WEBVTT - Quitting Isn't Giving Up 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.120 Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.720 and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:18.759 with yet another carefully reckless episode with your girls. 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:21.440 Just hilarious. What do I be doing? I'll be fixing messing. 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:23.439 Y'all already know now my girl tailor, like I said, 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:24.200 she's out pregnant. 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:25.440 I'm gonna keep giving. 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:28.560 Y'all weekly updates about Taylor. I don't care because that's 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:30.720 my baby. That is my baby, and she having a 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:33.560 blood bloody. So this is the second Breakfast Club baby 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.839 because I had the first one, who's Marley, and she 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.159 is six months. Yes, I know y'all be wondering how 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:40.640 my baby's doing. She good, She good, and she's starting 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:42.240 to look like me around the eyes, y'all. 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:44.080 Just just a check in on Marlee. 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:47.839 Yeah, because every time I post the picture, y'all be like, es, 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:50.879 Chris needs a paternity test from you. 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:52.239 Y'all be trying to say. 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.040 That my baby don't look like me, and all we 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:56.920 got the same blood sight, like if you got the 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:59.640 same eyes. She's starting to have the same eyes. And 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:01.480 I'm not talking about the eye color, because yeah, she 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:04.920 got her dad's bright brownish grayish eyes whatever. I don't 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:06.600 even know if that's like the final color they're going 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:10.319 to be, because they went from gray to hazel so brown. 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:12.880 Now they turning gray again, or they may change colors. 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:16.360 I'm not sure, however. I mean the shape, the shape 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:18.520 of the eyes. My baby is starting to look like 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:21.520 me around the eye, you know, with the shape the 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:24.800 eye shape, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, whatever, So 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:26.760 that's why it's tailing out here, because she's dealing with 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:30.000 pregnancy and she's just she's getting bigger and bigger, and 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:31.800 I'm just going to let her little baby when it 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:34.520 gets here. Okay, So this is what we're doing, all right. 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:39.360 We don't have any voice memos today. We have written passages, 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:42.800 so bear with me. All here we go, Hey, Joss, 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:45.000 So I'm kind of going through it. My husband and 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:47.040 I have been trying to get pregnant for a year 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:47.639 and we're. 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:50.200 Starting to lose hope. Oh man, I've. 0:01:50.000 --> 0:01:52.880 Miscarried twice and I just don't want to keep going 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:55.440 through the fields of not ever making it to a 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:58.040 full turned pregnancy. I know we're starting to wear my 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:01.680 husband down too. I feel the inn It's no one's fault. 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:05.080 I guess it's just God's timing. When my husband and 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:07.280 I first got married, we talked about kids and we 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:11.240 would adopt. We both said, yes, I want to bring 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:14.639 that back up, but it's different circumstances, and I don't 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:17.079 want him to feel like this is our only option 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:19.919 because I still have faith. I just want to see 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.760 where his head is at with it. Jess, this is 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:26.440 just all so overwhelming and so stressful. All I ever 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:29.120 wanted to do was be a mom, and I'm just nervous. 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:32.560 Girl. I've never really opened up that much about it. 0:02:32.600 --> 0:02:35.079 So if you decide to read this, I really appreciate 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:35.800 you for listening. 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:37.040 Absolutely. 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.120 First of all, my heart goes out to you because 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:41.760 I do understand how you feel. I can't say I 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:45.960 feel how you feel because I've never struggled with that. 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:50.920 Like it did take a while for Chris and I 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:53.720 to conceive Marley. It was a period where I thought 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:56.160 that I couldn't conceive anymore. I didn't know if I 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:59.280 had messed my body up in my twenties, and that 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:02.440 as a result of that, it wasn't that easy to 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:04.760 conceive my daughter, and we planned her. 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:06.639 I wanted her, you know, I. 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.760 Wanted to be able to give Chris a child. I 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:12.720 always wanted more children, you know, and it just took 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:14.760 a lot longer. 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:16.560 For us to conceive Marley. You know. 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.040 I went for tests, he went for tests, and you know, 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:23.119 we never got to the point of blaming each other, 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:25.680 you know, And I'm glad you and your husband had 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:27.720 an understanding. I don't know if that's what's going on now, 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:30.240 because I know it's weighing on you both. But I'm 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.679 hoping that this is not driving you to a part 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.680 like this is not dividing your home, you know, and 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.720 the oneness that you guys have, you know, this is 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:41.520 your husband. I hope that you know this, this should 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:42.760 bring y'all closer together. 