WEBVTT - The 4 Step Path to Poly Feat. Kenya 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:06.600 She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:09.640 man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:12.640 She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:17.840 a good woman who always made good choices. We're good 0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:20.079 mom with bad choices, do single mom? Who said? But 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:22.800 the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and found out 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:24.639 they were so bad after all, we're experts. 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:26.560 Overshares and your new bestie. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.320 Sit back and near the ride. I can do a 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:32.320 pat mom. 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:34.839 Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:38.520 I'm Eric fr I'm Nila, and it's motherfucking Wednesday. 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:40.559 Beach is hump day, beach. 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.280 It's a hump day, bitch. Are you getting humped tonight? 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.040 Because I am an that's Arah. 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:53.880 I got humped this morning. Oh how are you, dear? 0:00:54.160 --> 0:01:00.320 I'm good, I'm great. I worked out this morning. I 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:02.319 got in the steam room. I recently joined a gym. 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:03.800 So your steam room at your house. 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:05.679 No, I don't have a steam room at my house. 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:08.240 But that's thank you for thinking that. I do an 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:10.520 I do with those are two different things, okay, whatever. 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:13.720 I joined a gym finally because I was class passing 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:15.600 my life away, and I got tired of the shit. 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:18.919 I love class past, but I needed to just commit 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:21.720 to the gym. So now I've joined, I've followed suit 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:26.200 to view. I joined a boogie gym, and I love 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:27.880 it because I'm a bougie bitch. 0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:30.560 I'm telling you, like the bougieness is. 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:33.200 I feel like this is the era of boogieness. Like 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:36.440 I wish that my bougie gym is more black. But 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:38.560 then I'm also like, you know, I don't need any friends. 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:39.640 I don't want anyone to talk to me. 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:42.840 But yeah, my boogie gym got the black people. 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:44.920 It's like a It motivates you to get to the 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:46.760 fucking gym. It has to be boogie. I feel like 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:48.480 about a spot every time I go. I'm like, this 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:49.360 is the right choice. 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:52.360 Yeah, I saw my baby daddy at the gym. I 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:54.160 saw school Boy Q at the gym. I'm definitely gonna 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:55.760 say my baby daddy. And I saw Okay Cola at 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:58.440 the gym. Everybody says I saw my ex's new girlfriend 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:01.600 at the gym. The gym is pop. It was a 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.920 very populicious gym experience today. I said, whoa, whoa. 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:06.120 I wonder if my gym will let me be the 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:07.400 d inclusion. 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:11.000 Hey it's me just I just joined and I have 0:02:11.080 --> 0:02:13.120 a proposition for one. 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:14.800 Hundred dollars off. I can be your d I. 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:18.040 Appointed myself. 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:20.120 Here's my list of people who want to come, so 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:20.880 just make it happen. 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.480 By Yeah, so it was good. I worked out with 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:26.040 my baby daddy, which was very It never happened ever 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:28.800 in life, so that was interesting. I'm getting ready to 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:29.560 go on a trip with him. 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:31.639 I was gonna say when this episode comes out, we'll 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:33.760 have come back from the trip with your baby daddy. 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:36.840 You guys, we are going on a vacate. We're going 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:39.360 on a retreat. But after the retreat, her baby daddy 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.880 is coming with her child. And we decided, because we 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:44.440 were crazy, we're gonna all stay in the same house. 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:46.680 Together, and that's going to be interesting. This is called growth. 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:50.800 This is called evolution. This is called we are in 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:51.760 a different place I think. 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:54.320 I mean at the end of the day, we had 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:57.200 kids with the baby daddies. At some point, like if I, 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:59.440 if I my baby daddy wasn't such a fucking asshole, 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.239 and so by we would be friends too. Because Nigga 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:05.480 I've known you for twenty five years. We've made life together, 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:08.440 so that would be ideal, and I wish that it 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:11.880 was more ideal. Maybe my distant future we'll have more 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:14.560 of a friendship and Orlando and him of this beast. 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:19.320 So maybe I'll rub my baby daddy entered future energy. 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:23.440 On you, sprinkle it on over. Maybe he'll get some 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:24.520 maturity or something. 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:29.240 Orlando, you're supposed to be supportive of this, don't you see? 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:33.680 Alicia Keys and Swiss beats, God, grow up. 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:36.560 This is why my life can not maturety anywhere. 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:40.080 So anyway, Yeah, that's that's where I'm at today. 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:43.680 Yeah, beautiful, I'm happy to hear that. 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:45.920 You know, seven years ago when we started this podcast, 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.640 I don't think we'd ever thought we'd be any of us, 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:50.920 either one of us. No one would be here. So 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:52.960 lots of growth has happened. I'm proud of you. 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:53.560 Thank you. 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:56.600 Actually, check back in in June. 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:58.920 Yeah, we're like, let's see how I waited it. 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.840 I threw them off a check my inter June. 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:05.200 Actually we're acting. We're talking pre pre trip. I'm sure 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:06.280 it's gonna be fine, though. 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:08.480 No, we have the kid there. The kid is there 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:10.640 to buffer the thing. You guys are there. I made sure. 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:11.560 I was like to me, like, you have to stay 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:13.119 in the house, come with come with us. 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:14.480 So we're going at an adventure. 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.040 Bye, come, No, it'll be fun. He's fun. Yeah. 0:04:18.080 --> 0:04:22.800 I mean I'm not really worried about him anyway. 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:23.600 I'm good. 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:28.200 I'm good. I'm good. Yeah. Great. I love that. I 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.280 love that for you. It's not. That's like a bitchy thing, right, 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:31.960 we established it. That's a bitchy thing. 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:33.720 I say it because everyone's saying it, but I feel 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:34.400 like it's bitchy. 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:36.040 I remember the first time someone said it to me 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:37.480 and I was offended. I was like, are you being 0:04:37.480 --> 0:04:42.080 a bitch? Oh, it's a reminder of my dad date today. 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:44.080 I just always have a reminder to go on a 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:46.320 date with my dad, but it doesn't never happen. 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:50.560 That sounds really sad. It's just that sounds really sad. 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:52.520 It's there, so I remember to do it, you know, 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:53.640 or call him at least. 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:55.799 Okay, good, you know that's a good idea. Oh, actually, 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:56.120 you know what. 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:58.480 I we had a party at our house this weekend 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:00.760 for Sunday dinner and it was really nice and my 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:03.280 dad came and he bought food and it was really nice. 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:05.679 And then you know, I gave a speech about connection 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.880 and then he hugged me for like eight minutes straight. 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:09.919 I'm like, are you gidding? 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:11.520 Your dad called me by accident the other day he 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:13.400 did with all his friends. I forgot to tell you. 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:14.160 Did he speak to you? 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:14.760 Yeah? 0:05:14.920 --> 0:05:15.240 Okay. 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:17.120 He called me on WhatsApp and I was like, Miles 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:18.680 is calling me, and then there were like three other 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:20.440 men on the phone. He's like, oops, I called you 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:22.839 by accident, but how are you? I love you? And 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:24.800 I think your dad is going through a soft era 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:27.080 because like he's He's said a few things to me 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:30.160 recently where I'm like, you know, Miles, he was softening up. 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:31.840 Oh yeah, he hugged me for like eight minutes at 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.560 my party, so I was like, maybe this means he's proud. 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:35.560 He is proud of you. 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:37.000 Yeah, my brother came. 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:37.520 It was nice. 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:38.080 It was fun. 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:42.799 Anyway, you guys, we have a very special guest today 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:47.840 in house, one that I have personally stalked for probably upwards. 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:48.440 Of a year to two. 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:51.599 You know, That's how my stocking is, just how I 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:54.240 put the spidy senses, the frequencies out to who's going 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:57.800 to be the guest. And this week we have the 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:03.480 founder of the Progressive Love Academy, wife, mother, businesswoman, entrepreneur, 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:11.160 matriarch Kennya Stevens. Not hello, polyamory expert Polly every expert. Okay, basically, 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.159 you guys, she's mastering life. 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:16.240 She has ten husbands. She didn't want to be sensational 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:17.560 about that. I want to know. 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:22.240 I got questions. Okay, tense, you got ten husbands. 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:25.560 I don't know how many. Oh, actually, I mean I 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.240 have husband's boyfriends and friends. 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:28.440 They are different categories. 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:31.240 I can say clearly, I have four husbands that are 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:32.000 life partners. 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:34.560 Will you say? Okay? Husbands in the traditional sense, like 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:36.359 you guys walk down the aisle, put a ring on it, 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:38.560 and then like went to the courts because you didn't 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:40.120 go to the court to the court, but you have 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:42.240 a ring for each fall four Like. 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:43.919 No, I only have a ring for the one that 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:45.200 I most recently married. 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:46.960 Where's your original? Husband? 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:47.160 Said? 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:47.520 Good? 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:50.760 I don't wear that like I switch them out. I 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:52.960 don't just wear them all at the same time. 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:53.400 I'm good. 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:55.599 You should I am not being bougie. 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:58.000 I should be boogie. You shouldn't be more boogie. Yeah, 0:06:58.160 --> 0:06:59.200 if you need them all four. 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:02.600 So this is my ring from husband number three. 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:05.560 This is my ring and one might feel less than 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:07.360 the other though, because like one is like smaller than 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:11.400 the other. That would yeah play egos, Yeah, oh lesson. 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:13.240 You should have you saw the hand. You should have 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:15.680 stepped your game up. Okay, if you're gonna be number four, 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:17.080 you gotta come with the fourth. 0:07:19.120 --> 0:07:19.360 Yeah. 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:22.280 When I first found Kenya on the internet, I immediately 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:22.920 showed Orlando. 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:25.600 I was like, look at her. She has a lot 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:27.160 of husbands, and he was like, get that shit on 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:27.600 my face. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:30.880 He was just like, keep open minded. 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:34.440 No, he wasn't really trying to hear me have multiple husbands. 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:37.120 But I've been massaging it, and he massaging it deeply 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:37.840 into his aura. 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.720 That's why she was on love like this. I'm like, 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:41.520 you know what, she's here. 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:42.840 We should just talk to her so you can get 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:44.480 a better understanding of the husbands. 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:46.840 You want more, you want more than one husband? No, 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:47.560 I don't. 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:51.000 But I'm not opposed to having friends like other friends. 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:51.800 I do think that. 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:52.800 I don't know. 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.440 I feel like there's probably a point in relationships where 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:59.280 you're like, yeah, go hang out with bedseed nigga, you know, like, 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.320 I just feel like I understand that there may be 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:06.000 a time in our relationship where things will come up 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:08.040 and like feelings, where other people may exist. 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:10.200 I know you're looking at me fucking crazy because. 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:16.760 A looking at her like that. Im she's she's She's not. 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:17.720 I know you. 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:22.000 So now are you judg meantal with Polly? No, just 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:31.080 she's me ziom into her face because she thinks that 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:31.760 I'm jealous. 