 383 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,400 Speaker 2: was that Tuesday, so it was a Sunday, So one 384 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:18,080 Speaker 2: appointment was a Tuesday to be induced or the Friday. 385 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,640 Speaker 2: I said Tuesday, because I was not about to wait 386 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 2: until Friday. I said, fuck Tuesday, there's nothing on Monday, right, Okay, Tuesday. 387 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,439 Speaker 2: So I went there on Tuesday. They induced me. They 388 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 2: broke my water and it actually when I got to 389 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 2: the hospital, I was already four centimeters, so right at 390 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 2: home when I was examined, I was two centimeters. But 391 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,920 Speaker 2: my water didn't break. So it gave me like a 392 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,159 Speaker 2: more of an option to be induced because of that. 393 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:53,439 Speaker 2: So at the hospital, no pain, no nothing, four centimeters 394 00:24:54,480 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 2: six centimeters after I was induced, and then and they 395 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 2: broke my water and all I see is this green 396 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 2: ship And said, what the fuck is that? And she's like, ship, Yeah, 397 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 2: your daughter took a ship inside of you. 398 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 4: Oh my god. 399 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,480 Speaker 2: And then I was like, so you wanted me to 400 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:21,080 Speaker 2: wait a week? Child? My daughter lived inside of me 401 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 2: with her own ship. 402 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 4: Right. 403 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 2: My child could have died or could have had really 404 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,159 Speaker 2: serious health complicated or you get. 405 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,879 Speaker 3: Really sick, or I could have died of but I. 406 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:34,480 Speaker 2: Could have I could have happened, right. So I was 407 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,120 Speaker 2: kind of grateful that I made the fust that I did, 408 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,920 Speaker 2: because I think God was pushing me to have this child. 409 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:40,359 Speaker 4: Right. 410 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,920 Speaker 2: So again, my labor was very. 411 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:47,200 Speaker 3: Short, but I didn't have any complications. 412 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,960 Speaker 2: I didn't have any complications because by then I ripped 413 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 2: enough because of the rape. I ripped enough that my 414 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 2: I was I was exposed enough for me to have 415 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:04,399 Speaker 2: a natural birth, absolutely no complications. I actually requested the 416 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,880 Speaker 2: doctor to cut me and she refused, and I was like, bitch, 417 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,119 Speaker 2: this is not the time, all the day, all the day, No, 418 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,360 Speaker 2: this is this is you cannot refuse me. I don't 419 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,200 Speaker 2: know who you think you are, right, and then me 420 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,639 Speaker 2: and her going back and forth, and my child's head 421 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 2: is like a little bit out of my like it's showing, 422 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,600 Speaker 2: it's exposed, and she's explained it to me. She's like, 423 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 2: you can do it. I can feel everything. I can 424 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,040 Speaker 2: feel the burning, I can feel the scratching. I could 425 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:34,120 Speaker 2: feel it felt like I was being circumcised or having 426 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 2: my FGM procedure done all over again. I don't think 427 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 2: they considered that at all, right, and because I had 428 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,080 Speaker 2: the epidural, but it didn't work because they did it 429 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,680 Speaker 2: too late, right, right, right, But I felt every single thing. 430 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,360 Speaker 2: So I remember I had my legs up on these 431 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 2: to to I don't know to position yeah, to position 432 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,840 Speaker 2: your off, and I took both my legs off and 433 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,760 Speaker 2: I put my legs together, and the doctors are going 434 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,880 Speaker 2: absolutely fucking bizarre. They're like, what the fuck are you doing? 