1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,760 Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here 4 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:12,879 Speaker 1: back for another episode. Today's episode, though you may have 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:18,000 Speaker 1: already noticed, is a rerun, So over the next two weeks, 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 1: I am putting out some of my best episodes from 7 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,959 Speaker 1: the last four years of almost NonStop podcasting as I 8 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: just take some time away to launch my debut book, 9 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 1: Person in Progress, A Roadmap to the Psychology of Your Twenties. 10 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,160 Speaker 1: Do not fret. I will be back on the twenty 11 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: ninth of April, but I just wanted to give my 12 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 1: book a little bit of extra love these next two 13 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,599 Speaker 1: weeks because it's a big deal and I'm not going 14 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 1: to talk about it too much. I'm sure you're just 15 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 1: here to listen to the podcast and probably sick of 16 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 1: me talking about it, but I just want to say 17 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: thank you. I want to say a huge thank you 18 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: for allowing me to write this book and put it 19 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: out in the world. This is only possible because of 20 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: you all. Because of you, guys, the listeners. Literally, that's it. 21 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 1: That's the only reason I'm able to do this. And 22 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: I've wanted to be an author since I was five. 23 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: Twenty years later, you guys made that happen for me, 24 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,959 Speaker 1: So just thank you, Thank you so much. I would 25 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: obviously love it if you could pre order it, buy it, 26 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 1: gift it to a friend, but you've already done so much, 27 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: and I just feel honored to have had this opportunity. 28 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 1: Most of all, I'm just really pumped for you guys 29 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,959 Speaker 1: to read it. I hope that you learn something. I'm 30 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,039 Speaker 1: sure if you love the podcast, you will love Person 31 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: in Progress as well. But it's a really exciting time 32 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: and the main feeling I have right now is one 33 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,760 Speaker 1: of gratitude. So thank you so much. Without further ado, 34 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:45,399 Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy this rerun of one of my 35 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 1: favorite all time episodes. 36 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 37 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 2: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 38 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 2: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 39 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 2: mean for our psychology. 40 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 41 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 42 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here 43 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: as always, Back for another episode as we dive into 44 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: the psychology of our twenties. So I want to talk 45 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 1: about something today that I have been struggling with recently. 46 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,919 Speaker 1: You know, I'm just going to jump straight into the point. 47 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but I have been really 48 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 1: experiencing this strange sense of just dissatisfaction towards my life recently, 49 00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: A lingering, kind of buzzing sense of exhaustion, an aimlessness, 50 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: a kind of like a boredom when it comes to 51 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,799 Speaker 1: my interests, my future, my relationships, my health, my life, 52 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 1: and general. It's been really bothering me as someone who 53 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 1: is very proactive when it comes to just like actually 54 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:10,639 Speaker 1: enjoying my life. I like feeling excited about things. I 55 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,359 Speaker 1: like feeling optimistic about the future, and that just hasn't 56 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 1: seemed to be the case recently, and I've been really 57 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 1: looking into what it might be. The biggest thing for 58 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: me has been low energy, not being able to kind 59 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: of show up in my friendships as I would like. 60 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 1: I cannot tell you the number of plans I've canceled 61 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 1: in the last three months, and I've kind of just 62 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: reached the conclusion that I've lost my spark a little bit. 63 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: I've lost the buzz, the love the thrill for life, 64 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: and I don't think that I am the only one. 65 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: You know, our twenties come with a lot of expectations 66 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 1: that are hard to ignore. There is so much hype 67 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: around these being like the best years of your life, 68 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: filled with adventure and sleepless nights and random friendships and 69 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: relationships and these warm, brilliant memories you'll get to look 70 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: back on for years to come. And I think maybe 71 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 1: this is what we would define as our spark, like 72 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: an enthusiasm to go out and grab life and to 73 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: be interested and interesting. Our spark is the thing that 74 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:22,480 Speaker 1: kind of keeps us passionate about showing up in the world, 75 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: and it keeps us passionate about who we are and 76 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: the experiences that we're having. It's what makes us inspired 77 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: and kind and engaged and motivated and present. But we 78 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: can't be that all the time. You can't really be 79 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: living in the golden bubble every minute of every day. 80 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 1: There will come a time, as I guess I'm experiencing 81 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: right now as we speak, where the energy and the 82 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: excitement for life kind of dips. You become very detached 83 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 1: from that person that you love, that person that you 84 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: are at your core. And everything around you seems to 85 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,919 Speaker 1: lose a bit of color. You lose that kind of 86 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: energy that you bring into conversations, that energy that you 87 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: bring into your daily life. And for me, I've been 88 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: really reflecting on this, and I've been thinking about the 89 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,599 Speaker 1: person I was three or four years ago who just 90 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 1: seems so in love with life and really wondering where 91 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: she's gone, whether I can get her back, but also 92 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 1: whether I want her back or whether it's just a 93 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 1: a general disconnection. So we're going to talk about that today. 