WEBVTT - Captain, That Is Illogical

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<v Speaker 1>Captain. That is illogical. It's one more thing.

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<v Speaker 2>One more thing.

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<v Speaker 1>That was a reference to the TV show Star Track

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<v Speaker 1>that doesn't really have any Star Trek Trek that they

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<v Speaker 1>tracked that doesn't really have anything to do with this.

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<v Speaker 1>Although this is William Shatner, who became famous playing Captain

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<v Speaker 1>Kirk in Star Trek and has since then become a

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<v Speaker 1>national beloved hero. For some reason, he's just the most

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<v Speaker 1>likable people on earth. Is but he told this disgusting

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<v Speaker 1>story the other day.

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<v Speaker 3>Now, I'm.

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<v Speaker 1>One man shot and all of a sudden, I have

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<v Speaker 1>to go. In fact, I'm going to use.

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<v Speaker 2>So I said, I've been a technical typically and I'll

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<v Speaker 2>be right back, and I lost it. Ident finished the

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<v Speaker 2>show and it was very successful.

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<v Speaker 4>He crapped his pants apparently on stage the opening night

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<v Speaker 4>of his Broadway show.

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<v Speaker 1>He's been in multiple Broadway show is this recently as

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<v Speaker 1>a ninety year older.

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<v Speaker 4>And furthermore, Oh, he's secretly friends with mister spock Off

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<v Speaker 4>the set all but Sulu was a pain in the ass.

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<v Speaker 5>God, that sounded like something when you ride public transit

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<v Speaker 5>and they tell.

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<v Speaker 1>You the next stop. Should never understand that. Yeah, So

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<v Speaker 1>his story is he was on stage for the opening

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<v Speaker 1>night and he actually defecated his pants.

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<v Speaker 5>You get it.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a good one, Katie. How long did you have

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<v Speaker 1>that one in the holster? That's a good one. Thirty seconds? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I was waiting. Anyways, we were going to go with

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<v Speaker 1>embarrassing things you've done, like on stage or in public.

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<v Speaker 1>I've never done that, thank god. But I have two

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<v Speaker 1>that stand out in my mind. The first f one

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<v Speaker 1>is like not on stage. It was in a big

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<v Speaker 1>college class and I had to do a presentation and

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<v Speaker 1>for some reason, and this was a great lesson in life.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm glad. I hate to think about it because it

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<v Speaker 1>makes me feel pain when I think about it. It

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<v Speaker 1>was a great lesson in life. For some reason, I

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<v Speaker 1>thought I could wing this presentation without much prep and

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<v Speaker 1>it was horrible. And I was well aware, like two

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<v Speaker 1>minutes into this half hour talk that I was not ready.

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<v Speaker 1>I hadn't prepared. I should have prepared. I wasn't doing well.

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<v Speaker 1>People were you know, you can just tell by the audience.

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<v Speaker 1>If you've ever been on stage, you can tell by

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<v Speaker 1>the audience when they're not paying attention or digging it,

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<v Speaker 1>or they smell the fear. Yeah, and you get this

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<v Speaker 1>that's such a terrible feeling. It is, but it was

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<v Speaker 1>a good thing. I'm glad I did it when I

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<v Speaker 1>was twenty eight three years old. You can't always wing it.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't always wing it, even if you're pretty good

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<v Speaker 1>at winging it, like I am, you can't always wing it.

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<v Speaker 2>That would wing it, bring it. We had a T

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<v Speaker 2>shirt that said that at one point we did. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>it's got an eagle flying around the boy.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't that day. It's funny, funny how things like

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<v Speaker 1>that stick out of your mind. I can picture it

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<v Speaker 1>was my It was actually my professor's wife, who I

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<v Speaker 1>really liked because I was dating their daughter. Uh. I

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<v Speaker 1>liked mom and dad, and then he was my my adviser.

