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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine. Oh hate Chelsea. I was with my sister

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Speaker 1: in San Francisco, caretaking for her because she had that

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Speaker 1: surgical procedure. Oh my god. I was such a good nurse.

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, yeah, she has this huge scar

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Speaker 1: down her back which was really gnarly, and I was

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Speaker 1: like listen. I was up there for ten days over Thanksgiving,

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Speaker 1: in between my tour dates, and I was able to

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Speaker 1: like be there for her, which was very meaningful. But

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Speaker 1: right away I was like, let's get into some physical therapy.

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Speaker 1: Like I brought bands, I had my like pilates ring,

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Speaker 1: I had like very light weights. She's like, Chelsea. They

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Speaker 1: told me not to do anything for six to eight weeks,

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Speaker 1: like you're not a doctor. I'm like, bitch, I am

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Speaker 1: a fucking doctor. And until the physical therapist, because we

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Speaker 1: had to wait to find a pt that could come.

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Speaker 1: She was gonna wait a month to go to physical therapy.

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Speaker 1: Finally I found, you know, through my assistant. She found

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Speaker 1: somebody to come over to her apartment. Right away gave

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Speaker 1: her every single exercise that I gave her. The physical

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Speaker 1: therapist is like, now you do, and she's looking at me.

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Speaker 1: She goes, oh my god, you are a doctor, And

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Speaker 1: I was like, I am a doctor, Simone, Okay, you

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Speaker 1: need to follow my lead. You need to keep your

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Speaker 1: at moving at all times. That's how you gain strength.

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Speaker 1: That's why they make you like get up after you know,

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Speaker 1: six hours after the worst, most gnarly surgeries. They make

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Speaker 1: you You've got to get up right away. It's not

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Speaker 1: like forty years ago, you know what I mean, Like,

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Speaker 1: you have to build strength. And we'd go for walks

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Speaker 1: each day. We would add a thousand steps and by

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Speaker 1: the time I left, we walked over the Golden Gate

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Speaker 1: Bridge together and Shoppy, oh my god. Yeah, she was

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Speaker 1: in great shape. She's like, wow, you really know what

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Speaker 1: you're talking about. I was like, yeah, I do. She's

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Speaker 1: a medical professional everyone, and I know you have a

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Speaker 1: cold this week. But we actually recorded most of this

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Speaker 1: episode with Otsko a few weeks ago when we were

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Speaker 1: all in the throes of midterm elections. Uh, Chelsea, I

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Speaker 1: have a time sensitive question that I wanted to get

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Speaker 1: your opinion on. So Karen sent us an email. She's

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Speaker 1: thirty four, she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the youngest child

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Speaker 1: of a mildly dysfunctional family and have two older sisters

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Speaker 1: forty and forty five, respectively, and an older brother. All

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Speaker 1: my siblings are married with children, and I'm the KIANTI

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Speaker 1: to eight nieces and nephews ranging an age from eighteen

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Speaker 1: down to two. I'm in need of your perspective and advice.

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Speaker 1: My brother and sister in law just sent out an

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Speaker 1: email to myself and my two sisters stating how that

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Speaker 1: now that their oldest is eighteen, they don't want us

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Speaker 1: giving presents to her for Christmas or birthdays. They said,

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Speaker 1: we have to stop giving gifts at some point. I

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Speaker 1: disagree and replied, stating that I think gift giving is

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Speaker 1: the voluntary choice of the giver, and so if they

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Speaker 1: don't want to give anything, don't. But you can't tell

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Speaker 1: me not to, especially about giving a gift to another adult,

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Speaker 1: even if they are your child. It's been over a

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Speaker 1: week and it's radio silence on the group email, no replies,

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Speaker 1: but I know that she has since started side messages

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Speaker 1: with each of my sisters. I've come to terms with

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Speaker 1: my place in the family and the fact that I'm

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Speaker 1: given less credibility because I'm unmarried with no children, even

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Speaker 1: though I'm an independently successful woman in a high powered career,

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Speaker 1: my own mortgage, retirement savings, and have traveled the world.

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Speaker 1: But what do I know? I'm not sure how to

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Speaker 1: go forward with Christmas? This here. I love giving a

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Speaker 1: good gift and seeing the joy on someone's face when

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Speaker 1: you nail it. I don't want it to feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm punishing my brother's kids by not giving a gift

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Speaker 1: to them either, since that would only be fair. What

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Speaker 1: should I do, though? Do I give nothing to everyone?

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Speaker 1: Do I leave one out or three out? Do I

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Speaker 1: give extra presents to spite my sister in law? Do

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Speaker 1: I make a donation in their name or buy them

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Speaker 1: therapy sessions to unpack their childhood? Help? As a fellow youngest?

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Speaker 1: What do I do? I'm at a loss. Karen, Oh, Karen,

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Speaker 1: do your thing, Get your gifts for all of your

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Speaker 1: nieces and nephews. Don't overdo it. Just do what you

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Speaker 1: would normally do. Nobody can control whether or not you

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Speaker 1: give a gift to somebody else. That's their prerogative. If

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Speaker 1: they don't want to give the gift to their eighteen

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Speaker 1: year old kid, you're that You're an aunt, that's your specialty.

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Speaker 1: That's what we're here for, is gift giving, so keep

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Speaker 1: continuing to do that. I co sign exactly give those gifts. Amen.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, this episode is exciting. We take this episode earlier,

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Speaker 1: you guys. It's with one of my favorite Comedianssko Okotska,

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Speaker 1: who's special is now available to stream on HBO called

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Speaker 1: the Instruder, and she's our guest today and she's fucking funny.

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Speaker 1: So get ready Otsko Okotska, everybody say it three times,

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Speaker 1: Katsko cut Scott, thank you, Chesse. You know what it is.

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Speaker 1: It's actually Chelsea, It's it isn't my yarka. Do you

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Speaker 1: all remember it is? It's Chelsea. That's that's like they

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Speaker 1: always have to add like a little flare right. Well,

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Speaker 1: my my German grandmother used to call me Chelsei and

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Speaker 1: I fucking hated that pronunciation. I mean she sounded like

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Speaker 1: such a Nazi every time she said it. Nine yeah,

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Speaker 1: nine is no in German. How's the Spanish going? Thank

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Speaker 1: you for asking? Actually, yeah, pay attention, and you know

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Speaker 1: what it is. When you know Otsko Kotska, it's just

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Speaker 1: like so different than than Spanish. And I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: maybe she's got Spanish brain. Well that's a great use,

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Speaker 1: but no, I mean, I've been taking Spanish lessons again.

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Speaker 1: My Spanish is getting very good, actually not very good,

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Speaker 1: but like my Bell now speaks to me only in

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Speaker 1: Spanish and I understand of what she's saying rather than

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Speaker 1: it used to be. And now I can speak in

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Speaker 1: the past tense, which I learned through my tutor. So

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Speaker 1: it's developing, and I'm just going to keep my practice

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Speaker 1: in my books every day like a little girl. Well

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Speaker 1: not every day, but like once a week I do

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Speaker 1: my workbook for my homework for my Spanish class. So

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Speaker 1: it feels good. Like I like to learn, you know,

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Speaker 1: and I'm so into language, so it's perfect. And my

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Speaker 1: Bell is like I was talking to her about like

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Speaker 1: pronunciations and she was like, oh, you know, you don't

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Speaker 1: say that in Mexico and I'm like, well, no offense,

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Speaker 1: but like I'm using this for Spain and she's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I just only know it in slang, and I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: no offense either, but I'm not trying to learn slang.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to learn proper Spanish that I could speak regionally,

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Speaker 1: and I had different sorts of regions. She's trying to

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Speaker 1: make you relatable to the streets yeah, yeah, well, exactly

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Speaker 1: how many languages do you speak out? I speak three,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like all of them not that well,

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Speaker 1: and one of them is the one I'm talking to

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Speaker 1: you in. You know, it's really just like a lot

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Speaker 1: of its improvisation. What are the languages that you speak?

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Speaker 1: I speak Mandarin, Japanese and English and oh oh no, no,

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Speaker 1: she's been moisten. O god, and it's fruit punch flavored

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Speaker 1: electrolytes because I'm eight. Oh, it's okay. Why does that stain? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's okay. I'm just gonna have a stained shirt. No, No,

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Speaker 1: it's okay, don't worry. There's nothing that's gonna help it.

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Speaker 1: I'm drinking during this podcast too, so hopefully I also

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Speaker 1: have a spill. I'm so shy. She's just like that

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Speaker 1: a maxim is that a Maxi shield? I have Maxi

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Speaker 1: shields before you though, okay, I give them to every

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Speaker 1: guest before Maxi shield it's for you put in your

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Speaker 1: Pikachu when you have your period and your underwear. It's

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Speaker 1: like a little padne. But I like the word shield, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because it sounds ridiculous. You know, I was like, I

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Speaker 1: need to know that this new invention I don't use

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Speaker 1: that because I'm getting what they call an ablazeon next

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Speaker 1: month before Christmas as my Christmas gift to myself, which

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Speaker 1: means they go inside your uterus and scorch it, blanche

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Speaker 1: it with steaming hot water so that you don't bleed anymore,

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Speaker 1: because I'm so sick of getting my period, like I'm

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Speaker 1: over it. So it just gets so hot that your

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Speaker 1: uterus just goes like no more. It's just you're killing it.

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Speaker 1: You're killing the blood, so the blood. Like one percent

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Speaker 1: of people have a period again after they do this,

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Speaker 1: But my sister did it because my periods just like

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't I don't want to deal with

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Speaker 1: this anymore. And you know I have too much other

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Speaker 1: ship to deal with. I don't want to deal with it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: every three weeks, it's like again again again it's supposed

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Speaker 1: to be every four weeks. Are you getting your period

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Speaker 1: every three weeks? Because I'm a guy to cologist? Oh

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Speaker 1: isn't that every Oh it's oh my gosh. You know

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Speaker 1: mine comes at different times. We're very different people. You're

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Speaker 1: on it, you know, I see your videos about like

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Speaker 1: this is how you pronounced this word. I'm the type

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Speaker 1: of person that's like, look, you know what I meant,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you just imagine what I meant. But honestly,

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Speaker 1: I thought it was every three weeks, because then a

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Speaker 1: week is when I have the period. Can you make

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Speaker 1: sure the cameras on? Because her price tag is still

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Speaker 1: on her clothing. That's what I'm saying by we're different people.

