WEBVTT - How Men Think with Nayte Olukoya (The Bachelorette) 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:03.840 We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.320 is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:11.760 everyone on Naquoia. You may know me from Michelle's SU's 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:15.200 in the Bachelorette as the one who won Michelle's heart. UM, 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:17.840 I am so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think. 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:20.200 We're gonna answer all your questions and try to help 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:23.720 you understand how men think. But first, this is eleven 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:27.600 Questions with Natequa, So let's get right into it. What 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:31.600 are you known for? Tell us about yourself? Um, known from, 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:35.680 like I said, the TV show bachelorrette one who stole 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:38.519 Michelle's heart, the guy who has in the bag, as 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:41.960 I like to say, um, but yeah, predominantly i'd probably 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:45.880 say like ninety the people who know me now, UM 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:49.479 know me from Bachelorette. But of course you know, I'm 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:54.320 mostly known as a son, friend, best friend, acquaintance, coworker, 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:58.240 mentor mentee. So again it's kind of like who you 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:01.600 Who are you talking to? UM? Who am I in 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:05.039 my personal life? Um? My personal life is just that 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:08.160 as personal, So you know something about me. I just 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:12.120 love being by myself. UM, so kind of think about 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:15.039 what you did today that's probably what I did today. 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:17.640 I just did it by myself, so you know, I 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:20.440 like to uh as of right now, obviously I'm still 0:01:20.480 --> 0:01:24.320 long distance with Michelle, so um, I'm just like your 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:26.319 regular guy. I gotta I got to work every day. 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:29.280 I go to the gym, I run in the morning, 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:32.679 I hang out my my dog, go for walks, read books, 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:35.800 listen to music. Um and I just truly just enjoyed 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:38.280 time by myself. I don't know, kind of like a loner, 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:41.360 but in like a really peaceful way, I guess. Um, 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:46.160 but yeah, that's definitely a regular dangular guy. Three shows 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:51.560 that I've been binge watching right now, Um, Dampire Diaries. 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:55.880 Do not judge me, but I love Vampire Diaries. Um, 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:58.200 I don't know. I think that vampires are like the 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:00.440 coolest things in the world. So I'm ginge watching show 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:04.320 Guilt Free for like the third time. Um. And I'm 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.920 also actually on book three of Game of Thrones, so 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:09.760 I guess that's not really binge watching a show, but 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:13.160 definitely binge watching, um these books of Game of Thrones, 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:15.120 because I think I've seen Game of Thrones four or 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:18.920 five times now from beginning to end. So really enjoying 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:21.480 the books. The books are are actually like they they 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:25.120 are breathtaking. Those are the craziest books. Like It's yeah, 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:28.720 shout out to the shout out to the author. Um. 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:32.440 And then for other shows Seinfeld, I mean I watched 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.000 Seinfeld since since I was a kid like you. You 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:39.000 might struggle to find a better signed or a bigger 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:43.560 Seinfeld fan than me. I genuinely love Seinfeld, So that's 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:46.480 always playing in the background. Um. And then you for you, 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:48.080 of course you gotta you gotta say you for you. 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:50.239 I feel like everybody's watching before. If you're not watching 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:52.320 it or if you didn't watch it, um, you're kind 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:53.960 of a weird though, So I was. I was watching 0:02:54.120 --> 0:02:58.600 uh before you there too. Um. Let's see what is 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:02.640 your favorite food? Nigerian food one d and ten percent 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:06.400 cannot get enough of Nigerian food. Um, either my dad's 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:09.239 home cooking or my aunti t ts home cooking. And 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:10.920 now that I live in the States, it's kind of 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:13.119 you know, I'm not I'm not eating as much their 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:16.720 home cooking. So I've been teaching myself how to cook 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:19.519 beet to Nigeria food because when I started cooking Nigeria food, 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:22.160 it was terrible. So I've been I've been putting some 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:23.800 work though I'm getting a little better, but still not 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:25.760 as good as my AUNTI T T or my dad's 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:32.440 home cooking. UM. Tell us about your career. Um, that's nothing, 0:03:32.520 --> 0:03:34.880 nothing too crazy. I'm working on a couple of things now. 0:03:34.960 --> 0:03:38.600 But my career is very normal. I started working in 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:42.720 sales and a T and T my sophomore year of university. Um, 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:44.440 so shout out a T and T because that's how 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:46.840 I paid my way through college. Um. And then I 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:52.040 graduated and got a job at Indeed right out of college. Um. Yeah, 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:53.480 I loved Indeed. I was there for a little over 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:56.480 two years. Uh. And now I'm currently working in legal tech. 