Speaker 1: Some people never become who they are. They stop trusting
Speaker 1: in themselves, they conform to the tastes of others, and
Speaker 1: they end up wearing a mask that hides their true nature.
Speaker 1: And his Daily Law from Robert Green says, if you
Speaker 1: allow yourself to learn who you really are by paying
Speaker 1: attention to that voice and force within you, then you
Speaker 1: can become what you were fated to become, an individual,
Speaker 1: a master.
Speaker 2: The number one health and wellness podcast.
Speaker 1: Jay Sheety Jay Sheddy Sews Only Jay Shety Everyone, welcome
Speaker 1: back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for tuning
Speaker 1: in right now to become happier, healthier, and more healed.
Speaker 1: I feel that this episode is going to be a
Speaker 1: pivotal one for the rest of your twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1: This is going to be one of those episodes that
Speaker 1: you're going to feel the difference immediately because you checked in.
Speaker 1: We're already ninety days in, right, we're three months in,
Speaker 1: effectively ninety days in, and we're a quarter of the
Speaker 1: way through the year, three months down, and it is
Speaker 1: so important that we start living our years in quarters.
Speaker 2: Right. A lot of us wait for.
Speaker 1: New Year's Day, new Year's resolutions to restart to reset
Speaker 1: to feel like we can gather momentum again, get that
Speaker 1: energy back.
Speaker 2: But here's what I want to tell you.
Speaker 1: The highest performers in the world, the highest performing companies
Speaker 1: in the world, the brands and the organizations that hit
Speaker 1: their pinnacle, all of them are measuring things every week,
Speaker 1: every day, and definitely every quarter. Now, I want you
Speaker 1: to have a year that you look back on and say,
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four was one of the best years of
Speaker 1: my life. How many of you want that year? Raise
Speaker 1: your hand right now, nod your head right now, right.
Speaker 1: So many of us want that year, but we almost
Speaker 1: wait until the end of the year to see what
Speaker 1: did I achieve?
Speaker 2: What have I done? Where did things go wrong? Where
Speaker 2: did they go right?
Speaker 1: This is your quarter one check in to help you
Speaker 1: level up, to help you upgrade, and to help you
Speaker 1: get to the next stage in your acceleration. So here's
Speaker 1: how I want you to think about this. These aren't
Speaker 1: just any old questions. These aren't just easy reflection questions
Speaker 1: for the end of the year.
Speaker 2: End of the month.
Speaker 1: These are the ones that are going to feel a
Speaker 1: little bit uncomfortable. These reflections are going to be challenging,
Speaker 1: and I want them to be because I really want
Speaker 1: to uncover what's blocking you. I really want to uncover
Speaker 1: what's getting in your way. I really want to uncover
Speaker 1: what is it that is holding you back. When you
Speaker 1: know what you need to do, when you know what
Speaker 1: you need to build, when you know what's on the
Speaker 1: other side. Now here's the one want to approach this.
Speaker 1: You've heard me say this quote before, but I have
Speaker 1: to share it again. Charles Horton Cooley once wrote, the
Speaker 1: challenge today is I'm not what I think I am.
Speaker 1: I'm not what you think I am. I am what
Speaker 1: I think you think I am. Let that blow your
Speaker 1: mind for a moment. Charles Horton Coolly said, the challenge
Speaker 1: today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm
Speaker 1: not what you think I am. I am what I
Speaker 1: think you think I am, Which means we live in
Speaker 1: a perception of a perception of ourselves. Let me break
Speaker 1: that down further. What it means is if I think
Speaker 1: that you think I'm smart, then I feel smart. But
Speaker 1: if I think that you think I'm weak, then I
Speaker 1: feel weak. A lot of us base what we're chasing,
Speaker 1: what we're doing, what we're building, how we spend our
Speaker 1: time on what we think people think of us. Some
Speaker 1: of us don't try to do the thing we really
Speaker 1: want to do because we're scared of what people think
Speaker 1: of us. So many of us don't chase our dreams
Speaker 1: because we're scared of what we think people think of us.