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Speaker 1: I used to do this everyone I worked. Your price

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Speaker 1: tags are still on your clothes and you gotta return

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Speaker 1: this or should I take? Can you tell me how

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Speaker 1: much it was before? I'm okay put it back in

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Speaker 1: because I'm still thinking about I thought, for some reason,

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Speaker 1: this was like a sale one. Anyway, Otsko always wears

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Speaker 1: the same outfit when I see her, and so I'm

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Speaker 1: convinced that she went and got this outfit just to

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Speaker 1: be like I have different outfits because she's like I listen,

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Speaker 1: you've seen all my outfits already. Oh girl, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to free people right after this. Yeah, I'll be like,

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Speaker 1: do you take returns after I've been near a spill?

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Speaker 1: Maybe you should try and return this as an extra challenge.

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Speaker 1: You've already dried up, just like your pussy is gonna do.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you, just like my pussy is

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Speaker 1: gonna dry up right after that ablation. There's really nothing

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Speaker 1: grosser than dry pussy. Like even when any anyone says

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Speaker 1: anything like that, it's such a disgusting thought. I know,

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Speaker 1: I know that's not what I meant. You know. What

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Speaker 1: I meant was I'm so stoked for you that that

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Speaker 1: that you're never going to get your period again. It's

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Speaker 1: all I dream about, it's all that's what I'm doing

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Speaker 1: it for you, and I can't. You know, I don't

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Speaker 1: use tampons because not that it's like, oh I'm so

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Speaker 1: small down there, but it always falls out. Yeah that

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Speaker 1: means you're actually big if so that is a problem.

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Speaker 1: Oh right, yeah either way. Yeah, So I hate using pads.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like a baby once a month. I don't, like,

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Speaker 1: I've never used a pad, even the first time I

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Speaker 1: got my period, I think it was thirteen, and my

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Speaker 1: sister came into the bathroom and she was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you can use this or this, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna not gonna walk around with blood floating between

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Speaker 1: my legs in like open areas, Like that's gross. It's

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Speaker 1: so gross. But I guess some people really don't tampons.

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Speaker 1: I swear to God a tampa. I do not know

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Speaker 1: how to keep it in. That would be the advice

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Speaker 1: I ask you about later. I mean, we could to

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Speaker 1: keep a tamp on it, and I'll show you we

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Speaker 1: can do some kegels. But had to wrap this episode

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Speaker 1: up when where I swear it's not because I'm too big.

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Speaker 1: I think it's because I'm too small, Like I literally,

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Speaker 1: are you putting it in the front? Are you putting

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Speaker 1: in the back? I'm putting it what like, Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is a trick question, but what do you mean back?

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Speaker 1: You know that when you get your period, you're supposed

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Speaker 1: to put your fut in your asshole, and they put

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Speaker 1: it in my PV hole. What do you think I'm not?

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Speaker 1: I'm not bird brained. I have Yeah, obviously I'm putting

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Speaker 1: it in where you're getting scorched. That's why I'm putting

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Speaker 1: where you're putting your tampon it and it falls out

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Speaker 1: no matter what size you use, yes, like yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: it's just always halfway hanging out. You know what, I

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Speaker 1: don't understand about tampons. And this sounds really stupid at

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Speaker 1: my age, but I am stupid about a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna say it because my old assistant

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Speaker 1: Karen Whacker, told me, She's like, you know, your tampon

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Speaker 1: isn't going into your p hole. It's going into your

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Speaker 1: your vagina hole where you have sex out of. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, but then why when I pe,

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Speaker 1: does the tampon get get wet? Yeah? I do have

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Speaker 1: that question too, maybe because it's like falling out a

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Speaker 1: little bit already, Like especially if it's already a little

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Speaker 1: bit soaked, it can fall out a little bit and

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Speaker 1: then you're like, oh, no, this is it's got p

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Speaker 1: on it. It shouldn't be getting that. It does, though,

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Speaker 1: it does every time I take a tampon out, even

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Speaker 1: if it hasn't come out a little and I've paid

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Speaker 1: with it in like if you because for me, I'm

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Speaker 1: always like, oh, I just thought you always had to

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Speaker 1: take your tampon out when you pee because it was

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Speaker 1: coming out of the same hole. And this was until

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Speaker 1: I was in my thirties and someone explained to me

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Speaker 1: it's a different hole, and I was like, oh, ship

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Speaker 1: shitsky doodle again, wait way to come late to the party.

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Speaker 1: And then I was like, but wait, why does it

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Speaker 1: always get wet and it comes out a little when

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Speaker 1: you pee, sometimes the tampon can come out. That's that's

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Maybe because you're bearing down, are you

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Speaker 1: bearing down a little bit? I mean I'm always bearing

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Speaker 1: down at all time. There's always some thing in there,

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Speaker 1: and I have to hold on to whatever is in there.

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Speaker 1: Even when I'm driving. Sometimes this is stick shift. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's just like, don't come out right. That's why I'm

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Speaker 1: a pad girl. That's why I walk around like a

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Speaker 1: baby every month, and one day soon I will do

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Speaker 1: the ablation to ablizion ablation. Yeah, ots go is another

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Speaker 1: person that isn't looking to have children, so you could

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Speaker 1: get an oblation. Right? Are you still there? Do you

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Speaker 1: still feel that we're still there? I don't think that's

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Speaker 1: going to change. People would say, oh, you know that

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Speaker 1: clock it's gonna hit right, and I'm like, what what clock?

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Speaker 1: I know that much about myself where I don't think

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Speaker 1: I'll change. I know, I know it's so annoying people

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Speaker 1: still ask me that I'm forty seven years old. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: when are you going to get the fucking message that

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Speaker 1: I can't have a baby anymore? Yeah? Like little things change,

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Speaker 1: like maybe my favorite color, but like you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, Like, I'm not gonna a whole life change. Okays,

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Speaker 1: talk a little bit. Tell everybody about your history and

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Speaker 1: how you moved over here, the circumstances about how you

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Speaker 1: moved over to the United States, because it's a fascinating story. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I came to the States when I was ten.

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Speaker 1: My uma said we were coming for a two months vacation,

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Speaker 1: and then she had us oversteered towards visas, and then

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Speaker 1: we became undocumented, and then we were stuck here, and

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Speaker 1: then I made the best of it by doing stand

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Speaker 1: up comedy. You lived in a garage, right right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I lived in my uncle's garage with your mother and

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Speaker 1: your grandmother, with my mother and grandmother. It's like if

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Speaker 1: you've seen great gardens, it's kind of like that, but

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Speaker 1: let's less room to move around probably, but yeah, great gardens,

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Speaker 1: but poor and one more person. If you follow Otso

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Speaker 1: on social media, she posted videos all the time of

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Speaker 1: her and her grandmother, who is adorable, and our grandmother

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Speaker 1: gets down to business. So tell us about that experience, though.

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Speaker 1: What was that like going to school when you I mean,

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Speaker 1: you had to learn the language when you got here, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and so it's kind of like immersion. What my bell

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Speaker 1: is doing to you right now, it's part time emersion

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Speaker 1: was doing too you Yeah, part time you know pretty much. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: where you know, everyone's speaking that language, and that is

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Speaker 1: really the quickest way to learn a language is uh,

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Speaker 1: no forgiveness, you know what I mean, no room for

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Speaker 1: you know, explaining what's going on. No, just this is

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Speaker 1: how I talked to you. Yeah, it was. It was

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Speaker 1: tough because also like you're a kid and you want

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Speaker 1: to really fit in, and I feel like yeah. And

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Speaker 1: then I was also embarrassed about our circumstances. So I

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Speaker 1: didn't invite friends back to my place because you know,

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Speaker 1: even for birthdays or something. If it was my birthday,

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Speaker 1: you know, I would just not have a party because

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Speaker 1: I didn't want them being like, oh, you live here,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, And my mom and grandma,

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Speaker 1: they're just like elbow to elbow. A garage is it's

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Speaker 1: a lot to hold three generations of people, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, and our whole as personalities and baggage.

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Speaker 1: It's not enough space for My mom has schizophrenia. And

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Speaker 1: then I developed an eating disorder too, And I remember

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Speaker 1: like thinking back, being like, God, a garage is not

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Speaker 1: enough space for and eating disorder, and you need a

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Speaker 1: lot of space. Well, you need privacy for an eating disorder,

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Speaker 1: you do. Yeah, And so we were just so on

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Speaker 1: top of each other, and so I'm kind of you know,

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Speaker 1: I joked that I'm sort of delayed and stunted as

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Speaker 1: an adult because I feel like it wasn't until I

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Speaker 1: got out of that situation that I was able to

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Speaker 1: finally have like the confidence to be like, hey, you know,

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Speaker 1: do you want to hang out? Do you want to

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Speaker 1: be friends? So I'm kind of late in the game

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Speaker 1: with socializing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I met Otsco at Largo, Yes, yeah, Largo?

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. I think that was the first

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Speaker 1: time we met, that's true. Yeah, yeah, because I was

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Speaker 1: following her on social media and she's so funny. And

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Speaker 1: she also did that drop down challenge where everybody, what's

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Speaker 1: that song called again? Yeah? Beyonce's partition, give me something? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then you dropped your ass down, which is basically

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Speaker 1: the only dance move I can do, and I can't

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Speaker 1: even really nail that one. It's so slow motion that

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Speaker 1: I thought maybe this is for me. That's what you're like,

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Speaker 1: one of the most athletic people I know, well athletic,

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Speaker 1: but I don't have rhythm. But it's like a squad.

