1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to Stuff Mom Never Told You from housetop works 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 1: dot Com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Caroline 3 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,279 Speaker 1: and I'm Kristen, and welcome to the very end of 4 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:25,440 Speaker 1: the year. We have made it through Thanksgiving, Hanka, Christmas uh, 5 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: and now we are standing on the precipice looking towards 6 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: the new year. We've almost made it through the holidays season. Stressful, 7 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:36,959 Speaker 1: stressful holiday season. I hope everyone has survived all right 8 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: so far. Take a breath. Yeah, it's a tough time 9 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 1: of year. And I'm not just saying tough because if 10 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:49,599 Speaker 1: I hear police Nabby Dad in one more store, I 11 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: might have an issue, but because they are physically physiologically stressful. Yeah. 12 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: There was an article, for instance, in the journal Hospital 13 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 1: Practice that equated Christmas and New Year's in people's minds 14 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: with stressors like blizzards, experiencing earthquakes, the threat of violence, 15 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: and job strain. What is going on? I don't know 16 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 1: what's happening. Well, first of all, there is the issue 17 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 1: of just the season. It's winter. It gets darker sooner. 18 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: I know, I don't see sunlight nearly as much as 19 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 1: I would like to, and it's cold and so the 20 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:31,160 Speaker 1: Surgeon General actually issued a holiday stress management warning focusing 21 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: on seasonal effectiveness disorder or SAD, which affects around ten 22 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 1: percent of the population. Yeah, you're spending a lot of money, 23 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 1: you're not sleeping, well, you might feel lonely in this 24 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,759 Speaker 1: all this lack of daylight, and you know, you might 25 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: actually have some physical responses to all of this holiday uncheer. 26 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 1: There's something called the Holiday Hearts centerments. Cardiac abnormality is 27 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: caused by drinking more than usual. So even in your 28 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: celebration this holiday, you could be causing yourself some physical stress. 29 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: Although we do have one bit of debunking to do. Um. 30 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,680 Speaker 1: It's often thought that because of all of these different 31 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: holiday factors and possible loneliness, family stress, gift buying madness, 32 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: that rates of depression go up. We hear that a 33 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: lot um, But a two thousand six New York Times 34 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:26,919 Speaker 1: article by Anahad O'Connor examined that claim and debunked it. Um. 35 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: He maintained that psychiatric visits actually dip during December, and 36 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 1: a Mayo Clinic study spanning thirty five years found no 37 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:41,080 Speaker 1: correlation between the holidays and suicide. Well, that's good. That 38 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: is good. But I just wonder if the dip in 39 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: psychiatric visits isn't just because people are not taking care 40 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 1: of themselves during the holidays. Yeah, it could very well 41 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,440 Speaker 1: be that. It could also be the hectic holiday schedule 42 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 1: as well, because that was the only bright spot in 43 00:02:55,880 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 1: all of the medical literature in regard to the holidays. Yeah, 44 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 1: not just medical literature, like personal psychological, emotional literature too. Yeah, 45 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: which is why we're going to focus today on whether 46 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:14,679 Speaker 1: the holidays are not so healthy for relationships. Because Carolina 47 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,960 Speaker 1: learned a new term, and it's called the turkey drop. 48 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 1: That sounds fine. It's not a game, it is, well 49 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,800 Speaker 1: to some people, it might be a game because it 50 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 1: denotes this period from Thanksgiving too, right before Christmas, when 51 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:35,119 Speaker 1: more breakups happen than any other time of the year. 52 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: I hope we're not hitting too close to home for 53 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: some listeners. Well. If we are hitting close to home, though, 54 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 1: at least take heart if you are a broken hearted listener, 55 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 1: that you are not alone at all, right, exactly, You're 56 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: definitely not um. And the reason we know this there's 57 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: been quite a discussion that was stirred after an infographic 58 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 1: was posted on the Internet a few years act. It 59 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: was created by Lee Byron and David McCandless of Information 60 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: is beautiful. Um. They wrote the book The Visual Miscellaneum, 61 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: and they plotted Facebook relationship status data across the timeline 62 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 1: and found some peak breakup