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Speaker 1: Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,

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Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Well, hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome

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Speaker 2: to another episode of Call It What It Is.

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Speaker 3: Holy moly, I know there's a little pause here.

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Speaker 2: We're talking about friendship breakups, a popular demand. I'm not

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Speaker 2: a very popular but demand. Yeah, absolutely, people want to

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Speaker 2: talk about it. I actually saw it as a sign

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Speaker 2: of real trust because this one is something that actually,

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Speaker 2: you know how like all the teenagers these days, if

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Speaker 2: you if they offend you, at least mine when they

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Speaker 2: offend you. When they offend you, they follow it up

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Speaker 2: with like, it's not that deep, and you're like, actually,

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Speaker 2: you just made it deeper. Yeah, And also it's up

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Speaker 2: to me if it's deep, how would I how would

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Speaker 2: I let you know? But that's the segue into this

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Speaker 2: is deep. Friendship breakups I think are one of the

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Speaker 2: most painful things you can possibly go through.

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Speaker 4: They are so jess Yeah, So this is a lot

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Speaker 4: of the College crew that've been writing us to talk

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Speaker 4: with us.

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Speaker 3: We've talked, we've kind of.

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Speaker 4: Glossed over it a little bit before this is our

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Speaker 4: deep dive into it. And so I spent you know,

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Speaker 4: the past couple of days just too, we've been really

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Speaker 4: researching it.

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Speaker 3: We've been reading a lot of material on it and

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Speaker 3: kind of all.

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Speaker 2: Over the place, like for different different outlets with different perspectives,

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Speaker 2: because I think it's sort of although I got to say,

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Speaker 2: they all say the same thing.

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Speaker 4: They do, but reading it, I was like shocked by

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Speaker 4: some of the statistics and not shocked, but you know, like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I can relate to some things that they're saying in it.

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Speaker 4: And before we get into our personal stories, I think

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Speaker 4: we talk about what, yeah, what people are saying out

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Speaker 4: there in the world when they're writing about this.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I think that the one that kind

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Speaker 2: of took up both of our breath away was that

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Speaker 2: according to a Forbes article, the research shows that up

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Speaker 2: to seventy percent of close friendships and fifty two percent

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Speaker 2: of our social networks, so multiple friends dissolve after seven years.

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Speaker 3: That was really shocking to me. We hear about the

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Speaker 3: seven year itch right with.

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Speaker 2: Relationship or partnership?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, seven years to me for a friendship. By the way,

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Speaker 4: we're going on basically double high five to us, because

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Speaker 4: like I mean, before Jess and I had this conversation

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Speaker 4: before she got on, and I was like, I need

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Speaker 4: you to understand, like you're never losing me. Like even

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Speaker 4: if you do a Capshaw ghosting, it's like I'll be

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Speaker 4: there like a stalker.

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Speaker 2: Like you're gonna have to it's not a ghost this

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Speaker 2: is a moonwalk. It's an elegant but it's not gonna

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Speaker 2: work on me. No, I'm not shaking you.

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Speaker 4: I won't take any hint. And it's like you are

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Speaker 4: stuck with me for life.

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Speaker 2: I'm a lifer. Yeah, I love it, I'll take it

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Speaker 2: for life. But seven years. I think there's a reason

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Speaker 2: for that. Why because I think seven years is usually

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Speaker 2: how long it takes you to do that. Like the

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Speaker 2: next you get to that next plateau, right, like you're

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Speaker 2: in school and you're all doing the same thing, and

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Speaker 2: you're you're in high school, even though it's not seven years,

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Speaker 2: but it's you know, let's say middle school to high school,

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Speaker 2: maybe college, and then get jobs afterwards, and it's like

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Speaker 2: that's another probably seven years, and then you meet your

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Speaker 2: person and you go through that next shift and then

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Speaker 2: you're thinking about starting a family and you have a

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Speaker 2: whole other set of you know, needs, places you're going, people,

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Speaker 2: you're seeing ways you want to socialize. I mean, I

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Speaker 2: think it probably shifts every seven years. So you're talking

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Speaker 2: about the timing of friendships sort of dissolving times out

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Speaker 2: with these big sort of life jumps that you end

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Speaker 2: up doing. I would that's what that would be my guess.

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Speaker 4: I think what's hard is that you expect friendships to

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Speaker 4: grow with you and do the jumps with you, and

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Speaker 4: finding out that they don't is really shocking. There's no

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Speaker 4: friendship like especially when they feel like a sister's you know,

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Speaker 4: like really deep. There's no ticking time clock on it,

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Speaker 4: like potentially a romantic relationship.

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Speaker 2: Plus in order for you to be in real relationship

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Speaker 2: like the kind of friendships that we're talking about and

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Speaker 2: that we see in movies and film and books, it

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Speaker 2: is total surrender, right like you really truly just like

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Speaker 2: in romance, and in a romantic relationship, you give your

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Speaker 2: whole heart, You share your deepest, darkest secrets. They know

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Speaker 2: you in a way that maybe no one else does,

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Speaker 2: and there's such a vulnerability to that and such a

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Speaker 2: and because of that vulnerability, you think, well, it can

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Speaker 2: actually literally can never end because there couldn't possibly be

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Speaker 2: someone who knows all of this about me walking around

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Speaker 2: in the world that doesn't still feel tethered to me, Right,

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Speaker 2: if we're no longer friends, if we no longer have

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Speaker 2: that accountability and the circumstances in which we're showing up

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Speaker 2: for each other, and they know all this about me,

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Speaker 2: like not like not like not like holding it over

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Speaker 2: your head, not like I'm I'm not suggesting that that

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Speaker 2: person is, you know, somehow leveraging anything against you. I

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Speaker 2: think it's just the intimacy of it. And then you

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Speaker 2: don't have it anymore.

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Speaker 4: Yes, Like you are being so vulnerable with that, with

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Speaker 4: that kind of friend, and you are sort of like

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Speaker 4: handing them your secrets and then but you assume that

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Speaker 4: like they're going to hold them with you forever, and

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Speaker 4: then they're not in your world anymore, and they're walking

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Speaker 4: out in the world with like.

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Speaker 3: A piece of you, is what it feels like.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly right. The trust is so huge. Yes.

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Speaker 3: So I was also reading Wondermind, which is Selena Gumus's amazing,

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Speaker 3: incredible website. Wonderminded a whole article on this, and one

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Speaker 3: of the things I talked about that I thought was

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Speaker 3: very interesting is and I'm going to quote it. Our

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Speaker 3: culture doesn't have the same rituals or milestones at the

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Speaker 3: end of a friendship like we do with significant others,

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Speaker 3: like moving out with divorces, and so because of that,

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Speaker 3: we find it harder to have that disconnect, like we

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Speaker 3: basically like, we find it harder to move on because

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Speaker 3: there's usually like you know, a breakup is like you

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Speaker 3: move open, like yeah, yeah, yes, and so that leads

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Speaker 3: to a longer period of grief. Basically, have you ever

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Speaker 3: had any friendship breakups?

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Speaker 2: I mean obviously you have, but yes, I'll talk about

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Speaker 2: one or a handful, more than a handful, to be.

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Speaker 4: Honest, There's only one that really really sticks out because

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Speaker 4: I feel like the others sort of felt like a

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Speaker 4: seven year and then the other friendships that I've had

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Speaker 4: have lasted, right, I've been very lucky, Like my best

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Speaker 4: friend since high school, I literally text her yesterday. My

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Speaker 4: other best friends since high school, like we're still in contact.

