1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:04,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio 2 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Just a quick disclaimer, 3 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 1: this episode was recorded pre pandemic. Let's talk about sex, baby, 4 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all 5 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: the good things and the bad things that may be 6 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 1: let is that maybe your baby? Did I even mess 7 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: up the lyrics already? Guys, Welcome back to Katie's Crib today. 8 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 1: I want to strip down our vulnerabilities pun intended, and 9 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 1: I need to talk about sex. I'm sure many of 10 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,720 Speaker 1: us have burning questions on our mind, so I want 11 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 1: to be open and discussing sex in a very healthy 12 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,839 Speaker 1: and informative way. Yes, I did just sing that incredible song, 13 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: but there is is a very vulnerable, triggering topic. I've 14 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: invited Dr Shannon Chavez to join me. She is a 15 00:00:55,480 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: nationally recognized expert therapist and educator specializing in all sexuality 16 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: yes please, including help for men, women, l g B, 17 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,120 Speaker 1: t q I A, and couples. Dr Chavez utilizes a 18 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: mind body approach to sexual health and wellness and will 19 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 1: help address some of my freaking questions because I've got 20 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,559 Speaker 1: a lot of them. Hi, Doctor Shavin, Hi, Katie, thank 21 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: you for having me. Honestly, this podcast is such a 22 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: gift in my life because meeting a sex therapist has 23 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: been on my to do list for years and see 24 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 1: now I just get to use Katie's script to make 25 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: it happen. So like, thanks so much for being here. Um, 26 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: can you tell us what you do? What the heck 27 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: is a sex therapy? Sex therapy is a type of 28 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: psychotherapy that focuses on sexual health, sexual concerns, maybe people 29 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 1: learning about their sexual identity, and then also a lot 30 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 1: of it's coaching and education because let's face it, how 31 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,840 Speaker 1: many of us actually had decent sex? Said? I mean, 32 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: even if you did have a great, you know, open 33 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 1: relationship with your parents where they like had conversations with 34 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: you and not just like one conversation like the birds 35 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 1: in the situation and an uncomfortable conversation. I know my 36 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 1: mother was terrified and uncomfortable, which then people see and 37 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,639 Speaker 1: then you get this idea that sex is scary or 38 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 1: uncomfortable or bad or dirty, trouble dirty exactly? Um, do 39 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 1: you work mostly with individuals or couples? Kind of all 40 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 1: of it even throubles people that are in polyamorous relationships. 41 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 1: That have more than one partner, I would say it's 42 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,839 Speaker 1: basically anyone and everyone, And it doesn't have to be 43 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: a couple in a relationship because people have sexual issues 44 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 1: even outside of of couple ships. So I think it's 45 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: about any aspect of sexuality, And because so much of 46 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: it is education based, it's about learning about your body, 47 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: body image, being able to know how all of these 48 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,360 Speaker 1: parts work. I mean, living in this culture, how do 49 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 1: we not feel some sort of shame around sexuality? Absolutely 50 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,799 Speaker 1: in my my history of this, like I had a 51 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: miscarriage and then you know, it's me a while to 52 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: get my period back to a regular place to try 53 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: start trying again to have a baby. And I went 54 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: to a fertility acupuncturist and she was explaining to me 55 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: the difference in my discharge too when I was ovulating. 56 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,920 Speaker 1: I was so horrified that, like I didn't know that 57 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 1: on my own because we're not educated about our bodies 58 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: and like what's going on? And she was like, well, 59 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,920 Speaker 1: when is it egg white and yoki and when is 60 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: it clear? And when is it this? And that means 61 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 1: that and that means that, and I was like, holy shit, 62 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: I don't, like I don't know about my own body 63 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,920 Speaker 1: at all. And we're not taught these things. We're not 64 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: taught these things, or we're uncomfortable talking about these things, 65 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: especially discharge. Discharge guys, hashtag discharge anybody interested in that? Hashtag? Hey, 66 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 1: what's going on with you down there? You know, here's 67 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: where I'm on this week. But we should I mean, 68 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: I get so many questions from women that are is 69 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: this normal? What should it smell like? Feel like? All 70 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: of these and it's you know, discharge is a good thing, 71 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: so hashtag discharges good. But like, come on, guys, healthy 72 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,960 Speaker 1: sex life it comes from healthy discharge. You welcome? Can 73 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: you talk to me about this? I was very interested 74 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: in this mind body approach to sex that you have. 75 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 1: Sounds amazing, you know, it's it's a lot simpler than 76 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: maybe people may think. I think we we think a 77 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: lot about sex. I mean, we are the only species 78 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 1: that intellectualizes sex to the point where we plan it 79 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: and we think about what it should look like and fantasize, 80 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:26,200 Speaker 1: but almost to our detriment because we do it to 81 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: the point where we develop these mental barriers. Do I 82 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: look okay, does it look sexy enough? Am I doing 83 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,719 Speaker 1: it right? We focus on all of the mechanics. So 84 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 1: what I try to get people to do is kind 85 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,839 Speaker 1: of relax in your body, to let go of the 86 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: expectations and the goals and you know what my genitals 87 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: are doing, and just really enjoy a sensory experience of pleasures. 88 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 1: So that is about listening to your body. I mean, 89 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 1: maybe your body doesn't want to be touched there, or 90 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: it likes to be touched in a place that you 91 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: wouldn't really think that is your pleasure zone. So it's 92 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 1: about connecting with the body, slowing down, getting out of 93 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 1: the monkey brain, because we're all kind of there in 94 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: these stressed, overworked lifestyles, so we carry that into our 95 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 1: sex lives. And people are distracted, they're bored, they're not 96 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 1: feeling excited about pleasure. So mind body work is really 97 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: about kind of getting them to like when you're getting 98 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,479 Speaker 1: like a Yogi sort of state where it's like you 99 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: are connected to your body and being at this place 100 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 1: in this moment, not for any sort of agenda or 101 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 1: to do list in quieting your mind. God, I can't 102 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,720 Speaker 1: even I mean, if you think about it, sex is 103 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: really primal. We are animals, just like any other species, 104 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 1: you know, we need to use our senses to get 105 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: turned on. Our sense of smell is our strongest sense 106 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:44,360 Speaker 1: when it comes to desire. Yes, So when people talk 107 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:48,480 Speaker 1: about pheromones, I feel like people are talking about smells. 