Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
Speaker 1: is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey
Speaker 1: everyone on Naquoia. You may know me from Michelle's SU's
Speaker 1: in the Bachelorette as the one who won Michelle's heart. UM,
Speaker 1: I am so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think.
Speaker 1: We're gonna answer all your questions and try to help
Speaker 1: you understand how men think. But first, this is eleven
Speaker 1: Questions with Natequa, So let's get right into it. What
Speaker 1: are you known for? Tell us about yourself? Um, known from,
Speaker 1: like I said, the TV show bachelorrette one who stole
Speaker 1: Michelle's heart, the guy who has in the bag, as
Speaker 1: I like to say, um, but yeah, predominantly i'd probably
Speaker 1: say like ninety the people who know me now, UM
Speaker 1: know me from Bachelorette. But of course you know, I'm
Speaker 1: mostly known as a son, friend, best friend, acquaintance, coworker,
Speaker 1: mentor mentee. So again it's kind of like who you
Speaker 1: Who are you talking to? UM? Who am I in
Speaker 1: my personal life? Um? My personal life is just that
Speaker 1: as personal, So you know something about me. I just
Speaker 1: love being by myself. UM, so kind of think about
Speaker 1: what you did today that's probably what I did today.
Speaker 1: I just did it by myself, so you know, I
Speaker 1: like to uh as of right now, obviously I'm still
Speaker 1: long distance with Michelle, so um, I'm just like your
Speaker 1: regular guy. I gotta I got to work every day.
Speaker 1: I go to the gym, I run in the morning,
Speaker 1: I hang out my my dog, go for walks, read books,
Speaker 1: listen to music. Um and I just truly just enjoyed
Speaker 1: time by myself. I don't know, kind of like a loner,
Speaker 1: but in like a really peaceful way, I guess. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, that's definitely a regular dangular guy. Three shows
Speaker 1: that I've been binge watching right now, Um, Dampire Diaries.
Speaker 1: Do not judge me, but I love Vampire Diaries. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think that vampires are like the
Speaker 1: coolest things in the world. So I'm ginge watching show
Speaker 1: Guilt Free for like the third time. Um. And I'm
Speaker 1: also actually on book three of Game of Thrones, so
Speaker 1: I guess that's not really binge watching a show, but
Speaker 1: definitely binge watching, um these books of Game of Thrones,
Speaker 1: because I think I've seen Game of Thrones four or
Speaker 1: five times now from beginning to end. So really enjoying
Speaker 1: the books. The books are are actually like they they
Speaker 1: are breathtaking. Those are the craziest books. Like It's yeah,
Speaker 1: shout out to the shout out to the author. Um.
Speaker 1: And then for other shows Seinfeld, I mean I watched
Speaker 1: Seinfeld since since I was a kid like you. You
Speaker 1: might struggle to find a better signed or a bigger
Speaker 1: Seinfeld fan than me. I genuinely love Seinfeld, So that's
Speaker 1: always playing in the background. Um. And then you for you,
Speaker 1: of course you gotta you gotta say you for you.
Speaker 1: I feel like everybody's watching before. If you're not watching
Speaker 1: it or if you didn't watch it, um, you're kind
Speaker 1: of a weird though, So I was. I was watching
Speaker 1: uh before you there too. Um. Let's see what is
Speaker 1: your favorite food? Nigerian food one d and ten percent
Speaker 1: cannot get enough of Nigerian food. Um, either my dad's
Speaker 1: home cooking or my aunti t ts home cooking. And
Speaker 1: now that I live in the States, it's kind of
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not I'm not eating as much their
Speaker 1: home cooking. So I've been teaching myself how to cook
Speaker 1: beet to Nigeria food because when I started cooking Nigeria food,
Speaker 1: it was terrible. So I've been I've been putting some
Speaker 1: work though I'm getting a little better, but still not
Speaker 1: as good as my AUNTI T T or my dad's
Speaker 1: home cooking. UM. Tell us about your career. Um, that's nothing,
Speaker 1: nothing too crazy. I'm working on a couple of things now.
Speaker 1: But my career is very normal. I started working in
Speaker 1: sales and a T and T my sophomore year of university. Um,
Speaker 1: so shout out a T and T because that's how
Speaker 1: I paid my way through college. Um. And then I
Speaker 1: graduated and got a job at Indeed right out of college. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I loved Indeed. I was there for a little over
Speaker 1: two years. Uh. And now I'm currently working in legal tech.
Speaker 1: So I'm still in sales. But it sounds a little
Speaker 1: bit cooler when you say you were in legal text.
Speaker 1: So that's what I'm doing right now. Nothing too too crazy.
Speaker 1: Biggest fear in life, hands down, regret. I think growing up,
Speaker 1: I used to be Um I was, I was pretty
Speaker 1: scared of dying, and then you get older and you realize, like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's not necessarily deaf that's so scary. It's
Speaker 1: it's you know, regret dying, dying with regret. So I
Speaker 1: actually have a tattoo on my forearm that says there's
Speaker 1: nothing worse than a regret filled coffin. So that's kind
Speaker 1: of kind of how I how I lead my life.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, dying with regret just absolutely terrifies me. Um,
Speaker 1: must see. My biggest pet peeve people who are rude
Speaker 1: to people in the service industry. Um, there's nothing nothing
Speaker 1: worse than that in my opinion. Um, whether it's your
Speaker 1: Uber driver, your server at a real nice restaurant, you
Speaker 1: sort of at a real bad restaurant, whatever it is, janitors, U,
Speaker 1: I ain't think the service industry if you're rude to
Speaker 1: those people, you just gotta you gotta loo yourself in
Speaker 1: the mirror and asked, that's like, what's to your issue? Um? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't stand people every to just everyday workers.
