1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,800
Speaker 1: Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime

2
00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:03,559
Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

3
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:05,440
Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming.

4
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:06,800
Speaker 3: Up, but before that, we have a quick two minute

5
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,559
Speaker 3: break from the sponsors that keep the show alive. My

6
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:14,560
Speaker 3: father in law keeps stealing my food, but somehow I'm

7
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,200
Speaker 3: the unreasonable.

8
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,360
Speaker 1: One take them out faith in the night.

9
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,360
Speaker 3: I've been taking some time to reflect on this situation,

10
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,800
Speaker 3: and I want to know if I may have overreacted.

11
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,279
Speaker 3: While I was pregnant, my in laws invited me to

12
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,240
Speaker 3: stay with them while my husband worked in a very

13
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,159
Speaker 3: remote area approximately four and a half hours from the

14
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,320
Speaker 3: nearest hospital by the way. This comes from user formal

15
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,200
Speaker 3: Donut fifty five sixty three on the r slash Okay

16
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,160
Speaker 3: Storytime sobat it. I didn't know my in laws terribly well,

17
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,160
Speaker 3: and my husband and I felt it would be better

18
00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,720
Speaker 3: for me to be around family while pregnant. Before I

19
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,239
Speaker 3: moved in, we asked several times if we could contribute

20
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:51,760
Speaker 3: the rent, contribute to rent and food, and my mother

21
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,560
Speaker 3: in law insisted that we save for our family, which

22
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,080
Speaker 3: I honestly am still very grateful for. It was a

23
00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:01,880
Speaker 3: huge help and relief. Yes you, mother in law. While

24
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,920
Speaker 3: living with them, I would buy myself separate meals occasionally

25
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,520
Speaker 3: because I was very sick throughout my pregnancy and had

26
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,600
Speaker 3: several food aversions and triggers that would cause me to

27
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,240
Speaker 3: uncontrollably barf.

28
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:13,480
Speaker 1: Uh.

29
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:17,319
Speaker 3: These meals would be things like plain rice and chicken

30
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,280
Speaker 3: in very small portions because overeating would also cause me

31
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,840
Speaker 3: to barf. I don't know why, I just want to

32
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,000
Speaker 3: say that instead of I know the other.

33
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:29,640
Speaker 1: It's just feels so like visceral. I don't like it.

34
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:33,440
Speaker 1: I just don't like it. I feel bad for rupie.

35
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,759
Speaker 1: That's all rough pregnancy.

36
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,319
Speaker 2: Super rough pregnancy.

37
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:36,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

38
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:40,400
Speaker 3: I always labeled this food my food in the fridge

39
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,880
Speaker 3: with my name and felt that it was okay because

40
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,280
Speaker 3: my mother in law and father in law commonly labeled

41
00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:47,480
Speaker 3: their special snacks with mom or dad.

42
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,280
Speaker 1: They're special snacks.

43
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:50,720
Speaker 2: Separate note.

44
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,280
Speaker 3: My mother in law and father in law had cabinets

45
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,080
Speaker 3: as well that was full of junk food no one

46
00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,720
Speaker 3: else was able to have until upon request. They had

47
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,800
Speaker 3: a cat full of untouchable dunk food. Yeah, don't touch

48
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:03,720
Speaker 3: my untouchable and.

49
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,960
Speaker 1: They had like brownies in there. Said don't touch it.

50
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,520
Speaker 2: He said, don't do that.

51
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,040
Speaker 3: Anyways, At times I would go into the fridge and

52
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,079
Speaker 3: notice that my entire meal that I had set aside

53
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:16,720
Speaker 3: was gone.

54
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,639
Speaker 2: I wasn't accusatory at first and let it go.

55
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,919
Speaker 3: But this pattern continued, and there would be times I

56
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,600
Speaker 3: would walk in to my father in law eating the

57
00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,480
Speaker 3: food that I had prepared, or he was giving it

58
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,480
Speaker 3: to another kid.

59
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:29,880
Speaker 2: In the house.

60
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:33,359
Speaker 1: What why, I don't know.

61
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,440
Speaker 3: I honestly didn't even know what to say the first

62
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,600
Speaker 3: few times it happened, which is, yeah, that's the same thing.

63
00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:40,520
Speaker 1: When I'm so confused, we're just like, got your name

64
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:40,760
Speaker 1: on it.

65
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,600
Speaker 3: This. The first time I did speak up about it,

66
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,400
Speaker 3: I remember being a bit frustrated because I had just

67
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,080
Speaker 3: come back home from lap swimming and felt lightheaded and

68
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,960
Speaker 3: was counting on being able to eat my safe meal,

69
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,840
Speaker 3: only to come back home and discover that the plane

70
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,959
Speaker 3: pasta that was prepared he had been feeding two kids

71
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,560
Speaker 3: in the house. Wow, one, I understand a little bit better.

72
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,440
Speaker 3: I don't know, but like, the thing is playing pasta

73
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:04,400
Speaker 3: is child food?

74
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,680
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well she's also saying like rice and chicken though,

75
00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:08,160
Speaker 1: which is also like, you know, you can feed to

76
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,799
Speaker 1: kids and stuff. But these are also things that, on

77
00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:14,120
Speaker 1: his end, are very easy to prepare.

78
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's actually pasta.

79
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,160
Speaker 1: It is so easy to desair. Why does he feel

80
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,720
Speaker 1: the need to take the food.

81
00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:22,200
Speaker 3: I asked him directly if that was the food for me,

82
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:28,120
Speaker 3: and he mumbled, oh, sorry, and I didn't respond. I

83
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,120
Speaker 3: feel like I should have been direct at that moment,

84
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,560
Speaker 3: but I honestly grabbed an apple and went in and cried.

85
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,080
Speaker 1: In my room. No.

86
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:42,080
Speaker 3: We always prefer direct confrontation. Shortly after this, a couple

87
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,760
Speaker 3: weeks later, I had brought oreos because a friend of

88
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,480
Speaker 3: mine came over to watch Twilight and her favorite cookies

89
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,160
Speaker 3: were oreos. I could only have about one or two

90
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,080
Speaker 3: at the time, and labeled them with a note that

91
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:57,400
Speaker 3: said my name and please ask before eating. Truthfully, I

92
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,360
Speaker 3: really wasn't too interested in the oreos until after I

93
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,400
Speaker 3: had given birth, because it was too upsetting for my

94
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:03,280
Speaker 3: stomach to eat them.

95
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,200
Speaker 2: When I finally did go to enjoy some cookies, all

96
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,320
Speaker 2: of them were gone.

97
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,360
Speaker 3: When it was nearly full when I put it in

98
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,320
Speaker 3: the pantry, and they so it was empty and they

99
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,080
Speaker 3: put it back in the pan.

100
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,640
Speaker 1: That is diabolic. Ooh boo, this diebola coluh.

101
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,360
Speaker 3: At this point I did take it out and asked

102
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,719
Speaker 3: in the kitchen who had eating the oreos. My in

103
00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:24,719
Speaker 3: laws were all eating dinner at the time, and my

104
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,080
Speaker 3: father in law spoke and said that he had had some,

105
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,400
Speaker 3: and I responded with, can you please ask next time beforehand.

106
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,040
Speaker 3: My mother in law then responded, I feel possibly defending him,

107
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,920
Speaker 3: because she stated that those cookies have been in there forever. Anyways,

108
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,680
Speaker 3: I said nothing after that point because I felt like

109
00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,400
Speaker 3: I had said enough, and I left. The next day,

110
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,640
Speaker 3: my father in law returns home with a package of

111
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:51,000
Speaker 3: oreos and apologizes, which at first I felt was genuine.

112
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,360
Speaker 3: Oh that's not a good sign. I opened the pack

113
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,560
Speaker 3: and got a ziplock bag and put three or four

114
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 3: cookies in it, and he's watching me do this and states, quote,

115
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,680
Speaker 3: you need to make sure to leave half of the

116
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,479
Speaker 3: pack because you had already eaten half when I had some.

117
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,400
Speaker 1: What, Okay, I'm where that kind of makes sense. That's

118
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,760
Speaker 1: so silly. I'm really curious about what their financial state is,

119
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,240
Speaker 1: because why are you so strict on these oreos? Father

120
00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:18,960
Speaker 1: in law, like, why are you, like, oh, you ate some,

121
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,520
Speaker 1: so instead of me getting two packs of oreos so

122
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,320
Speaker 1: that I can have some oreos, He's like, I gotta

123
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,080
Speaker 1: watch you and make sure you don't need all of

124
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,600
Speaker 1: this one pack I bought, you know.

125
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:34,000
Speaker 3: But also it's like those weren't yeah you ate, that

126
00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:34,960
Speaker 3: wasn't yours.

127
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,560
Speaker 1: And then your gift that you're giving to this person

128
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,480
Speaker 1: now has like you're taking some of your gift.

129
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:43,960
Speaker 3: You like extended an olive branch, and then you lit

130
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:44,640
Speaker 3: it on fire.

131
00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:47,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, literally, just buy two packets of oreos? Yeah? What

132
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,320
Speaker 1: is why? Why not?

133
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,799
Speaker 2: What is with this guy? This comment, I'll admit, really

134
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:53,919
Speaker 2: frustrated me, and I.

135
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,360
Speaker 3: Put all the cookies back that I had in the

136
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,400
Speaker 3: zip block because I felt like it was a backhanded apology.

137
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,440
Speaker 3: I don't know how to explain it exactly, but his

138
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,160
Speaker 3: apology just felt insincere, like he felt like he shouldn't

139
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,080
Speaker 3: have to ask for the meals I set aside or

140
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,719
Speaker 3: apologize in the first place. Later, after I had time

141
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,280
Speaker 3: to cool down, I did respond with a message that

142
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,599
Speaker 3: I really just wanted him to ask before taking something

143
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,560
Speaker 3: that I had bought, or at least not eat all

144
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,400
Speaker 3: of it. It's literally just the principle of just just

145
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:22,880
Speaker 3: ask me.

146
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, come on, just ask that. That's the thing. It's like,

147
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,080
Speaker 1: it's not even a sign saying don't eat it, or like,

148
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:31,280
Speaker 1: don't touch It's saying ask before you ask me first,

149
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,480
Speaker 1: say hey, can I have an Oreo? Crazy?

150
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,640
Speaker 3: This message really bothered my in laws and they have

151
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,279
Speaker 3: made remarks to my husband that I made such a

152
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,159
Speaker 3: big deal over Oreos and that I was living in

153
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,919
Speaker 3: their house rent free eating their food. Oh my god,

154
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:48,039
Speaker 3: you offered to do that. Snakes in the grass.

155
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,880
Speaker 1: This is the way that they give gifts. The first

156
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,039
Speaker 1: gift of oh, you can live in our house rent free,

157
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,800
Speaker 1: and now they're bringing that bay and then they damn

158
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,839
Speaker 1: they get the aureos and then the back package of

159
00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,480
Speaker 1: Oreos and they're like, oh, well, you can't eat all

160
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,200
Speaker 1: of it. They just dangled their gifts the little dangler,

161
00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:03,159
Speaker 1: and then they take them away.

162
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,200
Speaker 3: Notably, my father in law seemed especially offended and made

163
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,400
Speaker 3: remarks that I was sleeping in the house that he

164
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:12,520
Speaker 3: built and pays electricity for, and the house he keeps warm.

165
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,360
Speaker 3: During a conversation about this incident with me living rent

166
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,640
Speaker 3: free in their house and eating the food they provided,

167
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,600
Speaker 3: my husband responded with, quote, you guys didn't have a

168
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,600
Speaker 3: boundary on the food in the house, but my wife

169
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,400
Speaker 3: did have a boundary on the meals she bought and prepared.

170
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,280
Speaker 2: That's the difference. Boom.

171
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, both my mother in law and father in law

172
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,200
Speaker 3: have continued to bring this up to my husband over

173
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,960
Speaker 3: a year later, and it's honestly made me feel torn.

174
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,640
Speaker 3: While I'm very grateful for them for opening their home

175
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:42,000
Speaker 3: to me, I've honestly never had a recurrent situation like this.

176
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,120
Speaker 3: I grew up in foster care and it wasn't irregular

177
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,160
Speaker 3: for us foster kids to receive an allowance and have

178
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,720
Speaker 3: our own foods by ourselves. And by the way, we

179
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,640
Speaker 3: never want you to have anything by ourself. We want

180
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,440
Speaker 3: you to have it with us. When we go live

181
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:59,200
Speaker 3: every weekday at three pm PST. Just tap our profile

182
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:01,240
Speaker 3: and you can be with us.

183
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. At least the husband is stanting, because I was

184
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,400
Speaker 1: kind of wondering what his role in this place was

185
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,640
Speaker 1: the whole time. Why wasn't standing up for her?

186
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,080
Speaker 3: But he is immediately stood on business. Yeah, I mean

187
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,600
Speaker 3: it was like shot ding dong. Here's the difference. She

188
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,840
Speaker 3: prepared those just for her. Yeah, and you said we

189
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,240
Speaker 3: could live in your house. So I wish he would

190
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:23,880
Speaker 3: have brought that up, because that's crazy, Yeah, for him

191
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,920
Speaker 3: to be for them to just be like the house

192
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,560
Speaker 3: I built and the electricity and low warmth, which.

