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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Carly, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 1: from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 2: My girlfriend's harmless fantasy became an affair, and I'm left

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Speaker 2: raising our kids alone.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't sound harmless.

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Speaker 2: I thirty three male, found out my thirty two female

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Speaker 2: girlfriend of seventeen years was texting a coworker. We were

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Speaker 2: at a party that evening and I noticed her on

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Speaker 2: her phone more than usual and going to the bathroom

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Speaker 2: many times later that night. I had a gut feeling.

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Speaker 2: I never looked at her phone and never want to

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Speaker 2: invade her privacy, but I went with it. I found

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Speaker 2: out she was texting a coworker who lives in a

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Speaker 2: different state. By the way, this comes from Revolutionary Bad

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Speaker 2: seven three seven seven, And if you want to submit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separated.

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Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice.

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Speaker 2: S gooofully, but we don't have all the answers. We

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Speaker 2: only know what we'd do, So let us know what

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Speaker 2: you would do. In the comments, Endop says they were

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Speaker 2: sharing things together, saying I love you, I miss you,

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Speaker 2: sharing photos, stories, music, a full blown emotional affair, even

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Speaker 2: talking about meeting up in person. One day, I woke

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Speaker 2: her up and confronted her in a bit of a rage.

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Speaker 2: Quick backstory. We were high school sweethearts with three kids,

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Speaker 2: and this has never happened in our relationship before from

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Speaker 2: either of us. We've had our fair share of ups

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Speaker 2: and downs and plenty of toxic moments, but we always

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Speaker 2: trusted each other and took care of each other. The

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Speaker 2: last couple of years, she's been drinking a lot more

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Speaker 2: to the point it's becoming a problem. I've tried to

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Speaker 2: bring it up before, but the conversations never go anywhere

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Speaker 2: other than a fight. There was some distance in communication,

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Speaker 2: but our spicy sleep life was amazing and we always

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Speaker 2: parented well together Between us. Emotionally, I have definitely been

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Speaker 2: off due to the drinking and arguments. This is blindsided

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Speaker 2: me and I have no clue where to go. I

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Speaker 2: woke her up and it was more or less yelling

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Speaker 2: for answers why this was happening, who this person was.

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Speaker 2: She wouldn't answer me, just cried and shook her head

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Speaker 2: and said she was sorry. She grabbed her stuff and

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Speaker 2: left for the night. The next day she told me it.

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Speaker 3: Was some I that it was just a fantasy and

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Speaker 3: she wanted to escape reality that it was over and

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Speaker 3: she made a huge mistake and it was only through

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Speaker 3: text that.

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Speaker 1: I only cheated on you.

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Speaker 2: I only cheated on you. It's not a big deal.

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Speaker 2: Why are you so upset? Ah, You're really bringing down

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Speaker 2: the vibe. The next few days she was affectionate, holding

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Speaker 2: me and keeping me close. M love bombing, love bombing.

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Speaker 2: We went to a Fourth of July party where I

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Speaker 2: noticed her on her phone again and changing her past

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Speaker 2: where now, why would she need to do that? I

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Speaker 2: was able to see it and check her phone on

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Speaker 2: the fifth That's so funny.

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Speaker 1: I like the like, yeah detailed Tentlin.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, he's like, he's like, so she changed her password,

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Speaker 2: but I actually saw her change her password, so I

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Speaker 2: just logged in again. That's not a healthy relationship, dude.

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Speaker 2: She's cheated on you and you're still like you're checking

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Speaker 2: her phone. No one trusts anyone. She's betraying your trust.

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Speaker 1: I get it, because you have kids, Like, obviously you're

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Speaker 1: gonna work on things, but maybe some official marriage counseling

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Speaker 1: and not just like well, so I just watch her

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Speaker 1: every movement really detailed now, so I track her phone,

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Speaker 1: so track her every movement.

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Speaker 2: I found out she was still messaging this guy, so

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Speaker 2: I confronted her again. She walked out and said she

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Speaker 2: wasn't gonna talk about this. She ended up calling me

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Speaker 2: and apologized again, said it was stupid and a friendship.

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Speaker 2: She just didn't want to end. That it's hard to

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Speaker 2: start talking with someone you made a connection with, and

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Speaker 2: she was enjoying the intention. She promised me it was over.

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Speaker 2: After crying and pleading, she told me she just liked

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Speaker 2: the guy and he listened well, but that it was over.

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Speaker 2: She showed me a text to him saying she couldn't

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Speaker 2: do this and needed to focus on her family. Once again,

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Speaker 2: I decided this is my life and it's worth sticking

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Speaker 2: around for a few days later, we took the kids

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Speaker 2: to the pool. She had left her Apple Watch in

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Speaker 2: the bag and I saw a notification come through. I

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Speaker 2: opened it and found out she had changed this dude's

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Speaker 2: number to her best friend's.

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Speaker 1: Day.

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Speaker 2: They were talking about how to still talk and make

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Speaker 2: things work. Sending I miss you and heart. At this point,

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Speaker 2: I'm hurt and in the most amount of pain I've

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Speaker 2: ever felt. She once again said how sorry she was

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Speaker 2: and how she can't lose me and she won't let

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Speaker 2: this be the end of us, that she just needs

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Speaker 2: space and time to figure things out and digest our

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Speaker 2: relationship in life, that she wants to be the woman

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Speaker 2: I deserve, but she needs to choose herself right now

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Speaker 2: and figure out who that is. I told her, I

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Speaker 2: knew what I wanted and it's her and this family.

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Speaker 2: You said the same, Well, it just doesn't hold as

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Speaker 2: much weight when you say it now, does it.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't really hold that weight when when I'm seeing

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Speaker 1: them text you on your Apple lot. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: She's like, well, I also want you and the family.

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Speaker 1: Put this fantasy, babe.

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Speaker 2: He's like, but you keep you keep flinching every time

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Speaker 2: you say you want me. It doesn't It doesn't feel

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Speaker 2: like you really want me. Really I like you, doesn't

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Speaker 2: feel like you like me. The next couple of weeks

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Speaker 2: were okay, but we didn't talk much. You didn't want

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Speaker 2: to talk anymore and needed space to think. I would

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Speaker 2: text her too much, and she said I wasn't helping,

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Speaker 2: and that I was pushing her away. Then one Saturday night,

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Speaker 2: she said she got a hotel and needed a night

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Speaker 2: to aself. Yeah right, uh huh, you got a hotel

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Speaker 2: and you're spending the night alone, and.

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Speaker 1: We're believing that, sure, jan or Dan?

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Speaker 2: I found it very odd. Next morning, got called the hotel.

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Speaker 2: She told me she stayed in and the reservation wasn't

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Speaker 2: under her name but his. Yet again I confronted her,

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Speaker 2: and she said he bought it because he knew she

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Speaker 2: needed space, and that he wasn't in this state and

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Speaker 2: she was alone.

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Speaker 1: It's crazy how you could put someone else's name on

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Speaker 1: the room though, even though you're the one hanging for it.

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Speaker 1: It's crazy how usually the one who's names on the

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Speaker 1: room has to be the one to show up.

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Speaker 2: That's really weird.

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Speaker 1: I guess she'll just have to oh no, looks like

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Speaker 1: I can't get into my room, Like I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: have to call him.

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Speaker 2: You have to come help me, please, And then it's

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Speaker 2: it's so far away from your house, you should just

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Speaker 2: stay the night.

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Speaker 1: You can't drive back tonight.

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Speaker 2: It's dangerous. But when I facetimed her the night before,

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Speaker 2: she only answered it outside the hotel room. She's like,

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Speaker 2: I can't go. She's like, He's like, why are you whispering?

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Speaker 1: She's like.

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Speaker 2: The walls are so thin.

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Speaker 1: The neighbors, I think they'd be like room to show

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Speaker 1: me everything.

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Speaker 2: I want to see, the whole room. I asked her

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Speaker 2: if she cheated, and she swore she would never do

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Speaker 2: that to me. I didn't believe her. She already did it.

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Speaker 2: Over the last couple of months, this space has turned

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Speaker 2: into her disappearing for random nights of the week, hiding

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Speaker 2: in our bedroom, not saying she loves me, or hugging

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Speaker 2: me or even kissing me. She won't text me outside

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Speaker 2: of kids stuff. She even told me I should get

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Speaker 2: over her past because she doesn't want our life anymore. Well,

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Speaker 2: it sounds like sounds like it's a little over. I

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Speaker 2: just don't know what to do or where to start.

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Speaker 2: How could I just leave and get over her? I

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Speaker 2: wasn't ready for this. What's wrong with me to even

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Speaker 2: want to stay? When I know I deserve better and

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Speaker 2: deserve to be loved. I hate picturing my life without her.

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Speaker 2: Though she's my best friend. I believe she's still talking

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Speaker 2: with him, and I believe this is turned physical and

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Speaker 2: he has flown here a few times now to meet up.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know this woman anymore? How do I

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Speaker 2: move on? More information? We are not married, have separate

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Speaker 2: bank accounts, names on cars, our own stuff. The only

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Speaker 2: thing we have tied together is the house, as we

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Speaker 2: are both on the title. And your kids.

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Speaker 1: Yeah wait, he has kids.

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Speaker 2: You have kids together.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of the biggest one.

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Speaker 2: I pay for bills and mortgage, and she always paid

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Speaker 2: for the extras like groceries and stuff for the house.

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Speaker 2: We have always worked well as a team and as

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Speaker 2: parents together and not trying to take the kids away

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Speaker 2: from their mom. I did find out looking at collagues

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Speaker 2: that she talked to him every day all day while

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Speaker 2: working from home. I even called him one night and

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Speaker 2: he told me he wanted us to work out. And

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Speaker 2: then I'm pushing her away.

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Speaker 1: You called him, that's crazy.

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Speaker 2: And then he had the audacity to be like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I just I feel like you guys can make it.

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Speaker 1: You know, it'd be like, then stop cheating with my wife.

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Speaker 2: It's not wife, but yeah, girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that part does make it easier. Yeah, like official

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Speaker 1: divorce that you have.

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Speaker 2: To go through. That's nice.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, at that point, I think I would be potentially

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Speaker 1: finding my own like apartment. Oh yeah, well, I think

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Speaker 1: I'm discussing like a house swap. Ye kids stay in

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Speaker 1: the house situation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's the best idea. Yeah, agreed. I

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Speaker 2: call them some nasty names, the Chriz. This dude works

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Speaker 2: at the same place, but in a different state. However,

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Speaker 2: my girl works with a couple of her family members,

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Speaker 2: so they will know who this prick is. Once I

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Speaker 2: shared the detail, I've called him out her out, but

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Speaker 2: I I haven't told anyone else what's going on because

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Speaker 2: I don't want trauma or to ruin anything like my kids'

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Speaker 2: mental health and how they view their mom. I just

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Speaker 2: didn't see this coming, and now I have to figure

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Speaker 2: out my next moves. You won't talk with me about it,

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Speaker 2: and says she has nothing more to say. She's even

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Speaker 2: told me she hates me recently and is over this

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Speaker 2: and doesn't want it anymore. I want to just move out,

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Speaker 2: I think, and either sell the house or have her

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Speaker 2: buy me out and start a new life. Too many

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Speaker 2: memories in the house with her. Not sure it would

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Speaker 2: help me heal. And there is an update I agree

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Speaker 2: with your advice, So I have no other advice except

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Speaker 2: to go to therapy. Get your kids in therapy. Yeah, yeah, therapy, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: a lot of therapy. Update. I don't know why I

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Speaker 2: am so nice and too scared to be mean or malicious.