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Speaker 1: That's why I could do it. And then Odsco slid

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Speaker 1: into my d MS asking if she could open me,

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Speaker 1: open for me, open me. She wanted to open me,

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Speaker 1: and I said, sure, open for me on a couple

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Speaker 1: of stand up dates, and I was like, yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I love that you asked me. And then I met

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Speaker 1: your husband, who's also just a sweetheart, and you just

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Speaker 1: taped your HBO special which is going to come out

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Speaker 1: in December. I did, which you gave me so much

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Speaker 1: advice about, and so I super appreciate it because I

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00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,680
Speaker 1: called you to be like, I had this opportunity to

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00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 1: maybe do it all Broadway first, which would mean more

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00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,920
Speaker 1: dates running it, you know, maybe a hundred more times

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00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 1: more than that before taping it, and you're like, you know,

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Speaker 1: just tape it because and that's how I worked too,

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Speaker 1: and so that was really great advice. And that's why

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Speaker 1: it's coming out already. You know, that's exciting. Do you

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Speaker 1: know the date it's coming out yet? December tenth is

347
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,080
Speaker 1: exciting going for Yeah, December. T Your special comes out

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00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,840
Speaker 1: December ten. My special comes out December hers this on

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00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:13,480
Speaker 1: HBO minus on Netflix amazing, Yes, yeah, baby, December is

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Speaker 1: a good time. People are at home, they want to

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Speaker 1: watch stuff with family. Maybe they're sad. Yeah, I love that.

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Speaker 1: Oh how nice? Is that? Awesome? And how did the

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Speaker 1: taping go? Tell us the taping went? Well, it was

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Speaker 1: in New York. I kind of wish I did it

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Speaker 1: in l A now, but everyone's always like, don't do

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Speaker 1: it in l A. L A. People are jaded with cameras,

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Speaker 1: so they're not gonna show it as much excitement, you know.

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Speaker 1: But I'm an l A baby. I've been here since

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Speaker 1: I was ten, and so it's just one thing I

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Speaker 1: would for my next for your next special. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: a good experience. Nonetheless, I mean for your next special,

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Speaker 1: we'll take that in l A. Yeah. And so New

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Speaker 1: York was great, Brot. Grandma flew Grandma first you guys,

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Speaker 1: I saw you posting her on for her in first class.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, she was. She she was like this

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Speaker 1: lays down flat, you know. Oh. And I could just

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00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:05,960
Speaker 1: keep bugging the people for food and snacks. And I

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00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:09,359
Speaker 1: found Chelsea that when I was in first class because

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Speaker 1: I had never flown first class too. I could not

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Speaker 1: sleep because I was like, oh, I think I need

371
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Speaker 1: to be a little uncomfortable to be able to sleep,

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Speaker 1: because that's what I'm used to. Well, no, it's not sad,

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Speaker 1: but it's like I can see that being true. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: where it's like, oh, like you know, I need too comfortable.

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Speaker 1: I need to be sitting up straight and my neck

376
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Speaker 1: cricket and I need to have a kink in my

377
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Speaker 1: neck when I wake up. Truly be comfortable. It's so wild. Yeah, anyway,

378
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,639
Speaker 1: be totally exhausted, feeling awful. That's how you fall asleep

379
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Speaker 1: on a plane. You don't ever win. It's what I'm saying.

380
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,360
Speaker 1: It's yeah, the grass is always greener, and then even

381
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 1: when you get there, the grasses and stopped being green

382
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,640
Speaker 1: and it turns yellow. Oh yeah, we got to Well,

383
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,200
Speaker 1: somebody urinated on it or had their period who didn't

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Speaker 1: have an oblation in that order. Everybody, if you're having

385
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,800
Speaker 1: trouble following this conversation, you're not alone. Yeah, go back

386
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,919
Speaker 1: listen to what we just talked about. Catch yourself up

387
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,800
Speaker 1: and talk about how you met your husband. We met

388
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:13,040
Speaker 1: through a mutual friend, and you know, we had gosh,

389
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 1: like third day in we were at this patio. You know,

390
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,200
Speaker 1: it was a nice, nice day in l A. And

391
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,080
Speaker 1: there was somebody who was sort of talking to themselves

392
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,879
Speaker 1: and people at the restaurant were sort of afraid and

393
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:30,080
Speaker 1: didn't know what to do. And Ryan, my husband, knew

394
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,120
Speaker 1: how to handle the person and sort of calmed them down.

395
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Speaker 1: And it kind of surprised me because I was like, wait,

396
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,199
Speaker 1: how do you know to do that? Because it was

397
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,239
Speaker 1: like signs of schizophrenia, which is one my mom has.

398
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,159
Speaker 1: So I recognized it and I was like, how do

399
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,520
Speaker 1: you know how to deal with someone with that? And

400
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,320
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, my mom has it too, and so

401
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,640
Speaker 1: that was yeah. So it was kind of cool where

402
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,439
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I was already feeling you and

403
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 1: liking you a lot, but this really like turn yeah

404
00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,399
Speaker 1: a connection, yeah, a connection and the empathy. You know,

405
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,440
Speaker 1: everyone was scared to deal with this unhoused person who

406
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 1: was talking to themselves. But this guy that I was

407
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 1: ready to funk, but I was like, yeah, well funck

408
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,600
Speaker 1: now you know right where he was like so kind

409
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,359
Speaker 1: to this person and knew how to calm them down,

410
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 1: you know, So that's it's always surprising when men surprise

411
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,159
Speaker 1: us with just regular things that women would do, and

412
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,560
Speaker 1: we're like, that's so hot and so sexy. When men

413
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 1: show empathy, Yeah, that's why. That's why there's waves of

414
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,719
Speaker 1: like women, I don't think we'll have the fandom of

415
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,199
Speaker 1: like Kianu Reeves or you know, oh his Mystery. You

416
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,959
Speaker 1: know he's worked with mostly women directors, and that's supposed

417
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,800
Speaker 1: to be mind blowing, you know, like where I was like,

418
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,120
Speaker 1: oh my god, he is so hot God, and he's

419
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 1: just you know, he just lives in hotels and you know,

420
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 1: he works with mostly women directors and it's like you

421
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like when women do that, it's

422
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,480
Speaker 1: like not as much of an allure I think. So

423
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 1: it's not hot, it's more like, oh, they're starting a movement,

424
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,919
Speaker 1: you know what. I'm going to Disney that after this

425
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 1: actually psychotic. Actually, Katherine just came from Disney, you did.

426
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: I just went this weekend. Oh my gosh. Yes, I

427
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 1: got a Mickey tumbler. I bought all the Christmas merch.

428
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 1: I haven't even told my husband about it yet. I

429
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 1: got bowls with Christmas Mickey. I got a platter with

430
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,159
Speaker 1: Christmas Mickey. It was too much. It's too much. Katherine

431
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 1: and I have nothing in common. No, I mean I

432
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,120
Speaker 1: was gonna. I mentioned this because I was like, I mean,

433
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 1: how does it feel to have too Disney adult friends

434
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 1: great right next to you on election day? When our

435
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 1: bodies are at stack? You guys are changing on a

436
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 1: roller coaster. Because that's how I deal with chaos. You're

437
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 1: gonna go to Disneyland. Have you done this before during

438
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 1: a chaotic day? No? But this year it felt right.

439
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, if I find out what

440
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,959
Speaker 1: happens with the elections, I want to at least be

441
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 1: upside down on the roller coaster screaming. You know, I know,

442
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,240
Speaker 1: I don't even know if we're going to find out everything.

443
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,920
Speaker 1: Today people are like already filing lawsuits for things that

444
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: haven't even happened yet. It's just like, oh, great, this

445
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 1: could carry on for weeks. I hope not. I mean,

446
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 1: I hope most of them get called. But yeah, I'm

447
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 1: not that optimistic. I hope we have some surprises, but

448
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 1: I just I'm so sick and tired of this nonsense.

449
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: You know, for sure, Yeah for this you can always

450
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 1: move to Spain. Yeah I can I can move to Spain,

451
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 1: or I can move to Canada. Yeah that's closer. But

452
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 1: you're learning Spanish, you know, But I'm also learning Canadian.

453
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 1: It's so cool. What have you learned? I'll talk to

454
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 1: you about that later. Okay. All you have to learn

455
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 1: in Canada has had to skim. Has never been skiing though, right, No,

456
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 1: I'm not like a outdoors athletics person. Like the extreme sports.

457
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 1: I don't I like to watch. Yeah, I got it.

458
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: Do you like to watch it? Though? Like if my

459
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: friend is doing it, I'll stand there and watch. Okay,

460
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 1: it's very horny energy, Like would you like to watch

461
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,640
Speaker 1: the Olympics when that happens? Oh? Not really? Yeah, yeah,

462
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 1: I watched the I watched the performance. Oh the Spice

463
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: girls are back together, you know that kind of thing. Yeah,

464
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 1: well that's the super Bowl the Olympics. That Icce girls

465
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: don't fucking perform, so they did one time in London

466
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 1: a long time for the Olympics. Yeah, yes, I was

467
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 1: at the Olympics that those Olympics. Yeah, I went to

468
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: the London Olympic competing. Yes, I actually was. I was

469
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 1: doing the curl. It's called curling, but I call it

470
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,639
Speaker 1: the curl and it's men's I was competing with the

471
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: men's team. So on this podcast, we give advice, life

472
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: advice to people. So I just molested you. Um, we

473
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 1: give life advice. We have real people calling, in writing,

474
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 1: in calling Katherine, you can break down for us what

475
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 1: we have in store for today. Yes, we actually have

476
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 1: a couple of really big questions. And you're so open

477
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 1: about so much of the stuff that you've been through.

478
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 1: I was able to pull some really great questions for

479
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 1: you that are right in your wheelhouse. So oh great,

480
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 1: even better, the stakes are high. Yeah, we can take

481
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 1: a quick break and then we'll be right back for callers. Okay,

482
00:23:56,240 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break and we're back. We're back,

483
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 1: and we're back. We're back. So our first question comes

484
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 1: from Kalina. She's in Romania. I was just gonna say

485
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,880
Speaker 1: where the fund is Kalina from, because I have never

486
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: heard that Lena Romania, Romania. Dear Chelsea, my name is Kalina.

487
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty year old girl from Romania. I really

488
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 1: enjoy your podcast. It opens my mind while making me laugh.

