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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever

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Speaker 1: you are in the world, you know the deal. It

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Speaker 1: is so great to have you here back for another episode.

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Speaker 1: I hope that everybody has been doing well, taking care

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Speaker 1: of themselves, finding something to stay optimistic about. Whatever it

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Speaker 1: is that gets you up in the morning, that gets

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Speaker 1: you going. I hope you're prioritizing it today. I have

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a different episode for you. For

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Speaker 1: long time OG listeners of the show, you'll know that

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Speaker 1: every kind of six months, I like just to do

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Speaker 1: a little chatty unplanned Q and a kind of episode,

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Speaker 1: a sit down chat I kind of get to know me,

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Speaker 1: a life update, and that is what we're going to

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Speaker 1: do today. I think it's been about six months since

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Speaker 1: we last did one of these episodes, so there's a

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Speaker 1: lot to catch up on and a lot of epiphanies

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Speaker 1: that I've kind of realized about myself recently, one of

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Speaker 1: which has to do with the fact that, if you

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Speaker 1: haven't noticed, I'm a little bit ill. So these last

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Speaker 1: two weeks, I've had like a really serious case of tonsilitis,

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Speaker 1: which I don't know if you've ever had tonsillitis, I'm

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Speaker 1: hoping that you haven't, But for those of you who

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Speaker 1: have experienced this, it is like a whole body experience.

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Speaker 1: I think I get it semi regularly, like probably once

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Speaker 1: a year, and every time I forget what it feels

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Speaker 1: like to go through, like it is hellish. My whole

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Speaker 1: body was aching. I lost my voice, which, as somebody

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Speaker 1: who does podcasting full time, is like literally the world

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Speaker 1: thing ever. And it's kind of one of those hard

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Speaker 1: circumstances with this job, right, like if you lose your voice,

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Speaker 1: you can't do your job. You can't work because your

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Speaker 1: main service, your main product, your vocal cords are like

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Speaker 1: non operational. And so it was kind of this like

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Speaker 1: weird feeling of like, oh my god, I want to

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Speaker 1: be doing things. I want to be working on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: I want to be putting out new episodes, but I

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Speaker 1: genuinely cannot speak. And the frustrating thing was that I

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Speaker 1: think I've spoken about this before, maybe I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: go ahead and spoil it. Why not. I finished my book.

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Speaker 1: My book is done. It still has a while before

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Speaker 1: it comes out and goes through the editing process and

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Speaker 1: all of that. But yeah, it was like a marathon.

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Speaker 1: When I got back from traveling at the start of

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Speaker 1: the year, I'd probably only done around like fifteen percent,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, time to like shift into

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Speaker 1: gear and write this frickin' manuscript. So that has been

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Speaker 1: like really high my priority list. I finished it two

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Speaker 1: weeks ago, insane. It was like the probably one of

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Speaker 1: the most like hardest things that I've ever done, like

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Speaker 1: in my professional and career life in terms of like

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Speaker 1: sustained mental effort. But here's the catch. I finished the book,

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Speaker 1: I took a day off, and then I you know

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Speaker 1: that feeling where you can feel yourself getting sick, Like

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Speaker 1: the back of your throat is burning and like stinging

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Speaker 1: and you can't swallow and you're just hoping that maybe

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Speaker 1: you just have something like stuck in your throat, you've

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Speaker 1: like eaten something spicy. No, it was the sickness. It

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Speaker 1: was the illness coming on, and within like two days,

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Speaker 1: I was like immobilized in bed It was great though,

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Speaker 1: because it gave me a chance to watch rewatch, not

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Speaker 1: watch for the first time, obviously, not but rewatch, like

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Speaker 1: the entire Twilight series. I think if you haven't watched

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Speaker 1: those recently as an adult, you need to be doing that,

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Speaker 1: because I brought like a whole new critical feminist lens

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Speaker 1: to that situation and to those movies that I never

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Speaker 1: had before. So I watched Twilight, I made a lot

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Speaker 1: of soup in my new little Dutch oven, and I

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Speaker 1: also had an epiphany about myself because whilst I literally

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Speaker 1: felt like I was on my deathbed, the one thing

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Speaker 1: I couldn't stop thinking about was the fact that I

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Speaker 1: wasn't being productive. That here I was, with all of

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Speaker 1: this empty time, this empty space that I should be filling,

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Speaker 1: sitting at home, and I wasn't doing anything. I would

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Speaker 1: end like every single evening feeling terrible. Let me say that,

