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Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This

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Speaker 1: is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hey

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Speaker 1: everyone on Naquoia. You may know me from Michelle's SU's

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Speaker 1: in the Bachelorette as the one who won Michelle's heart. UM,

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Speaker 1: I am so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna answer all your questions and try to help

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Speaker 1: you understand how men think. But first, this is eleven

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Speaker 1: Questions with Natequa, So let's get right into it. What

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Speaker 1: are you known for? Tell us about yourself? Um, known from,

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Speaker 1: like I said, the TV show bachelorrette one who stole

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Speaker 1: Michelle's heart, the guy who has in the bag, as

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Speaker 1: I like to say, um, but yeah, predominantly i'd probably

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Speaker 1: say like ninety the people who know me now, UM

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Speaker 1: know me from Bachelorette. But of course you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: mostly known as a son, friend, best friend, acquaintance, coworker,

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Speaker 1: mentor mentee. So again it's kind of like who you

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Speaker 1: Who are you talking to? UM? Who am I in

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Speaker 1: my personal life? Um? My personal life is just that

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Speaker 1: as personal, So you know something about me. I just

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Speaker 1: love being by myself. UM, so kind of think about

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Speaker 1: what you did today that's probably what I did today.

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Speaker 1: I just did it by myself, so you know, I

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Speaker 1: like to uh as of right now, obviously I'm still

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Speaker 1: long distance with Michelle, so um, I'm just like your

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Speaker 1: regular guy. I gotta I got to work every day.

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Speaker 1: I go to the gym, I run in the morning,

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Speaker 1: I hang out my my dog, go for walks, read books,

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Speaker 1: listen to music. Um and I just truly just enjoyed

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Speaker 1: time by myself. I don't know, kind of like a loner,

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Speaker 1: but in like a really peaceful way, I guess. Um,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, that's definitely a regular dangular guy. Three shows

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Speaker 1: that I've been binge watching right now, Um, Dampire Diaries.

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Speaker 1: Do not judge me, but I love Vampire Diaries. Um,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I think that vampires are like the

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Speaker 1: coolest things in the world. So I'm ginge watching show

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Speaker 1: Guilt Free for like the third time. Um. And I'm

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Speaker 1: also actually on book three of Game of Thrones, so

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Speaker 1: I guess that's not really binge watching a show, but

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Speaker 1: definitely binge watching, um these books of Game of Thrones,

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Speaker 1: because I think I've seen Game of Thrones four or

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Speaker 1: five times now from beginning to end. So really enjoying

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Speaker 1: the books. The books are are actually like they they

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Speaker 1: are breathtaking. Those are the craziest books. Like It's yeah,

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Speaker 1: shout out to the shout out to the author. Um.

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Speaker 1: And then for other shows Seinfeld, I mean I watched

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Speaker 1: Seinfeld since since I was a kid like you. You

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Speaker 1: might struggle to find a better signed or a bigger

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Speaker 1: Seinfeld fan than me. I genuinely love Seinfeld, So that's

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Speaker 1: always playing in the background. Um. And then you for you,

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Speaker 1: of course you gotta you gotta say you for you.

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Speaker 1: I feel like everybody's watching before. If you're not watching

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Speaker 1: it or if you didn't watch it, um, you're kind

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Speaker 1: of a weird though, So I was. I was watching

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Speaker 1: uh before you there too. Um. Let's see what is

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Speaker 1: your favorite food? Nigerian food one d and ten percent

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Speaker 1: cannot get enough of Nigerian food. Um, either my dad's

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Speaker 1: home cooking or my aunti t ts home cooking. And

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Speaker 1: now that I live in the States, it's kind of

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm not I'm not eating as much their

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Speaker 1: home cooking. So I've been teaching myself how to cook

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Speaker 1: beet to Nigeria food because when I started cooking Nigeria food,

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Speaker 1: it was terrible. So I've been I've been putting some

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Speaker 1: work though I'm getting a little better, but still not

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Speaker 1: as good as my AUNTI T T or my dad's

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Speaker 1: home cooking. UM. Tell us about your career. Um, that's nothing,

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Speaker 1: nothing too crazy. I'm working on a couple of things now.

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Speaker 1: But my career is very normal. I started working in

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Speaker 1: sales and a T and T my sophomore year of university. Um,

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Speaker 1: so shout out a T and T because that's how

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Speaker 1: I paid my way through college. Um. And then I

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Speaker 1: graduated and got a job at Indeed right out of college. Um. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I loved Indeed. I was there for a little over

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Speaker 1: two years. Uh. And now I'm currently working in legal tech.

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Speaker 1: So I'm still in sales. But it sounds a little

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Speaker 1: bit cooler when you say you were in legal text.

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Speaker 1: So that's what I'm doing right now. Nothing too too crazy.

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Speaker 1: Biggest fear in life, hands down, regret. I think growing up,

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Speaker 1: I used to be Um I was, I was pretty

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Speaker 1: scared of dying, and then you get older and you realize, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's not necessarily deaf that's so scary. It's

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Speaker 1: it's you know, regret dying, dying with regret. So I

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Speaker 1: actually have a tattoo on my forearm that says there's

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Speaker 1: nothing worse than a regret filled coffin. So that's kind

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Speaker 1: of kind of how I how I lead my life.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know, dying with regret just absolutely terrifies me. Um,

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Speaker 1: must see. My biggest pet peeve people who are rude

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Speaker 1: to people in the service industry. Um, there's nothing nothing

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Speaker 1: worse than that in my opinion. Um, whether it's your

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Speaker 1: Uber driver, your server at a real nice restaurant, you

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Speaker 1: sort of at a real bad restaurant, whatever it is, janitors, U,

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Speaker 1: I ain't think the service industry if you're rude to

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Speaker 1: those people, you just gotta you gotta loo yourself in

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Speaker 1: the mirror and asked, that's like, what's to your issue? Um? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can't. I can't stand people every to just everyday workers.