108 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,159 Speaker 1: Maybe is that something else? What is the pheromoney? Interesting? So, 109 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 1: pheromones actually don't have a scent, but they evoke emotion. 110 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: We have receptors in our nose that if we pick 111 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,599 Speaker 1: up a scent of a partner and we have a 112 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,599 Speaker 1: good pheromone match, we actually may feel attraction. In chemistry, 113 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 1: if you've ever been around someone, maybe on a really 114 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 1: bad first date, and you just realize you kind of 115 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: cringed around the person, it maybe scientifically that you're a 116 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 1: bad pheromone mess. And also I've hooked up with dudes 117 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:19,599 Speaker 1: who have been like not into physic like I'm not 118 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,160 Speaker 1: attracted to them. Like I wouldn't pick them up off 119 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: the street. I wouldn't pick them. I mean I definitely wouldn't, 120 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: but I would pick them up in a bar or 121 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: whatever the hell. I've definitely had a thing where like 122 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: a dude has kissed me and I've been like holy shit, 123 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,800 Speaker 1: like I want to eat your whole face, bot Like 124 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: I can't fucking take it enough? Like yes, and it 125 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 1: was like it was an animalistic pheromone thing. Yes, that's 126 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: exactly what it was. Thank you science for giving us this. Yes, um, 127 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:53,240 Speaker 1: this mind body approach. Um. Do you feel like it 128 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 1: really helps your couples and your individuals achieve sexual satisfaction? 129 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,479 Speaker 1: I do, actually, because I think people come in and 130 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,720 Speaker 1: they're stressed out. You know what, I hear people say, 131 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: I don't have time for sex. I'm tired. I have 132 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 1: too much to have time for sex. Help me therapy 133 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: right now? What do I do about this? If someone said, hey, 134 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 1: you're going to go on a vacation, You're gonna go 135 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: to a spa for a week, we get excited about that. 136 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: We don't say, what a grueling task. So we think 137 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: of it as something that's going to be relaxing, rewarding, 138 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: and we're motivated to do it. But sex has become 139 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: a chore and work because I think again those expectations. 140 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 1: We have to get turned on, have an orgasm, a 141 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 1: penis has to get hard, I have to get lubricated, 142 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 1: and because there's so much to do involved, it feels 143 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 1: like work. And I think sometimes sex can be let's 144 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 1: just get naked and play around, you know, play, adult 145 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: play is really what sex is like. I don't know 146 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 1: when it started to be a thing where like every 147 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 1: time you're intimate with your partner or somebody, it has 148 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:57,120 Speaker 1: to involve penetration, has to involve orgasm on both parties 149 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: to to be able to check it off the list 150 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: that like bone. I love the word bone guys. Um, 151 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 1: bone town is what I like. Go on a bone town. Um. 152 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: Why it's such a shitty thing, Like it just sucks 153 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: because I really enjoy a lot of things that aren't 154 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: that exactly, and most women less than timber cent and 155 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 1: women can orgasm from penetration alone. Is that true? Ladies? 156 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 1: Are you curious? It's all about the clitterest, which the 157 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: majority of the clitteral anatomy is external. So we need friction, 158 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: we need tongus fingers. Yes, I hear that a lot 159 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,079 Speaker 1: from my clients. Can I get some more fingers than 160 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,200 Speaker 1: my life? And it's just a thing that I think 161 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: we need more of. So I completely agree intercourse is 162 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 1: over rated. It's been the focus of sex. If it 163 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: doesn't happen, It's the main course for a lot of people, 164 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: and on average, the average inner course last maybe five minutes. Wow, guys, 165 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 1: this is a epic podcast for me today. So thus 166 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,480 Speaker 1: far we have learned les than ten percent of women 167 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: can achieve orgasm through just penetrations, and that that the 168 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 1: majority of our clitters. And I wear this necklace to 169 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: show people what the clitterest really looks like. Wait what, guys, 170 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: I will be taking a photo of this. I will 171 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:18,239 Speaker 1: be posting it alongside this podcast. You're welcome. Also, it's gorgeous. 172 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: It's more than just a button. People think it's this 173 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: cute little button. Now you licking stroke, It's the bean 174 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: thingy underneath the hood thinging. It's got legs, it's got wings, 175 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,319 Speaker 1: It's got a shaft that you can stroke and becomes erect, 176 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,079 Speaker 1: just like a I don't like to call it a 177 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: little penis because I think it's a lot more vast 178 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 1: than a penis. Has eight nerve endings in just the 179 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: head itself. So a lot of women don't even know 180 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: what this looks like. I've truly never seen that. Like 181 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: that looks like an umbrella, looks like a wish bone 182 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: or a wish bone times too. That's incredible. Did you 183 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 1: design that? Actually? A good friend of mine. She's an 184 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 1: artist in New York. Her name is um Sophia Wallace, 185 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: and she's basically an artist to crib notes the clitterest. 186 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,360 Speaker 1: That is what she kind of promotes to her art 187 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,320 Speaker 1: is teaching women about the clitterest because it's our main 188 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:07,959 Speaker 1: organ of pleasure. And if we're not getting the right 189 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,640 Speaker 1: stimulation to our bodies, to the clitterest, our main organ 190 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: of pleasure, then we're not having orgasms. We're not we're 191 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 1: not conditioning our bodies for good sex. So we probably 192 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: are bored in the bedroom. We probably are feeling disconnected 193 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: or checked out, especially if a partner is just really 194 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 1: excited about intercourse and not giving us for play and 195 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: not doing the things that our body needs to feel good. Now, 196 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 1: my whole sexual experience post baby has been a roller coast. Right, 197 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 1: whether you gave birth vaginally, through C section, whatever you 198 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: carry the baby, your body has been used. It's just different. Yeah, 199 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,839 Speaker 1: I think, um, but I can remember talking with all 200 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: my girlfriends about like, holy sh it, have you been 201 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 1: cleared by Robie? Like you're allowed to have sex with 202 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: your husband? Should you tell him? Should you not? How 203 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: much booze do you need to get through this? What 204 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 1: the funk are we gonna do? And then I just 205 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 1: heard buckets of lube, buckets of wine and just pray, 206 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because a lot of us 207 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:09,559 Speaker 1: that had stitches, and um, we're scared. It was amazing 208 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:11,319 Speaker 1: and it was not bad at all. And thank god, 209 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,239 Speaker 1: if you have the right partner, thank you Adam Shapiro. Um, 210 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: it can be a great thing and not so scary. 