1 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide? 2 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: Hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from the heart of Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. 3 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:24,919 Speaker 1: Join us as our guests share their raw, powerful stories. 4 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:29,480 Speaker 1: Some will spark laughter, others will move you to tears. 5 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: These real life journeys inspire, connect and remind you that 6 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: you're never alone. We're igniting a global movement to empower 7 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 1: everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness, 8 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:52,840 Speaker 1: unwavering acceptance, and profound understanding of autism and mental health. 9 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: Tune in, be inspired, and join us in transforming the world, 10 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Mantur. Welcome 11 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide. 12 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 1: Joining us today is doctor Cochrane. She's a renowned psychologist 13 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: with over three decades of experience in clinical practice and 14 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: mental health advocacy. Known for her compassionate approach and deep 15 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 1: expertise in cognitive behavioral therapy, she has helped countless individuals 16 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 1: navigate life's challenges with resilience and clarity. She brings a 17 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:35,119 Speaker 1: unique blend of scientific insight and heartfelt wisdom to her 18 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: work making complex psychological concepts accessible to all. She has 19 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 1: a wealth of information for us, So before we dive 20 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 1: into our episode, we'll be back with an uninterrupted show 21 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: read after a word from our sponsors. Thanks for coming on, 22 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: I'm excited, yes, me too. Great to have you on. 23 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: If you would give us a little background. What do 24 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 1: you do well? 25 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 2: I work with people and relationships, and I help them 26 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 2: get unstuck and I help them get away from fear 27 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 2: and avoidance and moving toward what they want. 28 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:08,000 Speaker 1: Okay, can you expand on that? Can you give us 29 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 1: a little information on the types of people you work 30 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 1: with well? 31 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 2: I work with children and adults, I work with trauma. 32 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 2: I work with people who are neurodivergent. I work with 33 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:22,639 Speaker 2: couples who are neurodivergent, and I help a lot with strategizing, 34 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 2: problem solving and giving options for basic and sometimes complex 35 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 2: psychosocial stressors. 36 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,480 Speaker 1: When you work with someone this neurodivergent, what are some 37 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: of the issues you see that can arise and then 38 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: how do your problem solve it? 39 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 2: Well? Generally, the kinds of things I see are people 40 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:44,920 Speaker 2: whose brains work differently than neurotypical people, and so when 41 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 2: they are stressed or they are faced with the problem, 42 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 2: Often they are a migdala, or the emotional part of 43 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 2: the brain takes over and they start responding from there. 44 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 2: So they'll get really angry, or they'll cry, or they'll 45 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 2: just kind of curl up in a b and you know, 46 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:03,639 Speaker 2: stop and they don't know how to do something called 47 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,359 Speaker 2: self regulation, where you learn to calm yourself and get 48 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:09,360 Speaker 2: your prefhone cortex back online so that you can be 49 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,240 Speaker 2: present in whatever is going on. 50 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,079 Speaker 1: Well, that's pretty interesting. So what led you to do this? 51 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,919 Speaker 2: Well, my undergraduate degree and my first master's degree are 52 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 2: both in special education, so I've been working with people 53 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 2: of all stripes for a very long time. I found 54 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 2: as I was doing that work that more and more 55 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 2: people were coming to me with questions and concerns. It 56 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 2: didn't really have to do with spelling or math or 57 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 2: any of that, you know, is how do I solve this, 58 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 2: How do I do with this? What do I do 59 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,880 Speaker 2: with my child when they do this or that? What 60 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 2: does it really mean to have ADHD? What does autism 61 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 2: really look like? I'm scared for their future? How do 62 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 2: I plan for that? You know, those kinds of things, 63 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 2: And so that sent me off into the giggle weeds 64 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 2: of education, and I got degrees in social work, and 65 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 2: I did work with traditional ecopsychology and also transpersonal psychology. 66 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: When you was getting your master's and you was getting 67 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: all these degrees, was working with a doctor, was you teaching? 68 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: What was your journey to where you are now? 69 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 2: Well, of course, when you're training, you have to have supervision. 70 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 2: But once I was able to practice on my own, 71 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 2: then I do supervision for other people. 72 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 3: And I also help therapists. 