Speaker 1: Call it what it is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille
Speaker 1: Lettington an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hi friend, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 3: I was gonna say good, but I know it'd be
Speaker 3: a lie.
Speaker 1: Oh oh no, I'm not.
Speaker 4: I not that the world needs well yeah, no, the
Speaker 4: world does need to know because they're listening. I am
Speaker 4: about to start my period, and after listen, I didn't.
Speaker 4: I never really suffered from PMS when I was younger.
Speaker 4: Did you ever suffer from PMS?
Speaker 2: Do you suffer from PMS?
Speaker 1: My Well, my particular brand of PMS would be there's
Speaker 1: an amnesiac quality to it, which is that I I
Speaker 1: forget every time that right before my period, I have
Speaker 1: a lot of symptoms that are very consistent, and then
Speaker 1: every month it's a surprise to me that I have Yes,
Speaker 1: why would what?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: But then it all makes sense to me, Like when
Speaker 1: I get my period, I go, oh, that makes sense,
Speaker 1: why that happened this week?
Speaker 4: I mean I feel that way too, to be honest.
Speaker 4: But after I gave birth to my second son, Lucas.
Speaker 4: So this is about three years ago, your.
Speaker 1: Second child, your first son, Lucas details jess I'm in
Speaker 1: I'm a detail oriented.
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, welcome to my second Yes, my second child.
Speaker 4: I first, don't want.
Speaker 1: People thinking that you have two sons.
Speaker 2: It's true. No, this is this is all. This is
Speaker 2: important information. You're still getting to know.
Speaker 4: That's how you know that. By the way, my period's
Speaker 4: coming up. Because I'm like, I have two sons. It's like, no,
Speaker 4: you don't. You definitely don't. They're so wonderful, I tell one. Okay,
Speaker 4: so I'm I'm gonna wrap this story up with this. Okay,
Speaker 4: Like three years ago, I gave birth Ish. Three and
Speaker 4: a half years ago, I gave birth in the pandemic
Speaker 4: twenty twenty. It was, let's be honest, an absolute shit show, right,
Speaker 4: And I thought, I've given birth in a you know,
Speaker 4: in this extraordinary like crazy time, and that that's where
Speaker 4: all these feelings are coming from. And then after the pandemic,
Speaker 4: I started to notice this pattern before my period started,
Speaker 4: where I felt like I had PMS, but like I
Speaker 4: could actively feel myself kind of sinking into a depression
Speaker 4: and it would literally I could. Honestly, I don't know
Speaker 4: how this manifests for other people. It's called I should
Speaker 4: say this. I got diagnosed with p M d D,
Speaker 4: which is pre menstrual dysphoric disorder and it is basically
Speaker 4: a PMS no crack. But I can feel myself slipping.
Speaker 3: Yes, I can.
Speaker 4: Yes, I can feel myself slipping into like a depression
Speaker 4: and I didn't understand what was happening, and then I
Speaker 4: would come out of it and I was like, what.
Speaker 2: Is going on?
Speaker 4: So every single month and it's just happened a couple
Speaker 4: of days ago, I'll be like, something's really wrong and
Speaker 4: I can't, like I feel like something's wrong and I'm
Speaker 4: really sad and I'm just like it sits with me.
Speaker 4: And then I'll look at my locking phone and I'll
Speaker 4: be like, oh my god, this is the time when
Speaker 4: I'm starting to get this again.
Speaker 3: So that's where I'm at currently.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's what your week has been like so far.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 4: It's kind of helpful to know that, like I'm going
Speaker 4: to come out of that, Like now that it's been
Speaker 4: named for me, I can be like, okay.
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna feel better. But it does still it
Speaker 3: is still hard every.
Speaker 4: Month, like feeling like damn it, like here I am again,
Speaker 4: nothing's wrong, but it feels like I'm just real sad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you're there, Does it help? Do you feel
Speaker 1: supported best by people around you trying to make it
Speaker 1: better or do you prefer when people just sort of
Speaker 1: let you sit in the.
Speaker 3: Sad That's a great question.
Speaker 4: I I don't like people trying to make it better.
Speaker 4: I don't know if that makes sense. It just I
Speaker 4: almost just need to like get space. I feel really overstimulated,
Speaker 4: and I I just need to be able.
Speaker 3: To vent and not have a response almost back to it.
Speaker 1: And do all the people that love you know that, Like,
Speaker 1: do they know that that is how you like to
Speaker 1: be handled in that in that in that time.
Speaker 4: Yes, my husband Matt has learned that over time. It's
Speaker 4: hard because people naturally want to help. I understand that.
Speaker 4: But it's like he does this thing. He'd be fine
Speaker 4: with me telling you this, but it's not bad. He
Speaker 4: does this thing that when I get anxiety, he wants
Speaker 4: to distract me by like telling me things and telling
Speaker 4: me stories.