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Speaker 1: like I was not well. But the resounding thought in

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Speaker 1: my brain was like guilt. It was it was a

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Speaker 1: sense of guilt that I hadn't gotten more done and

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Speaker 1: that I had, you know, optimistically woken up with this

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Speaker 1: like huge to do list of things that would seem

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Speaker 1: like were impossible for me to do in my state,

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Speaker 1: like clean my entire house, write scripts for podcast episode,

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Speaker 1: like finalize big project like jump on you know, overseas

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Speaker 1: court like that was not possible. I couldn't speak, I

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Speaker 1: couldn't like get up without feeling dizzy. So of course

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Speaker 1: I wasn't moving through my to do list as fast

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Speaker 1: as I should have been. And I had an excuse

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Speaker 1: right there, like I had a really valid reason for

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Speaker 1: why I wasn't able to do that, and yet I

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Speaker 1: wasn't taking it. That excuse was not available to me.

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Speaker 1: I just felt so much shame and guilt and frustration

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Speaker 1: that I just finished this huge thing. I'd finished this

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Speaker 1: book that was meant to clear up so much more

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Speaker 1: time for me, and this sickness that I was experiencing,

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Speaker 1: this tonsilitis that was just like a small roadblock that

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Speaker 1: I had to push through, and if I wasn't able

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Speaker 1: to push through it like I must be lazy, I

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Speaker 1: must be you know, undisciplined, I must be procrastinating, when

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Speaker 1: in fact it is like a very valid reason not

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Speaker 1: be getting as much done and through like conversations I

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Speaker 1: was having with my friends and with my boyfriend, I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is not just a problem when

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Speaker 1: I'm ill. This is a problem at like all stages

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Speaker 1: of my life, that I continually tie my worth and

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Speaker 1: my sense of self to my output and how much

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Speaker 1: I am able to do in each day and how

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Speaker 1: hard I'm able to push myself. And I do think

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Speaker 1: that I have become one of those people who like

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Speaker 1: sees busyness as a status symbol. And there was a

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Speaker 1: really fascinating article in the Atlantic about this recently that

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Speaker 1: was essentially, like, you know, the way that we have

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Speaker 1: glorified hustle culture and the way that we have glorified

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Speaker 1: and idolized success in our society and in our culture

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Speaker 1: means that it's seen as impressive when we don't have boundaries,

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Speaker 1: when we don't take necessary time off, when we are

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Speaker 1: genuinely falling apart, when we don't prioritize the things that

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Speaker 1: are import into us, like our wellness, like our relationships,

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Speaker 1: like our free time. All of those things are seen

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Speaker 1: as impressive these days. And I think that I've really

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Speaker 1: been bitten by that bug. And on a deeper level,

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Speaker 1: it's not just apparent when I'm unwell or when I'm sick.

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Speaker 1: It's also very apparent to me now in how I

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Speaker 1: operate on a daily So, for example, I was talking

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Speaker 1: to my partner about this and he made this really

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Speaker 1: fascinating point. He was like, even when you are having

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Speaker 1: quote unquote downtime, you feel the need to be socially

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Speaker 1: productive within that. So like, if I have a weekend off,

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Speaker 1: it's like seeing that weekend not as space to relax

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Speaker 1: and not as space to be free and spontaneous. It's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we have these like quadrants, we have these time slots

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Speaker 1: that I need to fill. I need to be seeing

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Speaker 1: people on Saturday night. I need to be seeing people

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Speaker 1: for lunch on Sunday. I need to be seeing people

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Speaker 1: on Monday on Monday morning for a brunch, Like I

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Speaker 1: need to be catching up on my social life. I

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Speaker 1: need to be socially productive even when I'm not being

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Speaker 1: i don't know, career productive or like work work life productive.