times people. One right before 63 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:21,239 Speaker 1: spring break called the Spring clean, and one two weeks 64 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 1: before Christmas. Yeah, to get specific about it, the first 65 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: Monday in December is the most common day to break up. So, hey, 66 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: we've made it through that period. We got we got 67 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: through that. Um. And the way that they gathered this 68 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,920 Speaker 1: data where they weren't just like looking at their friends 69 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 1: Facebook status is, but they actually searched for the frequency 70 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:48,000 Speaker 1: of breakup and broken up in Facebook status is using 71 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 1: a Facebook data gathering tool that is no longer in 72 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: existence unfortunately, but allowed you to to search a broad 73 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: range of Facebook profiles. And they also set up a 74 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: program AM that logged the dates of changes in relationships 75 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 1: status is onto a calendar. Yeah. McCandless said, you know, 76 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,839 Speaker 1: I wouldn't call it a study. He was saying that 77 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 1: it's not the intention to claim that anything is definitely true. 78 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: It's just an interesting pattern that happens. And Byron second 79 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 1: to that and say it's it's more of a curious exploration. Yeah. 80 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 1: But the thing is, even though McCandless environ are clearly 81 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: trying to pump the brakes on everyone, trying to make 82 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: this collection of Facebook status is into something more scientific 83 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: than it really is. The attention that it got across 84 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: news and media outlets was incredible because maybe it was 85 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 1: simply a confirmation of an anecdotal turkey drop pattern that 86 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 1: we had experienced stores since. Um, because it clearly hit 87 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,719 Speaker 1: a nerve if you just look at all of the 88 00:05:55,800 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: stories talking about it. But on a bright side, Christmas Day, 89 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: guess what, folks, that is the least likely day that 90 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: you will get dumped. Because seriously, if you are with 91 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:12,800 Speaker 1: someone who breaks up with you on Christmas Day, that 92 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: something is either horribly wrong in that relationship needs to 93 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: end or that also that relationship needs to end because 94 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,040 Speaker 1: that person doesn't have a heart. Yeah, that sounds like 95 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: a mega fight happen. Um. But side notes, speaking of cruelty, 96 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: the most the third most popular excuse me breakup day 97 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 1: on Facebook is apparently April Fool's Day. Oh come on now, 98 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:37,360 Speaker 1: which is not funny. And for one more bit of 99 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 1: social media data. Lee Byron and David mccannlis also looked 100 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: at reasons for breaking up that people tweeted about, and 101 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,799 Speaker 1: the holidays weren't cited. It's not that people say Christmas 102 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 1: is here, get out, but it was more that the 103 00:06:55,760 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 1: holidays are probably bringing relationships stew pots to a feverish boil. Right. 104 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: Byron said, you know, this is a time for end 105 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 1: of the year reflections, and maybe as you're packing your 106 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 1: overnight bag to spend a couple of hours with your family, 107 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: you start thinking about does this person fit in with 108 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: my family? Would they like him or her? Maybe you 109 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: just start to feel that that kind of seasonal effective 110 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 1: disorder kind of settling into your bones, and you're just 111 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 1: you just want to hold up by yourself, and you 112 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: just don't want to date anyone anymore. You might not. Yeah, 113 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 1: and one thing that comes up a lot too when 114 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: psychologists talk about why the holidays are particularly stressful for 115 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 1: for relationships, is this idealized image that we have of 116 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: the perfect holiday romance. This is a time when we're 117 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: supposed to fall in love onto snowflakes site and the 118 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: soft light of a menora. We're supposed to be running 119 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 1: down the street and our tennis shoes an underwear as 120 00:07:56,240 --> 00:08:00,160 Speaker 1: Colin Firth opens his big fluffy coat to catch us. Yeah. Uh, 121 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 1: that's what's supposed to happen Bridget Jones's diary reference for 122 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: the uninitiated. Um. But there was a two thousand twelve 123 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: study actually published in the Journal of Consumer Research which 124 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: found that in this cold weather that we are in 125 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 1: right now, or at least for those of us in 126 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: cold climates Australian and New Zealand listeners, you're like, what 127 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 1: what are you talking about? But in cold weather people 128 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: are more likely to watch romantic movies and read romance novels. Yeah. Um. 129 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: And Andrea Bonnier, who is a licensed clinical psychologist who 130 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: was commenting on this study to Northwestern talked about how 131 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 1: feeling cold often makes us want to affiliate. It's very 132 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: much a brain body connection at work. Yeah, we want 133 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 1: to snuggle. Yeah, I want to snuggle up with the baddie. 