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Speaker 2: Quite a few people told me to go around and

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Speaker 2: tell her friends and family what's going on, and I

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Speaker 2: have a hard time doing that. I don't want to

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Speaker 2: ruin her relationships with everyone. Can someone explain to me

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Speaker 2: why this is a good idea, how I can get

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Speaker 2: the balls to just tell people. A couple of things

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Speaker 2: to add. I was able to see on the app

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Speaker 2: we use for the family to track locations that she

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Speaker 2: has her turned off, but there was still some tracking

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Speaker 2: behind some of the features. I discovered her at the

221
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:23,720
Speaker 2: airport not once, but twice, confirming a fair partner had

222
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,480
Speaker 2: been flying. In nights, she doesn't come home and is

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00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,760
Speaker 2: gone until the morning. I have also discovered the night

224
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,280
Speaker 2: she is working late, she's really just parking in random

225
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:38,320
Speaker 2: places and drinking. I've discovered drinks, iner car and open cans,

226
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,400
Speaker 2: clearly talking with a fair partner on the phone while

227
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:45,520
Speaker 2: feeding her drinking problem all in one and then driving

228
00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:49,160
Speaker 2: home after a few we are not married, have been

229
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Speaker 2: together for a long time. My state does not have

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Speaker 2: common law. The only thing we share is the title

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00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,760
Speaker 2: deed of the house. Everything else is separate. Already a

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Speaker 2: heart time finding it in myself to go full blown

233
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Speaker 2: to screw you and ruin her life, because truthfully, I

234
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,880
Speaker 2: want the kids to have two healthy parents, but she's

235
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Speaker 2: not healthy. She has a terrible drinking problem, it seems,

236
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Speaker 2: and is actively prioritizing her affair over the kids.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I hope the kids aren't seeing I hope not.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, the thing is, you may want her the

240
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Speaker 2: kids to have two healthy parents, but right now they

241
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:29,360
Speaker 2: only got one. Yeah, so I don't know why, but

242
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,320
Speaker 2: she has this fear bill to me that if I

243
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,120
Speaker 2: even try to break up or punt her out, she'll

244
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,280
Speaker 2: take the kids or she has threatened me with police

245
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,040
Speaker 2: and jail time. She said she has videos of me

246
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,079
Speaker 2: yelling at her from all this stuff. She also thinks

247
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,439
Speaker 2: I can get in trouble because some of the reactions

248
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,559
Speaker 2: I've had to the cheating. I am not sure how

249
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,840
Speaker 2: to approach this or if her lies and threats have

250
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,280
Speaker 2: just messed with me so bad that she knows she

251
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:56,040
Speaker 2: has taken my confidence away. Yesterday, I finally tried to

252
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,080
Speaker 2: talk to her and she turned me down, says she

253
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Speaker 2: has nothing to say, doesn't want to talk. I told

254
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,120
Speaker 2: her it was about ending our relationship, and she said

255
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,680
Speaker 2: I have two minutes. This was on my car ride

256
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Speaker 2: to work because she wouldn't talk in person. Right when

257
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,800
Speaker 2: I started saying I want to be over and we

258
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,000
Speaker 2: need to figure out the house responsibilities, she hung up,

259
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:20,160
Speaker 2: wouldn't let me finish. She then texted me saying a

260
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,920
Speaker 2: real man wouldn't sell the house and leave the kids

261
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,800
Speaker 2: with nothing. She says, a real man wouldn't make the

262
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Speaker 2: mother of his kids buy him out to collect that paycheck,

263
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Speaker 2: that I'm ruining the kids and taking everything from them,

264
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,080
Speaker 2: that I should just leave and get an apartment and

265
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,839
Speaker 2: let her take over the house and mortgage as is

266
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,840
Speaker 2: to think about the kids. I told her, I've been

267
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,920
Speaker 2: the only one thinking of the kids since D Day,

268
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,600
Speaker 2: wanting to work on things. I told her al an

269
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,120
Speaker 2: affair and split parents would affect the kids and how

270
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:54,160
Speaker 2: harmful this would be to them and our finances. Yet

271
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,880
Speaker 2: she hasn't listened to any of my pleas and continues

272
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,440
Speaker 2: to have this affair. Honestly, op don't literally do not

273
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,440
Speaker 2: listen to anything she says.

274
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone knows she's being cuckoo.

275
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:11,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, you get a therapist, you get a lawyer, and

276
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,040
Speaker 2: you tell her that she can talk to you through

277
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,640
Speaker 2: her lawyer, and you only talk to her about the

278
00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:16,160
Speaker 2: kids stuff.

279
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Speaker 1: She doesn't just get the house. No, she can do

280
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,760
Speaker 1: what you said, buy her out of it.

281
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it. I just went out at this point,

282
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,080
Speaker 2: fifty to fifty, split at the kids and house and

283
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,400
Speaker 2: make this as fair as possible without ruining anyone. I

284
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,280
Speaker 2: even offer the house, and I'm being called the selfish

285
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,920
Speaker 2: one for wanting fifty to fifty so I can buy

286
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,480
Speaker 2: a house of my own. I'm just so messed up

287
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,200
Speaker 2: from all this. She also asked me where some of

288
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,840
Speaker 2: her clothes and dresses were, and it seems like she's

289
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:45,120
Speaker 2: packing and his plans for the weekend. My guess is

290
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,640
Speaker 2: a fair partner is flying here and she's gonna leave

291
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,520
Speaker 2: for the weekend because she has plans while I'm home

292
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:54,200
Speaker 2: with the kids. I'm sick of being the second option

293
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,920
Speaker 2: and built in babysitter and the money while she has

294
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:01,080
Speaker 2: this affair. I would hate to bring our lives to court,

295
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,800
Speaker 2: but that might be what I have to do. It

296
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,280
Speaker 2: is what you have to do. I'm just scared since

297
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,600
Speaker 2: we aren't married and she can take the kids from me.

298
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,040
Speaker 2: I will be reaching out to some lawyers to see

299
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,280
Speaker 2: my options, and maybe I get ruthless and tell everyone

300
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,680
Speaker 2: what's going on and fight for my house and stop

301
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,600
Speaker 2: worrying about her. Yes, stop worrying about her.

302
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,840
Speaker 1: Good plan. I like that one.

303
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,200
Speaker 2: Even my son is going around asking family if mom

304
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,720
Speaker 2: is cheated on dad, because I don't want my kids

305
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,840
Speaker 2: to know and ruin a relationship. I'm just alone with

306
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,960
Speaker 2: my own thoughts and eck. But it's time to step

307
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,440
Speaker 2: up as a dad take care of myself. It's just

308
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,480
Speaker 2: really hard to take that next step when I do

309
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,080
Speaker 2: still love her and miss her, but she doesn't even

310
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:45,000
Speaker 2: acknowledge me. No hugs. Guess it's you told me she

311
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:49,680
Speaker 2: hates everything about me. Wow, she sounds terrible. Real gem,

312
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:55,160
Speaker 2: real gem of a person. Someone mentioned codependent and trauma bonded.

313
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,280
Speaker 2: I think that's true, and I need to disconnect and

314
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:04,280
Speaker 2: discover myself and get away from this doxic woman. Yeah,

315
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,320
Speaker 2: get away from her. Call lawyers, go to court, get

316
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:12,200
Speaker 2: your kids, stell her family members. Honestly, maybe you don't

317
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,800
Speaker 2: even have to tell your family members because it seems

318
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:14,040
Speaker 2: like your.

319
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,320
Speaker 1: Son's doing Yeah.

320
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,840
Speaker 2: Update too. A fair partner called me two nights ago

321
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,720
Speaker 2: and confessed his love for her. Why is her a

322
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:26,320
Speaker 2: fair partner calling you? Why are you in such communication

323
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 2: with this man? Why didn't you get his number?

324
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:28,920
Speaker 1: How?

325
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,240
Speaker 2: Why have you called him once? Why is he call

326
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,200
Speaker 2: you now just checking in?

327
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,480
Speaker 1: You still love your wife?

328
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,280
Speaker 2: He's like, I think I love your wife. I love

329
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,400
Speaker 2: your wife, but like, don't get me wrong, listen, I'm

330
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,000
Speaker 2: really advocating for you guys' relationship to work out here.

331
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:43,920
Speaker 2: You have DIBs.

332
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:46,160
Speaker 1: Technically, technically you got DIBs.

333
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have kids together. But have we considered that

334
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,680
Speaker 2: I love her? Ran me down, as a man said,

335
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 2: I had years to fix it. How if I cared

336
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,720
Speaker 2: about her, I'd leave the house. Shut up, dude, that

337
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,400
Speaker 2: I was an insecure man. He went on for an

338
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,720
Speaker 2: hour as I gathered information bout out. The next morning,

339
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 2: my soon to be ex flew out of state to

340
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,800
Speaker 2: his home state. Didn't tell me I was grabbing the

341
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:11,040
Speaker 2: kids until I was nearly home from work. I decided

342
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,679
Speaker 2: to meet with her family and catch them up to speed.

343
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,520
Speaker 2: And I'm so happy I did. I got so much

344
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,840
Speaker 2: support and hugs and advice. They even told me I

345
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,119
Speaker 2: need to keep the house and fight her for the

346
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,240
Speaker 2: kids and not let her walk all over me. It

347
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:30,520
Speaker 2: was an amazing feeling. Yes, double use for the freaking family.

348
00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 1: I love when family steps up like that, and it's

349
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:38,080
Speaker 1: not just immediate like well protect our Yeah, that's our kin,

350
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,399
Speaker 1: And it's like, no, our daughter sucks right now to

351
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:42,439
Speaker 1: take everything.

352
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:46,800
Speaker 2: Hee you They see the reality and have my back

353
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,480
Speaker 2: and know the man in person I am. I will

354
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,040
Speaker 2: be getting an attorney, and I am no longer protecting

355
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,280
Speaker 2: her and her image. She made her grave and now

356
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 2: she can lie in it. And there is a third update.

357
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 2: I mention my girlfriend's a fair partner called me, decided

358
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 2: to confess his love, saying it was his turn I

359
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,040
Speaker 2: should step aside, ran me down as a man and

360
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,119
Speaker 2: how I should handle our his house situation, called me insecure.

361
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 2: I soon to be ex sat and listened to this

362
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,119
Speaker 2: rundown of me and confession of love. I don't know

363
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,040
Speaker 2: why I didn't hang up, but I ran him down

364
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:23,760
Speaker 2: as man. Real men don't intrude on a family or

365
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,280
Speaker 2: put innocent kids in this position. During that time, he

366
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,440
Speaker 2: was really wanting to know her location. I warned her

367
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:35,000
Speaker 2: of his controlling, manipulating tone, and she decided to go

368
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:37,919
Speaker 2: with it. Not a good man, I told her after

369
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 2: that I was done. This was the wake up call

370
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,000
Speaker 2: I needed. He has the balls to call me, and

371
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,000
Speaker 2: she agreed with some of the things he was saying.