Speaker 1: So many of us don't date the person we want
Speaker 1: to date. We don't try the thing we want to try,
Speaker 1: We don't launch the thing we want to launch because
Speaker 1: we're so worried of what we think other people think
Speaker 1: of us. And this block, this fear not a failure,
Speaker 1: but of the judgment that will get if we fail,
Speaker 1: holds us back eternally. So here's how I want to
Speaker 1: start excavating. As our quarter one check in today. The
Speaker 1: first question is what is the most difficult judgment that
Speaker 1: you're afraid of? I told you it was going to
Speaker 1: be a tough one. I told you it's going to
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable, right. I told you I was going to
Speaker 1: challenge you today. What is the most difficult judgment you
Speaker 1: are afraid of?
Speaker 2: Right? What's that thing that you're like?
Speaker 1: I don't want people to think that about me, right,
Speaker 1: I don't want to think that about myself. But what
Speaker 1: is the thing that you think. I don't want people
Speaker 1: to think that about me. That's why I'm not doing X, Y,
Speaker 1: Z or Z Right. What is the most difficult judgment
Speaker 1: you're afraid of facing that's blocking you from living your
Speaker 1: best life, that's made this quarter slower, less productive, less
Speaker 1: effective than you want it to be. Now, this is
Speaker 1: a really interesting one because we all don't like being judged,
Speaker 1: and that totally makes sense, right, that none of us
Speaker 1: want to be judged. But this is really more about
Speaker 1: the idea of we're scared of a judgment that we
Speaker 1: haven't received yet, because we're predicting that if we take
Speaker 1: a certain step or action that we might get that.
Speaker 1: We're scared that if we upload that video, our friends
Speaker 1: will think we're losers. We're scared that if we announce
Speaker 1: our new plans, our friends will say they're not possible.
Speaker 1: We're scared that if we tell everyone who are dating,
Speaker 1: they may not approve. We're scared that if we really
Speaker 1: tell everyone the truth about what we want to do
Speaker 1: and what we're focused on, people will laugh at us.
Speaker 1: What is that most difficult judgment you are afraid of facing?
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 1: Second, Who would you be if you didn't worry what
Speaker 1: people think about you? How many of you think or
Speaker 1: overthink how you laugh? How many of you overthink how
Speaker 1: you cry? How many of you overthink how you behave
Speaker 1: in social settings and then just limit yourself and then
Speaker 1: act even more stupid?
Speaker 2: Right? How many of you feel that way?
Speaker 1: You're trying to avoid acting in a way that you
Speaker 1: judge yourself for, but then you actually end up acting worse.
Speaker 1: Who would you be if you didn't worry what people
Speaker 1: think about you? Who would you allow yourself to be?
Speaker 1: Who would you allow yourself to express yourself as? What talent?
Speaker 1: What habit are you holding back on? Who are you
Speaker 1: scared of being? Would you be kinder? Would you be
Speaker 1: more loving? Would you be more empathetic? Would you be
Speaker 1: more bold? Would you be more courageous?
Speaker 2: Who would you be?
Speaker 1: And then third question is what would you do if
Speaker 1: you didn't worry about what people think of you? What
Speaker 1: would you do differently? What changes would you make to
Speaker 1: the way you act and behave into your life?
Speaker 2: It's really interesting.
Speaker 1: When I studied the Vedic literatures during my time as
Speaker 1: a monk, they talked about how we develop our identity
Speaker 1: based on three key things, and they are positions, possessions,
Speaker 1: and people. Right, our identity has become about positions, possessions,
Speaker 1: and people. Let me break it down and give you
Speaker 1: an example. Position i am a CEO, i am an author,
Speaker 1: I'm a podcast, I'm an influencer, whatever it may be. Position,
Speaker 1: second possession, I'm a homeowner. Right, I'm a car owner,
Speaker 1: I'm a pet, a possession, and then people, I'm married,
Speaker 1: I'm a fiance, I'm divorced. All of our identities are
Speaker 1: based on positions, possessions, and people. And that's why when
Speaker 1: we go through transitions in those areas, we're always intrigued
Speaker 1: to see what people think of us. Right, you get
Speaker 1: promoted to another position, you wonder whateverone thinks. You get
Speaker 1: demoted or lose a job, you wonder whatever one thinks. Possession,
Speaker 1: You get your first home, what does everyone think? You
Speaker 1: are still paying rent and feeling judged for it? What
Speaker 1: does everyone think?