Speaker 1: You know, that's that's never a good look. Um, what
Speaker 1: makes me the most happy? So that's gonna depend on
Speaker 1: the day in situation. Really, I mean it's kind of
Speaker 1: it's kind of a harder question to answer. Um, not
Speaker 1: to overthink it, but you know what I mean, Let's
Speaker 1: say you know when you're having a good day and
Speaker 1: that's that perfect song pops on like that's obviously gonna
Speaker 1: make you really happy in that moment. Or you haven't
Speaker 1: seen your best friend in a while and you guys
Speaker 1: are about to hang out. That's gonna make you really
Speaker 1: happy in that moment. Or you're having a bad day,
Speaker 1: but your dog just you know, jumps on you and
Speaker 1: cuddles you, Like, that's gonna make you happy in that moment.
Speaker 1: So for me, I think it'd be really hard for
Speaker 1: me to pinpoint exactly what makes me the happiest, But
Speaker 1: I'd say I try to when I do experience happy emotions,
Speaker 1: try to like just hold on to that feeling for
Speaker 1: or like just give it like my full attention so
Speaker 1: that it does make me like even more happy than
Speaker 1: than it normally should, you know. Um, But asking what
Speaker 1: makes me the most happy that is too broad. Who
Speaker 1: you know, it's changes from dayance situation, what your current
Speaker 1: mood is, whatever it is. So I guess the way
Speaker 1: I can answer that is that what makes me the
Speaker 1: most happiest is holding on too happy moments for as
Speaker 1: long as I can. UM. Next question, let's see what
Speaker 1: is my ideal Saturday morning? Um, wake up before eight am?
Speaker 1: I like to get to the the day started. Walk
Speaker 1: my dog. I like to run in the mornings, come back, eat,
Speaker 1: drink a bunch of water, trying to say as hydrat
Speaker 1: as possible, go to the gym, come home, clean my
Speaker 1: house a little bit, lights and candles, and then again
Speaker 1: going back to the happiness thing on that Saturday morning
Speaker 1: when you get all of that done and it's not
Speaker 1: even known yet, like that's a happy feeling like that
Speaker 1: you just want to embrace the fact that you just
Speaker 1: did like very important things. Um you know all before noon.
Speaker 1: You've got the rest of your day now to do
Speaker 1: whatever that you want to do, you know. Um So
Speaker 1: that's that's my ideal Saturday. We're just trying to do
Speaker 1: as much as possible before before. Um Am, I'm more
Speaker 1: of an athlete or armchair quarterback, despite what the show
Speaker 1: may have shown you. I actually I am an athlete,
Speaker 1: and I hate the fact that I now have to
Speaker 1: defend myself on my aspect. But I am an athlete people,
Speaker 1: um but yeah, so definitely an athlete over armchair quarterback.
Speaker 1: But I will say that, um, I do find a
Speaker 1: lot of joy being armchair quarterbacks with either my stepdad
Speaker 1: or my dad I love I love sending, but sitting
Speaker 1: back watching the games of them, um, you know, and
Speaker 1: and being an armchair quarterback with my dad or my stepdad.
Speaker 1: So um, there are there are times where I genuinely
Speaker 1: enjoy being armchair quarterback. Um. And what keeps me motivate?
Speaker 1: So for me parents, my parents definitely keep me motivated,
Speaker 1: you know. I think for both my parents kind of
Speaker 1: going back to my biggest fear of being regret um,
Speaker 1: you know, I think I think that would be something
Speaker 1: that that you know, I'm scared of, just regret of
Speaker 1: not making them proud, um, not living up to my
Speaker 1: potential you know, for me personally, and then also not
Speaker 1: living up to my potential as as their son. They're
Speaker 1: gonna know, like you know, like what happened to Tenday
Speaker 1: or what happened to Nate, Like he could have been
Speaker 1: so much bigger than this. So I think that that
Speaker 1: keeps you motivate. I definitely don't want to let them down,
Speaker 1: um you know, so I yeah, I think what keeps
Speaker 1: me motivated is the fear of regrets still, so you know,
Speaker 1: which is I think it's a good thing still, you know.
Speaker 1: But yeah, those are my eleven questions. You get to
Speaker 1: know me a little bit better. We are going to
Speaker 1: take our first break and then take our first college
Speaker 1: pretty good, How are you? I'm good, I'm good face
Speaker 1: for asking. So I have this guy friend. We have
Speaker 1: been friends since college, so it's been about ten years now,
Speaker 1: and we've hooked up a couple of times over that
Speaker 1: ten year period. Not too long ago, he asked one
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends out, but she told me. She told
Speaker 1: me that she wasn't sure if she was interested. She
Speaker 1: didn't think she was really interested. And that same night,
Speaker 1: he and I we were all at a party together
Speaker 1: and he and I left together. Okay, So she asked
Speaker 1: me this last weekend what happened between him and I?
Speaker 1: And I told her the truth. We left the party together,
Speaker 1: we slept together. No big deal, I thought, But it is.
Speaker 1: I guess it's a big deal because she's really mad
Speaker 1: at me now, and he's really mad at me because
Speaker 1: I told her the truth. And I just I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I was, was I supposed to lie? How do
Speaker 1: I I want to fix this with both of them,
Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do right. So the
Speaker 1: guy that this guy, obviously you guys have been hooking
Speaker 1: up prior to him asking her friend out on a date. Correct, Yes,
Speaker 1: just a couple of times period, Like not a big deal, right,
Speaker 1: So like like super casual, no big deal, not too
Speaker 1: many emotions are are involved. You genuinely wouldn't have cared
Speaker 1: if if you went on a date with your with
Speaker 1: your friends. Not at all, not at all? Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is this is a this is an interesting to situation.
Speaker 1: I think that, and I can only I can only
Speaker 1: speak from from like what I would have done. I
Speaker 1: mean I would have done what you right, I would
Speaker 1: have I wouldn't have lied. Um, I wouldn't let your
Speaker 1: your friend know like oh yeah we did leave the
Speaker 1: um the party together, um, and and everything else that happened. Um.