73 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 2: Sometimes when they get stuck, because sometimes you're working with 74 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 2: a patient you're not quite sure which direction to go, 75 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 2: So I do that primarily. These days, I'm doing a 76 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,599 Speaker 2: lot of coaching with folks. The reason why I like 77 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 2: to do coaching versus the clinical stuff is because I 78 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 2: can coach all over the world anywhere I want to. 79 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 2: As far as being a therapist per se, I still 80 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 2: bring all my skills with me. But you can't build 81 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 2: insurance outside of California, which is where I live. 82 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 3: Those are the rules in each state. 83 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,560 Speaker 2: You can only practice in the state you're licensed in, 84 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 2: So I only do psychotherapy inside California, but outside and 85 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,920 Speaker 2: around the world I do coaching and it's so much 86 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,440 Speaker 2: fun and it's so rewarding. 87 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 3: I love it. 88 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: So give me the difference between the psychological part you 89 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,359 Speaker 1: would do in California and then the difference of the 90 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: coaching you would do in any other state or any 91 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,280 Speaker 1: place in the world. 92 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,640 Speaker 3: There isn't any You just can't build insurance for it. Okay. 93 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 2: I bring all my experience and wisdom and everything with 94 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 2: me wherever I code, But you can't build an insurance 95 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 2: company because I'm not licensed in that state. 96 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: In other words, it's just private pay yes, correct, Okay, gotcha? 97 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:22,479 Speaker 1: Can you give us an idea of what situations that 98 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: you might take on. This way, the listeners can get 99 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: a better idea of exactly what you do. 100 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 3: Well. 101 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,479 Speaker 2: Coming back to the couple's thing, A lot of times 102 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:36,280 Speaker 2: I will see a neurodivergent partner with a neurotypical partner, 103 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,479 Speaker 2: and as you might guess, there's some miscommunication there, a 104 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 2: lot of uncertainty, and if there are children involved, that 105 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 2: gets even more complicated. So opening lines of communication, teaching, 106 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 2: self regulation, talking about problem solving, safe language, and how 107 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 2: to make sure that you're being consistent in what you're 108 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 2: doing versus being not so much. 109 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: What are some of the more difficult situations that you've had. 110 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,799 Speaker 1: You're working with the people, you working at a surface level. 111 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: Then you start digging a little deeper and you find 112 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: other issues that start popping up. 113 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,720 Speaker 3: How do you handle that carefully? How's that for answer? 114 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 2: Well, generally speaking, people will come to me with a 115 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 2: specific concern, and as we're working through that concern, that's often, 116 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,919 Speaker 2: as you say, other things kind of bubble up to 117 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,719 Speaker 2: the surface. But for example, someone might come to me 118 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,159 Speaker 2: and they're having problems in their relationship or they're having 119 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 2: problems in their parenting. After a little bit of conversation, 120 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 2: I found out that person was sexually molested as a 121 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 2: child or badly beaten, your abused as a child, and 122 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 2: so they haven't been able to process that and finish 123 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 2: that piece, and it's interfering with their world today. So 124 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,480 Speaker 2: the trick is in the work I do is help 125 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 2: keeping people in the now, because if you're in the past, 126 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 2: you're often depressed. If you're in the future, you're often anxious. 127 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 2: But if you're in the moment, not only can life 128 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 2: be beautiful thing which you can solve problems and not 129 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 2: have them become future issues. 130 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 1: For someone that's been abused that can be physical abuse, 131 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 1: that can be mental abuse. Both are tough to deal with. 132 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: How do you get them past that? I mean, that's 133 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 1: a tough situation to let go of. 134 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 2: You're right, it can be, for sure, and depending on 135 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 2: how they've been treated with regard to that issue in 136 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 2: the past can also complicate things. So, for example, if 137 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 2: someone's tried to talk to a parent or trusted other 138 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 2: about what happened to them, they were told that they 139 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 2: were a liar or that's stupider than making it up. 140 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 2: Makes a lot harder to resolve it than if they 141 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 2: were taken at their word. So there are a number 142 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 2: of things that you can do. The biggest and most 143 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 2: important part in dealing with trauma is to get control 144 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 2: of your amgdala. And I talked about that a few 145 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,640 Speaker 2: minutes ago. That's a part of your brain that does emotion. 146 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 2: Now here's what's interesting. I love brains, by the way, 147 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,120 Speaker 2: I'm a big brain girl. And what's interesting about it 148 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 2: is that the amygdala is very closely co located with 149 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 2: the hippocampus, and the himpocampus does memory and learning. Now, 150 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 2: if we think about it from a evolutionary standpoint, that's 151 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 2: a good thing because we need to remember where the 152 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,360 Speaker 2: people eating animals are more importantly than where the blueberries are. 153 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 2: So our amygdala gets very much involved in our learning. 