193
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:33,160
Speaker 1: It's like, dude, yeah, you said we could live here,

194
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 1: literally said we could live here. And it's I mean,

195
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,000
Speaker 1: if they had at the beginning when they asked, when

196
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,400
Speaker 1: they said, oh ope, and you know, the husband can

197
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,839
Speaker 1: live there, if they had said, hey, we need your

198
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,760
Speaker 1: help preparing food and stuff and like grocery bills or whatever,

199
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,680
Speaker 1: that would have been different. But that was never a

200
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:50,800
Speaker 1: conversation that was brought up.

201
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,840
Speaker 3: They're just acting like it's like, oh, like she's so

202
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,880
Speaker 3: she's so high and mighty, like she won't let anyone

203
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,200
Speaker 3: touch her food in us, Like, yeah, she was like

204
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,720
Speaker 3: violently pregnant. Yeah, I don't know how else to describe that.

205
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:03,360
Speaker 1: Pregnant.

206
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,920
Speaker 3: She can't eat any food without yacking, so she's making

207
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,160
Speaker 3: these little pregnancy meals for herself and they want to

208
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,600
Speaker 3: act like that's her being like, oh, look at me,

209
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,600
Speaker 3: I'm so much better than everyone else with.

210
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:15,800
Speaker 2: My food that I label.

211
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:16,920
Speaker 1: No, it's ridiculous.

212
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,040
Speaker 2: They got a complex for sure.

213
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,840
Speaker 3: While I understand every family is different and operates on

214
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,320
Speaker 3: separate dynamics and standards, I really felt like it was

215
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:28,240
Speaker 3: okay to distinguish my meals or treats because I had

216
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,280
Speaker 3: witnessed my father in law and mother in law do

217
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,320
Speaker 3: the same thing with their snack cabinets. Am I the

218
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,920
Speaker 3: a hole for being upset? My father in law kept

219
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,600
Speaker 3: eating my food? Edit?

220
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,160
Speaker 2: My mother in law invited me to live with them

221
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,440
Speaker 2: when they learned of my husband's remote job location. Double edit.

222
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,320
Speaker 3: I do not live with my in laws anymore, but

223
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,040
Speaker 3: they have brought up their grievances to my husband since

224
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:50,960
Speaker 3: we have left their home.

225
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:55,040
Speaker 2: That's absurd. These people will not leave a thing alone.

226
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, They're like, I'm gonna keep talking about this forever.

227
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,680
Speaker 1: It is the most interesting in my life.

228
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,959
Speaker 3: Remember when your wife made me feel dumb for eating

229
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:04,720
Speaker 3: her oreoles?

230
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,760
Speaker 1: Remember when she was trying to hog all the oreos

231
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,440
Speaker 1: and I just wanted one or ten of them? Real nasty.

232
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,160
Speaker 3: It's just your big, fat, pregnant wife who likes to

233
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,480
Speaker 3: boff all over the place.

234
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:19,600
Speaker 1: Decided that we would see the oreo queen and they

235
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,959
Speaker 1: didn't even eat them for months. Yeah, they're probably worse

236
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,920
Speaker 1: still at that point, I'd be like, are you guys okay?

237
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,680
Speaker 1: Do you guys need therapy?

238
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:27,680
Speaker 2: You need assistance?

239
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,440
Speaker 3: So we left very shortly after I gave birth. My

240
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:35,280
Speaker 3: in law's got a nasty bug unfortunately, and my husband

241
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,480
Speaker 3: and I needed our own space with a baby at

242
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:37,960
Speaker 3: that point.

243
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,680
Speaker 2: Well, hey, it sounds like that's perfect.

244
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,360
Speaker 3: You know you weren't. You're not in the house anymore.

245
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,120
Speaker 3: You you weren't even in the house immediately after the pregnancy.

246
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,920
Speaker 3: It's more just a I think, just asking for clarification

247
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,440
Speaker 3: on if you were the a whole, and I don't

248
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,679
Speaker 3: think you were. I think they've got there's something weird

249
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,520
Speaker 3: going on with the mother in law and father in law.

250
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,280
Speaker 1: Yes, I totally agree. My mother in law, he has

251
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,000
Speaker 1: no respect for me. This woman laughs at my seizures.

252
00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,520
Speaker 2: WHOA, that's that is truly no respect.

253
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,800
Speaker 1: She's got zero respect for me none. I'm thirty female

254
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,079
Speaker 1: writing about my decision to go no contact with my

255
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:18,079
Speaker 1: husband's family, specifically his mother fifty seven female, who has

256
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,520
Speaker 1: been emotionally manipulative and abusive towards me for years. My husband,

257
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:26,480
Speaker 1: thirty male, is supportive but confused how to navigate this,

258
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:31,000
Speaker 1: and I'm struggling to support him without getting angry. He's like,

259
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:32,559
Speaker 1: I need you to help me.

260
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,000
Speaker 2: I want to support you.

261
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:39,400
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from beautiful resolve sixty three

262
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,440
Speaker 1: on the Okay storytime separated. So as much as I'm

263
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,920
Speaker 1: working on people pleasing, pleasing, he's working on retaining a

264
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,520
Speaker 1: working memory of all the horrible things she's done. But

265
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,000
Speaker 1: he does use notes when he needs to. Okay, Oh,

266
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,000
Speaker 1: he just puts in a notes out. He's like, move

267
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:58,959
Speaker 1: was pretty awful today. She made fun of my wife's seizures.

268
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,480
Speaker 1: Not good. He done his best to call out his mom,

269
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:05,200
Speaker 1: hold her accountable, and enforced boundaries. But she's very good

270
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,920
Speaker 1: at emotionally abusing him into confusion, fear, and heartache. No,

271
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:13,199
Speaker 1: she sounds like a nightmare. Ooo. Both of our responses

272
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,040
Speaker 1: are rooted in trauma responses. If you could keep this

273
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,760
Speaker 1: in mind, Reddit has both helped us grow in the past,

274
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,560
Speaker 1: so we turn you to you for guidance again. Before

275
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,760
Speaker 1: my husband and I even met, my mother in law

276
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,800
Speaker 1: spread false rumors about me to over ninety people in

277
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,720
Speaker 1: his community, friends, family, and neighbors, claiming I was a

278
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,600
Speaker 1: substance dealer and other outrageous things.

279
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,680
Speaker 3: Oh man, outrageous, oh man.

280
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,600
Speaker 1: This would last from twenty sixteen to twenty nineteen. I

281
00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:43,000
Speaker 1: was subjected to bullying and hostility based on her lives.

282
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,840
Speaker 1: We later learned she was orchestrating these attacks, telling people

283
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,560
Speaker 1: to disrespect me, and she would gather intel about me

284
00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:52,840
Speaker 1: to ensure these attacks cut deep. Oh my god, this

285
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:56,920
Speaker 1: is a psychopath, straight up. You are your partner needs

286
00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,480
Speaker 1: to go no contact perhaps yeh. And if they don't,

287
00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:03,560
Speaker 1: then maybe you need to break up with them. His brother,

288
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:07,360
Speaker 1: three friends, all his aunts, three uncles, one grandparent, and

289
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,720
Speaker 1: a majority of his mother's friends confirmed privately, thank you,

290
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,559
Speaker 1: and in groups that there was a conspiracy run by

291
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:17,080
Speaker 1: his mother to make me feel as worthless and rejected

292
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,520
Speaker 1: as possible so I would leave my husband. This is

293
00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:21,920
Speaker 1: all a freakin' plot.

294
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I this story makes me like my ali.

295
00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:27,880
Speaker 1: My mom's great. I love my mom.

296
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:31,360
Speaker 2: Oh wait, time out, My bad. My dad's birthday had birthday?

297
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,760
Speaker 1: Dad, I don't know. They can't have birthday?

298
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:35,480
Speaker 2: Birthday?

299
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:39,720
Speaker 1: Yep, birthday. She also admitted to running this conspiracy against me,

300
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,400
Speaker 1: but did not care to apologize or hear how it

301
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:46,400
Speaker 1: caused psychological harm and tensions in the relations. Thankfully, my

302
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,760
Speaker 1: self esteem has grown and I would not stay in

303
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,240
Speaker 1: a situation like this now. The reason people came clean

304
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,439
Speaker 1: to me was either because they realized that I was

305
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,080
Speaker 1: a kind and helpful person, or they found me crying

306
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,080
Speaker 1: in a stairwell room or outside the event as a

307
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,720
Speaker 1: result of how hostile style I was being treated. Damn

308
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,559
Speaker 1: well at least, you know, like the reason they realized

309
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,960
Speaker 1: that I was not doing well is because I was sobbing. Yeah.

310
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,400
Speaker 1: In fact, many of them realized I was a good

311
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,240
Speaker 1: listener and started to come to me for advice or

312
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,880
Speaker 1: coping skills strategies. Since I worked as a social worker assistant.

313
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,760
Speaker 1: It was during these talks I started to piece together

314
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,360
Speaker 1: that many people in her community were targets of hers

315
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:26,040
Speaker 1: at some point.

316
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,320
Speaker 2: So she's just a straight up little psychopath.

317
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:32,080
Speaker 1: She's a psycho, and everyone knows that. I wonder if

318
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,600
Speaker 1: the people that she's like spreading these rumors to about

319
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,680
Speaker 1: you are believing them, Like, do they know that she's

320
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:39,320
Speaker 1: a psycho?

321
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:40,480
Speaker 2: I would assume they don't.

322
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,800
Speaker 1: Although my now husband and I almost broke up twelve

323
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:47,600
Speaker 1: times as a result of these coordinated attacks, we really

324
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,920
Speaker 1: held on tighter to the fact that it didn't matter

325
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,720
Speaker 1: what his community thought of me because we were very

326
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,520
Speaker 1: much in love. For him. I helped him discover and

327
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,160
Speaker 1: embody the person he always wanted to be. I gave

328
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:03,760
Speaker 1: him confidence to be himself, as his community often gossiped

329
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 1: and bullied people when they were different. For me, he

330
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,600
Speaker 1: helped me cope with the abuse I was experiencing at home.

331
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,720
Speaker 1: Over the years, he has done his best to protect

332
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,840
Speaker 1: me from her. We tried many conversations with her, low

333
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,080
Speaker 1: contact and him seeking therapy. All of his siblings believe

334
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:21,560
Speaker 1: she's narcissistic and found some guidance and surviving narcissistic parents'

335
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:25,320
Speaker 1: support groups. He has since greatly distanced himself from his community,

336
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,720
Speaker 1: and I stopped showing up once the conspiracy was revealed

337
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,360
Speaker 1: and processed by us, after she vowed to never talked

338
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 1: about me again. People confirmed she stopped her psychological games changed.

339
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:40,160
Speaker 1: She's insulted me regularly, yelled at me over trivial things,

340
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:44,360
Speaker 1: and even tried to control my every move. Often when

341
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,440
Speaker 1: we were in town, she would have my father in law,

342
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 1: who's a cop, patrol to see if I was there

343
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:50,680
Speaker 1: or so she claimed.

344
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:55,200
Speaker 3: Way, she's abusing police resources. Oh, on top of all, God.

345
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,000
Speaker 1: On top of all the horrible things she's already doing.

346
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,920
Speaker 1: And this is a step too fun.

347
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,880
Speaker 3: Oh, dare you misuse the police?

348
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,880
Speaker 1: It's likely her husband just gave her a casual update.

349
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,480
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, she's a you know, she's just walking around,

350
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,640
Speaker 1: parking at her phone, she's eating some.

351
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,240
Speaker 3: Food round, she's definitely at a sports bar. Yeah, And

352
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:21,640
Speaker 3: he's just like he's not. Yeah, she's you know, walking around.

353
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:22,920
Speaker 1: She's at the water cooler.

354
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,080
Speaker 2: No where I got my owner.

355
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,640
Speaker 1: She called my husband to scream about me visiting places

356
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,520
Speaker 1: she disapproved of, even if it was just a friend's

357
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,760
Speaker 1: house or his grandmother's. She also would regularly call to guilt,

358
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,320
Speaker 1: trip lye gaslight, or brate me or my husband if

359
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,840
Speaker 1: we were not doing what she wanted for holidays or events.

360
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,320
Speaker 1: If my husband ignores her, she would often yell at me.

361
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,880
Speaker 1: The reason she found out I was no contact was

362
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,080
Speaker 1: because my husband was ignoring her trying to plan things

363
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving and she was attempting to call me. She

364
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,240
Speaker 1: used the excuse to check up on my pregnancy, but

365
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 1: I am several months pregnant with our first and had

366
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,680
Speaker 1: no interest in checking up on me earlier. Thank goodness,

367
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:02,440
Speaker 1: she've used her traumatizing me with social and psychological warfare

368
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,440
Speaker 1: as resolved because she admitted to my husband and promised

369
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:09,040
Speaker 1: to stop. Wow, she's like, it's all chill. I told

370
00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,320
Speaker 1: him that I psychologically was harassing you.