435 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,960 Speaker 2: You need to open your legs your daughter's head to show, 436 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,399 Speaker 2: and you're gonna suffocate her. I don't give a fuck. 437 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 2: I don't care. You're not listening to me. You're gonna 438 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,119 Speaker 2: get me killed, right like you're not you're not listening, 439 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 2: like you're actually scary me and then they're like, what 440 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,120 Speaker 2: do you want to do? I told you to cut 441 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,440 Speaker 2: to me. Do you know how much it took for me, 442 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 2: as a survivor of FGM, to say cut to me. 443 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,440 Speaker 2: M M. It took a lot. And I'm telling you 444 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,800 Speaker 2: to come in because in my mind, it's like I 445 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,280 Speaker 2: can already sense what's gonna happen. And I felt like 446 00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,920 Speaker 2: I was gonna rep back forth and like I was 447 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 2: gonna rep so I want her to cut me. This 448 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,000 Speaker 2: bitch convinced me to put my legs back on. Put 449 00:27:52,040 --> 00:28:07,520 Speaker 2: my legs back on. This bitch conversed me to put 450 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 2: my legs back on. I put my legs back on, 451 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 2: and then she custs me the tiniest spits. Oh my god, 452 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,760 Speaker 2: I think it needed like three stitches. Literally risked my 453 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,440 Speaker 2: whole life, but thank god, nothing happened, and my baby 454 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:26,960 Speaker 2: book she came out. And then a week later, my 455 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 2: daughter actually could have physically breathed because she put it 456 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 2: inside of me and they didn't do anything about it. 457 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 2: They didn't examine her properly, and she went absolutely purple, 458 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 2: and I thought my child was gonna die. But again, 459 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 2: there's a massive lack of education even within the medical 460 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 2: health and medical uh in the street. Yeah, there's a 461 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 2: lot of institutional racism. The fact that your pain has 462 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,760 Speaker 2: not believed. You're you're just not believed as a woman, 463 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,200 Speaker 2: but as a black woman. Fuck my life. It would 464 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 2: take you to die for these all to be close 465 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 2: to death. For anyone to listen to. 466 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 1: The Americal system and the relationship it has where women 467 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:16,280 Speaker 1: of color is insane. We can talk about that all day, 468 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 1: but it goes back into. 469 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:22,880 Speaker 2: The history talk about anything, because first of all, America 470 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 2: is not a real person and it's not it's not 471 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,320 Speaker 2: a real place to me, it's not a real place 472 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 2: because imagine that things that black women have to struggle 473 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:36,200 Speaker 2: with in this country like the UK, where medical health 474 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 2: is essential and that's why our medical industry is free. 475 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 2: You know, medical care is free in America. You have 476 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 2: to deal with the fucked up discrimination. On top of that, 477 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,440 Speaker 2: you have to pay for it. You have to pay 478 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 2: to be discriminated against. What's you're six thousands of pounds, 479 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:04,960 Speaker 2: this is real, this is real money. Nah, it would 480 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,080 Speaker 2: be cheaper, I don't even want to say that, but 481 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 2: it'd be cheaper. 482 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:13,120 Speaker 1: Yourself, Yes that's what I yes, but it would be 483 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,240 Speaker 1: cheaper I want to go to prison, like, yeah, free 484 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:17,600 Speaker 1: healthcare in prison in America. 485 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:25,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I would want to do that. Then I could 486 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 2: not do it. I could not do it. You guys 487 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 2: are better than me. I could tell you that much. 488 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 2: I swear to. 489 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,800 Speaker 3: God, last, but not least, How can we start f 490 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:35,440 Speaker 3: g M. 491 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 2: F GM. The only way femal genital mutilation is ever 492 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,600 Speaker 2: going to stop is through education. And this isn't just 493 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,800 Speaker 2: oh yeah, you know, watching champs to talk about it, 494 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,520 Speaker 2: or watching other few other women talk about it, as 495 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 2: then actually having these conversations within your you know, a 496 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 2: group of friends or your colleagues, or having these conversations 497 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 2: everywhere making sure that people genuinely know about this practice. 498 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 2: Know that, you know, we need the support of every 499 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 2: single body living on this planet in order to pressure 500 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 2: countries in order to stop this, to educate women that 501 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,480 Speaker 2: this is not okay, that this is that should not 502 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:24,760 Speaker 2: be happening. But it's like people say, oh, FGM needs 503 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:28,520 Speaker 2: to stop by two thousand and I don't know, thirty five, 504 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 2: two thousand and forty. You know that that's very unlikely 505 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,720 Speaker 2: to happen because, like I said, this is something that 506 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 2: had that predates both Islam and Christianity. This is not 507 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 2: something that's exclusive to one community. It is so widespread everyone. 