134 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 1: I know my soup consumption and my fun consumption in 135 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: particular has gone up. Yeah. Oh my god. Every day. 136 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 1: If I killed the sodium level, I have to worry 137 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: about that little. Yeah, I wear a lot more fluffy socks. 138 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 1: People want to cuddle. I bought myself moccasin slippers just 139 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: to get through it, just to eat my soup in well, 140 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,959 Speaker 1: not while where while I'm eating my stup and eat 141 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: my soup out of right? That is some That is 142 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 1: some fluffy, fluffy soup. Um. But so we've got all 143 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 1: these things. We're watching romantic movies. We want to cuddle 144 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 1: up with somebody. Were expecting this idealized version of the holidays, 145 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: But meanwhile the real world is a little different. We 146 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 1: have all of these land mines we have to get around, 147 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: things like gift giving. How much do you spend? What 148 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,080 Speaker 1: if you buy a nice gift in your partner buy 149 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 1: something really crutty? The family visits the first time meetings 150 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 1: and and will your family judge the person. You also 151 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: have to worry about going to holiday parties. Do you 152 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 1: bring the person? Will you have to explain who this 153 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: person is? Will you have to be forced to define 154 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,520 Speaker 1: your relationship in front of co workers? Yes, challenging if 155 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 1: you are relatively new to relationship, because it's the time 156 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 1: when things get real, where all of a sudden, you 157 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:06,319 Speaker 1: have these obligations and you need to decide whether or 158 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: not you're going to do it. As an individual or 159 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:12,560 Speaker 1: as a couple, so that can be challenging to get through. 160 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,320 Speaker 1: But also if you've been in a relationship for a while, 161 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: the expectations are still high because of things like this 162 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 1: being the number one season for engagements and all of 163 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 1: those family pressures, maybe going home with a boyfriend girlfriend 164 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 1: and getting questions from family about when you're gonna get married, 165 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 1: or if you're married, when are you gonna have a baby, 166 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 1: all of these things. Yeah, I know, Thanksgiving, my boyfriend 167 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,319 Speaker 1: spend it with his family and I was with my family, 168 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 1: and uh, one of my mother's friends who I don't 169 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,720 Speaker 1: even know very well, was at Thanksgiving, and she was 170 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 1: asking when I was going to get married so that 171 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 1: they could all throw us a big party. And I 172 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: just gave her this like wide eyed, just kind of 173 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,480 Speaker 1: dead eyed stare and and kind of laugh nervously and 174 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: walked away, refilled your wine glass, and I'm like, let 175 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 1: me get another thing, a turkey and some more wine. 176 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 1: Holidays can be stressful. Holidays can be stressful, um and 177 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 1: all of those real world stressors are often in direct 178 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: contrast to what we are seeing in these holiday movies 179 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: that we love so much. During this cold weather because 180 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:29,560 Speaker 1: there are just so many unrealistic expectations that are established. 181 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 1: That comes up again and again and again in these 182 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: conversations about holiday stress, whether it's the expectations of an 183 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 1: amazing gift or the perfect gift, the perfect holiday happiness, 184 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 1: the true love e doubbiness that you should all be experiencing. 