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Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Far Too.

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Speaker 2: It's your celebrity mentors Kelly Bensamin from the Real Housewives

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Speaker 2: of New York and myself, Alexian Dapola from the Real

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Speaker 2: Housewives of Miami.

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Speaker 3: Hey Kelly, Hi Alexia, how are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm good?

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing?

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Speaker 3: I'm doing well.

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Speaker 5: This is going to be a very very interesting conversation

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Speaker 5: with doctor Hilly culture.

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Speaker 3: I cannot wait. Yes, I ask you some questions. What

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Speaker 3: are you going to ask her?

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Speaker 1: Yes, well, I have I have so many questions.

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Speaker 2: I feel like we can do like three, four or

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Speaker 2: five parts to this segment because there's so much to

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Speaker 2: talk about and so much to ue wrap. But for me,

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Speaker 2: it's always been like, why do women get it harder

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Speaker 2: than men when it comes to dating?

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Speaker 1: Why is it okay for dad to.

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Speaker 2: Date whoever he wants to date, whatever age they are,

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Speaker 2: doesn't matter.

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Speaker 1: Everything is okay.

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Speaker 2: But then the mom has like a really nice guy

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Speaker 2: that she wants to day and they give it a

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Speaker 2: really hard time. I have a problem with that. What

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Speaker 2: do you think do you think that's a good question?

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Speaker 5: That is a great question, And I know that a

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Speaker 5: lot of people are going to want to know the answer.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, because you know, I know that there's

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Speaker 2: a lot to it as well, but I always think

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Speaker 2: it's just so much harder to be a woman, Kelly,

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Speaker 2: Like in my next life, I just want to be

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Speaker 2: a lie. I think they're having so much easier.

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Speaker 3: Well, because we're the nurturers, that's why. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well I love I love being a mom and being

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Speaker 2: a nurturer and so nurtures. But I always feel like

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Speaker 2: the dad, you know, is like we can get away

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Speaker 2: with anything, and if he has money, even more power

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Speaker 2: to him. It's like he's perfect, he's great. There's nothing

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Speaker 2: he does wrong as long as he provides right. So, okay, okay,

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Speaker 2: doctor Hillary is here, so let's just dive right into this.

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Speaker 3: Hi, doctor Hillary.

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Speaker 6: Hi, it's so fun to be here. Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so we're going to dive right into this, and

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Speaker 2: we have a lot of questions for you, doctor Hillary,

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Speaker 2: and I'm sure the viewers and the lists are very

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Speaker 2: eager to hear what you have to say about this.

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Speaker 2: So in your professional opinion, I want to know what

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Speaker 2: you think. Who has it more difficult? Is it the

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Speaker 2: dads that have been more difficult when it comes to

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Speaker 2: dating you girls? Or do the single moms that are

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Speaker 2: dating haveing more difficult? You know, as far as when

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Speaker 2: the kids are involved, right, Like, who do you think

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Speaker 2: has it hard or in the dating game when it

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Speaker 2: comes to dating post divorce.

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Speaker 6: That's such a juicy question. There's so many levels of

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Speaker 6: that question to consider, so I'll unpack it. I mean,

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Speaker 6: I think, like at the top of the pyramid is intentionality, right,

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Speaker 6: it sort of depends on what the dad or the

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Speaker 6: mom is looking for. If you're looking for dating and

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Speaker 6: casual fun, maybe men have it a bit easier for

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Speaker 6: all the reasons in terms of access and the numbers

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Speaker 6: of women available younger, perhaps there's more of an ease

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Speaker 6: in that regard. But in terms of like trying to

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Speaker 6: curate a new connection and a new relationship, I think

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Speaker 6: it depends on the level of consciousness that each person

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Speaker 6: brings right post divorce, the way to cultivate a successful

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Speaker 6: relationship is to come with a new understanding about what

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Speaker 6: you're looking for, what you'll tolerate, what you won't tolerate.

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Speaker 6: I think that's heavy lifting, and in a way, women

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Speaker 6: probably have more foresight and resources to go through that

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Speaker 6: exercise to bring about things in their lives that resonate,

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Speaker 6: and men may do less of that post divorce. And

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Speaker 6: it's sort of stereotypical cliche, but I often see it.

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Speaker 6: So I think it really depends on each person's emotional

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Speaker 6: station in life, what kind of work they actually engage

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Speaker 6: in post divorce, what kind of level of as I said,

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Speaker 6: consciousness and intentionality. You mentioned the kids, So logistics around kids,

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Speaker 6: there's a whole other element that's true.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean I find with my experience and as

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Speaker 2: a woman, I feel like just in general, it's harder

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Speaker 2: for the woman to date. You know, I think the

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Speaker 2: kids are harder on their mom. I don't know if

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Speaker 2: it's that they're being more protected or they you know,

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Speaker 2: live most of the time with the mom or she

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Speaker 2: has like that, you know, that mother figure role. And

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Speaker 2: I just think the guys dad's have it easier, right,

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Speaker 2: It's just like, you know, it's okay for like the

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Speaker 2: dad to day different girls, but you know, when it

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Speaker 2: comes to the mom, it's that we're judged differently. I

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Speaker 2: mean that's just like my opinion and not that i've

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Speaker 2: lived in. But you know, I have a lot of

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Speaker 2: friends that are divorced. In our dating and and that's it,

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Speaker 2: you know, That's what they've shared with me.

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Speaker 3: I think too, Alexi.

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Speaker 5: It's also you know, it's I love that Hillary is

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Speaker 5: talking about Doctor Halley's talking about all the work and

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Speaker 5: and that is so important.

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Speaker 3: Uh. I think for children too, just from like seeing my.

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Speaker 5: Kids, they're you know a lot of children gravitate towards

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Speaker 5: the parent who basically is either they're blaming the parent

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Speaker 5: that is the one that's the nurturer, and they're celebrating.

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Speaker 3: The one that has the money.

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Speaker 5: And so like I think, you know, typically the generalization,

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Speaker 5: like doctor Hillary said, is that you know a lot

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Speaker 5: of men, you know, have Wednesdays and Saturdays and the

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Speaker 5: women have you know, the majority of the time with

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Speaker 5: the children.

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Speaker 3: And so it's just natural.

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Speaker 5: That you know, when you reliant on a parent, whether

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Speaker 5: they're the father or the mother, that person, that parent

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Speaker 5: is going to be the one that's not going to

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Speaker 5: get you know, the love. And you know, I know

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Speaker 5: for my own self, I mean I didn't have there

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Speaker 5: was no Wednesdays, there were no saturdays, there were no vacations.