508 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:53,400 Speaker 2: We will not get to every single place within these 509 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 2: years that people have picked or organizations have picked to 510 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,720 Speaker 2: eliminate to FGM, that is not reality. The most that 511 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 2: we could do is genuinely educate, but also educate our 512 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 2: Western society and stopping the practice within our countries in 513 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,640 Speaker 2: terms of medicalizing it. When it stop medical f GM, 514 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 2: that shit is to stop, you will stay with the 515 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,280 Speaker 2: vagina that you came with. I don't give a fuck 516 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 2: whether you think. I don't care. 517 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 3: Take their hat packet the way it is that. 518 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:28,680 Speaker 2: Ship because I'm sorry, but these dicks don't come straight. No, 519 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 2: it comes with a lot of you know, ship too. 520 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,440 Speaker 2: So we have to deal with that. They have to 521 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:40,239 Speaker 2: deal with it grown as people. You know, the man, 522 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 2: it is what it is like when it comes to 523 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:48,400 Speaker 2: human genitalia. No one should be saying about anything about 524 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,960 Speaker 2: anyone else's genitalia. It's too big, it's too small. So 525 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,280 Speaker 2: like just if you ain't gonna satisfy you move on, 526 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 2: find someone else that will just stop focusing on young 527 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:02,400 Speaker 2: girls vagina. That is weird. That's pedophilia behavior to be 528 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 2: honest with you. That's, in my opinion. 529 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,640 Speaker 1: More mark thing, because I feel like once people here 530 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,480 Speaker 1: to hear your story and they see the name of 531 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,800 Speaker 1: this episode, what are some advice you would give the 532 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:17,360 Speaker 1: survivors a female genital relationship, because I feel like they 533 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 1: are going to attract a lot of people and it's 534 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 1: going to definitely bring a lot of awareness. But I 535 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: also feel like this is going to give a voice 536 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,000 Speaker 1: to those who felt like they didn't have a voice. 537 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 2: I want to remind them that they do have a voice. 538 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,200 Speaker 2: I also want to remind them that they have lived. 539 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 2: I don't know how old they are, but you have 540 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 2: lived up to the number that you are currently with 541 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:48,800 Speaker 2: resilience and bravery and courage to even continue living your 542 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,680 Speaker 2: life after the traumas that you have faced and continue 543 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 2: to be a saving a member of the community. You 544 00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 2: know to be able to put a smiler your face, 545 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:05,520 Speaker 2: and the majority of us live on survival mode. But 546 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:10,640 Speaker 2: the one thing that I would say is, please speak. 547 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:16,279 Speaker 2: Do not allow this practice to continue being shameful. Do 548 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 2: not allow your body paths to continue being shameful. My 549 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:30,400 Speaker 2: vagina should not be should not be the what controls 550 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:34,359 Speaker 2: the honor of my family. That makes absolutely no sense. 551 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:37,880 Speaker 2: Why is my vagina based on your? Like? Why are 552 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,680 Speaker 2: those links? Why is my why is your why is 553 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:45,160 Speaker 2: the family honor dependent on my vagina? It makes more 554 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,400 Speaker 2: sense And it shouldn't be like that. You shouldn't be ashamed, 555 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:52,879 Speaker 2: You shouldn't be frightened. You should seek help us talk, 556 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 2: you know, otherwise we will continue to suffer and our 557 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,840 Speaker 2: children will continue to suffer. So you have to ultimately 558 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:04,000 Speaker 2: make a choice. Do you want to leave this earth 559 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,560 Speaker 2: making a difference and be able to face your God 560 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,759 Speaker 2: and say that you have tried, that you have ended 561 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,680 Speaker 2: it within your bloodyards? 562 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 4: Right? 