Speaker 3: And kind of trying to change the subject. And I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: I'm more overwhelmed.
Speaker 4: I just couldn't think about the thing or just like
Speaker 4: you know, sit with it in silence.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hearing at a wall. Yeah,
Speaker 1: as as a recovering fixer and as another for where
Speaker 1: it's mean. It's sort of in my job title right,
Speaker 1: helping and fixing and supporting, but I in my adult
Speaker 1: like helping and fixing and sorting out for my kids.
Speaker 1: You know, obviously that is called parenting to an extent.
Speaker 1: Because what I've realized recently and why I asked the question,
Speaker 1: was that some people in my life really want the
Speaker 1: support to look like that, How can I help?
Speaker 2: What can we do?
Speaker 1: Distracting, cheerleading, strategizing, whatever, And some people that I love
Speaker 1: very much really just want to fucking sit in it.
Speaker 1: And that's what's going to help them is just to
Speaker 1: be sad and for me to be there with them
Speaker 1: while they're sad, to know that I love them when
Speaker 1: they're sad and happy, but that I can just be
Speaker 1: And that's so hard for me. It's been an active
Speaker 1: challenge and new skill set for me. And so I
Speaker 1: think it's good to know about people that you love, right,
Speaker 1: And it's I always think it's like it's good for
Speaker 1: people that love you to have your operating instructions. So
Speaker 1: that's why I asked that question. So now I know
Speaker 1: when you're there, I won't.
Speaker 4: I won't distruct, you know, because the truth is is
Speaker 4: that it's like a kid for me. It's a case
Speaker 4: by case basis. But I feel like I'm good at
Speaker 4: advocating for myself, so I'll be like, hey, where's your help?
Speaker 4: I think you're great at that. I need you know,
Speaker 4: so you'll know when I'm wanting that. And I'm also
Speaker 4: okay to be like I just I don't like I
Speaker 4: need it just a second. I want to go come
Speaker 4: watch Friend of Pump Rules with me on the couch.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's what I need.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, well here you want to know about my week?
Speaker 2: Yes, I do.
Speaker 3: I hope it was better than mine.
Speaker 2: My week? What I barely remember my week? My week?
Speaker 2: Are you also about to.
Speaker 3: Count your period?
Speaker 2: Then? I actually think I might be were really a pair.
Speaker 1: End of school stuff and starting up this podcast and
Speaker 1: being so excited and having my mind work at fifty
Speaker 1: five thousand miles an hour, and and just the expansive
Speaker 1: quality of learning and learning something new, growing, and just
Speaker 1: our whole team being so supportive and creating all these
Speaker 1: different ways of thinking of things and and as we
Speaker 1: you know, are now starting to embark on on launching it,
Speaker 1: which is you know so soon and everything else. I
Speaker 1: think that it's just been I've been feeling super overwhelmed
Speaker 1: when I'm super stressed. Something that I learned sort of
Speaker 1: later in life was was the self talk that that
Speaker 1: has cured a lot of what worries. So when I'm well,
Speaker 1: a lot of times when you're having when you sort
Speaker 1: of when you when you have that negative self talk,
Speaker 1: when you're talking about when you're when you're talking to
Speaker 1: yourself or you're imagining what someone else is saying about
Speaker 1: you or thinking the feeling and it goes really negative,
Speaker 1: like you know you're not enough, you you know you're
Speaker 1: you're not worthy, you don't you know what. There's yeah,
Speaker 1: the the like the worthiness, I'm not worthy enough and
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough. But that's kind of a habit too, right,
Speaker 1: Like you get in the habit of speaking to yourself
Speaker 1: like that. And I have sometimes just truly willfully been
Speaker 1: like whatever that negative thought was, I'm going to say
Speaker 1: the exact opposite in the positive column. So like fill
Speaker 1: in the blank, right, you're like, you're I don't even
Speaker 1: know look bad, it's so bad.
Speaker 4: You're amazing, Like I'm amazing, I'm confident, I can do this, yes.
Speaker 1: Yes, and like you know again, when you're auditioning, I
Speaker 1: think a lot of the times you could go like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm never going to get the job, right, there's twenty
Speaker 1: actresses going out for this job. I'm never going to
Speaker 1: get the job. And then I started practicing, like I'm
Speaker 1: going to get this job. We're going to film, it's
Speaker 1: going to start in July. I'm going to be in Austin, Texas.
Speaker 1: I'm going to And honestly, it's even if the outcome
Speaker 1: is the same, it's such a more enjoyable experience to
Speaker 1: be on your own side, like Hunter, don't we want
Speaker 1: to be that?
Speaker 2: Do we want to be on our own side?
Speaker 1: Why would we be on some on the opposite side.