372
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,640
Speaker 2: The next morning, I just so happened to see her

373
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,480
Speaker 2: on the app we use for the family GPS. She

374
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 2: flew to his home state that morning and didn't return

375
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,920
Speaker 2: until the next day. I decided to talk with her

376
00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 2: family and got great support That uplifted me in my

377
00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:02,879
Speaker 2: actions and the man I am and to take control

378
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 2: and be better for the kids. That felt like the

379
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 2: nail and the coffin for me. That was proof she

380
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 2: doesn't want to reconcile, and it snapped me to realize

381
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,159
Speaker 2: I don't want to either. She ultimately got angry at

382
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,439
Speaker 2: me for sharing our relationship with her family and got ugly.

383
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 2: My oldest heard an argument and put two and two

384
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 2: together and called her out. He was hurt and pissed.

385
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 2: They had a lengthy conversation. She ended up telling me

386
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 2: she is no longer talking with him because the kids

387
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 2: are the most important thing and she will not allow

388
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,480
Speaker 2: him to ruin the relationship with the kids.

389
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 1: Whoa plot twist. I think she talked to a lawyer

390
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:43,360
Speaker 1: and the lawyer was like, yeah, I'll get your active Yeah.

391
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 2: I mean either that or like one conversation with her kids,

392
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 2: and that snapped her out of this insane like fever

393
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,960
Speaker 2: dream that she's been in. Uh. I don't trust saying

394
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 2: that she's you know, not been in control of her actions.

395
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 2: Just that maybe she's like, oh wow, I've been terrible.

396
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 2: I don't know, Maybe that's giving her the benefit of

397
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:03,439
Speaker 2: the time.

398
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 1: Julie girly.

399
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, she just I think she just might suck and realize,

400
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,800
Speaker 2: oh wait, my kid thinks I suck. Day next day,

401
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,679
Speaker 2: she told me what if she loves me and wishes

402
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 2: she could take it all back and take away the pain.

403
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 2: I explained to her, it's not going to be that easy,

404
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,679
Speaker 2: and I fought for the last few months that we

405
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 2: can't just make all the events go away, and that

406
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 2: she went to a state how messed up is that?

407
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,119
Speaker 2: That's just not right. She then got ugly with me,

408
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 2: talking about putting me on blast to her family and

409
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 2: social media. That's so funny because I already told your

410
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,680
Speaker 2: family that you cheated on me. They already, Oh no,

411
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,879
Speaker 2: you were a little too late bringing me to court,

412
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,119
Speaker 2: wanting to take the house and leave me with nothing,

413
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 2: just really angry. I held firm and didn't play into

414
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:55,239
Speaker 2: her feelings. That same day, I heard her yelling at

415
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 2: a fair partner. She told them she sees that rad

416
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 2: flags and wants nothing to do with that. He's controlling

417
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,960
Speaker 2: and being a self absorbed person, and she doesn't want

418
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,679
Speaker 2: to deal with it anymore. That's so funny. He's the

419
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:11,000
Speaker 2: self absorbed person. That's great, I told her, it's like

420
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 2: I predicted the outcome. The next night, I had gone

421
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 2: out with a friend and she stayed home and got intoxicated.

422
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 2: We both were. I'm not proud of this because I

423
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 2: know how stupid it is, but after talking about our situation,

424
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 2: we ended up in bed together. Yeah.

425
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 1: I did see that one coming from the saying you

426
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 1: started this and what do we dag? Now?

427
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 2: My feelings are messed up. I feel all over the place.

428
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 2: And knew I messed up because that brings so much confusion.

429
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,440
Speaker 2: Both of us spoke about it and said it added

430
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,640
Speaker 2: too much to an already messed up situation. I don't

431
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 2: know if there should be any reason to try and

432
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,440
Speaker 2: work it out at this point, but I still love

433
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 2: this woman literally, no, literally, if you work this out,

434
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 2: I'm I'm gonna find your number and call you and

435
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 2: tell you that you're being a dumb.

436
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 1: Dumb and we know you'll answer, because it answer.

437
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,919
Speaker 2: You answer every fun's calls. I don't know what it is.

438
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,360
Speaker 2: I miss her and maybe I'm just so damaged at

439
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,199
Speaker 2: this point, even though I know my worth that she

440
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 2: needs to fight for me and us and prove it.

441
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,159
Speaker 2: I wish she would. I just don't know if she

442
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 2: will stop, and probably is already talking with him again.

443
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 2: All I'm thinking about is when I was so strong

444
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 2: and starting to pull out just to get dragged back in.

445
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 2: It's so crazy how fast you can get comfortable again

446
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 2: and want to dive right back in like nothing happened.

447
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 2: But that's not reality and not healthy, and I get that.

448
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,399
Speaker 2: I still think I need to have separation, yeah, and

449
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 2: therapy and really think about our situation and let all

450
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 2: these emotions settle down. He isn't the same person neither,

451
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:50,360
Speaker 2: am I Okay, stop, please do not cave to this,

452
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 2: please ope, I just want to I'm gonna like cause

453
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 2: I don't think me telling you, hey like she hurt you.

454
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 2: She you know this is bad idea for you and

455
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 2: your kids. It is actually gonna get through to you.

456
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna shame you. I'm gonna shame you, Opie.

457
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:10,159
Speaker 2: Imagine how much of a loser you're gonna look like

458
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 2: to her family and your friends and everyone that you

459
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 2: told about the affair if you get back together with her.

460
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 1: I'll take a gentle row. Yeah.

461
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, well but good back, good cod.

462
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 1: Back up, and Sophia stares you down. Yeah, I just

463
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: personally ope, okay, listen, I don't know can you have

464
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 1: that crust back? Let's really think about this, Opie. Could

465
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 1: we ever really trust from again? I don't think we can,

466
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,919
Speaker 1: so please please, Opie, let's not.

467
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 2: Let's not. And there you go. You got you got

468
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:52,199
Speaker 2: two options. Pick what whichever one options they're shame and

469
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 2: let's not. Let's not.

470
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 1: Let's not.

471
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 2: No, no, no, you really don't have any options. We

472
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 2: both saying your option is no, you're not allowed to.

473
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:08,479
Speaker 2: Uh uh, but there is a little left. Is it

474
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:10,919
Speaker 2: stupid to see if there is anything left after all this?

475
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: Yeah?

476
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 2: Or is it worth seeing if there are other prayers. No,

477
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 2: I'm so clouded by her and our relationship and how

478
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 2: much I wish we could be back to our original selves.

479
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:26,640
Speaker 2: But is that even realistic? Am I playing around with myself?

480
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 2: I think I needed my own space in place for

481
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,879
Speaker 2: a bit, to discover some things about myself. I can't

482
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 2: just accept her back, not after all this, even if

483
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 2: I still have feelings for her. And that is the

484
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 2: end of that story. Don't do it?

485
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 1: Sounds like you know, o pie. Yeah, at least take

486
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 1: the time separated, leave for a little bit, Lee, please.

487
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:51,920
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

488
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 1: to the next one. My ex fiance called me crazy

489
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 1: for suspecting her. Turns out I was right all along.

490
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 2: He's a gas lighter.

491
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:05,400
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five mail. My ex fiance is twenty seven female.

492
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 1: I used to work third shift where I met my

493
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: ex fiance, who was a waitress. About seven months after

494
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: I initially met her, I asked her out and we

495
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,959
Speaker 1: hit it off. By the way, this comes from seriously

496
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 1: eighty two and if you want us to make your

497
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

498
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm.

499
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 1: Sophia and we're here to give good advice. Goofully, don't

500
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: have all the answers. We only know what we would do.

501
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 1: Let us know what you would do in the comments,

502
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 1: and Opie says, about eight months go by and we're

503
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: walking around the local mall when she sees a jewelry

504
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 1: store going out of business. We go in and she

505
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 1: finds a bridle set she likes, so I buy it.

506
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 1: I don't give it to her until I propose about

507
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: four or five months later. Our wedding is supposed to

508
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: be in June of this year. When the VID starts,

509
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: she gets four load. I continue working. I make enough

510
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 1: to cover both of our expenses, so I'm not too worried.

511
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 1: I have two grand every month direct deposited into her

512
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 1: account and just let her take care of managing the

513
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,239
Speaker 1: joint bills as well as her own bills. After she

514
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 1: gets fourload, she makes zero attempt to find any kind

515
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 1: of employment, even temporarily. I don't push her very hard,

516
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: to be fair, but I do ask her a couple

517
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: times about it. She refuses to consider it, stating that

518
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 1: nobody's hiring, although I know for a fact a place

519
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: right down the street is a month and a half

520
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: goes by, and she does nothing other than sit at

521
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 1: home and play video games. She never leaves the house

522
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 1: to do anything, doesn't want to go with me to

523
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,160
Speaker 1: do anything. Nothing out of the bloom. She starts wearing

524
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 1: makeup at home, which I think is odd considering she

525
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 1: never leaves the house.

526
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 2: Little suspicious who she wearing that makeup.

527
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 1: For her hours change from roughly being aligned with mine

528
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 1: to being awake all night and asleep when I'm home.

529
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 1: One day, she decides she wants to go to a

530
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: seat comfort a friend who is going through a divorce.

531
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure she's comforting a friend.

532
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: Again, I think this is odd, considering she never wanted

533
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 1: to leave the house, let alone go do anything. I

534
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: don't say anything because at this point I just think

535
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: it's odd and I don't really suspect much. Throughout the trip,

536
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 1: she sends me random pictures of her and her female friend.

537
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 1: This is also odd because she's never really in the

538
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: habit of sending me pictures of herself, nor does she

539
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 1: like taking them. After seeing all of these changes in behavior,

540
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,120
Speaker 1: I ask her about it. She responds that there's nothing

541
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,919
Speaker 1: to worry about. I'm being paranoid. I point out that

542
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 1: I've seen she's added a couple of random dudes I

543
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 1: don't know to her Facebook account, and I ask if

544
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 1: she's talking to any of them on Facebook or texting

545
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,719
Speaker 1: or whatever. She says she isn't. I tell her that's okay,

546
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,880
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry I brought it up. The next day,

547
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 1: she tells me she wants to postpone the wedding a

548
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 1: year because it's unhealthy to start a marriage under suspicion.

549
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: I'm not happy because it sure doesn't make me suspect

550
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: her any less.

551
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 2: We should just not get married yet because you think

552
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,679
Speaker 2: you're a suspicions you're suspicius of me and I. While

553
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,719
Speaker 2: you take time to work on that suspicions, I'm gonna

554
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: be in yeah, ann a scene, I'm freaking a friend.

555
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

556
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 2: He's like, that's what I told you before, right, yeah, yeah, right.

557
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 2: But I relent.

558
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 1: I think this is maybe back in late March or April.