94 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: I want to talk about why we lose our spark, 95 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,840 Speaker 1: why it is such a common experience, the reasons behind that. 96 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,720 Speaker 1: It may be burnout, it may have been a breakup, 97 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 1: but then also six tips for regaining that motivation and 98 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:49,479 Speaker 1: that love for life. Losing your spark could be for 99 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,599 Speaker 1: a number of reasons, but there are four main explanations 100 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 1: that I think stand out to me, especially in our twenties. 101 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 1: The first, the biggest one, really is burnout, pushing ourselves 102 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: too hard for too long and ignoring the warning signs 103 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:09,839 Speaker 1: that we need rest and we need time to actually 104 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:14,599 Speaker 1: process our lives, our emotions and all the activity that 105 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: is going on. We're seeing a lot of research that 106 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: burnout is becoming a lot more common during this day 107 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: and age, especially amongst people under the age of thirty. Now. 108 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: I think the reason for this is twofold Number one. 109 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 1: We're obviously quite new to the workplace, but also new 110 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,040 Speaker 1: to life. We don't really know or aren't able to 111 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: express our limits, our points of exhaustion. But secondly, I 112 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: think it's because of this expectation to be doing everything, 113 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 1: to be constantly and always aiming for more. You have 114 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 1: to be focused at school or in your job, whilst 115 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 1: also having a lot of fulfilling friendships and then hobbies 116 00:06:56,240 --> 00:07:00,280 Speaker 1: and a loving relationship and perfect physical and mental health, 117 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,080 Speaker 1: whilst also been able to you know, juggle your family 118 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: and a side hustle and your own needs. If that 119 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 1: feels impossible to you, you are not the only one. 120 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: Each of us has an individual threshold for how much stress, activity, 121 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 1: mental exhaustion that we can tolerate, and I think as 122 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: we slowly reach that threshold, we start sacrificing elements of 123 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: our wellbeing to keep up with what is expected of 124 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: us and what we expect from ourselves, and that includes 125 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: very tangible things like sleep, self care, exercise, down time, 126 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 1: those are normally the first things to go when we're 127 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 1: burnt out, and also more intangible things like mental rest, 128 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 1: thinking time, a space for imagination and creativity. You need 129 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: all of these things to keep your spark a light. 130 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 1: It's hard to prioritize the things that make you excited 131 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 1: for life, the small joys, or even the energy for 132 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: the big things, if you are struggling with prolonged you know, 133 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: prolonged exhaustion, prolonged fatigue, burnout from a lack of life balance, 134 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 1: or kind of academic or personal overload. We are seeing 135 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: so much of this recently, and it also is demonstrating 136 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 1: a lot of links to an increased vulnerability to illness, 137 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: increased feelings of pessimism, inadequacy, none of which I think 138 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: seem to go hand in hand with feeling like yourself 139 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 1: or feeling like your spark is a light and alive. 140 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,199 Speaker 1: So the second factor that I think contributes to losing 141 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: our spark is a lingering or pre existent mental health 142 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 1: disorder or challenge that maybe getting out of control or 143 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 1: becoming a little bit unmanageable, whether that is anxiety, depression, ADHD, 144 00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 1: some other condition when acts our cognitions, our mood, our emotions. 145 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 1: This condition is going to impact our so called spark 146 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 1: and most importantly, our way of relating to the world. 147 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: So many factors impact this, and sometimes there really isn't 148 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 1: an explanation for why your mental health is suddenly not 149 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: as good. But I don't think anyone really talks about 150 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: how physically tiring it is to have to put one 151 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: hundred percent of your energy into just convincing yourself to 152 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 1: do even the smallest of tasks. I think maintaining your 153 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: spark and all the activities that promote this part of 154 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: you is a luxury when you're just trying to get 155 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 1: by day by day. The third contributing factor, I think 156 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: is not spending enough time with your own thoughts or 157 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 1: operating from a place of external validation. I think when 158 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: we live for others, how are we really meant to 159 00:09:55,240 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 1: pull from that internal source of meaning and passion and mission. 160 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: How are we meant to feel like ourselves when we 161 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,559 Speaker 1: are engaging in extreme people pleasing, when we do feel 162 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 1: unnecessarily guilty for other people's emotions or feelings, when we 163 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: say yes when we really want to say no, when 164 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 1: we have no social boundaries, when we take on others 165 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: opinions or try and impress people at the expense of 166 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: our own mental health. If our spark is cultivated from 167 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:30,679 Speaker 1: our own internal mental energy source from being connected and 168 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:35,240 Speaker 1: attached and knowledgeable about who we are. When all of 169 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 1: that time is devoted to thinking about others, that part 170 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 1: of us becomes neglected. And the final factor, this one 171 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 1: is a little bit different from what we've just spoken about, 172 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,199 Speaker 1: but it is the end of a relationship. I really 173 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,440 Speaker 1: do see that as a catalyst for losing a little 174 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:57,439 Speaker 1: bit of your passion and your passion and your love 175 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 1: for who you are, and your love for life, and 176 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: the energy that you bring into literally just your daily activities. 