563 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,520 Speaker 2: You know? But if you sit quiet and turn a 564 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,920 Speaker 2: blind eye and ignore the problem, believe you me, one 565 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 2: day you will be asked, so why did you not 566 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 2: say anything? Why did you not do your part? Why 567 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:30,480 Speaker 2: did you not help? And you know you are allowing 568 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,839 Speaker 2: or contributing to the murder of millions of girls by 569 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:38,400 Speaker 2: staying silence. And I'm not saying as survivors you know 570 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,480 Speaker 2: you're responsible for their deaths. No, you're not. 571 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,280 Speaker 3: But we all have a responsibility ability. 572 00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:48,880 Speaker 2: To speak against harmful practices, even in religion, In almost 573 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 2: every single religion, it says that we are we must 574 00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,799 Speaker 2: seek justice. We must In Islam, it says we can 575 00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:58,759 Speaker 2: seek justice even if it's against our own family, even 576 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:03,719 Speaker 2: if it's against ourselves. So if religion is saying that, 577 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:08,240 Speaker 2: then why the fuck are we silent about a harmful 578 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:15,400 Speaker 2: practice that is practiced and Islam is manipulated and used 579 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:20,360 Speaker 2: to excuse it. Where are the millions and billions of 580 00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:25,280 Speaker 2: Muslims who know that this isn't part of the religion. 581 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,000 Speaker 2: Why are you not saying anything? The religious leaders? Why 582 00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,640 Speaker 2: are they not saying anything? Most leaders? Why are they're 583 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,040 Speaker 2: not saying anything? Even in Christianity churches, why are they 584 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:38,760 Speaker 2: not saying anything? Why are community members not saying anything? 585 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:42,480 Speaker 2: Why isn't this a wider fucking discussion or is it? 586 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,760 Speaker 2: Or you know, we have to pretend to the Western 587 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 2: society that, oh, my country don't do this and no more, 588 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,279 Speaker 2: or there there's a law in my country that says, oh, 589 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 2: it's banned. I don't give a flying fuck what your 590 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:57,120 Speaker 2: country says. Your country is lying whilst the girls are suffering. 591 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:00,480 Speaker 2: So as long as you are fighting for the girls 592 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:04,239 Speaker 2: and the men are helping to support the women, don't 593 00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 2: be I'm not saying men should be at the forefront. 594 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:08,759 Speaker 2: I don't think men should be at the forefront of 595 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:10,920 Speaker 2: this fight. I think women should be at the forefront 596 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,239 Speaker 2: of this fight because they need to acknowledge that this 597 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:17,759 Speaker 2: is wrong. They need to face this fact because men 598 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:21,239 Speaker 2: cannot fix this problem for women. They cannot continue to 599 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:25,080 Speaker 2: live in a society where we're just gonna wait until 600 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:28,160 Speaker 2: a man solves our problems. Either we solve it or 601 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:31,560 Speaker 2: millions of the girls are gonna die. It's as simple 602 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,319 Speaker 2: as that. We need to speak, we need to use 603 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,640 Speaker 2: our voices. We need to be an example. For example, 604 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:41,319 Speaker 2: I'm thirty. If I die, God forbid, and my daughter 605 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,040 Speaker 2: is what's eight years old now, and I die right now, 606 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:50,160 Speaker 2: if her father's side take my daughter, by any chance, 607 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,239 Speaker 2: take her back to Somalia, they will do FGM on her. 608 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,319 Speaker 2: Then what so it's not just me as the mother 609 00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:02,239 Speaker 2: who is in control. I will lose control at some point, 610 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,600 Speaker 2: you know, leaving her with family members. It could happen, 611 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,759 Speaker 2: leaving her with her father, It could happen, leaving her 612 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,800 Speaker 2: with her grandma. It could happen. Actually not with me. 613 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,799 Speaker 2: But parents do do that without a second thought, right 614 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:18,239 Speaker 2: because this is family. But family can also inflict this 615 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,680 Speaker 2: trauma onto your child, and then what you're going to say, Oops, 616 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,040 Speaker 2: I didn't know, right, Oops, I didn't know it was 617 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,480 Speaker 2: going to happen. No, you need to make it clear. 