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Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back

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Speaker 1: with yet another carefully reckless episode with your girls.

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Speaker 2: Just hilarious. What do I be doing? I'll be fixing messing.

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Speaker 1: Y'all already know now my girl tailor, like I said,

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Speaker 1: she's out pregnant.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep giving.

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Speaker 1: Y'all weekly updates about Taylor. I don't care because that's

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Speaker 1: my baby. That is my baby, and she having a

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Speaker 1: blood bloody. So this is the second Breakfast Club baby

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Speaker 1: because I had the first one, who's Marley, and she

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Speaker 1: is six months. Yes, I know y'all be wondering how

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Speaker 1: my baby's doing. She good, She good, and she's starting

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Speaker 1: to look like me around the eyes, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Just just a check in on Marlee.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because every time I post the picture, y'all be like, es,

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Speaker 1: Chris needs a paternity test from you.

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Speaker 2: Y'all be trying to say.

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Speaker 1: That my baby don't look like me, and all we

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Speaker 1: got the same blood sight, like if you got the

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Speaker 1: same eyes. She's starting to have the same eyes. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the eye color, because yeah, she

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Speaker 1: got her dad's bright brownish grayish eyes whatever. I don't

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Speaker 1: even know if that's like the final color they're going

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Speaker 1: to be, because they went from gray to hazel so brown.

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Speaker 1: Now they turning gray again, or they may change colors.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure, however. I mean the shape, the shape

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Speaker 1: of the eyes. My baby is starting to look like

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Speaker 1: me around the eye, you know, with the shape the

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Speaker 1: eye shape, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, whatever, So

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Speaker 1: that's why it's tailing out here, because she's dealing with

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Speaker 1: pregnancy and she's just she's getting bigger and bigger, and

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Speaker 1: I'm just going to let her little baby when it

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Speaker 1: gets here. Okay, So this is what we're doing, all right.

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Speaker 1: We don't have any voice memos today. We have written passages,

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Speaker 1: so bear with me. All here we go, Hey, Joss,

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Speaker 1: So I'm kind of going through it. My husband and

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Speaker 1: I have been trying to get pregnant for a year

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Speaker 1: and we're.

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Speaker 2: Starting to lose hope. Oh man, I've.

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Speaker 1: Miscarried twice and I just don't want to keep going

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Speaker 1: through the fields of not ever making it to a

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Speaker 1: full turned pregnancy. I know we're starting to wear my

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Speaker 1: husband down too. I feel the inn It's no one's fault.

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Speaker 1: I guess it's just God's timing. When my husband and

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Speaker 1: I first got married, we talked about kids and we

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Speaker 1: would adopt. We both said, yes, I want to bring

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Speaker 1: that back up, but it's different circumstances, and I don't

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Speaker 1: want him to feel like this is our only option

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Speaker 1: because I still have faith. I just want to see

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Speaker 1: where his head is at with it. Jess, this is

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Speaker 1: just all so overwhelming and so stressful. All I ever

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Speaker 1: wanted to do was be a mom, and I'm just nervous.

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Speaker 2: Girl. I've never really opened up that much about it.

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Speaker 1: So if you decide to read this, I really appreciate

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Speaker 1: you for listening.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: First of all, my heart goes out to you because

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Speaker 1: I do understand how you feel. I can't say I

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Speaker 1: feel how you feel because I've never struggled with that.

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Speaker 1: Like it did take a while for Chris and I

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Speaker 1: to conceive Marley. It was a period where I thought

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Speaker 1: that I couldn't conceive anymore. I didn't know if I

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Speaker 1: had messed my body up in my twenties, and that

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Speaker 1: as a result of that, it wasn't that easy to

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Speaker 1: conceive my daughter, and we planned her.

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Speaker 2: I wanted her, you know, I.

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Speaker 1: Wanted to be able to give Chris a child. I

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Speaker 1: always wanted more children, you know, and it just took

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Speaker 1: a lot longer.