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Speaker 4: But one friendship I had in my twenties was a

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Speaker 4: was a little over a seven year but but felt

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Speaker 4: like that like felt like I handed all my secrets

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Speaker 4: that was going to be my ride or die, right,

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Speaker 4: Like that's the girl that I'm going to, you know,

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Speaker 4: see through all the freight sphases of my life and really,

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Speaker 4: you know, we.

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Speaker 3: Lived together, we worked together.

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Speaker 4: And the truth is basically she ended up dating a

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Speaker 4: guy that you know about a year into their relationship

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Speaker 4: did something that was you know, a little shady and

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Speaker 4: or a lot shady, depending on who you talk to,

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Speaker 4: And it wasn't at all. Yes, he did something that

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Speaker 4: was not good, really not good. And did she tell

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Speaker 4: you about it or did you find out about it?

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Speaker 4: I found out about it. I was able to find

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Speaker 4: out about it through do you know or were you

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Speaker 4: the one that knew? A mutual friend of ours, part

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Speaker 4: of our little girl group, found out about it and

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Speaker 4: we had to sort of go to her and tell

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Speaker 4: her that, hey, this thing happened.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's actually that's worse.

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Speaker 4: Yeah and so and by the way, like he was

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Speaker 4: just not my vibe anyway I would describe him.

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Speaker 3: I've described him before as.

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Speaker 4: He's a little he was a little Biffy from Back

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Speaker 4: to the Future. If you don't know Biff, yeah, you

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Speaker 4: gotta research or people.

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Speaker 2: I thought that there was only one Biff. There is.

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Speaker 4: No Some people give off a little bit of a

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Speaker 4: biff vibe, and he was a little biffy.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to judge, but what person goes walks

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Speaker 2: towards a biff You only walk away?

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Speaker 3: Well, listen to moonwalk.

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Speaker 2: You can flat out run listen, listen. Okay, Okay, I

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Speaker 2: like in the biff vibe. I don't know.

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Speaker 4: He was not my style. He was not he was

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Speaker 4: not my He didn't give me good vibes. And especially

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Speaker 4: after something happens. I think as a girl, you know,

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Speaker 4: like if you're romantically voters on and you can like

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Speaker 4: move on. But the girl, I'm the kind of a

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Speaker 4: girlfriend that like, I sit back and I'm just I'm

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Speaker 4: not gonna lean all the way in. I'm gonna make

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Speaker 4: sure wait to make sure that you're like gonna have

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Speaker 4: my girl right Like, I'm not giving it all to you.

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Speaker 4: It's gonna take me really long time. I'm sagittarius. It's

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Speaker 4: gonna take me a long time. Yeah, you need a minute,

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Speaker 4: Yeah more than a minute.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this is a good segue too, really quickly.

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Speaker 2: There was only one time in our friendship where we

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Speaker 2: were at work and something had gone down and and

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Speaker 2: someone was kind of coming to have some words with

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Speaker 2: me about something and I was kind of like that

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Speaker 2: when you think you're in trouble and you get like anxious,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, okay, no, no, I'm gonna take care

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Speaker 2: of this, and I take care of this, and you

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Speaker 2: were with me, and I kind of looked at you

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Speaker 2: like Okay, go away, cause I got I gotta handle this,

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Speaker 2: and you were like, oh, let me add him, let

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Speaker 2: me add him.

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Speaker 4: Like no, I was like, I was, I know exactly

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Speaker 4: what you're talking about. And my feet were fully planted.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, if you're going to talk to her, like

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Speaker 4: if this is going to go down, I'm also going

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Speaker 4: to be stood right here just to be you.

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Speaker 3: Know, an HR witness to this basically.

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Speaker 2: And then it's like cracking your knuckles, just waiting waiting.

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Speaker 2: You were like I got.

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Speaker 3: This, No I was.

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Speaker 4: I was like, unless you give me the sign, which

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Speaker 4: you did. It was very obvious, like I need you

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Speaker 4: to scram I was not scramming. There's no scramming. Listen,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna stay right. So anyway, so this guy and

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Speaker 4: to be honest, they're still together. They're you know, I know,

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Speaker 4: they listen married, they are they're married, and they married to.

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Speaker 3: Biff Listen, maybe this. Maybe the biff was a stage.

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Speaker 4: Maybe he's you know, it's all turned around. It was

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Speaker 4: giving me biff vibes back then.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, So.

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Speaker 4: Me and her, this is not just me being crazy

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Speaker 4: like your mutual friends of hers confide. But one night

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Speaker 4: me and her guy, her boyfriend at the time, had

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Speaker 4: gotten into an argument, a big argument, and it really

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Speaker 4: killed it. It was just the friendship was sort of

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Speaker 4: done because she had to pick.

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Speaker 2: I mean, a better question would be, did it feel

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Speaker 2: like she had to pick after you guys got into

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Speaker 2: the fight.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I guess that's a question for her.

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Speaker 4: I think what's hard from like the my end of

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Speaker 4: the situation, I think this happens all the time.

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Speaker 3: If you have if you're if your bestie is married or.

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Speaker 4: With someone that you're like about, you kind of inherit

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Speaker 4: the guy or the girl right like you inherit the person,

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Speaker 4: and then it can it can be sticky. And so

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Speaker 4: I don't know if she felt like she had to choose.

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Speaker 3: Maybe she did.

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Speaker 4: And it's and and by the way, it's kind of

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Speaker 4: insulting when you're like, ah, this is like a two

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Speaker 4: year or three year We've been best friends for like

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Speaker 4: a decade, like what are you doing? But again I

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Speaker 4: do think that, like romantic relationships often win out over

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Speaker 4: a friendship, which is also like sometimes jarring. But it's

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Speaker 4: my experience. I wouldn't have made her pick. The truth

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Speaker 4: is it would have been hard for her because I

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Speaker 4: didn't want to be around him. So it's like the

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Speaker 4: fourth of July barbecue is like, did I really want

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Speaker 4: this person in my house?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 3: I thought it was rude. I thought it was kind

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Speaker 3: of a jerk, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And you can't when you when you can't be

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Speaker 2: honest with someone who you are intimate with and like again,

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Speaker 2: has all your secrets, knows where all your bodies are? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: where all the bodies are buried? You you really, I think,

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Speaker 2: and be friends in that same way, you know, I mean,

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Speaker 2: like you and I can be very honest with each other.

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Speaker 4: Like, yes, I'm gonna give an example. Oh no, this

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Speaker 4: is Is it me being honest or you being honest? No,

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Speaker 4: there's so many This is how honest?

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Speaker 2: But I love that.

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Speaker 4: I mean, this is one of the things I really

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Speaker 4: treasure about us and hopefully you guys can hear it

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Speaker 4: on this podcast. We like to be really, really honest

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Speaker 4: with each other is something that we both really appreciated

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Speaker 4: about each other, and it comes from a place of like,

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Speaker 4: I have your back, I love you. You're like you know everything.

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Speaker 4: And after drink the ball, I was just doing a

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Speaker 4: sleepover Jess's house and we woke up and I was

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Speaker 4: just gazing at the window and I was like, God,

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Speaker 4: it's so BEAUTI look at this beautiful morning, drinking my

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Speaker 4: cup of coffee, honestly minding my own business. And Jess

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Speaker 4: was like, can I tell you something. Your hair is

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Speaker 4: a little green. I was just looking at the birds.

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Speaker 4: I was like what, and you were like, your blonde

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Speaker 4: has a shade of garbage in it.

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Speaker 3: I mean you didn't say.

