Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back
Speaker 1: with yet another carefully reckless episode with your girls.
Speaker 2: Just hilarious. What do I be doing? I'll be fixing messing.
Speaker 1: Y'all already know now my girl tailor, like I said,
Speaker 1: she's out pregnant.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep giving.
Speaker 1: Y'all weekly updates about Taylor. I don't care because that's
Speaker 1: my baby. That is my baby, and she having a
Speaker 1: blood bloody. So this is the second Breakfast Club baby
Speaker 1: because I had the first one, who's Marley, and she
Speaker 1: is six months. Yes, I know y'all be wondering how
Speaker 1: my baby's doing. She good, She good, and she's starting
Speaker 1: to look like me around the eyes, y'all.
Speaker 2: Just just a check in on Marlee.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because every time I post the picture, y'all be like, es,
Speaker 1: Chris needs a paternity test from you.
Speaker 2: Y'all be trying to say.
Speaker 1: That my baby don't look like me, and all we
Speaker 1: got the same blood sight, like if you got the
Speaker 1: same eyes. She's starting to have the same eyes. And
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the eye color, because yeah, she
Speaker 1: got her dad's bright brownish grayish eyes whatever. I don't
Speaker 1: even know if that's like the final color they're going
Speaker 1: to be, because they went from gray to hazel so brown.
Speaker 1: Now they turning gray again, or they may change colors.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, however. I mean the shape, the shape
Speaker 1: of the eyes. My baby is starting to look like
Speaker 1: me around the eye, you know, with the shape the
Speaker 1: eye shape, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, whatever, So
Speaker 1: that's why it's tailing out here, because she's dealing with
Speaker 1: pregnancy and she's just she's getting bigger and bigger, and
Speaker 1: I'm just going to let her little baby when it
Speaker 1: gets here. Okay, So this is what we're doing, all right.
Speaker 1: We don't have any voice memos today. We have written passages,
Speaker 1: so bear with me. All here we go, Hey, Joss,
Speaker 1: So I'm kind of going through it. My husband and
Speaker 1: I have been trying to get pregnant for a year
Speaker 1: and we're.
Speaker 2: Starting to lose hope. Oh man, I've.
Speaker 1: Miscarried twice and I just don't want to keep going
Speaker 1: through the fields of not ever making it to a
Speaker 1: full turned pregnancy. I know we're starting to wear my
Speaker 1: husband down too. I feel the inn It's no one's fault.
Speaker 1: I guess it's just God's timing. When my husband and
Speaker 1: I first got married, we talked about kids and we
Speaker 1: would adopt. We both said, yes, I want to bring
Speaker 1: that back up, but it's different circumstances, and I don't
Speaker 1: want him to feel like this is our only option
Speaker 1: because I still have faith. I just want to see
Speaker 1: where his head is at with it. Jess, this is
Speaker 1: just all so overwhelming and so stressful. All I ever
Speaker 1: wanted to do was be a mom, and I'm just nervous.
Speaker 2: Girl. I've never really opened up that much about it.
Speaker 1: So if you decide to read this, I really appreciate
Speaker 1: you for listening.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: First of all, my heart goes out to you because
Speaker 1: I do understand how you feel. I can't say I
Speaker 1: feel how you feel because I've never struggled with that.
Speaker 1: Like it did take a while for Chris and I
Speaker 1: to conceive Marley. It was a period where I thought
Speaker 1: that I couldn't conceive anymore. I didn't know if I
Speaker 1: had messed my body up in my twenties, and that
Speaker 1: as a result of that, it wasn't that easy to
Speaker 1: conceive my daughter, and we planned her.
Speaker 2: I wanted her, you know, I.
Speaker 1: Wanted to be able to give Chris a child. I
Speaker 1: always wanted more children, you know, and it just took
Speaker 1: a lot longer.
Speaker 2: For us to conceive Marley. You know.
Speaker 1: I went for tests, he went for tests, and you know,
Speaker 1: we never got to the point of blaming each other,
Speaker 1: you know, And I'm glad you and your husband had
Speaker 1: an understanding. I don't know if that's what's going on now,
Speaker 1: because I know it's weighing on you both. But I'm
Speaker 1: hoping that this is not driving you to a part
Speaker 1: like this is not dividing your home, you know, and
Speaker 1: the oneness that you guys have, you know, this is
Speaker 1: your husband. I hope that you know this, this should
Speaker 1: bring y'all closer together.
Speaker 2: You understand what I'm saying. I would want that to
Speaker 2: be the case.