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:33.920 Really, I don't know what. I don't think that. 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:37.559 I don't think think you're too jealous to ever consider polyamory. 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:40.600 I don't think ever. I just think that, you know, 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.280 it's just you know, it's gonna take some time. It 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:45.560 can'ta take some time. It does. 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:48.160 It's nothing to jump into, for sure. I'm not pressed. 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:50.920 I'm just I know that, you know, long term marriage 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:54.840 requires a lot of layers of understanding and shit happens, 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:57.720 and I'm not I'm not projecting that in the future 0:08:57.800 --> 0:09:00.000 Orlena is going to suggest there'd be another wife because 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:00.959 I probably will cut him. 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:05.520 But see literally, but you have to cut him. 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:06.720 No no, no, no, oh. 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:08.880 You mean not not get rid of him. She means 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.720 like actually, she means like violence. She means like, actually 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:15.000 shame me first, do not? 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:23.280 No, I mean, we've had our experiences. We're not completely monogamous. 0:09:23.400 --> 0:09:26.079 We're not monogamous. We're honogamous. I forget to tell you, Like, 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:29.679 we're honogamous. We are open to indulging experiences that are 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.760 pleasurable with each other. You know, we're we're open into 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:35.480 having the conversations and doing the things. And we've done things, 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:36.520 but mostly together. 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:41.280 It's interesting. So last night I was watching Couples Therapy, 0:09:41.600 --> 0:09:45.000 and I my favorite show, all right, and so I've 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:47.800 like tapped in and tapped out, and like, I was like, 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:49.480 let me just start a whole new season. I don't 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.000 care about those other people anymore. I'm bored. So I 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:55.280 started with season four and there was a Paulle couple 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:58.600 right right, and and then I was thinking. I was like, wow, 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:00.600 I'm come here tomorrow and I'm gonna intervie Kenya, and 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:04.240 like I'm watching their dynamic and that poly couple has 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:08.079 some problems, specifically the man. He might be a narcissist. 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:11.760 But I was just I just thought, like I think 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:14.560 their dynamic was interesting because they're not actually they're not 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:17.320 sleeping together. I think there's a lot of misconceptions around polyamory, 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.120 and I would love for you to speak to those two, 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:21.600 but I think one of those misconceptions is that everyone's 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:25.880 sleeping with one another. Oh god no. And so specifically 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.120 with their dynamic on the show was like one was 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:31.800 like a primary, then the other one was secondary. Then 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:33.760 they were talking about like I have all these words, 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:36.520 I've never heard of anarchy or something relationship anarchy. 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:38.360 Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:42.360 But like one of them like lives in Vegas half 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:44.719 the time. She was the original Primary, so she was 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.360 originally she's in the circus. She's the original Primary, but 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:49.840 she wanted to go have like go do her career, 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:53.160 and so the secondary has kind of come in and 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:57.320 become primary sort of, but like it wasn't really spoken about. 0:10:57.440 --> 0:11:00.520 So then Primary decided to come to New York and 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:04.560 spend more time and her her boyfriend was like not 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:06.760 excited about it when she was like, wait, but I'm Primary. 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.280 What the fuck? Like what are you talking about? Like 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:10.280 this is you've asked me to come, and so I 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:12.439 don't know. I was just like this. This is why 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:17.480 I think polyamory in general gets a negative rap because 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.360 it feels like there's so many dynamics that have to 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:24.640 be considered, There's so many emotions and have to be considered, 0:11:24.760 --> 0:11:27.800 and relationships one on one are hard. Is hard enough 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.480 that it's like now we have to consider all these 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:34.320 people's feelings and have a job and be a parent 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:37.160 and like, you know, deal with the world in life. 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:39.800 Like so it's like I'd rather just do one. 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:41.600 It's not for the faint of heart. 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:43.480 No, No, I mean I know. And when I was 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.120 watching them, I was like, this is there. I don't know. 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:48.200 I'm only on I think I fell asleep like after 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:51.120 episode three, but I was like, this ain't gonna work. Hey, 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:53.880 they they might need Kenya because I don't know. Even 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:55.439 the therapist was looking at them like. 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:59.520 She therapists do not coach Polly. I don't know why 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:00.520 they're trying to do that. 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:04.080 She was looking at him like you have issues and 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:05.360 these bitches need to leave you. 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:07.720 I mean there, you know what. 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.400 The one thing I'll say about Couple's Therapy is what 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:13.040 you recognize is that everybody's issue stems from childhood, and 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:15.080 it's so much and that this takes a gentle nudging 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:18.040 to figure out from where. Yes, and most people are 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:22.480 searching for things to compensate it, to fill voids that 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:24.560 they haven't even begun to figure out. 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:26.040 Yes, and so it's like you're. 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:28.320 Never going to be in a relationship that's fulfilling because 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:30.880 you're literally trying to avoid yourself and that shit doesn't 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:32.360 work well. 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:35.040 I really, I've not seen couple's therapy, so I don't 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:36.240 want to, you know, I don't. 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:37.960 I don't know their situation. 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:41.720 But nobody in growing up in the USA, in Western 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.880 culture is ready for polyamory. Polyamory is not something you 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:47.280 just decide to do. I don't know why people are 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:48.920 doing that. Is it a fad? I mean, has it 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:51.000 become a fad? Yeah? I made it a fat first. 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.160 I mean I brought it fat. 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:56.600 I brought a mainstream and now people think somehow it's easy. 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:57.040 It's not. 0:12:57.240 --> 0:12:59.520 It's something that you really have to be prepared for. 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:02.400 So that's what I do. You know, Okay. 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:07.280 So when you look at like couples like Neo okay, 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.319 and his dynamic is not polyamoral. Okay, So I was 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:11.720 gonna ask you, like, what is it? Yeah, what is 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:14.520 the perception of what you've seen so far in their dynamic? 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.560 Is that a polyamorous relationship or is that just a 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:18.280 man getting his rocks off with a bunch of different 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:23.559 women and them just getting polyandry. Polyandry means that I'm 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:25.560 gonna be with all of these women and these women 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:30.400 have to be monogamous. To me, that's not polyamory. So polyandry. 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:33.320 I don't even coach polyandry because that's like me coaching slavery. 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:36.960 I'm not I'm gonna help you get slaves. 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:40.000 I mean, that would be no. Not, it's not ethical 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:44.520 I think of And I'm not judging neo. I'm just 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:48.679 saying he shouldn't call that polyamory unless the women are 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.000 also free. No, I don't think that they're they're not. 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:52.520 I don't know. I don't know. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:56.160 I heard him say that they choose to be loyal 0:13:56.640 --> 0:14:00.319 monogamous to him, and so they choose to be Yeah, 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:01.000 that's what if. 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.720 They didn't choose that, would he be okay with them? Yeah? 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:07.000 Most of the men that i've just who call themselves Polly. 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.360 When I ask that question, because that's always my first question, 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:11.920 it's always no. And then I go, I can't hear 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.439 anything else you say, because nigga, you sound stupid. 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:18.400 Because they don't even know the name of the definition 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:19.640 of what they're doing. 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.560 Right, soogyny, So how can I even yeah, how can 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.520 we even continue the conversation? When you want people, you 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:27.480 want things that are one sided. You don't want partners, 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:30.880 you want minions and rights, indentured slaves. 0:14:31.440 --> 0:14:33.480 Yeah, my husband came to me with that at first, 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:36.440 you know, he he thought of polygyny. That was the 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:38.800 first you know, that was the first stop on our polyamory. 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:44.280 Okay, So polyandry, polyamory, and polygyny, Yes, what is polygyny. 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:47.960 Polygyny is when one man wants to have multiple female partners, 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:49.720 but those women cannot have other men. 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:52.360 Okay, but I thought that was that's not polyandry. 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:56.360 No, Polyandry is when one woman wants multiple male partners 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:58.280 and all those partners are monogamous to her. 0:14:58.440 --> 0:14:59.960 Oh okay, So it's okay, got, I gotta got. 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:04.840 And polyamory is more around that centrifugal force where everyone 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:07.600 is free. That's where I live. I don't know any 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:11.320 women who are polyandrous, except the ones who's lying to 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:14.960 the man and saying that she's monogamous to them and 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:18.280 she has a collection of men but that's not really 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:20.880 polyandry because those men would know about each other. Right. 0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:25.480 All of the Pollyes talk about consent, talk about honesty, 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:29.359 talk about, you know, being able to express yourself authentically 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:34.600 in your lining. Hear that if you're actually Polly, you're honest. Okay, Now, 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:36.760 there's a difference between honesty and authenticity. 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:37.120 I'm not. 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.400 I don't believe in honesty so much. We should talk 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:41.280 about that. Yeah, because a lot of people say, well, 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.800 you should be honest, honest about what. Usually when people 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:45.680 say you should be honest, they're saying you should tell 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:49.600 me who you slept with. It's not really a thing authentic, 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:52.760 Like I can authentically tell you. If you ask me 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.960 where I was last night, I can say authentically, I 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:58.440 don't feel like sharing that with you, I don't feel 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:00.720 safe sharing that with you, or don't feel like you 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:02.880 we know each other well enough for me to owe 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:07.360 you that information. That's an authentic answer. When people say honesty, 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.560 tell me where you were last night, Well, at ten o'clock, 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:10.000 I was here. 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:12.040 At eleven o'clock, I was here. I was with this person. 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.000 No one is honest. Well, that's because because that goes 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:18.200 back to that's even when we're talking about the difference 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:22.040 between honesty and transparency, right, it's like right, transparency is 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:24.920 usually when you're forthright, you're forthcoming, You're going to share 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:26.280 without being asked. 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:28.880 But if you feel interrogated by the questions, you are 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:30.480 not gonna I'm not gonna tell you shit because why 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:31.360 the fucking you in my business? 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:31.520 Did? 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:32.040 Right? 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:35.000 And then you won't be transparent if you're secretly feeling 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:37.880 terrified that you're gonna see jump down your throat. Right, 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.960 But authentically, I could say, hey, I really don't feel 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:45.080 comfortable sharing with you because last time you jumped down 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:48.480 my throat. So I'm gonna hold that information that is authentic. 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:53.120 So I want to know where did this all begin 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:57.520 for you? Like when did you begin? I guess you're 0:16:57.600 --> 0:17:00.760 in your journey into polyamory. Was that like, have you 0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:03.320 always been kind of just open or was this something 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:08.440 something occur or a relationship dynamic occur where you're like, yeah, nah. 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:10.119 Well, I mean starting at the beginning, y'all know, all 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:12.800 humans are very open. You have to think back to 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.080 the second grade to the fifth grade. 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:19.160 That was our boyfriend. We like him, like we like him, 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:21.960 So you know, humans are not a monogamous species. 