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Speaker 1: And I was kind of shocked when he said that,

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Speaker 1: because I was like, Wow, you are absolutely right. I

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Speaker 1: always just thought that I just had a higher threshold

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Speaker 1: for I don't know, connection and for seeing people. I'm

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Speaker 1: such an extrovert that it didn't feel I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it didn't feel odd, it didn't feel problematic to need

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Speaker 1: to fill my weekends in such a way or to

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Speaker 1: fill my off time in such a way, because I

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Speaker 1: do gain energy from seeing other people, from seeing my friends,

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Speaker 1: from like hearing about their lives. But when he pointed

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Speaker 1: that out, I was like, no, I approach socializing like

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Speaker 1: it is a to do list, and it's like kind

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Speaker 1: of sickening, like it was. And it's not to say, like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, my friends are like a task that

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Speaker 1: I need to check off, or I have like an

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Speaker 1: ongoing list of like I need to see this person

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Speaker 1: by this day, almost like a deadline. Now, it's just

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Speaker 1: more that when I see blank space in the calendar,

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Speaker 1: I want it to be utilized. And if I've devoted

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Speaker 1: that space to you know, not doing work, the other

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Speaker 1: way I can utilize it is by socializing. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: it became kind of apparent to me that I had

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Speaker 1: a problem. I think that when you are genuinely so

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Speaker 1: unwell that, like I said, I couldn't get out of bed,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't speak, I couldn't go outside. And yet the

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Speaker 1: first thing that I'm thinking of is how productive I'm

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Speaker 1: being and what I'm contributing and what I'm getting done

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Speaker 1: probably not a sign of a healthy relationship with work

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Speaker 1: or with you know, your sense of self esteem or

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Speaker 1: confidence when it comes to not putting things out and

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Speaker 1: not being busy. And then secondly, that need for social

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Speaker 1: productivity was another element and facet of this that I

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Speaker 1: don't think I'd ever been aware of before. And I

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Speaker 1: kind of was like doing a little bit of investigating

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Speaker 1: because I think that the big misconception I had was

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Speaker 1: that I'm just an overachiever. That is who I've always been.

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Speaker 1: I've been somebody who is a perfectionist, somebody who is

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Speaker 1: an overachiever, somebody who likes working hard. I don't need

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Speaker 1: to work hard. I like it. But that was really

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Speaker 1: like opening a bit of a box me because I

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Speaker 1: was like, why do I like it? Why? Who likes

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Speaker 1: working more than they like having downtime? Who likes feeling

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Speaker 1: guilty for taking a break. It's the people who tie

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Speaker 1: their identity and receive validation from feeling successful and feeling

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Speaker 1: like they're doing things. And often that really ties back

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Speaker 1: to how you were, like who you were taught to

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Speaker 1: be as a child. And when I say who you

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Speaker 1: were taught to be, I mean who you were conditioned

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Speaker 1: to be through praise and through feedback and through comments

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Speaker 1: from your teachers and your parents and your mentors and

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Speaker 1: your friends that you meet this archetype. You are the overachiever.

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Speaker 1: You are good at school. You are someone who is successful.

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Speaker 1: You are a hard worker, you are gifted academically. When

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Speaker 1: you hear that repeated, as I think, is you know,

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Speaker 1: quite a nice thing. Obviously we want to like positively

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Speaker 1: reinforce children and shower them with praise and make them

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Speaker 1: feel good about themselves. But when everything you've heard about

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Speaker 1: yourself that is good, everything you hear about yourself that

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Speaker 1: makes you valuable, it makes people like you, is tied

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Speaker 1: back to how hard you can work and how much

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Speaker 1: you can excel and what you can give, it's really

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Speaker 1: hard to have any nuance in terms of your personality

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Speaker 1: and in terms of your identity. Who am I beyond output?

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Speaker 1: If you've never been told that you are a kind person,

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Speaker 1: that you are a generous person, that you are a

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Speaker 1: creative person, that you're somebody who just brings peace to

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Speaker 1: their life that prioritizes their happiness, Like those are things

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Speaker 1: that we are not necessarily praised for or complimented on.

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Speaker 1: As children. We're complimented on how we meaningfully apply ourselves

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Speaker 1: to the pursuit of success and things like grades and

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Speaker 1: things like academics, and so I think the older you get,

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Speaker 1: you have an opportunity to kind of release yourself from

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Speaker 1: that identity. If you're somebody who has always been seen

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Speaker 1: as an overachiever, or like a gifted child, or somebody

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Speaker 1: who is an extremely hard worker, you do have an

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Speaker 1: opportunity to kind of throw away that identity when you're

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Speaker 1: moving through that like gaining independence phase and trying to

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Speaker 1: assert yourself, as you know, independent from other people's judgments.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I ever did that though. I don't

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Speaker 1: think that part of my identity was ever I never

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Speaker 1: questioned it. I never saw it as unhealthy. I never

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Speaker 1: saw the bad side of it, And so it's created

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Speaker 1: this version of me who doesn't know when to fucking stop.