185 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: And talking to ABC News about this, Dr Dorry Lynn, 186 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 1: who is a psychologist, says that the holidays evoke incredibly 187 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: high stress and oppression, and the reason that this happens 188 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,240 Speaker 1: is that we have the media myth that this is 189 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:01,680 Speaker 1: supposed to be a happy, wonderful, enjoy his time. Yeah 190 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 1: and echoing. Matt Pepper Schwartz, who's a sociologist, told NBC 191 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 1: News that when people start to internalize all of these 192 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,599 Speaker 1: ideal images of romance and family, they can begin to 193 00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: wonder if their own real life relationships match up. You know, 194 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,960 Speaker 1: problems in your own life that you might not have 195 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: even thought about too much, all of a sudden when 196 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: it's the holidays, you think, oh, but I feel so 197 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:27,480 Speaker 1: alone exactly, And the issue of the family holiday visits 198 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: no offense. If any of my family members are listening, 199 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,720 Speaker 1: I love you all dearly, but having to interact with 200 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: the family can refocus things in not always the most 201 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: positive way, because yeah, you have incidents like maybe some 202 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 1: well meaning grandmothers or whomever asking for timelines about your 203 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: romantic future, or just having to deal with seeing maybe 204 00:12:56,160 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: not so pleasant dynamics between family members and see also 205 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 1: how significant others interact with their families that shines a 206 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: new light on that part of them as well. Yeah, 207 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 1: I mean those could be positive things. I mean going 208 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 1: you know, if you go to your boyfriend's house for 209 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 1: Christmas and you see how wonderfully he fits in with everyone, 210 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 1: and you just get all these warm, fuzzy feelings like 211 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 1: it's it's good to see someone in a new positive light. 212 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 1: I mean, yes, that can go horribly awry if the 213 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 1: grandmother then turns to you and says like, you know, 214 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: when are you going to have babies? And what are 215 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 1: you gonna lose twenty pounds? Because you know old people Grandma. 216 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: Grandma is getting a lot of flak in this episode. Also, 217 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 1: it's not just to enter family dynamics that can clash, 218 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:48,480 Speaker 1: but for couples to who might come from different regions, countries, cultures, 219 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: those holiday traditions can clash. As well, especially like if 220 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 1: if you know, one family celebrates Christmas and the other doesn't, 221 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,240 Speaker 1: or one makes a huge deal out of it and 222 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,200 Speaker 1: the other doesn't. You know, like what if what if 223 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,439 Speaker 1: you do ATTACKI sweater party with your family every year 224 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:06,319 Speaker 1: and your boyfriend's family thinks that's ridiculous. Like the sounds 225 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,560 Speaker 1: like your boyfriend's family needs to lighten up a little bit. 226 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 1: I'll say that I would just like to point out 227 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 1: that I'm not speaking directly about my boyfriend's family, um, 228 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: but speaking to NBC News about this, U c l 229 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: A psychology professor Andrew Christensen, who studies intimate relationships, said 230 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: that quote family is a likely culprit in holiday breakups. 231 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: I totally get this one, you know, because our family's 232 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: views of our partners can definitely have a major impact. 233 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 1: I mean, I know, I know from virtual experience, and 234 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,040 Speaker 1: this doesn't have much to do with the holidays. But 235 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 1: like in years past, if I would tell my mother 236 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: about somebody I was dating and I would get a 237 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,720 Speaker 1: certain facial expression. She would never even meet the person, 238 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 1: but I would be like, yeah, it puts a little castle, 239 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 1: little down in your brain. And I on the flip 240 00:14:54,960 --> 00:15:02,160 Speaker 1: side of that, have experienced past boyfriend not interacting very 241 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: kindly with his mother, which to me was a major 242 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 1: red flag that that kind of behavior would probably trickle 243 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 1: down to me at some point. Yeah so, yeah, so, 244 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 1: I guess if if you're worried about the future of 245 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:20,680 Speaker 1: your relationship, people maybe put off taking your partner home 246 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: for the holiday. But here's the thing though, for everyone 247 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 1: who is not in a relationship, who was listening, Listen, 248 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: I've been through the holidays single, Caroline, You've been through 249 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: the holiday single, and it can get weird even if 250 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:38,080 Speaker 1: you are not attached, because you can still get the 251 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,680 Speaker 1: same kind of pressure to get married and have babies 252 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 1: and lose weight or