WEBVTT - Brian Wheat 0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:13.040 Welcome, Welcome, Welcome back to the Bob Left's podcast. Like 0:00:13.240 --> 0:00:18.400 yesterday is the bass player for Tesla, Brian read Brian, 0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:21.439 you wrote a new book and the title is Son 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:24.400 of a Milkman. Why did you use that title because 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:28.920 I am the illegitimate son of the milkman. Okay, well, 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:33.879 you know today people having babies without being married, etcetera 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:38.000 is Derek Gurr. But back when you were born, it 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:40.720 was a little bit pooh pooed. Was it something you 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:44.680 grew up with that had any negative connotation or any 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:48.200 negative impact upon your life? Well, just in the fact 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:51.360 that I come from a large family. There's uh, five 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:55.040 brothers and one sister now is the youngest. And you 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:56.920 know the old joke used to be, well you are 0:00:56.960 --> 0:01:02.000 the milkman's kid. Well it's I am the milkman's kid. 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:06.800 So that's that's kind of why when I sat down 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:09.600 and started to decide to write a book, I thought, well, 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:12.240 that would be a good title because people think it's 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:14.480 a joke, But for me, it wasn't a joke. I 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:17.440 was the milkman's kid. You know. He came by and 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:20.640 dropped off of cream and my brothers were out there 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:23.080 ripping off his ice cream truck or whatever he had, 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.600 you know, the dairy truck, and he got mom pregnant 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:31.240 and cut out. So it was that's how life began. 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:34.560 So why write a book, Brian, Well, you know, it's funny. 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:38.800 In this book, I talked a lot about me and 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:42.160 the things that I have to go through in life 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:46.880 with autoimmune disease and depression and anxiety and all that stuff. 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:50.760 So getting back to why writing the book. When I 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:54.440 first started to develop anxiety attacks and I went to 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:58.480 see this therapist in New York, Dr Hirst Cough, he 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.120 said to me, you know, one day you should consider 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:03.960 writing a book. It would be a good way to 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:06.600 help you let go of some of the things that 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:10.000 you hang onto that maybe are causing you anxiety. And 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:12.880 at the time we were only on Great Radio Controversy, 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:17.400 so I went, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, sure, you know, 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:21.480 and I never really thought about it again. And then 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:25.560 I think it was when I turned fifty I said, well, 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:29.280 all right that that came to mind again. You know, 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:32.120 this thing about a book. I've seen other people's books 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:35.359 in the bookstores, Duff mckagans and a few other people's. 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:40.080 I thought, well enough, time has passed in my life 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:44.760 to actually write something about and the band having a 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:48.240 career the thirty years or whatever it was at the time, 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:54.040 because they started the book eight years ago, so I said, well, 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:56.280 then maybe it's time to do a book. There's enough 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:59.519 history and people might want to read a story about 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:03.280 the base player that started the band Tesla. But at 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:06.679 the time in in No One, when I gave a ship, 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:09.920 you know, they just wouldn't have that, you know, the 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:14.239 Tesla was still you know, becoming Tesla and and stuff, 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:16.840 and so I just thought, you know, it's kind of 0:03:16.880 --> 0:03:20.520 like a turning fifty thing and then turning fifty, turn 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:25.280 fifty five. And we finished it last year. Okay, did 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:28.120 you write it alone? How did What was your actual process? 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:30.959 So I started. I started it eight years ago with 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:34.160 this guy, Pete mckowski, who used to write for Sounds 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:37.760 magazine in in England, because I was spending a lot 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:41.600 of time in England. And we started a draft and 0:03:41.640 --> 0:03:44.920 basically he was interviewing me and interviewing other people and stuff, 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:47.720 and it was gonna be more of a Tesla book. 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:51.520 But when I started looking at the drafts of what 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:53.640 we were doing, it made me sound like it was English, 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:56.160 like I was an English guy the way he was 0:03:56.200 --> 0:03:59.800 writing it, and so we kind of just lost We 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.240 put it on the back burner and lost connection whatever. 