Speaker 1: A lot of times, a lot of couples, they don't
Speaker 1: know how to handle these types of situations. So my
Speaker 1: heart goes out to you and your husband. Now you've
Speaker 1: miscarried twice, so it seems as if they you don't
Speaker 1: have a problem conceiving, you have a problem carrying full term.
Speaker 2: We don't know what's going on most of the time.
Speaker 1: A lot of times the doctors don't even know, babes,
Speaker 1: so like you said, and maybe it's God's timing, because
Speaker 1: that's exactly what it ended up being in my situation,
Speaker 1: you know, after getting tested and for all these things going,
Speaker 1: you know, trying to figure out whether we would have
Speaker 1: to do IVF.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, yo, how when I've had a baby before.
Speaker 2: But you know, I was doing so much with me
Speaker 2: traveling and be doing breakfast club and.
Speaker 1: Then me having a still. I just it was so
Speaker 1: much responsibility and there was a lot of stress around that,
Speaker 1: you know, and me trying to balance work life and
Speaker 1: mom life and trying to build my family and keep
Speaker 1: my family together. And then you know, it was just
Speaker 1: a lot. And I don't know what your profession is,
Speaker 1: what your husband's profession is, and what you guys career
Speaker 1: choices are, but it could most certainly be the stress
Speaker 1: because that is the number one key to a lot
Speaker 1: of health issues. Stress diet as well, but stress. And
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't even know when their body
Speaker 1: is stressed out.
Speaker 2: It will tell you.
Speaker 1: And you know, even if it don't tell you right away,
Speaker 1: you'll feel you'll start feeling certain I don't know, I
Speaker 1: guess symptoms. I would say you know you would start
Speaker 1: feeling that, you know, I don't know what it may
Speaker 1: be for you. But just getting back to the initial advice,
Speaker 1: talk to your husband, talk to him.
Speaker 2: That's what I want to say.
Speaker 1: I want to say that y'all need to stand stronger
Speaker 1: than ever now, you know, because this is not easy
Speaker 1: for either one of you, I especially not you. You know,
Speaker 1: you had to you had two miscarriagters. You had to
Speaker 1: endure that and even trying again. That can be very
Speaker 1: discouraging after losing two babies. It could absolutely be discouraging.
Speaker 1: But I don't want for this to tear up a
Speaker 1: happy home, a marriage. I do think you should revisit
Speaker 1: the conversation that you guys talked about before with the adoption,
Speaker 1: because you said that he was open to it, you know,
Speaker 1: but you don't want him to feel like you're giving
Speaker 1: up because you still have faith. Absolutely, But a woman
Speaker 1: can only put our body through so much, so much more,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And that can have a
Speaker 1: big effect, of big impact on your body and on
Speaker 1: your health as well, you know, more miscourages, and you know,
Speaker 1: I just don't want you to feel like you have
Speaker 1: to keep putting yourself through this when there are certainly
Speaker 1: other alternatives, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And this is just going.
Speaker 1: Back to that communication factor, sitting down with your husband,
Speaker 1: because that's your husband. He understands, he's seeing you go
Speaker 1: through it. Not only did you know he go through it,
Speaker 1: you went through it as well. And you are the
Speaker 1: one that was carrying the babies, you know, so he knows. Now, Guys, no,
Speaker 1: they're not always the brightest bulbs when it comes to
Speaker 1: you know, women's bodies or whatever. But you married him
Speaker 1: for a reason. He's with you for a reason, and
Speaker 1: y'all do everything together. Y'all can't make decisions just for
Speaker 1: y'allselves anymore. You have to make decisions with him in mind,
Speaker 1: but also yourself. And I think it's not giving up.
Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
Speaker 2: then we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: It's not giving up quitting and listen up. At the
Speaker 1: breakfast club, right we had an interview. Will Packer came up.
Speaker 1: This was like something that he ministered to me with
Speaker 1: and I took it as ministry. You know, he was
Speaker 1: just talking, but I took it as ministry. He said,
Speaker 1: quitting and giving up are two different things. Giving up
Speaker 1: is something that I never want to do, giving up.
Speaker 1: And I know you feel defeated. As defeated as you are,
Speaker 1: you still don't want to give up because you still
Speaker 1: want to be a mom. You still want to give
Speaker 1: that beautiful bundle of joy to your husband. But quitting,
Speaker 1: quitting is different, you know, quitting is realizing, Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: this is not for me, Maybe this is going to
Speaker 1: make things worse. I don't want to cause any more
Speaker 1: harm to my body, which can you know, because a
Speaker 1: lot of miscarriages can affect you, affect you a lot.