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Speaker 5: It was I had a full custody of my children,

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Speaker 5: which I asked for just because I thought it was

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Speaker 5: the best scenario for my children, and.

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Speaker 3: It was really different.

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Speaker 5: I mean, my children are older now, but when they

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Speaker 5: were younger, it was very, very difficult because I did

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Speaker 5: not want to bring them into a situation where they

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Speaker 5: were like, who is this person?

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Speaker 3: Are you my daddy?

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Speaker 5: You know, it's like oh that little book like are

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Speaker 5: you my daddy? Are you my daddy?

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Speaker 2: Uh?

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Speaker 5: And so, And I didn't want my children to feel

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Speaker 5: like that as well, like they needed to find a dad.

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Speaker 3: That's not what I wanted.

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Speaker 5: And even now my kids are, they're really looking for

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Speaker 5: a partner. So it's like the three of us, we're

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Speaker 5: like we're a trifecta. And there I mean sometimes I'm like, oh.

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Speaker 3: My god, like the people that they like versus the

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Speaker 3: purple that I like.

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Speaker 5: You know, it's like it's it's like very stressful because

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Speaker 5: they're like, this is the person for you.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, are you sure?

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Speaker 2: That's a great question. So should we have our children

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Speaker 2: picking our partners?

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Speaker 3: Doctor Hillary? Should we That's a great question, Alexi?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, fine, I mean we want our children's approval, of course,

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Speaker 2: you know, because there are lives and there's such a

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Speaker 2: big part of our life and we want to blend

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Speaker 2: us families who want, you know, everybody to be happy

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Speaker 2: and get along. But is that even a good idea, right,

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Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, we don't really

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Speaker 2: have a say in our children's relationships. And our children

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Speaker 2: grow up and they make their choices and they you know,

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Speaker 2: choose and select their partners, and you know, they want

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Speaker 2: our blessing too, right, we want to like them also

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Speaker 2: and approve of them, but at the end of the day,

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Speaker 2: it just really, you know, it has to do with you.

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Speaker 1: I don't think we should give our children that power.

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Speaker 2: I do think we need to validate their emotions and

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Speaker 2: their feelings and respect their boundaries and all that. But

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Speaker 2: it's really the person that makes you happy, and whatever

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Speaker 2: they think they make you happy is really not what

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Speaker 2: you're searching for what you need.

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Speaker 7: There's like the old old adage about how other people's

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Speaker 7: see other people seeing in and you know it's like

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Speaker 7: they're you know, it's like they always they say something like,

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Speaker 7: you know, people are blind, but the neighbors ain't.

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Speaker 5: Like the neighbors are not blind. And sometimes our kids

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Speaker 5: they have different interests because maybe like for example, they

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Speaker 5: might like like a man who has more money, so

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Speaker 5: that then they see that the man is showering you know,

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Speaker 5: us with money, and maybe that that they're like that

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Speaker 5: helps them feel more comfortable. But you know, friends and family,

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Speaker 5: they see when the person is the wrong person.

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Speaker 3: Doctor Hally, what do you think about that?

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Speaker 1: Well, yeah, the red flags for sure.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they do know that absolutely.

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Speaker 6: So there's actually a clear answer to this, which is no,

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Speaker 6: and I'll walk through why. But that doesn't mean that

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Speaker 6: the children aren't involved in the process of sort of

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Speaker 6: curating and extended dynamic with a partner that you're going

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Speaker 6: to introduce into your life. There should be a real

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Speaker 6: deliberateness about how you facilitate that. But in terms of

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Speaker 6: picking a partner, what I'm about to say is really critical,

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Speaker 6: which is kids don't ultimately want that responsibility. They may

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Speaker 6: tell you they do, they may try to embody it,

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Speaker 6: but kids don't feel good when they have quote too

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Speaker 6: much power over their parents. They don't want to run

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Speaker 6: the show. If we ask them, they're going to probably

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Speaker 6: say the office it. But later when they end up

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Speaker 6: in my office in like twenty years, they're going to

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Speaker 6: talk about the dynamic of feeling like they had too

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Speaker 6: much say in their family system. It doesn't feel good.

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Speaker 6: That feels disregulating. So setting the boundary of like, hey,

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Speaker 6: this is this is kind of mom's journey, and like

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Speaker 6: I will sort of date and get to know people

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Speaker 6: that I feel appropriate. I will make mistakes, I will

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Speaker 6: make connections, and like, when it's appropriate, I'll bring you

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Speaker 6: in and I'll ask your opinion about how and about

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Speaker 6: when and how often. And it's then that if kids

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Speaker 6: have feedback about like I really think he's amazing for

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Speaker 6: these reasons, they're like, I'm kind of seeing something that

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Speaker 6: makes me uncomfortable. That's a fair dialogue to have with kids.

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Speaker 6: But we don't want to put kids in a position

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Speaker 6: to feel responsible. It's like it's too much heavy lifting.

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Speaker 3: That's another interesting point.

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Speaker 5: So if we and I agree with that, I agree that,

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Speaker 5: you know, I mean I have respect for my children's opinions,

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Speaker 5: but I don't, you know, make decisions based on their thoughts.

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Speaker 5: I mean, they're still even though they're twenty four and

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Speaker 5: twenty six, they are still my children.

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Speaker 3: So I agree with that.

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Speaker 5: But what about when you're in the dynamic of like

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Speaker 5: blending the family, Because like when you're you know, I'm

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Speaker 5: fifty six years old, obviously there's going to be a

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Speaker 5: lot of men in the pool that I'm looking at

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Speaker 5: who have children, and what are your thoughts when like

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Speaker 5: all of the kids are kind of like at each

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Speaker 5: other's throats, and you know, like.

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Speaker 3: How do like what are your thoughts on that?

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Speaker 6: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, it's such a good question, and there's

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Speaker 6: no like formula to make it go perfectly, but at

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Speaker 6: least try to be in mind you slow, deliberate and

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Speaker 6: sort of curated about it. I would have an upfront

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Speaker 6: discussion about it, like I was just alluding to earlier

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Speaker 6: that like, this person's important to me, even if your

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Speaker 6: kiddos are twenty six and twenty four, you know, even

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Speaker 6: if they're clearly adults, and particularly when they're kiddos, But

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Speaker 6: either way, I would sit down and sort of be like, like,

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Speaker 6: this is going to happen. This person has become important

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Speaker 6: to me, and I want him to know you, and

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Speaker 6: I want you to know him. And he has kids

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Speaker 6: in the mix, and I want you all to know

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Speaker 6: each other. I want there to be some version of community.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate that, yeah, and I think you should go slow.