559
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 1: A month goes by and I literally don't say a

560
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: word about the conversation. Her behavior has sort of gotten worse,

561
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 1: but I don't make it obvious that I'm not pleased

562
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: with it. I just kind of let it go as

563
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: much as I can. So I go to my sister's

564
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: house out of state for a weekend, and the night

565
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,719
Speaker 1: before I'm supposed to come back, I ask her if

566
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 1: everything's okay. I ask her if she wants to back

567
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 1: out of the engagement so we can kind of learn

568
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 1: who we are and just enjoy each other's company. She states,

569
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: we'll talk about it the next day. This is where

570
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: the weird part starts. I get home, she isn't wearing

571
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: her engagement ring.

572
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 2: Uh, that's weird.

573
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: I ask her about it, and she tells me that

574
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: we're breaking up, and then it was my decision.

575
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 2: To do so. Oh okay, I don't think inlved in that. Yeah.

576
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 1: I'm laying on the couch kind of shocked and really

577
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 1: confused by what's occurred. She immediately gets out wine and

578
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,479
Speaker 1: starts drinking it, puts on some music and wants to

579
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: dance with me.

580
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 2: That I would be like, so bamboozle. I'd be like,

581
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 2: are you okay?

582
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: That's like a psychotic break.

583
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 2: What's going on?

584
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 1: She tells me she plans on not moving out of

585
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 1: the apartment that we both signed the lease on unless

586
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: things get weird. She then makes comments about setting up

587
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: a Tinder profile for me. She's already freak.

588
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 2: She's already a freak.

589
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 1: I tell her I really can't do any of that

590
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 1: and go back into the back room to play my

591
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: own video games. I play games for about an hour

592
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: before I realize I can't be in the house with

593
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: her because I can hear her music going while she's dancing.

594
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 1: So I pack myne overnight bag and I head to

595
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: my mom's house. There's a driveway camera on the inside

596
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: of my house that watch is outside, but it has

597
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 1: a microphone in it. I activate it and hear her

598
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 1: talking to some dude on the Internet about the breakup,

599
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: telling him she's moving home that coming weekend. I send

600
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 1: her a couple of text messages and hear her talk

601
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: about them to this dude. I can't really make out

602
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 1: what he's saying because the camera microphone isn't that good.

603
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: I return to the house, remove anything of mine that's valuable,

604
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: and tell her I heard part of the conversation.

605
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: I bring up the fact.

606
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 1: That we'd previously had a conversation about whether or not

607
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 1: she was talking to any other dudes, and I point

608
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: out that she denied it. Her response, I didn't ask

609
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: if she was snapchatting somebody else. I only asked if

610
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: she was texting or Facebook messaging.

611
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 2: Sorry, did she just pull that? Well, you didn't specifically

612
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 2: ask me about that.

613
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: You didn't name that platform. Yeah my name, you said,

614
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: or are you going out with Jerry?

615
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 2: But I was going out with Chad, so I didn't lie.

616
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 1: I'm honestly shocked, And when that sentence leaves her mouth,

617
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: I immediately second guess anything she's ever told me. This

618
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 1: is really the last time I have a conversation with

619
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 1: her that I ever believe anything she says. From this

620
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 1: point on, it's been utter nonsense. Polite, utter nonsense, but nonsense.

621
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 1: The last part of this happens back in early May.

622
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 1: I believe I unfortunately have to see my ex once

623
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: a month to get her half of the rent money.

624
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 1: I strongly suspect she was cheating on me, or at

625
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: the very least planning to do so. I also kind

626
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: of get the impression that she was trying to gaslight

627
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 1: me about the whole thing. On top of it, I

628
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 1: guess at this point it doesn't really matter, but I

629
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 1: wanted to have somebody else's opinion on the matter, so

630
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: maybe I can get some closure. What say you was

631
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: she cheating on me? And we have an update. Yes

632
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 1: she was, Yeah she was.

633
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 2: She admitted it. Yeah, she said, she said she was.

634
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 1: I will say, opie, I know she was like, well,

635
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: you didn't specify. She spelled it out for you. Still

636
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: she still don't need that specification.

637
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 2: She spells you she's cheating.

638
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have an update. A year ago, right after

639
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: my now ex fiance dumped me, I haven't heard much

640
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: from her until about a week ago when she texted

641
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: me asking questions about something I'm interested in. I answer them.

642
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: The conversation concludes, and I think that'll be that. I

643
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 1: block her on my texting app, thinking it'll block her

644
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: on everything, but it turns out it only blocks the

645
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 1: text nice. She calls me the next day that texting app. Yeah,

646
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 1: you wouldn't think based on the conversation and the tone

647
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 1: of voice she uses, that anything was wrong. I'm curious

648
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: as to why she suddenly starts need to have conversations

649
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: with me a year after we broke up. I'm open

650
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 1: to thoughts and advice. Well, I definitely will not be

651
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 1: sleeping with her, that's for sure my choice.

652
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 2: Please don't.

653
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 1: I message her and we have discussion where she alternates

654
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 1: between trying to make me feel like a tyrant. She

655
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: mentioned something about crying the night we broke up, and

656
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: I distinctly remember her wanting to drink, dance and party,

657
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 1: don't remember tears being shed. I do, however, feel like

658
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: a thousand tons have been lifted off my shoulders, because

659
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,959
Speaker 1: after having time to look back on what happened, I

660
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 1: now see who she really is. No contact as of

661
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 1: the last two days. I don't anticipate any from her,

662
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 1: and I certainly am not going to contact her myself.

663
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: And we have another update.

664
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 2: Oh boy, oh man, well, oh pie, stick to you.

665
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 2: Don't don't get back to with her because you've been

666
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 2: doing so well. You haven't been with her for a year.

667
00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, in a lot of ways, I think that

668
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 1: we can. We can end things with a lot less information. Yeah,

669
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: we don't need all that information to just stop.

670
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 2: We could just stop talking her.

671
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 1: We could just say, oh, that's so weird, that's actually crazy.

672
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 2: Bye, hang up.

673
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 1: Update two. I finally found out formally that the dude

674
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 1: I thought my ex fiance was seeing while I was

675
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 1: engaged is in a relationship with her, which sort of

676
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 1: confirms my theory that was still a theory.

677
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was that was kind of fact.

678
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure how to feel, to be honest,

679
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 1: I was furious for about two seconds. Then I realized

680
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 1: she just sort of proved me right. I'm sort of

681
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: calm but really annoyed. At the same time. We have

682
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:40,760
Speaker 1: a third update.

683
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, Oh Pete, let's go out of your life.

684
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 2: Block er block everyone. Yeah, stop thinking about her.

685
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,240
Speaker 1: I can understand that it still comes as a shock

686
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: because it was that I was unconfirmed, and you're gonna

687
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: have that moment of like, wow, she actually did. Yeah,

688
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: it's been a year, and I think that now is

689
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: the time to heal to the point that anything that

690
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 1: she does doesn't affect us.

691
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's like that. I don't want to say

692
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 2: that it comes easily because you are going to still

693
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 2: think about it. You were about to marry her, so

694
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 2: it's not like you have to just kind of up

695
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,800
Speaker 2: and forget about her immediately. That's not going to happen,

696
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 2: but it is just kind of taking the steps to

697
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 2: get there. So, like not responding when she called, blocking

698
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 2: her number, there is a way to block the phone

699
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 2: number fully from calling.

700
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 1: Blocking all socials including Snapchat.

701
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 2: Yes, so that we don't see any of that information

702
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 2: about Oh, she's dating this new guy. We don't want

703
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 2: to see any of it, none of it.

704
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 1: Around four years ago, so we've time jumped again. I

705
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: posted a thread about a fiance I thought it was

706
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: cheating on me, and figured i'd post an update. I

707
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 1: hadn't heard hide nor hair of my ex in these

708
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: past four years until I ran into a coworker who

709
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 1: was the sister I have a friend of the X.

710
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: The X was cheating on me with the guy I

711
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 1: and everyone here thought she was. She moved to Chicago,

712
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: where this guy professed on the internet to be somehow

713
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: involved with the mob, and right into his arms. The

714
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: relationship ended for whatever reason, and she moved on.

715
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,800
Speaker 2: I'm begging you, just take your advice.

716
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, like, I do appreciate this, though I

717
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:24,919
Speaker 1: like a little full closure moment.

718
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,720
Speaker 2: I do too, but I hope the full closure comes

719
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 2: with I never talked to her again.

720
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,759
Speaker 1: Right. She then married guy number two and had a

721
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:36,280
Speaker 1: kid with him. Turns out he's emotionally harmful and lazy,

722
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: doesn't help her with the kid, et cetera. I don't

723
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,359
Speaker 1: wish this type of thing on my worst enemy. Even

724
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: my ex. As for me, I got married this pasty yay, beautiful,

725
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,320
Speaker 1: kind hearted woman who loves me for me. So I'm

726
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 1: doing fine.

727
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 3: Yay.

728
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: If you're reading this, I've been where you are. Don't

729
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: give up and keep moving forward. See y'all on the

730
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:58,320
Speaker 1: flip side.

731
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 2: Heck yeah, brother, I did it. Story good for you,

732
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 2: o you?

733
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: Heck yeah.

734
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 2: We love to see it.

735
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 1: I love to see it. And that's the end of

736
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 1: this story. We're gonna go to the next one. Hey,

737
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and we're

738
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 1: going to get back to the stories. But here's a

739
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: three minute ad break from our sponsors. My father's a

740
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:24,720
Speaker 1: fair partner messaged me and it ruined our family.

741
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:25,840
Speaker 2: Leave us alone.

742
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 1: Background on my family is that it's been pretty idyll it.

743
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 1: My male twenty five folks, father fifties male, and mother

744
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: fifties female, have always gotten on well, are strong communitors,

745
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: parented myself and my younger siblings as a team, and

746
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 1: we're very good parents. My teenage years were a rough

747
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: patch in my relationship with my father, but since I

748
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: left for college at eighteen, we really began getting along.

749
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from nuclear throwaway one, two,

750
00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: three four. If you want to me your own stories,

751
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 1: go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly,

752
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:06,160
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon, and we're here to give

753
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 1: good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.

754
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 1: We only know what we would do, So let us

755
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,280
Speaker 1: know what you would do in the comments, and Opie

756
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:16,920
Speaker 1: says when I pictured a strong marriage, I pictured my

757
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 1: parents bar none. The other day it all came crashing down.

758
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 1: This entire story takes place over roughly an hour. I

759
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: received a Facebook message request from a stranger. I've been

760
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 1: trying to fill an empty spot in my apartment, so

761
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 1: I was in the habit of accepting these requests and

762
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 1: figured it was someone interested in the room. The initial

763
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: messages were odd, however, broken English, small talk, no mention

764
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,719
Speaker 1: of an apartment. Then I then figured it was a

765
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 1: scam of some sort, so I of course kept messaging

766
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:52,240
Speaker 1: the woman to see where it went and waste their time.

767
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 1: Then she made a comment about my sister and said

768
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: that her boyfriend talks about me and my sister all

769
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:02,760
Speaker 1: the time. I asked her who her boyfriend was, she replied,

770
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:07,879
Speaker 1: your dad. He doesn't talk about me. Oh no. At

771
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 1: this point I assumed I was being blackmailed or scammed.