489
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 1: Great combo. I struggle with anxiety, with depression, sprinkles. I'm

490
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: also neurodivergent, which makes life even more interesting. I'm an

491
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 1: only child and the only family I have close by

492
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: are my parents, so all my life I relied on

493
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 1: making strong connections with friends, which come easy. I'm currently

494
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 1: going to therapy, but it's a long process. As you know,

495
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: based on your experience as a human on this planet,

496
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 1: I would love your input. I tend to rely on

497
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: other people to feel safe, to feel loved, and to

498
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: feel worthy, which is funny because I really enjoy being alone,

499
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 1: but I just need to know that there's someone there

500
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 1: just in case. Because of this, I sacrifice my knees

501
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: and self sabotage, sometimes spending time with people who don't

502
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,479
Speaker 1: treat me well because of that fear of being alone,

503
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,439
Speaker 1: even though I'm well aware that what people do is

504
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 1: out of my control. My question is how do I

505
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 1: become enough for myself? How do I become secure enough

506
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 1: to make decisions and be clear about what I want?

507
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 1: How do I feel worthy? Thank you for sharing your joy, Kalina. Oh,

508
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to hear that, Kalina. I think that one

509
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: of the ways in which you can make yourself feel

510
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,640
Speaker 1: more full without relying on somebody to fill you up,

511
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: because that's not really a great recipe, you know, Like

512
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: I mean, you can get that from a spouse or

513
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 1: a partner in the best, most ideal situation, but ideally

514
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: for you even to find that person or best friend,

515
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 1: you really have to be full on your own because

516
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,199
Speaker 1: you kind of attract what you are. So if you

517
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,400
Speaker 1: are healthy and you are alone and you're happy doing that,

518
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 1: which is an exercise, not everybody feels comfortable being alone.

519
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 1: And there was a long period of time in my

520
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: life where I was never alone. I always had a

521
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 1: group of people around me. I always had lots of

522
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 1: you know, action, chaos. Even when I grew up, I

523
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,639
Speaker 1: was in a family of six kids, so there was

524
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: always commotion and there was always action and I took

525
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 1: that through my adulthood because I thought that's the way

526
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 1: things were supposed to be. And it wasn't until I

527
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 1: went to therapy where I learned how to be by

528
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: myself and through therapy, and this is something that I

529
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 1: learned even before therapy, is like what do you do

530
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,119
Speaker 1: when you are alone? What are the things and the

531
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,919
Speaker 1: activities that fill you up? Like for me, it's reading

532
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: books and watching TV and exercising, Like I love to

533
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: do all of those three things, and I do that

534
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: always alone. I don't like to exercise with other people.

535
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 1: I obviously don't like to read books with other people

536
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: because that doesn't make any sense. And I like watching

537
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 1: TV with people, but it's like my alone activities. So

538
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 1: what I would say, on a very basic, fundamental level,

539
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,439
Speaker 1: is to pick three things that you really love to do,

540
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 1: and then start doing that in your alone time by yourself,

541
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 1: to just kind of recharge and regenerate your own relationship

542
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 1: with yourself, because that's really all that is ever going

543
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 1: to matter in your life. When you can depend on you,

544
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: that is going to get you through every difficult time

545
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,679
Speaker 1: and every happy time. And the more secure you become,

546
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 1: the more secure that the people you attract in your

547
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 1: life are going to be. What do you think, Wow,

548
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 1: that was really you know, as a person who's never alone,

549
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: I'm so opposite, you know, because I'm like, gosh, I'm

550
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:39,239
Speaker 1: just always with at least my husband. And so I

551
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: will say I was working out to somebody, and I

552
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 1: that is a time I do it myself. Besides, you know,

553
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 1: I like to work out by myself too. The workout

554
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: teacher said, you know, she had gone through a divorce.

555
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: I get very heavily invested in my fitness instructors. But

556
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,479
Speaker 1: she just went through divorce, and she was saying, you know,

557
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: it was hard to get through the divorce and having

558
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 1: to wake up alone because she hadn't been alone in

559
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 1: a long time. But once he was gone, you know

560
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: from her life, she was instead of waking up and

561
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 1: loving someone else, she was forced to love herself. And

562
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: I was like, oh wow, that's so true. And so

563
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: you know, it's just that switch of a mindset where

564
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: it's like when people aren't around, take that as an

565
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 1: opportunity to be like, oh, I can invest in me

566
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: right now. What am I thinking? What am I my feelings?

567
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: I love myself instead of being like what do you

568
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: need right now? What do you need to know? What

569
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,239
Speaker 1: do I need right now? And so I think it's

570
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 1: just a switch of a mindset kind of like instead

571
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 1: of I'm nervous to go on stage, it's I'm excited

572
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 1: to go on stage kind of yes, or nerves me

573
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 1: and I'm excited, you know. Or nerves are a good thing.

574
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: That's what I remember someone telling me, Like, when you're nervous,

575
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: it means you care. I'm like, Okay, Now, if I

576
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 1: can think about it that way, this means I care,

577
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: which is much better than not caring at all. And

578
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: I think one of the things that you said that

579
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 1: stood out, Kalina, is it, Kalina, Yeah, am I saying

580
00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: that right? Okay? Great? Is that your friends are like

581
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 1: sometimes you're not hanging around with the best people that

582
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: you could choose to hang out with, and that's a

583
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: telltale sign that you have work to do on yourself,

584
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 1: because a healthy person just doesn't need that in their lives.

585
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 1: So don't settle just for whoever you can hang out with.

586
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 1: Actually be discerning about the people you choose to hang

587
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 1: out with, and I think that will yield a much

588
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: better quality of person. Mm hmm. These questions are the

589
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 1: big questions in life, like how do I make myself

590
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: feel worthy and feel like I am enough by myself?

591
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 1: And while those are huge questions that we can't necessarily

592
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: answer on this show, I think those specific things are

593
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: also where things like affirmations can come in. Just like

594
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: Osco said, our brains are very malleable. Just reframing what

595
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: you're thinking, spending time with yourself telling yourself how great

596
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 1: you are. You know, that you're smart, whatever your qualities

597
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: that you love the most. Finding some affirmations that really

598
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 1: feel good to you can help reframe just the thoughts

599
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 1: come up in your brain on a routine basis. Yeah,

600
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: you know, we mentioned Laura Lynn Jackson earlier, that famous

601
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 1: Long Island medium. She's not the Long Island medium because

602
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 1: there's another Long Island medium. But anyway, Laura Lynn Jackson,

603
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: who's a good friend of mine, I go, I just

604
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 1: want to be positive towards everybody, even the people that

605
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 1: I don't like. I want to have good vibes. I

606
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: want to throw good vibes at them. I want them

607
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 1: to succeed. I don't want to wish for anyone to

608
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 1: have bad luck or bad fortune or whatever. And she

609
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: gave me this exercise where you get up every morning

610
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 1: and you write, you know, for one minute, the first

611
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: thing before you do anything, before you even brush your teeth,

612
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: you write down for one minute, just everything you're grateful for.

613
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: And there is scientific data that proves that after twenty

614
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: one days, you're changing your energetic field, which is the

615
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: field of energy that you give off. And so I

616
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 1: already shared that with like two of my girlfriends because

617
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 1: my girlfriend said to me. Three days later, she said

618
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: the same thing to me. She goes, I am so

619
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 1: fucking mad at this woman. I'm so pissed. I hate her.

620
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you don't hate her, don't even put

621
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: your energy towards that. And I gave her the exercise

622
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 1: that I have been doing. It's been like nine or

623
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 1: ten days since I've been doing it, and it's so

624
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: easy to wake up and just write all down, the

625
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 1: write down all the things that you're grateful for. It

626
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: could be your dogs, it could be your bed, it

627
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 1: could be your job, it could be the weather, it

628
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 1: could be someone you know, your mother's health, all of

629
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: those things, and you can change your vibe. And I

630
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 1: think by having a higher vibration, which is a definite

631
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 1: scientific thing. It's not woo woo talk, it's true, like

632
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 1: are you a positive or you a negative? Everyone knows

633
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: a negative. And I'm sure I'm not saying that you

634
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 1: are clean up. But I think that would be a

635
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: great exercise for you to do. You do it for

636
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: twenty one days and you will feel it immediately. I

637
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: promise you. I love that. Well. Our next color is

638
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: Ryan and um just as what I do, my wife

639
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,959
Speaker 1: has always going to Disneyland. I hope not, because this

640
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: one's about a breakup. So, okay, can you imagine if

641
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 1: he broke up with you? On my podcast, God talk

642
00:31:55,720 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: about a gratitude. So he's twenty three years old, he says,

643
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, he's gay, Right, he's gay. He is gay. Indeed,

644
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: we don't have straight man call in, got it? We

645
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: have a block. Maybe that's why he's leaving you. I'm

646
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: currently in a long term relationship and desperate to get out.

647
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years,

648
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: and last year I decided it was time to move

649
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: in together. I had just graduated college and he was

650
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 1: planning on transferring to a school in the big city.

651
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: Things were going great for a while. I landed my

652
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 1: dream job and love life in the city. The issue is,

653
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 1: I've realized we're each in very different places in our lives,

654
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 1: and I don't know that we're still compatible As a result.

655
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 1: My entire life, I've been told that I was very

656
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: mature for my age, and I could feel this was

657
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 1: true for myself. I feel that I'm at a threshold

658
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: of an exciting new chapter in life. The transition into

659
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 1: adulthood is when I've waited my entire life for and

660
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: for the first time ever, I feel as if I

661
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: have all my ducks in a row. My boyfriend, however,

662
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: seems to be feeling the opposite. As twenty something in college,

663
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 1: he exhibits all of the behavior as one would expect,

664
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 1: and I don't blame him for any of this. I

665
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: want him to do all the fun things that you're

666
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 1: supposed to do at that time, but I can't help

667
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: but feel as though we're holding each other back. I've

668
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 1: essentially made up my mind about leaving him, but there

669
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: are two major issues. The first is that he is

670
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: completely financially dependent on me. When we moved to the city,

671
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: I was the one with the big boy job, so

672
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: it was clear that I would be the one paying

673
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: for our new lives. He lives with me here and

674
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 1: if we were to break up, he wouldn't have anywhere

675
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,480
Speaker 1: to go. The other issue is that I know he's

676
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 1: still head over heels in love with me, and if

677
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: I were to end things, I know it would destroy him,

678
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: and I don't know that I have the heart to

679
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 1: do it. I have so much love and respect for him,

680
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 1: but just feel that we're operating in different phases of life.