154 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 2: The problem is that a lot of the things that 155 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 2: happen to us, we will react as though there's this 156 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 2: animal that's going to eat us, when it's really only 157 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 2: a blueberry problem. And that's when we get into difficulty. 158 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 2: The human brain, you see, has not evolved in about 159 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 2: the last ten thousand years, So we've got ten thousand 160 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:37,440 Speaker 2: year old software twenty first century problems. What could possibly 161 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 2: go wrong, well a lot, and you're seeing it all 162 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 2: over the world right now. So it's learning how to 163 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 2: control that amygdala and get the prefone cortex, which is here. 164 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,320 Speaker 2: It's your forehead behind your eyes activated again so that 165 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 2: you can think about what you want to do versus 166 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 2: a kind of knee jerk reflexive response, which is what 167 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 2: you're feeling. And the thing I think I teach people 168 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 2: the most, and this is so so important. 169 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 3: Feelings are not facts. 170 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 2: Let that sink in a second. Feelings are not facts. 171 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 2: Because you feel a certain way about something does not 172 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,680 Speaker 2: mean it's true. You have to use the testing process, 173 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 2: and that's where your prephone cortex comes in. 174 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: Okay, So if I have a perception that something is real, 175 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 1: then in my mind it's real. Yes, How do you 176 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: get a person past that, especially if it's not fact 177 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: and they're just running wild with their own emotional thoughts? 178 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,720 Speaker 2: Okay, So there would be two ways I would need 179 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 2: to look at that problem. One is you may be 180 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 2: having hallucinogenic war psychotic process. So my first job is 181 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 2: to figure out, okay, is everything running smoothly in your head? 182 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 3: Are you oriented times three? As we say in the trade, 183 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 3: And if I determine that. 184 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 2: You are, then my next thing is to help you 185 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 2: understand that you've got to slow the process down. Because 186 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 2: what happens is your amigala it gets the firing so 187 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,080 Speaker 2: fast that eventually it developed neural pathways that by pass 188 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 2: your prephone cortex. It forgets there, so you can't resolve 189 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 2: the problem. So my job is to help you slow 190 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:08,480 Speaker 2: that down so that the prefernal cortex can catch up 191 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,880 Speaker 2: with what the amigdal has got going on. And there 192 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 2: are a number of different ways to do that. One 193 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 2: of them is called cognitive behavioral therapy. There's the Havening technique, 194 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 2: there's EMDR, there's a ton of different ways to go 195 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 2: about it, but basically they all focus on being able 196 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 2: to slow things down so that you can think your 197 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,959 Speaker 2: way into or out of whatever situation you're in. 198 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: Okay, so you just brought up psychotic events, so that 199 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: would imply that you've worked with people that are in 200 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 1: psychosis before. Well, of course, so when someone's in a 201 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 1: state of psychosis or antisignosia where they don't even realize 202 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,199 Speaker 1: there is a problem, how do you approach that. 203 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 2: It depends on how psychotic they are. I mean, if 204 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 2: they're floridly psychotic, sometimes all we can do is sedate them, 205 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 2: help them calm down, and then help them, you know, 206 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,199 Speaker 2: get some medication for it. If it's a more mild 207 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,679 Speaker 2: form of psychosis, maybe just a little bit of paranoia 208 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,679 Speaker 2: or something like that, I'll just say to them, Well, 209 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 2: here's an example. The gentleman came to me. He said, 210 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 2: I have a problem. I said, oh, what problem is that? 211 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,079 Speaker 2: He said, well, I have all these ghosts at my house. 212 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 2: I need you to help me with the ghosts. And 213 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,520 Speaker 2: some people do have ghosts. I mean, I'm not going 214 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 2: to say they're crazy, because that's the first thing they say. 215 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 2: But then I'll say, okay, Well, tell me about the ghosts. 216 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,400 Speaker 2: He said, well, they're on my front lawn. Ah, I see. 217 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 2: I said, what do they look like? He said, well, 218 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 2: they're kind of have on Victorian kind of clothes, you know. 219 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 2: I said, oh, I said, so are there any in 220 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 2: your closet? He said yes, And I said, how about 221 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 2: coming out of your TV? 222 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,319 Speaker 3: Yes? How did you know? Have you seen them? 223 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 2: I've tried to wake up my wife friend show her 224 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 2: the ghosts, and she can't see them. So we're talking 225 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 2: about a psychotic process. You're not a haunting. So I 226 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,199 Speaker 2: said to him, you know what, sometimes your brain can 227 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 2: go a little wrong. And when it goes a little wrong, 228 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,319 Speaker 2: it's a little bit like getting a short and an 229 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,440 Speaker 2: electrical wire, and it makes your lamp click on and off. 230 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 2: And sometimes, you know, when your lamp is flicking on 231 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,199 Speaker 2: and off, you can't see everything clearly. So there's some 232 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,520 Speaker 2: medicine that I can help you get. We'll talk to 233 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:01,319 Speaker 2: your doctor and I can help you get and it 234 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,679 Speaker 2: will help the electric signal work better. So the chill 235 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 2: lamp stays on all the time. 236 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 3: And he said, really you can do that. 237 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 2: I said, well, not alone, but yes, I can help 238 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 2: you do that, and within about three to four days, 239 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 2: the ghosts were gone and he's feeling better. 