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Speaker 4: That, but that's that's some of the vibe, right, And

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Speaker 4: I was like, cool, what do I do? And You're like, wow,

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Speaker 4: I got this charcoal shampoo thing that I use and

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Speaker 4: we got to figure that out. And I so appreciate

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Speaker 4: it because some people would have looked at my garbage

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Speaker 4: hair and not.

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Speaker 2: Said anything, yeah a little Oscar, little Oscar the grouch hair,

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Speaker 2: and not said anything.

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Speaker 4: And I would have just been sitting there like a moron,

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Speaker 4: drinking my coffee, being like the birds that sound cute,

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Speaker 4: but I.

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Speaker 2: Appreciate I appreciate that kind of honesty. I didn't point

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Speaker 2: it out without having a solution. I mean that's also something, right.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I still want you to point it out

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Speaker 4: and just be like, we'll do some googling. But like,

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Speaker 4: but you know what, not every friendship is like that.

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Speaker 4: Can you could you have told other friends of yours

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Speaker 4: that their hair looks like green? You gotta figure it out?

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Speaker 2: No? No, not many, not many, not many? But you

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Speaker 2: know what, that actually okay because so here's another thing

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Speaker 2: that I was really thinking about when we were thinking

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Speaker 2: about friendships. It's funny how we all socialize. But when

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Speaker 2: we're in school, like elementary school and middle school, even college,

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Speaker 2: we become it seems like we have a natural drift

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Speaker 2: towards friend groups. Right, Like there's multiple friends hanging out,

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Speaker 2: and that can be great because there's options, right, people

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Speaker 2: get to like go off in twos or threes and

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Speaker 2: you have a bigger group. But for me, I actually

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Speaker 2: far prefer being a floater. I don't I'm not really

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Speaker 2: like a friendship group person. I have, Like I have

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Speaker 2: people who are you know, have been in my life

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Speaker 2: for a really long time. And that I just value

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Speaker 2: above all, and when they say something or when they're

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Speaker 2: honest with me about something, I know that I can

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Speaker 2: absolutely count on that advice or that perspective or that

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Speaker 2: offering in a way that very very I think, just

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Speaker 2: grounded and unique. And I think it's because I don't

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Speaker 2: I'm not part of a group. There's no triangulating, don't.

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Speaker 2: I think the friendship groups can be a little difficult

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Speaker 2: because there's who's going off with who and who said

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Speaker 2: what about who? And I think it can be a

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Speaker 2: little bit more complicated. So I find that, you know,

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Speaker 2: obviously we met in a bigger system of work, but

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Speaker 2: then we really just we have our friendship and it's

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Speaker 2: so specific to the chemistry that happens between you and I,

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Speaker 2: and so when we're together, like we know what that's

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Speaker 2: going to be. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I also, I mean I have to say, yes, we

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Speaker 4: were part we were part of a bigger, you know, group,

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Speaker 4: but it's also still work. It wasn't like a you know,

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't consider that like a big friend group. There's

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Speaker 4: an element of family dynamic there. But the two of

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Speaker 4: us were for sure, you know, it was like that

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Speaker 4: was my close clothes you were my close clothes. But

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Speaker 4: I agree with you that I think it gets complicated,

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Speaker 4: and it did for me in this situation I just

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Speaker 4: talked about when you have that friendship group, right, because

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Speaker 4: then you're being Then it becomes the dynamics of everybody

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Speaker 4: else gets involved, right, everyone has an opinion. Everyone's sort

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Speaker 4: of like, well, she did say this about you, and

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Speaker 4: then you're like, wait, what are you? Yeah, hold your

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Speaker 4: and then you can't say anything because you can't say

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Speaker 4: anything because that's the friend that told you, and now

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Speaker 4: you can't say that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. See, I don't like that. That's what I don't like.

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Speaker 2: I don't like that. I think that that is bullshit

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Speaker 2: and it's not fun for me, and I don't like it.

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Speaker 2: And it's funny. I actually I don't think i've ever

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Speaker 2: said this to you before.

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Speaker 3: I get low key jealous.

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Speaker 2: Like I'm with if I'm with like if I'm with you,

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Speaker 2: not jealous in a destructive way, but like you and

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Speaker 2: I do a lot of stuff. Or we'll go out

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Speaker 2: into the world and like we'll go to a conference

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Speaker 2: or we'll go to a event or whatever whatever, and

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Speaker 2: there'll be lots of people and I'm fine with that

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Speaker 2: for a while, and then I'm like, okay, let needs

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Speaker 2: to leave.

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Speaker 3: I'm the same way.

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Speaker 2: My social battery gets drained to zero, and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: totally I need everyone else to leave.

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Speaker 4: Okay, but I'm okay. This is why we're actually a

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Speaker 4: terrible combination because there's a time. There was a time

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Speaker 4: when Jess and I were supposed to go do something

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Speaker 4: together and it was like a business situation, right, and

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Speaker 4: we're sitting in this hotel room. I'm not gonna say

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Speaker 4: where because it'll out that like the situation.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, maybe we don't go. Maybe it's

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Speaker 3: just we stay here and we go to dinner, and

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Speaker 3: that's sort of the business situation we do.

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Speaker 4: So yes, I my social body is not even I

359
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Speaker 4: don't know if it's ever on.

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Speaker 3: So when your dies, I'm like, yes, it's dead. Thank god,

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Speaker 3: we're gone home.

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Speaker 2: Yes, but those are But that's the That's the thing

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Speaker 2: I think is so important about successful friendships, which would

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Speaker 2: be the opposite of having to break up with someone.

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Speaker 2: It's like you have little contracts, little agreements that you

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Speaker 2: make with each other in friendship where you're like, okay,

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Speaker 2: I can handle being out at this thing for I

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Speaker 2: think I'm good for you know, a couple hours, and

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Speaker 2: then I'm gonna look at you with like large eyeballs

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Speaker 2: and be like I gotta go.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well that's when I also, that's what I do

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Speaker 4: appreciate about someone like you in my life is that

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Speaker 4: it's not even eyeballs.

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Speaker 3: It's like we will just turn to each other like

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Speaker 3: I'm done, Yeah, let's go.

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Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 4: There's no woods like I'm over it. There's another article

378
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Speaker 4: too that I want to talk about. It says friendship

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Speaker 4: breakups are incredibly common and normal and inevitable, but we

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Speaker 4: often personalize it and see it as a failure because

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Speaker 4: it is so unexpected and because it's so uncommonly spoken about.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's true.

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Speaker 2: I think it.

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Speaker 4: Does feel like extremely shocking when a friendship ends and

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Speaker 4: then it's your I think there's like a sense of

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Speaker 4: self that you're like, wait, what, like that person was

387
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Speaker 4: part of me?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean? Like it's it's an

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Speaker 4: identity crisis almost, I was gonna say.

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Speaker 2: Because it also feels like a reflection on you, because

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Speaker 2: if the relationship isn't successful, then it might be in

393
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Speaker 2: part to you as well.

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Speaker 4: Have you had that seven year that's like you think

395
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Speaker 4: it's a ride or die and that it's ended.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, was it shocking to.

397
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Speaker 2: You or did you?

398
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Speaker 3: Were you okay to like let it go?

399
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Speaker 4: It took me time to like be okay with it,

400
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Speaker 4: and now I appreciate like what it was at the time,

401
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 4: and I can reflect on it and be like, that

402
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,199
Speaker 4: was great. That's what we needed as a friends at

403
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Speaker 4: the time. And now it's you know, it's done. Like

404
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,199
Speaker 4: I don't have any ill will about it, but it was.

405
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Speaker 4: It took a long time.

406
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Speaker 2: The only friendship breakups that I have in my life

407
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Speaker 2: are sort of specific to there having been an event

408
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Speaker 2: that caused the breakup. There's been less.