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:07.240 And then a couple of years after that, this guy 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:12.880 Kenny Nicholson who worked for Tesla as stage manager, production manager, 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:15.880 you know, monitor guy, all the stuff that han't known 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:20.840 as since we started playing in the clubs when we're kids. Um, 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.120 he kind of writes a little bit. He's got some 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:25.799 degree in journalism, and the said, I said, hey, would 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:28.640 you do this and let me write? Let me let's 0:04:28.640 --> 0:04:31.560 write this book. You interview me in a series of 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:33.880 interviews and go kind of like from the beginning to 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:38.680 where we were at the time, and and let's see 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:40.800 if if there's something there, and then I'll pitch it 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:43.719 and see if someone wants to put out this book. 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:47.479 So we did that, and the feedback we got then 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:50.960 was it read more like an interview, And a lot 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:53.440 of the stuff that's in the book now wasn't in 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:57.200 the book, Like the things with the the health issues 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:01.520 and stuff. It was more geared towards Tesla instead of 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:06.200 you know, more Brian Wheat. So when I presented that 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:10.320 to people, my manager Mike kobe Ashi. Actually he said, 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:15.159 you know, do something a little bit different here, Brian 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:18.560 than just you know, this is what we did in Tesla, 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:20.839 this is how we made the albums. Blah blah blah. 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:23.080 Talk about your life and the things that I know 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:25.919 that you go through, you know, with your clidas and 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:28.520 your crones and your depression and all these other things, 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:33.120 and you know, overcoming alcoholism, all that stuff, believe me. 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:37.039 And for a minute I went, oh, I don't know, 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:40.400 and then I went, well, if you're gonna do it, 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:42.840 you might as well just put it all out there. 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:44.920 And if you're gonna let him be judged, let him 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:49.960 judge you once and for alln maybe just maybe you know, 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:53.880 there's some kidding Tara Hut, Indiana with colidas or something 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:58.280 that's a Tesla fan or suffers from depression or anxiety. 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:00.680 He reads the book and he goes, as well, you know, 0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:04.960 I'm not the only guy, meaning him that has this condition. 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:07.919 Brian has it in Tesla, and I can relate. So 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:11.200 if then I thought, well, maybe I've been actually helped somebody. 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:15.640 And that's when I went full four center. Okay, let's 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:17.680 separate some of the health issues. Let's talk about the 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:20.920 physical health issues to begin. When did your colitis and 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:24.880 crone's manifest When did you first notice you had them? Fourteen? 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:28.680 And what happened then? I just got one day, I 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:32.039 finished eating dinner and I got really bad stomach pains. 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.800 And then we spent about three weeks going back and 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:39.360 forth to the emergency room. This is in the mid seventies, 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:43.159 and they kept saying you got the flu, you know, 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:48.440 because it was just really bad cramps and the bleeding 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:52.840 stuff didn't start until later. Until finally, three weeks later, 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:57.120 they the doctor figured out, well, you've got colitis, and 0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:02.919 basically he put me on a bland diet for four 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:06.480 months five months and it went into remission and it 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:10.120 stayed in remission until I was forty years old. And 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:16.080 what happened at forty tesla was back together. Well, you know, 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:19.720 I have a friend of unfortunately had colitis and ultimately died. 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:22.160 There's a lot, you know, there's a lot that's unknown 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:27.240 to what degree is politis amplified by stress. There's a 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:30.640 lot stresses that you know, they don't know what causes it, 0:07:30.720 --> 0:07:33.080 and they don't have a cure for it, but they 0:07:33.080 --> 0:07:36.320 can you know, kick its ass. Into remission. But stress 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:39.880 is a big trigger, and you know, that was the 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:43.720 thing I talked about when Tessa got back together in nineteen. 