Speaker 2: People?
Speaker 1: You get married and you think, what is everyon think?
Speaker 1: You get divorced and you think, what does everon think?
Speaker 1: So not only are we constantly wondering about what people
Speaker 1: think of us, our identity is also wrapped up in
Speaker 1: things that are based on what people think of us.
Speaker 1: And we rare barely ever ask ourselves what do I
Speaker 1: think of myself? Even right now, you might be thinking,
Speaker 1: oh gosh, what's everyone thinking of what I've achieved this
Speaker 1: first quarter? I came out swinging. Maybe I over announced
Speaker 1: my New Year's resolutions. Maybe I haven't hit that goal
Speaker 1: of weight gain or weight loss, or maybe I haven't
Speaker 1: hit that goal of I said I was going to
Speaker 1: post one video a day, like oh no, And now
Speaker 1: my friends are laughing at me. I told them I
Speaker 1: was going to do this, and I haven't. So many
Speaker 1: of us and our reflections are actually just over analyzing
Speaker 1: what we think others think of us. It's not really
Speaker 1: based on how we want to focus, how we want
Speaker 1: to refocus, what we want to build. There's a great
Speaker 1: page that I love in the book The Daily Laws
Speaker 1: by Robert Green, And in that book, on page forty one,
Speaker 1: he writes, become who you are. Some two six hundred
Speaker 1: years ago, the ancient Greek poet Pindar wrote, become who
Speaker 1: you are by learning who you are. What he meant
Speaker 1: is the following. You were born with a particular makeup
Speaker 1: and tendencies that mark you as a piece of fate.
Speaker 1: It is who you are to the core. Some people
Speaker 1: never become who they are. They stop trusting in themselves,
Speaker 1: they conform to the tastes of others, and they end
Speaker 1: up wearing a mask that hides their true nature. And
Speaker 1: His Daily Law from Robert Green says, if you allow
Speaker 1: yourself to learn who you really are by paying attention
Speaker 1: to that voice and force within you, then you can
Speaker 1: become what you were fated to become, an individual, a master.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Right. First of all, Wow, if you haven't read the
Speaker 1: book The Daily Lord's I love it. It's a great daily
Speaker 1: book to read and becoming who you are. I'm more
Speaker 1: interested in you becoming who you are than I am
Speaker 1: in any of the goals that you set. Reason I
Speaker 1: say that to you is because I really believe that
Speaker 1: if you're closer to becoming who you are, everything else
Speaker 1: will follow through. The problem is, we're becoming who they
Speaker 1: want us to be, or we're becoming who we think
Speaker 1: they think we want us to be, and that means
Speaker 1: we believe they're thinking about us in the first place.
Speaker 1: How many times a day do you sit there and
Speaker 1: think about what everyone else should do with their life? Genuinely,
Speaker 1: how often do you think about that how often do
Speaker 1: you sit there and go, I know what so and
Speaker 1: so should do with their life. I'm guessing never or
Speaker 1: one percent of the time. That's exactly how much they're
Speaker 1: thinking about you.
Speaker 2: How many of you?
Speaker 1: How much time do you spend every day thinking I
Speaker 1: know whether that person should quit their career or not,
Speaker 1: or I'm not sure they should do that or not. Well,
Speaker 1: maybe there's a ten percent of your conversation, but that's it.
Speaker 1: If you're only spending ten percent of your time thinking
Speaker 1: about others, that's how much time people are spending thinking
Speaker 1: about you. But we think it's a lot more. We
Speaker 1: almost think that everyone's always constantly thinking about us. Every
Speaker 1: Instagram story they post, every Instagram real they post, every
Speaker 1: quote they put up, every message on the group chat
Speaker 1: is all about us. We are constantly self reflecting and
Speaker 1: self projecting everything that we come across, right all the time.