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<v Speaker 1>And his wife was in the class and she could

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<v Speaker 1>tell I hadn't prepared, and it was just oh, it

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<v Speaker 1>was just devastating to me. The girlfriend's parents witnessed this, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that was tough. She lost her virginity. To me, they

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<v Speaker 1>can't have me, Beven, the guy that just up there rambling.

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<v Speaker 2>On God, this is a sordid tale.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, my one other this is a radio event. I

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<v Speaker 1>was the MC for this fashion show and whoever he

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<v Speaker 1>put the cards together that I was supposed to read.

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<v Speaker 1>You get a stack of cards, and one girl would

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<v Speaker 1>go up there at the time at a time in

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<v Speaker 1>the different outfits, and the cards were out of order

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<v Speaker 1>and I and I didn't have a good view of

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<v Speaker 1>the stage or whatever, so I'd be reading the obviously

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<v Speaker 1>wrong outfit. And in one in particular, this chick goes

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<v Speaker 1>up in her bikini, who ended up being my girlfriend

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<v Speaker 1>later that summer. But she goes up in her bikini,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd saying, winter weear is the best way to combat snow.

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<v Speaker 1>As you can see here, these boots will get you.

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<v Speaker 1>And she's just standing there, and the crowd was like booing,

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<v Speaker 1>and it got worse than went along. People were booing

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<v Speaker 1>and laughing, throwing back their heads and laughter, pointing at me, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>it's horrible. Look at this again, exactly Shackass on stage.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh god, that was horrible. Well that rends so mad

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<v Speaker 1>when I walked up there, the f I can imagine.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh oh yeah, what was that event that we were

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<v Speaker 4>forced to don bicycle riding gear?

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<v Speaker 1>Was it like the first year the tour to California.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>We must have been lower in our career to have

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<v Speaker 1>done that, though, Oh yeah. Early, they sent us into

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<v Speaker 1>a room to get changed. We had to wear bike

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<v Speaker 1>shorts and bike shirts skin to bake like.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm a Tour de France guy style, and they're totally

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<v Speaker 4>the wrong size.

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<v Speaker 1>And we had to walk out in front of a

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<v Speaker 1>big group of people. We were like modeling them.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, oh how a terrible look like a sausage speaking

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<v Speaker 4>for myself in an ill fitting casing.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I hated that a lot. I'm glad there are

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<v Speaker 1>no pictures or videos. If that had happened now, there'd

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<v Speaker 1>be twenty different YouTube videos that people put the like

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<v Speaker 1>us to music.

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<v Speaker 4>And oh yeah, barnyard sounds.

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<v Speaker 3>What'd you say, Michael, Oh, using ai with those? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>that'd be awesome.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah, go ahead if you want. Uh, you know

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<v Speaker 4>it's funny. That was right, well, because that was early

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<v Speaker 4>in our careers where we would like say yes to

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<v Speaker 4>everything and be super nice and cooperative because it is

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<v Speaker 4>such an incredible slog to get anywhere in the radio business,

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<v Speaker 4>podcasting business now both. But I think it was I

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<v Speaker 4>got home that night and I thought, no, I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 4>start telling people laugh off or at least just saying no,

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<v Speaker 4>this is ridiculous. No, people don't have our best interests

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<v Speaker 4>at heart. They're just using us.

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<v Speaker 1>So no, not a dancing monkey, no exactly.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, not a good look.

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<v Speaker 1>Luckily, Katie has never embarrassed herself in public, so we

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<v Speaker 1>don't have to. No, I wish that was true.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, it was a mistake, but a stupid mistake. I

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<v Speaker 5>used to be on a TV show and I was

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<v Speaker 5>sick as a dog the taping day and we would

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<v Speaker 5>do three episodes in a row. So I would do

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<v Speaker 5>an episode, go change, then we you know, would shoot

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<v Speaker 5>for the next week. And so in order to suppress

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<v Speaker 5>my cough, I had a bottle of robitussin underneath down

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<v Speaker 5>by my feet that I would just like take a

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<v Speaker 5>swig out of.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 5>Well I didn't.

