WEBVTT - Why the “Perfect Mom” Doesn’t Exist

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<v Speaker 1>And we returned to our American stories. Tiffany Jenkins is

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<v Speaker 1>a wife and a mother of three. She's acquired a

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<v Speaker 1>huge social media following on her blog Juggling the Jenkins,

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<v Speaker 1>where her videos received millions of views. Tiffany wrote a

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<v Speaker 1>highly successful memoir, High Achiever, the shocking true story of

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<v Speaker 1>one addicts double life. Here's Tiffany Jenkins with the rest

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<v Speaker 1>of her story and what it means to be a

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<v Speaker 1>good mom.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what I want to talk about today. I

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<v Speaker 2>want to talk about what it means to be a

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<v Speaker 2>good mom. Okay, because listen, if you look on social

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<v Speaker 2>media and YouTube. Okay, let's take YouTube for example. They

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<v Speaker 2>have tons of videos of families announcing pregnancies to their

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<v Speaker 2>loved ones, right, and it's always so joyous, and everybody's

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<v Speaker 2>still excited and screaming in the yelling and they're like,

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<v Speaker 2>oh my God, finally, thank you. Look at these little booties.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna have a grand kid. Okay, that was not

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<v Speaker 2>how my pregnancy announcement went. I had been living in

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<v Speaker 2>a halfway house for two months and I started dating

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<v Speaker 2>this guy and I got an overnight pass. Okay, one weekend,

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<v Speaker 2>I got one overnight pass. I'm not going to go

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<v Speaker 2>into detail about what happened on the overnight pass, but

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<v Speaker 2>let's just say that two weeks later, my body started

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<v Speaker 2>acting a little weird. I didn't have a job or

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<v Speaker 2>a car at the time, so I scraped together some

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<v Speaker 2>quarters and walked my butt down to the dollar a

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<v Speaker 2>tree and bought a pregnancy test. I took a pregnancy

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<v Speaker 2>test in the bathroom u the halfway house I was

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<v Speaker 2>living at with six other women, and when the second

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<v Speaker 2>line popped up, I collapsed on the floor and lost

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<v Speaker 2>my mind. It was not joyous. I was not excited.

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<v Speaker 2>I was here by I had just started gaining trust

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<v Speaker 2>back with my family. What was I gonna tell them?

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<v Speaker 2>I was going to tell the owner of the halfway

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<v Speaker 2>house that I have used the one overnight pass. They

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<v Speaker 2>finally gave me. What was I going to do? I

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't even take care of myself? How was I going

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<v Speaker 2>to take care of a child? I was terrified. I

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<v Speaker 2>prayed out and I said, listen, technically, physically, I know

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<v Speaker 2>why this happened, but like spiritually and mentally, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know why this happened. Please help me. What am I

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<v Speaker 2>supposed to do? I can't have this baby, and it

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<v Speaker 2>was in that moment that I realized suddenly I wanted

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<v Speaker 2>this baby more than I had ever wanted anything in

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<v Speaker 2>my entire life. I told my sister, you have them,

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<v Speaker 2>basically like, Okay, you're an idiot. I told the owner

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<v Speaker 2>of the halfway house, and he could have kicked me out,

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<v Speaker 2>but he didn't. He let me live there and pay

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<v Speaker 2>rent until I could get out on my feet. So

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<v Speaker 2>I married the man who got me pregnant five months

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<v Speaker 2>after we started dating, and I continued to live in

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<v Speaker 2>the halfway house up until near the end of my pregnancy.

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<v Speaker 2>My recovery didn't stop just because I was pregnant. I

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<v Speaker 2>had to keep working on myself. I got a job,

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<v Speaker 2>busted my butt, got a car, we got an apartment,

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<v Speaker 2>and my son was born on my birthday. It was

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<v Speaker 2>the greatest gift that I've ever received. When my son

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<v Speaker 2>was six months old, I found out I was pregnant

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<v Speaker 2>with the closter. She burst into the world a cologuy

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<v Speaker 2>pury of tears and chaos, and I got postpartum depression

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<v Speaker 2>two weeks after she was born. My bonus daughter came

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<v Speaker 2>to live with us full time, and I was battling

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<v Speaker 2>postpartum depression full on. I went from being a single,

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<v Speaker 2>sexy bachelorette living in a half way house to a

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<v Speaker 2>married mother of three in the span of two years. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>when it comes to motherhood, I have no clue what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm doing. I don't. When I was suffering from postpartum depression,

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<v Speaker 2>I used to go to social media for support and

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<v Speaker 2>you know, to try to see what other people were

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<v Speaker 2>doing because I had no clue. And I quickly realized

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<v Speaker 2>that it seemed like everybody else had their life together

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<v Speaker 2>while mine was crumbling. Everybody's home looked beautiful, while mine

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<v Speaker 2>looked like a hurricane just ripped through the living room.