240 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great story. Now, over the last year 241 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: or so, I've had a chance to speak with a 242 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 1: few different people about this. What about the ones that 243 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 1: are seeing demons? And unfortunately, in order to save that person, 244 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: they have to kill the demon. Unfortunately they kill the person. 245 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,080 Speaker 1: Oh dear, how do you work with those people that 246 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: are seeing demons? They think that everything they are seeing 247 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 1: is real? 248 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:40,439 Speaker 3: Of course, yes, yes, how do you. 249 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: Handle that and help that person that is so far 250 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 1: in on what they believe. 251 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 2: If they're that far in, then we probably need to 252 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 2: call nine one one and have them taken to the hospital. 253 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:55,680 Speaker 1: That's good in theory. Unfortunately, some states, when it gets 254 00:12:55,679 --> 00:12:58,599 Speaker 1: to aot it comes down to if they are not 255 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,640 Speaker 1: a threat to themselves or others, they have to let 256 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: them go. 257 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 3: Well, that's true. However, if a patient is at the 258 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 3: point where they're seeing demons, they're going to tell the 259 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 3: doctor about that maybe, and they're also going to tell 260 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 3: the doctor what they're going to do to the demons. 261 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 3: I have to kill them. I have to cook them 262 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 3: in an oven. I have to do this. I have 263 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 3: to do that. 264 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, if they're seeing demons, they're going to tell that 265 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 2: story because it does feel normal to them. They don't 266 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,280 Speaker 2: think there's anything to hide. Now, there are people who 267 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 2: are suicidal sometimes who will go in and lie and say, no, 268 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 2: I'm fine, everything's fine. My family's just overreacting, you know, 269 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 2: blah blah. So that can happen. But if you're floridly psychotic, yeah, 270 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 2: we're going to pick up on it in the yard. 271 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: Well, we would hope. So Unfortunately, I have heard a 272 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,080 Speaker 1: lot of horror stories. Can you think of a situation 273 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,440 Speaker 1: that you started out you kind of thought it was 274 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: really not going well at all. You didn't know if 275 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 1: you could help them because they just was not accepting 276 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: what you was telling them, and then finally you hit 277 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 1: that tipping point when things just started turning around and 278 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 1: all of a sudden you had a success story. 279 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:02,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, a number of cases like that. I have to say, 280 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 3: you know, as we're talking about this, it's a great 281 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,079 Speaker 3: honor to do what I do. People put a lot 282 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 3: of trust in me, faith in me. I consider it 283 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 3: a spiritual practice. It's my way of giving back to 284 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 3: the universe. 285 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 1: That's a really good way to look at it. 286 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 2: So as we talk about these things, it's important for 287 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 2: your listeners to understand that I don't take credit for 288 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 2: what happens. I always tell my patients, you know, you're 289 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 2: driving the bus. 290 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 3: I just have the map. 291 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 2: I can tell you what's going to happen if you 292 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 2: do this or do that, but you're the one ultimately, 293 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 2: you know who's going to make the decisions. So I've 294 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 2: had many many cases where someone came to me and 295 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 2: they thought I was crazy or I was giving bad advice. 296 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 2: Sometimes it was on a more severe level, like serious 297 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 2: mental health. Sometimes it was more just couples counseling. As 298 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 2: an example of that, a couple came to me one 299 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,560 Speaker 2: time and the wife was just crying and the husband 300 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 2: was really angry, and he said, you know, she doesn't 301 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 2: want me anymore, she's going to make love anymore, she's 302 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 2: want to be close to me. You know, maybe we 303 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 2: need to get a divorce. And she was just crying 304 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 2: so hard she couldn't talk. So I taught that about 305 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 2: something I call skilled deference. What that means is that 306 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 2: when a man loves a woman. And I'm talking for 307 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 2: the moment