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:26.119 Monogamous species only have sex with one other per lifetime, 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:28.480 and if that mate should die, their sex drive dies 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:31.560 as well. So humans are not a monogamous species. Four 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:34.520 percent of mammals are monogamous. So you know, if you 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:36.280 want to go all the way back where it started, 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:39.800 I'm talking about you, oh me, Well you know this 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:42.879 human it's in front of me. Well, in my marriage, 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:45.480 I've been married for thirty years, so I think a 0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:48.280 year four of my marriage, I started having feelings for 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:52.080 other men. One in particular, who was, you know, somebody 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:55.000 in my community circle. My husband and I went to Howard. 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:57.960 We met at Howard and we're both Howard graduates, and 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.880 so we were living in DC. I'm in in DC, 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:04.120 and we had beautiful communities. But yeah, I felt myself 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:06.879 attracted to somebody, and I did tell my husband, and 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:09.240 I told my marriage counselors, and they told me to 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:11.959 nix it. They said, this is not acceptable. But how 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:16.720 do you nix having dreams? You know, moist dreams about 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:19.639 a man, and really, you know, how do you stop 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.720 the dreams? How do you stop the desire? You don't 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:24.040 and you can't. And nobody told me that before I 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.960 got married. I thought when you get married, magically you 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:28.879 have the ring on it and you magically do not 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:32.640 think about other people. But that wasn't true, so that 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:36.720 was mixed, you know, socially, I didn't carry it out then, 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:39.480 like at year eleven, my husband had the same experience 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:40.840 with somebody at his job. 0:18:40.840 --> 0:18:42.600 Wait, so how did your husband take it when you 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:43.800 told him at year four? 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:46.359 You know, my husband and I are very spiritual. We 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:50.240 were also involved in spiritual community, so we already knew that, 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:53.720 you know, you can handle emotion, you can handle people's authenticity. 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:56.840 We had learned that through our spiritual practices, meditation and 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:59.920 yoga and all the function way, and we were deep 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:04.960 into this world. So he wasn't like what No, He 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:07.680 was just like, okay, that's good. What should we do? 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:10.800 He wasn't upset. And when he told me about another 0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:14.399 woman at eleven year eleven, I wasn't upset. He hadn't 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:16.879 had sex with her. I hadn't had sex with the guy. 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:20.600 We were just having authentic conversations. So what was our 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:21.760 training in that? I don't know. 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:23.480 I wish more people could do it, though it makes 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:27.480 you friends first. So then after year eleven when this 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:30.399 was revealed. Still know that you guys didn't open up 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:31.440 your relationship then. 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:33.880 No, because I said, you know, he said, well, I'm 0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:34.919 thinking about prologyny. 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:36.280 No. 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:40.320 I was like, what, like we not Like I'm from Detroit, 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:42.879 Like I'm not from Mississippi somewhere. I'm not from Africa. 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:44.600 I don't know where they do polygyny. 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:46.760 If I was just telling him, if you would like 0:19:46.840 --> 0:19:49.439 to seriously pursue her, I would like to do that 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:50.480 as well, and he would. 0:19:50.320 --> 0:19:51.040 Just shut me down. 0:19:52.040 --> 0:19:55.359 Never mind. Yeah, I mean he did a full U 0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:58.840 turn and for two years after that he dropped that conversation. 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:01.800 I mean we talked about it over those two years, 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:05.720 but it wasn't until I met somebody again and I 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:07.639 called him from the conference I was at, like a 0:20:07.640 --> 0:20:10.520 green conference, and I said, babe, like I met this 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:12.960 person who I'm resonating with. And this time he was like, 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:15.240 go ahead and talk to him. Okay, just call me 0:20:15.280 --> 0:20:17.720 when you're done. Don't go to his room, just talk 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:20.080 to him and see where it goes. And I did 0:20:20.480 --> 0:20:23.119 so he sort of let me go first, and like 0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:26.560 he never wanted to say, yes, you can have other men. 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:28.600 He was just like oh it happened. 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:31.920 Okay, Like, so what was that first experience, Like, I 0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:35.280 don't know if that was the not necessarily that experience, 0:20:35.320 --> 0:20:37.240 but the experience where you actually did take it to 0:20:37.320 --> 0:20:39.359 the next steps. I'm curious, Like, well, I try to 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:41.000 take it to the next step with that guy. So 0:20:41.359 --> 0:20:42.200 I did come home. 0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:44.280 I didn't at the conference, but I came home told 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:47.800 my husband I like him blah blah blah, and he 0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:50.959 wants me to come to California and see him and 0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:53.280 talk to him and get like stay at his house. 0:20:53.600 --> 0:20:57.000 My husband was like, okay, but he I think my 0:20:57.080 --> 0:20:59.679 husband knew that if he wanted something, he had to 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:02.440 let me go first. Like, if you're the main one 0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:05.080 who wants the thing, it's gonna behoove you to. 0:21:05.320 --> 0:21:07.320 Let your partner have the same privilege. 0:21:07.600 --> 0:21:09.840 If not, this is jail, you know, you're just a 0:21:09.880 --> 0:21:12.280 warden keeping your partner in the jail. And who wants 0:21:12.320 --> 0:21:14.199 to be a married who wants to be married like that. 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:17.520 So he was like, Okay, you can do this. But 0:21:17.640 --> 0:21:20.280 I was so scared on that plane ride. Then I 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:22.680 got to California. He was here working at a startup, 0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:25.000 and I got to his house and I just froze 0:21:25.119 --> 0:21:28.240 like nothing happened. My husband was at home. My husband 0:21:28.280 --> 0:21:31.280 doesn't even drink. I called him. My kids answer, where's 0:21:31.359 --> 0:21:35.560 that He's in the basement drinking. I'm like, what, he 0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:37.480 does not drink. He wouldn't even let me have a 0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:40.840 sip of wine at our honeymoon. He does not drink. 0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:42.560 He does not eat sugar. We were vegans. 0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:45.000 Like, he's everything, he's stressed, all the things he was 0:21:45.000 --> 0:21:47.959 stressed if he's drinking. So that's how it started. 0:21:48.080 --> 0:21:51.240 And then I came home and we did repair. That's 0:21:51.280 --> 0:21:53.760 what couples don't really have in their relationship is repair. 0:21:54.280 --> 0:21:55.480 What is that? 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:58.360 That's when you you know, you have your your animal 0:21:58.440 --> 0:22:01.399 that gets really upset emotional. Then you have your ego, 0:22:01.440 --> 0:22:04.440 which is your story. She's over there, she's probably having sex. 0:22:04.480 --> 0:22:06.920 What if he's bigger, what if he's better. That's a story, 0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:10.119 it's never true. And then you have your higher self 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:12.880 where you say, Okay, what am I learning, how am 0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:15.280 I growing? How did I feel? And what does it mean? 0:22:15.720 --> 0:22:17.560 What do I need to do next time? That's your 0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:21.560 higher processing. So repair happens in your higher processing. 0:22:22.000 --> 0:22:24.320 So did you guys already have these tools, like how 0:22:24.320 --> 0:22:27.199 did you know, to even take to take these steps 0:22:27.200 --> 0:22:27.560 with him. 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:30.879 Yes, from our meditation, from me having three home births, 0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:35.160 from us being initiated into you know, African traditional culture. 0:22:35.359 --> 0:22:37.760 We had a lot of tools, but what we did 0:22:38.119 --> 0:22:40.600 is sort of reshape what we needed for. 0:22:40.600 --> 0:22:44.679 Our relationship because you know, you're gonna what we found 0:22:44.880 --> 0:22:47.000 at your thirty here is you're always gonna have jealousy. 0:22:47.000 --> 0:22:49.359 You're always gonna have insecurity. You're always gonna be angry 0:22:49.400 --> 0:22:51.520 if some shit happened that you don't like. You don't 0:22:51.520 --> 0:22:54.280 mother fucking like it. Your animal is not going anywhere. 0:22:54.320 --> 0:22:56.840 Your ego is not going anywhere. So the tools we've 0:22:56.880 --> 0:23:00.320 developed help us have the conversation even and like I 0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:03.320 can let my animal blast my husband, my husband's animal 0:23:03.359 --> 0:23:06.600 can blast me inside of a container that we set 0:23:07.000 --> 0:23:07.720 for that purpose. 0:23:08.880 --> 0:23:10.760 You know, I was, I was just looking at your 0:23:10.760 --> 0:23:13.480 page last night, and there is a real that I 0:23:13.520 --> 0:23:15.800 really appreciated that I never heard like it was it 0:23:15.840 --> 0:23:18.680 made much sense, but I'd never heard it like put 0:23:18.720 --> 0:23:22.639 this way. And basically you were saying like, yeah, like 0:23:22.680 --> 0:23:25.160 a lot of people are so busy suppressing the jealousy, 0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:29.440 suppressing the enemy, suppressing the ugly parts about themselves that 0:23:29.480 --> 0:23:31.439 they never let them out. And what you actually have 0:23:31.480 --> 0:23:33.520 to do is like let them out, pet them, love them, 0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:37.000 let them speak, let them roar, and like be become 0:23:37.080 --> 0:23:39.199 one with each of those things. So there's jealousy that 0:23:39.240 --> 0:23:41.640 we all have, there's insecurity that we all have. There's 0:23:41.680 --> 0:23:44.680 this you know, this animalistic like raging person. There's all 0:23:44.680 --> 0:23:48.119 these parts of us, like the shadow side essentially, but 0:23:48.240 --> 0:23:52.360 we don't give it space and air to speak its mind. 0:23:52.200 --> 0:23:54.240 Or to let like to release it. 0:23:54.560 --> 0:23:57.080 Instead, we're so busy being like ashamed of those parts 0:23:57.119 --> 0:23:59.640 of us. We shut them down immediately before they even 0:23:59.680 --> 0:24:02.959 see the light. And then there's no there's no integration 0:24:03.080 --> 0:24:04.040 of those parts of us. 0:24:04.080 --> 0:24:07.119 And I was like that makes sense, you know, but 0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:09.080 it has to be done as a safe container, because 0:24:09.080 --> 0:24:12.320 some men hear that and some people speak about that online, 0:24:12.359 --> 0:24:15.120 but they don't show you how to set up the container. 0:24:15.200 --> 0:24:16.000 They don't show you. 0:24:16.000 --> 0:24:18.239 How to soothe that animal, because you can't just let 0:24:18.280 --> 0:24:20.280 the animal out, and then you don't know how to 0:24:20.320 --> 0:24:22.680 soothe it. You the person is not soothe the ball. 0:24:22.960 --> 0:24:24.720 A lot of people get in their animal and they 0:24:24.720 --> 0:24:26.760 don't want to feel better, you know what I say. 0:24:26.800 --> 0:24:29.040 They just want to rage, and that's cool, but we 0:24:29.080 --> 0:24:30.800 need to know that inside of the container. 0:24:31.080 --> 0:24:33.120 We need to understand that first, like how long am. 0:24:33.000 --> 0:24:34.160 We gonna let the animal room? 0:24:34.720 --> 0:24:35.440 All right? Baby? 0:24:35.480 --> 0:24:38.280 Put that bitch yet, it's time for dinner, okay? 0:24:38.480 --> 0:24:41.000 And it's a it's a it's an art to be suitable. 0:24:43.760 --> 0:24:46.720 I have a question for you. So after this and 0:24:46.840 --> 0:24:48.680 after this happened, and because I think a lot of 0:24:48.720 --> 0:24:52.720 people listening probably heard like he was drinking, that means 0:24:52.760 --> 0:24:54.840 like why, well, that means it's not good, like you know, 0:24:55.359 --> 0:24:57.000 like that means like why are you fucking why are 0:24:57.040 --> 0:24:59.280 you stressing your husband out? Like clearly he didn't want 0:24:59.280 --> 0:25:03.160 this shit, Like it's abviously obviously you're you know you are. 0:25:02.800 --> 0:25:05.960 You have shown obviously you've moved past that point. And 0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:10.320 you guys created this container and communicated. And I know 0:25:10.359 --> 0:25:12.480 that you guys are parents as well. How many children 0:25:12.480 --> 0:25:15.280 do you have? Three? Three? Is this three with him? Specifically? Yes, 0:25:15.400 --> 0:25:18.960 I've been married thirty years to him. How I guess 0:25:19.000 --> 0:25:23.159 as you ventured into polyamory, how have you introduced or 0:25:23.200 --> 0:25:25.640 talked to your children about that? And how old were 0:25:25.640 --> 0:25:27.000 they when they became aware? 0:25:27.280 --> 0:25:30.520 Sure, my kids, we've been telling them this since I 0:25:30.520 --> 0:25:34.720 don't even remember, since they could talk, we told them that, look, 0:25:35.400 --> 0:25:39.160 you create your life. You can have, do or become 0:25:39.200 --> 0:25:43.040 whatever you want. We tell our children metaphysical truth, like 0:25:43.119 --> 0:25:46.760 we don't raise our kids with the same sheltering of like, no, 0:25:46.840 --> 0:25:48.800 you have to do it this way, because we want 0:25:48.800 --> 0:25:50.600 our kids to have critical thinking skills. 0:25:50.960 --> 0:25:52.879 So we said, mom and dad, this is how we 0:25:53.000 --> 0:25:53.360 do it. 0:25:53.720 --> 0:25:55.959 Now we're gonna tell y'all how to do stuff, how 0:25:56.000 --> 0:25:58.159 to wash the dishes, how to do y'all homework. But 0:25:58.280 --> 0:26:00.560 if you feel like you have a better way, tell 0:26:00.640 --> 0:26:04.879 us think for yourself, Mom and dad, We think for ourselves. 0:26:05.080 --> 0:26:07.720 Nobody's gonna tell us how to live because we are 0:26:07.800 --> 0:26:11.960 adults of sound mind and creative as fuck and beautiful 0:26:12.000 --> 0:26:16.080 and wise, and you know, we create this system for ourselves. 0:26:16.480 --> 0:26:19.280 Oh that's my kid. Nobody does that at school. 0:26:19.560 --> 0:26:23.680 But they're all divorced. All their friends' parents were divorced, 0:26:24.760 --> 0:26:26.640 you know, and we could have ended up divorced too. 0:26:27.480 --> 0:26:28.720 Because it gets. 0:26:28.480 --> 0:26:31.119 That way at year ten, and nobody prepares you for it. 0:26:31.119 --> 0:26:33.320 It gets that way year fifteen. Nobody prepares you. 0:26:33.480 --> 0:26:35.760 Nobody prepares you for the romance to start to wane 0:26:36.480 --> 0:26:37.919 for you not even to want to hang out with 0:26:37.960 --> 0:26:40.600 this dude, like my mom never told me that. 0:26:40.960 --> 0:26:42.560 And you're like, damn, I got all the way to 0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:45.320 the decade mark for this shit to go, like to 0:26:45.400 --> 0:26:46.640 be to dry out. 0:26:46.480 --> 0:26:49.480 And it's disheartening and you want to strangle someone because 0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:52.320 you've put so much y'all know, you put your effort 0:26:52.400 --> 0:26:54.399 as a woman into this. Then you get to a 0:26:54.400 --> 0:26:56.040 point where he don't even want to sleep it. I 0:26:56.040 --> 0:26:58.399 remember my husband said, I want a separate bedroom. We 0:26:58.440 --> 0:27:05.080 should have separate bedrooms. What I have invested in my 0:27:05.400 --> 0:27:08.560 entire youth, my entire Like, you don't want to have 0:27:08.640 --> 0:27:10.679 sex with me except for once a week now it 0:27:10.800 --> 0:27:14.400 was three days, it was every day, Like what is this? 0:27:14.520 --> 0:27:17.359 Nobody tells you it is chemical cocktail in your brain. 0:27:17.800 --> 0:27:20.800 The bonding phase is when you're in love. I didn't 0:27:20.800 --> 0:27:22.840 even feel like I was in love at year fifteen, 0:27:23.240 --> 0:27:25.760 and I was not, And no one prepared me to 0:27:25.760 --> 0:27:29.040 switch from being in love to having unconditional love with 0:27:29.160 --> 0:27:29.639 my husband. 0:27:30.040 --> 0:27:31.120 But that's where we are now. 0:27:31.240 --> 0:27:32.359 Would you say you're in love? 0:27:32.960 --> 0:27:34.840 Hell? No with my husband? Yeah no? 0:27:35.040 --> 0:27:37.679 Are you in love with any of your husbands? I 0:27:37.840 --> 0:27:40.560 was in love with my younger husband, Tiger that has Wayne. 0:27:40.560 --> 0:27:43.800 We're at year ten. See, we need to be prepared. 0:27:43.880 --> 0:27:46.400 I was not even prepared for that. I thought, like, oh. 0:27:46.280 --> 0:27:47.879 So you think so this is a fact that for 0:27:48.119 --> 0:27:51.040 you think every couple that eventually they get into a 0:27:51.080 --> 0:27:53.880 space where they're no longer in love. And it's if 0:27:53.880 --> 0:27:56.879 you are able to move through that you get to 0:27:56.960 --> 0:28:00.160 the unconditional part. But the in love kind of dies 0:28:00.600 --> 0:28:04.280 it it does not or expands it. It expands into something. 0:28:04.400 --> 0:28:09.560 Thank you, you see that difference. It expands into something greater. 