177 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: So when we lose a relationship, whether that is with 178 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a really close friend, 179 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 1: that creates a massive shift in us. It is a 180 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:23,240 Speaker 1: complete severance from part of ourselves that was connected to 181 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: this other person. It would often, I would say, also 182 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 1: trigger a really significant dip in self esteem, feeling very 183 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 1: lost because we attach so much of our identity to 184 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: those we love. You know, they hold us up, they 185 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,199 Speaker 1: make us feel seen, they bear witness to our lives. 186 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,079 Speaker 1: But they can also I think cause us a lot 187 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:49,440 Speaker 1: of heartache and a lot of disruption when relationships like 188 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: this end, often because there comes a moment of complacency. 189 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 1: So I think when we are in a long term relationship, 190 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 1: or we are in this long term friendship, sometimes we 191 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,720 Speaker 1: become very It becomes very easy to just fall into 192 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: only seeing them, to only hanging out with them, to 193 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 1: sitting watching TV with them, to not exploring other parts 194 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 1: of you. So when that relationship suddenly ends, you kind 195 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 1: of experience an emotional vacuum where you have incidentally, accidentally 196 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 1: involuntarily given up parts of you for this relationship, for 197 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,679 Speaker 1: the ease of this relationship, and when you come out 198 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: of it, you don't really know who you are. You 199 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: don't really know what the future holds, you don't really 200 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: know what it means to be you without them. And 201 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: I think that is a huge catalyst, as I said, 202 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 1: for feeling a sense of dislocation and disconnection from what 203 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 1: makes you you and from your spark. It also just 204 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,359 Speaker 1: reveals so much about what we have perhaps been neglecting 205 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: in our lives, the parts of ourselves that have become 206 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 1: secondary behind the relationship. Maybe one of these explanations, one 207 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 1: of these situations is calling to you you can really 208 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: see yourself in these examples. Maybe you just feel like 209 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: there's just something missing. None of these really apply. There's 210 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 1: just a genuine lack lack of sense of effort to 211 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 1: be put into your life. It doesn't really matter because 212 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,720 Speaker 1: I think that what is most important here is that 213 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: right now you are having this experience that makes you 214 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:32,040 Speaker 1: feel like your life is less than optimal and that 215 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: there is something that you're missing out on and missing 216 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,200 Speaker 1: out of getting from your life. So I'm going to 217 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: talk about six research based tips to get your spark back, 218 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,880 Speaker 1: starting with the most simple but the most important. After 219 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:57,160 Speaker 1: this shortbreak, you need to replenish your body and your 220 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 1: mind before you can start building back your interest in life. 221 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,640 Speaker 1: That is why the biggest thing for getting your spark 222 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 1: back is prioritizing rest. It sounds so simple, but we 223 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,560 Speaker 1: really don't acknowledge how much of a difference a good 224 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: night's sleep or a week off can be for resetting 225 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: our body, especially when this becomes a practice of scheduling 226 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 1: time to do nothing, of scheduling time to just relax 227 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 1: in your body, in your mind, and be present. When 228 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: you've pushed yourself to this cliff edge of complete exhaustion, 229 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,720 Speaker 1: you reach a point of internal disharmony whereby your body 230 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: will literally start to shut down due to ongoing chronic stress. 231 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 1: That doesn't sound optimal, and it certainly doesn't help with 232 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 1: getting your spark back. Sometimes we think that we need 233 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: to be doing more to be more, but it's actually 234 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,320 Speaker 1: quite the opposite. The people who know themselves the best 235 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: and get the most out of life, of those who 236 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: realize the value in giving their brain and their body, 237 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: even their soul time to replenish. If you've lost your spark, 238 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: you need to start by reintroducing rest back into your life, 239 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 1: and this includes by doing things like taking your sick 240 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 1: days when you need them without feeling like you need 241 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: to justify it, being okay with saying no to plans 242 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 1: to just chill at home, giving yourself a day every 243 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 1: now and again to just do nothing. It's those slow 244 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,360 Speaker 1: moments that our brain finally gets to switch off, and 245 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 1: you'll really be surprised about how much comes up for you, 246 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 1: how many ideas, plans for the future, helpful thoughts arise 247 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: because you finally have space to hold them in space 248 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: to process them. I really do understand that it's actually 249 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 1: quite hard to do that and accept that we need 250 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: to slow down. We feel a lot of guilt towards 251 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: rest because of the societal association with laziness. If you 252 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: are not pushing yourself one hundred percent of the time, 