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:46.400 After we broke up in ninety five and two thousand, 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:49.520 there was still a lot of stress in the group 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:51.880 and we had to find our way, and I talked 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:55.560 about that in the book as well. Um, so that's 0:07:55.600 --> 0:07:58.600 when it really started to come back, you know. But 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:01.880 how being said that and you just asking me that, 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.960 I think it started two years before when I was 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:08.640 out in a van with my other band, Soul Mode, 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:13.160 because when Tesla quit, I started another band and got 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.400 another record deal and went out there and like in 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:19.160 a van and played clubs and stuff that I never 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:21.760 did in the beginning of Tesla. With Tesla, we got 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.280 hooked up with Cliff and Peter and we immediately were 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.640 on David Lee Roth and then def Leppard and that 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:29.160 was it. So I always called it like my back 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:33.680 taxes tour. But I think that started to to the stress. 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:36.839 And then when Tessa got that together, it was stressful 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:39.679 again because it took us a while to get our 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:43.080 our bearings on why we broke up in the first 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:47.480 place and how to not do those same things. So 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:51.240 stress is very very much a trigger and collidus, And 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:55.079 so what's the status and you're colleidis today, it's it's good. 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:59.120 I'm I'm in a good shape these days. I'm you know, 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:02.360 the last four five years, I've been really good. Okay, 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.240 And what about the crones? Tell us about the crones. Well, 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:09.440 my symptom is clide's basically crone's is from your mouth 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:12.400 to the other end, and collidus is just the intestine. 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:16.080 So how my manifest is is in the intestines and 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:20.200 you get ulcers and bleeding and cramping and all kinds 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:23.440 and gnarly stuff. Yeah, I wasn't sure what was going on. 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:28.599 Thanks for clarifying that. When did you first notice that 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:33.920 you were haunted by either anxiety or depression? That started 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:38.800 at funny enough, when I was fourteen too, and it 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:42.560 was Halloween and I was out riding around my tins 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:47.280 being Halloween, and I ran into a friend of a 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:50.600 friend of my brother buddies and he said, hey, do 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:53.680 you want to smoke some weed? Any I'm a young 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:57.120 kid wanted to be cool. Go well, yeah, sure, yeah, 0:09:57.200 --> 0:10:01.560 what is it? Because it's Panama red man? I said, great, 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:06.000 So I smoked this weed. And the next thing I know, 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:09.040 I'm riding my bike and I'm like, I don't know 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:14.280 where the last ten minutes went. I can't remember anything right, 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:20.000 and I'm just like Wow. So at that point, when 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:22.079 I was a kid, I thought, well, I'm just allergic 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:25.480 to marijuana, so I'd never really smoked pot. I would just, 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:27.560 you know, when you went to those high school parties 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:32.120 and stuff, just drink beer, Jack Daniels whatever, stayed away 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:38.080 from the pot. And it wasn't until right after I 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:42.800 got married to Sandy Sarea and we were recording Psychotic 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:47.520 Supper that all of a sudden, these anxiety attacks started coming. 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:51.120 And we were sitting in pre production with Steve Thompson 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:55.040 and Michael Barbierro, and next thing I knew, it felt 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:58.199 like I was up on the ceiling looking down at 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:04.040 the band. I had disconnected, and I started freaking out, 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:09.000 and and Steve took me outside and I threw up, 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.120 and I said, I think something's really wrong. I don't 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:15.760 know what's going on. And that just kept happening for 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:19.640 a couple of weeks while we were in this pre production. Now, 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:22.160 mind you, Psychotic Supper was a little bit of a 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:25.040 stressful record to make, so there's all this stress going on. 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:29.199 So this stress triggers the anxiety and the colidus. It's 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:32.600 kind of like a double edged sword. So he said, look, 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:36.080 when we get to New York to record, my brother 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:39.520 is a doctor. I want you to see him. So 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:42.480 I went to the hospital there and on Long Island 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:46.080 or wherever it was, and they ran a you know, 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:50.400 every test nuner Son, and he came in and he said, uh, well, 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:52.880 I know what's wrong with you. And I'm like, well, okay, 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:55.600 and I'm thinking I got a brain tumor or something. Right, 0:11:56.320 --> 0:12:01.839 he said, you're you're suffering from anxiety attacks. And I said, what, Well, 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:03.959 how do you deal with that? And he said, well, 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:07.720 and you either see a psychiatrist or I give you 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:12.240 a bunch of pills, you know, to to medicate this. 