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Speaker 1: Merja Paul is the owner and clinical director of Soul

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Speaker 1: Counseling and Consulting. She chose the name Soul because the

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Speaker 1: sun is a daily reminder that we two can rise

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Speaker 1: again from the darkness, that we two can shine our

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Speaker 1: own light. I love that. And before I let Mirrorge

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Speaker 1: to talk, I have to say something. Mirrorge is the

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Speaker 1: sister of Carly, who is our director of operations. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so you all have heard us talk about Carly. Carly

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Speaker 1: is the one that kind of like handles our logistics.

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Speaker 1: She's helping us set up she forgot to bring the

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Speaker 1: third microphone. Okay, I'm Joe car and Carly is also

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Speaker 1: like my very good friend, like you've seen Carly on

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Speaker 1: the show, helping me out with a lot of my

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Speaker 1: different ventures. But I just want to say this. I

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Speaker 1: found it very comical. So I'm looking at our emails

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Speaker 1: on the reason A Reasonably Shady Emails and I see

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Speaker 1: this email from our director of operations, Carly to her

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Speaker 1: sister Merga that says, hello, miss Paul, we are I

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Speaker 1: am writing to confirm your appearance on the Reasonably Shady

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Speaker 1: podcast at dot. If you have any questions, please forward

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Speaker 1: them to to me whatever, blah blah blah, sincerely Carly,

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Speaker 1: the director of operations. And I was like, what, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: this girl is literally talking, literally talking to her sister

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Speaker 1: in a business manner. She takes her director of operations

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Speaker 1: job very seriously. Okay. I was dying like, Okay, if

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Speaker 1: that was me and I was talking about sins, I'd

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Speaker 1: be like, hey, girl, we're gonna see you on Friday

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Speaker 1: at four o'clock. Alright, peace? Like what, Yes, you gotta

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Speaker 1: keep it professional at all times, But were you like sister? No,

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Speaker 1: I found it very professional, and I was I was

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Speaker 1: very proud of her, like I'm a professional woman. Don't

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Speaker 1: talk to me like I'm some regular chick off the

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Speaker 1: street business. Okay, okay, now what about like couples? I'm

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Speaker 1: so glad. Okay, can I call you answer that question.

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Speaker 1: Let me just say this, Yes, I've been in some

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Speaker 1: major couples therapy, y'all. Don't just say to tell you

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Speaker 1: years and years of couples therapy. Me and that Jamal Bryant,

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Speaker 1: now listen, it always helped us. Yes, you know he

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Speaker 1: is a is a I think he's trained per his

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Speaker 1: profession to counsel, right, So I always felt like we

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Speaker 1: can't just have a regular conversation if we haven't a problem,

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Speaker 1: because you know all the tricks, so we need to

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Speaker 1: go to somebody else. And and I was always just

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Speaker 1: very happy because you know, he's a black man. He

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Speaker 1: was open to it, but it always did push us

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Speaker 1: to like another level. So I'm an advocate of couples therapy.

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Speaker 1: I just want to say that, and I'll just share

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Speaker 1: my experience whow why and I were married, or even

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Speaker 1: before we got married, he was like the typical black

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Speaker 1: man that was like, I don't need anyone to tell

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Speaker 1: me how to feel or what to think or what

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Speaker 1: to do. So I think you know a lot of

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Speaker 1: times in a couple of therapy there's a resistance from

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Speaker 1: one partner that just thinks like this cannot help this.

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Speaker 1: They're like, I don't like, what can they tell me

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Speaker 1: that I don't already know. I'm glad you said that,

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Speaker 1: because no one's telling you how to feel. I feel

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Speaker 1: how you feel. I'm not telling you how to feel.

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Speaker 1: I might be exploring with you what's behind that feeling?

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Speaker 1: Where did that come from? Given just basic communication, right,

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Speaker 1: you think you're speaking the same language, and it's just

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Speaker 1: like that's not what she said. Did you hear what

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Speaker 1: she said? Oh, that's not what he said. So a

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Speaker 1: couple of therapy, it's just like, can you guys please

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Speaker 1: start coming before you're about to? Okay, So I'm just

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Speaker 1: a little no. I totally agree with that. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like, if you're gonna get married, you should go

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Speaker 1: before you get married. Absolutely, because the whole time y'all

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Speaker 1: been dating, y'all have been talking the same language. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: y'all don't know what you're talking about, y'all. It's always

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Speaker 1: good to get like a third party or like a

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Speaker 1: bird's eye view on the relationship. And I feel like,

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Speaker 1: if you don't do that work in the beginning, you

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Speaker 1: damn sure you're gonna have to do it in the

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Speaker 1: end or it's just gonna be over. I think you're

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Speaker 1: forced to talk about certain topics. Right. You could be

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Speaker 1: dating somebody for four years. I know him, I know

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Speaker 1: him and met his mama, We went on vacation together,

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Speaker 1: I know how he travels. We talk about everything, and

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Speaker 1: it's just like, but there's that one thing that you're

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Speaker 1: not really comfortable saying because it might rock the boat

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Speaker 1: or whatever the case. Maybe you come to therapy, and

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Speaker 1: it's kind of like the therapist might just bring it

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Speaker 1: up and you're like, oh, I guess we've gotta talk

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Speaker 1: about it. Right. So I'm definitely an advocate for premarital um.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I feel like same thing when we're talking

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Speaker 1: about you know, when should people go to therapy, it's like,

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Speaker 1: please don't come when you're at your wits end and

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Speaker 1: your bag is packed and you have one ft out

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Speaker 1: the door. You're like, you know what the last before

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Speaker 1: I can just check off this box to say I

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Speaker 1: tried everything. Fine, let's go to the therapist when they go.

