Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, you can tell when you're
Speaker 1: about to be sick. It's always during the holidays, you're
Speaker 1: getting on planes, you're around family, you're around kids.
Speaker 2: I do the same thing.
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Speaker 2: Thank you and you're welcome.
Speaker 3: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 4: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 4: much baggage you claim. Give us time and a terminol
Speaker 4: and gay.
Speaker 5: We want to send you off in style. We wanna
Speaker 5: welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about ity.
Speaker 4: Scared her was it fine, Malborn.
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Ride with Karen and Chris.
Speaker 7: Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: And this is Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 1: We are driving in the dead of night. Oh aka,
Speaker 1: it's so late, not five o'clock yet, it's not even
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Is it like this every year? Yes, but I mean
Speaker 2: there is something happened. No, no, no, it's I think.
Speaker 3: What's happened is Donald Trump as president. So everything seems
Speaker 3: very dark anyway. And then like the sun, like abandoning
Speaker 3: us at three point thirty in the afternoon is really
Speaker 3: adding to it.
Speaker 1: I guess it must be that. But part of me
Speaker 1: thinks the sun is slowly dimming.
Speaker 3: Oh, it definitely is. The sun's dying. It'll be dead
Speaker 3: by twenty thirty five. Okay, so don't have kids act
Speaker 3: accordingly please, And hey, the bright side don't have to
Speaker 3: worry about sunscreen. The bright side is there won't be
Speaker 3: any more bright side.
Speaker 2: Well, don't do it.
Speaker 3: I feel like I haven't talked to you or seen
Speaker 3: you in a very long time.
Speaker 1: We pre recorded the last few episodes before that.
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's great. It has been a multiple weeks, three
Speaker 8: weeks three at least. Chris, how are you? I'm great guy.
Speaker 8: Went on a tour. It was so fun.
Speaker 2: Ooh, tour highlights please.
Speaker 7: I rented a truck because that's what they gave me.
Speaker 1: But then I thought, how perfect to drive through the
Speaker 1: South Texas and Oklahoma and Louisiana while in a truck
Speaker 1: constantly having the Popeye's theme song in my head.
Speaker 2: It was so fun.
Speaker 3: And I drove through Love that Chicken from Popeyes, Eazy
Speaker 3: and fast.
Speaker 1: When I was like going fast, I would sing that
Speaker 1: because I guess I had and figured out the stereo.
Speaker 1: So I did a lot of singing, did a lot
Speaker 1: of podcasts listening.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I listened to ours, did you?
Speaker 1: Because I thought they'd be hidden jokes and I'm clawing
Speaker 1: to think of new material.
Speaker 2: Yeah lately. And did it help?
Speaker 7: I mean no, It's just was generally enjoyable. I like
Speaker 7: the way we talk.
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 1: There wasn't material in there for me or I need
Speaker 1: to listen to more than a couple episodes, but I
Speaker 1: had never listened to them.
Speaker 2: You know's in to the pilot.
Speaker 3: You've never listened to it?
Speaker 1: It's embarrassing, but no, I don't. Might want to hear
Speaker 1: my own muppet voice.
Speaker 3: I've I'm also embarrassed to say that I do listen
Speaker 3: to it because I can't ever ever remember the details
Speaker 3: of our conversations.
Speaker 2: So I genuinely.
Speaker 3: Enjoy it as if it's two people.
Speaker 2: I don't know, and like I wasn't.
Speaker 1: There for it, right, No, that I did experience that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't have memory of these conversations. And
Speaker 1: there are moments of brilliance that we just don't in
Speaker 1: the moment give ourselves credit.
Speaker 2: That's who would do that? It would we would run it.
Speaker 2: Doing that stops everything. Did you hear what we just see? Yeah?
Speaker 7: Can we just recap audibly now in the moment?
Speaker 3: That would be narcissistic, But hey, that's what everyone's doing
Speaker 3: these days.
Speaker 2: Why can't we do it too?
Speaker 1: In Dallas after my show, there was a tornado. We
Speaker 1: were listening for the sounds of trains. Apparently tornadoes sound
Speaker 1: like trains, and if you hear a train outside, it's
Speaker 1: not a train, it's wind that can kill you, and
Speaker 1: cows and tractors floating Helen Hunt next and hovering.
Speaker 2: Above a while on cowback like flying rodeo stars.
Speaker 1: And then when I went to New Orleans, there was
Speaker 1: what appeared to be reminders of a hurricane.
Speaker 2: I mean it was a tropical storm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Olga I think her name was, and she was
Speaker 1: not happy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, rarely are.
Speaker 1: And driving through New Orleans, it became clear how vulnerable
Speaker 1: they are when water like the freeway was above just
Speaker 1: ten feet above water. It's just it's not a bridge.
Speaker 1: It's just kind of being suspended. And if the water
Speaker 1: rises at all, there would be no getting out of it.
Speaker 2: There's no exits.
Speaker 3: You'd think they would. I guess it wasn't like that
Speaker 3: when they built it.
Speaker 2: Maybe not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to say poor planning, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to offend anyone.
Speaker 2: Let's not. But yeah, there was.
Speaker 1: And there's just houses on the side of the road
Speaker 1: that were that maybe weren't built up to code or
Speaker 1: they didn't have permission to build their house.
Speaker 7: And it was just elbows deep in water, well as waste.
Speaker 7: If you're wasteful, probably where your elbows are waste water.
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, I see what it may have been water
Speaker 2: with waste.
Speaker 1: I bet there was waste waste high wastewater with human waste,
Speaker 1: human waste high.
Speaker 3: Oh, holorify it.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 3: Well, that's a good dog.
Speaker 7: That's a good dog, and she's a runner.
Speaker 3: That's a puppy running with the mom.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's a long pree dog prey. It's everyone with
Speaker 2: different dogs showcasing them.
Speaker 3: What if these three people just got kicked out of
Speaker 3: the dog park that's right down the street.
Speaker 2: Ear somebody was like, get you three out now you
Speaker 2: are no longer part of this dog show. You call
Speaker 2: that a well maintained do claw.
Speaker 1: And then I get out in a card again and
Speaker 1: I check the underbelly for winners.
Speaker 7: Do you have to check their unders are nice?
Speaker 2: Husky genitals? You are the winner, you win.
Speaker 1: I think genitals are a big part of winning a
Speaker 1: dog show. Really, it can't just be coat. It's gotta
Speaker 1: be balls.
Speaker 2: It's gotta be coat behavior, balls and then stairs in
Speaker 2: tunnel running.
Speaker 3: And there's tunnel running, general enthusiasm. How quickly can you eat?
Speaker 2: And the only dogs are good at Yeah? Yeah, they
Speaker 2: do have eat speed.
Speaker 3: Do you know that my dog George, I have this
Speaker 3: new food. Sorry sidebar you, but I have this new
Speaker 3: dog food that I had to start feeding them because
Speaker 3: they got sick on their old dog food in a
Speaker 3: very bad way. So I was like, fine, only the
Speaker 3: best for you, two assholes that absolutely contribute nothing to this.
Speaker 1: Household, And you do they should do more around the house. Yes,
Speaker 1: and you pick up a little did you go natural balance?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: No, I went like the kind that's in the refrigerator
Speaker 3: at the grocery store that only assholes by. But I
Speaker 3: was like, fine, we're here now, let's do it.
Speaker 2: Jolra dog meat.
Speaker 3: Yes, where it's basically like someone made someone a chicken dinner,
Speaker 3: bald it up into gray balls, and are like, now
Speaker 3: it's for your dog. So George loves this food so
Speaker 3: much that she gets up at six thirty in the
Speaker 3: morning and at around four thirty in the afternoon, that's
Speaker 3: when she's ready for breakfast and dinner.
Speaker 2: Like she's calling the shots. She won't leave me alone.
Speaker 3: She sits next to me, stamps her feet, she makes
Speaker 3: crying noises. So I'm like, fine, but I'm gonna feed
Speaker 3: you now and you're gonna be starving in six hours whatever.
Speaker 3: So every time she eats, she's eating like it's her
Speaker 3: first meal of four days. She did it the other
Speaker 3: day and then just turned around and immediately barfed. Like,
Speaker 3: I'm like, you have a severe eating disorder, George. I
Speaker 3: don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: And it's and it's nine and five. It's like a
Speaker 1: nine to five job eating now.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean it's just that normally I would feed them. Normally,
Speaker 3: you'd just be like a cup of kibble that's just
Speaker 3: thrown down and they don't really like it and they
Speaker 3: don't really eat it. But this stuff is like I'm
Speaker 3: giving them half my burrito essentially, right right, but it's
Speaker 3: from the store, and they are just like this is
Speaker 3: the greatest every meal is the greatest meal of their lives.