Speaker 1: You know, it can affect your body and other ways
Speaker 1: where something else goes wrong, and you know, you know,
Speaker 1: you just don't want to sacrifice your body to the
Speaker 1: point of no return when there are other alternatives and
Speaker 1: one in which y'all discussed. And I think if you
Speaker 1: just sit down and you be one hundred percent open
Speaker 1: with your husband, he will.
Speaker 2: Definitely see you know, I think.
Speaker 1: So I think you should update me and just consider
Speaker 1: the possibility of adoption again, you know, or how about
Speaker 1: a surrogate, because you never know what you're gonna get
Speaker 1: when you adopt, right, you know, And I don't know.
Speaker 2: I hear a lot of.
Speaker 1: Horror stories when it comes to adoption and you know,
Speaker 1: things like that, because these kids they grow up and
Speaker 1: then they do have questions where do I come from?
Speaker 2: Who am I?
Speaker 1: And there's someone that actually wrote me because I've been
Speaker 1: fixing mess for seasons.
Speaker 2: Okay, if this is season four, I remember in like
Speaker 2: season two, I believe it was either two or three.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say two because this is well before I
Speaker 1: was pregnant, somebody had wrote me about a situation similar,
Speaker 1: you know to what's going on, and they were going
Speaker 1: through the same thing, you know, and they ended up
Speaker 1: going the adoption.
Speaker 2: Route and they adopted their child.
Speaker 1: And then you know, he grew up and he felt
Speaker 1: like he didn't belong where he was, you know, he
Speaker 1: felt like he didn't belong to them, Like he just
Speaker 1: knew these are not my real parents.
Speaker 2: Nobody ever told him that.
Speaker 1: Nobody ever even talked about adoption in the house, you know,
Speaker 1: So how would he have known that, you know, but
Speaker 1: he didn't know.
Speaker 2: He didn't know that.
Speaker 1: I can't remember whether it was the mom or the
Speaker 1: dad writing me, but they were saying that they wanted
Speaker 1: advice on whether they should help him find his real
Speaker 1: parents or still just like, you know, they were trying
Speaker 1: to figure out whether or not they wanted to reveal
Speaker 1: like they were they weren't his real parents, because he
Speaker 1: had started asking questions and he was just like, Yo,
Speaker 1: I don't feel connected to y'all, you know.
Speaker 2: What I mean in some type of way.
Speaker 1: And I think that I think it was very real.
Speaker 1: I think there's a connection at birth, right between a
Speaker 1: mom and a child. Whether that mom is in the
Speaker 1: child's life, proceeds to be in the child's life or not,
Speaker 1: there will always be a connection because this person birthed you,
Speaker 1: You grew into a baby in their belly. You got
Speaker 1: shared the same heartbeat, you got shared the same blood.
Speaker 1: You guys like you are made by this person. You
Speaker 1: are an extension of a human being that you only
Speaker 1: get one mother, and whether that person gives you away
Speaker 1: at birth or not, you will always be connected to.
Speaker 2: The person that birthed you, right.
Speaker 1: And so with that child growing up and coming to
Speaker 1: his adopted parents, like, yo, I really really feel like
Speaker 1: there's a disconnect between me and this family, Like where
Speaker 1: am I from?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: And I did give them that advice. My advice to
Speaker 1: them was yes, definitely, it's absolutely he has it's absolutely
Speaker 1: only right that you guys go help him find his family,
Speaker 1: especially if he's feeling a disconnect. He doesn't feel like
Speaker 1: he belongs. And that's not because they treated him a
Speaker 1: certain way. They gave him the best of everything, according
Speaker 1: to them, the story that they both told me, you know,
Speaker 1: because I can't remember whether it was the mom or
Speaker 1: the dad, but the story that I got from either
Speaker 1: one of the parents, they raised him the right way
Speaker 1: and everything. You know, he had good schools and good
Speaker 1: threads on his back, and he ate and what provided
Speaker 1: water and food and everything that.
Speaker 2: A child will want, toys and everything.
Speaker 1: You know, he grew up and he just still felt
Speaker 1: like there that there's somebody that he's connected to, and
Speaker 1: it ain't them in that house, you know. And so
Speaker 1: they never gave me an update. But adoption can be
Speaker 1: a little tricky. But I'm not trying to because oh lord,
Speaker 1: you're probably gonna be like, I'm so you're totally discouraging
Speaker 1: me from finding my from adopting, you know, when that
Speaker 1: may be the only alternative that we can afford. I
Speaker 1: don't know what you can afford. I don't know, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I do know that there are other alternatives.