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Speaker 1: Like sorry to swear, but it's like quite frustrating to

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Speaker 1: only realize that at like twenty four. The other component

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Speaker 1: of it is that I think that I'm somebody who

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Speaker 1: likes to fix things. I don't like seeing that there

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Speaker 1: is a problem or something that needs to be done

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Speaker 1: and not in some way in some capacity working towards

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Speaker 1: a solution for that problem. I know for a fact

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Speaker 1: that I am somebody who doesn't enjoy the mess or

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Speaker 1: the clutter of an unorganized life, and doesn't enjoy the

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Speaker 1: sense that there are things that are nagging me in

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Speaker 1: my brain that are kind of like screaming, get me done,

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Speaker 1: get me done. So there is actually a term for this.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I would call it a condition,

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Speaker 1: but an experience in psychology, and it's called the Zurginik effect,

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Speaker 1: and it essentially refers to how for some of us,

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Speaker 1: the sense of an unfinished task is incredibly difficult to overlook.

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Speaker 1: It is incredibly, you know, hard to move forward or

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Speaker 1: to relax when you know that there is something that

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Speaker 1: you haven't completed that you forgot about. For example, if

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Speaker 1: you know you have an essay too, but you've put

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Speaker 1: time aside for it next weekend, you've got a whole

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Speaker 1: twelve hour period to get it done. You know that

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Speaker 1: you'll get it done, you still can't help yourself or

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Speaker 1: stop yourself from focusing on it in the weeks prior,

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Speaker 1: in the days beforehand, when you don't have the capacity

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Speaker 1: to do it. You still know that it's going to

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Speaker 1: be finished. You're just not working on it right now,

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Speaker 1: but it lingers and you can't forget about it. For me,

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Speaker 1: that's my like to do list. As soon as I've

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Speaker 1: put something on my to do list, I've realized this

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Speaker 1: about myself, as soon as soon as I've said to myself, like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I want to do this. I need to get this done.

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Speaker 1: I want to have like five or six podcast episodes

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Speaker 1: like lined up. I want to be fully planned for

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Speaker 1: this trip. I want to have this like whole script

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Speaker 1: fact checked and done by tonight. There is no way

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Speaker 1: that I can stop myself before that gets done. It's

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Speaker 1: honestly a compulsion. It is like an obsession. And again

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Speaker 1: it's this Serganick effect where there is something in our

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Speaker 1: brain that keeps coming back to unfinished business. I think

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Speaker 1: all of these factors, all of these experiences ultimately lead

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Speaker 1: back to this toxic productivity that I'm speaking about, this

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Speaker 1: unyielding sense that there is always stuff that needs to

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Speaker 1: be done, There is always more that can be done,

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Speaker 1: and not doing it is kind of a blemish on

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Speaker 1: my character and is something that I should feel ashamed for,

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Speaker 1: because somewhere out there, somebody is not making the same

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Speaker 1: compromises as me, somebody is not taking the rest day,

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Speaker 1: somebody is not being quote unquote lazy like I am,

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Speaker 1: and it's really really unhealthy and problematic. So in like

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Speaker 1: the couple of well, in like the week that I've

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Speaker 1: realized that this is something that I kind of need

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Speaker 1: to address, and I'm sure it's going to take me

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Speaker 1: a while to really get my thumb over it and

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Speaker 1: to get control of it. But some of the things

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Speaker 1: I started pondering was whether I would be as unforgiving

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Speaker 1: when it came to other people in my life who

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Speaker 1: were experiencing the same thing. So let me articulate that

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Speaker 1: a little bit better. Obviously, me being sick gave me

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Speaker 1: a reason to not be able to do all these

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Speaker 1: things that I wanted to do, and that is actually

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Speaker 1: super valid. That is an excellent reason to not be

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Speaker 1: as productive or active in your life. But for me personally,

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Speaker 1: I am my harshest critics, as I'm sure you are

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Speaker 1: your harshest critic as well. So I thought about the

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Speaker 1: compassion and the care that I would show a friend

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Speaker 1: who was going for this, if you know, like my

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Speaker 1: best friend Aaron was like to me, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: and it's interesting because she actually called me yesterday and

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Speaker 1: she has COVID, and so I actually got to have

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Speaker 1: this conversation with somebody else, the conversation that I should

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Speaker 1: have been having with myself. And she said to me,

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Speaker 1: she was like, I'm super sick and I just can't

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Speaker 1: get anything done. I need to clean the house, like

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Speaker 1: we have visitors coming. I like need to call and

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Speaker 1: stick to work. But I feel so lazy. And what

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Speaker 1: I said to her was that is ridiculous. You have

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Speaker 1: no reason to feel lazy. Your body is screaming at

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Speaker 1: you to take a break. It is telling you it's

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Speaker 1: time to rest. It. You know is unwell, and you

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Speaker 1: need to really care for it and mend it. Otherwise

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Speaker 1: this is just going to come back even stronger. Otherwise

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Speaker 1: it's going to take more time for you to heal.

