Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 1: She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the
Speaker 1: man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.
Speaker 1: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was
Speaker 1: a good woman who always made good choices. We're good
Speaker 1: mom with bad choices, do single mom? Who said? But
Speaker 1: the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and found out
Speaker 1: they were so bad after all, we're experts.
Speaker 2: Overshares and your new bestie.
Speaker 1: Sit back and near the ride. I can do a
Speaker 1: pat mom.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to good mom's bad choices.
Speaker 1: I'm Eric fr I'm Nila, and it's motherfucking Wednesday.
Speaker 2: Beach is hump day, beach.
Speaker 1: It's a hump day, bitch. Are you getting humped tonight?
Speaker 1: Because I am an that's Arah.
Speaker 2: I got humped this morning. Oh how are you, dear?
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm great. I worked out this morning. I
Speaker 1: got in the steam room. I recently joined a gym.
Speaker 2: So your steam room at your house.
Speaker 1: No, I don't have a steam room at my house.
Speaker 1: But that's thank you for thinking that. I do an
Speaker 1: I do with those are two different things, okay, whatever.
Speaker 1: I joined a gym finally because I was class passing
Speaker 1: my life away, and I got tired of the shit.
Speaker 1: I love class past, but I needed to just commit
Speaker 1: to the gym. So now I've joined, I've followed suit
Speaker 1: to view. I joined a boogie gym, and I love
Speaker 1: it because I'm a bougie bitch.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, like the bougieness is.
Speaker 3: I feel like this is the era of boogieness. Like
Speaker 3: I wish that my bougie gym is more black. But
Speaker 3: then I'm also like, you know, I don't need any friends.
Speaker 3: I don't want anyone to talk to me.
Speaker 1: But yeah, my boogie gym got the black people.
Speaker 3: It's like a It motivates you to get to the
Speaker 3: fucking gym. It has to be boogie. I feel like
Speaker 3: about a spot every time I go. I'm like, this
Speaker 3: is the right choice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw my baby daddy at the gym. I
Speaker 1: saw school Boy Q at the gym. I'm definitely gonna
Speaker 1: say my baby daddy. And I saw Okay Cola at
Speaker 1: the gym. Everybody says I saw my ex's new girlfriend
Speaker 1: at the gym. The gym is pop. It was a
Speaker 1: very populicious gym experience today. I said, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 2: I wonder if my gym will let me be the
Speaker 2: d inclusion.
Speaker 3: Hey it's me just I just joined and I have
Speaker 3: a proposition for one.
Speaker 2: Hundred dollars off. I can be your d I.
Speaker 1: Appointed myself.
Speaker 2: Here's my list of people who want to come, so
Speaker 2: just make it happen.
Speaker 1: By Yeah, so it was good. I worked out with
Speaker 1: my baby daddy, which was very It never happened ever
Speaker 1: in life, so that was interesting. I'm getting ready to
Speaker 1: go on a trip with him.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say when this episode comes out, we'll
Speaker 3: have come back from the trip with your baby daddy.
Speaker 3: You guys, we are going on a vacate. We're going
Speaker 3: on a retreat. But after the retreat, her baby daddy
Speaker 3: is coming with her child. And we decided, because we
Speaker 3: were crazy, we're gonna all stay in the same house.
Speaker 1: Together, and that's going to be interesting. This is called growth.
Speaker 1: This is called evolution. This is called we are in
Speaker 1: a different place I think.
Speaker 3: I mean at the end of the day, we had
Speaker 3: kids with the baby daddies. At some point, like if I,
Speaker 3: if I my baby daddy wasn't such a fucking asshole,
Speaker 3: and so by we would be friends too. Because Nigga
Speaker 3: I've known you for twenty five years. We've made life together,
Speaker 3: so that would be ideal, and I wish that it
Speaker 3: was more ideal. Maybe my distant future we'll have more
Speaker 3: of a friendship and Orlando and him of this beast.
Speaker 1: So maybe I'll rub my baby daddy entered future energy.
Speaker 2: On you, sprinkle it on over. Maybe he'll get some
Speaker 2: maturity or something.
Speaker 1: Orlando, you're supposed to be supportive of this, don't you see?
Speaker 3: Alicia Keys and Swiss beats, God, grow up.
Speaker 2: This is why my life can not maturety anywhere.
Speaker 1: So anyway, Yeah, that's that's where I'm at today.
Speaker 2: Yeah, beautiful, I'm happy to hear that.
Speaker 3: You know, seven years ago when we started this podcast,
Speaker 3: I don't think we'd ever thought we'd be any of us,
Speaker 3: either one of us. No one would be here. So
Speaker 3: lots of growth has happened. I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Actually, check back in in June.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're like, let's see how I waited it.
Speaker 2: I threw them off a check my inter June.
Speaker 3: Actually we're acting. We're talking pre pre trip. I'm sure
Speaker 3: it's gonna be fine, though.
Speaker 1: No, we have the kid there. The kid is there
Speaker 1: to buffer the thing. You guys are there. I made sure.
Speaker 1: I was like to me, like, you have to stay
Speaker 1: in the house, come with come with us.
Speaker 2: So we're going at an adventure.
Speaker 1: Bye, come, No, it'll be fun. He's fun. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean I'm not really worried about him anyway.
Speaker 2: I'm good.
Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm good. Yeah. Great. I love that. I
Speaker 1: love that for you. It's not. That's like a bitchy thing, right,
Speaker 1: we established it. That's a bitchy thing.
Speaker 2: I say it because everyone's saying it, but I feel
Speaker 2: like it's bitchy.
Speaker 1: I remember the first time someone said it to me
Speaker 1: and I was offended. I was like, are you being
Speaker 1: a bitch? Oh, it's a reminder of my dad date today.
Speaker 1: I just always have a reminder to go on a
Speaker 1: date with my dad, but it doesn't never happen.
Speaker 2: That sounds really sad. It's just that sounds really sad.
Speaker 1: It's there, so I remember to do it, you know,
Speaker 1: or call him at least.
Speaker 2: Okay, good, you know that's a good idea. Oh, actually,
Speaker 2: you know what.
Speaker 3: I we had a party at our house this weekend
Speaker 3: for Sunday dinner and it was really nice and my
Speaker 3: dad came and he bought food and it was really nice.
Speaker 3: And then you know, I gave a speech about connection
Speaker 3: and then he hugged me for like eight minutes straight.
Speaker 2: I'm like, are you gidding?
Speaker 1: Your dad called me by accident the other day he
Speaker 1: did with all his friends. I forgot to tell you.
Speaker 2: Did he speak to you?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: He called me on WhatsApp and I was like, Miles
Speaker 1: is calling me, and then there were like three other
Speaker 1: men on the phone. He's like, oops, I called you
Speaker 1: by accident, but how are you? I love you? And
Speaker 1: I think your dad is going through a soft era
Speaker 1: because like he's He's said a few things to me
Speaker 1: recently where I'm like, you know, Miles, he was softening up.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, he hugged me for like eight minutes at
Speaker 3: my party, so I was like, maybe this means he's proud.
Speaker 1: He is proud of you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my brother came.
Speaker 1: It was nice.
Speaker 2: It was fun.
Speaker 3: Anyway, you guys, we have a very special guest today
Speaker 3: in house, one that I have personally stalked for probably upwards.
Speaker 2: Of a year to two.
Speaker 3: You know, That's how my stocking is, just how I
Speaker 3: put the spidy senses, the frequencies out to who's going
Speaker 3: to be the guest. And this week we have the
Speaker 3: founder of the Progressive Love Academy, wife, mother, businesswoman, entrepreneur,
Speaker 3: matriarch Kennya Stevens. Not hello, polyamory expert Polly every expert. Okay, basically,
Speaker 3: you guys, she's mastering life.
Speaker 2: She has ten husbands. She didn't want to be sensational
Speaker 2: about that. I want to know.
Speaker 1: I got questions. Okay, tense, you got ten husbands.
Speaker 2: I don't know how many. Oh, actually, I mean I
Speaker 2: have husband's boyfriends and friends.
Speaker 1: They are different categories.
Speaker 2: I can say clearly, I have four husbands that are
Speaker 2: life partners.
Speaker 1: Will you say? Okay? Husbands in the traditional sense, like
Speaker 1: you guys walk down the aisle, put a ring on it,
Speaker 1: and then like went to the courts because you didn't
Speaker 1: go to the court to the court, but you have
Speaker 1: a ring for each fall four Like.
Speaker 2: No, I only have a ring for the one that
Speaker 2: I most recently married.
Speaker 1: Where's your original? Husband?
Speaker 2: Said?
Speaker 1: Good?
Speaker 2: I don't wear that like I switch them out. I
Speaker 2: don't just wear them all at the same time.
Speaker 1: I'm good.
Speaker 2: You should I am not being bougie.
Speaker 1: I should be boogie. You shouldn't be more boogie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you need them all four.
Speaker 2: So this is my ring from husband number three.
Speaker 1: This is my ring and one might feel less than
Speaker 1: the other though, because like one is like smaller than
Speaker 1: the other. That would yeah play egos, Yeah, oh lesson.
Speaker 3: You should have you saw the hand. You should have
Speaker 3: stepped your game up. Okay, if you're gonna be number four,
Speaker 3: you gotta come with the fourth.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: When I first found Kenya on the internet, I immediately
Speaker 3: showed Orlando.
Speaker 2: I was like, look at her. She has a lot
Speaker 2: of husbands, and he was like, get that shit on
Speaker 2: my face.
Speaker 1: He was just like, keep open minded.
Speaker 2: No, he wasn't really trying to hear me have multiple husbands.
Speaker 3: But I've been massaging it, and he massaging it deeply
Speaker 3: into his aura.
Speaker 1: That's why she was on love like this. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know what, she's here.
Speaker 3: We should just talk to her so you can get
Speaker 3: a better understanding of the husbands.
Speaker 1: You want more, you want more than one husband? No,
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: But I'm not opposed to having friends like other friends.
Speaker 2: I do think that.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I feel like there's probably a point in relationships where
Speaker 3: you're like, yeah, go hang out with bedseed nigga, you know, like,
Speaker 3: I just feel like I understand that there may be
Speaker 3: a time in our relationship where things will come up
Speaker 3: and like feelings, where other people may exist.
Speaker 2: I know you're looking at me fucking crazy because.
Speaker 1: A looking at her like that. Im she's she's She's not.
Speaker 2: I know you.
Speaker 3: So now are you judg meantal with Polly? No, just
Speaker 3: she's me ziom into her face because she thinks that
Speaker 3: I'm jealous.
Speaker 1: Really, I don't know what. I don't think that.
Speaker 2: I don't think think you're too jealous to ever consider polyamory.
Speaker 1: I don't think ever. I just think that, you know,
Speaker 1: it's just you know, it's gonna take some time. It
Speaker 1: can'ta take some time. It does.
Speaker 2: It's nothing to jump into, for sure. I'm not pressed.
Speaker 3: I'm just I know that, you know, long term marriage
Speaker 3: requires a lot of layers of understanding and shit happens,
Speaker 3: and I'm not I'm not projecting that in the future
Speaker 3: Orlena is going to suggest there'd be another wife because
Speaker 3: I probably will cut him.
Speaker 1: But see literally, but you have to cut him.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, oh.
Speaker 1: You mean not not get rid of him. She means
Speaker 1: like actually, she means like violence. She means like, actually
Speaker 1: shame me first, do not?
Speaker 3: No, I mean, we've had our experiences. We're not completely monogamous.
Speaker 3: We're not monogamous. We're honogamous. I forget to tell you, Like,
Speaker 3: we're honogamous. We are open to indulging experiences that are
Speaker 3: pleasurable with each other. You know, we're we're open into
Speaker 3: having the conversations and doing the things. And we've done things,
Speaker 3: but mostly together.
Speaker 1: It's interesting. So last night I was watching Couples Therapy,
Speaker 1: and I my favorite show, all right, and so I've
Speaker 1: like tapped in and tapped out, and like, I was like,
Speaker 1: let me just start a whole new season. I don't
Speaker 1: care about those other people anymore. I'm bored. So I
Speaker 1: started with season four and there was a Paulle couple
Speaker 1: right right, and and then I was thinking. I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: I'm come here tomorrow and I'm gonna intervie Kenya, and
Speaker 1: like I'm watching their dynamic and that poly couple has
Speaker 1: some problems, specifically the man. He might be a narcissist.
Speaker 1: But I was just I just thought, like I think
Speaker 1: their dynamic was interesting because they're not actually they're not
Speaker 1: sleeping together. I think there's a lot of misconceptions around polyamory,
Speaker 1: and I would love for you to speak to those two,
Speaker 1: but I think one of those misconceptions is that everyone's
Speaker 1: sleeping with one another. Oh god no. And so specifically
Speaker 1: with their dynamic on the show was like one was
Speaker 1: like a primary, then the other one was secondary. Then
Speaker 1: they were talking about like I have all these words,
Speaker 1: I've never heard of anarchy or something relationship anarchy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember that. I remember that.
Speaker 1: But like one of them like lives in Vegas half
Speaker 1: the time. She was the original Primary, so she was
Speaker 1: originally she's in the circus. She's the original Primary, but
Speaker 1: she wanted to go have like go do her career,
Speaker 1: and so the secondary has kind of come in and
Speaker 1: become primary sort of, but like it wasn't really spoken about.
Speaker 1: So then Primary decided to come to New York and
Speaker 1: spend more time and her her boyfriend was like not
Speaker 1: excited about it when she was like, wait, but I'm Primary.