about heterosexual couples, but other kinds of couples 308 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 2: take on the role of the more assertive person or 309 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 2: the more nurturing person. They want to take care of 310 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 2: their partner, and so early in the relationship they have 311 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 2: certain ways of taking care of will use him and 312 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 2: her for the moment her and maybe it was chocolates 313 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 2: and flowers. And then in the thirties kids came along, 314 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 2: things changed dramatically and what she really needed was not 315 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 2: chocolates and flowers. What she needed was time to talk, 316 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 2: time to rest, time to take some of the emotional 317 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 2: load of running the household off of her mind. But 318 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,760 Speaker 2: he doesn't understand that he's still back when they were dating, 319 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 2: trying to give her those things, and she's not happy, 320 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 2: and he's really hurt. So I said to this gentleman, 321 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 2: I said, you know, I think right now what your 322 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 2: wife needs is a couple of loads of laundry, a 323 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 2: few meals a week, and some time to just sit 324 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 2: and be quiet for a little bit. 325 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 3: He said, that's ridiculous, he said, I've never heard of 326 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 3: such bad advice. I can't believe I'm paid you for this. 327 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,960 Speaker 3: How is that going to have her make me sexy again? 328 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 3: And we want to make love with me. 329 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 2: I said, okay, well, you know I can only give advice, 330 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 2: you don't have to take it. So he stormed out, 331 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,440 Speaker 2: Oh he was just mad in a wet hand. And 332 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 2: by the time they got back the following week, they 333 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 2: were really smiling. I said, oh, well, what happened? He said, well, 334 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 2: is damned this thing? I did what you said, and 335 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 2: all of a sudden she wants to me again. So 336 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 2: I said, yeah, okay. So here's the key going forward 337 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 2: for skilled difference. You have to be able to check 338 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 2: with you and your partner and find out what they 339 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:28,200 Speaker 2: need now and how you can best provide that, and 340 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 2: you'll be holding hands and close to one another until 341 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 2: you leave this life. 342 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a great resolution for sure. Now let's 343 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,240 Speaker 1: bring it back to the autistic world. I have a 344 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: person I interviewed about a year ago. He was autistic, 345 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: she was nurotypical. In my opinion, they had the very 346 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 1: best way of looking at it. I'm curious on how 347 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: your approach would be. They looked at it as two 348 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: different people from two different countries. Basically, they had to 349 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: learn each other's ways. So I'm doing things. This worked 350 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: really good for them. Now, what are some of the 351 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 1: things that you've used to lessen that gap between the 352 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:12,120 Speaker 1: neurotypical and the neurodiverse and raising families. 353 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 2: Well, I often talk about concentric circles. So there's the 354 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 2: neurotypical person on one side, the neurodivergent person on the 355 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,399 Speaker 2: other side, and they come together and then there's this 356 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 2: piece in the center where they overlap. And the trick 357 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,680 Speaker 2: is that I'm really really out of it about life 358 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,440 Speaker 2: is never going to look all the way neurotypical. Life 359 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 2: is never going to look all the way neurodivergent. What 360 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 2: you have to do is come up with a common nomenclature, 361 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,640 Speaker 2: common language to be able to talk to each other, 362 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,919 Speaker 2: to get your needs met and get things done in 363 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 2: the relationship. And it isn't going to look like what 364 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 2: either of you used to. It has to be an 365 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,680 Speaker 2: amalgam of the two. And the work in the relationship 366 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:50,959 Speaker 2: is to develop that language and ability to be flexible 367 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 2: and open and neuroplastic. 368 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,640 Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, it has to evolve. 369 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, Life is a process of becoming, but it's 370 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 2: not always such a becoming process. 371 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 1: Absolutely, Now when you're dealing with adults, I'm not going 372 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 1: to say that it's going to be better but hopefully 373 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,120 Speaker 1: they can process things a little bit different because they 374 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,360 Speaker 1: are a little older, live the life a little longer. 375 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:19,200 Speaker 1: What do you do when you're dealing with teenagers? They 376 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 1: can be going through bullying and all the drama that 377 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 1: goes around them in school and life in general, because 378 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 1: things can just not be so good. A perfect but 379 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:36,119 Speaker 1: unfortunate example is what happened here just a little while ago, 380 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,160 Speaker 1: and an eleven year old girl that lives just ten 381 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:44,640 Speaker 1: or fifteen minutes north of where I live committed suicide 382 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: and the bullies told her how to do it. Oh, 383 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: that is the extreme. Now, how do we get it 384 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: to the point where this can be under control and 385 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:57,480 Speaker 1: doesn't happen again? 