Speaker 1: Merja Paul is the owner and clinical director of Soul
Speaker 1: Counseling and Consulting. She chose the name Soul because the
Speaker 1: sun is a daily reminder that we two can rise
Speaker 1: again from the darkness, that we two can shine our
Speaker 1: own light. I love that. And before I let Mirrorge
Speaker 1: to talk, I have to say something. Mirrorge is the
Speaker 1: sister of Carly, who is our director of operations. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you all have heard us talk about Carly. Carly
Speaker 1: is the one that kind of like handles our logistics.
Speaker 1: She's helping us set up she forgot to bring the
Speaker 1: third microphone. Okay, I'm Joe car and Carly is also
Speaker 1: like my very good friend, like you've seen Carly on
Speaker 1: the show, helping me out with a lot of my
Speaker 1: different ventures. But I just want to say this. I
Speaker 1: found it very comical. So I'm looking at our emails
Speaker 1: on the reason A Reasonably Shady Emails and I see
Speaker 1: this email from our director of operations, Carly to her
Speaker 1: sister Merga that says, hello, miss Paul, we are I
Speaker 1: am writing to confirm your appearance on the Reasonably Shady
Speaker 1: podcast at dot. If you have any questions, please forward
Speaker 1: them to to me whatever, blah blah blah, sincerely Carly,
Speaker 1: the director of operations. And I was like, what, I'm like,
Speaker 1: this girl is literally talking, literally talking to her sister
Speaker 1: in a business manner. She takes her director of operations
Speaker 1: job very seriously. Okay. I was dying like, Okay, if
Speaker 1: that was me and I was talking about sins, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, hey, girl, we're gonna see you on Friday
Speaker 1: at four o'clock. Alright, peace? Like what, Yes, you gotta
Speaker 1: keep it professional at all times, But were you like sister? No,
Speaker 1: I found it very professional, and I was I was
Speaker 1: very proud of her, like I'm a professional woman. Don't
Speaker 1: talk to me like I'm some regular chick off the
Speaker 1: street business. Okay, okay, now what about like couples? I'm
Speaker 1: so glad. Okay, can I call you answer that question.
Speaker 1: Let me just say this, Yes, I've been in some
Speaker 1: major couples therapy, y'all. Don't just say to tell you
Speaker 1: years and years of couples therapy. Me and that Jamal Bryant,
Speaker 1: now listen, it always helped us. Yes, you know he
Speaker 1: is a is a I think he's trained per his
Speaker 1: profession to counsel, right, So I always felt like we
Speaker 1: can't just have a regular conversation if we haven't a problem,
Speaker 1: because you know all the tricks, so we need to
Speaker 1: go to somebody else. And and I was always just
Speaker 1: very happy because you know, he's a black man. He
Speaker 1: was open to it, but it always did push us
Speaker 1: to like another level. So I'm an advocate of couples therapy.
Speaker 1: I just want to say that, and I'll just share
Speaker 1: my experience whow why and I were married, or even
Speaker 1: before we got married, he was like the typical black
Speaker 1: man that was like, I don't need anyone to tell
Speaker 1: me how to feel or what to think or what
Speaker 1: to do. So I think you know a lot of
Speaker 1: times in a couple of therapy there's a resistance from
Speaker 1: one partner that just thinks like this cannot help this.
Speaker 1: They're like, I don't like, what can they tell me
Speaker 1: that I don't already know. I'm glad you said that,
Speaker 1: because no one's telling you how to feel. I feel
Speaker 1: how you feel. I'm not telling you how to feel.
Speaker 1: I might be exploring with you what's behind that feeling?
Speaker 1: Where did that come from? Given just basic communication, right,
Speaker 1: you think you're speaking the same language, and it's just
Speaker 1: like that's not what she said. Did you hear what
Speaker 1: she said? Oh, that's not what he said. So a
Speaker 1: couple of therapy, it's just like, can you guys please
Speaker 1: start coming before you're about to? Okay, So I'm just
Speaker 1: a little no. I totally agree with that. And I
Speaker 1: feel like, if you're gonna get married, you should go
Speaker 1: before you get married. Absolutely, because the whole time y'all
Speaker 1: been dating, y'all have been talking the same language. Yeah,
Speaker 1: y'all don't know what you're talking about, y'all. It's always
Speaker 1: good to get like a third party or like a
Speaker 1: bird's eye view on the relationship. And I feel like,
Speaker 1: if you don't do that work in the beginning, you
Speaker 1: damn sure you're gonna have to do it in the
Speaker 1: end or it's just gonna be over. I think you're
Speaker 1: forced to talk about certain topics. Right. You could be
Speaker 1: dating somebody for four years. I know him, I know
Speaker 1: him and met his mama, We went on vacation together,
Speaker 1: I know how he travels. We talk about everything, and
Speaker 1: it's just like, but there's that one thing that you're
Speaker 1: not really comfortable saying because it might rock the boat
Speaker 1: or whatever the case. Maybe you come to therapy, and
Speaker 1: it's kind of like the therapist might just bring it
Speaker 1: up and you're like, oh, I guess we've gotta talk
Speaker 1: about it. Right. So I'm definitely an advocate for premarital um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I feel like same thing when we're talking
Speaker 1: about you know, when should people go to therapy, it's like,
Speaker 1: please don't come when you're at your wits end and
Speaker 1: your bag is packed and you have one ft out
Speaker 1: the door. You're like, you know what the last before
Speaker 1: I can just check off this box to say I
Speaker 1: tried everything. Fine, let's go to the therapist when they go.