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Speaker 2: Also, I feel like the biggest problem with a lot

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Speaker 2: of relationships women and men is that they introduce their

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Speaker 2: so called new love or boyfriend or girlfriend too sue

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Speaker 2: to the kids. And sometimes the kids don't really need

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Speaker 2: to be involved so soon in the relationship. So that's

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Speaker 2: advice I could give, right to just go slow.

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Speaker 6: Alexia is absolutely right, even though we women or the

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Speaker 6: guy might be really excited and should envision this community

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Speaker 6: and you know sort of familial feel which is sort

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Speaker 6: of really an exciting notion that's post divorced and you

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Speaker 6: start imagining like some other paradigm that feels really healing

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Speaker 6: and lovely. But kids don't need to be involved at

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Speaker 6: the beginning. I mean, there's no particular time frame that

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Speaker 6: I would adhere to per se, but like I wouldn't

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Speaker 6: get into it for at least six months, is my opinion.

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Speaker 3: What happens when you like the kids more than your partner.

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Speaker 5: That's eppened to me, Like I love the kids, and

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Speaker 5: I was like, he's awful, but they're amazing.

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Speaker 6: A sign to consider exiting, Yeah, yeah, right, awful.

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Speaker 5: And you know it's like I feel like I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 5: my kids. There's one French friend, a guy that I dated,

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Speaker 5: and he had kids who are just were adorable. And

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Speaker 5: my kids still really really liked his kids, and but

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Speaker 5: he's just awful. So it's like, you know, that is

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Speaker 5: just terrible too, because I mean, you know, for someone

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Speaker 5: like me like I have since day one, the reason

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Speaker 5: that I got divorced, the fundamental reason outside of like

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Speaker 5: other things, but the fundamental reason is because I wanted

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Speaker 5: a family for my family, and I did not know

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Speaker 5: my ex husband was not He was a you know,

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Speaker 5: he's an incredible creative, but in terms of being like

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Speaker 5: a father figure and creating a dynamic family, he just

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Speaker 5: that wasn't that.

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Speaker 3: He just didn't have that tool in his tool.

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Speaker 5: About just wasn't there, And so I was just I've

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Speaker 5: been constantly on the search.

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Speaker 3: For fit.

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Speaker 5: Literally now it's fifteen almost fifteen years for just a

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Speaker 5: good human I can tell.

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Speaker 3: Where are they?

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Speaker 6: Well, I mean you're bringing up something that's sort of

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Speaker 6: tangential to what we were just talking about, which is

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Speaker 6: that not for every woman, but for many women, that

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Speaker 6: sort of primitive edict for connection and family and community

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Speaker 6: and you being in search of that is completely lovely

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Speaker 6: and appropriate and can be blinding. When you're getting to

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Speaker 6: know someone, there's an apparent opportunity to build that community,

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Speaker 6: and we can like fill in the lengths to make

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Speaker 6: it okay for what we wanted to be without being

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Speaker 6: clear about what's actually happening. And so even though you

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Speaker 6: have that interest of curating that community and that sort

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Speaker 6: of family system, and you know, I said before six months,

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Speaker 6: whatever the number, is trying to be slow and deliberate

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Speaker 6: and intentional having those kind of conversations with your kids beforehand,

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Speaker 6: and to kind of get back to the point you

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Speaker 6: guys brought up if and when things aren't going well,

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Speaker 6: you know, the kids don't get along or they're not

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Speaker 6: interested in connecting, like deeply validating it. I totally get it,

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Speaker 6: Like this is fun for me, but like doesn't feel

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Speaker 6: that fun for you? Makes sense to me. This isn't

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Speaker 6: your family, This isn't you know, these aren't your siblings,

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Speaker 6: this isn't a step parent, and you're not invested Like

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Speaker 6: I am, totally what's something that we can broker that

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Speaker 6: feels okay to you? You know? Can we spend a

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Speaker 6: couple of hours once a week, right being able to

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Speaker 6: respect our kids' perspective. I mean some of this depends

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Speaker 6: on age. We can get into the nuance of that,

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Speaker 6: but respecting what it feels like as a kid to

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Speaker 6: be introduced to this new paradigm of people. For you,

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Speaker 6: you have compelled exciting feelings for kids, they have natural resistance.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's also some for me. My kids

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Speaker 5: really want me to meet someone. They want me to

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Speaker 5: meet someone special, not just anyone. They really want me

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Speaker 5: to have that you know, relationship. They know that I've looked,

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Speaker 5: I've been looking for that. They know it's something that

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Speaker 5: I've always wanted and I just never you know, found it.

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Speaker 3: And it's interesting.

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Speaker 5: I was on a call with one of my clients

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Speaker 5: the other day and he was like, you didn't get

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Speaker 5: the memo Kelly of like dating the rich man? Like, no,

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Speaker 5: I'm sorry, I just didn't get that memo, all.

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Speaker 3: Right, miss that one. Miss that memo.

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Speaker 6: Sorry.

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Speaker 5: And I'm like, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm

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Speaker 5: looking for a real connection. What about you, Alexey, what

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Speaker 5: are your thoughts.

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Speaker 2: I think it's going to be easier for you now

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Speaker 2: that your daughters are older. I think it's harder when

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Speaker 2: they're teenagers, you know, especially for girls that they're permonal

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Speaker 2: and they're going through their periods, and you know, it

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Speaker 2: also depends on the you know, parenting styles, you know, like,

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Speaker 2: for example, if you're dating somebody that has children and

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Speaker 2: his parent and style is different from yours, it's really

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Speaker 2: difficult to blend families.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I've been through it two.

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Speaker 2: Times already, and I want to say that I haven't

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Speaker 2: really succeeded because you need both sides. You need everybody

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Speaker 2: needs to be involved, right like your current partner, his

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Speaker 2: ex wife, his children, yourself, your children. It's really really hard.

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Speaker 2: Like back in the day, for example, my mom was

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Speaker 2: divorced five times, so I had different men in my life, right,

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Speaker 2: But my mom always had it very clear and would

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Speaker 2: tell the men, these are my children, and we were

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Speaker 2: three brothers and sisters, and you have no say in

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Speaker 2: the way I bring up my children or in anything.