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Speaker 2: For us to conceive Marley. You know.

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Speaker 1: I went for tests, he went for tests, and you know,

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Speaker 1: we never got to the point of blaming each other,

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Speaker 1: you know, And I'm glad you and your husband had

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Speaker 1: an understanding. I don't know if that's what's going on now,

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Speaker 1: because I know it's weighing on you both. But I'm

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Speaker 1: hoping that this is not driving you to a part

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Speaker 1: like this is not dividing your home, you know, and

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Speaker 1: the oneness that you guys have, you know, this is

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Speaker 1: your husband. I hope that you know this, this should

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Speaker 1: bring y'all closer together.

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Speaker 2: You understand what I'm saying. I would want that to

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Speaker 2: be the case.

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Speaker 1: A lot of times, a lot of couples, they don't

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Speaker 1: know how to handle these types of situations. So my

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Speaker 1: heart goes out to you and your husband. Now you've

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Speaker 1: miscarried twice, so it seems as if they you don't

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Speaker 1: have a problem conceiving, you have a problem carrying full term.

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Speaker 2: We don't know what's going on most of the time.

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Speaker 1: A lot of times the doctors don't even know, babes,

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Speaker 1: so like you said, and maybe it's God's timing, because

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Speaker 1: that's exactly what it ended up being in my situation,

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Speaker 1: you know, after getting tested and for all these things going,

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Speaker 1: you know, trying to figure out whether we would have

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Speaker 1: to do IVF.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, yo, how when I've had a baby before.

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Speaker 2: But you know, I was doing so much with me

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Speaker 2: traveling and be doing breakfast club and.

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Speaker 1: Then me having a still. I just it was so

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Speaker 1: much responsibility and there was a lot of stress around that,

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Speaker 1: you know, and me trying to balance work life and

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Speaker 1: mom life and trying to build my family and keep

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Speaker 1: my family together. And then you know, it was just

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Speaker 1: a lot. And I don't know what your profession is,

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Speaker 1: what your husband's profession is, and what you guys career

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Speaker 1: choices are, but it could most certainly be the stress

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Speaker 1: because that is the number one key to a lot

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Speaker 1: of health issues. Stress diet as well, but stress. And

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Speaker 1: a lot of people don't even know when their body

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Speaker 1: is stressed out.

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Speaker 2: It will tell you.

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Speaker 1: And you know, even if it don't tell you right away,

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Speaker 1: you'll feel you'll start feeling certain I don't know, I

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Speaker 1: guess symptoms. I would say you know you would start

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Speaker 1: feeling that, you know, I don't know what it may

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Speaker 1: be for you. But just getting back to the initial advice,

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Speaker 1: talk to your husband, talk to him.

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Speaker 2: That's what I want to say.

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Speaker 1: I want to say that y'all need to stand stronger

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Speaker 1: than ever now, you know, because this is not easy

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Speaker 1: for either one of you, I especially not you. You know,

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Speaker 1: you had to you had two miscarriagters. You had to

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Speaker 1: endure that and even trying again. That can be very

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Speaker 1: discouraging after losing two babies. It could absolutely be discouraging.

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Speaker 1: But I don't want for this to tear up a

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Speaker 1: happy home, a marriage. I do think you should revisit

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Speaker 1: the conversation that you guys talked about before with the adoption,

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Speaker 1: because you said that he was open to it, you know,

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Speaker 1: but you don't want him to feel like you're giving

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Speaker 1: up because you still have faith. Absolutely, But a woman

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Speaker 1: can only put our body through so much, so much more,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And that can have a

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Speaker 1: big effect, of big impact on your body and on

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Speaker 1: your health as well, you know, more miscourages, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I just don't want you to feel like you have

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Speaker 1: to keep putting yourself through this when there are certainly

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Speaker 1: other alternatives, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: And this is just going.