Speaker 7: But it's healthy. They're not like getting bigger.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, it's it's really good for them.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah. But when George likes it so much, she makes
Speaker 2: herself through.
Speaker 1: Because kibble's, I mean, we've all tried them. My mom
Speaker 1: would accidentally put it in a saan winter or something.
Speaker 1: I've had pet food before, no, you know, and the
Speaker 1: dry stuff is really not good.
Speaker 2: No, it isn't.
Speaker 1: And when the times I've put Frisky's in my mouth,
Speaker 1: I do a lot of experimenting when I was little.
Speaker 1: It is card It is salty cardboard chunks. It's the
Speaker 1: worst with like.
Speaker 2: A light fish flavor, which I don't want anyway.
Speaker 7: No, no, if you're going fish, go.
Speaker 3: Heavy sardine Leiden.
Speaker 2: I love fish.
Speaker 1: When people are eating fish and they're like, is this
Speaker 1: fish fishy?
Speaker 2: I want to slap them with a fish.
Speaker 1: I fired that most appropriate, just a wet, fresh cat
Speaker 1: slap to the side of the face with a marlin,
Speaker 1: because what a silly statement.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, no, this fish is beefy.
Speaker 1: I would love to be just the most sarcastic fish waiter.
Speaker 2: Now, listen, you just wrote a bit.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you would listen back to that
Speaker 3: and be like, oh my god, this fish waiter thing
Speaker 3: is unbelievable. Yeah yeah, you wouldn't, right, No, but you did,
Speaker 3: But it is.
Speaker 1: I suppose I gotta quip pooh pooing in general. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's just disgusting. It's human behavior that shouldn't That doesn't
Speaker 1: win a dog show.
Speaker 2: Why should it win a human show? It wins so
Speaker 2: many humans.
Speaker 1: When you see a dog at Westminster and at the
Speaker 1: end of their run they just lay a hot coiler,
Speaker 1: they are punished with last place. Why are humans above that?
Speaker 3: Can I just say this, A phrase like hot coiler
Speaker 3: is the kind of boy language that I'm jealous culturally
Speaker 3: jealous of men about you all sit around trying to
Speaker 3: be disgusting for each other, right, am I? That's what
Speaker 3: that's from, right, some kind of friend group where you
Speaker 3: were all in Tahoe and then everybody needs to make
Speaker 3: up a new way to say shit right.
Speaker 7: In between smelling each other's farts in a cabin.
Speaker 2: Yes, men are disgusting, I mean, but it's like it's
Speaker 2: so fun.
Speaker 3: There's a creativity to there's something about it that I'm.
Speaker 7: So jealous of hot coilers.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think that it makes it think of hair
Speaker 1: care or to stairs.
Speaker 3: Yes, And it does seem like the newest thing from
Speaker 3: like Dyson, where it's like you have our blow dryer,
Speaker 3: now use the hot coiler. That's right, put hot shit
Speaker 3: in your hair. See what happens now, boom Richard Dyson
Speaker 3: scalp ever, Oh, the new secret to shiny hair.
Speaker 6: Shit.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just go ahead and do what I thought
Speaker 1: I never do is in the moment, congradulately congratulate myself
Speaker 1: for hot coiler.
Speaker 7: You should hot coiler alert.
Speaker 2: Coiler alert this is shit. That's fun.
Speaker 3: Okay, so that's a second bit we've written. Yes, yes,
Speaker 3: we're gonna have a fifteen minute, tight fifteen ready for you.
Speaker 1: But I write a new thing. I know that's pretty soon.
Speaker 1: Someone's gonna, you know, offer me. Do you have any
Speaker 1: new material? You know, let me look at my podcast notes.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, here's a half hour bam boom in your
Speaker 2: fucking face.
Speaker 7: I'm just gonna dictate it and show it to them.
Speaker 3: Hold on, we need to talk about Now that we're
Speaker 3: on this topic, I will introduce it. Your Comedy Central
Speaker 3: special came out. It was Yes, is coming out.
Speaker 1: I'm letting people assume it's a special, but it's not
Speaker 1: the thing I shot in Portland.
Speaker 2: It's a different show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's called Featuring and it was supposed to be
Speaker 1: a shorter set, but I went long and they still
Speaker 1: used all of that.
Speaker 3: Well, they say you're good at comedy thanks and I
Speaker 3: and people have been complimenting it the kind of people
Speaker 3: I want.
Speaker 1: You just got to get on Comedy Central and then
Speaker 1: have them show people your things and kind of validates you.
Speaker 2: Yes, you need validation. Everybody does.
Speaker 3: And also you need validation, I think, especially because you
Speaker 3: get the kind of thing where people tell you how
Speaker 3: good you are, but it's only like you're you're at
Speaker 3: that bar right there, you know what I mean. It's
Speaker 3: like it's always in the same spot. You don't understand.
Speaker 3: You need the wider spectrum of appreciation. And you know
Speaker 3: that the people when you do the business or whatever
Speaker 3: are going.
Speaker 7: To like your said other comics.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've always been a comics comic, and I just
Speaker 1: realized it's maybe because I'm not being presented to civilians.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: So I've gotten a lot of civilian compliments and that
Speaker 1: feels great.
Speaker 3: I mean, stranger civilian compliments. What more could anyone want.
Speaker 1: One time in my neighborhood there was a man and
Speaker 1: a lot, you know. He was very well dressed. He
Speaker 1: had a very tall rich man's turban. There was a
Speaker 1: gem on. He looked like a visiting dignitarian. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: And he he said, you are lucky to have the
Speaker 1: face you have. It's a happy face and you're lucky
Speaker 1: to have it. And I said, well, what a nice
Speaker 1: thing to tell a stranger. Yes, and I was happy
Speaker 1: all damn day.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 1: He wasn't smiling when he said it, though, he actually
Speaker 1: looked a little upset, and I.
Speaker 2: Think that's what he's like. I always have.
Speaker 1: This upset face, even when I go around complimenting people
Speaker 1: on their happy face, and yet none of it rubs
Speaker 1: off on my head.
Speaker 2: And that makes me unhappy, yes, but.
Speaker 7: It's still it put a spring in my step.
Speaker 1: It was right when I moved into that neighborhood, and
Speaker 1: it was a great way to start things.
Speaker 2: That's that is a really nice one.
Speaker 3: I just if I may go ahead and trampling off,
Speaker 3: you tell my story of the one time that happened
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 7: Someone said you had a lucky face of a winner.
Speaker 3: Someone came into a restaurant where I was sitting with
Speaker 3: my group of friends. This was definitely early two thousands,
Speaker 3: and this guy came in where you're all eating brunch,
Speaker 3: so there was probably like six of us at this table.
Speaker 3: This guy came in off the street and it was
Speaker 3: like watching a one man show where he stopped and goes,
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. I just had to stop and tell
Speaker 3: you that you were one of the most beautiful people
Speaker 3: I've ever seen. And it was this thing right, and
Speaker 3: I was like staring at him, like, is this a prank?
Speaker 3: Did these guys make this guy do this like it
Speaker 3: was kind of crazy.
Speaker 2: Is this Gene Simmons.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But the guy who was clearly a gay guy,
Speaker 3: so he was, you know, I think he had he
Speaker 3: had an affinity for me in that the way that
Speaker 3: only gay man can for a girl like me. But
Speaker 3: he also looked a lot like me, So there was
Speaker 3: part of it that was almost like a compliment to him.
Speaker 2: That's in a.
Speaker 1: Weird way, recognize that he had.
Speaker 3: He had like black irish features. He had big, thick,
Speaker 3: dark eyebrows and blue eyes, and it was I just
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, well, thanks, that's amazing, and everyone
Speaker 3: at the table's gonna care and or whatever, and I
Speaker 3: was just like.
Speaker 2: I think that might have been more about him than
Speaker 2: it was about it. Does kind of take away from
Speaker 2: it when they look just like you.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm sorry, but you I went, you are gorgeous.
Speaker 1: I went to some youth group camp in Estes Park, Colorado,
Speaker 1: overlooking the Overlook Hotel from The Shining. It's one of
Speaker 1: the three places they shot The Shining. But there was
Speaker 1: a kid. Everyone kept coming up and saying, you have
Speaker 1: a brother here, right, And I'm like, no, I don't.
Speaker 1: And then I saw this younger, taller, handsomer version of
Speaker 1: me but his face, and I went up to him.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, you're the guy that everyone
Speaker 1: says I look like. And he was like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: can tell he.
Speaker 2: Didn't see it, but he looked just like me.