371
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's all true. So it's fine, now get

372
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,160
Speaker 3: over it. If we admit to.

373
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,240
Speaker 1: The horrible thing, like if I went up to the

374
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:23,200
Speaker 1: police and told them that I I'm alive someone, then

375
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,720
Speaker 1: they can't arrest me because I admitted to it.

376
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,120
Speaker 3: Your honor, I did it, and I'm free to go.

377
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,199
Speaker 1: I never felt safe or comfortable around them since finding

378
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,119
Speaker 1: everything out, and she refuses to discuss the matter with me,

379
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,439
Speaker 1: saying it's in the past. My thoughts often go to

380
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:41,920
Speaker 1: if they were capable of that.

381
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:42,920
Speaker 2: What else?

382
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,359
Speaker 1: If they did that, then what's next. For years, she

383
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:50,679
Speaker 1: constantly undermined me, yelling at me, privately criticizing my decisions,

384
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 1: and attempting to sabotage our wedding plans and my wedding

385
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,760
Speaker 1: day by inciting drama within the family. It took my

386
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,640
Speaker 1: husband and I five years to get married after being

387
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,720
Speaker 1: a gay because she made the wedding planning process very

388
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,840
Speaker 1: difficult and stressful. She interfered at every stage of the process,

389
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,600
Speaker 1: from spreading fallse swimmers to stirring up conflict about our choices.

390
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,000
Speaker 1: Even minor things like our wedding invitations became a battleground

391
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 1: for her control. She insisted on participating in the first

392
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:20,600
Speaker 1: looks between me and my husband right next to us.

393
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 3: Dude, real chill, she has no no chill?

394
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,720
Speaker 1: All is this lady? Why are you still Why is

395
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,520
Speaker 1: she still in your life? I think, if someone's disrespected

396
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,080
Speaker 1: you to this extent, why are they still here? They

397
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,919
Speaker 1: forced themselves to be Yeah, she calls him up all

398
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,800
Speaker 1: the he's got a big family too, because he's got

399
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,480
Speaker 1: a lot of super Yeah. And also it seems like

400
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,120
Speaker 1: the community is important around them.

401
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,120
Speaker 2: It might be small town. Try that in a small town.

402
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,719
Speaker 1: When we offered for her to look out from the hotel,

403
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,320
Speaker 1: she yelled at me and my maid of honor. When

404
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,040
Speaker 1: we asked her to go back. A response was to

405
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:58,240
Speaker 1: bring out her entire family, ruining and intimate moments. Her

406
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 1: controlling and manipulative behavior as deeply affected my mental and

407
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 1: physical health, triggering anxiety and even seizures. I grew up

408
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,600
Speaker 1: in an abusive family with a high ACE score of

409
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 1: nine out of ten, so her actions felt like a

410
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 1: continuation of the trauma I've been trying to escape. I

411
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:19,399
Speaker 1: developed functional neurological disorder, leading to thirty plus seizures a

412
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:20,640
Speaker 1: day at one point.

413
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,359
Speaker 2: Whoa, whoa, Oh my god, because of this woman?

414
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I what like, is this a separate thing or

415
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,439
Speaker 1: is she causing so much stress in him day. My

416
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,680
Speaker 1: husband has been a huge source of strength in my life.

417
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,480
Speaker 1: When we first started dating, he helped me distance myself

418
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 1: from my abusive family. He stood up to my brother

419
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 1: when he was physically harming me, and supported me when

420
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 1: I went no contact with my father. He believed me

421
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 1: when I shared what I had been through as a child,

422
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 1: and he gave me the courage to heal. He introduced

423
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 1: me to healthy experiences like spending time at parks and

424
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: socializing with people who had no connection to his mom,

425
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,680
Speaker 1: helping me slowly overcome my fear of people after years

426
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:01,480
Speaker 1: of being isolated by my own abuse family. He's always

427
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 1: been my number one cheerleader and supports me each step

428
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,919
Speaker 1: of my healing journey. This August, after countless attempts to

429
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 1: have productive conversations with her about boundaries and respect for

430
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,159
Speaker 1: the last nine years, I reached my breaking point. She

431
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 1: took a picture of me seizing at our wedding brunch,

432
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,639
Speaker 1: despite or pleased to stop.

433
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 3: Yo Yo Black hole, black hole, black hole.

434
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:28,240
Speaker 2: This she took a picture of you seizing.

435
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 3: Black hole for this absolute beast that somehow escaped from Tartarus.

436
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,200
Speaker 3: Oh my god, this woman is the minutaar. Yeah, black

437
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,359
Speaker 3: hole or maybe back into Tartarus.

438
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:44,640
Speaker 1: Do we have a new Tartarus one Tartaris where it's

439
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 1: like you don't all of the worst, worst of the worst.

440
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 3: Where you are mythologically awful. Yeah, you have to be

441
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,399
Speaker 3: put into the Tartarus prison.

442
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. She then gave it to me as an anniversary gift,

443
00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 1: laughing as if it were funny. Oh my god, rot

444
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: in Tartar, dude.

445
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 2: No, honestly, I don't know.

446
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,360
Speaker 3: I don't even think we can put her in Tartars.

447
00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:09,719
Speaker 1: She can't because.

448
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 2: She was clearly in there before.

449
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 3: Now it's time for black hole spaghetti no longer exist,

450
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 3: no longer exist, cannot exist by planet.

451
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 1: Wow. This was just the final straw and years of mistreatment.

452
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 1: She denies that we told her not to take the

453
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 1: picture and says she took it because her and her

454
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,880
Speaker 1: husband have a photo of them on a horse carriage

455
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,359
Speaker 1: that they rode away in. She's like, oh, yes, you

456
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,240
Speaker 1: seizing is the same as me and my husband driving

457
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 1: away in our little horse drawn carriage. Those are the

458
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 1: same vibes.

459
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 3: This woman is pure psycho povil.

460
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,440
Speaker 1: My husband and I were leaving by golf cart because

461
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 1: I was suffering from medical distress and seizures. This is

462
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 1: a clear reminder that she not only didn't respect me,

463
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 1: but that she reveled in my suffering. Now that I've

464
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 1: gone no contact, my husband is supportive but confused. He

465
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 1: keeps asking if this decision is because of that one

466
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: incident with the picture, with the picture, or the culmination

467
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 1: of everything. Obviously, the culmination of everything, bro, Obviously, it's

468
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,479
Speaker 1: the culmination of everything. This dude, don't be stupid.

469
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,359
Speaker 2: Come on, you gotta you gotta be smarter than that.

470
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 1: Use your brain. I keep explaining that it's everything years

471
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 1: of her yelling at me, belittling me, spreading lies, and

472
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 1: controlling our lives. But he's still struggling to fully grasp

473
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,480
Speaker 1: the depth of it. His family is now acting like

474
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 1: this is out of nowhere, which only leads to his confusion.

475
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 1: She definitely has been made aware of how she makes

476
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,399
Speaker 1: me feel. Although his siblings respect and understand how I feel,

477
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 1: they recognize their mother as being toxic, they still think

478
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,360
Speaker 1: I should put up with it.

479
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 3: See, like that's that's the thing, right there, is that

480
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:46,919
Speaker 3: they've just been conditioned.

481
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, that you should just put up with it. They're like,

482
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: obviously it's bad, but you know, like just ignore her.

483
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just do it because she's our mom.

484
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 2: But she's doing that.

485
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:55,879
Speaker 1: You can't ignore.

486
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 2: It's like she's not my mom, your mom, she's my

487
00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,120
Speaker 2: mother in law.

488
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 1: I don't have to.

489
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 3: I would like to legally put her on the trebuchae.

490
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 3: She's gone fling her into a black hole.

491
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 1: Straight in there. However, this is a regular toxic pattern

492
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:13,640
Speaker 1: of behavior in her family. There is triangulation, passive aggressive comments, gossiping,

493
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:18,679
Speaker 1: guilt tripping, gas slighting, enmeshment, and straight up lying to

494
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,679
Speaker 1: manipulate others. They've got the whole alphabet in there. She

495
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 1: has pushed away or in laws that have known her

496
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 1: for several years and speak so viciously of every partner

497
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,719
Speaker 1: of her children. Oftentimes, her behavior leads into an aggressive

498
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 1: and verbally abusive confrontation that makes people never speak to

499
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 1: her again. Yeah, it seems like a miss of God.

500
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 1: She's got a pattern.

501
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 2: Imagine that.

502
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: I fear that I have reached that point that if

503
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 1: I were to ever speak to her again, I could

504
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,119
Speaker 1: not be civil or polite. I have always taken her

505
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: abuse politely with the comment that we will have to

506
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,919
Speaker 1: discuss this later, and we would, Yet there would be

507
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 1: no response or understanding from her. She just pretends everything's okay,

508
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,120
Speaker 1: often doubling down. My husband is trying to point out

509
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 1: these toxic behavior. If your patterns of behavior as the

510
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,959
Speaker 1: reason I'm distancing myself from her and his family until

511
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 1: they are no longer present or a majority of the dynamics.

512
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 3: Good luck getting the mom to see anything.

513
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: She's clearly shown that she can't own up to any

514
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: of her actions, nor does she want to. She is

515
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: the faultless creature. If she did something appealing every once

516
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,919
Speaker 1: in a blue moon, and we were able to connect

517
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,359
Speaker 1: with them or have fun, I'd be willing to keep trying.

518
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 1: I don't know how else to describe this, so forgive

519
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: me for the rudeness of it, but it seems whenever

520
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 1: she's around me, she's so tense, like she's so full

521
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 1: of constipation of anger, stress and hatred towards me. She

522
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: only relaxes after she lets out her true nasty said

523
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,400
Speaker 1: she's just gotta let out her freak a little bit.

524
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 1: You gotta let that freak five, usually in passive, aggressive,

525
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 1: or very clearly planned out attacks. If she is confronted

526
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 1: with this behavior, she cries, plays the victim and honestly

527
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: it's very exhausting.

528
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 2: God ye made me.

529
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,360
Speaker 3: Oh that justined me of all my energy imagining.

530
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 1: They're like, hey, stop that children ginging up on me. Like,

531
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: you just think of a bad mother, don't you.

532
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,399
Speaker 2: I'd be like the mother in the world.

533
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: You just wish that you had a totally different mother.

534
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,120
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, congrats, Yeah you've learned.

535
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,440
Speaker 1: You hit it right on the money.

536
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 2: Now change into that person.

537
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: Thank you. I was hoping medi could help with some advice,

538
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 1: resources or other tools my husband can use to try

539
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: and explain over the next few weeks as we are

540
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: going on vacation to our home state. I am afraid

541
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 1: we will not find a therapist in time to arm

542
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: my husband with an ironclad set of skills and boundaries

543
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 1: to prepare for the crapstorm that is awaiting him on vacation.

544
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: I am a couple of years ahead of my husband

545
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 1: and coming to terms with his family and hope, so

546
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 1: I recognize and respect how he wants to keep trying.

547
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: But the thing is that like he can try, I guess,

548
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: but you shouldn't have to talk to them at all,

549
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,400
Speaker 1: Like you shouldn't have to interact with these people at all.

550
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: That shit.

551
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 3: I wish there was some kind of law that she

552
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 3: could get arrested for for taking those photos.

553
00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 2: That was insane, that's absurd.

554
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 1: It was Reddit's arming me during the confrontation about the

555
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 1: gosspling that really helped me realize it's time to go

556
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,119
Speaker 1: low contact. Good. By the way, you should never go

557
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 1: low contact with us. You can join us live every

558
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,399
Speaker 1: week to have three PMPSD on YouTube just to have

559
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 1: her rofile.

560
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,439
Speaker 2: Please don't go low contact.

561
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 1: Don't do that. And there isn't edit. But what else

562
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: do you think that we can What advice can we

563
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 1: offer Op? Right now? I mean.

564
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 2: I think you gotta like unite the siblings.

565
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta get them all together.

566
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 3: This is less advice for OP and more of like

567
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 3: just advice for her husband. This whole family of like

568
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:38,399
Speaker 3: children being like verbally abused and you know whatever, emotionally

569
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 3: manipulated by this awful woman.

570
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, like they all need to cut her out and.

571
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 1: They're just so like gas lit into thinking this is

572
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: behavior that can be changed or fixed. Yeah, they're like, oh, well,

573
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: you know, she'll come around. This is just how she is.

574
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:57,640
Speaker 2: But noways like this.

575
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 1: She's literally always like this, and no one likes her

576
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: constant no one outside of the family seems to like her.

577
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone for your comments and support. I've

578
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: saved all the helpful advice and resources and my husband

579
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,120
Speaker 1: and I will read and discuss them to gather. Some

580
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: have asked for an update, and I will share one

581
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 1: in the future. I'm not concerned if his family finds us.