0:28:10.640 --> 0:28:14.000 In love is a chemical cocktail. Why y'all ask me this. 0:28:14.080 --> 0:28:16.880 You've been in love, you know that you're in love, 0:28:16.920 --> 0:28:18.560 and then you go you're here, and then it's like, 0:28:19.240 --> 0:28:21.960 you know, that feeling is not the same from the 0:28:21.960 --> 0:28:23.680 first time, just like a crack here. You know you 0:28:23.760 --> 0:28:28.439 can't and you know and we all know this is 0:28:28.480 --> 0:28:30.840 a fact of life. Even your favorite food. Let's say 0:28:30.880 --> 0:28:33.080 your favorite food is macaroni and cheese. If you eat 0:28:33.080 --> 0:28:34.840 it every day for a month, is it the same 0:28:35.520 --> 0:28:37.960 as when you just really crave mac and cheese because 0:28:38.000 --> 0:28:40.959 you haven't had it in a while. No, it's different. 0:28:41.120 --> 0:28:43.200 Do you find that some in some some ways. Some 0:28:43.280 --> 0:28:47.320 days you're like again, like that chemical cocktail is present 0:28:47.360 --> 0:28:49.239 for your husbands or one of the you know, like 0:28:49.480 --> 0:28:51.040 some day do you feel like you go in and 0:28:51.040 --> 0:28:52.240 out of love or you feel like that. 0:28:52.320 --> 0:28:54.440 Well this is where marriage counselors come in and say, well, 0:28:54.440 --> 0:28:57.320 where's some different draws and go to a hotel, go 0:28:57.360 --> 0:28:59.560 to Costa Rica, you know, go do the because it 0:28:59.600 --> 0:29:03.400 will stimulate you in a different way. But the first 0:29:03.440 --> 0:29:06.880 time cocktail chemical cocktail, because that cocktail is meant to 0:29:07.040 --> 0:29:10.440 bond you, and so it's gonna be strong. It's come 0:29:10.480 --> 0:29:13.120 as pumping, you know, but once you're bonded, it's not 0:29:13.120 --> 0:29:14.400 going to be at that same level. 0:29:14.480 --> 0:29:17.480 Doesn't need to be. I don't know why. As we 0:29:17.520 --> 0:29:19.040 got to ask the universe. 0:29:20.320 --> 0:29:25.040 Oh I know why, let me stop lying, because humans cannot. 0:29:24.560 --> 0:29:33.280 Exist without what love? What kept humans alive? Waterword, water 0:29:33.320 --> 0:29:33.960 and shelter? 0:29:34.200 --> 0:29:39.360 You said it community, tribe, you can You could not 0:29:39.440 --> 0:29:41.600 exist today if it was just you two on the planet. 0:29:42.200 --> 0:29:43.800 You don't have enough resources to go. 0:29:43.760 --> 0:29:45.320 Get to this and the food and to go get 0:29:45.320 --> 0:29:50.440 the water. Humans need community to survive. So if we 0:29:50.560 --> 0:29:52.640 stayed at that in love with one person and tried 0:29:52.680 --> 0:29:55.480 to run off in the sunset like gibbons. Gibbons are 0:29:55.560 --> 0:29:58.400 real monogamous species. They live in a tree away from 0:29:58.440 --> 0:30:02.040 everybody else. Humans have to have community to survive, so 0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:03.920 that has to die down, so we go community. 0:30:03.920 --> 0:30:06.080 You have to go bond with other people in order 0:30:06.160 --> 0:30:09.719 to survive, and so your chemicals in your brain are saying, Okay, 0:30:09.960 --> 0:30:12.800 you've established this love of this person. Now these chemicals 0:30:12.840 --> 0:30:14.360 are going on off because you need to continue to 0:30:14.400 --> 0:30:15.520 create bonds with people. 0:30:15.680 --> 0:30:18.520 And it happened faster for men, and I think, no shit, 0:30:20.760 --> 0:30:23.560 Women keep it in place because we got more of 0:30:23.600 --> 0:30:29.320 the subconscious like memories, and we've been instill with more romance. 0:30:30.480 --> 0:30:31.120 It's true we. 0:30:31.160 --> 0:30:34.000 Socialize a different way, like yeah. 0:30:33.720 --> 0:30:35.640 So we hold no. 0:30:35.240 --> 0:30:38.840 Baby dewey, Baby dewey, bitches love to hold on. 0:30:38.960 --> 0:30:39.160 Oh. 0:30:39.160 --> 0:30:41.720 It was hard with my husband when we transitioned into 0:30:41.800 --> 0:30:44.640 unconditional love because I just couldn't believe it. 0:30:45.440 --> 0:30:48.560 I could not believe this was happening. Was it a positive? 0:30:48.560 --> 0:30:52.840 Couldn't believe it or like a no? It was hardest sadness. Baby. 0:30:52.960 --> 0:30:56.760 I was not prepared for this. I did this on 0:30:56.800 --> 0:30:59.120 my own. It was no polyamory groups, right. 0:31:00.200 --> 0:31:03.360 The first African American poly family to come out and 0:31:03.480 --> 0:31:04.560 say this out loud. 0:31:05.520 --> 0:31:06.880 You understand. We were alone. 0:31:07.720 --> 0:31:10.080 We started the first poly groups and it was just 0:31:10.520 --> 0:31:13.320 it was terrifying. I didn't know if this was gonna work. 0:31:13.720 --> 0:31:17.200 You're like, I hope right. I was just like, this 0:31:17.320 --> 0:31:17.920 is hard. 0:31:18.640 --> 0:31:21.840 But along the way we built every tool into it 0:31:21.840 --> 0:31:24.280 that we needed, and now we just wrote twelve books 0:31:24.280 --> 0:31:26.280 about it and we helped thousands of couples with it. 0:31:26.360 --> 0:31:28.040 Twelve books. Wow, we've read a. 0:31:28.040 --> 0:31:28.720 Lot of us now. 0:31:29.280 --> 0:31:31.520 I think for the people listening to who are maybe 0:31:31.720 --> 0:31:35.280 interested in polyamory, or even just maybe listening and just 0:31:35.280 --> 0:31:39.120 being like, what the fuck? How like for you on 0:31:39.160 --> 0:31:42.880 this journey of being in love and then transitioning into 0:31:42.960 --> 0:31:45.480 unconditional love and then like meeting other men and then 0:31:45.520 --> 0:31:47.959 being in love, has ever read a point where you 0:31:48.280 --> 0:31:51.840 have felt like, especially in polyamory, because you have these 0:31:51.840 --> 0:31:54.800 different points of references right where you're like, oh damn, like, 0:31:55.080 --> 0:31:57.320 oh yeah, I like this feeling. I remember this feeling. 0:31:57.320 --> 0:32:00.080 Maybe I'm not maybe this isn't working anymore, Maybe like 0:32:00.480 --> 0:32:03.000 I need to move on from this relationship because now 0:32:03.000 --> 0:32:06.320 I have this feeling I mean love again, and maybe 0:32:06.360 --> 0:32:08.000 I don't love you anymore? Maybe it's time for us 0:32:08.040 --> 0:32:10.920 to depart. Like we've we've, we've we've done the thing, 0:32:11.080 --> 0:32:13.360 you know, like, how do you how have you been 0:32:13.320 --> 0:32:15.640 able to traverse that space? Because I think that's a 0:32:15.720 --> 0:32:19.840 natural a feeling, right, especially when you're getting that that 0:32:19.840 --> 0:32:23.680 that about that boost of oxytocin and and all of that, 0:32:23.520 --> 0:32:26.240 and that adrenaline that that new love gives you. Yes, 0:32:26.280 --> 0:32:29.920 it's pumping. It's like a cocktail. I felt that way. 0:32:29.960 --> 0:32:33.360 But I loved the feeling of unconditional love with my 0:32:33.440 --> 0:32:35.040 husband once I saw that. 0:32:35.080 --> 0:32:35.440 My husband. 0:32:35.480 --> 0:32:37.680 See, this was my issue, and this is why I 0:32:37.680 --> 0:32:39.720 didn't have sex the first time I came to California 0:32:39.760 --> 0:32:41.560 with that because I didn't know if he would respect 0:32:41.640 --> 0:32:42.440 me afterwards. 0:32:42.480 --> 0:32:46.840 Your husband, Yes, most of them, Like I didn't know. 0:32:47.520 --> 0:32:49.480 Oh, I'll take a puff if we if we taken 0:32:49.480 --> 0:32:50.080 a time. 0:32:49.880 --> 0:32:53.880 Off, let me you know, let me take a puff. 0:32:53.920 --> 0:32:56.440 Matter fact, we about to go deeper. 0:32:58.440 --> 0:32:59.000 A cocktail. 0:32:59.080 --> 0:33:01.560 We have cock tales of joints. Here me and Mila. 0:33:01.720 --> 0:33:04.440 This is a real smoker's ash tray. We have about 0:33:04.760 --> 0:33:07.400 four different different blunts that have a unsmoking Which one 0:33:07.400 --> 0:33:10.600 would you like? Close your eyes and pick one. 0:33:12.640 --> 0:33:14.600 Well, I saw y'all smoking on the show. I brought 0:33:14.640 --> 0:33:18.800 my face. You don't have nothing good like that. But 0:33:21.520 --> 0:33:25.800 what were you saying? I was saying that I didn't 0:33:25.800 --> 0:33:28.520 know what unconditional love felt. 0:33:28.200 --> 0:33:29.680 Like, and you were worried that he was going to 0:33:29.800 --> 0:33:30.120 judge you. 0:33:30.280 --> 0:33:33.920 I was you would judge me, and that he would 0:33:33.960 --> 0:33:36.120 fall out of love because at that time, you know, 0:33:36.200 --> 0:33:38.800 we were just coming from being in love. What's next. 0:33:38.800 --> 0:33:41.840 I've never heard of unconditional love. I've never heard of 0:33:41.920 --> 0:33:45.280 unconditional love. I don't know if my I just didn't 0:33:45.280 --> 0:33:46.080 know what it was. 0:33:46.200 --> 0:33:48.640 Well, I think, especially in this society, people really tell 0:33:48.680 --> 0:33:52.080 you that unconditional love really only exists between children and 0:33:52.720 --> 0:33:55.360 like their parents that like it's it's always going to 0:33:55.400 --> 0:33:56.720 be somewhat conditional. 0:33:57.200 --> 0:33:58.200 Or women to men. 0:33:58.560 --> 0:34:02.360 Men rarely you really find men they're willing to be 0:34:02.920 --> 0:34:04.360 have unconditioned love for women. 0:34:04.600 --> 0:34:07.120 Women will forgive men time and time and time. 0:34:06.920 --> 0:34:09.560 After they cheat, after they are disloyal, after they're dishonest. 0:34:09.920 --> 0:34:12.399 But if a woman does the same shit, fuck her, right, 0:34:12.520 --> 0:34:13.120 she's a whore. 0:34:13.280 --> 0:34:14.280 Right, there's no recovery. 0:34:14.360 --> 0:34:15.400 There's no recovery. 0:34:15.680 --> 0:34:18.399 That's what it was giving us, a recovery for women, right, 0:34:18.520 --> 0:34:20.520 that sticks in us, even if you know your husband 0:34:20.600 --> 0:34:23.080 or you assume I'm disposable. 0:34:23.280 --> 0:34:25.480 I guess I had watched enough TV, or heard that 0:34:25.520 --> 0:34:28.520 from enough men, or just felt that so much from society. 0:34:28.560 --> 0:34:31.920 I was just like, I can't do it. So once 0:34:32.000 --> 0:34:33.600 I did. Do you know? 0:34:33.880 --> 0:34:34.120 Once? 0:34:34.160 --> 0:34:37.520 I did get with men after that experience, clearly? But man, 0:34:37.560 --> 0:34:40.200 my husband's still loving me and still being willing to 0:34:40.200 --> 0:34:42.200 be with me like that, and still being willing to 0:34:42.239 --> 0:34:44.200 be in my house and work and pay. 0:34:44.280 --> 0:34:46.440 I never worked. I've never worked. 0:34:47.960 --> 0:34:50.120 You know what I'm saying. I'm not losing that. 0:34:50.600 --> 0:34:54.080 Right. Take me back home, right, give me back home 0:34:54.120 --> 0:34:54.760 to my husband. 0:34:54.880 --> 0:34:59.640 I have a comfortable home, beautiful life, three children, you 0:34:59.640 --> 0:35:02.479 know so. But yeah, but once I, once I felt 0:35:02.600 --> 0:35:05.680 unconditional love, it feels just as good as being in love. 0:35:06.000 --> 0:35:08.520 It starts. It's not the same chemical cocktail. 0:35:08.960 --> 0:35:11.080 It's just a deep level of. 0:35:11.000 --> 0:35:14.880 Safety and comfort and the freedom to know you can 0:35:14.920 --> 0:35:18.520 be yourself is better. Like to me, it's better than 0:35:18.680 --> 0:35:19.359 being in love. 0:35:19.840 --> 0:35:22.400 In love, you got questions still in love? Is it 0:35:22.440 --> 0:35:23.919 gonna last? In love? 0:35:24.000 --> 0:35:24.480 Is it gonna? 0:35:24.480 --> 0:35:24.680 You know? 0:35:25.160 --> 0:35:28.440 Being unconditional love, I know that he would never leave me, 0:35:28.480 --> 0:35:29.359 and I would never leave him. 0:35:29.360 --> 0:35:32.160 We wouldn't have we wouldn't have a reason to, right right. 0:35:33.400 --> 0:35:35.560 I know that you do a lot of coaching for 0:35:35.640 --> 0:35:39.360 people that are, you know, in this interested or navigating 0:35:39.400 --> 0:35:42.640 polyamory of wanting to open up their marriages. What would 0:35:42.640 --> 0:35:46.520 you say, are like three three ways to know that 0:35:46.560 --> 0:35:48.680 you're ready for this? Because I think a lot of 0:35:48.680 --> 0:35:50.200 people are like, yeah, we could do it, like let's 0:35:50.200 --> 0:35:51.400 do it, and then they get in there and then 0:35:51.400 --> 0:35:53.880 it's like, oh, way as a disaster zone because they 0:35:53.880 --> 0:35:56.760 haven't really fully considered what this actually entails. 0:35:56.960 --> 0:35:59.239 Are there any like, yeah, they're not ready. We have 0:35:59.280 --> 0:36:03.239 a four step path to open love. Step one is 0:36:03.320 --> 0:36:07.879 authentic communication. If you're not able to sit and fall 0:36:07.920 --> 0:36:10.200 apart in front of your partner and your partner holds 0:36:10.200 --> 0:36:12.960 space for you, you're not ready. If you have to keep 0:36:13.000 --> 0:36:15.200 half of your brain to yourself because you're worried about 0:36:15.200 --> 0:36:18.200 being judged, you're not ready. If you need to sneak 0:36:18.239 --> 0:36:20.320 around like people say they're Polly and they still cheating, 0:36:20.400 --> 0:36:25.480 how you polly? Polyamory is a spirituality. It's a spiritual 0:36:25.520 --> 0:36:29.640 practice of becoming authentic, becoming full of yourself, and embracing 0:36:29.680 --> 0:36:32.360 yourself so learning about that people that. 0:36:32.520 --> 0:36:34.120 Okay, I got step one. 0:36:34.200 --> 0:36:36.440 I'm already authentic because I say what I said on 0:36:36.480 --> 0:36:36.879 my mind. 0:36:37.040 --> 0:36:43.200 That's not a gentlemen, are you hearing this? I authentically said, 0:36:43.280 --> 0:36:47.839 fucking giving sign me up, Polly right. 0:36:48.719 --> 0:36:52.960 That's not authenticity. That is your ability to be radically honest. 0:36:53.239 --> 0:36:57.440 But honesty is not really needed in polyamory. Authenticity is needed. 0:36:58.480 --> 0:37:00.440 What's number two on this path? Oh? 0:37:00.600 --> 0:37:03.640 Number two on this path it gets a little bit deeper. 0:37:04.080 --> 0:37:06.080 I don't know if I can really go into each 0:37:06.120 --> 0:37:09.080 of the steps. Because do you feel like you've ever 0:37:09.160 --> 0:37:12.600 had a relationship where you were fully authentic or where 0:37:12.600 --> 0:37:14.959 the person was fully authentic with you? Right now? 0:37:15.440 --> 0:37:19.120 Now you do? Yeah, okay, how does it feel safe? 0:37:19.760 --> 0:37:23.920 Yes, it feels empowering, supportive, free. 0:37:24.920 --> 0:37:25.400 Yeah. 0:37:25.560 --> 0:37:28.840 But two has to do with having friendships of the 0:37:28.840 --> 0:37:32.160 opposite sex, can you Because some marriages you can't even 0:37:32.200 --> 0:37:33.040 have a friend. 0:37:33.440 --> 0:37:35.239 Oh, I mean that's I mean, that's all we hear. 0:37:35.520 --> 0:37:38.520 I mean, that's that's what I not in our friend group. 0:37:38.520 --> 0:37:40.239 But what I see on the internet a lot is 0:37:40.440 --> 0:37:43.040 just like he can't have no friends, she can't have 0:37:43.120 --> 0:37:46.719 no homeboys. Like, yeah, you what you need a homeboyfriend 0:37:46.719 --> 0:37:49.360 and I remember and I've had that experience too, like 0:37:49.400 --> 0:37:52.600 even in my in my past relationships where actually just 0:37:52.680 --> 0:37:56.240 my past relationship where my partner really was like didn't 0:37:56.320 --> 0:38:01.120 understand why I needed male friends. And if he hadn't 0:38:01.120 --> 0:38:03.840 heard of this name in the last six months, that 0:38:03.920 --> 0:38:06.120 niggain's your friend. I never heard you talking about this nigga. 0:38:06.120 --> 0:38:07.400 Who is this nigga? Oh wow? 0:38:07.480 --> 0:38:11.239 And I'm like, no, it's nigga Allan on you a year. 0:38:12.320 --> 0:38:13.640 It's isolated, it's. 0:38:13.520 --> 0:38:16.080 Isolay, but it's also men saying I know men and 0:38:16.120 --> 0:38:17.680 no man wants to be your friend. They want to 0:38:17.719 --> 0:38:20.080 fuck you. Yeah, I've heard that men don't really want 0:38:20.120 --> 0:38:21.719 to be your friend, they want to fuck you. And 0:38:21.719 --> 0:38:22.640 I know because I'm a man. 0:38:23.120 --> 0:38:26.120 Well, even if that's true, you're not. He doesn't trust 0:38:26.160 --> 0:38:29.279 that you're not going to right right. And now that 0:38:29.320 --> 0:38:33.480 goes back to authentic communication because he's not authentically sharing that. 0:38:33.560 --> 0:38:37.320 He's afraid about that and that would hurt him very deeply. 0:38:37.840 --> 0:38:40.360 And this is authenticity comes with vulnerability. 0:38:41.000 --> 0:38:41.799 If you're if you. 0:38:41.719 --> 0:38:44.120 And your partner aren't really vulnerable with each other yet, 0:38:44.360 --> 0:38:46.879 you're just not ready for Polly because Polly is gonna 0:38:46.880 --> 0:38:50.560 break you down. It broke me all the way down 0:38:51.160 --> 0:38:56.279 to finding the core roots of my insecurity. Like in 0:38:56.320 --> 0:38:59.520 my family growing up, for instance, I was the smart one. 0:38:59.560 --> 0:39:02.880 My sister was the pretty one. My sister's a pageant girl, honey, 0:39:02.960 --> 0:39:06.560 she five foot eleven, gorgeous. I was like, you know, 0:39:06.840 --> 0:39:11.400 five foot four, lets, you know. 0:39:11.680 --> 0:39:12.359 And I didn't have. 0:39:12.360 --> 0:39:14.879 No friends like she had the in crowd everything. So 0:39:15.000 --> 0:39:18.320 every time my husband got a woman, I was my 0:39:19.120 --> 0:39:24.239 inner girl was surveying who's more beautiful here? Because if 0:39:24.239 --> 0:39:26.680 she was, then I felt like I was gonna get 0:39:26.680 --> 0:39:29.200 to ill treatment because my uncles will be over my sister, 0:39:29.440 --> 0:39:31.880 she's so pretty and blah blah blah, and so my 0:39:31.920 --> 0:39:34.200 little girl would be right there in the room m hm, 0:39:35.040 --> 0:39:35.640 who is. 0:39:35.600 --> 0:39:38.560 On the top room here in terms of looks? 0:39:39.200 --> 0:39:43.880 And you have to start to heal that and start 0:39:43.960 --> 0:39:46.800 to know those connections in order to be Polly. 0:39:46.920 --> 0:39:49.920 This is not a game. And the men have to 0:39:49.960 --> 0:39:52.279 do it too, and they don't hardly do it with monogaphy. 0:39:53.719 --> 0:39:57.239 And once you realize that, once you rooted it back 0:39:57.280 --> 0:39:59.719 to that feeling and then what it's like, then how 0:40:00.080 --> 0:40:03.000 what is it required to then feed that little girl 0:40:03.000 --> 0:40:05.040 to heal a little girl like that is something like 0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:07.880 the whole other set of you know tools. 0:40:07.480 --> 0:40:11.200 That well, that's lacing, that's e ft, that's forgiveness work. 0:40:11.239 --> 0:40:15.120 There's hundreds of modalities to do it. I do ceremonial work. 0:40:15.160 --> 0:40:16.799 This is what I do with my clients because they 0:40:16.840 --> 0:40:18.320 come to me and say, we want to be Polly, 0:40:18.800 --> 0:40:21.319 and I'm like, okay, sit on down, we about to 0:40:21.360 --> 0:40:25.040 do twelve months because you're gonna have to find these 0:40:25.160 --> 0:40:27.680 roots first. You're gonna have to be able to discuss 0:40:27.719 --> 0:40:31.000 this with your partner first, where if something comes up 0:40:31.040 --> 0:40:32.680 you say, oh my god, this is reminding me I'm 0:40:32.680 --> 0:40:34.320 in my little girl. I need help. 0:40:35.800 --> 0:40:37.799 I need help is something a man has to say 0:40:37.800 --> 0:40:41.280 in Polly, who's ready? M I mean, I would imagine 0:40:41.280 --> 0:40:43.840 so many people fall off. They're like, fuck this shit. 0:40:43.680 --> 0:40:48.000 Never mind, bitch sucking, never mind. 0:40:48.080 --> 0:40:50.080 He's got me talking about I need help. 0:40:50.120 --> 0:40:51.440 I didn't ask for that. I needed help. 0:40:51.480 --> 0:40:52.640 I was getting pussy. 0:40:53.520 --> 0:40:56.240 That's why cheating is easier. And it's sixty six percent 0:40:56.239 --> 0:40:57.919 of those married today are just doing that. 0:40:58.480 --> 0:41:02.200 You know, Polly is a spiritual path. I never heard it. 0:41:02.560 --> 0:41:06.160 Doug talked about that way. That's an interesting, I guess 0:41:06.200 --> 0:41:10.000 way to experience it or see it. And it makes 0:41:10.040 --> 0:41:13.600 sense obviously too. You know that, like just being able 0:41:13.640 --> 0:41:16.840 to a be yourself number one is a spiritual act, 0:41:17.360 --> 0:41:20.040 and then just knowing that sexual energy is the most 0:41:20.040 --> 0:41:23.080 powerful energy in the world. So then weaving those things together, 0:41:23.120 --> 0:41:24.640 I mean, and I'm sure there's even more things that 0:41:24.680 --> 0:41:27.920 we've into Polly that it does. It creates this this 0:41:28.000 --> 0:41:31.560 spiritual energy that when you are able to share with 0:41:31.600 --> 0:41:34.320 one person, I'm sure that you've had moments of extreme 0:41:34.520 --> 0:41:37.800 like feelings of ecstasy and euphoria in your life because 0:41:37.800 --> 0:41:40.800 you're able to be yourself. Oh my god, said yourself. 