1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,640 Speaker 1: I am Yamla. I've been very open about the fact 2 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:09,600 Speaker 1: that I was not always good at making my relationships work. 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: I have been divorced three times, twice from the same person. 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: In other words, I have seen a lot and failed 5 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: a lot in my relationships. So I am here to 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: share with you what I learned along the way because 7 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: I did take copious notes. Welcome to the Our Spot, 8 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 1: a production of shandaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, 9 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Our Spot, the place we come to 10 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: talk about all things relationships in all kinds of relationships. 11 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: Relationships are healing ground, our teaching, the place that serves us, 12 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:09,320 Speaker 1: nurses us, nourishes us, and drives us crazy. And today 13 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: we're shaking things up a little bit. We're going to 14 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 1: do things a little differently, if that's okay, because you know, 15 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: things are always changing in relationships, and as you listen 16 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:24,119 Speaker 1: to the Rspot and our relationship grows and deepens, things 17 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: are going to change and they are changing. So today, 18 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:32,479 Speaker 1: rather than just me talking to you or people calling 19 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: in talking about their problems, We've got a different format today. 20 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: I've got some co hosts, that's right, listeners who are 21 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: going to be joining in with me, and we are 22 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 1: going to be discussing this topic. Allah, the view, Allah, 23 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: the talk, Allah, whatever show it is that you look 24 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: at when there's more than one opinion, more than one 25 00:01:55,880 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: person sharing their insights their experiences. Because I don't know everything, 26 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: and I'm old as hell, not always love to have 27 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: the voice of youngins, youngins who have a different experience, 28 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: a different perspective, a different insight. So my panel today 29 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: is made up of a twenty something, a fifty something, 30 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 1: and then there's me, the eyes and the voice of wisdom. 31 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,440 Speaker 1: And we are discussing a topic today that I have 32 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: gotten so many emails about, so many calls about, And 33 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 1: it's this. I know my partner is cheating, but I 34 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 1: just don't have the proof proof. Why isn't your knowing 35 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: enough proof? Why isn't your feeling enough proof? And why 36 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:52,359 Speaker 1: don't you just ask the question? Well, because nine times 37 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 1: out of ten you'll ask the question and the partner 38 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: may not tell the truth. But does that deny what 39 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: you know? If you ask somebody is your tongue pink 40 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: and they say no, it's green, does that deny the 41 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,520 Speaker 1: fact that you see a pink tongue hanging out their mouth. 42 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: It's a dilemma, and we're gonna talk about it. What 43 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 1: do you do when you know, feel sense, believe your 44 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 1: partner is cheating, but you don't have the proof. You 45 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,920 Speaker 1: don't have the evidence. How do you get the evidence? 46 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 1: What would that evidence be? I remember one time talking 47 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 1: to a guest right here on our spot, and she 48 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: knew her husband was cheating. She found letters, she saw pictures, 49 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: she saw texts, and she kept asking him. He kept 50 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 1: saying it wasn't true, that was just a friend, until 51 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,120 Speaker 1: the day she came home and found them in the 52 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: bed together. Well, was that enough proof for you? Sometimes 53 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 1: we call in things, or we require things, request things 54 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 1: that we need, and I think that's because we don't 55 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: trust what we know. So my co hosts and I 56 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about that today. What do you 57 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 1: do when you know your partner is cheating but you 58 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 1: don't have physical, tangible evidence or proof. Let me bring 59 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:26,880 Speaker 1: in my co hosts. Greetings, my beloved co host, and 60 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,119 Speaker 1: welcome to the R Spot. I think I have Luke 61 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: from Miami and you are a third year medical student 62 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,160 Speaker 1: at Howard Is that right? 63 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, so happy to be here with you. 64 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,720 Speaker 1: I'm so happy to have you here, and then I 65 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,479 Speaker 1: think I have Pat. Pat is a fifty something teacher 66 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,719 Speaker 1: with two adult children. Hey Pat, welcome. 67 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,159 Speaker 3: Hi, Mama I. How are you? 68 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,359 Speaker 1: I am so fine? Oh my god, you call me 69 00:04:54,400 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: mama ia and you fifty? That means I'm really old. 70 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 1: Oh my lord, Please don't tell nobody that. And then 71 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: I have the twenty something. Where are you from, Caira? 72 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 4: I'm actually some Connecticut. I now reside in Charlotte, North Carolina. 73 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,600 Speaker 1: So I want to welcome all of you here today 74 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: as my co host for us to discuss this absolutely 75 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 1: juicy topic of you know your partner is cheating, but 76 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 1: you don't have the evidence. What do you do? What 77 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: do you do? And what would that evidence be? I 78 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:37,000 Speaker 1: want to start with you, Pat, my fifty something. You 79 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:40,160 Speaker 1: know your partner's cheating, but you don't have physical evidence 80 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 1: of proof. What do you do? 81 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 2: What did I do? 82 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 3: I've done absolutely nothing? 