Speaker 4: It's so funny you say this because my niece is
Speaker 4: staying with me right now and I was talking to
Speaker 4: her about something and I was like, you have to
Speaker 4: be your number one fan. Yeah, you have to be
Speaker 4: your own number one fan, and not in like an egotistical,
Speaker 4: like obnoxious way.
Speaker 3: So it's like you have to be.
Speaker 4: Team you you do when you are overwhelmed like that,
Speaker 4: do you want someone to come in and help you
Speaker 4: or do you want to do it?
Speaker 3: All yourself.
Speaker 1: I used to be the former, like I used to
Speaker 1: just do it all myself. Yeah, and I have become
Speaker 1: and grown into someone who loves delegating. That being said,
Speaker 1: once you have delegated in human behavior, or when you're
Speaker 1: the one that's given the like hey, let's okay, so
Speaker 1: let's do this here, or let's do that, or can
Speaker 1: I have help with this whatever, my mind then revisits
Speaker 1: the task or whatever I've asked for help with help,
Speaker 1: and you know, you don't always know that it gets done.
Speaker 3: So it doesn't relax you. You're still wondering about that.
Speaker 1: You can are sure that the help is there and
Speaker 1: it's going to be done like Johnny like done, then great,
Speaker 1: but then if that, but if but that there's like
Speaker 1: a backup question or if there's like something you'd like,
Speaker 1: You're it's still alive. But I'm very grateful for help.
Speaker 1: I'm very grateful for help. So when people offer, like,
Speaker 1: it's funny. One of my best friends became one of
Speaker 1: my best friends because she was so uniquely and we
Speaker 1: were young. She was she was the one that would
Speaker 1: always be like, oh, you're working late, I'm already picking
Speaker 1: up you know, Brendan from school, and it's in the
Speaker 1: same direction as Luke school, So why don't I grab
Speaker 1: him and I'll just bring him back to our house
Speaker 1: and they can play until you're done with work. I'd
Speaker 1: never had a friend who dream. I couldn't even believe it.
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, what you want to You want
Speaker 1: to help like that?
Speaker 3: That's amazing, that's amazing.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I love getting help. I think it's just
Speaker 1: and I don't want to you know, it's not like
Speaker 1: I'm so bossy. It has to be only a certain
Speaker 1: kind of out. But I think that, you know, some
Speaker 1: help is more helpful than others. Yeah, Like, here's a
Speaker 1: good example I have. I'm not even gonna name names,
Speaker 1: but I have certain children who if I said, can
Speaker 1: you do X, Y or Z, that would be a help.
Speaker 1: I have other children where if I asked them to
Speaker 1: do it, that would not be help. Yeah, and that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay because I might ask the one that might
Speaker 1: be able to do you know X, wouldn't be able
Speaker 1: to do why? And then if you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like you got to know you gotta know your customers.
Speaker 4: My three year old is actually amazing at delegating things doe,
Speaker 4: he'll put things in the trash.
Speaker 3: My seven year old at acts.
Speaker 2: Like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: That?
Speaker 2: Three feet away? Like you that's such a hard day.
Speaker 2: I'm in the first grade.
Speaker 1: Well, the overwhelmness had me a little bit stressed this week. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm a little overwhelmed.
Speaker 2: And uh.
Speaker 1: One of my ways of dealing with that is also
Speaker 1: just to keep going. I have a normalized stress, and
Speaker 1: I just it's a it's a normal thing. The only
Speaker 1: time that I actually stopped for stress in a real
Speaker 1: way was when it when I had a physical manifestation,
Speaker 1: which was an ee twitch.
Speaker 2: Oh, I actually started twitch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm I'm uh. I was low key worried
Speaker 1: because it lasted a year. What I had an eye
Speaker 1: twitch for a year and it was imperceptible to anyone
Speaker 1: except for myself, Like I would feel it twitching, but
Speaker 1: no one else would see it. So it was like
Speaker 1: living with a ghost.
Speaker 3: It's like like an eye twitch.
Speaker 1: I could hear it, I could feel it, I go whatever,
Speaker 1: but no one else knew. So yeah, that was that
Speaker 1: was a that was a physical way that I actually
Speaker 1: I could not outrun my stress. I could not normalize it.
Speaker 1: I could not be like, Oh, it's okay, I'm just
Speaker 1: feeling a little stressed. My body was saying, you're fucking stressed.
Speaker 1: Can you break for it and deal? And I got
Speaker 1: to say, it wasn't until I stopped and and sort
Speaker 1: of tried to like figure out some coping mechanisms and
Speaker 1: kind of what was going on so that I could
Speaker 1: help myself. And uh, and it did, and I got
Speaker 1: to the bottom of it, and and really truly without
Speaker 1: even all of a sudden, one day, it stopped.
Speaker 2: But I had to deal with it. I mean, it
Speaker 2: wasn't like it just stopped.
Speaker 1: I had to deal with what it was that was
Speaker 1: sort of, you know, not sort of was really affecting me.
