Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home? Either way we want
Speaker 2: to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim
Speaker 2: and give us time and a terminal and gay. We
Speaker 2: want to send you off InStyle. You wanna welcome you
Speaker 2: back home?
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her? Was it fine? Malforn? Do you need
Speaker 2: to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 2: to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need.
Speaker 2: With?
Speaker 3: Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: And this is Karen Coilgarove.
Speaker 3: Hello, my friend Karen.
Speaker 2: Hello Chris and Montana. How's it going?
Speaker 3: I am in Montana? How did you know?
Speaker 2: Wait? Should I not blow up your spot?
Speaker 3: Is?
Speaker 2: The children like to say?
Speaker 3: You know it's okay. I think I'm safe here.
Speaker 2: Knock knock, knock, knock knock.
Speaker 3: You probably noticed all the brothers and sisters of your
Speaker 3: painting that can that sounds weird?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think they're related. The related, it's it's.
Speaker 1: All the cousins and the second cousins of my Pike
Speaker 1: Pike Place painting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the extended farmers market acrylics. Yeah, I am at
Speaker 3: my dad's and it's really comforting, and there's glasses in
Speaker 3: every room.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I didn't know going blind could be so convenient.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can get those glasses at any CVS.
Speaker 1: You too, can live that way for not an expensive price.
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have three pair and I literally shove them
Speaker 3: in my pocket and then sit down.
Speaker 2: I've just been going through them, you snapping them right
Speaker 2: in half.
Speaker 3: I guess I gotta get a little carrying case, maybe
Speaker 3: a fanny.
Speaker 1: Pack, maybe immerse a man bag. You know what I
Speaker 1: won't do postman satchel.
Speaker 3: A chain around the what do you call that?
Speaker 2: A pouch on a chain.
Speaker 3: The glass when someone has them on the ready like
Speaker 3: it says.
Speaker 1: I thought we were still talking about different kinds of
Speaker 1: purses for men.
Speaker 2: Yes, I see, you mean like Libra serious lyby.
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, I think we just accidentally invented something.
Speaker 3: It's a tiny purse that you wear like a medallion
Speaker 3: around your neck.
Speaker 2: That has to exist.
Speaker 3: I meant to be not in the high fashion world.
Speaker 1: Don't you think there's some that are like solid gold,
Speaker 1: but they're like Grandma's change purses at the end of
Speaker 1: a really huge chain.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that would be the best. This is
Speaker 2: what I want for Christmas.
Speaker 3: Let's bring back the coin purse.
Speaker 1: You know what my mom had that I really wish
Speaker 1: I could find is she used to have a little
Speaker 1: watch at the end at the bottom of a necklace
Speaker 1: as a pendant in the seventies. So she'd wear a
Speaker 1: turtleneck and then a gold long chain that came down
Speaker 1: to a little You popped it open and it was
Speaker 1: just a little circle clock.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Such, I fully support that. Which and I used
Speaker 3: to want a pocket watch, and that quickly got taken
Speaker 3: over by not the hipster world, but like the steampunk
Speaker 3: guys that wear a top hat with goggles.
Speaker 2: And yeah, you couldn't just have a pocket watch with
Speaker 2: some dockers. You'd have to really rack it up with
Speaker 2: a bunch of other props.
Speaker 3: I mean, this might get lost because this is a
Speaker 3: visual and we're dealing with audio entertainment.
Speaker 2: But look at these audio only Look at.
Speaker 3: These fucking pants, Karen, Look at these Oh these pants.
Speaker 2: Chris have new doctors. Let's see he's coming up in
Speaker 2: the screen.
Speaker 3: Look at them close.
Speaker 2: See the embroidered what are those American eagles.
Speaker 3: Vacation jeep wagoneers with a canoe on top?
Speaker 2: What the fuck? Yeah? What the fucking deed? Oh? Have
Speaker 2: you been shopping at lban What is that?
Speaker 3: You know what? That's a good guess. A long time ago,
Speaker 3: my dad had a pair of Ralph Lauren khakis that
Speaker 3: had just intermittently embroidered pheasants. I think, sure, yeah, And
Speaker 3: I borrowed him and I was the hit of a wedding.
Speaker 3: The bride almost left the groom for me. They were
Speaker 3: such nice pants, and I and in looking for a
Speaker 3: present for my dad. You did just notice I'm wearing
Speaker 3: the pants right now. But I was trying to find
Speaker 3: those all over embroidered pants and I it's out.
Speaker 2: They're gaunt.
Speaker 3: No one, Ralph Lauren's not making them ll beans out.
Speaker 3: Eddie Bower's busy putting their name on the side of
Speaker 3: a Ford Explorer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're too busy with their cars to worry about
Speaker 1: embridered pants. Also, I think that look because J Crew
Speaker 1: had closed like that a lot too, And you might
Speaker 1: want to look, but I feel like that style that
Speaker 1: was very like it basically kind of tried to put
Speaker 1: a plant a flag in what year would it have.
Speaker 2: Been two thousand and nine.
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, that's a guest just slightly over a decade ago.
Speaker 3: All the race.
Speaker 2: It's just like it's not nostalgic yet. It's still dorky, right,
Speaker 2: but these ones, I'm sorry to say that because you're
Speaker 2: actually I just realized you're wearing the pants. Those ones
Speaker 2: look great.
Speaker 3: No, you, I knew that when you said it's still dorky.
Speaker 3: You weren't talking because I saw your hair blow back
Speaker 3: when you saw these tiny jeep wagoneers. And then I
Speaker 3: got a pair with little mooses.
Speaker 1: For my sued that they were at the jeep Wagoneers
Speaker 1: were American flags, and that immediately had a strange maga
Speaker 1: vibe where I was.
Speaker 2: Like, how long have you been? Okay, you very much?
Speaker 3: You know exactly the brand of this company where I
Speaker 3: found them, because goddamn right, they have little American flag pants.
Speaker 3: That's one of the things they make, and pumpkins and
Speaker 3: little Christmas trees. But because I looked up this is
Speaker 3: the weird point of my story. Actually, you and I
Speaker 3: both know there's no point in my story, but I
Speaker 3: I was trying to find those pants on my computer,
Speaker 3: and then the ad for these pants just came up
Speaker 3: on my phone. So the cookies. Don't eat the cookies.
Speaker 3: Everyone don't enable the cookies. They're watching it. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: Oh I got you? Yeah, sorry they I thought that
Speaker 1: was a drug reference.
Speaker 3: No, I found this is a weird. There was this
Speaker 3: guy that he lives in like Nantucket or Rhode Island
Speaker 3: his name because they're posing in Vermont in front of
Speaker 3: a snow capped house and there's kids ice skating. I
Speaker 3: thought it was some uh, trust fun guys that got
Speaker 3: famous on Instagram, but it's these beautiful photos. But then
Speaker 3: I read about the guy and he he just became
Speaker 3: a vintage clothing guy while he is mowing lawns and
Speaker 3: it became this giant company. And I followed him on
Speaker 3: Instagram and they are people that got famous on Instagram
Speaker 3: and then decided to make clothes because they were famous,
Speaker 3: and then they make these really fancy clothes.
Speaker 2: It's just that's their merch can do you want to
Speaker 2: say the company? Or are you not saying?
Speaker 3: Oh, it's I just can't remember his name. It's keeled
Speaker 3: James Patrick. And these pants. I have a feeling I'm
Speaker 3: going to be saying it a lot because these pants
Speaker 3: people have been lowering their sunglasses. A group of construction
Speaker 3: workers stopped working to whistle at me. Yes, and it
Speaker 3: was cold outside, baby, it was cold outside.