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Speaker 1: This was all these things that I was saying to her.

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Speaker 1: I was like, you need to be kinder to yourself.

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Speaker 1: You need to be nicer to yourself. This is me

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Speaker 1: giving you permission to rest and to relax and to

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Speaker 1: just get better. And I believe that fully. I was fully.

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Speaker 1: I believe that fully. That's the only thing I can

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Speaker 1: say about that. I was like, yes, Aaron, my beautiful, darling, gorgeous,

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Speaker 1: caring friend, deserves to take a break. How Come I don't?

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Speaker 1: How Come I cannot apply that same compassion and that

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Speaker 1: same narrative to myself. I think it goes beyond just

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Speaker 1: our inner critic and how loud they are, and more

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Speaker 1: so towards this concept of like the spotlight effect, and

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Speaker 1: the spotlight effect essentially says that our flaws, our perceived failures,

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Speaker 1: our perceived laziness, everything that we see is wrong or

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Speaker 1: bad about ourselves. That is so much more visible to us.

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Speaker 1: Whereas when we look at our friends, we don't see

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Speaker 1: those things about themselves that they don't like. We don't

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Speaker 1: see the reasons that they believe they deserve to be criticized.

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Speaker 1: We don't see the things that we see about ourselves

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Speaker 1: because they're hidden in their own internal worlds. So when

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Speaker 1: we have the option or the choice to display empathy

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Speaker 1: to us, we're seeing the scales is a lot more

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Speaker 1: tipped to all the ways that we're failing and all

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Speaker 1: the reasons we don't deserve a break. Whereas our friends,

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Speaker 1: our family, the people we love, they do because they're

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Speaker 1: not as lazy as us, They're not as unproductive. They're

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Speaker 1: not as bad. They are more worse the rest and

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Speaker 1: the relaxation and the empathy and the kindness. So it's

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Speaker 1: a bit of a disease. Honestly, I think that it's

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Speaker 1: something that was really important for me to honestly see

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Speaker 1: in real time was the difference and the distinction between

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Speaker 1: the conversations I was having with myself about taking care

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Speaker 1: of my body versus the conversations I was having with

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Speaker 1: somebody that I truly love and who I really care about.

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Speaker 1: So that is one factor of it. I think the

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Speaker 1: other thing that I need to better recognize and get

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Speaker 1: better at doing is also just like finishing my day,

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Speaker 1: when a task is done, I think I have this

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Speaker 1: like serious problem where yes, I may have done everything

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Speaker 1: that I actually wanted to do on my to do list,

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Speaker 1: but I'm like, well, maybe the reason that I did

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Speaker 1: everything was because I actually didn't push myself enough. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I could have had the capacity to do more. So

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Speaker 1: it's like a lose lose situation. Either I don't do

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Speaker 1: everything that I need to do, or I do everything

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Speaker 1: that I need to do, and that's just an opportunity

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Speaker 1: for me to just pile on more or to believe

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Speaker 1: that I've underestimated my ability during that day or my

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Speaker 1: all my time. So yeah, it's a bit of a maze.

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Speaker 1: I think that the things that I really need to

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Speaker 1: do moving forward is like, Okay, let's focus on just

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Speaker 1: doing a couple of things each day and doing them

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Speaker 1: really well, because I think that that also keeps my

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Speaker 1: attention on what I really need to do, rather than

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Speaker 1: feeling caught up in like the guilt spiral that just

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Speaker 1: creates panic and worry that I'm not going to get

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Speaker 1: things done and so I kind of half ask them.