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Speaker 1: You know, that's that's never a good look. Um, what

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Speaker 1: makes me the most happy? So that's gonna depend on

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Speaker 1: the day in situation. Really, I mean it's kind of

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Speaker 1: it's kind of a harder question to answer. Um, not

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Speaker 1: to overthink it, but you know what I mean, Let's

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Speaker 1: say you know when you're having a good day and

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Speaker 1: that's that perfect song pops on like that's obviously gonna

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Speaker 1: make you really happy in that moment. Or you haven't

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Speaker 1: seen your best friend in a while and you guys

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Speaker 1: are about to hang out. That's gonna make you really

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Speaker 1: happy in that moment. Or you're having a bad day,

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Speaker 1: but your dog just you know, jumps on you and

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Speaker 1: cuddles you, Like, that's gonna make you happy in that moment.

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Speaker 1: So for me, I think it'd be really hard for

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Speaker 1: me to pinpoint exactly what makes me the happiest, But

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Speaker 1: I'd say I try to when I do experience happy emotions,

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Speaker 1: try to like just hold on to that feeling for

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Speaker 1: or like just give it like my full attention so

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Speaker 1: that it does make me like even more happy than

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Speaker 1: than it normally should, you know. Um, But asking what

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Speaker 1: makes me the most happy that is too broad. Who

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Speaker 1: you know, it's changes from dayance situation, what your current

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Speaker 1: mood is, whatever it is. So I guess the way

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Speaker 1: I can answer that is that what makes me the

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Speaker 1: most happiest is holding on too happy moments for as

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Speaker 1: long as I can. UM. Next question, let's see what

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Speaker 1: is my ideal Saturday morning? Um, wake up before eight am?

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Speaker 1: I like to get to the the day started. Walk

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Speaker 1: my dog. I like to run in the mornings, come back, eat,

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Speaker 1: drink a bunch of water, trying to say as hydrat

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Speaker 1: as possible, go to the gym, come home, clean my

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Speaker 1: house a little bit, lights and candles, and then again

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Speaker 1: going back to the happiness thing on that Saturday morning

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Speaker 1: when you get all of that done and it's not

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Speaker 1: even known yet, like that's a happy feeling like that

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Speaker 1: you just want to embrace the fact that you just

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Speaker 1: did like very important things. Um you know all before noon.

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Speaker 1: You've got the rest of your day now to do

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Speaker 1: whatever that you want to do, you know. Um So

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Speaker 1: that's that's my ideal Saturday. We're just trying to do

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Speaker 1: as much as possible before before. Um Am, I'm more

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Speaker 1: of an athlete or armchair quarterback, despite what the show

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Speaker 1: may have shown you. I actually I am an athlete,

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Speaker 1: and I hate the fact that I now have to

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Speaker 1: defend myself on my aspect. But I am an athlete people,

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Speaker 1: um but yeah, so definitely an athlete over armchair quarterback.

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Speaker 1: But I will say that, um, I do find a

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Speaker 1: lot of joy being armchair quarterbacks with either my stepdad

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Speaker 1: or my dad I love I love sending, but sitting

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Speaker 1: back watching the games of them, um, you know, and

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Speaker 1: and being an armchair quarterback with my dad or my stepdad.

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Speaker 1: So um, there are there are times where I genuinely

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Speaker 1: enjoy being armchair quarterback. Um. And what keeps me motivate?

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Speaker 1: So for me parents, my parents definitely keep me motivated,

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Speaker 1: you know. I think for both my parents kind of

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Speaker 1: going back to my biggest fear of being regret um,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think I think that would be something

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Speaker 1: that that you know, I'm scared of, just regret of

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Speaker 1: not making them proud, um, not living up to my

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Speaker 1: potential you know, for me personally, and then also not

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Speaker 1: living up to my potential as as their son. They're

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Speaker 1: gonna know, like you know, like what happened to Tenday

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Speaker 1: or what happened to Nate, Like he could have been

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Speaker 1: so much bigger than this. So I think that that

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Speaker 1: keeps you motivate. I definitely don't want to let them down,

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Speaker 1: um you know, so I yeah, I think what keeps

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Speaker 1: me motivated is the fear of regrets still, so you know,

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Speaker 1: which is I think it's a good thing still, you know.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, those are my eleven questions. You get to

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Speaker 1: know me a little bit better. We are going to

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Speaker 1: take our first break and then take our first college

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Speaker 1: pretty good, How are you? I'm good, I'm good face

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Speaker 1: for asking. So I have this guy friend. We have

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Speaker 1: been friends since college, so it's been about ten years now,

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Speaker 1: and we've hooked up a couple of times over that

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Speaker 1: ten year period. Not too long ago, he asked one

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Speaker 1: of my girlfriends out, but she told me. She told

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Speaker 1: me that she wasn't sure if she was interested. She

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Speaker 1: didn't think she was really interested. And that same night,

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Speaker 1: he and I we were all at a party together

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Speaker 1: and he and I left together. Okay, So she asked

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Speaker 1: me this last weekend what happened between him and I?

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Speaker 1: And I told her the truth. We left the party together,

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Speaker 1: we slept together. No big deal, I thought, But it is.

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Speaker 1: I guess it's a big deal because she's really mad

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Speaker 1: at me now, and he's really mad at me because

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Speaker 1: I told her the truth. And I just I don't know,

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Speaker 1: like I was, was I supposed to lie? How do

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Speaker 1: I I want to fix this with both of them,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do right. So the

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Speaker 1: guy that this guy, obviously you guys have been hooking

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Speaker 1: up prior to him asking her friend out on a date. Correct, Yes,

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Speaker 1: just a couple of times period, Like not a big deal, right,

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Speaker 1: So like like super casual, no big deal, not too

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Speaker 1: many emotions are are involved. You genuinely wouldn't have cared

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Speaker 1: if if you went on a date with your with

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Speaker 1: your friends. Not at all, not at all? Okay, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is this is a this is an interesting to situation.

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Speaker 1: I think that, and I can only I can only

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Speaker 1: speak from from like what I would have done. I

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Speaker 1: mean I would have done what you right, I would

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Speaker 1: have I wouldn't have lied. Um, I wouldn't let your

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Speaker 1: your friend know like oh yeah we did leave the

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Speaker 1: um the party together, um, and and everything else that happened. Um.