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't have lied. I think I would just
Speaker 1: explain to your friend, like she knows. I'm assuming that
Speaker 1: you got in the last ten years super casual hookups, um,
Speaker 1: and that it was nothing more than that, and that
Speaker 1: you know, she was already kind of on the fence
Speaker 1: of whether she was going to go on a date
Speaker 1: with this guy. Right. So I don't think I don't
Speaker 1: me personally, I don't think you're in the wrong. I
Speaker 1: think that feelings. You know, I think feelings could have
Speaker 1: gotten hurt from like an irrational spate, irrational spot of
Speaker 1: your friend. I don't I'm not necessarily sure if feelings
Speaker 1: should have been hurt on her. And then from the
Speaker 1: guy's perspective, I mean, I don't really understand why. Um,
Speaker 1: he's he's kind of bent out of shape for you
Speaker 1: telling your friend, you know, the truth, you know, at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, like that's that's your friend.
Speaker 1: You know, you guys are really good friends. UM. And
Speaker 1: I don't know, I think and I think in most cases,
Speaker 1: lying just doesn't make sense. Um, people's feelings are going
Speaker 1: to get hurt. Um, and then you kind of just
Speaker 1: got to navigate, you know, are you are these feelings
Speaker 1: getting hurt from a rational spot or from an irrational
Speaker 1: spot because most of the time, um, when emotions are
Speaker 1: in play, a lot of it's going to be irrational.
Speaker 1: And then right now, I think all this doesn't need
Speaker 1: to be as big as it currently is. UM. So
Speaker 1: my advice to you would just be to talk to
Speaker 1: your friend one on one, the guy one on one
Speaker 1: and just kind of like explain, like, hey, like this
Speaker 1: has been going on for ten years, is not as
Speaker 1: deep as it sounds. Um, you know, I could you
Speaker 1: know if if you guys are really wanted to date
Speaker 1: and start getting to know each other, like of course
Speaker 1: you know this isn't going to continue to happen. So
Speaker 1: but it's still so early, right, Just because somebody asks
Speaker 1: you on a day your friend out of day, doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that you just you know, this is ten years
Speaker 1: in the making of you guys having this type of relationship. Um,
Speaker 1: so you know, maybe not the maybe not the best advice,
Speaker 1: but that's that's the that's the pirst thing that comes
Speaker 1: to mind on my end is that you know, I
Speaker 1: think this this it's not as deep as as actually
Speaker 1: seems to be. Yeah, so again, not that this is
Speaker 1: that's a sticky situation. That's the hit me with the
Speaker 1: hard one. You hit me with the hard ones, Toney. Sorry, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just so I'm so overwhelmed by the whole thing.
Speaker 1: It's just all my friends are mad at me. And
Speaker 1: that sounds overwhelmed. That that does sound overwhelming. That that's
Speaker 1: that's a sticky one. That's a sticky one. I think
Speaker 1: really it all comes down to communication, like like, pull
Speaker 1: both of them aside individually, talk to them about it
Speaker 1: where they're coming from. Um, plead your case, let them
Speaker 1: plead your their case, and I'm sure everything we'll we'll
Speaker 1: resolve itself time. All you have to do is talk
Speaker 1: it out and then things will be fine. Yeah, I hope.
Speaker 1: So sorry I could have been more help Sitney. That
Speaker 1: was a hard one. You got yourself in this love triangle. Terrible.
Speaker 1: Thank you though I appreciate it. I do really appreciate it,
Speaker 1: of course, of course, all right, thank you, of course.
Speaker 1: But hey, how are you doing. I'm good. How are
Speaker 1: you guys doing today? Good? Good? Good? So what is
Speaker 1: the question. Hopefully I'll I'll be some assistance to see
Speaker 1: how men think. Okay, so here's my question. Um. Recently,
Speaker 1: one of my best guy friends from college has a
Speaker 1: new girlfriend, and I really like her. We've like started
Speaker 1: to become close, and she confided me that her boyfriend
Speaker 1: and so my really good friend told her that his
Speaker 1: last relationship ended mutually, that it was just like fine
Speaker 1: mutual breakup, when in reality, he cheated on his former girlfriend. UM,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling really awkward now because I know for a
Speaker 1: fact he lied to his new girlfriend and this new
Speaker 1: girlfriend that I'm becoming close with said that like, if
Speaker 1: she was ever cheated on, that's a deal breaker that
Speaker 1: she would like end their relationship. So I feel like
Speaker 1: it's completely unfair that, um, she doesn't have this information
Speaker 1: since this obviously would change the course of the relationship.
Speaker 1: So I'm just in this weird in between in the situation.
Speaker 1: You gotta hitting me with some some hard questions. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's see the advice I would give on that, because
Speaker 1: that was down stick right, because that's that's your that's
Speaker 1: your one of your best guy friends. Yeah from for
Speaker 1: a time, right, one of your best guy friends with
Speaker 1: a new girlfriend. And you said that you you do
Speaker 1: know his girlfriend, So yeah, we've become close because of
Speaker 1: them dating. But it's not I didn't know her prior,
Speaker 1: so obviously his we I've known him for ten years,
Speaker 1: so our relationship is obviously way closer than my relationship
Speaker 1: with her. But it is, you know, we are, I mean,
Speaker 1: the girlfriend are becoming close. She's super nice and we
Speaker 1: get along very well, right, right, I understood. That's a
Speaker 1: tough one, right, because that's like, that's that's like one
Speaker 1: of your best one of your best you know friends, Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I always say you know, it's that
Speaker 1: there's just simply no point in lying, especially with something
Speaker 1: kind of large like this, Um, saying that something ended mutually, Um,
Speaker 1: when in reality, I mean he cheated on his ex girlfriend. Um.
Speaker 1: If you know, I'm trying to think if I was,
Speaker 1: if I were in your shoes and this is happening
Speaker 1: with with a friend and um, you know a girlfriend
Speaker 1: or something that that you know, I'm talking put myself
Speaker 1: in your shoes, what I would do? I think I
Speaker 1: would What I would I would obviously talk to your friend,
Speaker 1: like the your your guy friend, and talk to him like, hey, like, um,
Speaker 1: I talked to your your girlfriend. She told me that
Speaker 1: you said that you and your ex broke up mutually,
Speaker 1: when in reality you actually cheated. Like, um, you know, Like,
Speaker 1: what the hell are you doing, dude? Like, why are
Speaker 1: you lying to your girlfriend right now? Especially if this
Speaker 1: is a you know, a new relationship and it's already
Speaker 1: being kind of built online. I mean, that's that's never
Speaker 1: a direction that you know, any relationship take, but especially
Speaker 1: not in the beginning. Right. UM, I'm assuming that your friend,
Speaker 1: your guy friend, he's not a bad guy, right, It's
Speaker 1: not like he's out here being delicious with this lie. Um.