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Speaker 4: Drift an event's hard though I almost I almost feel

410
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Speaker 4: like the drift is better.

411
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Speaker 2: Of course it is. It's far. But it's funny because

412
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Speaker 2: I have reconnected. We've always stayed friends, but I reconnected

413
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Speaker 2: with a college friend of mine, and the first time

414
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Speaker 2: that we talked after not talking for a long time,

415
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 2: we talked. I truly, I think we actually spoke on

416
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,200
Speaker 2: the phone for three hours. I mean, there's something about

417
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 2: people who knew who've known you for that life.

418
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Speaker 3: I know that they have all the story.

419
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Speaker 2: They do just exactly like what I said, they have

420
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Speaker 2: all the stories. Yeah, she remembers things that I actually don't.

421
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Speaker 2: This is not shocking, but I mean it's which fun.

422
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,960
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean I think that sometimes the breakup

423
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Speaker 2: breakups have been in friendship. Breakups in my life have

424
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Speaker 2: been particularly painful because they've there's been an event where

425
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 2: someone behaved, you know, myself included. There have been times

426
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 2: where I did and said things that I was like

427
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Speaker 2: what what? Who was that person? And you and you're

428
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Speaker 2: and it sucks, It really sucks. It sucks when you

429
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Speaker 2: when you're the one who's done the thing. It sucks

430
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 2: when they've done the thing. I mean, it just it

431
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 2: just is so so hard, and you kind of don't

432
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,680
Speaker 2: even know what to do with yourself anymore, because all

433
00:20:55,720 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 2: your flight patterns usually depend on that friendship, right, Like

434
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,199
Speaker 2: you have this thing where you see them and you

435
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 2: go here and maybe it's your favorite made me whatever

436
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,680
Speaker 2: it is. It's like either the cafe or the gym

437
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 2: or the restaurant or the workplace, whatever it is. But

438
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,400
Speaker 2: like you, you don't usually stop intersecting, and you have

439
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:20,439
Speaker 2: to reckon with this division that is that feels so heavy.

440
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 2: That's what I feel like, I was. The worst part

441
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 2: is that that, like the term heavy hearted resonates for me, right,

442
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 2: like my heart feels heavy when, yes, that kind of

443
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 2: thing happens. I just it's hard to get out of it.

444
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,880
Speaker 2: That being said, you know, then you have kids, and

445
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 2: I imagine a lot of friendship breakups happen when you

446
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 2: have kids, because yeah, all of a sudden, they're the

447
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 2: most important thing. It's true, It's true.

448
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,720
Speaker 4: I had I want to know your opinion on this

449
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 4: because I told Matt that we were doing this podcast

450
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,960
Speaker 4: last night and it got on this on the subject

451
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 4: of I think, but I might be wrong, and maybe

452
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,719
Speaker 4: this is how I feel. I think that in relationships,

453
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,640
Speaker 4: in romantic relationships, you give that person like a lot

454
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 4: of chances, right like you're in a fight and it's

455
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 4: you get you know, in friendships, no matter how close

456
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:18,399
Speaker 4: you are, I think friends get less chances to like

457
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 4: get angry at each other in general.

458
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 2: What's your hypothesis you think sex in our sex in

459
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:26,679
Speaker 2: our interrupts.

460
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 3: I don't know what my hypothesis.

461
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,120
Speaker 4: I guess my hypothesis is that, like, you don't get

462
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,239
Speaker 4: as many roe bumps in a friendship as you do

463
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,879
Speaker 4: in a relationship, Like I feel like a relationship you

464
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,880
Speaker 4: get your get out of jail free card a lot

465
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 4: more than friendships, and so they're a little more seven

466
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:46,159
Speaker 4: year like maybe likely to end abruptly. You're saying, like

467
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 4: one thing happened, right, Like, I can't think of a

468
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 4: relationship that I've had where like one thing happened and

469
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 4: it was done. But I can think of friendships where

470
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 4: like we never fought and now one thing happened and

471
00:22:58,600 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 4: now it's kind of done.

472
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:00,440
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

473
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 4: And I don't know why that is, And I don't

474
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 4: even know if other people have that same opinion. I

475
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,440
Speaker 4: was just it was a conversation that we had last

476
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,960
Speaker 4: night that I was like, that's kind of interesting.

477
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we expect more from our friendships, Isn't

478
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 2: that crazy? I think we have a higher standard we do.

479
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 2: Is that weird to say?

480
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 3: No, I don't think that's weird, But I think that's

481
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 3: very interesting.

482
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, yeah.

483
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 3: I wonder why.

484
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 4: So I read this article by Lilly dan Seger and

485
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:32,120
Speaker 4: l two talking about friendship breakups, and she had gone

486
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,199
Speaker 4: through a friendship breakup and then what she did is

487
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 4: she threw together a quick survey and threw it out

488
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 4: into the world thinking like, like have you experienced this?

489
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 4: And she said the first weekend after she set this

490
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,640
Speaker 4: survey out on x one hundred and twenty five women

491
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 4: responded with stories of betrayal and heartbreak and dramatic fallouts

492
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 4: and all the things that come with a friendship breakup.

493
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,200
Speaker 4: And she was so blown away by not only the

494
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 4: response fast, but how emotional responses were. One person wrote,

495
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 4: there's an empty second half of the book where she

496
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 4: and I should have been filling in the story together,

497
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 4: And I think that that's a lot, that's a lot

498
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 4: of how we feel. But also then she realized that

499
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 4: almost ninety percent of respondent said that their friendship breakup

500
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,199
Speaker 4: was a big deal or a bigger deal than some

501
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 4: or all of their past romantic breakups. And she says,

502
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 4: she talks about how like in our culture, you know,

503
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 4: we have this feeling of like socially we see like,

504
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 4: you know, you break up and your girlfriends come over

505
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,439
Speaker 4: and you eat the ice cream, and you sort of know, like,

506
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 4: you know, there's a little ritual around like getting over

507
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 4: like that romantic breakup, and it just isn't there for

508
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 4: a friend breakup, and so it does feel really isolating

509
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 4: and you sort of don't know how to process it.

510
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 4: There's not like that rallying and you know you're gonna

511
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 4: watch the romantic you know, it's like very hard to

512
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 4: get over it because socially we sort of like are like, wait,

513
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 4: what the do I do?

514
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 2: Now? How do I warn this? Yeah? I completely agree.

515
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 2: There isn't that cultural rallying around someone who has broken

516
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 2: up with a friend the way that there is when

517
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 2: you've broken up with a romantic partner. I mean not

518
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 2: that we should, you know, have pain be a competitive sport,

519
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 2: but I do. I have found it far more painful

520
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 2: to be broken up with as a friend than like

521
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 2: the breaking up is hard because you know you have

522
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,880
Speaker 2: to do it and who wants to hurt anyone? Yeah,

523
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: all that, But when you get broken up with, yeah,

524
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:47,399
Speaker 2: and it's really only happened once, it's pain No, you

525
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 2: know when it actually happened another time, it happened a

526
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 2: second time, and it was really wild because you know,

527
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 2: life is long. And I had a friend basically say

528
00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:01,639
Speaker 2: I don't be friends with you anymore and okay, and

529
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 2: then maybe two or three years later sent me an

530
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 2: email that was like you know what, I really thought

531
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 2: about it, and I think I acted too rashly and

532
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 2: I really missed you. It was very kind, it was

533
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,679
Speaker 2: very sweet, but because they had broken up with me

534
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 2: in a way that I really felt was orderline unkind.

535
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, I felt a little bit like, you know.