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Speaker 1: Back to that communication factor, sitting down with your husband,

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Speaker 1: because that's your husband. He understands, he's seeing you go

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Speaker 1: through it. Not only did you know he go through it,

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Speaker 1: you went through it as well. And you are the

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Speaker 1: one that was carrying the babies, you know, so he knows. Now, Guys, no,

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Speaker 1: they're not always the brightest bulbs when it comes to

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Speaker 1: you know, women's bodies or whatever. But you married him

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Speaker 1: for a reason. He's with you for a reason, and

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Speaker 1: y'all do everything together. Y'all can't make decisions just for

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Speaker 1: y'allselves anymore. You have to make decisions with him in mind,

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Speaker 1: but also yourself. And I think it's not giving up.

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Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and

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Speaker 2: then we'll be right back.

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Speaker 1: It's not giving up quitting and listen up. At the

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Speaker 1: breakfast club, right we had an interview. Will Packer came up.

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Speaker 1: This was like something that he ministered to me with

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Speaker 1: and I took it as ministry. You know, he was

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Speaker 1: just talking, but I took it as ministry. He said,

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Speaker 1: quitting and giving up are two different things. Giving up

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Speaker 1: is something that I never want to do, giving up.

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Speaker 1: And I know you feel defeated. As defeated as you are,

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Speaker 1: you still don't want to give up because you still

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Speaker 1: want to be a mom. You still want to give

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Speaker 1: that beautiful bundle of joy to your husband. But quitting,

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Speaker 1: quitting is different, you know, quitting is realizing, Okay, maybe

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Speaker 1: this is not for me, Maybe this is going to

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Speaker 1: make things worse. I don't want to cause any more

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Speaker 1: harm to my body, which can you know, because a

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Speaker 1: lot of miscarriages can affect you, affect you a lot.

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Speaker 1: You know, it can affect your body and other ways

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Speaker 1: where something else goes wrong, and you know, you know,

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Speaker 1: you just don't want to sacrifice your body to the

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Speaker 1: point of no return when there are other alternatives and

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Speaker 1: one in which y'all discussed. And I think if you

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Speaker 1: just sit down and you be one hundred percent open

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Speaker 1: with your husband, he will.

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Speaker 2: Definitely see you know, I think.

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Speaker 1: So I think you should update me and just consider

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Speaker 1: the possibility of adoption again, you know, or how about

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Speaker 1: a surrogate, because you never know what you're gonna get

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Speaker 1: when you adopt, right, you know, And I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I hear a lot of.

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Speaker 1: Horror stories when it comes to adoption and you know,

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Speaker 1: things like that, because these kids they grow up and

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Speaker 1: then they do have questions where do I come from?

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Speaker 2: Who am I?

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Speaker 1: And there's someone that actually wrote me because I've been

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Speaker 1: fixing mess for seasons.

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Speaker 2: Okay, if this is season four, I remember in like

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Speaker 2: season two, I believe it was either two or three.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna say two because this is well before I

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Speaker 1: was pregnant, somebody had wrote me about a situation similar,

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Speaker 1: you know to what's going on, and they were going

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Speaker 1: through the same thing, you know, and they ended up

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Speaker 1: going the adoption.

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Speaker 2: Route and they adopted their child.

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Speaker 1: And then you know, he grew up and he felt

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Speaker 1: like he didn't belong where he was, you know, he

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Speaker 1: felt like he didn't belong to them, Like he just

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Speaker 1: knew these are not my real parents.

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Speaker 2: Nobody ever told him that.

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Speaker 1: Nobody ever even talked about adoption in the house, you know,

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Speaker 1: So how would he have known that, you know, but

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Speaker 1: he didn't know.

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Speaker 2: He didn't know that.

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Speaker 1: I can't remember whether it was the mom or the

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Speaker 1: dad writing me, but they were saying that they wanted

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Speaker 1: advice on whether they should help him find his real

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Speaker 1: parents or still just like, you know, they were trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out whether or not they wanted to reveal

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Speaker 1: like they were they weren't his real parents, because he

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Speaker 1: had started asking questions and he was just like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: I don't feel connected to y'all, you know.