Speaker 1: But they rubbed their hands together and they blew into
Speaker 1: a little a little whistle fire they were making for themselves,
Speaker 1: and they made it happen.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, they really, I really put a spring in
Speaker 3: their step. And then they finished that building today on
Speaker 3: time and under budget because my pants were so beautiful.
Speaker 2: Because your embroidery inspired them to build.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and grow, it's inspirational. Have you purchased yourself any
Speaker 3: new clothing in lieu of family members who you should
Speaker 3: have been shopping for?
Speaker 1: I am the worst. I mean, we're recording this. You're
Speaker 1: going to hear this in the jam. Yeah, in the
Speaker 1: new year, but it's still pre Christmas for us. I
Speaker 1: always like to be honest.
Speaker 3: People thought I was just now dealing with COVID. We
Speaker 3: are revealing that we aren't recording this the day before.
Speaker 3: I think it's okay to admit that.
Speaker 2: Yes, there's no shame in.
Speaker 3: My anxiety attack that I had during the Dungan dressle
Speaker 3: But that just aired, and so people are and now
Speaker 3: asking me if I'm feeling okay, which I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: By the way, well what choice do they have because
Speaker 1: that was you went into a full medical meltdown. And
Speaker 1: also again I will say, those are moments, content moments
Speaker 1: that we should aim for. If you have a test
Speaker 1: and you have the dout, you have to take that
Speaker 1: test on the air.
Speaker 3: I wish that we were recording. When I did take
Speaker 3: an at home test, I let it sit out too long,
Speaker 3: more than five minutes, and there was a pink line.
Speaker 3: So I did have COVID for five minutes. Then I
Speaker 3: went and bought two more tests that same day and
Speaker 3: they were both negative.
Speaker 2: And you fucked it up, you know.
Speaker 1: I did the same thing where I got I just
Speaker 1: bought two tests at the store because I'd been feeling tired,
Speaker 1: like sluggish and tired, but not a lot else. And
Speaker 1: so I was like, yeah, but what if the this
Speaker 1: is that kind one of those ones is real subtle.
Speaker 2: So I took the test, but you know the part
Speaker 2: where you have to drip in.
Speaker 1: Exactly six drops of liquid, Yeah, in the little hole. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I drip in my exactly six drops And then was like,
Speaker 1: did they all go directly in or did I lose
Speaker 1: some on the sides. Therefore, should I put another drip
Speaker 1: or two? I ended up putting in eight drips instead
Speaker 1: of six. And then when it went the whatever it's
Speaker 1: called the constant or whatever that term is for the
Speaker 1: one line that immediately pops up right and then you're
Speaker 1: looking for the second line for the positive. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: whole thing just ran and all of it became big
Speaker 1: because I fucking did a weird thing. Almost like the
Speaker 1: same way I make coffee in the morning, where I go,
Speaker 1: I put in water for six cups or eight cups,
Speaker 1: but then I start counting out the coffee, which should
Speaker 1: be six scoops for eight cups of water.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, six goops of coffee.
Speaker 1: But by the time I get to six, I always
Speaker 1: I'm like, is that enough? I don't think it is,
Speaker 1: And then I put in seven.
Speaker 2: I do it all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't just do the number that I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 3: Well, imagine what it's like for me. You're good at multitasking.
Speaker 3: If I'm doing a thing and even a thought goes
Speaker 3: into my mind, I just walk away. And for do
Speaker 3: you know how many times I've put grounds in the
Speaker 3: filter and then just went on with my day.
Speaker 2: That's a smart never hit, never hit power like, never
Speaker 2: hit thought.
Speaker 3: About it, never got water, something happened. It's not like
Speaker 3: the phone's ringing. It's not the nineties.
Speaker 1: It's the twenty twenty ones, where everything is about as
Speaker 1: adhd as it possibly could be.
Speaker 3: Yeah, god, we have an excuse now. It's great.
Speaker 1: It's a really good you know, because I kept saying
Speaker 1: to my sister, I just want to make sure I
Speaker 1: don't have COVID, and.
Speaker 2: She goes, you don't. You never leave your house. How
Speaker 2: could you have COVID?
Speaker 1: She goes, you're just legitimately tired, and I was just like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess that's true too.
Speaker 3: But you saw me and my brain shot down right
Speaker 3: when we were recording with people love that episode, which
Speaker 3: then I take it personally it's like, well I was silent.
Speaker 3: I was having an episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the people are trying to tell you to
Speaker 1: be quiet on your own podcast.
Speaker 3: They are, I think that's even though they're saying I
Speaker 3: love your part and a bunch of other nice things,
Speaker 3: and how are you I know it's a.
Speaker 2: Jab, that's right.
Speaker 1: It's actually a manipulation. They're trying to get you, trying.
Speaker 2: To get everyone's out to get me, They're out to
Speaker 2: get you.
Speaker 3: I can't believe I let them know I'm in Montana.
Speaker 3: They're gonna get me. But I h yeah, I do
Speaker 3: recall now that you mentioned it. When I was doing
Speaker 3: those six drips into my COVID test out of habit
Speaker 3: I did drip one into.
Speaker 1: My eye and then one on the tongue.
Speaker 2: Just see what happened.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it did not make the redness go away?
Speaker 3: On that line? I think it's the control line? Is
Speaker 3: it the That's what I was looking for. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: spent a lot of time in skiance class.
Speaker 2: But did I say control?
Speaker 3: You said? I said, another sea word, another seaword? Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: you said the cunt line. I said, sorry, Hey, you
Speaker 3: know that's a that's it?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride first? That we threw out
Speaker 2: the see you next Tuesday line? You went for it.
Speaker 1: Oh you're a man in twenty twenty one saying the seaword?
Speaker 2: Do you know the bravery?
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. I walked out on a limb, and I don't.
Speaker 3: I just know this is a solid tree, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean?
Speaker 1: Look, if you grew this tree, you built this tree
Speaker 1: on rock and roll.
Speaker 2: But wait, can I ask you a question?
Speaker 1: You said you left you left your something out too
Speaker 1: long or whatever, like there was just another thing where
Speaker 1: you didn't you'd attest you didn't follow it through the
Speaker 1: whole way.
Speaker 3: Yes, if you leave it out, it says keep the
Speaker 3: keep your mouth sample dipped in the six strips for
Speaker 3: ten minutes and then look at it. But you better
Speaker 3: look at that in five minute window. The whole test
Speaker 3: should be fifteen minutes. I went and ran some errands,
Speaker 3: I vacuumed, and I went to pick up some Brussels sprouts.
Speaker 3: Came back and I had COVID and because there was
Speaker 3: a faint line, so faint that I'm not sure that
Speaker 3: my very bad eyes weren't making it up. They probably were,
Speaker 3: Like I could barely I would. Yeah, I had a
Speaker 3: magnifying glass and a very bright light, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: there's a faint line. I think it's the nature of
Speaker 3: that litmus strip that it's lying somewhere underneath the whatever.
Speaker 1: So it's the thing that's waiting to get activated when
Speaker 1: your disease hits it. And you can see it if
Speaker 1: you're staring at it, But the disease has to make
Speaker 1: it like actually red and not the faintess.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I stared at it long enough that like one of
Speaker 3: those computer generated patterns, I started to see the image
Speaker 3: of a.
Speaker 2: Like a magic eye poster.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I've never. I always thought there
Speaker 3: was something wrong with me because I could never. I
Speaker 3: pretend all the time, Oh, I see it a skull. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I just told you it was a skull. But I
Speaker 3: know too, because I can see it right now.
Speaker 1: I cannot see those No, neither can I not see
Speaker 1: them ever, And I absolutely panic, and I get a weird.