386 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,440 Speaker 3: Well, honestly, the key is vigilance. 387 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 2: You have to pay attention to where your child is, 388 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,160 Speaker 2: who they're talking to, what kinds of things they come 389 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 2: home from school with, what their attitude looks like about 390 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 2: going to school, how they feel when they come home. 391 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,880 Speaker 2: And you've got to be hyper vigilant about their use 392 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,159 Speaker 2: of the computer. You know, we have to have license 393 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,560 Speaker 2: to drive a car, which is a very powerful machine 394 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,120 Speaker 2: that can go quite fast and hurt people. Computers are 395 00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 2: incredibly exponentially faster than that and can kill people too. 396 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,639 Speaker 3: But we don't watch our kids. 397 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 2: We think, oh, well, you know you're eleven years old, 398 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,919 Speaker 2: how much shruggler. You can get into a lot. You 399 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,480 Speaker 2: can end up dead, you can end up kidnapped, you 400 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 2: can be groomed by a pedophile. 401 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 3: I mean all kinds of things. So vigilance is. 402 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:44,159 Speaker 2: Really what's key, and having regular conversations with your children. 403 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,280 Speaker 2: And I don't mean things like when the child comes 404 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,639 Speaker 2: home and you say, how is school fine? 405 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 3: What did you do? 406 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 2: Same old stuff? That's not a conversation. That's a reflective response. 407 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,320 Speaker 2: So a conversation would look like, so, how was school today? 408 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 3: Fine? Oh okay, Well what was the best part today? 409 00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: Oh? 410 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 3: What was the worst part today? When you got to 411 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 3: that worst part? What was your plan? How did you 412 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,160 Speaker 3: handle it? Are you still feeling like you're not sure 413 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 3: about that? You see? 414 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 2: That's a conversation, and that way, I'm digging into what's 415 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,959 Speaker 2: going on. If my kid is saying to me so 416 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,480 Speaker 2: and so said you should die, well you can bet 417 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 2: your buns I'm going to be at the school like now. 418 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,040 Speaker 2: That is not going to happen again. And it's not 419 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 2: necessarily a question of vengeance, so to speak. It's more 420 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:25,919 Speaker 2: about no boundaries are called for here, and they have 421 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 2: to be set, and my child has to be protected, 422 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 2: and that other child needs support and help in. 423 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 3: Learning empathy because they're stuck, right. 424 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 2: So that's what I'm going to advocate for when I 425 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 2: get to see the principle. Look, we have to work 426 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 2: on both ends of this issue. 427 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:43,480 Speaker 1: That's all true. But sometimes the child is just very 428 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:47,480 Speaker 1: reclusive and goes into the shell and doesn't say anything 429 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: to anyone, especially the parents. So how can you dig 430 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,639 Speaker 1: that out? Because sometimes you can dig and dig and dig, 431 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 1: yet they just don't say anything. It could be because 432 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,240 Speaker 1: they're ashamed of it. They're depressed because of it. That's 433 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,360 Speaker 1: the last thing they want to talk about is what 434 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 1: they're ashamed of and depressed about. It's a totally different 435 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,000 Speaker 1: situation than what parents are used to dealing with. How 436 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 1: do they handle that? 437 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 2: Well, that's where a therapist comes in, because you know, 438 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 2: there are things children won't tell their parents, but they 439 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 2: will tell a therapist, and that is a very powerful, 440 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,440 Speaker 2: sacred safe space. 441 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 3: For example, I had a little girl who came to me. 442 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,440 Speaker 2: She had been adopted by this family, and she kept 443 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,680 Speaker 2: running away. She was five, and she kept running away 444 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 2: and asking people, you know, can I live at your house? 445 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 2: Nobody could figure out what was wrong, and it took 446 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,639 Speaker 2: a couple of sessions, but she finally told me what 447 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,720 Speaker 2: her adoptive daddy was doing in her bottom. He was 448 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,800 Speaker 2: putting things in there and she'd like it. And so 449 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 2: she'd sneak out at night and try and find another 450 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 2: house because she'd been adopted once, she thought maybe. 451 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 3: Somebody else would let her be here a little girl. 452 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,479 Speaker 2: So, needless to say, I got her out of that 453 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 2: situation lightning fast. 454 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,440 Speaker 3: But it wasn't something that. 455 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 2: She would tell anybody else, but she would tell me 456 00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 2: because she knew and she could feel this is a safe, 457 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 2: protective environment and that her needs and feelings were first. 