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Speaker 1: So that's something I really need to prioritize, and just

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Speaker 1: like finishing when the task is done, Like if I

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Speaker 1: did what I needed to do, why do I need

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Speaker 1: to do next week's to do list? Why do I

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Speaker 1: need to start on tomorrow's to do list? Like it's

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Speaker 1: just I think at that point, you're asking for an

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Speaker 1: endless list of things that need to be completed that

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Speaker 1: never ends, and you're asking for a situation in which

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Speaker 1: you just genuinely never know when to stop, like what's

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Speaker 1: the end? And for that because if it's not getting sick, well,

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Speaker 1: like when do you stop? If you don't stop on

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Speaker 1: you're sick. If you don't stop on vacation, if you

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Speaker 1: don't stop when the task is done, it's kind of

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Speaker 1: like you're in this cycle until death. And that is

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Speaker 1: not necessarily the way that I am planning on living

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Speaker 1: my life. So that's been my first revelation as of

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Speaker 1: recently that I am needing to address my toxic productivity,

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Speaker 1: not that I apply it to others, just that I

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Speaker 1: apply it to myself and find a healthier relationship and

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Speaker 1: you know, balance with my work and my need to

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Speaker 1: actually be a humans and sustain the other parts of me.

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Speaker 1: It's been a big wake up call as of recent

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Speaker 1: But there are some other really positive things going on

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Speaker 1: in my life that I want to share with you,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about them and kind of

389
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Speaker 1: lighten the load, lighten the mood a little bit after

390
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Speaker 1: this short break. So I want to give you guys,

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00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 1: like a little personal update around like my living situation

392
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 1: and how things have changed there, a little love life update,

393
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:09,479
Speaker 1: and then a general update around the next six months.

394
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Speaker 1: So the biggest thing is that I've finished my book,

395
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Speaker 1: which is like insane if you are considering writing a book, nonfiction, fiction, poetry,

396
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: whatever it is. I could not could not express this more.

397
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Speaker 1: You really should do it. But the other part of

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Speaker 1: that is that it's going to be really, really hard,

399
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Speaker 1: because like the average manuscript is like eighty thousand words,

400
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Speaker 1: which is ridiculous, like absolutely insane when you think about it,

401
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: that is almost the size of like a PhD thesis.

402
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Speaker 1: It's like eight times the size of a master's thesis.

403
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Speaker 1: So pretty intense. That's been really like on my mind

404
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: in my life, taking up a lot of my time recently.

405
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 1: The other thing is that I now live alone, which

406
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 1: is incredible and possibly one of the best decisions I've

407
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 1: ever made. I lived with roommates for the last seven years,

408
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: like since I was seventeen when I moved out of home,

409
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 1: I've lived with other people and having other people around,

410
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,160
Speaker 1: and as somebody who I think has clud an odd,

411
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: strange relationship with like loneliness, it always felt like, until

412
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 1: I moved in with a partner, I needed to live

413
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Speaker 1: with other people because I couldn't like imagine the silence

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Speaker 1: of being alone. Turns out, it is not as hard

415
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Speaker 1: as I thought it would be. It's actually super peaceful

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Speaker 1: and super fulfilling. I got a record player, which I

417
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Speaker 1: think really helped because I love being out of like

418
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 1: playing music when no one's home. I think it fills

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Speaker 1: the silence. But the other component of it is that

420
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Speaker 1: you just get to do whatever the hell you want

421
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,719
Speaker 1: with your own space. You know. You get to have

422
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 1: your friends over and bring like the mattress out into

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Speaker 1: the living room. You get to leave the kitchen as

424
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,360
Speaker 1: messy or as clean as you want it. You get

425
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: to take the bins out when you would like if

426
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 1: something isn't done and it's on you. There's not this

427
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: like bubbling resentment towards somebody else. So I freaking love it.

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Speaker 1: I absolutely love it. I can't imagine. I really am

429
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 1: thinking back to how I lived with other people for

430
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 1: so long. I used to live with like really good

431
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,719
Speaker 1: friends of mine, and I love them so much. That

432
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 1: was amazing. I think the change happens when you start

433
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,920
Speaker 1: to live with strangers, though, and it's kind of like, well,

434
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 1: you know, you just don't have that same connection that

435
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 1: makes it feel worthwhile. And I had the opportunity to

436
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,439
Speaker 1: move out by myself to like a little cottage house

437
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 1: I was about to say, where I live probably not smart,

438
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: but to like this little cottage house in like Sydney,

439
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 1: and I just got like the most amazing deal. I

440
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 1: really cannot express it. At the time, I was like, actually,

441
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,439
Speaker 1: I'm gonna clarify. I was like, yeah, I've got the

442
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 1: most amazing deal. Like this is so affordable. How is

443
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 1: this house so cheap? I'll tell you why. The house

444
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 1: is searching number one. It doesn't have air conditioning or

445
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: like any form of heating, and the windows are super

446
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 1: super thin. The bedroom is like right onto the street,

447
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: which is like kind of a vibe because you can

448
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,399
Speaker 1: hear every single person's conversations, but it also means that

449
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 1: the house is freezing cold. And the bathroom. The windows

450
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: in the bathroom are like those pained kind of windows

451
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 1: that like they'll be like six and they'll like open up.