Speaker 1: But then, baby, it may just be God's timing. You know,
Speaker 1: there's so many factors. You know, you don't know, We
Speaker 1: never know. But I do think this is the time
Speaker 1: where you and your husband does not need to divide.
Speaker 1: Y'all need to come together and stay strong because y'all
Speaker 1: have to make these decisions together. You know, you have
Speaker 1: to make these decisions, not by yourself, not only for yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, Yes, you do come first, because it is
Speaker 1: your body that's going to house all of this. You know,
Speaker 1: you're putting your body through this and it can be
Speaker 1: very tumultuous, you know, but you're gonna need your foundation.
Speaker 1: You're gonna need your support system, and that is your husband.
Speaker 1: That should be your husband, you know. So just sit
Speaker 1: down and talk to him, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: And just get back with me and let me know
Speaker 1: exactly what the update is.
Speaker 2: Oh I feel so I feel for you. I feel
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 1: My heart goes out to you and your husband, and
Speaker 1: if nobody else told you, I love you, all right,
Speaker 1: So we moving on. I just want to say right
Speaker 1: because I think this episode actually speaks to a lot
Speaker 1: of moms out there, you know, Like I said, I
Speaker 1: was me and Chris, we didn't. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: dam it struggling. I'm not going to label it as
Speaker 1: struggling to have a baby. You know, we were struggling
Speaker 1: for a while, you know, but it did take us
Speaker 1: like a good six months to conceive.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: And like I said, I thought it was something wrong
Speaker 1: with me, and I thought it was something wrong with him.
Speaker 1: I mean, he thought it was something wrong with him.
Speaker 1: And you know, I lived wildly in my twenties. Hold up,
Speaker 1: hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen
Speaker 1: to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you
Speaker 1: love me, you'll listen. Immediately, when I could not conceive,
Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, I couldn't conceive right away?
Speaker 1: I just thought back to how I treated myself in
Speaker 1: my twenties, with all the drinking and the drugging and
Speaker 1: the goddamn playing bees and all of that. You know,
Speaker 1: that shit fucks you up. People were using playing bees
Speaker 1: for contraceptives, like I mean, like for.
Speaker 2: Birth control.
Speaker 1: Planing bees are not birth control, and then birth control
Speaker 1: is not even healthy for us.
Speaker 2: We're putting this shit in our bodies instead of just
Speaker 2: using condoms and shit. You know. But that's a whole
Speaker 2: other story for a whole nother time, honey.
Speaker 1: But what I felt was I fucked myself up so
Speaker 1: bad that maybe this is me or and you know,
Speaker 1: I even started thinking like maybe I'm not meant to
Speaker 1: have anymore kids, you know, But then I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: that wouldn't be right, because God sent me this man
Speaker 1: after his own heart.
Speaker 2: You know, my fiance is a very very very serious Christian.
Speaker 1: He he loves God, Dearly God, fair and man, to
Speaker 1: say the least, like he we we on our first date.
Speaker 1: He talked about him wanting to be a father and
Speaker 1: him wanting to be a husband who takes care and
Speaker 1: provides for his family. He wants to build an empire
Speaker 1: and wants to create generational wealth, and he just wants children.
Speaker 1: He wants to live that life that he dreamed of
Speaker 1: living ever since he was a young boy, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. And even you know how he grew up,
Speaker 1: you know, wasn't the best. You know, he was raised
Speaker 1: by his mom and his grandparents, you know, solely his grandparents.
Speaker 1: But it was just like he wants, he wants to
Speaker 1: give his kids what he didn't.
Speaker 2: Have growing up.
Speaker 1: And you know that's all I wanted to do even
Speaker 1: prior to meeting him. I always wanted to give my son,
Speaker 1: my first son, my Ashton, the life that I didn't
Speaker 1: have growing up, you know, And that's just always what
Speaker 1: you want to do as parents, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And if there's something getting in a way of that,
Speaker 1: it can totally make you feel defeated. Like you know,
Speaker 1: it's not easy not being able to have children, especially
Speaker 1: when that's all you want, like that is your desire,
Speaker 1: your everlasting wish is to make a family and produce,
Speaker 1: you know, to somebody to carry on your legacy, you know,
Speaker 1: and when that process is tainted in any way, you
Speaker 1: start going crazy in your mind. You know, you start
Speaker 1: thinking and you can and listen, the factors are endless.