458 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,119 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great, she felt that way. What do you 459 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 1: think is very important that our listeners here not only 460 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,960 Speaker 1: about what you do, but what they need to do 461 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: and how you can help them accomplish the mindset they 462 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: need to move forward. 463 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,840 Speaker 2: Well, I think the thing that I want everyone to 464 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:26,480 Speaker 2: know more than anything else is please, please, please, don't. 465 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 3: Be afraid to ask for help. 466 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,439 Speaker 2: Sometimes parents feel like, oh, if I go to a 467 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,840 Speaker 2: therapist or something, I've failed as a parent, or you 468 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,160 Speaker 2: know there's something I'm not doing right. 469 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 3: Absolutely not. 470 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:37,440 Speaker 2: The way that we learn our parenting skills, for the 471 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 2: most part, comes from our family of origin. The family 472 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,880 Speaker 2: that we're born into, isn't necessarily the family of marriage 473 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 2: or the family that we're living with at the time, 474 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,400 Speaker 2: and they don't have those answers. 475 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:47,200 Speaker 3: And that's why. 476 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,959 Speaker 2: People like me go to school for a very, very 477 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 2: very long time and learn how to solve those problems 478 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 2: and teach you how to do it, but not teach 479 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 2: you with what's wrong with you don't know. This is 480 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 2: teach you with support and care and the belief because 481 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,919 Speaker 2: a big part of my job is to believe in people. 482 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,640 Speaker 2: You'd be surprised or maybe you wouldn't how many people 483 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,399 Speaker 2: don't feel believed in. They don't feel like there's somebody 484 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,119 Speaker 2: who says, yeah, I know you can do this. I 485 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 2: know it looks scary and hard, but I know you 486 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,879 Speaker 2: can do this. And that's a lot of what I 487 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,680 Speaker 2: do is to remind them, yes, you can, and I'm 488 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 2: going to give you a new skill that you can 489 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 2: apply to the problem and you'll be able to resolve 490 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,359 Speaker 2: it in a new and more productive way. 491 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, you just brought up a really good point, the 492 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,760 Speaker 1: fact that people do not believe that they can do things. 493 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,760 Speaker 1: Part of that is because of that green eyed monster 494 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,399 Speaker 1: that comes out, which is called jealousy. Sometimes people don't 495 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,879 Speaker 1: want to see people succeed. Many times it's because they 496 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,879 Speaker 1: didn't have the courage to do it themselves, so they 497 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,080 Speaker 1: don't want them to do it right. So, how do 498 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:50,919 Speaker 1: you work with a person that is unfortunately starting to 499 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,919 Speaker 1: believe what he or she is being told. How do 500 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 1: you give them the confidence so that they'll get out 501 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:01,720 Speaker 1: there and try even if they fail, Because many times 502 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 1: when you fail, you learn and that gives you the 503 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 1: opportunities to do it better and succeed well. 504 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:14,200 Speaker 2: The first rule to interrupt indoctrination, and that's what you're 505 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,720 Speaker 2: talking about, is to not allow the person or the 506 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,399 Speaker 2: child to be isolated in a group of people that 507 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,159 Speaker 2: continues to tell them they can't. That's step one end 508 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,359 Speaker 2: is really important. The other thing is whether you're a 509 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 2: child or you're an adult. I'm going to teach you 510 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 2: how to call them yourself with one of the techniques 511 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,280 Speaker 2: that I talked about a little bit ago, and then 512 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 2: we're going to begin to implant new ideas so that 513 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 2: you can make new neural pathways. You can actually reprogram 514 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 2: your brain in about twenty eight days with something that 515 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 2: I call vitamin G, which is gratitude. Gratitude practice is 516 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,919 Speaker 2: so easy. All you have to do is start out 517 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 2: your day and end your day just running through the 518 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,160 Speaker 2: things that you're grateful for. 519 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 3: For example, I'm. 520 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,679 Speaker 2: So happy and grateful that I get to do your 521 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,640 Speaker 2: podcast today. I'm so happy and grateful that I get 522 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:57,560 Speaker 2: see my patience today. 523 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,320 Speaker 3: I'm so happy and. 524 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 2: Grateful that I have four wonderful therapies. I'm so happy 525 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 2: and grateful that I live in a mountain with all 526 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 2: kinds of trees and water around me. Those would be 527 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,479 Speaker 2: some of the things that I would say that I'm 528 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 2: happy and grateful for. Okay, now you might say, well 529 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 2: that just sounds dumb. I mean whatever is going to make. Well, 530 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 2: the difference that it makes is as you remind yourself 531 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 2: of those positive things, it shifts you from a mindset 532 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,359 Speaker 2: of paucity, which is there's not enough and it probably 533 00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 2: isn't going to work, into a mindset of plenty and 534 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 2: that I'm only limited by my imagination. So what you 535 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 2: begin to see As you move through the twenty eight 536 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 2: days is you'll notice, yeah, you know this used to 537 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,640 Speaker 2: bother me a lot, but doesn't bother me so much anymore. 