Speaker 1: What the fuck? Like what are you talking about? Like
Speaker 1: this is you've asked me to come, and so I
Speaker 1: don't know. I was just like this. This is why
Speaker 1: I think polyamory in general gets a negative rap because
Speaker 1: it feels like there's so many dynamics that have to
Speaker 1: be considered, There's so many emotions and have to be considered,
Speaker 1: and relationships one on one are hard. Is hard enough
Speaker 1: that it's like now we have to consider all these
Speaker 1: people's feelings and have a job and be a parent
Speaker 1: and like, you know, deal with the world in life.
Speaker 1: Like so it's like I'd rather just do one.
Speaker 2: It's not for the faint of heart.
Speaker 1: No, No, I mean I know. And when I was
Speaker 1: watching them, I was like, this is there. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm only on I think I fell asleep like after
Speaker 1: episode three, but I was like, this ain't gonna work. Hey,
Speaker 1: they they might need Kenya because I don't know. Even
Speaker 1: the therapist was looking at them like.
Speaker 2: She therapists do not coach Polly. I don't know why
Speaker 2: they're trying to do that.
Speaker 1: She was looking at him like you have issues and
Speaker 1: these bitches need to leave you.
Speaker 2: I mean there, you know what.
Speaker 3: The one thing I'll say about Couple's Therapy is what
Speaker 3: you recognize is that everybody's issue stems from childhood, and
Speaker 3: it's so much and that this takes a gentle nudging
Speaker 3: to figure out from where. Yes, and most people are
Speaker 3: searching for things to compensate it, to fill voids that
Speaker 3: they haven't even begun to figure out.
Speaker 2: Yes, and so it's like you're.
Speaker 3: Never going to be in a relationship that's fulfilling because
Speaker 3: you're literally trying to avoid yourself and that shit doesn't
Speaker 3: work well.
Speaker 2: I really, I've not seen couple's therapy, so I don't
Speaker 2: want to, you know, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know their situation.
Speaker 2: But nobody in growing up in the USA, in Western
Speaker 2: culture is ready for polyamory. Polyamory is not something you
Speaker 2: just decide to do. I don't know why people are
Speaker 2: doing that. Is it a fad? I mean, has it
Speaker 2: become a fad? Yeah? I made it a fat first.
Speaker 1: I mean I brought it fat.
Speaker 2: I brought a mainstream and now people think somehow it's easy.
Speaker 1: It's not.
Speaker 2: It's something that you really have to be prepared for.
Speaker 2: So that's what I do. You know, Okay.
Speaker 1: So when you look at like couples like Neo okay,
Speaker 1: and his dynamic is not polyamoral. Okay, So I was
Speaker 1: gonna ask you, like, what is it? Yeah, what is
Speaker 1: the perception of what you've seen so far in their dynamic?
Speaker 1: Is that a polyamorous relationship or is that just a
Speaker 1: man getting his rocks off with a bunch of different
Speaker 1: women and them just getting polyandry. Polyandry means that I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be with all of these women and these women
Speaker 1: have to be monogamous. To me, that's not polyamory. So polyandry.
Speaker 2: I don't even coach polyandry because that's like me coaching slavery.
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm gonna help you get slaves.
Speaker 2: I mean, that would be no. Not, it's not ethical
Speaker 2: I think of And I'm not judging neo. I'm just
Speaker 2: saying he shouldn't call that polyamory unless the women are
Speaker 2: also free. No, I don't think that they're they're not.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I heard him say that they choose to be loyal
Speaker 3: monogamous to him, and so they choose to be Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's what if.
Speaker 2: They didn't choose that, would he be okay with them? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Most of the men that i've just who call themselves Polly.
Speaker 3: When I ask that question, because that's always my first question,
Speaker 3: it's always no. And then I go, I can't hear
Speaker 3: anything else you say, because nigga, you sound stupid.
Speaker 2: Because they don't even know the name of the definition
Speaker 2: of what they're doing.
Speaker 3: Right, soogyny, So how can I even yeah, how can
Speaker 3: we even continue the conversation? When you want people, you
Speaker 3: want things that are one sided. You don't want partners,
Speaker 3: you want minions and rights, indentured slaves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my husband came to me with that at first,
Speaker 2: you know, he he thought of polygyny. That was the
Speaker 2: first you know, that was the first stop on our polyamory.
Speaker 1: Okay, So polyandry, polyamory, and polygyny, Yes, what is polygyny.
Speaker 2: Polygyny is when one man wants to have multiple female partners,
Speaker 2: but those women cannot have other men.
Speaker 1: Okay, but I thought that was that's not polyandry.
Speaker 2: No, Polyandry is when one woman wants multiple male partners
Speaker 2: and all those partners are monogamous to her.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, So it's okay, got, I gotta got.
Speaker 2: And polyamory is more around that centrifugal force where everyone
Speaker 2: is free. That's where I live. I don't know any
Speaker 2: women who are polyandrous, except the ones who's lying to
Speaker 2: the man and saying that she's monogamous to them and
Speaker 2: she has a collection of men but that's not really
Speaker 2: polyandry because those men would know about each other. Right.
Speaker 2: All of the Pollyes talk about consent, talk about honesty,
Speaker 2: talk about, you know, being able to express yourself authentically
Speaker 2: in your lining. Hear that if you're actually Polly, you're honest. Okay, Now,
Speaker 2: there's a difference between honesty and authenticity.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 2: I don't believe in honesty so much. We should talk
Speaker 2: about that. Yeah, because a lot of people say, well,
Speaker 2: you should be honest, honest about what. Usually when people
Speaker 2: say you should be honest, they're saying you should tell
Speaker 2: me who you slept with. It's not really a thing authentic,
Speaker 2: Like I can authentically tell you. If you ask me
Speaker 2: where I was last night, I can say authentically, I
Speaker 2: don't feel like sharing that with you, I don't feel
Speaker 2: safe sharing that with you, or don't feel like you
Speaker 2: we know each other well enough for me to owe
Speaker 2: you that information. That's an authentic answer. When people say honesty,
Speaker 2: tell me where you were last night, Well, at ten o'clock,
Speaker 2: I was here.
Speaker 1: At eleven o'clock, I was here. I was with this person.
Speaker 1: No one is honest. Well, that's because because that goes
Speaker 1: back to that's even when we're talking about the difference
Speaker 1: between honesty and transparency, right, it's like right, transparency is
Speaker 1: usually when you're forthright, you're forthcoming, You're going to share
Speaker 1: without being asked.
Speaker 3: But if you feel interrogated by the questions, you are
Speaker 3: not gonna I'm not gonna tell you shit because why
Speaker 3: the fucking you in my business?
Speaker 4: Did?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: And then you won't be transparent if you're secretly feeling
Speaker 2: terrified that you're gonna see jump down your throat. Right,
Speaker 2: But authentically, I could say, hey, I really don't feel
Speaker 2: comfortable sharing with you because last time you jumped down
Speaker 2: my throat. So I'm gonna hold that information that is authentic.
Speaker 1: So I want to know where did this all begin
Speaker 1: for you? Like when did you begin? I guess you're
Speaker 1: in your journey into polyamory. Was that like, have you
Speaker 1: always been kind of just open or was this something
Speaker 1: something occur or a relationship dynamic occur where you're like, yeah, nah.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean starting at the beginning, y'all know, all
Speaker 2: humans are very open. You have to think back to
Speaker 2: the second grade to the fifth grade.
Speaker 1: That was our boyfriend. We like him, like we like him,
Speaker 1: So you know, humans are not a monogamous species.
Speaker 2: Monogamous species only have sex with one other per lifetime,
Speaker 2: and if that mate should die, their sex drive dies
Speaker 2: as well. So humans are not a monogamous species. Four
Speaker 2: percent of mammals are monogamous. So you know, if you
Speaker 2: want to go all the way back where it started,
Speaker 2: I'm talking about you, oh me, Well you know this
Speaker 2: human it's in front of me. Well, in my marriage,
Speaker 2: I've been married for thirty years, so I think a
Speaker 2: year four of my marriage, I started having feelings for
Speaker 2: other men. One in particular, who was, you know, somebody
Speaker 2: in my community circle. My husband and I went to Howard.
Speaker 2: We met at Howard and we're both Howard graduates, and
Speaker 2: so we were living in DC. I'm in in DC,
Speaker 2: and we had beautiful communities. But yeah, I felt myself
Speaker 2: attracted to somebody, and I did tell my husband, and
Speaker 2: I told my marriage counselors, and they told me to
Speaker 2: nix it. They said, this is not acceptable. But how
Speaker 2: do you nix having dreams? You know, moist dreams about
Speaker 2: a man, and really, you know, how do you stop
Speaker 2: the dreams? How do you stop the desire? You don't
Speaker 2: and you can't. And nobody told me that before I
Speaker 2: got married. I thought when you get married, magically you
Speaker 2: have the ring on it and you magically do not
Speaker 2: think about other people. But that wasn't true, so that
Speaker 2: was mixed, you know, socially, I didn't carry it out then,
Speaker 2: like at year eleven, my husband had the same experience
Speaker 2: with somebody at his job.
Speaker 1: Wait, so how did your husband take it when you
Speaker 1: told him at year four?
Speaker 2: You know, my husband and I are very spiritual. We
Speaker 2: were also involved in spiritual community, so we already knew that,
Speaker 2: you know, you can handle emotion, you can handle people's authenticity.
Speaker 2: We had learned that through our spiritual practices, meditation and
Speaker 2: yoga and all the function way, and we were deep
Speaker 2: into this world. So he wasn't like what No, He
Speaker 2: was just like, okay, that's good. What should we do?
Speaker 2: He wasn't upset. And when he told me about another
Speaker 2: woman at eleven year eleven, I wasn't upset. He hadn't
Speaker 2: had sex with her. I hadn't had sex with the guy.
Speaker 2: We were just having authentic conversations. So what was our
Speaker 2: training in that? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I wish more people could do it, though it makes
Speaker 1: you friends first. So then after year eleven when this
Speaker 1: was revealed. Still know that you guys didn't open up
Speaker 1: your relationship then.
Speaker 2: No, because I said, you know, he said, well, I'm
Speaker 2: thinking about prologyny.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: I was like, what, like we not Like I'm from Detroit,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not from Mississippi somewhere. I'm not from Africa.
Speaker 1: I don't know where they do polygyny.
Speaker 2: If I was just telling him, if you would like
Speaker 2: to seriously pursue her, I would like to do that
Speaker 2: as well, and he would.
Speaker 1: Just shut me down.
Speaker 2: Never mind. Yeah, I mean he did a full U
Speaker 2: turn and for two years after that he dropped that conversation.
Speaker 2: I mean we talked about it over those two years,
Speaker 2: but it wasn't until I met somebody again and I
Speaker 2: called him from the conference I was at, like a
Speaker 2: green conference, and I said, babe, like I met this
Speaker 2: person who I'm resonating with. And this time he was like,
Speaker 2: go ahead and talk to him. Okay, just call me
Speaker 2: when you're done. Don't go to his room, just talk
Speaker 2: to him and see where it goes. And I did
Speaker 2: so he sort of let me go first, and like
Speaker 2: he never wanted to say, yes, you can have other men.
Speaker 2: He was just like oh it happened.
Speaker 1: Okay, Like, so what was that first experience, Like, I
Speaker 1: don't know if that was the not necessarily that experience,
Speaker 1: but the experience where you actually did take it to
Speaker 1: the next steps. I'm curious, Like, well, I try to
Speaker 1: take it to the next step with that guy. So
Speaker 1: I did come home.
Speaker 2: I didn't at the conference, but I came home told
Speaker 2: my husband I like him blah blah blah, and he
Speaker 2: wants me to come to California and see him and
Speaker 2: talk to him and get like stay at his house.
Speaker 2: My husband was like, okay, but he I think my
Speaker 2: husband knew that if he wanted something, he had to
Speaker 2: let me go first. Like, if you're the main one
Speaker 2: who wants the thing, it's gonna behoove you to.
Speaker 1: Let your partner have the same privilege.
Speaker 2: If not, this is jail, you know, you're just a
Speaker 2: warden keeping your partner in the jail. And who wants
Speaker 2: to be a married who wants to be married like that.
Speaker 2: So he was like, Okay, you can do this. But
Speaker 2: I was so scared on that plane ride. Then I
Speaker 2: got to California. He was here working at a startup,
Speaker 2: and I got to his house and I just froze
Speaker 2: like nothing happened. My husband was at home. My husband
Speaker 2: doesn't even drink. I called him. My kids answer, where's
Speaker 2: that He's in the basement drinking. I'm like, what, he
Speaker 2: does not drink. He wouldn't even let me have a
Speaker 2: sip of wine at our honeymoon. He does not drink.
Speaker 2: He does not eat sugar. We were vegans.
Speaker 1: Like, he's everything, he's stressed, all the things he was
Speaker 1: stressed if he's drinking. So that's how it started.
Speaker 2: And then I came home and we did repair. That's
Speaker 2: what couples don't really have in their relationship is repair.
Speaker 1: What is that?
Speaker 2: That's when you you know, you have your your animal
Speaker 2: that gets really upset emotional. Then you have your ego,
Speaker 2: which is your story. She's over there, she's probably having sex.
Speaker 2: What if he's bigger, what if he's better. That's a story,
Speaker 2: it's never true. And then you have your higher self
Speaker 2: where you say, Okay, what am I learning, how am
Speaker 2: I growing? How did I feel? And what does it mean?
Speaker 2: What do I need to do next time? That's your
Speaker 2: higher processing. So repair happens in your higher processing.
Speaker 1: So did you guys already have these tools, like how
Speaker 1: did you know, to even take to take these steps
Speaker 1: with him.
Speaker 2: Yes, from our meditation, from me having three home births,
Speaker 2: from us being initiated into you know, African traditional culture.