whatever it might be, no matter 253 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: what your relationship status is. Yeah. And and a lot 254 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: of women in China are not standing for that family 255 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,480 Speaker 1: pressure anymore. There is this issue that Time reported on 256 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:59,040 Speaker 1: where Chinese quote unquote left over women are renting boyfriends 257 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: for between a h T and D dollars per day 258 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 1: so their families won't worry. Yeah. I mean it's like 259 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 1: that right there. I think there is a rom com 260 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 1: about that, most likely called The Wedding Date, Yeah, starring 261 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: Grace from Rulan. Grace really, yeah, where she well, she 262 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 1: rents a wedding date. Huh Okay, well of course they 263 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 1: fall in love. Spoiler. I don't have to see the 264 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 1: whole movie to tell you that. Good figure. Um. But then, 265 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 1: I mean, then you have the sticky, messy, awful, possibly 266 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 1: dangerous issue of running into an X. Oh yeah, yeah. 267 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:41,280 Speaker 1: If you come from a smaller town like I do, inevitably, 268 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: when everyone comes home for the holidays, you're probably gonna 269 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 1: see somebody, And especially because it's the holidays, you're probably 270 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: gonna see someone when maybe you've had a spiked cider 271 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 1: or two, and it can rekindle those old nostalgic feelings 272 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,640 Speaker 1: because the Hollies are also a very nostalgic time. Kind 273 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 1: of the same way, when it's cold, we grabtate towards romantic, snuggly, 274 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 1: fun types of things. We might also gravitate towards the familiar, 275 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 1: a familiar face who has made us feel warm and 276 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,439 Speaker 1: snuggling in the past. Right. But I mean warning, you know, 277 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 1: just if you're gonna take that leap with an X, 278 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: you know, be sure that you're both on the same page. 279 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: I mean, there's always the danger that one of you 280 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 1: will feel a little bit better about the experience than 281 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 1: the other and want to take it farther or get 282 00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 1: back together something and the other won't. And also public 283 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:37,040 Speaker 1: service announcement. Sexually transmitted diseases also spike during the holidays, 284 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,399 Speaker 1: probably in large part because of the higher rates of 285 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: consumption of alcohol and holiday hookups, probably fueled by said alcohol. So, folks, 286 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 1: we're not against the holiday hook up, but just be 287 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:56,480 Speaker 1: safe because it is also the season for an STD. 288 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,640 Speaker 1: I've never seen that a Christmas card. They're well, people 289 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,640 Speaker 1: should put them on Christmas cards and maybe the rights 290 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,120 Speaker 1: would go down. Put a condom in every Christmas card? 291 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: You go, perfect, Okay, Well, so you know we've just 292 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 1: told you about what a mine field the holidays can be. 293 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,880 Speaker 1: You've got to worry about running into an X, You've 294 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,359 Speaker 1: got to worry about getting dumped or breaking up with 295 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,240 Speaker 1: your significant other, you have to worry about family pressure 296 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,719 Speaker 1: and about all sorts of things. Or you don't have 297 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:30,239 Speaker 1: to worry at all, Caroline, Because maybe if we can 298 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:35,400 Speaker 1: maintain mindfulness that a lot of the stress that goes 299 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:41,359 Speaker 1: into the holidays might be fueled by these unrealistic expectations 300 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: peddled by terrible movies. And holiday greeting card commercials. Yeah, 301 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 1: that could help. Some of those commercials do make my 302 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: little Grench heart grow three sizes. It's true. Yeah, I get, 303 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,640 Speaker 1: I get goose bumps. It's it's true. But seriously, though, 304 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 1: maintaining realistic expectations, I think, especially for people in relationships, 305 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 1: is a key to getting through this possibly stressful time. 306 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,880 Speaker 1: If there's a specific gift that you want, just tell 307 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: your significant other. If there is a specific way that 308 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 1: you feel the holidays, should go tell your significant other. 