772
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,400
Speaker 1: My father's career led him to a very high profile

773
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 1: corporate job with a massive international company, so it was

774
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 1: definitely not out of the realm of possibility. Certainly my

775
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: father wasn't cheating on my mother. Then she sent photos,

776
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 1: one of those tri frame Instagram photos her on the

777
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: beach with a man who no doubt was my father.

778
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 1: Selfies with arms around each other, one with her kissing

779
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,959
Speaker 1: him on the cheek. I thought, Okay, this could be real,

780
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 1: or that could be some younger female coworker who's just

781
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 1: overly affectionate and dadg indulged her in a selfie. This

782
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 1: scammer found it and is using it.

783
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,439
Speaker 2: Oh he is grasping for straws here.

784
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,240
Speaker 1: I would have gone maybe AI before I went that route.

785
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, well maybe this is older older.

786
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: Probably around this time, I started getting unprompted, unrelated texts

787
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: from my father, How are you, how are things going,

788
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: et cetera. Odd timing right, thinking on my feet, I

789
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 1: took a new approach. When she asked again if my

790
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:16,280
Speaker 1: father had mentioned his girlfriend to me, I quickly responded, yes,

791
00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: of course, sorry, I just wasn't sure which one you were.

792
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: Me thinking that if this was a scam, saying my

793
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 1: father was routinely unfaithful to my mother and dated multiple

794
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 1: women at once removed their leverage. If this was real,

795
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 1: then I'd throw a wrench in my dad's affair and

796
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: force the truth out. Oh boy, did I get what

797
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 1: I bargained for. The woman freaked out frantic questions about

798
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 1: who this made up other woman was. I answered them

799
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 1: all and concocted a story about a woman I'd met

800
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,280
Speaker 1: just a few months prior who was from the country

801
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 1: my father works in regularly. I made up a name

802
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: and said my father had been dating women on the

803
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: side for years, et cetera. She bought it entirely. The

804
00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: woman asked to speak on the phone, so I obliged.

805
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 1: At this point I realized this was real. The woman

806
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: was in hysterics, sobbing about how she thought my father

807
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 1: loved her, how could he do this, and so on.

808
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,800
Speaker 1: I kept playing it cool and acted sympathetic, spinning fiction

809
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:17,399
Speaker 1: that my father had been a player for years, and

810
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,760
Speaker 1: that he was usually upfront with his girlfriends about seeing

811
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: other women, and that I was so sorry she had

812
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 1: to hear from me. This let me learn who she

813
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,879
Speaker 1: was and how long the affair had been going on.

814
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,920
Speaker 1: Then she asked if I'd be willing to be on

815
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 1: a three way call with her and my father without

816
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 1: his knowledge. I immediately said yes. Within sixty seconds, I

817
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: was muted on a three way call listening to my

818
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:47,280
Speaker 1: father console this strange woman, who I had fully convinced

819
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: was one of many side chicks, and explained to her

820
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,759
Speaker 1: that I was attempting to sabotage their relationship because of

821
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,399
Speaker 1: what I just learned. He didn't know that his father

822
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 1: was cheating on his mother, he didn't know that his

823
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,320
Speaker 1: parents are getting a divorce, and now he's just learned

824
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,319
Speaker 1: that from a stranger, he explained. At this point, I

825
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 1: hopped on the call and let him know that actually

826
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 1: I had learned about the divorce from him, since his

827
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 1: insecure girlfriend hadn't said anything about the divorce yet. He said, oh,

828
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:15,399
Speaker 1: Christ and I left the call.

829
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:19,239
Speaker 2: Oh my god, what just happened. I hope he's like, yeah,

830
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 2: And I made her think that he was cheating on

831
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 2: her with multiple people because I thought it was a scam.

832
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 2: It's like, did you really think.

833
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 1: It was a scam? I'm just kind of like, out

834
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 1: of all the ways that we could have gone about that.

835
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 2: Inane way, I feel like you still could.

836
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 1: Have gotten that info that you wanted. Probably could have

837
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,400
Speaker 1: asked her and given Probably could have been like, oh, he

838
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: doesn't talk about you much. Can you, like, like, how

839
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: long have you been with my dad? Tell me a

840
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 1: bit more, like I'd.

841
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 2: Love to get this. Oh, like that's crazy. Uh sorry, though,

842
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,719
Speaker 2: that sucks that your dad cheated on your mom. Just

843
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 2: finding this all out from his a fair partner.

844
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 1: Except they're not really his affair partner because they're getting

845
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 1: a divorce, but it's just not finalized. No, I don't

846
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 1: think so.

847
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 2: I know the dad said, he's finding out that I

848
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:08,439
Speaker 2: cheated on his mom and we're getting divorced. Oh yeah, yeah,

849
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:08,839
Speaker 2: you're right.

850
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 1: Razy. I called my mother immediately afterward to figure out

851
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: what was going on. She let me know that the

852
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,320
Speaker 1: two of them had been going through the early stages

853
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 1: of a divorce for several months, that it was amicable

854
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 1: and they both thought it best and had plans to

855
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 1: tell all three of us once things were more finalized.

856
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: She said that she had only learned of the affair. However,

857
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 1: a few days prior to this incident. The following morning,

858
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,799
Speaker 1: after a lengthy and heated discussion with my parents, I

859
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: sent an email to both of them outlining why I

860
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,399
Speaker 1: was so hurt by this. I don't care about them

861
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 1: getting divorced. I trust them to do it kindly and amicably,

862
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 1: and they both seem intent on doing it that way

863
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 1: as well. I did care about this insane woman thinking

864
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 1: it was okay to contact me. My father probing me

865
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 1: once he realized that I had been contacted by his girlfriend.

866
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:03,280
Speaker 1: My father console his girlfriend of over three months instead

867
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 1: of contacting me once he realized that I knew about

868
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:09,879
Speaker 1: the affair, my father carrying on an affair and endangering

869
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 1: his wife and children, rather than just waiting until after

870
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:17,520
Speaker 1: the separation. Ultimately, I told my father not to contact

871
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 1: me until I had reconciled what kind of relationship I

872
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,399
Speaker 1: want to have with him. At this point, here's where

873
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:26,760
Speaker 1: I need advice. I feel guilty about what I did.

874
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 1: I immediately, ruthlessly and effectively destroyed the relationship that my

875
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: father had with this woman, who, for her part, at

876
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 1: least seemed to really love him and feel loved by him.

877
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,479
Speaker 1: She is now convinced that he was cheating on her too.

878
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 1: While it's obviously my dad's own fault for starting this

879
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: relationship in secret while he was still with my mother,

880
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 1: I still wonder if I destroyed something that could have

881
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 1: been really good for my dad. I'm also kind of

882
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 1: shocked at myself for being able and willing to manipulate

883
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 1: people like that. I also don't know where to go

884
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:02,360
Speaker 1: from here. I am I'm absolutely disgusted by my father

885
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 1: and have lost a lot of respect for him. I'm

886
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,280
Speaker 1: not the one being cheated on, but I definitely feel

887
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 1: like I've been put second fiddle to his girlfriend of

888
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: over three months. The damage control should have been with

889
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 1: his son, not his mistress.

890
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 2: Right.

891
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 1: Even so, I love my father and have been building

892
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 1: a wonderful relationship with him over the last four to

893
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: six years, especially, I don't want to throw all that away.

894
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:29,120
Speaker 1: I can't figure out in my head what it is

895
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 1: I want him to say or do that will allow

896
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: me to forgive him. I would love any thoughts on

897
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 1: my behavior in this situation or how I can reconcile

898
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: my love for my dad with this absolute loss of

899
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 1: respect I have fro him. We have some comments I

900
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 1: have kind of like mixed thoughts.

901
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, On the one hand, I think your dad has

902
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 2: betrayed your trust, and I think you are very right,

903
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 2: or at least very understandable to feel angry and upset

904
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:57,320
Speaker 2: with him and not know how to fix that relationship

905
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 2: with him, even if it was once good, so and

906
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 2: that you know concern. I think you just take time

907
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 2: and see if he kind of takes responsibility for that,

908
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 2: see if he makes the effort to rebuild that relationship,

909
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 2: because it's not the onus, is not on you.

910
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 1: My whole thing with the affair partner, yeah, would be.

911
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 1: I have significantly less sympathy for her if she knew

912
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: that he was married. Same because if she knew that

913
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 1: whole time, then it's like, no, girl, like this was

914
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: a horrible relationship.

915
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 2: Absolutely, But if.

916
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 1: She had no idea and was genuinely like in the

917
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 1: mindset of like I am his one and only partner,

918
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:35,839
Speaker 1: he's divorced.

919
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:36,880
Speaker 2: That, yeah, it is different.

920
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:41,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, relevant comments Yen sid seven. I'm a little confused

921
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 1: by these timelines. You said your father was with this

922
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,799
Speaker 1: new woman for a few months. You said your mother

923
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,320
Speaker 1: said they had been planning the divorce for a few months.

924
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 1: It sounds like their relationship is already done. Do you

925
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 1: know whether your father's new relationship started after they had

926
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: agreed to a divorce or after they had already ended it.

927
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 1: The reason I'm asked is because a divorce is just

928
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: a legal proceeding to dissolve the marriage. Once they've agreed

929
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 1: to the divorce, the relationship is done. Calling it an

930
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:12,760
Speaker 1: affair if it started after the previous relationship ended seems

931
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:15,360
Speaker 1: like a stretch. The timeline of a marriage and a

932
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: relationship are usually not the same. A relationship usually begins

933
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 1: well before a marriage and ends well before a divorce.

934
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 1: It would be like saying an affair isn't an affair

935
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: if the couple is only engaged and not yet married.

936
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: While it's not very classy to start any relationship that quickly,

937
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: if he did, I could see why he wouldn't tell

938
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,439
Speaker 1: your mom, knowing it would probably hurt her to move

939
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: on so quickly. Though, in the case of a divorce

940
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 1: after a long marriage, at least one of the two parties,

941
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: many times both in an amicable divorce usually has been

942
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 1: done in their mind long before it got to the

943
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 1: point of starting divorce proceedings. Opie says, after speaking with

944
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 1: my parents, individually and together. I've learned that the affair

945
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,720
Speaker 1: was happening before the divorce talked and separation had started.

946
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 1: My folks have also still not yet engaged in any

947
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 1: legal proceedings, just discussions with each other and their pastor.

948
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 1: My mom also did not learn of the affair until

949
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 1: nearly three months after it had started. Now, I did

950
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 1: not know this at the time I made my decision,

951
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:21,240
Speaker 1: but in the aftermath I've confirmed that it did indeed

952
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 1: begin before the marriage had ended. By any definition, the

953
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:29,279
Speaker 1: timing was indeed close. UBT four hundred says, I can

954
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,719
Speaker 1: see both sides. Honestly, he did something that completely broke

955
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:35,840
Speaker 1: your trust, kept it a secret, and consoled someone who's

956
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 1: a complete stranger to you as you learned of the

957
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 1: divorce from his own mouth. Meanwhile, you kind of walked

958
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:45,359
Speaker 1: right into that last one by accepting a three way call,

959
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: then went nuclear. I understand that emotion can completely sweep

960
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 1: people away, especially something big like affairs and divorce, But

961
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 1: you are twenty five years old. Silent three way calls

962
00:48:57,239 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 1: are high schools here. If you want to fix this,

963
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 1: reach out to your mom and talk it out with

964
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: her first, then reach out to your dad. When you've

965
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 1: got a better idea about what's going on, explain to

966
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:10,880
Speaker 1: both of them that they should not have lied and

967
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 1: hit this from you, and that this random woman contacting

968
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 1: you hit you like a damn wrecking ball.