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:58.760 So I'm still in sales. But it sounds a little 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:00.720 bit cooler when you say you were in legal text. 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:03.760 So that's what I'm doing right now. Nothing too too crazy. 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:08.560 Biggest fear in life, hands down, regret. I think growing up, 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:10.640 I used to be Um I was, I was pretty 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.680 scared of dying, and then you get older and you realize, like, 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:17.320 you know, it's not necessarily deaf that's so scary. It's 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:20.320 it's you know, regret dying, dying with regret. So I 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.920 actually have a tattoo on my forearm that says there's 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:27.240 nothing worse than a regret filled coffin. So that's kind 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:29.599 of kind of how I how I lead my life. 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:34.760 And I don't know, dying with regret just absolutely terrifies me. Um, 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:39.440 must see. My biggest pet peeve people who are rude 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:43.679 to people in the service industry. Um, there's nothing nothing 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.560 worse than that in my opinion. Um, whether it's your 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:49.760 Uber driver, your server at a real nice restaurant, you 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:53.600 sort of at a real bad restaurant, whatever it is, janitors, U, 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:55.400 I ain't think the service industry if you're rude to 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:58.520 those people, you just gotta you gotta loo yourself in 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:02.200 the mirror and asked, that's like, what's to your issue? Um? Yeah, 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:06.359 I can't. I can't stand people every to just everyday workers. 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:10.240 You know, that's that's never a good look. Um, what 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:13.919 makes me the most happy? So that's gonna depend on 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:16.880 the day in situation. Really, I mean it's kind of 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:20.840 it's kind of a harder question to answer. Um, not 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:24.440 to overthink it, but you know what I mean, Let's 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:26.719 say you know when you're having a good day and 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.520 that's that perfect song pops on like that's obviously gonna 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:32.080 make you really happy in that moment. Or you haven't 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:33.520 seen your best friend in a while and you guys 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:35.039 are about to hang out. That's gonna make you really 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:37.880 happy in that moment. Or you're having a bad day, 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:39.800 but your dog just you know, jumps on you and 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:42.279 cuddles you, Like, that's gonna make you happy in that moment. 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:45.680 So for me, I think it'd be really hard for 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:50.520 me to pinpoint exactly what makes me the happiest, But 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:54.799 I'd say I try to when I do experience happy emotions, 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:57.280 try to like just hold on to that feeling for 0:05:58.040 --> 0:06:00.320 or like just give it like my full attention so 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:02.640 that it does make me like even more happy than 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:06.520 than it normally should, you know. Um, But asking what 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:10.640 makes me the most happy that is too broad. Who 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.400 you know, it's changes from dayance situation, what your current 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:17.320 mood is, whatever it is. So I guess the way 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:19.880 I can answer that is that what makes me the 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:23.880 most happiest is holding on too happy moments for as 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:29.800 long as I can. UM. Next question, let's see what 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:35.120 is my ideal Saturday morning? Um, wake up before eight am? 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:37.160 I like to get to the the day started. Walk 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:42.400 my dog. I like to run in the mornings, come back, eat, 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:44.880 drink a bunch of water, trying to say as hydrat 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:50.320 as possible, go to the gym, come home, clean my 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:53.960 house a little bit, lights and candles, and then again 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:56.400 going back to the happiness thing on that Saturday morning 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:58.000 when you get all of that done and it's not 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:01.479 even known yet, like that's a happy feeling like that 0:07:01.640 --> 0:07:03.320 you just want to embrace the fact that you just 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:08.039 did like very important things. Um you know all before noon. 