83 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 5: Oh because I. 84 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 2: Didn't know what. 85 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 3: Really, I've done absolutely nothing because I didn't know what 86 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:55,159 Speaker 3: to do. I felt it. It was a pattern I've seen, 87 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 3: you know, how he would put me before he would 88 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:02,599 Speaker 3: go like no evidence, but I felt it, and I 89 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 3: didn't do nothing. 90 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 2: Because to be. 91 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,679 Speaker 3: Honest, I didn't have the courage too at that time. 92 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,279 Speaker 1: Ah okay, what was the evidence that you saw? 93 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 3: I felt that he would he would prep me like 94 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 3: a week before, you know, he started telling me stories 95 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,120 Speaker 3: like hey, you know, uh, such and such as I'm 96 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 3: having a party and uh you know, you know, me 97 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,159 Speaker 3: and the guys were going to go out, and so 98 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 3: it'll start that Monday. You know, the preparation too. We 99 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 3: go and so like on Friday when he was about 100 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 3: to go, he'll pull his clothes. Hey, you like this 101 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,359 Speaker 3: with you know what I have on? I wanted, you know, 102 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 3: could you earn my shirt for me? And all week 103 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 3: was leading up to this Friday and going out and 104 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 3: I said, oh, so who are you going with? Oh? 105 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,280 Speaker 3: Just me and uh you know, brush it off, Oh 106 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 3: just me and such and such Me in Holland was 107 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,279 Speaker 3: just going and I'm oh, okay. So I would ask questions, 108 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 3: so is uh they bringing their wives? I don't know. 109 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 3: Maybe maybe still would be there, I don't know. So 110 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 3: he would just and I'm like, okay, this ain't no boys. Sure, 111 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,520 Speaker 3: this ain't no boys going out there, And it would 112 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 3: happen and. 113 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 1: He would go and stay all weekend. 114 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, he would, he would he would go stay that that, 115 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 3: He'll go Friday, come home Saturday. Yeah, because you know 116 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 3: when well, you know we're going to go to dinner 117 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 3: and were able to you know, this African spot and 118 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 3: then we're going to do this, and so he would 119 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 3: lay it out for me and you know, there was 120 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 3: a prep and then you know, and so you know, 121 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 3: but I'm I'm I'm calling you everywhere on the day. Okay, 122 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 3: it was a pattern. 123 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, Luke, Yes, what do you think? You know 124 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 1: your partner is cheating, but you don't have evidence. What 125 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 1: do you do? 126 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 2: You know, I think about the premise of the question, right, 127 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 2: it's saying that you don't have the evidence, but it's true, 128 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 2: we have the evidence. The evidence is our soul, right, 129 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 2: listening to our soul, how do we feel tapping in? 130 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 2: And so that misalignment, you know, even miss pat you know, 131 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 2: as she mentioned, there was some patterns that she can 132 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 2: trace back to whether or not you want to acknowledge 133 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 2: the evidence that everdence is actually there. You know, there 134 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 2: there's a biblical scripture that says, you know, faith is 135 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 2: the faith is the substance of things hoped for, and 136 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 2: the evidence of things not seen. So even though you 137 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 2: don't have the evidence to actually cling to, you know, 138 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 2: the manifestation of the evidence is really after the fact, right, 139 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 2: And so when I think about clinging to the evidence, 140 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 2: I think that that's sort of old news at that point. 141 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 2: It's most it's more and so about where are you 142 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 2: and how are you going to redirect yourself? You know, 143 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 2: in this misalignment that you feel, right, how are you 144 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 2: going to communicate this misalignment and what can you trace 145 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,839 Speaker 2: back to in your uh, in your history with this 146 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 2: person to really dig deep right and really listen in 147 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 2: and figure out your next steps forward. 148 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,679 Speaker 1: M Well, miss pat said she didn't have the courage, 149 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,560 Speaker 1: and we're gonna we're gonna dig into what you just offered, Luke, 150 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: but let me go the kiro a full minute. She's young, 151 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: You are young, and yes, what do you do young? 152 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: And if you think your partner is cheating but you 153 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 1: don't have evidence. 