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Speaker 1: So I wouldn't have lied. I think I would just

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Speaker 1: explain to your friend, like she knows. I'm assuming that

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Speaker 1: you got in the last ten years super casual hookups, um,

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Speaker 1: and that it was nothing more than that, and that

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Speaker 1: you know, she was already kind of on the fence

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Speaker 1: of whether she was going to go on a date

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Speaker 1: with this guy. Right. So I don't think I don't

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Speaker 1: me personally, I don't think you're in the wrong. I

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Speaker 1: think that feelings. You know, I think feelings could have

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Speaker 1: gotten hurt from like an irrational spate, irrational spot of

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Speaker 1: your friend. I don't I'm not necessarily sure if feelings

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Speaker 1: should have been hurt on her. And then from the

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Speaker 1: guy's perspective, I mean, I don't really understand why. Um,

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Speaker 1: he's he's kind of bent out of shape for you

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Speaker 1: telling your friend, you know, the truth, you know, at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, like that's that's your friend.

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Speaker 1: You know, you guys are really good friends. UM. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I think and I think in most cases,

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Speaker 1: lying just doesn't make sense. Um, people's feelings are going

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Speaker 1: to get hurt. Um, and then you kind of just

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Speaker 1: got to navigate, you know, are you are these feelings

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Speaker 1: getting hurt from a rational spot or from an irrational

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Speaker 1: spot because most of the time, um, when emotions are

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Speaker 1: in play, a lot of it's going to be irrational.

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Speaker 1: And then right now, I think all this doesn't need

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Speaker 1: to be as big as it currently is. UM. So

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Speaker 1: my advice to you would just be to talk to

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Speaker 1: your friend one on one, the guy one on one

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Speaker 1: and just kind of like explain, like, hey, like this

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Speaker 1: has been going on for ten years, is not as

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Speaker 1: deep as it sounds. Um, you know, I could you

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Speaker 1: know if if you guys are really wanted to date

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Speaker 1: and start getting to know each other, like of course

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Speaker 1: you know this isn't going to continue to happen. So

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Speaker 1: but it's still so early, right, Just because somebody asks

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Speaker 1: you on a day your friend out of day, doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean that you just you know, this is ten years

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Speaker 1: in the making of you guys having this type of relationship. Um,

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Speaker 1: so you know, maybe not the maybe not the best advice,

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Speaker 1: but that's that's the that's the pirst thing that comes

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Speaker 1: to mind on my end is that you know, I

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Speaker 1: think this this it's not as deep as as actually

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Speaker 1: seems to be. Yeah, so again, not that this is

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Speaker 1: that's a sticky situation. That's the hit me with the

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Speaker 1: hard one. You hit me with the hard ones, Toney. Sorry, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm just so I'm so overwhelmed by the whole thing.

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Speaker 1: It's just all my friends are mad at me. And

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Speaker 1: that sounds overwhelmed. That that does sound overwhelming. That that's

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Speaker 1: that's a sticky one. That's a sticky one. I think

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Speaker 1: really it all comes down to communication, like like, pull

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Speaker 1: both of them aside individually, talk to them about it

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Speaker 1: where they're coming from. Um, plead your case, let them

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Speaker 1: plead your their case, and I'm sure everything we'll we'll

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Speaker 1: resolve itself time. All you have to do is talk

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Speaker 1: it out and then things will be fine. Yeah, I hope.

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Speaker 1: So sorry I could have been more help Sitney. That

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Speaker 1: was a hard one. You got yourself in this love triangle. Terrible.

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Speaker 1: Thank you though I appreciate it. I do really appreciate it,

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Speaker 1: of course, of course, all right, thank you, of course.

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Speaker 1: But hey, how are you doing. I'm good. How are

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Speaker 1: you guys doing today? Good? Good? Good? So what is

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Speaker 1: the question. Hopefully I'll I'll be some assistance to see

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Speaker 1: how men think. Okay, so here's my question. Um. Recently,

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Speaker 1: one of my best guy friends from college has a

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Speaker 1: new girlfriend, and I really like her. We've like started

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Speaker 1: to become close, and she confided me that her boyfriend

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Speaker 1: and so my really good friend told her that his

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Speaker 1: last relationship ended mutually, that it was just like fine

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Speaker 1: mutual breakup, when in reality, he cheated on his former girlfriend. UM,

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling really awkward now because I know for a

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Speaker 1: fact he lied to his new girlfriend and this new

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Speaker 1: girlfriend that I'm becoming close with said that like, if

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Speaker 1: she was ever cheated on, that's a deal breaker that

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Speaker 1: she would like end their relationship. So I feel like

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Speaker 1: it's completely unfair that, um, she doesn't have this information

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Speaker 1: since this obviously would change the course of the relationship.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just in this weird in between in the situation.

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Speaker 1: You gotta hitting me with some some hard questions. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's see the advice I would give on that, because

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Speaker 1: that was down stick right, because that's that's your that's

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Speaker 1: your one of your best guy friends. Yeah from for

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Speaker 1: a time, right, one of your best guy friends with

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Speaker 1: a new girlfriend. And you said that you you do

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Speaker 1: know his girlfriend, So yeah, we've become close because of

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Speaker 1: them dating. But it's not I didn't know her prior,

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Speaker 1: so obviously his we I've known him for ten years,

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Speaker 1: so our relationship is obviously way closer than my relationship

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Speaker 1: with her. But it is, you know, we are, I mean,

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Speaker 1: the girlfriend are becoming close. She's super nice and we

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Speaker 1: get along very well, right, right, I understood. That's a

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Speaker 1: tough one, right, because that's like, that's that's like one

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Speaker 1: of your best one of your best you know friends, Um,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I always say you know, it's that

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Speaker 1: there's just simply no point in lying, especially with something

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Speaker 1: kind of large like this, Um, saying that something ended mutually, Um,

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Speaker 1: when in reality, I mean he cheated on his ex girlfriend. Um.

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Speaker 1: If you know, I'm trying to think if I was,

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Speaker 1: if I were in your shoes and this is happening

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Speaker 1: with with a friend and um, you know a girlfriend

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Speaker 1: or something that that you know, I'm talking put myself

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Speaker 1: in your shoes, what I would do? I think I

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Speaker 1: would What I would I would obviously talk to your friend,

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Speaker 1: like the your your guy friend, and talk to him like, hey, like, um,

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Speaker 1: I talked to your your girlfriend. She told me that

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Speaker 1: you said that you and your ex broke up mutually,

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Speaker 1: when in reality you actually cheated. Like, um, you know, Like,

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Speaker 1: what the hell are you doing, dude? Like, why are

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Speaker 1: you lying to your girlfriend right now? Especially if this

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Speaker 1: is a you know, a new relationship and it's already

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Speaker 1: being kind of built online. I mean, that's that's never

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Speaker 1: a direction that you know, any relationship take, but especially

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Speaker 1: not in the beginning. Right. UM, I'm assuming that your friend,

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Speaker 1: your guy friend, he's not a bad guy, right, It's

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Speaker 1: not like he's out here being delicious with this lie. Um.