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:09.359 You've got the rest of your day now to do 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:12.160 whatever that you want to do, you know. Um So 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.160 that's that's my ideal Saturday. We're just trying to do 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:18.240 as much as possible before before. Um Am, I'm more 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:23.040 of an athlete or armchair quarterback, despite what the show 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:27.320 may have shown you. I actually I am an athlete, 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:28.920 and I hate the fact that I now have to 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.800 defend myself on my aspect. But I am an athlete people, 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:38.080 um but yeah, so definitely an athlete over armchair quarterback. 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:42.520 But I will say that, um, I do find a 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:45.520 lot of joy being armchair quarterbacks with either my stepdad 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:47.560 or my dad I love I love sending, but sitting 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:51.120 back watching the games of them, um, you know, and 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.760 and being an armchair quarterback with my dad or my stepdad. 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:56.800 So um, there are there are times where I genuinely 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:01.760 enjoy being armchair quarterback. Um. And what keeps me motivate? 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:06.320 So for me parents, my parents definitely keep me motivated, 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:08.640 you know. I think for both my parents kind of 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:13.280 going back to my biggest fear of being regret um, 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:15.360 you know, I think I think that would be something 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:17.520 that that you know, I'm scared of, just regret of 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:20.320 not making them proud, um, not living up to my 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:23.200 potential you know, for me personally, and then also not 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:25.720 living up to my potential as as their son. They're 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:28.480 gonna know, like you know, like what happened to Tenday 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:30.680 or what happened to Nate, Like he could have been 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:32.200 so much bigger than this. So I think that that 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:34.280 keeps you motivate. I definitely don't want to let them down, 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:38.000 um you know, so I yeah, I think what keeps 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.679 me motivated is the fear of regrets still, so you know, 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:43.040 which is I think it's a good thing still, you know. 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:47.680 But yeah, those are my eleven questions. You get to 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:50.240 know me a little bit better. We are going to 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:53.160 take our first break and then take our first college 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:07.160 pretty good, How are you? I'm good, I'm good face 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:11.200 for asking. So I have this guy friend. We have 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:15.960 been friends since college, so it's been about ten years now, 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:21.400 and we've hooked up a couple of times over that 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:27.559 ten year period. Not too long ago, he asked one 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:34.640 of my girlfriends out, but she told me. She told 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:37.480 me that she wasn't sure if she was interested. She 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:42.240 didn't think she was really interested. And that same night, 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:45.240 he and I we were all at a party together 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:52.200 and he and I left together. Okay, So she asked 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:57.160 me this last weekend what happened between him and I? 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:00.520 And I told her the truth. We left the party together, 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:07.120 we slept together. No big deal, I thought, But it is. 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:11.040 I guess it's a big deal because she's really mad 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:13.839 at me now, and he's really mad at me because 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:17.080 I told her the truth. And I just I don't know, 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:21.040 like I was, was I supposed to lie? How do 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:23.959 I I want to fix this with both of them, 0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:28.640 and I don't know what to do right. So the 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:32.000 guy that this guy, obviously you guys have been hooking 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:38.720 up prior to him asking her friend out on a date. Correct, Yes, 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:44.360 just a couple of times period, Like not a big deal, right, 0:10:44.400 --> 0:10:47.319 So like like super casual, no big deal, not too 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:50.640 many emotions are are involved. You genuinely wouldn't have cared 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:52.480 if if you went on a date with your with 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:57.760 your friends. Not at all, not at all? Okay, Yeah, 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.520 this is this is a this is an interesting to situation. 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:05.160 I think that, and I can only I can only 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:07.240 speak from from like what I would have done. I 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:09.000 mean I would have done what you right, I would 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:12.160 have I wouldn't have lied. Um, I wouldn't let your 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:13.880 your friend know like oh yeah we did leave the 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:20.160 um the party together, um, and and everything else that happened. Um. 