253 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 1: if you if you don't want to do it all, 254 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 1: it's because you just lack discipline. It's because you're just lazy, 255 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:11,800 Speaker 1: rather than actually listening to your body and recognizing that 256 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 1: this is actually more efficient. I think these attitudes are 257 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: especially pervasive if you're an overachiever, or if you put 258 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 1: a lot of worth into your external achievements. Resetting your 259 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: attitude towards rest kind of means unlearning everything that brings 260 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 1: you a sense of personal fulfillment or satisfaction, like your achievements, 261 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: like being somebody who can push themselves, being somebody who 262 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 1: enjoys the urgency of exhaustion. That is just not sustainable, though, 263 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: and it cause you to neglect the parts of you 264 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: that you need for that your future self really needs, 265 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: you know, it needs you to stay strong and to 266 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,800 Speaker 1: stay healthy. Your soul, your sense of self needs you 267 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: to actually stop and pause and focus on who you 268 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 1: are and what you're getting out of life. I think 269 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: rest also just really increases our capacity for self awareness, 270 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 1: It improves our empathy, it improves our ability to imagine 271 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: the future. So I think that it gives us a 272 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: real creative and perspective vision for who we are and 273 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 1: what we want, and in turn really gives us our 274 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: life back. So my second tip for getting your spark 275 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 1: back is to shift from a passive agent to an 276 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 1: active agent in your life. So often the reason we 277 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 1: lose our spark is because we settle into living as 278 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 1: though we are on autopilot. I want you to pause 279 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: and think whether that's you. Things happen to us, life 280 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 1: happens to us. We just kind of accept that that's 281 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,439 Speaker 1: the way it is. We aren't doing much steering when 282 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 1: it comes to our decisions to what might make us happier, 283 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 1: to avoiding or changing circumstances that are depleting us. And 284 00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: it is a lot easier to live life way. It's 285 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 1: really tiring to have to wake up each moment and 286 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,200 Speaker 1: live with the fact that you are creating your reality, 287 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,400 Speaker 1: that you are creating your future. You are in control, 288 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: you have agency, because that kind of awareness of your 289 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: responsibility is naturally more effort right. It takes a lot 290 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 1: more from you. But I honestly believe that that expenditure 291 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: of effort pays off in its thousands and becomes easier, 292 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: becomes less taxing when we adjust to a way of 293 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 1: living that actually gives us what we want in the 294 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,920 Speaker 1: long term, rather than like the instant gratifications more pleasures 295 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,919 Speaker 1: in the short term. It's so much more exhausting living 296 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: every day at sixty percent and dragging the other forty 297 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,560 Speaker 1: percent behind you than at one hundred percent and seeing 298 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 1: yourself really have purpose and passionately come back into your life, 299 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,919 Speaker 1: getting your spark back. Now, this isn't to say that 300 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,399 Speaker 1: you should be working hard at doing more one hundred 301 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: percent effort one hundred percent energy all the time, right 302 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: because I think that is a contribution to pure exhaustion, 303 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 1: which we know is a contributor to burnout. Rather, it's 304 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:14,119 Speaker 1: about choosing to live light versus live heavy. When we 305 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 1: live heavy, we kind of borrow effort and time from 306 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,040 Speaker 1: our future selves. I'm going to explain this a little 307 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: bit more. When you don't make active choices about what's 308 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,639 Speaker 1: going to make your life better, whether that is choosing 309 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 1: to fuel your body in a way that feels good, 310 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,640 Speaker 1: choosing to rest when you need. Choosing to turn off 311 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,440 Speaker 1: your screen before bed, even though you want to scroll 312 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: for a few more minutes, choosing to keep good company. 313 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 1: You transfer all of those decisions into your future as consequences. 314 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: In the short term, you got to live light because 315 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:50,120 Speaker 1: you made the easiest decision to stay in bed rather 316 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 1: than work out or see friends, to spend that extra 317 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,000 Speaker 1: thirty minutes on your phone in bed rather than reading 318 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,639 Speaker 1: a book, to sacrifice your sleep, to put things off 319 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,359 Speaker 1: when they would seriously you only take about five minutes. 320 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,119 Speaker 1: You're stealing joy from your future self and contributing to 321 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 1: exhaustion by taking what seems like the easier route, but 322 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,880 Speaker 1: in the long term is the harder route. I think 323 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:15,360 Speaker 1: good practices, fulfilling life habits are tiring, but they do 324 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 1: actually give you a sense of control over your life 325 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 1: and give you a sense that you actually get to 326 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,199 Speaker 1: do the things you want to do and create a 327 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: life you want to live, and actually create meaning within 328 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:30,640 Speaker 1: that life, meaning that when you show up every single day, 329 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,240 Speaker 1: when you wake up, you have the energy in the 330 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 1: space to be yourself, to show love to yourself, to 331 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 1: get your spark back by actively engaging in decisions that 332 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,880 Speaker 1: are all devoted to bettering you and to making your 333 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,720 Speaker 1: life