681
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 1: In the recent episodes of the podcast, I've listened to

682
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: you talk so much about showing up for yourself, and

683
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 1: I think in order to show up for myself, I

684
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: need to exit this relationship. I just don't know how.

685
00:33:54,800 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 1: Thanks for your help. Ryan, Hi, Ryan, Hi, Hi Hi.

686
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 1: This is our special guest Otsco. Nice to meet you. Wow,

687
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,399
Speaker 1: just like so heartfelt and honest, honest words. I'm glad

688
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 1: you're so self aware to note that you need to

689
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 1: exit though. Thank you. Yeah. In the Chelsea's episode with

690
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:21,839
Speaker 1: Ross Matthews, she said it's undignified to pretend that things

691
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 1: are okay when they're not. And I've never heard somebody

692
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,759
Speaker 1: phrase it like that, and it is so undignified. And

693
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: I don't consider myself an undignified person, which has brought

694
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,720
Speaker 1: me to this decision. The thing is, I made the decision,

695
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,280
Speaker 1: and now I just don't know how to execute it. Okay,

696
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 1: So how long have you guys lived together? Only a

697
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 1: couple of months? About six months? Okay, Well that's great

698
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 1: news because it hasn't been like, you know, years, So

699
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,839
Speaker 1: that's to unravel the relationship. I know you've been dating

700
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 1: for longer than six months, but you've been living together

701
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 1: for six months, right, correct? And does he work? Yes,

702
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 1: he does, and he pays a fraction of the rent, but,

703
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,800
Speaker 1: as I said in the letter, is completely financially dependent

704
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: on me. Okay, well, that's also not your problem, you

705
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 1: know what I mean. You can unravel this relationship in

706
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: a nice, dignified way by just setting up a boundary like, Okay, listen,

707
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: I know this is hard. I mean, obviously you're gonna

708
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 1: have to break up with him, you know that already.

709
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 1: So however you want to manage that. The financial aspect

710
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 1: and the codependent aspect is something that you can just

711
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 1: show grace in. You know, you can say, hey, I'm

712
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 1: gonna help you. I'm gonna give you three more months.

713
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,879
Speaker 1: Why don't you start saving your money so you don't

714
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 1: have to pay me rent? I want to you know

715
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: you're gonna live alone anyway, right, you can afford to

716
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 1: pay your rent for yourself, correct, Right, and give him

717
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,799
Speaker 1: three months or whatever time frame feels right to you.

718
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 1: Don't let it go though, six more months. That's really unhealthy. Yeah.

719
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 1: That one other caveat that I forgot to mention in

720
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: the letter is he's about to go on this giant

721
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: vacation for the holidays to Germany, And I don't know

722
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 1: if I should do it before that and potentially ruin

723
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 1: his big trip, or wait until after er and just

724
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 1: prolong this pretending that's tricky, that is hard. I I

725
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 1: my instinct would say to wait until he gets back.

726
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 1: I don't know what do you girls think about that?

727
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 1: How long is he in Germany for? He's gonna go

728
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 1: for a couple of weeks. He'll leave around the nineteenth

729
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: of December, and he'll get back around New Year's Okay,

730
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:24,320
Speaker 1: so that's still like about five six weeks away before

731
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 1: he leaves. I think if you have a month before

732
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,399
Speaker 1: he goes, If you have that much time before he goes,

733
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,759
Speaker 1: I think you should because that could be an opportunity

734
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 1: for him to actually grow a little bit and be

735
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 1: out and about in the world, knowing that his relationship

736
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:42,359
Speaker 1: isn't there when he gets back. It's not him going

737
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 1: on the assumption that he's coming back to you. If

738
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 1: you have that amount of time, I would say, definitely

739
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: do it before. Do it as soon as possible, and

740
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 1: you know that you want to do this before he

741
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 1: goes on that trip, so you know he's going to

742
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 1: have some time to think about things, and you definitely

743
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: don't want to ruin anything, but you just can't be

744
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 1: this dishonest with each other at this point. You're being

745
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 1: sawnest with yourself and him. Yeah, yeah, agreed. I think

746
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 1: you can't do it like the week before he leaves,

747
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 1: like do it, do it this week, so he's got

748
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 1: a month to adjust and then I'll have a few

749
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 1: weeks where you can go like have fun. But you

750
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 1: also don't have to be playing the game of like

751
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: miss you sweetie on the phone and you know that

752
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 1: sort of thing. Yeah, And has he left the country

753
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 1: like this before on a trip like this? No? Not really. Yeah,

754
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 1: So I think giving him the space to acclimate to

755
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 1: the idea before he goes away. I think major things

756
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 1: happen when people go on their first trips overseas, you

757
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:34,359
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's a major wake up call

758
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 1: and it's a major growth spurt. So I think the timing,

759
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 1: if you can do it sooner than later, give him

760
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,879
Speaker 1: some you know, room to like, you know, you don't

761
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 1: want him to cancel the trip, obviously, and if you

762
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 1: did it right before, there's a chance he could do that.

763
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:48,920
Speaker 1: But you want to give him some space to think

764
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 1: about it, and some space when he's away from you,

765
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 1: when there's distance ince time, that's the best time to

766
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 1: contemplate and reflect on things. And by the time he

767
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 1: comes back, you know what I mean, you're almost kind

768
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,080
Speaker 1: of like if you say, from now, I'll get of

769
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: you two months or three months, don't pay rent to

770
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 1: me anymore. I want you to start saving your money.

771
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 1: I'm going to pay the rent whatever is comfortable for

772
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 1: you financially. Obviously, don't bend over backwards because he's not

773
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: your responsibility. You can be generous, but you don't have

774
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 1: to be his you know, sugar Daddy, that's just not

775
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 1: necessary for anyone when you're breaking up. That's just the

776
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 1: way it goes. And just remember people break up all

777
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 1: the time, like people get heartbroken a lot. It's you're

778
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 1: not the first person to break his heart. And I

779
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 1: know that would be difficult for you, But what will

780
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 1: be more difficult is living like a lie. Yeah, I agree,

781
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: and I think you're definitely right. I think that giving

782
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: him some time to go on this trip and heal himself,

783
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 1: I think is the better is the better option. And

784
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: like I talked to my best friend about this, and

785
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 1: she had said that I had like involuntarily taken on

786
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: this sort of caretaker role, not even in the There

787
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 1: is the financial aspect, but there's also, like I said,

788
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: the biggest thing for me is the emotional aspect that

789
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 1: I just wasn't really prepared for before all of this.

790
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,080
Speaker 1: So I think you're definitely right, and I think I

791
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 1: need to do it sooner around than later. And these

792
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: are also really honest conversations that you can have. While

793
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,240
Speaker 1: they may seem challenging, you're going to give him tools

794
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 1: for his movement forward by being honest with him that

795
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 1: it's too much for it's too much of an emotional

796
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,240
Speaker 1: burden for you, and and that you know you didn't

797
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 1: expect this, and and and your feelings have changed so

798
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 1: that when he goes into his next relationship, he has

799
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: a different dynamic instead of him repeating the same patterns.

800
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:28,240
Speaker 1: You know, he may do that anyway, but at least

801
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: if you're truthful with somebody as hurtful as it, maybe

802
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 1: there's always a softer way to say everything. And if

803
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: you're truthful with somebody, then they can really take that

804
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:41,600
Speaker 1: information and do something different in their next relationship. Yeah,

805
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 1: I totally agree. Do you think there's a way to

806
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 1: offer that, like financial support for a moment of like

807
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: you can live here for a couple more months, you can,

808
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:51,719
Speaker 1: I'll pay you don't have to pay me rent. That

809
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 1: doesn't come off as condescending. It sounds like you have

810
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 1: a lot of respect and love for this person, but

811
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,799
Speaker 1: it's it is not working out anymore. So I would

812
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: just say, you know, I want to be there for

813
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 1: you as this transition happens, and you know we'll continue

814
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:11,919
Speaker 1: to have the situation where I'm paying for the rent

815
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 1: for the next however much time. You think that he

816
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 1: needs to get on his feet, but like, let's aim

817
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 1: for this date for you to be finding somewhere else

818
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,399
Speaker 1: to be. And I don't think you offering to pay

819
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 1: the rent is condescending, you know, like it's not like

820
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 1: you I mean, only if you said in a really

821
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 1: condescending way. The act of it is very generous and

822
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 1: it's sweet, and you love him, you know as a person,

823
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 1: you're just not in love with him anymore, and it's

824
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 1: not an arguable thing. You know, giving him plenty of

825
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 1: time before his trip is generous, giving him plenty of leeway,

826
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 1: and when he moves out is also generous. Then you

827
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,399
Speaker 1: can feel good about this down the road. I mean

828
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 1: he's going to have a whole roller coaster of emotions

829
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 1: about this, definitely. Yeah, I agree. That was my biggest

830
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:53,960
Speaker 1: fear coming into this is that you guys would say,

831
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: you know, you just have to do it. But I

832
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 1: think you know when that's I think you just know

833
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 1: that that that's what's right. If that's what's you know, okay,

834
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 1: I'll be the devil's advocate. You how can you stay

835
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:09,240
Speaker 1: with him? No, it's the loving thing I think to

836
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:12,359
Speaker 1: to leave before it turns into resentment and then it's

837
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 1: gonna be worse for eat both of you. Yeah, absolutely,

838
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 1: I agree. And there's also a dynamic that can start

839
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,839
Speaker 1: when someone doesn't leave when they know they're ready to leave,

840
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:26,879
Speaker 1: which is that you're wasting his time to go and

841
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 1: find out what's next for him, Meet somebody else, make

842
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 1: out with a German on his trip, you know, whatever,

843
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 1: whatever it might be. Don't say that to him. Don't

844
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,319
Speaker 1: tell him to make out with a German on his trip.