Speaker 1: It's just I was like the kind of worst posture
Speaker 1: version of him, a little shorter tin of little feet.
Speaker 9: You know.
Speaker 2: He looked me up and down.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh thank god, Oh yeah, yeah, Tim is
Speaker 1: maybe the runt of a litter right now, I'm the
Speaker 1: winning but bro, you.
Speaker 2: Know, when we showed sheep and four each we had to.
Speaker 3: Hold their the skin that was on either side of
Speaker 3: their throat and stick our knee in there basically kind
Speaker 3: of thor ax area, so that their guts would bloat out.
Speaker 3: And that was basically having like bloaty guts was a
Speaker 3: plus or sheep practicing firm jiu jitsu is a little
Speaker 3: bit what I was like, practicing self defense against a
Speaker 3: sheep that didn't want to be there and was not
Speaker 3: going to threaten.
Speaker 2: Me your army in anyway. Hey, that's how we treat animals.
Speaker 3: Hey, look, do you want to get sold for slaughter?
Speaker 3: They better get like, blow up.
Speaker 7: Yeah, let me kick you while you're down, beautiful sheep.
Speaker 2: Another great dog? Oh happening? Why is today the street
Speaker 2: dog Show? It really is? Oh?
Speaker 7: And they dog owners really do look like they're pets.
Speaker 2: They do.
Speaker 1: I mean that guy had a bass at hound face
Speaker 1: if I've ever seen one.
Speaker 3: Do we want to go back to the tour? Any
Speaker 3: highlights you've missed?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I had New Orleans is It was pouring rain in
Speaker 1: a way that I've never experienced. And Jessica did a
Speaker 1: great job setting up my tour and finding some of
Speaker 1: the places provided hotels. Some of them were nice, other
Speaker 1: ones it was a smaller venue with a Super eight.
Speaker 7: I'm not a hotel snob, but in New Orleans it
Speaker 7: was a.
Speaker 1: Bed and breakfast, and I already think that's a strange concept.
Speaker 1: You're just going in and meeting some ladies, cats and
Speaker 1: all their belongings are everywhere. And I walked in it
Speaker 1: looked like they were Everything was boxed up. It was
Speaker 1: a total mess. It looked like a hoarder house. It
Speaker 1: immediately seemed very haunted, and I felt uncomfortable in the
Speaker 1: minute I got there. But I had been driving. Maybe
Speaker 1: I was in a bad mood. It was pouring rain.
Speaker 1: They charged me thirty dollars to park in a mud puddle.
Speaker 1: But the more I learned about the city, though, there's
Speaker 1: nowhere to leave a car, and it's normal to stay
Speaker 1: in these bend breakfasts. And I felt like I was
Speaker 1: being kind of rude because I said, this isn't what
Speaker 1: I expected. Yeah, And she said, well, it's already been
Speaker 1: paid for, and I'm like, well, I guess the photos.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I was being kind of shitty about it, but then
Speaker 1: I learned that they She's like, well, tonight I have
Speaker 1: to take my husband to the hospital. It's maybe one
Speaker 1: of his last visits. And she was really emotional. And
Speaker 1: then also they were being evicted from this house after
Speaker 1: being in it for.
Speaker 7: Sixty years or something.
Speaker 2: Are you serious?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And they had five days and they had to
Speaker 1: pack everything up. Meanwhile, guests who had scheduled to stay
Speaker 1: there were showing up.
Speaker 2: Sure, well, I'm.
Speaker 3: Sure, and they probably needed the money, so they weren't
Speaker 3: canceling people, right, And I, oh.
Speaker 2: It was I felt.
Speaker 1: I sent her along email and said him, so, I
Speaker 1: hope your husband's okay. I had a great time. They
Speaker 1: made my room that looked like a storage room with
Speaker 1: Oh my god, above the door there was like a
Speaker 1: neglige that was dusty and it looked like it was
Speaker 1: the size made for a child. And it was on
Speaker 1: a hanger above the door, and a fan was blowing
Speaker 1: on it so all night, and they did make my room.
Speaker 2: Look beautiful, albeit very high.
Speaker 1: There was a netting over it, so you the malaria
Speaker 1: mosquitoes can't reach the already sick person who probably died there.
Speaker 2: And in the bed, yeah, it was.
Speaker 1: It was a room for a dying child and her
Speaker 1: neglish jay was up. I don't know why I keep
Speaker 1: saying the word neglige. Let's just stick with nightgown. Nightgowns better.
Speaker 1: But it was fluttering in the wind at night and
Speaker 1: it was from a fan and I knew why.
Speaker 2: But it was dancing in the darkness, and I was horrified,
Speaker 2: and I didn't sleep at all. So and I didn't
Speaker 2: wake up and have their their the breakfast.
Speaker 1: I don't want to eat the porridge made by And
Speaker 1: the man was back, he was out of the hospital
Speaker 1: and he was making breakfast. I'm like, oh, you should relax,
Speaker 1: he's apparently terminal.
Speaker 2: I don't know. It was an emotional stay.
Speaker 3: No, that's not your that's not the burden you need
Speaker 3: to take on when you're just trying to do some set.
Speaker 1: And I took a nap before my show. My alarm
Speaker 1: didn't go off. I woke up at nine fifteen. The
Speaker 1: show started at eight thirty. The guy had called me
Speaker 1: fifteen times that were so I called him in a panic.
Speaker 1: He said, oh, how close are you? He was freaking out,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm so sorry. My alarm didn't go off.
Speaker 1: And I looked and it was a little over a
Speaker 1: mile away, and I ran in the rain with an
Speaker 1: umbrella and I got there in eight minutes.
Speaker 2: So that are you kidding?
Speaker 7: My hip works great.
Speaker 2: I got I.
Speaker 1: Sprinted and they're you know, that town is riddled with
Speaker 1: people that want to try out hilarious give me your
Speaker 1: money pranks like I bet for ten dollars, I can
Speaker 1: guess where your shoes are.
Speaker 2: I was warned about that one.
Speaker 1: And then they say they're on Bourbon Street or what
Speaker 1: you know, and then you have to give them ten
Speaker 1: dollars or they beat you with some kind of a
Speaker 1: voodoo stick.
Speaker 2: There's a voodoo.
Speaker 3: Careful, careful, there's voodoo.
Speaker 2: It was I was there on a day of voodoo.
Speaker 1: Celebrating voodoo, people were dressed, you know, in Jester hats
Speaker 1: and cat and the hat hats and steampunk type goggles.
Speaker 3: Chris, is there a chance that you ate something weird?
Speaker 3: In this weird house and this everything else was hallucinating?
Speaker 7: I never went on tour. I've been on acid.
Speaker 2: For three weeks. It was but I made it.
Speaker 1: I made it in the rain, I made it past
Speaker 1: people trying to trip me.
Speaker 2: Even. That's the one thing about New Orleans.
Speaker 1: I love it, and it was exciting to be there,
Speaker 1: albeit for twenty four hours. But it's kind of like
Speaker 1: Las Vegas and that it's everyone kind of on their
Speaker 1: worst drunken behavior. Yes, and it's really celebrated, and I
Speaker 1: kind of don't like that when everyone has permission. It's
Speaker 1: like the same reason I like to go out on
Speaker 1: Tuesdays or Wednesdays. Why is that because the weekend Warriors
Speaker 1: the pagan don't make me ask?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's you know, I don't like it when
Speaker 2: everyone else is doing it. Oh got it?
Speaker 7: And Vegas and New Orleans everyone else, they're.
Speaker 3: Always doing it. Even on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Speaker 1: I'm going home early and reading a book because of
Speaker 1: this whole city's agreement to engage in debauchery.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, I get it.
Speaker 7: Yes, yeah, because I'm no stranger to a debauchery.
Speaker 2: No, you like a good debauch, but it's not every day.
Speaker 7: I want to be the only debaucher.
Speaker 2: I mean, who does it? It was yeah, but that
Speaker 2: show was so fun.
Speaker 1: The people that came to see the podcast fans on
Speaker 1: the whole tour, it was overwhelming.
Speaker 7: And did a bunch of people come, especially to New Orleans.
Speaker 1: Really so when I showed up drenched in rain and
Speaker 1: also sweat breathing painfully because I just sprinted, and the
Speaker 1: woman opening for me was she was out of materials.
Speaker 7: She was really stretching, and I felt so bad.
Speaker 1: But I immediately got on stage and I couldn't even breathe,
Speaker 1: and so they just kind of applauded because I couldn't talk.
Speaker 1: I was so but my hip felt great the next day,
Speaker 1: by the way, I just it's one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: I can sprint in the rain.
Speaker 3: Yes, you have your wheels back.