154 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 4: I would say, honestly, kind of piggybacking off of what 155 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,440 Speaker 4: mister Luke was saying, I kind of feel like, you know, 156 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 4: I am young, so I haven't had it as many 157 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 4: experiences as you guys have had, But I feel like 158 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 4: we all kind of have, you know, women's intuition, and 159 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 4: that's just something like the signs are there, you know, 160 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 4: so it's like you act like they're not because you're 161 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 4: you're so in love and you just kind of, you know, 162 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 4: ignore the signs. But they're always there, you know, and 163 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 4: you just kind of have to be careful. And you know, 164 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,320 Speaker 4: as I get older, I'm gonna you know, grow from 165 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 4: those experiences because I know I probably will have them, 166 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 4: you know. So I think it's just definitely a lot 167 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,559 Speaker 4: of having women's intuition for sure. That's how I feel. 168 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 1: Well, what about a man. I'm gonna come to you, Luke, 169 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 1: what about a man? What about because mss Chira said, 170 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: h women's intuition. Do men have intuition that let them know, Okay, 171 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: something's off here? 172 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, you know, in terms of you know, I 173 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 2: think sometimes we get so bottled into the masculine energy 174 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 2: and the feminine energy. But intuition is really about building 175 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 2: up that inner voice. It's about building up that soul 176 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 2: voice and turning up the valume on that. So you know, 177 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,440 Speaker 2: I'm very spiritual in the sense that I can detect 178 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,200 Speaker 2: and I am very aware of you know, just anyone 179 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,679 Speaker 2: in the room, how they're feeling, how to connect with people. 180 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 2: And so it's really about really connecting with yourself. And 181 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:42,320 Speaker 2: if you've done that work to really connect with yourself 182 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 2: and you know that, hey, something is wrong here, you 183 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 2: may not be able to actually put together all the 184 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 2: words and cobble together all the words, but if you 185 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: know that, you know there's something that's just you know, 186 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 2: there's just something at the pit of your stomach. It 187 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 2: won't let you fully digest your meals, or it won't 188 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 2: let you you know, just just can't let you hold 189 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 2: your sleep or your peace. That's what you have to 190 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 2: actually dig into. And so you know, I think men, 191 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 2: just as women, you know, we do have that intuition. 192 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 2: I just think that you know, through a culturation and 193 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 2: just through what we see in the media, we don't 194 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 2: often allow for men to really tap into that. Right, 195 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 2: It's more about raising that awareness and also raising and 196 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 2: cultivating that space for those opportunities so that so that 197 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,839 Speaker 2: voice can really have some breath, you know, it's really suffocated. 198 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 1: Well that's a juicy way to look at it, and 199 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: we're going to look at more right after this. Welcome 200 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,200 Speaker 1: back to the r Spot. I've got three co hosts 201 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,680 Speaker 1: on with me today and we're discussing what to do 202 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:04,320 Speaker 1: when you think your partner cheating. Miss pat, let me 203 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: come back to you, because one of my questions was 204 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 1: going to be what is a sign of cheating? Because 205 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: you said that your partner kind of created this pattern. 206 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: So when he came to you to say, oh, I'm 207 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 1: going to help them load the cars up, or we're 208 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: going on the boy's trip, talk to me about what 209 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,720 Speaker 1: was going on inside of you? Was it something you heard, 210 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,800 Speaker 1: did you feel something? What was happening with you? 211 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 3: I felt I felt every bit of it. And here's 212 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 3: what I said to him. 213 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 5: One time. 214 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 3: I said to him, I said, I can feel another 215 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,199 Speaker 3: person between us. 216 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: So you felt you felt the presence of the other person. 217 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,280 Speaker 1: You felt the Yeah, because everything is energy, So if 218 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: your partner is out intimately involved with somebody else, they're 219 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,439 Speaker 1: going to bring that energy right to your bed. So 220 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,679 Speaker 1: you felt the energy. Now, when when you said that 221 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 1: to him, what did he say? 222 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 2: He got to feet. 223 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:08,199 Speaker 3: He immediately got defensive immediately, and I said it very 224 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 3: calmly I can and he's I was like, He's liked, 225 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 3: what do you mean? What are you talking? About I said, 226 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 3: I can feel there's someone here, there's someone else between us, 227 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 3: I said, energetically, I can feel her, I specifically said her, 228 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 3: and he just I don't want to talk about you know, 229 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 3: you know, you just want to start today. No, I 230 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,920 Speaker 3: don't want to start to day hunt. 231 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,199 Speaker 5: This is this is. 232 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,199 Speaker 2: Exactly how I feel. 233 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 3: I said, this is a strong feeling. M And you 234 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:38,719 Speaker 3: know the conversation with miss did. 235 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: Miss Kira, you're young, But what do you think would 236 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 1: be a sign of cheating that your partner was cheating. 237 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: We're gonna look at the signs. What do you think 238 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 1: your sign would be? 239 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 4: I feel like just a change of like patterns. I 240 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 4: would say, just like, you know, you're doing things that 241 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 4: you normally wouldn't do or like out of the ordinary. 