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:15.400 And at the time I kind of liked I was 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:19.800 drinking and taking whatever it was downers or whatever at 0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:22.720 the time. Uh so I don't want to do that. 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:26.320 I don't want to become a drug addict. Funny how 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:30.720 my rationale was. So he said, well, you should see 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:35.079 a psychiatrist and and and it can help. And I said, 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:37.040 I don't really believe in it. You know, I don't 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.520 know today I'm a strong advocate of it. And it 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:44.440 was Peter Minch, my manager, that said, I know a 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.800 really good guy. When I told Peter what was going on, 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:51.120 he was always really helpful, uh with me. You know, 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:54.200 me and Pete had a really good relationship. And uh 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.240 he said, I know a doctor that's a psychiatrist. Go 0:12:57.320 --> 0:13:00.839 to him and see if he can help you. And uh, 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:03.959 after I went there for about five weeks, six weeks, 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:11.080 this anxiety and these attacks started to get a lot less. Okay, 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.439 you know, as someone who suffered from panic attacks and 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:19.960 anxiety myself. Uh, they say that exposure therapy works. Was 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:22.440 he focusing on the general things in your life or 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:25.000 did he tell you how to deal with anxiety? He 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:29.720 was doing cognitive behavior therapy and what's the other one, 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:33.000 you know, the Freudian thing where you go through your 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:37.000 life and all that. So he did actual exposures. I 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:39.480 mean like, uh, some of my things would be I'm 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:41.680 gonna be in an enclosed space, i won't be able 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:44.560 to move whatever, and they'll tell you, well, try to 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:47.040 be in that space, try to overcome the feelings. Did 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:48.719 he do anything like that where he would put you 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:52.440 in situations and show that you wouldn't freak out. No, no, 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:55.760 he was more like, tell me about your life, right, 0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:58.800 and why do you why do you have to drink 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:03.200 six scotches? Why you drink too? You know? He so 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:07.720 he started like that kind of thing, but he never 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.200 said why did you have to drink six scotches and 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:14.839 couldn't just drink? I was young, you know, I was stupid. 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.520 I was young. I mean the question because were you 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:21.360 self medicating to do I think so? I think so? 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:23.520 And that's what he said. He's like, why do you 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:25.560 got to do this? And he also said I had 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:29.680 this thing called a sundown effect. When the sun went down, 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:32.600 that's when the anxiety came out. And he said it 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:34.800 was because you know, I talked about it in the book, 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:36.800 as well as my mom having a couple of nervous 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:40.440 breakdowns when I was a kid, and he said it 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:42.680 it reminded you that you had to go home and 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:46.240 be this adult and take care of your mother. You know, 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:50.320 It's what he said, you know, look right, right, So 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:54.760 there's all this stuff, but long story short, he got 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:58.200 me to where I was able to really control them 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:03.200 and and and not freak out. But it took about 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.720 three years and I continued therapy with him for another 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:10.840 five A couple of questions, Do you still have anxiety today? 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:17.520 Very rarely, but I take medication today. Did you take 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:21.640 medication when you saw that psychiatrist? No, there was no medication. 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:25.400 Only when did you start taking medication? What is the medication? 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:31.160 It's Paxel And I started taking Paxel and two thousand 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:35.080 and four and I've been on it ever since. And 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.240 the thing of it is is I tried to get 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:40.800 off of it last year, you know, after so two 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:44.880 thousand four to two thousand one nineteen, so twenty doesn't count. 