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:45.720 You understand what I'm saying. I would want that to 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:46.320 be the case. 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:48.280 A lot of times, a lot of couples, they don't 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:51.120 know how to handle these types of situations. So my 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:54.360 heart goes out to you and your husband. Now you've 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:58.680 miscarried twice, so it seems as if they you don't 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:01.960 have a problem conceiving, you have a problem carrying full term. 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:05.080 We don't know what's going on most of the time. 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:07.160 A lot of times the doctors don't even know, babes, 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:10.800 so like you said, and maybe it's God's timing, because 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.920 that's exactly what it ended up being in my situation, 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:17.720 you know, after getting tested and for all these things going, 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:19.599 you know, trying to figure out whether we would have 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:21.040 to do IVF. 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:23.440 And I'm like, yo, how when I've had a baby before. 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:25.719 But you know, I was doing so much with me 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:27.359 traveling and be doing breakfast club and. 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:30.240 Then me having a still. I just it was so 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:33.520 much responsibility and there was a lot of stress around that, 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:36.120 you know, and me trying to balance work life and 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:38.560 mom life and trying to build my family and keep 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:41.200 my family together. And then you know, it was just 0:04:41.360 --> 0:04:44.159 a lot. And I don't know what your profession is, 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:46.520 what your husband's profession is, and what you guys career 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:51.480 choices are, but it could most certainly be the stress 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:54.800 because that is the number one key to a lot 0:04:54.839 --> 0:05:00.240 of health issues. Stress diet as well, but stress. And 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:03.240 a lot of people don't even know when their body 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:03.960 is stressed out. 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:05.120 It will tell you. 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:07.320 And you know, even if it don't tell you right away, 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:11.560 you'll feel you'll start feeling certain I don't know, I 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:14.200 guess symptoms. I would say you know you would start 0:05:14.240 --> 0:05:16.880 feeling that, you know, I don't know what it may 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:20.000 be for you. But just getting back to the initial advice, 0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:24.400 talk to your husband, talk to him. 0:05:24.760 --> 0:05:25.799 That's what I want to say. 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.080 I want to say that y'all need to stand stronger 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:32.000 than ever now, you know, because this is not easy 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:34.680 for either one of you, I especially not you. You know, 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:38.120 you had to you had two miscarriagters. You had to 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:41.719 endure that and even trying again. That can be very 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:47.080 discouraging after losing two babies. It could absolutely be discouraging. 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:50.200 But I don't want for this to tear up a 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:54.760 happy home, a marriage. I do think you should revisit 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:59.400 the conversation that you guys talked about before with the adoption, 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:02.560 because you said that he was open to it, you know, 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:04.680 but you don't want him to feel like you're giving 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:08.000 up because you still have faith. Absolutely, But a woman 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:10.600 can only put our body through so much, so much more, 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:12.680 you know what I mean, And that can have a 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:14.800 big effect, of big impact on your body and on 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:18.440 your health as well, you know, more miscourages, and you know, 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:23.600 I just don't want you to feel like you have 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:26.680 to keep putting yourself through this when there are certainly 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:28.440 other alternatives, you know what I mean. 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:30.680 And this is just going. 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:32.960 Back to that communication factor, sitting down with your husband, 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:35.880 because that's your husband. He understands, he's seeing you go 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:38.279 through it. Not only did you know he go through it, 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:39.560 you went through it as well. And you are the 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:45.400 one that was carrying the babies, you know, so he knows. Now, Guys, no, 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:47.919 they're not always the brightest bulbs when it comes to 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:51.120 you know, women's bodies or whatever. But you married him 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:52.919 for a reason. He's with you for a reason, and 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:56.320 y'all do everything together. Y'all can't make decisions just for 0:06:56.400 --> 0:07:00.839 y'allselves anymore. You have to make decisions with him in mind, 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:04.600 but also yourself. And I think it's not giving up. 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:07.279 If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:08.240 then we'll be right back. 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:13.280 It's not giving up quitting and listen up. At the 0:07:13.280 --> 0:07:16.160 breakfast club, right we had an interview. Will Packer came up. 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.800 This was like something that he ministered to me with 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:20.680 and I took it as ministry. You know, he was 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:22.960 just talking, but I took it as ministry. He said, 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:27.440 quitting and giving up are two different things. Giving up 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:30.040 is something that I never want to do, giving up. 