536
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 2: What, you put me in a time out and you

537
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 2: like left me in my room and you forgot about me.

538
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 2: You forgot to come and take me out of my

539
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 2: time out. And now I'm in my room and I'm

540
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 2: actually fine here.

541
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I actually decorated it.

542
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've decorated it. I feel like I buyed some

543
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 2: friends over Yeah.

544
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've got new friends over here and we've opened

545
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 4: a bottle of wine and cool.

546
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:52,920
Speaker 3: Yeah you're cool.

547
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 2: I'm cool. But I'll look forward to running into you.

548
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 3: Yes, I have to say.

549
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 4: The friend that I broke that, well, I think it

550
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 4: was kind of a mute to be honest, that this

551
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 4: friendship ended with a few years later, I did write

552
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 4: her and say like, hey, you know, like if you

553
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 4: ever want to meet for coffee, because I was thinking

554
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 4: in the moment, I was being nostalgic in the moment.

555
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 3: Is the truth that I thought, like, maybe there's a.

556
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 4: World in which like it's never going to be the same,

557
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 4: but like we can we're both mommies now, like maybe

558
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 4: they're you know, we both had sons around the same age,

559
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 4: like maybe there's a world in which there's a new

560
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 4: something there that can work. And then the truth is

561
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 4: is that she canceled same day on the coffee and

562
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 4: I wasn't even mad at it. I was like, oh,

563
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 4: you know what, it's not meant to be, and I

564
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:45,159
Speaker 4: just I sort of needed I it confirmed something for me.

565
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 4: And and now that that like feeling of like that

566
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 4: question is like gone very much, so like it was like, okay, great,

567
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,880
Speaker 4: well this is yes, yes, yes, yes, And now that

568
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 4: feeling of like wanting to meet up is like on

569
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 4: you know, like that any of that question. But anyway,

570
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 4: all these things are very difficult. They're very painful, and

571
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,440
Speaker 4: apparently all of us have experienced this and we just

572
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 4: don't talk about it because it's it feels maybe embarrassing

573
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 4: and awkward to be like.

574
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 3: A lost a friend.

575
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 2: Yeah you know. Yeah.

576
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 4: And in one of the articles I read, they said,

577
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 4: like make sure you don't go to your mutual friends,

578
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,880
Speaker 4: like don't lean on your mutual friends, because sure, yes,

579
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 4: but I kind of did that and it was not

580
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 4: a good idea because you do end up hearing I know, but.

581
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,640
Speaker 2: What are you supposed to process it in a vacuum?

582
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 2: I mean you can't.

583
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 4: I mean I think that, like you, you process it

584
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 4: hopefully with friends outside of outside of it. But sometimes

585
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 4: the hard thing is is like your friends are all

586
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 4: in it mm hmm, and it gets complicated and messy,

587
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 4: and maybe you need to put lay down boundaries and

588
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 4: be like, listen, I need to like say this, but

589
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 4: I like I need you to be Switzerland for just

590
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 4: a little bit.

591
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Yeah.

592
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 4: Yeah.

593
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 2: Well, and I think as we mature, whatever age that

594
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 2: means for someone. But I think that there's the accountability pieces.

595
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 2: If I knew then what I know now, how actually

596
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 2: I'm I feel very I mean I don't want to

597
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 2: get cocky, but I think I've gotten so much better

598
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 2: if I've done something, or if I even think I've

599
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 2: done something, I find it's so much easier to take accountability,

600
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 2: to go to the person and be like, yes, oh

601
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 2: you know what you said that you mentioned this thing

602
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 2: and it made me think that you think I've done

603
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 2: something that actually I didn't do. I forgot to do

604
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 2: that thing and you think that like I'm so sorry,

605
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 2: how and someone said this there data made so much

606
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 2: sense to me. So often we try to work each

607
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 2: other as opposed to work the problem or work the challenge,

608
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 2: and it's it's sort of on the heels of that.

609
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 2: You can't control anybody. You can't make someone think something

610
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,520
Speaker 2: or do something. All you can control is how you

611
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 2: think and what you do. And so so really, when

612
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 2: you're you know, trying to figure something out together, you can't.

613
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 2: It's less successful to look at the other person and

614
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 2: be like, you need to do this, you need to

615
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 2: do that, you need to think differently. But more like,

616
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 2: this is a situation we've been given. Here are the challenges.

617
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 2: What are we going to do? What are your thoughts?

618
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 2: What are my thoughts? How do I figure it out?

619
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 3: No, I agree with that.

620
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 4: I think I actually think having kids makes me has

621
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 4: made me realize that I can own and apologize more

622
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 4: because like you're kind of horrified sometimes parenting.

623
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 2: Or at least I am where I'm like, damn, I.

624
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 4: Really yelled, Like I gotta say, like that was a

625
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 4: I took it to a ten and they were only

626
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 4: at a five. You know, Yeah, like I'm the one

627
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 4: that to get to the dam so I gotta say sorry.

628
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, because you're the role model. Damn it.

629
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 3: Parenting is so humbling, is the truth.

630
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 2: But what we've talked about this before.

631
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 4: I like it do over sometimes, yes, And I think

632
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 4: a friendship do over like is so important to be like.

633
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 4: I mean, I've definitely called a friend and said I'm

634
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 4: so sorry, I'm so.

635
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 3: I don't know why I said that.

636
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 4: So you know, and I those are the friendships that

637
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 4: really go the distance they do.

638
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,240
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry I said your hair was green.

639
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 3: No, I actually, by the way, it was like thinking.

640
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 4: About it this morning and I'm like, can you you

641
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 4: didn't text me the charcoal thing?

642
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 2: I don't.

643
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 3: I don't want you to be sorry about it.

644
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 2: I need you to figure fix it. Yeah yeah, okay,

645
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 2: Well i'll get you. I'll get you after this. All right, Well,

646
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 2: let's get into what the crew has written in.

647
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, Emily says, my best friend lives hours away.

648
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 4: What is your best advice for maintaining that friendship from afar?

649
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 2: Hello, we have it. I have this friendship right now.

650
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 2: Don't let distance ever derail you. I don't feel that

651
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 2: I don't I really don't. I don't. I don't feel

652
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 2: it does I I talk to my well again, I

653
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 2: mean we're a particular time in our lives, right, we

654
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 2: are very busy, so we are we are constantly like

655
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,840
Speaker 2: pinballing from thing to things. So I don't have a

656
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 2: ton of time for real FaceTime, sit down time with

657
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 2: my friends, like I can, you know, grab dinners here

658
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 2: and there. But I'm not a lady who lunches, and

659
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 2: I don't have I don't have time for that. And

660
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,479
Speaker 2: so I'm all on the phone. And you don't need

661
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 2: to live near someone to be on the phone.

662
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 4: I think that even I think one thing that we

663
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 4: have gotten really good at is sometimes it's like just

664
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,479
Speaker 4: that two minute call. Mm. It like it and and

665
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 4: it maintains that friendship. Or even sometimes I know that

666
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 4: I don't have time to really even have a conversation,

667
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:47,239
Speaker 4: but I just need to get this one thing out.

668
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 3: I'll send her a voice memo.

669
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 4: And so I just think those little all those things

670
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 4: add up so instead of thinking I can't you know,

671
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 4: I don't have an hour to talk on the phone,

672
00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 4: it can be two minutes. It can just be like, hey,

673
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 4: what's going on? How are you and I think that

674
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 4: it all adds up.