Speaker 1: So when do they go? You should again, you should
Speaker 1: go before you get married, because I am a therapist.
Speaker 1: I'm like, just go, just go when you don't even
Speaker 1: have a problem, just go to check in and will
Speaker 1: be good. We're still good, everything good, You still like me,
Speaker 1: I still like you great? And then you move on right,
Speaker 1: Not saying it has to be weakly, but if you're
Speaker 1: feeling like, you know, when you can tell something's off right,
Speaker 1: you're you're not connecting as much. Maybe the intimacy has
Speaker 1: been affected. You know, there's a lot of change that
Speaker 1: has happened. Like you know, when you feel a little
Speaker 1: bit off right. Same thing like with your health, you're like,
Speaker 1: you know what, something just not right. So that's when
Speaker 1: you I would call my doctor and see, like what's
Speaker 1: going on, Like I feel like, for example, I just
Speaker 1: went to nutrition. This myself is not right. My blood
Speaker 1: sure goes up and goes down. I have a headache.
Speaker 1: I don't like feeling like this anymore. I don't like
Speaker 1: having a headache every day. I don't know what it is,
Speaker 1: but maybe you can tell me what's going on. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna wait till I'm like I can't get out
Speaker 1: the bed. I'm crawling to the car, but I gotta
Speaker 1: take myself to the doctor. It's like no, like you
Speaker 1: start feeling like something not right, but we need a
Speaker 1: little check in. We need to maybe sure this is
Speaker 1: still good so he can keep going and things don't
Speaker 1: just fester right, Like how many couples do you know
Speaker 1: where it's just like, yeah, I've been dealing with this
Speaker 1: for years and I just didn't know how to say it,
Speaker 1: or I've said it and this person is not listening
Speaker 1: to me. It's just like, Wow, I wonder if we
Speaker 1: had sat down and talked about this five years ago.
Speaker 1: Could all of this been right? And and clearly I'm
Speaker 1: sure the main issue that you see is like the
Speaker 1: root cause of problems between couples is communication, and so
Speaker 1: the therapist or the balance coach helps facilitate that communication. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's that's good. You know, I'll keep that in mind.
Speaker 1: You know, Robin's going to therapy. But I'm just going
Speaker 1: to tell y'all before they walk down the out for
Speaker 1: the second time. No, this this is really good. So
Speaker 1: I feel like so that we're gonna recap a little
Speaker 1: bit this. This is what I've learned today. One, you
Speaker 1: can go through your insurance get this thing paid. So
Speaker 1: if you can go through your insurance, why wouldn't you
Speaker 1: do it right? You know what I'm saying. Like, and
Speaker 1: as you said, it is kind of a no brainer.
Speaker 1: If you had a sore throat, your nose is running,
Speaker 1: you're going to the doctor. So if you feel like
Speaker 1: you you're waking up every morning and you're like in
Speaker 1: a funk, don't nobody at work when to deal with
Speaker 1: your funk. So get it together. And your friends don't
Speaker 1: want to either. We love our friends, but you don't
Speaker 1: want to be a burden to your friends either. Because
Speaker 1: your friends are busy, you know, have their own stuff, right,
Speaker 1: And a lot of people hesitate to even talk to
Speaker 1: their friends or their love because they know she's busy.
Speaker 1: I don't want to bother her, so now, but okay,
Speaker 1: so let's talk about then the process of finding a therapist.
Speaker 1: And then I just want to Okay, yes, we it's
Speaker 1: covered by insurance, but what about people who don't have
Speaker 1: insurance too? Are there, like, you know, maybe some sort
Speaker 1: of community resources that they can find absolute there's always
Speaker 1: some sort of program in the community for people who
Speaker 1: don't have insurance, or some sort of sliding scale fee.
Speaker 1: You know, there are resources out there, right. So psychology today,
Speaker 1: for example, has a directory of providers where you can
Speaker 1: filter by what your insurance is, or filter by if
Speaker 1: you don't have insurance, or gender, or you know, it's
Speaker 1: okay to have certain preferences. Therapy for black girls, I
Speaker 1: think is a good one if you're looking specifically for
Speaker 1: a therapist of color. What is that They have an
Speaker 1: i G page, They have a website. It's basically a
Speaker 1: provider directory, so you can go on there to say
Speaker 1: if you if you are a black girl, or if
Speaker 1: you want to talk to a black girl. You can
Speaker 1: go on there and locate someone. We hope you enjoyed
Speaker 1: that reasonably Shady highlight. You can catch the full episode
Speaker 1: on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you get your favorite shows and we want to hear
Speaker 1: from you. Get in touch with us on social media
Speaker 1: at reasonably Shady or send us an email at What's
Speaker 1: Up at reasonably shady dot com. See you next time,