845
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: Nobody likes that when they're being broken up with, go

846
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: find somebody in Germany. Totally let it be his idea. Yeah,

847
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: I completely agree, and just act with dignity like that

848
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: sentence struck you remember that, be dignified, you know, to

849
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,880
Speaker 1: be dignified with your generosity, Be dignified with your attention

850
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 1: that he needs while you're breaking up. But don't sell yourself.

851
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 1: Don't say Okay, fine, I'll stay in the relationship because

852
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,880
Speaker 1: you're so upset. Being dignified means like you have to

853
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 1: give people bad news. Absolutely, and that's why I mean

854
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 1: that was part of my decision to write into this podcast.

855
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,479
Speaker 1: I think you being so candid about all of this

856
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: has helped me be a more candid and honest person.

857
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 1: And the candid, honest person that listens to Dear Chelsea

858
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,839
Speaker 1: would be honest in this relationship, say that it's time

859
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 1: for things to end, and doing it, like you said,

860
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: in a dignified way. Yeah, definitely. So you put on

861
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: that seatbelt, turn that car on, and go straight to

862
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 1: talk to him right now now. I'm just kidding, honestly,

863
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: might just do that? Okay, Well, great, keep us posted.

864
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,359
Speaker 1: Will you like check in with us in a few

865
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 1: weeks and let us know what happened. I will thank you, Okay,

866
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,399
Speaker 1: thanks so much? Ryan, call us back when ots goes

867
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 1: not here. Okay, I'm bad at this. I'm bad at this.

868
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: You are good, though you. There's so much love for

869
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 1: him there and you could see it, and that's why

870
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 1: this is the decision you're making. Thank you. I appreciate

871
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:03,720
Speaker 1: that guy. Thanks for your help. Okay, bye Ryan, Ryan, Bye, bye,

872
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,439
Speaker 1: am I fired. Can you imagine if that was Ryan

873
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: wearing a disguise and he was really talking about you,

874
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 1: can you imagine that's a that's our round four, that's

875
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: our suv reason right now. He shows up to the studio,

876
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 1: He's like, hey, so I bought you to have ticket

877
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 1: to go to Germany. He's like, I know that one

878
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 1: if you knew this, but you're going to Germany. Look

879
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 1: there's a lot of men out there in Germany. You

880
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:39,839
Speaker 1: can make out with the German. Catherine said, so well.

881
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 1: Our next collar is Anna. The subject line is Shame,

882
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:48,359
Speaker 1: Regret and dental bills. Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty four

883
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 1: year old woman who's fought hard for the life I

884
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 1: lived today. As a young teen, living in a trauma

885
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: filled household, I developed an eating disorder that followed me

886
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 1: through many eras of my life. At one point in

887
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 1: my twenty is I was hospitalized multiple times for major

888
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: dehydration and electrolyte imbalance due to bolimia. After a final

889
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:10,440
Speaker 1: near death experience, I finally decided that recovery was my

890
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 1: only option. Since then, a lot has happened, a divorce,

891
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:18,440
Speaker 1: graduate school, major career changes, lots of self discovery. Now

892
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 1: I'm healthy, happy, and proud of the person I am today.

893
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: I have a job that allows me to be creative

894
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 1: while helping others, a wonderful partner of four years, a

895
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:29,879
Speaker 1: dog i'm obsessed with, and a life of adventures big

896
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: and small. For the last several years, I've worked primarily

897
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 1: low paying jobs in education and the nonprofit space. While

898
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 1: I don't make much, I've worked hard to save a

899
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,359
Speaker 1: humble amount of money, and I'm in a better place

900
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 1: than ever financially. My new job has afforded me with

901
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 1: dental insurance, and this summer I went to a dentist

902
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 1: for the first time in a couple of years, since

903
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 1: I didn't have dental insurance prior to that. But because

904
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 1: of my years of bolimia, my teeth are very damaged.

905
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,439
Speaker 1: After a thorough exam with my new dentist, I learned

906
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: that dental work I had done years ago needed to

907
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 1: be replaced a SAP to avoid losing multiple teeth. The

908
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,719
Speaker 1: total cost of the essential procedures is well over ten

909
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. There are also additional things that would be

910
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 1: really good for me to have done to avoid problems

911
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 1: down the line, but those total and additional eighteen thousand dollars.

912
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:19,720
Speaker 1: My dental insurance will only pay for a thousand dollars

913
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 1: worth of work annually, so the rest of that tab

914
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:25,360
Speaker 1: is on me. When my dentist went over this information

915
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 1: with me, I couldn't help but crumble into tears. The overwhelm,

916
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 1: the shame, and hopelessness took over. My dentist was lovely

917
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 1: and kind and explained how we could break the treatment

918
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,360
Speaker 1: into chunks to lessen the financial blow. Still, I currently

919
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 1: work for a nonprofit making forty dollars a year, and

920
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 1: I have two side hustles that pull in about five

921
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 1: thousand dollars a year. I have student debts, rent a

922
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 1: car payment, and I still managed to put a little

923
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,360
Speaker 1: into savings every month, but it would take me years

924
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 1: to pay this off. I've looked into personal medical dental loans,

925
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 1: but the interest rates on those are astronomical, so that

926
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,879
Speaker 1: option is off the table. I've booked the first set

927
00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 1: of procedures with my dentist totally, and I'll be using

928
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 1: that savings money to pay for that. But I know

929
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 1: I need a plan for how to get the rest

930
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:11,240
Speaker 1: of the care I need. Moreover, this experience has thrust

931
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:15,400
Speaker 1: me into a familiar spiral of shame, self disgust, and sadness,

932
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,800
Speaker 1: similar to what I dealt with early in my recovery

933
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: from trying to heal from health issues resulting from my

934
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:24,280
Speaker 1: eating disorder. I worked so hard to overcome those issues

935
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 1: while also trying to heal from the trauma that caused

936
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 1: by eating disorder. I know that I need to think creatively,

937
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 1: ask for help, maybe start a Go fund me campaign,

938
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:36,360
Speaker 1: but the shame and feelings of self disgusted have me

939
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 1: frozen in that regard. How can I find a creative

940
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 1: solution to this problem, which at its heart is just

941
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,200
Speaker 1: a financial issue, but feels so much bigger than that.

942
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,800
Speaker 1: How can I view myself with kindness despite the shame

943
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 1: and regret I feel overharming myself so many years ago.

944
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: I know your ingenuity and positivity can illuminate resolutions I

945
00:46:55,960 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 1: may not be able to see right now. Thank you, Anna, Hianna, Yanna. Hi,

946
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 1: how are y'all? This is Otsko Okotska. Hi, nice to meet.

947
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:10,359
Speaker 1: She's our special guest. She's a very funny comedian who

948
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: also had an eating disorder at one point. I've also

949
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 1: had an eating disorder at one point, so I mean

950
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 1: most women have, Katherine, did you ever have an eating disorder? Oh? Yeah,

951
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 1: I mean eating disorders take a lot of different forms,

952
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,440
Speaker 1: but basically, as soon as I learned about calories growing up,

953
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:30,360
Speaker 1: I immediately developed an eating disorder. So yeah, so sorry

954
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,919
Speaker 1: that you feel such shame. I mean that's the first

955
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,399
Speaker 1: thing that you have to flip around. You know, you're

956
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:39,320
Speaker 1: healed now, you're better, and like that's something that's very positive.

957
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: And to like sit there and and rate yourself and

958
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 1: self immolate about something that's in the past is pointless.

959
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 1: That's just pointless. So you can either start by like

960
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 1: writing down daily affirmations for yourself. Meditation I think is

961
00:47:51,719 --> 00:47:55,280
Speaker 1: a good way to start putting some more positivity back

962
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: into you from you. The financial aspect of this, I'm

963
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 1: really not worried about this. You can do is segmented,

964
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: like you're gonna do your first treatment. Yeah, you could

965
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 1: start a go fund me or you could get do

966
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: you have time to get a waitressing job for a

967
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 1: short period of time that you work like two shifts

968
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: a week? Is that a possibility? I have three part

969
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:18,839
Speaker 1: time side hustles right now, So I'm definitely doing doing

970
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,879
Speaker 1: that kind of a thing. The financial aspect of it

971
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,560
Speaker 1: is obviously kind of the simpler thing in a lot

972
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 1: of ways, right that it is just money. There's a

973
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 1: little bit of a time crunch with a couple of

974
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,719
Speaker 1: the procedures because they are like, we need to do

975
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 1: this yesterday, we need to do this last year. Basically

976
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 1: I did just get the first set of things done.

977
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 1: Actually had a crown put on for one of the

978
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,520
Speaker 1: procedures like two hours ago, so I just left. It's

979
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 1: a little while ago, right, and so you know, the

980
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 1: plan is of right now is to do it in segments.

981
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 1: Like you were saying, the shame thing is something that

982
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 1: I've had times where I'm like, I feel good, I

983
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: feel confident in the person I am. I feel like

984
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 1: the people who love me understand my story and accept me,

985
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 1: and then things like this will happen where you're like,

986
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:05,760
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm such a funk up, like nobody

987
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,359
Speaker 1: get nobody's gonna get this, everyone's gonna judge me, and

988
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: then and then it's just such a process to dig

989
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 1: out from that, for sure. Yeah, but a real funk

990
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 1: up would never be we're sitting where you are. That's

991
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 1: not a funk up by the nature very nature of

992
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: you addressing the issue and having recovered from your eating disorder.

993
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 1: You've recovered from your eating disorder. So you're not a

994
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 1: funk up. You're not. You're the opposite. You're somebody who's

995
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:30,879
Speaker 1: going and handling a situation. Do you know how many

996
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:32,719
Speaker 1: people would never want to deal with the truth of

997
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:34,279
Speaker 1: what they have to do and get the work done

998
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 1: because they don't want to they're so scared of the cost,

999
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 1: or they're scared of what the doctor's gonna or the

1000
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 1: dentist is gonna tell them. You've been brave. You are brave,

1001
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 1: and you're recovered. You are on your way. This is

1002
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,880
Speaker 1: all positive and you're there's no reason to make it negative.