211 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 1: But like I was petrified, and even now still like 212 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,960 Speaker 1: I I get flashes in my brain of like breastfeeding 213 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 1: my son during when we're hooking up, and I'm just like, ah, like, 214 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, what what's happening? So many different things 215 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: I've like fed and grown a human and this is insane, 216 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: and like, um, is it bad to have those thoughts? 217 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure a lot of women have them. A lot 218 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,880 Speaker 1: of women have them, I mean, and that is the norm. 219 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: And I think the more we talk about it, the 220 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 1: more we normalize it, because if every woman is having it, 221 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: it's part of the experience instead of a lot of 222 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: women feel very isolated. Am I the only one who 223 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,559 Speaker 1: doesn't feel any desire? I mean, I don't want to 224 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: be touched, I don't want my breast touched. I don't 225 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 1: want anything to do with sex right now. There's a 226 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,200 Speaker 1: there's different components. There's the biological component, I mean, your 227 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 1: hormone changes. Your body has gone through a major trauma. 228 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: We don't really talk about that because women are so resilient, 229 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 1: but it's it's a trauma to the body, and trauma 230 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:14,239 Speaker 1: affects your nervous system, it affects your anatomy, it affects 231 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 1: your mental and emotional health, and we just have to 232 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 1: talk about that. What I find is that a lot 233 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: of new moms don't have a lot of support at 234 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: all at all. I mean, we don't talk about postpartum blues, 235 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,880 Speaker 1: which is cent or more women, which let's just say 236 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: pretty much every woman having a child is going to 237 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 1: go through that unbelievable. And also when your doctor just 238 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,600 Speaker 1: clears you at six weeks, which is also insane, that 239 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 1: you literally go through a birth and the trauma of 240 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: having a baby and you're allowed through insurance. One doctor's visit, 241 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,080 Speaker 1: she like checks your regina and she's like good luck, 242 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,920 Speaker 1: and you're like, wait, what exactly? No consoling or you know, 243 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 1: picking is why we trying gonna be okay, Like I 244 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 1: don't know what's happening and what if I get hurt? 245 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:55,720 Speaker 1: And how do am I to think about this? And yes, exactly, 246 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: And I think it's about taking it slow. So again, 247 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: we don't want to jump back into old routine and 248 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 1: patterns because your body has changed you. I think this 249 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 1: is a great opportunity to explore new ways to be sexual. 250 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:10,839 Speaker 1: Let's focus on outer course. What tell me is outer 251 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: courses thing? It's a thing? I mean, we want to 252 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: focus on pleasuring the body outside again, outside of intercourse, 253 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: what are other ways you can pleasure and may start 254 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,600 Speaker 1: with a sensual touch and connection, you know. I think 255 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,840 Speaker 1: if a partner is so adamant on having intercourse and 256 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: my penis needs to be a part of sex, then 257 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: your partner needs to learn new ways to experience so 258 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: many new there's plenty of opportunity to find new ways 259 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: to be sexual. And I think this is a great 260 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:41,319 Speaker 1: time to do that. Post partum, when you're healing, your recouping, 261 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 1: your coping with the changes, and adjusting to new mom life, 262 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,960 Speaker 1: which just is what it is. You're going to be tired, 263 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,959 Speaker 1: You're going to be touched out at the end of 264 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,840 Speaker 1: the day, and we just want to be able to 265 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: say that's okay. What would you recommend for people to 266 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,959 Speaker 1: start with, just starting with maybe just being in connect 267 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: in old school, straight up East Coast makeout. Maybe maybe 268 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:10,080 Speaker 1: like a nice session stuff before making out. Maybe some 269 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,960 Speaker 1: just like nice touching. Maybe a little dry humping, not 270 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: too much, not too you know, something small that just 271 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 1: as pleasurable. Dry hump. I'm all about the dry hump. 272 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 1: I really think we should bring it back. Oh my god, 273 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 1: I haven't talked about a dry hump since probably high 274 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 1: school or college. My clients are about it a lot, 275 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:33,480 Speaker 1: because again, women need friction, and how many women will 276 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: say I had my first orgasm through a nice dry 277 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: hump in high school? Yes, also, can we bring this back, ladies, 278 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: Let's bring back the dry hump. It's been a minute. 279 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: I'm wow. What about this old wives tale You can't 280 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,960 Speaker 1: have sex during pregnancy because the guy's penis or her 281 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: strap on or whatever the hell you're using or dildo 282 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 1: is too big and it's going to hurt the baby. 283 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: That is absolutely not true unless he has some abnormally 284 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 1: large penis that can Again, I think that is just 285 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 1: a myth. It's this is a good thing to know. 286 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 1: If you're fully aroused during sex, your vaginal canal actually 287 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: elongates from three to four inches to six to eight, 288 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:19,960 Speaker 1: so it elongates in order to allow enough room for penetration. 289 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: So I would say the only issue is if you're 290 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: not aroused and you're just kind of tying intense, then 291 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: there may be a chance that your your body's tense, 292 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: that it could be not only painful lack of lubrication, 293 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 1: but maybe it's uncomfortable more than anything. But I think 294 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 1: there's just a lot of myth around. You know, the 295 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 1: baby is going to get damage. And I think it's 296 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:42,080 Speaker 1: actually really great for women to have sex during pregnancy. 