582
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: She's like I hate his family, so I hope they

583
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: find this to add some context. We moved abroad last

584
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 1: year and I haven't had much interaction with his family

585
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 1: for a while. During the first two years of our relationship,

586
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: I was frequently around his community, but by year three

587
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 1: I stopped attending events, and after year five, due to COVID,

588
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 1: I only saw his parents occasionally. Last year we got

589
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: married and moved, which went up to maybe twenty times

590
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 1: over four months. Since moving, I've only seen them for

591
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: about six days since then. Before going no contact, I

592
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: only spoke to them briefly a few times this year.

593
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: All this to say we've steadily marching towards me, not

594
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 1: speaking to them and avoiding them. Yeah, got it, good, good, good,

595
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:02,680
Speaker 1: huzzah huzza. Lucy Smith says, yeah, I go no contact,

596
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 1: not low contact, with all the hurt she's capable of

597
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: doing and has done. Yeah, yeah, I just wouldn't want

598
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: to ever see her again.

599
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,400
Speaker 3: Get her out of there, get out of the get

600
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 3: y'all out of there.

601
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 1: I don't want to see you around these pars ever again. Hey,

602
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: it's sam' your ogi host here. Bring it back to

603
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 1: the stories. But here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

604
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 1: My boyfriend wants me to wear a headscarf, but I'm

605
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: not Muslim. My female twenty four boyfriend male twenty eight

606
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 1: is Muslim, usually is not very traditional. We don't live

607
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 1: in a Muslim country. By the way, this comes from

608
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 1: someone too shy on the Arslas Shoka storytime subvert it.

609
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: So the other day he told me that as soon

610
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 1: as we got engaged, I will need to wear a

611
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: headscarf to cover my hair. I am very proud of

612
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 1: my long, wavy hair, and a headscarf is absolutely out

613
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 1: of the question. And he knows that. When we first met.

614
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 1: He even told me that he doesn't like that tradition

615
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 1: and that his girlfriend will never have to wear one.

616
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: Going back to our point in the last story, you

617
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 1: can have expectations and desires in a relationship if you

618
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 1: are clear about them and you communicate them right off

619
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: the bat. Yes, and for him to switch up it

620
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: is ridiculous, big fat switch up? Yeah, what huge switch up? Now,

621
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: yesterday we had a real fight about it. His parents

622
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: want us to get engaged, and engagement means the future

623
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 1: bride has to cover her hair.

624
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 3: I thought that it would be the parents. It's the fam,

625
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 3: it's always.

626
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: It got into a heated argument and I ended it

627
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 1: with I will wear the damn thing as soon as

628
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 1: you grow your force can back what.

629
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 3: Yo shot spired also, well, yeah, I think she might

630
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 3: have just been making a point, but I'll just let

631
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 3: that one slide. Actually, you know what, we'll let that

632
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 3: one slide. She's aware, she's uh, she's aware, and who

633
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 3: knows if she is a fan of the four. But

634
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 3: I think she he's just mostly making an illustration of

635
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 3: like ridiculous points.

636
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 1: Say yeah.

637
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

638
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,719
Speaker 1: He left without saying a word and went to his

639
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: parents place silence. Since then, I will not wear a headscarf.

640
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 1: If that means that the engagement isn't going to happen,

641
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 1: then it will not happen. I got down voted for

642
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 1: stating that I love him. Please keep in mind that

643
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: the fight is less than twenty four hours and I

644
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 1: miss him. We had a very good relationship for one

645
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: and a half years and never fought before we were

646
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 1: planning and moving in together after getting engaged. I will

647
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: not convert to his religion. He knows that, and his

648
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: mother seemed fine with it. His father never said anything

649
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 1: about it. I am Christian and will stay Christian. People

650
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: assume that his family is behind the ad scarf idea.

651
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 1: I am not sure about it, but but it might

652
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 1: be possible if they are. They were good at hiding

653
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: it since they never said anything. His family immigrated three

654
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,959
Speaker 1: generations ago into the most into a mostly Christian country

655
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: that we live in. He himself never visited the country Libya.

656
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 1: His great grandparents on his father's side came from the

657
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: family on his mother's side. I don't know, and there

658
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 1: is an update, but I think that if you guys,

659
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: if this is going to be like a huge deal break,

660
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 1: deal breaker for both of you, then I think that

661
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 1: this relationship cannot continue.

662
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it's it's it sounds like to also just

663
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 3: like leave and then like go like kind of ghost

664
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 3: a little bit, even though I think yep, he said

665
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 3: it's only been like a day when oh that he left.

666
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, but it's like after after a year and

667
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,360
Speaker 3: a half and being like, I'm not really that hard

668
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 3: on like the you know, the the values or the tradition,

669
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 3: whatever you want to call it, and then being like oh, yeah,

670
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 3: by the way, like the thing that you love the

671
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 3: most about yourself, like I'm gonna have to have you

672
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 3: cover that up.

673
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, even though unless we're.

674
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 2: Alone, right, because I think that's how that works.

675
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Yeah, it's it's I think it's all the

676
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 1: only men who can see are well that you were married.

677
00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just don't get it because it's like it's

678
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 3: the already. I guess once the marriage happens, then that's

679
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 3: when the rule applies. And yeah, I don't know. Sounds

680
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 3: like you guys are at an impasse. If that's really

681
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 3: a thing that's going to be like a can't do.

682
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: It and you should not have to sacrifice you know

683
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 1: that something that you explicitly stated that you did not

684
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: want to do. Yeah, all right, this is all complicated.

685
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: I called my boyfriend this morning. He didn't answer. His

686
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 1: mother did. I told her that I would like him

687
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: to come get his stuff from my place, since this

688
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 1: relationship will not work out any longer. She told me

689
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: that he can. That he came home yesterday all quiet

690
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 1: and sad. After his father asked him what happened, he

691
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 1: told them what I said. Apparently this caused his father

692
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 1: to giggle.

693
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 3: H A dad does not gaf dude, Oh my goodness.

694
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: Before he told his son that my reaction has been

695
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 1: obvious all along and that he isn't surprised at all. Wait,

696
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: but we thought that the parents were the one pushing

697
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: for it, but this seems like they weren't. Apparently he

698
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 1: told my boyfriend that the guests at the engagement party,

699
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 1: it's a big deal with this culture, with about one

700
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: hundred people. They come from everywhere and probably bring their

701
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 1: whole household, the dog, and the neighbors. Oh okay, will

702
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 1: probably have a heart attack when they see a pale

703
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 1: blonde fiance without a headscarf. My boyfriend must have had

704
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 1: a very deep conversation with his uncle about tradition and

705
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 1: being the oldest son and all that stuff, basically brainwashing.

706
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 1: Long story shorts. He is my ex boyfriend. Now his

707
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: mother will come by tonight to get his stuff. Come

708
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 1: on and there is an update.

709
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 3: Unk, you messed up a good thing man, and it's

710
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 3: you know, there's a compromise. Why not just do it

711
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 3: for the wedding just all the people are there and

712
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 3: them like, you.

713
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: Know totally, that would have been like a way better

714
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 1: conversation if the if the fiance had just said, hey,

715
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: I know that we had talked about, you know, you

716
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: not wanting to wear like a head scarf for anything

717
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: going forward, which is fine. However, because I have a

718
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 1: lot of traditional family coming, could we talk about maybe

719
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,400
Speaker 1: wearing it at the wedding or at the ceremony, being.

720
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 3: Like, it was so much easier if we just did

721
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 3: this this day to prevent the headache.

722
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,479
Speaker 1: Which she could still say show too, But it would

723
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 1: have been a better conversation. Definitely, it feels a lot

724
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: more reasonable. Yes, absolutely. First of all, I am shocked

725
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: how much response my post got. I would have never

726
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 1: thought that people would care so much. It was expecting

727
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 1: like twenty answers, but never what I have thought that

728
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: this will blow up like that. You guys are fantastic.

729
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: You've been like therapy and I really needed that. So

730
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 1: many loving and supportive answers, so many people helping me

731
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 1: to do the right thing. Thank you from the bottom

732
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 1: of my heart. He's so beautiful, so sweet. My life

733
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 1: has been an emotional rollercoaster the last three days. The

734
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: future I had planned is gone, but I guess it

735
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 1: was for the best. My ex boyfriend's mother came over

736
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 1: to get his stuff. Some clothes, shoes, saw books, his

737
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: toothbrush and deodorant, stuff like that. She brought dinner. It

738
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 1: was chicken with vulgar and this woman is a fantastic cook.

739
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 1: I like. I like the mom and the dad are

740
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 1: just kind of chill though. Yeah, like sorry, I don't

741
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 1: know what got into this guy.

742
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 2: Like we knew once.

743
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 3: He started talking it was over that guy and.

744
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: We sat down to talk. She told me some things

745
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: I didn't know before. It's not the first time I

746
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,880
Speaker 1: act messed up big time with the girl he wanted

747
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:33,279
Speaker 1: to marry. Oh is it always like the the buzzer beater,

748
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 1: the buzzer beater, Except he's not buzzer beatering. He's he's losing.

749
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 3: He's just airballing.

750
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 1: He's right.

751
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 2: At last second, you know, here.

752
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 3: It goes and off the side of the Oh, it's

753
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 3: in the crowd.

754
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 1: It went an she's down. She's down, her heart beats,

755
00:35:55,880 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 1: not going anymore. Taking to the hospital. She's resuscitated. Oh wait, oh, God,

756
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: call the anblance. When he was twenty two, he was

757
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 1: in a very serious relationship with a very western, very

758
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 1: independent redhead. You needed to know. She was a redhead,

759
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: a pale skin like me, not a muslim drop of

760
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: blood in her. They got along great, but when a game,

761
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 1: when it came to the question of engagement, the uncle

762
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 1: took the boy aside and told them that this wasn't

763
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: working if the girl wouldn't change her looks and her behavior.

764
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 3: Chat fool me once, Shame on, Shame on you. Oo

765
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 3: me twice, Shame on, shame on me. That guy, that guy,

766
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 3: that guy by the younk, Come on, come on, man.

767
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: It happened before the relationship ended, and my ex boyfriend's

768
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,919
Speaker 1: father got loud. He told his son that he needs

769
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,720
Speaker 1: to decide when he wanted. Yes, I like this father.

770
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,439
Speaker 1: If he wanted to live a western lifestyle, it would

771
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: be fine. But if you wanted to have a traditional wife,

772
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 1: he needs to find someone that has raised that exactly.

773
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:03,800
Speaker 1: Fast forward four and a half years and he started

774
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: dating me. His father warned him not to mess it

775
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 1: up again, and that was the last time he said

776
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 1: anything about it. His mother hoped he would be smarter

777
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: this time. Your dad sounds like a real one. Yeah,

778
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,439
Speaker 1: your dad sounds so much cooler. Dad giggled and said

779
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:18,919
Speaker 1: that was good.

780
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 3: She got told you not to dark to uncle, but

781
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 3: she did come on man twice.

782
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 1: The uncle is a very traditional man. His daughters both

783
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 1: wore had a warehead scarf since puberty, so does his wife.

784
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: He prays he follows the rules, and since he has

785
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: no son of his own, he kind of decided that

786
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend, the oldest son in the family, is

787
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: like a son to him and my almost mother in law.

788
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,839
Speaker 1: She wears a scarf herself. I asked her why she does,

789
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 1: and she was a little embarrassed. She told me that

790
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 1: she wasn't always wearing one when she was younger, but

791
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:51,919
Speaker 1: she started to get gray hair after a second son

792
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: was born in her late twenties, and at some point

793
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,320
Speaker 1: she decided that a scarf is cheaper than the salon.

794
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 1: I love that.

795
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 2: That's so good, very pragmatic.

796
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: She's just like you know, And it wasn't really religious.

797
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,280
Speaker 1: It's just so pricey to dye my hair.

798
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 3: I just it was time for the aesthetic to change,

799
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 3: and I was not gonna go great.

800
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: Great. She got used to at some point and then

801
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: didn't go back. Strange, I know, but I haven't been

802
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:20,439
Speaker 1: in her situation, and it's not my right to judge

803
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:23,400
Speaker 1: her by the way. I won't judge you. If you

804
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 1: join us live every week to at three pm PSD.

805
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 2: I will, and I'll judge you as a great person

806
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 2: that I.

807
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 1: Deem you excellent person. After dinner, we packed my ex's

808
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: stuff in two big shopping bags, and my ex boyfriend's

809
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: father came to help his wife carry the bags. He

810
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,720
Speaker 1: told me that he is so sorry about his son's behavior.

811
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: So that's it. I'm single now. Do I hope he

812
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 1: comes to his senses and reaches out to me sometime

813
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,800
Speaker 1: in the future a little. Do I believe that will happen? No,

814
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: I think, because it's happened before twice. I don't know if.

815
00:38:58,200 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 1: I don't know if it'll happen. I don't know if

816
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: we'll come to it.

817
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 3: I think you might have to label this guy as

818
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 3: a flip flopper, flip frick and flopper, flip flopper.

819
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 1: He's like a fish, he's flip flopping.

820
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, because something's fishy about getting tricked twice by unk.

821
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 2: It's one and a half years ago. Did you just

822
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:15,919
Speaker 2: forget that he did it?