easier. I think at the end of the day, 334 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 1: what this shift from passive to active entails is noticing 335 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: the things that deplete your energy versus create energy for you. 336 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 1: Things that unsettle you versus comfort you. Things that make 337 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 1: you fatigued, make you tired, make you sad, versus things 338 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: that make you energized and excited and joyful. That's the 339 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: first step. I think the second step is really consciously 340 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: choosing the alternative to those energy takers in your life. 341 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,440 Speaker 1: You typically, I think, see a difficulty curve oc here. 342 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:22,200 Speaker 1: For example, if your big thing for making your life 343 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 1: easier or living life is choosing to do a creative 344 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: project before bed rather than just mindlessly watch TV. It's 345 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,679 Speaker 1: always going to be hard at the beginning, because I 346 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 1: think that we become very adjusted and very comfortable in 347 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:44,320 Speaker 1: what is familiar and what is easy, and any shift 348 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,920 Speaker 1: or change to that kind of life structure, life routine, 349 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,920 Speaker 1: it's going to just rupt that norm. But over time, 350 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,640 Speaker 1: as you adjust, you'll see that it becomes a lot 351 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 1: more kind of habitual and automatic to do the thing 352 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 1: that is best for you and to do the thing 353 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 1: that helps you get your spark back. That the thing 354 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 1: that really involves showing yourself a lot of radical self 355 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 1: compassion by not giving into your immediate ons, but focusing 356 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:16,200 Speaker 1: on your long term wellbeing. My next tip is perhaps 357 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,479 Speaker 1: my favorite, and this involves getting back to that place 358 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: of passion, interest, and joy in life by creating excitement 359 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: in the mundane. The biggest thing that gets me back 360 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,160 Speaker 1: in touch with my true self time and time again 361 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,280 Speaker 1: is looking for joy rather than looking for things to 362 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,959 Speaker 1: complain about. Actively searching for things that make me happy 363 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:40,920 Speaker 1: and elated or surprised or grateful to be human, rather 364 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 1: than always buying into my negativity bias. And I do 365 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,440 Speaker 1: this by connecting with my inner child and getting back 366 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 1: to a place of childhood wonder and curiosity. Your inner 367 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,400 Speaker 1: child is the most alive version of you. There is 368 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: the least uninhibited, the most excited. And I think it's 369 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 1: one of the saddest things about getting older is finding 370 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,879 Speaker 1: that everything becomes a lot more gray, that there is 371 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 1: a certain glimmer that we lose that feels like we 372 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 1: can't get back. But I think that we can. We 373 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: can reach We can achieve that sense of wonder that 374 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: we had when we were younger by looking for things 375 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,520 Speaker 1: to be amazed about rather than things to be disappointed over. 376 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,240 Speaker 1: You know, the leaves changing color, the cat you see 377 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,120 Speaker 1: every day on your walk to work, eating a really 378 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 1: tasty pastry or a tasty piece of fruit, smiling at 379 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: a stranger having them smile back, like your favorite artist 380 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,159 Speaker 1: playing over the radio at the supermarket, a cool bug 381 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,760 Speaker 1: on a tree singing along to like the opening track 382 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:51,159 Speaker 1: of your favorite TV show. Joy really is everywhere, and 383 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 1: it's a strange feeling because it's one of the few 384 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,119 Speaker 1: emotions that when you search for it, you'll notice that 385 00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,359 Speaker 1: it wants you to find it. 386 00:23:59,440 --> 00:23:59,640 Speaker 2: Right. 387 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,400 Speaker 1: If you look for happiness, you can't always find it, 388 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,160 Speaker 1: But if you look for joy, you most certainly will. 389 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,560 Speaker 1: As you kind of train yourself to look for awe 390 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 1: and to discover joy, you also begin to notice that 391 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:16,920 Speaker 1: your thoughts and cognitions begin to transform and become more positive, 392 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:21,200 Speaker 1: and you slowly get that glow and appreciation for life back. 393 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 1: Another part of getting in touch with your inner child 394 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 1: is allowing yourself to be playful. Play is honestly so 395 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: much fun. That's like the whole point, right, to just 396 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,639 Speaker 1: be free of everything else that's hanging over you and 397 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:36,720 Speaker 1: to get into your body, to get into your joy, 398 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:40,040 Speaker 1: to get into the moment. And studies have really shown 399 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,680 Speaker 1: that play in adulthood lets us act in a way 400 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:48,160 Speaker 1: that is unstructured and creative, and it reduces stress levels. 401 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 1: It increases creativity, of course, along with the number of 402 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,920 Speaker 1: neural connections we have in our brain because we engage 403 00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,879 Speaker 1: in different kinds of activities that you different parts of 404 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,280 Speaker 1: our brain that normally don't talk to each other. Anything 405 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:09,080 Speaker 1: you do recreationally that brings you joy or excitement counts 406 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,359 Speaker 1: as play. You know, it could be a video game, 407 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:15,479 Speaker 1: it could be playing sport, especially if it's social sport. 