Speaker 1: I think he probably genuinely really likes this girl and
Speaker 1: he probably knows that she you know, like any anybody
Speaker 1: would want to kind of kind of say like, hey,
Speaker 1: have you cheated on your your you know, if you
Speaker 1: cheat in the past, I'm going to be a little
Speaker 1: bit war on guard or just something no longer interested.
Speaker 1: So he probably wanted to just avoid that. Having met
Speaker 1: this new girl, wanting to impress her and kind of
Speaker 1: like continue seeing where things go. That's probably what led
Speaker 1: him to live mm hmm. And I think if this
Speaker 1: could be kind of turned out turned around to be
Speaker 1: a positive. You have that conversation with your guy friends saying, hey, man,
Speaker 1: like you can't be lying, and then he goes to
Speaker 1: his girlfriend and he like just straight up admits, like,
Speaker 1: I was really nervous when we got into that conversation
Speaker 1: about my by past relationship. I ended up lying to you.
Speaker 1: I told you that it ended up mutually. Um. You know,
Speaker 1: Shannon told me that you guys kind of you can
Speaker 1: find and Shannon about that, and it made me feel
Speaker 1: really bad for lying to you. Um, the truth is
Speaker 1: da da da da da um. You know, and if
Speaker 1: he comes, if he comes correct like that and it's
Speaker 1: kind of like he explains why he lied. You know,
Speaker 1: he understands that he shouldn't have done it, um. And
Speaker 1: the reason is because he's like really interested in this girl.
Speaker 1: He doesn't want it to end. Um. And it was just,
Speaker 1: you know, it was at the beginning of the relationship
Speaker 1: he was nervous. This On the other I think hopefully
Speaker 1: his current girlfriend will be understanding, um. And then of
Speaker 1: course I have the conversation of you know, listen, let's
Speaker 1: not bring lying and no, let's not make lying be
Speaker 1: a part of our our relationship moving forward, um, and
Speaker 1: hopefully everything can kind of move forward in a in
Speaker 1: a in a positive way, and then you don't have
Speaker 1: to continue with the burden of knowing the truth, and
Speaker 1: he doesn't need to have the conscious of knowing that
Speaker 1: he lied, and you know all that fun stuff. Right.
Speaker 1: So you guys kind of like nipping in the butt,
Speaker 1: you kind of convince him to do that. Hopefully he
Speaker 1: does do it, hopefully, and and his girlfriend is understanding hopefully.
Speaker 1: I think that would be the best way to kind
Speaker 1: of go about this situation. Okay, yeah, thank you. I
Speaker 1: really appreciate that. It's just I've been like struggling with
Speaker 1: this a lot. But when you break it down that
Speaker 1: way and makes me feel a lot better about maybe
Speaker 1: his point of view of it too, because honestly, I
Speaker 1: was a little upset, like why didn't he just tell
Speaker 1: her the truth? But tell the truth. And then the
Speaker 1: funny thing is, if you would have just told her
Speaker 1: the truth, Um, you know, I'm sure like if there
Speaker 1: was like some serious interest right up whenever that conversation
Speaker 1: came up with was very very early on she hit
Speaker 1: his girlfriend, probably would have gotten over it. And you know,
Speaker 1: maybe we start a little bit of trust issues. But again, um,
Speaker 1: with persistence and effort on, you know, things like that
Speaker 1: can can can kind of go away. Um. So that's
Speaker 1: the funny thing is if he was just honest from
Speaker 1: the jump, I'm sure that big of a thing. But
Speaker 1: hopefully with him you know, coming correct, explaining why he
Speaker 1: did do this, admitting it without um, you know, getting
Speaker 1: caught per se um, it will lead to like you know, hey,
Speaker 1: this guy, this guy did lie to me. Um, it
Speaker 1: was you know early on. We can move forward and
Speaker 1: let's just make sure that line just not become a
Speaker 1: part or piece of our relationship moving forward. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: makes sense. Yeah, he might even get some brownie points
Speaker 1: off that. Honestly, Yeah, it's better than her finding out
Speaker 1: like that's the worst thing that can exactly exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: And then if you, if you get the credit for
Speaker 1: you know, like having that that conversation with him, then
Speaker 1: she's just gonna like you even more. Couldn't turn around
Speaker 1: to be a real, real positive you never know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess we'll see. But okay makes a lot better though.
Speaker 1: I feel like I have a good idea what direction
Speaker 1: to go with this? Perfect. I'm glad I could help it. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you, of course, talk to you better. What is up, Caitlin? Hi,
Speaker 1: how's it going? It's good? How you doing great? Get
Speaker 1: to get to see you? Yeah? Nice? Uh, I mean
Speaker 1: I guess I can't see you, but I guess exactly.
Speaker 1: So how can I help you? What question? What question
Speaker 1: do you have for me today? Okay? So I had
Speaker 1: this situation the other day. Um, so I had my
Speaker 1: boyfriend's phone and then I saw a text message pop
Speaker 1: up from his friend that had my name in it.
Speaker 1: So I opened his phone and read the text thread
Speaker 1: because obviously if it involved me, I wanted to know obviously,
Speaker 1: And I found out that my boyfriend has been telling
Speaker 1: his buddy about intimate parts of our relationship, and it
Speaker 1: don't It just made me really uncomfortable and I want
Speaker 1: to ask him to stop, but I don't want him
Speaker 1: to know I went through his phone. So I wanna
Speaker 1: ask you how to approach this without, you know, letting
Speaker 1: him know that I went through his phone. Yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: most definitely. I mean, here's the thing, here's the thing, right, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't think, I don't. I don't personally, I don't
Speaker 1: like when people go when when couples go through each
Speaker 1: other's phones. Now, if you glance over and you see
Speaker 1: your name in there, I mean, curiosity is gonna get you.