823
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,360
Speaker 1: And I just don't understand if that was something that

824
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 1: was important to him after the first conversation with his uncle,

825
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 1: Why did he do it again? Ugh? Why did he

826
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,759
Speaker 1: approach a relationship with the same type person? But do

827
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:30,839
Speaker 1: you know it? Guy, My boyfriend paid two hundred and

828
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:34,680
Speaker 1: fifty dollars for a spicy dancer, but he says all

829
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: they did.

830
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 2: Was talk, spacy dance.

831
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 1: Perfect. So my boyfriend of five years went to Vegas

832
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 1: for his cousin's bachelor party. The first night, they went

833
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 1: to a strip club. The next day, the cousin's fiance

834
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 1: told me that my boyfriend started following this girl on Instagram.

835
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,800
Speaker 1: After looking at the profile, she looked like a stripper,

836
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: but it was her personal profile. Okay. I was a

837
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 1: little confused, so I sent my boyfriend a text asking

838
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,360
Speaker 1: who she was. He responded she was the cocktail waitress

839
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:15,320
Speaker 1: at the club we went to last night, so I said, okay,

840
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 1: have fun and I let it go for the rest

841
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 1: of the weekend. By the way, this comes from vegetable

842
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 1: row eight on the ar slash Okay storytime subreddit. When

843
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 1: he got back, the cousin's fiance called me and told

844
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 1: me what she heard from the boys weekend. The girl

845
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:36,919
Speaker 1: my boyfriend was with was actually his spicy dancer for

846
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:37,359
Speaker 1: the night.

847
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 3: That's that's upgraded from the cocktail waitress.

848
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the one step up the same service that

849
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 1: you don't get it every restaurant's right. He said she

850
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 1: was really cool and they just sat talked for two hours,

851
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,760
Speaker 1: and he said he paid her two hundred and fifty dollars.

852
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:58,280
Speaker 1: He also invited her to go to the pool party

853
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 1: with them the following day. I was surprisingly calm, but

854
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:07,319
Speaker 1: felt cheated on. I asked him why he thought it

855
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 1: was okay to follow her on Instagram, and he said,

856
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 1: because she was a nice girl.

857
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 3: That's so not right, dude, what would I would feel

858
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 3: so viscerally uncomfortable. It's almost worse to have a two

859
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 3: hundred fifty dollars conversation.

860
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 2: You just have it be like a normal experience at No.

861
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's not that it was just like, oh,

862
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: they went to the club, had some fun. It's like

863
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: I had an emotional bond with the girl that I

864
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 1: met and then paid her two hundred and fifty dollars

865
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: for it. Yeah, she's gonna come over to the pool

866
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 1: party next week.

867
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:39,359
Speaker 3: Oh.

868
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,240
Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to meet her. She's really great.

869
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Throughout our conversation, I picked up on

870
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: some red flags, just a couple. He threw his phone

871
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 1: at me. That's a red flag and said that he

872
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 1: did nothing wrong or anything to threaten our relationship. Assault. Yeah,

873
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 1: he pulled up his Instagram and he had personally messaged

874
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 1: her on Instagram two days after he got back from Vegas, like, look,

875
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 1: I've been talking to her this whole time. There's nothing

876
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 1: funny going on.

877
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 2: I'm just talking to my spicy dancer.

878
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I venmover two hundred and fifty every hour.

879
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,720
Speaker 2: I just can't get that from me about thousand dollars.

880
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 1: I love paying for conversation. So I felt a little betrayed.

881
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,720
Speaker 1: I pointed out that this is wrong. Shockingly, I feel

882
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 1: like if he loved me and respected a relationship that

883
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 1: he would not have taken things this far with his

884
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 1: spicy dncwer. I do not think they hooked up. He

885
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 1: should have just unfollowed her and apologized, but instead he

886
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 1: says he did nothing wrong and is still following her.

887
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 1: He hasn't apologized. I think this is definitely created some

888
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 1: trust issues for me. I've been dating this guy for

889
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: five years. I thought I was going to marry him someday,

890
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,759
Speaker 1: and this happens, as well as some other things. I

891
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 1: just wanted to see what you guys thought of the

892
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 1: situation and how you would have handled it if you

893
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:05,319
Speaker 1: were in my position. To clarify. Before my boyfriend went

894
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: on this trip, he knew that I disliked these type

895
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 1: of clubs. I understand that it's the thing to do

896
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,439
Speaker 1: for a bachelor party, but I was very open about

897
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 1: how I felt before he left. He literally walked out

898
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 1: of the door to leave for the trip and said,

899
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 1: don't worry, we won't be going to any spicy clubs.

900
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 1: The bride to be wasn't fond of them, so they

901
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: weren't going to go, but my boyfriend, the best man,

902
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 1: persuaded the bachelor party to go. It caught me by surprise.

903
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 1: That he evade the Spicy Dancer two hundred and fifty

904
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 1: dollars and then another two hundred and fifty dollars plus

905
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: on bottle service. He rarely takes me on dates. He says,

906
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 1: money doesn't go on trees. Oh oh, maybe it goes

907
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 1: at the club. So yes, not only did I feel

908
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 1: emotionally cheated on, but the feeling that he thought it

909
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 1: was okay to spend two hundred and fifty dollars on

910
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: this chick for two hours but can't even spend fifty

911
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 1: dollars on a meal for his girlfriend who has been

912
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:02,400
Speaker 1: with him for five years. There are some relevant comments,

913
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 1: but we need to break this down.

914
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,359
Speaker 3: I'm a little I was turning left, I was turning right.

915
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 3: I was like, maybe this guy's just a kind of

916
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:13,239
Speaker 3: a one of one kind of guy. But honestly, no,

917
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 3: this sounds And he.

918
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 1: Also doesn't even have the excuse of saying, oh, like

919
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: they bullied me. You know, they pressured me into doing it.

920
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: It was for the groom, it was and also the

921
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: fact that the like the bride didn't want this to

922
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 1: happen either. Yeah, no, one wanted this tap and he

923
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 1: was like, you know, it would be great.

924
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 3: I see, you know, be great ideas if we made

925
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 3: all of the women in our lives upset.

926
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 1: Let's do that. And I also spend five hundred dollars.

927
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look, two fifty for bottle service is

928
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 3: one thing, but two fifty for a conversation with your

929
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 3: spicy dancer. Like I know people who would do that

930
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,400
Speaker 3: kind of thing, and it would be like a no, Like, honestly,

931
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 3: she's just a cool person. But like that doesn't sound

932
00:44:58,040 --> 00:44:58,759
Speaker 3: doesn't sound like that.

933
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,399
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously you want to pay workers for their

934
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 1: time and everything, but in this case, I think it's

935
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,879
Speaker 1: a pretty disrespectful. When you're in a long term, five

936
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 1: year relationship with a partner who has expressly stated that.

937
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 3: She's uncomfortable, he knows that they're uncomfortable, Yeah with that,

938
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:16,840
Speaker 3: and is like, don't worry, we won't do it.

939
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 1: And then it's.

940
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 3: Like we're doing it, and it's all mean, I'm making

941
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 3: it happen.

942
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: And then Lanny's setting out the particle invites it's.

943
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 3: The no date thing. Yeah, really like made me go,

944
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:33,760
Speaker 3: all right, it's over. This guy is in the wrong here.

945
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 1: What he planned the club date? Two? He spent all

946
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: this money on this two hour conversation like having kind

947
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 1: of an emotional affair with this woman. Yes, and three

948
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: he's not even willing to spend that money on his

949
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 1: girlfriend break out with a.

950
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,239
Speaker 3: Spend that is That is the final nail is that

951
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,880
Speaker 3: if he's spending two fifty on a convo with the Spice,

952
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 3: he'd answer that he could get from you, being that

953
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 3: you've been dating.

954
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 1: For five years. Well, yeah, hopefully you'd be able to

955
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,959
Speaker 1: talk with him for two hours, Juffree.

956
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 3: I would be so disturbed. It's very disturbing. Let's see

957
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 3: what's up.

958
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,919
Speaker 1: But there are some element comments, so let's read them.

959
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:13,319
Speaker 1: That Sharkschick says, so much not cool. Your boyfriend knew

960
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: you weren't okay with spicy clubs. He should have set

961
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,399
Speaker 1: a comfortable and respectful boundary with you before he left

962
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: and maintained it. I dump him, But if you're not

963
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,920
Speaker 1: ready for that, you need to calmly explain to him

964
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 1: what he did wrong and how it makes you feel.

965
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 1: If he can't understand, it's a huge red flag. Side note,

966
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 1: I hate that people use Vegas as the excuse to

967
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,800
Speaker 1: do this. Considered to do this, considering there's so much awesome.

968
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 1: Last Hurrah stuff to do. I lived there for two

969
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 1: years and saw people go there to do such trashy

970
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: crap for bachelor bachelorette parties. There is big day play

971
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:50,320
Speaker 1: with construction equipment, rifle ranges, you can fire outlandish weapons

972
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 1: at drive fast cars at the track just south of

973
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:56,840
Speaker 1: the city, rafter kayak the Colorado Rivers, swim with sharks

974
00:46:56,840 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 1: at Madeleet bed. There's so much to do. Guy, Why

975
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 1: go to a spicy club when your partner doesn't want

976
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,799
Speaker 1: you to. I'm sure you could have a whole on

977
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 1: conversation with you know, whoever's teaching you at these places.

978
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 3: My mind has been completely wiped by the idea of

979
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 3: getting to play around with construction equipment. That sounds pretty sick.

980
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 3: And yeah that is like there, that's cool, that's a

981
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 3: cool thing. There's cool stuff to do there that they

982
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 3: could have done. They didn't need to do this spicy spy.

983
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 1: They didn't need to do it. It was just I

984
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 1: don't know, they weren't I don't even think it wasn't

985
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 1: that they weren't thinking. I think they were thinking.

986
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 3: It was like, care, I think we're going to do

987
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 3: this because it's the thing to do.

988
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 1: Exactly deleted says he didn't pay two hundred and fifty

989
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:46,319
Speaker 1: dollars for a conversation. She wouldn't waste any time on

990
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 1: him for a conversation when she can make money on

991
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 1: someone else. He thinks you're gullible af if he's going

992
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,879
Speaker 1: with that story. On top of that, he doesn't even

993
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 1: spend two hundred and fifty dollars on you. He spent

994
00:47:56,280 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 1: five hundred dollars at a spicy club. That just seems pathetic. Also,

995
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: the bride to be said no spicy clubs, but he

996
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,919
Speaker 1: disrespects her pressures the groom to go, knowing you don't

997
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,760
Speaker 1: like them either, he lies and tells you he wouldn't

998
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 1: go to one. You only know what you know because

999
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,719
Speaker 1: the bride told you. That's also true. He didn't even

1000
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:18,880
Speaker 1: confess m the spicy answer probably didn't give a f

1001
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:22,000
Speaker 1: about him because he wants to sleep with her. And

1002
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 1: he threw his phone at you. What are you doing

1003
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: with this piece of trash? But I know what you

1004
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 1: guys are doing this every weekday at three pm PSD.

1005
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:35,240
Speaker 1: Just tap her profile. Yeah, and final comment Mockingbird eighty

1006
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,960
Speaker 1: two says, there are things you can do to a

1007
00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:42,719
Speaker 1: fair proof your relationship and he is doing the exact opposite.

1008
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 1: Keep in mind, nothing is ever one hundred percent safe,

1009
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 1: and not everyone is trying to cheat on you. Either,

1010
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 1: talking the groom into going to a spicy club, spending

1011
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:54,240
Speaker 1: hours with one person in particular, paying her more money

1012
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,840
Speaker 1: than he's ever given you, following her personal Instagram profile,

1013
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:00,959
Speaker 1: and refusing to see the problem with his behavior are

1014
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: all leading him further away. These actions are disrespectful to

1015
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: you personally and to the relationship as a whole. You

1016
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 1: have to decide what you do here from here and

1017
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 1: where you go. But I will tell you this, don't

1018
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 1: fall for the sunk cost the cost sunk fallacy. Don't

1019
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:20,800
Speaker 1: stay with him just because you already invested five years.

1020
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,800
Speaker 2: Yes, that's that is agreed point.

1021
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: And that is the end of that story. Yeah, get

1022
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,439
Speaker 1: out of there. Well again, I think, yeah, I think

1023
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 1: it's time.

1024
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 3: And even if he is in this state of mind

1025
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:31,760
Speaker 3: where it's like I can almost see he's.

1026
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 1: Like, well, we've been together for five years, I'm just

1027
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 1: talking to some girl.

1028
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 3: I'm not interested in this girl just because she's a

1029
00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:41,360
Speaker 3: spicy dancers exactly. And let me just say, uh, a

1030
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 3: spicy dancer. Will one take two hundred and fifty dollars

1031
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 3: from you for a conversation.

1032
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 1: I was what to say. I was like, I feel

1033
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 1: like they'll take take money. If she's getting money, that's

1034
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 1: the job.

1035
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 3: Here comes the money, that's what that's what's playing shit.

1036
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,360
Speaker 1: Yeah no, but I definitely think that. I think that

1037
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 1: you gotta break up with this guy. That's the solution.