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Speaker 2: So I really never saw them as a stepfather or

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Speaker 2: as a father figure or anything like that. Because I

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Speaker 2: had my father. I was fortunate enough to have my

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Speaker 2: father involved in my life. So it was always like

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Speaker 2: my mom's boyfriend or my mom's man, but it was

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Speaker 2: never really involved in my life. Back in the day,

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Speaker 2: and this was obviously many years ago. Well, we didn't

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Speaker 2: have all this information and awareness and all this kind

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Speaker 2: of stuff. Even though my mom was a psychiatrist and

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Speaker 2: she was a very smart woman and she that's how

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Speaker 2: it works for her. It was like, these are my children,

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Speaker 2: and we lived with my mom, so it was my

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Speaker 2: mom's rules, and she never allowed her partner to have

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Speaker 2: any say in any decision making in our lives. And

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Speaker 2: you know what, it works for her. So it's something

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Speaker 2: that's very personal. You know, we can have I do

354
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Speaker 2: part one, two, three, four or five. We can talk

355
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Speaker 2: about the subjects forever because it's so complex and there's

356
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Speaker 2: so much too unpack, and it depends on the children also,

357
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Speaker 2: Like give you're the new spouse that comes in and

358
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Speaker 2: you partner, whether you were a cause of the divorce,

359
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Speaker 2: you know, the children are going to have resentment and

360
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Speaker 2: they're not gonna you know, welcome the person into their

361
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Speaker 2: lives and you can't even blame you know, the child

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Speaker 2: in a way. So it's just very very complex, you know.

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Speaker 2: But for you, Kelly, I think it's way easier now

364
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Speaker 2: because your daughters are older. You have a beautiful relationship

365
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Speaker 2: with them. They're mature, you know, they want you know,

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Speaker 2: our children learn from us, So you're I'm sure your

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Speaker 2: daughters are going to choose really well, you know, because

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Speaker 2: they had a really good example and they probably want

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Speaker 2: for you what they want for them. And what's going

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Speaker 2: to make you happier than having your daughters marry forever?

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Speaker 2: Right and find that man and you're gonna find them too.

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Speaker 2: You know, he's he's out there. You just have to

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Speaker 2: put yourself out there and be open to it. And

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Speaker 2: you know, don't involve your daughter so much, Kelly. They're

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Speaker 2: already adults. You know, they're going to figure it out.

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Speaker 2: They're going to have their relationships, and they're gonna make

377
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Speaker 2: their mistakes too, even though I know we want to

378
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Speaker 2: save our children and not make the mistakes, but they

379
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Speaker 2: have to go through it to and learn from it.

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Speaker 5: I mean, I love my girls like I literally would

381
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Speaker 5: do absolutely anything for them, and I've proven that.

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Speaker 2: We'll both basically mom, we have amazing kids. But what

383
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Speaker 2: happens is that, you know, I'm also in my fifties.

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Speaker 2: Your children grow up and you know, and they they

385
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Speaker 2: make their lives and they do and that's what you

386
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Speaker 2: want them to do. It It's hard for me too

387
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Speaker 2: because I'm super overprotective and you know my situation, but

388
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Speaker 2: you know, it would be selfish with me, you know,

389
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Speaker 2: not to do that, and we have to look up

390
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Speaker 2: for ourselves and what makes us happy. And obviously you're

391
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Speaker 2: at a different stage in your life than your daughters

392
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Speaker 2: are just beginning. And like I said, I'm sure that

393
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Speaker 2: they're gonna pick that guy, the guy that they would

394
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 2: probably want you to be with, right, but that's what

395
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Speaker 2: they want. So that's the person they're going to choose.

396
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 2: And you're going to pick whoever, you know, whoever's going

397
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Speaker 2: to make you happy and checks off the boxes and

398
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 2: you're going to have, you know, that compatibility and whatever

399
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 2: it is you know that you're looking for. But I've

400
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,360
Speaker 2: learned that we need to leave our children out of it.

401
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,800
Speaker 2: I mean, it depends on the time because like the

402
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,639
Speaker 2: doctor Hillary said, they don't have the capacity.

403
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Speaker 1: We can't give them that responsibility.

404
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:36,400
Speaker 2: That's like a hard job.

405
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Speaker 1: But then if it doesn't work out, I.

406
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Speaker 2: Mean, they're already going through children with divorce, parents already

407
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 2: have their own trauma and you know, their own things,

408
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,159
Speaker 2: So we're just adding more pressure to them. So and

409
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 2: you know, I've made that mistake. That's why we hear

410
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 2: talking about it because you know, sometimes you know, we

411
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:53,920
Speaker 2: you know, we do have to listen to them obviously

412
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 2: and validate their feelings and emotions. But at the end

413
00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 2: of the day, we're the adults.

414
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Speaker 1: We're the ones that have to make that decision, not

415
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Speaker 1: let make it.

416
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Speaker 5: I mean, doctor Hurley, I don't know if you know this,

417
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 5: but I called off my wedding four days before I

418
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Speaker 5: was supposed to get married. And one of them there

419
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,879
Speaker 5: were many reasons why I called off the wedding, but

420
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Speaker 5: one of the biggest reasons was because my children were

421
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,919
Speaker 5: just not happy and I we had gone away on

422
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,679
Speaker 5: vacation and they just were so miserable, and I just

423
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Speaker 5: was like, this is not what I want in my life,

424
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Speaker 5: Like I do not want to live my life with

425
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Speaker 5: my children being miserable. Like I just don't want that.

426
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Speaker 3: What are your.

427
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 5: Thoughts on What are your thoughts on on what I did?

428
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Speaker 6: Wow, that's that's a power move. But look, I understand, uh,

429
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,919
Speaker 6: to make such an enormous decision in your life and

430
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 6: to have your kids vocally and viscerally unhappy is and

431
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 6: almost impossible combination, right, And you know, we're talking about

432
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Speaker 6: a subset of what we were originally talking about, which

433
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Speaker 6: is the notion of sure not letting our kiddos pick

434
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Speaker 6: our partner, but once a partner is in our lives,

435
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 6: understanding their impact on our family system is really really important.

436
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,880
Speaker 6: So of course I don't know the details, and I

437
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 6: imagine you'll have to tell me, but some of the

438
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 6: discomfort that was coming up for them must have bumped

439
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 6: up against some of your pre existing unconscious discomfort if

440
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 6: you eventually made that decision.

441
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 3: Oh, it was conscious. It was definitely not consciousness.

442
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 2: Yes, I was going to ask you talk to Hilary's

443
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,720
Speaker 2: one that situation, like what do you do? Like, let's say,

444
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 2: like your children are not comfortable with the new person

445
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 2: in your life and you're about to get married and whatnot,

446
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 2: So what do you do?

447
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 1: Like as a mom, right, what do you do? Do

448
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: you go ahead with it? Do you try to do

449
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:52,919
Speaker 1: like a family meeting?

450
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 4: Right?