969
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:19,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also tell them like she better not contact

970
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:23,279
Speaker 2: me again. Yeah, like this is totally totally unacceptable and

971
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 2: entirely like just inappropriate of her to do.

972
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, weirdest person in the stories girlfriend reaching out,

973
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: so weird. They shouldn't be surprised about how it played out.

974
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:37,400
Speaker 1: Your dad could have handled this whole thing way better,

975
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: But then again you could have as well, Opie says, well, sure,

976
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:45,440
Speaker 1: but again, I took this approach to confirm what was happening.

977
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 1: At this point, I was not fully sure it wasn't

978
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 1: a scam. Revealing myself on the call was absolutely an

979
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 1: emotionally driven decision, though definitely not my most mature moment.

980
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: My other point is that my dad clearly knew that

981
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,319
Speaker 1: I knew what was up before he accepted the call

982
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 1: from his girlfriend, since he was sending me roundabout probing messages.

983
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,920
Speaker 1: I think that his response should have been to ignore

984
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:12,160
Speaker 1: his affair partner and contact me immediately and directly to

985
00:50:12,239 --> 00:50:16,240
Speaker 1: explain the situation, especially since my mom was already aware

986
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,200
Speaker 1: of the whole thing I learned later, already taking these steps.

987
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:21,879
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out how to move forward from here.

988
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,800
Speaker 1: I don't want to lose my relationship with my father,

989
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 1: but I'm struggling to see how I can forgive him

990
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,920
Speaker 1: for the deception and disrespect. We have an update eleven

991
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 1: days later.

992
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 2: I don't think that you necessarily have to forgive him yet. Yeah,

993
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 2: I think again, I think it's on him to make

994
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,879
Speaker 2: those amends. I think that you could potentially tell him

995
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 2: how you feel one hundred percent and be like, hey,

996
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 2: this is where I'm at. I trusted you. You betrayed

997
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 2: that trust. I want a good relationship with you, But

998
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 2: right now I don't know if that's possible, at least

999
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 2: you know yet. Yeah.

1000
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,800
Speaker 1: Eleven days later since my post, a few things have happened.

1001
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 1: My parents spoke as a pair to each of our

1002
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:02,799
Speaker 1: family members individually my siblings, but also my aunt's uncle's grandparents,

1003
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:05,720
Speaker 1: et cetera, to let them know about the divorce, the affair,

1004
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 1: and about what went down between me, my father and

1005
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: this other woman. My family is pretty universally upset with

1006
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:14,879
Speaker 1: my father. Not that I want everyone hating on him,

1007
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 1: but he did at best screw up royally, and it's

1008
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:19,720
Speaker 1: good to know that no one is choosing teams instead

1009
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 1: of acknowledging who did wrong. My parents have both blocked

1010
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 1: this other woman from all phone lines in social media.

1011
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:28,720
Speaker 1: This is in part why the rest of the family

1012
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:31,800
Speaker 1: was notified, so that they'd be aware if this woman

1013
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 1: tried to make contact. After the above, we learned that

1014
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:38,080
Speaker 1: this woman had attempted to contact my seventeen year old

1015
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 1: sister twenty four hours before the events of my original post.

1016
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:45,320
Speaker 1: Yikes O, yikes.

1017
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:47,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a real issue.

1018
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 1: That's nuts.

1019
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 2: If I were the died, I'd be like, you were done. Man,

1020
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:52,360
Speaker 2: she's blocked. You're weird.

1021
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 1: My sister missed the messages and didn't see them until

1022
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:59,320
Speaker 1: after everything happened, and was out in the open still

1023
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,800
Speaker 1: not speaking my father, but have talked with other family

1024
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 1: members about what's going on. As for how I'm feeling

1025
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: about the situation, any guilt that I had for what

1026
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,120
Speaker 1: I did vanished the second I learned that this woman

1027
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:13,959
Speaker 1: tried to contact my sister first.

1028
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1029
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 1: While my response was to tear this whole thing apart

1030
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:20,920
Speaker 1: as quickly and effectively as I could. I cannot imagine

1031
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,279
Speaker 1: what my poor little sister would have gone through if

1032
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:26,440
Speaker 1: she had contact with this woman. I'm livid that she

1033
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,400
Speaker 1: thought this was even remotely appropriate, and I'm livid that

1034
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 1: my father at any point thought this was a safe

1035
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,879
Speaker 1: or stable person to involve himself with. Therefore, I don't

1036
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: feel even a little bit guilty about what I did

1037
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:40,280
Speaker 1: any longer.

1038
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 2: Huh, I mean, yeah, this woman is clearly I don't know.

1039
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:45,920
Speaker 2: I don't know what she was thinking.

1040
00:52:46,120 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 1: What they even like, what if Opie did know about her,

1041
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 1: what was she gonna say.

1042
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 4: I had no idea what she thought processing I guarantee

1043
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:53,560
Speaker 4: you she's like, oh my gosh, we're moving so fast,

1044
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 4: like I'm your mom, Like I feel like she was

1045
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 4: very deludul, like I'm part of the family. Yeah, that's

1046
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 4: define what she was thinking.

1047
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:01,520
Speaker 3: She'd like it.

1048
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 1: I don't like it one bit, not one bit. I'm

1049
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:07,360
Speaker 1: staying no contact with my father until I sort through

1050
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 1: what I want to hear from him, and seeking counseling

1051
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:12,920
Speaker 1: to talk through how my anger in this moment and

1052
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: at this situation is undoubtedly linked in all sorts of

1053
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 1: messy ways to my upbringing an et cetera. Crazy how

1054
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 1: hard it is to find a licensed professional counselor with

1055
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 1: a less than three month waiting list, But I'll get there.

1056
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:28,720
Speaker 1: Thanks again for the great comments on my original post.

1057
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:31,359
Speaker 1: It really helped me judge which of my feelings were

1058
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 1: valid and where I needed to take a break. I

1059
00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:36,400
Speaker 1: think I'm in a better place now, but of course

1060
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 1: would love to hear any further advice and similar stories

1061
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:42,360
Speaker 1: that y'all think might be helpful or answer questions.

1062
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:42,880
Speaker 2: Cheers.

1063
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:46,239
Speaker 1: That's the end of that story. Hey, it's Carly, your

1064
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,120
Speaker 1: favorite axelattel host.

1065
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:48,440
Speaker 2: Here.

1066
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:50,720
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's

1067
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1068
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 2: My husband is demanding a divorce and all I could

1069
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:57,919
Speaker 2: think about is my home decor.

1070
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:00,799
Speaker 1: Really gotta think about color to paint the walls.

1071
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:04,080
Speaker 2: And trigger warning emotional ABUSESE. I made this account because

1072
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,279
Speaker 2: my main one has my friends on it, and I'm

1073
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,360
Speaker 2: way too embarrassed to be known as the cheated on wife.

1074
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 2: I'm thirty four female, married for seven years to my

1075
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,360
Speaker 2: husband forty one male, together for ten I loved my

1076
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,880
Speaker 2: husband and always thought he felt the same about me.

1077
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,399
Speaker 2: We built a life together. By the way, this comes

1078
00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 2: from Total Dumb ninety five to fifty nine. And if

1079
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:23,960
Speaker 2: you want to smit your own stories, go to the

1080
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 2: r slash Okay storytime separate it.

1081
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:29,400
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, I'm Pickles, just kidding, I'm Keon Hi,

1082
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 4: and we're here to give good advice.

1083
00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:32,919
Speaker 2: Goofy, But we don't have all the answers. We only

1084
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:34,360
Speaker 2: know what we'd do, So let us know what you

1085
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,799
Speaker 2: would do in the comments. Eight years ago, he had

1086
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 2: severe anxiety and couldn't sleep, so I would stay up

1087
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:43,200
Speaker 2: with them, holding his hands and doing breathing exercises until

1088
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:46,279
Speaker 2: he could finally rest. I'd go to work exhausted. I

1089
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:48,759
Speaker 2: helped him find a therapist. I encouraged him to grow

1090
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:51,799
Speaker 2: in his career, even though he was afraid. Six years ago,

1091
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:53,759
Speaker 2: I quit my job to take care of his mom,

1092
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 2: who had camp, because he had the potential to earn

1093
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 2: more than me. While I was job hunting again, I

1094
00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 2: got pregnant and he suggested I stay home to take

1095
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 2: care of him and our daughter. So I did. I

1096
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:05,840
Speaker 2: cared for him and I loved him. In December, he

1097
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:09,120
Speaker 2: got a promotion, which meant more hours. I gave birth

1098
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:11,760
Speaker 2: to our daughter in March and went through a phase

1099
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:14,640
Speaker 2: where I felt horrible, fat, ugly, and it was just

1100
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 2: me and my baby at home. He barely talked to me,

1101
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 2: always said he was tired and that I wouldn't understand

1102
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:21,680
Speaker 2: what he had to say. If it wasn't for my

1103
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 2: mom staying on video calls with me, I think I

1104
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:28,000
Speaker 2: would have felt completely abandoned. I've been suggesting couples therapy

1105
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 2: since June, and he kept saying everything was fine. Now

1106
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm nothing more than a mother. I

1107
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:37,920
Speaker 2: used to read, study, be interesting. I wasn't spicily frustrated

1108
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 2: or insecure back then. I used to have conversations about politics, music, books, art.

1109
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:45,920
Speaker 2: I decorate our house myself with my own savings, and

1110
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 2: it's everything I ever dreamed of. I love my house,

1111
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 2: the colors, the furniture, my kitchen. It took me years

1112
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:53,719
Speaker 2: to make it exactly how I wanted. I have the

1113
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 2: garden I've always dreamed of, a vegetable patch I adore

1114
00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 2: and I and a hanging chair where I loved to

1115
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 2: sit with my baby. Last week, he came home later

1116
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:04,319
Speaker 2: than usual, and I was happy to see him. I

1117
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:06,400
Speaker 2: was in the living room playing with her daughters, and

1118
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 2: he asked the older one to go to her room.

1119
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:10,560
Speaker 2: He seemed like he had been drinking, and then said,

1120
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,080
Speaker 2: I love you so much, but I don't want to

1121
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,400
Speaker 2: be with you anymore. He told me I wasn't the

1122
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,839
Speaker 2: person he fell in love with anymore. Then he said

1123
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:19,640
Speaker 2: he was in love with a girl from work, that

1124
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:22,440
Speaker 2: she was everything he'd ever dreamed of, and that he

1125
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:25,120
Speaker 2: needed to give himself the chance to live that love

1126
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 2: without guilt. Yes, he cheated on me with the twenty

1127
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 2: two year old, and he is like thirty, he's forty one. Oh,

1128
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:37,800
Speaker 2: he's thirty four. Yeah. When I finally managed to speak,

1129
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 2: the only thing that came out was what about my

1130
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:41,919
Speaker 2: home decor? Oh?