Speaker 3: Know what I've heard that means you have a high
Speaker 3: IQ if you can't see it, Yeah, means you're high functioning.
Speaker 3: I've heard that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, then yes, then that's exactly what, and not just
Speaker 2: that I can't relax enough to let my eyes us
Speaker 2: to see something fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're supposed to go dead eyed, but keep them
Speaker 3: still never And I used to like cross my eyes
Speaker 3: in halfway blank and like, oh I see it, But no,
Speaker 3: I did not have COVID. I just I think duncan
Speaker 3: he's a high functioning, smart brained person, and I think
Speaker 3: I got paranoid. And then he backed it up a
Speaker 3: little bit, which is all I needed, and I was like,
Speaker 3: is short enough a shortness of bread than sweating as
Speaker 3: part of COVID. I'm clearly having that, but I do
Speaker 3: I'm not going out on my rock and roll tree
Speaker 3: limb when I say I think I had a bit
Speaker 3: of a panic or an anxiety attack or I don't know,
Speaker 3: I've never been diagnosed.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing. You had a little bit of a
Speaker 2: doubt and you had a worry.
Speaker 1: Then we discussed it thoroughly enough that your worry was supported, yes,
Speaker 1: and then we were talking about a bunch of other stuff,
Speaker 1: and all you could do is think about the worry.
Speaker 1: So then you were doing a whole like you were
Speaker 1: having a whole reaction of like, I'm not doing what
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be doing on this podcast because I
Speaker 1: have COVID, right, And then it needed to be that
Speaker 1: you had COVID, because that was explaining what was going
Speaker 1: on with you as as opposed to that's what happens
Speaker 1: when you get in your head about stuff.
Speaker 3: Right, And thank god, you were at your most high functioning, Chris, I.
Speaker 2: Was phoning it in. Was nothing.
Speaker 1: You've never seen me high functioning. You've never seen it,
Speaker 1: no idea what it looks.
Speaker 3: Like at one point I was watching with my hands
Speaker 3: on my chin and I'd set the microphone over on
Speaker 3: the desk somewhere. But we are both and today now's
Speaker 3: a good time to mention we don't have a guest.
Speaker 2: Yep, it's just us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's this is just us. And a lot of
Speaker 3: people came to my shows in Philly and they multiple
Speaker 3: people said I love just Chris and Karen episode. And
Speaker 3: I said, well, don't hold your breath.
Speaker 2: You got all mare of ese time.
Speaker 3: Because we have nothing but good guests.
Speaker 2: You have amazing though.
Speaker 1: Hannah Chrichten is our booker at exactly right, and she
Speaker 1: has been helping us and we've just been able to say, hey,
Speaker 1: what about this dream person that we both love but
Speaker 1: don't know very well?
Speaker 2: And we've been able.
Speaker 3: To get I've literally described people from my dreams.
Speaker 2: You know that poster of like have you seen this
Speaker 2: man in your dream? That little weird guy.
Speaker 3: Let's get Yeah, next week we're going to have a
Speaker 3: boat captain with a chicken body.
Speaker 2: I dreamt him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you know what we should definitely coming up
Speaker 1: have Pat Summer.
Speaker 3: I was on say it again, Pat Summer, All he's
Speaker 3: an old sports broadcaster. No.
Speaker 1: Our friend who Patrick kan Yes, Patrick Kean, who did
Speaker 1: it constantly with us anytime we didn't feel like getting
Speaker 1: our show.
Speaker 3: I was. I forgot that I was going to bring
Speaker 3: him up again because I did shows in Irvine and
Speaker 3: he's a teacher in Orange County. He has an apartment
Speaker 3: and he's been teaching a high school in Orange County
Speaker 3: and he I stayed with him and he I laughed
Speaker 3: for twenty four hours straight.
Speaker 2: Those kids must be the happiest kids.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the one. He's funniest, He's very thoughtful and one
Speaker 3: of my favorite people. Yeah, we got we're going to
Speaker 3: bring back some oldies. Got to not just the newbies
Speaker 3: and the goodies, but some old timey, classic oldies. It's
Speaker 3: three o'clock and we're going to be right back after
Speaker 3: this weather traffic shit. Yeah, I said. I told a
Speaker 3: lot of folks that were at my show, like they're like,
Speaker 3: I can't wait for you in the cars so you
Speaker 3: can get swung out with a bike clock And I
Speaker 3: didn't bring that up. That sticks out to people's in
Speaker 3: people's memory, and that was so many years ago.
Speaker 2: Now, that's because we talk about it all the time.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, yeah, we brought it up right. Yeah, that's
Speaker 3: one of the great things like that happening. I can't wait.
Speaker 3: Maybe right now, if I was recording in a room
Speaker 3: full of birds or something, there would be surprise things
Speaker 3: to change the subject, Like what if I was talking
Speaker 3: about COVID and then all of a sudden a cockatoo
Speaker 3: was on my shoulder.
Speaker 1: I mean it would Would it be great for podcasting,
Speaker 1: It's debatable. It would be very loud noise, it would
Speaker 1: be irritating, and it would remind me of the documentary
Speaker 1: about Heidi Flies, where it seems to me surrounding yourself
Speaker 1: with birds can sometimes be a cry for help in.
Speaker 3: Certain Wait a minute, now, are you talking about the
Speaker 3: Madame of New York that was somehow connected with Charlie Sheen?
Speaker 2: Yes, but not of New York, of Los Angeles.
Speaker 3: She was of Los Angeles. Yes, Well, you don't know
Speaker 3: about the I know her from her New York work. No,
Speaker 3: I've never never you never used a working lady of
Speaker 3: the night.
Speaker 2: Too late. We know about your proclivities.
Speaker 3: Oh, I said the S word earlier. Oh yeah, I've
Speaker 3: never seen that documentary.
Speaker 2: Actually, Oh it's amazing, it's so good.
Speaker 3: I'll watch it.
Speaker 2: So Wait, you did stand up in Irvine? Do you
Speaker 2: want to talk about your show?
Speaker 3: Oh? I mean I was there a while back, and
Speaker 3: then I was just in Philadelphia, where I've actually had
Speaker 3: trouble in the past. I feel like in my mind
Speaker 3: that that city is like a bunch of dads that
Speaker 3: wished that you had wrestled and done football in high school,
Speaker 3: and they watched with their arms crossed and they're like,
Speaker 3: make me laugh. Motherfuck. There's like they even in Philadelphia
Speaker 3: have bumper stickers everywhere that say Philly is funny with
Speaker 3: a pH Like I saw them everywhere, and all the
Speaker 3: houseless folks that were like hanging out in the streets
Speaker 3: walking last time I was there, walking from the hotel
Speaker 3: to the club, they all had jokes.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 3: They'd all be like, hey, a joke for a dollar.
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, that's frat, that's refreshing. And then the
Speaker 3: next guy had jokes. It got to the point where
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, the guy at thirty eighth and
Speaker 3: Plymouth is doing your he's doing your bird joke. He'd
Speaker 3: be like, that's son of a bitch. I know exactly
Speaker 3: who you're talking about. The streets aren't open mic so
Speaker 3: in the past, I've had trouble there and this time
Speaker 3: it was so much fun.
Speaker 2: What was the difference?
Speaker 3: I think, And you're gonna probably think I'm just in
Speaker 3: my head about it. But I grew back the cop
Speaker 3: mustache and I cut my hair, and no one's gonna
Speaker 3: there's a weird thing that happens. I think you will
Speaker 3: be on board. It's it's people pay attention to a
Speaker 3: guy with a mustache. I'm in a position of authority,
Speaker 3: and last time I was some bald face weakling. And
Speaker 3: also I think I've been doing the big one is
Speaker 3: I've been doing stand up for a decade since I
Speaker 3: was last there.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's a good one. That's good to keep in mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and I just did whatever did you actually
Speaker 1: perform comedy with that hair?