Speaker 1: I mean, if I was in your shoes, I probably like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: like like what's he saying about? Right? So you open
Speaker 1: it up and let's say it was nothing. Who cares
Speaker 1: like it's whatever. But now you find out that he's
Speaker 1: he's um, you know, talking about some intimate parts of
Speaker 1: your relationship, well that whole like, hey, I shouldn't have
Speaker 1: gone through your phone. That kind of goes up the window,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like my only like if
Speaker 1: I was you, I would just I would go straight
Speaker 1: to your boyfriend and be like, what the heck is this?
Speaker 1: Like you're talking about some real, like intimate parts of
Speaker 1: our relationship. He's like, how do you know about that?
Speaker 1: I went through your phone? That's all I know? You know, Like,
Speaker 1: what's up? You know what I mean? Like I would,
Speaker 1: you know, I would, I would, I would say that
Speaker 1: with your chest. I would be like, yeah, I went
Speaker 1: through your phone, like you're talking about some some real
Speaker 1: intimate parts of our relationship. Um, you know, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm being a little animated right now.
Speaker 1: You don't have to go that hard on him, but
Speaker 1: you know, letting him know, like you know that how
Speaker 1: that makes you feel that you're not comfortable with that,
Speaker 1: um and that he should should cut that out, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So I wouldn't let the fact
Speaker 1: of how you found out stop you from, um your
Speaker 1: feelings about what you found out, because that's obviously what
Speaker 1: what's what's most important is your feelings about what it
Speaker 1: is you found out, how you found out. I mean, hey, whatever,
Speaker 1: you went through this, right, you know, and it's something
Speaker 1: like you really went through his phone. You just you
Speaker 1: saw your name pop up, you clicked it, you saw up.
Speaker 1: You know what, going through all the d m s
Speaker 1: and text messages and tweets and all that stuff, you
Speaker 1: just casually, you know, saw your name in a conversation
Speaker 1: and you were curious about it. So I wouldn't let
Speaker 1: the fact that of how you found out deter you
Speaker 1: from um still kind of deter you from you know
Speaker 1: that that's those are your feelings. But that's what you
Speaker 1: have to protect the most, right and if you feel uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: but you gotta let let that know, let that be known.
Speaker 1: So right, Yeah, exactly, Okay, thank you. That's that's really good.
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Thank you. Okay, thanks so much. How
Speaker 1: you doing, Claire? Oh hey, how are you? I'm good?
Speaker 1: I'm good. How's your day going? I am doing all right.
Speaker 1: Just trying to avoid some rain over here? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: where are you at right now? Ohio? Like northeast? Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I got you. I got you. It was a little
Speaker 1: bit of rain right now soon. But hey, what can
Speaker 1: we do? Yeah? Better than snow? That is what type
Speaker 1: of advice are you hoping to get for me today?
Speaker 1: What's the question that you may have for for how
Speaker 1: may think podcasts? Yeah? Thank you? Um, okay, so I
Speaker 1: need to figure out if I'm being too sensitive. Um, Like,
Speaker 1: my fiance will not stop texting his friends. He texts
Speaker 1: them all day long. And I mean it's it's NonStop.
Speaker 1: So it's like, okay, if he's at work or whatever
Speaker 1: on a break from work, fine, but we only get
Speaker 1: evenings together really, and it's like all evening he's just
Speaker 1: texting his buddies. And yeah, you're kind of trying to
Speaker 1: go get some some nice alone time. Yeah, you know
Speaker 1: that that's the idea. And like I even went so
Speaker 1: far as the one time I told him, can you
Speaker 1: please just go put your phone in the other room
Speaker 1: for a while, and he literally told me he can't
Speaker 1: because he needs to text the guys. So when you
Speaker 1: say he's constantly talking to this friend, it's not like,
Speaker 1: you know, every thirty minutes applies, like you're literally talking
Speaker 1: about his his phone is in his hands seven he's
Speaker 1: he's just going crazy in the group chat. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's all the time. Like he'll set his phone down,
Speaker 1: Like if we're eating dinner, he'll set his phone down,
Speaker 1: but the phone will be next to the plate and
Speaker 1: then it's like eat a bite, texts a thing, interesting, interesting, yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, there's there's there's a time and place
Speaker 1: for everything, you know, like that would be wrong. I'm
Speaker 1: in many many A group chats, you know, many A
Speaker 1: group chats, um and and I love talking to my boys.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, you know, if that's if
Speaker 1: it's twenty four seven and and all you want to
Speaker 1: all you want is just have a little bit of
Speaker 1: you know, one on one time with your fiancee. UM,
Speaker 1: I don't think I don't think you're in the wrong.
Speaker 1: You're not being too sensitive because if this is an
Speaker 1: every day it's not like you know, a couple of
Speaker 1: couple of days of the week. You know, if this
Speaker 1: is like a Monday Wednesday problem, and the rest of
Speaker 1: the days they're fine, then then maybe you know, like
Speaker 1: let him have his Mondays and Wednesdays, you know, but
Speaker 1: this is this is every this is every single day.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're being too sensitive, you know, not
Speaker 1: at all. I think, you know, I think that's definitely
Speaker 1: a conversation that that that you you you're in the
Speaker 1: right of having, especially if that's making you feel um,
Speaker 1: you know, I think you guys are feeling a little
Speaker 1: bit dis stin or whatever, you know, just not feel yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, especially if if like other feelings are starting
Speaker 1: tricking of, you know, like growing apart or just feeling distant.