451
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 1: And like some interventions, some therapy. I don't know what

452
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:56,880
Speaker 1: is it that we can do?

453
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 6: Look, I think I mean, notwithstanding the four days before

454
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 6: part of.

455
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 1: It that was pretty baldy Kelly, thanks Alexia.

456
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 3: I was like, this is not happening.

457
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: You know, you have to go buy your gut, and

458
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 1: that's what you did.

459
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 6: Paradoxically, I would lean way in, meaning I would open

460
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 6: up a lot of space for their thoughts and feedback.

461
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,160
Speaker 6: It doesn't mean you have to take their advice sort

462
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,719
Speaker 6: of follow their line of thinking, but I would be like,

463
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,160
Speaker 6: I'm curious, tell me more your opinion, your feeling, your

464
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,640
Speaker 6: mindset matters to me greatly, Like I want to hear everything.

465
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 6: I would just invite the feedback and the dialogue just

466
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 6: between you and them, and then you have some work

467
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 6: to do, right, I mean, in Kelly, it sounds like

468
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:42,439
Speaker 6: in your case it was clearly bumping up, intersecting with

469
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:46,200
Speaker 6: existing concerns that you had, right and so in this case,

470
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 6: and you'll have to tell me if I'm right, but

471
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 6: in this case there were a bit of like truth tellers,

472
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 6: things that you were already thinking about consciously or unconsciously.

473
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 6: And so if that's true, that's one scenario, you know

474
00:22:57,359 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 6: where it's sort of like, wow, I haven't wanted to

475
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 6: look at these things and face these things. But it's

476
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 6: still important even if that's the scenario we're talking about,

477
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 6: to make that decision by yourself, to do the work,

478
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 6: to do the analysis, to talk to trusted others, a therapist,

479
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 6: a mentor, et cetera, to think about what are your

480
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 6: deal breakers, what are your non negotiables, What are the

481
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 6: dynamics that work for you, and what are the dynamics

482
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,920
Speaker 6: that don't. And obviously dynamics related to our children are

483
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,439
Speaker 6: going to be included in that analysis. There are often

484
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 6: scenarios where our kids are just resistant.

485
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was going to say that too.

486
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 4: Absolutely, they don't want to quote lose us to someone else, right,

487
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 4: And so reticence is more rooted in their own understandable

488
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 4: trauma about yourself and now being replaced or their dad

489
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 4: being replaced or both.

490
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 6: And those are also really valid feelings.

491
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 1: So yeah, to nameless.

492
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 6: Feelings and honor those and validate them, but still reserve

493
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 6: the right and model for them that you're going to

494
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 6: make your own decision if this person in this relationship

495
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 6: resonates with you. I mean, it's much more complicated in

496
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 6: terms of what it would look like playing out, But

497
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 6: that's sort of the headlines, right.

498
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:10,640
Speaker 3: No, I appreciate that.

499
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 2: I love that you said that, doctor Hillary, because that's

500
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 2: that's how I think now. I didn't know that that

501
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 2: years ago, but what I've learned through my life lessons,

502
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 2: I feel the same about what you've heard right now,

503
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 2: h and I had, so my second husband, her man

504
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 2: had two adult children. Went about children because I always

505
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 2: consider them children. But they were already like over eighteen.

506
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 2: One was about to turn eighteen, and you know, they

507
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,640
Speaker 2: resisted for the wrong reasons, you know.

508
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 1: But he always had it very clear.

509
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 2: He said, listen, you know, she's not trying to be

510
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,160
Speaker 2: your mom or your stepmom, but you have to respect her.

511
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 2: And she's your friend, and she's just gonna have that

512
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 2: friendal you know. And she's my wife and she's who

513
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 2: I love, and this is what it's going to be,

514
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 2: and you need to respect that.

515
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:54,719
Speaker 1: When you.

516
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 2: Know, when you're ready to go with your life and

517
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 2: select your woman and marry her, I will respect that

518
00:24:59,280 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 2: as well.

519
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 1: I'm going to make that decision. So you never really know.

520
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: And I honestly I was not the cause of their divorce.

521
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: I was nothing.

522
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,199
Speaker 2: I meant years later, but they still held on to

523
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 2: that resentment and so that resists.

524
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 1: And they never wanted to see their father happy. That's

525
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 1: really what it is.

526
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 2: And they waited to that passed a wedding to tell me,

527
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 2: f you like, literally we were just buried him, and

528
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 2: that was the first thing they did.

529
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 1: So all of that resentment and can you imagine, Kelly.

530
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 3: No, I cannot. I'm so sorry. It's awful, I know.

531
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 2: So at my wedding with him, my friend my friends

532
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 2: that were there said, Alexa, we never told you, but

533
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 2: his sons were crying at the wedding, and they weren't

534
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 2: crying out of joy. They were crying out of anger

535
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 2: that he married you. They were so upset that he

536
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 2: hadn't be like why, Like, all I did was trying

537
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 2: to make the other happy. And that's how it is

538
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 2: in every relationship, right. It wasn't like, I don't know

539
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 2: till today why those kids, you know, disliked me so much,

540
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 2: because you know, all I did was like, you know,

541
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 2: be a good wife, be a good like mother, role,

542
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 2: accept them into my life, give them love and respect.

543
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 2: I mean, that's how it was. I even worked with them.

544
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 2: So it was really really difficult for me. So for

545
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 2: me when I married Todd, I said, he had two daughters.

546
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 2: I said, you know what, I'm going to have zero

547
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 2: involvement because I was so hurt with you know, with

548
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,640
Speaker 2: Hermit's kids that I said to myself, you know, I'm

549
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 2: not going to set myself up for that pain again.

550
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,919
Speaker 2: You know, to like raise these girls to like be

551
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 2: you know, so close to them and love them so much,

552
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 2: and then God forbid it doesn't work out, and then

553
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 2: you know they're like, hey, like you know, I was

554
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 2: protecting myself. So it's really really difficult.

555
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: That's all I can tell you. I mean, it's you know,

556
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: my mom would say, you can get married and divorced

557
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 1: as many times as.

558
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 2: You want, but only have you can't have children because

559
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 2: the children are the ones that are affected. And then

560
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,959
Speaker 2: that's when it comes to blending families. Like you know,

561
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 2: the responsibility really falls on the parents. You know, it's

562
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 2: up to them. They have to put all their differences

563
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,640
Speaker 2: aside and say, you know what, we want our kids

564
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 2: to come out healthy, you know, mentally, so we need

565
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 2: to do this for them. Forget about what happened between

566
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 2: you and I, and you have to like, you know,

567
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:08,920
Speaker 2: parent the right way, and you know, and it's hard.