1038
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 2: It's time to go.

1039
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 1: Here's John you og host.

1040
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 3: Here.

1041
00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But he's a

1042
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors. My

1043
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 1: girlfriend sees spicy dancers all the time. I want to

1044
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:19,279
Speaker 1: break up. Okay, So a little backstory. My girlfriend has

1045
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 1: literally always been like one of the guys in her

1046
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,280
Speaker 1: friend group. I'm also friends with most of the guys,

1047
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: so I have known her forever, so I know she

1048
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,360
Speaker 1: was a little different, and honestly, it's a huge reason

1049
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 1: I'm so attracted to her. She's literally a best friend

1050
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: friend to me. By the way, this comes from Black

1051
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:37,320
Speaker 1: Velvet sixty nine on the r slash Okay storytime separed

1052
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:38,800
Speaker 1: it did you have a thought?

1053
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 3: I just it was kind of funny to me that

1054
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 3: op he was finding it profound he's attracted to like tomboys.

1055
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like, I've never met a girl like you.

1056
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:50,440
Speaker 1: You're not like the other girls. Not like other girls.

1057
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 3: You like gross stuff and you like hang out with

1058
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 3: spicy clubs and sae. Yeah, you like sposy dancers.

1059
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 1: Now that being said, A few two nights ago, we

1060
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 1: were out and her friends were talking about an upcoming

1061
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,479
Speaker 1: bachelor party bachelorette party and how the maid of honor

1062
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,440
Speaker 1: couldn't be the one to order a Spicy Dancer because

1063
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 1: she was too close to the groom. Yeah, what what

1064
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:13,759
Speaker 1: is that? What does that mean?

1065
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 3: I'm like to like too proximity or like, like.

1066
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. We're gone reading, We're

1067
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 1: we're gonna investigate. My girlfriend chimed in and said she's

1068
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:27,280
Speaker 1: ordering the Spicy Dancer. She's an event coordinator and literally

1069
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 1: is the planner for any event in her life. I

1070
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: tried to brush it off, but it bugged me. I know,

1071
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:35,680
Speaker 1: I suck at communicating drunk, so I tried to just

1072
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 1: go to bed, but she knew something was up and

1073
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 1: couldn't sleep unless we talked about it. I hate that. Yeah. Well,

1074
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 1: when I opened up in my drunken state, I was aggressive,

1075
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 1: not intentionally, and I did raise my voice and said

1076
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 1: some of the following things. What person wants to hear

1077
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 1: their esso is ordering a spicy dancer, who wants to

1078
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 1: see or hear about their esso getting a lap dance,

1079
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 1: et cetera. We are normally very good about communicating any

1080
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 1: issues we face, and whether or not we agree, we

1081
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 1: both let each other say how they feel and we

1082
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 1: both truly listen and it all works out. But in

1083
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:12,880
Speaker 1: this case I did somewhat attack her. Now before I

1084
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 1: get the typical oh break up with our response, give

1085
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:18,400
Speaker 1: me a chance to explain our relationship and that this

1086
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 1: is by no means a deal breaker.

1087
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:23,360
Speaker 3: Cool and shout out to Ope for having the awareness

1088
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 3: that you shouldn't have had that conversation in that moment.

1089
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I grew up in church and conservative spicy dancers

1090
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:33,879
Speaker 1: were always very taboo, especially if you're in a relationship.

1091
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: That being said, I am much less conservative now and

1092
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:39,279
Speaker 1: don't really care about spicy dancers. It's not my thing,

1093
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 1: but if someone else wants one, I wouldn't stop them,

1094
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't participate. She, on the other hand, grew

1095
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,879
Speaker 1: up without any religion but with a big, poor group

1096
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 1: of friends who are well vulgar and have no filters

1097
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 1: talking about anything is spicy sleep related. Usually I just

1098
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 1: laugh along with them, but it's hard for me to

1099
00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:59,879
Speaker 1: wrap my head around my girlfriend talking about another guy's

1100
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: d or something that was an earlier fight. She says,

1101
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,239
Speaker 1: it's just how her and her friends are, and I'm

1102
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 1: coming around to accepting that because it's not like she

1103
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 1: ever says anything about wanting anything anything to do with

1104
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 1: anyone else. It literally is all jokes and fun. I

1105
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:18,959
Speaker 1: think it it does depend on what type of conversations

1106
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 1: they're having, because I think there's like a crass humor

1107
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:22,920
Speaker 1: that's okay to me.

1108
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 3: It almost feels like op has a little bit of this,

1109
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 3: like has a little bit of Midwest. Yeah, it's like

1110
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:32,960
Speaker 3: that's not there's certain things you don't talk about. Yeah,

1111
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 3: you don't talk about that inside, you don't talk about

1112
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 3: that bedroom talk.

1113
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, you keep the bedroom going out.

1114
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. But I mean, I think it's good that he's

1115
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,240
Speaker 1: kind of recognizing that it is because if they're different,

1116
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 1: you know, upbringings, and he's not just immediately saying, how

1117
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:52,239
Speaker 1: dare you say those things in front of me? And

1118
00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:54,600
Speaker 1: I'll never trust you. It's like Okay, let's have a conversation.

1119
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:57,120
Speaker 1: What's our comfort levels here?

1120
00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 3: Feels like they have a pretty healthy back and forth

1121
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 3: from what has been said. Well, we've heard pretty good

1122
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:02,800
Speaker 3: at talking it out.

1123
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:03,960
Speaker 1: But maybe it'll get it worse.

1124
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's continue.

1125
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 1: I know she's the one I'm going to marry. We

1126
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 1: have talked about it. She's my best friend. The main

1127
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 1: thing is I am attracted to the fact that she

1128
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 1: can just be one of the guys. Don't you forget

1129
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:17,280
Speaker 1: she's one of the guys.

1130
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:18,560
Speaker 3: She's want of the guys.

1131
00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 1: She's just a little crass because she's one of the guys.

1132
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:25,160
Speaker 1: And I absolutely do not want her to change or

1133
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 1: filter her in any way. I do know it's all

1134
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 1: for fun and jokes. I trust her completely, and when

1135
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,720
Speaker 1: we have these fights, she gets upset because she shows

1136
00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:35,359
Speaker 1: me so much love, and me getting upset makes her

1137
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:38,440
Speaker 1: feel like I don't trust her. I try to assure

1138
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 1: her it's not a trust issue. I just don't love

1139
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 1: the idea of another guy flaunting his junk in her face.

1140
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 1: That seems like it's a separate issue. Yeah, that's what's

1141
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 1: going on there.

1142
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 2: That's kind of on you, man. You got to be

1143
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 2: able to control.

1144
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's popping into your head, Like she counters with,

1145
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 1: it's all in good fun, and I get it the

1146
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: and I get that the spicy answers aren't going to

1147
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 1: tempt or it's just for fun with the girls. I

1148
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 1: just can't fully accept it because it's so taboo to me.

1149
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 1: There's that Midwest taboo right there.

1150
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:07,040
Speaker 2: Baby.

1151
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, she just told me before she wants to take

1152
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:11,759
Speaker 1: me to a spicy club to kind of normalize it

1153
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 1: for me, since she doesn't want me to be old

1154
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 1: and married and feel like I missed out on anything

1155
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:17,960
Speaker 1: like I don't want you to be a freaking lame

1156
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 1: same guy, and when you're one of the guy girls,

1157
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: I want you to be cool, feel cool with me. Dude.

1158
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:27,839
Speaker 1: So I think he's saying that he like the whole

1159
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 1: thing about showing like seeing another guy's junk. I think

1160
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 1: that he's talking about her going to the club that

1161
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:36,919
Speaker 1: was in reference to the oh okay, okay, what she's

1162
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:43,040
Speaker 1: doing for her bride friend. Am I crazy? Honestly? I

1163
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,520
Speaker 1: don't want to ban her from spicy dancers. I get

1164
00:55:45,560 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 1: that it will be a thing at most of her

1165
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 1: friend's bachelorettes and probably even some birthdays. And I would

1166
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 1: hate to ask her to avoid the parties or even

1167
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:55,160
Speaker 1: leave the room. I want her to have fun with

1168
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:57,279
Speaker 1: her friends, and I knew what that meant when I

1169
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 1: started dating her. Is this just something I will come

1170
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: to in time? I think it is, But she is

1171
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,359
Speaker 1: scared it's a fundamental flaw in a relationship that maybe

1172
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,839
Speaker 1: I can't handle a side of her. I told her

1173
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:10,080
Speaker 1: it's not a broken part of her relationship. It's just

1174
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:12,959
Speaker 1: we have only dated the year and we're still working

1175
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 1: on growing together so that we can be a couple,

1176
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 1: not two separate people. And there are some relevant comments

1177
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:25,840
Speaker 1: that we will get into momentarily, but let's chat.

1178
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:30,239
Speaker 3: I think, first of all, you can't ban your girlfriend

1179
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 3: from really anything. No, you have to have a discussion

1180
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 3: about it.

1181
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 1: You can break up with her, but that's kind of

1182
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 1: the only way that you can stop, you know.

1183
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 2: You know, that's not like you're not her dad.

1184
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:45,719
Speaker 3: No, And I don't know if that would even work,

1185
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:47,759
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like, yeah, it has to

1186
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 3: be something.

1187
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:48,759
Speaker 1: That you.

1188
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:54,120
Speaker 3: She's with you, she says, And she's one of the guys.

1189
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: She's one of the guys we can't forget.

1190
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:58,280
Speaker 3: She's just like I'm just being like one of the guys,

1191
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 3: I just want to go have a nice time, spicy

1192
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:01,600
Speaker 3: das and close.

1193
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 1: And it seems that she has made it known from

1194
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 1: the beginning of a relationship, at the relationship that this

1195
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 1: is something that she does, because he said, you know

1196
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:10,839
Speaker 1: this is I've known this from the start. I don't

1197
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:15,239
Speaker 1: want to change like a part of her, in which

1198
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:18,479
Speaker 1: case I think he just has to, you know, see

1199
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 1: if this is a deal breaker for him, you know,

1200
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:23,680
Speaker 1: if he feels that he can't get over it, then

1201
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 1: maybe that's, you know, this is the end relationship, or

1202
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:28,800
Speaker 1: he just has to see, you know, take a one

1203
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 1: stay at a time, see if it just you know,

1204
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 1: if his comfortability is getting better.

1205
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 3: I think where he's at though, it's kind of like

1206
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 3: it's not that it's un I guess it is kind

1207
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 3: of unhealthy in a way. It's like because it's that

1208
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 3: it's it feels like it's that kind of taboo, the

1209
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 3: shame and being like, well, this isn't something you should

1210
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:50,160
Speaker 3: be talking about or saying out loud or be like

1211
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:52,720
Speaker 3: proud of or like feel good about. It should be

1212
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 3: something you should do in a dark room and like

1213
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:57,440
Speaker 3: don't tell anybody about it. But it's like I feel

1214
00:57:57,440 --> 00:57:58,960
Speaker 3: like the way she's going about it is like the

1215
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 3: right way to do it, because she's just yah, We're

1216
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,880
Speaker 3: is going to like have fun, and it's like this is.

1217
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:04,720
Speaker 2: Crazy, this is ridiculous.

1218
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're with those spicy dancing clothes. Yeah, no, I

1219
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,439
Speaker 1: think that. But I do think that he. I don't

1220
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 1: think he's at like the impasse where like the impass

1221
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: where he can't you know, he has to break up.

1222
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:18,560
Speaker 1: I think that they could work past this.

1223
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:20,240
Speaker 3: I mean he literally said, he was like, I think

1224
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:21,920
Speaker 3: this is something I could get used to.

1225
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, she thinks this is not work yeah, so, which

1226
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:27,600
Speaker 1: I think he just has to kind of put her

1227
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 1: mind at ease and say, hey, this is something that

1228
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:31,280
Speaker 1: I'm not used to. But that doesn't mean that I'm

1229
00:58:31,360 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 1: not willing to, you know, get over it for you.

1230
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 1: But there are some elem comments delete account says. I

1231
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 1: would just say you started dating her knowing she is

1232
00:58:40,160 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 1: the way she is, which is fair. It's good that

1233
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 1: you don't want to change her, but you also have

1234
00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 1: to have you're also having some difficulty with some parts

1235
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:51,000
Speaker 1: of who she is. Ask yourself, this, are these issues

1236
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:53,080
Speaker 1: really because of her? Or is it because of you.

1237
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 1: What I mean is you sound a bit insecure with

1238
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 1: some of the choices she makes in her life. That's

1239
00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 1: not her fault on the other issue. On the other hand,

1240
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 1: if it's going to be an issue forever, it will

1241
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 1: get really old for her and you having the same

1242
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 1: arguments and issues. If she is really the person you

1243
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:10,760
Speaker 1: want to be with forever, I think this is something

1244
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 1: you'll have to learn to accept. It doesn't sound like

1245
00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:16,320
Speaker 1: she's going to change your ways for you, and that's

1246
00:59:16,360 --> 00:59:20,320
Speaker 1: totally okay and good on her. Again, you chose her

1247
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 1: for all that she is. You knew the type of

1248
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:26,120
Speaker 1: person she was prior to dating. You can even discuss boundaries.