618 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,240 Speaker 2: You need to make it clear. I do not support 619 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,880 Speaker 2: female genital mutilation. If you try to do it to 620 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:39,640 Speaker 2: any member of this family, I will report you. They 621 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,520 Speaker 2: ain't gonna do it after that. Right, But if we 622 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,160 Speaker 2: don't speak and we just pretend this doesn't happen in 623 00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 2: our community it's not that much, it's not that then 624 00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:50,040 Speaker 2: it's never going to end and it's just gonna spread 625 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,960 Speaker 2: and our girls suffer so well. 626 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,600 Speaker 3: I think this was an amazing conversation. 627 00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,799 Speaker 1: We're gonna definitely keep in contact because I definitely want 628 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,560 Speaker 1: to include doing some things that I am worked on. 629 00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,120 Speaker 1: And I'm very passionate about this because I believe that, 630 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:10,000 Speaker 1: like my daddy Malcolm X says, the most protective person 631 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,479 Speaker 1: in the world is the black woman child. 632 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:16,839 Speaker 2: Yes, I believe that honestly. So I think when black 633 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,000 Speaker 2: women do this work, they do it with all their 634 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:24,120 Speaker 2: hearts and so we do it with everything, honestly, and 635 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,239 Speaker 2: it means so much, And to be honest, so many 636 00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,400 Speaker 2: women have done it and have passed on, you know, 637 00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:34,719 Speaker 2: they're no longer living, and it's just another generation of 638 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:38,440 Speaker 2: women who are now doing it. And every gener every generation, 639 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:42,000 Speaker 2: there's more and more women getting it to social activism. 640 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:45,160 Speaker 2: So I'm like, I'm here for it, and I want 641 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,719 Speaker 2: more women to be able to empower themselves in a 642 00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:56,040 Speaker 2: positive way, not the toxic feminine feminine feminine femininity, femininity, 643 00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:00,800 Speaker 2: but the positive one, you know, the one way you 644 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:08,680 Speaker 2: are respectful and you have you know, your your set morals. 645 00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:10,919 Speaker 2: No one is saying you have these morals, your own 646 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:15,000 Speaker 2: set morals right, you know, doing things for yourself, teaching 647 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,080 Speaker 2: yourself self love, you know, how to value yourself, how 648 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:22,440 Speaker 2: to control your emotions, how to better yourself, how to 649 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:28,040 Speaker 2: no one has the I don't know. I don't know. Man, 650 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,719 Speaker 2: People nowadays like you need this to elevate, You need this, 651 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,520 Speaker 2: you need you don't need ships apart from yourself and 652 00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:35,440 Speaker 2: actual faith in yourself. 653 00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:38,400 Speaker 3: And think yourself will take you first. 654 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,080 Speaker 2: One hundred percent. If you don't have faith in yourself, 655 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:46,480 Speaker 2: then what's the point. What is the fucking point? Through 656 00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:47,799 Speaker 2: everybody else, But to. 657 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:50,200 Speaker 3: My guests, I want to say thank you so much 658 00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:52,120 Speaker 3: for coming on the show. 659 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,880 Speaker 1: We all have a responsibility to join the fight to 660 00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:58,960 Speaker 1: end female you know, sommulation as well as encourage and 661 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:03,000 Speaker 1: support those who are survivors of female generals immulation to 662 00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:07,000 Speaker 1: use their voices. This is a violation of the human 663 00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:10,840 Speaker 1: rights of girls and women, and this is a global 664 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,720 Speaker 1: concern and it won't stop until we start. 665 00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:17,120 Speaker 4: Yes, I agree. 666 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,760 Speaker 1: So to my guests, thank you so much for coming 667 00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:22,880 Speaker 1: on the show and to the listeners. If you have 668 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:26,160 Speaker 1: any comments, questions, or concerns, please make sure to email 669 00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:30,640 Speaker 1: me at Hello at the pappodcast dot com And until next. 670 00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:33,839 Speaker 2: Time, every man care, Bye later. 671 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,239 Speaker 1: The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black 672 00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:46,400 Speaker 1: Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the 673 00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:49,440 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, app a podcasts, or wherever you listen to 674 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,919 Speaker 1: your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, 675 00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,680 Speaker 1: and you can connect with me on social media at 676 00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:57,000 Speaker 1: the PHG podcast