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Speaker 2: What I mean in some type of way.

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Speaker 1: And I think that I think it was very real.

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Speaker 1: I think there's a connection at birth, right between a

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Speaker 1: mom and a child. Whether that mom is in the

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Speaker 1: child's life, proceeds to be in the child's life or not,

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Speaker 1: there will always be a connection because this person birthed you,

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Speaker 1: You grew into a baby in their belly. You got

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Speaker 1: shared the same heartbeat, you got shared the same blood.

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Speaker 1: You guys like you are made by this person. You

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Speaker 1: are an extension of a human being that you only

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Speaker 1: get one mother, and whether that person gives you away

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Speaker 1: at birth or not, you will always be connected to.

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Speaker 2: The person that birthed you, right.

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Speaker 1: And so with that child growing up and coming to

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Speaker 1: his adopted parents, like, yo, I really really feel like

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Speaker 1: there's a disconnect between me and this family, Like where

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Speaker 1: am I from?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: And I did give them that advice. My advice to

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Speaker 1: them was yes, definitely, it's absolutely he has it's absolutely

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Speaker 1: only right that you guys go help him find his family,

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Speaker 1: especially if he's feeling a disconnect. He doesn't feel like

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Speaker 1: he belongs. And that's not because they treated him a

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Speaker 1: certain way. They gave him the best of everything, according

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Speaker 1: to them, the story that they both told me, you know,

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Speaker 1: because I can't remember whether it was the mom or

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Speaker 1: the dad, but the story that I got from either

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Speaker 1: one of the parents, they raised him the right way

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Speaker 1: and everything. You know, he had good schools and good

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Speaker 1: threads on his back, and he ate and what provided

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Speaker 1: water and food and everything that.

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Speaker 2: A child will want, toys and everything.

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Speaker 1: You know, he grew up and he just still felt

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Speaker 1: like there that there's somebody that he's connected to, and

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Speaker 1: it ain't them in that house, you know. And so

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Speaker 1: they never gave me an update. But adoption can be

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Speaker 1: a little tricky. But I'm not trying to because oh lord,

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Speaker 1: you're probably gonna be like, I'm so you're totally discouraging

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Speaker 1: me from finding my from adopting, you know, when that

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Speaker 1: may be the only alternative that we can afford. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what you can afford. I don't know, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I do know that there are other alternatives.

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Speaker 1: But then, baby, it may just be God's timing. You know,

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Speaker 1: there's so many factors. You know, you don't know, We

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Speaker 1: never know. But I do think this is the time

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Speaker 1: where you and your husband does not need to divide.

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Speaker 1: Y'all need to come together and stay strong because y'all

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Speaker 1: have to make these decisions together. You know, you have

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Speaker 1: to make these decisions, not by yourself, not only for yourself,

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Speaker 1: you know, Yes, you do come first, because it is

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Speaker 1: your body that's going to house all of this. You know,

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Speaker 1: you're putting your body through this and it can be

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Speaker 1: very tumultuous, you know, but you're gonna need your foundation.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna need your support system, and that is your husband.

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Speaker 1: That should be your husband, you know. So just sit

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Speaker 1: down and talk to him, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: And just get back with me and let me know

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Speaker 1: exactly what the update is.

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Speaker 2: Oh I feel so I feel for you. I feel

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Speaker 2: for you.

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Speaker 1: My heart goes out to you and your husband, and

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Speaker 1: if nobody else told you, I love you, all right,

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Speaker 1: So we moving on. I just want to say right

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Speaker 1: because I think this episode actually speaks to a lot

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Speaker 1: of moms out there, you know, Like I said, I

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Speaker 1: was me and Chris, we didn't. I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: dam it struggling. I'm not going to label it as

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Speaker 1: struggling to have a baby. You know, we were struggling

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Speaker 1: for a while, you know, but it did take us

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Speaker 1: like a good six months to conceive.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: And like I said, I thought it was something wrong

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Speaker 1: with me, and I thought it was something wrong with him.