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:48.040 It's such a blur because the year before that, we're 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:52.520 on tour feff Leppard in in Canada, and I decided 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:54.640 to wean off the Paxel because I wanted to get 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:58.280 off medication, you know, as much as I could. And 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:02.360 it threw me the worst depression I've ever had in 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:07.320 my life. I never experienced it before. And then you know, 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:10.480 I jumped back on it, but it took another five 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:12.760 months to get it back in your system. When it 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:16.480 takes five months to get it out of your system, well, 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:18.080 did you ever get to the the point where you stopped 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:23.920 completely stopped the paxel. Right, yes, okay, so you were 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:27.120 off completely. I was weaned and I thought I was great, 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:30.600 and I got I got to a point where we 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:34.040 got on tour in Canada. I don't know what it was. 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:37.480 I woke up one morning and had this weird feeling 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:41.800 didn't want to get out of my bunk. And you know, 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.520 it wasn't anxiety because it didn't feel like anxiety. It 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:48.400 wasn't them an anxiety attack. This was like a big 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:52.720 black cloud. I I think it was depression. Certainly sounds 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:54.960 like it. But you're saying it takes five months to 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:57.640 ramp back up with the paxel. How did you cope 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:03.000 biting my nails? You know, you just you just you 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:06.280 just cope. That's what I've always had to do. I've 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:09.359 had to cope with it. Well, there's certain certain people 0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:14.000 like Chris Cornell and you know, others who couldn't cope. No, 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:16.480 I know. And and that's that's funny you mentioned that 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.400 because the only time I met Chris met him one 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.080 time I drove him around l A with my friend 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:25.720 Ross Halfon to do a photo shoot, and you know, 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:28.159 he knew I was in Tesla. Obviously, I knew he 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:30.800 was in Southing Garden because we were peers, but we 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:32.920 never met or anything. And he started telling me, man, 0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:38.240 I suffer with really bad anxiety attacks. I went, what, man, dude, 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:42.119 I've had anxiety attacks as I was fourteen. I said, 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:44.960 you know, I said, I did a lot of therapy 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:47.560 and now I take packs. Law I'm doing, you know, 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:50.159 pretty good. And this was two thousand and seventeen or 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:54.080 whenever it was. But it wasn't too long after that 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:57.719 that he committed suicide. Who did do you remember if 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:02.119 he said he was taking any antidepressants. I think he 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:05.639 said he was taking xanix, right, which is really just 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:10.160 an anti anxiety medication. People don't understand. That's different. Yeah, 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:13.359 I think he was, said I think he was. I 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:17.040 think he said something about Zanex. Okay, so in the 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:19.639 book you mentioned you had therapy with this guy for 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:23.320 five years as someone from Sacramentos on the road and 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:25.520 the guys in New York. How did you do the 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:31.680 therapy on the phone and did that work? Well, it 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.439 didn't work as good as when I saw him, but 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.920 it did. It was better than nothing. It would be 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:39.960 great if we have what we have now, these zoom 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:45.720 meetings right stuff. But you know this is and even 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:48.280 worse was when I would be on tour in Europe, 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:52.320 so I'd be calling him, paying him as hourly rate 0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:58.560 and the transatlantic call. I mean, you know it's expensive. Oh, 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:01.000 that is for sure. That's one thing you also mentioned 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:03.200 in the book that you got to the point where 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.840 he was too expensive for your budget. Yeah, at a 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:10.479 certain point with Tesla, and I kind of ended my 0:19:10.480 --> 0:19:15.040 my my therapy with him when Tesla broke up because 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:17.800 then obviously the money stopped coming in. There were no 0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:22.840 more royalties, so you got your the Paxels. Who prescribed 0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:26.200 the Paxel. That was another doctor I went to later, 0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:30.040 a therapist, psychiatrist, Yeah, I went to it. I went 0:19:30.080 --> 0:19:33.880 to another psychiatrist in Sacramento and Tesla got back together, 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:38.439 and he's the one that said, I think you should 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:42.560 take abuse bar and I tried that that didn't do nothing, 0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:46.920 and then he said, well try Paxel, and Paxel worked. 