Speaker 2: Yes, God, and these wheels are oiled and ready to race.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: I had so much. I had a great time. That's
Speaker 1: New Orleans was great.
Speaker 2: How many cities did you go too?
Speaker 1: I went to Dallas, Tulsa, Oklahoma City. I canceled the
Speaker 1: show in Houston because the Astros won and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to compete with that, and so I went.
Speaker 7: To Austin, and then I went to Lafayette.
Speaker 1: And then I went to New Orleans, and I think
Speaker 1: I left out cities, and then I went back to
Speaker 1: Austin to do Cap City, which was great.
Speaker 7: Oh nice, good, that's where I started.
Speaker 1: And yeah, that's a twenty four year old version of
Speaker 1: me looking down, I guess from heaven because young.
Speaker 2: Me is dead. Yeah, yeah, he is alive, and young Me.
Speaker 3: Is proud, yeah, proud and sad to be dead, yes, just.
Speaker 1: Like the fifteen year old me is happy that forty
Speaker 1: four year old me can do kickflips still.
Speaker 2: Or whatever, you know what I mean, and has his
Speaker 2: own apartment.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, really, young me thought I'd never thought I'd
Speaker 1: always be living in dad's basement.
Speaker 2: So yeah, it was the best.
Speaker 1: And the fans were the best, and I really had
Speaker 1: a great times.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it, and.
Speaker 1: I want to go back to New Orleans when I
Speaker 1: don't have a show and actually experience and.
Speaker 10: Help that family yeah, good, yes, yes, stay there and
Speaker 10: need to tip more soy, that's the people that made
Speaker 10: up my room.
Speaker 1: They put so much care and attention to every little
Speaker 1: pillow placement, just seeing the contrast of when I arrived
Speaker 1: and it was a storage room that no one had
Speaker 1: stayed in for a while.
Speaker 2: And then I got.
Speaker 1: Back and I was like, oh, I owly I owe
Speaker 1: these people in apology for my attitude when I first
Speaker 1: walked into this.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, I also think you have the same thing I have,
Speaker 3: which is when you don't eat, you get set, but
Speaker 3: you but you never you don't ever go oh, that's
Speaker 3: this is what's happening. You get upset at yourself that
Speaker 3: you're upset, yes, when actually you just have a sugar
Speaker 3: sensitivity and you just need to eat a piece.
Speaker 2: Of string cheese.
Speaker 7: When I just like, give me the key, I'll fill
Speaker 7: out the PaperWorks.
Speaker 1: She had a whole spiel about here's the map, here's
Speaker 1: the place to do this. I'm like, I don't have
Speaker 1: time for this. I have to go eat now. I'm
Speaker 1: getting so hungry. And I did, and when we were done,
Speaker 1: I just walked down into the rain without an umbrella,
Speaker 1: and I just asked people on the street where I
Speaker 1: should eat.
Speaker 2: They're like, well, what do you want anything? I don't
Speaker 2: have time for specifics.
Speaker 1: And I went to a call of port I believe
Speaker 1: it was called h and just had a couple of
Speaker 1: drinks and had some.
Speaker 7: Burger and it was delicious.
Speaker 2: Nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I hadn't eaten meat in a long time.
Speaker 1: That's how hungry I was. I'm like, I need Georgia's
Speaker 1: dog food right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then you ate it, and I would say,
Speaker 3: she can get it done in about twenty four seconds.
Speaker 1: Oh I ate, Yeah, I ate this, hovering over it
Speaker 1: with my arms hugging the plate like someone was going
Speaker 1: to steal it. I ate once again at gunpoint, and
Speaker 1: it was it was really fun. And then I was
Speaker 1: in a great mood and I really want to go
Speaker 1: back to New Orleans.
Speaker 2: That's great.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's had a great time.
Speaker 3: It's so it's I really love I was actually I
Speaker 3: shouldn't say this, but while you were telling that story,
Speaker 3: I was kind of thinking separately. It was like, I
Speaker 3: just love touring. I'm surprised at how much I love
Speaker 3: touring because I did it when I was young, like
Speaker 3: I did colleges and stuff like that. But it was
Speaker 3: always insanely stressful to me, right because I didn't have
Speaker 3: enough time to be doing an hour. So it wasn't
Speaker 3: that I couldn't enjoy any part of it, because it
Speaker 3: was someone signed me up for something I can't actually do.
Speaker 3: So now I'm here at this college, I'm supposed.
Speaker 2: To do an hour.
Speaker 3: I have maybe thirty five minutes and I can't. And
Speaker 3: I don't believe in my own ability to like bullshit
Speaker 3: and improvise.
Speaker 1: I felt that way a handful of years ago, like
Speaker 1: I don't have an hour.
Speaker 2: I'm proud of.
Speaker 1: I think I finally got to the point where it's
Speaker 1: like I don't have to worry about doing an hour,
Speaker 1: And you're right, that's where most of the stress is.
Speaker 1: It's not from renting a car and waking up, Oh
Speaker 1: I have five hours to drive today. All that stuff
Speaker 1: I thought would be bothering me, and it wasn't at
Speaker 1: all terrific.
Speaker 3: I love just so pleasant. Yeah, I just love that. Also,
Speaker 3: this podcast and the people that support it are what's
Speaker 3: changing your experience as well.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's it's been overwhelming.
Speaker 1: I can't it's every time it's so it makes me
Speaker 1: so happy, and it's always kind people and they always
Speaker 1: when someone's like nervous to meet me, like, I'm I've
Speaker 1: done something other than just riff with you for a
Speaker 1: few years. It's I'm like, is this really happening. It's
Speaker 1: keep it coming. I am not a lot of people
Speaker 1: message later and say I didn't want to bother you,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, no, I'm I feed off of it.
Speaker 2: Yes, it turns out I need I need this. I
Speaker 2: didn't know I needed it. That's what we say all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 3: And people go, do you like when we're in meet
Speaker 3: and greets and stuff like is this so hard?
Speaker 2: You just want to go home? And I go, are
Speaker 2: you kidding me? No? I was like five years old.
Speaker 3: I've been tap dancing for attention like this, and now
Speaker 3: I finally get it, Like.
Speaker 2: It's what I love.
Speaker 7: Finally, strangers giving me fine I need.
Speaker 3: Finally, people screaming at me for random reasons.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because if you weren't getting that, it seems like
Speaker 1: an unhealthy thing to be needing. But once you're giving it,
Speaker 1: unhealthy thing, yeah, But once you're getting it, it's like
Speaker 1: this is the healthiest shit ever.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 3: It's like this I was right to be unhealthy to
Speaker 3: need this because it is now. It is like a lifeblood,
Speaker 3: like it is like a Vitamin B twelve shot in
Speaker 3: my ego.
Speaker 1: Right, And maybe that's why I appreciate it so much,
Speaker 1: because it's a lifetime of me sticking things up my
Speaker 1: nose and pulling them out of my mouth or whatever
Speaker 1: I do in sixth grade, trying to turn my.
Speaker 2: Eyelids upside down. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're just saying funny things. So I wasn't at
Speaker 1: Jim Rose Circus side show.
Speaker 2: No, but you did it all, but I did.
Speaker 10: You didn't see the physical as well as the first voices,
Speaker 10: sound effects.
Speaker 3: Raising your hand. But then your question's weird. It's just
Speaker 3: a great classroom common.
Speaker 1: Acting like I was going to say something, but simply
Speaker 1: a fart came out of me. Early early attempts finding
Speaker 1: my voice, and it's finally it feels.
Speaker 7: Like it makes sense. Yeah, it's it's it's great.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad. You know I didn't perish in my
Speaker 2: thirties or something. Yeah, me too, because I finally made it.
Speaker 3: Additionally, you did, you got, you got to some high ground, and.
Speaker 1: I can tell I was happy because I was, even
Speaker 1: though I was on tour and laying in comfortable beds.
Speaker 2: I was waking up like at nine in the morning.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that my sleeping in which I've always done,
Speaker 1: was maybe a sign that I was depressed or not happy.
Speaker 2: I think that's totally Did you sleep on noon? Was
Speaker 2: pretty easy and typical. And now nine thirty.
Speaker 1: You know, if I do go back to sleep, it's
Speaker 1: a conscious decision, like, nep, I'm tired, I'm going back
Speaker 1: to sleep now.
Speaker 2: Wake up feeling all guilty.
Speaker 11: It's when you wake up, Oh my god, it's the
Speaker 11: dead of day and there's only three more hours a
Speaker 11: day light left because of farmers a century ago, where
Speaker 11: we're all setting our clocks this way because they want
Speaker 11: to go to bed at eight.