1131
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:42,799
Speaker 1: Pee pop off.

1132
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,720
Speaker 2: At some point I picked up my baby and started

1133
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,120
Speaker 2: shouting things like I put time into this house, I

1134
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:51,200
Speaker 2: did everything it needed, this house is mine. And sometimes

1135
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 2: when terrible things happened to us, your brain can't handle it,

1136
00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:56,279
Speaker 2: and yeah, kind of starts focusing on the things that

1137
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:58,320
Speaker 2: seem a little bit more manageable to be upset about,

1138
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:02,160
Speaker 2: like what what happens with your We argued, because apparently

1139
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:04,399
Speaker 2: I didn't value his suffering enough his.

1140
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 1: Suffering, suffering. Ohoo, after that, it's only home decor.

1141
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:12,640
Speaker 2: No, I really don't care about you.

1142
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 1: We're not talking about anything anymore.

1143
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 2: I'm thirty four with a four month baby and a

1144
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:20,800
Speaker 2: four year old daughter. I don't have a job. I'm

1145
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:23,440
Speaker 2: going to lose my dream home. I feel ugly and fat.

1146
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 2: And he told me he's not attracted to me anymore

1147
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 2: because I gained too much weight during my last pregnancy.

1148
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:29,280
Speaker 1: You mean like.

1149
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:32,280
Speaker 2: God, you mean like the baby, baby, You mean like

1150
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:35,280
Speaker 2: the baby that was in her belly, the whole other

1151
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:38,160
Speaker 2: person that she was carrying inside of her. I'm going

1152
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 2: to talk with his mom and brother about the divorce today.

1153
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:43,040
Speaker 2: I'm starting with them because they're close to me, and

1154
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:46,840
Speaker 2: his brother went through a divorce over infidelity early last year. Also,

1155
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,680
Speaker 2: his mom is very attached to me for obvious reasons.

1156
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 2: I was there for her during the worst part of

1157
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 2: her life, and his brother and I are also very close.

1158
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 2: I also texted my mom and she's coming here to

1159
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:58,480
Speaker 2: stay with me and the girls. I hope she gets

1160
00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 2: the visa to visit, and my dad, who's American, will

1161
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:03,480
Speaker 2: be coming to my state in two weeks. Edit two.

1162
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 2: I talked to his brother about the affair, and he's leaving.

1163
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 2: He told me to find a lawyer, the same thing

1164
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 2: you all said. Now we're talking to a few lawyers today. Good.

1165
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:13,480
Speaker 2: I'm glad you have a support system.

1166
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 1: Yes, woo, keep that home decor.

1167
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 2: I accepted the help because I have the girls with me,

1168
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,480
Speaker 2: so it's hard to do everything alone. Commoner one says,

1169
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry this happened to you. If you want

1170
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 2: the house, you'll need to fight for it in the divorce.

1171
00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:29,320
Speaker 2: If your husband was even a little bit decent, he

1172
00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 2: should leave it to you and your daughters so that

1173
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 2: the kids aren't uprooted. Yeah, that's the least he can

1174
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:36,840
Speaker 2: do for you. If he wants to go build another life,

1175
00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:39,960
Speaker 2: he'll regret. You're gonna need resolve and a plan, get

1176
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 2: evidence of his cheating, and start building your case. Oh,

1177
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:45,200
Speaker 2: he says, I'm looking online for lawyers, but I don't

1178
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 2: know what I'm looking for. Common Er two says, family

1179
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 2: law attorney in your area. Why should you move in

1180
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:53,080
Speaker 2: the US? You don't work, and he does your primary

1181
00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:55,680
Speaker 2: caregiver to kids. Did someone tell him that beaning in

1182
00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 2: a twenty two year old was free? That was the

1183
00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:01,200
Speaker 2: most expensive thing he's ever done. Says, I don't want

1184
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 2: to move. I've been living in the US for sixteen years,

1185
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 2: but I'm from South America. Honestly, I'm scared, even though

1186
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:10,680
Speaker 2: I'm here legally downloaded. Commoner says, yeah, so you wouldn't

1187
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,320
Speaker 2: miss him, but just the house. Opie says, I'm gonna

1188
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:15,640
Speaker 2: miss him so much. I love him, and I gave

1189
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,320
Speaker 2: so much of myself to him. I can't even describe

1190
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 2: to you how much it hurts to take a hit

1191
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 2: like this. It hurts so much that I don't even

1192
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:23,880
Speaker 2: think about how much I'll miss him.

1193
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, Opie doesn't need to be out here talking about

1194
00:59:25,760 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: how much she knows this dude.

1195
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:27,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1196
00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 1: Second, he cheated on her.

1197
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:29,440
Speaker 2: He cheated on her.

1198
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 1: It's insane.

1199
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:31,880
Speaker 2: I feel like all the commoners are like, did you

1200
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:33,160
Speaker 2: even like him? You don't even care?

1201
00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 1: It's like not anymore. I don't.

1202
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 2: I think about how I dedicated so much time to

1203
00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:40,120
Speaker 2: all of this, and he wanted a second daughter and

1204
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,880
Speaker 2: she's here at four months old while he's sleeping with

1205
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 2: a new girl. I'm in pain and I'm angry, so angry.

1206
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 2: Commoner three says, I think that your first reaction being

1207
00:59:50,080 --> 00:59:52,840
Speaker 2: about home decor tells you everything that you need to know.

1208
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 2: Your relationship with him was done, and now you can

1209
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,640
Speaker 2: move on to better things. He doesn't deserve you or

1210
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 2: the lovely home you're created. Another commoner says, leaving Op

1211
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 2: with a four month old is pretty crappy behavior, but

1212
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 2: her response indicates to me that there wasn't a lot

1213
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 2: of space for him in the relationship. She referred to

1214
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:12,720
Speaker 2: it as her house, her decor, her vegetable garden. My

1215
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 2: marriage broke down for similar reasons. Although I didn't leave

1216
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 2: for my secretary, it was pretty clear to me that

1217
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,560
Speaker 2: my wife considered her role to be looking after the

1218
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 2: house and the kids, and my role was to pay

1219
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:23,360
Speaker 2: for everything.

1220
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:26,680
Speaker 1: And that's exactly how her husband made it by telling

1221
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 1: her not to go back to work and making her

1222
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:30,479
Speaker 1: a stay at home mom.

1223
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:33,320
Speaker 2: Op says he didn't want to get involved in anything

1224
01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:36,080
Speaker 2: related to the house, neither taking care of it, nor

1225
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:40,479
Speaker 2: maintaining it, nor giving opinions. Everything was whatever. Another commoner says,

1226
01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 2: so basically, you put him on a pedestal and made

1227
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:45,720
Speaker 2: him your god and served him, neglecting yourself and everything

1228
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:47,959
Speaker 2: that made you who you are. Now you're crying about

1229
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:50,000
Speaker 2: the dang house. And now unfair of him to do

1230
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:50,520
Speaker 2: this to you?

1231
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 1: Why are we so mean?

1232
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:56,400
Speaker 2: Wasn't unfair of you to abandon yourself for that man?

1233
01:00:56,640 --> 01:00:59,160
Speaker 2: If you abandon you, why would he stick with you?

1234
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,800
Speaker 2: And it is a waste of time giving advice here.

1235
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:06,440
Speaker 2: You'll take him back in a second if he said sorry,

1236
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 2: I made a mistake, you really will stay with him

1237
01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:11,120
Speaker 2: and fight for him until the end, when you should

1238
01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:13,240
Speaker 2: only focus on you, not him. So do you want

1239
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 2: us to say how evil he is doing this to

1240
01:01:15,360 --> 01:01:16,320
Speaker 2: a perfect person like you?

1241
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:16,919
Speaker 1: Oh?

1242
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:19,600
Speaker 2: But yeah, do couple's therapy. Can't lose that house.

1243
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 1: I am going to That's a rage to the phone.

1244
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 2: That's a rage baiter.

1245
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 1: There was so many of them, back to back, a

1246
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:28,520
Speaker 1: rage baiter. Why are we saying these things?

1247
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:32,040
Speaker 2: You guys stink you're the word think. Ye oh, he says,

1248
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:34,960
Speaker 2: I neglected myself in many ways. Really along the way,

1249
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,440
Speaker 2: I may have changed, but everything I did came from

1250
01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:39,280
Speaker 2: the bottom of my heart. I took care of his

1251
01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:41,640
Speaker 2: mother because I cared about her. I had and care

1252
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 2: for my daughters because I wanted to be a mother

1253
01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:46,120
Speaker 2: and it made sense for me to care for our children.

1254
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:48,880
Speaker 2: And I took care of him because I like taking

1255
01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:49,960
Speaker 2: care of the people I love.

1256
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:52,600
Speaker 1: If you're dating someone, you have to be okay with

1257
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:55,959
Speaker 1: the fact that as you continue to date them, they're

1258
01:01:56,000 --> 01:02:00,200
Speaker 1: going to grow and become new versions of themselves over run,

1259
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 1: over and over again. And if you're not ready to

1260
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:04,400
Speaker 1: love all of them, then what are we doing.

1261
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:07,080
Speaker 2: I had never even thought about how much I neglected

1262
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 2: myself until now, because I accepted so many things since

1263
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:13,120
Speaker 2: I loved him and was busy with all that. To

1264
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:15,000
Speaker 2: be really honest, I didn't even want to have my

1265
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:17,880
Speaker 2: youngest daughter. He was the one who insisted. I hope

1266
01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:19,680
Speaker 2: one day I can be as strong willed as you,

1267
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 2: and I hope you never go through this, because unfortunately,

1268
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:25,240
Speaker 2: it's very easy to lose yourself in motherhood and in

1269
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:27,760
Speaker 2: the role of wife. I got lost, and no, I

1270
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:29,960
Speaker 2: do not intend to get back with my husband. I'm

1271
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,920
Speaker 2: afraid of losing my home and my daughters. And Opee

1272
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:34,960
Speaker 2: also says I've been friends with his brother for a

1273
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,479
Speaker 2: long time and he went through a difficult divorce. That's

1274
01:02:37,520 --> 01:02:39,880
Speaker 2: why he's with me. I decided not to tell the

1275
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:41,720
Speaker 2: rest of his family yet until we have a lawyer.

1276
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:44,800
Speaker 2: Apparently he hasn't told anyone either, and there is an

1277
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:47,560
Speaker 2: update and a week later, any thoughts.

1278
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:48,480
Speaker 1: I'm mad.

1279
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:49,880
Speaker 2: I'm mad at these commentarys.

1280
01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:51,400
Speaker 1: I'm mad at these Oh he never.

1281
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:52,840
Speaker 2: Said that she was getting back together with you.

1282
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:54,160
Speaker 1: I never said anything like that.