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Speaker 1: I think he probably genuinely really likes this girl and

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Speaker 1: he probably knows that she you know, like any anybody

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Speaker 1: would want to kind of kind of say like, hey,

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Speaker 1: have you cheated on your your you know, if you

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Speaker 1: cheat in the past, I'm going to be a little

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Speaker 1: bit war on guard or just something no longer interested.

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Speaker 1: So he probably wanted to just avoid that. Having met

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Speaker 1: this new girl, wanting to impress her and kind of

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Speaker 1: like continue seeing where things go. That's probably what led

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Speaker 1: him to live mm hmm. And I think if this

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Speaker 1: could be kind of turned out turned around to be

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Speaker 1: a positive. You have that conversation with your guy friends saying, hey, man,

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Speaker 1: like you can't be lying, and then he goes to

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Speaker 1: his girlfriend and he like just straight up admits, like,

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Speaker 1: I was really nervous when we got into that conversation

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Speaker 1: about my by past relationship. I ended up lying to you.

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Speaker 1: I told you that it ended up mutually. Um. You know,

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Speaker 1: Shannon told me that you guys kind of you can

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Speaker 1: find and Shannon about that, and it made me feel

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Speaker 1: really bad for lying to you. Um, the truth is

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Speaker 1: da da da da da um. You know, and if

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Speaker 1: he comes, if he comes correct like that and it's

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Speaker 1: kind of like he explains why he lied. You know,

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Speaker 1: he understands that he shouldn't have done it, um. And

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Speaker 1: the reason is because he's like really interested in this girl.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't want it to end. Um. And it was just,

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Speaker 1: you know, it was at the beginning of the relationship

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Speaker 1: he was nervous. This On the other I think hopefully

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Speaker 1: his current girlfriend will be understanding, um. And then of

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Speaker 1: course I have the conversation of you know, listen, let's

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Speaker 1: not bring lying and no, let's not make lying be

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Speaker 1: a part of our our relationship moving forward, um, and

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Speaker 1: hopefully everything can kind of move forward in a in

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Speaker 1: a in a positive way, and then you don't have

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Speaker 1: to continue with the burden of knowing the truth, and

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Speaker 1: he doesn't need to have the conscious of knowing that

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Speaker 1: he lied, and you know all that fun stuff. Right.

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Speaker 1: So you guys kind of like nipping in the butt,

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Speaker 1: you kind of convince him to do that. Hopefully he

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Speaker 1: does do it, hopefully, and and his girlfriend is understanding hopefully.

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Speaker 1: I think that would be the best way to kind

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Speaker 1: of go about this situation. Okay, yeah, thank you. I

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Speaker 1: really appreciate that. It's just I've been like struggling with

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Speaker 1: this a lot. But when you break it down that

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Speaker 1: way and makes me feel a lot better about maybe

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Speaker 1: his point of view of it too, because honestly, I

359
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 1: was a little upset, like why didn't he just tell

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Speaker 1: her the truth? But tell the truth. And then the

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Speaker 1: funny thing is, if you would have just told her

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Speaker 1: the truth, Um, you know, I'm sure like if there

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Speaker 1: was like some serious interest right up whenever that conversation

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Speaker 1: came up with was very very early on she hit

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Speaker 1: his girlfriend, probably would have gotten over it. And you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe we start a little bit of trust issues. But again, um,

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Speaker 1: with persistence and effort on, you know, things like that

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Speaker 1: can can can kind of go away. Um. So that's

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Speaker 1: the funny thing is if he was just honest from

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Speaker 1: the jump, I'm sure that big of a thing. But

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Speaker 1: hopefully with him you know, coming correct, explaining why he

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Speaker 1: did do this, admitting it without um, you know, getting

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Speaker 1: caught per se um, it will lead to like you know, hey,

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Speaker 1: this guy, this guy did lie to me. Um, it

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Speaker 1: was you know early on. We can move forward and

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Speaker 1: let's just make sure that line just not become a

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Speaker 1: part or piece of our relationship moving forward. Yeah, that

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00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 1: makes sense. Yeah, he might even get some brownie points

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Speaker 1: off that. Honestly, Yeah, it's better than her finding out

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Speaker 1: like that's the worst thing that can exactly exactly exactly.

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Speaker 1: And then if you, if you get the credit for

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Speaker 1: you know, like having that that conversation with him, then

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Speaker 1: she's just gonna like you even more. Couldn't turn around

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Speaker 1: to be a real, real positive you never know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I guess we'll see. But okay makes a lot better though.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have a good idea what direction

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Speaker 1: to go with this? Perfect. I'm glad I could help it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: thank you, of course, talk to you better. What is up, Caitlin? Hi,

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Speaker 1: how's it going? It's good? How you doing great? Get

390
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 1: to get to see you? Yeah? Nice? Uh, I mean

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00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 1: I guess I can't see you, but I guess exactly.

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Speaker 1: So how can I help you? What question? What question

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Speaker 1: do you have for me today? Okay? So I had

394
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 1: this situation the other day. Um, so I had my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend's phone and then I saw a text message pop

396
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Speaker 1: up from his friend that had my name in it.