Speaker 2: Is that? Explain it to me, Explain why? Yes, that's it.
Speaker 3: They had to change stuff to make it easier for
Speaker 3: farmers to produce more because we are a capitalist society.
Speaker 10: It's killing us all, yes, And I don't I do
Speaker 10: not think it ever was getting dark at four point thirty.
Speaker 10: I just in reality, in like natural times, I would
Speaker 10: have noticed I would be adjusting to this.
Speaker 3: Oh you mean before this year, yeah, yeah, no, no,
Speaker 3: this year. It's it's darker, faster, there's definitely, but.
Speaker 2: It's also the vibe. It's like the vibe.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't notice it if everything else felt light and
Speaker 3: you didn't have to worry about truly, like the breakdown
Speaker 3: of democracy every day.
Speaker 1: Right, So you really do think it's climate political, climate
Speaker 1: based climate change.
Speaker 3: I mean it's climate change, right. The threats are coming
Speaker 3: from goddamn everywhere. You've got crazy like white people that
Speaker 3: have decided they can start screaming at people if they
Speaker 3: feel like it's the threats are coming from.
Speaker 1: Everywhere, and the stars and moon are listening, and you,
Speaker 1: to your drunk redneck.
Speaker 3: Uncle, you want light around so that everyone can see
Speaker 3: what's happening and everyone's safe. And when the sun starts
Speaker 3: going down, it's like, I don't know what's going to
Speaker 3: happen now, I don't know what evil is going to
Speaker 3: come out, and they're already it's already out.
Speaker 2: Yep, what else can happen? Yeah, it might as well
Speaker 2: get dark.
Speaker 1: This is the weather equivalent of giving your some the
Speaker 1: Midwest biker a microphone and telling you how he feels.
Speaker 2: Does that make no?
Speaker 1: Of course it didn't. Are we hot and sweaty? I
Speaker 1: feel like we're in a bitroom yoga.
Speaker 3: Yes, I have to turn on that that thing ooh
Speaker 3: sor it's quite all right, Uh, I have to.
Speaker 2: Turn on this.
Speaker 3: I keep turning it on and turning it off because
Speaker 3: I know it's creating an issue for Steven.
Speaker 2: Well, I could definitely use a little air though.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, yeah, well we just have a little interference then, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean that's one thing.
Speaker 1: I listened to early episodes and it sound like it
Speaker 1: sounded like we were in a wind tunnel. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: one of those skydiving places.
Speaker 2: Was that asshole sound guy we had before? Then wait
Speaker 2: a minute, Hong Kong.
Speaker 1: I was actually trying to think of it.
Speaker 2: This was on the ones and two.
Speaker 7: It was me.
Speaker 1: With the same equipment, the same exact equipment. That's how
Speaker 1: I know I had no talent.
Speaker 2: Well that was I think.
Speaker 3: You know, if we're talking about like the people coming
Speaker 3: to support you and how exciting it is, we really
Speaker 3: we started this podcast about as like grassroots as you
Speaker 3: can start a podcast, which is you and me sitting
Speaker 3: in your car thinking of the idea going we really
Speaker 3: should do this.
Speaker 2: Then it's like, well then what do we do now?
Speaker 7: Okay, last episode we didn't even have a name yet.
Speaker 7: We were like discussing, well, I guess do you need
Speaker 7: to ride?
Speaker 2: It's a good name, right, might as well like figure
Speaker 2: it out on.
Speaker 3: Tape.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't realize that that first episode is and
Speaker 1: man we are. It was enjoyable, but we're way better
Speaker 1: at it now. I think we just know each other.
Speaker 1: We didn't really even know each other that well.
Speaker 2: No, we were just kind of trying.
Speaker 3: Also, I think I've learned a lot about podcasting and
Speaker 3: what the actually what people what I like when I
Speaker 3: listened to it helped has helped me obviously listening to
Speaker 3: other people's podcasts, but also just the experience of the
Speaker 3: idea that you're going to Okay, I'm just going to
Speaker 3: listen to somebody else's conversation right now, So what is that?
Speaker 3: What is the fun part of that? And it's not
Speaker 3: like it's not what I expected. So I was very
Speaker 3: worried about things that were more almost stand up comedy
Speaker 3: ish when I didn't need to be worried about them.
Speaker 1: I felt like I was worried about what if we
Speaker 1: talk at the exact same.
Speaker 3: Time, which is like I think what we do? Yeah,
Speaker 3: And also it's like, no one's looking for hard jokes.
Speaker 3: It's like they want to listen to two people they
Speaker 3: actually like as people chatted and discover and kind of
Speaker 3: like have experiences that they can also be having along with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're not going to get hard jokes for me?
Speaker 1: And what that's always been my promise emedic softballs for
Speaker 1: all days.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I will be conversationally interesting.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I sure, I throw the premise out there.
Speaker 2: You think of the rest of the joke. You do
Speaker 2: the shitty pun you fucking hacked.
Speaker 1: Whip swips swips And that's how we have such a
Speaker 1: beautiful fans.
Speaker 3: That's right, because people get up. Well, this is the
Speaker 3: thing too. And I've said this a lot because when
Speaker 3: I started stand up, and I'm sure it was like
Speaker 3: this for you too. But I started stand up in
Speaker 3: nineteen ninety when you would show up to a club
Speaker 3: and it would be a bunch of people who just
Speaker 3: came somewhere to get fucked up and potentially yell at
Speaker 3: the performers. There was no fanship, there was no I've
Speaker 3: heard of you before I followed. Oh there was, but
Speaker 3: I would say it was seven percent of the audience.
Speaker 3: Was I really like comedy? So I come here all
Speaker 3: the time and I like to watch new people I've
Speaker 3: never seen before like that. I met maybe two people
Speaker 3: in the first eight years of doing real club stand
Speaker 3: up where people said things.
Speaker 2: Like that, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: And other than that, it was truly people that got
Speaker 3: free tickets at work. It was people that were on
Speaker 3: their first dates so they were chatting away. It was
Speaker 3: it was all kinds of shit that was anti and
Speaker 3: in this Internet age, god fucking blessed to hell. When people,
Speaker 3: if they like you, they find you and go support you.
Speaker 3: I can't tell you the difference it makes in terms
Speaker 3: of my emotional stability.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just so much nicer, and I don't need
Speaker 1: a room packed with I do like a mix of,
Speaker 1: you know, people that are on my side because they
Speaker 1: know me, just a handful, and then they'll kind of
Speaker 1: guide the regular people that have never heard me before.
Speaker 1: Like the show in Dallas was just a full comedy
Speaker 1: club room. They weren't necessarily they're to see me. There
Speaker 1: was some people there just actually yes, like thirty people.
Speaker 7: That's a lot, but it was a full club.
Speaker 1: So it's like a perfect I'm like, okay, I want
Speaker 1: to indulge that these people and maintain that connection. But
Speaker 1: also there's these strangers and I have to generally make your.
Speaker 2: Dad laugh because there's like that's for I always want
Speaker 2: to be able to do that, of course.
Speaker 3: Middle well, no, I think that's maybe the thing that
Speaker 3: podcast listeners. There are people who go to live comedy
Speaker 3: shows all the time and that's why they like podcasts
Speaker 3: and so that, and that's sometimes how they find us
Speaker 3: or whatever. But then there's definitely people who are just, oh,
Speaker 3: I listened to podcasts and I'm not really a live
Speaker 3: comedy show person.
Speaker 2: There's so many of them.
Speaker 7: Yeah, they're my first time seeing comedy, Yes.
Speaker 3: And they kind of go and they learn how to
Speaker 3: be a comedy audience because it's a different thing. Where
Speaker 3: Like when April and I started business class and we
Speaker 3: had a ton of I had a ton of Murderino
Speaker 3: listeners who would come. They would sit there and be
Speaker 3: dead silent. Yeah, you were there for all the shows.
Speaker 3: Chris was our headliner.
Speaker 2: Every week, but they were so excited to be there.
Speaker 2: But you can't tell no, because they would just stare and.
Speaker 1: Kind of like stay laugh the times in the past
Speaker 1: when I've laughed at this person, I get in trouble
Speaker 1: at my desk.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, so I got to stay quiet.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was really funny, but it was kind of like,
Speaker 3: but after we did it for a couple of months,
Speaker 3: that all changed because all those people were like, oh
Speaker 3: I get it now, and well yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
Speaker 3: what we're here for kind of thing. But it's funny
Speaker 3: when people they don't realize or it's like I'm here
Speaker 3: to support you, but it's like, oh no, no, I
Speaker 3: don't want you to support me. I want you to
Speaker 3: judge me objectively, and then I want to earn your
Speaker 3: laughter exactly.