309 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 1: And if there's a problem, you'll work it out. Really, 310 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 1: the key is communication. You'll work it out. You should 311 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 1: be a life coach with that. And I got your tagline, 312 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,960 Speaker 1: you'll work it out. Do you think that could fit 313 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: on a vanity license plate? I'm sure. Just tick the 314 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 1: vowels out, it's fine, um, and don't forget you know. 315 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: When you're visiting your family, try to steer clear of 316 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 1: controversial controversial topics like politics, religion, all of that stuff, 317 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 1: and stay gracious. And if grandma starts to press about 318 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,280 Speaker 1: why you're not married, or why you're single, or why 319 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 1: you're dating a bartender, just look at her and say, 320 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,920 Speaker 1: why do you ask? M? M? Good? Deflective question. I 321 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,440 Speaker 1: do find that my blank stare is very off putting. 322 00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 1: My eyes just get real big and I just go 323 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 1: dead behind them. Um, and people do tend to drop it. 324 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 1: I find it works at work or at home with 325 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:08,760 Speaker 1: the family. It sounds like you should be a life 326 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 1: coach too, my My promotional materials would be horrifying. Um. 327 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 1: But also if you are single during this season, or 328 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 1: if you are recently single too, take heart because statistically, 329 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 1: thanks to the Turkey drop, there are more single people 330 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 1: this year at this time of year. Um. And I 331 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,800 Speaker 1: know that's probably the least comforting thing that you can 332 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 1: hear through your earbuds right now. Um, but it is true. 333 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,879 Speaker 1: I mean there there are a lot of single people. 334 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: And personally speaking, though, I can tell you that having 335 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:48,640 Speaker 1: been through a number of holiday seasons solo, it's best 336 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 1: to just just bulldoz through it because it's a time 337 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,359 Speaker 1: off of work. You eat some food, you drink some drinks, 338 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,120 Speaker 1: probably at a holiday party, trying to have a good 339 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 1: time and block out all of those love actually esque 340 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 1: messages about how everyone should be falling in love. Yeah, yeah, 341 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:13,280 Speaker 1: I just hate love actually. Yeah. It's it's probably and 342 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 1: I get so much flak for it, like nobody, somebody, 343 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 1: somebody out there somewhere, please please hop on board with 344 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,919 Speaker 1: me here Carolyn. Side note, there was recently an article 345 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: in the Atlantic that has been thought yeah about how 346 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,879 Speaker 1: Love actually is the least romantic movie. Yeah, And I 347 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:36,440 Speaker 1: wouldn't even argue for or against that, uh, that statement 348 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: that stands. I would just say that it's a terribly 349 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: made movie. What's a holiday movie that you do? Like 350 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: Home Alone? Oh, that's a good one, number one see 351 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: And that's great because it's not all about a fallen 352 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: in love and and it does have some heartwarming parts 353 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,359 Speaker 1: of it. Uh. There warning there is a tarantula in 354 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:55,919 Speaker 1: the movie. If you haven't seen it, I don't know 355 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,440 Speaker 1: why you wouldn't have seen it. But I saw that 356 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,280 Speaker 1: it's more of a Thanksgiving movie. But I saw planes, trains, 357 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,200 Speaker 1: and automobiles for the first time a couple of weeks ago, 358 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 1: and it was a delight. It is a delight, although me, 359 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 1: being the neurotic traveler that I am, it stressed to 360 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,439 Speaker 1: be out so much. Although it is a lovely, lovely 361 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,879 Speaker 1: romance between Steve Martin and John Candy, Yeah, a lovely, 362 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:25,880 Speaker 1: like non romantic kind of friend romantic film. Um, so there, Yeah, 363 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: I think there are definitely ways to get through the 364 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 1: holiday stress by treating ourselves right, trying to eat as 365 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:38,240 Speaker 1: well as we can, get some extra exercise if possible, 366 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 1: get in the sun if at all possible, and just 367 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 1: try to ride ride that sorry. Uh and um, and 368 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,880 Speaker 1: just trying to relax as much as possible because it's 369 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 1: just another holiday season and it doesn't have to be perfect. 370 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 1: Let yourself have a piece of pie, don't stress, just 371 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: enjoy it. Yeah, and by one piece of pie, I'm 372 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: saying all of the pie, eat all of the pie. 373 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 1: Is a new year, that's right. So now though we 374 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:13,880 Speaker 1: want to hear from you, do you have tactics management 375 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 1: tips for making the holidays go smoothly, especially for people 376 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,040 Speaker 1: out there who are not only dealing maybe with just 377 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 1: single doom or being in a relationship with one person, 378 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: but also having kids. How do you make all of 379 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: those things work together at the same time and not 380 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 1: lose your mind? Let us know mom stuff at Discovery 381 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: dot com. And by the way, happy holidays to everybody. 