Speaker 1: We had a lot of tools, but what we did
Speaker 1: is sort of reshape what we needed for.
Speaker 2: Our relationship because you know, you're gonna what we found
Speaker 2: at your thirty here is you're always gonna have jealousy.
Speaker 2: You're always gonna have insecurity. You're always gonna be angry
Speaker 2: if some shit happened that you don't like. You don't
Speaker 2: mother fucking like it. Your animal is not going anywhere.
Speaker 2: Your ego is not going anywhere. So the tools we've
Speaker 2: developed help us have the conversation even and like I
Speaker 2: can let my animal blast my husband, my husband's animal
Speaker 2: can blast me inside of a container that we set
Speaker 2: for that purpose.
Speaker 3: You know, I was, I was just looking at your
Speaker 3: page last night, and there is a real that I
Speaker 3: really appreciated that I never heard like it was it
Speaker 3: made much sense, but I'd never heard it like put
Speaker 3: this way. And basically you were saying like, yeah, like
Speaker 3: a lot of people are so busy suppressing the jealousy,
Speaker 3: suppressing the enemy, suppressing the ugly parts about themselves that
Speaker 3: they never let them out. And what you actually have
Speaker 3: to do is like let them out, pet them, love them,
Speaker 3: let them speak, let them roar, and like be become
Speaker 3: one with each of those things. So there's jealousy that
Speaker 3: we all have, there's insecurity that we all have. There's
Speaker 3: this you know, this animalistic like raging person. There's all
Speaker 3: these parts of us, like the shadow side essentially, but
Speaker 3: we don't give it space and air to speak its mind.
Speaker 1: Or to let like to release it.
Speaker 3: Instead, we're so busy being like ashamed of those parts
Speaker 3: of us. We shut them down immediately before they even
Speaker 3: see the light. And then there's no there's no integration
Speaker 3: of those parts of us.
Speaker 2: And I was like that makes sense, you know, but
Speaker 2: it has to be done as a safe container, because
Speaker 2: some men hear that and some people speak about that online,
Speaker 2: but they don't show you how to set up the container.
Speaker 1: They don't show you.
Speaker 2: How to soothe that animal, because you can't just let
Speaker 2: the animal out, and then you don't know how to
Speaker 2: soothe it. You the person is not soothe the ball.
Speaker 2: A lot of people get in their animal and they
Speaker 2: don't want to feel better, you know what I say.
Speaker 2: They just want to rage, and that's cool, but we
Speaker 2: need to know that inside of the container.
Speaker 1: We need to understand that first, like how long am.
Speaker 2: We gonna let the animal room?
Speaker 1: All right? Baby?
Speaker 2: Put that bitch yet, it's time for dinner, okay?
Speaker 1: And it's a it's a it's an art to be suitable.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you. So after this and
Speaker 1: after this happened, and because I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people listening probably heard like he was drinking, that means
Speaker 1: like why, well, that means it's not good, like you know,
Speaker 1: like that means like why are you fucking why are
Speaker 1: you stressing your husband out? Like clearly he didn't want
Speaker 1: this shit, Like it's abviously obviously you're you know you are.
Speaker 1: You have shown obviously you've moved past that point. And
Speaker 1: you guys created this container and communicated. And I know
Speaker 1: that you guys are parents as well. How many children
Speaker 1: do you have? Three? Three? Is this three with him? Specifically? Yes,
Speaker 1: I've been married thirty years to him. How I guess
Speaker 1: as you ventured into polyamory, how have you introduced or
Speaker 1: talked to your children about that? And how old were
Speaker 1: they when they became aware?
Speaker 2: Sure, my kids, we've been telling them this since I
Speaker 2: don't even remember, since they could talk, we told them that, look,
Speaker 2: you create your life. You can have, do or become
Speaker 2: whatever you want. We tell our children metaphysical truth, like
Speaker 2: we don't raise our kids with the same sheltering of like, no,
Speaker 2: you have to do it this way, because we want
Speaker 2: our kids to have critical thinking skills.
Speaker 1: So we said, mom and dad, this is how we
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 2: Now we're gonna tell y'all how to do stuff, how
Speaker 2: to wash the dishes, how to do y'all homework. But
Speaker 2: if you feel like you have a better way, tell
Speaker 2: us think for yourself, Mom and dad, We think for ourselves.
Speaker 2: Nobody's gonna tell us how to live because we are
Speaker 2: adults of sound mind and creative as fuck and beautiful
Speaker 2: and wise, and you know, we create this system for ourselves.
Speaker 1: Oh that's my kid. Nobody does that at school.
Speaker 2: But they're all divorced. All their friends' parents were divorced,
Speaker 2: you know, and we could have ended up divorced too.
Speaker 2: Because it gets.
Speaker 1: That way at year ten, and nobody prepares you for it.
Speaker 1: It gets that way year fifteen. Nobody prepares you.
Speaker 2: Nobody prepares you for the romance to start to wane
Speaker 2: for you not even to want to hang out with
Speaker 2: this dude, like my mom never told me that.
Speaker 3: And you're like, damn, I got all the way to
Speaker 3: the decade mark for this shit to go, like to
Speaker 3: be to dry out.
Speaker 2: And it's disheartening and you want to strangle someone because
Speaker 2: you've put so much y'all know, you put your effort
Speaker 2: as a woman into this. Then you get to a
Speaker 2: point where he don't even want to sleep it. I
Speaker 2: remember my husband said, I want a separate bedroom. We
Speaker 2: should have separate bedrooms. What I have invested in my
Speaker 2: entire youth, my entire Like, you don't want to have
Speaker 2: sex with me except for once a week now it
Speaker 2: was three days, it was every day, Like what is this?
Speaker 2: Nobody tells you it is chemical cocktail in your brain.
Speaker 2: The bonding phase is when you're in love. I didn't
Speaker 2: even feel like I was in love at year fifteen,
Speaker 2: and I was not, And no one prepared me to
Speaker 2: switch from being in love to having unconditional love with
Speaker 2: my husband.
Speaker 1: But that's where we are now.
Speaker 2: Would you say you're in love?
Speaker 1: Hell? No with my husband? Yeah no?
Speaker 2: Are you in love with any of your husbands? I
Speaker 2: was in love with my younger husband, Tiger that has Wayne.
Speaker 2: We're at year ten. See, we need to be prepared.
Speaker 2: I was not even prepared for that. I thought, like, oh.
Speaker 1: So you think so this is a fact that for
Speaker 1: you think every couple that eventually they get into a
Speaker 1: space where they're no longer in love. And it's if
Speaker 1: you are able to move through that you get to
Speaker 1: the unconditional part. But the in love kind of dies
Speaker 1: it it does not or expands it. It expands into something.
Speaker 1: Thank you, you see that difference. It expands into something greater.
Speaker 1: In love is a chemical cocktail. Why y'all ask me this.
Speaker 2: You've been in love, you know that you're in love,
Speaker 2: and then you go you're here, and then it's like,
Speaker 2: you know, that feeling is not the same from the
Speaker 2: first time, just like a crack here. You know you
Speaker 2: can't and you know and we all know this is
Speaker 2: a fact of life. Even your favorite food. Let's say
Speaker 2: your favorite food is macaroni and cheese. If you eat
Speaker 2: it every day for a month, is it the same
Speaker 2: as when you just really crave mac and cheese because
Speaker 2: you haven't had it in a while. No, it's different.
Speaker 3: Do you find that some in some some ways. Some
Speaker 3: days you're like again, like that chemical cocktail is present
Speaker 3: for your husbands or one of the you know, like
Speaker 3: some day do you feel like you go in and
Speaker 3: out of love or you feel like that.
Speaker 2: Well this is where marriage counselors come in and say, well,
Speaker 2: where's some different draws and go to a hotel, go
Speaker 2: to Costa Rica, you know, go do the because it
Speaker 2: will stimulate you in a different way. But the first
Speaker 2: time cocktail chemical cocktail, because that cocktail is meant to
Speaker 2: bond you, and so it's gonna be strong. It's come
Speaker 2: as pumping, you know, but once you're bonded, it's not
Speaker 2: going to be at that same level.
Speaker 1: Doesn't need to be. I don't know why. As we
Speaker 1: got to ask the universe.
Speaker 2: Oh I know why, let me stop lying, because humans cannot.
Speaker 1: Exist without what love? What kept humans alive? Waterword, water
Speaker 1: and shelter?
Speaker 2: You said it community, tribe, you can You could not
Speaker 2: exist today if it was just you two on the planet.
Speaker 1: You don't have enough resources to go.
Speaker 2: Get to this and the food and to go get
Speaker 2: the water. Humans need community to survive. So if we
Speaker 2: stayed at that in love with one person and tried
Speaker 2: to run off in the sunset like gibbons. Gibbons are
Speaker 2: real monogamous species. They live in a tree away from
Speaker 2: everybody else. Humans have to have community to survive, so
Speaker 2: that has to die down, so we go community.
Speaker 3: You have to go bond with other people in order
Speaker 3: to survive, and so your chemicals in your brain are saying, Okay,
Speaker 3: you've established this love of this person. Now these chemicals
Speaker 3: are going on off because you need to continue to
Speaker 3: create bonds with people.
Speaker 2: And it happened faster for men, and I think, no shit,
Speaker 2: Women keep it in place because we got more of
Speaker 2: the subconscious like memories, and we've been instill with more romance.
Speaker 1: It's true we.
Speaker 2: Socialize a different way, like yeah.
Speaker 1: So we hold no.
Speaker 2: Baby dewey, Baby dewey, bitches love to hold on.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: It was hard with my husband when we transitioned into
Speaker 2: unconditional love because I just couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1: I could not believe this was happening. Was it a positive?
Speaker 1: Couldn't believe it or like a no? It was hardest sadness. Baby.
Speaker 1: I was not prepared for this. I did this on
Speaker 1: my own. It was no polyamory groups, right.
Speaker 2: The first African American poly family to come out and
Speaker 2: say this out loud.
Speaker 1: You understand. We were alone.
Speaker 2: We started the first poly groups and it was just
Speaker 2: it was terrifying. I didn't know if this was gonna work.
Speaker 1: You're like, I hope right. I was just like, this
Speaker 1: is hard.
Speaker 2: But along the way we built every tool into it
Speaker 2: that we needed, and now we just wrote twelve books
Speaker 2: about it and we helped thousands of couples with it.
Speaker 1: Twelve books. Wow, we've read a.
Speaker 2: Lot of us now.
Speaker 1: I think for the people listening to who are maybe
Speaker 1: interested in polyamory, or even just maybe listening and just
Speaker 1: being like, what the fuck? How like for you on
Speaker 1: this journey of being in love and then transitioning into
Speaker 1: unconditional love and then like meeting other men and then
Speaker 1: being in love, has ever read a point where you
Speaker 1: have felt like, especially in polyamory, because you have these
Speaker 1: different points of references right where you're like, oh damn, like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I like this feeling. I remember this feeling.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm not maybe this isn't working anymore, Maybe like
Speaker 1: I need to move on from this relationship because now
Speaker 1: I have this feeling I mean love again, and maybe
Speaker 1: I don't love you anymore? Maybe it's time for us
Speaker 1: to depart. Like we've we've, we've we've done the thing,
Speaker 1: you know, like, how do you how have you been
Speaker 1: able to traverse that space? Because I think that's a
Speaker 1: natural a feeling, right, especially when you're getting that that
Speaker 1: that about that boost of oxytocin and and all of that,
Speaker 1: and that adrenaline that that new love gives you. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's pumping. It's like a cocktail. I felt that way.
Speaker 2: But I loved the feeling of unconditional love with my
Speaker 2: husband once I saw that.
Speaker 1: My husband.
Speaker 2: See, this was my issue, and this is why I
Speaker 2: didn't have sex the first time I came to California
Speaker 2: with that because I didn't know if he would respect
Speaker 2: me afterwards.
Speaker 1: Your husband, Yes, most of them, Like I didn't know.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'll take a puff if we if we taken
Speaker 2: a time.
Speaker 1: Off, let me you know, let me take a puff.
Speaker 1: Matter fact, we about to go deeper.
Speaker 2: A cocktail.
Speaker 1: We have cock tales of joints. Here me and Mila.
Speaker 1: This is a real smoker's ash tray. We have about
Speaker 1: four different different blunts that have a unsmoking Which one
Speaker 1: would you like? Close your eyes and pick one.
Speaker 2: Well, I saw y'all smoking on the show. I brought
Speaker 2: my face. You don't have nothing good like that. But
Speaker 2: what were you saying? I was saying that I didn't
Speaker 2: know what unconditional love felt.
Speaker 1: Like, and you were worried that he was going to
Speaker 1: judge you.
Speaker 2: I was you would judge me, and that he would
Speaker 2: fall out of love because at that time, you know,
Speaker 2: we were just coming from being in love. What's next.
Speaker 2: I've never heard of unconditional love. I've never heard of
Speaker 2: unconditional love. I don't know if my I just didn't
Speaker 2: know what it was.
Speaker 1: Well, I think, especially in this society, people really tell
Speaker 1: you that unconditional love really only exists between children and
Speaker 1: like their parents that like it's it's always going to
Speaker 1: be somewhat conditional.
Speaker 2: Or women to men.
Speaker 3: Men rarely you really find men they're willing to be
Speaker 3: have unconditioned love for women.
Speaker 2: Women will forgive men time and time and time.
Speaker 3: After they cheat, after they are disloyal, after they're dishonest.
Speaker 3: But if a woman does the same shit, fuck her, right,
Speaker 3: she's a whore.
Speaker 2: Right, there's no recovery.
Speaker 1: There's no recovery.