1249
00:59:26,200 --> 00:59:28,080
Speaker 1: Is it the physical contact you don't like, which is

1250
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 1: kind of what I was saying. Maybe ask if it

1251
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:32,320
Speaker 1: would be possible for her to enjoy the presence of

1252
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 1: size the dancers and have fun but not partake in

1253
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 1: lap dances and such. This comcter literally read my mind.

1254
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:40,760
Speaker 1: She might not be open to that, but it's a

1255
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 1: great But it's great to open the dialogue and try

1256
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 1: to find a common ground, which I think that kind

1257
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 1: of is in line with book both were saying. Of

1258
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 1: like having the conversation, but she's allowed to reject what

1259
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 1: she wants.

1260
00:59:54,400 --> 00:59:56,600
Speaker 3: I just would be like, if I was the ope,

1261
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 3: I'd be kind of nervous because I'd be like, well,

1262
00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:01,440
Speaker 3: from my perspective, it's like if you're like, yeah, you

1263
01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:03,000
Speaker 3: can go to the strip club, but can you like

1264
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:05,200
Speaker 3: maybe not actually get a lap dance?

1265
01:00:05,280 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 2: And if I had like a cool, like.

1266
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,640
Speaker 3: One of the guys girlfriend, I'd be like, ooh, that

1267
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,120
Speaker 3: sounds kind of cringey, Like she's like, you you can't

1268
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 3: handle you can't handle lap dance, you can't handle.

1269
01:00:16,720 --> 01:00:18,600
Speaker 1: Well, that's what they have to have a conversation about.

1270
01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:21,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, we got to a conversation. Now gonna go like

1271
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:22,880
Speaker 3: we're gonna talk like this for the rest of the.

1272
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:25,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the only way they can have the conversation.

1273
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:27,640
Speaker 1: She's not the bad guy if she doesn't want to

1274
01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:31,240
Speaker 1: change this part of her life for you exactly. Think

1275
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:33,880
Speaker 1: of it from a third person and reverse genders. Maybe.

1276
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 1: Jill has been on quite a few dates with Joe.

1277
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 1: She has learned that he enjoys going to spicy clubs

1278
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 1: with his friends. Occasionally. She doesn't like that about him,

1279
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 1: but she recognizes that's something he enjoys sometimes. She now

1280
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:47,919
Speaker 1: knows she has three options. Stop seeing Joe and find

1281
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:51,440
Speaker 1: someone who shares her same opinions on spicy clubs, except

1282
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:53,240
Speaker 1: that Joe is the way he is and she's going

1283
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:57,240
Speaker 1: into this relationship knowing that. Or get into the relationship

1284
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 1: and constantly have issues with it even though she knew,

1285
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:04,200
Speaker 1: or to their relationship. Yeah, which hopefully we go you know,

1286
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 1: with one of the first two. Yeah, yeah, hopefully those

1287
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 1: are your options. It's definitely better. Your option. Actually it's

1288
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:17,200
Speaker 1: a requirement, is to join us live every Weekdad through PMPST.

1289
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:21,439
Speaker 1: Just top a file. Maybe maybe we Scalligher says man.

1290
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 1: Spicy dancers are fun. You order them usually at least

1291
01:01:24,560 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 1: here for thirty to sixty minutes. After that it's over.

1292
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 1: You also wouldn't go to a table dance bar, right,

1293
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:32,240
Speaker 1: I mean why not? It's not just looking at half

1294
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:35,760
Speaker 1: naked people dancing. Maybe even go there together. I think

1295
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 1: her suggestion of taking him there is probably the only

1296
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:41,600
Speaker 1: way to truly ease his mind.

1297
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:45,640
Speaker 3: I think so, I think going together might be might

1298
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:49,040
Speaker 3: be the solution there. Or if it's not the solution,

1299
01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 3: at least it's going to give you like a d

1300
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:51,600
Speaker 3: it gives answer.

1301
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like either Wow, I'm still not very comfortable

1302
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:55,640
Speaker 1: that she's going to this.

1303
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:57,720
Speaker 2: I think I like that.

1304
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 1: Or it's like a, oh, this is actually a lot

1305
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:02,280
Speaker 1: chiller than I thought.

1306
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:05,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, me personally, I'm not a I'm not a I mean,

1307
01:02:05,320 --> 01:02:07,400
Speaker 3: I've been to some spicy places.

1308
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 2: But like it, there's like a it's like there's a

1309
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:11,320
Speaker 2: fourth wall.

1310
01:02:11,320 --> 01:02:14,120
Speaker 3: It's like everyone that's in there understands what's going on.

1311
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:17,200
Speaker 3: It's a performance, it's an entertainment. It's like there's it's

1312
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 3: almost like when you watch a movie. You know the

1313
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:21,960
Speaker 3: movie's not real, but why you're watching it. It's like, wow, the.

1314
01:02:21,960 --> 01:02:24,280
Speaker 1: Movie, this is the movie. I'm so drawn in, but.

1315
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:26,320
Speaker 2: Like the part of you know is like this is fake.

1316
01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, but anyway, Yeah, just s up to just stup

1317
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,840
Speaker 1: to everyone, you know in their own relationship boundaries and everything,

1318
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 1: as long as you have a conversation and you don't

1319
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:39,040
Speaker 1: expect things without talking about them. Yep.

1320
01:02:40,680 --> 01:02:44,080
Speaker 3: I refuse to punish my son for things that are

1321
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:45,200
Speaker 3: not his fault.

1322
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:47,360
Speaker 1: But my wife disagrees with me.

1323
01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:50,760
Speaker 3: This is a throwaway, but this involves some absolute high

1324
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 3: school drama nonsense that someone at my age should not

1325
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:56,400
Speaker 3: have to deal with. But maybe I'm dripping and missing something.

1326
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:58,680
Speaker 3: So here I am I forty five male, share a

1327
01:02:58,760 --> 01:03:02,600
Speaker 3: daughter seventeen female and son fifteen male with my wife

1328
01:03:02,640 --> 01:03:05,600
Speaker 3: forty one female. My wife's best friend, who is also

1329
01:03:05,600 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 3: a forty female, has two daughters, eighteen and fifteen. My

1330
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:13,120
Speaker 3: wife's best friend moved to our town about six years ago.

1331
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:15,440
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user Miserable article forty

1332
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:18,320
Speaker 3: four on the r slash Okay storytime subredit. My wife

1333
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:21,560
Speaker 3: and her best friend have been not so subtly pulling

1334
01:03:21,640 --> 01:03:23,560
Speaker 3: for the two fifteen year olds to end up together.

1335
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:27,240
Speaker 3: I find this weird and low key creepy. About two

1336
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:31,440
Speaker 3: years ago, wife's best friend's youngest daughter appeared to have

1337
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:33,680
Speaker 3: developed the crush on our son. My son talked to

1338
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 3: me about it and he had zero interest, so we

1339
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:41,560
Speaker 3: discussed how detactfully but firmly let her down. She has

1340
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:43,960
Speaker 3: approached him again a number of times over the last

1341
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:46,920
Speaker 3: couple of years, and he has reaffirmed his lack of interest.

1342
01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:51,400
Speaker 3: This past summer, my wife's best friends oldest daughter turned eighteen.

1343
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:54,040
Speaker 3: Her parents went all out for her birthday. It was

1344
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:56,920
Speaker 3: a whole weekend of festivities and events. One of the

1345
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:59,720
Speaker 3: events was a couple's dinner for the oldest daughter and

1346
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:03,560
Speaker 3: all her friends in couples. The younger daughter of the

1347
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:07,080
Speaker 3: wife's best friend wanted to go to the dinner, but

1348
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:09,080
Speaker 3: did not have anyone to go with. She asked my

1349
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:12,600
Speaker 3: son and he agreed to go, but only as friends

1350
01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:15,439
Speaker 3: and jest this one time, so they went together. After

1351
01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:18,640
Speaker 3: the dinner the quote couples all watched Ten Things I

1352
01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:20,760
Speaker 3: Hate About You together. It was my son's first time

1353
01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:22,960
Speaker 3: seeing it, and he commented that he thought the Heath

1354
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:24,600
Speaker 3: Ledgers singing scene was cool.

1355
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 2: This is important later.

1356
01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:27,800
Speaker 1: I love that movie of my favorite Don't Hate Me.

1357
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:30,360
Speaker 3: I haven't seen them, which watched a great one.

1358
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:32,480
Speaker 1: It's great. I actually just showed it to parents this

1359
01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 1: year and they had never seen it.

1360
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:36,920
Speaker 3: It's great, all time classic early two thousands of ones

1361
01:04:36,920 --> 01:04:37,840
Speaker 3: I haven't seen it.

1362
01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:39,080
Speaker 1: Is a classic movie.

1363
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:42,360
Speaker 3: My business partner, forty four Mail, every year for the

1364
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 3: last five years, throws a huge Halloween party. All our

1365
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:48,320
Speaker 3: employees are invited, along with close friends and family. The

1366
01:04:48,320 --> 01:04:51,120
Speaker 3: party requires a costume, and at this party there are

1367
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:53,240
Speaker 3: prizes for best individual.

1368
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:55,200
Speaker 1: Costume, group costume, and couple's costume.

1369
01:04:55,240 --> 01:04:59,280
Speaker 3: My wife's best friend and her family are obviously invited.

1370
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 1: Every year.

1371
01:05:00,440 --> 01:05:04,360
Speaker 3: This year, the Halloween party is tonight on October twenty six. Oh,

1372
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,200
Speaker 3: so let me get to the reason that I'm here.

1373
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:09,480
Speaker 3: About a month ago, my son is at school and

1374
01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:13,760
Speaker 3: coming towards him is my wife's best friend's younger daughter

1375
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:17,080
Speaker 3: with a whole song and dance routine. She ends it

1376
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:19,560
Speaker 3: by asking him to be her date for the Halloween party.

1377
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:23,200
Speaker 3: My son was so frustrated and reiterated for everyone to

1378
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:26,560
Speaker 3: hear that he is not interested in her like that

1379
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:29,479
Speaker 3: at all. Of course, it being high school, some kids

1380
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:32,600
Speaker 3: laughed and she ran off crying. She has been bullied

1381
01:05:32,640 --> 01:05:34,160
Speaker 3: pretty badly because of it.

1382
01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:36,160
Speaker 1: The thing is that, like, let's say this is the

1383
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:39,880
Speaker 1: first time she's ever said this, and then that's his reaction. Sure,

1384
01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:41,520
Speaker 1: that's messed up. That would be messed up.

1385
01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:42,960
Speaker 2: However, and for a long.

1386
01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:46,040
Speaker 1: Years years of saying I'm not interested in you, not

1387
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:47,760
Speaker 1: in chom so sorry, I'm not interested in you.

1388
01:05:47,960 --> 01:05:52,120
Speaker 3: My wife's best friend limit and thinks our son owes

1389
01:05:52,160 --> 01:05:55,320
Speaker 3: her daughter an apology. My wife agrees and thinks, at

1390
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:58,680
Speaker 3: a minimum, he needs to defend her against the bullying.

1391
01:05:58,800 --> 01:06:01,240
Speaker 3: My son has said that for who hears he has

1392
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:02,960
Speaker 3: told her he's not interested and.

1393
01:06:02,960 --> 01:06:04,400
Speaker 2: Reiterated it over and over.

1394
01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:07,080
Speaker 3: At this point, he thinks it's kind of harassing to

1395
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:09,680
Speaker 3: him and it is not his role to defend her

1396
01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:10,680
Speaker 3: harassment of him.

1397
01:06:10,840 --> 01:06:12,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with my son.

1398
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:14,360
Speaker 3: My wife and I have had a number of disagreements

1399
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:16,840
Speaker 3: about it since it happened. Well, things have intensified in

1400
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,320
Speaker 3: the last couple of weeks or so because another girl,

1401
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:23,880
Speaker 3: who wife's best friend's daughter apparently does not like, asked

1402
01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:26,040
Speaker 3: our son to be her date to the party, and

1403
01:06:26,160 --> 01:06:26,840
Speaker 3: he agreed.

1404
01:06:26,960 --> 01:06:29,200
Speaker 2: They are doing a pretty dope couple's costume.

1405
01:06:29,520 --> 01:06:32,200
Speaker 3: This has really pissed off my wife because she thinks

1406
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,560
Speaker 3: he should at least not go to the party with

1407
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:35,920
Speaker 3: another girl in respect.

1408
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:40,000
Speaker 1: No, this is ridiculous. Is it ridiculous?

1409
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:44,360
Speaker 3: Because that's what they said. I think that is ridiculous.

1410
01:06:44,520 --> 01:06:46,760
Speaker 3: I plan on driving them to the party with me.

1411
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:49,000
Speaker 3: My wife now does not want to go to the

1412
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:51,760
Speaker 3: party and is saying I'm an a hole and raising

1413
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:52,640
Speaker 3: our son to be one.