0:41:40.880 --> 0:41:43.279 Every year I got younger when we were probably I 0:41:43.280 --> 0:41:45.759 was getting older. I was getting older than you know, 0:41:45.800 --> 0:41:47.719 I stopped being able to fuck who I want to fuck. 0:41:48.440 --> 0:41:49.239 Then I was. 0:41:49.239 --> 0:41:53.479 Like my body myself and you love me, You're here, 0:41:53.680 --> 0:41:56.279 Like this was beyond And that's why I'm such an 0:41:56.360 --> 0:41:58.919 advocate of it. A lot of women used to tell me, Oh. 0:41:58.800 --> 0:42:00.719 You're just doing that because your husband wants to do it. 0:42:01.560 --> 0:42:13.200 No, baby, Like, okay, I'm doing I'm freak just because 0:42:13.200 --> 0:42:15.480 my husband wants me to be freaking. No, I'm a human. 0:42:15.520 --> 0:42:17.600 I like freedom and again, and these are This is 0:42:17.640 --> 0:42:20.480 another misconception of polyamory. I think there's because there's so 0:42:20.520 --> 0:42:23.960 much shame around just just sex in general, like the 0:42:23.960 --> 0:42:28.680 the idea of a woman like actually be seeking seeking 0:42:28.680 --> 0:42:31.440 pleasure in her own way and enjoying it and saying 0:42:31.480 --> 0:42:33.319 I like that dick, and I also like that dick, 0:42:33.400 --> 0:42:35.200 and I want to know what that dick's like. Like, 0:42:35.239 --> 0:42:39.200 we're not supposed to ever say those things. No, everyone never, 0:42:39.320 --> 0:42:40.479 They only want one dick forever. 0:42:40.520 --> 0:42:43.920 What are you imagine the man? Imagine the man. 0:42:43.800 --> 0:42:46.120 And that the man is like, im no, no, no no. 0:42:46.200 --> 0:42:48.000 The judgment that the man receives. 0:42:48.040 --> 0:42:49.799 But if you're like, if you're the wife that's like, 0:42:49.800 --> 0:42:53.839 oh yeah, my man allows this. The type of man 0:42:53.880 --> 0:42:55.799 you have to be to stand in that and you're like, yeah, 0:42:55.840 --> 0:42:58.440 because I respect my woman and she's coming back to 0:42:58.480 --> 0:43:01.160 me and X Y and Z. It requires a whole 0:43:01.200 --> 0:43:03.719 other level of things because you have to be mad 0:43:03.840 --> 0:43:05.719 enough to not be like tam everybody thinks I have 0:43:05.760 --> 0:43:06.760 a woman's a whore. 0:43:06.760 --> 0:43:09.440 Right, and I'm spoiled in that way because my husband's 0:43:09.440 --> 0:43:14.120 a Gemini. So geminis and typically are not super possessive anyway. 0:43:14.760 --> 0:43:17.400 So they do have OCD though. So he does like 0:43:17.560 --> 0:43:19.360 everything in the house to be you know, like everything 0:43:19.400 --> 0:43:22.399 to look good and feel good and like we're upstanding. 0:43:22.719 --> 0:43:24.400 You can't look at me and say, oh, look at that. 0:43:24.800 --> 0:43:27.359 No, look at this paid ass bitch who got three 0:43:27.360 --> 0:43:30.839 companies who run businesses in Africa in the US, and 0:43:30.880 --> 0:43:33.080 all my husband's wives and all my husbands work for me. 0:43:33.160 --> 0:43:36.080 So you're not looking at what you're typically looking at 0:43:36.120 --> 0:43:38.359 when you think of a sex pot, you know. 0:43:38.760 --> 0:43:40.279 So that's been a benefit for me. 0:43:40.680 --> 0:43:43.880 The other thing I will tell y'all is my ancestors 0:43:43.880 --> 0:43:46.640 told me again back to the spiritual path of Polly 0:43:47.239 --> 0:43:49.600 once I started to meet people, because you asked, well, 0:43:49.600 --> 0:43:51.160 what do you do if you're in love with this 0:43:51.239 --> 0:43:53.640 one and you're not in love with your husband? She 0:43:53.760 --> 0:43:57.400 told me, Honey, women used to understand this system, and 0:43:57.480 --> 0:44:01.560 I call this system the feminine choice Paard. So she said, 0:44:02.080 --> 0:44:04.080 one of your chakras are going to be spinning when 0:44:04.080 --> 0:44:06.520 you meet any man. When you meet a man that 0:44:06.560 --> 0:44:09.160 you want to have sex with, instantly your root chakra spinning. 0:44:09.239 --> 0:44:12.040 You can feel it, you can feel the engorgement. You 0:44:12.080 --> 0:44:13.759 can also know that if he asked me to go 0:44:13.800 --> 0:44:14.240 home tonight. 0:44:14.239 --> 0:44:15.920 I'm going home. I will ride his dick tonight. 0:44:16.120 --> 0:44:19.920 Like you know that, you know, yeah. But also when 0:44:19.960 --> 0:44:21.879 you meet a man who is spinning your. 0:44:21.760 --> 0:44:24.239 Crown chakra, you know it. He's a guru, like. 0:44:24.200 --> 0:44:25.600 I want to learn from him, like I want to 0:44:25.600 --> 0:44:26.000 know more. 0:44:26.120 --> 0:44:27.479 I've known him in a past life. 0:44:27.520 --> 0:44:29.040 Like we just talk and I orgasm. 0:44:29.160 --> 0:44:31.360 But you know which chakra is spinning. 0:44:31.480 --> 0:44:33.960 She told me this, Your hard chakra be spinding with 0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:37.640 the ones use friend zone because they're emotionally responsible and 0:44:37.719 --> 0:44:40.200 they are accountable and they will be there if you're hurting. 0:44:40.719 --> 0:44:41.600 That's a heart chakra. 0:44:41.640 --> 0:44:45.160 I call it support choice, so womb choice, support choice, 0:44:45.280 --> 0:44:48.520 crown choice and all. There's nine choices. And this is 0:44:48.560 --> 0:44:52.439 another art that women need to remember, because once I did, 0:44:53.440 --> 0:44:56.840 I stopped trying to get all of them from one person, okay, 0:44:57.560 --> 0:44:59.359 because they not all spinning with one man. 0:45:00.200 --> 0:45:02.560 I mean, it's so interesting because like as a as 0:45:02.560 --> 0:45:05.600 a as a woman, you know, there's certain things that 0:45:05.640 --> 0:45:07.680 we know, and there's certain like even there's there was 0:45:08.320 --> 0:45:09.239 I'm a sexual woman. 0:45:09.320 --> 0:45:09.839 There came a. 0:45:09.800 --> 0:45:11.960 Point in my life and I realize, like, bitch, just 0:45:12.000 --> 0:45:14.440 because something's going off in you doesn't mean you need 0:45:14.480 --> 0:45:14.920 to fuck it. 0:45:15.080 --> 0:45:19.440 Yes, literally, because I would just be like huh m 0:45:19.600 --> 0:45:20.520 hmm something about that. 0:45:20.600 --> 0:45:22.640 I like, you know, like there's like a conqueror, Like 0:45:22.680 --> 0:45:24.759 we are the hunters in ways, and so at a 0:45:24.840 --> 0:45:26.879 certain age, I'm like, bitch, no, you need to sit down. 0:45:27.040 --> 0:45:30.000 Like everybody's not everyone you're attracted you. Every flower doesn't 0:45:30.000 --> 0:45:30.640 need to be picked. 0:45:30.680 --> 0:45:30.840 You know. 0:45:30.960 --> 0:45:32.960 We know we're the hunters because we're the ones making 0:45:33.000 --> 0:45:37.120 the choice. Yes, and those men will serve any of us. Yeah, 0:45:37.200 --> 0:45:39.000 let me tell you what. Ask them. 0:45:39.400 --> 0:45:41.040 They will serve any of us, But it's not us 0:45:41.080 --> 0:45:42.120 who will serve any of them. 0:45:42.640 --> 0:45:45.040 We have to be spending somewhere. And yes it's not 0:45:45.160 --> 0:45:46.400 always about sex. 0:45:46.400 --> 0:45:49.359 But there is also a level of unlockment. Like I 0:45:49.360 --> 0:45:51.880 I like Orlando is such a free man and it 0:45:51.920 --> 0:45:54.640 really allows me to be myself that it's so safe. 0:45:54.800 --> 0:45:55.759 It makes me so. 0:45:57.160 --> 0:46:01.000 Like even more dedicated and loyal. 0:46:00.800 --> 0:46:02.920 To him because even like I told you that that 0:46:02.960 --> 0:46:06.640 morning after we did that, he gave me my fantasy fulfilledment, 0:46:06.800 --> 0:46:07.600 I literally woke. 0:46:07.520 --> 0:46:10.520 Up and I was like, I love him. 0:46:10.840 --> 0:46:12.120 I was like, this is why I tell you not 0:46:12.200 --> 0:46:12.600 to do this. 0:46:12.680 --> 0:46:15.120 Like I feel like something shifted to me spiritually, Like 0:46:15.160 --> 0:46:16.640 even in the middle of the thing, I was like 0:46:16.640 --> 0:46:18.800 telling both of the men, I'm like, this is healing 0:46:18.840 --> 0:46:19.480 something for me. 0:46:19.640 --> 0:46:21.799 I'm like, I'm really grateful. I love you both. 0:46:22.320 --> 0:46:25.799 Thank you for this, because I don't feel I don't 0:46:25.800 --> 0:46:29.680 feel disposable for being free in my sexual and that's 0:46:29.680 --> 0:46:31.920 my high if you think about women, like we birth 0:46:32.000 --> 0:46:34.320 so like that's our highest creativity. I feel like something 0:46:34.360 --> 0:46:37.120 literally was unlocked, and I I think somewhere during it, 0:46:37.160 --> 0:46:38.719 I was like, oh my god, this is why they 0:46:38.760 --> 0:46:39.399 tell women not. 0:46:39.400 --> 0:46:39.880 To do this. 0:46:40.560 --> 0:46:43.319 Like I literally couldn't wait to fucking tell anybody. I 0:46:43.360 --> 0:46:45.719 call people the next day and some people were like, what, 0:46:45.880 --> 0:46:46.680 like are they to do? 0:46:46.719 --> 0:46:47.479 What? Bitch? 0:46:47.520 --> 0:46:49.560 Did you hear what I said? I found that the 0:46:49.680 --> 0:46:53.800 more I got to experience what I chose, not what 0:46:53.960 --> 0:46:55.960 somebody choose. And when you get married, your husband could 0:46:56.000 --> 0:46:57.279 choose I want to have sex, and now you may 0:46:57.320 --> 0:46:59.880 not feel like it, you're a bad wife. But I 0:47:00.160 --> 0:47:05.279 never I stopped having obligatory sex with Paul Amory, Like, 0:47:05.960 --> 0:47:07.560 never do I have to have sex if I don't 0:47:07.640 --> 0:47:08.120 want to? 0:47:08.840 --> 0:47:10.680 Why is that a revolutionary concert? 0:47:11.400 --> 0:47:14.000 Like we had we were doing that before, but anyway, 0:47:14.040 --> 0:47:17.720 once I found out about my own choice, it fed 0:47:17.760 --> 0:47:20.640 me in a way that it's just made me so creative. 0:47:20.719 --> 0:47:22.960 It made me successful, It filled my bank account, it 0:47:23.000 --> 0:47:24.640 made me be able to travel the world. It made 0:47:24.680 --> 0:47:25.040 me start. 0:47:25.239 --> 0:47:28.400 You start attracting that energy that I can have whatever 0:47:28.440 --> 0:47:30.600 I want. So yeah, it just it just continues again. 0:47:30.680 --> 0:47:34.920 It less than my menopause. So wow, I got it 0:47:34.920 --> 0:47:39.040 at forty four, Like I'm done. 0:47:39.480 --> 0:47:41.440 I was like, yes, like it was. 0:47:41.480 --> 0:47:43.560 It's just put me on a different trajectory. Has that 0:47:43.680 --> 0:47:46.239 changed your sex drive a lot? It amps it up, 0:47:46.480 --> 0:47:49.759 but everybody's amped up by thirty nine. Every woman sex 0:47:49.840 --> 0:47:52.759 drive goes up before menopause because it's like the body saying, Okay, 0:47:52.760 --> 0:47:54.480 come on, let's get this, get this. We about to 0:47:54.520 --> 0:47:57.959 be done. So you amp up anyway, But yeah, mine 0:47:58.000 --> 0:48:00.160 amped up and stayed up. I don't understand any thing 0:48:00.200 --> 0:48:02.480 women are talking about with the men of palace hormone. 0:48:02.840 --> 0:48:04.960 I'm like, what are they? 0:48:05.040 --> 0:48:08.080 I'm like, are they having sex? No? No, they're not, 0:48:09.160 --> 0:48:09.480 they're not. 0:48:09.800 --> 0:48:11.440 Well, if I couldn't choose who to have sex with, 0:48:11.520 --> 0:48:14.040 I probably wouldn't be having sex either. True. 0:48:14.200 --> 0:48:17.840 So with okay, you said earlier, you have four husbands 0:48:18.280 --> 0:48:22.560 and boyfriends. They're just boyfriends have boyfriends. I can't count them. 0:48:22.800 --> 0:48:26.080 Is there a hierarchy, No, I don't believe in hierarchy. 0:48:26.160 --> 0:48:28.720 They're all I don't have, like a primary. So your 0:48:28.760 --> 0:48:31.520 thirty year husband and KRL's not your primary. No, he 0:48:31.680 --> 0:48:33.440 just got married to somebody else and went and lived 0:48:33.480 --> 0:48:34.360 with her for two years. 0:48:34.480 --> 0:48:36.280 Oh he did, yeah, but he was back and forth. 0:48:36.440 --> 0:48:38.800 I don't want to claim somebody as a primary because 0:48:38.800 --> 0:48:42.719 it becomes obligatory. It's not that I don't believe in hierarchy. 0:48:42.719 --> 0:48:44.760 I don't believe in obligatory anything. 0:48:45.600 --> 0:48:48.000 Are there are your husbands or even the boyfriends that 0:48:48.040 --> 0:48:50.640 you have, do they Are they already kind of I 0:48:50.640 --> 0:48:53.359 guess in the world of polyamory, or are you kind 0:48:53.360 --> 0:48:55.479 of like bringing them into this world and then they're 0:48:55.760 --> 0:48:56.840 learning through you. 0:48:57.480 --> 0:48:59.759 I would love to meet men who are already into 0:49:00.480 --> 0:49:02.560 baby But our charge as women, as we have to 0:49:02.719 --> 0:49:05.680 educate because our men, we have to understand. 0:49:05.680 --> 0:49:07.279 I hear the influencers saying. 0:49:07.080 --> 0:49:09.520 Men did this and decenter men blah blah. I'm like, 0:49:09.600 --> 0:49:10.399 what are you talking about? 0:49:10.440 --> 0:49:12.040 Have you looked at what we've been through for the 0:49:12.080 --> 0:49:13.240 past four hundred years? 0:49:13.880 --> 0:49:16.040 And then women were the only ones Black women were 0:49:16.080 --> 0:49:20.040 thrusting through education, so we have an advantage, like in 0:49:20.120 --> 0:49:24.359 terms of education, I love educating men about this and 0:49:24.400 --> 0:49:27.319 I have to None of them that I've ever met 0:49:27.640 --> 0:49:32.640 knew anything about this world came ready like're like ready made. Yeah, 0:49:33.000 --> 0:49:35.840 men don't even come ready made for basic monogamous marriage. 0:49:37.600 --> 0:49:40.960 They really they're not. Yeah, none of us really are 0:49:41.200 --> 0:49:43.520 women either that way. Yeah, it's not so. 0:49:43.560 --> 0:49:45.320 I wish we could have a little bit more empathy 0:49:45.520 --> 0:49:49.200 and compassion for men and for everyone and for ourselves. 0:49:49.560 --> 0:49:52.040 Are I mean, are all your kids, Polly. 0:49:52.160 --> 0:49:54.200 I know your daughter is because I watched her uncoupled 0:49:54.239 --> 0:49:56.920 the trouble and Thumple and that was that was I 0:49:56.960 --> 0:49:59.759 was really locked into that season. But I'm doing about 0:49:59.760 --> 0:50:02.600 the boo because I'm thinking as a mom of a daughter, 0:50:03.719 --> 0:50:05.440 and you know, I'm a pretty free woman, and I 0:50:05.480 --> 0:50:07.839 so I see how my daughter is empowered by that. 0:50:07.920 --> 0:50:12.279 But to experience the dynamics of a relationship like you 0:50:12.320 --> 0:50:14.960 and your husband, like I guess we talked about in 0:50:15.160 --> 0:50:17.319 love like this is like a lot of you know you, 0:50:17.719 --> 0:50:19.640 a lot of you getting to this place stem from 0:50:20.040 --> 0:50:24.280 seeing the like how fucked up your family became because 0:50:24.280 --> 0:50:28.000 of infidelity. Like lots of families are just fucked infidelity 0:50:28.040 --> 0:50:30.520 and they don't recognize it's a poison. And so you're like, 0:50:30.600 --> 0:50:32.560 let me talk to if you talk about generational wealth 0:50:32.600 --> 0:50:35.080 and building and changing generational cycles, you. 0:50:35.000 --> 0:50:37.359 Have to you have to kill the thing that doesn't work. 0:50:37.960 --> 0:50:40.400 And like I'm wondering from a you know, from am 0:50:40.560 --> 0:50:41.759 I understand from a woman? 0:50:41.920 --> 0:50:44.680 I saw her on the show and she's very little 0:50:45.080 --> 0:50:48.719 baby yeah, oh yeah yeah. For the for the boys too, 0:50:48.880 --> 0:50:51.279 how have like? How have them? How them? 0:50:51.600 --> 0:50:52.440 Am high? 0:50:52.560 --> 0:50:56.320 My youngest son is engaged. No, my oldest son is engaged, 0:50:56.440 --> 0:50:57.880 and he's like works it. 0:50:58.239 --> 0:51:01.040 He lives in Detroit, Michigan. The girl because she's just 0:51:01.120 --> 0:51:01.400 like me. 0:51:01.800 --> 0:51:03.440 You know, you want your son to be with somebody 0:51:03.440 --> 0:51:07.000 who got She's like witchy and like sort of same 0:51:07.040 --> 0:51:07.960 skin complexion. 0:51:08.320 --> 0:51:11.479 I just love her. I'm like your son. 0:51:11.760 --> 0:51:14.879 He's twenty six, okay. Then my middle daughter you know her, 0:51:14.920 --> 0:51:17.080 she's a poll love coach. So I knew the poly fairy. 0:51:17.640 --> 0:51:20.480 Then my youngest son is twenty one and he is fine. 0:51:21.200 --> 0:51:22.080 He's polly. 0:51:22.200 --> 0:51:25.000 He still lives with me, and my friend came over 0:51:25.040 --> 0:51:25.919 and wanted to date him. 0:51:25.920 --> 0:51:26.879 She's like thirty five. 0:51:27.239 --> 0:51:29.600 I said, go here, honey. He needs lessons, baby, But 0:51:29.719 --> 0:51:32.399 he has multiple partners. I don't know if he would 0:51:32.440 --> 0:51:37.040 call himself polyamorous because he calls all of his partners casually. 0:51:38.000 --> 0:51:40.319 He's like sony one. He's a kid. 0:51:40.440 --> 0:51:42.600 Yeah, he's all one. 0:51:44.680 --> 0:51:46.719 I'm fine, I'm single. Mind. 0:51:46.719 --> 0:51:48.120 I'm gonna give you all the picture so you can 0:51:48.160 --> 0:51:48.680 show it like. 0:51:48.719 --> 0:51:50.400 He's he's not. 0:51:51.320 --> 0:51:51.440 Ye. 0:51:53.320 --> 0:51:55.080 Listen, the moms will come. Mmm. 0:51:56.120 --> 0:51:56.760 That's great. 0:51:57.000 --> 0:52:00.319 Great, And we need more boys to see man, you know, 0:52:00.560 --> 0:52:02.959 just accepting women in there, in there. 0:52:03.000 --> 0:52:05.560 That's why I'm so proud of my husband. He has 0:52:05.600 --> 0:52:08.439 been through the ring or with men, all the things. 0:52:08.480 --> 0:52:10.800 I mean, I have to just millions of nasty comments 0:52:10.840 --> 0:52:11.880 over the past twenty. 0:52:11.719 --> 0:52:15.759 Years as we have birth this into reality. 0:52:15.800 --> 0:52:17.600 You understand this is a reality now that women are 0:52:17.640 --> 0:52:20.400 not playing a game men. No, they'll cheap back. Oh 0:52:20.440 --> 0:52:22.880 they got a gaggle, Oh they date multiples. Yes we 0:52:23.000 --> 0:52:26.319 are because guess what a warrior stood up. 0:52:26.960 --> 0:52:27.920 And I will do it again. 0:52:28.160 --> 0:52:30.200 If I had to rewind those twenty years, I would 0:52:30.200 --> 0:52:32.719 do it again to see where we are now. Like 0:52:32.840 --> 0:52:36.320 this is beautiful. But my husband, he's just a trooper. 0:52:36.800 --> 0:52:41.279 He's a trooper. He's my best friend. You've probably never 0:52:41.400 --> 0:52:44.360 felt like this person will never leave my side. 0:52:44.760 --> 0:52:47.640 There's nothing I can do. Does he have community himself? Like, 0:52:47.640 --> 0:52:50.640 does he have a I don't know, like a group 0:52:50.680 --> 0:52:53.160 of men that are also poly Because you guys have 0:52:53.160 --> 0:52:55.440 built such a beautiful community. I'm just curious if like 0:52:56.760 --> 0:52:58.799 he need like does he need that support? Like who 0:52:58.840 --> 0:53:01.120 does he lean on besides you in those times and 0:53:01.480 --> 0:53:04.239 have it like a like a homeboy or how does 0:53:04.280 --> 0:53:06.200 that work? No, we all need community. 0:53:06.280 --> 0:53:09.960 He has boys, we have big community groups, we do events, 0:53:10.080 --> 0:53:13.320 we have we've run communities for the past fifteen years. 0:53:13.520 --> 0:53:17.719 So we you know, we cannot exist without community. His 0:53:17.840 --> 0:53:18.520 women's support. 0:53:18.640 --> 0:53:20.840 I say this, I mean it definitely requires you to 0:53:20.880 --> 0:53:22.399 be able to be held, not to not. 0:53:22.360 --> 0:53:24.040 Be one of them guys to say nobody can know 0:53:24.080 --> 0:53:27.799 my business. People have to know your business. We want 0:53:27.800 --> 0:53:31.560 to know you, right right. That's what community is. We 0:53:31.680 --> 0:53:35.680 know one another right right. So it's it's it's it's 0:53:35.680 --> 0:53:38.720 it's a leap. Are him and Tiger friends good friends? 0:53:38.880 --> 0:53:39.399 Oh? My god? 0:53:39.480 --> 0:53:41.760 Yes, me and Tiger wouldn't be together without my husband. 0:53:42.120 --> 0:53:46.880 Tiger is Tiger, my younger husband, Okay, Tiger was a 0:53:46.880 --> 0:53:50.320 womb choice being a problem. 0:53:50.360 --> 0:53:52.080 Womb choice is tumultuous. 