675
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and also the texting, I'm pretty hilarious each

676
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 2: other exactly. Yeah, Okay. Tara wrote in and said, my

677
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 2: best friend stopped talking to me because I didn't buy

678
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 2: her Taylor Swift tickets. How dare you? I did not

679
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 2: feel guilty because the ticket demand price was insane. I

680
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 2: don't think you should feel guilty, And I don't think

681
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 2: she should have stopped talking to you because you didn't

682
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 2: buy her Taylor Swift ticket. Also, I just.

683
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 4: Think that, like you, it's not like Tara had.

684
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:35,320
Speaker 3: The one uh the one link to the ticket. It

685
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 3: is ticket Master. Yeah, you can log on at any

686
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 3: time you want to.

687
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe you're mad at her for not buying you tickets.

688
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, Shannie said, how do I stop expecting new friendships

689
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 4: to end bad after a past relationship breakup?

690
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 2: I think that.

691
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 4: Taking time to really examine why a past relationship breakup

692
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 4: happened and sit on it really helps you move forward

693
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 4: into new friendships and you kind of understand maybe where

694
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 4: it imploded, and then you get to navigate new ones differently.

695
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 2: Phoebe, how do you know it is only you that

696
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 2: is keeping the friendship alive? And the other person is

697
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 2: over it.

698
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 4: Well, if they're doing it, Jessica Capshaw little ghosting, whatever

699
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 4: she wants to call it, it's over. I mean, you

700
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 4: can tell if somebody's natural it's a ghost. It's if

701
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 4: a natural drift is happening. No, I think that like

702
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 4: you're being drifted. It's if you're being drifted. Then you know,

703
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 4: if someone's not putting in the same energy, that is

704
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 4: also the mel Robbins. I mean, that's the thing. If

705
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 4: people well, and you let.

706
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 2: Them, and then you figure people want to do it,

707
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 2: they're going to do it. Right. When people want to,

708
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 2: they do. When they don't want to, they don't. So

709
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 2: if someone's not doing what you would like for them

710
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,800
Speaker 2: to be doing, or not keeping up there under the friendship,

711
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 2: then that's your information. I had this thing, Oh my gosh, sidebar.

712
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 2: I remember in my early twenties dating. I dated this

713
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 2: guy who was like a super player player, and I

714
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 2: said to well, he ended up doing what he was

715
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 2: meant to be doing and he was a player, and

716
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 2: he cheated. And I went to my mom and.

717
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,919
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, he cheated and she's

718
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: like mm hmmm, And I said, but I don't Understan

719
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 1: why because I told it, Like I told him if

720
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 1: he was seeing other people, he could totally tell me

721
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: about it.

722
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 2: And she was like, just because you give someone permission

723
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 2: to be honest with you, doesn't mean that they will

724
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,720
Speaker 2: like you're not in control, is basically what I gleaned

725
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 2: from that interest.

726
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 3: That's really good. I love that, right, Yes.

727
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 4: Because you you feel like the permission is an invite

728
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 4: that will be absolutely accepted because you've given it and

729
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:38,720
Speaker 4: it's not true.

730
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 2: But again that would be assuming that you were in control.

731
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 2: And Nope, yeah, not.

732
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 4: So.

733
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 2: I think that. I think that if you get a

734
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 2: feeling that you're the only one keeping a friendship alive

735
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 2: the friendships to have your answer and the other person

736
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 2: is over it.

737
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's not alive, is it?

738
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 2: No, she's gone. It's not funny.

739
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 4: I'm just saying, I know, but it just sounded like

740
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,320
Speaker 4: a funeral, all of it. Yeah, it's a French of funeral.

741
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 3: Okay, Lottie, I cut off cut.

742
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 4: Off a toxic friend a year ago. I see her

743
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 4: around a lot and can't move on.

744
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 3: What do I do?

745
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 1: Well?

746
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 4: I don't understand why you can't move on If she

747
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 4: was toxic and you cut her off.

748
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:21,399
Speaker 3: I have questions about that.

749
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 2: Because sometimes we can't quit these toxic people. There would

750
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 2: be no television series, there would be no movies if

751
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 2: we assumed the toxic people were easy to quit. I mean,

752
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 2: do you remember that series that I was in the

753
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,720
Speaker 2: first season of Tell Me Lies? All Toxic Relationships?

754
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 4: Yeah? But I mean I watch a lot of TV series,

755
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 4: but I don't want to be in them.

756
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 2: I love squid games, so I'd rather not play, did

757
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 2: I I forgot to tell you this. I was a

758
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 2: captive audience when I was getting my nails done the

759
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,720
Speaker 2: other day and they had the Desperate not Desperate Housewives,

760
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 2: the Regular the what's the show you always wanted to watch? Yeah,

761
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,880
Speaker 2: Real Housewives, the one with Denny Richards and Kyle Beverly Hills.

762
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 3: Kyle Richards.

763
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:06,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, Holy, I know they are so mean.

764
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 3: I know they're awful.

765
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 2: No, they're so mean to each other.

766
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 3: I know it's terrible.

767
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 4: In fact, to be honest, I gotta tie you. We're

768
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 4: sigebarring this, but you know what those shows are about, friendship.

769
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 4: I had to stop watching because I got so invested

770
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 4: and I wanted to throw stuff at my TV.

771
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 3: Wait, who was on it. Wait, who was on this?

772
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 2: Well, honestly, you couldn't make this stup. So I'm getting

773
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 2: my nails done with Yesie and yes he and I

774
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 2: are talking about this, that and the other. And she's like,

775
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put on the Housewives.

776
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 3: Who the heck is?

777
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 4: YESI you just said yes He? Like, oh, I know

778
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:39,839
Speaker 4: who that is?

779
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 2: Yes, he does my nails.

780
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 3: I know, but like you gotta sometimes you gotta like

781
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 3: introduce the person.

782
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 2: Okay, fine, yes Hei? And is your nail? Is your nail?

783
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 3: Okay, that's my nails because I don't know who this is.

784
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 4: Okay, you're good.

785
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 3: We can move on. We can move on.

786
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 2: So she is a projector and she puts shows up

787
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 2: on the wall while you're getting your nails set.

788
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 4: Oh I got like a movie theater.

789
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, kind that like but also like during the holidays,

790
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 2: we watched elf you know.

791
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 3: We just we watched Different Cube.

792
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 2: But yeah, tell me she's the best. I love you, Yesie.

793
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 2: So she puts on Housewives and I said, I don't

794
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 2: I don't know anything about this one. I mean, I

795
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 2: don't know anything about the show. Which one is it?

796
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 2: Like who are the characters? And she said, oh, this

797
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,719
Speaker 2: is the one with she named mom and she said

798
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 2: Denise Richards. I said, oh my gosh, you want to

799
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 2: know a fun fact, and she said what I said,

800
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 2: Denise Richards was one of my really, really, really good friends.

801
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,840
Speaker 2: A whole lifetime ago. I'd done this movie called Valentine,

802
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 2: which was a horror movie. It was didn't you go

803
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 2: to the plant Boy Mansion with her? Yes?

804
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:36,479
Speaker 4: I did.

805
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 2: We were a swat team members. Oh my god, I

806
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 2: just yeah, I get a visual on that, because I'm

807
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 2: sure I'm serious. Oh yeah, it's amazing. By the way,

808
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 2: try and be Denise Richards plus one at the Playboy.

809
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 2: No in matching costumes. No confidence that I had that

810
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have had.

811
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 4: No, well you and know you had the blonde her brunette. No,

812
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 4: I think it works. I think it worked.

813
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 2: I don't know if it works. But anyways, so I say,

814
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 2: I used to be very good friends with Denise Richards.

