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Speaker 1: Hyay, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a

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Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the

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Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

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Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope

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Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it

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Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with

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Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining me for session one forty four of the

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Speaker 1: A Feed for a Black Girl's Podcast. Have you ever

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Speaker 1: heard someone talking about the need to take up more space? Well,

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Speaker 1: that's what I want to chat about today. What makes

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Speaker 1: this so difficult? And some tips for doing a better

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Speaker 1: job at it in your life? Why is it so

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Speaker 1: difficult to take up space? Somewhere along the line, we've

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Speaker 1: gotten the messages that we were too much. I know

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Speaker 1: in my family, when my cousins and I would get

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Speaker 1: excited and start talking louder than usual, we'd often hear

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Speaker 1: little girls should be seen and not heard I'm not

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Speaker 1: so subtle reminder that we were taking up too much space.

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Speaker 1: And it's things like that they give us the message

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Speaker 1: that what we're doing and who we are is too much,

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Speaker 1: and this message is often reinforced throughout our life. You're

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Speaker 1: being too dramatic, your clothes are so loud? Are you

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Speaker 1: always so aggressive? All of these messages can start to

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Speaker 1: seep in if we're not careful, and we become less

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. So I want this to be a reminder

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Speaker 1: that it's okay to lean into the fullness of who

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Speaker 1: you are and take up more space. Here are ten

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Speaker 1: things you might want to try to get started. Number one,

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Speaker 1: correct people when they've offended you. A lot of times

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Speaker 1: we don't let people know that they've heard us in

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Speaker 1: some way because we don't want to hurt their feelings

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Speaker 1: or we don't want to be seen as too difficult.

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Speaker 1: But you deserve to have your feelings taken into consideration too.

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Speaker 1: Number two, Ask for not only what you need, but

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Speaker 1: for what you want your deepest desires. Sometimes we've been

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Speaker 1: conditioned to believe that asking for where we desire is excessive.

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Speaker 1: We should be grateful to just get the bare minimum,

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Speaker 1: But who says that that's how things have to go.

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Speaker 1: You deserve excess. Sometimes you deserve just because you wanted to.

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Speaker 1: There doesn't always need to be a deep seated reason either,

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Speaker 1: just you wanting. Whatever it is, it's totally enough. Number three.

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Speaker 1: Use your voice to speak about the things that are

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Speaker 1: important to you. There is so much going on in

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Speaker 1: our families, in our communities, and in the world. Lend

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Speaker 1: your voice to the conversation. Your perspective is necessary. Number four.

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Speaker 1: Where are the clothes and hairstyles that make you feel

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Speaker 1: your best regardless of what others think. There are so

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Speaker 1: many rules made up by who knows about what kinds

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Speaker 1: of clothes and hairstyles are acceptable in certain spaces. But

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Speaker 1: I challenge you to make your own rules and rock

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Speaker 1: whatever makes you feel most confident. Number five raise your

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Speaker 1: hand in the classroom are in meetings. Sometimes we don't

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Speaker 1: raise our hand to speak because we think our ideas

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Speaker 1: are our questions are silly, or we figure someone else's

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Speaker 1: thinking what we're thinking and they'll say it, Well, why

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Speaker 1: can't it be you? Challenge yourself to speak, even if

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Speaker 1: it feels uncomfortable at first. Number six send back your

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Speaker 1: food when it's not prepared as you ordered. I continue

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Speaker 1: to be surprised at how common this is when I'm

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Speaker 1: speaking at different places across the country. But in case

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Speaker 1: you needed a reminder, if you order your stake, medium

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Speaker 1: will and it comes out well done. It's okay to

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Speaker 1: let your server know. You don't have to suffer through

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Speaker 1: a meal because you're worried that your server will be

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Speaker 1: heard about you sending the food back. Go ahead and

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Speaker 1: get what you ordered. Number seven. Apply for that job

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Speaker 1: or opportunity even if you don't feel like you meet

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Speaker 1: all of the qualifications. How many times do we talk

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Speaker 1: ourselves those out of things that could be really cool

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Speaker 1: and great for us because we think we're not qualified.

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Speaker 1: Go ahead and throw your head in the ring for

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Speaker 1: that dream opportunity. You never know what might not happen,

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Speaker 1: but we do know what will happen if you don't

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Speaker 1: even try. Number eight. Work on saying sorry less often.

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Speaker 1: How often do you catch yourself saying sorry even when

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Speaker 1: you haven't done anything wrong? Someone is too close in

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Speaker 1: your personal space and you move and say sorry? Are

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Speaker 1: you bought the wrong size and a sweater? And you

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Speaker 1: find yourself saying sorry to the clerk when you return

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Speaker 1: it Saying sorry when we've done something wrong is totally fine,

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Speaker 1: But the mindless sories that we offer to minimize any

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Speaker 1: perceived impact on others are totally unnecessary, so work on

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Speaker 1: limiting them. Number nine, laugh from your belly, Participate fully

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Speaker 1: when something brings you joy. Those stories your friends tell

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Speaker 1: that make you have to get up from your seat

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Speaker 1: and run around the room, have as many of those

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Speaker 1: moments as you possibly can. And number ten bring other

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Speaker 1: sisters into the room. You can take up more space

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Speaker 1: by bringing others with you. Finding yourself in cool experiences

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Speaker 1: is even cooler when you can create an opportunity for

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Speaker 1: someone else to participate. Bringing others into the fold doesn't

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Speaker 1: shrink the space, it causes the space to expand. So

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Speaker 1: tell me how do you take up space in your life.

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Speaker 1: If there are other things that you practice that might

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Speaker 1: be helpful to other sisters, please share them with us

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Speaker 1: on social media using the hashtag TBG in session, and

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Speaker 1: don't forget to share this episode with two people in

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Speaker 1: your circle so that they can joined the conversation too.

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Speaker 1: If you're searching for a therapist in your area, be

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Speaker 1: sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for

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Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash directory, and if you want

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Speaker 1: to continue digging into this topic and meet some other

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Speaker 1: sisters in your area, come on over and join us

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Speaker 1: in the Yellow Couch Collective where we take a deeper

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Speaker 1: dive into the topics from the podcast and just about

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Speaker 1: everything else. You can join us at Therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash y c C. Thank you all

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Speaker 1: so much for joining me again this week. I look

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Speaker 1: forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon.

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Speaker 1: Take it care