242 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,320 Speaker 4: That would kind of make me like, you know, question 243 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 4: you know why you're doing that. I think that would 244 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:13,120 Speaker 4: be a sign M. 245 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:18,960 Speaker 1: So, a feeling, a change in pattern. Mister Luke, what 246 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 1: do you think a sign of cheating would be. 247 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 2: One sign of cheating is coldness, this callous, you know, irritable, 248 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 2: easily to feel irritated by the other person, agitated just 249 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 2: by any little thing, right, could just be the way 250 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 2: they chew their food, or you know the way that 251 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:45,600 Speaker 2: they may you know, tie their shoelaces, just any little 252 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 2: thing that you're kind of nitpicking about this person. Whereas 253 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,480 Speaker 2: you know, we in the honeymoon phase, everything that that 254 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 2: person did just rub you in the best way, right. 255 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,840 Speaker 2: It just always filled you up. You know, their smile, 256 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 2: their laughter, everything, just the topics of conversation just brightens 257 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 2: you up and put you up in that one hundred percent. 258 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 2: But when you start to feel like, wow, this person 259 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 2: doesn't really like me as much. They say that they 260 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 2: love me, but when they don't really like me as much, 261 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 2: that's when you can kind of start to since that coldness. 262 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 2: You know that that wedge I feel is really a 263 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,600 Speaker 2: good sign that you can kind of detect. 264 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 1: You know, in relationships, I think one of the challenges 265 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:41,400 Speaker 1: is that we forget about the exchange of energy. You know, 266 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,480 Speaker 1: when you're intimate with someone, when you're close to someone, 267 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: when you're breathing the same man, sharing the same sheets, 268 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:52,880 Speaker 1: there's an energetic exchange. And anytime, as ms Pat said, 269 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 1: you inject another energy into that, it's going you're going 270 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: to feel it in the space. Let me ask you this, 271 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 1: have you ever thought or accused someone of cheating only 272 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 1: to find out that you were wrong. Yes, has that 273 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 1: ever happened to anybody? Yes? Tell me do Tail do Tail? 274 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 1: I had Miss Kyra. 275 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 276 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 4: So in my relationship that I'm in currently, I've had 277 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:26,520 Speaker 4: experiences like you know, in the past where I actually 278 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 4: you know, I'm young, so I don't know if this 279 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 4: should be taken seriously, but guys have talked to, you know, 280 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 4: other other girls, and you know, back then that was 281 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 4: huge for me. So I feel like now me with 282 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 4: my boyfriend currently the father of my child, Uh, sometimes 283 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 4: I I kind of think that he's going to cheat 284 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 4: on me or you know, so I feel like I 285 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 4: kind of like prevent him from doing things when I 286 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 4: kind of just need to let him be him, you know, 287 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 4: because he hasn't done anything to make me feel like 288 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 4: he would cheat on me, you know what I mean. 289 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 4: So it's like I feel like I've kind of carried 290 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 4: that into my now relationships. 291 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,200 Speaker 1: So you accused, but you were wrong. 292 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:15,159 Speaker 4: Right, Yeah? Like okay, So like we I would go 293 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,480 Speaker 4: through his phone and things like that, and there are 294 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,199 Speaker 4: girls in his phone, but it's previous to when we 295 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 4: got together. But it's just me even seeing and I'm like, oh, 296 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 4: you're still engaging with these women, Like I've said that 297 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,639 Speaker 4: to him before and he's like no, and he hasn't 298 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,120 Speaker 4: done anything currently. But it's just the fact that I'm 299 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,040 Speaker 4: even seeing it, you know what I mean, It just 300 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:37,920 Speaker 4: kind of put the bad taste in my mouth. So 301 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 4: I feel like that is something that I need to 302 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,240 Speaker 4: work on because he hasn't done anything to make me 303 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,399 Speaker 4: feel like he would actually, you know, cheat on me. 304 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 1: I want to talk about this whole concept of cheating 305 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: for a moment, all right, Let's see if we can 306 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:59,400 Speaker 1: put the pieces together, because it could be physical cheating, 307 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 1: it could be emotional cheating, it could be something else. 308 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 1: I don't know what else. It would be just that 309 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:13,439 Speaker 1: someone isn't fully present in the relationship. Maybe they's spending 310 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,200 Speaker 1: more time, you know, it was at the baseball game 311 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 1: or at the pool room or the bar. So how 312 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,080 Speaker 1: when you think about cheating, mister Luke, when you think 313 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 1: about cheating, tell me what you how you define that? 314 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 2: I think that's a really good establishing point. Right Defining 315 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 2: cheating is very important because right now, you know, cheating 316 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,240 Speaker 2: has you know, created a lot there's a lot of 317 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 2: spaces right for cheating and as you said, right, we 318 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,959 Speaker 2: can spend more time in the office instead of actually 319 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 2: coming home. Even just this just sitting in your driveway, 320 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 2: some people feel guilty about They may not actually want 321 00:18:56,240 --> 00:19:00,040 Speaker 2: to just leave their cars and turn their key and 322 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 2: open the door into their homes. Right, is that cheating? 