297 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 1: Again for the hormonal fluctuations, it's good for your pelvic 298 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: floor muscles, so there's a lot of benefit. Some women 299 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: I know are like super horny, right, I mean that 300 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 1: was not my experience, but I do have friends that 301 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: it was their experience, which sounds very exciting. The women 302 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 1: who are nine and a half months pregnant who are 303 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 1: having sex, I mean, power to them, Like that is incredible, 304 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,400 Speaker 1: like incredible. I don't even know what positions you would 305 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 1: be in, Like what the hell You've got to be 306 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: really creative? There's actually sex books all about positions during 307 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 1: pregnancy that you recommend. I can give you a list. 308 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,840 Speaker 1: We're going to put them in Katie's crib notes links 309 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: guys to the Clitteriest Necklace. Two books about what sexual 310 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 1: positions are great during pregnancy. I'm going to read that 311 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 1: if I were pregnant again. Okay, UM, tell me about 312 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: how partners can help post baby. I know we talked 313 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 1: about I days and we talked about the dry humping um, 314 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,080 Speaker 1: but I do feel I feel kind of bad for 315 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,880 Speaker 1: the partners. You know, I've never asked him, but I 316 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: bet he Adam was pretty freaked out too. I mean, 317 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 1: he watched me do that, So I've like never asked him, like, 318 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 1: are you freaked out to have sex post baby? Like 319 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: are you? Yeah? Actually, speaking from most partners that I've 320 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:10,359 Speaker 1: talked to in therapy, they are scared. You know, I 321 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: don't want to hurt you. Am I going to injure you? 322 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: How should we get back to a place of being sexual? 323 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 1: And so I think just have some open conversations about it. 324 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 1: It's all about communication. And I know, maybe uncomfortable and vulnerable, 325 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 1: but you're both going through the same thing. You want 326 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 1: to be able to come together as a team and 327 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 1: figure it out. It shouldn't be only on you to 328 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 1: figure out how do we kind of get back into 329 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:37,280 Speaker 1: a routine and and maybe set some realistic expectations. Start 330 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: slow and build up to maybe a full sexual experience, 331 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,479 Speaker 1: but just start with maybe talking about sex. What do 332 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,800 Speaker 1: we want our sex life to look like now? What 333 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,919 Speaker 1: are our needs? What our needs now? Because that's what 334 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,960 Speaker 1: changes most postpartum is your needs change. Do you find 335 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 1: across the board that people with babies just have way 336 00:17:55,640 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: less sex? Yes, what are we supposed to do about it? 337 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,119 Speaker 1: And that's okay? I think sometimes it's okay to take 338 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: a sex break. I think our society puts a lot 339 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,960 Speaker 1: of pressure that we always have to be sexual, and 340 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 1: I think all of that is subjective. You can be 341 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,880 Speaker 1: non sexual and still be a healthy sexual being. So 342 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,000 Speaker 1: it's not always about frequency. It's about the quality of sex. 343 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 1: So you can have one great quality sexual experience and 344 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: maybe that fills both of your needs for a while. 345 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:25,400 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be about keeping a schedule and 346 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 1: we have to do this, or we're the only couple 347 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,879 Speaker 1: not having sex every week, every other day. Whatever. It 348 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,879 Speaker 1: makes dream of a conversation because as you listeners all know, 349 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 1: I'm like a super goal oriented type, a list maker, 350 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: and so when sex sex fucked, oh it's horrible. But 351 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: when I sit here and I talked to you, I'm 352 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:46,400 Speaker 1: also someone who because I'm an actor and artist, I 353 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 1: do understand like being in the flow of something and 354 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,879 Speaker 1: letting go and and and really understanding that that is 355 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:57,679 Speaker 1: a rewarding thing. But we have jobs, we're taking on 356 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,640 Speaker 1: the world, We're doing all this stuff. And then when 357 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,200 Speaker 1: someone as to you, well, you don't have a healthy 358 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 1: sex life unless you check that thing off three times 359 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,600 Speaker 1: a week on some fucking list, you know, that is 360 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,200 Speaker 1: definitely in my head. And so I definitely had a 361 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,160 Speaker 1: conversation with my girlfriends how many times are you doing 362 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,959 Speaker 1: it a week? Like? Why is that the conversation? It sucks? 363 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 1: I guess you should really be like I had an amazing, 364 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: like dry hump last night, I got fingered and you 365 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,160 Speaker 1: wouldn't believe it was amazing list night exactly. I agree, 366 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 1: because you can't really fail at sex. But we have 367 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 1: set up these mindsets of either we're doing really well 368 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: and doing it enough and succeeding, or we're not. So 369 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 1: it's this, you know, black and white way of looking 370 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,960 Speaker 1: at sex, And I think sex is not something we do. 371 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 1: If we think of it like that, then it is 372 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 1: going to be just another thing to check off the 373 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 1: box or you know, something we have to get done. 374 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 1: But I think of it as an experience. Every sexual 375 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 1: experience is different, even if you're doing it the same 376 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,680 Speaker 1: way in the same position. It's kind of like creative work. 377 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: You know. Our libido is really our life force that 378 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with just being sexual. It's what 379 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,720 Speaker 1: we put towards things that we desire and we're passionate about. 380 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,480 Speaker 1: So sometimes we do put a lot of it towards 381 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,719 Speaker 1: our work, or we put it towards our family, But 382 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: it's just about what excites us, what gets that energy going. 383 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,920 Speaker 1: And I think with vacation, like you said, you get excited, 384 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: you think about it, you fantasize about it, you start 385 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 1: thinking about the food you're going to eat, all the 386 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,240 Speaker 1: pleasures of vacation, and that turns you on. And so 387 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,040 Speaker 1: that's what we need to do for sex, is think 388 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 1: about those things and be really mindful of what that 389 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 1: is for us. How do you give tips to moms 390 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:44,800 Speaker 1: about increasing their sex stress, Like do those pills at 391 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:50,160 Speaker 1: seven eleven, do not do those pilen being a waitress 392 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 1: here in l A and this girl was into those pills. 393 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,200 Speaker 1: Like this other waitress was like, oh, like my boyfriend's 394 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,160 Speaker 1: coming into town. Like I'm just stapped by seven eleven. 