397
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Speaker 1: So I opened his phone and read the text thread

398
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Speaker 1: because obviously if it involved me, I wanted to know obviously,

399
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Speaker 1: And I found out that my boyfriend has been telling

400
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Speaker 1: his buddy about intimate parts of our relationship, and it

401
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Speaker 1: don't It just made me really uncomfortable and I want

402
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Speaker 1: to ask him to stop, but I don't want him

403
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Speaker 1: to know I went through his phone. So I wanna

404
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 1: ask you how to approach this without, you know, letting

405
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: him know that I went through his phone. Yeah, yeah, no,

406
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:46,440
Speaker 1: most definitely. I mean, here's the thing, here's the thing, right, Like,

407
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Speaker 1: I don't think, I don't. I don't personally, I don't

408
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 1: like when people go when when couples go through each

409
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Speaker 1: other's phones. Now, if you glance over and you see

410
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Speaker 1: your name in there, I mean, curiosity is gonna get you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if I was in your shoes, I probably like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: like like what's he saying about? Right? So you open

413
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 1: it up and let's say it was nothing. Who cares

414
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 1: like it's whatever. But now you find out that he's

415
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 1: he's um, you know, talking about some intimate parts of

416
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 1: your relationship, well that whole like, hey, I shouldn't have

417
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 1: gone through your phone. That kind of goes up the window,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like my only like if

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Speaker 1: I was you, I would just I would go straight

420
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 1: to your boyfriend and be like, what the heck is this?

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00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,679
Speaker 1: Like you're talking about some real, like intimate parts of

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Speaker 1: our relationship. He's like, how do you know about that?

423
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:35,199
Speaker 1: I went through your phone? That's all I know? You know, Like,

424
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: what's up? You know what I mean? Like I would,

425
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 1: you know, I would, I would, I would say that

426
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: with your chest. I would be like, yeah, I went

427
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: through your phone, like you're talking about some some real

428
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 1: intimate parts of our relationship. Um, you know, you know,

429
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,959
Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm being a little animated right now.

430
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 1: You don't have to go that hard on him, but

431
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 1: you know, letting him know, like you know that how

432
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: that makes you feel that you're not comfortable with that,

433
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,879
Speaker 1: um and that he should should cut that out, you

434
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,439
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So I wouldn't let the fact

435
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 1: of how you found out stop you from, um your

436
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: feelings about what you found out, because that's obviously what

437
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: what's what's most important is your feelings about what it

438
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 1: is you found out, how you found out. I mean, hey, whatever,

439
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 1: you went through this, right, you know, and it's something

440
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 1: like you really went through his phone. You just you

441
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: saw your name pop up, you clicked it, you saw up.

442
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,359
Speaker 1: You know what, going through all the d m s

443
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 1: and text messages and tweets and all that stuff, you

444
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 1: just casually, you know, saw your name in a conversation

445
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,400
Speaker 1: and you were curious about it. So I wouldn't let

446
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 1: the fact that of how you found out deter you

447
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 1: from um still kind of deter you from you know

448
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 1: that that's those are your feelings. But that's what you

449
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,680
Speaker 1: have to protect the most, right and if you feel uncomfortable,

450
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,920
Speaker 1: but you gotta let let that know, let that be known.

451
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 1: So right, Yeah, exactly, Okay, thank you. That's that's really good.

452
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Thank you. Okay, thanks so much. How

453
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 1: you doing, Claire? Oh hey, how are you? I'm good?

454
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,640
Speaker 1: I'm good. How's your day going? I am doing all right.

455
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,720
Speaker 1: Just trying to avoid some rain over here? Oh yeah,

456
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 1: where are you at right now? Ohio? Like northeast? Okay, okay,

457
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 1: I got you. I got you. It was a little

458
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 1: bit of rain right now soon. But hey, what can

459
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:27,160
Speaker 1: we do? Yeah? Better than snow? That is what type

460
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 1: of advice are you hoping to get for me today?

461
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: What's the question that you may have for for how

462
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: may think podcasts? Yeah? Thank you? Um, okay, so I

463
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 1: need to figure out if I'm being too sensitive. Um, Like,

464
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 1: my fiance will not stop texting his friends. He texts

465
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 1: them all day long. And I mean it's it's NonStop.

466
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:54,680
Speaker 1: So it's like, okay, if he's at work or whatever

467
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,880
Speaker 1: on a break from work, fine, but we only get

468
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,639
Speaker 1: evenings together really, and it's like all evening he's just

469
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 1: texting his buddies. And yeah, you're kind of trying to

470
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 1: go get some some nice alone time. Yeah, you know

471
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: that that's the idea. And like I even went so

472
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 1: far as the one time I told him, can you

473
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: please just go put your phone in the other room

474
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 1: for a while, and he literally told me he can't

475
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 1: because he needs to text the guys. So when you

476
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: say he's constantly talking to this friend, it's not like,

477
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 1: you know, every thirty minutes applies, like you're literally talking

478
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 1: about his his phone is in his hands seven he's

479
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: he's just going crazy in the group chat. Yeah, it's

480
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: it's all the time. Like he'll set his phone down,

481
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: Like if we're eating dinner, he'll set his phone down,

482
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: but the phone will be next to the plate and

483
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:56,360
Speaker 1: then it's like eat a bite, texts a thing, interesting, interesting, yeah.

484
00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 1: I mean, look, there's there's there's a time and place

485
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 1: for everything, you know, like that would be wrong. I'm

486
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: in many many A group chats, you know, many A

487
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:10,439
Speaker 1: group chats, um and and I love talking to my boys.

488
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,400
Speaker 1: But at the same time, you know, if that's if

489
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: it's twenty four seven and and all you want to

490
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 1: all you want is just have a little bit of

491
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:23,639
Speaker 1: you know, one on one time with your fiancee. UM,

492
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: I don't think I don't think you're in the wrong.

493
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 1: You're not being too sensitive because if this is an

494
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 1: every day it's not like you know, a couple of

495
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: couple of days of the week. You know, if this

496
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 1: is like a Monday Wednesday problem, and the rest of

497
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: the days they're fine, then then maybe you know, like

498
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 1: let him have his Mondays and Wednesdays, you know, but

499
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 1: this is this is every this is every single day.

500
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: I don't think you're being too sensitive, you know, not

501
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: at all. I think, you know, I think that's definitely

502
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 1: a conversation that that that you you you're in the

503
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:56,639
Speaker 1: right of having, especially if that's making you feel um,

504
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 1: you know, I think you guys are feeling a little

505
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:03,400
Speaker 1: bit dis stin or whatever, you know, just not feel yeah,

506
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 1: you know, especially if if like other feelings are starting

507
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: tricking of, you know, like growing apart or just feeling distant.