Speaker 3: That's what it was giving us, a recovery for women, right,
Speaker 3: that sticks in us, even if you know your husband
Speaker 3: or you assume I'm disposable.
Speaker 2: I guess I had watched enough TV, or heard that
Speaker 2: from enough men, or just felt that so much from society.
Speaker 2: I was just like, I can't do it. So once
Speaker 2: I did. Do you know?
Speaker 1: Once?
Speaker 2: I did get with men after that experience, clearly? But man,
Speaker 2: my husband's still loving me and still being willing to
Speaker 2: be with me like that, and still being willing to
Speaker 2: be in my house and work and pay.
Speaker 1: I never worked. I've never worked.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I'm not losing that.
Speaker 1: Right. Take me back home, right, give me back home
Speaker 1: to my husband.
Speaker 2: I have a comfortable home, beautiful life, three children, you
Speaker 2: know so. But yeah, but once I, once I felt
Speaker 2: unconditional love, it feels just as good as being in love.
Speaker 2: It starts. It's not the same chemical cocktail.
Speaker 1: It's just a deep level of.
Speaker 2: Safety and comfort and the freedom to know you can
Speaker 2: be yourself is better. Like to me, it's better than
Speaker 2: being in love.
Speaker 1: In love, you got questions still in love? Is it
Speaker 1: gonna last? In love?
Speaker 2: Is it gonna?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Being unconditional love, I know that he would never leave me,
Speaker 2: and I would never leave him.
Speaker 1: We wouldn't have we wouldn't have a reason to, right right.
Speaker 1: I know that you do a lot of coaching for
Speaker 1: people that are, you know, in this interested or navigating
Speaker 1: polyamory of wanting to open up their marriages. What would
Speaker 1: you say, are like three three ways to know that
Speaker 1: you're ready for this? Because I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people are like, yeah, we could do it, like let's
Speaker 1: do it, and then they get in there and then
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, way as a disaster zone because they
Speaker 1: haven't really fully considered what this actually entails.
Speaker 2: Are there any like, yeah, they're not ready. We have
Speaker 2: a four step path to open love. Step one is
Speaker 2: authentic communication. If you're not able to sit and fall
Speaker 2: apart in front of your partner and your partner holds
Speaker 2: space for you, you're not ready. If you have to keep
Speaker 2: half of your brain to yourself because you're worried about
Speaker 2: being judged, you're not ready. If you need to sneak
Speaker 2: around like people say they're Polly and they still cheating,
Speaker 2: how you polly? Polyamory is a spirituality. It's a spiritual
Speaker 2: practice of becoming authentic, becoming full of yourself, and embracing
Speaker 2: yourself so learning about that people that.
Speaker 1: Okay, I got step one.
Speaker 2: I'm already authentic because I say what I said on
Speaker 2: my mind.
Speaker 1: That's not a gentlemen, are you hearing this? I authentically said,
Speaker 1: fucking giving sign me up, Polly right.
Speaker 2: That's not authenticity. That is your ability to be radically honest.
Speaker 2: But honesty is not really needed in polyamory. Authenticity is needed.
Speaker 1: What's number two on this path? Oh?
Speaker 2: Number two on this path it gets a little bit deeper.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I can really go into each
Speaker 2: of the steps. Because do you feel like you've ever
Speaker 2: had a relationship where you were fully authentic or where
Speaker 2: the person was fully authentic with you? Right now?
Speaker 1: Now you do? Yeah, okay, how does it feel safe?
Speaker 2: Yes, it feels empowering, supportive, free.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But two has to do with having friendships of the
Speaker 2: opposite sex, can you Because some marriages you can't even
Speaker 2: have a friend.
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean that's I mean, that's all we hear.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's what I not in our friend group.
Speaker 1: But what I see on the internet a lot is
Speaker 1: just like he can't have no friends, she can't have
Speaker 1: no homeboys. Like, yeah, you what you need a homeboyfriend
Speaker 1: and I remember and I've had that experience too, like
Speaker 1: even in my in my past relationships where actually just
Speaker 1: my past relationship where my partner really was like didn't
Speaker 1: understand why I needed male friends. And if he hadn't
Speaker 1: heard of this name in the last six months, that
Speaker 1: niggain's your friend. I never heard you talking about this nigga.
Speaker 1: Who is this nigga? Oh wow?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, it's nigga Allan on you a year.
Speaker 2: It's isolated, it's.
Speaker 3: Isolay, but it's also men saying I know men and
Speaker 3: no man wants to be your friend. They want to
Speaker 3: fuck you. Yeah, I've heard that men don't really want
Speaker 3: to be your friend, they want to fuck you. And
Speaker 3: I know because I'm a man.
Speaker 2: Well, even if that's true, you're not. He doesn't trust
Speaker 2: that you're not going to right right. And now that
Speaker 2: goes back to authentic communication because he's not authentically sharing that.
Speaker 2: He's afraid about that and that would hurt him very deeply.
Speaker 2: And this is authenticity comes with vulnerability.
Speaker 1: If you're if you.
Speaker 2: And your partner aren't really vulnerable with each other yet,
Speaker 2: you're just not ready for Polly because Polly is gonna
Speaker 2: break you down. It broke me all the way down
Speaker 2: to finding the core roots of my insecurity. Like in
Speaker 2: my family growing up, for instance, I was the smart one.
Speaker 2: My sister was the pretty one. My sister's a pageant girl, honey,
Speaker 2: she five foot eleven, gorgeous. I was like, you know,
Speaker 2: five foot four, lets, you know.
Speaker 1: And I didn't have.
Speaker 2: No friends like she had the in crowd everything. So
Speaker 2: every time my husband got a woman, I was my
Speaker 2: inner girl was surveying who's more beautiful here? Because if
Speaker 2: she was, then I felt like I was gonna get
Speaker 2: to ill treatment because my uncles will be over my sister,
Speaker 2: she's so pretty and blah blah blah, and so my
Speaker 2: little girl would be right there in the room m hm,
Speaker 2: who is.
Speaker 1: On the top room here in terms of looks?
Speaker 2: And you have to start to heal that and start
Speaker 2: to know those connections in order to be Polly.
Speaker 1: This is not a game. And the men have to
Speaker 1: do it too, and they don't hardly do it with monogaphy.
Speaker 3: And once you realize that, once you rooted it back
Speaker 3: to that feeling and then what it's like, then how
Speaker 3: what is it required to then feed that little girl
Speaker 3: to heal a little girl like that is something like
Speaker 3: the whole other set of you know tools.
Speaker 2: That well, that's lacing, that's e ft, that's forgiveness work.
Speaker 2: There's hundreds of modalities to do it. I do ceremonial work.
Speaker 2: This is what I do with my clients because they
Speaker 2: come to me and say, we want to be Polly,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, okay, sit on down, we about to
Speaker 2: do twelve months because you're gonna have to find these
Speaker 2: roots first. You're gonna have to be able to discuss
Speaker 2: this with your partner first, where if something comes up
Speaker 2: you say, oh my god, this is reminding me I'm
Speaker 2: in my little girl. I need help.
Speaker 1: I need help is something a man has to say
Speaker 1: in Polly, who's ready? M I mean, I would imagine
Speaker 1: so many people fall off. They're like, fuck this shit.
Speaker 2: Never mind, bitch sucking, never mind.
Speaker 1: He's got me talking about I need help.
Speaker 2: I didn't ask for that. I needed help.
Speaker 1: I was getting pussy.
Speaker 2: That's why cheating is easier. And it's sixty six percent
Speaker 2: of those married today are just doing that.
Speaker 1: You know, Polly is a spiritual path. I never heard it.
Speaker 1: Doug talked about that way. That's an interesting, I guess
Speaker 1: way to experience it or see it. And it makes
Speaker 1: sense obviously too. You know that, like just being able
Speaker 1: to a be yourself number one is a spiritual act,
Speaker 1: and then just knowing that sexual energy is the most
Speaker 1: powerful energy in the world. So then weaving those things together,
Speaker 1: I mean, and I'm sure there's even more things that
Speaker 1: we've into Polly that it does. It creates this this
Speaker 1: spiritual energy that when you are able to share with
Speaker 1: one person, I'm sure that you've had moments of extreme
Speaker 1: like feelings of ecstasy and euphoria in your life because
Speaker 1: you're able to be yourself. Oh my god, said yourself.
Speaker 2: Every year I got younger when we were probably I
Speaker 2: was getting older. I was getting older than you know,
Speaker 2: I stopped being able to fuck who I want to fuck.
Speaker 1: Then I was.
Speaker 2: Like my body myself and you love me, You're here,
Speaker 2: Like this was beyond And that's why I'm such an
Speaker 2: advocate of it. A lot of women used to tell me, Oh.
Speaker 1: You're just doing that because your husband wants to do it.
Speaker 2: No, baby, Like, okay, I'm doing I'm freak just because
Speaker 2: my husband wants me to be freaking. No, I'm a human.
Speaker 1: I like freedom and again, and these are This is
Speaker 1: another misconception of polyamory. I think there's because there's so
Speaker 1: much shame around just just sex in general, like the
Speaker 1: the idea of a woman like actually be seeking seeking
Speaker 1: pleasure in her own way and enjoying it and saying
Speaker 1: I like that dick, and I also like that dick,
Speaker 1: and I want to know what that dick's like. Like,
Speaker 1: we're not supposed to ever say those things. No, everyone never,
Speaker 1: They only want one dick forever.
Speaker 2: What are you imagine the man? Imagine the man.
Speaker 1: And that the man is like, im no, no, no no.
Speaker 2: The judgment that the man receives.
Speaker 3: But if you're like, if you're the wife that's like,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, my man allows this. The type of man
Speaker 3: you have to be to stand in that and you're like, yeah,
Speaker 3: because I respect my woman and she's coming back to
Speaker 3: me and X Y and Z. It requires a whole
Speaker 3: other level of things because you have to be mad
Speaker 3: enough to not be like tam everybody thinks I have
Speaker 3: a woman's a whore.
Speaker 2: Right, and I'm spoiled in that way because my husband's
Speaker 2: a Gemini. So geminis and typically are not super possessive anyway.
Speaker 2: So they do have OCD though. So he does like
Speaker 2: everything in the house to be you know, like everything
Speaker 2: to look good and feel good and like we're upstanding.
Speaker 1: You can't look at me and say, oh, look at that.
Speaker 2: No, look at this paid ass bitch who got three
Speaker 2: companies who run businesses in Africa in the US, and
Speaker 2: all my husband's wives and all my husbands work for me.
Speaker 2: So you're not looking at what you're typically looking at
Speaker 2: when you think of a sex pot, you know.
Speaker 1: So that's been a benefit for me.
Speaker 2: The other thing I will tell y'all is my ancestors
Speaker 2: told me again back to the spiritual path of Polly
Speaker 2: once I started to meet people, because you asked, well,
Speaker 2: what do you do if you're in love with this
Speaker 2: one and you're not in love with your husband? She
Speaker 2: told me, Honey, women used to understand this system, and
Speaker 2: I call this system the feminine choice Paard. So she said,
Speaker 2: one of your chakras are going to be spinning when
Speaker 2: you meet any man. When you meet a man that
Speaker 2: you want to have sex with, instantly your root chakra spinning.
Speaker 2: You can feel it, you can feel the engorgement. You
Speaker 2: can also know that if he asked me to go
Speaker 2: home tonight.
Speaker 1: I'm going home. I will ride his dick tonight.
Speaker 2: Like you know that, you know, yeah. But also when
Speaker 2: you meet a man who is spinning your.
Speaker 1: Crown chakra, you know it. He's a guru, like.
Speaker 2: I want to learn from him, like I want to
Speaker 2: know more.
Speaker 1: I've known him in a past life.
Speaker 2: Like we just talk and I orgasm.
Speaker 1: But you know which chakra is spinning.
Speaker 2: She told me this, Your hard chakra be spinding with
Speaker 2: the ones use friend zone because they're emotionally responsible and
Speaker 2: they are accountable and they will be there if you're hurting.
Speaker 1: That's a heart chakra.
Speaker 2: I call it support choice, so womb choice, support choice,
Speaker 2: crown choice and all. There's nine choices. And this is
Speaker 2: another art that women need to remember, because once I did,
Speaker 2: I stopped trying to get all of them from one person, okay,
Speaker 2: because they not all spinning with one man.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's so interesting because like as a as
Speaker 3: a as a woman, you know, there's certain things that
Speaker 3: we know, and there's certain like even there's there was
Speaker 3: I'm a sexual woman.
Speaker 2: There came a.
Speaker 3: Point in my life and I realize, like, bitch, just
Speaker 3: because something's going off in you doesn't mean you need
Speaker 3: to fuck it.
Speaker 2: Yes, literally, because I would just be like huh m
Speaker 2: hmm something about that.
Speaker 3: I like, you know, like there's like a conqueror, Like
Speaker 3: we are the hunters in ways, and so at a
Speaker 3: certain age, I'm like, bitch, no, you need to sit down.
Speaker 3: Like everybody's not everyone you're attracted you. Every flower doesn't
Speaker 3: need to be picked.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: We know we're the hunters because we're the ones making
Speaker 2: the choice. Yes, and those men will serve any of us. Yeah,
Speaker 2: let me tell you what. Ask them.
Speaker 1: They will serve any of us, But it's not us
Speaker 1: who will serve any of them.
Speaker 2: We have to be spending somewhere. And yes it's not
Speaker 2: always about sex.
Speaker 3: But there is also a level of unlockment. Like I
Speaker 3: I like Orlando is such a free man and it
Speaker 3: really allows me to be myself that it's so safe.
Speaker 1: It makes me so.
Speaker 2: Like even more dedicated and loyal.