Speaker 1: And for me, it was completely It's always been and
Speaker 1: it remains that I'm a talker, like I need to
Speaker 1: talk it out, and so therapy. For a very long
Speaker 1: time I stayed away from for the number one reason
Speaker 1: I think most people stay away from it, which is
Speaker 1: that you can't find a good therapist. And then I
Speaker 1: found a great therapist and we were off to the races.
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, hence why we were here, I'm
Speaker 1: all unpack it all fucking day long.
Speaker 2: Let's unpack it? Yeah you.
Speaker 3: Session?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Are you like it's I need the whole afternoon. I
Speaker 4: clear the schedule.
Speaker 1: Do you have other patients because I I don't think
Speaker 1: you Yeah, I just don't even look.
Speaker 3: It is just going to be me.
Speaker 4: I think what's happening is like kind of groundbreaking, and
Speaker 4: I think that we are the generations.
Speaker 3: You're what, Jhen, I don't even know.
Speaker 1: F Is this where you're trying to make it so
Speaker 1: that I'm older than you?
Speaker 3: What's the nineteen oh five?
Speaker 2: Am I older than you? Come out?
Speaker 3: I mean, is this the part I just wanted to
Speaker 3: make well, I don't know we can I'm.
Speaker 1: Part of one generation and you're part of another.
Speaker 3: Whatever, whatever the whatever you are.
Speaker 2: I'm all Millennia.
Speaker 3: I don't have to like I'm very cool and you
Speaker 3: guys can probably tell just by listening.
Speaker 2: Yeah right. I mean I'm like a baby boomer and you're.
Speaker 3: You're a boomer and that's fine, Jess, we still love it.
Speaker 2: I'm paylessen.
Speaker 4: I was just just pointing out, Yeah, our parents did
Speaker 4: not go to therapy. Did your parents go to therapy?
Speaker 4: Maybe they did.
Speaker 1: My parents divorced when I was really young, so she
Speaker 1: did My mom went to a lot of therapy.
Speaker 3: That's amazing.
Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like most people's parents did
Speaker 4: not go to therapy, and so we're the first. We're
Speaker 4: all this the first few generations that are really seeking
Speaker 4: that mental health and being able to show, you know,
Speaker 4: seeking help for it, and being able to show our
Speaker 4: kids that, which I think is going to, hopefully because
Speaker 4: they're dealing with social media and so many more things
Speaker 4: that when we were dealing with hopefully be really influential
Speaker 4: and make it so taboo. Because I look at my
Speaker 4: parents and no offense to either of them. They really
Speaker 4: could have done with a lot of therapy. Yeah, like
Speaker 4: it would have made life a lot easier for them.
Speaker 3: It's tough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the talking it out, and again, the talking it
Speaker 1: out allows you to connect to the dots because I
Speaker 1: think that when you're struggling or when you need help,
Speaker 1: it's just so your natural instinct to think that you're
Speaker 1: the only one that it's happening to, that it's only you,
Speaker 1: that no one has ever felt this. Your pain is
Speaker 1: unique to you. It's insurmountable, it's bigger than you. It's
Speaker 1: all that you're gonna stress, You're gonna worry it's the anxiety,
Speaker 1: but almost immediately when you speak to someone else who
Speaker 1: has had the same thing happen or feels the same way,
Speaker 1: you feel this like pressure release.
Speaker 4: I felt that way when I finally and I'll get
Speaker 4: into this more.
Speaker 3: I'm sure.
Speaker 4: At some point bit the bullet and started zoloft. I
Speaker 4: was like, who is? I wanted to know who was
Speaker 4: taking it because I had this feeling like I.
Speaker 3: Really did not want to get on antidepressants.
Speaker 2: I was not.
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm not there until I really was like, okay,
Speaker 4: the heart palpitations I'm feeling one hundred times a day
Speaker 4: like are not fun, Like it's again my body's being
Speaker 4: like you're done, Like you gotta there's something.
Speaker 3: You got to figure this out.
Speaker 4: And I remember googling, like in my phone and googling
Speaker 4: like who who has come out to say that they're
Speaker 4: on some on some sort of help like this, And
Speaker 4: it gave me comfort to read names of people that
Speaker 4: had come out. That's why I want to talk about
Speaker 4: it too myself and say it so publicly, because it
Speaker 4: is so helpful.
Speaker 3: To see other people talk about it.
Speaker 4: And it's still it's funny even when you google people
Speaker 4: like that have come out to talk about antidepressants. It's
Speaker 4: still not a huge long list, right, Like, it's still
Speaker 4: sort of like something people don't necessarily want to share it.
Speaker 3: And I understand that, but it's.
Speaker 1: So I think it's it's an it's an old belief
Speaker 1: that dealing with anything like that makes you less.
Speaker 2: Then and it's really super.