Speaker 2: The old hair? Oh yeah?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and I had the balls to do reggae
Speaker 3: with it, wondering why it wasn't hitting so ironically.
Speaker 2: You had juggler hair.
Speaker 1: That's the thing is you were misguiding and misleading the
Speaker 1: audience with your appearance, right and there. If you're I
Speaker 1: think we talked about this, but yeah, you can't. You
Speaker 1: can't look funny.
Speaker 3: You have to be funny, and honestly, you're right, and
Speaker 3: by that ration, I could also just have short hair
Speaker 3: and no mustache. But whatever, it makes you somehow memorable.
Speaker 3: I don't know why I'm doing it.
Speaker 2: No, I mean I think that, I think the look aside.
Speaker 1: I think just hair that isn't doing anything because unless
Speaker 1: you're and I'm pretty positive you're not willing to do
Speaker 1: a solid five minutes about.
Speaker 2: How weird your hair is.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not, so then the audience is confused, and
Speaker 1: then they're then they're upset at you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Looks like Jane Wilder.
Speaker 3: Fuck Robert Downey Junior playing whatever it was, a silent
Speaker 3: film actor, it doesn't matter, Albert Einstein, Charlie Chaplin, god
Speaker 3: damn it. But no, it was. It was very fun
Speaker 3: and I started to feel like I know what I'm
Speaker 3: doing again.
Speaker 2: So that's good.
Speaker 3: I'm going to Saint Louis and Indianapolis, all these places
Speaker 3: I've never been great, and I'm excited because it's been
Speaker 3: really fun. I was missing it doing stand up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet.
Speaker 1: And also, you can now go having all these good
Speaker 1: shows under your belt knowing that that whole idea you're
Speaker 1: just making up stories of dads in the audience with
Speaker 1: their arms crossed because it's mad that you didn't play sports.
Speaker 1: No one knows what the fuck you did when you
Speaker 1: were a child.
Speaker 3: Stop it were the kind of dads. My dad's not
Speaker 3: mad I didn't play sports.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't give a shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, most dads are at this point, like we tortured
Speaker 1: ourselves with this. It's fine, keep moving. Most people at this.
Speaker 2: Point, you know this.
Speaker 1: They just want entertainment of any kind. Please let them
Speaker 1: escape from the horror and their bank account and the
Speaker 1: ship that they're going through in their own lives. Like,
Speaker 1: it's not about your shit, it's about getting them away
Speaker 1: from there.
Speaker 3: You know what I used to do ten years ago
Speaker 3: that all of us used to do when there was
Speaker 3: like an alt scene is try and be surreal and
Speaker 3: obscure and absurd and they funny ideas that I liked
Speaker 3: and try and sell them to a mainstream audience. But
Speaker 3: now I'm having more fun just trying to think of
Speaker 3: random things that are super relatable. And I didn't used
Speaker 3: to do that, so I'm just have more relatable stuff.
Speaker 1: It's been Also, the stand up comedy is so much
Speaker 1: more widespread Now it's so much more of a shared language.
Speaker 2: People aren't going there like, oh no, what this is?
Speaker 2: What fuck you? Like that's the nineties.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's PTSD from real club experience. These days, people
Speaker 1: are going as like specified fans who are like, I'm
Speaker 1: not spending forty random dollars, I'm going to see you
Speaker 1: in particular.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been great.
Speaker 1: That's a huge difference. It's like that makes all the
Speaker 1: difference in the world.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there are so many nice people coming now and
Speaker 3: they all say hi to you, Hi, Hi, And then
Speaker 3: they're like, you should get her to do stand up.
Speaker 3: You guys should do shows together, And I'm like, I, hey, look,
Speaker 3: it's okay if Karen doesn't want to do stand up,
Speaker 3: that's what I tell them.
Speaker 2: Yep, this is a separate conversation.
Speaker 3: But you and a yeah, yeah it is.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 3: Let's talk about what's in the news sports.
Speaker 1: My thing is I have to to do stand up
Speaker 1: that like you haven't stopped doing it ever. I've stopped
Speaker 1: and started so many times right that I don't I've
Speaker 1: lost my actual personal train of thought, personal thread of
Speaker 1: what I want to be talking about, and genuinely the
Speaker 1: people I see doing it these days try so hard.
Speaker 1: They they're so competitive, they're so in it to win it,
Speaker 1: they're so smart.
Speaker 2: Like it's just a different time.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's like it's a young man's game,
Speaker 1: and there's all these people who are like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm going to you know, make my mark. So it's like,
Speaker 1: go ahead, I don't care to talk about what we've
Speaker 1: all observed this week.
Speaker 2: I do it anyway. I'm so tired.
Speaker 3: That's the other point that people don't realize. You have
Speaker 3: a full time outlet that is very much going well
Speaker 3: and is one hundred percent at your job. Why go
Speaker 3: back to the thing that you connect to struggling for
Speaker 3: so many years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm also going to pick up a shift washing
Speaker 1: some dishes. Yeah, because I might as well just keep
Speaker 1: it real all the way around.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Remember back when you're at your dishwashing job and you
Speaker 3: knew how could think how good you'd be at it?
Speaker 2: Now go actually would I would?
Speaker 1: I mean not to say that that's not true, because
Speaker 1: it's a really hard job where you have to handle
Speaker 1: really fucking hot water and hot dish washing. You know,
Speaker 1: those those huge dish washers stuff. I couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: I'm being very cavalier right now, I could not do
Speaker 1: that job. If the job was at a like one
Speaker 1: of those tiny New York restaurants that has like eight tables,
Speaker 1: I could do those dishes, because then I would be
Speaker 1: like doing dishes at my grandma's house on Thanksgiving. My
Speaker 1: sister and I are very good at and it's so relaxing.
Speaker 1: There's nothing I love more.
Speaker 3: So if it was less of a restaurant more of
Speaker 3: a food based art gallery, yes.
Speaker 1: I can rinse out those plastic wine cups and I
Speaker 1: can kind of like make sure the kitchen's clean in
Speaker 1: a way that my favorite thing is just staying in
Speaker 1: the kitchen during any party or event. That's my goal
Speaker 1: and it's what I like to do best. And since
Speaker 1: I can't cook, the way I keep my spot in
Speaker 1: the kitchen is I do the dishes.
Speaker 3: Did you ever do one of those dinner theater things.
Speaker 3: I was going to do a dinner theater play of
Speaker 3: something called David and Lisa, I think.
Speaker 2: And we rehearsed it.
Speaker 3: It was at the end of college, and I was like, wait,
Speaker 3: people are eating during the whole time. I had anxiety
Speaker 3: about it. And then the venue dropped out and then
Speaker 3: I think I pretended to be dead and I didn't
Speaker 3: answer my phone. I was so glad that I was
Speaker 3: off the hook.
Speaker 2: Dinner theater and all so murder mystery theater.
Speaker 1: Like the month I started stand up, I immediately got
Speaker 1: booked on a gig at a murder Mystery theater show.
Speaker 1: And I had a handheld mic and I was just
Speaker 1: standing in the middle of a room, turning in circles
Speaker 1: because everyone was always behind me. It was like doing
Speaker 1: a theater in the round.
Speaker 3: And so like they turned the lights off and turn
Speaker 3: them back on and be like, ha, everyone in here
Speaker 3: is holding a knife. Was there like dinner joke? Butter was?
Speaker 2: It was like a play itself.