Speaker 2: That's the point. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's the combination I want, Yeah, come in with the support,
Speaker 1: but learn how to like comedy well.
Speaker 3: And also because it's not a conversation there's it's a
Speaker 3: much more just stand up. And the reason I don't
Speaker 3: have the passion for it that I used to do
Speaker 3: is because podcasting is how I love to do comedy,
Speaker 3: like love to do it, which is just conversational, calm,
Speaker 3: stand up. There is a there is a fakeness to it.
Speaker 3: Yeah that if you're great at it, that no one
Speaker 3: feels the fakeness, right, But the fakeness is like it's
Speaker 3: that part of it that it's not a conversation and
Speaker 3: it's not a two way street, and it's not even
Speaker 3: no one's even going to pretend it is.
Speaker 2: It's just like, it's this I'm going to do.
Speaker 3: Actually an intensely memorized monologue that I've done a million
Speaker 3: times with this idea that I'm doing it for the
Speaker 3: first time right now.
Speaker 1: I have to pretend like it's because I do repeat myself.
Speaker 1: But my goal was always to make it seem like
Speaker 1: it's coming to me right then, to the point where,
Speaker 1: of course, oh I just thought of this. Well we
Speaker 1: all are though, yeah, everyone does that. That's the that's
Speaker 1: the disappointment.
Speaker 3: Of the art, that we are true liars in every
Speaker 3: Oh last Tuesday, Last Tuesday, this didn't happen.
Speaker 1: It happened to Tuesday three years ago when I wrote this.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that I'm lying.
Speaker 2: This happened to my friend in college.
Speaker 3: I'm going to say, oh my god, right before the show,
Speaker 3: dot dot dot right for the show.
Speaker 1: But yeah, there are If you're a podcast fan that
Speaker 1: goes to shows and you want the audience to know
Speaker 1: that you listen to the podcast a lot by yelling
Speaker 1: out dinar things. Do resist. That's all I'm saying. Just
Speaker 1: yell the word turtle be.
Speaker 2: Your your excitement.
Speaker 3: Although highly appreciated, highly appreciated up there, is actually ruining.
Speaker 1: It not appreciated by the people, the dads that are
Speaker 1: just there, Yeah it's a Wednesday.
Speaker 3: And don't understand and feel like they're being left out.
Speaker 3: And then also that the word turtle being yelled at
Speaker 3: you isn't in the highly memorized monologue.
Speaker 1: No, I don't have turtle jokes. I know I should
Speaker 1: have written somebody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you better, you better open that stile on your
Speaker 3: laptop and start writing some turtleized jokes.
Speaker 2: It'll just turtalized.
Speaker 1: Are you guys ready to get turtilized?
Speaker 7: Big Banner comes down, looy. He really built his career.
Speaker 2: You know what's funny.
Speaker 3: When we first started touring my favorite Murder, that would
Speaker 3: happen constantly because when none of live podcasts are very
Speaker 3: new conceptually, and they are podcasts, so people go there
Speaker 3: and it's just like, well, now's my chance to be
Speaker 3: in this conversation.
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna yell I love you.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna yell whatever I think you're gonna laugh at whatever,
Speaker 3: where it's like the thing is sometimes we enjoy the
Speaker 3: thing is subperson yells because they're especially smart or funny,
Speaker 3: but overall, do not fucking.
Speaker 2: Yell shit ye during a live show.
Speaker 1: Ever, save it for after. I'll wait, I'll talk to
Speaker 1: you for twenty minutes. I spend a lot of time,
Speaker 1: and I didn't think I would like to because I
Speaker 1: don't like selling things after a show.
Speaker 2: I don't like to sell CDs. It always felt weird.
Speaker 2: It is weird, yeah, and.
Speaker 1: I know you can get a little extra money that way,
Speaker 1: but I just I don't know. I always hide too.
Speaker 1: I never think it went well. But now there's people
Speaker 1: waiting and it's really cool.
Speaker 3: And also it's good practice because you don't need to
Speaker 3: hide because it did go well.
Speaker 2: Like that, all that it has nineties weirdness. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: they have to let go. Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's this new healthy two thousand shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, where it's like love yourself, be proud of your shit,
Speaker 3: brag about it.
Speaker 2: It's all the stuff that.
Speaker 3: We that's completely foreign to us. It's highly damaged late
Speaker 3: nineties guys.
Speaker 1: That's the one thing all successful comics have is the
Speaker 1: ability to like promote it, like Billy Wayne Davis was
Speaker 1: talking about that, like how strange it, but of course
Speaker 1: necessary it is to remind people you are good at
Speaker 1: this and this is what you do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have confidence and believing yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always thought, ooh, that's cockiness gross, like that guy
Speaker 1: in high school.
Speaker 2: How dare you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like that guy's But that guy now has
Speaker 3: fifteen hundred dollars in his pocket because he sold twenty
Speaker 3: five CDs after a show.
Speaker 2: Yeah or whatever, or he just got into real estate,
Speaker 2: or he stole it out of someone else's pocket.
Speaker 7: I don't even know this person.
Speaker 2: The only way to earn money is by damaging other people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, at it emotionally, mentally, oh, but financially as a kapper.
Speaker 2: Please don't take us.
Speaker 3: As criticism of the people who have yelled out it shows,
Speaker 3: because we do love the love is felt, yeah.
Speaker 2: And understands. You do it to have timing.
Speaker 3: That's all it is to be something good. But also
Speaker 3: in that way where what you what you think that's
Speaker 3: going to get you, you're incorrect, right, because because I
Speaker 3: genuinely don't like it at all, Because that's you're not
Speaker 3: in charge of the show.
Speaker 2: You came to be the.
Speaker 1: Audio every once in a while, though, I'm like, you
Speaker 1: got me on that one. No, you had great timing. Yes,
Speaker 1: you're sober. It was on topic and it was perfectly placed. Yes,
Speaker 1: And thank god because I didn't have a punchline to
Speaker 1: this story.
Speaker 7: I Nate Craig got married last week graduation.
Speaker 2: Yeah it was.
Speaker 1: It was a really cool ceremony, and I love his wife.
Speaker 1: She's there great together. They did a bottle breaking thing,
Speaker 1: like a mazle top thing.
Speaker 2: And in the beginning.
Speaker 1: And so during this tradition, yes, yes on behalf of yes.
Speaker 1: There there was the Jewish god, Jewish representation there. Nate's
Speaker 1: good friend did some age speaking in the yes yes, yes.
Speaker 2: People in the industry.
Speaker 7: Yes, of course we're going to get in trouble for that.
Speaker 1: Then, so during my speech, which unlike we were saying
Speaker 1: funerals or weddings, got I wish that stand up went
Speaker 1: that well.
Speaker 7: I was just killing during.
Speaker 2: This Hell yeah, hell yeah.
Speaker 1: I had a scheduled toast and I was more nervous
Speaker 1: for it than the Comedy Central. Things like this is
Speaker 1: going to be memorable, certainly for Carolina and Nate.
Speaker 2: Please don't mess it up.
Speaker 1: And she was laughing so hard that she dropped her
Speaker 1: champagne glass and it shattered, and right then I was like,
Speaker 1: mazel tap and it went right at the end of
Speaker 1: my speech.
Speaker 2: Where am I going with this?
Speaker 1: And the mazel tap was a callback to the ceremony, Yes.
Speaker 2: And the crowd. It just lit off.
Speaker 1: I'm bragging right now. I really had a great toast speech. Yes,
Speaker 1: it was loose, there was jokes, it was fun. And
Speaker 1: then I immediately got out. I danced a couple songs.
Speaker 1: I went home early and got a lot of sleep.
Speaker 1: It was great, great, great wedding, perfectly did it, no hangover.
Speaker 7: Oh man, I couldn't have done it any better.
Speaker 2: Being a guest at a wedding, well, you know you
Speaker 2: could have if you had gotten married at that wedding,
Speaker 2: right right.
Speaker 1: That is one upping myself were one to one day
Speaker 1: become a groom.
Speaker 3: I suppose a groom at Nate's wedding.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, then I got to write those vows.
Speaker 1: They had great vows too, Yeah, just perfect, meaningful, meaningful.
Speaker 2: I didn't know.
Speaker 1: Nate cried so much. It was great. He never cried
Speaker 1: around the apartment, didn't And yeah, it was great.
Speaker 2: It was a really good one. And there and.
Speaker 1: It was a lot of people. I like, not in
Speaker 1: the room. It was on a cliff side in La Jolla. Wow, beautiful, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so cool.