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Speaker 1: So when do they go? You should again, you should

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Speaker 1: go before you get married, because I am a therapist.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, just go, just go when you don't even

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Speaker 1: have a problem, just go to check in and will

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Speaker 1: be good. We're still good, everything good, You still like me,

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Speaker 1: I still like you great? And then you move on right,

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Speaker 1: Not saying it has to be weakly, but if you're

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Speaker 1: feeling like, you know, when you can tell something's off right,

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Speaker 1: you're you're not connecting as much. Maybe the intimacy has

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Speaker 1: been affected. You know, there's a lot of change that

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Speaker 1: has happened. Like you know, when you feel a little

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Speaker 1: bit off right. Same thing like with your health, you're like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, something just not right. So that's when

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Speaker 1: you I would call my doctor and see, like what's

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Speaker 1: going on, Like I feel like, for example, I just

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Speaker 1: went to nutrition. This myself is not right. My blood

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Speaker 1: sure goes up and goes down. I have a headache.

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Speaker 1: I don't like feeling like this anymore. I don't like

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Speaker 1: having a headache every day. I don't know what it is,

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Speaker 1: but maybe you can tell me what's going on. I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna wait till I'm like I can't get out

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Speaker 1: the bed. I'm crawling to the car, but I gotta

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Speaker 1: take myself to the doctor. It's like no, like you

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Speaker 1: start feeling like something not right, but we need a

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Speaker 1: little check in. We need to maybe sure this is

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Speaker 1: still good so he can keep going and things don't

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Speaker 1: just fester right, Like how many couples do you know

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Speaker 1: where it's just like, yeah, I've been dealing with this

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Speaker 1: for years and I just didn't know how to say it,

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Speaker 1: or I've said it and this person is not listening

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Speaker 1: to me. It's just like, Wow, I wonder if we

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Speaker 1: had sat down and talked about this five years ago.

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Speaker 1: Could all of this been right? And and clearly I'm

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Speaker 1: sure the main issue that you see is like the

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Speaker 1: root cause of problems between couples is communication, and so

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Speaker 1: the therapist or the balance coach helps facilitate that communication. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so that's that's good. You know, I'll keep that in mind.

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Speaker 1: You know, Robin's going to therapy. But I'm just going

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Speaker 1: to tell y'all before they walk down the out for

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Speaker 1: the second time. No, this this is really good. So

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Speaker 1: I feel like so that we're gonna recap a little

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Speaker 1: bit this. This is what I've learned today. One, you

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Speaker 1: can go through your insurance get this thing paid. So

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Speaker 1: if you can go through your insurance, why wouldn't you

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Speaker 1: do it right? You know what I'm saying. Like, and

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Speaker 1: as you said, it is kind of a no brainer.

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Speaker 1: If you had a sore throat, your nose is running,

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Speaker 1: you're going to the doctor. So if you feel like

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Speaker 1: you you're waking up every morning and you're like in

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Speaker 1: a funk, don't nobody at work when to deal with

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Speaker 1: your funk. So get it together. And your friends don't

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Speaker 1: want to either. We love our friends, but you don't

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Speaker 1: want to be a burden to your friends either. Because

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Speaker 1: your friends are busy, you know, have their own stuff, right,

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Speaker 1: And a lot of people hesitate to even talk to

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Speaker 1: their friends or their love because they know she's busy.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to bother her, so now, but okay,

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Speaker 1: so let's talk about then the process of finding a therapist.

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Speaker 1: And then I just want to Okay, yes, we it's

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Speaker 1: covered by insurance, but what about people who don't have

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Speaker 1: insurance too? Are there, like, you know, maybe some sort

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Speaker 1: of community resources that they can find absolute there's always

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Speaker 1: some sort of program in the community for people who

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Speaker 1: don't have insurance, or some sort of sliding scale fee.

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Speaker 1: You know, there are resources out there, right. So psychology today,

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Speaker 1: for example, has a directory of providers where you can

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Speaker 1: filter by what your insurance is, or filter by if

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Speaker 1: you don't have insurance, or gender, or you know, it's

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Speaker 1: okay to have certain preferences. Therapy for black girls, I

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Speaker 1: think is a good one if you're looking specifically for

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Speaker 1: a therapist of color. What is that They have an

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Speaker 1: i G page, They have a website. It's basically a

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Speaker 1: provider directory, so you can go on there to say

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Speaker 1: if you if you are a black girl, or if

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Speaker 1: you want to talk to a black girl. You can

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Speaker 1: go on there and locate someone. We hope you enjoyed

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Speaker 1: that reasonably Shady highlight. You can catch the full episode

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Speaker 1: on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever

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Speaker 1: you get your favorite shows and we want to hear

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Speaker 1: from you. Get in touch with us on social media

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Speaker 1: at reasonably Shady or send us an email at What's

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Speaker 1: Up at reasonably shady dot com. See you next time,