323 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 2: I think that when we talk about intimacy and we 324 00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 2: talk about that one to one, you know, relationship. Cheating 325 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:21,879 Speaker 2: to me is any any distraction or any distraction that 326 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:29,400 Speaker 2: is being used intentionally to to drive a wedge between 327 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 2: you and that person. 328 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,960 Speaker 1: Hold it right there, hold it right there, hold it 329 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 1: right there, hold it right there. Any distraction being used 330 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 1: intentionally to drive a wedge between you and your partner 331 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:52,119 Speaker 1: or disrupt the harmony of the relationship. Wow, wow, mispath, 332 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: how do you define cheating? Mispath? 333 00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 3: Different distractions that you intentionally do rather than SWI friends 334 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 3: or family or I don't know your basketball games. You know, 335 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:11,960 Speaker 3: when you're not present in a relationship, Okay, that is 336 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:13,920 Speaker 3: that is a that is a cheating for me, when 337 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 3: you're not present when we when there's obviously a different 338 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:23,920 Speaker 3: energy between us. You know, it's something that you rather 339 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 3: do than than to be present in this in this 340 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 3: intimate relationship. 341 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:34,600 Speaker 1: Mmm, So cheating doesn't always have to involve sex. It 342 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 1: can involve talking, It can involve just absence, not being present, 343 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,880 Speaker 1: not wanting to be intimate. I love what mister Luke 344 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:49,440 Speaker 1: said about about the coldness. Yes, about the coldness. Yeah, okay, 345 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 1: So let's think hypothetically now, so that your partner's being 346 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:59,560 Speaker 1: cold to you. Your partners, you know, because for some people, 347 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: they with their job, their job becomes their other partner work, 348 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,639 Speaker 1: and the job becomes the other partner. So they're cold. 349 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 1: They're working all the time. They they aren't present in 350 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 1: the relationship. Something's always more important than the relationship. What 351 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,520 Speaker 1: do you think is the first thing you need to 352 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:25,280 Speaker 1: do to address this issue before you accuse them of 353 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,399 Speaker 1: having another person? What would you say would be the 354 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:34,080 Speaker 1: first thing they need to do? Because some people cheat 355 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,880 Speaker 1: with their cell phone, they cheat with Facebook and Twitter 356 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:41,200 Speaker 1: and all of them things. What would you like to do? 357 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,760 Speaker 3: I would ask, we would have a conversation and I 358 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,679 Speaker 3: would I would ask my you know how it's been 359 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 3: significant other What is it that you need? Is it 360 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 3: something that that's missing, Because a lot of time to 361 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:01,280 Speaker 3: be something missing, It don't necessarily mean it's you in them. 362 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:05,240 Speaker 3: What is it that you need, m that. 363 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: You need for what? Because they may need they may 364 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: need a biscuit and some cheese in that moment. But 365 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,919 Speaker 1: when you say, what is it that you need? 366 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 3: Meanie, what is it that you need that's keeping you 367 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 3: so distracted or you have to be so you know, 368 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 3: involved in your Facebook, your Twitter? Whatever? 369 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:22,679 Speaker 5: Is it? 370 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 3: Because you're something that is missing? What is missing from you? 371 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,159 Speaker 3: Is it something that we can work on talk about? 372 00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:33,399 Speaker 3: Is it something that you can but you you know, 373 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,399 Speaker 3: what you need for yourself because a lot of it 374 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:36,240 Speaker 3: don't be It will. 375 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,399 Speaker 2: Always be the other person. Okay, so we would have 376 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 2: a conversation. 377 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 1: Okay, conversation mister Luke, what do you think is the 378 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 1: first thing you. 379 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:45,200 Speaker 2: Need to do? 380 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 5: Yeah? 381 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 2: I think Miss pat draws a really powerful point right 382 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 2: when she asked what is it that you need? I 383 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,640 Speaker 2: think really at the heart of that question is how 384 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,160 Speaker 2: can I continue to be your breath of fresh air? 385 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 2: Right when we start to join into this intimacy, this 386 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:09,200 Speaker 2: relationship with the other, Right, it's mostly about expanding your 387 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 2: breath and fresh air. 388 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 3: Right. 389 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,879 Speaker 2: You want that person to continually be your breath and 390 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 2: fresh air and not be the point of suffocation. So 391 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 2: the fact that they are turning to alternate you know, 392 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:28,119 Speaker 2: resources or alternate you know pieces objects or distractors, that 393 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:31,960 Speaker 2: means that there's something about what we're doing, something about 394 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,520 Speaker 2: how we're operating. The point and the manifesto of what 395 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,600 Speaker 2: we're doing has shifted, right, And so now the question is, 396 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 2: you know, let's recalibrate here in this moment, and let's 397 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 2: realign together in this moment, and let's find out how 398 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 2: we can continually be the point of refreshment. You know, 399 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,360 Speaker 2: I think about just like a river that's flowing, right. 400 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 2: We want to not be a point of blockage, right. 