Speaker 1: Stale thought and thought process and way of thinking. It's like,
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, I listen. I mean, I'm I think
Speaker 1: that people who are dealing with things, or like my heroes,
Speaker 1: I find someone so much more complex and so much
Speaker 1: more interesting when they are dealing with adversity or when
Speaker 1: they you know, when they when they reckon with and
Speaker 1: and speak about like life isn't so easy all the time.
Speaker 3: It's just not. I think that we're slowly getting rid
Speaker 3: of that shame. I remember it. By the way, this is.
Speaker 4: This is a really ridiculous story, but the first this
Speaker 4: is how this is how far I've come with my
Speaker 4: own journey on this.
Speaker 3: I went to pick up.
Speaker 4: Zolof for the first time at CVS, right and I
Speaker 4: was like, this is so like I've like I felt
Speaker 4: like when I go went up to the counter, I
Speaker 4: should just say I've hit rock bottom. Just give me
Speaker 4: the fucking zoloft, like like I needed it, Like written
Speaker 4: on my forehead it's this is where I'm at.
Speaker 3: Right, and like, don't don't even bother showering, right, just
Speaker 3: go looking Discott because that's where I'm at, you know.
Speaker 4: And I went in and I wore a ball cap
Speaker 4: and I wore sunglasses because I was like, the last
Speaker 4: thing I need, the last thing I need is for
Speaker 4: like anybody to see me walking out with bag of zoloft, right.
Speaker 4: And I went to the counter and I was like udding,
Speaker 4: you know, like giving them my information. They're like what
Speaker 4: and I'm like, god, right and birthdate. I'm a millennial
Speaker 4: and the chick this is not a joke, Okay. She
Speaker 4: hands me my zoloft and then she goes.
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm a huge Grace Fantomy fan.
Speaker 4: And I was like, yeah, mother, God not obviously today.
Speaker 4: But I was like thanks so much, and I'm holding
Speaker 4: my you know, giant pill of like I felt read
Speaker 4: I have the anxiety and the ration, you know, And
Speaker 4: I was like thanks so much. And I walked out
Speaker 4: and I tell you what now everyone listening. I skip
Speaker 4: in there to get my Zoloft. I'm so excited to
Speaker 4: get that pill. I don't care who knows.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like.
Speaker 4: Camella Luddington and I'm here for my Zoloft, thank you
Speaker 4: very much.
Speaker 2: And it works real well. So I feel get rid
Speaker 2: of that shame. I don't want to. I can't even believe.
Speaker 2: It's crazy.
Speaker 4: I mean I felt like I had to, like, you know,
Speaker 4: incognito myself to get it the first time.
Speaker 2: No, screw that.
Speaker 1: I think that's real. I've felt that at CVS. Why
Speaker 1: does CVS bring that out on us.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't even remember what my RX was, but I
Speaker 1: remember it was not something that I was like psyched about.
Speaker 1: I'm really I'm gonna have to think about this later
Speaker 1: because I do want to speak the truth and call
Speaker 1: it what it is. So I'm gonna think about what
Speaker 1: it was. But i'd say this sort of thing happened
Speaker 1: where I was like, oh, for sure, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to go in and they're like, yeah, yeah, it was
Speaker 1: a passing it over the counter, and then like I
Speaker 1: love your work, yeah yeah, and then a little bit
Speaker 1: of denial on my part. I think, like what, I
Speaker 1: don't know, I must look like her yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: but you know, it's real for everybody, and that's why
Speaker 1: they should just maybe like do away with that counter,
Speaker 1: that line at the counter, because I definitely remember being.
Speaker 2: In the back of some poor women that was there
Speaker 2: for them and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, oh gosh, okay sucks.
Speaker 1: And she was so like, yeah, by the way, I'm
Speaker 1: really I think she wanted to write it down on
Speaker 1: a piece of paper and to slide it to the pharmacy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there does need to be a option badge of them.
Speaker 2: Did you need badge em?
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're on the loudspeaker. Can we get extra badge
Speaker 4: of them for a counter five please? You're like, I'm
Speaker 4: just this is over, and you're like, can you make
Speaker 4: some zole off with that? Because now I need it.
Speaker 4: This whole experience has been so depressing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're all out. We're gonna have to order that.
Speaker 1: Can you come back from them so loft bundle.
Speaker 3: Yes, we need a leader of badge of them Aisle five.
Speaker 2: It's just it's like just just leave.
Speaker 4: At that point, you're like, actually, my vagina is fine.
Speaker 4: I don't even at this point it's being left.
Speaker 1: This reminds me of when I was living in New
Speaker 1: York and I was in my twenties and I was
Speaker 1: so self conscious. I certainly hadn't been on grazed now.
Speaker 1: I mean, I certainly had zero fame. Nobody knew who
Speaker 1: I was, nor did they care. And I was so
Speaker 1: just I don't know, I was very wound up about
Speaker 1: I don't know, self conscious something like that. And I
Speaker 1: went to go get a vibrator at the pleasure Chest
Speaker 1: in New York City here on sixth Avenue seventh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I.