Speaker 1: And then it was almost like while they were eating,
Speaker 1: take a break and watch the comedy stylings of and
Speaker 1: so then it was it was awful.
Speaker 3: There's nothing worse for comedy than food happening except that Largo. Somehow,
Speaker 3: the old Largo, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I yeah, I don't know how they manage that.
Speaker 1: But I think just because that the room was pitch
Speaker 1: black and so you never really saw people eating, and
Speaker 1: you didn't worry about them eating, didn't draw anything away.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's one thing. I forgot with because I was
Speaker 3: at a comedy club for a few days in Philly,
Speaker 3: and there is the check drop fifteen minutes when I'm
Speaker 3: ramping up to try and get my conclusionary laughs. Everyone
Speaker 3: was hunched over doing math, and I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 3: forgot about the flaws with my job. No one's even listening.
Speaker 3: They're worried about money.
Speaker 2: You need to write a bit about that for that moment.
Speaker 2: You're right, right, there's a niche that needs to be
Speaker 2: filled there, right.
Speaker 3: What would it be? Let's spitball it now?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: But what if you started singing the Jeopardy question music
Speaker 1: while they were doing it, and saying, I'm going to
Speaker 1: put my act on pause and just give you background
Speaker 1: audio so that you don't have to focus.
Speaker 3: Just sit humming that song and going out to the
Speaker 3: audience climbing under their tables, really freaking them out.
Speaker 2: Or you can also be like, this will be the
Speaker 2: question and answer perious.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh yeah, that is a good time to
Speaker 3: field questions.
Speaker 1: Just let the moment happen, guide the moment, host the moment,
Speaker 1: and then once all the pens drop, boom, we're right
Speaker 1: back to your mom and dad jerking off in the doorway.
Speaker 3: Hey, you know what, I'm glad you bought that joke
Speaker 3: up because it kind of doesn't work anymore. I have
Speaker 3: a new comic.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're not doing stuff like that. You know
Speaker 2: a lot.
Speaker 3: Fewer dick based jokes, not so much toilet based humor.
Speaker 3: I have one bidet bit that does okay, but less graphic.
Speaker 1: Do you want to roll it out in front of
Speaker 1: the people who like you the most? Let your biggest
Speaker 1: fans hear your beadet material and we can let you
Speaker 1: know what we think.
Speaker 3: Oh right now, yes, certainly not you just you just asked.
Speaker 3: You just said you do comedy, tell me.
Speaker 2: A jell me a joke about it, bidet.
Speaker 3: That I wouldn't mind if I was on an air
Speaker 3: plane and someone said, oh, you're a comedian, you've made
Speaker 3: jokes about bidets. I would like that specific assignment.
Speaker 1: It would be like sometimes the water squirts right up
Speaker 1: in you, right, so you just kind of start them off.
Speaker 3: A little bit, just laughing because he's in the bidet
Speaker 3: business and he's flying to some uh the Water in
Speaker 3: your Ass festival in Vegas. It would be at the
Speaker 3: Water in.
Speaker 2: Your Ass festival is a bid day based festival. Yes,
Speaker 2: but uh yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Don't say when I'm golfing or I'm on a plane.
Speaker 3: I just say I'm a graphic designer because I can
Speaker 3: talk about that and it's so much easier.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 3: That's just maybe two follow up questions and they're back
Speaker 3: at to me interviewing them about about uh you know,
Speaker 3: h R.
Speaker 2: The tables have turned.
Speaker 1: You're like, where did you get your embroidered pants? See,
Speaker 1: I think you're bordered pants phase is definitely based on
Speaker 1: and influenced by your golf phase.
Speaker 3: You know a little bit think so it is very Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's more of an outdoors because these are flannel. You know,
Speaker 3: they wouldn't be great for golf. They're not very breathable.
Speaker 2: Oh they're pajama bottoms. They are.
Speaker 3: If you saw them, if I took them off and
Speaker 3: I showed you the liner to the pockets. They're handmade
Speaker 3: in I think Vermont, very good quality. They're hardly pajamas wetpants.
Speaker 3: They are corduroy slack dungarees and they're of the highest quality.
Speaker 3: Did I mention they have an all over embroidered print
Speaker 3: of miniatures. One of my favorite things, tiny little cars.
Speaker 3: It's like wearing clothes and little toys at the same time.
Speaker 3: I have micro machines all over my pants.
Speaker 1: It's you're right back to your underrest days, and you
Speaker 1: couldn't be more.
Speaker 2: You're clearly filled with a childlike Zober.
Speaker 3: You'll keep going back to underwearing pajamas, Karen. I'm just
Speaker 3: saying these are that I could wear these pants to
Speaker 3: it to a high falutin business meeting with a suit
Speaker 3: and a tie.
Speaker 1: You said flannel, though, which kind of is more towards
Speaker 1: a sheep's.
Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, Well, then I take back just about everything, actually,
Speaker 3: including raising my voice because I meant the fucking word corduroy.
Speaker 3: What is happening to me? Oh, look the entire pants.
Speaker 3: They're very nicely made.
Speaker 2: There's no flannel involved.
Speaker 3: That's why you said pajamas. I'm like, why is she
Speaker 3: attacking these nice corduroy pants because you're going in pajama
Speaker 3: you're absolutely flannel. Good God, Like an angry bear in
Speaker 3: a cave, I was jabbing you with a stick.
Speaker 2: Hold on, let me just tell you something now that
Speaker 2: we're talking about flannel.
Speaker 3: Do you they're really nice pants?
Speaker 2: I believe you. I saw them stood up on a chair.
Speaker 2: You like them so much?
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely I'm on your level with these pants. But
Speaker 1: do you know that it's right now so freezing in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles that I think it might be thirty five
Speaker 1: degrees outside?
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, yes, okay, the whole world is so
Speaker 3: messed up because of al Gore's invention. Yes, global warming
Speaker 3: is that it is now colder in Los Angeles than
Speaker 3: where I'm at in Montana.
Speaker 1: Sorry, really quick, I'm exaggerating because it's really fifty two
Speaker 1: here but the low, but the low is thirty seven,
Speaker 1: so it will be thirty seven tonight.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is in the high twenties here and snowing,
Speaker 3: so when I got here was warm. But it was
Speaker 3: very warm in Philadelphia, where I expected it to be
Speaker 3: a miracle on whatever street Christmas.
Speaker 2: YYI.
Speaker 3: I know that's a New York film, but whatever. They're
Speaker 3: interchangeable cities, not really one more, you're more likely to
Speaker 3: get punched in Philly. Yeah, I'm not going to say which.
Speaker 3: The people that live in New York and Philadelphia know
Speaker 3: which one I'm talking about because they call it punchy town.
Speaker 2: Philly is pretty punchy. Yeah, that's the right answer. Go Eagles.
Speaker 3: Jesus, my joke about not liking the Eagles the band
Speaker 3: almost got me.
Speaker 1: Babu, what are you please? You're playing with fire there?
Speaker 1: Don't you know that story?
Speaker 2: I think it was Paul Tom because he used to
Speaker 2: tell it because he's from Philly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The crowd that went out and tipped over, I think
Speaker 1: it was quiet Riots tour bus. Yeah, I mean they
Speaker 1: just don't fuck around. Those those fans are serious.
Speaker 3: And the before anyone knew who Bill Burr was, he
Speaker 3: had a viral in back in the pre viral on
Speaker 3: YouTube video of him just being screamed at in him
Speaker 3: just going.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fuck you.
Speaker 3: I hope y'all get cancer and stub your toes. And
Speaker 3: I remember that was how everyone got to know him.
Speaker 3: But no, Philly was the nicest. I loved it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I had a great time. They were the sweetest audiences.