Speaker 2: It could be endless reasons why. You just never know.
Speaker 2: And that's why you should also take care of yourselves.
Speaker 1: Definitely take care of yourself, go to the doctors, keep
Speaker 1: up with your health, your body.
Speaker 2: You don't know, Like, listen, I'm thirty three years old.
Speaker 1: I remember back in the day, everybody used to say,
Speaker 1: not even back in the day, like recently, like just
Speaker 1: a couple of years back, people was saying, you know,
Speaker 1: get a mammogram ladies, get your mammograms at forty and guys,
Speaker 1: get your heart scanning your colonoska fees at forty and no,
Speaker 1: we gotta start doing that shit in our mid twenties.
Speaker 1: Or you know, everything is so different. They're changing the
Speaker 1: shit in our food. They're putting shit in our food,
Speaker 1: and they're putting shit in the and goddamn beverages and
Speaker 1: snacks that we eat and everything. Like y'all don't notice
Speaker 1: that shit is way different. Shit don't even taste the same.
Speaker 1: No more, shit don't even taste the same. So, like
Speaker 1: I know, I said, stress is like number one factor
Speaker 1: of most health issues, and then I did say, diet, Yo,
Speaker 1: we need to change all of that.
Speaker 2: We need to change our diets. We need to start fighting.
Speaker 1: This sounds crazy because when I first met my fiance,
Speaker 1: he was like, yo, we gotta start farming, like you
Speaker 1: know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Like when we made it official, he was like, yo,
Speaker 2: we gotta buy farms.
Speaker 1: We gotta start like producing our own food, fruits, vegetables
Speaker 1: and shit, like raising our own cattle and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: Like we have to start going like fishing and cleaning
Speaker 1: our own fish, and like we have to do that,
Speaker 1: because they're killing us with this food, slowly but surely.
Speaker 1: You know, why do you think our fuck kids gotta
Speaker 1: get so many goddamn shots and shit? Why Because it's
Speaker 1: just new diseases.
Speaker 2: Popping up and shit. No, like there has been shit
Speaker 2: changing forever.
Speaker 1: You know, over the course of time, they change formulas
Speaker 1: to shit, they change chemicals, they put different chemicals and
Speaker 1: shit like in the ocean, and they start fucking.
Speaker 2: With certain things.
Speaker 1: And after years and years of us consuming this shit,
Speaker 1: it has a different effect on us.
Speaker 2: We start developing these health.
Speaker 1: Issues that our generations before, our family members before, took
Speaker 1: a while to developed, forever to developed.
Speaker 2: And shit, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Now we're getting sicker, quicker, We are dying younger, We
Speaker 1: are developing, you know, diabetes and all these at young
Speaker 1: ass ages, like, oh my god, so bad, you know.
Speaker 1: So we just have to take care of ourselves. Definitely,
Speaker 1: go get checked, Go get your heart checked, Go get
Speaker 1: just a full body scan. I remember reporting something up
Speaker 1: at Breakfast club with Laurenlae Rosa not too long ago.
Speaker 1: Duayanne Wade. You know, he he had cancer and he
Speaker 1: didn't even know. He just asked his dog. He went
Speaker 1: to the doctor and he was just like, yo, check
Speaker 1: my whole body. I want to know what's going on
Speaker 1: with my whole body everything, like you know, and I
Speaker 1: know people who have money have it, you know, where
Speaker 1: they can go and get these scans and then pay
Speaker 1: for this shit or whatever. But if there is any
Speaker 1: type of way like you can look into, because there
Speaker 1: are certain clinics and facilities that do these body scans
Speaker 1: for free or they do take state insurance and insurance
Speaker 1: that you know that you may feel you don't have
Speaker 1: the best insurance.
Speaker 2: You can get body scans for free.
Speaker 1: You just have to look up you know, your local
Speaker 1: facilities that do so you know, I know there is
Speaker 1: a place in Memphis that does. I think I think
Speaker 1: they do something with some type of like leukemia treatments
Speaker 1: for free and you can get a scan for free.
Speaker 2: You can go and get checked up for free. This
Speaker 2: is in Memphis.
Speaker 1: I'll do more search on it, but y'all just take
Speaker 1: that gem I dropped, and y'all do y'all research to
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, definitely take care of
Speaker 1: yourself for sure. So we're gonna end this episode on
Speaker 1: that note. Love you guys, take care of yourselves and
Speaker 1: catch you next week anyway,