538 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,640 Speaker 2: Or this used to really set me off, and yeah, 539 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,400 Speaker 2: I didn't even notice it. You begin to become more 540 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 2: sanguine and palm and your prefrone cortex is now in 541 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,800 Speaker 2: control instead of your migdala. Now let me say this 542 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,679 Speaker 2: in the beginning, if you're feeling crummy, it can be 543 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,040 Speaker 2: hard to come up with things are grateful for, and 544 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,240 Speaker 2: that's okay, it's normal. 545 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,480 Speaker 3: But just pick something. I'm so happy and grateful. 546 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,800 Speaker 2: I have purple dinosaur socks or just anything you can 547 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 2: think right, and you'll find as the days go along 548 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,440 Speaker 2: that the list gets longer and longer, and you'll feel 549 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,320 Speaker 2: better and better, and pretty soon, as I said, after 550 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 2: about twenty eight thirty days, you'll notice, Wow, my outlooks different. 551 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 2: It works for depression, it works for anxiety, it works 552 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 2: with people who are dealing with neurodiversion issues. It works 553 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 2: for everybody. But it only works if you do it. 554 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 2: To take vitamin G twice a day. 555 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great and sound advice. Now stop and think 556 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 1: about this. Someone this twenty five, thirty five, forty five. 557 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 1: It doesn't really matter. They've lived their life good to bad. 558 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:37,800 Speaker 1: They can be out there working, feeling good about everything, 559 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, boom, something just reminds 560 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:46,439 Speaker 1: them of something bad. It triggers that switch that just 561 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,440 Speaker 1: takes away everything that they've been working for that day 562 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 1: to feel positive. How do you stop that switch from 563 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:54,080 Speaker 1: being flipped on? 564 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 2: You tell them about it. Look, this is likely to 565 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 2: happen to you in the early days of what you're doing. 566 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 2: You're likely you know everything is Most people have heard 567 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,639 Speaker 2: of the learning curve. Right, you go forward and then 568 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:05,879 Speaker 2: you go back a little bit, You go forward, and 569 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,160 Speaker 2: you go back to the little that's normal. You're not failing, 570 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 2: you're not bad, you're not unsuccessful. It just means that 571 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,240 Speaker 2: you're going through your learning process. If we talk about addictions, 572 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 2: for example, and someone has a lapse, a lapse is 573 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 2: a teaching moment. It says, ah, okay, you weren't taking 574 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:20,960 Speaker 2: care of yourself, that we need to take care. Let's 575 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,480 Speaker 2: look at that. What do we miss, what do we 576 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 2: need to do differently? So it's not about failure, it's 577 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 2: about okay, that was a learning tool. You can't have 578 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 2: success without failure. So preparing people for that, helping them 579 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 2: understand is kind of like the ways of the ocean, Right, 580 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:36,520 Speaker 2: it goes out, it comes in, goes out comes in. 581 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 2: That's just the nature of things. 582 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, I totally agree. Now, is there anything that 583 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,000 Speaker 1: we haven't touched upon that we need to? 584 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:49,679 Speaker 3: Well that's a big question, isn't it. Uh, let's see. 585 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 2: No, Actually, I think you've I think you've done a 586 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:56,360 Speaker 2: good job. I want to pivot back to though your mind, folks, 587 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 2: that feelings are not facts, and here's a way to 588 00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 2: break that down, slowing the process down. As I talked 589 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 2: about before, it's very helpful. So get yourself a piece 590 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 2: of paper and make three columns. Column one, you write 591 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,840 Speaker 2: down what it is is bothering you, the worry thing right. 592 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 2: Column two is okay, what evidence do I have. 593 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:13,639 Speaker 3: That that is true? 594 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,200 Speaker 2: And column three is what would I tell a person 595 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,680 Speaker 2: who came to me with this problem or concern. Most 596 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,760 Speaker 2: people give excellent advice, they just don't take it. 597 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just so true. Well, this has been great, 598 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,840 Speaker 1: great information, great conversation. I really appreciate your taking the 599 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,119 Speaker 1: time to join us today. 600 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much for having me. 601 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 1: It was fun, Yes, it was my pleasure. Thanks again. 602 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,800 Speaker 1: Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to 603 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 1: listen to our show today. We hope you enjoyed it 604 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 1: as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If 605 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,640 Speaker 1: you know someone who has a story to share, tell 606 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:01,560 Speaker 1: them to contact us at why Not Me That World. 607 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,480 Speaker 1: One last thing, Spread the word about why Not Me, 608 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:11,920 Speaker 1: our conversations, our inspiring guests that show you are not 609 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 1: alone in this world.