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:21.920 So I wouldn't have lied. I think I would just 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:28.720 explain to your friend, like she knows. I'm assuming that 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:32.280 you got in the last ten years super casual hookups, um, 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:34.160 and that it was nothing more than that, and that 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.520 you know, she was already kind of on the fence 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:40.560 of whether she was going to go on a date 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:43.200 with this guy. Right. So I don't think I don't 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:46.679 me personally, I don't think you're in the wrong. I 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:50.280 think that feelings. You know, I think feelings could have 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:54.679 gotten hurt from like an irrational spate, irrational spot of 0:11:54.720 --> 0:11:58.000 your friend. I don't I'm not necessarily sure if feelings 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:01.360 should have been hurt on her. And then from the 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:06.560 guy's perspective, I mean, I don't really understand why. Um, 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:09.880 he's he's kind of bent out of shape for you 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:11.800 telling your friend, you know, the truth, you know, at 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:14.040 the end of the day, like that's that's your friend. 0:12:14.160 --> 0:12:16.400 You know, you guys are really good friends. UM. And 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.360 I don't know, I think and I think in most cases, 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:21.680 lying just doesn't make sense. Um, people's feelings are going 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:23.280 to get hurt. Um, and then you kind of just 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:27.280 got to navigate, you know, are you are these feelings 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.320 getting hurt from a rational spot or from an irrational 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:32.719 spot because most of the time, um, when emotions are 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:34.439 in play, a lot of it's going to be irrational. 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:36.959 And then right now, I think all this doesn't need 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:40.000 to be as big as it currently is. UM. So 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:42.200 my advice to you would just be to talk to 0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:45.640 your friend one on one, the guy one on one 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:48.600 and just kind of like explain, like, hey, like this 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:50.720 has been going on for ten years, is not as 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:54.120 deep as it sounds. Um, you know, I could you 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.480 know if if you guys are really wanted to date 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.840 and start getting to know each other, like of course 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:01.199 you know this isn't going to continue to happen. So 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:04.280 but it's still so early, right, Just because somebody asks 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:06.560 you on a day your friend out of day, doesn't 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:09.040 mean that you just you know, this is ten years 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:12.240 in the making of you guys having this type of relationship. Um, 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:16.520 so you know, maybe not the maybe not the best advice, 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:18.120 but that's that's the that's the pirst thing that comes 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.760 to mind on my end is that you know, I 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:25.040 think this this it's not as deep as as actually 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:31.760 seems to be. Yeah, so again, not that this is 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:33.920 that's a sticky situation. That's the hit me with the 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:38.600 hard one. You hit me with the hard ones, Toney. Sorry, Yeah, 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:42.280 I'm just so I'm so overwhelmed by the whole thing. 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:45.080 It's just all my friends are mad at me. And 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:49.559 that sounds overwhelmed. That that does sound overwhelming. That that's 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:51.960 that's a sticky one. That's a sticky one. I think 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.480 really it all comes down to communication, like like, pull 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.640 both of them aside individually, talk to them about it 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:01.760 where they're coming from. Um, plead your case, let them 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:04.800 plead your their case, and I'm sure everything we'll we'll 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:07.560 resolve itself time. All you have to do is talk 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:12.400 it out and then things will be fine. Yeah, I hope. 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:16.520 So sorry I could have been more help Sitney. That 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:25.040 was a hard one. You got yourself in this love triangle. Terrible. 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:29.480 Thank you though I appreciate it. I do really appreciate it, 0:14:30.360 --> 0:14:34.840 of course, of course, all right, thank you, of course. 