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<v Speaker 2>All the moms were posing with their babies, looking so

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<v Speaker 2>perfect and wonderful, while I wanted to leave mine in

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<v Speaker 2>the crib and run out the front door and never

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<v Speaker 2>come back. I can't explain what that did to me

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<v Speaker 2>internally as a person. It made me feel like a failure.

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<v Speaker 2>It made me feel a sheen. It made me feel

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<v Speaker 2>like maybe I wasn't meant to be a mom. There

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<v Speaker 2>was one day, one day, especially where I resented my

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<v Speaker 2>children just for existing. I didn't want to take care

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<v Speaker 2>of them, and more I didn't want to be a

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<v Speaker 2>mile anymore. So I called my doctor crying and I said,

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<v Speaker 2>is it bad that I don't want the kids anymore?

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<v Speaker 2>And they had come into the office right now and

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<v Speaker 2>they got me in the essay and the doctor and

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<v Speaker 2>I worked on a recovery plane for me. Once I

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<v Speaker 2>started to feel better, I started to write, and I

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<v Speaker 2>wrote for numerous reasons. I wrote because it was a

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<v Speaker 2>really therapeutic for me to get it out of my

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<v Speaker 2>head and on the paper. And I chose to share

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<v Speaker 2>my writing because everywhere I looked everything looked so perfect.

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<v Speaker 2>So I thought, maybe if there's just one person out

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<v Speaker 2>there who's feeling the same way as me, they can

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<v Speaker 2>read what I've written and see that they're not alone.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's where juggling the Jenkins was more. A good

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<v Speaker 2>mom is not measured by her ability to keep a

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<v Speaker 2>clean home. Some people have more money than other people,

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<v Speaker 2>some people have more possessions than other people, but none

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<v Speaker 2>of that matters. Life is going to go by like

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<v Speaker 2>this gonna be over before you know it, And I

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<v Speaker 2>promise you that it is not going to say anywhere

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<v Speaker 2>in your obituary her house was really clean. We got

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<v Speaker 2>to stop stressing about the little stuff. We got to

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<v Speaker 2>stop wasting time beating ourselves up over the little stuff

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<v Speaker 2>and start spending more time creating memories with our kid,

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<v Speaker 2>taking on places, putting our phones down, chilling with them,

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<v Speaker 2>going outside. When they come up to you and they say, Mommy,

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<v Speaker 2>will you play with me? Instead of saying just a second,

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<v Speaker 2>just get up and play with them, because I can

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<v Speaker 2>promise you that neither of you will ever regret that decision.

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<v Speaker 2>I have to remind myself of this daily. I'm the

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<v Speaker 2>queen of in just a minute, babe, I'm the queen

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<v Speaker 2>I do it all day long. So I have to

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<v Speaker 2>remind myself that that minute will never come. And I

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<v Speaker 2>know that and they know that, So it is up

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<v Speaker 2>to me to make the minutes count. Now, what makes

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<v Speaker 2>a good mom? I don't think there's one answer. A

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<v Speaker 2>good mom is somebody who doesn't spend hours obsessing about

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<v Speaker 2>how they aren't good enough. A good mom is somebody

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<v Speaker 2>who regnizing that they have a problem and does whatever

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<v Speaker 2>they can't fix it, whether it be addiction, alcoholism, anger, depression, pigging.

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<v Speaker 2>Action makes a good mom, But it all boils down

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<v Speaker 2>to love. Being a shining example to the kids of

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<v Speaker 2>what love is about showing them love and showing others'

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<v Speaker 2>love as often as possible.

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<v Speaker 1>And that was Tiffany Jenkins you were listening to. And

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<v Speaker 1>what a voice and so straight, straight as an arrow.

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<v Speaker 1>And by the way, that line in the beginning, what

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<v Speaker 1>was I gonna do? I can't take care of myself?

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<v Speaker 1>How am I gonna take care of this child? It

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<v Speaker 1>reminds me of the narrator And there goes My life

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<v Speaker 1>by Kenny Chesney. If you remember the lines. All he

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<v Speaker 1>could think about was I'm too young for this, got

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<v Speaker 1>my whole life ahead. Tell I'm just a kid myself.

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<v Speaker 1>How am I gonna raise one? By the way, we're

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<v Speaker 1>never ready to raise a kid. I've had so many

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<v Speaker 1>people say I'm not ready. Well, you're never ready. And

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<v Speaker 1>she jumped in and raised this child. And what great advice.

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<v Speaker 1>And mom's, good ones and good fathers do this too,

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<v Speaker 1>show them love and show others love as often as possible.

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<v Speaker 1>I have no idea what I'm doing, she also said,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know what none of us do. And people

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<v Speaker 1>like love to give a lot of advice about parenting,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's not easy. And if anybody had the formula down,

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<v Speaker 1>well share it. With the world. You'll be a billionaire.

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<v Speaker 1>It's no duck walk, but that advice love others and

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<v Speaker 1>yours as often as possible, about as good as it gets.

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<v Speaker 1>Tiffany Jenkins' story here on our American Stories