395 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 1: Getting those pills. You will remain nameless, but they don't 396 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,159 Speaker 1: work right. You know, it'll give you a lot of energy, 397 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: but you may be a little bit over stimulated. So 398 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:11,880 Speaker 1: it's basically an energy, big energy. It's basically like take 399 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,399 Speaker 1: drinking three cups of coffee right before you have sex. 400 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 1: That would be horrible for me. What a terrible mix 401 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: would be enery and tremory. Yeah, it's I don't think 402 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: that would be the most comfortable. But sometimes energy is 403 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,680 Speaker 1: a big issue, So let's talk about that, because if 404 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,879 Speaker 1: you are fatigued and you're just completely zapped out at 405 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 1: the end of the day, then it's going to be 406 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: difficult to kind of get in the mood and get 407 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,520 Speaker 1: ready for sex. So often I tell people to really 408 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,879 Speaker 1: change it up if you're always waiting till the last 409 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: minute at the end of the day. I actually think 410 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,359 Speaker 1: the end of the day is the worst time to 411 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 1: have I am in that capoy. Don't talk to me, 412 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,159 Speaker 1: even as the sex piss, last thing I want to 413 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,120 Speaker 1: do is go home and think about having sex with 414 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 1: my husband. So it's just about trying new ways to 415 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 1: be sexual. Maybe you have a little bit a little 416 00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 1: quickie here and there in the morning, or just changing 417 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,640 Speaker 1: it up. I think we also need novelty in order 418 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,680 Speaker 1: to keep our desire going. We need to try new things. 419 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: So we as humans need that, We need variety. We 420 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,160 Speaker 1: need to have things out of our routine. If we're 421 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,919 Speaker 1: doing the same thing every time, not good. Yeah, we're 422 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,920 Speaker 1: not going to feel motivated. Oh my god. I remember 423 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,399 Speaker 1: the first time someone said to me because I always 424 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 1: had this like there's nothing worse to me than like 425 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,200 Speaker 1: going out on a date for like a long dinner 426 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,400 Speaker 1: and then thinking you're going to have sex afterwards because 427 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: you're like full, like party, like okay. So then someone 428 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, like you just get the babysitter 429 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 1: to come early and you hook up before dinner and 430 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:42,879 Speaker 1: then like you have dinner and you like, no, you 431 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,960 Speaker 1: did that, and you're like that's way better. That's what 432 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,479 Speaker 1: I would recommend. Sex before dinner, sex before the dates, 433 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 1: Sex before the date is great. Um, how do you 434 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 1: recommend like spicing stuff up. Are you like a big 435 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:01,200 Speaker 1: proponent of toys and that sort of situation bringing new 436 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 1: thingies into the bedroom. I mean, who doesn't love thingies 437 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,719 Speaker 1: and toys. I mean, they have so much great technology 438 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,480 Speaker 1: out there, So especially for our female bodies, there are 439 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 1: devices that are designed for our body parts. And even 440 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 1: most sex toys are not gendered, so you can use 441 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,120 Speaker 1: it on your partner, you can use it on any 442 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 1: part of the body. So a vibrator doesn't have to 443 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: be just something that you're using to alyssa. An orgasm 444 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 1: is about finding ways to stimulate and sensually evoke the body. 445 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,240 Speaker 1: So I'm all about toys, and they get really fancy too. 446 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: I mean they have Bluetooth technology. They have these pennyliner 447 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,560 Speaker 1: vibrators that you can put in and your partner can 448 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,080 Speaker 1: use an app to put it on while you're at 449 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,399 Speaker 1: the dinner I mean, or even if he's out of 450 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 1: state or traveling. It's they're pretty fascinating. I mean technology, 451 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 1: We've come a long way from those ugly, felic, jelly 452 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,840 Speaker 1: looking scary dildos from the past. Yeah, they were all 453 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:59,360 Speaker 1: like bunnies. They were all like the rabbit rabbit, Yes, Um, 454 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 1: where do people by ship? You can get stuff online. 455 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 1: There's some great websites to order online. But you know what, 456 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,120 Speaker 1: I also do find things around the house that could 457 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 1: be a sex toy. And I like your toothbrush. There again, 458 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,359 Speaker 1: I have not tried that, guys, that just came to 459 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:15,119 Speaker 1: my mind. So things around the house, maybe you know, 460 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 1: a silk tie, something like a massager or a brush 461 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,879 Speaker 1: or things that can create different stimulation on the body. 462 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,480 Speaker 1: So it can be just any object that feels good. 463 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:28,119 Speaker 1: Some people like the feeling of leather. You can use oils, 464 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,119 Speaker 1: you can use just things that are going to create 465 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,320 Speaker 1: a different experience. So anything can be a sex toy 466 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:37,400 Speaker 1: if you think about it. Um, what do we say 467 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: to couples who don't prioritize sex? I hear a lot 468 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,720 Speaker 1: which is very scary, as like you do not want 469 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: to be in a sexless marriage or sexless partnership. Um 470 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 1: that that is like the fastest way for trouble, you know, um, 471 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: for people to look elsewhere for things to not be 472 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: connected to fall apart. So I know it's so important 473 00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 1: to prioritize it, but like, how do you how do 474 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 1: you do it? You know, the longer you go without it, 475 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: the harder it is to get back, kind of like 476 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:07,960 Speaker 1: any routine exercise, eating well. And I think you've got 477 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 1: to start slow and start somewhere and let go of 478 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:14,560 Speaker 1: the expectations. So maybe you're not having mind blowing you know, 479 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,560 Speaker 1: Hollywood sex. But you know sex is really mess I've 480 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,920 Speaker 1: had so much Hollywood sex. It's not that great. I'll 481 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,120 Speaker 1: tell you right now, it's ridiculous. I think the best 482 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:27,880 Speaker 1: sex is the unpredictable, messy, noisy you know, you don't 483 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,399 Speaker 1: expect it and then it ends up being great. So 484 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: I think we can prioritize it by remembering that it's 485 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,880 Speaker 1: good for your health. There's so many health benefits. It's 486 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 1: I love it. Tell me it can be a sleep aid. 487 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:46,160 Speaker 1: It releases oxytocin in the body, strengthens and tones muscles 488 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,280 Speaker 1: in the body. It helps boost our mood because it's 489 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:54,400 Speaker 1: releasing natural painkillers in the body, and doorphins are transmitters 490 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,720 Speaker 1: that help balance our mood. It's good for your skin, 491 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,080 Speaker 1: so it gives you that nice glow flesh because it's 492 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,680 Speaker 1: increasing blood flow circulation throughout the body. And this means 493 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,720 Speaker 1: sex in any way. Again, like there are benefits to 494 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:10,920 Speaker 1: it whether you whether it's penetration or not exactly, because 495 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,800 Speaker 1: you're getting all the feel good chemicals, so it's you know, 496 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,440 Speaker 1: no matter what's happening. Orgasm is never the goal of sex. 497 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,359 Speaker 1: I call it a side effect of sex. It just 498 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: kind of like a sneeze or reflects. It happens, but 499 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: it should never be the goal because you can have 500 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,200 Speaker 1: I mean, our bodies as women were designed to have multiple, 501 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,880 Speaker 1: multiple orgasms. Males can as well if they train their bodies. 