408 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,240 Speaker 1: Could be writing little poems in your spare time, painting, 409 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:24,320 Speaker 1: I don't know, trampolining literally, going on the public swing 410 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,080 Speaker 1: at like your local park, going for a swim at 411 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 1: the beach. That is play, and it once again is 412 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,439 Speaker 1: an avenue for joy to enter your life and to 413 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 1: keep you feeling like wonderful and curious and engaged in 414 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: your environment and your surroundings rather than kind of stuck 415 00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,360 Speaker 1: behind like a glass wall of negativity, feeling like you're 416 00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,359 Speaker 1: watching your life go by and you're not able to 417 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 1: reach out and touch it. I think reconnecting with that 418 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,359 Speaker 1: childlike version of you is a wonderful diversion from all 419 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 1: the stresses and responsibilities that do keep us just connected, 420 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: because it lets us slip back into a perspective that 421 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,680 Speaker 1: is so uninhibited, that is so care free, that is 422 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:11,560 Speaker 1: so just like energized for life. I really really implore 423 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,159 Speaker 1: you to try it, even if you feel embarrassed or 424 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 1: you feel cringe. It's not about what other people think. 425 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,160 Speaker 1: It's about what's going to leave you feeling your best. 426 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,640 Speaker 1: I think the main thing here is that getting your 427 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,400 Speaker 1: spark back after it's bin dulled isn't all internal. It's 428 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:32,399 Speaker 1: also about the external environment you create for yourself. I 429 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,840 Speaker 1: think partially what losing your love and energy for life 430 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: comes down to is a lack of inspiration. Is feeling 431 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,919 Speaker 1: stuck in the norm and not having new thoughts, not 432 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:47,639 Speaker 1: having new beliefs, not experiencing new sensations, new interests. I 433 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 1: think you just become very much numb and shut down. 434 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:57,440 Speaker 1: When life starts to feel plain and colorless. That is 435 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,679 Speaker 1: an invitation for you to add some color back in 436 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 1: by keeping yourself inspired. And I love doing this by 437 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:10,479 Speaker 1: consuming content media, books, articles, music, anything that gets your 438 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:17,120 Speaker 1: brain working and thinking and firing differently. Start your morning off, 439 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 1: you know, with a ted talk instead of social media, 440 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 1: with five minutes of meditation, instead of doom scrolling with 441 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,440 Speaker 1: energetic music. Have like a wild dance in your bathroom 442 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 1: in the morning. Make that part of your routine. Listen 443 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,719 Speaker 1: to podcasts like this one, or subscribe to like a 444 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 1: new site like The New York Times or The Atlantic 445 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,600 Speaker 1: that is five dollars a month for priceless access to 446 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,879 Speaker 1: a world that feels a lot more expensive than your 447 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 1: day to day life, to hearing about what everyone's doing 448 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,359 Speaker 1: across the globe. I also want to recommend a book 449 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,919 Speaker 1: here that I think is invaluable when you're feeling like 450 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: you're in a bit of a sparkless rut. The book 451 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:59,320 Speaker 1: is called The Alchemist. I'm sure a lot of you 452 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 1: have heard about this before. It is so widely read 453 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:06,439 Speaker 1: and known for good reason, because even if you're not 454 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 1: like a big reader, this novel offers such a simple, digestible, 455 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 1: inspiring kind of folk story about getting more out of 456 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,720 Speaker 1: your life, about getting more out of your dreams, out 457 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:26,480 Speaker 1: of yourself, and refocusing on your purpose on your drive. 458 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,400 Speaker 1: I think that's something that we lose as life gets harder, 459 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 1: as we get older, we get stuck in our routines, 460 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,240 Speaker 1: and of course we lose house Park. So I read 461 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,320 Speaker 1: this book in like one or two sittings a few 462 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: years back, and I just started rereading it, and it's 463 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,280 Speaker 1: incredibly ie opening. Even if you've read it before, honestly 464 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 1: read it again because the message, I think, becomes different 465 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,720 Speaker 1: the older you get. You interpret it differently, And I 466 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 1: think it's really valuable to seek inspiration from other people's 467 00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:00,239 Speaker 1: ideas and their articulation of their mission and their kind 468 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: of how they see the world, whether that is the 469 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,480 Speaker 1: same or different to your own. At least it challenges 470 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: you to think about your life differently. In fact, I 471 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,600 Speaker 1: think obviously you know, reading a book is not a 472 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:16,840 Speaker 1: huge task. Expanding the media you consume is mine, and 473 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:20,760 Speaker 1: listening to ted Talks is pretty easy. Seeing joy in 474 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,400 Speaker 1: your life is not that hard. You really only need 475 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 1: to pick out like three things a day. And I 476 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 1: really think that all of these things, the reason why 477 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:33,240 Speaker 1: they're so powerful is because, time and time again, they 478 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 1: make you actually engage with what's around you. They make 479 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:43,080 Speaker 1: you engage with your thoughts, with your life, rather than 480 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:48,040 Speaker 1: sitting in the passenger seat. If you've lost your spark, 481 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 1: I would really encourage you to reflect on whether the 482 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 1: life you're currently living actually provides you with an opportunity 483 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 1: to be in touch with life, to be alive. Routine 484 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 1: is really great for creating structure and bringing order and 485 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:06,360 Speaker 1: productivity into our lives, but that is not what life is. 486 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,320 Speaker 1: Life is what happens around that. Life is what is 487 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,160 Speaker 1: spontaneous and thrilling and what gives you new stories and 488 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,520 Speaker 1: new feelings and new energy. So I would also say 489 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,440 Speaker 1: break out of the monotony by really challenging yourself to 490 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: do one new thing this week, one new thing every week, 491 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: even if that's alone, a new gym class, a new 492 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,720 Speaker 1: part of the city to explore, a new dish that 493 00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 1: you're going to cook for yourself. New things are good 494 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:38,280 Speaker 1: for our emotional health because it actually really opens up 495 00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:43,040 Speaker 1: our mind, I think, to the possibility of more like 496 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,960 Speaker 1: They've done research on this, and the happiest people are 497 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:51,920 Speaker 1: those who really expose themselves to new things, who challenge 498 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 1: the norm, who challenge their brains to think about things differently. 