Speaker 2: Cool.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy for Nate. Yeah he deserves it. Also,
Speaker 3: I've seen it's not him right there, man, that is sir,
Speaker 3: come back, that's the Nate.
Speaker 1: That's the version where Nate tod be like, well it
Speaker 1: kind of looks like me, but I'm offended.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was less handsome, Dave, Yeah.
Speaker 3: It was definitely. Nate Craig is a very impressive stand
Speaker 3: up comic. Because I don't believe good people, good looking
Speaker 3: people are as funny as other comics.
Speaker 2: It's weird trained to think that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's true bias and it's a jealousy. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 3: but Nate Craig is a great comic, and he is
Speaker 3: a truly beautifully faced man.
Speaker 1: Yeah he is a Yeah he looks okay with his
Speaker 1: shirt off too. And it's just in the inside, scoop.
Speaker 1: Would you know that, I'm just I'm looking at his body.
Speaker 2: Cli.
Speaker 3: Now you say he was married, But do you think
Speaker 3: it's gonna last? I do cougar character now that I
Speaker 3: know he has big packs to get in.
Speaker 1: There, throw a little raspy smoker voice in there, and
Speaker 1: I'll believe you.
Speaker 2: And I have known each other for a long time.
Speaker 2: Let's get real. Turn around.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, the backs as impressive as the pecks.
Speaker 2: That was like that in Twins.
Speaker 1: It's one of my favorite moments where he's they get
Speaker 1: matching suits together, Danny DeVito.
Speaker 2: And Arnold Schwartzegger.
Speaker 1: He spins around and he's like, oh my god, you're back.
Speaker 1: It's like it's crazier than the friend. They shows back
Speaker 1: and it is. His back was like so muscular that
Speaker 1: you could tell it was just some classic DeVito improv.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it was a great moment.
Speaker 3: And Twins, ladies and gentlemen, it's a great film.
Speaker 1: Go out and see it, and be sure to check
Speaker 1: out Jojo Rabbit if you want to laugh while crying endlessly.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see that. Very very good. Please
Speaker 2: don't tell me anything, Okay, I can't wait.
Speaker 1: I want it is very It is a perfect little movie,
Speaker 1: I think, okay, and I don't buy little. I mean
Speaker 1: it's uh didn't have a giant budget, right, but it's
Speaker 1: still very good.
Speaker 3: Well that's everyone, That's what everyone's been saying. Yes, And
Speaker 3: also I saw the trailer and usually trailers you kind
Speaker 3: of go, well, that's interesting. But every movie and the
Speaker 3: trailer of this it started so good that I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna stop watching this because I want to see
Speaker 3: this movie clean and clear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there are a few moments, like the line you
Speaker 1: tell me. Those kids they you know, they give that
Speaker 1: kid the best lines. Both the kids, all the kids
Speaker 1: are great, but they waste a few of the good
Speaker 1: lines in the trailer.
Speaker 2: Yes, they always do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so in the theater even it would have been
Speaker 1: a laugh, but they blew it in the trailer.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 7: They always think they don't got to show stuff, you know,
Speaker 7: they got a show.
Speaker 3: Well they've rationalized showing stuff.
Speaker 2: But I don't agree.
Speaker 3: And I used to fight that fight all the time
Speaker 3: when I worked in television and they would cut together
Speaker 3: promo clips and they'd be like, we're putting this in
Speaker 3: and I go, you're giving everything away and they're like,
Speaker 3: there's not giving it away. There's like such a cynical
Speaker 3: thing of giving people a taste. But it's like, but
Speaker 3: you can give the taste and not give the fucking
Speaker 3: entire concept, where if there's no point in giving people
Speaker 3: the entire concept, it's like tease them to come and
Speaker 3: see the whole thing. Ye'll just give it to them
Speaker 3: and go. You could also watch this again when you
Speaker 3: get here.
Speaker 2: There'll be you.
Speaker 1: I think you'll be surprised. Even it's they don't give
Speaker 1: away too much. Okay, there's just some jokes that are spent.
Speaker 3: But man, do you think I should still be mad
Speaker 3: about my job I worked at fifteen years?
Speaker 2: Yes, anger should be.
Speaker 1: It's the only way you make things better is my
Speaker 1: harboring resent.
Speaker 2: Okay, good, good, good, Yeah.
Speaker 7: I have stuff knocking around in there from thirty years ago.
Speaker 1: Hell yes, and one day to get my emotional revenge
Speaker 1: on it.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it was so good.
Speaker 1: Scarlett Johanson, we're talking about it in town, okay, can
Speaker 1: we meet for one drink?
Speaker 2: Didn't know you were still gotten funny, all right?
Speaker 1: And so you were saying the traffic wasn't as bad.
Speaker 2: Shut up it really. Something must have happened. Something happened.
Speaker 3: There was a seventeen car pile up and they cut
Speaker 3: off because I was trying to tell Stephen and Chris
Speaker 3: before we started driving, traffic isn't bad anymore, as we
Speaker 3: now sit in inexplicably terrible traffic on the tiniest streets.
Speaker 1: We do always end up recording around five though. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it just works best for us.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, I mean, if we were planning it.
Speaker 1: Shit, Oh no, you're fine. No one's going to be
Speaker 1: walking on this crosswalk. Let's pull up classic Starbucks crosswalk park.
Speaker 2: Damn it. Oh we didn't get our coffee. I have
Speaker 2: so many cars, I have like fifty of them. I
Speaker 2: have so many cards. I have so many. Okay, do
Speaker 2: you want to have a card contest? Yes, let's do.
Speaker 2: Let's play cards with the car.
Speaker 1: I was wondering how many you got? Is there a
Speaker 1: Starbucks card? Bring us Starbucks fame on MFM?
Speaker 3: No, no, no, but people will do it to say give
Speaker 3: this to you.
Speaker 7: And Christ's all so yeah, I have more cards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, cool, I am, I am the I'm hitting
Speaker 1: the bricks as the nine R representatives.
Speaker 2: Nice. The cards are coming in.
Speaker 3: And we have more stickers from Stephen sorry, tell me
Speaker 3: her name Ashley.
Speaker 2: A constant designer.
Speaker 3: Yes, actually we have more of those stickers where we're
Speaker 3: all in the volvol And when we wrap up this episode,
Speaker 3: I'm going to address some of the things sitting in
Speaker 3: my lap.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, but it's too dark right now, I want
Speaker 1: to do them justice. But a handmade Holy shit, this book,
Speaker 1: this hand drawn book is absolutely amazing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1: Based on one episode and I think it was a
Speaker 1: Todd glast one. I think I saw his drawing in here,
Speaker 1: but it is sorry, no, no, it was.
Speaker 2: That was scary.
Speaker 1: It's a hand drawn, hardcover, well made little book.
Speaker 2: It looks like it was made in a book factory,
Speaker 2: a little tiny book.
Speaker 1: And the attention to detail and the quotes, it's absolutely so.
Speaker 3: Maybe someone the handrew just to explain, someone handrew an
Speaker 3: episode of the show like a graphic novel in a
Speaker 3: tiny book.
Speaker 7: Yes, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: It has the elements of miniature, which I have stated.
Speaker 2: I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: And that's why I've got little Candelabreds and little Mint.
Speaker 1: I could start a dollhouse now, and you know I'm
Speaker 1: going to buy a turtle and put them in the bed.
Speaker 1: I follow a toad that lives in a doll house
Speaker 1: and it's just the most entertaining thing ever. But yeah,
Speaker 1: this this illustration, it is pen and ink.
Speaker 2: It is absolutely amazing. What's the person's name?
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna wait, it has to be signed. Her
Speaker 1: name is Sophie and she lives on the Isle of man.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, the Isle of.
Speaker 7: Mad tiny island in between the UK and Ireland.
Speaker 2: Ireland. Yep, we looked that up. I don't just know that.
Speaker 2: We made sure to know what we were talking about.
Speaker 1: And then this crossed is this cross stitching when it's
Speaker 1: on a tight little drum or embroidery, embroidery mouthhorn and
Speaker 1: it has a perfectly spelled what is it the phonetic
Speaker 1: spelling of.
Speaker 2: It's the best.
Speaker 7: It reads like mouthhorn, which is not easy to spell.
Speaker 2: It pretty amazing And that came to us from Bronwin Bronwin,
Speaker 2: thank you so much. And she's from Canada.
Speaker 7: Yes, she's from the Isle of Canada.
Speaker 1: And I believe she also made this lyric spell out
Speaker 1: of the do You Need Rid theme song, which we
Speaker 1: posted photos of.
Speaker 2: But well that might be crusted. I mean, this is
Speaker 2: the kind of shit.
Speaker 7: What are you trying to make me cry?