Speaker 3: To him because even like I told you that that
Speaker 3: morning after we did that, he gave me my fantasy fulfilledment,
Speaker 3: I literally woke.
Speaker 1: Up and I was like, I love him.
Speaker 2: I was like, this is why I tell you not
Speaker 2: to do this.
Speaker 3: Like I feel like something shifted to me spiritually, Like
Speaker 3: even in the middle of the thing, I was like
Speaker 3: telling both of the men, I'm like, this is healing
Speaker 3: something for me.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm really grateful. I love you both.
Speaker 3: Thank you for this, because I don't feel I don't
Speaker 3: feel disposable for being free in my sexual and that's
Speaker 3: my high if you think about women, like we birth
Speaker 3: so like that's our highest creativity. I feel like something
Speaker 3: literally was unlocked, and I I think somewhere during it,
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, this is why they
Speaker 3: tell women not.
Speaker 1: To do this.
Speaker 3: Like I literally couldn't wait to fucking tell anybody. I
Speaker 3: call people the next day and some people were like, what,
Speaker 3: like are they to do?
Speaker 1: What? Bitch?
Speaker 2: Did you hear what I said? I found that the
Speaker 2: more I got to experience what I chose, not what
Speaker 2: somebody choose. And when you get married, your husband could
Speaker 2: choose I want to have sex, and now you may
Speaker 2: not feel like it, you're a bad wife. But I
Speaker 2: never I stopped having obligatory sex with Paul Amory, Like,
Speaker 2: never do I have to have sex if I don't
Speaker 2: want to?
Speaker 1: Why is that a revolutionary concert?
Speaker 2: Like we had we were doing that before, but anyway,
Speaker 2: once I found out about my own choice, it fed
Speaker 2: me in a way that it's just made me so creative.
Speaker 2: It made me successful, It filled my bank account, it
Speaker 2: made me be able to travel the world. It made
Speaker 2: me start.
Speaker 1: You start attracting that energy that I can have whatever
Speaker 1: I want. So yeah, it just it just continues again.
Speaker 2: It less than my menopause. So wow, I got it
Speaker 2: at forty four, Like I'm done.
Speaker 1: I was like, yes, like it was.
Speaker 2: It's just put me on a different trajectory. Has that
Speaker 2: changed your sex drive a lot? It amps it up,
Speaker 2: but everybody's amped up by thirty nine. Every woman sex
Speaker 2: drive goes up before menopause because it's like the body saying, Okay,
Speaker 2: come on, let's get this, get this. We about to
Speaker 2: be done. So you amp up anyway, But yeah, mine
Speaker 2: amped up and stayed up. I don't understand any thing
Speaker 2: women are talking about with the men of palace hormone.
Speaker 2: I'm like, what are they?
Speaker 1: I'm like, are they having sex? No? No, they're not,
Speaker 1: they're not.
Speaker 2: Well, if I couldn't choose who to have sex with,
Speaker 2: I probably wouldn't be having sex either. True.
Speaker 1: So with okay, you said earlier, you have four husbands
Speaker 1: and boyfriends. They're just boyfriends have boyfriends. I can't count them.
Speaker 2: Is there a hierarchy, No, I don't believe in hierarchy.
Speaker 2: They're all I don't have, like a primary. So your
Speaker 2: thirty year husband and KRL's not your primary. No, he
Speaker 2: just got married to somebody else and went and lived
Speaker 2: with her for two years.
Speaker 1: Oh he did, yeah, but he was back and forth.
Speaker 2: I don't want to claim somebody as a primary because
Speaker 2: it becomes obligatory. It's not that I don't believe in hierarchy.
Speaker 2: I don't believe in obligatory anything.
Speaker 1: Are there are your husbands or even the boyfriends that
Speaker 1: you have, do they Are they already kind of I
Speaker 1: guess in the world of polyamory, or are you kind
Speaker 1: of like bringing them into this world and then they're
Speaker 1: learning through you.
Speaker 2: I would love to meet men who are already into
Speaker 2: baby But our charge as women, as we have to
Speaker 2: educate because our men, we have to understand.
Speaker 1: I hear the influencers saying.
Speaker 2: Men did this and decenter men blah blah. I'm like,
Speaker 2: what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Have you looked at what we've been through for the
Speaker 1: past four hundred years?
Speaker 2: And then women were the only ones Black women were
Speaker 2: thrusting through education, so we have an advantage, like in
Speaker 2: terms of education, I love educating men about this and
Speaker 2: I have to None of them that I've ever met
Speaker 2: knew anything about this world came ready like're like ready made. Yeah,
Speaker 2: men don't even come ready made for basic monogamous marriage.
Speaker 1: They really they're not. Yeah, none of us really are
Speaker 1: women either that way. Yeah, it's not so.
Speaker 2: I wish we could have a little bit more empathy
Speaker 2: and compassion for men and for everyone and for ourselves.
Speaker 2: Are I mean, are all your kids, Polly.
Speaker 3: I know your daughter is because I watched her uncoupled
Speaker 3: the trouble and Thumple and that was that was I
Speaker 3: was really locked into that season. But I'm doing about
Speaker 3: the boo because I'm thinking as a mom of a daughter,
Speaker 3: and you know, I'm a pretty free woman, and I
Speaker 3: so I see how my daughter is empowered by that.
Speaker 3: But to experience the dynamics of a relationship like you
Speaker 3: and your husband, like I guess we talked about in
Speaker 3: love like this is like a lot of you know you,
Speaker 3: a lot of you getting to this place stem from
Speaker 3: seeing the like how fucked up your family became because
Speaker 3: of infidelity. Like lots of families are just fucked infidelity
Speaker 3: and they don't recognize it's a poison. And so you're like,
Speaker 3: let me talk to if you talk about generational wealth
Speaker 3: and building and changing generational cycles, you.
Speaker 2: Have to you have to kill the thing that doesn't work.
Speaker 3: And like I'm wondering from a you know, from am
Speaker 3: I understand from a woman?
Speaker 2: I saw her on the show and she's very little
Speaker 2: baby yeah, oh yeah yeah. For the for the boys too,
Speaker 2: how have like? How have them? How them?
Speaker 1: Am high?
Speaker 2: My youngest son is engaged. No, my oldest son is engaged,
Speaker 2: and he's like works it.
Speaker 1: He lives in Detroit, Michigan. The girl because she's just
Speaker 1: like me.
Speaker 2: You know, you want your son to be with somebody
Speaker 2: who got She's like witchy and like sort of same
Speaker 2: skin complexion.
Speaker 1: I just love her. I'm like your son.
Speaker 2: He's twenty six, okay. Then my middle daughter you know her,
Speaker 2: she's a poll love coach. So I knew the poly fairy.
Speaker 2: Then my youngest son is twenty one and he is fine.
Speaker 1: He's polly.
Speaker 2: He still lives with me, and my friend came over
Speaker 2: and wanted to date him.
Speaker 1: She's like thirty five.
Speaker 2: I said, go here, honey. He needs lessons, baby, But
Speaker 2: he has multiple partners. I don't know if he would
Speaker 2: call himself polyamorous because he calls all of his partners casually.
Speaker 1: He's like sony one. He's a kid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's all one.
Speaker 1: I'm fine, I'm single. Mind.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give you all the picture so you can
Speaker 2: show it like.
Speaker 1: He's he's not.
Speaker 4: Ye.
Speaker 1: Listen, the moms will come. Mmm.
Speaker 2: That's great.
Speaker 3: Great, And we need more boys to see man, you know,
Speaker 3: just accepting women in there, in there.
Speaker 2: That's why I'm so proud of my husband. He has
Speaker 2: been through the ring or with men, all the things.
Speaker 2: I mean, I have to just millions of nasty comments
Speaker 2: over the past twenty.
Speaker 1: Years as we have birth this into reality.
Speaker 2: You understand this is a reality now that women are
Speaker 2: not playing a game men. No, they'll cheap back. Oh
Speaker 2: they got a gaggle, Oh they date multiples. Yes we
Speaker 2: are because guess what a warrior stood up.
Speaker 1: And I will do it again.
Speaker 2: If I had to rewind those twenty years, I would
Speaker 2: do it again to see where we are now. Like
Speaker 2: this is beautiful. But my husband, he's just a trooper.
Speaker 2: He's a trooper. He's my best friend. You've probably never
Speaker 2: felt like this person will never leave my side.
Speaker 1: There's nothing I can do. Does he have community himself? Like,
Speaker 1: does he have a I don't know, like a group
Speaker 1: of men that are also poly Because you guys have
Speaker 1: built such a beautiful community. I'm just curious if like
Speaker 1: he need like does he need that support? Like who
Speaker 1: does he lean on besides you in those times and
Speaker 1: have it like a like a homeboy or how does
Speaker 1: that work? No, we all need community.
Speaker 2: He has boys, we have big community groups, we do events,
Speaker 2: we have we've run communities for the past fifteen years.
Speaker 2: So we you know, we cannot exist without community. His
Speaker 2: women's support.
Speaker 1: I say this, I mean it definitely requires you to
Speaker 1: be able to be held, not to not.
Speaker 2: Be one of them guys to say nobody can know
Speaker 2: my business. People have to know your business. We want
Speaker 2: to know you, right right. That's what community is. We
Speaker 2: know one another right right. So it's it's it's it's
Speaker 2: it's a leap. Are him and Tiger friends good friends?
Speaker 1: Oh? My god?
Speaker 2: Yes, me and Tiger wouldn't be together without my husband.
Speaker 2: Tiger is Tiger, my younger husband, Okay, Tiger was a
Speaker 2: womb choice being a problem.
Speaker 1: Womb choice is tumultuous.
Speaker 2: So when you get with a womb choice, you know,
Speaker 2: because you're crazy, all of a sudden you bluop to
Speaker 2: say yesterday you had some some about yourself today And see,
Speaker 2: I wish women didn't feel shame if they just understand.
Speaker 1: That's what they call digmatized. Yeah, it's a healthy version
Speaker 1: of digmatizing. This is when you're rebranding digmatizing bitches.
Speaker 3: You've we're heeled a little bit, so now you've done
Speaker 3: the work, it will go from digmatized too.
Speaker 2: Choice digmatized is when you're like that and you aren't
Speaker 2: aware and conscious of it. Womb choices when you know
Speaker 2: it's bring and bring up your daddy issues. Womb choice
Speaker 2: bring up your daddy is.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like it could be both, bitch,
Speaker 1: because I've done the woman and they've both been digmatized.
Speaker 2: Which one you you only choose womb choices.
Speaker 1: I knew that I was walking with a nigga that
Speaker 1: was fucking me good, but it was also bringing up
Speaker 1: like trauma and triggers, and I kept doing it because
Speaker 1: it felt good in him, in me it brought up
Speaker 1: your deaf issues. Yeah, that's what warm choice.
Speaker 2: Is supposed to do.
Speaker 1: No, that wasn't It was stigmatized.
Speaker 2: Healthy choice, Yes, a healthy choice.
Speaker 1: That brought them the trigger. Technically, when this happened, I
Speaker 1: had done a lot of work.
Speaker 2: I was actively choosing to be taking It was a test.
Speaker 1: But did you know right right?
Speaker 2: And your wound was giving you healing. It's still healing
Speaker 2: even if it is digmatized. I hear men say, well,
Speaker 2: she made the wrong choice. She choosing the wrong men. Baby,
Speaker 2: every experience is here to grow us. Goot mom's bad choices.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: You have to make the You have to make the
Speaker 3: bad choices to go into the better to to pulch
Speaker 3: you into the better place.
Speaker 2: Right, the lesson is where the lesson is, where the
Speaker 2: juice is. But when you are aware, I just met
Speaker 2: me a warm choice and not one. But I'm very aware,
Speaker 2: So I know that he's going to bring out my
Speaker 2: daddy issues is going to come up. So I'm taking
Speaker 2: this slow. You understand there was a time I couldn't
Speaker 2: take it slow.
Speaker 1: Like why did he call me?
Speaker 2: We met last night of the club, Like I'm hurry up,
Speaker 2: Like I like this guy, you know, but then you
Speaker 2: start to measure and temper yourself when you understand it,
Speaker 2: when you're doing it all the time.
Speaker 3: There's ever a point where Carl's like, I don't want
Speaker 3: to hear about one more boyfriend you met this week,
Speaker 3: you caause your boyfriends.
Speaker 2: We need about one month and no boyfriends.
Speaker 1: Well, he's like that with Tiger.
Speaker 2: He really has to have He stopped fights, you know,
Speaker 2: he stopped Melei.
Speaker 1: He's he's really coached Tiger and coached us when we
Speaker 1: need help. He sit us down, just like between you guys,
Speaker 1: between Tiger and me, and he's coaching y'all.
Speaker 3: Yes, oh wow, can you imagine your husband listen, let
Speaker 3: me tell you and not be biased because it's your husband.
Speaker 2: Like but but I get his I get his ladies
Speaker 2: calling me all the damn time too. I get his
Speaker 2: ladies calling me too. Carol, did this He's not calling me.
Speaker 2: Your husband's not talking to me, what you know talking.
Speaker 1: See, I'm gonna just be honest with your candy right
Speaker 1: nowt This does not sound appealing to me. This is
Speaker 1: talking me off. The CALLI lags because I don't have
Speaker 1: time for I married time for my friends to call
Speaker 1: me with their problem. I'd be like, you call me
Speaker 1: about my nigga? Why I don't got to figure it out.
Speaker 2: We're like, we're on good terms right now. Girl, girl
Speaker 2: called me and say your husband won't pick up the phone.
Speaker 2: I've called him one hundred and twenty five times. Can
Speaker 2: you get Can you imagine? I know he's right next
Speaker 2: to you.
Speaker 1: That's what she said, Baby, we gotta change our number now.