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:38.160 But hey, how are you doing. I'm good. How are 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:42.760 you guys doing today? Good? Good? Good? So what is 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:46.240 the question. Hopefully I'll I'll be some assistance to see 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:50.080 how men think. Okay, so here's my question. Um. Recently, 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.080 one of my best guy friends from college has a 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:55.960 new girlfriend, and I really like her. We've like started 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:59.960 to become close, and she confided me that her boyfriend 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:03.160 and so my really good friend told her that his 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:07.440 last relationship ended mutually, that it was just like fine 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:13.000 mutual breakup, when in reality, he cheated on his former girlfriend. UM, 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:16.800 I'm feeling really awkward now because I know for a 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:19.560 fact he lied to his new girlfriend and this new 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:23.120 girlfriend that I'm becoming close with said that like, if 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:25.200 she was ever cheated on, that's a deal breaker that 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:27.920 she would like end their relationship. So I feel like 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:32.520 it's completely unfair that, um, she doesn't have this information 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:36.240 since this obviously would change the course of the relationship. 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:40.479 So I'm just in this weird in between in the situation. 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:50.600 You gotta hitting me with some some hard questions. Okay, 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:53.240 let's see the advice I would give on that, because 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:57.000 that was down stick right, because that's that's your that's 0:15:57.000 --> 0:16:00.320 your one of your best guy friends. Yeah from for 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.560 a time, right, one of your best guy friends with 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.360 a new girlfriend. And you said that you you do 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:08.600 know his girlfriend, So yeah, we've become close because of 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:10.920 them dating. But it's not I didn't know her prior, 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:14.160 so obviously his we I've known him for ten years, 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:17.760 so our relationship is obviously way closer than my relationship 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:19.920 with her. But it is, you know, we are, I mean, 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:23.160 the girlfriend are becoming close. She's super nice and we 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:28.000 get along very well, right, right, I understood. That's a 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.200 tough one, right, because that's like, that's that's like one 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:34.360 of your best one of your best you know friends, Um, 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:36.640 I don't know. I always say you know, it's that 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:39.440 there's just simply no point in lying, especially with something 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:44.040 kind of large like this, Um, saying that something ended mutually, Um, 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:51.320 when in reality, I mean he cheated on his ex girlfriend. Um. 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.320 If you know, I'm trying to think if I was, 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:55.240 if I were in your shoes and this is happening 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:58.800 with with a friend and um, you know a girlfriend 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.200 or something that that you know, I'm talking put myself 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:02.640 in your shoes, what I would do? I think I 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:05.480 would What I would I would obviously talk to your friend, 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:08.720 like the your your guy friend, and talk to him like, hey, like, um, 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.680 I talked to your your girlfriend. She told me that 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:13.640 you said that you and your ex broke up mutually, 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:17.520 when in reality you actually cheated. Like, um, you know, Like, 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:19.159 what the hell are you doing, dude? Like, why are 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:21.239 you lying to your girlfriend right now? Especially if this 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.040 is a you know, a new relationship and it's already 0:17:24.040 --> 0:17:27.440 being kind of built online. I mean, that's that's never 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.400 a direction that you know, any relationship take, but especially 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:36.639 not in the beginning. Right. UM, I'm assuming that your friend, 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:38.919 your guy friend, he's not a bad guy, right, It's 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:42.159 not like he's out here being delicious with this lie. Um. 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:45.640 I think he probably genuinely really likes this girl and 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:49.640 he probably knows that she you know, like any anybody 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.479 would want to kind of kind of say like, hey, 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:53.920 have you cheated on your your you know, if you 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:55.800 cheat in the past, I'm going to be a little 0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:57.960 bit war on guard or just something no longer interested. 0:17:58.280 --> 0:18:01.960 So he probably wanted to just avoid that. Having met 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:05.040 this new girl, wanting to impress her and kind of 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:08.240 like continue seeing where things go. That's probably what led 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:13.960 him to live mm hmm. And I think if this 0:18:14.119 --> 0:18:18.000 could be kind of turned out turned around to be 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:22.000 a positive. You have that conversation with your guy friends saying, hey, man, 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:24.679 like you can't be lying, and then he goes to 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:27.760 his girlfriend and he like just straight up admits, like, 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:30.840 I was really nervous when we got into that conversation 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:34.440 about my by past relationship. I ended up lying to you. 