Speaker 2: Bought it and when I when I.
Speaker 1: Took it to the front counter, I asked them to
Speaker 1: gift wrap it for me because it wasn't for me.
Speaker 3: Oh, I was clearly getting it out of the gift
Speaker 3: you know what. That's genius.
Speaker 2: It's not my vibrator. You know what.
Speaker 4: There should be a gift wrap option for your mess
Speaker 4: if you don't want to talk to you like I
Speaker 4: vadgim is a birthday gift for somebody and I need
Speaker 4: you to wrap it up with a nice little bow.
Speaker 4: There should be the option so that you don't have
Speaker 4: you don't you don't have to admit it.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's like a yes. So there should be a
Speaker 2: gift wrap option.
Speaker 1: And it should be a little note on it for
Speaker 1: the CVS person to just or should just be like,
Speaker 1: don't talk about it, don't say it out loud, gift
Speaker 1: wraps and shut up.
Speaker 2: I can't carry on. I love it so much.
Speaker 1: You need to think of some more r exes that
Speaker 1: would be embarrassing like that.
Speaker 4: Oh god, I'm sure. I'm sure there's many in my future.
Speaker 4: But you know what, but this is what gift wrap
Speaker 4: a CVS give wrapped your Do you know why? I'm
Speaker 4: super excited to be here, though, tell me, I'm very
Speaker 4: excited because we said we would do this and we're
Speaker 4: already doing it. Episode three we have talked about because
Speaker 4: we've had just such an incredible response from fans, like
Speaker 4: across the board, like we're so blown away, And we
Speaker 4: said we would zoom with fans and in person over
Speaker 4: zoom discuss their ship like where we discussing our ship
Speaker 4: right now, and we.
Speaker 3: Get to do that today.
Speaker 2: I can't wait.
Speaker 1: I'm also a little nervous. You're a little nervous.
Speaker 3: No, I'm not nervous. Actually, I'm just depressed.
Speaker 1: But I always say my kids, nervous and excited sit
Speaker 1: side by side. So that's the mindset. Thing too, like
Speaker 1: do you want to do? Are you thinking of it
Speaker 1: like I'm nervous or you think of it?
Speaker 2: I'm excited.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna change my nervousness. I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take my nervous and I'm gonna turn it into excitement.
Speaker 4: Because I know it's gonna be great. I know that,
Speaker 4: like we're going to figure it out with them, or
Speaker 4: at least like we know, like we're going to take
Speaker 4: a couple of steps.
Speaker 3: Forward and then we can go back and talk about
Speaker 3: this again with them.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So segueing from our gift wrapping and into our call
Speaker 1: it what it is questions.
Speaker 4: Jessica, I don't know if you can see this, but
Speaker 4: I see a little I see a little thing on
Speaker 4: our screen that says Molly has entered the waiting room.
Speaker 2: I don't see that, well I do? Is that true?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 4: So this is what's so exciting about today's episode two,
Speaker 4: you guys. The reason it says that is because we
Speaker 4: have not just someone who's emailed or DM. We have
Speaker 4: someone who has agreed to come and zoom with us,
Speaker 4: so excited and talk to us about their problems, so
Speaker 4: we can talk with them live on a zoom. Okay,
Speaker 4: so you guys, we have a very special guest today.
Speaker 4: It's one of you, and it's one of our new
Speaker 4: friends in our friendship circle. And she has been super
Speaker 4: brave enough to want to zoom with us. And this
Speaker 4: is what she wrote in Her name is Mollie, and
Speaker 4: she said, my girlfriend broke up with me over text.
Speaker 4: Her reasoning was that my poor mental health bothered her,
Speaker 4: but she knew about any issues I had before entering
Speaker 4: the relationship over a year ago. She then blocked me
Speaker 4: on everything before I even had the chance to reply
Speaker 4: to her breakup text. We've been chatting just the night
Speaker 4: before and everything seemed fine. I'm confused, upset, and low
Speaker 4: key full of rage. Well guess what, I'm high key
Speaker 4: full of rage on this one. Okay, let's let Molly
Speaker 4: in so we can get into it with Molly. Hi, Mollie,
Speaker 4: we are, Mollie so excited to have you. You are
Speaker 4: our first guest that we are personally very first.
Speaker 2: Really.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm putting it on my cebe yes, yes at it.
Speaker 2: Are you from England? I am where.
Speaker 5: Southwest? I think?
Speaker 3: Okay, near Bristol. Oh yeah, I know Bristol.
Speaker 5: Yeah, why my half Irish as well, So my accents off,
Speaker 5: It's all good.
Speaker 1: I love accents. Accents are great. I have none.
Speaker 5: An American accent.