Speaker 1: Absolutely not.
Speaker 2: But this is what I'm saying. I'm glad is talk
Speaker 2: you off the ledge of Polly because nobody's ready. You
Speaker 2: have to understand that your animal will come up.
Speaker 1: All of our.
Speaker 2: Traumas come up through that they already come up in
Speaker 2: monogamy as you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I felt like maybe I could do Polly
Speaker 1: because I'm a voyeur. And I'm also not that that
Speaker 1: this is this These are the misconceptions that I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like me thinking like these my kink's equal Polly.
Speaker 2: You know, just now to play parties, right, just need
Speaker 2: a play parties puddles.
Speaker 1: And also I do I I yeah, no, No.
Speaker 2: These are serious, long term, lifelong relationships that you're cultivating.
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe in another lifetime might be ready.
Speaker 1: I'm here to deal with other shit I don't have.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I have the It's not that
Speaker 1: I feel like I can also face those demons or
Speaker 1: those things without being polly necessarily, of course, I think
Speaker 1: that in this iteration of my life. I mean, I'll
Speaker 1: have a lot of fun and I'll do all the things,
Speaker 1: but I just think that I have to put energy elsewhere,
Speaker 1: and like, not that my relationships don't deserve energy, because
Speaker 1: they do, but I admire, like the the ability to
Speaker 1: really have the capacity to dive into the most important
Speaker 1: relationships in your life. It is it's really it's beautiful
Speaker 1: that you guys are able to navigate in that way,
Speaker 1: and that Carl can call Tiger and say, let me
Speaker 1: tell you about King and let me let me just
Speaker 1: put you on a little bit. Let don't do that
Speaker 1: no more, okay, and then you vice versa. Yes, because
Speaker 1: it's it's.
Speaker 2: A lot of community, yeah, and so a lot of
Speaker 2: people want community. Like even people think of building houses
Speaker 2: or getting apartment they don't do it because they're afraid
Speaker 2: of those ego battles. But we just set up a
Speaker 2: container when our ego come up. We know how to
Speaker 2: do with ego.
Speaker 1: Would there ever be a time where you all would
Speaker 1: co hap it together, like when you would love to
Speaker 1: I would love to have like what I'm going to
Speaker 1: do and what I am doing. I'm building one in Bali,
Speaker 1: one in.
Speaker 2: Somewhere else Africa, Nairobi, and one in the States. I
Speaker 2: am going to build communities. I'm excited about it. But
Speaker 2: everybody has to have the trainings. It's no just come
Speaker 2: on in in this part. That's how it shit starts
Speaker 2: pops off. Yeah, I've already started the trainings. It's all
Speaker 2: available on my app Meta More Meeta Moore. You go
Speaker 2: and you start getting the training step by step, not
Speaker 2: for poll but for emotional intelligence.
Speaker 3: Emotional intelligence I mean because it's going to come up
Speaker 3: and like any personal deep when you want close relationships,
Speaker 3: when you want shribe and you want in community and
Speaker 3: any family dynamic, there are going to be the issues
Speaker 3: because that's what's supposed to happen, and the triggers are
Speaker 3: supposed to come up in order for you to grow.
Speaker 3: And if you continue to isolate and shy away from
Speaker 3: those and there's never a set like really any growth.
Speaker 2: Well if you if you isolate and stay away from them,
Speaker 2: they just get bigger because the universe.
Speaker 1: Like she is it, this was her opportunity to do
Speaker 1: face this.
Speaker 2: And then you're like no, no, no, and then what's
Speaker 2: what is stagnant dies? So you know, if you're growing
Speaker 2: and moving and shifting, that means you are facing those challenges,
Speaker 2: you're facing directly head on into them. You calling them.
Speaker 1: I call the challenges like come on, Oh that's the
Speaker 1: come on, I'm ready, what's up? Like sounds like it's
Speaker 1: time for a challenge. So this is so nice. I'm
Speaker 1: so happy.
Speaker 2: So many people are talking about this now. It feels
Speaker 2: really good, you know.
Speaker 3: For I think for a long time, like early on
Speaker 3: me and Erica's podcast journey, we're like, we're gonna be open,
Speaker 3: We're gonna be Polly Polly's for us.
Speaker 2: We've made upper relationships.
Speaker 3: Because we were very much But I think there's a
Speaker 3: part of me that is like this is that's the
Speaker 3: that's the more honest way. I'm like, that is the
Speaker 3: most transparent, honest way, because essentially, like no one's ever
Speaker 3: gonna not want to ever fuck anybody else, Like I
Speaker 3: don't believe that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I know there's gonna be prettier bitches, thicker,
Speaker 2: bitches funnier.
Speaker 3: But there's always gonna I don't know about funnier, but
Speaker 3: there's always gonna be other bitches. And that's just like
Speaker 3: we're gonna see people I like, you know, all the time,
Speaker 3: it'd be sexy men or whatever the fuck. And so
Speaker 3: to like to live a relationship that's not honest to
Speaker 3: the very the thing that's.
Speaker 2: Inevitable is authentic. Yeah, authentic. It's silly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I mean, and I agree. I think that
Speaker 1: maybe I'm baby Polly. I'm not like like I'm like
Speaker 1: miniature Polly, because like I do think I know that
Speaker 1: I of course, like my attraction to niggas is never
Speaker 1: gonna die. It hasn't died. I love right now? Oh good?
Speaker 1: You know. And which choice to see? Support choice, Crown choice,
Speaker 1: womb choice, Oh can there be more than one?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Definitely support, oh beautiful, definitely listens to you, definitely woomb
Speaker 1: oh wow, all of them, Crown too.
Speaker 2: I just say those three, Well, I will tell you
Speaker 2: the other ones. We'll talk of the other ones. Right, Well,
Speaker 2: there's money choice, you know.
Speaker 1: I think, like I'm trying to think, like what was
Speaker 1: the first feeling I felt being it was definitely support
Speaker 1: like I felt safe in his presence, but I was
Speaker 1: definitely very sexually attracted to him, like the first time
Speaker 1: I ever saw him. Okay, but I think, like even
Speaker 1: even in my relationship right now, in my dynamic of course,
Speaker 1: like I'm sure just like I've been attracted to men,
Speaker 1: I'm sure he has two. I've always known that, like
Speaker 1: I'm going to we're gonna have to play together at
Speaker 1: some point. And I guess I've even considered what it
Speaker 1: would be like if if like I needed my something
Speaker 1: else in me met, like it needed another need met,
Speaker 1: because it's impossible for you to have every single need men,
Speaker 1: especially as you're evolving as a human.
Speaker 2: How long have you all been together? Ye oh good?
Speaker 1: And so I'm like, okay, maybe I could be like
Speaker 1: baby Pauline, like go do your thing. I'll do my thing.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if I could have four husbands
Speaker 1: and boyfriends. No, this is advanced lovel this is twenty
Speaker 1: years advance.
Speaker 2: Nobody looks at me and thinks, oh, let me just.
Speaker 3: Go do that, And also may not be everybody's desire,
Speaker 3: like four boyfriends sounds like a headache.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want you to be a little service. I
Speaker 2: don't want you to talk.
Speaker 1: To most people it would be, but I'm not with them.
Speaker 2: I'll make my schedule to see them like once a
Speaker 2: month the month. Yeah, cancer, I knew it.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 1: With cancer. Bah. What's your birthday?
Speaker 2: July twenty first, So Leo Moon, you're the craziest cancer
Speaker 2: Leo Moon.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like the attention.
Speaker 2: Attention. I think fresh attention. As I say it on
Speaker 2: my show, fresh attention is what we deny that we want.
Speaker 2: That's that Leo. That's that Leo.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a Leo Rising and I'm June twenty second,
Speaker 3: so I'm the cusp on the other.
Speaker 1: That's the crazy. Why would you try to switch it
Speaker 1: in reverse? Baby, I'm crazy.
Speaker 2: I've said it like seven times in the podcast.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows that.
Speaker 2: Like, oh le cancer, Cassy crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's Stacy.
Speaker 2: So I think that what you're talking about, you know,
Speaker 2: when you see me, this is after years and years
Speaker 2: and years of getting off the horse, falling, falling, falling,
Speaker 2: having issues, concerns, dealing with it, using tools, writing books,
Speaker 2: helping others.
Speaker 1: This is not how you start. It's not for the
Speaker 1: faint of heart. I like Baby. I think I'm Baby
Speaker 1: Polly because as I'm listening to you because I'm listening
Speaker 1: to and I'm like, oh, getting overwhelmed. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't know. And then I'm like, wait, okay, Erica, come back,
Speaker 1: where are you? What do you want? What do you like?
Speaker 1: Would you like, can you kid? You fuck one person
Speaker 1: for your whole Like no, I'm not, no, absolutely no,
Speaker 1: I know that for a fact. That's all I've I've
Speaker 1: always known that period. It's not whether I'm in this
Speaker 1: relationship where I feel totally safe or not. Like that's
Speaker 1: just a fact. And I know that to be true
Speaker 1: for men, of course, So that's all I Even when
Speaker 1: we started our show, I was like, I think I
Speaker 1: could be Polly or I could have an open relationship
Speaker 1: because I think that I wished that men would be
Speaker 1: more just honest about what they need because actually I
Speaker 1: have needs too that I would.
Speaker 2: Guess they're not honest, because if they're honest, then Airby
Speaker 2: can be honest.
Speaker 1: I know that's true. So that's what it was. And
Speaker 1: then and then I experienced that I was with someone
Speaker 1: who we were an open relationship, and then I found
Speaker 1: out he was fucking around with a girl, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh shit, Like we were We hadn't really
Speaker 1: talked about it much. We knew we were doing it,
Speaker 1: but we had it. He had been like, authentically, I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell you that I actually slept with someone
Speaker 1: last week. I ended up finding out and he told me,
Speaker 1: and I felt a way and I processed it. I
Speaker 1: felt jealousy at first, I felt weird, and then I said,
Speaker 1: why the fuck am I not doing this? So then
Speaker 1: I went and did my thing and then brought it
Speaker 1: to him. Had you all discussed it? Well, we discussed it.
Speaker 1: We were open, but we had already dicussed, were open.
Speaker 1: Then this thing happened, which, again, like I said, we
Speaker 1: weren't sharing what we were doing. I wasn't doing anything.
Speaker 1: I was in la la land, like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: there's no terms, So what did he do? How do
Speaker 1: you read? So anyway, when I when he told me,
Speaker 1: like I said, I had to process it. But then
Speaker 1: I moved through it and I said, you know what, yeah,
Speaker 1: like we're not We're not We're not monogamous, So what
Speaker 1: am I doing? Why am I acting monogamous towards you?
Speaker 1: I still felt myself falling into what I would normally do,
Speaker 1: which is interesting too because I've talked about this on
Speaker 1: the show, Like when I was younger, I was such
Speaker 1: a cheater, Like I really I was that girl that
Speaker 1: I was like, I like that, I want to try that.
Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend but like I love him.
Speaker 2: But like I used the term cheater, you were very
Speaker 2: creative and you were ver lying.
Speaker 1: I was lying. I was a liar, cheating who you
Speaker 1: weren't married.
Speaker 2: I was creative, I was mary.
Speaker 1: I wasn't married. But I was hurting people. I was
Speaker 1: hurting people, you know, So whatever, it's fine. I just
Speaker 1: don't want to hear you think like that was bad.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, I don't think it's bad. I
Speaker 1: have the tools want no, no, no, no, I am
Speaker 1: I honor my journey. If I felt bad, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: share it. I think that it's part of why I
Speaker 1: think i've what I realized is my my my instinct
Speaker 1: or my inclination or desires and wanting to explore them
Speaker 1: early on, very very normal things. Still it comes with
Speaker 1: the girl, but those things still exist in me. So
Speaker 1: like that cheater or whatever you want to call her,
Speaker 1: that the girl.
Speaker 2: Let's call her Nicole, let's call her a lover.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm just saying like that cheater or whatever her name,
Speaker 1: let's call her a girl who just had a lot
Speaker 1: of desire at a young age. I was thinking about
Speaker 1: sex very young, like probably when I was like eleven
Speaker 1: or twelve, I started thinking about it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I was coming before then, Yeah, So like why
Speaker 2: don't you how to have orgasms?
Speaker 1: From a very young age?
Speaker 2: Maybe six or seven?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean like I whatever I had kissed,
Speaker 1: I had been promiscuous young, and so I hadn't had
Speaker 1: sex yet, so I was thinking about it. Yeah for
Speaker 1: I guess for someone people would say, we're young. But anyway,
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is that in that relationship dynamic that
Speaker 1: I was in, I that desire still existed. I had
Speaker 1: just shut it down because I had come out of
Speaker 1: a monogamous relationship and I was just so in love
Speaker 1: with this person and thought, well, this is what I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to do, right, I'm soo's put all my attention
Speaker 1: on you, even though we did say we're in an
Speaker 1: open relationship. And then he was doing his thing, So
Speaker 1: then I went into my thing, and I was excited
Speaker 1: to tell him because we're all in relationship right. No, No,
Speaker 1: he did not like that. He didn't like that at all,
Speaker 1: and I and then shamed me, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, so it doesn't go both ways.
Speaker 2: So you're a fucking lion. Yes, But ladies, let's take
Speaker 2: let's take the deeper level, because I told you polyamori
Speaker 2: is a spiritual practice if that were to happen to
Speaker 2: me now, because you know still does.
Speaker 1: I had that with Tiger two years ago. I went
Speaker 1: to Africa, had sex on my project.
Speaker 2: Manager, and anyway, he was upset, but I understood, like, yes,
Speaker 2: I vented about it. Like you're saying, that's some bullshit.