499 00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:02,560 Speaker 1: Because novelty also introduces excitement. There is a really great 500 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:06,760 Speaker 1: article by Psychology today that puts it like this, when 501 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 1: we try something new, this actually opens up the possibility 502 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:15,240 Speaker 1: for you to enjoy something new. There have been entire careers, 503 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 1: entire life paths carved out by people dipping their baby 504 00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,960 Speaker 1: toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for 505 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:27,959 Speaker 1: something they had no idea would capture their imaginations. It 506 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 1: forces you to grow, It forces you to choose to 507 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 1: live by kind of living heavy, and I think that 508 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,840 Speaker 1: you just bear witness to the parts of your identity 509 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: that are allowed to kind of flourish in those moments 510 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:49,160 Speaker 1: where life isn't like easy, life isn't familiar. The moment 511 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,000 Speaker 1: that you're in you might not be comfortable, but it's 512 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 1: there that your spark really returns because you have to 513 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 1: rely on yourself and you have to really pull from 514 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:04,640 Speaker 1: this pool of just innate joy and energy and capability. 515 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,000 Speaker 1: I think is a better way to put it. All right, 516 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 1: I have two final tips for you, and we're going 517 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,640 Speaker 1: to keep them short and sweet. The first is to 518 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:16,000 Speaker 1: be practicing some form of movement every day. Now, this 519 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 1: is not movement to lose weight, it's not movement to 520 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,840 Speaker 1: get fitter, it's not for a beauty standard. But it's 521 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,720 Speaker 1: because of what it will do for your brain. Now, 522 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,920 Speaker 1: I really despise when people say that exercises some like 523 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:32,240 Speaker 1: magical cure for mental health problems. That's literally bullshit. But 524 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 1: we are seeing research that shows how protective physical activity 525 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 1: is for these kinds of ruts or periods of depletion 526 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 1: we might find ourselves in. There's actually a really special 527 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,560 Speaker 1: research project that was conducted in Australia by the University 528 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,160 Speaker 1: of Sydney, literally down the road from where I am 529 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: right now, and it published findings that unstructured dance, so 530 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 1: not dance for the purpose of exercise, even for getting 531 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:02,280 Speaker 1: your heart rate up, just dancing around your living room, 532 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 1: dancing around wherever you are, it's actually one of the 533 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,960 Speaker 1: best things you can do for your brain and mental 534 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:13,840 Speaker 1: well being. Besides that, exercise boosts mental energy, it boosts motivation. 535 00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:17,320 Speaker 1: Those are two things that are really crucial for getting 536 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:22,760 Speaker 1: our spark back. I think it's especially impactful and special 537 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:27,520 Speaker 1: if you find time to move in nature. There is 538 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: a whole field of research called ecopsychology that talks about 539 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,960 Speaker 1: how spending time outdoors promotes how we feel about ourselves 540 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,200 Speaker 1: and our lives and the attitudes we bring into our 541 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 1: day to day. You probably already know this without me 542 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: needing to tell you. You know, Just think about how 543 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,560 Speaker 1: good you feel after you take a swim in the ocean. 544 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,600 Speaker 1: Have you ever felt bad after a swim in the ocean, 545 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,760 Speaker 1: after a hike, after you walked by the creek near 546 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 1: your house. That's where humans are meant to be. So 547 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:02,120 Speaker 1: it's no wonder that we're using our vibrancy and our 548 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:05,600 Speaker 1: spark and our love for life when we are living 549 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,160 Speaker 1: in a world that is focused on keeping us inside. 550 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:12,600 Speaker 1: I think nature provides a lot of healing in that sense, 551 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:18,120 Speaker 1: for reconnecting ourselves with what it truly means to be human, 552 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 1: what it truly means to be alive in our bodies, 553 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:25,080 Speaker 1: how capable our bodies are, how much feeling our bodies 554 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 1: can hold, that spark that is spark right there, embracing 555 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:33,120 Speaker 1: what makes us wild, embracing the beauty of the outdoors, 556 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,319 Speaker 1: the beauty of what comes from that, and kind of 557 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:39,080 Speaker 1: watching how your I don't know, it just instantly fills 558 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,120 Speaker 1: up your cup and it keeps it full for days, 559 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:46,799 Speaker 1: even weeks. After A final tip, I think, try to 560 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:50,080 Speaker 1: spend less time thinking about what others have that you don't, 561 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,760 Speaker 1: and think about everything that is wonderful about your life 562 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,719 Speaker 1: and what you have. What are your own secret gardens? 