1003
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 1: So you need to have like some deep conversations with yourself,

1004
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,360
Speaker 1: and you need to start meditating, and you need to

1005
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 1: start writing daily affirmations down every single morning. When you

1006
00:49:56,239 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: wake up going, I am brave, I am strong, I

1007
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 1: am handling my life independently. All of these amazing things

1008
00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:04,959
Speaker 1: that you're doing all by yourself, you have three side

1009
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 1: hustles going. That's fucking badass too. Yeah, it's it's so

1010
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 1: positive to be wanting to take care of something. You know.

1011
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 1: My husband just had ten dental procedures done because he

1012
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 1: was always afraid of it. He grew up with very

1013
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,720
Speaker 1: little money and he was just always insecure about his teeth.

1014
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,640
Speaker 1: And he was also ashamed that, like, oh god, I

1015
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 1: have so many cavities and these root canals that I

1016
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:30,800
Speaker 1: never got to How could I get it to this point?

1017
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:33,919
Speaker 1: You know? But it's the positive of like, no, okay,

1018
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: now I'm going to find a pathway forward to fixing it.

1019
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:39,719
Speaker 1: Some of them were emergency, like we gotta do it today,

1020
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,319
Speaker 1: and then the financials we figured out. But the shame

1021
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 1: of it is like all of us are really just

1022
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,360
Speaker 1: trying our best, you know, like my mom, to be honest,

1023
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 1: just to go out there with it. My mom hasn't

1024
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 1: showered in twenty years because of mental health issues, and

1025
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 1: she has O c D. She's scared of soap and stuff,

1026
00:50:57,880 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 1: so talk to people who are supportive about it, because

1027
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 1: you know, when I talk to my mom, I'm never

1028
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,400
Speaker 1: shaming her. It's not coming from a place of like reprimanding,

1029
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,240
Speaker 1: how could you let this come this far? Whatever? Because

1030
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:10,720
Speaker 1: her to nails are really long, there's infections and stuff,

1031
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,600
Speaker 1: But it's really just about being like so proud, like

1032
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 1: so being so proud that you were like, I'm gonna

1033
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:20,840
Speaker 1: start handling it, you know, because that's really a big

1034
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:23,880
Speaker 1: first step. Honestly, it is a big first step. And

1035
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 1: you know what, you should find a support group online,

1036
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:28,880
Speaker 1: like for people who are recovering. That's going to be free.

1037
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 1: There's tons of support groups for people who have eating

1038
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 1: disorders and are recovering from that. And I guarantee you're

1039
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 1: gonna find so many people that are in the same

1040
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 1: position that are going to help build you up and

1041
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:41,640
Speaker 1: may also have ideas of how you can actually afford

1042
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:43,879
Speaker 1: all of these treatments. You know, you're not the only

1043
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 1: person that this is happening to, so remember that you're

1044
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:49,359
Speaker 1: not alone. And I think that would actually be really

1045
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 1: helpful to you because your shame spiral is just because

1046
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 1: you don't have anybody else who's going through the same

1047
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 1: thing sitting around you going, oh god, I did that.

1048
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 1: I did that, you know, and and that would be

1049
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:01,799
Speaker 1: a good up for you to take as well. I

1050
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 1: think you're gonna be fine with paying this off in

1051
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 1: a slower way. I think that's totally reasonable, and you're

1052
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 1: gonna feel so empowered as soon as you start. I'm

1053
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:12,319
Speaker 1: sure you already feel a little bit of that after

1054
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,879
Speaker 1: going to the dentist, you know, getting your first crown

1055
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:17,759
Speaker 1: put on. Yeah, the dentist that I've been seeing too

1056
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:21,839
Speaker 1: is just so caring and thorough that I also just

1057
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 1: feel really happy and confident that I'm making the right investment.

1058
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:28,239
Speaker 1: It's not kind of going to be another thing that's

1059
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 1: an issue in a few years, so so that helps also.

1060
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:33,600
Speaker 1: But yeah, you guys are helping me kind of see

1061
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 1: too that I think that I have focused on the

1062
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,160
Speaker 1: financial aspect of it, and that's really just been a

1063
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 1: little bit of a cover for this deeper feeling of

1064
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:46,200
Speaker 1: overwhelm and shame. I years ago I had tried to

1065
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 1: kind of do the support group thing and just never

1066
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 1: invested in it. But one thing I do know about myself,

1067
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 1: which is probably evident from having all these side hustles

1068
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 1: and things like that, is that if I set an

1069
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:00,479
Speaker 1: intention to really do something, I will do it. That's

1070
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 1: why I'm in recovery. And so, yeah, you took the

1071
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 1: step to recover from this, you're capable of everything that

1072
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:11,279
Speaker 1: comes after. That was the hardest part. And I think

1073
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,560
Speaker 1: what you're doing now seeing that as an extension of

1074
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:17,240
Speaker 1: the self care that you've already done. You have taken

1075
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 1: the steps to you know, go to therapy, go to recovery,

1076
00:53:20,400 --> 00:53:24,360
Speaker 1: get yourself to the point where you no longer are

1077
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 1: in an active state of self harm. You're in a

1078
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:30,240
Speaker 1: state of healing, and this is just the next step

1079
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:32,920
Speaker 1: in your healing journey. But the other thing that I

1080
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:35,960
Speaker 1: loved in your in your email was about asking for help.

1081
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 1: Anybody who hears this story is not going to feel like, man,

1082
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 1: she did that to herself. That's not what's going through

1083
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:46,399
Speaker 1: anybody's mind. And so you know, you never know who

1084
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 1: in your life, and maybe you won't know it might

1085
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:51,440
Speaker 1: be anonymous. If you do set up a go fund me,

1086
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,640
Speaker 1: you don't know who is going to step up and

1087
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 1: you know, donate to the cause or help you out

1088
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:01,040
Speaker 1: with that. But the first step there is is not

1089
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:05,359
Speaker 1: being alone in this and not keeping it hidden, which

1090
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:09,959
Speaker 1: is probably the scariest part. Right. Yeah. I really only

1091
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,279
Speaker 1: talked to my two very closest friends who also have

1092
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 1: an eating disorder history, and my partner in detail about this,

1093
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: and there have all been so wonderful and supportive. But yeah,

1094
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe talking more openly to trusted people

1095
00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:26,319
Speaker 1: would would be healing in its own way. You live

1096
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 1: in the States, right, yeah. Yeah, for a system that

1097
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:32,480
Speaker 1: works so hard to keep us down, you're crushing it.

1098
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 1: Like for a system where every American girl, the system

1099
00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 1: is made so that we're all supposed to get eating disorders.

1100
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 1: I think that average Americans supposed to get a stroke

1101
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 1: at a heart, heart disease, maybe diabetes to these are

1102
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:47,479
Speaker 1: things we're actually supposed to have get as America's you're

1103
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 1: crushing it. May an animals all messed up from the

1104
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 1: throwing up that I used to do too, and like

1105
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 1: and so when you set up something like you know,

1106
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 1: I'll go fund me. Other Americans will understand because it's

1107
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 1: a system that keeps us down, and so we you know,

1108
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 1: if anyone will understand, it's fellow people who have gone

1109
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,439
Speaker 1: through it, you know. And yeah, yeah, and I would

1110
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 1: think I would also offer up to say, like, stop

1111
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 1: treating it as some big dark secret. You know, have

1112
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:13,760
Speaker 1: a little levity about it. We all have had eating

1113
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 1: every four out of four of the women that are

1114
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:18,759
Speaker 1: talking right now have had an eating disorder. Like it's

1115
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 1: it's better to be like, oh god, yeah I was.

1116
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:23,080
Speaker 1: I was just you know, a product of my culture.

1117
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 1: I was a product of society. Now I've taken my

1118
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 1: own life into my own hands and I'm driving the

1119
00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:30,600
Speaker 1: wheel and stead of letting somebody else drive the wheel

1120
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: for me, that's empowering. That is powerful. You're a powerful

1121
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: I can tell that by looking at you. You know,

1122
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: your teeth are just a reminder and you're never going

1123
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 1: to go back there. And now you are fixing the situation.

1124
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 1: And it might take a little bit longer than you

1125
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:47,520
Speaker 1: would ideally like, but the actual pivot points, like if

1126
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 1: you're looking at a graph or a chart of where

1127
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 1: you are in your life, you're headed in the absolute

1128
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 1: right direction. Yeah, thank you well, And I think that

1129
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 1: it's it's interesting like I'm thirty four, I'll be thirty

1130
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:00,799
Speaker 1: five and a couple of months, and when I was

1131
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:04,600
Speaker 1: like seven was kind of when I was really newly

1132
00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 1: in recovery, and I really embraced being very open about

1133
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 1: it and talking to it, almost to the point that

1134
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 1: it was like my whole identity, which is healing in

1135
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:14,319
Speaker 1: its own way, like and I did connect with a

1136
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 1: lot of people, but I also felt like, probably around thirty,

1137
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I need to do some investing

1138
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 1: in like I don't want to just be like the

1139
00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 1: recovered girl. I wanted to invest in the woman version

1140
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:31,279
Speaker 1: of myself and that identity, and I have been doing that,

1141
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,359
Speaker 1: and now I do need to do a little bit

1142
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 1: of this reconciliation in some way of Okay, you're a

1143
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 1: woman who's grown in all these different ways, and you're

1144
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 1: still a person in recovery, and there's still stuff that's

1145
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 1: going to come up, and some of it might be

1146
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:47,760
Speaker 1: health problems, and so it's kind of this reintegration again,

1147
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:51,279
Speaker 1: which will continue through through all of life. Absolutely. And

1148
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 1: here's the thing that I can totally relate to about

1149
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:55,160
Speaker 1: what you said. I went to therapy and I made

1150
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 1: so many over corrections, Like I became so self aware

1151
00:56:58,120 --> 00:56:59,680
Speaker 1: that I was like, Okay, maybe you shouldn't talk at all,

1152
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 1: because you talk too much, you insert yourself too much,

1153
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 1: you have too many opinions. You're too you tell everybody

1154
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 1: too much of the truth, and I overcorrected, And there

1155
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 1: is a period of overcorrection that we do when we're

1156
00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:12,719
Speaker 1: recovering from something, and then we have to kind of

1157
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:16,360
Speaker 1: balance it out and integrate what we've learned with the

1158
00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:19,720
Speaker 1: new person that we've become. So it's like, that's totally

1159
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,960
Speaker 1: normal what you're describing. Also, like, yeah, that was became

1160
00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:25,640
Speaker 1: kind of your identity. Therapy became my identity for a

1161
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 1: period of time, you know, And now I get to

1162
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 1: talk to all these people that call in and help them.