502 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,840 Speaker 1: But you know, orgasm just kind of happens. Sometimes you 503 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,000 Speaker 1: have maybe a little one, and other times maybe it 504 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,040 Speaker 1: kind of rolls and you have this nice one. But 505 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: they come in all shapes and sizes. It's never the goal. 506 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,000 Speaker 1: That was also very scary for me. I've heard also 507 00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:48,120 Speaker 1: other women besides me, of like losing their orgasm, especially 508 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: after vaginal labor. But I just remember my orgasm being 509 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 1: super weak at the beginning because your muscles are so 510 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,840 Speaker 1: blown out or I don't know what the wrecked scientific 511 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,840 Speaker 1: term would be, but let's go with blown out and 512 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:04,959 Speaker 1: near nerves are. You know, the nerves change and I 513 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,360 Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I'm never going to get 514 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: like it was just like wat wat wat wat wa. 515 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 1: It wasn't like a you know, like what I used 516 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:16,760 Speaker 1: to rock so um, But I can say I have 517 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,160 Speaker 1: a two year old and it has built back up, 518 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 1: but like I was scared. And again I know this 519 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: is just a goal that that it is should not 520 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,640 Speaker 1: be the goal to have an orgasm, but I think 521 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 1: when you have after childbirth, I think you're like pretty 522 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 1: freaked down. Your example is important because if you've had 523 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,880 Speaker 1: that trauma, no matter if you had a natural birth 524 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 1: or not, all of the nerve endings. We have this 525 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,399 Speaker 1: huge nerve super highway in our genital area called the 526 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 1: pudendal nerve, and it's all multiple layers of nerves. So 527 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,520 Speaker 1: if you've had any bit of tearing or cutting, then 528 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 1: those nerves are not only going to get damaged, but 529 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,960 Speaker 1: they kind of rewire. So you may say I used 530 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 1: to be touched hair and I could be stroked here 531 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,520 Speaker 1: and have an orgasm, but now maybe it's a little 532 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,760 Speaker 1: bit to the right or lower. And so it's kind 533 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,000 Speaker 1: of important to recondition your body and your orgasm response 534 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 1: post baby, because it's changed. The body is is rehabilitating 535 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,560 Speaker 1: and all of those nerves are reconnecting and maybe they're 536 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,200 Speaker 1: they're still there, but maybe they're just in a little 537 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 1: bit of a different place, So you have to kind 538 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,920 Speaker 1: of find what that is. Has it ever been impossible 539 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 1: for women to just not ever get it back? Not necessarily. 540 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 1: I think it just takes a little bit of patience 541 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 1: and consistency. I call it vibrator priming, where I have 542 00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:29,640 Speaker 1: women use a vibrator and really prime those nerve endings 543 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 1: in the genital area, just as you would conditioning any 544 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,119 Speaker 1: other part of the body. But it gets them to 545 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 1: fire and strengthens the response because I think they're there, 546 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 1: but they're just maybe a little blips of firing and 547 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 1: we just got to get them rehabilitated. Right. So if 548 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 1: you can be patient with your body and get a 549 00:28:46,240 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 1: good vibrator, you are good to go. Thank God. When 550 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: is it that you recommend sex therapy for an individual 551 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 1: or a couple. It could be important for everyone and anyone, 552 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: because I think if we wait until there's a huge crisis, 553 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,320 Speaker 1: then it may be there may be so many layers 554 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,800 Speaker 1: of what we're working through. When you can come in 555 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 1: for questions, I mean I have a lot of couples 556 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 1: come in and maybe they just have a few questions 557 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,040 Speaker 1: what's this, How does this work? What are some things 558 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 1: we can do? Sex therapy is a lot more short 559 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 1: termed and solution focus than maybe traditional psychotherapy, where you're 560 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,920 Speaker 1: coming in and processing and kind of leaving feeling worse 561 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,200 Speaker 1: than when you came in. I would say sex therapy 562 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,200 Speaker 1: is a lot more focused on figuring things out. So 563 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,760 Speaker 1: here's the problem, here's some things to do. Try this. 564 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: There's a lot of homework. What would be homework, Like 565 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: what would be an example of homework? Like, people go 566 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,440 Speaker 1: and you like, tell them to do certain I may 567 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 1: have them do some sexual interest inventories to figure out 568 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 1: things they like. I do a lot of sensate focus, 569 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: which is a series of exercises that focuses on non 570 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 1: demand touch and getting them to get rid of the 571 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: goal around sex. And it's a progressive series of exercises 572 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 1: around massage, sensual massage. So it could be something like that. 573 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 1: Or I'll have them maybe get out of the bedroom 574 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: and do things around the house and kind of get 575 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,440 Speaker 1: that sexual energy going out of the bedroom, get on 576 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,760 Speaker 1: the bedroom, you know. Dancing is another one, you know, 577 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,080 Speaker 1: kind of just getting your body moving, because that's really 578 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 1: how we get our libido flowing. If we're just kind 579 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,080 Speaker 1: of going from stressed day two in the bedroom, now 580 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: I have to be naked and on and you know, 581 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,320 Speaker 1: we've got to kind of move our bodies and get 582 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: ready for sex. So there can be little exercises that 583 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:35,960 Speaker 1: can help couples just get in their body embodiment and like, 584 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 1: like what no, it sounds amazing, can be really beneficial. Um, 585 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 1: how do you empower more women to openly address their 586 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 1: concerns with their partners? Like I feel like couples, especially 587 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,560 Speaker 1: people who have been together a long time, I don't 588 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:57,360 Speaker 1: know why it gets harder to really talk about these things. 