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.760 And I know you feel defeated. As defeated as you are, 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:34.280 you still don't want to give up because you still 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:35.840 want to be a mom. You still want to give 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:38.440 that beautiful bundle of joy to your husband. But quitting, 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:44.640 quitting is different, you know, quitting is realizing, Okay, maybe 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:46.640 this is not for me, Maybe this is going to 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:49.360 make things worse. I don't want to cause any more 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:52.600 harm to my body, which can you know, because a 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:57.560 lot of miscarriages can affect you, affect you a lot. 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:00.520 You know, it can affect your body and other ways 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:03.120 where something else goes wrong, and you know, you know, 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:07.520 you just don't want to sacrifice your body to the 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:11.600 point of no return when there are other alternatives and 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:16.080 one in which y'all discussed. And I think if you 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:18.280 just sit down and you be one hundred percent open 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:20.720 with your husband, he will. 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:22.400 Definitely see you know, I think. 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:26.000 So I think you should update me and just consider 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:30.400 the possibility of adoption again, you know, or how about 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:32.920 a surrogate, because you never know what you're gonna get 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:36.480 when you adopt, right, you know, And I don't know. 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:37.760 I hear a lot of. 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:40.720 Horror stories when it comes to adoption and you know, 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:42.440 things like that, because these kids they grow up and 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:44.920 then they do have questions where do I come from? 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:45.440 Who am I? 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:49.120 And there's someone that actually wrote me because I've been 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:50.360 fixing mess for seasons. 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:52.400 Okay, if this is season four, I remember in like 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:55.520 season two, I believe it was either two or three. 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:57.240 I'm gonna say two because this is well before I 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:01.600 was pregnant, somebody had wrote me about a situation similar, 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:04.960 you know to what's going on, and they were going 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:08.440 through the same thing, you know, and they ended up 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:10.400 going the adoption. 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:12.280 Route and they adopted their child. 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:16.040 And then you know, he grew up and he felt 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:19.400 like he didn't belong where he was, you know, he 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:21.960 felt like he didn't belong to them, Like he just 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:23.679 knew these are not my real parents. 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:24.880 Nobody ever told him that. 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:30.360 Nobody ever even talked about adoption in the house, you know, 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.440 So how would he have known that, you know, but 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:34.040 he didn't know. 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:35.120 He didn't know that. 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:38.520 I can't remember whether it was the mom or the 0:09:38.640 --> 0:09:44.280 dad writing me, but they were saying that they wanted 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.280 advice on whether they should help him find his real 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:50.960 parents or still just like, you know, they were trying 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:53.120 to figure out whether or not they wanted to reveal 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:56.679 like they were they weren't his real parents, because he 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:58.600 had started asking questions and he was just like, Yo, 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:01.040 I don't feel connected to y'all, you know. 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:02.240 What I mean in some type of way. 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:08.120 And I think that I think it was very real. 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:13.840 I think there's a connection at birth, right between a 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:18.960 mom and a child. Whether that mom is in the 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:21.400 child's life, proceeds to be in the child's life or not, 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:25.880 there will always be a connection because this person birthed you, 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:29.920 You grew into a baby in their belly. You got 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:33.640 shared the same heartbeat, you got shared the same blood. 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:37.960 You guys like you are made by this person. You 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:42.400 are an extension of a human being that you only 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:46.720 get one mother, and whether that person gives you away 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:48.959 at birth or not, you will always be connected to. 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:50.920 The person that birthed you, right. 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:55.160 And so with that child growing up and coming to 0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:58.200 his adopted parents, like, yo, I really really feel like 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:04.040 there's a disconnect between me and this family, Like where 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:04.760 am I from? 0:11:04.960 --> 0:11:05.160 You know? 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:07.920 And I did give them that advice. My advice to 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:14.400 them was yes, definitely, it's absolutely he has it's absolutely 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.080 only right that you guys go help him find his family, 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:20.360 especially if he's feeling a disconnect. He doesn't feel like 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:22.880 he belongs. And that's not because they treated him a 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:25.000 certain way. They gave him the best of everything, according 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.080 to them, the story that they both told me, you know, 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:29.200 because I can't remember whether it was the mom or 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:32.360 the dad, but the story that I got from either 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:35.280 one of the parents, they raised him the right way 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:37.160 and everything. You know, he had good schools and good 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.720 threads on his back, and he ate and what provided 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.360 water and food and everything that. 