382 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: We hope that it's going well so far. We're almost 383 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 1: through it. Um, but let's take this moment to all 384 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 1: commiserate in the in the fact that it's not exactly 385 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 1: the most wonderful time of the year. So email us. 386 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 1: You can tweet us at mom Stuff Podcasts, and you 387 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 1: can find us on Facebook as well messages there, and 388 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 1: we had a couple of messages to share with you 389 00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 1: when we come right back from a quick break and 390 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 1: now back to our letters. Well, Caroline, I have some 391 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,000 Speaker 1: not so great news from Lisa in regard to our 392 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:17,280 Speaker 1: episode that we did on Faction a while ago, because 393 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 1: subject line she said, your Faction episode made me feel 394 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 1: fugly sad face and give me a sad face, she writes, 395 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: because I typically love you too. Let me start with 396 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,120 Speaker 1: what you got right. Thank you for acknowledging how many 397 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 1: American women are plus size. You also totally understood the 398 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 1: perils of both swimsuits and online shopping. Very thoughtful, and 399 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,040 Speaker 1: thank you for calling out retailers to carry more clothes. 400 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,879 Speaker 1: But here's where I have a problem. As a plus 401 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,080 Speaker 1: size women, I do not give you permission to call 402 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: me fat. I know the blogs were owning it and 403 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,159 Speaker 1: that the blogs were your subject, but fat is a 404 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 1: word of terror and you can't throw it around casually, 405 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 1: just like other social or ethnic monikers. It is one 406 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,280 Speaker 1: thing for the possessor to say it, in another for 407 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,800 Speaker 1: an outsider to say it. BA so where that taunted 408 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,920 Speaker 1: me tortured me from age six, even when I was 409 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: still a skinny tomboy. Fat kept me from trying too 410 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,199 Speaker 1: many new things or dating until college. I got a 411 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 1: prestigious scholarship to a good university and later got accepted 412 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,040 Speaker 1: to a very very good grad school. In both places, 413 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,920 Speaker 1: I spent much of my time worrying if I was 414 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 1: too fat for people like me. I had an even 415 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,440 Speaker 1: disorder by the time I was seventeen, but I felt 416 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,680 Speaker 1: I was too fat to admit until I was twenty five. 417 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 1: I sobbed over close it didn't fit and walked around 418 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 1: with pneumonia for three months because I didn't want any 419 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 1: more weight lectures from the student health doctor who barely 420 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 1: knew me. And even now, in my thirties, I can 421 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:35,560 Speaker 1: still hear every fact criticism ever overheard, and every playground insult. 422 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: I found the fat insensitivity especially disappointing because it came 423 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,439 Speaker 1: so closely after your Halloween costume episode, in which you 424 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 1: could not have been more culturally sensitive. I don't think 425 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,119 Speaker 1: you meant to be hurtful this time around, but I 426 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 1: was hurt and I just want to emphasize that, Lisa, 427 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:56,720 Speaker 1: absolutely we were not meaning to be hurtful in and 428 00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,720 Speaker 1: we were we were using the language that was out 429 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 1: there by the bloggers, and we weren't calling you fat. 430 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: We were trying to celebrate these bodies and this fashion, 431 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 1: and it's a type of reclamation that has been going on. 432 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 1: We as podcasters who do a lot of research into 433 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: the topics that we try to present in a very 434 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: sensitive way. We want to present you with the language 435 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:29,680 Speaker 1: that these various social movements use, and so we by 436 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 1: no means are attempting to ourselves co opt any language 437 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 1: that could be perceived as purple. And we certainly would 438 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: never intentionally say anything hurtful to or about our listeners. Yeah, 439 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,119 Speaker 1: I mean, and when it comes to descriptors of female bodies, 440 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,640 Speaker 1: whether it's fat or it's skinny, they can both be 441 