0:53:52.400 --> 0:53:53.960 So when you get with a womb choice, you know, 0:53:54.000 --> 0:53:56.920 because you're crazy, all of a sudden you bluop to 0:53:56.960 --> 0:54:07.759 say yesterday you had some some about yourself today And see, 0:54:07.800 --> 0:54:10.520 I wish women didn't feel shame if they just understand. 0:54:10.960 --> 0:54:16.240 That's what they call digmatized. Yeah, it's a healthy version 0:54:16.280 --> 0:54:21.080 of digmatizing. This is when you're rebranding digmatizing bitches. 0:54:21.080 --> 0:54:24.480 You've we're heeled a little bit, so now you've done 0:54:24.480 --> 0:54:27.520 the work, it will go from digmatized too. 0:54:27.760 --> 0:54:30.720 Choice digmatized is when you're like that and you aren't 0:54:30.760 --> 0:54:33.480 aware and conscious of it. Womb choices when you know 0:54:33.560 --> 0:54:36.080 it's bring and bring up your daddy issues. Womb choice 0:54:36.080 --> 0:54:37.160 bring up your daddy is. 0:54:37.160 --> 0:54:39.200 I don't know. I feel like it could be both, bitch, 0:54:39.320 --> 0:54:43.279 because I've done the woman and they've both been digmatized. 0:54:43.440 --> 0:54:45.600 Which one you you only choose womb choices. 0:54:45.719 --> 0:54:47.200 I knew that I was walking with a nigga that 0:54:47.320 --> 0:54:49.400 was fucking me good, but it was also bringing up 0:54:49.560 --> 0:54:51.920 like trauma and triggers, and I kept doing it because 0:54:51.960 --> 0:54:55.560 it felt good in him, in me it brought up 0:54:55.560 --> 0:54:58.040 your deaf issues. Yeah, that's what warm choice. 0:54:57.840 --> 0:54:58.440 Is supposed to do. 0:54:58.760 --> 0:55:00.680 No, that wasn't It was stigmatized. 0:55:02.120 --> 0:55:05.160 Healthy choice, Yes, a healthy choice. 0:55:04.840 --> 0:55:11.440 That brought them the trigger. Technically, when this happened, I 0:55:11.480 --> 0:55:12.640 had done a lot of work. 0:55:12.840 --> 0:55:15.120 I was actively choosing to be taking It was a test. 0:55:15.800 --> 0:55:18.880 But did you know right right? 0:55:19.000 --> 0:55:21.880 And your wound was giving you healing. It's still healing 0:55:21.920 --> 0:55:24.319 even if it is digmatized. I hear men say, well, 0:55:24.360 --> 0:55:27.800 she made the wrong choice. She choosing the wrong men. Baby, 0:55:27.840 --> 0:55:30.760 every experience is here to grow us. Goot mom's bad choices. 0:55:30.800 --> 0:55:31.640 Thank you. 0:55:31.920 --> 0:55:33.480 You have to make the You have to make the 0:55:33.520 --> 0:55:36.040 bad choices to go into the better to to pulch 0:55:36.040 --> 0:55:36.920 you into the better place. 0:55:37.080 --> 0:55:39.880 Right, the lesson is where the lesson is, where the 0:55:39.960 --> 0:55:43.160 juice is. But when you are aware, I just met 0:55:43.160 --> 0:55:45.480 me a warm choice and not one. But I'm very aware, 0:55:45.920 --> 0:55:47.840 So I know that he's going to bring out my 0:55:47.920 --> 0:55:50.720 daddy issues is going to come up. So I'm taking 0:55:50.719 --> 0:55:53.160 this slow. You understand there was a time I couldn't 0:55:53.160 --> 0:55:53.880 take it slow. 0:55:53.920 --> 0:55:54.759 Like why did he call me? 0:55:54.760 --> 0:55:57.480 We met last night of the club, Like I'm hurry up, 0:55:57.520 --> 0:55:59.840 Like I like this guy, you know, but then you 0:55:59.880 --> 0:56:03.400 start to measure and temper yourself when you understand it, 0:56:03.440 --> 0:56:04.720 when you're doing it all the time. 0:56:05.640 --> 0:56:08.319 There's ever a point where Carl's like, I don't want 0:56:08.320 --> 0:56:10.160 to hear about one more boyfriend you met this week, 0:56:10.239 --> 0:56:11.400 you caause your boyfriends. 0:56:11.440 --> 0:56:13.160 We need about one month and no boyfriends. 0:56:13.239 --> 0:56:14.520 Well, he's like that with Tiger. 0:56:14.640 --> 0:56:17.640 He really has to have He stopped fights, you know, 0:56:17.680 --> 0:56:18.960 he stopped Melei. 0:56:19.400 --> 0:56:23.400 He's he's really coached Tiger and coached us when we 0:56:23.440 --> 0:56:25.960 need help. He sit us down, just like between you guys, 0:56:27.040 --> 0:56:29.120 between Tiger and me, and he's coaching y'all. 0:56:29.200 --> 0:56:33.719 Yes, oh wow, can you imagine your husband listen, let 0:56:33.719 --> 0:56:36.040 me tell you and not be biased because it's your husband. 0:56:36.040 --> 0:56:39.480 Like but but I get his I get his ladies 0:56:39.480 --> 0:56:43.000 calling me all the damn time too. I get his 0:56:43.120 --> 0:56:47.799 ladies calling me too. Carol, did this He's not calling me. 0:56:48.040 --> 0:56:51.760 Your husband's not talking to me, what you know talking. 0:56:53.000 --> 0:56:55.200 See, I'm gonna just be honest with your candy right 0:56:55.200 --> 0:56:57.759 nowt This does not sound appealing to me. This is 0:56:57.800 --> 0:57:00.440 talking me off. The CALLI lags because I don't have 0:57:00.520 --> 0:57:02.719 time for I married time for my friends to call 0:57:02.760 --> 0:57:04.960 me with their problem. I'd be like, you call me 0:57:04.960 --> 0:57:08.439 about my nigga? Why I don't got to figure it out. 0:57:08.840 --> 0:57:13.160 We're like, we're on good terms right now. Girl, girl 0:57:13.320 --> 0:57:15.839 called me and say your husband won't pick up the phone. 0:57:15.840 --> 0:57:17.720 I've called him one hundred and twenty five times. Can 0:57:17.760 --> 0:57:19.800 you get Can you imagine? I know he's right next 0:57:19.800 --> 0:57:20.000 to you. 0:57:20.560 --> 0:57:23.000 That's what she said, Baby, we gotta change our number now. 0:57:23.240 --> 0:57:24.080 Absolutely not. 0:57:24.680 --> 0:57:26.520 But this is what I'm saying. I'm glad is talk 0:57:26.600 --> 0:57:29.280 you off the ledge of Polly because nobody's ready. You 0:57:29.400 --> 0:57:31.640 have to understand that your animal will come up. 0:57:31.960 --> 0:57:32.600 All of our. 0:57:32.480 --> 0:57:35.240 Traumas come up through that they already come up in 0:57:35.280 --> 0:57:36.040 monogamy as you know. 0:57:36.120 --> 0:57:38.040 Yeah, because I felt like maybe I could do Polly 0:57:38.160 --> 0:57:42.000 because I'm a voyeur. And I'm also not that that 0:57:42.040 --> 0:57:44.280 this is this These are the misconceptions that I'm saying, 0:57:44.360 --> 0:57:48.160 Like me thinking like these my kink's equal Polly. 0:57:47.920 --> 0:57:50.360 You know, just now to play parties, right, just need 0:57:50.440 --> 0:57:52.400 a play parties puddles. 0:57:52.120 --> 0:57:56.000 And also I do I I yeah, no, No. 0:57:56.080 --> 0:58:00.000 These are serious, long term, lifelong relationships that you're cultivating. 0:58:00.640 --> 0:58:02.880 I feel like maybe in another lifetime might be ready. 0:58:02.920 --> 0:58:04.600 I'm here to deal with other shit I don't have. 0:58:04.680 --> 0:58:07.360 I don't know if I have the It's not that 0:58:07.400 --> 0:58:11.320 I feel like I can also face those demons or 0:58:11.360 --> 0:58:15.240 those things without being polly necessarily, of course, I think 0:58:15.280 --> 0:58:19.480 that in this iteration of my life. I mean, I'll 0:58:19.480 --> 0:58:21.120 have a lot of fun and I'll do all the things, 0:58:21.160 --> 0:58:24.120 but I just think that I have to put energy elsewhere, 0:58:24.680 --> 0:58:27.160 and like, not that my relationships don't deserve energy, because 0:58:27.160 --> 0:58:32.920 they do, but I admire, like the the ability to 0:58:33.120 --> 0:58:38.720 really have the capacity to dive into the most important 0:58:38.720 --> 0:58:41.600 relationships in your life. It is it's really it's beautiful 0:58:41.600 --> 0:58:43.240 that you guys are able to navigate in that way, 0:58:43.280 --> 0:58:46.280 and that Carl can call Tiger and say, let me 0:58:46.280 --> 0:58:47.760 tell you about King and let me let me just 0:58:47.760 --> 0:58:49.720 put you on a little bit. Let don't do that 0:58:49.840 --> 0:58:53.080 no more, okay, and then you vice versa. Yes, because 0:58:53.080 --> 0:58:54.280 it's it's. 0:58:54.160 --> 0:58:56.480 A lot of community, yeah, and so a lot of 0:58:56.480 --> 0:58:59.280 people want community. Like even people think of building houses 0:58:59.360 --> 0:59:01.880 or getting apartment they don't do it because they're afraid 0:59:01.920 --> 0:59:04.480 of those ego battles. But we just set up a 0:59:04.480 --> 0:59:06.520 container when our ego come up. We know how to 0:59:06.520 --> 0:59:07.160 do with ego. 0:59:07.280 --> 0:59:09.240 Would there ever be a time where you all would 0:59:09.280 --> 0:59:11.280 co hap it together, like when you would love to 0:59:11.400 --> 0:59:13.360 I would love to have like what I'm going to 0:59:13.360 --> 0:59:15.400 do and what I am doing. I'm building one in Bali, 0:59:15.600 --> 0:59:16.240 one in. 0:59:16.600 --> 0:59:19.680 Somewhere else Africa, Nairobi, and one in the States. I 0:59:19.720 --> 0:59:23.080 am going to build communities. I'm excited about it. But 0:59:23.160 --> 0:59:26.080 everybody has to have the trainings. It's no just come 0:59:26.120 --> 0:59:28.960 on in in this part. That's how it shit starts 0:59:29.000 --> 0:59:31.880 pops off. Yeah, I've already started the trainings. It's all 0:59:31.920 --> 0:59:35.160 available on my app Meta More Meeta Moore. You go 0:59:35.200 --> 0:59:37.480 and you start getting the training step by step, not 0:59:37.600 --> 0:59:39.640 for poll but for emotional intelligence. 0:59:41.120 --> 0:59:43.520 Emotional intelligence I mean because it's going to come up 0:59:43.520 --> 0:59:47.200 and like any personal deep when you want close relationships, 0:59:47.240 --> 0:59:49.280 when you want shribe and you want in community and 0:59:49.360 --> 0:59:52.720 any family dynamic, there are going to be the issues 0:59:52.760 --> 0:59:54.560 because that's what's supposed to happen, and the triggers are 0:59:54.600 --> 0:59:56.160 supposed to come up in order for you to grow. 0:59:56.200 --> 0:59:58.640 And if you continue to isolate and shy away from 0:59:58.680 --> 1:00:01.440 those and there's never a set like really any growth. 1:00:01.280 --> 1:00:03.600 Well if you if you isolate and stay away from them, 1:00:03.600 --> 1:00:05.720 they just get bigger because the universe. 1:00:05.440 --> 1:00:08.600 Like she is it, this was her opportunity to do 1:00:09.000 --> 1:00:09.680 face this. 1:00:09.920 --> 1:00:11.959 And then you're like no, no, no, and then what's 1:00:12.120 --> 1:00:15.760 what is stagnant dies? So you know, if you're growing 1:00:15.840 --> 1:00:19.440 and moving and shifting, that means you are facing those challenges, 1:00:19.480 --> 1:00:21.920 you're facing directly head on into them. You calling them. 1:00:21.960 --> 1:00:25.720 I call the challenges like come on, Oh that's the 1:00:27.680 --> 1:00:35.160 come on, I'm ready, what's up? Like sounds like it's 1:00:35.160 --> 1:00:38.960 time for a challenge. So this is so nice. I'm 1:00:39.000 --> 1:00:39.560 so happy. 1:00:39.600 --> 1:00:42.080 So many people are talking about this now. It feels 1:00:42.160 --> 1:00:43.560 really good, you know. 1:00:43.720 --> 1:00:45.320 For I think for a long time, like early on 1:00:45.400 --> 1:00:48.360 me and Erica's podcast journey, we're like, we're gonna be open, 1:00:48.400 --> 1:00:49.920 We're gonna be Polly Polly's for us. 1:00:49.920 --> 1:00:51.800 We've made upper relationships. 1:00:51.160 --> 1:00:53.400 Because we were very much But I think there's a 1:00:53.440 --> 1:00:55.520 part of me that is like this is that's the 1:00:55.720 --> 1:00:58.560 that's the more honest way. I'm like, that is the 1:00:58.600 --> 1:01:01.360 most transparent, honest way, because essentially, like no one's ever 1:01:01.400 --> 1:01:03.760 gonna not want to ever fuck anybody else, Like I 1:01:03.800 --> 1:01:04.480 don't believe that. 1:01:04.520 --> 1:01:06.960 I'm like, I know there's gonna be prettier bitches, thicker, 1:01:07.000 --> 1:01:08.040 bitches funnier. 1:01:07.680 --> 1:01:10.760 But there's always gonna I don't know about funnier, but 1:01:10.760 --> 1:01:12.880 there's always gonna be other bitches. And that's just like 1:01:12.880 --> 1:01:16.200 we're gonna see people I like, you know, all the time, 1:01:16.240 --> 1:01:18.720 it'd be sexy men or whatever the fuck. And so 1:01:18.840 --> 1:01:21.880 to like to live a relationship that's not honest to 1:01:22.000 --> 1:01:24.160 the very the thing that's. 1:01:24.000 --> 1:01:27.800 Inevitable is authentic. Yeah, authentic. It's silly. 1:01:28.000 --> 1:01:30.040 Yeah, No, I mean, and I agree. I think that 1:01:30.200 --> 1:01:33.080 maybe I'm baby Polly. I'm not like like I'm like 1:01:33.120 --> 1:01:36.560 miniature Polly, because like I do think I know that 1:01:36.840 --> 1:01:40.040 I of course, like my attraction to niggas is never 1:01:40.080 --> 1:01:43.280 gonna die. It hasn't died. I love right now? Oh good? 1:01:43.320 --> 1:01:46.840 You know. And which choice to see? Support choice, Crown choice, 1:01:46.880 --> 1:01:51.520 womb choice, Oh can there be more than one? 1:01:51.960 --> 1:01:52.240 Yes? 1:01:52.960 --> 1:01:58.560 Definitely support, oh beautiful, definitely listens to you, definitely woomb 1:01:59.040 --> 1:02:02.120 oh wow, all of them, Crown too. 1:02:03.280 --> 1:02:04.920 I just say those three, Well, I will tell you 1:02:04.960 --> 1:02:08.200 the other ones. We'll talk of the other ones. Right, Well, 1:02:08.200 --> 1:02:10.280 there's money choice, you know. 1:02:10.360 --> 1:02:13.160 I think, like I'm trying to think, like what was 1:02:13.200 --> 1:02:16.720 the first feeling I felt being it was definitely support 1:02:16.800 --> 1:02:19.520 like I felt safe in his presence, but I was 1:02:19.560 --> 1:02:22.400 definitely very sexually attracted to him, like the first time 1:02:22.400 --> 1:02:26.560 I ever saw him. Okay, but I think, like even 1:02:26.640 --> 1:02:29.200 even in my relationship right now, in my dynamic of course, 1:02:29.280 --> 1:02:32.160 like I'm sure just like I've been attracted to men, 1:02:32.200 --> 1:02:34.760 I'm sure he has two. I've always known that, like 1:02:35.280 --> 1:02:37.280 I'm going to we're gonna have to play together at 1:02:37.320 --> 1:02:42.600 some point. And I guess I've even considered what it 1:02:42.640 --> 1:02:46.600 would be like if if like I needed my something 1:02:46.600 --> 1:02:48.600 else in me met, like it needed another need met, 1:02:48.640 --> 1:02:51.840 because it's impossible for you to have every single need men, 1:02:51.960 --> 1:02:54.240 especially as you're evolving as a human. 1:02:54.520 --> 1:02:57.160 How long have you all been together? Ye oh good? 1:02:58.440 --> 1:03:00.400 And so I'm like, okay, maybe I could be like 1:03:01.040 --> 1:03:04.000 baby Pauline, like go do your thing. I'll do my thing. 1:03:04.040 --> 1:03:05.600 But I don't know if I could have four husbands 1:03:05.600 --> 1:03:08.600 and boyfriends. No, this is advanced lovel this is twenty 1:03:08.680 --> 1:03:09.440 years advance. 1:03:09.920 --> 1:03:11.560 Nobody looks at me and thinks, oh, let me just. 1:03:11.560 --> 1:03:13.640 Go do that, And also may not be everybody's desire, 1:03:13.760 --> 1:03:15.640 like four boyfriends sounds like a headache. 1:03:15.680 --> 1:03:17.200 Yeah, I want you to be a little service. I 1:03:17.240 --> 1:03:18.160 don't want you to talk. 1:03:18.160 --> 1:03:21.000 To most people it would be, but I'm not with them. 1:03:21.040 --> 1:03:23.680 I'll make my schedule to see them like once a 1:03:23.680 --> 1:03:26.720 month the month. Yeah, cancer, I knew it. 1:03:27.920 --> 1:03:28.160 I know. 1:03:29.680 --> 1:03:32.120 With cancer. Bah. What's your birthday? 1:03:32.360 --> 1:03:35.760 July twenty first, So Leo Moon, you're the craziest cancer 1:03:36.080 --> 1:03:36.800 Leo Moon. 1:03:36.960 --> 1:03:38.400 Yeah, I like the attention. 1:03:39.320 --> 1:03:41.880 Attention. I think fresh attention. As I say it on 1:03:41.880 --> 1:03:45.680 my show, fresh attention is what we deny that we want. 1:03:45.800 --> 1:03:47.480 That's that Leo. That's that Leo. 1:03:47.800 --> 1:03:49.880 Yeah, I'm a Leo Rising and I'm June twenty second, 1:03:49.960 --> 1:03:51.080 so I'm the cusp on the other. 1:03:51.320 --> 1:03:53.440 That's the crazy. Why would you try to switch it 1:03:53.520 --> 1:03:56.800 in reverse? Baby, I'm crazy. 1:03:57.040 --> 1:03:58.720 I've said it like seven times in the podcast. 1:03:58.720 --> 1:03:59.400 Everybody knows that. 1:03:59.480 --> 1:04:02.320 Like, oh le cancer, Cassy crazy. 1:04:02.520 --> 1:04:03.640 Yeah, it's Stacy. 1:04:03.920 --> 1:04:06.560 So I think that what you're talking about, you know, 1:04:06.640 --> 1:04:09.000 when you see me, this is after years and years 1:04:09.000 --> 1:04:11.360 and years of getting off the horse, falling, falling, falling, 1:04:11.560 --> 1:04:15.040 having issues, concerns, dealing with it, using tools, writing books, 1:04:15.240 --> 1:04:15.920 helping others. 1:04:16.440 --> 1:04:18.280 This is not how you start. It's not for the 1:04:18.320 --> 1:04:20.400 faint of heart. I like Baby. I think I'm Baby 1:04:20.440 --> 1:04:22.360 Polly because as I'm listening to you because I'm listening 1:04:22.360 --> 1:04:24.880 to and I'm like, oh, getting overwhelmed. I'm like, I 1:04:24.920 --> 1:04:27.560 don't know. And then I'm like, wait, okay, Erica, come back, 1:04:28.240 --> 1:04:30.840 where are you? What do you want? What do you like? 1:04:31.480 --> 1:04:33.400 Would you like, can you kid? You fuck one person 1:04:33.480 --> 1:04:36.200 for your whole Like no, I'm not, no, absolutely no, 1:04:36.320 --> 1:04:38.000 I know that for a fact. That's all I've I've 1:04:38.120 --> 1:04:40.120 always known that period. It's not whether I'm in this 1:04:40.200 --> 1:04:42.280 relationship where I feel totally safe or not. Like that's 1:04:42.440 --> 1:04:44.960 just a fact. And I know that to be true 1:04:45.000 --> 1:04:48.400 for men, of course, So that's all I Even when 1:04:48.400 --> 1:04:49.840 we started our show, I was like, I think I 1:04:49.880 --> 1:04:52.320 could be Polly or I could have an open relationship 1:04:52.360 --> 1:04:54.880 because I think that I wished that men would be 1:04:55.000 --> 1:04:58.320 more just honest about what they need because actually I 1:04:58.440 --> 1:04:59.840 have needs too that I would. 1:04:59.640 --> 1:05:02.560 Guess they're not honest, because if they're honest, then Airby 1:05:02.640 --> 1:05:03.160 can be honest. 1:05:03.880 --> 1:05:06.000 I know that's true. So that's what it was. And 1:05:06.240 --> 1:05:07.919 then and then I experienced that I was with someone 1:05:07.920 --> 1:05:10.120 who we were an open relationship, and then I found 1:05:10.120 --> 1:05:11.760 out he was fucking around with a girl, and I 1:05:11.880 --> 1:05:14.200 was like, oh shit, Like we were We hadn't really 1:05:14.280 --> 1:05:16.080 talked about it much. We knew we were doing it, 1:05:16.200 --> 1:05:18.720 but we had it. He had been like, authentically, I'm 1:05:18.760 --> 1:05:20.880 going to tell you that I actually slept with someone 1:05:21.000 --> 1:05:23.760 last week. I ended up finding out and he told me, 1:05:23.800 --> 1:05:25.640 and I felt a way and I processed it. I 1:05:25.680 --> 1:05:28.840 felt jealousy at first, I felt weird, and then I said, 1:05:29.440 --> 1:05:32.520 why the fuck am I not doing this? So then 1:05:32.560 --> 1:05:35.960 I went and did my thing and then brought it 1:05:36.000 --> 1:05:39.480 to him. Had you all discussed it? Well, we discussed it. 1:05:39.480 --> 1:05:41.240 We were open, but we had already dicussed, were open. 1:05:41.400 --> 1:05:43.880 Then this thing happened, which, again, like I said, we 1:05:43.960 --> 1:05:46.120 weren't sharing what we were doing. I wasn't doing anything. 1:05:46.120 --> 1:05:47.680 I was in la la land, like, oh my gosh, 1:05:47.760 --> 1:05:49.640 there's no terms, So what did he do? How do 1:05:49.760 --> 1:05:51.680 you read? So anyway, when I when he told me, 1:05:51.760 --> 1:05:53.160 like I said, I had to process it. But then 1:05:53.160 --> 1:05:55.040 I moved through it and I said, you know what, yeah, 1:05:55.200 --> 1:05:57.480 like we're not We're not We're not monogamous, So what 1:05:57.560 --> 1:05:59.880 am I doing? Why am I acting monogamous towards you? 1:06:00.240 --> 1:06:04.800 I still felt myself falling into what I would normally do, 1:06:05.280 --> 1:06:07.160 which is interesting too because I've talked about this on 1:06:07.200 --> 1:06:09.160 the show, Like when I was younger, I was such 1:06:09.160 --> 1:06:11.480 a cheater, Like I really I was that girl that 1:06:11.520 --> 1:06:12.800 I was like, I like that, I want to try that. 1:06:13.240 --> 1:06:15.200 I have a boyfriend but like I love him. 1:06:15.240 --> 1:06:17.040 But like I used the term cheater, you were very 1:06:17.120 --> 1:06:18.760 creative and you were ver lying. 