Speaker 2: You're venting, venting, yes, from your ego and animal that's
Speaker 2: some bullshit. What does my higher self say, Not that
Speaker 2: you fucking care when you're still upset about it. But
Speaker 2: my higher self said, oh, I'm seeing a reflection of
Speaker 2: what I believe about men. I have not healed from
Speaker 2: being called a freak by boys in high school or
Speaker 2: being you know, my dad doesn't hug me anymore once
Speaker 2: I grow breasts, you know, whatever the things are. That's
Speaker 2: what I brought up and have placed as my lens
Speaker 2: as how I see men. So if we don't want
Speaker 2: that anymore, ladies, we gonna have to dig in I
Speaker 2: do feel.
Speaker 3: Like polyamory and some like not maybe to the like
Speaker 3: from baby to full fledged, from baby to ken you know,
Speaker 3: like there. I feel like some aspects of polyamory are
Speaker 3: necessary for a healthy relationship because there's a level of
Speaker 3: authenticity and honesty that you have to be with yourself
Speaker 3: and a level of self awareness you have to have
Speaker 3: with yourself in order to make to have a relationship
Speaker 3: that is safe and that is unbreakable. Because when we
Speaker 3: talk about humanity, we talk about humans, men or women.
Speaker 3: Like we said, primarily, we're going to be attracted to
Speaker 3: other people people, We're gonna have conversations that are gonna
Speaker 3: move certain things, because that is what this community is about.
Speaker 1: We are supposed to relate.
Speaker 3: We are supposed to be be like our frequencies are
Speaker 3: supposed to move with music, with great acting, with great
Speaker 3: with beautiful singing, like there's always going to be an
Speaker 3: energetic combination that happens.
Speaker 2: That is chemistry.
Speaker 3: But if we deny that, and we deny that that
Speaker 3: humans to ourselves, then we are basically asking for dishonestly
Speaker 3: lie to me, tell me.
Speaker 2: I'm the only one.
Speaker 3: But because I don't want to, I don't want to
Speaker 3: dig into the other shit that doesn't feel I don't
Speaker 3: feel like doing that.
Speaker 1: Mm hm. I also think like going back to the
Speaker 1: concept of not everyone can be everything for you, and
Speaker 1: it's a tough one, right, but like but honoring that
Speaker 1: And I guess when you when you start to destigmatize
Speaker 1: that concept and you are open to saying, Okay, this
Speaker 1: person spins my heart chakra yes, and makes me feel
Speaker 1: safe and we have a good time and we still
Speaker 1: share sexual energy and it's great and we fucking it's good.
Speaker 1: But then this person actually like stimulates my crown chakra
Speaker 1: and maybe we don't even really have a lot of sex,
Speaker 1: maybe we just cuddle and that really fulfills me and
Speaker 1: like that activates a really big piece of me. And
Speaker 1: then oh, this person, like that's the root. Okay, we
Speaker 1: bucking and he's smart, but like choice, but like that's
Speaker 1: not what we're here. But that's not what we're here for.
Speaker 1: We're here to ignite those that aspect of who I
Speaker 1: am and like actually saying and I'm going to make
Speaker 1: all these people my boyfriends or my husband's Like that
Speaker 1: concept seems so crazy, but when you think of it
Speaker 1: in that way where it's like no, you're you're giving
Speaker 1: your space, You're giving yourself the permission and allowing yourself
Speaker 1: to activate these different pieces of yourself because you also
Speaker 1: realize that it is actually impossible for one person to
Speaker 1: be able to stimulate all of these things at the
Speaker 1: highest capacity all the time. And some people say, I
Speaker 1: don't need it a high capacity all the time. But
Speaker 1: and then there's people like you and like people that
Speaker 1: want that need want that, like I want to live
Speaker 1: life at my highest capacity all the time. Why would
Speaker 1: I not want to do that? You know, like, why
Speaker 1: would I not? Why would I want to like only
Speaker 1: be stimulated here a little bit? Because I feel like
Speaker 1: I can only get that and this from one person.
Speaker 1: And that's how it's supposed to be.
Speaker 2: Men fear failure and for what I've found when I
Speaker 2: when because I call it the art of placement, When
Speaker 2: I place a man, because they don't know what they
Speaker 2: are to you, that's up to the feminine to tell them.
Speaker 1: We're the choosers.
Speaker 2: So you know, if I choose a man, I'm going
Speaker 2: to place that man. He's going to understand what he
Speaker 2: provides to me and that I don't need any of
Speaker 2: the other things. But that gives him a greater chance
Speaker 2: of success. That's why all men love me, because you
Speaker 2: cannot fail with me. I know how to communicate, I
Speaker 2: know how to be authentic. I know how to pull
Speaker 2: out your vulnerability and authenticity. I understand your placement. I
Speaker 2: know what you are delivering and what you never need to.
Speaker 2: So that is safety for men, but you never need to.
Speaker 2: I know it is delivery.
Speaker 1: And what is that? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I told my daughter this is that she's this is
Speaker 2: this is the feminine in her power.
Speaker 1: That's what it is.
Speaker 2: I said, don't ever put a womb choice in your house.
Speaker 2: Just keep him out in the forest. He's a warrior.
Speaker 2: Why you put him in your house? He's bucking and
Speaker 2: knocking ship down. Yeah, he.
Speaker 1: Supposed to be here.
Speaker 2: Why you put in your house?
Speaker 1: I'm not getting this is saying nothing over.
Speaker 2: He's just nassy, you know.
Speaker 1: So when you know, you know our mothers, God blessed them.
Speaker 1: How did they do this with nothing?
Speaker 2: Nothing, no means, no internet to tell him, nothing, no meanings,
Speaker 2: nothing doing.
Speaker 1: No means.
Speaker 2: Let's just say I had nothing.
Speaker 1: Guys, memes have really saved the world. I really mean.
Speaker 1: You just want a bit of smart and you have
Speaker 1: really improved everyone's one liner.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't even feel very intelligent the things they
Speaker 3: already knew.
Speaker 1: Fast delivery, precise, fast delivery of principles, spoke to the
Speaker 1: spokes right to your chair. You know. Wait, speaking of affirmations,
Speaker 1: we haven't. We haven't done any of our ship. But
Speaker 1: it's fine, my god, off base. No, it's fine. There's
Speaker 1: off base here. Okay. Do you have an affirmation though
Speaker 1: that you that you can share with our audience. We
Speaker 1: usually ask guests to share. Sure. Absolutely, nobody is doing
Speaker 1: anything to me.
Speaker 2: I create my life. Nobody is doing anything to me.
Speaker 1: I create my life. Oh I love that, Yes, I
Speaker 1: love that. Wow, this has been such a great conversation.
Speaker 2: Can you think now they're going so deep?
Speaker 3: I'm high like the women and our power, and like
Speaker 3: the revival. I always say that we're resurrecting the women,
Speaker 3: the wild and free women, And I do feel like
Speaker 3: it requires like warrior women to lead the way, because,
Speaker 3: like you said, our mothers, like they just sacrificing and
Speaker 3: crying and carrying on and chasing and trying to put
Speaker 3: a bull in a box and a daddy and the
Speaker 3: home and the food on the table. I'm just like
Speaker 3: it's a lot, and we I feel deeply that I've
Speaker 3: inherited a lot about that. I always say that, I'm like,
Speaker 3: I feel like I've inherited a lot of my jealousy.
Speaker 2: My grandmother was was cheated on.
Speaker 3: My mother was cheated on, like the habitual and and
Speaker 3: where I can see the pain, like I can feel
Speaker 3: the pain, and I'm just like, if we just have the.
Speaker 1: The like the balls say this this, we're call that. Well.
Speaker 1: I think that maybe to heal this wound, you should
Speaker 1: just let Orlando have sex with other women. I don't
Speaker 1: say it sounds like you don't have sex with other women. Orlando,
Speaker 1: I got you, not without our preparation coaching session, has
Speaker 1: had sex with kidding, I know, I'm totally kidding, but
Speaker 1: I but I think what I really wanted to say
Speaker 1: is that it sounds like I think that you're already
Speaker 1: doing the work in healing this, in having a partner
Speaker 1: where you can share in those experiences with in like
Speaker 1: even being able to say out loud that maybe it's
Speaker 1: not mine, and also honoring with parts of it that
Speaker 1: are yours. And there's too like I can say I'm
Speaker 1: working through them because you've encountered them I've been there,
Speaker 1: and then you Literally I was there, she was getting
Speaker 1: jealous and I'm about to freak out, and then I did.
Speaker 1: But you, but but you continued forward and not only
Speaker 1: just with Orlando, but in like the exploration of what that.
Speaker 2: Looks like, which I'm actually shocked.
Speaker 3: I think in any other situation I would have completely
Speaker 3: left anybody else immediately without.
Speaker 1: Thought, Well, there's a safety shock with that's being spin
Speaker 1: spun in your in your relationship dynamic, probably too. And definitely,
Speaker 1: I mean you're definitely support choice with him. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: it's like you know you're doing You're doing the work.
Speaker 1: So I have hope in you. So earlier when you
Speaker 1: said that I was giving you a look, it's not
Speaker 1: a look. I wasn't. I don't feel like I was
Speaker 1: giving you a look. But maybe I was, because you know,
Speaker 1: my face is I can't. I don't know my face
Speaker 1: we faced in induition. But I believe that I think
Speaker 1: you guys are doing the work. And I think that
Speaker 1: you know, whether you are monogamous or polly or whatever
Speaker 1: you want to honogamous, whatever do you want to call it, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're doing the work to figure out what that work,
Speaker 1: what that means for both of you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's all I ever wished for. Like, I
Speaker 2: want to be open, I want to do them.
Speaker 3: I want to be realistic in my endeavors in my relationship,
Speaker 3: but I also want to honor the parts in may Or.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm raging, jealous, and I want to rage.
Speaker 2: And well, we're gonna heal that little girl. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: a part of you that we won't love on her.
Speaker 2: We're gonna bring her to the forefront and we're going
Speaker 2: to heal her. She's come out in your womb choice
Speaker 2: relationships and gone wow. But he didn't know how to
Speaker 2: hold space for her like I can shore Orlando, how
Speaker 2: to hold space for her and take half of her
Speaker 2: charge out in less than a month. You know, you
Speaker 2: just have never fully solely let her. He got the
Speaker 2: thought of that sounds like, yeah, because she protected you.
Speaker 2: She protected you. Yeah, that's what these parts of us do.
Speaker 2: They're not just like bad nonsensical ship.
Speaker 1: They protected me.
Speaker 3: And and it's crazy when you can see them literally,
Speaker 3: when you're aware and you can see it come up
Speaker 3: and like, you know, you could ask yourself the question
Speaker 3: and like do I care am I?
Speaker 2: And why am I? Feeling this way worries is like
Speaker 2: do I think this person's.
Speaker 1: Gonna leave me?
Speaker 3: You know that when you can work through and see
Speaker 3: all the parts of like as it comes up, as
Speaker 3: it happens, or when you're like okay, I'm okay, yeah,
Speaker 3: it's fine, you can eat that pussy.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah you can, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3: You know, like just the the moving through it and
Speaker 3: when and when it and when she comes up and
Speaker 3: when when there's things that trigger that more than others.
Speaker 3: It's just an interesting It is an interesting journey in
Speaker 3: this relationship. And I'm grateful too for the the ability
Speaker 3: to just have the journey. Like there's no right now
Speaker 3: in my I don't know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 3: don't got to be Polly tomorrow.
Speaker 1: I don't you know, there's no baby post.
Speaker 2: Baby poly first.
Speaker 1: Baby Polly does not involve Polly Pocket. I'm Polly Pocket.
Speaker 1: Look at my little.
Speaker 2: She lives in that house and we close the door.
Speaker 1: Not yet.
Speaker 2: Oh that's I'm gonna give you a Polly Pocket for Christmas.
Speaker 3: Every time Ma Orlando can play, I'm like, guess what, babe,
Speaker 3: I'm bringing Polly out.
Speaker 2: No, I like that, really, don't I really hope a
Speaker 2: lot more people can think like that and really be
Speaker 2: realistic about where they are.
Speaker 1: You're not there yet. That's it needs to be called
Speaker 1: poly pocket, polly pocket, you're not there, polly pocket? Or
Speaker 1: are you a poly pro or a poly pocket?
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, that's good. Obviously Kenny is a poly pro.
Speaker 2: I'm a poly pro, and the pros come to me.
Speaker 2: I've had pro basketball players, actresses, on NFL players, NBA.
Speaker 2: All types of people are my clients, and I support
Speaker 2: them in moving from monogamy to polyamory or from.
Speaker 1: Poly fuckery back to Oh you also get them back
Speaker 1: to monogamy if they've been polyuckery and cheating and crazy
Speaker 1: and they didn't start off right.
Speaker 2: Is it got to rewind?
Speaker 1: Is it with the also trajectory of them becoming polyamor
Speaker 1: polyamory or like we have to start here, we have
Speaker 1: to go back here, start and then we can talk
Speaker 1: about going back there.
Speaker 2: I coach people who have done bad polly back to
Speaker 2: sexual exclusivity so they can heal and get a better
Speaker 2: foundation create.
Speaker 1: You have to have an emotional intelligence.
Speaker 2: Emotional intelligence is required for polyamory. That's why when people
Speaker 2: say they're poly I'm like emotional intelligence. Really is it
Speaker 2: required require for any relationship, family, even.
Speaker 1: Life?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck I'm in a relationship?
Speaker 2: What the concern is? Like dual lingo teaches language. There
Speaker 2: wasn't before an app that teaches emotional intelligence, because what
Speaker 2: is the language of it?
Speaker 1: What is it consistent?