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:53,560 Speaker 1: wielded as insults. And I'm not saying that I do 442 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:57,119 Speaker 1: not hear your concerns loud and clear, but I just 443 00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,720 Speaker 1: want to emphasize for other listeners who may have felt 444 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,080 Speaker 1: like we were being insensitive as well, that we were 445 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:12,679 Speaker 1: sincerely celebrating this movement and this call for greater representation 446 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:17,679 Speaker 1: for women of all sizes as so thank you for 447 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,640 Speaker 1: writing in though Lisa, Okay, well, I have a letter 448 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 1: here from Gloria. She is writing in in response to 449 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:29,679 Speaker 1: our Women in Stems series. UM. She says, after listening 450 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 1: to your recent series on women in stem I wanted 451 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 1: to share my own experience as someone who left science 452 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:39,120 Speaker 1: for PR. Growing up, I was expected to do well 453 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 1: in science and math at home and in school because 454 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,760 Speaker 1: I'm Asian. It wasn't that I did better in those 455 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: subjects than English or history. Was an honor in AP 456 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: classes for all subjects throughout high school and had pretty 457 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:50,639 Speaker 1: much the same spot on the s A T s 458 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 1: for both. But because I displayed aptitude for science, I 459 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,120 Speaker 1: was pushed toward a career in anything medicine related. As 460 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,600 Speaker 1: a result, I started college majoring first and bio chemistry, 461 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 1: but eventually switched to microbiology, immunology, and molecular genetics. But 462 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 1: please note, my family is really not that stereotypical. My 463 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,359 Speaker 1: mom boast about not caring whether my second older sister 464 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,359 Speaker 1: took AP calculus or culinary arts in high school. My 465 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,359 Speaker 1: third sister was encouraged to pursue music, and if she 466 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,919 Speaker 1: didn't have time to practice because she had math homework, 467 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,280 Speaker 1: my fourth sister would be given a calculator and told 468 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,080 Speaker 1: to complete it. But again, because all Asians are good 469 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,400 Speaker 1: at math, and so were my sisters, I was expected 470 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:30,040 Speaker 1: to be good as well. And since I'm good at math, 471 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,960 Speaker 1: I'm automatically good at science. Anyhow, while I was in college, 472 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,160 Speaker 1: I realized that I really didn't enjoy science and did 473 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 1: not want to go into medicine at all. I loved 474 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 1: all of my classes except my science classes, but my 475 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,760 Speaker 1: family encouraged me to stay in science because it offers 476 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,640 Speaker 1: more job stability once I graduate, which was half true 477 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 1: once the recession hit. After getting my bachelors in science, 478 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 1: I went on to work in a diagnostic lab as 479 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,760 Speaker 1: a tech. While I was good at my job and 480 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,440 Speaker 1: the fact that I wasn't facing layoffs like most people 481 00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 1: in two thousand and eight, I still hated it. I 482 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,920 Speaker 1: was fly different from people at work and just didn't 483 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,240 Speaker 1: have the personality for any job in science. To have 484 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: something enjoyable to do, I started beauty blogging. I realized 485 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: from there that I loved interacting with people, and after 486 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,720 Speaker 1: a few years decided to quit my job, move across 487 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,280 Speaker 1: the country and pursue a new career and beauty pr. 488 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,560 Speaker 1: I now absolutely love my job. I love working with 489 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 1: the media, flexing my creative muscles, and being around like 490 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,960 Speaker 1: minded people. Surprisingly, my science training kicks in quite often, 491 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,240 Speaker 1: since beauty is rooted in science. Just the other week, 492 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,720 Speaker 1: I was looking at published scientific articles on circadian rhythm 493 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: in order to craft a pitch about skincare. So thank 494 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 1: you for sharing your science and not science and sort 495 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,880 Speaker 1: of science story with us, Gloriam, and thanks to everybody 496 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: who's written in mom Stuff at Discovery dot com is 497 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 1: where you can send us your letters. You can also 498 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 1: tweet us at mom Stuff podcast, and you can follow 499 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,040 Speaker 1: us on Tumbler stuff mo I'm Never told You dot 500 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,080 Speaker 1: tumbler dot com. Oh yeah, and we're on Facebook. You 501 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,040 Speaker 1: can message us there like us. 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