508
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 1: Maybe not as serious to growing apart that's a little extreme,

509
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 1: but just feeling really distant from your fiancee um, and

510
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 1: then even trying to kind of because of course it's

511
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: not like you guys got engaged and have this wonderful

512
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: relationship and you know the whole time it was you know,

513
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 1: him seven in the group chats, right, So it sounds

514
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,159
Speaker 1: like and I could I could be maybe being a

515
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: little bit harsh on your fiance right now, but it

516
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 1: sounds like, you know, maybe he even got a little

517
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: bit comfortable, right because he definitely didn't get you as

518
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: his fiance, if you if his attention was seven and

519
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: these group chats, right with all the trying to write,

520
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: so you know, trying to you know, go back to

521
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,960
Speaker 1: like the starting blocks, um of you know, how the

522
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 1: relationship came to be, how the relationships started forming, um.

523
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: Because he definitely didn't get you by you know, texting

524
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: his friends twenty seven. He got you in in a

525
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 1: much different way. UM. So I don't think you're being

526
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 1: too sensitive, especially if it's starting to affect the relationship,

527
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 1: which maybe again I don't want to, you know, pry

528
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: too deep. But if if, if that is the case,

529
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: and that's you know, you're not being too sensitive in

530
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 1: any way shape for him. Um, that's a conversation that

531
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: should should be brought up. And you know, hopefully you

532
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: guys find something to the middle ground because his friends

533
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: are always gonna be there. He's always gonna be one

534
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: of talking to his friends the same way I am,

535
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 1: um and most guys are. But there's always a time

536
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: and place, you know, especially at the dinner table or

537
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: if you guys are watching a movie together. I can't

538
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: stand with people text when I'm watching a movie with them,

539
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So, you know, if you

540
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 1: guys are doing things, you know, going on dates, whatever

541
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: it may be, it's a time of place and he

542
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: has to respect that as well. Yeah for real. So

543
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: hopefully I can get his attention long enough to make

544
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 1: that clear. Yeah, hopefully, hopefully you might even have to

545
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 1: tell the hopefull the phone in the toilet or something

546
00:29:55,480 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: you haven't all right, I just things Still, it's a

547
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: good thing. You gotta limit how much time you on

548
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 1: your phone's you know, um so, it's a it's a

549
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 1: good thing, you know, maybe maybe the toilet bowl. You know,

550
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: I might actually get a good idea, get him, get

551
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: him off the phone for a little bit. Right, So,

552
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: it'sn't sure sure you know exactly exactly? This isn't sure

553
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: they're good. No, but no, I don't think you're being

554
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: too sensitive at all. Thank you. It's it's good to

555
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: get that confirmation. Of course. I'm glad. I'm glad I

556
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: could help, even if it's just a little bit. Yeah,

557
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. I can I can go forward with

558
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: some kind of assurance that I'm not yeah, right exactly. Well,

559
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 1: I'm glad I could help. Um but yeah, thank you

560
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,840
Speaker 1: for calling in. Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate

561
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: your time. Hey, how do how are you doing good?

562
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm good, I'm good. Thanks for calling in.

563
00:30:56,200 --> 00:31:00,160
Speaker 1: What type of advice could I hopefully be able to

564
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: to give you? Um? So, my husband and I are

565
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 1: friends with this group of like four other couples, and so,

566
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: like one of the wives in the group often sends

567
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 1: my husband like these weird flirty texts and like when

568
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 1: when he's out of town, so he thinks they're innocent,

569
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: so he'll make mention of him casually when he calls

570
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: check in with me. But it's happening more frequently and

571
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: it's really starting to bother me a lot. So my

572
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 1: and my husband thinks I'm over reacting. So I just

573
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm over reacting at all. And I

574
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 1: kind of had the idea to start texting her husband

575
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 1: to see how they both feel about that, or like

576
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: how she feels about it, right, I hear you. I

577
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 1: you know, I think I think most people have been

578
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 1: in situations like to this. Um, to start off, I

579
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 1: would definitely say, you know, no need to text the husband,

580
00:31:56,360 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 1: you know. I think at this point at the end

581
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 1: of the day, you know, because I have I have

582
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 1: friends who deal with like certain things like this, and

583
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 1: I kind of always say the same things I've even

584
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 1: you know, I've obviously been in a situation before as well. UM,

585
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day, if this

586
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 1: is something that bothers you, and and and like these

587
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,239
Speaker 1: are actually flirty texts, not just like hey, how are

588
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: you doing, but like actually like it's clearly flirting, you know,

589
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: like where both of you guys can look at each

590
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: other and eyes like Hey, I know that you think

591
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 1: it's very innocent, husband, but let's let's let's be let's

592
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: be honest with each other, with with with ourselves. She's

593
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 1: sexty when you're out of town, and um, she's clearly

594
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 1: flirting with you, right, I think that if that's the case,

595
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: then really, what is you know? Is here is your

596
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: husband replying? I guess I should ask that at the beginning. Yeah,

597
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: I mean this like he says, he gives off like

598
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 1: maybe a couple one liners and then that maybe he stops,

599
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:58,959
Speaker 1: but he's still interacting with her. Where ye shutting her

600
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 1: down by if you're not playing it off but also

601
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: be helpful. Yeah, exactly, And that's that's that's what that's

602
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 1: the that's the the direction I was going. You know,

603
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,479
Speaker 1: like if if you have that conversation and you let

604
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 1: your husband know, like, hey, I'd be much more comfortable, Um,

605
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 1: if you would just simply not reply, because if you know,

606
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: she's going to continue texting and he just never applied,

607
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 1: eventually she's going to stop, right. But if he just

608
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 1: simply doesn't doesn't reply, it's not going to ruin this

609
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 1: this um four couple of friendship that you got that

610
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 1: you guys have going on. It's not like, um, you know,

611
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 1: it's like she's gonna start hating you or or start

612
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 1: hating him, because that's the case. I mean, she just

613
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 1: already kind of seems, you know, like it's a little crazy, right,

614
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 1: So you know what I mean. So I think that, like,

615
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 1: you know, at the end of the day, you are

616
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 1: his wife, and if this is legitimate flirting and it's

617
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: legitimately unacceptable and it's legitimately affecting you know, it's it's

618
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 1: making you uncomfortable. He needs to respect that more than

619
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,040
Speaker 1: he needs to respect whether he's coming off as a

620
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 1: nice guy by giving off one word replies or just

621
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,959
Speaker 1: kind of going on on with it, right, because if

622
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 1: his if his defense is like, I don't want her

623
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 1: to think I'm ignoring her. I'm not a nice guy. Well, really,

624
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 1: what's more important? This this one couple who you were

625
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 1: in again a group friendship with? Uh, this one one

626
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 1: person that's group friendship thinking that you're rude for not

627
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:25,240
Speaker 1: replying or having your wife, you know, feeling uncomfortable. Of course,

628
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: you know, like any any husband should he should be

629
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: picking you know, my wife's comfortability. Um over this one

630
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: person thinking like oh, he sucks because he's not replying

631
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,839
Speaker 1: to me. So if you're okay, if you're okay with

632
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 1: it being like resolved as as easy as him just

633
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: simply not replying anymore, then I think that's the direction

634
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 1: that you guys should go for sure. And then of

635
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 1: course she just needs to understand that too, you know.