589 00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 1: What do they do? You write it down? I think 590 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,880 Speaker 1: with couples communication less is more because often we go 591 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:06,920 Speaker 1: in with maybe some nerves and vulnerability, and we feel 592 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: we just kind of put it all out in the open, 593 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,440 Speaker 1: and it's kind of messy. A partner may say, well, 594 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 1: what's the real issue? What should we be doing? A 595 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 1: lot of male partners may go into solution mode, all right, 596 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,200 Speaker 1: let's fix the problem. So I like the idea of 597 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,240 Speaker 1: having some maybe bullet points of what you want to discuss. 598 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,720 Speaker 1: Let's talk about maybe our expectations, what we're looking for, 599 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,680 Speaker 1: what we want, or let's just have a place to 600 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:30,400 Speaker 1: talk about our frustrations or our needs. So I think 601 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 1: less is more in that Let's just have a really 602 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:37,480 Speaker 1: direct conversation about it with no expectations, and maybe if 603 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,320 Speaker 1: we need to figure out a solution for that, we 604 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: do that. But not having it all in one really long, 605 00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 1: intense communication. I see couples doing that, and that's too much. 606 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,200 Speaker 1: It overwhelms, and then it also makes you want to 607 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:53,280 Speaker 1: avoid having that conversation again. Do you lead couples in 608 00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,640 Speaker 1: this sort of work. I do. I would say the 609 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:59,000 Speaker 1: base and core of all sex therapy is communication, just 610 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,719 Speaker 1: learning the tools, learning how to reflect and listen, really understand. 611 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,360 Speaker 1: We're very reactive. You know, you may hear a partner 612 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 1: say I'm just not feeling sexual, and a partner may here, 613 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 1: you don't find me desirable. So there's so many misfirings 614 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,479 Speaker 1: and misunderstandings when it comes to communication, and we have 615 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 1: to work on that to be able to put it 616 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,080 Speaker 1: all out in the open, because if we can't be 617 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 1: vulnerable and honest, then we're really not making any progress 618 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,520 Speaker 1: and couples stay stuck and maybe they and I'll hear 619 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 1: this all the time, we talk about everything. We're great 620 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,160 Speaker 1: in every area of communication, but when it comes to sex, 621 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,000 Speaker 1: we don't know what to do. And I think it's 622 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 1: because we don't have the language, we don't know how 623 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,600 Speaker 1: to talk about it. We put a lot of pressure 624 00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,880 Speaker 1: on it having to be perfect, figuring it all out. 625 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 1: And I would say, every single one of us is 626 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,240 Speaker 1: going to have a sexual issue. It's just so common. 627 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 1: So nobody's perfect when it comes to sex. Um, let's 628 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 1: talk about porn. Yes, Um, I'm really interested in this, 629 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,080 Speaker 1: this whole thing of like women have this feeling, this 630 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,440 Speaker 1: need to perform or be sexual in a way that 631 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: people now see a lot which might not be what 632 00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 1: you look like when you're sexually enjoying yourself. Do you 633 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,280 Speaker 1: know what I mean? Um? But I'm sure Also, porn 634 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,600 Speaker 1: could be a wonderful tool for some couples to get 635 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 1: turned on. It's a form of entertainment. I think porn 636 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 1: isn't the issue. It's how it's used. And there's also 637 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,840 Speaker 1: a lot of it. And what I like about it 638 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,840 Speaker 1: as a tool for sex therapy is it can maybe 639 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:25,240 Speaker 1: expose you to different interests or and again, knowing that 640 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 1: it's entertainment, it's not real sex. It's like watching anything 641 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 1: in the media. It's it's there to evoke a response. 642 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:35,080 Speaker 1: So we can use it to maybe help with arousal 643 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 1: if you're finding that you can't get in the mood, 644 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,440 Speaker 1: or it can help evoke fantasy. Fantasy is a huge 645 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:44,120 Speaker 1: component of sexual health that people just don't engage in. 646 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,960 Speaker 1: And it feels good, like role play, No, just kind 647 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 1: of thinking about you know, thinking about what My husband 648 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,040 Speaker 1: and we're both actors, were like, um, now, like that 649 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,480 Speaker 1: feels like a job, like we are not. But I'm 650 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:57,800 Speaker 1: sure it's really works for other people. But like the 651 00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:01,680 Speaker 1: idea of like putting on a fucking cause with an accent, 652 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 1: I'm just like, what I do this in my Like 653 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 1: I get paid to do that, Like that's like does 654 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,480 Speaker 1: not for me, but I'm sure it completely works for 655 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,480 Speaker 1: other women. Can have can think themselves off. So we 656 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,880 Speaker 1: have this ability to use fantasy to evoke an orgasm. 657 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 1: So I think it's a powerful part of our sexual response. 658 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,400 Speaker 1: That is very true. We don't even have to be touched, 659 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 1: So I think permission for fantasy and fantasy could be anything. 660 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,560 Speaker 1: You know, my fantasy is my husband cleaning the kitchen 661 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 1: and coming home and every you know, we call that 662 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,799 Speaker 1: chore play. I mean, there's so many ways that a 663 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,839 Speaker 1: fantasy can help. It doesn't have to be about a 664 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,719 Speaker 1: sexual act or a position, but more about what are 665 00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:42,560 Speaker 1: the things that turn you on, the excite you that 666 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:47,520 Speaker 1: you can use as material to help your sexual response 667 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,920 Speaker 1: turn on. Um, So I guess I'm pro porn. I 668 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,319 Speaker 1: would say pro porn, but there's some really bad porn 669 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:58,399 Speaker 1: out there too, so like anything entertainment. UM, what key 670 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,799 Speaker 1: advice could you give to struggle moms out there? To 671 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,680 Speaker 1: remember to love yourself and be patient with yourself no 672 00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:09,400 Speaker 1: matter what, and that you're not You're not alone, and 673 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 1: you are an amazing resilient human being. You know, women 674 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 1: don't get enough credit for what they go through in 675 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,560 Speaker 1: in life, you know, handling things, going through pregnancy, going 676 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 1: through childbirth. I mean, it's a really beautiful, creative part 677 00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 1: of our existence. So I think my tip for for 678 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,479 Speaker 1: new moms is to just to love yourself no matter 679 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:30,480 Speaker 1: what stage you're at. You know, love your body where 680 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: it's at and all the changes. I know it's easier 681 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,680 Speaker 1: said than done, but it's really a practice. I think 682 00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,040 Speaker 1: that's what my body work is too, is it's a 683 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,800 Speaker 1: practice when you look in the mirror and you constantly 684 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 1: are criticizing your body because it used to be this, 685 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 1: or our sex life used to be that, and we 686 00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:47,399 Speaker 1: got to let go of what it used to be 687 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,719 Speaker 1: because it's never going back there, and we don't really 688 00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:51,160 