Speaker 3: And I worked with these great comics. I and the
Speaker 3: buildings are so old. It's like, is that where Ben
Speaker 3: Franklin signed the declaration? You know, I didn't do a
Speaker 3: lot of research, but there's all these old buildings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because there's some of the Constitution.
Speaker 1: They're little shorties, like all the build everything's two stories
Speaker 1: and the doorways are real small.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because people used to have little poliold legs. It's
Speaker 3: just it's just the the building, the architecture alone. I
Speaker 3: just walked around and I'm like, just looked at so
Speaker 3: many gargoyles on the edges of built like, yeah, so old.
Speaker 3: And then you go back to Los Angeles. I mean
Speaker 3: there's some old buildings here in Montana, but not not
Speaker 3: these buildings are a century older.
Speaker 2: I mean I think there's a Mentocino farms down on
Speaker 2: Ventura that's pretty old. It's been there for eighties.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, the one that yeah, before they renovated that
Speaker 3: strip mall.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's that's like the same.
Speaker 3: It's nineteen nineties, caring, that's nineteen ninety, not eighteen nineties.
Speaker 1: It's just I wanted you to get the update because
Speaker 1: it was seventy for months, if not yours, and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, three days ago, some kind of
Speaker 1: a storm rolled in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there was insane rain. I caught some of it,
Speaker 2: oh because you left.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I came home for like twenty hours.
Speaker 1: But it was just the weirdest, strongest, crazy, and there
Speaker 1: was some swift water rescues that had to take place.
Speaker 1: Every time this the La River goes from a trickle
Speaker 1: to a raging torrent. People get caught in that river
Speaker 1: and have to get rescued.
Speaker 3: I of course have told you this, but this is
Speaker 3: this is why we call this the Bringing Back the
Speaker 3: Oldies podcast. When my brother in law, Mike, was teaching
Speaker 3: a swift water rescue class to the other fireman. As
Speaker 3: he was teaching it, a man floated by in the
Speaker 3: river yep, drowning, and he saved him.
Speaker 1: I did tell you that several times, but I love
Speaker 1: to hear it. Oh, I love to hear it every
Speaker 1: time we celebrate Mike. That's Mike, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Mike is the ultimate fireman. He's doing it, he's teaching it,
Speaker 1: he reaches behind him and swift water rescues somebody.
Speaker 2: He can do it all.
Speaker 3: He always can tell you about the time he is
Speaker 3: in a kayak and a fish jumped in and landed
Speaker 3: in his lap and he held it up like he
Speaker 3: just caught it for fishing.
Speaker 2: Do you love Mike, Well, yeah, yeah, he's pretty great.
Speaker 2: Huh yeah, of course, yeah, he sounds like the best. Yeah.
Speaker 1: First of all, he's in a kayak, which I always
Speaker 1: respect automatically. People that go out of their way to
Speaker 1: get like suctioned into a boat.
Speaker 2: Those are brave people.
Speaker 1: Those people that are like, I don't care if I
Speaker 1: flip over and am held underwater by my own craft.
Speaker 1: I'm still going to do this.
Speaker 2: Have you ever I uh no, I have kayakd never
Speaker 2: ever would.
Speaker 3: But just in a swimming pool, try and learn the role.
Speaker 2: I don't want to learn a role I would rather.
Speaker 3: Not otherwise you're in danger of drowning.
Speaker 2: What do you just talk yourself to one side or
Speaker 2: the other? Like, what do you do?
Speaker 3: You have to involve the ore the paddle rather.
Speaker 2: Yes, by what sticking it up out of the water, and.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got to force it force masure, you gotta
Speaker 3: and then pop yourself back up.
Speaker 2: You gotta do a barrel roll they call it. Have
Speaker 2: you ever seen the movie Force Masure?
Speaker 3: Is it about an avalanche, but more importantly about Yeah
Speaker 3: I slept through that.
Speaker 2: You have to rewatch it?
Speaker 3: Okay at the halfway mark? Is it a real snooze fest?
Speaker 3: And then all of a sudden it gets No.
Speaker 2: The last way I was to describe that movie is
Speaker 2: as a snooze fest.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just kept waiting for the avalanche to come.
Speaker 3: I saw that it was becoming a bad marriage movie
Speaker 3: where she hates that he.
Speaker 1: Yes, well, I mean it's not It wasn't San Andreas.
Speaker 1: He wasn't going to like ride the avalanche into you know,
Speaker 1: the sea or anything.
Speaker 2: That was just the exciting incident, right.
Speaker 3: I thought it was an action movie, and I'm like, God,
Speaker 3: this marriage needs to end.
Speaker 2: She hates this guy and he needs to grab a
Speaker 2: gun and run to the forest.
Speaker 1: Action.
Speaker 3: But when does the action start. I was just on
Speaker 3: the heels of a bunch of Kurt Russell movies, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, you call this an avalanche?
Speaker 2: This really actually is.
Speaker 1: You're right, that's the kind of thing that when you
Speaker 1: base a movie around an avalanche, you can't blame people
Speaker 1: for expecting action. And then if you send them into
Speaker 1: just the slow creeping slide out of like love from
Speaker 1: a relationship, that's it's a lot for people to take in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 3: It was just like that bad marriage movie with whatever
Speaker 3: it was called, which one, oh, with that long faced
Speaker 3: talented actor Pants Hall.
Speaker 2: It's out of Driver Driver, the Driving Man.
Speaker 3: Yes, it was a gritty divorce movie and they were
Speaker 3: charges they're both so good in it, But that doesn't
Speaker 3: mean it's kind of like Jimmy Hendrix music. Just because
Speaker 3: I know there's talent there doesn't mean I have to
Speaker 3: enjoy it.
Speaker 2: I love Jimmy Hendrix. Hey, here's what I'll say about
Speaker 2: this is you're exactly right. I've already suffered through a
Speaker 2: bad marriage.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to go back and watch other people
Speaker 1: go what if it was like this? There's no value
Speaker 1: in that in my life. If I've already kind of
Speaker 1: suffered the sling s narrow, I have nothing to learn
Speaker 1: from a fake version of the thing. I went through
Speaker 1: it very painfully, for real.
Speaker 2: Exactly.
Speaker 1: There's a movie called In the Bedroom starring Sissy Spasic,
Speaker 1: and I believed the British actor Tom Wilkinson and their child,
Speaker 1: their their adult son dies and then and I didn't.
Speaker 1: I remember going with my boyfriend at the time, and
Speaker 1: he it was just like one of those independent movies.
Speaker 2: We were at the like one of those.
Speaker 1: Indie movie houses, and I halfway through realized the whole
Speaker 1: plot of this movie was about how a family copes
Speaker 1: when someone dies unexpectedly.
Speaker 2: And I was I turned him and.
Speaker 1: I go, I don't need this I've already done this
Speaker 1: a handful of times. In reality, Sissy Spasic can do
Speaker 1: nothing for me that I don't haven't already done for
Speaker 1: myself in this real situation. I don't need to watch
Speaker 1: these people fucking fuck shit up. And it's all from
Speaker 1: one guy's mind.
Speaker 3: No, just because Sissy's Spasic is one of the funnest
Speaker 3: names to say, according to linguists Karen A, it doesn't
Speaker 3: mean I need it. Even my sister, when we were
Speaker 3: towards the end end of dealing with our mom and Alzheimer's,
Speaker 3: she made me watch this. She sent me a DVD
Speaker 3: of a movie called Savages with Laura Lenny and Paul
Speaker 3: and Philip Seymour Hoffman, who already makes me sad because
Speaker 3: I was real sad when he died. And it is
Speaker 3: just exactly the situation like a parent with Alzheimer's. But
Speaker 3: you're off chasing her dreams, so you're not present and
Speaker 3: there to deal with all the things, yes, that you
Speaker 3: have to deal with, And I'm like, why are you?