452
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm talking about. It's like, oh

453
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: my gosh, I really wish I could show your photo,

454
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 1: but like, yeah, it's kind of like those pained windows

455
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 1: that have like slats and they basically they shouldn't be

456
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 1: in a bathroom, especially the ones that are this old,

457
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 1: because they don't close all the way and some of

458
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 1: them are like cracked. So it means that anytime you

459
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,920
Speaker 1: go in there during winter, which it is now winter,

460
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 1: in Australia, it's like freezing cold. Probably not if you're

461
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 1: probably not freezing if you live in the US or

462
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,439
Speaker 1: like Canada or someplace where it snows, Like I am

463
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 1: still living in Sydney. The cold is seat gets is

464
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 1: like fifteen degrees celsius, so I can't complain too much.

465
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's the other reason why this house is cheap.

466
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: And the final reason is that you can hear everything

467
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,959
Speaker 1: that the neighbors are doing, and they can hear everything

468
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 1: that you're doing, which I don't mind. But my next

469
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: door neighbor is cranky. And I was having like a

470
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: games like a board game night with like four of

471
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 1: my close friends. Only two of us were drinking out

472
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 1: of the five of us, And it wasn't like we

473
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: were like listen, we're not doing like fireball shots. We're

474
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:35,439
Speaker 1: not playing like loud music on the TV. We are

475
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 1: sitting on the kitchen table playing herd Mentality, which is

476
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 1: an amazing board game if you haven't heard of it.

477
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 1: And she like comes over and is like basically threatens

478
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 1: to like call the police on us and is like

479
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: you are being a nuisance. Bear in mind it is

480
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 1: nine forty five on a Saturday night with five women

481
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,719
Speaker 1: in their twenties eating pasta, playing a board game. This

482
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 1: is not a rager. And so yeah, now we're in

483
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: the like kind of tug of war where she oh

484
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 1: my god. Also, anytime I leave my front door open

485
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 1: because I like to have like a breeze coming through,

486
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 1: she'll I like see her walk past and like stare

487
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 1: in with her little dogs, and it is super strange.

488
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, yep, I still live here. Don't worry. I'm

489
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:21,239
Speaker 1: not going anywhere. So that's one thing. Final thing. It's

490
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 1: under a flight path. Probably should have said that first

491
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 1: as somebody who does like audio work for their like profession. Yeah,

492
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 1: it's required a few adaptations to my life because I

493
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:38,119
Speaker 1: really cannot express how loud this is. It is like

494
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: a there. It is like full on, like Boeing seven

495
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 1: seven sevens or whatever, the huge cargo planes like flying

496
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 1: so close to my house that I can see the

497
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 1: screws on the bottom of the plane. It is something

498
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,719
Speaker 1: you get used to, though, So listen, I thought I

499
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: was getting a good deal. It still is a good deal,

500
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: and I'm still so happy. But this is your reminder

501
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: that if something seemed a little bit too good, to

502
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: be true. You should definitely check in on that, because

503
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 1: for what I'm playing, I definitely think that, yeah, I'm

504
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 1: getting what I'm I'm getting what I'm paying in terms

505
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: of the faultiness of this place and the downsides. Moving

506
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: on to a little love update, honestly all positive on

507
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: this front. I feel like you guys have really been

508
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: following along with this relationship. Obviously, when I started this podcast,

509
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:31,159
Speaker 1: I was like devastated and heartbroken from my last relationship ending,

510
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: and then you know, throughout the course of doing the show,

511
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 1: I had my heart broken again in a situationship. And

512
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,719
Speaker 1: then a year ago I came on and was like,

513
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: oh my god, surprise, surprise, I've met somebody, and what

514
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: the heck. It's going really well and this is really

515
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 1: healthy and he's a really nice person and I don't

516
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: feel insecure at all. What is happening? What is going on?

517
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 1: And yeah, we celebrated out one year last week, which

518
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 1: is like absolutely wild because I still remember sitting down

519
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: for that life update episode and being like, I've met

520
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 1: this really nice guy and I really hope that it works.