Speaker 1: want it to go back there. I mean, you have 689 00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,799 Speaker 1: the opportunity now to be where you're at and explore 690 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:58,719 Speaker 1: and expand. It's really an amazing like you know, taking me, 691 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,920 Speaker 1: I'm an actor in Holly it out of it. It's 692 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:04,359 Speaker 1: an incredible thing to see, like what my body has 693 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,279 Speaker 1: done over four years, you know what I mean. Where 694 00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:10,160 Speaker 1: I was before, where my pregnancy was, where I was after, 695 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 1: where my boobs were at. Used to do fittings with 696 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: Lynn Paulo, who was very amazing costume designer on Scandal, 697 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:19,640 Speaker 1: but she I would have four different sized bras in 698 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:23,160 Speaker 1: my trailer because if I fed him, I was a bee. 699 00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:25,759 Speaker 1: If it had been three hours since I breast fed him, 700 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: I was a double D. Like my boobs were astronomically insane, 701 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,360 Speaker 1: like superhero ship. Like it was just like crazy, you 702 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,520 Speaker 1: know what I mean. But like it's amazing because if 703 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,160 Speaker 1: you think about that in your sex life. Look, I 704 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,399 Speaker 1: breastfed for a year, and so sometimes you have sex 705 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,480 Speaker 1: and I had huge booths, so I would have nothing 706 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 1: like it's just very it's a very weird and also 707 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,160 Speaker 1: amazing thing that you do. And I think, yes, you 708 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,120 Speaker 1: have to love yourself instead of being I was very 709 00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 1: hard myself. I think all moms are looking at looking 710 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,399 Speaker 1: at bodies postpartum. I love the social media is now 711 00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:01,840 Speaker 1: put a little light to that, you know, showing women's 712 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: real bodies instead of these messages of you know, snapping 713 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,080 Speaker 1: back to a perfect body. But it's it's just about 714 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,000 Speaker 1: it's just it is. It's those are negative things that 715 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,240 Speaker 1: if that's an influence in your life in any way, 716 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:16,240 Speaker 1: to cut that out and then to find real bodies 717 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,640 Speaker 1: to look at, and I think even postpartum or not. 718 00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,160 Speaker 1: I think this is important for body image in general, 719 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:25,200 Speaker 1: for women's sexuality, is to see different bodies and normalize 720 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,239 Speaker 1: that all bodies are beautiful. And I think that's such 721 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 1: a big part of our sexuality, as our body image. 722 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,600 Speaker 1: So we have to feel good about that no matter 723 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,800 Speaker 1: what stage and age we're at. And I think there's 724 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:41,640 Speaker 1: just so much about I always think about sex as like, um, 725 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,319 Speaker 1: you know, I'm taking care of my marriage. I'm taking 726 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,200 Speaker 1: care of myself and I'm taking care of my husband. 727 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,560 Speaker 1: But I've just been so reminded from this pot and 728 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,600 Speaker 1: my and my relationship and like my partner who I 729 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:53,840 Speaker 1: raised my son with, and I would like everyone to 730 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,680 Speaker 1: be happy. That's so such a mom thing too, Like 731 00:37:57,719 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 1: I'm taking care of everyone and I'm fixing everyone, and 732 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:03,399 Speaker 1: I take sure everybody feels good, but I think what 733 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:06,560 Speaker 1: I forget and I'm sure I'm hoping their other moms 734 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,239 Speaker 1: out there that feel the same, But I think it's 735 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,400 Speaker 1: like I have to be like no, like sex is 736 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,560 Speaker 1: really good for me, and like for taking a break, 737 00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,720 Speaker 1: even if it's fifteen minutes, even if orgasm is not reached, 738 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:21,759 Speaker 1: even if penetration doesn't happen, like is really good not 739 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:23,920 Speaker 1: only for everything we've talked about, but it's good for 740 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:27,040 Speaker 1: my skin, good for my I'm going to sleep like 741 00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:35,640 Speaker 1: a baby. You know, oxycot not oxycotton what um, which 742 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:39,200 Speaker 1: you also get from breastfeeding, and males also produce more 743 00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 1: oxytocin postpartum. So yeah, the biology is just fascinating, is amazing, 744 00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:48,759 Speaker 1: and also how wonderful sex therapy is that it exists 745 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:53,480 Speaker 1: and is out there for people to just spend some 746 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,120 Speaker 1: time on their sex line. I mean, I was a 747 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,240 Speaker 1: group Catholic, so I know the whole shame don't touch, 748 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,839 Speaker 1: don't masturbay, So a lot of my motivation going into 749 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,799 Speaker 1: this work was to heal the shame. You know, if 750 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,840 Speaker 1: we can't feel excited about sex, then how are we 751 00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:08,879 Speaker 1: going to make it a priority in our life? And 752 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,840 Speaker 1: we need to explore and find the creative ways to 753 00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:13,920 Speaker 1: be sexual. Because we do that in other areas of 754 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,680 Speaker 1: our life, why not have a creative sex life as well. 755 00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:21,040 Speaker 1: Amazing cheers to that. UM, I just want to say 756 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,400 Speaker 1: thank you so much Doctor jovi Is for coming on 757 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,960 Speaker 1: Katie's crib and for gifting us with your time. I 758 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,200 Speaker 1: have been very, very very excited about this topic and 759 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:34,200 Speaker 1: for singing let's talk about sex baby for a long time. UM. 760 00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:36,759 Speaker 1: In the cribs notes, there will be a link to 761 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,920 Speaker 1: doctor job as a site, and we'll also link like 762 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:44,759 Speaker 1: books you recommend, um toys, you recommend. Anything. Will be 763 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,480 Speaker 1: so helpful for all of us moms out there, and 764 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,760 Speaker 1: I offer complimentary consultations over the phone, So fifteen minutes 765 00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,960 Speaker 1: if you have questions. Oh my god, guys, I'm gonna 766 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:57,800 Speaker 1: book mine right now, So I gotta go because Adam 767 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,279 Speaker 1: and I will be having a fifteen minute console at 768 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,720 Speaker 1: the very least because this was wonderful and so eye opening, 769 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:05,440 Speaker 1: and I really thank you so much for coming. I'm 770 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:14,120 Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. Thanks for having me, Thank you all for 771 00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:17,440 Speaker 1: tuning into Katie's Crib and for your beautiful messages and reviews. 772 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,480 Speaker 1: I absolutely love connecting with you and hearing your stories 773 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 1: and questions. So email me at Katie's Crib at Shonda 774 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,239 Speaker 1: land dot com. We may just feature you on an episode, 775 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:33,000 Speaker 1: so hit me up. Thanks guys. Katie's Crib is a 776 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,080 Speaker 1: production of Shonda land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. 777 00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,680 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from Shonda land Audio, visit the I 778 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,440 Speaker 1: Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 779 00:40:41,440 --> 00:41:00,480 Speaker 1: your favorite shows. You never know. I'm thank me do'st 780 00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:01,640 Speaker 1: Ning of the Door.