401 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,359 Speaker 2: I don't want to be something that you feel like, 402 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 2: you know, you can't come to me for things. Where 403 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:11,520 Speaker 2: can we find solace in one another and continue to 404 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 2: be so so it's more about redirecting, I think is 405 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:16,040 Speaker 2: really at the heart. 406 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:23,520 Speaker 1: Okay, and we'll talk about that when we come back. 407 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:38,840 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the R spot for those who are 408 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: just joining us. We're talking today about feeling, sensing, knowing 409 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 1: that your partner is cheating, but you're looking for or 410 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 1: you need or you require physical tangible evidence. And I've 411 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,679 Speaker 1: got three co hosts with me today mister Luke, a 412 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 1: medical student, Ms Pat a fifty something teacher, and the 413 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 1: young miss Caira. And so we're talking about that. We're 414 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:07,159 Speaker 1: going to continue our conversation. I want to offer a 415 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 1: little coaching here if I can, because the question was, 416 00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: what's the first thing you need to do when you 417 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:18,080 Speaker 1: see sense suspect that your partner is cheating? What's the 418 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: first thing? For me? The first thing would be to 419 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:28,440 Speaker 1: have a conversation and share your experience because so very 420 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 1: often in relationships, we're having a relationship with a person 421 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 1: that they are not having with us. Okay, we think 422 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 1: the relationship should look like this, feel like this, be 423 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:45,240 Speaker 1: like this. What mister Luke said about recalibrating, the other 424 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 1: person may not even know that the relationship is no 425 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 1: longer calibrated. So I would offer that the first thing 426 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:58,560 Speaker 1: is to share the experience before you accuse, before you 427 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:05,359 Speaker 1: become offensive, before you make any leaps in the consciousness. Listen, 428 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 1: I'm noticing that our pattern has changed. I'm noticing that 429 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 1: our communication is off, and it feels to me like 430 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 1: there's something going on with you. Is it something going 431 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,879 Speaker 1: on that we can talk about? Because as I share, 432 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,360 Speaker 1: as I reflect, back, this is different. That's different. You're 433 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: doing this, you're doing that, and then I'd be very 434 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:36,520 Speaker 1: interested in the person's response. Miss Pat shared she told 435 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 1: her husband, I can feel the person, and he became 436 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:47,120 Speaker 1: defensive and denied. So what do you do? I want 437 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: to put this on the table for everybody. What do 438 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: you do when you open up share your experience or 439 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:59,440 Speaker 1: your awareness or your feeling, not making them wrong, not accusing, 440 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,879 Speaker 1: but you share your experience and they deny it. What 441 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:08,360 Speaker 1: did you do? Miss Back? You've found the experience. 442 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 3: I'll tell you what I did. I went in within. 443 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,439 Speaker 3: I went within? 444 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: And what did that look like? 445 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 3: That looked like introspection? That looked like awareness? Hey, Pat, 446 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 3: what's going on? 447 00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:21,919 Speaker 2: Girl? You know exactly what? 448 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,760 Speaker 3: You ain't going like? You know that? What you don't know? 449 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:29,920 Speaker 1: I like, you don't know. You're acting like you don't 450 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,520 Speaker 1: know what you do know what. 451 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:32,560 Speaker 2: I do know exactly? 452 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,840 Speaker 3: So I went into prayer, I went into meditation. I said, father, 453 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,440 Speaker 3: I need some courage. 454 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:38,679 Speaker 2: That's what I need. 455 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:43,040 Speaker 3: H Because I was I was with a I was 456 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 3: with the habitual chronic liar. So I said, I said, father, 457 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 3: I need some courage. I need some courage to be 458 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 3: able to hold myself up within myself so I can 459 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 3: move forward. 460 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:56,719 Speaker 2: That's what I did. 461 00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 3: I kept watching. An elder in the in the neighborhood 462 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,000 Speaker 3: was saying to me one time, she said, you know 463 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,120 Speaker 3: I knew my husband? Was she know me all the time? 464 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:04,359 Speaker 4: You know? 465 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:04,640 Speaker 2: Pay? 466 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 3: She said, you know what I used to do? She 467 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,159 Speaker 3: just I used to get his clothes ready. 468 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 2: He said, I would get. 469 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 1: His hold ready. 470 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,880 Speaker 3: She said, I would get his clothes ready. She said, 471 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,879 Speaker 3: while he's like, well, why are you keep getting me 472 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,680 Speaker 3: ready to go out? She said, is ain't you going? 473 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,640 Speaker 2: She said, every she said he would go, I would 474 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,480 Speaker 2: get this case, she said, so, she said. 475 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,160 Speaker 3: Soon later she said, he stopped. He stopped going. 