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Speaker 1: I mean, he thought it was something wrong with him.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I lived wildly in my twenties. Hold up,

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Speaker 1: hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen

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Speaker 1: to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you

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Speaker 1: love me, you'll listen. Immediately, when I could not conceive,

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Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, I couldn't conceive right away?

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Speaker 1: I just thought back to how I treated myself in

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Speaker 1: my twenties, with all the drinking and the drugging and

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Speaker 1: the goddamn playing bees and all of that. You know,

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Speaker 1: that shit fucks you up. People were using playing bees

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Speaker 1: for contraceptives, like I mean, like for.

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Speaker 2: Birth control.

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Speaker 1: Planing bees are not birth control, and then birth control

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Speaker 1: is not even healthy for us.

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Speaker 2: We're putting this shit in our bodies instead of just

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Speaker 2: using condoms and shit. You know. But that's a whole

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Speaker 2: other story for a whole nother time, honey.

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Speaker 1: But what I felt was I fucked myself up so

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Speaker 1: bad that maybe this is me or and you know,

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Speaker 1: I even started thinking like maybe I'm not meant to

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Speaker 1: have anymore kids, you know, But then I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: that wouldn't be right, because God sent me this man

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Speaker 1: after his own heart.

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Speaker 2: You know, my fiance is a very very very serious Christian.

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Speaker 1: He he loves God, Dearly God, fair and man, to

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Speaker 1: say the least, like he we we on our first date.

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Speaker 1: He talked about him wanting to be a father and

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Speaker 1: him wanting to be a husband who takes care and

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Speaker 1: provides for his family. He wants to build an empire

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Speaker 1: and wants to create generational wealth, and he just wants children.

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Speaker 1: He wants to live that life that he dreamed of

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Speaker 1: living ever since he was a young boy, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. And even you know how he grew up,

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Speaker 1: you know, wasn't the best. You know, he was raised

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Speaker 1: by his mom and his grandparents, you know, solely his grandparents.

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Speaker 1: But it was just like he wants, he wants to

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Speaker 1: give his kids what he didn't.

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Speaker 2: Have growing up.

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Speaker 1: And you know that's all I wanted to do even

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Speaker 1: prior to meeting him. I always wanted to give my son,

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Speaker 1: my first son, my Ashton, the life that I didn't

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Speaker 1: have growing up, you know, And that's just always what

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Speaker 1: you want to do as parents, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And if there's something getting in a way of that,

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Speaker 1: it can totally make you feel defeated. Like you know,

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Speaker 1: it's not easy not being able to have children, especially

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Speaker 1: when that's all you want, like that is your desire,

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Speaker 1: your everlasting wish is to make a family and produce,

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Speaker 1: you know, to somebody to carry on your legacy, you know,

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Speaker 1: and when that process is tainted in any way, you

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Speaker 1: start going crazy in your mind. You know, you start

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Speaker 1: thinking and you can and listen, the factors are endless.

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Speaker 2: It could be endless reasons why. You just never know.

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Speaker 2: And that's why you should also take care of yourselves.

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Speaker 1: Definitely take care of yourself, go to the doctors, keep

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Speaker 1: up with your health, your body.

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Speaker 2: You don't know, Like, listen, I'm thirty three years old.

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Speaker 1: I remember back in the day, everybody used to say,

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Speaker 1: not even back in the day, like recently, like just

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Speaker 1: a couple of years back, people was saying, you know,

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Speaker 1: get a mammogram ladies, get your mammograms at forty and guys,

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Speaker 1: get your heart scanning your colonoska fees at forty and no,

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Speaker 1: we gotta start doing that shit in our mid twenties.