568
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: It's hard to do it. It's easy to say, but

569
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 1: I know it's very hard to do it.

570
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 4: You know.

571
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 6: I think one of the things that divorce parents underestimate

572
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 6: and stay with me because this will tie back to

573
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 6: what you're saying, is the extended trauma of divorce on kids.

574
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:29,400
Speaker 6: We choose to get a divorce or a divorce happens

575
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,919
Speaker 6: to us, and then we get to move on with

576
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 6: our lives. We process that, we grieve, we have trauma,

577
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 6: et cetera. But we get to curate new relationships, new partnerships,

578
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 6: sometimes new marriages. This is a lifelong thing for kids

579
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 6: right there. Many of them are going back and forth

580
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 6: between houses and have to deal with new partners in

581
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 6: and out of their lives, and aren't naturally organically interested

582
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 6: sometimes in forming relationships with new partners. And when you

583
00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 6: think about it objectively, that that makes sense. I mean,

584
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 6: it's important to the people and the partnership, but not

585
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 6: always important to the children. That doesn't mean we don't

586
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 6: try to curate something that's cohesive and courteous and polite.

587
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 6: But I think what we miss is an opportunity to like,

588
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 6: deeply validate the experience of the kids, even if they're

589
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 6: adults that like some version of like. I get that

590
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 6: this isn't fun. I get that you might have resistance

591
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 6: to this. I get that you might even feel angry

592
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,120
Speaker 6: about this. You might even still have feelings of upset

593
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 6: that we're divorced in the first place. Even if it

594
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,879
Speaker 6: happened fifteen years ago. It's an I see adult children

595
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 6: in my practice meeting people who are thirty, forty, fifty sixty,

596
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 6: who obviously are adults, but we're children of divorce that

597
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 6: are still processing the impact of it. Even if they're adults,

598
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 6: bringing in a new partner can be triggering to their

599
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 6: original trauma and they're sort of ongoing trauma and processing

600
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 6: of it. So while Alexi, I'm not saying that means

601
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 6: people should not get into new relationships and formulate a

602
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 6: new community, but there is a way to narrate those

603
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 6: truths that make the new partner more accessible and digestible

604
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 6: to our adult kids. And I think a lot of parents,

605
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 6: because it's so awkward and painful to acknowledge those truths

606
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 6: or to acknowledge that the kids might be either neutral

607
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 6: or not into it, don't have those kind of discussions

608
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 6: that sort of lay better groundwork to bring in new people.

609
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 5: I mean, one thing I think was like the good

610
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,719
Speaker 5: thing that I did when my when I got divorced

611
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 5: from my from my only ex husband, is that I

612
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 5: never spoke badly about their dad. You know, whether he

613
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 5: was available, unavailable, whatever.

614
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 3: He was doing. Those were.

615
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 5: Those were things that they told me, and I didn't

616
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 5: engage in whatever they were telling me. I was like, oh,

617
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 5: you know, I understand, you know, listening to them speak,

618
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 5: but then I didn't. I didn't indulge them in any

619
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 5: kind of negative conversation. And so they're not used to

620
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 5: hearing or being a part of, like a negative narrative

621
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 5: with anybody that I am have you know, been with,

622
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 5: and so I think that they were just genuinely just

623
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 5: not happy. And it's interesting because after I got after

624
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 5: I after I called off the wedding, you know, I

625
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 5: obviously was around you know, a lot of my friends,

626
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 5: and they were, you know, the majority of the people

627
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 5: that I were, you know that were you know, giving

628
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 5: me advice.

629
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 3: Afterwards. They were saying that, you know.

630
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,479
Speaker 5: I'm getting older and that I really need to settle

631
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 5: down and you know, find the right person, which I

632
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 5: understand and agree with, and they were they were just

633
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 5: you know, the common denominator was, you know, it doesn't

634
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 5: matter if the kids don't get along or if you're

635
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 5: their kids, his kids don't like you, or your kids

636
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 5: don't like him, It's about your relationship together. And like,

637
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 5: I just don't operate like that I like, I was

638
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 5: not raised that way.

639
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 3: I'm just not an East Coast I mean i am.

640
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 5: I've lived in the East Coast for obviously number of years,

641
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 5: but my my inherent mindset and upbringing comes from the Midwest,

642
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 5: which is about building a family.

643
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 3: Like, that's what I want and that's what I'm going

644
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 3: to get.

645
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 6: Well it unless I am missing a piece of the story.

646
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 6: It sounds like the things that your kids narrated for

647
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 6: you were truth for you. Also, Yeah, and so, and

648
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 6: I think we should make that distinction.

649
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

650
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I always wanted them to. It just

651
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 2: hasn't worked out that way. But you know, I feel

652
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 2: like I'm like you too, Kelly. I wanted that, Like

653
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 2: I never wanted to divorce. I came from a family

654
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 2: that was divorced. I never wanted done. My brother's sister's

655
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 2: so married. So I tried, you know, so, but there's

656
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 2: you know, only so much you could do, you know,

657
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 2: for the kids. And I feel like, now my kids

658
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 2: are older, they get it. They're like, Mom, I understand

659
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 2: you know this that and why you made this decision

660
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 2: and why you did that. And you know, maybe now

661
00:31:57,720 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: that your girls are older, you can have that conversation

662
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 2: with them.

663
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I just just I just interested.

664
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 5: It's like my kids have been you know, I mean

665
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 5: they've been, you know, very supportive of whatever I've been doing.

666
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 3: But I thought that was wild that like people that I.

667
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 5: Knew are just like Kelly, just like suck it up

668
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 5: and just like find a partner.

669
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 3: I'm like, you don't just find a partner like you buy.

670
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: Like to find your happiness in yourself.

671
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 2: Like finding a partner is not going to make you

672
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 2: happy or fix your life or fix yourself.

673
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 3: So that's but I think a lot of people think

674
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 3: that I know, well.

675
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 1: A lot of women because they are women.

676
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 2: The women that are married, so you have those friends

677
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 2: and will give you that kind of advice because I've

678
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 2: always been in a relationship. Then you'll have women that

679
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 2: never married or they're happily divorced and they're independent, you know,

680
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 2: financially and psychologically and emotionally, so they'll give you a

681
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: different kind of advice.

682
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 1: But you have to focus on you, on Kelly, and

683
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 1: like what you want.