815
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 2: And I go off on this whole thing because I'm

816
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 2: not watching any of the show, and she's got the

817
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,720
Speaker 2: volume turned down, and I said, oh my gosh, Denise Richards,

818
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 2: we had so much fun. You know, she's from Illinois,

819
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:18,400
Speaker 2: I'm from Missouri. She were like two Midwestern girls just

820
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 2: out there in Los Angeles, and we had so much

821
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 2: fun and I just adored her and she was so

822
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 2: so so nice, and I just like Harti Gold. And

823
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 2: then she met Charlie Sheen and she ended up getting

824
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 2: married to Charlie Sheen and a little natural drift, a

825
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 2: natural drift, she got married and there she was, you know, drifting, yes,

826
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,320
Speaker 2: And no sooner had I said that Denise Richards was

827
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:42,839
Speaker 2: the kindest, most lovely person ever than she turned up

828
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,879
Speaker 2: the volume and Denise Richards was talking to some other

829
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 2: lady with long blonde hair, and I was like, don't

830
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 2: talk about my fucking kids. And I was like, what

831
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:55,759
Speaker 2: can I tell you.

832
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be honest. It could be there's a number

833
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 4: of blondies. But I loved Denie switches on that show.

834
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 2: And if she was.

835
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 4: Saying it, I'm in her corner. She was bullied relentlessly

836
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 4: for a season. It was horrible to watch. Let's get

837
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 4: her on, you know what, We're gonna get her on.

838
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:18,840
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'm telling you again, I am telling you sweetest,

839
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 2: kindest she is.

840
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 3: And by the way, I loved her.

841
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 2: The gloves were off, and of course I now my

842
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 2: ears are perked up. So I'm listening to everything that

843
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 2: they're saying, and I'm learning things because I haven't kept

844
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,880
Speaker 2: up on her life, but I'm now learning. This woman

845
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,439
Speaker 2: was so mean, that was being a that was being

846
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,439
Speaker 2: so mean to her, And she was talking about how

847
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 2: which one of who makes more on OnlyFans.

848
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 3: Ne're a couple of seasons behind.

849
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 2: But they're sitting there and she's like drinking tea. Yeah,

850
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:46,839
Speaker 2: she's real mean.

851
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 3: Oh listen, I know it.

852
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 2: That's not good friendship. Just as long as you're on

853
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 2: the friendship.

854
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 4: Well, we talked about a toxic friend I mean, these

855
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 4: were the Housewives is all toxic friendships.

856
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 2: We're gonna have them on. We'll talk about me, me

857
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 2: and meanies.

858
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 4: Okay, Wow we went really you know what, I'm okay

859
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 4: with a Housewives sidebar.

860
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 3: Okay, Camilla. A friend got mad.

861
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 4: At me because I didn't invite her boyfriend to my

862
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 4: birthday party.

863
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 2: I never met him. Oh, I think you can give

864
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,879
Speaker 2: your friend a plus one for their boyfriend if.

865
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 4: Everyone else has one. It depends how intimate it is.

866
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 2: Just need to repair. Yeah, get that friend back, don't

867
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 2: let that one go. Okay, Jenny says how to deal

868
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: with someone having a new favorite person. Oh, like competitive friendships.

869
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 3: That's hard.

870
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I saw you on Instagram with some other friends.

871
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 4: I know and you. I know that you think that

872
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 4: I don't have any but to be honest, I've had

873
00:41:56,600 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 4: to listen to you and Sasha. You will preface Sasha

874
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 4: as your prest friend in the entire world more than

875
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 4: any other friend. Ever.

876
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:05,479
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, in all fairness, I did not post

877
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,720
Speaker 2: a picture like in the center of them wearing matching

878
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 2: T shirts and like you know, out of the world.

879
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 4: I'm just saying, if you were here, you'd have a

880
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,360
Speaker 4: T shirt. This is a let them if they have

881
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 4: a favorite new friend. Yeah, what are you gonna do?

882
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,320
Speaker 4: You can't last owe them in. I mean it's hard,

883
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 4: but you can be productive about and proactive about making

884
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 4: sure that you carve out time and invite them to

885
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 4: do things with you so that you feel like the

886
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 4: friendship is still getting.

887
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 2: You know, nurtured. Yeah, where you can be in competitive

888
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 2: friendship mode and just do everything better than that other friend.

889
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 3: Which is also another angle that we support. We were

890
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 3: here on call what it is.

891
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,759
Speaker 2: Weren call what it is, Do what you need to do.

892
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 3: If it's war of the roses.

893
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 2: It's more of the roses. It's fun exactly right. Marnie

894
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 2: wrote in and said, my family is friends with my

895
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 2: ex best friend's family. Our friendship did not end great.

896
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:01,280
Speaker 2: Should I be upset with my family for still remaining friends?

897
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 3: Why are they still friends with the family?

898
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 2: It could be like one of those family things where

899
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 2: you're literally like your friends or your families or friends,

900
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 2: and then you become friends and then you kind of can't.

901
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,439
Speaker 4: You kind of untangle it's an untangled while. I would

902
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,839
Speaker 4: try telling your family that it's you feel like there's

903
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 4: a loyalty situation.

904
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, or you let them and you're just not and

905
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:23,759
Speaker 2: then you let me you're just not there when they're

906
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:24,240
Speaker 2: all together.

907
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 4: It might come across though, as as being okay with

908
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 4: the behavior the friend, if the friend was not a

909
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 4: great friend, that you were sort of like okay with it. M.

910
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 4: It's tricky, M.

911
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 2: We don't know. We need more information.

912
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, Kaitlyn. Can you recover from a friend breakup?

913
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 4: Is that trust lost forever?

914
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 2: I'm here to say no, I have had I have

915
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 2: had some rocky roads with some friends. And then when

916
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:56,279
Speaker 2: it has when it's like when it's genuinely a deep

917
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 2: relationship that you care a lot about. I have found

918
00:43:58,640 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 2: my way back.

919
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 3: It has changed it though for you.

920
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 4: No, you can honestly find yourself like back without Oh

921
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 4: that's good.

922
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 3: I love that.

923
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:09,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really good.

924
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 3: I love that. There you can happen.

925
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 4: Ella, Is there a way to stop feeling jealous when

926
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 4: you see your ex friend with their new friends. Yeah,

927
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:19,879
Speaker 4: you don't need to see their I'm assuming you're seeing

928
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 4: this on social media. You mute these accounts and you

929
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:24,759
Speaker 4: don't see it. Are you out in the world. I mean,

930
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 4: that's just what happens with you want your friend ex

931
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 4: friends to have other friends. It's still important for them,

932
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,439
Speaker 4: of course. But if you're seeing this on social there's

933
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 4: a new button.

934
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 2: I like me. It's a really very useful tool. Tracy

935
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 2: wrote in and said she gossiped to my crush about me.

936
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 2: I can't get over this.

937
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 4: That feels like sabotage, betrayal. Yeah, that's a betrayal.

938
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 3: You can't come back from it either.

939
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 4: Next, Charlotte, my big friend group had a falling out

940
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 4: and I wasn't involved.

941
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 3: Oh, this is a good question.

942
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:00,080
Speaker 4: Now most of the group are not speaking and I

943
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 4: I am feeling alone. I think, then you have to

944
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 4: this sort of actually did happen with the with the

945
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 4: friend group.

946
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:12,399
Speaker 3: This imploded me.

947
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 4: My friend not being friends anymore imploded our friendship group.

948
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 4: And there was a girl that is I've known forever

949
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 4: since high school. I love her, and she was sort

950
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:24,839
Speaker 4: of in the middle of it, and she just has

951
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 4: learned to have individual relationships with all of us. They

952
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 4: are separate to each other even though we're not all

953
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,440
Speaker 4: friends anymore. So that's sort of what you have to

954
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:39,320
Speaker 4: end up having. You got to start doing individual friend dates. Yeah,

955
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 4: big friend groups.