Speaker 1: And it's so fascinating to me that this happens again
Speaker 1: and again and again, and we rarely stop to ask ourselves,
Speaker 1: what do I think about myself? Who am I, what
Speaker 1: is important to me this year? And what is blocking
Speaker 1: me this year? And that's where I want you to start.
Speaker 1: That's where I want you to focus on. Now, some
Speaker 1: of you may remember this, but Jamie on the Man
Speaker 1: Enough podcast with Justin Bodoni a few years ago, now
Speaker 1: this was quite a while ago, asked me what did
Speaker 1: I use to value that I don't value anymore? And
Speaker 1: you can see me really think about this on the episode,
Speaker 1: and I stumble trying to figure out what's true to
Speaker 1: me in that moment, and I say, being misunderstood. I said,
Speaker 1: I don't value being understood anymore. I'm okay being misunderstood.
Speaker 1: And that is a work in progress. It's not a
Speaker 1: place that I've reached. It's something you're constantly working on.
Speaker 1: But the reason I said that, and where it comes from,
Speaker 1: is that I've realized that all of us are a paradox.
Speaker 1: Take this in really really clearly, You me, everyone we
Speaker 1: know is a paradox.
Speaker 2: And the reason.
Speaker 1: Why we struggle with ourselves is because we try to
Speaker 1: deny fifty percent or more of who we are.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So, a paradox is something that seemingly absord word or contradictory.
Speaker 1: And what I'm saying is that all of us have
Speaker 1: contradictions in who we are, in how we are and
Speaker 1: how we behave right, someone could meet you one day
Speaker 1: and say you're the nicest person in the world, and
Speaker 1: someone else could meet you another day and say, I'm
Speaker 1: not so sure about them. Someone could say you're the kindest,
Speaker 1: and someone could say you're the most courageous. You might
Speaker 1: say that you're really an introvert, but everyone else thinks
Speaker 1: you're an extrovert. We're all paradoxical and what limits us.
Speaker 1: The reason I'm bringing this up as a quarter one
Speaker 1: check in is because one of the ways in which
Speaker 1: we hold ourselves back is we try and say we're
Speaker 1: only one thing, and that doesn't allow us. What that
Speaker 1: does is it blocks creativity, It blocks energy, It blocks
Speaker 1: frequency and vibration that otherwise we could unlock if we
Speaker 1: gave ourselves permission to be all of ourselves. It's almost
Speaker 1: like today we feel everything is black and white, right,
Speaker 1: everything's polarized because we're not able to get into the nuance.
Speaker 1: We're not able to get into the gray. How are
Speaker 1: you gray? How are you paradoxical? What is it about
Speaker 1: you that you keep pushing down?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: It may be a skill set, maybe a belief and
Speaker 1: you're like, no, no, no, I don't want to be that.
Speaker 1: I'm just this one thing right, what is that for you?
Speaker 1: I remember for me it was for years I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I've been a monk. That's what I am, that's who
Speaker 1: I am, and I'm not allowed to be a media personality.
Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to be other things. And I've realized
Speaker 1: that I want to embrace all of who I am.
Speaker 1: I want to embrace every skill I have. I want
Speaker 1: to embrace all the talents, all the passions that I have.
Speaker 1: And that's allowed me to unlock living a better life.
Speaker 1: And I wonder, what is it that you have blocked?
Speaker 1: What part of yourself are you blocking, restricting, limiting that's
Speaker 1: not allowing you to live at that level. There's a
Speaker 1: beautiful verse in The Bug with Geita, the book that
Speaker 1: I studied you my time is a monk that says
Speaker 1: attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin.
Speaker 2: Let me say that again.
Speaker 1: Attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin.
Speaker 1: Notice how we all oscillate between attachment and a version.
Speaker 2: This is who I am. I'm attached, That's not who
Speaker 2: I am. I'm a verse.
Speaker 1: And we find that it's the same energy right when
Speaker 1: you're holding something close or pushing something away. It's the
Speaker 1: same level of energy, whereas when you're able to accept, Hey,
Speaker 1: maybe I'm a bit of both. Maybe that's okay. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'm playful and profound. Maybe I'm assertive and affectioner. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'm organized and totally goofy.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: We often want people to be one thing, and we
Speaker 1: want to be one thing when we're all more than
Speaker 1: one thing. What part of yourself have you been blocking?