Speaker 1: Maybe not as serious to growing apart that's a little extreme,
Speaker 1: but just feeling really distant from your fiancee um, and
Speaker 1: then even trying to kind of because of course it's
Speaker 1: not like you guys got engaged and have this wonderful
Speaker 1: relationship and you know the whole time it was you know,
Speaker 1: him seven in the group chats, right, So it sounds
Speaker 1: like and I could I could be maybe being a
Speaker 1: little bit harsh on your fiance right now, but it
Speaker 1: sounds like, you know, maybe he even got a little
Speaker 1: bit comfortable, right because he definitely didn't get you as
Speaker 1: his fiance, if you if his attention was seven and
Speaker 1: these group chats, right with all the trying to write,
Speaker 1: so you know, trying to you know, go back to
Speaker 1: like the starting blocks, um of you know, how the
Speaker 1: relationship came to be, how the relationships started forming, um.
Speaker 1: Because he definitely didn't get you by you know, texting
Speaker 1: his friends twenty seven. He got you in in a
Speaker 1: much different way. UM. So I don't think you're being
Speaker 1: too sensitive, especially if it's starting to affect the relationship,
Speaker 1: which maybe again I don't want to, you know, pry
Speaker 1: too deep. But if if, if that is the case,
Speaker 1: and that's you know, you're not being too sensitive in
Speaker 1: any way shape for him. Um, that's a conversation that
Speaker 1: should should be brought up. And you know, hopefully you
Speaker 1: guys find something to the middle ground because his friends
Speaker 1: are always gonna be there. He's always gonna be one
Speaker 1: of talking to his friends the same way I am,
Speaker 1: um and most guys are. But there's always a time
Speaker 1: and place, you know, especially at the dinner table or
Speaker 1: if you guys are watching a movie together. I can't
Speaker 1: stand with people text when I'm watching a movie with them,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So, you know, if you
Speaker 1: guys are doing things, you know, going on dates, whatever
Speaker 1: it may be, it's a time of place and he
Speaker 1: has to respect that as well. Yeah for real. So
Speaker 1: hopefully I can get his attention long enough to make
Speaker 1: that clear. Yeah, hopefully, hopefully you might even have to
Speaker 1: tell the hopefull the phone in the toilet or something
Speaker 1: you haven't all right, I just things Still, it's a
Speaker 1: good thing. You gotta limit how much time you on
Speaker 1: your phone's you know, um so, it's a it's a
Speaker 1: good thing, you know, maybe maybe the toilet bowl. You know,
Speaker 1: I might actually get a good idea, get him, get
Speaker 1: him off the phone for a little bit. Right, So,
Speaker 1: it'sn't sure sure you know exactly exactly? This isn't sure
Speaker 1: they're good. No, but no, I don't think you're being
Speaker 1: too sensitive at all. Thank you. It's it's good to
Speaker 1: get that confirmation. Of course. I'm glad. I'm glad I
Speaker 1: could help, even if it's just a little bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. I can I can go forward with
Speaker 1: some kind of assurance that I'm not yeah, right exactly. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm glad I could help. Um but yeah, thank you
Speaker 1: for calling in. Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate
Speaker 1: your time. Hey, how do how are you doing good?
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm good, I'm good. Thanks for calling in.
Speaker 1: What type of advice could I hopefully be able to
Speaker 1: to give you? Um? So, my husband and I are
Speaker 1: friends with this group of like four other couples, and so,
Speaker 1: like one of the wives in the group often sends
Speaker 1: my husband like these weird flirty texts and like when
Speaker 1: when he's out of town, so he thinks they're innocent,
Speaker 1: so he'll make mention of him casually when he calls
Speaker 1: check in with me. But it's happening more frequently and
Speaker 1: it's really starting to bother me a lot. So my
Speaker 1: and my husband thinks I'm over reacting. So I just
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm over reacting at all. And I
Speaker 1: kind of had the idea to start texting her husband
Speaker 1: to see how they both feel about that, or like
Speaker 1: how she feels about it, right, I hear you. I
Speaker 1: you know, I think I think most people have been
Speaker 1: in situations like to this. Um, to start off, I
Speaker 1: would definitely say, you know, no need to text the husband,
Speaker 1: you know. I think at this point at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, you know, because I have I have
Speaker 1: friends who deal with like certain things like this, and
Speaker 1: I kind of always say the same things I've even
Speaker 1: you know, I've obviously been in a situation before as well. UM,
Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day, if this
Speaker 1: is something that bothers you, and and and like these
Speaker 1: are actually flirty texts, not just like hey, how are
Speaker 1: you doing, but like actually like it's clearly flirting, you know,
Speaker 1: like where both of you guys can look at each
Speaker 1: other and eyes like Hey, I know that you think
Speaker 1: it's very innocent, husband, but let's let's let's be let's
Speaker 1: be honest with each other, with with with ourselves. She's
Speaker 1: sexty when you're out of town, and um, she's clearly
Speaker 1: flirting with you, right, I think that if that's the case,
Speaker 1: then really, what is you know? Is here is your
Speaker 1: husband replying? I guess I should ask that at the beginning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean this like he says, he gives off like
Speaker 1: maybe a couple one liners and then that maybe he stops,
Speaker 1: but he's still interacting with her. Where ye shutting her
Speaker 1: down by if you're not playing it off but also
Speaker 1: be helpful. Yeah, exactly, And that's that's that's what that's
Speaker 1: the that's the the direction I was going. You know,
Speaker 1: like if if you have that conversation and you let
Speaker 1: your husband know, like, hey, I'd be much more comfortable, Um,
Speaker 1: if you would just simply not reply, because if you know,
Speaker 1: she's going to continue texting and he just never applied,
Speaker 1: eventually she's going to stop, right. But if he just
Speaker 1: simply doesn't doesn't reply, it's not going to ruin this
Speaker 1: this um four couple of friendship that you got that
Speaker 1: you guys have going on. It's not like, um, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like she's gonna start hating you or or start
Speaker 1: hating him, because that's the case. I mean, she just
Speaker 1: already kind of seems, you know, like it's a little crazy, right,
Speaker 1: So you know what I mean. So I think that, like,
Speaker 1: you know, at the end of the day, you are
Speaker 1: his wife, and if this is legitimate flirting and it's
Speaker 1: legitimately unacceptable and it's legitimately affecting you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: making you uncomfortable. He needs to respect that more than
Speaker 1: he needs to respect whether he's coming off as a
Speaker 1: nice guy by giving off one word replies or just
Speaker 1: kind of going on on with it, right, because if
Speaker 1: his if his defense is like, I don't want her
Speaker 1: to think I'm ignoring her. I'm not a nice guy. Well, really,
Speaker 1: what's more important? This this one couple who you were
Speaker 1: in again a group friendship with? Uh, this one one
Speaker 1: person that's group friendship thinking that you're rude for not
Speaker 1: replying or having your wife, you know, feeling uncomfortable. Of course,
Speaker 1: you know, like any any husband should he should be
Speaker 1: picking you know, my wife's comfortability. Um over this one
Speaker 1: person thinking like oh, he sucks because he's not replying
Speaker 1: to me. So if you're okay, if you're okay with
Speaker 1: it being like resolved as as easy as him just
Speaker 1: simply not replying anymore, then I think that's the direction
Speaker 1: that you guys should go for sure. And then of
Speaker 1: course she just needs to understand that too, you know.