Speaker 2: Is this a message that why?
Speaker 3: But it was a good movie, but it, yeah, I
Speaker 3: don't need to go through it again.
Speaker 1: Not good for your scenario, Not good for the reality
Speaker 1: of your life. That was like when we went to
Speaker 1: see The Notebook because we just thought it was a
Speaker 1: rom com and then you know it's basically about a
Speaker 1: woman with Alzheimer's and I was so devastated at the
Speaker 1: end I couldn't leave the theater because I had to
Speaker 1: sob it out for five minutes. I don't I'm not
Speaker 1: going to go to the fucking AMC nineteen in Burbank
Speaker 1: to cry my guts out.
Speaker 2: That's not why I show up at a place like that.
Speaker 2: I don't want that.
Speaker 1: That's not the experience I'm looking for. Don't trick me
Speaker 1: into having it.
Speaker 3: I could watch it now, but yeah, I avoided watching
Speaker 3: it forever because I thought The Notebook was about school
Speaker 3: and I did bad in school.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 1: Also, it leaves you dissatisfied in these ways. First of all,
Speaker 1: you're being triggered by your own serious pain. Secondly, you're
Speaker 1: watching someone. I'm watching people and criticizing their Alzheimer's acting,
Speaker 1: whereas not really like that.
Speaker 3: You know, it was really good. Just as a side note,
Speaker 3: as Alzheimer's actor is John Lithgow in whatever Planet of
Speaker 3: the Apes movie, where James Franco was in a lab
Speaker 3: testing ape. I don't know the third whichever uh planet
Speaker 3: the Apes movie. Uh, it just as a B or
Speaker 3: C plot. His dad was John Lithgow and he had
Speaker 3: Alzheimer's and that's what he was coming up with a medication.
Speaker 3: So he then used on a gorilla that it turned
Speaker 3: him into a high functioning warmonger. Whatever, but it was
Speaker 3: starting to work on John Lifthgow. So you saw him
Speaker 3: declining and then having moments of clarity and it was no,
Speaker 3: it was so good. He was so good John Lithgow. Hey,
Speaker 3: I think he should be there first or second rock
Speaker 3: from the Sun if the Sun is the ass.
Speaker 2: It's really He's great, John, John Letkow. There are none
Speaker 2: none higher, none better, truly legends, still doing it. Remember
Speaker 2: him and Perry Perry Mason.
Speaker 3: Hospital talking about him past tense but yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah because of that, because of Perry Mason. Yeah yeah, no,
Speaker 2: all believed it that he died. No, he's so amazing.
Speaker 1: But that's just like that fucking movie Awakenings, which is
Speaker 1: one of the best movies I've ever seen.
Speaker 2: It's based on a true story. You've got Robin Williams
Speaker 2: playing a doctor.
Speaker 1: You've got Robert de Niro, playing a child like a
Speaker 1: patient with this strange shut in disease, the shut down
Speaker 1: disease I should call it, because the shut in disease
Speaker 1: is a different one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's fun to watch him do something like that.
Speaker 2: And then they come to life.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is a fucking nightmare. This movie
Speaker 1: is the saddest thing I've ever seen that, Like, this
Speaker 1: is so awful, like what we're just all grieving this
Speaker 1: saddest medical condition.
Speaker 2: I always thought.
Speaker 3: But I liked it, And I'm like, where's the scene
Speaker 3: where he makes everyone laugh with his clown nose? And
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I'm thinking of Patch Adams.
Speaker 2: That's Patch Adams.
Speaker 3: But he's got the sort of oddly similar plot.
Speaker 2: Though, well you know what it is.
Speaker 1: He's in both Patch Adams and in Awakenings he's wearing
Speaker 1: a white coat, and so then you go, I know,
Speaker 1: I know what Robin's doing in this one.
Speaker 3: But then I can't remember in which of those movies
Speaker 3: where he puts on a sweater vest and teaches those
Speaker 3: boys poetry.
Speaker 2: That's in a third option. Oh yes, and what's that called.
Speaker 2: That's called that's called New England Porns, New England corn
Speaker 2: for dinner Children of the New England corn. People talk
Speaker 2: about that movie like it is the greatest thing, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, it has been making me cringe since nineteen
Speaker 2: eighty six.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's all these real cheesy moments, like everyone stand
Speaker 3: on the deck poetry.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, I am I am him? No, I am him.
Speaker 2: I just read Pablo Neruda. Sit down? So did everybody else?
Speaker 2: Shut up?
Speaker 3: Yeah that's that movie. That movie was riddled with some
Speaker 3: real twenty year old thesbians.
Speaker 1: If you ask my opinion, I don't like your intonation.
Speaker 1: This reminds me a lot of when you yelled cut earlier.
Speaker 2: Let's bring that back. Oh yeah, that.
Speaker 3: Pazard drop into the sea bomb.
Speaker 2: This is how we do it.
Speaker 1: This is compelling podcasting done right.
Speaker 3: Yeah. We'll push buttons, maybe the wrong button, yeah, but
Speaker 3: we push them at the right time.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: You're probably just trying to get your grandma to listen
Speaker 1: right as Chris yelled the sea word.
Speaker 2: Sorry, grandma, I'm not sold on it.
Speaker 3: Although back in my day that was a compliment. Oh
Speaker 3: I got a nice man to come from the neighboring
Speaker 3: town and say I can see your breath through your bloomers,
Speaker 3: And then he was your husband, whether you liked it
Speaker 3: or not, and scene and scene. One time, when I
Speaker 3: first moved to La someone i think the street is
Speaker 3: called Seward. It's not Seaword.
Speaker 2: No, it's not Seaward.
Speaker 3: Because someone was giving me directions because I didn't have
Speaker 3: my Thomas Guide right or my map Quest print out.
Speaker 3: Someone said, take a ride on Seaward Street and I
Speaker 3: was like, hold on, hold on, there's a street in
Speaker 3: Los Angeles.
Speaker 2: I said it again.
Speaker 3: That's twice in one episode.
Speaker 1: That's one too many times. I think the first time
Speaker 1: was refreshing. Now it feels like, you know, we're an
Speaker 1: alt break it all sea racist who's trying to say
Speaker 1: the Sea word and to signal and to be your people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're just now, you're just a Nazis. That's it.
Speaker 3: I just I just like to haphazardly talk about one.
Speaker 1: Seaword shout shame on you, Yeah, one Seward, shame on
Speaker 1: me as my co host. But the only option is
Speaker 1: one seaword.
Speaker 3: Chot right, do you think on the second one will
Speaker 3: bleep it out? Kind of like when I did Conan,
Speaker 3: they say we can say ship twice on the show,
Speaker 3: so they had to bleep one of the other shits
Speaker 3: to so I could buy my shit. Yes, and I
Speaker 3: remember the one they believed was like does a bear
Speaker 3: shit in the woods? Everyone knew that was shit, so.
Speaker 2: They bleeped that there's no value to that shit.
Speaker 3: I got my necessary shit for my groundbreaking shits and
Speaker 3: giggles joke.
Speaker 2: This was back when you still did bathroom humor is
Speaker 2: what I'm.
Speaker 3: Right, right, And I didn't know you didn't like it. Listen,
Speaker 3: I have turned over a new leaf. I have very
Speaker 3: thought provoking vaccine bits, but I'm not bombarding people with it.
Speaker 3: I think I've changed some minds. A lot of people
Speaker 3: left my show and went and got a shot. I
Speaker 3: think I never thought of it that way. I remember
Speaker 3: one man heckling.