Speaker 1: What part of yourself have you been limiting because of
Speaker 1: that mindset? I also want to flip this one. Who
Speaker 1: is someone in your life you have a very black
Speaker 1: and white view of Could you look at them differently?
Speaker 2: Maybe?
Speaker 1: Do you recognize that they're paradoxical just as you are.
Speaker 1: There are parts of them that exist even if you
Speaker 1: never perceive them. It's so easy for us. We're lost
Speaker 1: in a world right now that's all about left and right,
Speaker 1: black and white, right and wrong, this and that. And
Speaker 1: the truth is there's so much nuance, there's so much gray.
Speaker 1: I do this one exercise sometimes with a client, and
Speaker 1: we'll be walking down a path and I'll ask them
Speaker 1: to focus on something or find some shrubs, some stone,
Speaker 1: whatever it is that kind of stands out to them
Speaker 1: that's unique and different, something that they wouldn't be familiar with.
Speaker 2: And I remember this one client.
Speaker 1: He picked something on the path and I asked him
Speaker 1: before he picked it up, I said, tell me what
Speaker 1: you think it's like.
Speaker 2: And he said, it looks really.
Speaker 1: Rough, hard and harsh. I said, okay, great, pick it up.
Speaker 1: He picked it up and half of it dissolved in
Speaker 1: his hand. It was completely soft, almost like ash. Then
Speaker 1: when he turned it over the other side was really smooth.
Speaker 1: And I said to him, this is the story of us,
Speaker 1: and this is the story of everyone in our lives.
Speaker 1: We have a judgment, we have a perception, we have
Speaker 1: an opinion, we have an assumption. Often we never even
Speaker 1: take the moment to experience that individual, to really try
Speaker 1: and understand them. We just assume that our opinion, our projection,
Speaker 1: our prediction, our judgment must be right.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: Even when we try to hold when we try to
Speaker 1: come across that person, we may still hold on to
Speaker 1: our assumptions. But actually, if we open up, we recognize
Speaker 1: that they're a lot more They're a lot more layered,
Speaker 1: they're a lot more textured than we thought. And the
Speaker 1: same is true for ourselves. We're so much more than
Speaker 1: who we think we are, and that's why we're meant
Speaker 1: for more. We're made for more. We're built for more.
Speaker 1: We're created for more. But we keep focusing on less.
Speaker 1: We keep thinking we deserve less. We keep thinking we're
Speaker 1: made for less. We keep thinking that we're built for less.
Speaker 1: We keep settling for less and less and less, not
Speaker 1: realizing we're made for and meant for so much more
Speaker 1: that we set ourselves up for. What parts of yourself
Speaker 1: have you been hiding? What parts of yourself have you
Speaker 1: been limiting in quarter one? What parts of yourself have
Speaker 1: you been restricting? And what parts of others have you
Speaker 1: been limiting as well?
Speaker 2: The degree to.
Speaker 1: Which we can't accept our own paradoxical nature, it becomes
Speaker 1: harder to accept others. That's just the reality that we face.
Speaker 1: It's just what we're going through. It's just the challenge
Speaker 1: we experience now. Finally, I want to focus on a
Speaker 1: bit of strategy. I want to ask you three questions.
Speaker 1: What do you need to add to your life in
Speaker 1: quarter two to get it in the right direction. What's
Speaker 1: the one thing you can shift? Is it your sleep routine?
Speaker 1: Is your workout routine? Is it protein in your diet,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. What is that one thing you need
Speaker 1: to shift and add to your life?
Speaker 2: Just one thing? Nine million things, just one thing.
Speaker 1: What's the one thing you need to add to improve
Speaker 1: your life? A lot of us try and do too
Speaker 1: many things at the same time. A lot of us go, well,
Speaker 1: I failed already, it's all over. I can't do all
Speaker 1: of that. I'm just going to do none of it.