563 00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:58,960 Speaker 1: I speak about this a lot, but this is a 564 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,320 Speaker 1: concept it came up with while back, that essentially says, 565 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 1: each of us has this like secret part of who 566 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,640 Speaker 1: we are locked in the back of our mind that 567 00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,759 Speaker 1: I call our secret garden. And our secret garden is 568 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:15,840 Speaker 1: filled with the things that are special, unique, vulnerable, entirely ours. 569 00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:20,279 Speaker 1: It could be you know, the little hobby that you 570 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:24,719 Speaker 1: haven't told anybody about, the little passion project that is 571 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:29,239 Speaker 1: just yours, Your deep dives on Wikipedia, the poetry you 572 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,080 Speaker 1: write in your notes app the fact that you still 573 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,960 Speaker 1: love music from the early two thousands, the fact that 574 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,920 Speaker 1: actually you're a really good singer, you just don't sing 575 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,160 Speaker 1: in front of other people. That you can make us 576 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,040 Speaker 1: like a really good lasagna or a really good birthday cake. 577 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,680 Speaker 1: Those are parts of your secret garden. They are what 578 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,400 Speaker 1: makes us special, what makes us happy. And we need 579 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:54,600 Speaker 1: to spend time in that garden. We need to water it, 580 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,400 Speaker 1: we need to share its kind of bounty with others. 581 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 1: And you'll notice how much more alive and connected you 582 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,800 Speaker 1: feel when you spend less time looking over the fence 583 00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:10,640 Speaker 1: at someone else's life, and more time really like appreciating 584 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,640 Speaker 1: what you have and also just seeking to elevate that 585 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,319 Speaker 1: seeking to be grateful, but also seeking to build it 586 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,759 Speaker 1: even further. Not for somebody else, not so that they 587 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:25,920 Speaker 1: think you're accomplished or cool or whatever it is, but 588 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,560 Speaker 1: because you actually want amazing things to come your way. 589 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 1: You want a life that you feel happy with. You 590 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,600 Speaker 1: want your spark back, like that's the entire point of 591 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:37,719 Speaker 1: this episode. You want to feel like there is a 592 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:41,880 Speaker 1: fire that you have in your stomach for life. So 593 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 1: I want to finish off by saying, I'm really glad 594 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,480 Speaker 1: that you are here. If you're feeling this way, I 595 00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,359 Speaker 1: feel you. I know this rut feels like it will 596 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,520 Speaker 1: last a lifetime, Like you'll never be that kind of 597 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:57,560 Speaker 1: fun person you were three four, five years ago, and 598 00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,560 Speaker 1: you know what, you probably won't be that person again, 599 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:03,240 Speaker 1: but you are discovering and building somebody better. You will 600 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,520 Speaker 1: feel excited by life again. You will fall back in 601 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:10,160 Speaker 1: love with yourself again. I just think that it requires 602 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,200 Speaker 1: a bit of a holistic change. It's really normal, I 603 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,560 Speaker 1: think for us to find ourselves at this point of 604 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:20,360 Speaker 1: just like shallowness and hollowness and emptiness. That's kind of 605 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,520 Speaker 1: part of the journey, right, It's about rebuilding the things 606 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:28,480 Speaker 1: that we have perhaps been neglecting. It's about being kind 607 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 1: of exhilarated by the mundane. It's about creating habits for 608 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:35,640 Speaker 1: your life that it's going to mean that you still 609 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,520 Speaker 1: feel vibrant and alive even if you're behind a desk 610 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,120 Speaker 1: working nine to five for the rest of your life, 611 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:45,520 Speaker 1: even if you're stressed, even if you're overwhelmed. There is 612 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:49,600 Speaker 1: so much more to life than commitment, so much more 613 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,799 Speaker 1: to life than responsibility, than what other people think, than 614 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,760 Speaker 1: what you even think. There's a lot of beauty hiding 615 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,719 Speaker 1: in I think the every day and hiding in our 616 00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,840 Speaker 1: commitment and the love that we've show ourselves that really 617 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:04,719 Speaker 1: sets us a light, that really sparks a fire in 618 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:08,759 Speaker 1: our belly to want to live successfully and beautifully and 619 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:12,960 Speaker 1: filled with joy. So I just really hope that you 620 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,800 Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode. I really hope that you've got something 621 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,520 Speaker 1: out of it. I really hope that you are on 622 00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,880 Speaker 1: your path to getting your spark back, whether you've lost 623 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,680 Speaker 1: it because of a breakup, because we've been burnt out, 624 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 1: because of whatever it is, you'll find your way back, 625 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,760 Speaker 1: and I hope this will help you do that. If 626 00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,839 Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave us 627 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:40,040 Speaker 1: a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you 628 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:43,319 Speaker 1: are listening right now. I actually really enjoyed this. I'm 629 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,960 Speaker 1: going to be applying some of these strategies obviously I 630 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,920 Speaker 1: already do, but really trying to bring more of this 631 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,400 Speaker 1: into my life. I feel like I've lost my own way. 632 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,319 Speaker 1: A little bit happens to the best of us. Make 633 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,480 Speaker 1: sure that you are following us on Instagram, at that 634 00:38:56,560 --> 00:39:00,439 Speaker 1: Psychology podcast or at Gemispeg if you want to see 635 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:04,160 Speaker 1: more behind the scenes content, see what's coming out. We 636 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,880 Speaker 1: actually have something really special coming out in the next month, 637 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,680 Speaker 1: so if you've made it this far, I guess you're 638 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:13,359 Speaker 1: the first to know. I'm not going to tell you 639 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:18,800 Speaker 1: exactly what it is, but keep your ice peeled because yeah, 640 00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:20,920 Speaker 1: I'm really excited about it, and I hope you are too. 641 00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,720 Speaker 1: We will, of course be back for another episode next week. 642 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:28,280 Speaker 1: Until then, be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself, 643 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,680 Speaker 1: and stay safe.