476 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,040 Speaker 1: Mister Luke, what do you do when you know it, 477 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:33,120 Speaker 1: you feel it, you sense it, you have the conversation, 478 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 1: you share your experience, and the person denies it. 479 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,280 Speaker 2: I think that the best thing to do when face 480 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 2: with someone who is denying it, that just goes to 481 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 2: show that the person is essentially they really don't want 482 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 2: to hurt you. They don't want to face the music, 483 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,360 Speaker 2: they don't want to face the truth. And so what 484 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 2: you have to do is really create a continue to 485 00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,440 Speaker 2: create a safe space you know, for that relationship, because 486 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 2: you know there's really no way out but out right. 487 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 2: And so what you have to do is one figure 488 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,080 Speaker 2: out what you want to do in the relationship. You know, 489 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,880 Speaker 2: do you want to stay in this relationship? You want 490 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 2: to continue to create this narrow blinder? You know, if 491 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,240 Speaker 2: I don't see it, it's not coming in my house. 492 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 2: It's really about how do you want to continue to 493 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:30,960 Speaker 2: create the reality of your uh, create the reality around 494 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 2: your senses and your emotional awareness, because if you continue 495 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 2: to turn down the volume of your inner soul, it'll 496 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 2: just start to chip away at who you are. It is, 497 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,840 Speaker 2: start to chip away at your own alignment. So it's 498 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,800 Speaker 2: really about, Okay, can I am I going to wait 499 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 2: for this person to bring me the truth? Or am 500 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 2: I going to create a safe space in the relationship 501 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,560 Speaker 2: so that we can continue to be honest and truthful 502 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 2: with one another. And once I receive the and see 503 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 2: the evidence, we can then chart a path forward. Hmm. 504 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,320 Speaker 1: So what I'm hearing you say and all of those words, 505 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,320 Speaker 1: I'm gonna break it down for our listeners. When you 506 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,120 Speaker 1: know you know, the question becomes what do you choose 507 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,880 Speaker 1: to do about it? When you know you know, because 508 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 1: nobody's gonna say, yeah, I got another somebody over on 509 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,720 Speaker 1: the side because they give me something new. Nobody's gonna 510 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 1: say that. No, And unless you catch them red handed, 511 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,800 Speaker 1: chances are they're just going to be in denial. Miss 512 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,000 Speaker 1: miss kiro let me ask you. I don't know if 513 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,720 Speaker 1: you've had this experience. I'm ana, I'm gonna reframe your question. 514 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna reframe your question just a little bit. Okay, 515 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 1: you have, you have the conversation, you share your experience, 516 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,480 Speaker 1: they deny it, and then the next day, you know, 517 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: I don't know if you know who Nancy Wilson is. 518 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,760 Speaker 1: She she was a famous jazz singer and she sang 519 00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:01,720 Speaker 1: this song about guess who I saw today. So you 520 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: have the conversation with the person, they deny it, and 521 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 1: the next day, you mine in your business going to 522 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:11,680 Speaker 1: the mall and they're at the outdoor restaurant. You see 523 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 1: your partner with another person. What do you do at 524 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,200 Speaker 1: Miss twenty something? What do you do? 525 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,280 Speaker 4: Oh? 526 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:22,320 Speaker 3: What do I do? 527 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,880 Speaker 4: I think at that point? And this is kind of, 528 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:28,880 Speaker 4: you know, piggybacking off of what you guys have been saying. 529 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 4: It's really just about like me making a choice for 530 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 4: myself and my mental health if this is am I 531 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,400 Speaker 4: going to continue to deal with this? Or am I 532 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 4: going to do with us for me and my baby? 533 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:45,080 Speaker 4: And you know, let the situation go. You know, like 534 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:49,840 Speaker 4: it really just comes down to that. For me in 535 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 4: that moment, I would, you know, obviously, be very hurt 536 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 4: and upset. And it's easier said than done to just leave, 537 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,440 Speaker 4: you know, a situation that you know that you are 538 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:03,360 Speaker 4: really invested in. But I think it's just really you know, 539 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:07,000 Speaker 4: about making a decision. You know, it's just like they 540 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,280 Speaker 4: made a decision to cheat. You have to make a 541 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,320 Speaker 4: decision about what's best for you. 542 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,680 Speaker 1: So do you walk over and let them, let your 543 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,760 Speaker 1: partner know you saw him. Do you walk over and 544 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 1: let your partner know, maybe introduce yourself. Do you do that? 545 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 4: I feel like I would. I feel like I would 546 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 4: go over there and say something, but my energy would 547 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 4: not be directed towards the girl. It would definitely be directed. Yeah, 548 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 4: I would definitely make a conscious effort of that because 549 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 4: she it's not my issue isn't with you, It's with him, 550 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 4: you know what I mean. So that's something that I 551 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:44,600 Speaker 4: know that I have to be aware of. 552 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:50,920 Speaker 1: So many people my age and younger need to understand 553 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: that because they go after the other person as opposed 554 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,400 Speaker 1: to going after their partner. Mispat do you make yourself known? 555 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 1: Do you introduce yourself to to the to the person. 