1283
01:02:54,200 --> 01:02:56,440
Speaker 2: I literally just said, you know, I realized, Wow, I

1284
01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:59,200
Speaker 2: you know, I've really focused on this house and this

1285
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:01,520
Speaker 2: relationship probably wasn't as good as I had thought it was,

1286
01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 2: which is a fine relationship or a fine realization to happen.

1287
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:08,280
Speaker 1: Why are we blaming her forgetting cheat it on?

1288
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:10,959
Speaker 2: And the reason that he gave was not you don't

1289
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:13,120
Speaker 2: care about me, you focused me, it was. The reason

1290
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:16,000
Speaker 2: is that you had too much weight when you were pregnant.

1291
01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:18,640
Speaker 1: Sorry, you carried our child for nine months, and I

1292
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 1: just I'm over it.

1293
01:03:20,240 --> 01:03:23,480
Speaker 2: Update a week later, a brief summary of what happened

1294
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:26,520
Speaker 2: this week, and I can't believe I loved this man.

1295
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 2: My brother in law is staying at my house until

1296
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 2: my family arrives, and my best friend visits me every day.

1297
01:03:31,760 --> 01:03:34,160
Speaker 2: On Monday, my brother in law asked my ex to

1298
01:03:34,320 --> 01:03:37,280
Speaker 2: leave the house, and strangely, he actually listened to his brother.

1299
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 2: Since then, he's only been tormenting me through messages he

1300
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:43,840
Speaker 2: wants an amicable divorce and keeps making proposals that only

1301
01:03:43,880 --> 01:03:44,840
Speaker 2: benefit him.

1302
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:45,520
Speaker 1: Shocker.

1303
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:48,080
Speaker 2: I've been trying to stick to a routine because I

1304
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 2: have two children and they need stability, and apparently I'm

1305
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:54,000
Speaker 2: the only ones willing to provide that. Yesterday he texted

1306
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:56,680
Speaker 2: me saying he wanted to see the kids, and I agreed.

1307
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 2: He showed up after they were already asleep. I swore

1308
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 2: he wasn't going to come. He arrived here at eleven

1309
01:04:02,400 --> 01:04:05,640
Speaker 2: PM with a document wanting to talk about how he'd

1310
01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:08,120
Speaker 2: like to keep the house and pay me an additional

1311
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 2: amount for my share. I just stared at him without

1312
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:13,560
Speaker 2: saying anything. I asked him to leave because the kids

1313
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:15,720
Speaker 2: were sleeping. My brother in law added that it wasn't

1314
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:18,520
Speaker 2: the right time or place to discuss this and asked

1315
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:20,400
Speaker 2: him to leave. I don't know what happened to him,

1316
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:22,640
Speaker 2: but this doesn't seem like the man I married. He

1317
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:25,600
Speaker 2: yelled at my brother in law, saying he was butchraying him,

1318
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 2: that he wanted to play house because his own marriage

1319
01:04:28,320 --> 01:04:30,800
Speaker 2: didn't work out. Then he yelled at me, calling me

1320
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:33,400
Speaker 2: a lazy witch who wasn't going to take his money.

1321
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:35,760
Speaker 2: He said this house was his and that his twenty

1322
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 2: two year old girlfriend Anne told him I was going

1323
01:04:38,360 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 2: to try and keep the house he bought. We didn't respond.

1324
01:04:41,160 --> 01:04:43,800
Speaker 2: I just said he should leave because he was getting messy,

1325
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:45,880
Speaker 2: and then he left. I don't know why he wants

1326
01:04:45,880 --> 01:04:47,720
Speaker 2: the house when he can afford to buy another one.

1327
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 2: And I don't understand how the person I married could

1328
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:52,480
Speaker 2: try to trick me just to come out ahead in

1329
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:55,280
Speaker 2: the divorce. Yeah. I mean, it's just he just sucks.

1330
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:57,480
Speaker 2: He's a terrible person. And I'm glad that you have

1331
01:04:57,480 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 2: a support system that is yeah for you.

1332
01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:01,040
Speaker 1: His family, yeah, shot crazy.

1333
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:03,320
Speaker 2: It's like, it's so clear that this guy sucks when

1334
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 2: his family is on your side.

1335
01:05:04,680 --> 01:05:07,640
Speaker 4: I love how he's like, so yeah, my new girlfriend

1336
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:13,400
Speaker 4: told me that you're.

1337
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:12,840
Speaker 1: Trying to take the house, and she said, actually, this

1338
01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:13,680
Speaker 1: is her house.

1339
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:14,880
Speaker 2: She's twenty two.

1340
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:18,320
Speaker 1: She deserves twenty two with a brigand she would decorate

1341
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:18,800
Speaker 1: it better.

1342
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:20,800
Speaker 2: Come on, come on, there is a little bit left.

1343
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,600
Speaker 2: I kept asking myself, if this is the man I married,

1344
01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:26,280
Speaker 2: he wants me gone, he wants the kids gone. He

1345
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:29,040
Speaker 2: didn't ask about the girls, about his own daughters, He

1346
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:30,840
Speaker 2: didn't see them or even asked to give them a

1347
01:05:30,840 --> 01:05:34,280
Speaker 2: good night kiss to him and Anne were just an obstacle,

1348
01:05:34,520 --> 01:05:36,280
Speaker 2: nothing more. I'm not even a person.

1349
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:38,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, were you now? Commenters?

1350
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:41,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, commenters, you pretty even want to blame his kid.

1351
01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:45,400
Speaker 2: Comment comment one says, the twenty two year old wants

1352
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:49,479
Speaker 2: the house. Yeah no, poop oh, he says, for sure,

1353
01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:52,280
Speaker 2: but she won't even come close. What makes me angriest

1354
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:54,200
Speaker 2: is that it took me so long to get the

1355
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,160
Speaker 2: house to look the way it does today, and now

1356
01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:58,280
Speaker 2: some girl comes along and he just assumes I'm going

1357
01:05:58,320 --> 01:06:00,680
Speaker 2: to give my house to them. Who says, did he

1358
01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 2: buy the house before you were married or did you

1359
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,800
Speaker 2: both buy it after you were married. If he came

1360
01:06:04,840 --> 01:06:06,880
Speaker 2: into the marriage with the house, there isn't much you

1361
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,920
Speaker 2: can do, and a likely get the house. If not,

1362
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:11,840
Speaker 2: then you will probably get the house in the divorce,

1363
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:13,800
Speaker 2: as that is the home of the kids. I would

1364
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,600
Speaker 2: suggest keeping all communications in text so that you have

1365
01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:19,320
Speaker 2: evidence of what he said. Keep a notebook as well

1366
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:22,240
Speaker 2: to make notes of anything he does or says or

1367
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:25,160
Speaker 2: doesn't do regarding the kids. If he says he'll visit

1368
01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:26,919
Speaker 2: but doesn't make a note of it, This will help

1369
01:06:26,960 --> 01:06:29,680
Speaker 2: you in child custody. He says, I paid part of

1370
01:06:29,680 --> 01:06:32,440
Speaker 2: the down payment. He pays the mortgage, but I invested

1371
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:36,240
Speaker 2: around fifteen percent of the value in renovations and decoration.

1372
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:38,680
Speaker 2: Comment three says, I'm so proud of you for standing

1373
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:41,560
Speaker 2: your ground and protecting yourself and the kids. I think

1374
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:43,800
Speaker 2: brother in law has always known who his brother is

1375
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:46,600
Speaker 2: a selfish able and is helping you and the kids

1376
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 2: because he knows how his brother can be. Brother in

1377
01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:51,360
Speaker 2: law sounds like a decent guy, and I'm so glad

1378
01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:54,360
Speaker 2: you have someone in your corner as you wait for reinforcements.

1379
01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:56,480
Speaker 2: At least you have your two babies and won't have

1380
01:06:56,520 --> 01:06:59,200
Speaker 2: to worry about custody. Please get therapy when and if

1381
01:06:59,240 --> 01:07:01,680
Speaker 2: you can, so you have someone to process this with.

1382
01:07:01,760 --> 01:07:04,560
Speaker 2: Op says, honestly, he and my best friends are the best.

1383
01:07:04,840 --> 01:07:07,480
Speaker 2: After four months, I finally have time to rest and

1384
01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:09,440
Speaker 2: get help with my baby. Do you know how good

1385
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:11,640
Speaker 2: it feels to take a forty to fifty minute shower

1386
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:14,640
Speaker 2: just to relax. I've been alone for so long that

1387
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:17,160
Speaker 2: I thought it was normal to do everything by myself.

1388
01:07:17,560 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 2: Opie says, my dad is going to pay for my lawyer.

1389
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:22,720
Speaker 2: My mom is also supporting me. Financially, and my brother

1390
01:07:22,720 --> 01:07:25,800
Speaker 2: in law is also offered to cover expenses if necessary.

1391
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:29,320
Speaker 2: And someone asks what happened to Opie's brother in law's marriage.

1392
01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:32,360
Speaker 2: Opie says, the ex cheated and got pregnant, which is

1393
01:07:32,400 --> 01:07:34,480
Speaker 2: probably why the brother in law is, you know, so

1394
01:07:35,080 --> 01:07:37,000
Speaker 2: down to be supporting, you know, so supportive of op

1395
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:38,640
Speaker 2: He had to go through this. Yeah, he had to

1396
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:40,960
Speaker 2: rush through the divorce so he wouldn't be listed on

1397
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:44,200
Speaker 2: the child's birth certificate. They were together since high school.

1398
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 1: Yikes, ouch ouch, op Ye know, he's got a four

1399
01:07:48,600 --> 01:07:50,960
Speaker 1: month old and the Hans just dip in for a

1400
01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:52,000
Speaker 1: twenty two year old.

1401
01:07:52,160 --> 01:07:53,680
Speaker 4: Oh, he's got two kids, a four year old and

1402
01:07:53,680 --> 01:07:54,160
Speaker 4: a four month.

1403
01:07:54,360 --> 01:07:56,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I meant four month old. I was commenting on

1404
01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:58,760
Speaker 1: how hard that would you. She's still healing.

1405
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:02,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, your husband sex. He's going to go realize that

1406
01:08:02,760 --> 01:08:05,280
Speaker 2: his twenty two year old girlfriend is not actually all that.

1407
01:08:05,600 --> 01:08:07,720
Speaker 1: I hope and he cares, you know, it's his life.

1408
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:09,919
Speaker 2: He's going to go off and do whatever I want,

1409
01:08:10,040 --> 01:08:12,720
Speaker 2: whatever he wants, And I hope that you get the house,

1410
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:14,720
Speaker 2: and I hope you have to focus on yourself and

1411
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:15,280
Speaker 2: your your.

1412
01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:18,200
Speaker 1: Daughter's Honestly, like if he's really not wanting to be

1413
01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:20,360
Speaker 1: a part of the daughter's lives anymore. Just leave the

1414
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:22,600
Speaker 1: house to you and the daughter literally go live with

1415
01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:25,080
Speaker 1: your twenty year old in the house.

1416
01:08:25,439 --> 01:08:28,040
Speaker 2: But that is the end of that story. Folks. Good

1417
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:29,640
Speaker 2: luck o pee, good luck got this