684
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, this really feeds into the narrative that is old

685
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 6: but still is quite ubiquitous, which is the idea that

686
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 6: you are undervalued if you aren't in relationship, right, and

687
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 6: the fear that is in our sociocultural dynamics around women aging,

688
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:12,479
Speaker 6: and so you're right to notice that this messaging doesn't

689
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 6: feel good and doesn't resonate. And I think it's incredible

690
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 6: that you've been able to stand up in the face

691
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 6: of it and sort of say, like, no, I'm gonna

692
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 6: I'm going to pick something that resonates. I'm going to

693
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 6: wait until I get a version of what I want,

694
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 6: which is exactly what you should do.

695
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 5: And I think, I mean, there is a lot of

696
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 5: fear associated with doing things on your own, by yourself.

697
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 5: I mean, whether that's a male or a female. You know,

698
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 5: it is so much nicer when you can say there's

699
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 5: a pot, we're both putting it in and we're going to.

700
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 3: Create and build.

701
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 5: You know, I'm building on my own, and there's something

702
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 5: very daunting about that.

703
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 3: Every day It's like it's.

704
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 5: Like I'm not only an entrepreneur in business, but I'm

705
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 5: an entrepreneur in my personal life too, which is a

706
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 5: very kind of daunting.

707
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 3: You know, everyday thought that I have.

708
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,280
Speaker 2: I don't mean to be negative, I'm just very realistic

709
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 2: and pragmatic. I mean, do you really believe you're going

710
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 2: to find that person that you can start building it

711
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 2: with them. Okay, listen, there's nothing like faith and being

712
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:12,840
Speaker 2: positive and optimistic.

713
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 3: I'm not, but also that's my mindset.

714
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 5: I definitely would love to have something with with you know,

715
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 5: my significant other, where we were doing something together and

716
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 5: creating like value, not not necessarily monetary value, but like

717
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:28,800
Speaker 5: personal value.

718
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 3: I think that's really important.

719
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:31,760
Speaker 1: Well, yes, personal for sure.

720
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I mean we're not gonna have kids. I mean, you.

721
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 2: Know, from personal I agree. I think that that's a

722
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 2: really woman's you know, goal and wish and dream. You know,

723
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 2: we all want that, right, that's what we.

724
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,320
Speaker 3: Own for Maybe I'm an optimist.

725
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, and I am too, Like you know,

726
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: we're in love with love and we want to have that.

727
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 3: I'm the only optimist in New York City.

728
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: I don't know.

729
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 2: Well, come to Miami because I feel like I've lost

730
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,720
Speaker 2: my optimism and I'm super jaded because I live in Miami.

731
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 3: So I see you have media, you and doctor Hillary.

732
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,840
Speaker 6: Yes, I think it's important for us to sort of,

733
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 6: in my view, have been brazen normalize what Kelly is

734
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 6: talking about, which is formulating a connection with someone through

735
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:20,400
Speaker 6: respect and emotional, physical resonance, and a version of safety.

736
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 6: These are all like requirements that are more appropriate and

737
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 6: more than possible. I don't want to misrepresent the truth.

738
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:31,360
Speaker 6: There are many many women of all age ranges that

739
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,839
Speaker 6: can narrate how difficult that can be. I'm not trying

740
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 6: to downplay that truth. And there are a lot of

741
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 6: reasons that, not the least of which is that it's

742
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 6: tricky to be an emotionally evolves man in our culture

743
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 6: because it's both required but round up town, which we

744
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 6: can get into if we'd like. But it's hard to

745
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 6: find a man that can stand next to you and

746
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 6: sort of giving these requirements that you are asking for.

747
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:59,320
Speaker 6: Having said that, that kind of connection seems completely reasonable

748
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 6: to me, and you're doing such a service right now,

749
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 6: which is both pulling back the curtain. I'm like the

750
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 6: fear of like doing so much of this alone. It

751
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 6: is hard and lonely at moments, it is scary.

752
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 5: It is yeah, not at moments. It is hard and

753
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:22,279
Speaker 5: lonely period. Yeah, it is not easy. It is not easy.

754
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,840
Speaker 5: I mean I won a date last night and he

755
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 5: said to me, you're so nurturing. He's like, I've never

756
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 5: been with a woman that's so nurturing. I'm like, I

757
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 5: haven't done anything. I'm just sitting at a restaurant. But

758
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 5: you know he was, I was just asking about himself,

759
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 5: and I genuinely am interested in like what he's doing

760
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 5: and you know how he feels and you know how

761
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 5: he's raising his kids. And maybe because of all the

762
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 5: work that I've done, not only with a therapist, but

763
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 5: just from working on with I Do Part two and

764
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 5: just meeting all the amazing women like you know, you

765
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 5: Hillary and Alexia and I mean just tons of women

766
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 5: and men that I've met. So it's just like I

767
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 5: just have a different perspective now than I did.

768
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 3: Definitely, you know last summer it's like nine months staying

769
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 3: nine months to heal.

770
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 2: Well, you know, we're work in progress, you know, so

771
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 2: long as we're you know, living and growing and learning,

772
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:26,839
Speaker 2: it's it's all good for us.

773
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 3: And I want to be a good role model for

774
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:29,320
Speaker 3: my kids.

775
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 5: And I want to be I know, I'm going to

776
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 5: make mistakes, and I really like that Alexia talks about

777
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 5: like her mother saying that there's gonna be mistakes and

778
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 5: you're gonna have.

779
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 3: To watch it. And I really really embrace that.

780
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 5: I think it's really important to acknowledge that people are

781
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 5: going to make mistakes and that they don't need to

782
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:51,840
Speaker 5: be reprimanded or you know, like blamed or shamed because

783
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 5: they are not necessarily always doing the right thing at

784
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 5: the right time.

785
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:56,280
Speaker 3: You know, we're human.

786
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 5: I just, you know, it's just been a very interesting

787
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 5: road for me, and you know, I really you know,

788
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 5: it's been it's been hard to with my girls, like

789
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 5: I just want I want everything for them, just like

790
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,920
Speaker 5: Alexi as mom wanted for her, Like that's what I want,

791
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 5: and what Alexi wants for her kids, that's what I

792
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 5: want for mine. You know, I just want everyone to

793
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,960
Speaker 5: be a big, happy family.

794
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 6: What had what have been like your most Kelly, you know,

795
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 6: sort of critical insights and lessons over the last nine months.

796
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:32,440
Speaker 5: Uh to be forgiving of myself and of other people

797
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 5: and really genuinely forgiving, not like I forgive, but I'm

798
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 5: gonna forget or like all these like you know, kind

799
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 5: of like housewives. Not nothing against housewives, Alexei, but like

800
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 5: you know, like when you're on Housewives, it's like you

801
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 5: have this kind of like you know, this this this

802
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 5: verbiage where You're like, I forgive, but I don't forget,

803
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 5: but like in my own personal Kelly life, just genuine

804
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 5: forgiveness for myself for the decisions that I've made.