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:39.639 I told you that it ended up mutually. Um. You know, 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:42.600 Shannon told me that you guys kind of you can 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:45.280 find and Shannon about that, and it made me feel 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:48.639 really bad for lying to you. Um, the truth is 0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:52.199 da da da da da um. You know, and if 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:54.199 he comes, if he comes correct like that and it's 0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:57.760 kind of like he explains why he lied. You know, 0:18:57.840 --> 0:19:01.120 he understands that he shouldn't have done it, um. And 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:03.640 the reason is because he's like really interested in this girl. 0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:06.119 He doesn't want it to end. Um. And it was just, 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:08.200 you know, it was at the beginning of the relationship 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:11.560 he was nervous. This On the other I think hopefully 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:14.840 his current girlfriend will be understanding, um. And then of 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:17.560 course I have the conversation of you know, listen, let's 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:19.600 not bring lying and no, let's not make lying be 0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:22.439 a part of our our relationship moving forward, um, and 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:26.520 hopefully everything can kind of move forward in a in 0:19:26.520 --> 0:19:28.919 a in a positive way, and then you don't have 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:32.199 to continue with the burden of knowing the truth, and 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:35.840 he doesn't need to have the conscious of knowing that 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:38.359 he lied, and you know all that fun stuff. Right. 0:19:38.400 --> 0:19:40.080 So you guys kind of like nipping in the butt, 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:43.359 you kind of convince him to do that. Hopefully he 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:48.960 does do it, hopefully, and and his girlfriend is understanding hopefully. 0:19:49.080 --> 0:19:50.640 I think that would be the best way to kind 0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:54.359 of go about this situation. Okay, yeah, thank you. I 0:19:54.440 --> 0:19:57.439 really appreciate that. It's just I've been like struggling with 0:19:57.440 --> 0:19:59.520 this a lot. But when you break it down that 0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:02.280 way and makes me feel a lot better about maybe 0:20:02.320 --> 0:20:04.119 his point of view of it too, because honestly, I 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:05.960 was a little upset, like why didn't he just tell 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:08.040 her the truth? But tell the truth. And then the 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:09.520 funny thing is, if you would have just told her 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.920 the truth, Um, you know, I'm sure like if there 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:16.000 was like some serious interest right up whenever that conversation 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:19.119 came up with was very very early on she hit 0:20:19.240 --> 0:20:22.119 his girlfriend, probably would have gotten over it. And you know, 0:20:22.160 --> 0:20:25.480 maybe we start a little bit of trust issues. But again, um, 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:28.119 with persistence and effort on, you know, things like that 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:31.360 can can can kind of go away. Um. So that's 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:33.880 the funny thing is if he was just honest from 0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:36.480 the jump, I'm sure that big of a thing. But 0:20:36.600 --> 0:20:39.879 hopefully with him you know, coming correct, explaining why he 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:42.840 did do this, admitting it without um, you know, getting 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:46.880 caught per se um, it will lead to like you know, hey, 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:50.320 this guy, this guy did lie to me. Um, it 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:54.240 was you know early on. We can move forward and 0:20:54.400 --> 0:20:56.960 let's just make sure that line just not become a 0:20:57.000 --> 0:21:00.560 part or piece of our relationship moving forward. Yeah, that 0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:04.000 makes sense. Yeah, he might even get some brownie points 0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:09.720 off that. Honestly, Yeah, it's better than her finding out 0:21:09.960 --> 0:21:14.360 like that's the worst thing that can exactly exactly exactly. 0:21:14.359 --> 0:21:16.040 And then if you, if you get the credit for 0:21:16.160 --> 0:21:18.479 you know, like having that that conversation with him, then 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:21.359 she's just gonna like you even more. Couldn't turn around 0:21:21.359 --> 0:21:24.600 to be a real, real positive you never know. Yeah, 0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:28.080 I guess we'll see. But okay makes a lot better though. 0:21:28.240 --> 0:21:30.719 I feel like I have a good idea what direction 0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:35.560 to go with this? Perfect. I'm glad I could help it. Okay, 0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:41.640 thank you, of course, talk to you better. What is up, Caitlin? Hi, 0:21:41.960 --> 0:21:45.600 how's it going? It's good? How you doing great? Get 0:21:45.640 --> 0:21:48.920 to get to see you? Yeah? Nice? Uh, I mean 0:21:48.960 --> 0:21:53.200 I guess I can't see you, but I guess exactly. 0:21:55.160 --> 0:21:58.159 So how can I help you? What question? What question 0:21:58.280 --> 0:22:02.919 do you have for me today? Okay? So I had 0:22:02.960 --> 0:22:05.560 this situation the other day. Um, so I had my 0:22:05.600 --> 0:22:09.280 boyfriend's phone and then I saw a text message pop 0:22:09.359 --> 0:22:10.919 up from his friend that had my name in it. 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:13.960 So I opened his phone and read the text thread 0:22:14.080 --> 0:22:18.680 because obviously if it involved me, I wanted to know obviously, 0:22:21.640 --> 0:22:24.359 And I found out that my boyfriend has been telling 0:22:24.400 --> 0:22:28.159 his buddy about intimate parts of our relationship, and it 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:31.280