Speaker 2: But that's the most superior like that what your app does.
Speaker 2: That's when I app does, teaches emotional intelligence and then
Speaker 2: matches you only with those on your emotional level.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's a dating app.
Speaker 2: Yes, after you do the the training, you cannot come
Speaker 2: in here. Stem there's no swiping. There's only matching, matching
Speaker 2: with people who are on you meet a more meet
Speaker 2: a more meet a m O R Y A m
Speaker 2: o r e A.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: Wow, that makes sense because people want to date amongst
Speaker 3: mature other mature people like I don't even want to
Speaker 3: be out inside because everybody's kind of slow.
Speaker 2: I don't date anybody who refuses to learn who's speaking
Speaker 2: their ego, their animal, or their higher self. If they
Speaker 2: don't know the difference between their ego speaking and their
Speaker 2: higher self speaking, we have nothing to talk about. If
Speaker 2: they don't know that difference, we have nothing.
Speaker 1: To talk about yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So often, even just in regular just a regular conversation
Speaker 3: with men, I you know, I'll be like, oh, this
Speaker 3: is a cool guy, this happened to us recently. And
Speaker 3: then the guy I started talking some stupid shit about
Speaker 3: basically how he should have women and his woman and
Speaker 3: I was like, where we talking about?
Speaker 2: This is like happening I bad.
Speaker 3: Remember, I just was like, Oh, this is a really
Speaker 3: nice guy who was like attracted he was talking to
Speaker 3: this girl.
Speaker 2: But then as soon as he said that stupid shit, I.
Speaker 3: Was like, I'm always so like perplexed by smart men
Speaker 3: who appear smart but then say some stupid ass shit.
Speaker 3: I'm always like, oh, oh, oh you're dumb. So I'm
Speaker 3: just like the disappointment, but even even just on a
Speaker 3: regular because I just.
Speaker 2: Think there's on a basic level, an emotional intelligence test
Speaker 2: is just to ask men questions, lots of questions about
Speaker 2: their life and where they are and who they are,
Speaker 2: and what they want, what their dreams are. I think
Speaker 2: many women don't do that, and so that is a
Speaker 2: good gauge. Are they willing to even answer right? Are
Speaker 2: they comfortable having a conversation?
Speaker 1: I think I think yes. But I also think that
Speaker 1: there's so many emotionally unintelligent women too, so it goes
Speaker 1: both ways. So there's like women that feel like they're
Speaker 1: emotionally intelligent, but they're not. They might just be a
Speaker 1: little bit more than the person that they're you know,
Speaker 1: asking to have meet where they are, but they're not
Speaker 1: even asking the right questions.
Speaker 2: By birth, women are more centered in that right brain unality.
Speaker 2: So by birth they may have it, but the skills
Speaker 2: and training they don't have.
Speaker 1: Wow, well, thank you for your work and what you do.
Speaker 1: But before you get out of here, I would love
Speaker 1: if you could share a horror story. Who stories I
Speaker 1: know in all your adventures and polyamory, And maybe this
Speaker 1: is also misconception, but I don't think so, Kenny. I
Speaker 1: think I think you have some stories to share.
Speaker 2: So Last of Great Stories.
Speaker 1: Really wants to tell you a horror story. I want
Speaker 1: to tell out of the country.
Speaker 2: Yes means pleasure in ancient cometic language, so that's where
Speaker 2: the word comes from. There were temple goddesses called tepts,
Speaker 2: and they brought peace through pleasure, so her tep means peace.
Speaker 2: And then just hold heaven on earth. I mean, there
Speaker 2: is nothing wrong with a woman her sexuality, her sensuality.
Speaker 2: This is the most natural ritual we can do together
Speaker 2: as humans. So I'll give you my horror story. One
Speaker 2: time we were on a cruise, me and Tiger. We
Speaker 2: went to Haiti and I had a balcony room. Honey,
Speaker 2: I had. You know, I always like to treat my
Speaker 2: little womb choices. Womb choices sometimes need a little money,
Speaker 2: you know, slideing mo, rent payment of two.
Speaker 1: They given me something I can't.
Speaker 2: Get nowhere else.
Speaker 1: See it now, It's like, what do you need coming
Speaker 1: this way? I take care of you. You take care
Speaker 1: of me, right, Okay.
Speaker 2: So you know I had the room. I had financed
Speaker 2: that and it was the balcony everything. So we were
Speaker 2: going out in the daytime, you know, I'm getting purses
Speaker 2: and stuff like that. He runs into a woman that
Speaker 2: he's attracted to, and I'm so excited because he tells
Speaker 2: me he was like, just look at her, look at her.
Speaker 1: I looked. She was very appealing. She was cute. You know.
Speaker 2: She had a little skirt on and flowing in the
Speaker 2: wind and got some hips moving in the skirt.
Speaker 1: Okay, so I clocked that.
Speaker 2: We got back to the room. We had a great night.
Speaker 2: It was a cruise for his family reunion. Yeah, so
Speaker 2: his mother, who you know, is in a very strict religion,
Speaker 2: was hanging out with me Polly White. Oh, I can't
Speaker 2: say he would be so mad at me, but it's
Speaker 2: a very strict Christianity where they had a comfortable I.
Speaker 1: Don't know they know.
Speaker 2: I don't think they believe in that Jesus wasn't the sun. Okay,
Speaker 2: that's the only hint to drop. But anyways, Yeah, so
Speaker 2: we're back in the hotel room. It's nighttime. We a
Speaker 2: little tipsy. We got the kids all settled out because
Speaker 2: I raised my son.
Speaker 1: And his son.
Speaker 2: His son lived with us too, Okay, so yeah, until
Speaker 2: I got him back with his baby's mother and now
Speaker 2: they're more harmonious. So the son went back to her. Anyway,
Speaker 2: So we're in the room, we're getting into it. We're
Speaker 2: about to have a sexual interlude and we're I'm rubbing
Speaker 2: his back and he's, you know, about to enter my body.
Speaker 2: And you know, this is men that had this magical wind.
Speaker 2: It's always that entry point where you can feel the
Speaker 2: power of his wind today. So I'm feeling the power
Speaker 2: of his wind today.
Speaker 1: What is he delivering to me? Today women aren't.
Speaker 2: Giving it up. We're receiving, right, you ever seen the
Speaker 2: act of sex? We're receiving.
Speaker 1: They giving it up? So he about to give it up?
Speaker 1: And what a guess, right gift?
Speaker 2: And so I started to talk about and remind him
Speaker 2: of the woman. I said her hips was so nice,
Speaker 2: baby like, how did they feel?
Speaker 1: Like? Feel my like?
Speaker 2: I was telling him feel my hips like, how did
Speaker 2: hers feel?
Speaker 1: They bigger? Huh? It was biggaus like this this this,
Speaker 1: I was telling him this, this.
Speaker 2: This about her, and this man just lost control, like
Speaker 2: just to bring her into it, into it, even without
Speaker 2: her being there, just bringing her essence because I could
Speaker 2: feel it too. It's just a beauty and what she
Speaker 2: possessed in our sensual endeavor at that moment, it just
Speaker 2: we went wild.
Speaker 1: I like that. That's a good that's a good test.
Speaker 1: That's a good one. It's a psychology, So that might
Speaker 1: be a good way to check. Bitch, can you do that?
Speaker 1: Are you going to be? Can you even pretend that
Speaker 1: you're man somebody else? That's one one drop, polly drop,
Speaker 1: that's that's a poly test. That's look, that's baby poll,
Speaker 1: that's baby. Probably one of what I think I could
Speaker 1: do that. I know I could do that. That's true.
Speaker 2: You need so simulations? Is that simulations? That's a simulation?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I actually I've done that a lot and
Speaker 1: I know about it.
Speaker 2: Here y'all got old women sweating in here. I'm sorry
Speaker 2: you are not old. Bit. I know that.
Speaker 1: Great, but I.
Speaker 2: Love I wanted to get to age fifty for so
Speaker 2: long because teaching Polly for twenty years, it's like everybody's like, oh,
Speaker 2: they're young, that's just a tree.
Speaker 1: By now, I and the expert in this field, what.
Speaker 2: I do, what you did at the time into successful.
Speaker 1: I got receipts. Well, Kenya, thank you so much. You
Speaker 1: didn't read her tarot okay, Kenya. She pulled the page
Speaker 1: of pentacles.
Speaker 3: The page it's a man standing on a moey hill
Speaker 3: and the nice clear sky with the pinnacle in his hand.
Speaker 2: Pentacle of money.
Speaker 1: Pentacle of money.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Usually it means like tangible things.
Speaker 1: Money upright, manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development. The page of Pinnacles,
Speaker 1: like the pages of of all four tarot suits, brings
Speaker 1: a welcome message of new beginnings, inspiration, and the initial
Speaker 1: stages of a creative project or venture. Since Pinnacles rules
Speaker 1: the material realm, the court, and correspond to the element
Speaker 1: of earth. This page symbolizes a burgaining. That's what you say,
Speaker 1: burgeoning awareness of the value of money, wealth, possessions, career,
Speaker 1: and physical health, and how to manifest more of these
Speaker 1: material blessings. When the page of Pentacles appears in a
Speaker 1: terror reading, you are tapping into your ability to manifest
Speaker 1: a personal goal or dream, and maybe in the midst
Speaker 1: of a new project such as a hobby, business venture,
Speaker 1: or the start of a new educational experience. In the
Speaker 1: quest to materialize the dreams, the page of Pentacles is
Speaker 1: an avid student and seeks to learn the skills that
Speaker 1: will ensue his success long term. The page of Pinnacles
Speaker 1: often appears when you are ready to level up your
Speaker 1: skills and learn something new so you can manifest your dreams.
Speaker 2: Level up, lub level.
Speaker 1: Level up, level up. Level.
Speaker 3: Kenny is going to do our premarital counseling. Beautiful, We're
Speaker 3: going to be her first pre not already ten year
Speaker 3: or twenty year married.
Speaker 1: Ready to do pree Like, let's get this.
Speaker 2: I don't sugges people get married without me or get
Speaker 2: a divorce without me. There's no need to throw away
Speaker 2: our generational wealth and just keep starting over with the
Speaker 2: same issues.
Speaker 1: You don't have them anywhere you are, there you are
Speaker 1: say that again everywhere you are, where you are for real. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you for saving marriages, Thank you for opening up
Speaker 1: your life so that people can understand that there's just
Speaker 1: so many ways to live and so many relationship dynamics
Speaker 1: to explore. And shout out to Carl for being that nigga.
Speaker 1: Can you tell the people where they can find find you?
Speaker 2: Kenya, you can find me at Progressiveloveacademy dot Com on Instagram,
Speaker 2: I am Progressive Love Academy. On YouTube, I am Progressive
Speaker 2: Love Academy and the same on TikTok. You can get
Speaker 2: my books and of course download my app Meet a More,
Speaker 2: where you can practice your emotional intelligence and be linked
Speaker 2: with those on your emotional level.
Speaker 1: Okay, sounds sexy great, and you guys, you know where
Speaker 1: to find us A Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel. Make sure
Speaker 1: you rate and review this episode if you're listening on
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and also make sure you check
Speaker 1: out our Couple's Retreat. It's almost time for our couple's
Speaker 1: retreat in Costa Rica. If you have met maybe an
Speaker 1: emotionally compatible manner, maybe like you guys, need to figure
Speaker 1: some shit out, Come on, come on to the couple's
Speaker 1: retreat and Costa Rica. It's gonna be fun. It's centered
Speaker 1: around play, it's centered around pleasure, a little bit of TNTRA,
Speaker 1: a lot a bit of hopefully good sex in your bedroom.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is even in the beginning. If you're building
Speaker 3: a foundation, you just need someone to do the vacation
Speaker 3: for you. Come and play and enjoy, you know, your
Speaker 3: relationship without any interruptions, without having to think about anything.
Speaker 2: And also, you guys, it's May.
Speaker 3: It is our two year anniversary of a Good Mom's
Speaker 3: Guide to Making Bad Choices. If you have not read it,
Speaker 3: if you've not gotten it, it's everywhere. It's written by us.
Speaker 3: We put a lot of hard work, sweat, tears, and
Speaker 3: all of our honest stories in here.
Speaker 2: It's a prescriptive memoir.
Speaker 3: And if you know someone who's about to have a baby,
Speaker 3: about to go to baby shower, this is a great
Speaker 3: baby shower gift because this prepares the mother. A lot
Speaker 3: of books are talking about what do you do with
Speaker 3: the baby. What the fuck do you do with yourself
Speaker 3: when you just give birth? There's a lot of things
Speaker 3: that a woman goes through that no one talks about,
Speaker 3: and we talk about it all in this beautiful book
Speaker 3: that we designed.
Speaker 1: Well until next time, we love you. I believe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm living so good. Can't you tell? I went through
Speaker 1: a drought?
Speaker 2: That's until I find out? Well, maym have been known earth?
Speaker 4: I used to be broken tail, now got the blues,
Speaker 4: hands and might beyond say just sell throat shot or
Speaker 4: pop in this cow wearing our voices patriarch and kept
Speaker 4: it in the box to what'spoids?
Speaker 1: Women put the p and powers, so what's pointless? They
Speaker 1: want me to be good? So I made bad noises,
Speaker 1: bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 1: Gitters in on, put cannabus in their bath bomb.
Speaker 4: Then Barcel's cap and I blewis cap boss hop dog.
Speaker 4: Now I'm immune to the cat called Herbie and the
Speaker 4: waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother, rent
Speaker 4: the lover when two with it, like a water summer
Speaker 4: where you rent the winter essential will when the summertime,
Speaker 4: I do what doll
Speaker 2: Ain't no one that needs to run it by