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<v Speaker 4>What was the show Housewives of Marine County? That was it?

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<v Speaker 5>That was it?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 5>And so halfway through, like the third episode, I'm like,

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<v Speaker 5>I don't I feel off, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>Whatever, And my producer comes up to me.

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<v Speaker 5>He's like, are you hammered, Like what are you And

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<v Speaker 5>I was like, no, I've just been I mean I've

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<v Speaker 5>been taking swigs of rope. But he's like, you idiot,

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<v Speaker 5>you can absolutely get drunk on cop I had no

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<v Speaker 5>idea you get drunk on cops are at all?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, you're sucking down to purple dry. I was,

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<v Speaker 1>so you were noticeably hammered. I was noticeable.

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<v Speaker 5>Well yeah, I mean, I I mean I was probably

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<v Speaker 5>I was. I had a fever and like I was

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<v Speaker 5>just not okay. I was telling veryble to just stay

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<v Speaker 5>away from me, and so I couldn't tell if it

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<v Speaker 5>was like the fever or what. But he was like, dude,

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<v Speaker 5>you are You're messed up.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was like, oh boy.

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<v Speaker 5>I have never I that was probably the lowest most

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<v Speaker 5>mortified I'd been because there was a studio full of

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<v Speaker 5>people and I'm just DJ.

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<v Speaker 1>For some reason. When Joe yelled piss on a lantern

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<v Speaker 1>from that Joe Crown.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh that was that was really really there in our

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<v Speaker 1>We were all fired up at some rally for it

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<v Speaker 1>was a giant New Year's Eve celebration. It was like

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<v Speaker 1>a their version of a ball drop for New Year's Eve.

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<v Speaker 1>And you were saying we were in Charlotte, and you

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<v Speaker 1>were saying, they say, Charlotte's gonna be the next Aleta. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>pits on at Ladda. I must have been fealed by

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<v Speaker 1>the grape and we were in a c station. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>you didn't talk like that. There are kids in the

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<v Speaker 1>minivan station.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh that did not go overwhelmed.

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<v Speaker 2>It did not hilarious.

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<v Speaker 4>Everybody acting like that was oh no, oh no, this

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<v Speaker 4>is bad.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, we talked about Katie's talking about getting drunkn

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<v Speaker 3>cough medicine. I also did that as a child in preschool.

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<v Speaker 3>I was about five years old, and I got a

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<v Speaker 3>hold of the stuff because it tasted like grape, and

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<v Speaker 3>so I guess I was drinking it as a kid.

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<v Speaker 1>And that scissor Michael bo Yeah, all doing the scissor.

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<v Speaker 3>So the teacher calls my mom and says, we don't

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<v Speaker 3>know what's wrong with your son. He keeps laughing and

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<v Speaker 3>laughing and laughing, and it turns.

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<v Speaker 1>Out I got a buzz on. There's nothing.

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<v Speaker 3>They take me to the doctor. Doctor says, your child

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<v Speaker 3>is drunk.

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<v Speaker 2>And then.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, yeah that is so unlike your child

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<v Speaker 1>is drunk.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, he really lectured my mom. According to my mom,

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<v Speaker 3>about you know the danger of medicine and alcohol in it.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you take it to school? Yes, I took it

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<v Speaker 1>to school.

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<v Speaker 2>So he's just hitting it through.

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<v Speaker 3>I thought it was delicious, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>And there's only way, on one way I can put

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<v Speaker 1>up with this boring ship. That's another hit of the

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<v Speaker 1>Scissor special juice by one. And you, here's what my

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<v Speaker 1>problem is with you. Here, a crayon pack in your

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<v Speaker 1>lives turns aggressive drunk.

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<v Speaker 3>At least that was a happy drunk.

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<v Speaker 1>He got mucus coming out of your nose. What's the

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<v Speaker 1>matter with you? Well, I guess that's it.