1414
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:54,560
Speaker 1: So am I the a hole? And there's an update,

1415
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:58,120
Speaker 1: but let's go There is no.

1416
01:06:58,120 --> 01:06:59,440
Speaker 2: No, You're not the a hole.

1417
01:06:59,480 --> 01:07:02,760
Speaker 1: It's not it's honestly, I'm sorry. If someone tells you

1418
01:07:02,760 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 1: no five thousand times and then you're like, well, maybe

1419
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:10,520
Speaker 1: they'll say yes if I choreograph a dance number and

1420
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:11,200
Speaker 1: ask them.

1421
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:12,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, maybe I'm not just asking.

1422
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:14,439
Speaker 1: I'm not asking the right way.

1423
01:07:15,040 --> 01:07:17,600
Speaker 3: The problem now, I've learned from Heath Ledger how to

1424
01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:21,439
Speaker 3: be cool. I really feel like the onus on this

1425
01:07:21,520 --> 01:07:24,800
Speaker 3: is mostly on her mom. Yeah.

1426
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:27,480
Speaker 1: I think she's been pushing her to like, oh, you know,

1427
01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:29,360
Speaker 1: he'll eventually like you. Yeah.

1428
01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:32,080
Speaker 3: It's like, no, don't just you should teach teach your

1429
01:07:32,120 --> 01:07:35,160
Speaker 3: kid better consent to No is no how to go

1430
01:07:35,200 --> 01:07:36,720
Speaker 3: about this type of activity.

1431
01:07:36,760 --> 01:07:37,400
Speaker 1: Here's the update.

1432
01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:39,520
Speaker 3: Given the events of the past couple of weeks, I

1433
01:07:39,560 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 3: thought I would give an update. My wife did not

1434
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:44,360
Speaker 3: come to the Halloween party. I took my son and

1435
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:47,200
Speaker 3: his friend and they had a great time. Unfortunately, they

1436
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:49,800
Speaker 3: only came in fourth in the couple's costume voting. After

1437
01:07:49,840 --> 01:07:52,200
Speaker 3: the party, he was really hung up on that costume.

1438
01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:53,480
Speaker 1: I think I was really rooting for them.

1439
01:07:53,880 --> 01:07:56,880
Speaker 3: After the party, tensions with my wife died down considerably.

1440
01:07:57,040 --> 01:07:58,880
Speaker 3: She still felt what I did was wrong, but she

1441
01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:02,080
Speaker 3: took a what's done done attitude. The bullying at school

1442
01:08:02,200 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 3: has gotten more intense. Apparently, my wife's best friend's daughter

1443
01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:08,360
Speaker 3: confronted the girl who my son did take to the

1444
01:08:08,360 --> 01:08:11,960
Speaker 3: Halloween party. That escalated the bullying from other girls, and

1445
01:08:12,120 --> 01:08:16,280
Speaker 3: two factions have formed among the girls in two grades

1446
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:19,120
Speaker 3: over this and it has gotten out of hand. Apparently

1447
01:08:19,160 --> 01:08:21,920
Speaker 3: some accusations have been thrown around about cheating at my

1448
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,679
Speaker 3: son by various girls. My son has been unbothered because

1449
01:08:24,760 --> 01:08:27,400
Speaker 3: all his truly good friends allow the truth.

1450
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:29,200
Speaker 1: His son, the sun is getting bullied.

1451
01:08:29,240 --> 01:08:31,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, now the sun's getting like gas lit.

1452
01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:35,120
Speaker 1: This is a form of bully he's getting all the way.

1453
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:38,560
Speaker 3: Back around last Friday, we got a call from the

1454
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:41,439
Speaker 3: school wanting to meet with us about the situation. Since

1455
01:08:41,479 --> 01:08:44,880
Speaker 3: my son was the source their words, not mine, of

1456
01:08:44,920 --> 01:08:47,640
Speaker 3: the issues. We met with some of the administration and

1457
01:08:47,680 --> 01:08:49,960
Speaker 3: one of the teachers on Tuesday. They wanted my son

1458
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:52,920
Speaker 3: to help the situation by defending my wife's best friend's

1459
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:57,200
Speaker 3: daughter to their classmates. He refused and talked extensively about

1460
01:08:57,200 --> 01:09:00,519
Speaker 3: her harassing behavior over the past two years. They pushed

1461
01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:03,479
Speaker 3: against his description of her conduct, but we ended the

1462
01:09:03,520 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 3: meeting with my son promising to provide a list of

1463
01:09:05,840 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 3: her harassment over the past two years. Why are they

1464
01:09:08,040 --> 01:09:09,240
Speaker 3: just trying to make it this guy's fault.

1465
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:12,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is like I had I knew people in

1466
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:14,880
Speaker 1: you know, school who would act like they were the

1467
01:09:14,960 --> 01:09:17,640
Speaker 1: victim when they were actively causing the problems, you know,

1468
01:09:17,800 --> 01:09:19,799
Speaker 1: And that's what she's doing. She's like, I'm getting bullied,

1469
01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:23,240
Speaker 1: but she's actively causing the problem. Yeah, it's like, maybe

1470
01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:29,000
Speaker 1: people don't like you because you're doing unlikable things. Oh, facts, facts.

1471
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:29,040
Speaker 2: That was a bar.

1472
01:09:29,200 --> 01:09:30,360
Speaker 1: You just drive right there. Thank you.

1473
01:09:30,640 --> 01:09:33,920
Speaker 3: Maybe people don't like you because you're doing unlikable things.

1474
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:35,120
Speaker 1: Mm hmm boom.

1475
01:09:35,120 --> 01:09:38,160
Speaker 3: Tuesday evening, my son prepared the list and showed his

1476
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:40,479
Speaker 3: mother and I. When my wife saw the list, it

1477
01:09:40,520 --> 01:09:44,280
Speaker 3: was like scales fell from her eyes. She got pretty emotional,

1478
01:09:44,320 --> 01:09:47,120
Speaker 3: apologized to our son, apologized to me, and.

1479
01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:48,200
Speaker 1: We had a good group hug.

1480
01:09:48,320 --> 01:09:50,560
Speaker 3: She is now one hundred percent on our side. She

1481
01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:52,559
Speaker 3: asked our son if she could share the list with

1482
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:53,240
Speaker 3: her best friend.

1483
01:09:53,560 --> 01:09:54,320
Speaker 2: My son agreed.

1484
01:09:54,479 --> 01:09:58,320
Speaker 3: My wife's best friend's response was to double down. My

1485
01:09:58,439 --> 01:10:00,960
Speaker 3: wife is now going low content for the time being.

1486
01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:05,120
Speaker 1: Finally, of course, child has been going through this for years. Yeah.

1487
01:10:05,320 --> 01:10:08,000
Speaker 3: Literally has just been like, Hey, you want to go

1488
01:10:08,040 --> 01:10:10,280
Speaker 3: on a date with me? No, please stop, I don't

1489
01:10:10,360 --> 01:10:11,200
Speaker 3: want to date you.

1490
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:14,320
Speaker 1: Stop. Asking me to date in two weeks and.

1491
01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:15,160
Speaker 2: Then she did one of these.

1492
01:10:15,479 --> 01:10:20,840
Speaker 1: If you want to what about this God day with

1493
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:21,879
Speaker 1: me right now?

1494
01:10:22,200 --> 01:10:25,320
Speaker 3: On Wednesday, we took the list to the school. It

1495
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:27,200
Speaker 3: is a private school and has a strict code of

1496
01:10:27,200 --> 01:10:30,080
Speaker 3: conduct for students in and out of school, so there's

1497
01:10:30,120 --> 01:10:32,600
Speaker 3: a possibility best friend's daughter may have some type of

1498
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:34,880
Speaker 3: punishment for her behavior. I took my son out of

1499
01:10:34,880 --> 01:10:37,160
Speaker 3: school for the day and we hung out all day.

1500
01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:39,400
Speaker 3: Just dropped him back off at school today.

1501
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:40,960
Speaker 1: So this is the update.

1502
01:10:41,080 --> 01:10:41,880
Speaker 2: Thats a nice update.

1503
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:43,760
Speaker 1: And you know what, you know what else is nice?

1504
01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:47,720
Speaker 3: You're joining us every weekday at three pm PST when

1505
01:10:47,720 --> 01:10:51,280
Speaker 3: we go live on YouTube, on Facebook, on Twitch, and

1506
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:52,120
Speaker 3: I believe even.

1507
01:10:51,960 --> 01:10:54,439
Speaker 1: On TikTok and talk. Tell you gotta do is tap

1508
01:10:54,439 --> 01:10:56,200
Speaker 1: our profile and then you're in.

1509
01:10:56,240 --> 01:10:57,720
Speaker 3: And if you're watching this in the future, we may

1510
01:10:57,760 --> 01:10:59,519
Speaker 3: be live all right now, you should go check.

1511
01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:01,559
Speaker 2: So we do have a little bit more story left.

1512
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:04,240
Speaker 1: But jump into it. Oh you're just jump.

1513
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:07,400
Speaker 3: Into it, But just jump into it. I mean, I

1514
01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:11,960
Speaker 3: think one thought is that one school administration constantly.

1515
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:13,639
Speaker 1: F fiales fails kids.

1516
01:11:13,680 --> 01:11:16,840
Speaker 3: I've never I've never I never had a school administration

1517
01:11:16,920 --> 01:11:19,200
Speaker 3: moment where it was like, Wow, that really helped me,

1518
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:19,880
Speaker 3: And that's.

1519
01:11:19,720 --> 01:11:20,320
Speaker 1: Your one thought.

1520
01:11:20,439 --> 01:11:24,040
Speaker 3: I agree, you all know who's the right in one

1521
01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:24,719
Speaker 3: in this situation.

1522
01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:25,120
Speaker 1: Okay.

1523
01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:27,759
Speaker 3: Anyway, I wanted to add something I said in the comments.

1524
01:11:27,840 --> 01:11:30,840
Speaker 3: My mom was for years a counselor. One thing she

1525
01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:33,759
Speaker 3: taught me is that repentance and forgiveness are not events

1526
01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:34,640
Speaker 3: but processes.

1527
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:37,280
Speaker 2: Also that in order for a bar.

1528
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:39,880
Speaker 1: Bar drop the bar right there bars.

1529
01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:42,600
Speaker 3: Also that in order for a relationship to be restored,

1530
01:11:42,640 --> 01:11:45,880
Speaker 3: there must first be repentance from the wrong doer. In

1531
01:11:45,960 --> 01:11:48,080
Speaker 3: light of that, a practice she had our family do

1532
01:11:48,280 --> 01:11:50,280
Speaker 3: was to write letters when one of us caused harm

1533
01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:53,640
Speaker 3: to another. The letter includes in detail the wrong the

1534
01:11:53,640 --> 01:11:56,400
Speaker 3: person is committed, the resulting harm that was done, the

1535
01:11:56,439 --> 01:11:59,400
Speaker 3: immediate actions that will be taken to mitigate the harm,

1536
01:11:59,479 --> 01:12:02,439
Speaker 3: and the long term actions being taken to mitigate the

1537
01:12:02,479 --> 01:12:05,800
Speaker 3: harm to ensure that the action is not repeated. My

1538
01:12:05,880 --> 01:12:08,599
Speaker 3: wife is currently working on her letter. The person who

1539
01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:11,559
Speaker 3: receives the letter can respond and request that additional actions

1540
01:12:11,600 --> 01:12:14,719
Speaker 3: be taken to address the harm done. My wife knows

1541
01:12:14,800 --> 01:12:16,680
Speaker 3: she is only at the beginning of the process and

1542
01:12:16,680 --> 01:12:18,800
Speaker 3: that it is going to take time, and that is

1543
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:19,679
Speaker 3: the end of that story.

1544
01:12:19,880 --> 01:12:22,320
Speaker 1: Man oh man, Wow, I didn't expect that. I think

1545
01:12:22,320 --> 01:12:24,800
Speaker 1: it's our story to be like and my wife is

1546
01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:28,719
Speaker 1: now writing us apology letters. It's good that the wife

1547
01:12:28,760 --> 01:12:31,080
Speaker 1: figured out that this was an issue for sure. I

1548
01:12:31,120 --> 01:12:34,400
Speaker 1: mean it took her until literally her own was like,

1549
01:12:34,760 --> 01:12:38,200
Speaker 1: this is a entire write it out, here's the list,

1550
01:12:38,200 --> 01:12:40,640
Speaker 1: and it was like five pages of harassment.

1551
01:12:41,439 --> 01:12:44,519
Speaker 2: My god, I'm so sorry, my son.

1552
01:12:44,680 --> 01:12:49,600
Speaker 1: My son, she deserves that. Well, that is it, my friends.

1553
01:12:49,800 --> 01:12:53,240
Speaker 1: That's the end of that stream. We love you, but

1554
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:56,120
Speaker 1: if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1555
01:12:56,640 --> 01:13:00,320
Speaker 2: We love you and Santamara y

1556
01:15:01,680 --> 01:15:18,840
Speaker 1: Assasssssssss.