Speaker 1: What's the one thing you need to add to quarter
Speaker 1: two to make twenty twenty four a great year? By
Speaker 1: the same token, what's one thing you need to stop doing.
Speaker 1: What's one thing you need to let go of? Could
Speaker 1: be socializing on a Monday night. It could be you know,
Speaker 1: saying yes or no to something a little bit more.
Speaker 1: What is it that is holding you back and that
Speaker 1: you need to let go of? One thing that you
Speaker 1: need to leave behind in this quarter? Just one thing.
Speaker 1: What is that one thing that you're going to leave behind.
Speaker 1: What's one thing you're gonna add and what's one thing
Speaker 1: you're gonna minus? It's basic math? And then what's one
Speaker 1: thing that you're going to multiply. What's something that you've
Speaker 1: been doing that you're going to keep doing that you're
Speaker 1: going to do more of what's one thing that's working
Speaker 1: for you that you know if you multiply it, it
Speaker 1: could transform everything. Now, I've asked you some tough questions today.
Speaker 1: I've asked you some difficult reflections today. I've asked you
Speaker 1: some challenge things today. And I did that because I
Speaker 1: really want to mold, to help mold your mindset. I
Speaker 1: realized so many blocks that we perceive outside of ourselves
Speaker 1: are really in our mind. There's a belief system shift required,
Speaker 1: there's a inherent pattern of thinking that we've developed that's
Speaker 1: holding us back that needs to be shifted. And often
Speaker 1: I find that we're trying to solve these external problems,
Speaker 1: not realizing that so many of them simply exist in
Speaker 1: our minds. And I think for me, what's so fascinating
Speaker 1: is that I want to get to a point where
Speaker 1: we don't keep living in this world where we're trying
Speaker 1: to solve the problem outside of ourselves. I think it's
Speaker 1: really really easy to constantly think like, oh, quarter one
Speaker 1: is wrong because that came up, and that happened, and
Speaker 1: this happened, and that happened and that. And I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that we don't have valid excuses or reasons we
Speaker 1: all do. But what I'm saying is that those are
Speaker 1: rarely the things that help you shift or move. And
Speaker 1: what really helps us move and shift for a lot
Speaker 1: of us is high stakes. Are the stakes high enough?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: When people hear that they're pre diabetic, they'll change their diet.
Speaker 1: When people hear that their partner maybe wants to break up, divorce,
Speaker 1: or leave them, they may get more organized. Are the
Speaker 1: stakes high enough in your life? And stakes and stress
Speaker 1: are different, right? Stakes are something you set. Stress is
Speaker 1: something that comes off its own accord. Notice the difference
Speaker 1: between stakes and stress. I don't want you to stress
Speaker 1: yourself out, but I want you to raise the steaks.
Speaker 1: I want you to raise the steaks in your life.
Speaker 1: If you were meant to be going after ten leads,
Speaker 1: go after one hundred. If you were meant to make
Speaker 1: you know, one video a day because that's what you
Speaker 1: committed to, what are the stakes of Why you can't
Speaker 1: miss that video?
Speaker 2: Who's expecting it? Who needs it?
Speaker 1: We need to raise our steaks, not raise our stress.
Speaker 1: Often we add more work to our plate, and I'm
Speaker 1: not asking you to do that. I'm asking you to
Speaker 1: add more worth to your work. Right, Raising your stakes
Speaker 1: means you're adding worth to your work. Adding stress means
Speaker 1: you're just adding work to your work. Raise your steaks
Speaker 1: in quarter two, reduce your stress in quarter two. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening to On Purpose. Make sure
Speaker 1: you leave a review, Pass this episode onto a friend
Speaker 1: who needs it. Listen to it with a friend. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Remember I'm forever in your corner and
Speaker 1: I'm always rooting for you.
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with
Speaker 1: doctor Daniel Ahman on how to change your life by
Speaker 1: changing your brain. If we want a healthy mind, it
Speaker 1: actually starts with a healthy brain.
Speaker 2: You know, I've had the blessing or the curse to
Speaker 2: scam over
Speaker 1: A thousand convicted felons and over one hundred murderers, and
Speaker 1: their brains are very damage