521
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 1: But yeah, he's we're doing amazing. I don't like to

522
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 1: speak about him too much because he has like a

523
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 1: like real big boy job, if that's even like a

524
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: way of saying it. Like he's a lawyer and has

525
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 1: like real clients, and you know, it just feels a

526
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 1: lot more consequential and like a lot more serious. And

527
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 1: I don't want to like bring him on as much

528
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 1: and like talk about his life as much in case

529
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 1: it like interrupts with what he's doing. But he doesn't

530
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: really seem to mind. So shout out to the love

531
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,719
Speaker 1: of my life. He is so sweet. This is your

532
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 1: reminder to freaking wait for the right person and you

533
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: will know it when you see it and when you

534
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,239
Speaker 1: feel it, like it's I don't know, I hate all

535
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 1: those cliches. I'm so sorry to be that person that

536
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: I hated when I was single who was like when

537
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 1: you know, you'll know, But like, fuck, it's really true.

538
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: It's really true. And as for like a more general

539
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: life update, as I'm recording this, I'm literally leaving for

540
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:10,239
Speaker 1: London in tomorrow. Tomorrow. I'm leaving for London at like

541
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: twelve pm tomorrow. My stomach kind of dropped when I

542
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 1: said that. I'm still like deathly afraid of planes, So

543
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 1: we'll see how that one works out, I'll be fine.

544
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: It is a long flight from Australia though, so if

545
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: you're like listening from the UK, please hit me up

546
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 1: if you've ever done the flight to Australia because you

547
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 1: will know how like heinous it is. Is like twenty

548
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 1: four hours on a plane and the jet lag is

549
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:37,239
Speaker 1: just like I'm not looking forward to it, but I

550
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: am looking forward to traveling around London. I'm going to

551
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 1: Bristol as well for an exciting launch with somebody who

552
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 1: lives in Bristol. That's all I'm gonna say on that.

553
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: Probably should have announced that before I announced my book

554
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: that doesn't come out for a year. But nonetheless, I'm

555
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: going to Bristol. I'm going to Paris for three days.

556
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: One of my best friends from UNI is living there

557
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: as an actor. Insane the places that people go, so

558
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: I'm just super excited. I'm super excited to I think

559
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: that was also like some of the pressure behind why

560
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: I was like, I need to get better. You know,

561
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 1: this sickness cannot ruin this for me, Like I've spent

562
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 1: the last months and months like working so hard. I

563
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 1: want to break when I'm overseas. I think it's looking up,

564
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: but it looks like I'm going to have a really

565
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 1: good time. So if you're in the UK, please like

566
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 1: also message me with suggestions. I feel like every time

567
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 1: I go to London, I do like the same ten things,

568
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: and I need to diversify the experience because when people

569
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: come and visit me in Newtown and in Sydney, I'm

570
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: always like, no, no, no, we're not going there. I'm

571
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,239
Speaker 1: a going to show you the hidden spots and they

572
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: have a great time. So I need like a tour

573
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 1: guide for me in like in Hackney, in Camden, in London.

574
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 1: So please send me your suggestions, And thank you for

575
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 1: listening this far to this rambly episode, this life update

576
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 1: around my recent I guess like emotional mental health epiphanies

577
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: to do with productivity, but also just it's nice that

578
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 1: you care about what's going on in my life and

579
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,719
Speaker 1: not just the psychology and the science of everybody else's lives.

580
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for listening, for making it

581
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: this far. Make sure that you are following along on

582
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: Instagram at that Psychology podcast if you have anything you

583
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 1: want to share. If you have an episode suggestion, you

584
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 1: know I love to hear them. So many episodes coming

585
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 1: up are suggestions from the listeners, so we see every

586
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 1: single one of them and it all goes into this

587
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: huge master list that I love to cyst like sift

588
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 1: through and cyst through. You'll sift through and have a

589
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 1: look at your amazing ideas because you are so creative

590
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 1: and have such good perspectives on your twenties and your lives.

591
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,719
Speaker 1: Make sure you're following along as well with the podcast here,

592
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 1: follow on Apple podcasts on Spotify. Leave a five star review.

593
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: I read them all if you feel cool to do so.

594
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 1: I would love to see some positive feedback or feedback

595
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 1: of any kind, and thank you so much for listening

596
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 1: and for following along. We will be back on Friday

597
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: with another episode. Until then, stay safe, be kind to yourself,

598
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: and we will talk soon