1:06:19.800 --> 1:06:26.240 I was lying. I was a liar, cheating who you 1:06:26.320 --> 1:06:27.000 weren't married. 1:06:27.240 --> 1:06:30.080 I was creative, I was mary. 1:06:30.280 --> 1:06:32.280 I wasn't married. But I was hurting people. I was 1:06:32.360 --> 1:06:35.120 hurting people, you know, So whatever, it's fine. I just 1:06:35.160 --> 1:06:37.040 don't want to hear you think like that was bad. 1:06:37.680 --> 1:06:39.040 Oh no, no, no, I don't think it's bad. I 1:06:39.480 --> 1:06:42.520 have the tools want no, no, no, no, I am 1:06:42.560 --> 1:06:44.400 I honor my journey. If I felt bad, I wouldn't 1:06:44.440 --> 1:06:46.800 share it. I think that it's part of why I 1:06:46.880 --> 1:06:50.560 think i've what I realized is my my my instinct 1:06:50.680 --> 1:06:55.400 or my inclination or desires and wanting to explore them 1:06:55.600 --> 1:07:01.200 early on, very very normal things. Still it comes with 1:07:01.200 --> 1:07:03.200 the girl, but those things still exist in me. So 1:07:03.360 --> 1:07:05.400 like that cheater or whatever you want to call her, 1:07:06.320 --> 1:07:07.120 that the girl. 1:07:07.040 --> 1:07:08.680 Let's call her Nicole, let's call her a lover. 1:07:08.880 --> 1:07:11.360 Well, I'm just saying like that cheater or whatever her name, 1:07:11.480 --> 1:07:13.400 let's call her a girl who just had a lot 1:07:13.440 --> 1:07:15.360 of desire at a young age. I was thinking about 1:07:15.400 --> 1:07:18.160 sex very young, like probably when I was like eleven 1:07:18.280 --> 1:07:19.920 or twelve, I started thinking about it. 1:07:20.000 --> 1:07:23.120 Oh, I was coming before then, Yeah, So like why 1:07:23.120 --> 1:07:25.000 don't you how to have orgasms? 1:07:25.040 --> 1:07:26.160 From a very young age? 1:07:26.320 --> 1:07:27.160 Maybe six or seven? 1:07:27.320 --> 1:07:30.080 Yeah, yeah, I mean like I whatever I had kissed, 1:07:30.080 --> 1:07:32.320 I had been promiscuous young, and so I hadn't had 1:07:32.400 --> 1:07:34.440 sex yet, so I was thinking about it. Yeah for 1:07:34.560 --> 1:07:37.000 I guess for someone people would say, we're young. But anyway, 1:07:37.120 --> 1:07:39.920 what I'm saying is that in that relationship dynamic that 1:07:40.000 --> 1:07:43.000 I was in, I that desire still existed. I had 1:07:43.040 --> 1:07:45.200 just shut it down because I had come out of 1:07:45.240 --> 1:07:47.600 a monogamous relationship and I was just so in love 1:07:47.640 --> 1:07:49.760 with this person and thought, well, this is what I'm 1:07:49.760 --> 1:07:51.280 supposed to do, right, I'm soo's put all my attention 1:07:51.360 --> 1:07:52.560 on you, even though we did say we're in an 1:07:52.600 --> 1:07:55.000 open relationship. And then he was doing his thing, So 1:07:55.080 --> 1:07:58.520 then I went into my thing, and I was excited 1:07:58.560 --> 1:08:04.040 to tell him because we're all in relationship right. No, No, 1:08:04.240 --> 1:08:06.120 he did not like that. He didn't like that at all, 1:08:06.160 --> 1:08:08.080 and I and then shamed me, and I was like, 1:08:08.240 --> 1:08:10.880 oh shit, so it doesn't go both ways. 1:08:10.960 --> 1:08:14.040 So you're a fucking lion. Yes, But ladies, let's take 1:08:14.240 --> 1:08:16.320 let's take the deeper level, because I told you polyamori 1:08:16.360 --> 1:08:18.760 is a spiritual practice if that were to happen to 1:08:18.840 --> 1:08:21.040 me now, because you know still does. 1:08:21.240 --> 1:08:23.080 I had that with Tiger two years ago. I went 1:08:23.120 --> 1:08:25.360 to Africa, had sex on my project. 1:08:25.120 --> 1:08:29.200 Manager, and anyway, he was upset, but I understood, like, yes, 1:08:29.360 --> 1:08:31.919 I vented about it. Like you're saying, that's some bullshit. 1:08:32.000 --> 1:08:34.960 You're venting, venting, yes, from your ego and animal that's 1:08:35.000 --> 1:08:37.640 some bullshit. What does my higher self say, Not that 1:08:37.760 --> 1:08:40.120 you fucking care when you're still upset about it. But 1:08:40.240 --> 1:08:43.519 my higher self said, oh, I'm seeing a reflection of 1:08:43.680 --> 1:08:49.360 what I believe about men. I have not healed from 1:08:49.400 --> 1:08:52.720 being called a freak by boys in high school or 1:08:52.800 --> 1:08:55.880 being you know, my dad doesn't hug me anymore once 1:08:55.960 --> 1:08:59.840 I grow breasts, you know, whatever the things are. That's 1:08:59.880 --> 1:09:02.519 what I brought up and have placed as my lens 1:09:02.680 --> 1:09:05.840 as how I see men. So if we don't want 1:09:05.920 --> 1:09:09.600 that anymore, ladies, we gonna have to dig in I 1:09:09.760 --> 1:09:10.439 do feel. 1:09:10.200 --> 1:09:13.600 Like polyamory and some like not maybe to the like 1:09:13.880 --> 1:09:16.960 from baby to full fledged, from baby to ken you know, 1:09:17.200 --> 1:09:20.240 like there. I feel like some aspects of polyamory are 1:09:20.320 --> 1:09:23.160 necessary for a healthy relationship because there's a level of 1:09:23.640 --> 1:09:26.000 authenticity and honesty that you have to be with yourself 1:09:26.560 --> 1:09:28.519 and a level of self awareness you have to have 1:09:28.640 --> 1:09:32.520 with yourself in order to make to have a relationship 1:09:32.680 --> 1:09:35.760 that is safe and that is unbreakable. Because when we 1:09:35.800 --> 1:09:38.360 talk about humanity, we talk about humans, men or women. 1:09:39.040 --> 1:09:41.960 Like we said, primarily, we're going to be attracted to 1:09:42.080 --> 1:09:44.880 other people people, We're gonna have conversations that are gonna 1:09:44.920 --> 1:09:47.639 move certain things, because that is what this community is about. 1:09:47.880 --> 1:09:48.920 We are supposed to relate. 1:09:49.000 --> 1:09:52.320 We are supposed to be be like our frequencies are 1:09:52.320 --> 1:09:55.720 supposed to move with music, with great acting, with great 1:09:55.840 --> 1:09:59.160 with beautiful singing, like there's always going to be an 1:09:59.320 --> 1:10:02.599 energetic combination that happens. 1:10:02.760 --> 1:10:03.880 That is chemistry. 1:10:04.240 --> 1:10:06.160 But if we deny that, and we deny that that 1:10:06.280 --> 1:10:10.560 humans to ourselves, then we are basically asking for dishonestly 1:10:10.840 --> 1:10:12.840 lie to me, tell me. 1:10:12.840 --> 1:10:13.400 I'm the only one. 1:10:13.439 --> 1:10:15.680 But because I don't want to, I don't want to 1:10:15.720 --> 1:10:17.960 dig into the other shit that doesn't feel I don't 1:10:17.960 --> 1:10:18.519 feel like doing that. 1:10:18.640 --> 1:10:22.600 Mm hm. I also think like going back to the 1:10:22.640 --> 1:10:25.280 concept of not everyone can be everything for you, and 1:10:25.800 --> 1:10:29.080 it's a tough one, right, but like but honoring that 1:10:29.520 --> 1:10:32.440 And I guess when you when you start to destigmatize 1:10:32.960 --> 1:10:36.640 that concept and you are open to saying, Okay, this 1:10:36.760 --> 1:10:39.439 person spins my heart chakra yes, and makes me feel 1:10:39.479 --> 1:10:41.200 safe and we have a good time and we still 1:10:41.280 --> 1:10:43.679 share sexual energy and it's great and we fucking it's good. 1:10:44.280 --> 1:10:47.120 But then this person actually like stimulates my crown chakra 1:10:47.640 --> 1:10:49.680 and maybe we don't even really have a lot of sex, 1:10:49.720 --> 1:10:52.880 maybe we just cuddle and that really fulfills me and 1:10:53.080 --> 1:10:55.880 like that activates a really big piece of me. And 1:10:55.960 --> 1:10:58.479 then oh, this person, like that's the root. Okay, we 1:10:58.840 --> 1:11:06.519 bucking and he's smart, but like choice, but like that's 1:11:06.560 --> 1:11:09.320 not what we're here. But that's not what we're here for. 1:11:09.400 --> 1:11:12.120 We're here to ignite those that aspect of who I 1:11:12.200 --> 1:11:16.320 am and like actually saying and I'm going to make 1:11:16.479 --> 1:11:19.160 all these people my boyfriends or my husband's Like that 1:11:19.360 --> 1:11:21.160 concept seems so crazy, but when you think of it 1:11:21.200 --> 1:11:24.080 in that way where it's like no, you're you're giving 1:11:24.120 --> 1:11:28.120 your space, You're giving yourself the permission and allowing yourself 1:11:28.520 --> 1:11:31.719 to activate these different pieces of yourself because you also 1:11:31.920 --> 1:11:36.360 realize that it is actually impossible for one person to 1:11:36.479 --> 1:11:39.080 be able to stimulate all of these things at the 1:11:39.200 --> 1:11:41.360 highest capacity all the time. And some people say, I 1:11:41.400 --> 1:11:43.760 don't need it a high capacity all the time. But 1:11:43.840 --> 1:11:46.760 and then there's people like you and like people that 1:11:47.160 --> 1:11:49.760 want that need want that, like I want to live 1:11:49.920 --> 1:11:53.800 life at my highest capacity all the time. Why would 1:11:53.840 --> 1:11:55.640 I not want to do that? You know, like, why 1:11:55.680 --> 1:11:57.360 would I not? Why would I want to like only 1:11:57.439 --> 1:11:59.560 be stimulated here a little bit? Because I feel like 1:11:59.640 --> 1:12:02.360 I can only get that and this from one person. 1:12:02.439 --> 1:12:03.479 And that's how it's supposed to be. 1:12:03.920 --> 1:12:06.840 Men fear failure and for what I've found when I 1:12:07.080 --> 1:12:09.320 when because I call it the art of placement, When 1:12:09.320 --> 1:12:11.160 I place a man, because they don't know what they 1:12:11.200 --> 1:12:13.639 are to you, that's up to the feminine to tell them. 1:12:13.680 --> 1:12:14.439 We're the choosers. 1:12:15.000 --> 1:12:17.280 So you know, if I choose a man, I'm going 1:12:17.360 --> 1:12:19.479 to place that man. He's going to understand what he 1:12:19.560 --> 1:12:21.519 provides to me and that I don't need any of 1:12:21.560 --> 1:12:24.240 the other things. But that gives him a greater chance 1:12:24.320 --> 1:12:26.960 of success. That's why all men love me, because you 1:12:27.040 --> 1:12:29.880 cannot fail with me. I know how to communicate, I 1:12:29.960 --> 1:12:31.639 know how to be authentic. I know how to pull 1:12:31.680 --> 1:12:35.320 out your vulnerability and authenticity. I understand your placement. I 1:12:35.439 --> 1:12:37.720 know what you are delivering and what you never need to. 1:12:38.320 --> 1:12:41.280 So that is safety for men, but you never need to. 1:12:41.400 --> 1:12:42.560 I know it is delivery. 1:12:42.720 --> 1:12:46.800 And what is that? Yeah? 1:12:47.240 --> 1:12:49.400 I told my daughter this is that she's this is 1:12:49.880 --> 1:12:53.080 this is the feminine in her power. 1:12:54.200 --> 1:12:54.880 That's what it is. 1:12:55.000 --> 1:12:57.280 I said, don't ever put a womb choice in your house. 1:12:57.640 --> 1:12:59.519 Just keep him out in the forest. He's a warrior. 1:13:00.360 --> 1:13:02.160 Why you put him in your house? He's bucking and 1:13:02.240 --> 1:13:03.559 knocking ship down. Yeah, he. 1:13:06.120 --> 1:13:06.800 Supposed to be here. 1:13:08.320 --> 1:13:09.519 Why you put in your house? 1:13:09.600 --> 1:13:14.880 I'm not getting this is saying nothing over. 1:13:17.280 --> 1:13:20.080 He's just nassy, you know. 1:13:20.360 --> 1:13:23.800 So when you know, you know our mothers, God blessed them. 1:13:24.040 --> 1:13:27.360 How did they do this with nothing? 1:13:27.680 --> 1:13:32.320 Nothing, no means, no internet to tell him, nothing, no meanings, 1:13:32.640 --> 1:13:33.479 nothing doing. 1:13:33.439 --> 1:13:33.960 No means. 1:13:34.720 --> 1:13:35.720 Let's just say I had nothing. 1:13:36.360 --> 1:13:39.439 Guys, memes have really saved the world. I really mean. 1:13:39.760 --> 1:13:42.680 You just want a bit of smart and you have 1:13:42.800 --> 1:13:45.400 really improved everyone's one liner. 1:13:45.800 --> 1:13:48.640 Yeah, I can't even feel very intelligent the things they 1:13:48.640 --> 1:13:49.240 already knew. 1:13:49.840 --> 1:13:53.720 Fast delivery, precise, fast delivery of principles, spoke to the 1:13:53.920 --> 1:13:57.760 spokes right to your chair. You know. Wait, speaking of affirmations, 1:13:59.360 --> 1:14:00.920 we haven't. We haven't done any of our ship. But 1:14:00.960 --> 1:14:04.720 it's fine, my god, off base. No, it's fine. There's 1:14:04.840 --> 1:14:07.720 off base here. Okay. Do you have an affirmation though 1:14:07.760 --> 1:14:09.479 that you that you can share with our audience. We 1:14:09.560 --> 1:14:13.280 usually ask guests to share. Sure. Absolutely, nobody is doing 1:14:13.439 --> 1:14:14.160 anything to me. 1:14:14.400 --> 1:14:18.160 I create my life. Nobody is doing anything to me. 1:14:18.520 --> 1:14:23.680 I create my life. Oh I love that, Yes, I 1:14:23.800 --> 1:14:27.720 love that. Wow, this has been such a great conversation. 1:14:27.880 --> 1:14:29.559 Can you think now they're going so deep? 1:14:29.600 --> 1:14:34.080 I'm high like the women and our power, and like 1:14:34.240 --> 1:14:38.080 the revival. I always say that we're resurrecting the women, 1:14:38.160 --> 1:14:41.720 the wild and free women, And I do feel like 1:14:41.800 --> 1:14:45.760 it requires like warrior women to lead the way, because, 1:14:45.880 --> 1:14:49.320 like you said, our mothers, like they just sacrificing and 1:14:49.479 --> 1:14:52.920 crying and carrying on and chasing and trying to put 1:14:53.280 --> 1:14:55.960 a bull in a box and a daddy and the 1:14:56.040 --> 1:14:58.840 home and the food on the table. I'm just like 1:14:58.960 --> 1:15:01.599 it's a lot, and we I feel deeply that I've 1:15:01.640 --> 1:15:03.479 inherited a lot about that. I always say that, I'm like, 1:15:03.479 --> 1:15:05.599 I feel like I've inherited a lot of my jealousy. 1:15:06.080 --> 1:15:08.400 My grandmother was was cheated on. 1:15:08.560 --> 1:15:11.519 My mother was cheated on, like the habitual and and 1:15:12.720 --> 1:15:15.080 where I can see the pain, like I can feel 1:15:15.120 --> 1:15:18.320 the pain, and I'm just like, if we just have the. 1:15:20.240 --> 1:15:24.720 The like the balls say this this, we're call that. Well. 1:15:24.760 --> 1:15:27.240 I think that maybe to heal this wound, you should 1:15:27.360 --> 1:15:32.439 just let Orlando have sex with other women. I don't 1:15:32.600 --> 1:15:38.880 say it sounds like you don't have sex with other women. Orlando, 1:15:38.920 --> 1:15:46.720 I got you, not without our preparation coaching session, has 1:15:46.800 --> 1:15:50.400 had sex with kidding, I know, I'm totally kidding, but 1:15:50.439 --> 1:15:52.599 I but I think what I really wanted to say 1:15:52.680 --> 1:15:54.280 is that it sounds like I think that you're already 1:15:54.320 --> 1:15:57.280 doing the work in healing this, in having a partner 1:15:57.320 --> 1:15:59.840 where you can share in those experiences with in like 1:16:00.439 --> 1:16:03.400 even being able to say out loud that maybe it's 1:16:03.439 --> 1:16:05.960 not mine, and also honoring with parts of it that 1:16:06.280 --> 1:16:09.000 are yours. And there's too like I can say I'm 1:16:09.080 --> 1:16:11.360 working through them because you've encountered them I've been there, 1:16:12.280 --> 1:16:16.679 and then you Literally I was there, she was getting 1:16:16.760 --> 1:16:20.080 jealous and I'm about to freak out, and then I did. 1:16:20.120 --> 1:16:24.160 But you, but but you continued forward and not only 1:16:24.280 --> 1:16:27.840 just with Orlando, but in like the exploration of what that. 1:16:28.000 --> 1:16:29.759 Looks like, which I'm actually shocked. 1:16:29.760 --> 1:16:31.719 I think in any other situation I would have completely 1:16:31.800 --> 1:16:34.600 left anybody else immediately without. 1:16:34.640 --> 1:16:36.960 Thought, Well, there's a safety shock with that's being spin 1:16:37.200 --> 1:16:41.680 spun in your in your relationship dynamic, probably too. And definitely, 1:16:42.400 --> 1:16:45.000 I mean you're definitely support choice with him. Yeah, so 1:16:45.280 --> 1:16:48.559 it's like you know you're doing You're doing the work. 1:16:48.960 --> 1:16:50.680 So I have hope in you. So earlier when you 1:16:50.720 --> 1:16:53.120 said that I was giving you a look, it's not 1:16:53.240 --> 1:16:54.519 a look. I wasn't. I don't feel like I was 1:16:54.520 --> 1:16:55.840 giving you a look. But maybe I was, because you know, 1:16:55.920 --> 1:16:58.240 my face is I can't. I don't know my face 1:16:58.320 --> 1:17:01.559 we faced in induition. But I believe that I think 1:17:01.600 --> 1:17:03.000 you guys are doing the work. And I think that 1:17:03.360 --> 1:17:06.519 you know, whether you are monogamous or polly or whatever 1:17:07.080 --> 1:17:10.960 you want to honogamous, whatever do you want to call it, Yeah, 1:17:11.000 --> 1:17:12.439 you're doing the work to figure out what that work, 1:17:12.479 --> 1:17:13.439 what that means for both of you. 1:17:13.720 --> 1:17:15.840 Yeah, and that's all I ever wished for. Like, I 1:17:15.920 --> 1:17:17.840 want to be open, I want to do them. 1:17:17.920 --> 1:17:21.280 I want to be realistic in my endeavors in my relationship, 1:17:21.640 --> 1:17:23.439 but I also want to honor the parts in may Or. 1:17:23.560 --> 1:17:27.479 I'm like, I'm raging, jealous, and I want to rage. 1:17:27.520 --> 1:17:29.439 And well, we're gonna heal that little girl. Yeah, that's 1:17:29.479 --> 1:17:31.519 a part of you that we won't love on her. 1:17:31.920 --> 1:17:33.760 We're gonna bring her to the forefront and we're going 1:17:33.840 --> 1:17:36.240 to heal her. She's come out in your womb choice 1:17:36.280 --> 1:17:39.240 relationships and gone wow. But he didn't know how to 1:17:39.280 --> 1:17:42.439 hold space for her like I can shore Orlando, how 1:17:42.479 --> 1:17:44.439 to hold space for her and take half of her 1:17:44.560 --> 1:17:46.840 charge out in less than a month. You know, you 1:17:47.040 --> 1:17:51.320 just have never fully solely let her. He got the 1:17:51.400 --> 1:17:59.720 thought of that sounds like, yeah, because she protected you. 1:18:00.160 --> 1:18:03.320 She protected you. Yeah, that's what these parts of us do. 1:18:03.479 --> 1:18:05.920 They're not just like bad nonsensical ship. 1:18:06.040 --> 1:18:06.720 They protected me. 1:18:06.920 --> 1:18:09.599 And and it's crazy when you can see them literally, 1:18:09.640 --> 1:18:11.240 when you're aware and you can see it come up 1:18:11.320 --> 1:18:13.800 and like, you know, you could ask yourself the question 1:18:13.920 --> 1:18:15.040 and like do I care am I? 1:18:15.160 --> 1:18:17.240 And why am I? Feeling this way worries is like 1:18:17.280 --> 1:18:18.240 do I think this person's. 1:18:17.960 --> 1:18:18.439 Gonna leave me? 1:18:18.760 --> 1:18:20.519 You know that when you can work through and see 1:18:20.560 --> 1:18:23.040 all the parts of like as it comes up, as 1:18:23.120 --> 1:18:25.360 it happens, or when you're like okay, I'm okay, yeah, 1:18:25.439 --> 1:18:26.559 it's fine, you can eat that pussy. 1:18:26.800 --> 1:18:30.040 Okay, yeah you can, yeah, yeah, okay. 1:18:31.640 --> 1:18:34.600 You know, like just the the moving through it and 1:18:34.800 --> 1:18:36.400 when and when it and when she comes up and 1:18:36.479 --> 1:18:39.400 when when there's things that trigger that more than others. 1:18:39.479 --> 1:18:41.920 It's just an interesting It is an interesting journey in 1:18:42.000 --> 1:18:46.040 this relationship. And I'm grateful too for the the ability 1:18:46.160 --> 1:18:48.760 to just have the journey. Like there's no right now 1:18:48.920 --> 1:18:50.800 in my I don't know what I mean, Like I 1:18:50.840 --> 1:18:52.120 don't got to be Polly tomorrow. 1:18:52.280 --> 1:18:56.400 I don't you know, there's no baby post. 1:18:57.880 --> 1:18:59.000 Baby poly first. 1:18:59.720 --> 1:19:02.679 Baby Polly does not involve Polly Pocket. I'm Polly Pocket. 1:19:07.800 --> 1:19:08.759 Look at my little. 1:19:10.960 --> 1:19:12.880 She lives in that house and we close the door. 1:19:14.840 --> 1:19:15.240 Not yet. 1:19:16.520 --> 1:19:19.320 Oh that's I'm gonna give you a Polly Pocket for Christmas. 1:19:19.320 --> 1:19:21.559 Every time Ma Orlando can play, I'm like, guess what, babe, 1:19:22.520 --> 1:19:23.680 I'm bringing Polly out. 1:19:24.760 --> 1:19:27.840 No, I like that, really, don't I really hope a 1:19:27.920 --> 1:19:30.280 lot more people can think like that and really be 1:19:30.479 --> 1:19:31.680 realistic about where they are. 1:19:32.120 --> 1:19:35.320 You're not there yet. That's it needs to be called 1:19:35.520 --> 1:19:39.200 poly pocket, polly pocket, you're not there, polly pocket? Or 1:19:39.240 --> 1:19:40.960 are you a poly pro or a poly pocket? 