1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:09,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: tip is to exercise your social muscles. If you have 4 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:26,239 Speaker 1: any social skills that are weak, consciously thinking of how 5 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: to strengthen them can make your social life better over time. 6 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:37,239 Speaker 1: Today's tip comes from friendship expert Shasta Nelson, who has 7 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,839 Speaker 1: been a guest on my other podcast, Best of Both Worlds. 8 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 1: Shasta recently gave a TEDx talk called Relationally Fit The 9 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:52,480 Speaker 1: Social Secret to a longer, happier Life. In her ted talk, 10 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: she argues that no pain, no gain turns out to 11 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: be true for relational fitness and not just physical fitness. 12 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,320 Speaker 1: Just as you have to lift heavier weights and perhaps 13 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,959 Speaker 1: feel a little sore in order to strengthen your muscles, 14 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 1: she says that sometimes we have to do things that 15 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:14,120 Speaker 1: feel a little uncomfortable in our relationships in order to 16 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:20,039 Speaker 1: get stronger. So think about this. Where might you be 17 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 1: socially flabby? Shasta suggested a few areas. Maybe you rarely 18 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: initiate plans. Maybe you have a tendency to start talking 19 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 1: about yourself as soon as the other person takes a breath. 20 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: Maybe you withdraw from conflict. I could think of several others, 21 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 1: like not working to remember the details of other people's lives, 22 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: or not staying in touch with people who you really 23 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 1: like but who are no longer in your daily circle 24 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: of activity. It happens, we can all get socially flabby. 25 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: But if you search yourself in your life and see 26 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: that you have a particular week spot, you can consciously 27 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: train to get better in these areas. For instance, if 28 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: you tend not to be the person that initiates plans 29 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 1: and you think your friends and loved ones may be 30 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:19,799 Speaker 1: wearying of always taking charge, challenge yourself to do this 31 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 1: once a week for the next few weeks. Put it 32 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: on your priority list each week to reach out to 33 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 1: someone and suggest something. The first time might feel awkward, 34 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: but by your fourth or fifth time doing this, it's 35 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: going to start feeling a lot easier. You are getting stronger, 36 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: that is a good thing. Or if you tend not 37 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:49,720 Speaker 1: to remember the details of people's lives, try to take 38 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:53,839 Speaker 1: at least one note from something someone told you, send 39 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: an email to yourself about it, or write it on 40 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: your calendar for when you are next going to see 41 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:03,639 Speaker 1: this person. Whatever it takes that way. When Jackie from 42 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 1: book Club mentions that she's going to Miami to celebrate 43 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 1: her fifteenth wedding anniversary, you can see that note in 44 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: your calend DURAN. When book Club meets again, you can 45 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: ask her about it. Over time, you might not need 46 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:20,680 Speaker 1: to be so formal about this, remembering as your flabby 47 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: muscles get stronger. While some people are more natural connectors 48 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: than others, a lot of relationship building is a skill. 49 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: I love Shasta's metaphor about being relationally fit. We can 50 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 1: improve at most things if we try to improve at them. 51 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: Identifying weak spots lets us train to get stronger in 52 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's 53 00:03:52,240 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. Thanks for listening 54 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 1: to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, 55 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:16,599 Speaker 1: you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 56 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts 57 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:25,360 Speaker 1: from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or 58 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.