Speaker 2: It's true, that's true.
Speaker 1: That's true. I have an American accent.
Speaker 4: So, Mollie, we just read the message that you sent us,
Speaker 4: and it and and it ended with I that you're
Speaker 4: low key full of rage. And I said, reading this,
Speaker 4: I'm high key full of rage for you. Do you
Speaker 4: want to add any more details in? So you were
Speaker 4: with each other for over a year?
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it was kind of on off, Okay, I'll
Speaker 5: add but yeah.
Speaker 2: And where are you now? Did you just write this?
Speaker 2: Where are you in.
Speaker 1: Your in your feeling like months ago?
Speaker 5: Okay, round about so I'm still pissed.
Speaker 3: Off, you're still in it?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: Why did she Why do you think she blocked you?
Speaker 5: I don't know. It was just I'm like annoyed because
Speaker 5: it seemed like really cowardly thing to do, just like
Speaker 5: break up me over tech and then block me so
Speaker 5: I couldn't even have an adult conversation with her.
Speaker 1: It's just like, which says more about her than you? Right,
Speaker 1: that's super avoidant behavior. So she's just going to sort
Speaker 1: of excize you and and not just like you said,
Speaker 1: she it sort of takes a lot of bravery to
Speaker 1: deal with something, and endings especially are very challenging. I
Speaker 1: have a question, if you could waive a magic wand
Speaker 1: with regards to this relationship, what would you What would
Speaker 1: the wand do?
Speaker 5: Maybe you'd make us both mentally stable, because that was
Speaker 5: that was part of the issue, but it wasn't something
Speaker 5: that we hadn't discussed before entering your relationship.
Speaker 2: I guess so.
Speaker 4: I guess my thing is because Jessica and I have
Speaker 4: been talking this whole podcast about like, you know, I
Speaker 4: don't even know about mental health. It's not And I've
Speaker 4: had to learn this. As much as I yes, I
Speaker 4: would wave the wand and like make myself have not
Speaker 4: no anxiety, that would be nice, I have learned to
Speaker 4: not see it as a negative at all about me.
Speaker 3: It's just another piece of me.
Speaker 4: And so if somebody is breaking up with you because
Speaker 4: of something that you have that you have mental health wise,
Speaker 4: I think it's not okay.
Speaker 2: But also that's not your person.
Speaker 5: I mean, because that was like part of our reasoning. Otherwise.
Speaker 5: She was just like, I don't think it's working, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, okay, Well, if my mental health is something
Speaker 5: that came up later in the relationship that she didn't
Speaker 5: know about and was like, okay, I can't deal with
Speaker 5: this fair enough. But she knew about it before getting
Speaker 5: into the relationships, so.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I'm just really confused. I'm like, I never got any
Speaker 5: closure because she's blocked me.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, right, well, in a way though, that
Speaker 1: kind of that is the closure.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not ideal, and it's not what you
Speaker 1: would want, but it is. It is on some level,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, it's the most powerful thing someone
Speaker 1: can do, right, is they just stop the communication. It's
Speaker 1: just an immediate no, and then you're sort of left
Speaker 1: to what's what happens now?
Speaker 4: If I could, like, if I was in a situation,
Speaker 4: I could wave the magic wand it would have nothing
Speaker 4: to do with her. It would have everything to do
Speaker 4: with me understanding that this person does not deserve me
Speaker 4: at all, and feeling okay with that, and knowing that
Speaker 4: there's someone out there that, of course is going to
Speaker 4: accept every part of you, because your mental health is
Speaker 4: not a check in the negative column about who you are.
Speaker 3: It's just one part of you.
Speaker 4: And so that's if I could wave a magic wand
Speaker 4: that's what I would want for you. I would love
Speaker 4: to hear you say, and it's gonna take time.
Speaker 3: But like, I don't need her.
Speaker 4: That's not the person that I need in my life,
Speaker 4: because mental health is a long it's a it's a
Speaker 4: it's an up.
Speaker 3: And down journey.
Speaker 4: It's a long journey, and sometimes it's something that you're
Speaker 4: gonna live with forever and you need that partner to
Speaker 4: be there with you in the highs and lows of
Speaker 4: that journey. If my husband was like, m your mental
Speaker 4: health is like really annoying, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3: Break with you.
Speaker 4: I don't think like you like, go leave because I'll
Speaker 4: find someone that like embraces every part of me, including that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, even if that, like with that case, I would
Speaker 5: have just I would have at least appreciated a conversation
Speaker 5: about it. I think that's why I'm so annoyed instead
Speaker 5: of just a text and then blocking me. I'm like, well,
Speaker 5: could we not have discussed this a little?
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, right, And but that's also that's
Speaker 1: sort of like that's the work that you're left with
Speaker 1: right now, right because you can't. You're only in charge
Speaker 1: of you, You're not in charge of her, And you
Speaker 1: can't have her do anything differently than she's done. She's
Speaker 1: that's that's what she's shown you. That's who she is,
Speaker 1: and that's the choice that she's made. And now it's
Speaker 1: really only about you and and who and how do you?