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:44.920 A child will want, toys and everything. 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:46.760 You know, he grew up and he just still felt 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:50.240 like there that there's somebody that he's connected to, and 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:52.760 it ain't them in that house, you know. And so 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:56.560 they never gave me an update. But adoption can be 0:11:56.600 --> 0:12:02.839 a little tricky. But I'm not trying to because oh lord, 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:05.760 you're probably gonna be like, I'm so you're totally discouraging 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:12.040 me from finding my from adopting, you know, when that 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:14.480 may be the only alternative that we can afford. I 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:16.440 don't know what you can afford. I don't know, you know, 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:20.040 I don't know. I do know that there are other alternatives. 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:23.240 But then, baby, it may just be God's timing. You know, 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:25.880 there's so many factors. You know, you don't know, We 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:28.640 never know. But I do think this is the time 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:31.080 where you and your husband does not need to divide. 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.559 Y'all need to come together and stay strong because y'all 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:37.600 have to make these decisions together. You know, you have 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:42.079 to make these decisions, not by yourself, not only for yourself, 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:44.120 you know, Yes, you do come first, because it is 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:47.040 your body that's going to house all of this. You know, 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:49.560 you're putting your body through this and it can be 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:53.240 very tumultuous, you know, but you're gonna need your foundation. 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:56.960 You're gonna need your support system, and that is your husband. 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:59.880 That should be your husband, you know. So just sit 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:01.640 down and talk to him, you know what I mean, 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:04.280 And just get back with me and let me know 0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:06.760 exactly what the update is. 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.280 Oh I feel so I feel for you. I feel 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:09.480 for you. 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:12.000 My heart goes out to you and your husband, and 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:15.360 if nobody else told you, I love you, all right, 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.240 So we moving on. I just want to say right 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:23.080 because I think this episode actually speaks to a lot 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:25.640 of moms out there, you know, Like I said, I 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.360 was me and Chris, we didn't. I'm not going to 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:31.200 dam it struggling. I'm not going to label it as 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:33.160 struggling to have a baby. You know, we were struggling 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:35.080 for a while, you know, but it did take us 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.599 like a good six months to conceive. 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:37.560 You know. 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:39.520 And like I said, I thought it was something wrong 0:13:39.559 --> 0:13:41.920 with me, and I thought it was something wrong with him. 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:43.560 I mean, he thought it was something wrong with him. 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:48.760 And you know, I lived wildly in my twenties. Hold up, 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:50.760 hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:52.880 to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:57.600 love me, you'll listen. Immediately, when I could not conceive, 0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.600 I thought, you know what, I couldn't conceive right away? 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:03.120 I just thought back to how I treated myself in 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:05.520 my twenties, with all the drinking and the drugging and 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:09.040 the goddamn playing bees and all of that. You know, 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:12.400 that shit fucks you up. People were using playing bees 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:14.400 for contraceptives, like I mean, like for. 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:16.920 Birth control. 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:19.240 Planing bees are not birth control, and then birth control 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:21.040 is not even healthy for us. 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:23.160 We're putting this shit in our bodies instead of just 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:25.880 using condoms and shit. You know. But that's a whole 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:27.880 other story for a whole nother time, honey. 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:34.080 But what I felt was I fucked myself up so 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:37.720 bad that maybe this is me or and you know, 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.400 I even started thinking like maybe I'm not meant to 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:42.040 have anymore kids, you know, But then I'm like, no, 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:45.760 that wouldn't be right, because God sent me this man 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:46.880 after his own heart. 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:54.000 You know, my fiance is a very very very serious Christian. 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:58.160 He he loves God, Dearly God, fair and man, to 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:01.200 say the least, like he we we on our first date. 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:04.240 He talked about him wanting to be a father and 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:07.480 him wanting to be a husband who takes care and 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:10.720 provides for his family. He wants to build an empire 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:15.560 and wants to create generational wealth, and he just wants children. 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:18.080 He wants to live that life that he dreamed of 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.840 living ever since he was a young boy, you know 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:24.280 what I mean. And even you know how he grew up, 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:27.040 you know, wasn't the best. You know, he was raised 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:30.960 by his mom and his grandparents, you know, solely his grandparents. 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:34.760 But it was just like he wants, he wants to 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:37.920 give his kids what he didn't. 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:38.360 Have growing up. 