1163
00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:33,320
Speaker 1: So that's also something that would really help you helping

1164
00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:37,000
Speaker 1: other people that have survived eating disorders and are in recovery.

1165
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 1: Instead of looking at it like you're getting the counseling,

1166
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 1: I think you get a lot of counseling out of

1167
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: counseling others. Yeah. Yeah, And another resource we've talked about

1168
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 1: quite a bit on this show that maybe a possibility

1169
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,640
Speaker 1: for you as Pandemic of Love. They help people out

1170
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 1: with different situations that they run into, and they pair

1171
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 1: donors with somebody who has a financial issue in order

1172
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 1: to help get that solved. So I would say definitely

1173
00:58:01,880 --> 00:58:04,120
Speaker 1: reach out to them see if they can help with

1174
00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 1: some of the financials. Yeah, thank you, but you're gonna

1175
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:10,200
Speaker 1: be fine. Everything's going to be great. I appreciate you

1176
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:12,720
Speaker 1: all so much this. You really have helped me kind

1177
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: of see things from a different perspective. And it's simple

1178
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 1: and complicated, but that's kind of everything, right Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah.

1179
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 1: So proud of you taking the steps. Thank you. Yeah,

1180
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 1: all right, well follow up with us. Let let us

1181
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 1: know how everything goes, okay, Anna, absolutely, Yeah, thank you

1182
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 1: guys so much. Chelsea. I love you. This is so exciting.

1183
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:34,840
Speaker 1: I've been breathing this whole time to be calm, but

1184
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 1: you're incredible. I'm excited for you. Thanks, take care, Chelsea.

1185
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 1: I did have one idea, so you know, I know

1186
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 1: Anna has talked about setting up a go fund me.

1187
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:53,200
Speaker 1: What if we could have listeners of the show head

1188
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 1: over to her go fund me. I mean, we can

1189
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:57,160
Speaker 1: put the name in right here and have people head

1190
00:58:57,160 --> 00:58:59,280
Speaker 1: over and help with some of those even if they

1191
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:01,800
Speaker 1: have five bucks. Yeah. I think that's a great idea.

1192
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 1: Anyone who wants to help somebody who's recovering from an

1193
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 1: eating disorder, anyone who heard this and who wants to

1194
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:11,280
Speaker 1: help another person. Yeah, I think that's a great idea, Katherine. Okay, great.

1195
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 1: If you'd like to donate to Anna's go fund me,

1196
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:16,240
Speaker 1: take a look at the episode description, it'll be right

1197
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 1: there in the show notes. Good thinking. Well, let's head

1198
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 1: to a quick break and we'll be right back to

1199
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:33,560
Speaker 1: wrap up with Osco and Chelsea. And we're back. Hi hi, hi. Oh.

1200
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 1: That was so deep and I learned so much and yeah,

1201
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:41,240
Speaker 1: I got so emotional, and wow, what a day. That

1202
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:43,720
Speaker 1: was uplifting. Even though those were sad things to be

1203
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:46,880
Speaker 1: talking about, they're all uplifting because it's like seeing somebody

1204
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 1: on the other side of something is really empowering. And

1205
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 1: I'm sure there are plenty of people that are listening

1206
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 1: to this who are experiencing disorders at eating disorders at

1207
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 1: this moment, and plenty of people that are on the

1208
00:59:57,560 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 1: other side of eating disorders. So feel free to right

1209
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 1: in or call in about any of this stuff, you guys,

1210
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 1: Because everybody just needs somebody to just kind of be

1211
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:09,439
Speaker 1: there for them, and we understand that. And there's something

1212
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:13,080
Speaker 1: about hearing someone else's story, you know, while that's not

1213
01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:17,439
Speaker 1: exactly my story, I found it so moving and it's

1214
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:21,160
Speaker 1: exciting to hear about her healing journey and it's tough.

1215
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:23,959
Speaker 1: There's there's tough steps in the middle of that. Yeah,

1216
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:26,200
Speaker 1: I was hoping that you know, one of you, you're

1217
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 1: more well traveled than I am, would know something about

1218
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 1: like Mexico. But I don't want to be like because

1219
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 1: maybe you could get dental work in Mexico, don't people,

1220
01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a good idea. Okay, dental work

1221
01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 1: in Mexico. This is how I would do it. But

1222
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 1: I still have my tag on on my shirt. And

1223
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:45,040
Speaker 1: my housekeeper went to Mexico for dental work and it

1224
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 1: was a ship show. Her teeth were not that every

1225
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:50,479
Speaker 1: dentist in Mexico is bad, but wherever she was going,

1226
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 1: I was just too quick. We had to redirect her

1227
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:56,120
Speaker 1: to U. Yeah, our doctor here. But yeah, so I

1228
01:00:56,120 --> 01:00:58,520
Speaker 1: wouldn't recommend that. I thought, if you could get dental

1229
01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:00,280
Speaker 1: work done in the United States, that's a used to

1230
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:03,120
Speaker 1: do it good. We're good for something and it's good

1231
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:06,640
Speaker 1: done to work. See even though it's cash. Wasn't it

1232
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:10,880
Speaker 1: so good that I didn't bring it up? Though? Yeah,

1233
01:01:10,920 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 1: I just I want a little prop here for not

1234
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:18,840
Speaker 1: not being like Mexico. To you hold your tongue because

1235
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:22,040
Speaker 1: that's totally yeah. I thought about it. Well, Otsco, did

1236
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:25,120
Speaker 1: you have any advice that you'd like to ask from Chelsea?

1237
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I feel like again like I feel like

1238
01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:30,760
Speaker 1: you've already given me so much with you know, even

1239
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:33,520
Speaker 1: figuring out the title to my special, which is called

1240
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:36,840
Speaker 1: The Intruder. It's called the Intruder because there was another option,

1241
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 1: and she was like, intruder, go with your gut instinct.

1242
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 1: And that's such a great piece of advice. Intruder, which

1243
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:47,000
Speaker 1: airs December ten on HBO. You guys, you're gonna fucking

1244
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 1: love this woman. She's so funny. You are going to

1245
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:53,600
Speaker 1: love this special. I cannot wait to see it. Thank you, Chelsea,

1246
01:01:53,640 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 1: and December go check out Yo Girl, Chelsea h Okotska

1247
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 1: on Netflix on Netflix. That's right double duty. Jesse's like,

1248
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 1: how benevolent can I be to the one person? Over

1249
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:15,880
Speaker 1: and over? She almost sent a person to Mexico and

1250
01:02:15,880 --> 01:02:18,440
Speaker 1: we're gonna go. We should give Mike Berbiglia show a

1251
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 1: shout out because we're about to go see that together.

1252
01:02:20,880 --> 01:02:22,360
Speaker 1: She and I are going to go see that in

1253
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:24,360
Speaker 1: New York together, and I'm going to come to your

1254
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:27,080
Speaker 1: show on Tuesday. What's the name The Old Man, The

1255
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 1: Old Man and the Pool. The Old Man and the

1256
01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 1: Pool is Mike Berbiglia show which had just launched on

1257
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:36,720
Speaker 1: Broadway and it's getting rave reviews, and if you get

1258
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 1: a chance to see it, you should definitely go. And

1259
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 1: we're gonna be there and Chelsea will probably have better

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01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:42,920
Speaker 1: seas than I will, but we will both see the

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01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:49,040
Speaker 1: same show. Fabulous. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Always

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01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:53,800
Speaker 1: check out Osco's new special The Intruder on HBO, And

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01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:56,440
Speaker 1: if you'd like to donate to Anna's dental work, take

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01:02:56,480 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 1: a look at the episode description. A link to her

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01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 1: go fund me will be right are in the show notes.

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01:03:01,240 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 1: So I'm winding up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and

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01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:06,360
Speaker 1: Horning is coming to a screeching halt at the end

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01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 1: of the year. I have my last dates and these

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01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:12,240
Speaker 1: are the last opportunities. You have to also buy merch

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01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:15,000
Speaker 1: from the website Chelsea Handler dot com. If you want

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01:03:15,040 --> 01:03:18,400
Speaker 1: Vaccinating and Horning Captain's hats, let's say We're the Captain's

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01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:21,080
Speaker 1: now for women only. Our t shirts for men and

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01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,920
Speaker 1: your family that say I'm sorry because they should be.

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01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:27,520
Speaker 1: I only have a few dates left Baltimore, Maryland, and

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01:03:27,560 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 1: then my very last date is December sixte in Reading, Pennsylvania.

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01:03:32,200 --> 01:03:34,560
Speaker 1: If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe

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01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:38,880
Speaker 1: to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast, and you can

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01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:41,360
Speaker 1: rate us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea.

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01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:44,800
Speaker 1: It actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for

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01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 1: any podcast that you like, Subscribing giving it a rating

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01:03:48,440 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 1: actually make a huge difference. And who all we get

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01:03:50,440 --> 01:03:53,960
Speaker 1: served to and helping spread the word. It's okay, Yeah,

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01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:58,320
Speaker 1: subscribe and and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So

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01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:00,920
Speaker 1: if you like advice from Chelsea, just send us an

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01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:05,520
Speaker 1: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear

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01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:09,280
Speaker 1: Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced

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01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:12,600
Speaker 1: by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and

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01:04:12,680 --> 01:04:14,320
Speaker 1: engineered by Brad Dickart.