Speaker 1: Who do you want to be in this moment? And
Speaker 1: how do you want to treat yourself? And and and
Speaker 1: regard yourself, which I hope is with with kindness and
Speaker 1: and sort of like you know, I do think that
Speaker 1: that self talk comes in in a in a way
Speaker 1: here where where when someone goes away completely, we can
Speaker 1: only imagine what they think or what or what there
Speaker 1: the reasons why they did X, Y or z. But
Speaker 1: you usually what you're imagining is worse than what it is,
Speaker 1: and then it becomes sort of like this negative self
Speaker 1: talk spiral, and so then you're actually having conversations with
Speaker 1: yourself that are doing no good and making yourself feel
Speaker 1: even more terrible. So I feel like right now would
Speaker 1: be an amazing time for you to find and make
Speaker 1: a list of all the things that you love about
Speaker 1: yourself or that you're really proud of of yourself. You know,
Speaker 1: the things that you've done that you're like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't know many other people who've done that, or
Speaker 1: the things that are unique to you, or the things
Speaker 1: that people have told you, or your superpowers. But focusing
Speaker 1: on those positives and what you hold inside of yourself
Speaker 1: that's unique to only you, and really really thinking about them,
Speaker 1: and again writing them down and being grateful for them,
Speaker 1: and finding a way to go back out into the
Speaker 1: world and find someone.
Speaker 6: Who's grateful for you and who sees you for who
Speaker 6: you are again the ups and downs and all arounds,
Speaker 6: because there's actually literally not a person in the world
Speaker 6: that doesn't have ups and downs.
Speaker 5: I'm going to get back out there with self confidence?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Why not? Why not? Exactly?
Speaker 4: And I also think by the way that somebody does
Speaker 4: something like that, because we've all been in a relationships
Speaker 4: where we've come out of it and you're.
Speaker 3: Like, I hate like, why did they? That was so awful?
Speaker 4: But what it did for me is it gave me
Speaker 4: more perspective into what I definitely wanted a partner. You
Speaker 4: definitely don't want a long term relationship with someone that
Speaker 4: cannot communicate with you or ghosts you right, Like, even
Speaker 4: if you guys got back together, if that's their sort
Speaker 4: of personality and how they navigate relationships, it's never gonna
Speaker 4: feel good. You want someone that makes you feel really yummy.
Speaker 4: So I think even though you're like, oh man, she
Speaker 4: didn't even she couldn't even give me an explanation, maybe
Speaker 4: there's also another list. It's like what do I deserve
Speaker 4: in a relationship, And that's one of the things. It's like,
Speaker 4: I deserve an explanation, I deserve conversations when things get tough.
Speaker 4: And then when you look at that list, does that
Speaker 4: person that just left you fit on this list? They're
Speaker 4: probably not going to check those boxes that you have
Speaker 4: decided this is important to me and a partner. And
Speaker 4: I think just seeing those two lists, like how awesome
Speaker 4: I am by the way, you're our very first guest.
Speaker 4: You're zooming in on something that's really vulnerable that to
Speaker 4: me should be on your list.
Speaker 2: That's awesome.
Speaker 4: And then you write the other list of like this,
Speaker 4: this is what I deserve, and I've just been shown
Speaker 4: what it looks like when that person doesn't do those
Speaker 4: things and how it makes me feel.
Speaker 1: And I will say one last thing and it's not
Speaker 1: just because I am a Taylor Swift fan, but there's
Speaker 1: a little thing called karma, and so not to be
Speaker 1: a nerd or I could do good or whatever, but
Speaker 1: I actually I personally feel like it's gonna sound crazy.
Speaker 2: Poor her, throw some love at her.
Speaker 1: She had to cut you off and walk away, and
Speaker 1: she doesn't have the skills that you need to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship.
Speaker 5: I feel sorry for her, I really do. I'm a cat.
Speaker 2: You are, you know what? I hope she grows. I
Speaker 2: hope she grows, and look at you. I'm so happy
Speaker 2: we got to talk to you.
Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you so much, and okay.
Speaker 2: Good and I'm good. Thank you. It's been such a
Speaker 2: pleasure having you.
Speaker 4: And listen if you wanna, if you ever want to
Speaker 4: come back in on on, call it what it is
Speaker 4: and give us a little.
Speaker 2: Thank you so thank you so much, Mellielly, thank you.
Speaker 1: Okay, Wow, this has been a lot of good I've been.
Speaker 1: I'm into this. I'm really into this. But I think
Speaker 1: it's time now. So let's call it, shall we Yes,
Speaker 1: let's call it the end of this episode.
Speaker 2: Bye friends, Bye friends.