Speaker 2: Hey, thanks for pointing that out.
Speaker 3: I can't believe I quit being a police officer today.
Speaker 3: I'm going to get my shot and get my job back.
Speaker 3: Remember another man saying conversationally after my concert.
Speaker 1: He said that conversationally, just standing in the showroom putting
Speaker 1: his blazer on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was in the back. He's saying it into
Speaker 3: the urinal down to his own.
Speaker 1: Here we are again in toilet in toilet land, you
Speaker 1: can't stay out of toilet land.
Speaker 2: You know, I just say, thedet joke. What's it going?
Speaker 2: It's not going to diminish you in any way.
Speaker 3: Oh god, the bidet joke is so long. It's like
Speaker 3: seven minutes long, Karen. And it involves a lot of
Speaker 3: act outs. It's a whole. It's a story. It's a
Speaker 3: long story of an awkward do.
Speaker 1: You use the stool as your pretend toilet to get
Speaker 1: up onto it?
Speaker 3: A minute for a minute to show that I had
Speaker 3: to get up on a terraced surface to get to
Speaker 3: the well lived.
Speaker 2: Really, you're back on the road in a very real way.
Speaker 3: Oh and then by the end when I used the
Speaker 3: mic stand as a giant flusher, people really yeah, they
Speaker 3: really get into it. It's very physical. I crossed my
Speaker 3: eyes at the end. People love it. But in real life,
Speaker 3: it's a story about the control. It was a remote
Speaker 3: control bidet, Yeah, in a bathroom that I wasn't supposed
Speaker 3: to be using, and I dropped the remote and the
Speaker 3: batteries fell out of it, and then I was trapped
Speaker 3: with a bidet blasting full blast and there was no
Speaker 3: manual shut off. That's what the premise is It a
Speaker 3: true story.
Speaker 2: It is very.
Speaker 3: True and I got in a lot of trouble. I
Speaker 3: got kicked out. That guy doesn't talk to me anymore
Speaker 3: because he he said, nobody go in this bathroom. This
Speaker 3: is off limits. Here's the guest bathroom. I took a
Speaker 3: peek in the nice bathroom, and I'm like, I want
Speaker 3: to use this bathroom. It was esthetically pleasing, and I
Speaker 3: made a real mess. And I was not drunk. That
Speaker 3: was for your dog. Looked at me. That wasn't for you.
Speaker 1: You clearly were drunk and you were clearly in the wrong.
Speaker 3: I had to like put my hand over the bidet
Speaker 3: spray and I couldn't find the last battery. I couldn't
Speaker 3: turn it off, and then a guy came in. It
Speaker 3: was a whole it's a story. It was very fun.
Speaker 3: So it is toilet humor in that it's a room
Speaker 3: that has a toilet in it.
Speaker 2: But it's French toilet humor. It's our day.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, And it doesn't work that well. To be honest,
Speaker 3: I can't believe I've talked about it this long.
Speaker 2: Let's just go over your opener real quick and then
Speaker 2: we'll be done. Then we'll shut it down.
Speaker 3: I know what you're thinking. Did so and so and
Speaker 3: Charlie Chaplin had a baby there it is, thank you,
Speaker 3: that's what I look like. Next joke, if that's how
Speaker 3: I didn't Okay, let's go through the list here, people.
Speaker 3: I don't have a lot of time. I got to
Speaker 3: get a flight in the morning.
Speaker 2: Joke, one joke, one, all right, that's it, next joke,
Speaker 2: and you're saying it to the audience like they have
Speaker 2: any control over or what you're about to do next.
Speaker 3: They all get nervous, and I do remember that. I
Speaker 3: can't remember who it was, but they had that joke
Speaker 3: or it was holding a mirror up to that joke
Speaker 3: where they're like, I know what you're thinking, did Jack
Speaker 3: and Judy Johnson have a baby? And there's no response
Speaker 3: and he's like, God, that joke could work better if
Speaker 3: my parents were famous. It's really a funny. I think
Speaker 3: it was like a comic in Austin. I don't I
Speaker 3: remember thinking it was the best.
Speaker 2: That is a good version of that.
Speaker 3: It is a good version of making fun of that joke.
Speaker 2: It's turning traditional stand up on its ear, yeah, or.
Speaker 3: Up on its head?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Is it on its ear or on its head? Same
Speaker 3: saying same, Well, are we done?
Speaker 2: We did it.
Speaker 3: I think we did do it. It doesn't have to
Speaker 3: be a full episode.
Speaker 1: We're at fifty nine minutes. We're about as full an
Speaker 1: episode as we could ever be. Really, this flew by,
Speaker 1: I know because we never talked to only each other anymore.
Speaker 1: It's easy and fun.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I'm I'm that was good news. Our guests couldn't
Speaker 3: make it today. Last minute we found out, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: oh boy, I'm going to give people. Some of the
Speaker 3: people that asked me, I thought it was an empty promise.
Speaker 3: Never you've just been listening to a Chris and Karen
Speaker 3: only episode.
Speaker 2: We're going all the way back.
Speaker 3: Karen, did you fall down a well again?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: So well of good intentions about our show?
Speaker 2: What let me lower down the bucket of support? Yay.
Speaker 1: Finally I'll pull myself up on the rope of uh.
Speaker 2: Thinking of things to actually say that anyone would want
Speaker 2: to hear.
Speaker 3: I'll bring I'll pull you up with this rope of vocabulary.
Speaker 2: And suggesting words.
Speaker 1: Did I draw a complete blank because my brain doesn't
Speaker 1: work anymore?
Speaker 3: Yes, it does, and that was good improv. There's a
Speaker 3: reason we're a two man duo.
Speaker 2: That's true. When we describe the well of support people.
Speaker 3: I ended you. I almost noboddyed you and said, hey,
Speaker 3: wait a minute, that's just baby Jessica, And that would
Speaker 3: have just gotten a brief laugh and ruined the scene.
Speaker 2: Right, we don't. We're not here to compete.
Speaker 1: We're here to build our fellow support, the bill, build the.
Speaker 2: Foundation, the experience, good city, inviting in the welcoming in.
Speaker 3: Not the plashers, a series of girders, brick and mortar,
Speaker 3: three unions involved. We're going to build this city on
Speaker 3: rock and roll, plaster and blaster. Well, that's fun. You're fun.
Speaker 3: Good to see a friend.
Speaker 1: Good to see you too, my friend. We hope that
Speaker 1: this gave you everything you needed. Listener, listener, who who's
Speaker 1: been with us for all of these years, all of
Speaker 1: these seasons, all these different versions of this show.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, we've gone through a lot of chapters. And if,
Speaker 3: like Karen mentioned earlier, you're a first time, first time
Speaker 3: grandmother listening. Oh, I don't usually scream the C word twice.
Speaker 1: No, that was a special occasion. That was a very
Speaker 1: special Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Yeah, this has been a very special holiday episode. Do
Speaker 3: you need a ride?
Speaker 2: Dyn r.
Speaker 4: This has been an exactly Right production.
Speaker 2: Produced by Analise Nelson.
Speaker 4: Engineered by Stephen Ray.
Speaker 2: Morris, mixed by Ryo Boum.
Speaker 4: Theme song by Karen.
Speaker 2: Kilgara, artwork by Chris Ferbanks.
Speaker 3: Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
Speaker 3: podcast That's Dynar Podcast.
Speaker 2: For more information, go to exactlyrightmedia dot com.
Speaker 4: Listen, subscribe, leave us a review on.
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, Stitch or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 4: Thank you and you're welcome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh ho oh it's January.
Speaker 3: I know, I know. That's fun.