805
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,720
Speaker 2: Yeahs so hard on yourself. I feel like, as women

806
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,320
Speaker 2: and moms, were always really hard on ourselves.

807
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 3: So hard on ourselves, so hard on ourselves.

808
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,799
Speaker 5: And you know, you know, we've all been through a lot,

809
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 5: and we all have these you know, strong narratives and

810
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 5: we all want to you know, move forward and you know,

811
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 5: be the best version of ourselves.

812
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 3: But sometimes it's not always easy. When you know there's a.

813
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:28,359
Speaker 5: Clash or there's a conflict, or there's like something that's unexpected,

814
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 5: like you know, I mean, howful.

815
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 3: And Alexia's her you know, children are crying. I mean

816
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 3: that's awful. I was like, that's terrible.

817
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 6: I mean, particularly when we have kids in our sphere.

818
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 6: Being able to maybe not in real time, but over time,

819
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 6: being able to narrate. Yeah, this was whatever the this

820
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 6: is this calling off the wedding, you know, this divorce

821
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 6: was like tricky and painful and unexpected. And I felt

822
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 6: lost in despair and hopeless. And you saw that and

823
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 6: you felt that, and that had to be disorienting, but

824
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 6: that's like part of being human. And I have gratitude

825
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 6: that you were able to witness that. I mean, I

826
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 6: wouldn't wish that on me or you, but like it's

827
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 6: real to have suffering and pain, and I want you

828
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 6: to see that part of that is sitting in the mess,

829
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 6: being still with tricky feelings, not knowing which way to go,

830
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:23,400
Speaker 6: being destabilized, being disoriented, and then climbing your way out.

831
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 6: And I think, particularly as women, we feel like this

832
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 6: primitive edict to model some version of like perfection or

833
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 6: chronic emotional regulation in front of our kids, and it's

834
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 6: not really a thing, And in fact, we're depriving them

835
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,880
Speaker 6: of having a role model to like, oh, this is

836
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 6: what it looks like when things get tricky, This is

837
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 6: what it looks like when things are hard. Mom does

838
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 6: get sad, Mom does cry, and mom does make the

839
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 6: wrong decision. But what happens next She comes back, She

840
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 6: narrates it, She makes it less confusing by telling me

841
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 6: what happened. She gives me insight into how she's reconceptualizing

842
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,080
Speaker 6: it and showing up different. That's what more can we

843
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 6: give to our kids, other than wishing that their lives

844
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 6: would be perfect. No such thing.

845
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 5: I love what you just said, showing up different after

846
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 5: being communicative.

847
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:14,280
Speaker 3: I mean that is so doctor, Hell are your genius.

848
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 3: She's like in my spare.

849
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 6: Time gift we can give our kids save some like

850
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 6: you know, notion that we can make things not complicated

851
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 6: for them, since we know that's not a thing that

852
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:32,239
Speaker 6: is that is our mission, and it relieves us of

853
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 6: the notion that we somehow can't be messy in front

854
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 6: of our kids. Yeah we can, and we should call

855
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 6: it out, raise our hand and said you see it,

856
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 6: you saw it, and here's what I've done about it.

857
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 2: M I love that.

858
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 5: Okay, So I have two You asked me about what

859
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 5: was the one thing. So the one is forgiveness and

860
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:52,799
Speaker 5: the two is just being accountable, personally accountable. So when

861
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 5: anyone asks me, whether that's you know, on our podcasts

862
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 5: or in general, I always talk about my responsibility for

863
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 5: what I've done or how I've reacted and what I'm

864
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 5: doing to be proactive about moving forward with my own

865
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:13,400
Speaker 5: new narrative.

866
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:17,240
Speaker 3: And uh, you know, it takes a lot of guts

867
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 3: to do that.

868
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 5: To be honest with you too, I mean you have

869
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 5: to remember, like it's not like I'm like with someone.

870
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 5: I'm still single and I'm you know, still open to

871
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 5: being accountable and being like, Okay, I did some really

872
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 5: you know, stupid things myself, but I know that there's

873
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 5: more to come, and I think.

874
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:38,399
Speaker 3: That all of that.

875
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 5: I think that just like being able to articulate that,

876
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 5: whether that's you know, here or just with friends, has really.

877
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 3: Opened me up.

878
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,280
Speaker 5: And you said that a couple of times, doctor Hillary,

879
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 5: about really being open up, like giving yourself space for

880
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:58,279
Speaker 5: all of those new feelings, those new people, those new

881
00:42:58,440 --> 00:42:59,800
Speaker 5: new relationships.

882
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:04,400
Speaker 3: That's just really, really, really very important for me.

883
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,479
Speaker 6: Yeah, And here's an unexpected paradox which you're describing, which

884
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 6: is accountability ultimately equals empowerment, an intense feeling of empowerment.

885
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:18,720
Speaker 6: Right to say the thing I did that I showed

886
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 6: up in a way I didn't feel. It's niberating, and

887
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 6: it's compelling to other people. Nine times out of ten,

888
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 6: if not more, people are going to be compelled by

889
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 6: it and find you interesting and to find that story

890
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 6: to be inspiring. Right, the notion that like I own

891
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 6: how I move through the world when it's powerful and

892
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 6: amazing and when it didn't work and so I imagine

893
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,359
Speaker 6: that it over like. That's part of why these nine

894
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 6: months had been a growth season for you is because

895
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 6: it starts to curate a version of like expansiveness and

896
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:55,919
Speaker 6: possibility and like a sense of power and two things

897
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 6: can be true at the same time. All of that

898
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 6: can be happening for you, and you can still want

899
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 6: a partner to have intimacy and connection.

900
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:03,359
Speaker 4: Right.

901
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, doctor Hillary.

902
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 5: Thank you, Alexi. This has been unbelievable. Your insight is

903
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:16,320
Speaker 5: so powerful, Alexia. You are such an open force of nature,

904
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 5: and I'm so happy that I've gotten to know you better.

905
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you guys.

906
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 1: No, thank you, thank you, doctor Hillary.

907
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 6: Thank you so much.

908
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,479
Speaker 3: Are you a single parent navigating dating post divorce? Maybe

909
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 3: you got teenaged at home and it hasn't been easy.

910
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 5: But we are here to help. Call us or email us,

911
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 5: follow us on socials. All the information will be in

912
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 5: the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the

913
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:46,799
Speaker 5: podcast I Do Part two, an iHeartRadio podcast.

914
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 3: We're falling in Love is the main objective