Speaker 1: And I mean if he has right, and if he
Speaker 1: has if he has an issue with that, then it's
Speaker 1: kind of like, hey, dude, like you're you know, you're choosing,
Speaker 1: You're choosing, you know, you're coming off as a nice
Speaker 1: guy over your own I feel like that that doesn't
Speaker 1: add up, right, So right exactly? Okay, Yeah, thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that helps a lot that that makes sense. At
Speaker 1: least I feel validated because that makes sense to me.
Speaker 1: I'm glad I cope of it. Okay, thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you for calling in. Next up is your written Q
Speaker 1: and A right after this break? So one of your
Speaker 1: guys has written Q and A S for me? Is
Speaker 1: is there ever circumstance where it's okay to lie to
Speaker 1: your partner, even if it's an innocent lie to protect them? Um?
Speaker 1: I do believe that there are circumstances where it's okay
Speaker 1: to lot to your partner. Um, let me give you
Speaker 1: guys a quick example. Let's say I'm talking to Michelle.
Speaker 1: Michelle's talking to me. She's explained to me that she
Speaker 1: is nervous. Um, you know, she's about to go go
Speaker 1: on stage at a public event and public speak for
Speaker 1: a bit. And let's say, for sake of conversation, she says,
Speaker 1: you know, she she has she has a pimple on
Speaker 1: her forehead. And she asked me, Babe, this pemople really
Speaker 1: really really noticeable. But it is No. I'm gonna say, no,
Speaker 1: it's not school. You look fine. I could barely even
Speaker 1: I could barely even see it. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Did I just lie to Michelle and a person? I
Speaker 1: just lied to Michelle. Now, hopefully with that lie, she's
Speaker 1: not going to be thinking about this pimple on her
Speaker 1: forehead while she's out speaking at a public event. Um. So,
Speaker 1: in that situation, do I feel like it was okay
Speaker 1: for me to lie to her when clearly that pimple
Speaker 1: is big enough that you can see it in the
Speaker 1: back row. Of course, I think it's okay that I
Speaker 1: lied in that situation. Now, this is a lot that's
Speaker 1: going to, you know, really mess up trust. And it's
Speaker 1: something that's gonna hurt some of these feelings because at
Speaker 1: the end of day, if Michelle finds out I lied
Speaker 1: to her about the pimple, is she gonna hate me
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life? Of course not right now.
Speaker 1: This is a lie where she found out that I
Speaker 1: was lying. When she is gonna aime me first of
Speaker 1: my life, that's probably something I don't want to lie about,
Speaker 1: right So, Um, to answer that question, you're smart enough
Speaker 1: to know whether this is a white lie or a
Speaker 1: large lie. And if it's a white lie, I think
Speaker 1: you're you're good to go. All right, Let's go into
Speaker 1: another written Q and A. Let's see how do you
Speaker 1: let a friend who may be interested in being more
Speaker 1: than friends know that you don't have romantic feelings for
Speaker 1: them without ruining the friendship? Is it possible for guys
Speaker 1: and girls to just be friends? First question? How do
Speaker 1: you let somebody know that you're not interested when they're
Speaker 1: interested and they're your friend? Um, I'm a firm believer
Speaker 1: that if you don't make things awkward, they will not
Speaker 1: be awkward. You only need one person in a party
Speaker 1: to not make something awkward and it will not be awkward.
Speaker 1: So this has happened to me before, I have a friend.
Speaker 1: She lets me know that she she looks at me
Speaker 1: more than a friend. I let her know I don't
Speaker 1: see her in that way. Um, but I don't let
Speaker 1: things get weird, you know, I just I continue the
Speaker 1: friendship as if you know, not as if that never happened.
Speaker 1: Of course you're gonna be aware that it happened, but
Speaker 1: let's not accurate about you know, we're still friends and
Speaker 1: good friends for x amount of time. Let's just continue
Speaker 1: in the exact same, you know, motion, as we were before.
Speaker 1: And if that's the case, then that shouldn't be This
Speaker 1: shouldn't be awkward, and this shouldn't ruin the relationship. I
Speaker 1: think that, you know, when this happens to people and
Speaker 1: they have a friend let them know that they want
Speaker 1: to be more than friends, and you don't feel that way,
Speaker 1: then you get kind of awkward or like that's kind
Speaker 1: of weird. You start overthinking it when you know, just
Speaker 1: the other day before this person said that to you.
Speaker 1: You guys are friends, You guys are best friends. You
Speaker 1: guys just hanging out clicking and watching movies whatever, it is. Um,
Speaker 1: So just go back to the exact same energy and
Speaker 1: it won't ruin the front the friendship. I think when
Speaker 1: people start getting awkward or overthinking or thinking that's super
Speaker 1: weird or whatever it is, that's what's gonna that's what's
Speaker 1: going to affect with the friendship. Um. But if you
Speaker 1: truly want to continue being friends with this person, just
Speaker 1: keep just keep on the same energy, keep on being friends. Um.