556 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 3: No to no to my significant other? Yes, after I wouldn't. 557 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,239 Speaker 3: I have nothing to do with that woman. That's none 558 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 3: of my business. 559 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:13,640 Speaker 1: Okay, mister loop, do you do you introduce yourself and 560 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 1: let your partner know that you've seen them? 561 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 5: Honestly, I'm very non confrontational, to be quite honest with you, 562 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:27,680 Speaker 5: I most likely just, you know, just walk away, really 563 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 5: because at that point, you know, it's really it's really 564 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 5: just confirmation and what introducing yourself and you know, and 565 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 5: letting making yourself known is it's not necessarily going to 566 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,240 Speaker 5: shift the needle too much, right, It's more mostly about 567 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,960 Speaker 5: I saw this, this is what I saw, and you know, 568 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,480 Speaker 5: I would just kind of walk away and just take 569 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 5: a deep breath and just kind of keep planning. You know, 570 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 5: I'm very strategical about a lot of what I do. 571 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,640 Speaker 1: Well, I'm glad to hear that from a man's point 572 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,640 Speaker 1: of view, because as a woman, I would walk right 573 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,839 Speaker 1: up to the table and introduce myself. I certainly would. 574 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,839 Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, I have done it. I 575 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:22,440 Speaker 1: have done it. Walk right up and introduce myself. Forget 576 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:25,720 Speaker 1: my shopping at the mall. I would be home packing 577 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,800 Speaker 1: your clothes and they would be out on the front 578 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,399 Speaker 1: lawn and the lock would be changed when you got there. 579 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: Now that's just me. I'm a woman. But I thank 580 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:36,440 Speaker 1: you for your perspective, mister Luke. No, no, m you 581 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 1: don't get the Well, the other thing I would really 582 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,640 Speaker 1: want to do. The reason I would go to the 583 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,480 Speaker 1: table is because I want to know who you are. 584 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,080 Speaker 1: You could be a friend from work, you could be 585 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,560 Speaker 1: a coworker, you could be a business partner. So I'm 586 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,440 Speaker 1: going to do what mister Luke said. I'm going to 587 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 1: observe for a moment. I want to see how y'all 588 00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,920 Speaker 1: are talking, what y'all are doing. Are you sitting across 589 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,400 Speaker 1: from each other, next to which other? I want to 590 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:05,000 Speaker 1: kind of get a sense of that conversation because I 591 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,520 Speaker 1: don't want to make a fool out of myself. And 592 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:09,440 Speaker 1: then I'm going to walk right over and I'm going 593 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 1: to introduce myself and I'm going to ask the other person, hi, 594 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,560 Speaker 1: and you are yeah, I certainly am, because I'm not 595 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,040 Speaker 1: going to give you the space you see. For me, 596 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:28,920 Speaker 1: choice is the sacred geometry of power. How I put 597 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 1: my choices together, and the actions that I take in 598 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,920 Speaker 1: making a choice is going to either empower me or 599 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 1: disempower me. Now, if I don't get clear about who 600 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,239 Speaker 1: this person is, you've already lied to me. I sense it, 601 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:46,680 Speaker 1: I see it, I feel it, I know it. I've 602 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 1: raised with you my experience. You've either ignored, diminished, dismissed, 603 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:55,040 Speaker 1: or denied. Now I see you with you, know Shaquita 604 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 1: at the outdoor cafe. I'm not going to give you 605 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 1: the opportunity to lie to me again. I'm gonna walk 606 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,400 Speaker 1: right up to you, Hey, sweetie, how you doing? Maybe 607 00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,239 Speaker 1: kiss you on your forehead, and I'm gonna turn to 608 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:09,560 Speaker 1: the other person and I'm gonna say I'm as I 609 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 1: am so and so his wife, and your name is 610 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:17,120 Speaker 1: oh okay, and enjoy your lunch. Now that's just me. 611 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:21,520 Speaker 1: Now that's confrontation. I don't know, but I'm I'm going 612 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:26,480 Speaker 1: to find out who you are. Now that's just me, okay. 613 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 1: And like you said, mister Luke, it is confirmation. And 614 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,800 Speaker 1: if I had been doing what miss pat was doing, 615 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,840 Speaker 1: which is praying for clarity, praying for direction, praying for courage, 616 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,920 Speaker 1: and two days later this thing would be revealed to me. 617 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,399 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, thank you God. Here it is. Here's 618 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,080 Speaker 1: the clarity, this is what I prayed for. But that's 619 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:53,640 Speaker 1: just me. I'm all pay me no mind. So that's 620 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:57,040 Speaker 1: it for today's episode of the Art Spot. We've talked 621 00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:00,600 Speaker 1: a lot today about some signs and you have a 622 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:04,560 Speaker 1: cheating partner and the roadmap you should take if you 623 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:08,839 Speaker 1: feel your partner is cheating on you, But how can 624 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 1: you move forward after the cheating is exposed. Join me 625 00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:17,040 Speaker 1: and my co host and panelists next week as we 626 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:21,880 Speaker 1: dive into that part of the soup. In the meantime, 627 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:28,279 Speaker 1: stay in peace and not in piece it Fine. The 628 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:32,319 Speaker 1: r Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 629 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:37,480 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the 630 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:42,279 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 631 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:43,000 Speaker 1: favorite show.