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:40.800 And you know that's all I wanted to do even 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:43.600 prior to meeting him. I always wanted to give my son, 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:47.200 my first son, my Ashton, the life that I didn't 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:49.720 have growing up, you know, And that's just always what 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:51.520 you want to do as parents, you know what I mean. 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:54.280 And if there's something getting in a way of that, 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:57.280 it can totally make you feel defeated. Like you know, 0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:02.240 it's not easy not being able to have children, especially 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.840 when that's all you want, like that is your desire, 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:09.200 your everlasting wish is to make a family and produce, 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.320 you know, to somebody to carry on your legacy, you know, 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:19.000 and when that process is tainted in any way, you 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:21.720 start going crazy in your mind. You know, you start 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:25.760 thinking and you can and listen, the factors are endless. 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.120 It could be endless reasons why. You just never know. 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.520 And that's why you should also take care of yourselves. 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:34.440 Definitely take care of yourself, go to the doctors, keep 0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:36.920 up with your health, your body. 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:40.080 You don't know, Like, listen, I'm thirty three years old. 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:43.680 I remember back in the day, everybody used to say, 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:46.360 not even back in the day, like recently, like just 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:49.480 a couple of years back, people was saying, you know, 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:53.280 get a mammogram ladies, get your mammograms at forty and guys, 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:56.520 get your heart scanning your colonoska fees at forty and no, 0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:59.080 we gotta start doing that shit in our mid twenties. 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:02.600 Or you know, everything is so different. They're changing the 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.720 shit in our food. They're putting shit in our food, 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.000 and they're putting shit in the and goddamn beverages and 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:10.760 snacks that we eat and everything. Like y'all don't notice 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:13.120 that shit is way different. Shit don't even taste the same. 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:16.080 No more, shit don't even taste the same. So, like 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:21.560 I know, I said, stress is like number one factor 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:25.240 of most health issues, and then I did say, diet, Yo, 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:26.440 we need to change all of that. 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:29.960 We need to change our diets. We need to start fighting. 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:32.840 This sounds crazy because when I first met my fiance, 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:37.240 he was like, yo, we gotta start farming, like you 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:37.760 know what I mean. 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:40.360 Like when we made it official, he was like, yo, 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:41.360 we gotta buy farms. 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:46.280 We gotta start like producing our own food, fruits, vegetables 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:48.840 and shit, like raising our own cattle and stuff like that. 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:51.479 Like we have to start going like fishing and cleaning 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:54.080 our own fish, and like we have to do that, 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:58.560 because they're killing us with this food, slowly but surely. 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:00.640 You know, why do you think our fuck kids gotta 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.720 get so many goddamn shots and shit? Why Because it's 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:05.160 just new diseases. 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.840 Popping up and shit. No, like there has been shit 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:08.880 changing forever. 0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:12.359 You know, over the course of time, they change formulas 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.680 to shit, they change chemicals, they put different chemicals and 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:17.320 shit like in the ocean, and they start fucking. 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:17.840 With certain things. 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:21.440 And after years and years of us consuming this shit, 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:23.040 it has a different effect on us. 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:24.760 We start developing these health. 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:29.439 Issues that our generations before, our family members before, took 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:32.640 a while to developed, forever to developed. 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:33.760 And shit, you know what I mean. 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:38.199 Now we're getting sicker, quicker, We are dying younger, We 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:43.000 are developing, you know, diabetes and all these at young 0:18:43.160 --> 0:18:47.359 ass ages, like, oh my god, so bad, you know. 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:50.480 So we just have to take care of ourselves. Definitely, 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:53.280 go get checked, Go get your heart checked, Go get 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:58.639 just a full body scan. I remember reporting something up 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:01.200 at Breakfast club with Laurenlae Rosa not too long ago. 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:06.520 Duayanne Wade. You know, he he had cancer and he 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:09.000 didn't even know. He just asked his dog. He went 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:10.640 to the doctor and he was just like, yo, check 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:12.159 my whole body. I want to know what's going on 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:14.959 with my whole body everything, like you know, and I 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:18.359 know people who have money have it, you know, where 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:21.520 they can go and get these scans and then pay 0:19:21.560 --> 0:19:24.560 for this shit or whatever. But if there is any 0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:26.520 type of way like you can look into, because there 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:30.200 are certain clinics and facilities that do these body scans 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:34.600 for free or they do take state insurance and insurance 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:37.040