Speaker 1: And as long as you don't make it awkward, it
Speaker 1: won't be awkward. UM. Now the second part of that question,
Speaker 1: is it possible for guys and girls to be to
Speaker 1: just be friends? How to percent it is? Um? You know,
Speaker 1: I think I think it is. These are a little
Speaker 1: bit of a level that makes it sometimes harder, I guess,
Speaker 1: you know, depending from situations from case in case. Sure,
Speaker 1: I think we've all been there. Um. But at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, of course, guys and girls can
Speaker 1: be just friends. I don't think that there's there's no
Speaker 1: reason why guys and girls can't just be friends, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? So, Um, of course, of course, UM,
Speaker 1: guys and girls can just be friends. Next written question,
Speaker 1: let's see our guys intimidated by women who date multiple
Speaker 1: guys at once? Is it better for us to be
Speaker 1: up front about casual dat Yes, it's always better to
Speaker 1: be upfront about casual dating, especially if you are intimate
Speaker 1: with multiple partners. That's something that you know, even if
Speaker 1: it's a brand new partner, that's something that everybody deserves
Speaker 1: to know. Um, you know that there's you know, they
Speaker 1: don't need to know the ins and out of your
Speaker 1: of your love life. But if you're casually dating multiple
Speaker 1: people and you're about to be to intimate with somebody,
Speaker 1: I think that's something that that's somebody deserves to know
Speaker 1: and be able to kind of assess the situation whether
Speaker 1: they want to proceed forward or not. Um, So our
Speaker 1: guys intimidated by women who date multiple guys at once?
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if intimidation is the right word. I
Speaker 1: think do guys care? Yeah, guys, guys definitely would want
Speaker 1: to know that. You know, So, you know, if I
Speaker 1: if I just met you and I'm really interested in you, um,
Speaker 1: and I find out that you have you know, thirty
Speaker 1: different boyfriends, shout out Michelle as a joke, Um, you know,
Speaker 1: I might want to proceed a little bit a little
Speaker 1: bit differently. Um, then if you know I'm just the
Speaker 1: only guy that you're talking to, you know, I might
Speaker 1: want to, you know, kind of learn about you in
Speaker 1: a different way. Um, whatever it may be. So I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if intimidated is the right word. I think
Speaker 1: some guys it's not going to be an issue. Some
Speaker 1: guys is going to be an issue. And some guys
Speaker 1: are actually gonna respect the hell out of you for
Speaker 1: for being honest. Somebody, you know, like, Hey, I am
Speaker 1: dating multiple guys at once. Um, you know it's two
Speaker 1: thousand twenty two. You know, it's a it's an open
Speaker 1: playing field. I want to I want to see the
Speaker 1: best man out of all this, you know. So I
Speaker 1: think I think a lot of guys who respect that.
Speaker 1: Some guys just won't want to be it, won't be interested,
Speaker 1: but some guys are definitely gonna respect that. Um. So
Speaker 1: it's my answer to that one one more of the
Speaker 1: written to an a Let's see, Um, if we are
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed by the amount of time you are spending
Speaker 1: with the guy, what is the best way to say
Speaker 1: we need space? My answer to that is the best
Speaker 1: way to say that you need spaces to say you
Speaker 1: need space. Um, if you are feeling overwhelmed. That that's
Speaker 1: that's the key, that's the key to that question is
Speaker 1: the fact that you're feeling overwhelmed. Um, And I always
Speaker 1: think that you the person that you gotta you know,
Speaker 1: worry about and care about. You know, it's obviously yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's your star players. So if you're
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed, then that kind of proceeds how the guy
Speaker 1: might feel in that situation, like, oh, is it going
Speaker 1: to hurt his feelings? Is he gonna this? Then the
Speaker 1: other like, no, you're feeling a little overwhelmed. That means
Speaker 1: that you you your body is telling you by that
Speaker 1: feeling of being overwhelmed that you need some some space.
Speaker 1: You need to reset, have some restore and relaxation, have
Speaker 1: some one on one time with yourself. So, um, I
Speaker 1: think the best way to say that you need spaces
Speaker 1: to you know, say that you use space or if
Speaker 1: you don't want to be that blunt the next time
Speaker 1: he has to hang out like oh, you know, you
Speaker 1: know what, today I'm actually going to uh um, lay
Speaker 1: in the bathtub and read a book. Or Hey, I
Speaker 1: actually can't come to dinner today, I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: the dog park of my dog. Oh can I come
Speaker 1: with no? Sorry, you know what, I'm gonna just spend
Speaker 1: this time with with my dog and just kind of
Speaker 1: have a date to myself. Now, if you're with a
Speaker 1: guy who has an issue with having a day to yourself, um,
Speaker 1: that's a conversation in a self, you know. So, I
Speaker 1: mean that's a red flag right there. So if that's
Speaker 1: the case, you know, we can have that conversation. But
Speaker 1: if it's you know, you're just kind of finding what's
Speaker 1: the best way to say that you need some space? Um,
Speaker 1: you know, just let him know that I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: some time to myself and and nobody on this planet
Speaker 1: should have a problem with anybody having time for himself. Um,
Speaker 1: So that's how I answer that one. Alright, guys, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for your questions and your calls. This
Speaker 1: was a blast. Um again, this mate, Olakoya probably know
Speaker 1: me from the Bachelorette. I am the guy who had
Speaker 1: it in the bag. But you can find me on
Speaker 1: Instagram at King Bubbat Sunday um and Michelle is currently
Speaker 1: trying to get me to go crazy on these TikTok so.
Speaker 1: I think my TikTok name is what is? I think
Speaker 1: it's the King Bubbat to Day. Maybe it's King Bubbat
Speaker 1: Today ninety four. Either one, you'll find me. It's King
Speaker 1: Bubbat to Day something. So um yeah, so catch me
Speaker 1: on on social media and I had a real I
Speaker 1: had a blast of it. Um so again, this is
Speaker 1: how men think and we will talk to you next time.
Speaker 1: This is how men think. An I Heart Radio London
Speaker 1: Audio production Listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.