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:49.520 And I saw him for you know, maybe a year, 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:52.760 and then the bands on for I want to say 0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:56.520 six months because we were having a hard time making 0:19:56.560 --> 0:19:59.640 the album. Uh into the now when we got back 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:04.000 together there and uh, I'd seen you know, Metallica doing 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:06.240 it on their thing. I said, hey, guys, and because 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:09.400 I've been in therapy, would you come, you know, consider 0:20:09.480 --> 0:20:12.919 going in and and and seeing the psychiatrist? And you know, 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:14.960 I don't want to have the band break up again, 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:17.560 and the guys didn't want to, but we didn't really 0:20:17.560 --> 0:20:21.600 know how to communicate. So we went to him and 0:20:21.640 --> 0:20:23.600 he got us through it. We made the record and 0:20:24.240 --> 0:20:28.560 we're still standing, Wow, and do you have any therapy? Now? 0:20:28.600 --> 0:20:31.360 You're just taking the paxel. Pretty No, I just take 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:35.520 the paxel. Okay. We're having a very honest conversation about this, 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:38.639 and certainly as time goes by, these are topics that 0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:41.800 people talk about. But to what degree since you started 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:44.919 at age fourteen, did you feel these were things that 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:47.400 you had to hold to yourself and you couldn't talk 0:20:47.440 --> 0:20:51.400 about made you feel separate from people? Well, with with 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:54.359 any of those things in the book that I talked about, 0:20:54.920 --> 0:20:58.439 they're not glamorous, they're not rock and roll. You know, 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:02.960 I'm cool, I'm Keith Richards kind of things to talk about. 0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:06.760 You know, Uh, there's a stigma to them. People think 0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:15.199 you're weak mentally weak if you suffer from anxiety or depression. Um, 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:18.359 so I kind of kept him to myself. It wasn't Hi, 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:22.600 I'm Brian, I have you know, I have collidus and 0:21:22.640 --> 0:21:27.520 I suffer from anxiety. What's your name? You know? So 0:21:28.280 --> 0:21:31.000 it was kept to myself a lot. And that's the 0:21:31.040 --> 0:21:33.439 thing about putting it in the book, Bob is it 0:21:33.480 --> 0:21:37.320 was kind of liberating for me. It really was, in 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:40.960 the sense that you let it go. The doctor was right, 0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:43.679 how about the side effects of paxel? Do they affect 0:21:43.720 --> 0:21:48.640 you in anyway? Well? Well, okay, you know the worst 0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:50.760 side effect of paxel. If you take too much, you 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:55.760 can't come right. How do you deal with that? Cut 0:21:55.800 --> 0:22:03.440 down your dose? Uh? Yeah, Because they had me up, 0:22:03.440 --> 0:22:05.400 they and he ramped up on the high dose there 0:22:05.440 --> 0:22:08.879 for a while. As to say, doc, you know, dude, 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:12.359 you know what's going on. He said, well, I got 0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:16.480 that in half and we found the right dosage and stuff. 0:22:16.560 --> 0:22:21.280 And do you supplement that with VIAGRAA or anything like that. No, 0:22:21.400 --> 0:22:24.520 I don't need any of that. Okay, that's good. I'm 0:22:24.800 --> 0:22:28.879 good with that these days. Okay, let's go to the band. 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:33.440 The band had instant success. They're on a major label, Geffen. 0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:37.239 Then the band broke up, got back together. You had 0:22:37.280 --> 0:22:39.840 a deal with Sanctuary. Now you say in the book 0:22:39.880 --> 0:22:43.639 you turned down a deal with Sony you felt that 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:46.880 you can make more money yourself. What's it like now? 0:22:46.920 --> 0:22:51.720 Granted the whole landscape change in this period, but what 0:22:51.800 --> 0:22:54.640 was it like being on a major label and being 0:22:54.720 --> 0:23:00.320 independent today? Well? I tell people, and they find it 0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:04.520 hard to believe, but I say, we make more money 0:23:04.640 --> 0:23:09.760 now being independent than we did back then, having Geffen 0:23:09.960 --> 0:23:12.600 and Q Prime and all that, you know, all the 0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:19.439 people that come with it, and I prefer And I 0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:22.080 also tell people that I'm prouder of the second half 0:23:22.119 --> 0:23:25.399 of my career that I am the first, only in 0:23:25.440 --> 0:23:28.280 the sense not of the work we did. Because the 0:23:28.320 --> 0:23:31.439 work we did, I think it's really good. There's some 0:23:31.480 --> 0:23:34.359 really good moments, but just in the fact that we 0:23:34.440 --> 0:23:36.440 survived and we had to do it on our own 0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:38.800 and we learned how to do it, and I think 0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:46.000 that was an accomplishment for that band. Um. But yeah, 0:23:46.040 --> 0:23:48.960 I mean, you know, we we sold a million and 0:23:48.960 --> 0:23:52.359 a half records on mechanical residents and never saw any money. 0:23:53.800 --> 0:23:56.480 You know, it was paid. Did you ask for the money. 0:23:56.480 --> 0:23:58.800 And what did they say, Well, we were too stupid. 0:23:58.920 --> 0:24:02.320 We thought everything was free. They thought like we thought, 0:24:02.359 --> 0:24:05.520 like when they came to the show and they took 0:24:05.520 --> 0:24:08.399 you to these nice meals and stuff, that David Geffin 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:12.240 was just a really nice guy. He really liked you, right, 0:24:12.280 --> 0:24:13.800