1:19:42.560 --> 1:19:45.280 I mean, yeah, that's good. Obviously Kenny is a poly pro. 1:19:45.800 --> 1:19:48.080 I'm a poly pro, and the pros come to me. 1:19:48.360 --> 1:19:52.759 I've had pro basketball players, actresses, on NFL players, NBA. 1:19:53.240 --> 1:19:55.679 All types of people are my clients, and I support 1:19:55.760 --> 1:19:59.599 them in moving from monogamy to polyamory or from. 1:19:59.600 --> 1:20:03.640 Poly fuckery back to Oh you also get them back 1:20:03.680 --> 1:20:06.719 to monogamy if they've been polyuckery and cheating and crazy 1:20:06.760 --> 1:20:07.960 and they didn't start off right. 1:20:08.160 --> 1:20:09.080 Is it got to rewind? 1:20:09.240 --> 1:20:13.760 Is it with the also trajectory of them becoming polyamor 1:20:14.000 --> 1:20:16.120 polyamory or like we have to start here, we have 1:20:16.200 --> 1:20:18.200 to go back here, start and then we can talk 1:20:18.200 --> 1:20:19.080 about going back there. 1:20:19.320 --> 1:20:22.640 I coach people who have done bad polly back to 1:20:23.120 --> 1:20:26.200 sexual exclusivity so they can heal and get a better 1:20:26.280 --> 1:20:27.240 foundation create. 1:20:27.439 --> 1:20:29.600 You have to have an emotional intelligence. 1:20:29.720 --> 1:20:33.040 Emotional intelligence is required for polyamory. That's why when people 1:20:33.040 --> 1:20:36.840 say they're poly I'm like emotional intelligence. Really is it 1:20:37.040 --> 1:20:40.599 required require for any relationship, family, even. 1:20:41.880 --> 1:20:42.160 Life? 1:20:43.080 --> 1:20:48.760 Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck I'm in a relationship? 1:20:49.240 --> 1:20:52.400 What the concern is? Like dual lingo teaches language. There 1:20:52.840 --> 1:20:56.360 wasn't before an app that teaches emotional intelligence, because what 1:20:56.560 --> 1:20:57.360 is the language of it? 1:20:57.520 --> 1:20:58.360 What is it consistent? 1:20:58.680 --> 1:21:00.680 But that's the most superior like that what your app does. 1:21:00.760 --> 1:21:03.240 That's when I app does, teaches emotional intelligence and then 1:21:03.360 --> 1:21:05.960 matches you only with those on your emotional level. 1:21:06.280 --> 1:21:07.479 Oh, it's a dating app. 1:21:07.760 --> 1:21:11.680 Yes, after you do the the training, you cannot come 1:21:11.760 --> 1:21:15.519 in here. Stem there's no swiping. There's only matching, matching 1:21:15.560 --> 1:21:18.639 with people who are on you meet a more meet 1:21:18.880 --> 1:21:21.920 a more meet a m O R Y A m 1:21:22.000 --> 1:21:23.120 o r e A. 1:21:23.800 --> 1:21:24.000 Yes. 1:21:26.439 --> 1:21:29.479 Wow, that makes sense because people want to date amongst 1:21:29.800 --> 1:21:32.000 mature other mature people like I don't even want to 1:21:32.040 --> 1:21:34.320 be out inside because everybody's kind of slow. 1:21:34.560 --> 1:21:38.000 I don't date anybody who refuses to learn who's speaking 1:21:38.160 --> 1:21:40.360 their ego, their animal, or their higher self. If they 1:21:40.360 --> 1:21:42.240 don't know the difference between their ego speaking and their 1:21:42.320 --> 1:21:46.080 higher self speaking, we have nothing to talk about. If 1:21:46.160 --> 1:21:48.000 they don't know that difference, we have nothing. 1:21:47.800 --> 1:21:48.800 To talk about yeah. 1:21:49.000 --> 1:21:49.240 Yeah. 1:21:50.520 --> 1:21:54.559 So often, even just in regular just a regular conversation 1:21:54.720 --> 1:21:56.800 with men, I you know, I'll be like, oh, this 1:21:56.880 --> 1:21:59.479 is a cool guy, this happened to us recently. And 1:21:59.520 --> 1:22:02.080 then the guy I started talking some stupid shit about 1:22:02.360 --> 1:22:04.640 basically how he should have women and his woman and 1:22:04.680 --> 1:22:05.920 I was like, where we talking about? 1:22:05.920 --> 1:22:07.160 This is like happening I bad. 1:22:07.439 --> 1:22:08.800 Remember, I just was like, Oh, this is a really 1:22:08.880 --> 1:22:10.320 nice guy who was like attracted he was talking to 1:22:10.400 --> 1:22:10.760 this girl. 1:22:11.200 --> 1:22:12.960 But then as soon as he said that stupid shit, I. 1:22:13.040 --> 1:22:18.000 Was like, I'm always so like perplexed by smart men 1:22:18.080 --> 1:22:20.599 who appear smart but then say some stupid ass shit. 1:22:21.160 --> 1:22:24.680 I'm always like, oh, oh, oh you're dumb. So I'm 1:22:24.720 --> 1:22:26.640 just like the disappointment, but even even just on a 1:22:26.720 --> 1:22:27.479 regular because I just. 1:22:27.479 --> 1:22:30.599 Think there's on a basic level, an emotional intelligence test 1:22:30.760 --> 1:22:34.320 is just to ask men questions, lots of questions about 1:22:34.360 --> 1:22:36.559 their life and where they are and who they are, 1:22:36.680 --> 1:22:39.040 and what they want, what their dreams are. I think 1:22:39.200 --> 1:22:42.320 many women don't do that, and so that is a 1:22:42.400 --> 1:22:47.240 good gauge. Are they willing to even answer right? Are 1:22:47.280 --> 1:22:48.920 they comfortable having a conversation? 1:22:49.120 --> 1:22:51.920 I think I think yes. But I also think that 1:22:52.080 --> 1:22:55.760 there's so many emotionally unintelligent women too, so it goes 1:22:55.880 --> 1:22:58.240 both ways. So there's like women that feel like they're 1:22:58.240 --> 1:23:00.920 emotionally intelligent, but they're not. They might just be a 1:23:00.960 --> 1:23:02.920 little bit more than the person that they're you know, 1:23:03.160 --> 1:23:06.200 asking to have meet where they are, but they're not 1:23:06.240 --> 1:23:07.360 even asking the right questions. 1:23:07.760 --> 1:23:12.040 By birth, women are more centered in that right brain unality. 1:23:12.439 --> 1:23:14.599 So by birth they may have it, but the skills 1:23:14.640 --> 1:23:15.760 and training they don't have. 1:23:17.760 --> 1:23:20.000 Wow, well, thank you for your work and what you do. 1:23:21.120 --> 1:23:22.720 But before you get out of here, I would love 1:23:22.760 --> 1:23:34.200 if you could share a horror story. Who stories I 1:23:34.360 --> 1:23:37.960 know in all your adventures and polyamory, And maybe this 1:23:38.080 --> 1:23:41.560 is also misconception, but I don't think so, Kenny. I 1:23:41.680 --> 1:23:43.920 think I think you have some stories to share. 1:23:44.040 --> 1:23:45.800 So Last of Great Stories. 1:23:47.120 --> 1:23:51.599 Really wants to tell you a horror story. I want 1:23:51.640 --> 1:23:53.360 to tell out of the country. 1:23:53.600 --> 1:23:58.240 Yes means pleasure in ancient cometic language, so that's where 1:23:58.240 --> 1:24:04.240 the word comes from. There were temple goddesses called tepts, 1:24:04.640 --> 1:24:08.479 and they brought peace through pleasure, so her tep means peace. 1:24:12.040 --> 1:24:14.559 And then just hold heaven on earth. I mean, there 1:24:14.680 --> 1:24:17.920 is nothing wrong with a woman her sexuality, her sensuality. 1:24:18.640 --> 1:24:21.040 This is the most natural ritual we can do together 1:24:21.080 --> 1:24:25.960 as humans. So I'll give you my horror story. One 1:24:26.040 --> 1:24:28.360 time we were on a cruise, me and Tiger. We 1:24:28.479 --> 1:24:31.599 went to Haiti and I had a balcony room. Honey, 1:24:31.880 --> 1:24:34.240 I had. You know, I always like to treat my 1:24:34.280 --> 1:24:37.040 little womb choices. Womb choices sometimes need a little money, 1:24:37.080 --> 1:24:39.200 you know, slideing mo, rent payment of two. 1:24:43.880 --> 1:24:45.479 They given me something I can't. 1:24:45.280 --> 1:24:46.200 Get nowhere else. 1:24:46.240 --> 1:24:49.920 See it now, It's like, what do you need coming 1:24:50.000 --> 1:24:52.000 this way? I take care of you. You take care 1:24:52.000 --> 1:24:53.280 of me, right, Okay. 1:24:53.439 --> 1:24:55.839 So you know I had the room. I had financed 1:24:55.920 --> 1:24:58.400 that and it was the balcony everything. So we were 1:24:58.479 --> 1:25:01.439 going out in the daytime, you know, I'm getting purses 1:25:01.479 --> 1:25:03.800 and stuff like that. He runs into a woman that 1:25:03.880 --> 1:25:06.960 he's attracted to, and I'm so excited because he tells 1:25:07.040 --> 1:25:08.599 me he was like, just look at her, look at her. 1:25:08.880 --> 1:25:11.880 I looked. She was very appealing. She was cute. You know. 1:25:12.000 --> 1:25:13.800 She had a little skirt on and flowing in the 1:25:13.840 --> 1:25:16.200 wind and got some hips moving in the skirt. 1:25:16.320 --> 1:25:17.960 Okay, so I clocked that. 1:25:18.760 --> 1:25:21.320 We got back to the room. We had a great night. 1:25:21.439 --> 1:25:24.120 It was a cruise for his family reunion. Yeah, so 1:25:24.920 --> 1:25:28.120 his mother, who you know, is in a very strict religion, 1:25:28.360 --> 1:25:33.160 was hanging out with me Polly White. Oh, I can't 1:25:33.200 --> 1:25:34.960 say he would be so mad at me, but it's 1:25:35.040 --> 1:25:38.320 a very strict Christianity where they had a comfortable I. 1:25:38.320 --> 1:25:39.120 Don't know they know. 1:25:39.160 --> 1:25:42.120 I don't think they believe in that Jesus wasn't the sun. Okay, 1:25:42.400 --> 1:25:47.720 that's the only hint to drop. But anyways, Yeah, so 1:25:47.920 --> 1:25:50.120 we're back in the hotel room. It's nighttime. We a 1:25:50.160 --> 1:25:52.559 little tipsy. We got the kids all settled out because 1:25:52.560 --> 1:25:53.559 I raised my son. 1:25:53.439 --> 1:25:54.000 And his son. 1:25:54.760 --> 1:25:57.240 His son lived with us too, Okay, so yeah, until 1:25:57.280 --> 1:25:59.559 I got him back with his baby's mother and now 1:25:59.600 --> 1:26:02.639 they're more harmonious. So the son went back to her. Anyway, 1:26:03.800 --> 1:26:05.800 So we're in the room, we're getting into it. We're 1:26:05.800 --> 1:26:09.360 about to have a sexual interlude and we're I'm rubbing 1:26:09.439 --> 1:26:13.120 his back and he's, you know, about to enter my body. 1:26:13.280 --> 1:26:16.559 And you know, this is men that had this magical wind. 1:26:16.680 --> 1:26:19.560 It's always that entry point where you can feel the 1:26:19.720 --> 1:26:22.400 power of his wind today. So I'm feeling the power 1:26:22.479 --> 1:26:23.519 of his wind today. 1:26:23.600 --> 1:26:26.720 What is he delivering to me? Today women aren't. 1:26:26.439 --> 1:26:28.920 Giving it up. We're receiving, right, you ever seen the 1:26:29.000 --> 1:26:30.280 act of sex? We're receiving. 1:26:30.360 --> 1:26:32.519 They giving it up? So he about to give it up? 1:26:32.720 --> 1:26:37.960 And what a guess, right gift? 1:26:38.439 --> 1:26:40.960 And so I started to talk about and remind him 1:26:41.000 --> 1:26:44.000 of the woman. I said her hips was so nice, 1:26:44.080 --> 1:26:45.719 baby like, how did they feel? 1:26:45.840 --> 1:26:46.640 Like? Feel my like? 1:26:46.920 --> 1:26:49.519 I was telling him feel my hips like, how did 1:26:49.560 --> 1:26:50.120 hers feel? 1:26:50.360 --> 1:26:53.560 They bigger? Huh? It was biggaus like this this this, 1:26:53.760 --> 1:26:54.880 I was telling him this, this. 1:26:55.000 --> 1:26:58.800 This about her, and this man just lost control, like 1:26:59.000 --> 1:27:02.519 just to bring her into it, into it, even without 1:27:02.560 --> 1:27:05.200 her being there, just bringing her essence because I could 1:27:05.200 --> 1:27:07.600 feel it too. It's just a beauty and what she 1:27:07.760 --> 1:27:11.840 possessed in our sensual endeavor at that moment, it just 1:27:12.080 --> 1:27:12.840 we went wild. 1:27:14.600 --> 1:27:16.479 I like that. That's a good that's a good test. 1:27:16.520 --> 1:27:20.040 That's a good one. It's a psychology, So that might 1:27:20.080 --> 1:27:22.080 be a good way to check. Bitch, can you do that? 1:27:22.320 --> 1:27:25.040 Are you going to be? Can you even pretend that 1:27:25.280 --> 1:27:29.040 you're man somebody else? That's one one drop, polly drop, 1:27:29.120 --> 1:27:32.920 that's that's a poly test. That's look, that's baby poll, 1:27:33.400 --> 1:27:35.160 that's baby. Probably one of what I think I could 1:27:35.160 --> 1:27:36.639 do that. I know I could do that. That's true. 1:27:36.680 --> 1:27:40.120 You need so simulations? Is that simulations? That's a simulation? 1:27:40.320 --> 1:27:43.280 Yeah, yeah, I actually I've done that a lot and 1:27:43.400 --> 1:27:44.160 I know about it. 1:27:44.800 --> 1:27:46.960 Here y'all got old women sweating in here. I'm sorry 1:27:47.960 --> 1:27:49.960 you are not old. Bit. I know that. 1:27:50.200 --> 1:27:50.800 Great, but I. 1:27:51.000 --> 1:27:53.360 Love I wanted to get to age fifty for so 1:27:53.520 --> 1:27:56.640 long because teaching Polly for twenty years, it's like everybody's like, oh, 1:27:56.680 --> 1:27:57.800 they're young, that's just a tree. 1:27:57.920 --> 1:28:02.280 By now, I and the expert in this field, what. 1:28:02.360 --> 1:28:05.120 I do, what you did at the time into successful. 1:28:05.160 --> 1:28:09.880 I got receipts. Well, Kenya, thank you so much. You 1:28:09.920 --> 1:28:22.040 didn't read her tarot okay, Kenya. She pulled the page 1:28:22.120 --> 1:28:23.000 of pentacles. 1:28:24.360 --> 1:28:28.120 The page it's a man standing on a moey hill 1:28:28.240 --> 1:28:32.479 and the nice clear sky with the pinnacle in his hand. 1:28:33.520 --> 1:28:35.160 Pentacle of money. 1:28:35.400 --> 1:28:36.439 Pentacle of money. 1:28:36.680 --> 1:28:39.479 Yeah. Usually it means like tangible things. 1:28:39.439 --> 1:28:46.559 Money upright, manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development. The page of Pinnacles, 1:28:46.560 --> 1:28:49.639 like the pages of of all four tarot suits, brings 1:28:49.680 --> 1:28:53.439 a welcome message of new beginnings, inspiration, and the initial 1:28:53.520 --> 1:28:57.080 stages of a creative project or venture. Since Pinnacles rules 1:28:57.120 --> 1:29:00.280 the material realm, the court, and correspond to the element 1:29:00.360 --> 1:29:03.960 of earth. This page symbolizes a burgaining. That's what you say, 1:29:04.120 --> 1:29:07.920 burgeoning awareness of the value of money, wealth, possessions, career, 1:29:08.000 --> 1:29:11.040 and physical health, and how to manifest more of these 1:29:11.120 --> 1:29:15.439 material blessings. When the page of Pentacles appears in a 1:29:15.520 --> 1:29:17.919 terror reading, you are tapping into your ability to manifest 1:29:18.200 --> 1:29:21.120 a personal goal or dream, and maybe in the midst 1:29:21.160 --> 1:29:23.519 of a new project such as a hobby, business venture, 1:29:23.640 --> 1:29:26.840 or the start of a new educational experience. In the 1:29:26.960 --> 1:29:30.280 quest to materialize the dreams, the page of Pentacles is 1:29:30.320 --> 1:29:33.200 an avid student and seeks to learn the skills that 1:29:33.280 --> 1:29:35.960 will ensue his success long term. The page of Pinnacles 1:29:36.000 --> 1:29:37.880 often appears when you are ready to level up your 1:29:37.880 --> 1:29:41.599 skills and learn something new so you can manifest your dreams. 1:29:42.320 --> 1:29:45.640 Level up, lub level. 1:29:46.040 --> 1:29:48.679 Level up, level up. Level. 1:29:49.600 --> 1:29:52.800 Kenny is going to do our premarital counseling. Beautiful, We're 1:29:52.840 --> 1:29:56.040 going to be her first pre not already ten year 1:29:56.240 --> 1:29:57.360 or twenty year married. 1:29:57.520 --> 1:29:59.360 Ready to do pree Like, let's get this. 1:29:59.439 --> 1:30:01.800 I don't sugges people get married without me or get 1:30:01.840 --> 1:30:04.160 a divorce without me. There's no need to throw away 1:30:04.160 --> 1:30:06.760 our generational wealth and just keep starting over with the 1:30:06.840 --> 1:30:07.759 same issues. 1:30:08.360 --> 1:30:10.240 You don't have them anywhere you are, there you are 1:30:12.240 --> 1:30:17.000 say that again everywhere you are, where you are for real. Well, 1:30:17.040 --> 1:30:20.080 thank you for saving marriages, Thank you for opening up 1:30:20.240 --> 1:30:22.880 your life so that people can understand that there's just 1:30:22.960 --> 1:30:25.799 so many ways to live and so many relationship dynamics 1:30:25.800 --> 1:30:29.639 to explore. And shout out to Carl for being that nigga. 1:30:31.800 --> 1:30:38.680 Can you tell the people where they can find find you? 1:30:38.800 --> 1:30:43.000 Kenya, you can find me at Progressiveloveacademy dot Com on Instagram, 1:30:43.160 --> 1:30:46.360 I am Progressive Love Academy. On YouTube, I am Progressive 1:30:46.400 --> 1:30:49.000 Love Academy and the same on TikTok. You can get 1:30:49.080 --> 1:30:52.040 my books and of course download my app Meet a More, 1:30:52.280 --> 1:30:55.439 where you can practice your emotional intelligence and be linked 1:30:55.520 --> 1:30:57.160 with those on your emotional level. 1:30:57.400 --> 1:31:02.280 Okay, sounds sexy great, and you guys, you know where 1:31:02.280 --> 1:31:04.799 to find us A Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram. 1:31:04.880 --> 1:31:07.000 Make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel. Make sure 1:31:07.000 --> 1:31:08.880 you rate and review this episode if you're listening on 1:31:08.880 --> 1:31:12.559 Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and also make sure you check 1:31:12.640 --> 1:31:15.519 out our Couple's Retreat. It's almost time for our couple's 1:31:15.560 --> 1:31:18.519 retreat in Costa Rica. If you have met maybe an 1:31:18.520 --> 1:31:21.000 emotionally compatible manner, maybe like you guys, need to figure 1:31:21.040 --> 1:31:23.559 some shit out, Come on, come on to the couple's 1:31:23.600 --> 1:31:26.240 retreat and Costa Rica. It's gonna be fun. It's centered 1:31:26.280 --> 1:31:29.479 around play, it's centered around pleasure, a little bit of TNTRA, 1:31:29.920 --> 1:31:33.599 a lot a bit of hopefully good sex in your bedroom. 1:31:34.280 --> 1:31:36.240 Yeah, this is even in the beginning. If you're building 1:31:36.280 --> 1:31:38.519 a foundation, you just need someone to do the vacation 1:31:38.680 --> 1:31:41.800 for you. Come and play and enjoy, you know, your 1:31:41.840 --> 1:31:44.679 relationship without any interruptions, without having to think about anything. 1:31:45.160 --> 1:31:46.599 And also, you guys, it's May. 1:31:46.840 --> 1:31:50.120 It is our two year anniversary of a Good Mom's 1:31:50.200 --> 1:31:53.080 Guide to Making Bad Choices. If you have not read it, 1:31:53.120 --> 1:31:56.000 if you've not gotten it, it's everywhere. It's written by us. 1:31:56.120 --> 1:31:58.479 We put a lot of hard work, sweat, tears, and 1:31:58.520 --> 1:31:59.880 all of our honest stories in here. 1:32:00.080 --> 1:32:02.120 It's a prescriptive memoir. 1:32:03.400 --> 1:32:05.760 And if you know someone who's about to have a baby, 1:32:05.800 --> 1:32:07.479 about to go to baby shower, this is a great 1:32:07.520 --> 1:32:10.320 baby shower gift because this prepares the mother. A lot 1:32:10.360 --> 1:32:12.120 of books are talking about what do you do with 1:32:12.200 --> 1:32:14.439 the baby. What the fuck do you do with yourself 1:32:14.479 --> 1:32:16.400 when you just give birth? There's a lot of things 1:32:16.439 --> 1:32:18.320 that a woman goes through that no one talks about, 1:32:18.640 --> 1:32:22.360 and we talk about it all in this beautiful book 1:32:22.400 --> 1:32:23.080 that we designed. 1:32:26.560 --> 1:32:33.679 Well until next time, we love you. I believe. Yeah, 1:32:34.200 --> 1:32:36.840 I'm living so good. Can't you tell? I went through 1:32:36.920 --> 1:32:37.320 a drought? 1:32:37.360 --> 1:32:39.880 That's until I find out? Well, maym have been known earth? 1:32:40.000 --> 1:32:42.200 I used to be broken tail, now got the blues, 1:32:42.280 --> 1:32:44.880 hands and might beyond say just sell throat shot or 1:32:44.960 --> 1:32:47.720 pop in this cow wearing our voices patriarch and kept 1:32:47.800 --> 1:32:49.200 it in the box to what'spoids? 1:32:49.400 --> 1:32:52.000 Women put the p and powers, so what's pointless? They 1:32:52.040 --> 1:32:54.479 want me to be good? So I made bad noises, 1:32:54.680 --> 1:32:57.120 bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom. 1:32:57.240 --> 1:32:59.800 Gitters in on, put cannabus in their bath bomb. 1:33:00.200 --> 1:33:03.040 Then Barcel's cap and I blewis cap boss hop dog. 1:33:03.160 --> 1:33:05.640 Now I'm immune to the cat called Herbie and the 1:33:05.720 --> 1:33:08.200 waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother, rent 1:33:08.200 --> 1:33:10.240 the lover when two with it, like a water summer 1:33:10.240 --> 1:33:12.800 where you rent the winter essential will when the summertime, 1:33:13.040 --> 1:33:13.760 I do what doll 1:33:13.840 --> 1:33:15.360 Ain't no one that needs to run it by