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Speaker 1: Or you know, everything is so different. They're changing the

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Speaker 1: shit in our food. They're putting shit in our food,

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Speaker 1: and they're putting shit in the and goddamn beverages and

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Speaker 1: snacks that we eat and everything. Like y'all don't notice

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Speaker 1: that shit is way different. Shit don't even taste the same.

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Speaker 1: No more, shit don't even taste the same. So, like

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Speaker 1: I know, I said, stress is like number one factor

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Speaker 1: of most health issues, and then I did say, diet, Yo,

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Speaker 1: we need to change all of that.

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Speaker 2: We need to change our diets. We need to start fighting.

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Speaker 1: This sounds crazy because when I first met my fiance,

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Speaker 1: he was like, yo, we gotta start farming, like you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: Like when we made it official, he was like, yo,

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Speaker 2: we gotta buy farms.

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Speaker 1: We gotta start like producing our own food, fruits, vegetables

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Speaker 1: and shit, like raising our own cattle and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: Like we have to start going like fishing and cleaning

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Speaker 1: our own fish, and like we have to do that,

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Speaker 1: because they're killing us with this food, slowly but surely.

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Speaker 1: You know, why do you think our fuck kids gotta

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Speaker 1: get so many goddamn shots and shit? Why Because it's

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Speaker 1: just new diseases.

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Speaker 2: Popping up and shit. No, like there has been shit

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Speaker 2: changing forever.

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Speaker 1: You know, over the course of time, they change formulas

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Speaker 1: to shit, they change chemicals, they put different chemicals and

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Speaker 1: shit like in the ocean, and they start fucking.

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Speaker 2: With certain things.

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Speaker 1: And after years and years of us consuming this shit,

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Speaker 1: it has a different effect on us.

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Speaker 2: We start developing these health.

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Speaker 1: Issues that our generations before, our family members before, took

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Speaker 1: a while to developed, forever to developed.

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Speaker 2: And shit, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Now we're getting sicker, quicker, We are dying younger, We

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Speaker 1: are developing, you know, diabetes and all these at young

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Speaker 1: ass ages, like, oh my god, so bad, you know.

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Speaker 1: So we just have to take care of ourselves. Definitely,

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Speaker 1: go get checked, Go get your heart checked, Go get

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Speaker 1: just a full body scan. I remember reporting something up

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Speaker 1: at Breakfast club with Laurenlae Rosa not too long ago.

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Speaker 1: Duayanne Wade. You know, he he had cancer and he

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Speaker 1: didn't even know. He just asked his dog. He went

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Speaker 1: to the doctor and he was just like, yo, check

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Speaker 1: my whole body. I want to know what's going on

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Speaker 1: with my whole body everything, like you know, and I

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00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,359
Speaker 1: know people who have money have it, you know, where

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Speaker 1: they can go and get these scans and then pay

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Speaker 1: for this shit or whatever. But if there is any

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Speaker 1: type of way like you can look into, because there

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Speaker 1: are certain clinics and facilities that do these body scans

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Speaker 1: for free or they do take state insurance and insurance

401
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,040
Speaker 1: that you know that you may feel you don't have

402
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Speaker 1: the best insurance.

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Speaker 2: You can get body scans for free.

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Speaker 1: You just have to look up you know, your local

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Speaker 1: facilities that do so you know, I know there is

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Speaker 1: a place in Memphis that does. I think I think

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Speaker 1: they do something with some type of like leukemia treatments

408
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Speaker 1: for free and you can get a scan for free.

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Speaker 2: You can go and get checked up for free. This

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Speaker 2: is in Memphis.

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Speaker 1: I'll do more search on it, but y'all just take

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Speaker 1: that gem I dropped, and y'all do y'all research to

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Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, definitely take care of

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Speaker 1: yourself for sure. So we're gonna end this episode on

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Speaker 1: that note. Love you guys, take care of yourselves and

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Speaker 1: catch you next week anyway,