636
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 1: And I mean if he has right, and if he

637
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 1: has if he has an issue with that, then it's

638
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:56,720
Speaker 1: kind of like, hey, dude, like you're you know, you're choosing,

639
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 1: You're choosing, you know, you're coming off as a nice

640
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:00,919
Speaker 1: guy over your own I feel like that that doesn't

641
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 1: add up, right, So right exactly? Okay, Yeah, thank you. Yeah,

642
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 1: And that helps a lot that that makes sense. At

643
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 1: least I feel validated because that makes sense to me.

644
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,439
Speaker 1: I'm glad I cope of it. Okay, thank you, thank

645
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 1: you for calling in. Next up is your written Q

646
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:32,839
Speaker 1: and A right after this break? So one of your

647
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:36,360
Speaker 1: guys has written Q and A S for me? Is

648
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 1: is there ever circumstance where it's okay to lie to

649
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:43,879
Speaker 1: your partner, even if it's an innocent lie to protect them? Um?

650
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: I do believe that there are circumstances where it's okay

651
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 1: to lot to your partner. Um, let me give you

652
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: guys a quick example. Let's say I'm talking to Michelle.

653
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: Michelle's talking to me. She's explained to me that she

654
00:35:56,239 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 1: is nervous. Um, you know, she's about to go go

655
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: on stage at a public event and public speak for

656
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: a bit. And let's say, for sake of conversation, she says,

657
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 1: you know, she she has she has a pimple on

658
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 1: her forehead. And she asked me, Babe, this pemople really

659
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: really really noticeable. But it is No. I'm gonna say, no,

660
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:17,760
Speaker 1: it's not school. You look fine. I could barely even

661
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: I could barely even see it. You know what I mean?

662
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 1: Did I just lie to Michelle and a person? I

663
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 1: just lied to Michelle. Now, hopefully with that lie, she's

664
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: not going to be thinking about this pimple on her

665
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: forehead while she's out speaking at a public event. Um. So,

666
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 1: in that situation, do I feel like it was okay

667
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 1: for me to lie to her when clearly that pimple

668
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 1: is big enough that you can see it in the

669
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 1: back row. Of course, I think it's okay that I

670
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,359
Speaker 1: lied in that situation. Now, this is a lot that's

671
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:48,760
Speaker 1: going to, you know, really mess up trust. And it's

672
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: something that's gonna hurt some of these feelings because at

673
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 1: the end of day, if Michelle finds out I lied

674
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 1: to her about the pimple, is she gonna hate me

675
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,279
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life? Of course not right now.

676
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 1: This is a lie where she found out that I

677
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 1: was lying. When she is gonna aime me first of

678
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: my life, that's probably something I don't want to lie about,

679
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:08,399
Speaker 1: right So, Um, to answer that question, you're smart enough

680
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: to know whether this is a white lie or a

681
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 1: large lie. And if it's a white lie, I think

682
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 1: you're you're good to go. All right, Let's go into

683
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: another written Q and A. Let's see how do you

684
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 1: let a friend who may be interested in being more

685
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 1: than friends know that you don't have romantic feelings for

686
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 1: them without ruining the friendship? Is it possible for guys

687
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 1: and girls to just be friends? First question? How do

688
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 1: you let somebody know that you're not interested when they're

689
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 1: interested and they're your friend? Um, I'm a firm believer

690
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,920
Speaker 1: that if you don't make things awkward, they will not

691
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,720
Speaker 1: be awkward. You only need one person in a party

692
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:54,440
Speaker 1: to not make something awkward and it will not be awkward.

693
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 1: So this has happened to me before, I have a friend.

694
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: She lets me know that she she looks at me

695
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: more than a friend. I let her know I don't

696
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 1: see her in that way. Um, but I don't let

697
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: things get weird, you know, I just I continue the

698
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 1: friendship as if you know, not as if that never happened.

699
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: Of course you're gonna be aware that it happened, but

700
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 1: let's not accurate about you know, we're still friends and

701
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 1: good friends for x amount of time. Let's just continue

702
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:24,240
Speaker 1: in the exact same, you know, motion, as we were before.

703
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 1: And if that's the case, then that shouldn't be This

704
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,360
Speaker 1: shouldn't be awkward, and this shouldn't ruin the relationship. I

705
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 1: think that, you know, when this happens to people and

706
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 1: they have a friend let them know that they want

707
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: to be more than friends, and you don't feel that way,

708
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: then you get kind of awkward or like that's kind

709
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 1: of weird. You start overthinking it when you know, just

710
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,760
Speaker 1: the other day before this person said that to you.

711
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: You guys are friends, You guys are best friends. You

712
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: guys just hanging out clicking and watching movies whatever, it is. Um,

713
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 1: So just go back to the exact same energy and

714
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,480
Speaker 1: it won't ruin the front the friendship. I think when

715
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 1: people start getting awkward or overthinking or thinking that's super

716
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 1: weird or whatever it is, that's what's gonna that's what's

717
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,759
Speaker 1: going to affect with the friendship. Um. But if you

718
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 1: truly want to continue being friends with this person, just

719
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,879
Speaker 1: keep just keep on the same energy, keep on being friends. Um.