Speaker 3: I know, Sophia and Bronwyn we stood in the kitchen
Speaker 3: at the exactly right Network studios, me, Stephen and Chris
Speaker 3: and looking at these gifts like bent over at the waist,
Speaker 3: going oh, look, what this is like the most the
Speaker 3: best Christmas ever.
Speaker 2: I mean, this book is phenomenal. It's so cool.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's I mean, look at that picture of tod Last.
Speaker 2: I know it's it's great.
Speaker 1: And that is hand It looks like she's one of
Speaker 1: these people that her handwriting is a downloadable font.
Speaker 7: It deserves to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well and look at that.
Speaker 7: Enjoy your needlework, you fucking self. The chessel that sounds
Speaker 7: like you, that was you.
Speaker 2: I smoke a lot of fraggle rock. That was me.
Speaker 2: That's you.
Speaker 3: Here's my impression of the Jamaican Irish guy cag and Linch.
Speaker 3: Oh look at the oh Mount science. God, Okay, we're
Speaker 3: gonna post a couple of pictures on this book. Yes, wow,
Speaker 3: Look there's Cafe Gratitude.
Speaker 2: What does that say?
Speaker 9: And then it's misty but it's like metal. Yeah, it
Speaker 9: looks like corrosion of conformity fund a band that we've
Speaker 9: all there's to know the informer.
Speaker 2: Oh, let's not, let's not read the whole book to everybody.
Speaker 7: Oh god, this is not good podcasting. Welcome to I
Speaker 7: read a book for the first time, and it's a.
Speaker 2: Book of ship.
Speaker 3: We've already said.
Speaker 7: Excuse me, well, I repeat myself this guy. Uh, these
Speaker 7: are amazing. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3: Yes, you guys, thank you lovely amazing.
Speaker 2: We're so touch and think. How was Oh uh?
Speaker 1: These are these are conclusionary moments. We are parked in
Speaker 1: the exactly right car port. Yeah, and it's bad.
Speaker 2: To leave the car running even though it's an open
Speaker 2: aired garage. Is that true? Well, it just reminds me
Speaker 2: of suicide.
Speaker 8: This is a hybrid A yeah, well we might the
Speaker 8: microwaves okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 7: How was Santa Barbara's It was magical.
Speaker 2: You need to come next year. I will. I would have.
Speaker 2: I was on the ye old road. No, I know,
Speaker 2: but we.
Speaker 3: Missed you and it was very fun and it was
Speaker 3: very like it was. It was very kind of touching,
Speaker 3: actually it was.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 3: I didn't realize how stressed out I was about it
Speaker 3: until after we got home and I literally couldn't get
Speaker 3: off the couch for four days, and I realized it's
Speaker 3: these things where I want to do these things, but
Speaker 3: I deep down don't believe they're going to go well.
Speaker 3: And not because everything hasn't gone magically for me for
Speaker 3: the past like three years straight, but because I keep going.
Speaker 3: It has to end sometime, So it's going to end
Speaker 3: this weekend. It has to end sometimes, so it's going
Speaker 3: to end. Blah, Like I can't stop doing that because
Speaker 3: I have my this is my special certain type of neuroses.
Speaker 3: So I was like, this is what it's going to be,
Speaker 3: is a bunch of people who wish they hadn't spent
Speaker 3: this money, and blah blah blah, Like I tell this
Speaker 3: whole story, and then we go out into it and
Speaker 3: it is like twenty thousand times better than I thought
Speaker 3: it was going to be and touching and beautiful and
Speaker 3: great conversations and meeting great people and seeing people that
Speaker 3: we've already met on the road five times that come
Speaker 3: to our shows whenever they feel like it, like these
Speaker 3: people who have now like we know them by sight
Speaker 3: when they come to thee and.
Speaker 2: It's just fucking touching and.
Speaker 3: Amazing and like and then our team was there, who
Speaker 3: they're there sometimes, but like they got to see all
Speaker 3: the magic, like actually in real life, Like it's a
Speaker 3: thing that me, Vince and Georgia have been experiencing by.
Speaker 2: Ourselves for three years, right, right.
Speaker 3: Or two years whatever, however long we've been touring where
Speaker 3: it's pretty fucking like Rolling Stones ish.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then when we come home, it's.
Speaker 3: Just like, but basically us and Steven are the only
Speaker 3: ones that know about it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, trust us, Yeah, take our word for it.
Speaker 3: So now it's almost like everybody else got to come
Speaker 3: and go, holy fuck, what's going on?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just like it when fans come to a show
Speaker 1: and they see each other and then thatlladates them.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, a lot of people like that.
Speaker 1: And then they're and I heard people saying they should
Speaker 1: hang out because of their interest in the same podcast.
Speaker 2: Yes, these two sisters, I forget their name.
Speaker 1: I supposed to go to a restaurant they recommended, but
Speaker 1: I was distracted by the hurricane, so I didn't go
Speaker 1: to that market place run by your mom. But these
Speaker 1: women were like, we should hang out because do you
Speaker 1: need to write? And they're like, yeah, it was really funny.
Speaker 2: Or maybe they are.
Speaker 12: Maybe they all have a group now, I mean I know,
Speaker 12: but that's how it's gone in the Murderino community, is
Speaker 12: like that's all we hear is now I have all
Speaker 12: these friends, which is just like the most touching thing.
Speaker 2: And you saw I sent you the diner.
Speaker 1: Someone at a personalized plate like yes, yes, so close
Speaker 1: to a tattoo for me. Oh my god, someone asked
Speaker 1: permission to have a tattoo of something I drew.
Speaker 2: But it's not podcast related, so.
Speaker 1: That doesn't if the minute now, don't go out there
Speaker 1: and just get a crazy tattoo like a drunk sailor.
Speaker 7: Because I'm saying this, No, definitely do that, but somebody, please, yeah,
Speaker 7: get it. Do you need to write tattoo please?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And not just a turtle. People are gonna think it's
Speaker 1: a nineties yoga thing.
Speaker 2: It has to be of a specific It.
Speaker 3: Has to a sun, yeah, with really squiggly rays coming
Speaker 3: out of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, get a sublime son.
Speaker 3: It needs to be if you could get barbed wire
Speaker 3: around your bicep, that would be the dinar tattoo that
Speaker 3: we would be interested in you having. Just to get
Speaker 3: we get to say yeah at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just have a hint of early nineties white reggae
Speaker 2: if you were. I mean, what we're saying is, have
Speaker 2: some fucking respect for I read for Mount Zion.
Speaker 3: The only reason I knew that's how I could do
Speaker 3: it is because I read it in the book.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's phonetically phonetically. There.
Speaker 1: Oh, this should be mass produced just so people learn
Speaker 1: how to phonetically.
Speaker 2: Uh, reggae drive?
Speaker 7: Would you call it a reggae riff?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what it's called. It's being a
Speaker 1: clown and reggae clown in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh you mean scatting, but reggae star scatting.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you? What the fuck are you talking?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 7: I just all it's because what the cars running and all.
Speaker 3: These hybrid the hybrid fumes are the battery acid is
Speaker 3: getting in your brain. Yeah, all right, then let's wrap
Speaker 3: it down. Do you have any plugs? Do you have
Speaker 3: anything else you need to say? It was a fast episode.
Speaker 1: No, No, I'm taking a little break and then I'll
Speaker 1: be out on the road soon. Pacific Northwest just next
Speaker 1: love it. Look out Seattle and Vancouver.
Speaker 2: In those places. Give some dates when rough. Oh I
Speaker 2: don't know yet.
Speaker 7: We're just putting it together.
Speaker 3: Oh good, okay, well then Pacific Northwest, get ready because
Speaker 3: then Chris is going to drop some dates, like Missy
Speaker 3: Elliott drops her.
Speaker 2: Album, So you better get ready more.
Speaker 1: I love you inhabit that set edge because.
Speaker 3: That ass is gonna be there forever it's at the show,
Speaker 3: it's gonna be there in the front row, politely listening.
Speaker 3: And sometimes if an idea is really good, if it gets.
Speaker 2: Yelled out, I have sober yes, are well timed, well
Speaker 2: thought out, not random. I drink a lot. By the way,
Speaker 2: you've been listening. Do you need a ride? De wyan
Speaker 2: a r.
Speaker 6: Are you leaving?
Speaker 4: I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want
Speaker 4: to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim,
Speaker 4: and give us time and a Turmano engage.
Speaker 5: We want to send you off instat. We want to
Speaker 5: welcome you back home.
Speaker 4: Tell us all about.
Speaker 2: Ity scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 4: Malborn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need.
Speaker 2: With Karen and chriss
Speaker 1: M