956
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 2: I was just listening to her friend talk about how

957
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 2: her daughter is in a nineteen what No, it's in

958
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 2: a group, and I was like, that's a lot.

959
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 3: That's not a friend group. That's a sorority.

960
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,320
Speaker 2: That's a school of fish. That's like, that's too many,

961
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 2: Like you know, like one day, I.

962
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 4: Don't even know how deep that is. That's not very deep.

963
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 2: Well, it's also just like when something goes wrong, who

964
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 2: he supposed to do? I don't know. Eighteen people mad

965
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 2: at you that.

966
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 3: It's so stressful.

967
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 2: No, it's okay, okay, Tatum. I had a friend and

968
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:17,399
Speaker 2: a friend who fought with me on my birthday because

969
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 2: she hates my other friend, and I don't know what

970
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 2: to do. Yeah, because you're in between, you're in the

971
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 2: tween m I think.

972
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 4: What you do is you don't bring those two around

973
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,240
Speaker 4: each other, can't be in the same room.

974
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. Or I have friends, I actually really have had

975
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:36,359
Speaker 2: friends that just rub each other the wrong way.

976
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,720
Speaker 4: What happens when you all get them together?

977
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 3: Do they play nice?

978
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 2: Yeah? But again, well i'm the speaking given that we

979
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 2: just talked about this, I am the opposite of a

980
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 2: nineteen friend nineteen girlfriend group. I have, Like I have

981
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 2: my close friends, and they're all from different parts of

982
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 2: my life. And absolutely we could all sit at a

983
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,879
Speaker 2: table and it would be lovely. I mean I've had

984
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 2: you know you and Ellie and I have sat down

985
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 2: and I think you know you, and yes, there's almost

986
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:06,240
Speaker 2: instant chemistry because you share someone beloved.

987
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think the friendship circle gets way. The inner inner,

988
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 4: the inner inner inner knows every part of you, gets

989
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 4: so small. I mean I can count on one hand

990
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:20,320
Speaker 4: there's probably like three girls that really know all the things,

991
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 4: including you, and I think that it works just fine.

992
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

993
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 4: Caitlyn says, is it appropriate? To send your friend a

994
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 4: happy birthday message if you no longer talk, yes, you

995
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 4: think so always, even if it was kind of a

996
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,440
Speaker 4: rocky like little I think.

997
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 2: I think there's dislike the person, like they did something

998
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,920
Speaker 2: truly heinous. But if you just don't talk anymore, and

999
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 2: you might have done the natural the Jessica Capsule, natural Drift,

1000
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 2: the JC nd JC indeed, then absolutely you always you

1001
00:47:56,560 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 2: will always be happy that you reached out to someone

1002
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 2: on their birthday? Do you see how my birthday? Love

1003
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 2: just comes out? No matter what I think I know.

1004
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 4: But here's the thing. I think it comes with a disclaimer.

1005
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 4: I think you only send the message if you're also

1006
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 4: okay with that friend potentially striking up, like hey, do

1007
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:16,320
Speaker 4: you want to grab coffee?

1008
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:17,839
Speaker 2: Because if you're not.

1009
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:19,640
Speaker 4: If you're just wanting to send the message to be

1010
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 4: nice but you're not actually interested in pursuing anything further,

1011
00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 4: I think you don't because it can get sticky. But

1012
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 4: the person's like, hey, oh my god, thank you?

1013
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 3: What you want to grab coffee sometime?

1014
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:33,319
Speaker 4: And you're like, no, oh, well if you have heard that, yeah, no,

1015
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,840
Speaker 4: you're right. You gotta like it comes the disclaimer. You

1016
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 4: got to be open m all right, you know what

1017
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:39,920
Speaker 4: this has.

1018
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 2: Taking me on a little walk down memory lane, all

1019
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:44,879
Speaker 2: this friendship talk, and I have to say, I can't.

1020
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 2: I can't finish this topic without saying this. Friendships are

1021
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,760
Speaker 2: so important mm hmm. And I think that that's why

1022
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 2: some of this cuts so deep for so many people,

1023
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 2: and a lot of people. I think that friends are

1024
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 2: chosen family. Yeah, and I don't know. It was an

1025
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 2: unnaturally long pause. I just took there.

1026
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 3: But no, I think, I know.

1027
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 4: I think it's I think it's so true, and I

1028
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 4: think that like I, I just want to tell the

1029
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 4: crew that I've had times when I've moved to cities

1030
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 4: and I've literally had no friends, like really like truly

1031
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 4: not known anybody.

1032
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 3: And it takes a minute.

1033
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 2: Did you go to the movies?

1034
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 4: I went to the movies by myself till I would

1035
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 4: also like sit at brunch by myself and watch the

1036
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 4: girls all laughing over like their bottomless mimosas, and I

1037
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 4: would be like so sad, like having their sex and

1038
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:39,439
Speaker 4: the city moment and I'm like the table for one.

1039
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 4: But you can always, at any point in your life

1040
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:48,800
Speaker 4: find a great, great friendship, and I think that's important

1041
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 4: to leave on me, even if you have to do

1042
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:53,879
Speaker 4: some friendship break breakups and now you're alone and it's

1043
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,160
Speaker 4: not a city mood. It's that you know you will

1044
00:49:56,200 --> 00:50:00,080
Speaker 4: find people and that makes you appreciate the people that's.

1045
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 2: Day in your world so much more. Yeah, and you

1046
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 2: know what, sometimes you do have to you know, fresh

1047
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 2: first semester, freshman year. It where you just you you

1048
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:14,399
Speaker 2: take what you can get.

1049
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, also I mean like you got to kiss

1050
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 4: a few froggies friendship style.

1051
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:20,879
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, the same thing.

1052
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 2: Even if you're doing that, you need to make sure

1053
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:25,399
Speaker 2: that you don't, like you don't give away the keys

1054
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 2: to the kingdom to someone who you know is not

1055
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 2: you know, you should be you should be selective in friendship.

1056
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 2: You should be with people that really mean something to

1057
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 2: you and and that are willing to be in like

1058
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 2: a real relationship with you.

1059
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:39,800
Speaker 3: And it should be easy.

1060
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:45,360
Speaker 2: Yes, And my friendships just give me so much, like

1061
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:50,280
Speaker 2: being friends with you gives me so much and I'm

1062
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 2: so grateful for it.

1063
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, but these things take time, and you know what,

1064
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 4: sometimes that person.

1065
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:56,759
Speaker 2: Hates you, like I don't give to get but like

1066
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:58,400
Speaker 2: that would have been a beautiful moment for you to

1067
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, no, you too, I say ditto. Oh

1068
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 2: I didn't hear that. Sorry, Okay, friends, hey listen. By

1069
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 2: the way, I'd also like to tell you that while

1070
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 2: we're living in this day and age of parasocial relationships,

1071
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:16,240
Speaker 2: I'm your friend. I'll be your friend. Let's be friends.

1072
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 2: I am so happy to have you with Camilla and I.

1073
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 2: And if you ever feel lonely or maybe you're in

1074
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:28,280
Speaker 2: between friends or fill in the blank, you are our friend.

1075
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:30,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1076
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 4: This is this is why we call it the call

1077
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 4: it community, our friendship circle.

1078
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I believe in you. Yes, I believe in

1079
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:38,359
Speaker 2: you too.

1080
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 4: All right, Okay, I think it's time to call

1081
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 3: It the end of the episode.