720
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 1: And as long as you don't make it awkward, it

721
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: won't be awkward. UM. Now the second part of that question,

722
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: is it possible for guys and girls to be to

723
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 1: just be friends? How to percent it is? Um? You know,

724
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 1: I think I think it is. These are a little

725
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 1: bit of a level that makes it sometimes harder, I guess,

726
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,880
Speaker 1: you know, depending from situations from case in case. Sure,

727
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 1: I think we've all been there. Um. But at the

728
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 1: end of the day, of course, guys and girls can

729
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: be just friends. I don't think that there's there's no

730
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 1: reason why guys and girls can't just be friends, you

731
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 1: know what I mean? So, Um, of course, of course, UM,

732
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:49,800
Speaker 1: guys and girls can just be friends. Next written question,

733
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: let's see our guys intimidated by women who date multiple

734
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 1: guys at once? Is it better for us to be

735
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 1: up front about casual dat Yes, it's always better to

736
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:09,800
Speaker 1: be upfront about casual dating, especially if you are intimate

737
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 1: with multiple partners. That's something that you know, even if

738
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 1: it's a brand new partner, that's something that everybody deserves

739
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: to know. Um, you know that there's you know, they

740
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:21,960
Speaker 1: don't need to know the ins and out of your

741
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 1: of your love life. But if you're casually dating multiple

742
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:28,720
Speaker 1: people and you're about to be to intimate with somebody,

743
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,880
Speaker 1: I think that's something that that's somebody deserves to know

744
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 1: and be able to kind of assess the situation whether

745
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 1: they want to proceed forward or not. Um, So our

746
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,879
Speaker 1: guys intimidated by women who date multiple guys at once?

747
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if intimidation is the right word. I

748
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,879
Speaker 1: think do guys care? Yeah, guys, guys definitely would want

749
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 1: to know that. You know, So, you know, if I

750
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 1: if I just met you and I'm really interested in you, um,

751
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,240
Speaker 1: and I find out that you have you know, thirty

752
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 1: different boyfriends, shout out Michelle as a joke, Um, you know,

753
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 1: I might want to proceed a little bit a little

754
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 1: bit differently. Um, then if you know I'm just the

755
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 1: only guy that you're talking to, you know, I might

756
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 1: want to, you know, kind of learn about you in

757
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: a different way. Um, whatever it may be. So I'm

758
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 1: not sure if intimidated is the right word. I think

759
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,399
Speaker 1: some guys it's not going to be an issue. Some

760
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 1: guys is going to be an issue. And some guys

761
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 1: are actually gonna respect the hell out of you for

762
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: for being honest. Somebody, you know, like, Hey, I am

763
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:36,399
Speaker 1: dating multiple guys at once. Um, you know it's two

764
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 1: thousand twenty two. You know, it's a it's an open

765
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 1: playing field. I want to I want to see the

766
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 1: best man out of all this, you know. So I

767
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: think I think a lot of guys who respect that.

768
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 1: Some guys just won't want to be it, won't be interested,

769
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 1: but some guys are definitely gonna respect that. Um. So

770
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 1: it's my answer to that one one more of the

771
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: written to an a Let's see, Um, if we are

772
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed by the amount of time you are spending

773
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,439
Speaker 1: with the guy, what is the best way to say

774
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 1: we need space? My answer to that is the best

775
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: way to say that you need spaces to say you

776
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:13,719
Speaker 1: need space. Um, if you are feeling overwhelmed. That that's

777
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 1: that's the key, that's the key to that question is

778
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 1: the fact that you're feeling overwhelmed. Um, And I always

779
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: think that you the person that you gotta you know,

780
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 1: worry about and care about. You know, it's obviously yourself,

781
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's your star players. So if you're

782
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:36,959
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed, then that kind of proceeds how the guy

783
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: might feel in that situation, like, oh, is it going

784
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: to hurt his feelings? Is he gonna this? Then the

785
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:44,959
Speaker 1: other like, no, you're feeling a little overwhelmed. That means

786
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:48,359
Speaker 1: that you you your body is telling you by that

787
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 1: feeling of being overwhelmed that you need some some space.

788
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 1: You need to reset, have some restore and relaxation, have

789
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 1: some one on one time with yourself. So, um, I

790
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 1: think the best way to say that you need spaces

791
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 1: to you know, say that you use space or if

792
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 1: you don't want to be that blunt the next time

793
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: he has to hang out like oh, you know, you

794
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:09,399
Speaker 1: know what, today I'm actually going to uh um, lay

795
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 1: in the bathtub and read a book. Or Hey, I

796
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: actually can't come to dinner today, I'm gonna go to

797
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 1: the dog park of my dog. Oh can I come

798
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:19,799
Speaker 1: with no? Sorry, you know what, I'm gonna just spend

799
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 1: this time with with my dog and just kind of

800
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 1: have a date to myself. Now, if you're with a

801
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: guy who has an issue with having a day to yourself, um,

802
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 1: that's a conversation in a self, you know. So, I

803
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,399
Speaker 1: mean that's a red flag right there. So if that's

804
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 1: the case, you know, we can have that conversation. But

805
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:38,919
Speaker 1: if it's you know, you're just kind of finding what's

806
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 1: the best way to say that you need some space? Um,

807
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 1: you know, just let him know that I'm gonna have

808
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:47,320
Speaker 1: some time to myself and and nobody on this planet

809
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 1: should have a problem with anybody having time for himself. Um,

810
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: So that's how I answer that one. Alright, guys, thank

811
00:43:56,719 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: you so much for your questions and your calls. This

812
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: was a blast. Um again, this mate, Olakoya probably know

813
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: me from the Bachelorette. I am the guy who had

814
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 1: it in the bag. But you can find me on

815
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 1: Instagram at King Bubbat Sunday um and Michelle is currently

816
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,880
Speaker 1: trying to get me to go crazy on these TikTok so.

817
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: I think my TikTok name is what is? I think

818
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: it's the King Bubbat to Day. Maybe it's King Bubbat

819
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 1: Today ninety four. Either one, you'll find me. It's King

820
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 1: Bubbat to Day something. So um yeah, so catch me

821
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,880
Speaker 1: on on social media and I had a real I

822
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 1: had a blast of it. Um so again, this is

823
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 1: how men think and we will talk to you next time.

824
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 1: This is how men think. An I Heart Radio London

825
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:49,840
Speaker 1: Audio production Listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app,

826
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:52,839
Speaker 1: Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.